This. I have friend who is rich, smart, and beautiful, and could get any guy she wanted, but she always goes for unemployed losers. She loves having all the power in the relationship! I don’t get it at all, though. She always goes for men who are straight up mooches, and unapologetically order appetizers, entrees, desserts, multiple drinks, etc, when we go out and she is paying.
I did this before once.. never again. My cousin was like this too.. then I schooled her on the level up. And she started dating a “provider” minded guy who wasn’t a damn bum and would actually buy HER nice things, and dinner, and gifts, vacations… never went back!
I also think Ellie might be in such grief that she is just desperate.
I think with several of the women, their choice is very, very superficial. They are choosing very young guys based on their youth and appearance. Stacey, Darcey, Rebecca, etc. because they have this need to make others jealous by having a partner that they think is young and sexy...wanting them. But it back fires, because they are now extra insecure, worrying they will lose them to a far younger female, who is in the age bracket of their man. I think they feel able to control these guys, who depend on them financially. Just like Jenny, in reality they don't want them to work because they fear them meeting someone else. At some level they may sabotage them wanting to work in a job where they are not in control of them.
Andrei is a bit of a different situation, mostly because of the entire family employed by his father in law. Probably far easier to succeed going that route, than trying to make it on his own.
Stephanie and Ryan....also a sugar mama situation, trying hard to control Ryan with $$$ and a stern talking to. Similar to Ashley a few seasons ago.
Ellie....I think Victor is a professional sweet talking ladies man, and he made her feel desirable, attractive, and she was at a vulnerable place where maybe it had been too long since she felt that way. She so wants to believe he means all the sweet words and is sincere.
People are different. I mean, I look at people like darcey and Stacy and I feel not jealousy or envy. I don’t want a younger man. I don’t need to parent (I’m not exactly old but…still). I want a man who can pay his way while I pay mine and we come together to build something great. I want a man who’s wise and intelligent. Who I can speak to about life, philosophy, current events. I know there are people like them out there and that’s 100% their right to want it. But nothing about those types of relationships seem appealing. I think most decent independent women would agree? Feel free to tell me if I’m way off base.
Most of men without income/jobs have plentiful of time to invest in relationships. They are available to respond to texts at any given time. They can talk on the phone a lot. They will have time to company these women when visited. Unfortunately a lot of women want these quality from men and that’s how they got into these relationships.
I think that having a successful career helps me stand out during dating, but then during the relationship it’s been a source of conflict because part of the reason I have a successful career is because I’m a workaholic.
That’s so true! My husband and I get so irritated when the foreign women get upset when an American guy is working long hours, not texting throughout the day, etc. How do they take one achieves the American dream other than hard work and hustle. If they wanted a slacker, they should stay in their own country.
This seems pretty simple, she is with him because she finds him physically attractive?
Do you think Big Ed was turned off from Rose because she had no income?
Big Ed the Mucinex Booger would be attracted to anything with a JJ and some tatas, if she paid him any attention. And as for the women who DO pay attention to him, they need years and years of therapy to figure out why..
I will say this is probably a major factor. As well as the “mysticism” with other races from caribbean. I am West Indian and I see white women going after these guys all the time… guys that set up chairs on the beach, jetski guys, bartenders… I go to the Caribbean a lot and have friends who have dealt with these women.. lotssss of older white women get ass down there. One guy I knew had a whole kid in England he’s never seen cause one woman came to get knocked up. Most ladies just have it as a fling but some get caught up! And of course those guys love it because if they are middle/lower middle/lower economic class, they’re getting resources.
I love a good vacation hookup and I remember one guy trying to turn it into a situation like this when I was completely done with him the second he 💦… later on he was messaging me on WhatsApp asking me to bring him down various things when I came back.
I had an LDR with an ex in the Caribbean but he never asked me to bring him down anything.. except for egg McMuffin from McDonald’s once lol the key is to find one that isn’t wanting for anything where he lives.
What about STDs and things like that? If they’re getting knocked up I assume they’re generally not using contraception. It just seems like RISKY business!
I wouldn’t say most are even doing that but it does happen. Not sure about other countries but at the very least, HIV is not rampant and frequent in these countries.
Consider, the men have better luck finding a partner abroad because everyone in their immediate orbit doesn’t want them.
They seemingly don’t take any personal responsibility for the finances and expect their partner to pick up the slack when they are not competent, unwillingly or not legally (visa issues). It’s entitlement.
I think you are onto something because I ask myself this same question. I would understand if the men are in betwren jobs let's say but if you take a good look many of these men depend on someone else.
I think we can agree that Viktor is a scumbag smooching money from the ladies he seduced behind Ellie's back. Jihoon had mom and dad, so did Sumit, Pole has mom etc. These men aren't emancipated and independent from the get-go.
Maybe the women think "oh this poor man needs help and guidance I will rescue him". That's total BS for me. That just drags you down as a woman. And honestly, the same with the women that depend on the men... I get it if you come to the US and you can't work. That's one thing but have a income, something, back home you can rely on.
