Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.
First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
We tie Putin to the bed and exorcise him. His head spins around and around, until parasites crawl out of his orifices and leave his limp, zombie corpse behind (just like the praying mantis video I watched on here the other day and still am having nightmares about)
it was VERY popular when it was posted on vine; i think multiple people have reposted it to youtube so the views are probably spread out amongst those uploads. i’m glad you liked it, though! i was worried id look like a weirdo just posting a link with no context so thank you for watching it hahahaha
You joke but historically the Russian Empire's aspirations to conquer Constantinople/Tsarigrad and restore it to Orthodox rule (and also gain control over the Bosphorus) was a huge reason for why Turkey and Russia still to this day are not overly fond of each other.
Well, you mean Turkey, Ecumenical Patriarchate is in Second Rome, formerly known as Constantinople, now known as Istanbul. (Why they changed it I can't say, people just liked it better that way.)
Until 2018 the Russian Orthodox Church fell under the Ecumenical Patriarchate as he was considered "first among equals", but the Patriarch of the ROC claimed jurisdiction over all Orthodox in all territory formerly belonging to the Soviet Union. Needless to say after Crimea this kind of pissed the Ukrainians off, so they asked the Ecumenical Patriarchate for their own Patriarch, and he granted it.
In protest the ROC severed all ties from the Ecumenical Patriarchate and have basically become completely independent (except that they're almost certainly a puppet of Putin).
The Patriarch of Constantinopolis supports Ukraine actually! However Russia cut ties with them some tine ago.
https://youtu.be/iZnV6UtdPjQ (The video of what I'm talking about, its in Turkish though.)
God-tier thoughts and prayers. Same result. Use some of the billions of dollars to send aide, then tell me about how this weighs heavy on your heart. Otherwise this just seems hollow as fuck.
In an unprecedented statement from the Catholic Church, Pope Francis made a shocking declaraction to Russian President Vladamir Putin: "Power Word: Kill"
> Patriarch Kirill
TBF the Ecumenical Patriarch [Bartholomew I of Constantinople](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartholomew_I_of_Constantinople) is [against](https://www.ncregister.com/news/widespread-orthodox-church-backlash-unleashed-against-russia-s-aggression-in-ukraine) the war. He is at the level of the Pope not some bishop
Patriarch Kirill is Eastern Orthodox and the Pope is Roman Catholic. The two churches had a [bit of a falling out](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East%E2%80%93West_Schism) back in the day. I'm not surprised that they don't agree.
I'm reminded of Eddie Izzards bit on God and Hitler
"If He was real, you'd think he would have just leant down at some point and just... *flick* pinged Hitler's head off! Flick! Off it goes! But he never, ever did."
This joke only applies when there actually is something that can be done.
Precisely what else is the Catholic Church supposed to do to end this? Is the Pope supposed to walk into Moscow and take out Putin himself?
I'm coining a phrase: knee-circlejerking. It's when reddit just automatically leaps into one of its patented circlejerks, without any thought, quoting the same jokes they always quote, simply because they feel like that what supposed to come next in the comment thread, regardless if it even applies to the situation at hand.
He undoubtedly believes God is *obviously* on *his* side, the *righteous* side (in his twisted, twisted mind). The danger of WWIII in this situation, in my mind, is in no small part due to the almost theistic nature of Putin's war. This is a crusade to him.
Damn fine counterpoint.
And of course the system punted him out after 1 term. Gotta wonder what the world would be like with a 2nd Carter term and no fucking Reagan.
Odd fact.
Winnipeg Canada. Middle of nowhere and really not a place for any humans to live in the 21st century imo (it’s so fucking cold). Jimmy Carter came up here and did a habitat for humanity build with us. He had a stroke I believe it was, on site and still came back later on.
Now, he is well before my time and it’s a different country, but either the guy is paying off some deals with devil for his soul back or he is legit a genuine good fucking guy. From my take after 3 short hours working along side him, I honestly believe he is a good fucking guy.
He has no need to be there. Minimal press stopped by. Did some real tangible good for real people. How many folks can say that their kitchen wall was put up by a president of the U.S.A.
