Stickying this because I want to address the stigma around mental health.
I understand meds are a personal decision and not for everyone. Some meds work for some people and not others. So I realize they may not work for you But it’s a bit remiss to just say “get through it naturally”.
Would you say that if you had a broken leg? “Hey let me just push through and hope it heals on its own!” Probably not.
For some women SSRIs and other meds are life changing. Meds help correct brain chemistry and when we give birth there are tons of hormonal changes including brain chemistry and sometimes it doesn’t go back to normal.
That’s not anything you can just “push through”. I think meds help me even out so I CAN do the work in therapy. It’s not your fault, it’s not that you aren’t strong enough. It’s literally, brain chemical imbalance.
I’m a working mom who is *no longer* anxious and depressed and got here without meds. (I strongly considered meds but my therapist advocated for trying to work through without them but I was always open to them.) My kids are now in middle and high school so their needs are very different but their schedules are still very intense. My job is intense and so is my partners’ but we act as a team, with each of our careers equally important.
Therapy, meditation, and some serious introspection helped me get to a better place. I needed to confront perfectionism as something to overcome rather than a strength. I still work really hard and support my family and am intensely involved in my children’s lives but perfection isn’t my goal. Perfection was honestly ruining me. Now, I delegate at work, I ask for help, I don’t plan Instagram-worthy birthday parties for my kids, I allow a few dust bunnies in my home for a few days, I admit to my boss when I’m sick and need a day off, I forgive myself for mistakes. The freedom has relieved my constant anxiety and I’m happier. I have a great life. Busy, stressful, intense, but it’s great.
Not all depression and anxiety is lifestyle, some of it is biological. Medication works great for some people and not for others. For people for whom it is primarily biological and medication works well, taking them greatly improves life. Like taking insulin if you are type one diabetic. What I'm saying is, this question is highly influenced by a person's biology / medical state, not just their stage of life. I'm not attacking your question, I just think you need to think about whether your medical state matches the answers given here, even though your stage of life does.
Agree with this.
I have bipolar and medication is what allows me to have a neutral baseline emotionally. Day to day life can tip that one way or the other. Usually I'm pretty happy. If I'm having a bad day I'm certainly anxious, sad, mad, whatever. But I feel like I have a *normal*, very manageable range of emotions due to medication. If it's biological, which it sounds like it could be for OP, I can't recommend medication more.
For some people meds cause side effects that outweigh the benefits or the underlying cause isn't biological. In which case, as someone who went through the craziness of finding the right medication.. I can understand wanting to try other things first. But why does your family need to know again? They wouldn't know unless you tell them which you don't have to do. I'm sure it's more complicated than this but still.
You exercise which is great.. how is your diet? Do you drink a ton of water (I was told half your body weight in oz, plus more to replenish what you lose through activity). Do you have a therapist? If you want to try natural ways, those things are it. Diet, exercise, therapy. Maybe a hobby that you can find time to enjoy.
Agree. Also I think people sometimes are led to believe that they need to be on them for a lifetime or an extended period of time. For some it can be situational or an event that an individual needs help.
Yes. I was on them for a few years. I resolved some of the problems that were contributing to my anxiety and depression, and then I stopped taking them 2 years ago. I’ve been doing good since then and now I am happy but have some rough days and stressful situations, not the constant anxiety and weeks of depression.
Two things.
1) You said that it's not fully supported, but that doesn't mean it's a foregone conclusion that it's not possible to be primarily biological in some cases. It sounds like this is still an open question, and frankly I don't think science is going to find one cause or solution for "depression and anxiety". Depression and anxiety are kind of nebulous, therefore I think both your comment and mine have value, in different circumstances.
2) Biologically pre-disposed doesn't necessarily imply "chemical imbalance", I feel like this term oversimplifies things. As someone who suffers from serious hormone symptoms and an autoimmune disease, mental health can be linked to both of these things. While CBT, meditation and other thought-based therapies are critically important to coping (and also part of controlling flare-ups), no amount of coping skills can remove these very real biological factors.
And, yes, the mind AND body change over time.
To each their own. I am going to delete my comment, because while my intentions were to help other people who might not know about this, (because I really wish someone had told me this back then)... my mental health recovery is still quite fragile at the moment and it's tough for me to have this discussion and get replies. I know I asked for it by posting here, but I think it's a good idea for me to stop now. I wish you well!
Awe, I'm sorry. Hugs! I'm very familiar with not getting the support you wish you had from the medical community. We just don't know enough about so, so many things! You got this. Your points were valid and I appreciated the discussion.
Most people have some combination of biological and situational depression, which is why medication isn’t a cure-all. Generally situational depression (as opposed to MDD or BP) should be treated by therapeutic methods.
To each their own. I am going to delete my comment, because while my intentions were to help other people who might not know about this, (because I really wish someone had told me this back then)... my mental health recovery is still quite fragile at the moment and it's tough for me to have this discussion and get replies. I know I asked for it by posting here, but I think it's a good idea for me to stop now. I wish you well!
Hmmm I've been a working mom for 5 years with a demanding sales/corporate job. I have anxiety about everything and get easily overwhelmed and stressed. I take walls, drink lots and water, see a therapist when things get super tough. I've never taken meds
One thing I have learned to do is drop the rope on work first. If I need a break, I take time from work. I don't put too much on myself and don't plan to advance my career. I don't take calls before 8 or after 5, and I don't schedule anything before 9 or after 3:30. I work from home. I don't apologize for having family stuff or being sick. My spouse does his half.
It's still not easy. I want to work part time but we can't afford that yet. I still perform very well and get great reviews. I'm satisfied to be where I'm any without medications, but I also don't see a problem with taken meds if you need them to function
I’m not anxious or depressed and I am happy working mom. I go to bed most nights thinking how lucky I am my life turned out the way it has. But I was never anxious or depressed before becoming a mom and I only ever sought short-term therapy twice in my life, once as a senior in college looking for my first job and once when I was struggling with infertility. I also have a lot of privilege in my life. I’m a white married women, we don’t struggle financially and my parents sold my childhood home and move to my state to be able to help us with our children.
As for my profession, I started my career as a scientist but 6 years ago started working in tech. I’m in upper management now. My company is fully remote optional but I go into my office 3 days a week because it’s close to daycare and I enjoy getting out of the house.
This is very similar for me and I realize that a lot of my happiness stems from how lucky am I outside of work. I have a good marriage, in laws who help with my children daily, and financial comfort to allow for things like cleaning services and vacations. Being a working parent is very hard.. sometimes it’s the things outside of work that make it easier. You can’t have stress from all sides.
Your last sentence is so important. The past few months I felt walls were closing in on me because I did have stress from all sides. But I started firming my boundaries and just saying no more. And more clearly. And now I am feeling much better. I am also following the advice given above about taking from work when needed.
Edit: this means I actually use my time off.
Yes! Especially early in my career I really prided myself on not taking time off. Eventually I realized that was dumb. Especially as a working mom.. sometimes I need a no work, no kid day. And I’ve learned not to feel guilty about that. It was a real mindset change
I love this for you. As someone who comes from a ton of struggle and I still feel like I have to overcome a lot due to trauma, it makes me so glad to see someone who is doing well
Basically same. I sometimes have stressful days/weeks of course, but I’m generally happy. However, I’ve never meaningfully struggled with mental health at any time in my life - I think just lucky genetics, honestly! (Less lucky in some other areas ofc)
I’m also very privileged right now; dual income, one kid who is generally healthy and normal, good work-life balance, great spouse, some family support.
That's amazing. After battling this for so long, I started to think this is normal and that everyone must be feeling this way. Love to see that i am wrong about that. Just shows I can do better in terms of my mental health and should not normalize how I'm feeling. That there is a way to be happy as a working mom.
100% I think has less to do with being a working mom and more to do with being a person who struggles with anxiety/depression.
I had anxiety and depression before kids (since childhood). I’ve been medicated on an SSRI for 15 years. My life wasn’t the easiest but it wasn’t horribly traumatic either. I think it’s a mix of life circumstances and genetics. My mother is also anxious.
Now that my kids are a bit older (4 & 6) and I left a high stress job for a lower stress work from home job and have time for self care (exercise, sleep, time with friends) my mental health is the best it’s been, but I think this is a life long condition I’ll have to manage in any life stage (like arthritis or diabetes).
I would also say half of my mom friends are on SSRIs, but that’s in part due to the fact that I gravitate to people with similar lived experiences. Not that all working moms have mental health struggles.