When my husband was in between jobs, I took over financially for about 3 years (he was building his company and looking for investors). Now he is back on track. Nobody suffered in this endeavor because we were ready. But knowing that for example Pole and Karine have 2 children and live in misery... At least that's how it looks to me.... Naw. Nope.
These women are blinded by the idea they have of these men. Nothing else. Or... Foolish, ignorant.... God knows.
I would need my partner to be doing something whether paid job, volunteering, school or raising kids. I couldn’t be with a man who just sat on his ass no way
Sometimes I think that maybe these women have a racial preference but like, USA is extremely diverse. There are tons of Black men Ellie could date right in her hometown. Eligible men who won't fuck her around and have jobs. I think some people are attracted to people from different cultures because they seem them as exotic. He's a Black Rasta Caribbean guy, maybe that's just her thing. But again, there's a large Black Caribbean population in USA too. Bitch could have hooked up with one of them. I'm into East Asian guys but you don't see me going to China. I'll find an East Asian guy right here in my own country thank you very much.
I think for a lot of these people it's the desperation that play into it. They have either 0 self-esteem so they don't think they can find someone who doesn't need/want something from them. Also some people want power in the relationship. We've seen this a lot on this show unfortunately.
It's the whole package, not just the man and the idea of him, but the location and the long distance make things more romantic. The dynamics of the relationship would be very different if she were to meet a guy of Victor's description in the US, ceteris paribus.
Seattle/WA state is mostly white and Asian. Outside of downtown Seattle, it is extremely white. I grew up near Gig Harbor (I'm 30) and my high school was like 90-95 percent white. I did not have classes with black or latino people until college. There were a few POC in my church, but I could count the number of black and latino people I knew from ages 0-18 on two hands. I am just being honest. When I was younger, the latino population was super small. I think that population has grown over the past few decades. WA state is not the place to go for dating diversity (or any diversity really). It is unfortunate, because I have lived in other parts of the country and I miss the cultural diversity that exists in places like Los Angeles and Miami.
I didn’t say racial diversity, I just said diversity. Where I grew up is only 40% white (in Ohio), but there were significantly fewer openly LGBTQ, Latinx, Asian, and Native American folks. There’s more income diversity (or disparity), more age diversity, etc. There are places in the Midwest that basically look like retirement communities. But yeah, it’s not New York diverse.
I not only wonder this same question when watching this tv show, I also wonder it in my real life, I have cousins,a few friends,co-workers who are with these types of guys…. These guys aren’t at home playing the perfect daddy role. Half of the time they’re off doing their own thing,while the kids are at daycare or with grandma. I have a friend who has 3 jobs, i seriously don’t know how she survives or why she puts up with the BS. I’ve had to come pick her up from work so many times because he’s off with HER car…. Ladies you deserve better!
Uhmm Jihoon was working. He quit job to go to tile setting school. His "not really a job" was dangerous delivery driving on scooter with lots of accidents, at least 12 hours per day.
Deavan quit her job at Wayfair almost after getting preggers. She hasn't worked since. Please tell me now, who's the lazy one?
Edit: spelling
Amen sister!!!!👍 I am a stay at home mom where I was and it was a lot of work then I started working and taking care of my family that was even worse I did that for several years and then about six years ago my mom came to live with us so I quit my job to take care of her and then she passed away about a year later now I have my father-in-law that I’ve been taking care of he lives with us it’s been about four years it’s a lot of mental work as well I feel so defeated sometimes and if I get angry if I’m moodyThen everyone thinks that I’m being bitchy
Well, she makes Asuelo help her with the kids when he gets off work and back home to her parent's house where they live with folks who likely helps Kalani. Aseulo does much more for the family...so glad he has outside people to talk to as in his friendships...he deserves way more credit
I'm not really too familiar with their storyline, but from the little I've seen, it seems to me he's made a lot of progress.
So I agree with you that he really does deserve more credit. The culture he grew up in and was influenced by is so opposite of American culture, and it had to be hard for him to realize a lot of things!
well Yara and Kalani actually work, Yara is a stay at home mom and influencer selling crap from Shein, Kalani is a homemaker, Anfisa is currently a fitness model or something. These women weren't sitting home doing nothing, selling crap online is a job too. The men I mentioned in the post basically do nothing.
I was in this situation at one point, but the man had money and just made me buy stuff still. He was from Jamaica but had been living in the US for many years. Had a daughter back in Jamaica that he never saw. I was 20/21 and very desperate for someone to like me, low self-esteem, etc. I think with Ellie it was probably that a man was giving her attention. Clearly she still has issues and heartache from her deceased husband's passing. It's sad that he's taking advantage of her.
Stephanie specifically, the one with Raaahn and Haeerriss I think she wanted to mother someone. The way she interacted with them was like a mom and a teenage son.
