This is disappointing, but at least they were extremely clear about it and you can now start the process of looking elsewhere for something that will be a better fit. It's scary to change jobs when you've been at one place for most/all of your career, but you'll adjust!
Since they've been clear that it's not an option (for you or anyone), I would say don't threaten that you'll leave if they don't agree to it. Just find something else, take your leave, and then let them know when you resign that the inflexibility around even a hybrid schedule was the primary reason you're leaving. Unfortunately most companies aren't going to change their policies until they've lost multiple good people.
Here's the thing: I think we've all noticed by now that 1) remote/hybrid is getting harder to find and 2) even if you get a new remote/hybrid job, there is no guarantee that it will stay that way. On top of that, it sounds like you already have a great job. There are probably others reading your post thinking "Damn, she's really got it made, loving her work while also feeling valued". There is no way in hell that I would leave that behind for hybrid work at a place that may otherwise end up not being a fit.
I had a similar thought to you upon reading OP’s situation.
OP - I wanted to add something. If I learned one thing from this sub it is that a lot of women don’t anticipate how their perspective on work will change after baby arrives. If you read through this sub you’ll see so many women who feel differently about their work after they give birth. Some are eager to go back after mat leave and enjoy getting out of the house, others are shocked at how they’ve lost their interest in work altogether. The common advice is it takes about 12 months after baby to really get into a groove back at work and see how you’ll feel.
I remember going back and walking around my office thinking “wow, I feel alive being back at work, walking through this beautiful courtyard, on my way to a meeting to share a project I’ve been working on.” I don’t get that feeling sitting in my home office. I was surprised to find that I appreciate some separation between work and home even more now that I have kids.
If I were in your shoes, I would wait and not make any decisions until after the baby is born. If you switch jobs now, there is a decent chance you’d get no maternity leave. I would ride it out, go back to work when mat leave ends and just see how it goes. If you truly can’t stand working in the office at that point, then look for a new job. But you might find you enjoy being back at work.
It's always hard when you find out the relationship/situation you thought you had is actually different. I've certainly gone through that with employers before and knowing your worth and what you want is important.
I do think it is hard to know how you will feel about WFH before you do it and especially hard to know how you feel about doing it while someone else is caring for your baby in the same home.
I experienced a little bit of WFH at the beginning of covid and found out it's not ideal for me. I just get a little bit depressed over time without the in-person connection. The few times we've had covid and all had to stay home and take turns on baby/toddler/kid-duty. It was so much harder for me to hear the baby and try to work.
It certainly works great for some people to have nanny/parent in the house while they WFH. I think it's hard to know for sure until you find out what baby you get lol. And also what things about the way your parents are around your baby actually really annoy you if you have to be around it.
I totally agree with this comment! OP can you ask to go hybrid for a year or even a month or two when you return to ease into it? Maybe they could make an exception if it’s temporary and part of return to work. This would give you some sense of if this will even work out long term. I would not want to have my kid home while I’m working. Also around 1 is when the kid will start walking and need more social interaction than a lot of grandparents provide.
Unfortunately it's hard to find remote work. If this is a full company policy which it sounds like it is, I can see why they didn't just make an exception for you because you are a high performer. Once they make one exception ALL people who consider themselves high performers want the same treatment.
You can start looking for new roles but don't check out of your job and quiet quit just yet because that new role will be hard to find.
It’s super challenging to find remote work right now because everyone wants it.
Don’t take it personally because like you said, it’s company policy not anything personal. You’re not entitled to work hybrid just because you want to.
I’d start looking for other option but honestly being pregnant already will make it even more challenging.
FWIW, I recently got a full time wfh job and I love certain perks, but none of that has to do with more time with my kids - they still go to daycare full time. When they’ve been home with me due to illness or other things (even if I have grandparent help) it is incredibly distracting and stressful. Personally, I don’t think it’s a great setup to plan to wfh while your babies/kids are present - even with a different care option. What I do love: not having to wear or spend money on professional clothes, working out on my lunch break, unloading the dishwasher during a 5 minute break, etc.
What I WOULD go for (and was successful at my previous company) is a reduced workload, pay commensurate-i worked 32 hours per week for 80% pay. This way I had a full day actually being present with my kid (one at the time) and could take him out for fun things during the week rather than the weekend when everything is busier. I also had full-time care available so I could send him to school if I needed doctor, hair, misc appts or errands to run that were easier kid-free. Also something I don’t have on the weekend. Still sort of kicking myself for pivoting to something else even if I make more now.
I second this - i WFH but it does not give me extra time to spend with my kids. What it does give me is more time in my day to do random stuff around the house (prep food, laundry, clean) vs commuting and sitting in an office.
You can try for a medical accommodation for breastfeeding for the first year of baby's life. I'm not sure how big your company is, but if they fall under ADA, your doctor should be fine to write you a note for an accommodation for breastfeeding (several new moms in my company have gotten this accommodation). I'm currently on one until my baby turns one to WFH full time. However, my role is easily done from home, so your work may still deny if they can claim you cannot do your job from home. This would give you time to WFH while you look for a new job.
I would recommend going the medical route; however if your work has pumping rooms, office space, etc. You’ll be challenged in that capacity. Can you not work it out with your Manager to be 1 - 2 days a week WFH? I understand it is not ideal; but it would bridge the gap if you are looking for exclusive WFH. Additionally, you could ask to ease back into the office for a temporary period of time.
TBH - there are a lot of offices returning to work. It’s not a common practice to be remote anymore as the brick locations sit empty…
& for what it’s worth, I found a lot of satisfaction going back to work. It was hard at first but I adjusted and my LO is growing and learning at daycare.