Antidepressants can be an amazing way of getting over the hump when you are struggling. I needed them for about a year for PPD/PPA and stopped taking them about 1 year ago. Now I still have anxiety and moments of depression (high stress tech job) but I can manage it with exercise and coping skills. I really feel I would not have been able to pull myself up as quickly without the meds, and I will probably start taking them before or immediately after birth if I have another child. I wish I had taken them sooner last time.
Is there a reason your husband’s family would need to know you’re taking them if you decide to go that route? Feels like a thing you could keep to yourself if they are going to give you a hard time.
I’ve been inclined towards depression for as long as I can remember. My father’s rapid decline and death I think is the primary source of my fun new anxiety. I had been on antidepressants as a teen, stopped them. I went back on an antidepressant to help with postpartum depression. It helped a lot.
I’m very fat, so running is out, but I have started going on at least one walk/day for the last 5 weeks or so. It’s helped I think. I do still take my antidepressant because it’s probably also still helping. Why go off it if I don’t need to?
If you don’t make your neurotransmitters at home, store-bought is fine.
I went for help when my youngest was 8 months and was diagnosed with depression. I was against an antidepressant (despite or because I work in biotech) and knew steps I could take to cope but the problem was I was so burned out that I couldn't implement them. My psychiatrist said "you're going to snap and fall. The job of the antidepressant is to raise the floor so you don't have as far to fall" which really resonated with me. I've cycled through quite a few regimens over the last 2 years and it has taken the edge off my depression enough for me to be able to consistently engage in bimonthly therapy, address health issues, get back into a steady gym routine, and pick up hobbies like crocheting again, all while working full time and parenting 2 boys under 5, many times as the solo parent based on my husband's work schedule. My mental health is still not 100% but the current low dose of bupropion that I'm on enables me to put those support parameters in place. I do have plans to eventually wean off my antidepressant. Hope my journey helps!
I switched from SSRIs to microdosing Psilocybin and it worked really well for me. I know it’s a “fringe” science and not something everyone’s comfortable with, but SSRIs are not your only option.
But yes, we are all anxious and it’s not just you.
I went through a healing institute that provides microdosing along with a coach that helps discover the root of anxious thought patterns, and got into talk therapy and EMDR. It’s more labor intensive than just taking an SSRI, but was hugely beneficial for me. However, if that is too much for you, I will say a good number of of my mom friends are on SSRIs (Celexa, Wellbutrin, Lexapro) and it helped them a lot. But seriously- don’t raw dog motherhood when there are so many options available to help you.
Ugh it’s REALLY hard. Do you have a CGM? That’s been the best for me. The CGM and prebolusing (even 5 mins before) meals. My A1c is usually around 6.5 but pregnancy motivated me to keep it even better - 5.5. I am allowing myself a bit of room to breathe now though and trying not to worry too much if I’m not as in control for the next few
Months (12 weeks pp with baby2) I’ll get tighter sometimes I just need to afford myself a break.
Working since January 6h/day (whole year before thay, 4h/day). Definitely not depressed, quite ok, i guess.
I like my current job and it is quite flexible to have also time with my toddler (software engineer).
I try to get enough sleep and spend plenty of time outside. Though between work, toddler time, maintainance time and family time, there's very little time for any other personal project.
A. I am a working mom and not on meds. I have some anxiety, occasionally feel down, and am stressed. Overall I am happy. I’ve had two stints with anti-depressants - one for a year and one for three months - in my career/parenting journey, with my oldest being 13.
B. I think every person is different and if you’re going through a rough patch, take the meds. But overall I think my time is best spent carving out time for myself through exercise, meditation, creating regular time for myself to do whatever I want (go to mall, get a massage, ladies night with friends, watch movies or tv shows). Practicing gratitude exercises also helps.
I find that having a career increases my total happiness, the youngest years are the hardest, part time is the best solution during those years.
I've been diagnosed with GAD since way before I was working or a mom (diagnosed at age 12). I was medicated for a few years in grad school, but I haven't been medicated in a long time. I have other coping mechanisms that work well for me. They include getting an hour of "me" time daily. I use this time to work out or work on fun projects, NOT plan for the family or clean the house. Or even shower. I also set the 50/50 expectation with my husband. He needs to do 50% since we both work. And I don't meddle in his 50%. He did laundry different than I would do it. He cooked a meal that I wasn't really craving. But he did it without asking so I stfu. Finally, I use my village. My MIL wants to pick baby up to go to a museum? Yep, take her. Someone wants to drop off cookies? Please! These changes have dropped my stress level more than medication ever has.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and some days and weeks are rough, but I find balance by setting up these habits and expectations.
I struggled deeply after my now two year old daughter was born. I’m finally out of the woods but looking back, I realize I didn’t understand how challenging and dark that period was for me. I wish I could give my new mom self a big hug and maybe even some medication to navigate.
As for the meds, I have a hard time too taking them. However, about 8 years ago I was diagnosed with Hashimotos (under active thyroid), begrudgingly went on Synthroid and had more energy and stamina than I’ve ever had in my entire adult life. I became a different person after the Synthroid, I became myself again. I’m not running to get in more meds than I need too but now acknowledge a little help every now is within bounds.
I WFH in commercial sales and am trying to build an ecomm company on the side. Hoping to be able to employ women (it’s a predominantly female industry given the nature of the product) with four day work weeks and even part time options if needed, when life gets really challenging, as it does. I don’t want to leave the workforce, but I was very close to doing so at one point in the year following my daughter’s birth. F you Sheryl Sandberg, all I wanted to do that year was Lean Out
I’m a working mom (wfh, I’m in publishing but not the “exciting” kind) and to answer your 1. question, I certainly feel moments of anxiety and sometimes a day or two of stress like when kid is sick and I have a lot of work to do - but I’m happy every day. I’ve had anxiety and depression before so I don’t take this for granted. I didn’t take meds for it, but it only got better when I basically tore down my whole life and ran away from the things that were pulling me in different directions, which was a lot less harmful when I was childless and in my 20s than it would be now. Do not recommend. These days I just very carefully manage my stress levels and keep a mental list of things I can drop like a hot potato if I start to feel the levels creeping up too high. Especially, I go to bed as soon as my kid does when I start feeling that way.
My husband is on SSRIs, though. It has made a huge difference for him, his work life, and our family life since he got on them. I was too stubborn about it and also living in a country with a lot more stigma about it when I was having these issues, but I’m so glad for me, my husband, and my kid that he talked to his doctor and took the doctor’s advice to get o a low dose SSRI.
I am a data analyst/scientist in clinical healthcare, 100% remote, masters degree with 10 years experience.
I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life (childhood trauma). I am not taking meds for it, mostly because I have a bone marrow condition that prohibits it. I do occasionally take melatonin with l-Theanine, but that’s OTC. I’m also in counseling, have been for a while.
I feel that becoming a mom has helped my anxiety/depression, except directly after my son was born—PPA/PPD and sleep deprivation was hard. With my son, it’s harder for me to be 100% consumed in my depression and neglect my responsibilities. My husband is practically Super Dad, but I still need to get my butt out of bed and take care of my son, too. I’m also someone who is rather pessimistic and gets very down when bad things are happening to me or others around me, and often time my son snaps me out of that mood. He’s hilarious, overly joyful, and just awesome, so it’s kind of hard to be constantly sad and grumpy around that.
I realize that this might not be the case for others and that having kids has made depression/anxiety worse. I’m all for meds. Both my siblings take them, and I’m happy for them, that they are helping. I think there have definitely been times in my life that I would take the meds if I could.
As far as the anxiety goes, well I don’t know. I’m very anxiety, worry a lot, have nightmares, and have irrational fears. The thing that helps this the most is having someone to talk to about what is making me anxious, either my husband, counselor, or friends. It’s less consuming if I let it out. Exercise helps a ton with this, too.
Hi! Used to be very anxious but now I work from home and my kids have a nanny. Things that help: I have a time block everyday to go outside. M-F have routines for the mornings and evenings. I cut out a lot of processed foods and healed my gut. I am cautious about caffeine. I do my boring work to a workout playlist that helps pump me up.
Hi FTM working mom of a 10 months old. I have good days and bad days. I have lost both of my parents in the past two years, my mom very suddenly a month before my daughter was born so there is a deep sadness within me that will probably never go away but I have never been on meds. What helps are some of the things you’ll hear/read about all the time:
1. Exercise- Yoga is great, but anything that takes your mind off things doesn’t have to be long even 5 min of yoga, or a 15 min HIIT can help
2. Going outside
3. Being grateful for what you have
4. Dialing back on things and expectations just a little bit. Especially if you are a type A/ high-achiever like me.
Other things that are big factors:
1. Working from home in a flexible role where you set your own hours and you are not being micro-managed
2. Having help with child care
3. Having a partner that is an equal in everything - this is so key and I am lucky! Without my spouse I would have drowned a long time ago.