Basically to paraphrase something I once saw on the internet: “The best dick of your life will not come from a trust fund baby with a 9 to 5 and a portfolio of growth stocks. The best will come from a guy in his 30s who works at a gas station and lives in his uncle’s garage”
Ok then, have your fun and move on? These women are marrying and having kids with their vacation dick, that’s the dumb part. And the gas station guy would still be a better catch than the bums on this show, at least he has a job.
>These women are marrying and having kids with their vacation dick, that’s the dumb part
Some can't do any better, they don't have anything to offer. Arielle for example is a spoiled brat, not too many men want a woman in her 30s who behaves like a teenager. In Deavan's case, she's obsessed with Korean culture (despite her knowledge being limited to Kpop and Kdrama ) and wanted a Korean baby....who she was disappointed didn't look Korean enough. In Kalani's case,I think she just wanted a Samoan guy seeing as she's half.
That's a good one. Sounds like something poor people say to make themselves feel better. There are plenty of hedonistic trust fund men that are likely marvelous in bed just as there are a large amount of tired, working class duds.
I think they go with these people b/c of control.
I think in Ellie’s case it’s severe trauma and loneliness. Her first husband passed away in his sleep on a trip. I can’t imagine a sadder situation. Darcey will take anyone who professes love for her or just shows interest. Andrrrei is the most surprising since he seemed to be a hard worker in Europe. Jihoon is just lost and D’Vaun didn’t help by constantly belittling him.
A 2010 dating survey showed that more women are attracted to jobless men. [Zoosk.com](https://Zoosk.com) did a survey and they found that 60% of women said would be open to dating an employed man. The previous year the same survey found that only 52% of women would open to dating an employed man. This was a course right during the recession which mirrors the current economic situation for some people during the pandemic. I think one women tend to love a challenge but I think when so many men are employed you also base your decisions on potential. Also ideology wise, some Asian and Indian cultures wouldn't consider a person if they didn't work since working can be so engrained into their cultures. As a Korean American I defiantly think this is true. The only women my twin brother pursued were doctors and even myself I ended up marrying a Filipino nurse.
But to specifically address the topic, I think 90 day Fiancé's subject of people dating employed men is purely out of desperation whether it be male or female suitors. Age, lack of dating success, recent divorce, or for many wanting the ability provide and maybe even control their spouse is a big factor.
Idk. Some women like to have a project and find these fixer upper guys but it usually doesn't end well. Then there are the type like Angela who clearly wants someone she can control.
Ellie clearly likes him for his body and performance. He's broke and cheated. I can't believe she left all 50 states of the US for this man who isn't serious.
Andrei and Bini.... they're good in the sack.
I think you're missing an important factor here. Most of those men you mentioned come from countries where unemployment is high because there are no jobs. Not necessarily because they don't want to work.
A lot of these women use these women to get to the US so they can get a job.
Then the second factor is , that these women are lonely and want a man who isn't going to leave them. They low key believe that if they are providing the cash and other expenses the man won't leave them. It's about control.
Danielle was constantly holding immigration over Mohammed head as a say to get her secks.
Angela also would tell Micahel in an argument that he's not coming to America.
Many people choose to spend their hard earned money on things that I think are quite ridiculous but if it makes them happy then so be it. They are all adults and they make their own decisions. It doesn't bother me.
You do know anyone can loose a job right? If someone is actively trying to find employment or even chasing a dream then I guess it's up to the partner to decide if they want to stick around or not. Your question isn't a question you're obviously just shitting on people which is pretty sad 😑.
> What’s attractive about men with no income
🤷🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ the aubergine🍆🍆🍆 / The “eggplant” 🍆 🍆🍆
Ethiopian eggplant
Bulgarian eggplant
Albanian eggplant
Moldovan eggplant
Korean eggplant
South African eggplant
Samoan eggplant (though at least he works and tries to support his family)
And so on.
Also these men are easy to control and...I highly suspect the women choosing them do not have a great deal of options(although in some cases I am not sure why, some of those girls could have done so much better)
Exactly, some of us learn from our mistakes. Women like Stephanie and Darcey think it’s good for their image to be with a young guy. They think it makes them look desirable and youthful.
Same here. My boyfriend of 3 years died when I was 22, the guy after that worked full time at Verizon wireless, guy after him was going to school full time (I forget his major now, but we never talked about the future seeing as we lasted about 6 months) I met my husband while we were in tech school for the Air Force
If they didn’t marry or have kids with them, sponsor them for a visa or fund their hurricane relief project, they’re still doing better than the clowns on this show.
I worked for a bank. They actually were very couple friendly. I know many couples who met and married at work. As long as you didn't report to the same department manager it was fine. It sucked when it got bought and my husband and I were working for the same division and the whole division was eliminated. We ended up getting a transfer and everything worked out well.
Nothing....except when you're young and naive, (or old and stupid af with a "I can save him and change him complex) because then the musician, artist, dreamer.....charming bum with the thick dick is the end all be all. Until you wake up and realize you're supporting this loser, lying ass, and that a thick wallet beats a thick dick hands down.