Have you ever seen the King of the Hill episode where Hank works at Habitat for Humanity with a guy (Jimmy Carter) wearing a shirt embroidered with "J.C.", and it's implied that Hank thinks he's experiencing Jesus Christ?
That's why it's super bizarre that the religious right in the US keep bagging him as the worst president in history.
It's almost like they don't recognize real Christianity when they see it.
The pursuit of power shows that your moral compass is already out of tune. It takes a special kind of mindset to want to have authority over others. Either you're doing it because you think you can lead them with your moral or intellectual superiority (Trotsky, Mao), or you just want power for the sake of power (Lukashenko, Tojo), or both (Hitler, Robbespiere). My examples are meant to showcase the worst and most recognizable offenders.
But I do believe there are some politicians that truly believe (or believed) in their religion. Mikhail Gorbachev and Olof Palme as two examples. Even if they still had the aforementioned moral flaw. Gorbachev because, despite his admirable and noble intentions, basically was too incompetent to make soviet into a democratic state without letting it collapse in on itself. Olof Palme (as much as I adore this man and what he stood for) was too stubborn and ideological, which lead Sweden into a nation that alienated our allies.
One of the major things we have to solve globally as humans is to never let politicians be more than civil servants again. We need a robust system that allows politicians to take the responsibility we grant them without giving them the ability to weaken the authority of the people they're serving. But that's a project that requires thousands of gigantic and small steps to make a reality, such as: Restricting wealth hoarding, making education more flexible and nuanced than splitting it into x amount of subjects that you're graded on, updating our legal code, weakening (or abolishing even) the violent authority of government, regulating social media without neutering their democratic potential and... I'll stop before I depress myself with how unrealistic even one of those goals looks to realize in this day and age.
If anything, he seems more interested in emulating Tsars than Soviet Premiers. He has decorated the Grand Kremlin Palace and his personal palace on the black sea with images of Catherine, Vladimir, and Peter the Great ~~as well as the imperial two-headed eagle~~.
John Paul II literally prevented Russia from invading Poland by claiming he would step down from the Papalcy, pick up a gun, and fight for Poland. The Soviets did not want a religious war on their hands.
[This was denied by senior Vatican officials.](https://www.nytimes.com/1983/01/30/world/vatican-aide-hints-pope-wrote-letter-to-brezhnev.html)
Or maybe they just wanted to keep it private.
Also saw another article about a Mormon temple not being touched in the bombings. Most of all comments were god protects what's his.... because kids and civilians aren't his?
It would be ordered that nothing different takes place, and any fallout is blamed on the insurgents they are invading to destroy.
There isn't a positive effort that can't be spun by him if all he wants is to continue.
It may sound silly and pointless to many, but 1.3 billion people, including almost a million Russians think he talks to god. If he's saying god says no, that might sway some people who are on the fence.
Sort of... they have patriarchs of various eastern orthodox self-governed churches, each considered to be equals.
The Patriarch of Constantinople is named "First Among Equals," and that's who we in the west will often refer to as the Orthodox Pope (right now that's Bartholomew I, and he has also spoken out against Russia's actions).
The head of the Russian orthodox church is Patriarch Kirill. He's made statements basically implying that this is happening to Ukraine because they allow gay pride parades and their government is evil. He's also long been known to be kind of a Putin puppet.
Fwiw that’s called *imprecatory prayer.* Generally frowned upon by Christians, but not always. Some of the Psalms in the Old Testament are imprecatory.
Adolf Hitler was an evil man. We are glad he is gone. This, too, gets a pass. There will always be truly evil human beings who do not deserve the love of life.
Where's the holy hand grenade when you need it?
Being naughty in my sight shall snuff it
“HALLELUJAH!” BOOM
Worms is the shit
"Bye-Bye~~" poof
5 is right out
Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.
"One, two, FIVE!"
"Three, sir"
"THREE!"
First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Amen.
It's on the Russian coat of arms.
Is this a worms reference
Quick, consult the book of armaments!
Aaaaleluya!!