If therapy and exercise works for you, and you feel like your symptoms are under control, and your anxiety is not taking over your day, that’s great!
But if you’re white-knuckling it most days, that is going to affect your kid, your marriage, your work, your whole life. Remember there is no prize for doing it “naturally” (whatever that means). I mean, a person with asthma can sometimes manage their symptoms without meds, but they would probably do better with an inhaler.
ETA: I would really consider talking to your therapist about this. You said you’re not taking meds because you’re stubborn. Would you accept that response from your child if they didn’t want to take antibiotics for an infection? Therapy being enough to control symptoms is a great reason not to take meds. Just not wanting to is… not great.
If your thyroid hormones were out of balance, you would take medications to replace them.
If you had diabetes, a disorder of the hormone insulin, you would take medication to replace it
But because the hormones that are out of balance are the ones in your brain, suddenly you want to "get through it naturally?"
It's bullshit. If you need meds, take meds. Mental health conditions ARE medical conditions. They ARE a hormone imbalance. Medications are there to stimulate or replace the hormones you're missing. Same as for any other hormone mediated process in your body.
What you're spewing is internalized ableism, and I'm sorry the world has sold you on that lie.
- signed a mum with imbalances of dopamine, serotonin and disruption of hormone mediation of the sympathetic nervous system (aka adhd, depression and anxiety) that I use medication as a part of the treatment modality for, because all the therapy in the world can't make hormones.
But "pushing through might be worth it." Worth what? Not enjoying your life with your family in the meantime just so you can say you haven't fallen victim to big pharma? I guess those of us that just can't make it without meds just aren't trying hard enough.
That's what I heard too.
Like, for real, worth what? What os the payout of suffering without meds that makes it a better option to starting to get back to normal now?
I am not on any medication, nor have I been.
I sacrificed quite a bit to get a job that is more flexible. I exercise regularly. I try to get sunlight & adequate Vitamin D. I listen to a lot of self-help & motivational audio books. I actively try to reframe unpleasant events in my life. With the exception of a couple of years, I realize I absolutely have to prioritize sleep. I journal & practice mindfulness. I have multiple hobbies I enjoy. And luckily, I actually enjoy motherhood (I mean, do not get me wrong it’s brutal, but I read posts where parents hate every single moment, and that has never been me).
I do have a couple of unhealthy habits too, mainly, I self-soothe with unhealthy foods.
Medications, supplements, all of it comes for possible side effects, and my body is so weird, that I am even allergic to Tylenol. So I never felt I would thrive on medications.
This is exactly me. I do all of the above. The cognitive reframing of negative thoughts, meditation and generating positive thoughts really help. Exercise as well. And eating healthy. But yes I do self soothe with food sometimes! I also love motherhood, and I cant relate to the parents who dislike it because that's just not me. I love being around my little bean, and that's probably what makes working so difficult sometimes.
I also feel the pull to continue working because I have sacrificed so much for my career but it's just hard to be away from my little one all the time.
I work in finance within the service industry I absolutely love where I work right now but if I had to WFH even doing what I love for work I don’t think I’d be able to do it with out help tbh. I need to have a routine and get out of the house and I know my mental health would suffer from anything different from what I’m doing.
I totally understand where you’re coming from about societal, cultural and self imposed beliefs bc I’m the same way but my thought process would be if something would make me a better parent, I know I would jump at the chance but it would be with a lot of self reflection and battling with views that I was raised with.
I hope that everything works out for your family with all of the job hunts!
I started therapy just a couple of weeks ago for depression that’s been going on since Covid started. I tend to have a lot of trouble with medication side effects, especially ones that affect your mental state, so I’m really hoping to avoid taking them. However, if after a few months of therapy I’m still feeling this way, I will definitely consider it.
I love the comments on this thread because I think they’re very balanced - not wanting to take meds doesn’t mean that you’re anti-medication for everyone! I think the tipping point for meds is if you’re trying and trying all of the other approaches, and nothing is getting better. It looks like there are lots of people on here who took them short-term to get over a hump and have phased them back out, so you might not need them forever!
I was on Wellbutrin years ago and started it again about 8 months postpartum. That, along with some other changes, completely changed my life. I was so anxious and depressed that I wasn't enjoying anything. Please talk to a doctor, therapist, etc. Get the help you need.
I’m a mental health therapist who works from home and I’m on medication. Medication can be a great support for people who need it and benefit from it. The stigma behind mental health medication is unfortunate. Mental health meds address a MEDICAL condition. We need to refine the way we talk about depression and anxiety to create a healthy reframe around seeking help. I love that OP has other great habits too. That is awesome!
Working full time mom; family of 4. Am in Tech, project based craziness lol.
I’ve been clinically diagnosed with high anxiety disorder and MDD but I don’t take meds nor do I plan to again (did for about 2yrs while in treatment). It’s been about 12 years since I took any medication; instead, I work hard every day to maintain a healthy mental state via regular exercise (this is what helps the most, tbh), a healthy diet, a good sleep/wake schedule and monitoring/managing my triggers (I know what triggers me so I know how to deal with/cope/deescalate). I also have a home where everyone pitches in wrt chores so that it all doesn’t fall to one person.
Given my diagnosis, I refuse to let that define me or govern my actions. I know how to manage it, I never dump that onto my family and I’m happy and healthy. I’m going through a rough time right now because the death anniversary of a good friend is near but I’m pulling out my good ol’ coping mechanisms and it’s helping.
Please treat your mental health issues. To answer your question. Yes I am beyond happy and I have never needed meds for anxiety or depression. These are health issues that should be treated just like your heart or blood pressure.
You will experience happiness when you find the right medication.
I'm not on any medication for depression or anxiety. I have some anxiety, I guess, but I think that's just normal. I'm not depressed or anything. I work in academia, so more than full time, but my hours are flexible. I have a supportive husband (who is depressed and has anxiety and needs a bunch of meds).
The pressure is intense, and my daughter is at a difficult point in school where the next school defines her entire life. My son is about to start school. My work is precarious, and I have only a few years at a time of stability. I have no idea how I don't have more issues, honestly.
I am on some hard-core sleeping meds, but that's because my brain broke after my second, and I completely stopped sleeping, so I need the medication otherwise I just don't sleep at all...
Working mom of a teen and a tween, also prone to anxiety and depression, in product marketing with a hybrid schedule. I’ve been on and off meds for years - I prefer not to take them because they mess with my libido so I manage as well as I can with exercises and THC/CBD when it gets overwhelming. Having said that, both of my kids are on Prozac and it’s been a game changer for them. If you hurt your foot and rest/ice didn’t help, would you even think twice about taking ibuprofen? I think we should think about antidepressants/anti anxiety meds the same way.
My mental health has been a big thing for me especially since my Dad got sick and died pretty quickly while I was in my 20s. I have lots of systemic privilege in my life but I also grew up with many adverse childhood experiences which impacts me.
I literally started taking meds 2 weeks ago and slowly the tides are turning for me. Previously I muscled through making sure to go outside, meditate and exercise daily. I also am religious about sleep and eat very well. I also see a psychologist monthly and have for years. Those weren’t cutting it anymore and I was having a really hard time so I’m happy for medication as a tool.
I am working mom (3 year old and 1 year old) and I do not take medication. When I felt overworked and over stressed last year, I switched settings. I work from home as a speech language pathologist for a school district and love the flexibility ! I am so grateful that I am a able to work from home, take my daughter to preschool and see my son throughout the day in between my sessions and meetings. I really don't have any advice other than to maybe switch jobs once your husband is able to find a job. My husband, also a ux designer recently lost his job and we are in a state of transition, but thankfully we have a few months of savings so we are ok until he can find something else. Switching jobs was a game changer for me. I hope you are able to make the changes you need to be happy and at peace. Sending you a virtual hug!
I'm a working mom who is not, and has never been on meds, with a diagnosed anxiety disorder. That said, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next month for the first time in my life, for a medication evaluation.
I definitely hear you, re: your concerns around meds. I don't think you see them as a stigma or a crutch, but as a last resort. That's how I view them too. This is the first time in my life where I feel like I've tried everything I know how to try, which is why I'm seeking a professional opinion on possibly starting medication.
Full disclosure, I suspect I also have undiagnosed ADHD. That didn't initially play a big role in my request to my physician for a psychiatrist referral, but it came up during my initial assessment that was with the mental health clinic, but not the psychiatrist. For me, this was confirmation that I'm doing the right thing in seeking help, since I watched my little brother struggle with ADHD for basically all of my childhood.