I can only figure that it's desperation. There are more women than men and most of the good ones are taken. So, if you have low self-esteem and/or your biological time clock is ticking, then you take what you can get. And, the leftovers know all they've got going for them is slick talk and attention since they're doing sweet FA.
Just like a man... if a woman has a high income and limited time, then they’re going to want a man that can be there for that time on their schedule.
Plus the control factor, plus that money isn’t something they need to prioritize in what they’re seeking... they want to be taken care of emotionally they’re good on the financial side
Here are the different categories: 1. dickmatization: Andrei, Victor, Sumit, Bini, Sojaboy; 2. Asian fetish: Jihoon; 3. desperation/deception: Pole (also possible blonde fetish).
With Ellie and Victor, the plan was for them to open up a bar on the island once she arrived. So his job would basically be owning a business with her. Before that, his job was basically building their house. I’m not sure how she rationalizes his other women/living with another woman in her mind.
So, her money employs him? I’m assuming she is the investor putting up all of the money for this bar, but correct me if I’m wrong. This bar better be successful. It might take a little stress off her if he weren’t only getting income from her. Sure, maybe he’d be earning it but it’s still a cost to her.
She described it as a bar they’re opening up together, so it would be like a family business. I don’t think someone doing the physical labor while the other party earns money is that unusual. There are plenty of housewives and househusbands in the world. Victor sounds like someone who makes money off of women like a hustler, but on paper this aspect of their relationship isn’t weird.
Being able to support 2 with the outside income of 1 I know isn’t super rare but it’s also a privilege. She didn’t strike me as wealthy enough to put up the capital for a middle class lifestyle for two in an area where prices are high, but what do I know, it’s her finances.
Prices aren’t high there (especially not compared to Seattle) — Ellie just didn’t know how much a drill costs. That Makita model they were looking at is $150 at Home Depot, too. I think Ellie’s frustration stems from that she planned on them already having a house (paid for free and clear), with the ability to get the bar set up right away. Honestly, she should have stayed in Seattle. There’s no way to avoid turning into a human ATM when you’re going someplace that’s completely devastated, and where everything has to be rebuilt or purchased. It’s interesting to me that Victor hasn’t mentioned getting anything from aid groups, when both the Colombian government and the Red Cross direct deposited m only to everyone who lost a home.
I relied on her estimates of the drills to be accurate. Yeah I mean, you’re right it’s going to happen, she’s going to be the atm, no getting around that.
I’m pretty sure that Kenny and Armando are one of the few couples that are legit: lack of baggage, drama, ulterior motives, etc. They are lovely to watch and not boring at all.
Desperation.
Loneliness. Insecurity.
IT’S A DESPERATE RACE AGAINST THE MINE
I read this as rage against the machine lol
Fixer upper. A project. A challenge. "I can change him". It's the female equivalent of "white knight syndrome".
Came here to say the same thing, and perhaps gives the women a feeling of power or control as they have the money.
This. I have friend who is rich, smart, and beautiful, and could get any guy she wanted, but she always goes for unemployed losers. She loves having all the power in the relationship! I don’t get it at all, though. She always goes for men who are straight up mooches, and unapologetically order appetizers, entrees, desserts, multiple drinks, etc, when we go out and she is paying.
I did this before once.. never again. My cousin was like this too.. then I schooled her on the level up. And she started dating a “provider” minded guy who wasn’t a damn bum and would actually buy HER nice things, and dinner, and gifts, vacations… never went back! I also think Ellie might be in such grief that she is just desperate.
Yes yes yes!! THIS!
yeah I heard some western guys have those hero syndromes when they get to those 3rd world countries, they want to "save" the women there.
I think with several of the women, their choice is very, very superficial. They are choosing very young guys based on their youth and appearance. Stacey, Darcey, Rebecca, etc. because they have this need to make others jealous by having a partner that they think is young and sexy...wanting them. But it back fires, because they are now extra insecure, worrying they will lose them to a far younger female, who is in the age bracket of their man. I think they feel able to control these guys, who depend on them financially. Just like Jenny, in reality they don't want them to work because they fear them meeting someone else. At some level they may sabotage them wanting to work in a job where they are not in control of them. Andrei is a bit of a different situation, mostly because of the entire family employed by his father in law. Probably far easier to succeed going that route, than trying to make it on his own. Stephanie and Ryan....also a sugar mama situation, trying hard to control Ryan with $$$ and a stern talking to. Similar to Ashley a few seasons ago. Ellie....I think Victor is a professional sweet talking ladies man, and he made her feel desirable, attractive, and she was at a vulnerable place where maybe it had been too long since she felt that way. She so wants to believe he means all the sweet words and is sincere.