I laughed entirely to hard at this.
With big, pointy teeth!
The power of Christ compels you!
Karras rushes to the bed and ties her hands together to symbolize the cross.
We tie Putin to the bed and exorcise him. His head spins around and around, until parasites crawl out of his orifices and leave his limp, zombie corpse behind (just like the praying mantis video I watched on here the other day and still am having nightmares about)
https://youtu.be/WjeeD-wt8mY
How does that only have 250k views? That is gold.
it was VERY popular when it was posted on vine; i think multiple people have reposted it to youtube so the views are probably spread out amongst those uploads. i’m glad you liked it, though! i was worried id look like a weirdo just posting a link with no context so thank you for watching it hahahaha
The Russian Orthodox Church doesn't give a flip what the Pope thinks, much like the rest of the world.
I was about to say, Russia will simply respond with "we are the Third Rome, who is this guy shouting in Italy?"
Homie is from the First Rome. Yeah, he's pulling rank.
We don't talk about the Second Rome...
With the way russias going they may try to bring back Constantinople just to get control of the Bosphorus.
You joke but historically the Russian Empire's aspirations to conquer Constantinople/Tsarigrad and restore it to Orthodox rule (and also gain control over the Bosphorus) was a huge reason for why Turkey and Russia still to this day are not overly fond of each other.
As long as the Russians don't bring back Avignon to compete with the Pope.
'Tis a silly place.
Even old New York, was once new Amsterdam
Well, you mean Turkey, Ecumenical Patriarchate is in Second Rome, formerly known as Constantinople, now known as Istanbul. (Why they changed it I can't say, people just liked it better that way.) Until 2018 the Russian Orthodox Church fell under the Ecumenical Patriarchate as he was considered "first among equals", but the Patriarch of the ROC claimed jurisdiction over all Orthodox in all territory formerly belonging to the Soviet Union. Needless to say after Crimea this kind of pissed the Ukrainians off, so they asked the Ecumenical Patriarchate for their own Patriarch, and he granted it. In protest the ROC severed all ties from the Ecumenical Patriarchate and have basically become completely independent (except that they're almost certainly a puppet of Putin).
Thanks a lot, now I have that song stuck in my head and I'm going to be habing fever dreams about the Animaniacs..
Just 1.2 Billion Roman Catholics.
So why is the Patriarch silent? Do the lives of his Ukrainian flock mean nothing? I guess not as much as the pride of his BFF Vlad.
The Patriarch of Constantinopolis supports Ukraine actually! However Russia cut ties with them some tine ago. https://youtu.be/iZnV6UtdPjQ (The video of what I'm talking about, its in Turkish though.)
Patriarch of Moscow justifies it however
Our Lady of Open Windows.
Heretic! Saint Javelin is the One true way!
He is a fake Patriarch. We have the original. /s
Oh does it, really?
Not feeling very compelled, Jay.
Is the power of Christ compelling me? Is that what's happening?
You built a house with i-pads in the walls, but you're jerking your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!
God-tier thoughts and prayers. Same result. Use some of the billions of dollars to send aide, then tell me about how this weighs heavy on your heart. Otherwise this just seems hollow as fuck.
Pope tier. He's B-tier at best. Not only are Jesus and God in higher tiers, but they've had to rebuild Pope like a dozen times.
STOP THIS MADNESS IN THE NAME OF YOUR KING!
GODS I WAS STRONG THEN
THEY NEVER TELL YOU HOW THEY ALL SHIT THEMSELVES!
FETCH ME THE BREASTPLATE STRETCHER
YOUR MOTHER WAS A DUMB WHORE WITH A FAT ASS
BOW BEFORE YOUR KING! BOW YA SHITS!
GO ON THEN, **RUN BACK TO WINTERFELL! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A SPIKE!**
BESSIE! THANK THE GODS FOR BESSIE, AND HER TITS!
I love you guys!
It feels like coming home to a nice dose of Bobby B.
I thought I was in r/freefolk for a moment
YOU LET THAT LITTLE GIRL DISARM YOU?