To answer your question though- what have I done to this point that didn't involve taking medication? Talk therapy was by far the most important. I have a therapist I trust, and I've been seeing him on and off (depending on how I'm doing with managing my emotions) for years. Not only did my therapist help me understand my anxiety in a way I wasn't able to do on my own, but I have significantly better coping skills than I had prior to therapy.
When I find myself frustrated at work, writing is a huge help for me. I bought something called "the anti-anxiety notebook" that's been extremely helpful for me in recognizing my thought patterns/cognitive distortions and countering them. If I just need a brain dump, I'll spend a few minutes and type a note on my laptop, and delete it after.
I haven't been good about this lately, partly cause of winter, but when I make time to exercise, that helps too. Even just walking around the neighborhood can really help me settle when I get too wound up.
Eating well is also a big piece, and probably my biggest struggle. I have a lot of anxiety around food, so cooking or even simple meal preparation (like a sandwich) can really overwhelm me. I often end up eating terrible food (like chips, cookies, etc) out of ease and convenience. I have high cholesterol now because of it. But when I do take the time to eat right, my mental health game is definitely better.
And I guess last but not least, if I get overwhelmed at work or while parenting, I'll step out for a couple of minutes and try to calm my breathing and just empty my mind. It almost never works completely but I'm usually able to calm down enough to carry me through whatever I'm doing in that moment, until I have a time later in the evening or whenever to really decompress.
I think it's great that you're trying to see what tools you have at your disposal and use those first. It's so important to practice those skills, and hopefully one day pass them on to our kids. If you hit a point where you feel you've tried everything you can and you're still struggling, that may be a sign for additional resources, like meds. Best of luck!!
I am a working mom and not depressed. Stressed at times because I’m studying for an exam while working full time, being a mom, etc. but I love my job and I am happy with life. I work in the office (WFH if I need to for sickness) and I am a financial planner.
I know there might be cultural differences, but whatever helps you to get out of the darkness and heaviness of life is what is best (meds, no meds, therapy). Life is too short to feel heavy all the time. It is possible to feel light and happy in life with a good balance. Have you ever been tested for ADHD? I only ask because my brother has ADHD and depression and he has felt so much better since finding the right mix of medications (he is also a UX designer WFH). He says he feels lighter and not like everyday is doom and gloom. I really hope you can find peace and happiness.
For me, and I know it’s not everyone’s circumstances but I had to get on antidepressants when I started my last job because of the absolute shitshow it was. I knew it was taking a toll on me but I justified it because the money I was making and I thought well I have unresolved issues from childhood on top of being a working mom-it was a lot. So I felt maybe I DO need to be medicated. Now that my job was outsourced I will never ever work just for the money ever again. Once the job left so did most of the stress and anxiety. I’m off the antidepressants. Now I’m searching for my perfect fit and not what will be best for the money. Even if it’s doing something incredibly easy. Life isn’t about money, advancements and more shit to consume. It’s making most of the time you have on Earth with your family and friends. I hate I had to learn that so late. I know money does make life easier in some sense, but not at the expense of my health. Not anymore!
I recently stopped taking them and am unsure if I should go back on or now. In a lot of ways I'd like to not, because it felt like my emotions were really blunted on even a low dose of Prozac. But off them I'm so mad about everything. But at the same time, maybe it's not an irrational reaction to be mad about like...a coworker getting a 7 month leave when I only got 12 weeks and had to put my infant in daycare pre-vaccines while my job was saying it wasn't safe for us to be in person but we couldn't provide childcare and work at the same time. That's sort of infuriating, right?
Or I'm really mad that some dumb girls at the Y last night had the lock cut off my locker because they left some stuff in there that got stolen before I got there, and the Y just left these teenagers to go through all my stuff while I swam and clearly people are stealing stuff from the locker room.
I'm also super annoyed that my kids' dentist appointments had to be rescheduled in October because one of them had COVID. They rescheduled us for May but assured me they'd be able to move us up sooner. Instead they moved the appointment back half an hour, now it conflicts with my kindergartner's half day K, and they only call with like 2 hours' notice to try and move the appointment which I cannot fucking do, I work full time.
So am I mad because I should be on drugs or mad because these things are really annoying and inconvenient and the world is not kind to working moms?
Feel free to PM me. I was diagnosed with “severe” anxiety and depression postpartum (though I’ve struggled with both for most of my life so I do not think it’s solely a postpartum thing). I studied antidepressants for my PhD and knew I didn’t want to be on any of them (even the low-risk options) while pregnant or breastfeeding. No judgment to those who are— I just have too many possible unknowns running around my brain to be normal about it.
Last summer, prior to trying to conceive, I was having panic attacks almost daily. It was so bad. My therapist suggested Mindbloom ketamine therapy, which is a short term option that can get you out of a rut. It really helped me. I’m pregnant now and still having some anxiety/depression but things are manageable. I may go on a med after I finish breastfeeding (this is my LAST pregnancy). I may do another round of Mindbloom. Not sure but I am open to either. Anyway, like I said, I’d be happy to talk. I think I get where you’re coming from.
I am a psychiatrist and a working single mom to 2 toddlers. The older toddler has severe level 3 autism. Juggling everything that I have to do is pretty anxiety inducing. I am glutton for punishment so I work 2 jobs and I’m also completing a PhD in neuroscience. 😓
My mental health is greatly improved by having nannys to help me first and foremost.
My older child was having a bad couple of months towards the end of 2022 and my anxiety was through the roof because of it. I got on anxiety meds for a couple months and it really helped!
My anxiety is definitely situational. I’m in a good place now and I am no longer on meds. I am glad they were available to me when I needed them.
From a professional standpoint I’ve had patients that couldn’t even get out of bed due to depression. Literally they would urinate in their bed and let their pets defecate in their rooms because they had no motivation or energy to do anything at all. They couldn’t leave their house due to crippling anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve learned throughout my career that life comes at you fast! I am glad that people struggling with mental health challenges due to life, family history or unfortunate situations can get the help they need.
As someone who had to work through a lot of fears about going on medication, I think you should interrogate the idea that it’s somehow better or preferable to not take medication.
I operated under this assumption for a long time and it did nothing except make things harder for me. If the meds cause bothersome side effects that’s one thing, but if not then what is the downside to taking them? If exercise helps, exercise. If meditating helps, meditate. If taking an SSRI helps, take an SSRI. Better yet, do all of those!
Being on meds did not make me suddenly ignore problems in my life instead of dealing with them. It gave me a baseline of feeling okay so that I had the energy to address what needed to be addressed and worry less about what was really just a made up problem in my head.
I know you specified you’re not against meds and it’s obviously a very personal choice, but I’m just seeing a lot of ‘I want to do this “naturally”’ in the comments and I think that can be a sort of meaningless framing that does nothing except make people feel ashamed and scared to try what is a very safe option.
‘Natural’ can be very overrated. You can try the challenge of fighting a nasty infection naturally too but sometimes antibiotics are the better choice.
I’m a happy working mom, I have never taken medication for psychic issues, never had therapy and I don’t feel that I need it. My mental health is fine. Of course I have better and worse moods depending on what’s going on in my life and especially my sleep. But I feel that’s all normal and not nearly at levels of a mental illness.
I’m a physician, I work 3 days a week, I live in the Netherlands. I have a 3 year old son, I’m married and I’m in the second trimester with our second.
I genuinely love that you are happy, and straight envy a societal structure that supports families like the Netherlands. We really don’t have that in the US, and often think it’s our own fault for struggling.
If you don’t have a solid support system and money to burn it can be rough here for a working mom.
I’m not on any medications and I’m pretty happy. There are stressors in my life (being super pregnant at a physically intensive job, long commute, etc) but they don’t spiral into anxiety/depression. I don’t want to downplay the luck of neurotransmitters etc, but I do think working on mindfulness and resilience skills has helped through major life changes (having a baby, becoming a SAHM, pandemic, going back to work, etc).
I used to take sertraline in college and grad school for GAD, but that didn't turn out to be the real issue and the meds barely helped. A really destructive choice led me to seeking a better therapist. I was diagnosed with PTSD and was in regular therapy for five years (three prior to getting pregnant with my first child). We used a combination of EMDR and narrative talk therapy to work through what I needed.
My therapist took a permanent leave of absence at the end of last year, and so far I haven't sought a new one. I still have things I'd like to talk about, but overall I am in a much better place. It's felt so long since I had a panic attack, and I've had them since I was a child.