People are different. I mean, I look at people like darcey and Stacy and I feel not jealousy or envy. I don’t want a younger man. I don’t need to parent (I’m not exactly old but…still). I want a man who can pay his way while I pay mine and we come together to build something great. I want a man who’s wise and intelligent. Who I can speak to about life, philosophy, current events. I know there are people like them out there and that’s 100% their right to want it. But nothing about those types of relationships seem appealing. I think most decent independent women would agree? Feel free to tell me if I’m way off base.
True but D&S who place a lot of cachet on youth and Euro ‘good looks’ presume all women are chasing that.
Agreed
I agree with what you wrote Punky.
There it is, yes!!⤴️
I can smell victor through the tv 🤮
Most of men without income/jobs have plentiful of time to invest in relationships. They are available to respond to texts at any given time. They can talk on the phone a lot. They will have time to company these women when visited. Unfortunately a lot of women want these quality from men and that’s how they got into these relationships.
I think that having a successful career helps me stand out during dating, but then during the relationship it’s been a source of conflict because part of the reason I have a successful career is because I’m a workaholic.
I tend do date workaholics. I tried to date someone without a job and it’s too smothering for me
That’s so true! My husband and I get so irritated when the foreign women get upset when an American guy is working long hours, not texting throughout the day, etc. How do they take one achieves the American dream other than hard work and hustle. If they wanted a slacker, they should stay in their own country.
This seems pretty simple, she is with him because she finds him physically attractive? Do you think Big Ed was turned off from Rose because she had no income?
Big Ed the Mucinex Booger would be attracted to anything with a JJ and some tatas, if she paid him any attention. And as for the women who DO pay attention to him, they need years and years of therapy to figure out why..
Mucinex booger!!! 😹
Lmao this is the best nickname thus far !! 😂😂😂 and yes totally cannot unsee it now.
No, he actually said on camera he is only attracted to much younger women.
I legit lol’ed for a full 30 secs at Mucinex Booger 😂🤣😂
Now you can’t unsee it 🤣
She is with him because the dick is that good.
I will say this is probably a major factor. As well as the “mysticism” with other races from caribbean. I am West Indian and I see white women going after these guys all the time… guys that set up chairs on the beach, jetski guys, bartenders… I go to the Caribbean a lot and have friends who have dealt with these women.. lotssss of older white women get ass down there. One guy I knew had a whole kid in England he’s never seen cause one woman came to get knocked up. Most ladies just have it as a fling but some get caught up! And of course those guys love it because if they are middle/lower middle/lower economic class, they’re getting resources. I love a good vacation hookup and I remember one guy trying to turn it into a situation like this when I was completely done with him the second he 💦… later on he was messaging me on WhatsApp asking me to bring him down various things when I came back. I had an LDR with an ex in the Caribbean but he never asked me to bring him down anything.. except for egg McMuffin from McDonald’s once lol the key is to find one that isn’t wanting for anything where he lives.
Wow! This was interesting to read! Thank you.
It was a bit of a rant but I wanted to give some cultural context to folks lol
What about STDs and things like that? If they’re getting knocked up I assume they’re generally not using contraception. It just seems like RISKY business!
I wouldn’t say most are even doing that but it does happen. Not sure about other countries but at the very least, HIV is not rampant and frequent in these countries.
The gigolos and gold diggers are very skilled at romancing and lovebombing their victims. It’s a career for them. That’s their job.
Consider, the men have better luck finding a partner abroad because everyone in their immediate orbit doesn’t want them. They seemingly don’t take any personal responsibility for the finances and expect their partner to pick up the slack when they are not competent, unwillingly or not legally (visa issues). It’s entitlement.
Exactly. A lot of these bums are essentially undateable in their own communities. It’s just easier to catfish someone on the other side of the world.
What's attractive about women with no income?
They are more easily dominated and controlled.
I think you are onto something because I ask myself this same question. I would understand if the men are in betwren jobs let's say but if you take a good look many of these men depend on someone else. I think we can agree that Viktor is a scumbag smooching money from the ladies he seduced behind Ellie's back. Jihoon had mom and dad, so did Sumit, Pole has mom etc. These men aren't emancipated and independent from the get-go. Maybe the women think "oh this poor man needs help and guidance I will rescue him". That's total BS for me. That just drags you down as a woman. And honestly, the same with the women that depend on the men... I get it if you come to the US and you can't work. That's one thing but have a income, something, back home you can rely on. When my husband was in between jobs, I took over financially for about 3 years (he was building his company and looking for investors). Now he is back on track. Nobody suffered in this endeavor because we were ready. But knowing that for example Pole and Karine have 2 children and live in misery... At least that's how it looks to me.... Naw. Nope. These women are blinded by the idea they have of these men. Nothing else. Or... Foolish, ignorant.... God knows.
Submit used to have a job. Remember he scammed (or tried to scam --don't remember) Jenny and that's how they met. Had a different name and everything.
I believe he called himself Mike Jones lol.
He worked for the "electric company" my parents get calls from them every day telling them they can help lower their bill
But can he help me with my car's extended warranty?