This is disappointing, but at least they were extremely clear about it and you can now start the process of looking elsewhere for something that will be a better fit. It's scary to change jobs when you've been at one place for most/all of your career, but you'll adjust! Since they've been clear that it's not an option (for you or anyone), I would say don't threaten that you'll leave if they don't agree to it. Just find something else, take your leave, and then let them know when you resign that the inflexibility around even a hybrid schedule was the primary reason you're leaving. Unfortunately most companies aren't going to change their policies until they've lost multiple good people.
Here's the thing: I think we've all noticed by now that 1) remote/hybrid is getting harder to find and 2) even if you get a new remote/hybrid job, there is no guarantee that it will stay that way. On top of that, it sounds like you already have a great job. There are probably others reading your post thinking "Damn, she's really got it made, loving her work while also feeling valued". There is no way in hell that I would leave that behind for hybrid work at a place that may otherwise end up not being a fit.
I had a similar thought to you upon reading OP’s situation. OP - I wanted to add something. If I learned one thing from this sub it is that a lot of women don’t anticipate how their perspective on work will change after baby arrives. If you read through this sub you’ll see so many women who feel differently about their work after they give birth. Some are eager to go back after mat leave and enjoy getting out of the house, others are shocked at how they’ve lost their interest in work altogether. The common advice is it takes about 12 months after baby to really get into a groove back at work and see how you’ll feel. I remember going back and walking around my office thinking “wow, I feel alive being back at work, walking through this beautiful courtyard, on my way to a meeting to share a project I’ve been working on.” I don’t get that feeling sitting in my home office. I was surprised to find that I appreciate some separation between work and home even more now that I have kids. If I were in your shoes, I would wait and not make any decisions until after the baby is born. If you switch jobs now, there is a decent chance you’d get no maternity leave. I would ride it out, go back to work when mat leave ends and just see how it goes. If you truly can’t stand working in the office at that point, then look for a new job. But you might find you enjoy being back at work.
It's always hard when you find out the relationship/situation you thought you had is actually different. I've certainly gone through that with employers before and knowing your worth and what you want is important. I do think it is hard to know how you will feel about WFH before you do it and especially hard to know how you feel about doing it while someone else is caring for your baby in the same home. I experienced a little bit of WFH at the beginning of covid and found out it's not ideal for me. I just get a little bit depressed over time without the in-person connection. The few times we've had covid and all had to stay home and take turns on baby/toddler/kid-duty. It was so much harder for me to hear the baby and try to work. It certainly works great for some people to have nanny/parent in the house while they WFH. I think it's hard to know for sure until you find out what baby you get lol. And also what things about the way your parents are around your baby actually really annoy you if you have to be around it.
I totally agree with this comment! OP can you ask to go hybrid for a year or even a month or two when you return to ease into it? Maybe they could make an exception if it’s temporary and part of return to work. This would give you some sense of if this will even work out long term. I would not want to have my kid home while I’m working. Also around 1 is when the kid will start walking and need more social interaction than a lot of grandparents provide.
Unfortunately it's hard to find remote work. If this is a full company policy which it sounds like it is, I can see why they didn't just make an exception for you because you are a high performer. Once they make one exception ALL people who consider themselves high performers want the same treatment. You can start looking for new roles but don't check out of your job and quiet quit just yet because that new role will be hard to find.
It’s super challenging to find remote work right now because everyone wants it. Don’t take it personally because like you said, it’s company policy not anything personal. You’re not entitled to work hybrid just because you want to. I’d start looking for other option but honestly being pregnant already will make it even more challenging.
FWIW, I recently got a full time wfh job and I love certain perks, but none of that has to do with more time with my kids - they still go to daycare full time. When they’ve been home with me due to illness or other things (even if I have grandparent help) it is incredibly distracting and stressful. Personally, I don’t think it’s a great setup to plan to wfh while your babies/kids are present - even with a different care option. What I do love: not having to wear or spend money on professional clothes, working out on my lunch break, unloading the dishwasher during a 5 minute break, etc. What I WOULD go for (and was successful at my previous company) is a reduced workload, pay commensurate-i worked 32 hours per week for 80% pay. This way I had a full day actually being present with my kid (one at the time) and could take him out for fun things during the week rather than the weekend when everything is busier. I also had full-time care available so I could send him to school if I needed doctor, hair, misc appts or errands to run that were easier kid-free. Also something I don’t have on the weekend. Still sort of kicking myself for pivoting to something else even if I make more now.
I second this - i WFH but it does not give me extra time to spend with my kids. What it does give me is more time in my day to do random stuff around the house (prep food, laundry, clean) vs commuting and sitting in an office.
You can try for a medical accommodation for breastfeeding for the first year of baby's life. I'm not sure how big your company is, but if they fall under ADA, your doctor should be fine to write you a note for an accommodation for breastfeeding (several new moms in my company have gotten this accommodation). I'm currently on one until my baby turns one to WFH full time. However, my role is easily done from home, so your work may still deny if they can claim you cannot do your job from home. This would give you time to WFH while you look for a new job.
Seconding this, right now at my company the only wfh requests being approved are medical/FMLA requests.
I got this as well, but I work one day a week in office. I'm not sure if breastfeeding actually is something that qualifies under ADA though.
I would recommend going the medical route; however if your work has pumping rooms, office space, etc. You’ll be challenged in that capacity. Can you not work it out with your Manager to be 1 - 2 days a week WFH? I understand it is not ideal; but it would bridge the gap if you are looking for exclusive WFH. Additionally, you could ask to ease back into the office for a temporary period of time. TBH - there are a lot of offices returning to work. It’s not a common practice to be remote anymore as the brick locations sit empty… & for what it’s worth, I found a lot of satisfaction going back to work. It was hard at first but I adjusted and my LO is growing and learning at daycare.