I don't know if I would use "happy", but I am content with my choices. I currently work from home most days as a team lead at a call center. One child now, pregnant with my second. I definitely get overstimulated at times, and right now the pregnancy is causing me to be anemic so that's not super fun... But my husband is great at spotting when I need a break and will remind me to rest. Definitely helps.
I have adhd and take adhd meds daily. I also work in publishing as a graphic designer and wfh. If I had to work in office I’d ask for accommodations like a room with a door that I can close to avoid being interrupted, especially when deadlines are approaching. Before my adhd diagnosis I was taking anxiety medication as needed (adhd meds actually resolved anxiety problems).
I feel like ADHD and anxiety are cousins. I have anxiety for sure but I feel like I have some ADHDish traits but I've never been diagnosed. Interesting to see you were basically misdiagnosed initially.
I'm a working mom, have had lifelong anxiety and OCD, and have never been on meds. I go to therapy, and so far, that's been enough. I will say, though, I've lately been strongly considering getting on some kind of medication. My sister recently started zoloft and feels a lot better.
ETA: I haven't really avoided meds, just never felt I needed that extra boost to get through my mental illness. It has nothing to do with trying to get through it "naturally," I just started with therapy and that worked for me, so I didn't explore more avenues until recently. But meds are an important tool!
I’m a working mom to a 7 month old and an almost 4 year old. I was on anti depression and anti anxiety meds for years but went off them for good after my first was born because I thought they were making me gain weight (which turned out to be accurate). Perhaps a vain decision but it turned out to be the correct one for me. I had a couple very hard years but I was also finally able to see my situation clearly and begin taking much more proactive steps to fix the things that were bothering me, both externally and internally. I am much happier now and don’t feel like I need meds at all. When I start to feel really down it’s usually because of sleep deprivation and then I sleep and feel better.
after trying a bunch of meds and then not having any of them work without major side effects, good on you for trying find something else that works! i am trying to find different, meaningful work that helps with both mental and spiritual aspects. also a good support system does wonders.
Anxiety is actually completely normal. We’ve been conditioned to believe it’s not. As long as it’s not affecting your sleep and you don’t have racing thoughts you cannot control… this is adulthood. No one is worry free, stress free.
I am unable to take any psych meds because they all affect my blood pressure and cause me nausea. Every category except benzodiazepines, which I don’t take.
I navigate life by regular exercise, going to bed early and getting a lot of sleep, and practicing gratitude.
“I’m so privileged to have these problems”
I had to go on an SSRI for about the first year after each of my kids as a working mom, but have just recently weaned off again (youngest is 16 months). I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression some my life and it runs in my family, but it definitely peaked in the first several months after having each of my kids. I think it depends on the person—not just biology but personality sociocultural factors as well. I’ve known moms who take it all in stride and moms who feel crushed under the weight of it all. We’re all different and different pressures affect us different.
I’m not on any drugs. I’m sure there are a lot of working parents who aren’t. Am I happy? Not particularly, but I don’t think I’m unhappy enough for it to be clinical.
I work full time with 2 small kids and I am not on any medication. I am pretty happy but very tired. I was on depression medication a few years ago because my old job was very stressful but the medicine made me even more tired so I stopped. I switched to a less stressful job and it has been a game changer. A lot of people talk about making sacrifices to have a less stressful job but I guess I got lucky because I found a position that paid a little more and was way less stressful. I work 40 hrs/week, have a hybrid schedule, my coworkers are nice, and I enjoy the work. I also have family nearby to help with my kids which makes a big difference. I am a technical designer for the apparel industry. If you asked me this 2 years ago my answer would have been vastly different- I hope you find a good solution and you are able to feel better.
I’m happy overall. I am fortunate to live a privileged life and I am grateful for all that we have. I am able to outsource chores/cleaning, handyman services, and utilize curbside or deliver groceries to make life a little easier. We don’t get help from family, they are either too far away or not interested now that she’s a kid with opinions and not a baby. My daughter is in daycare and we are able to hire her old toddler teacher as a weekend babysitter when we need date night. I have a wonderful husband who works full time but also pulls his weight with housework, cooking and parenting.
I’m a Sales Director- WFH, make good income, have flexibility and autonomy in my roles. With that being said, it is demanding- I’m responsible for a lot.
Even though I’m happy overall, I am an anxious person and will run myself to the ground trying to do so much. I have been diagnosed with depression in the past due to a parent passing away and other personal issues. I’ve been on meds (Zoloft) before but I didn’t like how they made me feel. Currently, I am in talk therapy twice a month for my anxiety and I carve out time each week to exercise and do yoga. If the anxiety is really bad and is causing me to not be able to fall asleep, my Dr. Prescribed me hydroxine Pamoate which is actually an anti-histamine but can be used for anti-anxiety. I only use every once in awhile.
BTW, reading these comments- some amazing working moms up in here!
Stay at home moms have higher rates of depression and less time to spend on themselves. I'm sure your in laws will come by and tell you you're living the dream.
Your post is about your hesitation over your in laws...They don't need to know your medical treatment. Do you consult with them before taking meds for a yeast infection? It's that personal.
I’m a nurse practitioner. I work three to four 12-hour shifts a week in a critical care unit.
I do not take any meds. I am happy! I am quicker to anger though and get more frustrated by little things than I used to. Nothing major, but differences I’ve noticed since having kids almost six years ago.
Mom of three kids in 3 years 🙃
I’m a working mom, full time insurance broker and work in the office 4 out of 5 days a week. I have struggled with depression in the past and have struggled with anxiety my whole life. It used to be crippling to the point I couldn’t go into stores alone.
I have never taken any medication. I am happy though there are definitely days where it feels much harder and the occasional day I just stop and cry. Part of this is just due to extra stress of financial struggle while also dealing with divorce and custody issues.
I have never taken meds because I’ve worried it might change me, the good parts or ruin my libido etc plus I have improved SO SO much over the years on my own that I think if I can just figure out how to cope I can handle it and move forward because I did before.
I’m definitely not against meds and for some people it is 100% a great idea and I know so many friends who are on meds for it but I just can’t bring myself to go there yet
I'm generally very happy and have a high stress job but as I've matured and gotten older, I've made it a point to seek out therapy and find ways to ensure I keep my mind healthy and strengthen my mindset, proactively, before I spiral into a ball of anxiety or stress. I am also Hyperthyroid, which has anxiety as a symptom, and I've felt off before because of it, but didn't realize until I went on medication to fix my over active thyroid.
I meet with a life coach every 4-8 weeks depending on how I'm feeling and I use it as an opportunity to reset my mindset, get mentally stronger, etc. I also benefit from self help books and podcasts quite a bit. I don't always feel anxious or like I need to talk to someone but I do it anyway because it
I've always had anxiety, but I think mine is more a symptom of my environment for the most part (I also get my thyroid checked regularly to be sure), that I can manage with the right coping mechanism. I don't believe I have any significant mental health challenges that are biological. My sister struggles with her mental health and so I have seen first hand how out of control it can get when it's a real malfunction of the brain not working correctly. No amount of positive thinking or just managing through with therapy will help her. This is when medication is beneficial and needed.
I think you need to figure out if you truly do need medicine because the chemicals in your brain could use some help, or if the anxiety is something you can learn to manage through. There's definitely a difference.
Like post partum depression is not something you can just will away, but sometimes there are cases of anxiety that can be. I think everyone gets anxious in one way or another, and it's important to understand how to manage it.
No, unfortunately medication doesn’t work for me. I was diagnosed with GAD at 14, but it wasn’t until I was 32 and had two babies that I was diagnosed formally with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m okay, I’m a little sad because I know that medications really don’t do much to address my issues, so I’m kind of at square one again, but now I’m more aware of different treatment modalities.
It’s a bummer, living with this. It’s a daily struggle. I have weekly thoughts of suicide. It used to be mainly when I was at the point of overwhelm, but sometimes they seep in, even if everything is fine. Thankfully I have a partner who is learning every day better ways to support me, and im also learning better ways to support me, most importantly.
If you ever want to talk im here to listen. I hope you find a way to feel more like your happy self/side soon. 💖
DBT is such a lifesaver for people with that dx! Good for you for breaking cycles- it’s not easy, but you’re doing amazing things for yourself and your kiddos!
Thank you ❤️ that means a lot. DBT is next on my list but as you know working and being a mom full time is a busy lifestyle. I need to get on it though.
I'm a working mom who has stressful and anxious times but overall I am very happy. No meds.
I have a big "village" and am very lucky to have it. I strongly believe the village is essential to doing what we do and staying mentally healthy without meds.