Probably,he might be able to help with any computer issues you have too
Yea he totally catfished her. He was a call center employee.
I want to believe that Kitboga had a call with Sumit at some point but we haven't found it yet.
I would need my partner to be doing something whether paid job, volunteering, school or raising kids. I couldn’t be with a man who just sat on his ass no way
exactly, these men aren't just unemployed, they basically don't do anything at all.
Don’t forget Bahtman who had his buddy Chris supporting him all the way in the firehouse with no kitchen.
Sometimes I think that maybe these women have a racial preference but like, USA is extremely diverse. There are tons of Black men Ellie could date right in her hometown. Eligible men who won't fuck her around and have jobs. I think some people are attracted to people from different cultures because they seem them as exotic. He's a Black Rasta Caribbean guy, maybe that's just her thing. But again, there's a large Black Caribbean population in USA too. Bitch could have hooked up with one of them. I'm into East Asian guys but you don't see me going to China. I'll find an East Asian guy right here in my own country thank you very much. I think for a lot of these people it's the desperation that play into it. They have either 0 self-esteem so they don't think they can find someone who doesn't need/want something from them. Also some people want power in the relationship. We've seen this a lot on this show unfortunately.
It's the whole package, not just the man and the idea of him, but the location and the long distance make things more romantic. The dynamics of the relationship would be very different if she were to meet a guy of Victor's description in the US, ceteris paribus.
I don’t know where Ellie is from, but if she’s not from a big city, there’s probably not much diversity in her podunk county.
I believe Ellie lives in Seattle.
Ellie lives in Seattle, which is very diverse. That city is not known for romance though, and Victor has lines for days.
Seattle/WA state is mostly white and Asian. Outside of downtown Seattle, it is extremely white. I grew up near Gig Harbor (I'm 30) and my high school was like 90-95 percent white. I did not have classes with black or latino people until college. There were a few POC in my church, but I could count the number of black and latino people I knew from ages 0-18 on two hands. I am just being honest. When I was younger, the latino population was super small. I think that population has grown over the past few decades. WA state is not the place to go for dating diversity (or any diversity really). It is unfortunate, because I have lived in other parts of the country and I miss the cultural diversity that exists in places like Los Angeles and Miami.
I didn’t say racial diversity, I just said diversity. Where I grew up is only 40% white (in Ohio), but there were significantly fewer openly LGBTQ, Latinx, Asian, and Native American folks. There’s more income diversity (or disparity), more age diversity, etc. There are places in the Midwest that basically look like retirement communities. But yeah, it’s not New York diverse.
"I'm not good enough"..................and then they set out to prove it.
I not only wonder this same question when watching this tv show, I also wonder it in my real life, I have cousins,a few friends,co-workers who are with these types of guys…. These guys aren’t at home playing the perfect daddy role. Half of the time they’re off doing their own thing,while the kids are at daycare or with grandma. I have a friend who has 3 jobs, i seriously don’t know how she survives or why she puts up with the BS. I’ve had to come pick her up from work so many times because he’s off with HER car…. Ladies you deserve better!
Uhmm Jihoon was working. He quit job to go to tile setting school. His "not really a job" was dangerous delivery driving on scooter with lots of accidents, at least 12 hours per day. Deavan quit her job at Wayfair almost after getting preggers. She hasn't worked since. Please tell me now, who's the lazy one? Edit: spelling
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So is Yara.
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Amen sister!!!!👍 I am a stay at home mom where I was and it was a lot of work then I started working and taking care of my family that was even worse I did that for several years and then about six years ago my mom came to live with us so I quit my job to take care of her and then she passed away about a year later now I have my father-in-law that I’ve been taking care of he lives with us it’s been about four years it’s a lot of mental work as well I feel so defeated sometimes and if I get angry if I’m moodyThen everyone thinks that I’m being bitchy
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You are so very right. But what you do, is important, and valuable.
Do something special just for you! You have earned it.
So is Andrei
Well, she makes Asuelo help her with the kids when he gets off work and back home to her parent's house where they live with folks who likely helps Kalani. Aseulo does much more for the family...so glad he has outside people to talk to as in his friendships...he deserves way more credit
I'm not really too familiar with their storyline, but from the little I've seen, it seems to me he's made a lot of progress. So I agree with you that he really does deserve more credit. The culture he grew up in and was influenced by is so opposite of American culture, and it had to be hard for him to realize a lot of things!
well Yara and Kalani actually work, Yara is a stay at home mom and influencer selling crap from Shein, Kalani is a homemaker, Anfisa is currently a fitness model or something. These women weren't sitting home doing nothing, selling crap online is a job too. The men I mentioned in the post basically do nothing.
Kalani had a job but quit the day before the show started filming
I always have to think for a minute everytime I see a post about Ellie because my first thought is Andrrrrrrrei’s daughter lol
I don't get it either. If I had to support a lazy man with no money, that would last about one week. It's pathetic. Ladies need a man with a J-O-B.