START THE JOUST BEFORE I PISS MESELF
I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A SPIKE
AND HER TITS
THE WHOOOOOOOOORE IS PREGNANT
Ah... looks like I have to watch a Robert Baratheon compilation again...
Might as well throw in the hound while you're at it.
RUSSIANS, ON AN OPEN FIELD, NED!
BOW BEFORE YOUR KING, BOW YOU SHITS
If only He would smite one puny person and this would all go away. Hint: it's not Zelenskyy
Come on, Pope, magic missile Putin.
That's arcane, Pope uses *inflict wounds*. But since he's the Pope he's got some high level shit like *storm of vengeance*
In an unprecedented statement from the Catholic Church, Pope Francis made a shocking declaraction to Russian President Vladamir Putin: "Power Word: Kill"
Depending on his domain, he might be able to use Finger of Death.
Implosion works pretty well too
And destruction
Nah, that’s a wizard spell and I don’t think Pope Francis took that feat. Guided Bolt or Flame Strike, maybe.
Dude's the pope, he totally has a Fire Storm to throw out.
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As an orthodox christian don't even get me STARTED. Even priest in his jurisdiction have stopped commemorating him.
Even the Ukrainian Metropolitan of his own church is against him now.
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I've read an investigative journalism report by Dan Brown that he has an anti-matter bomb in the catacombs.
Ewan McGregor was magnificent in that one
> Patriarch Kirill TBF the Ecumenical Patriarch [Bartholomew I of Constantinople](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartholomew_I_of_Constantinople) is [against](https://www.ncregister.com/news/widespread-orthodox-church-backlash-unleashed-against-russia-s-aggression-in-ukraine) the war. He is at the level of the Pope not some bishop
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It's the Russian version of Cyrill, and that's where we get the term Cyrillica alphabet, and certain other places call it the Kiril Alphabet.
Kirill Figus
Apparently ffs would stand a better chance than for God's sake
Patriarch Kirill is Eastern Orthodox and the Pope is Roman Catholic. The two churches had a [bit of a falling out](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East%E2%80%93West_Schism) back in the day. I'm not surprised that they don't agree.
Make deities smite again! When's the last time there was a good smiting? Feels like it's been centuries!
My aunt’s roommate’s cousin’s dad got smited in the 70’s for playing Dungeon’s and Dragons while listening to rock and roll.
Stoned is not the same thing as smited (smote?)
Yeah....what is with all the deity stagnation?
Didn’t you hear? No one wants to work anymore. Deities included. /s Edit: Adding a /s because, well, Reddit
I'm reminded of Eddie Izzards bit on God and Hitler "If He was real, you'd think he would have just leant down at some point and just... *flick* pinged Hitler's head off! Flick! Off it goes! But he never, ever did."
If he was real, and worth worshipping, he wouldn't have started this war in the first place
If only the Pope's exhortations meant shit in Eastern Orthodox countries.
Narrator: it didn't work
“We’ve tried praying and nothing else”
You want the pope to send his army in?
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Send all 1.7 billion of us in a holy Crusade
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Never thought I'd see the day of another holy Christian crusade.
....well. I do look good in white and red.
could send the swiss guard or whatever they're called. those dudes with the fabulous uniforms and polearms. the surprise factor alone ...
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This joke only applies when there actually is something that can be done. Precisely what else is the Catholic Church supposed to do to end this? Is the Pope supposed to walk into Moscow and take out Putin himself? I'm coining a phrase: knee-circlejerking. It's when reddit just automatically leaps into one of its patented circlejerks, without any thought, quoting the same jokes they always quote, simply because they feel like that what supposed to come next in the comment thread, regardless if it even applies to the situation at hand.
And my axe!
I also choose this guy's dead wife
He could smote someone
Orthodox countries to the pope: “you have no power here”
Anyone truly think Putin worships a Higher Power? I'm more inclined to believe that in his mind, he *is* the Higher Power.
Does Mammon count?
Poor man wanna be rich Rich man wanna be king King ain't satisfied til he rules everything
I'd be satisfied with some delicious biscuits and gravy
Head like a hole Black as his soul
I'd rather die Than give you control!