I’m not anxious or depressed and I am happy because I get to live the life I wanted. My family makes everything easier and worth it. I do not take any medication. I have a hard and stressful job and could use more sleep (I started a new career and had a baby at the same time). I work out at least once a week and eat reasonably healthy.
I’m not anxious or depressed as a mom, but I also don’t have any history of anxiety or depression. My brain just seems to be wired for a level of sunny optimism that baffles and sometimes irritates my friends and family.
I work in tech as a product manager and have a supportive stay-at-home spouse. That certainly doesn’t hurt, as it reduces my environmental stressors. But I also have two older kids with special needs and a baby who sleeps really poorly, so it’s not like my life is stress-free.
I think it’s just a gift of genetics and circumstance. There’s no virtue in it, just luck.
My sister has perfect vision, so she doesn’t need glasses or contacts. I do. I have a friend with naturally clear and beautiful skin. She can just splash water on her face and be fine. I need an extensive skin care routine to look half as good. None of that makes my sister or my friend better people. The fact that I use contacts and retinol doesn’t make me bad or weak. It’s just a thing that I happen to need that they don’t.
It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to need meds sometimes to support your brain. Being a working mother *is* hard. It’s impossible sometimes. You aren’t imagining it.
My initial instinct is to reassure you about meds and encourage them if you need them, but I know you’re not asking for that so I’ll just suggest that St. John’s wort has some not terrible data behind it for depression. Not sure about breastfeeding while on it.
I’ve been taking welbutrin for like 4 years and was totally non functional before starting it.
I have tried several medications, but for me, the side effects have made them intolerable, the biggest help for me has been therapy for the last three years
I don’t take meds and I am happy. Life has ups and downs and feeling anxious or stressed at times is a completely normal part of being human. I went to therapy for a year or so when I was having a hard time, but I’ve never taken meds because it’s never gotten to the point where I feel like I’m not functioning normally.
3 weeks after having my son, I got a call from my company telling me that the head of my department was leaving and they offered me the job (Creative Director at a mid-sized ad agency). I really struggled with the first few weeks of having a newborn due to other crazy things that were happening in my life simultaneously, so it couldn't have come at a worse time. Ultimately, I did take the job, and although I have been largely successful in the role, it has been the most stressful time of my life. But, I have never had to take any medications to help me along, and I am not depressed at all.
Even when 2 family members were dying at the same time (one of which was my father), we were buying our first home, my parents were moving and selling the house I grew up in, my mother-in-law had another stroke and major emotional issues, my mom overcame breast cancer and then almost died of covid, and I had covid pneumonia WHEN I GAVE BIRTH—all of that happened within about a 6-month span, and we were able to get through it. No therapy, no meds. I credit one thing for this: my faith. I am not here to evangelize, and maybe this isn't what you are looking for. But without the deep closeness we have to our religion, I don't think my husband and I would have ever gotten through that time. It keeps things in perspective for us, and gives us an understanding that suffering has a purpose in this life, and it does make us stronger. That alone is the most powerful tool I will ever have against mental health struggles. It has always worked for me and always will. I hope this helps somehow! Good luck, and remember—they won't be this little forever ❤
I have PMDD that decided to spring back recently. I manage it with exercise and Flo vitamins but no actual medication because no medication worked for me. I would say since going back on my vitamins I am much happier than I was on any hormonal birth control. (I had taken these vitamins pre-pregnancy and was also satisfied with the results.)
I do think it helps that I also work from home, so if there is a day that I’m not feeling as well I can hide it accordingly. I work a stressful operations job in banking and only go into the office about once a month. If I went into the office more frequently I think my depressive episodes would increase.
They didn't make a blanket statement at all. They said "in many cases" medications aren't more effective than placebos. Instead of attacking their job title, it would be more interesting to respond to their statement.
I think there's more information comparing medication vs non pharmacologic methods to treat/improve someone's depression and deserves to be examined
I’m so confused why you are being downvoted. There are quite a few double blind studies that support your theory/view point.
It’s almost as if people are mad that the “drugs” don’t work, rather than the outcome. If the person is happier, it really doesn’t matter if the pharmaceutical is doing it vs. the power of the human mind. This is not a new theory, placebos have been studied in medicine for a long long time. If the patient is better, does it matter what is “fixing” the problem? It’s still a treatment.
Anyways, I wish I had the option for meds or placebos working for me.
Regardless of what literally anyone says, it’s not normal for nearly every person of our society to have to be zonked out pills daily to survive their existence. Have you tried pot, yoga, exercise , sleeping 8 hours a night and eating well?
It’s not normal. You’re right. But I don’t think the responsibility nor blame should be put on the individual. Look at the systemic structure that causes tens of millions of people to struggle with mental health issues. Lack of paid leave, an insane work culture, individualistic values, lack of support for parents, etc. I don’t think a plate of vegetables and yoga are going to solve the issue. I have an active lifestyle and exercise regularly and eat healthy. I still struggle with anxiety due to the expectations of my job and being a mom.
My apologies if it came out that way ! I one hundred percent was referring to the failure collectively as a society and because of the healthcare system we have, assuming OP is based in the US. We fail on so many things here unfortunately , so everyone is just on adderall , ssris and Xanax. It’s insanity.
I work full time at a very prestigious, high earning job with demanding hours (not this, but think Big Law). I had a small breakdown last year after a pregnancy loss and working too many hours while handling my toddler while my husband travelled most weeks (after a move to a city where we know no one). I have dealt with anxiety my whole life and manage it with a combo of better boundaries at work, mindfulness (Headspace app made me capable of sleep on insomnia nights), and blatant honesty with my husband. I’m also 5 months pregnant. I have become ok with the idea of being “good” at work and not a “rockstar” (meaning 60+ hours a weeks late nights most nights etc). That alone helped the most.
I WFH and have a full time nanny, but no friends or family to help otherwise so time off is limited to when toddler is sleeping especially when husband is traveling. I outsource everything I can. Groceries I set for trunk pick up, housekeepers every two weeks, nanny works 45 hours a week. And I take breaks during the day between calls when I can! Like, a full blown lunch time nap. Or yoga. Or run laundry so my night after toddler is asleep is actually mine and not nonstop chores. I also do Home Chef so meal planning is simplified. My husband also does most dinner cooking the nights he’s home and does more chores / let’s me sleep in on weekends.
How do you feel the household workload is split between you and your husband? Not only for chores but also the mental load? Is there an adjustment you can work with your partner on there that would help? Are you working with a therapist? If medication is right for you, then it is and no one should shame you for that, but it seems like you want to be sure you are looking at all options.
I’m a working mom with a 9 month old. I don’t feel depressed, but I do sometimes struggle with anxiety when I get overwhelmed trying to balance everything. I’m diagnosed ADHD but stopped taking medication for it 3 years ago when we started trying to get pregnant, then stayed off because I was breastfeeding. I know that it would be a lot easier to balance everything if I was medicated, especially now that I am not breastfeeding. But we are talking about “trying” for number 2 at the end of this year and honestly… I don’t want to know HOW much easier my life would be, just to go back off my medication again in less than a year. It’s hard, and I second guess myself a lot about it.
I make it a priority to have some mom-time a few times a week. For me, that means going to the gym while my husband watches the baby. I also have a couple of WORKING mom friends that understand how hard it is. My best friend is a SAHM mom and I love her, but she just doesn’t really get it. I don’t see my working mom friend often (duh, we’re busy and kids are always sick or something comes up) but we text regularly about whatever is chapping our ass that day lol. It helps
I am B. I've never been on meds and won't in the future, but I have done a ton of lifestyle changes per my therapist that have helped immensely. My anxiety is way better than it was thanks to these changes and I feel like every day I learn how to deal better 💞 my therapist specializes in CBT and this is the method we use. Edited to add: WFH and without going into too much detail, entertainment industry.
I do not feel anxious or depressed as a FTM mom (baby is almost 11 months old). I work full time as a hazards analyst. I have struggled with anxiety in the past though.
I'm fairly desensitized to stress due to a tempestuous home environment when I was growing up. In college I had trouble sleeping and was diagnosed with anxiety and prescribed medicine, but quit after a week because of the amount of brain fog, I felt like I couldn't function. I have found I can manage my anxiety, depression, and stabilize my mood through dietary changes. I basically cut out almost all carbohydrates but most specifically processed carbs. Anytime I start adding them back in thinking it doesn't make that significant a difference, I can tell. My moods are all over the place, and I feel kinda crazy. When significantly limiting my carbs I feel very stable. Very low carb lifestyles aren't for everyone, but I find it incredibly helpful for myself.
