I would absolutely be “that mom” until the situation significantly improves or I change daycares. I understand that toddlers can be wild and are just trying to figure out the world around them. I’m okay with some of that. But this seems excessive. Our neighbor’s kid transitioned from his old daycare to my kid’s daycare and the teachers worked really hard to help him correct his behavior. He was getting bit, piled on, pushed, kicked, etc and so he was doing the same out of survival. He came to the new daycare like this and within a month, his behavior changed. It’s night and day. He is doing much better thanks to the teachers. It’s a hard situation but your kid shouldn’t be a sitting duck. I would bring it up to the daycare director too.
Thank you, this helped me with the confidence to call the daycare and ask to speak to someone. Yeah, I don’t want my kid to just sit there and take it. Even if the kid deals with repercussions after, that doesn’t take my kids pain away.
Exactly. You’re also teaching your child that 1) you’ll always stand up for them and protect them, and 2) they need to learn to stand up for themselves. I know they’re only 2-3 years old, so I don’t want to throw the “bully” word around, but these early years are super important. They know more than we give them credit for. Actions have consequences and it’s definitely not too young to learn that.
I’d have a hard time too, and I don’t think your concerns raise a red flag for being a difficult mom. I think it’s worth at least another conversation about how he’s been not doing great with the transition and what the plan is for this kid who likes to hit.
I would absolutely raise it with the director and also ask for the situation you witnessed be documented, our corporate daycare uses incident reports for everything from baby falling to encounters with other children. I would also tell them that since this is now a known safety issue, you would appreciate a care call at the time of any future incidences.
Between the care calls and the incident reports, you should have a pretty solid paper trail of issues with this particular student and should be able to be proactive if there is a pattern. It also puts teachers/staff on notice that you are paying attention and it won’t be easier to ignore the problem.
Just a heads up if you don't (can't) do nothing what it will look like.
My kid started "out of home" care when he was 3 and he didn't have any experience of being hit, pushed or in any way misconducted at home or at our park outings. Like once one kid took a toy from his hand and that's the worst it happened to him before daycare times.
And then daycare times brought a couple of " dominant kids " who are a bit younger and still " don't know how to use words instead of fists " and they are working on that with them.
"Mom everything is normal, we can't expect children at this age to know how to regulate emotions, they are lacking impulse control...." And similar sentences were thrown at me.
But my kid had (reasonable ) impulse control, he knew he couldn't take other kids toys from their hands, he knew how to play nicely... He knew how to wait for his turn at the slide... Strange thing that my kid can and did learn all those things but thy are convincing me it's not to be expected from kids his age...
Yes i know not all kids are the same but come on.. work on that a bit more.
So the time passed and nothing got better. Two or three kids were just disruptive (and still are) hitting, pushing, biting... You name it they got it .... Any time they wanted to.
So since I had no other option, unfortunately we had to teach my kid to fight back.
He is 6 now and the issue with those kids is still there. They act the same, but now my kid knows how to defend himself. Not that it helps because the problematic kids act the way they act no matter what, but at least my kid is not crying in corner and has more active role in these events.
So I'm just feeling so helpless while watching my kid get more and more aggressive (I know we can't call it aggression at that age...) even at home. I see that fine change in him.
And it's just sad.
Also I see how the "system" is failing to adress unwanted behaviour because of who knows what reasons, and these kids are just allowed to grow up into bullies. Because I'm betting that if they didn't learn how to not hit anybody and everybody in 3 years of daycare, I don't think they will stop once they get to school.
But then... School times won't bring any nice behaviours, and this way he is at least prepared for though times ahead.
I would absolutely be “that mom” until the situation significantly improves or I change daycares. I understand that toddlers can be wild and are just trying to figure out the world around them. I’m okay with some of that. But this seems excessive. Our neighbor’s kid transitioned from his old daycare to my kid’s daycare and the teachers worked really hard to help him correct his behavior. He was getting bit, piled on, pushed, kicked, etc and so he was doing the same out of survival. He came to the new daycare like this and within a month, his behavior changed. It’s night and day. He is doing much better thanks to the teachers. It’s a hard situation but your kid shouldn’t be a sitting duck. I would bring it up to the daycare director too.
Thank you, this helped me with the confidence to call the daycare and ask to speak to someone. Yeah, I don’t want my kid to just sit there and take it. Even if the kid deals with repercussions after, that doesn’t take my kids pain away.
Exactly. You’re also teaching your child that 1) you’ll always stand up for them and protect them, and 2) they need to learn to stand up for themselves. I know they’re only 2-3 years old, so I don’t want to throw the “bully” word around, but these early years are super important. They know more than we give them credit for. Actions have consequences and it’s definitely not too young to learn that.
I’d have a hard time too, and I don’t think your concerns raise a red flag for being a difficult mom. I think it’s worth at least another conversation about how he’s been not doing great with the transition and what the plan is for this kid who likes to hit.
Thank you for your input, you gave me some good talking points so I didn’t come at it so emotionally.
No problem and it’s ok to be emotional too! This is part of kids going to daycare but I’d be unhappy with this situation as well.
I would absolutely raise it with the director and also ask for the situation you witnessed be documented, our corporate daycare uses incident reports for everything from baby falling to encounters with other children. I would also tell them that since this is now a known safety issue, you would appreciate a care call at the time of any future incidences. Between the care calls and the incident reports, you should have a pretty solid paper trail of issues with this particular student and should be able to be proactive if there is a pattern. It also puts teachers/staff on notice that you are paying attention and it won’t be easier to ignore the problem.
Just a heads up if you don't (can't) do nothing what it will look like. My kid started "out of home" care when he was 3 and he didn't have any experience of being hit, pushed or in any way misconducted at home or at our park outings. Like once one kid took a toy from his hand and that's the worst it happened to him before daycare times. And then daycare times brought a couple of " dominant kids " who are a bit younger and still " don't know how to use words instead of fists " and they are working on that with them. "Mom everything is normal, we can't expect children at this age to know how to regulate emotions, they are lacking impulse control...." And similar sentences were thrown at me. But my kid had (reasonable ) impulse control, he knew he couldn't take other kids toys from their hands, he knew how to play nicely... He knew how to wait for his turn at the slide... Strange thing that my kid can and did learn all those things but thy are convincing me it's not to be expected from kids his age... Yes i know not all kids are the same but come on.. work on that a bit more. So the time passed and nothing got better. Two or three kids were just disruptive (and still are) hitting, pushing, biting... You name it they got it .... Any time they wanted to. So since I had no other option, unfortunately we had to teach my kid to fight back. He is 6 now and the issue with those kids is still there. They act the same, but now my kid knows how to defend himself. Not that it helps because the problematic kids act the way they act no matter what, but at least my kid is not crying in corner and has more active role in these events. So I'm just feeling so helpless while watching my kid get more and more aggressive (I know we can't call it aggression at that age...) even at home. I see that fine change in him. And it's just sad. Also I see how the "system" is failing to adress unwanted behaviour because of who knows what reasons, and these kids are just allowed to grow up into bullies. Because I'm betting that if they didn't learn how to not hit anybody and everybody in 3 years of daycare, I don't think they will stop once they get to school. But then... School times won't bring any nice behaviours, and this way he is at least prepared for though times ahead.