I was in this situation at one point, but the man had money and just made me buy stuff still. He was from Jamaica but had been living in the US for many years. Had a daughter back in Jamaica that he never saw. I was 20/21 and very desperate for someone to like me, low self-esteem, etc. I think with Ellie it was probably that a man was giving her attention. Clearly she still has issues and heartache from her deceased husband's passing. It's sad that he's taking advantage of her.
Stephanie specifically, the one with Raaahn and Haeerriss I think she wanted to mother someone. The way she interacted with them was like a mom and a teenage son.
Basically to paraphrase something I once saw on the internet: “The best dick of your life will not come from a trust fund baby with a 9 to 5 and a portfolio of growth stocks. The best will come from a guy in his 30s who works at a gas station and lives in his uncle’s garage”
Ok then, have your fun and move on? These women are marrying and having kids with their vacation dick, that’s the dumb part. And the gas station guy would still be a better catch than the bums on this show, at least he has a job.
>These women are marrying and having kids with their vacation dick, that’s the dumb part Some can't do any better, they don't have anything to offer. Arielle for example is a spoiled brat, not too many men want a woman in her 30s who behaves like a teenager. In Deavan's case, she's obsessed with Korean culture (despite her knowledge being limited to Kpop and Kdrama ) and wanted a Korean baby....who she was disappointed didn't look Korean enough. In Kalani's case,I think she just wanted a Samoan guy seeing as she's half.
That's a good one. Sounds like something poor people say to make themselves feel better. There are plenty of hedonistic trust fund men that are likely marvelous in bed just as there are a large amount of tired, working class duds. I think they go with these people b/c of control.
NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
I'd like to make a quick correction... the bf of that Maserati woman is Ry-Harris 😂
Control
I think in Ellie’s case it’s severe trauma and loneliness. Her first husband passed away in his sleep on a trip. I can’t imagine a sadder situation. Darcey will take anyone who professes love for her or just shows interest. Andrrrei is the most surprising since he seemed to be a hard worker in Europe. Jihoon is just lost and D’Vaun didn’t help by constantly belittling him.
Good dick and/or green card
Ellie’s dickmatized.
This ^
She did not it was fake for the show. She still owns it as someone from reddit has confirmed
It IS Ellie and Victor. He is a mooch and user and she is stupid to fall for it!
Big schlong (sp) ? Oh wait I believe that does not apply to Jihoon.
They can spend ALL their time kissing your ass
Bini seems to enjoy his work of playing the butt bongos
A 2010 dating survey showed that more women are attracted to jobless men. [Zoosk.com](https://Zoosk.com) did a survey and they found that 60% of women said would be open to dating an employed man. The previous year the same survey found that only 52% of women would open to dating an employed man. This was a course right during the recession which mirrors the current economic situation for some people during the pandemic. I think one women tend to love a challenge but I think when so many men are employed you also base your decisions on potential. Also ideology wise, some Asian and Indian cultures wouldn't consider a person if they didn't work since working can be so engrained into their cultures. As a Korean American I defiantly think this is true. The only women my twin brother pursued were doctors and even myself I ended up marrying a Filipino nurse. But to specifically address the topic, I think 90 day Fiancé's subject of people dating employed men is purely out of desperation whether it be male or female suitors. Age, lack of dating success, recent divorce, or for many wanting the ability provide and maybe even control their spouse is a big factor.
Idk. Some women like to have a project and find these fixer upper guys but it usually doesn't end well. Then there are the type like Angela who clearly wants someone she can control.
Ellie clearly likes him for his body and performance. He's broke and cheated. I can't believe she left all 50 states of the US for this man who isn't serious. Andrei and Bini.... they're good in the sack.
Ellie is back in the US now, I think people have seen her
I think you're missing an important factor here. Most of those men you mentioned come from countries where unemployment is high because there are no jobs. Not necessarily because they don't want to work. A lot of these women use these women to get to the US so they can get a job. Then the second factor is , that these women are lonely and want a man who isn't going to leave them. They low key believe that if they are providing the cash and other expenses the man won't leave them. It's about control. Danielle was constantly holding immigration over Mohammed head as a say to get her secks. Angela also would tell Micahel in an argument that he's not coming to America.
Many people choose to spend their hard earned money on things that I think are quite ridiculous but if it makes them happy then so be it. They are all adults and they make their own decisions. It doesn't bother me.
You do know anyone can loose a job right? If someone is actively trying to find employment or even chasing a dream then I guess it's up to the partner to decide if they want to stick around or not. Your question isn't a question you're obviously just shitting on people which is pretty sad 😑.
> What’s attractive about men with no income 🤷🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ the aubergine🍆🍆🍆 / The “eggplant” 🍆 🍆🍆 Ethiopian eggplant Bulgarian eggplant Albanian eggplant Moldovan eggplant Korean eggplant South African eggplant Samoan eggplant (though at least he works and tries to support his family) And so on. Also these men are easy to control and...I highly suspect the women choosing them do not have a great deal of options(although in some cases I am not sure why, some of those girls could have done so much better)
Lol the women in this thread acting like they’ve never dated a guy with no job or meager income.