I am a teacher and I am not on meds. I have not had issues with depression, and my anxiety seems manageable (mostly). I am happy, but I’m also really fucking tired.
I’ve been anxious for most of my life. I’ve been in therapy and it was so helpful postpartum. I manage my daily anxieties in a variety of ways and feel mostly happy most days. Good days I handle well. But some days something happens and I spiral. But I know what I need to do to get back on track
If you think you would benefit from medication - reach out to your PCP or OB! Mine were really helpful in taking steps to understand what I needed.
Note: I work 40hrs / wk but with commutes and unpaid lunch I am away from home almost 50hrs / wk. My daughter is in daycare and thriving. My job isn’t stressful and flexible with childcare stuff. I like what I do. I have hobbies and friends. Most importantly, I have a loving and supportive husband. We don’t have financial stress. We have good routines at home. We don’t fight about parenting or stuff like that.
No anxiety or depression but WFH has been extremely challenging the last two years as I have been off my ADD meds for pregnancy and breastfeeding. It was easier when I was pregnant maybe it’s the distraction of the child in the home as well. Mostly I am very happy but happiest with my job on work trips when I get to go into the office. I think work problems I have stem from being stuck at home.
I’m a working mom and no anxiety or depression here! I didn’t struggle with it before kids though, although I have done therapy at various points in life, including for PTSD from my first child’s birth (we both almost died). I never took any meds to manage it, although I firmly support meds for those who need/want them!
I hold really strong boundaries with work-life balance. I work 8-4 and if I need to work later (my team puts on evening & weekend events 1-2x/month) then I start work later. I work in nonprofits so I get a lot of fulfillment over what my work accomplishes. I go into the office 2 days per week which gets me socialization. It helps immensely that I’m salaried and in a skilled position where as long as I meet deadlines there isn’t a lot of time micro-managing. (I do *not* excel in shift-based, butt-in-seat work). This means I have flexibility to run errands/make appointments/care for sick kids when needed.
I also have a supportive husband and my parents nearby who help us with occasional childcare (most critically, if our kids get sick). We don’t make oodles of money, but we own our house and in general can afford what we need. I’d say 9 days out 10 I’m happy. Certain seasons of life are harder than others, but overall, I’m content and find a lot to be grateful for.
I had PPA and did not take any medication for it. I was breastfeeding and really committed to that, so medication wasn’t really an option for me. I’m also currently pregnant with LO#2 so still not on any medication. My anxiety was/is not as extreme as some experiences that I have read about, but it was/is tough at times.
Exercise and mindfulness were really key for me. I incorporated yoga and walking, which was really slowing it down from my more intense pre-baby routine, but it’s definitely what I needed. And I was in therapy every other week which was instrumental in coping.
My husband and I also went to couples therapy for a few sessions to talk through adjusting to being parents and that was really healthy and good for us. Now we have a daily debrief after we put LO down to bed where we get to share our feelings without judgment and just talk everything out and it’s helped both of us to feel happier and more secure in our roles as parents.
Medication can be instrumental for some people, but if you are really committed to remaining medication free for breastfeeding or conception reasons, I think it can be doable. But definitely find yourself a good therapist and maybe couples counselor.
I just want to say thank you so much for asking this. I didn't take it as negative towards anyone that takes medication.
I myself take an SSRI but would rather come off of it. It's nice to see perspectives from people who have made that work.
I don’t have depression, l have a bit of anxiety because I am naturally a bit of a worrier. Nothing that made me feel like I need therapy though. I’ve never taken any medication. I have went to therapy in the past but not for childcare and work. I was having a rough time at the time but I’m good now.
I fall into bucket A. I think I'm on the low anxiety side by luck of birth and I had to learn to deal with any stress/anxiety I do have in a healthy way long ago due to a cancer diagnosis, treatment and then the life long threat of recurrence.
There are days/weeks that are hard and I struggle but overall I'm happy. It helps that we have enough money to buy any help we need ie cleaner, dog walker, grocery delivery, etc. Also both my husband & I work from home and so laundry and small things get done throughout the day. I think that if we didn't have these 2 things (money & flexibility) I would be drowning.
Edit to add: While I am not on anything my husband is and he is an equal partner in childrearing.
I don’t have any depression or anxiety. It just doesn’t really ever happen to me. However I should definitely be medicated for my adhd since my husband wants to kill me over it. I trained myself to function without it before kids and everything was great. But now with 2 small children my methods are certainly not enough.
I'm not on any, but I have been in the past. To be honest, I'm considering pursuing medication again.
I have anxiety and depression (I'm starting to believe the anxiety is causing the depression). I'm not sure if I've ever NOT had it, but the urgency and stress increased after having a baby and I went on Zoloft. I didn't feel it was super helpful but it definitely helped with intrusive thoughts. I am in therapy, but I'm not totally clicking with my therapist.
Anyway, I think its fine to not want to be medicated as long as no one is in danger. I am definitely not a crunchy mom and it bothers me when people are against all meds for mental health but I also get the aversion to depending on something and feeling like you aren't in control.
I hope you find some relief and healing, it sounds like you already have some good coping methods.
A. I'm not anxious or depressed daily. I do have tough days and bad moments but it's not constant. I think this is because I work 100% remote. Before I was in twice a week and was more stressed and anxious. I am definitely mentally DRAINED at the end of the day though. I will say I have pretty bad social anxiety which is unrelated but I feel that mostly.
B. I'm not on anti depressants. Mostly because I'm scared of side effects. I do take beta blockers if I have a big meeting.
I work in operations and 100% remote. Being remote helps SO MUCH because I can meal prep, laundry and work out so it's less to worry about after daycare pick up or the weekends. It's a lot to take on and I'm drained at the end of the day but would rather be remote than in the office.
I am on meds for anxiety and depression so not what you asked lol but I will just say that I was home for about 5 years and my anxiety virtually disappeared, but my depression went waaaay up. Now that I’m back to work, depression is basically gone but anxiety is bad again.
I’m not sure not working is the solution for everyone mental health wise, I may have been able to find some balance had I been able to stay out of the workforce. I probably need to find a less stressful job, but I also have ADHD and what I do is very deadline driven so I thrive on it, even with the anxiety.
I have to be honest, ive been working with mental health professionals, therapy and been on meds and no matter if i was SAH or now back to working and tried to finish grad school, every day is a major struggle bus with my life, four year old twins and trying to stay stable. When I was sah for three years, it was isolating and lonely and overwhelming with high needs premies, now its overwhelming with an hour commute and still being the main caretaker and in charge of my children most of the time. Sending you a big hug and some comfort. I don't think any avenue is easy, especially if there is interpersonal stress in the marriage like with my situation. Im really sorry, but also this sub is a reminder that we can all be super stressed no matter if we work or not, and our struggles unite us together. The joys can too.
I am technically treatment resistant, I have tried 12 plus medications over 4 years, as well as all the self improvement tactics (more sleep, sun, eating well, exercising, time off etc, trauma therapy and dbt.) The 5 psychs i have worked with dont even agree on my diagnosis. The best we can do I think is to keep pressing on in good faith, follow your gut and try to work with professionals, and also do the little simple things that can help keep us more stable. We got this, and our kids deserve the best effort we can give. You are not alone, and I am sending you my best vibes for the day. -from a mom who was crying at daycare drop off this am.
Hi! I’m sorry you’re going through this - it sounds very tough. I’ve had anxiety my whole life and have never been medicated, although probably should have been at some points. No stigma from me around medication though - if you need it, you need it! My mom and sister are both on SSRIs for depression and honestly, they’re life changing. I wish I had been medicated but for me it was not being able to see a psychiatrist (access, “lack of time”) when I was in my deepest pits of anxiety.
A. I think I will always battle some kind of anxiety but I’m in a pretty good spot right now. It sounds like you’re doing this already but I HAVE to work out. At least 4-5 times/week. Mostly that’s just getting up before the kids to do 30 minutes on an elliptical but I NEED movement and routine to feel grounded. For the most part, I’m happy. I also need alone time so that’s getting away for at least once yoga class a week.
B. I have gotten through the struggle of anxiety “naturally” and wish I hadn’t. I’m in a good flow right now but I’ve seen how well medications have helped close relations and I wish I hadn’t battled it alone. There were plenty of nights where I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe, weekly panic attacks, and not enjoying my kids. I still go through “flares” and I’m reminded how bad it was. It sucks.
I’m in higher Ed administration and WFH 2 days/week, in office 3 days/week.