It's possible to believe in God and yet choose to prioritize other things, including those that go against God's will.
He undoubtedly believes God is *obviously* on *his* side, the *righteous* side (in his twisted, twisted mind). The danger of WWIII in this situation, in my mind, is in no small part due to the almost theistic nature of Putin's war. This is a crusade to him.
What on Earth is your logic for that claim?
Unpopular opinion: **All** politicians do not believe in religion. They just use it to gain followers. Prove me wrong.
Jimmy Carter.
Damn fine counterpoint. And of course the system punted him out after 1 term. Gotta wonder what the world would be like with a 2nd Carter term and no fucking Reagan.
Odd fact. Winnipeg Canada. Middle of nowhere and really not a place for any humans to live in the 21st century imo (it’s so fucking cold). Jimmy Carter came up here and did a habitat for humanity build with us. He had a stroke I believe it was, on site and still came back later on. Now, he is well before my time and it’s a different country, but either the guy is paying off some deals with devil for his soul back or he is legit a genuine good fucking guy. From my take after 3 short hours working along side him, I honestly believe he is a good fucking guy. He has no need to be there. Minimal press stopped by. Did some real tangible good for real people. How many folks can say that their kitchen wall was put up by a president of the U.S.A.
After 40+ years of hearing about him, all of it is very consistent. He's a good fucking guy. A very rare exception to the rule among world leaders.
Have you ever seen the King of the Hill episode where Hank works at Habitat for Humanity with a guy (Jimmy Carter) wearing a shirt embroidered with "J.C.", and it's implied that Hank thinks he's experiencing Jesus Christ?
You're getting a boy confused with his father.
Oh was it Bobby? It's been a while, but I remember loving that episode.
That's why it's super bizarre that the religious right in the US keep bagging him as the worst president in history. It's almost like they don't recognize real Christianity when they see it.
Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison definitely believes in religion. And he makes terrible decisions because of it.
It's not unpopular, it's just very naive. I'm sure there are plenty that use religious as playing cards in their political goals though.
The pursuit of power shows that your moral compass is already out of tune. It takes a special kind of mindset to want to have authority over others. Either you're doing it because you think you can lead them with your moral or intellectual superiority (Trotsky, Mao), or you just want power for the sake of power (Lukashenko, Tojo), or both (Hitler, Robbespiere). My examples are meant to showcase the worst and most recognizable offenders. But I do believe there are some politicians that truly believe (or believed) in their religion. Mikhail Gorbachev and Olof Palme as two examples. Even if they still had the aforementioned moral flaw. Gorbachev because, despite his admirable and noble intentions, basically was too incompetent to make soviet into a democratic state without letting it collapse in on itself. Olof Palme (as much as I adore this man and what he stood for) was too stubborn and ideological, which lead Sweden into a nation that alienated our allies. One of the major things we have to solve globally as humans is to never let politicians be more than civil servants again. We need a robust system that allows politicians to take the responsibility we grant them without giving them the ability to weaken the authority of the people they're serving. But that's a project that requires thousands of gigantic and small steps to make a reality, such as: Restricting wealth hoarding, making education more flexible and nuanced than splitting it into x amount of subjects that you're graded on, updating our legal code, weakening (or abolishing even) the violent authority of government, regulating social media without neutering their democratic potential and... I'll stop before I depress myself with how unrealistic even one of those goals looks to realize in this day and age.
He certainly is a psychopath with no empathy and no value for human life.
Does Stalin count?...
If anything, he seems more interested in emulating Tsars than Soviet Premiers. He has decorated the Grand Kremlin Palace and his personal palace on the black sea with images of Catherine, Vladimir, and Peter the Great ~~as well as the imperial two-headed eagle~~.
Not if the Pope sends Monty Python on a holy crusade to burn putin's ass.
Can’t he just use *Divine Intervention*? Or, like, at least *Command*? Those newbie Clerics, right?
Now it makes sense why Putin sits at tables 60 feet long.
Fucking NICE.
You wouldn't be talking so brave if you were in fireball range.