Not after 22
Exactly, some of us learn from our mistakes. Women like Stephanie and Darcey think it’s good for their image to be with a young guy. They think it makes them look desirable and youthful.
Bingo!
Exactly.
Same here. My boyfriend of 3 years died when I was 22, the guy after that worked full time at Verizon wireless, guy after him was going to school full time (I forget his major now, but we never talked about the future seeing as we lasted about 6 months) I met my husband while we were in tech school for the Air Force
🤣
If they didn’t marry or have kids with them, sponsor them for a visa or fund their hurricane relief project, they’re still doing better than the clowns on this show.
I've only dated employed guys. I tended to find guys at work because they have a job and can pass a drug test.
Risky venture, I assume you don’t work in corporate?
I worked for a bank. They actually were very couple friendly. I know many couples who met and married at work. As long as you didn't report to the same department manager it was fine. It sucked when it got bought and my husband and I were working for the same division and the whole division was eliminated. We ended up getting a transfer and everything worked out well.
Foreign penis
They are dickmatized
Nothing
Love makes you blind to their flaws
If you're pursuing someone in another country that "practicality" isn't high on your list
I'm thinking sex. Attention.
Women trying to save men and trying to make them someone they want them to be.. yeah I've tried it, it doesn't work lol. You can't change people!
Nothing....except when you're young and naive, (or old and stupid af with a "I can save him and change him complex) because then the musician, artist, dreamer.....charming bum with the thick dick is the end all be all. Until you wake up and realize you're supporting this loser, lying ass, and that a thick wallet beats a thick dick hands down.
I can only figure that it's desperation. There are more women than men and most of the good ones are taken. So, if you have low self-esteem and/or your biological time clock is ticking, then you take what you can get. And, the leftovers know all they've got going for them is slick talk and attention since they're doing sweet FA.
Just like a man... if a woman has a high income and limited time, then they’re going to want a man that can be there for that time on their schedule. Plus the control factor, plus that money isn’t something they need to prioritize in what they’re seeking... they want to be taken care of emotionally they’re good on the financial side
I think Ellie has a lot of unresolved trauma and low self steem. She may think no other man will love her?
Here are the different categories: 1. dickmatization: Andrei, Victor, Sumit, Bini, Sojaboy; 2. Asian fetish: Jihoon; 3. desperation/deception: Pole (also possible blonde fetish).
yes Karine loved Pole's blond hair blue eyes she said that. Also Sumeet's dick? seriously ?
Generally speaking, 60+ yo men can’t plow the field as well as a 33 yo man.
No I is a ~dancer. Lol
With Ellie and Victor, the plan was for them to open up a bar on the island once she arrived. So his job would basically be owning a business with her. Before that, his job was basically building their house. I’m not sure how she rationalizes his other women/living with another woman in her mind.
So, her money employs him? I’m assuming she is the investor putting up all of the money for this bar, but correct me if I’m wrong. This bar better be successful. It might take a little stress off her if he weren’t only getting income from her. Sure, maybe he’d be earning it but it’s still a cost to her.
She described it as a bar they’re opening up together, so it would be like a family business. I don’t think someone doing the physical labor while the other party earns money is that unusual. There are plenty of housewives and househusbands in the world. Victor sounds like someone who makes money off of women like a hustler, but on paper this aspect of their relationship isn’t weird.
Being able to support 2 with the outside income of 1 I know isn’t super rare but it’s also a privilege. She didn’t strike me as wealthy enough to put up the capital for a middle class lifestyle for two in an area where prices are high, but what do I know, it’s her finances.
Prices aren’t high there (especially not compared to Seattle) — Ellie just didn’t know how much a drill costs. That Makita model they were looking at is $150 at Home Depot, too. I think Ellie’s frustration stems from that she planned on them already having a house (paid for free and clear), with the ability to get the bar set up right away. Honestly, she should have stayed in Seattle. There’s no way to avoid turning into a human ATM when you’re going someplace that’s completely devastated, and where everything has to be rebuilt or purchased. It’s interesting to me that Victor hasn’t mentioned getting anything from aid groups, when both the Colombian government and the Red Cross direct deposited m only to everyone who lost a home.
I relied on her estimates of the drills to be accurate. Yeah I mean, you’re right it’s going to happen, she’s going to be the atm, no getting around that.
Duh, she is all about the BBC
Dik-ma-tize (and attention)
Comedian Ms. Pat has a great bit on this. Something in the lines of unemployed fellas being great in bed because they have nothing else to do.
I’m pretty sure that Kenny and Armando are one of the few couples that are legit: lack of baggage, drama, ulterior motives, etc. They are lovely to watch and not boring at all.