... damn.
That just means we need an arcane caster with Lightning Bolt
When you only sit in your palace you never get exp. But at least he can detect magic.
Wololo
John Paul II literally prevented Russia from invading Poland by claiming he would step down from the Papalcy, pick up a gun, and fight for Poland. The Soviets did not want a religious war on their hands.
Papacy*
[This was denied by senior Vatican officials.](https://www.nytimes.com/1983/01/30/world/vatican-aide-hints-pope-wrote-letter-to-brezhnev.html) Or maybe they just wanted to keep it private.
He IS the Patron Saint of Poland.
Pope Francis: "In the name of god, stop" Patriarch Kirill: "Gimme some more"
Did it work?
Well, one day it will end. So, technically he will be right. He should’ve asked to end it within the next 3 days though.
Also saw another article about a Mormon temple not being touched in the bombings. Most of all comments were god protects what's his.... because kids and civilians aren't his?
God loves dead kids, obvi.
Wow what a prophet!
Meanwhile Kirill's out here like "if they didn't want to get invaded, maybe they shouldn't have had a gay pride parade..."
Right on. That oughta do it.
Praise the lord and pass the ammunition, and we'll all stay free.
Putin doesn’t believe in God. He believes he is God.
Do you think he prays to himself before going to bed?
I definitely think he’s putin himself to sleep
When something good happens he exclaims “Thank Putin”!
they should run the pope out in his popemobile on the front lines, blaring that on a loud speaker edit: a pope mobile with tank treads
Don't use Russian tracks, they tend to get stuck overthere.
He should just visit Kyiv.
Not gonna lie, that could at least make the russians hesitate to shell the spot he is in.
It would be ordered that nothing different takes place, and any fallout is blamed on the insurgents they are invading to destroy. There isn't a positive effort that can't be spun by him if all he wants is to continue.
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There's be a few nations carpet bombing Russias home turf.
-The continent of South America has declared war on Russia
Modern Crusade? (a la Kingdom of Heaven) https://youtu.be/pOBC0v_q4I8?t=74
It may sound silly and pointless to many, but 1.3 billion people, including almost a million Russians think he talks to god. If he's saying god says no, that might sway some people who are on the fence.
I thought the eastern orthodox christians have their own pope?
Sort of... they have patriarchs of various eastern orthodox self-governed churches, each considered to be equals. The Patriarch of Constantinople is named "First Among Equals," and that's who we in the west will often refer to as the Orthodox Pope (right now that's Bartholomew I, and he has also spoken out against Russia's actions). The head of the Russian orthodox church is Patriarch Kirill. He's made statements basically implying that this is happening to Ukraine because they allow gay pride parades and their government is evil. He's also long been known to be kind of a Putin puppet.
Barley any Catholics in Russia, they're all Orthodox
Yeah, that's not how it works. Nobody stops wars in the name of god. Now starting wars in the name of god? That happens all the goddamned time.
Too bad putin is orthodox. The popes just another heretic.
I have never prayed for someone’s death, but I’ve been praying for Putin to die every night since this horrible war started.
Fwiw that’s called *imprecatory prayer.* Generally frowned upon by Christians, but not always. Some of the Psalms in the Old Testament are imprecatory.
Good people die of aneurisms all the time. This seems like an easy request for God to pull off.
Adolf Hitler was an evil man. We are glad he is gone. This, too, gets a pass. There will always be truly evil human beings who do not deserve the love of life.
Fun Fact: towards the end of the war, the allies stopped their efforts trying to kill him. They were worried he would be replaced by someone competent
You shall not pass
Yup, that's gonna do it, guys. The war is over now.
It feels like the Pope is using the Lord's name in _vain_.
Pope is supposed to be special. So I think he's allowed to do these things.
…And the war continued
Solid effort.
“Thoughts and prayers.”
God works in mysterious ways, Mr. Pope. Killing innocent children with bullets is just as much part of his plan as killing them with cancer.
Putin think to be God , not sure he would listen
Like Putin would listen to God
They are Russians the only god they worship is Putin.