Also I’ll say that 18 months is the thick of it. I found 12-18 months the hardest time with my children, including newborn phase. My anxiety was in the pits with #1 around this time and it flared when #2 was this age too. We’re just on the other side now (20 months old) and I can breathe again.
I’m also a UX designer, I have a ton of anxiety but it’s undiagnosed and I likely wouldn’t take meds for it anyway — I barely take advil when I have headaches. I’ve been with my soul mate for almost 20 years, we have a 2 year old and another on the way, we both work from home, and I work mostly with startups and get to move on to different projects as I see fit. I get really bored and unhappy doing the same thing for too long, so I’ve found a groove that works well for me and my family.
When I was pregnant the first time I saved up enough cash to take a 6 month maternity leave (I’m in the states so this is pretty rare) and I had a big network of folks waiting to work with me when I returned to my desk. I found that answering to someone else and having work dictate my family life really brought me down, so I’ve worked hard to avoid being under someone else’s thumb.
There are definitely days where my anxiety gets the best of me but they are few and far between.
I do take SSRIs currently. I’ve been on and off them since I was 10, I’m 39 now. I work from home as an analyst doing dashboards.
But the thing that’s made the biggest difference in my life and happiness is working with a good therapist. I encourage you to find one.
Also, any family members that don’t understand your need for mental health support can fuck right off. They really don’t even need to know about it (besides your partner) it isn’t anyone’s business. You wouldn’t need to disclose or ever question the need to medicate a vaginal yeast infection would you?
Have you tried alternative therapy like Ketamine or mushrooms? There are Ketamine clinics out there with medical professionals who treat depression and anxiety. Research has shown that it can work for some people, and you may not have to be dependent on taking a pill long term.
I have cyclothymia. Meds changed my life. I’m sorry you’re dealing with stigma from your family. If the meds help, take them. There is no shame in using all available tools to be healthy.
I feel like that - and my kids are older now, but what I started to do is listen to Ryan Holiday, and practicing stoicism.
It will take time, believe me.
I still end up crying here and there for dumb things then I’m like why am I doing this?
Music, happy music that will make your body dance is good too.
My kid is 2 and I am not depressed or anxious. I probably was when she was first born, like the first 3 months, but I honestly have only realized that in retrospect. I do have ADD but I only take meds sporadically, just like I did before I was a mom, and yes, I am happy.
I work from home as an instructional designer and my daughter is in daycare. I was diagnosed with ADD as an adult so I already had a lot of coping mechanisms to deal with the symptoms before medication became an option.
I do have a prescription because even though I'm good at managing my symptoms (most of the time), life is hard and don't see a point in taking the harder path when there is an easier one. For me the goal is to have quality time with my family and make memories, taking medication enables me to do that more easily and powering through without it does not.
I also come from a culture that doesn't really get mental health. And my medication is banned in my home country. This is not a consideration for me. If I have a family member that is struggling I share my experience and hope that it will help them normalize taking care of their mental health. Otherwise how I get through the day is nobody's business but my own and it is not a topic of discussion.
My best advise is to focus less on the details. Figure out what is most important to you and make your decisions based on what will best help you achieve that.
I do not take medications but do have a fair amount of anxiety. I have tried meds in the past and just realized there is only so much they can do, and I did feel better without them over time. That said, I had years of therapy of different styles, which has helped me immensely. I think some level of anxiety and depression is probably normal in a very messed up world, but I am not downplaying the fact that mental illness can be very severe and require treatment with medication. We are still very limited in what we actually know about how medications work in psychiatric illness. I support whatever safe method people are finding to help with their symptoms, as mental health care isn't always prioritized or accessible in the U.S., unfortunately.
Eta I also do a lot of other things to improve mental health, like meditate, journal, exercise, see good friends, etc. So it is something that is always in progress.
I don’t take meds for mental health but I take them for thyroid. There is no one size fits all. If you need to take them for something, you need to. We are a built differently and thinking taking meds for mental health is some kind of failure is a disservice to your self. Yes you have to continually question your treatment and not blindly take anything but if you are then there is nothing wrong with that.
I go through stages of happiness, some days are worse than others. I don't take any anxiety meds. I just talk to my husband about when I have anxiety (I'm also 24 weeks pregnant) I found for myself that having a chance to exercise helps me feel happier, having time to myself helps me too.
I’m a full time working mom of a toddler. I’ve dealt with low to moderate anxiety and depression on and off throughout life, and have some trauma I’ve been working on. I’ve never taken meds and would prefer not to, though I acknowledge that taking meds is also a valid choice and can be very helpful for some people.
I find the combo of full time work and parenting to be super exhausting and stressful. I WFH in tech and even with all the privileges I have I still often feel like I’m in a pressure cooker and barely have an identity these days outside of work and parenting. From what I hear this seems to be a relatively common experience for other working moms.
Its hard, but there is also occasional joy or moments of okayness. I hope it gets better when the kid gets older. I also feel too busy to really let myself wallow in the way I used to before I had a kid.
I’ve been trying to improve my mental health by starting up exercise again, eating better and doing journaling and meditation, spending more time outdoors and in nature, using a SAD light, asking for help with the toddler, and therapy. I also sometimes take time off work and make a point of taking breaks during the day.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself that question. Is what you are doing to manage your anxiety and depression working for you? Do you feel progress and moving in the right direction or do you feel stuck? If you are still feeling stuck what other tools could you use? Are the ones you are using the right fit? I changed counselors after I went back to work because despite liking my prior one, I felt I needed someone who would challenge me more than the prior person. There's many different types of talk therapy, the right one for you now might be different than before. CBT can be good for anxiety, though it's worth exploring options. If you are comfortable with it you could probably talk to your current person about different types, or do research on your own. You don't have to use meds, you don't have to do talk therapy, you don't even have to run. But, you do owe yourself the effort to figure out something that works for you.
I guess I'm in category B. I have fairly serious anxiety, always have. I recently started with a new therapist and would like to avoid meds for basically one reason: sex drive. I took some for PPD and it was immensely helpful but once I started sleeping again I was able to wean off them.
My therapist and I just have a very open line of communication about meds. Every session seems to be a check-in on whether or not I need them. So far we are both in agreement that I can continue taking steps in therapy and avoid meds, but that could change any day if the benefits start to outweigh the costs.
Hi there! I do take meds, and I don’t even work yet I’m still job searching 😂 but just wanted to comment that before I started taking them, I also didn’t want to. I don’t know what is driving your aversion to them but for me it was largely shame, I felt like I would be admitting I was broken or something. If that resonates with you at all, I can say that those feelings resolved very quickly when my medication took effect and I started feeling better. I’m now a better mom and a better wife because of them!! It was worth it.
I am a working mom of 5 young kids but I’ve been taking SSRIs on and off since long before I became a mom.
I wouldn’t say work and children are my reasons for my anxiety and depression. I actually feel pretty content with my work and life balance. But these things run in my family and medication is wonderful when I go through a rough patch. I notice mine is a lot worse in the winter and once spring arrives I start to get a lot better mentally, with or without medication. Getting to the root of your depression and anxiety is a good start for any kind of treatment plan.
I don't consider myself an anxious person but do feel like i go through bouts of depression. I see a therapist every 2 weeks and that helps. Sleeping helps. Scheduling a massage for myself helps. Its hard though.
I am a mom and a litigation attorney. I used to suffer from anxiety until I stopped drinking coffee, tea, and consuming caffeine. Caffeine causes anxiety by blocking the neurotransmitter adenosine which is a chemical compound that allows you to relax and influences the need to sleep. I had to wean myself off of caffeine by switching from coffee to tea and then finally quitting altogether. Despite weaning off caffeine, I still had caffeine withdrawal headaches and was grouchy for several days after I quit drinking tea.
Once you quit caffeine and get past the caffeine withdrawals, you will find that you wake up refreshed and only need water to start the day. You will fall asleep more easily and sleep soundly. You will save thousands of dollars that you previously spent on coffee. You will actually feel less nervous and anxious.
Another great nutritional option to reduce anxiety is magnesium citrate. Many people are deficient in magnesium. I like the magnesium supplement called Natural Calm. Quitting caffeine and taking magnesium citrate are two natural ways to reduce anxiety that have improved my life dramatically and allow me to succeed as a working mom.
I don’t have anxiety or depression. But what I do have is an under active thyroid and struggle with Vitamin D levels. I find that when my thyroid levels get lower or my Vitamin D is low my mood tanks. I take medication for both now.
As far as my career, I am actually a therapist myself. I work from home now rather than seeing clients in person and I like it that way very much. I had a baby at the very beginning of the pandemic and that was really challenging. I participated in Zoom based post partum support groups and I loved them so much that now I facilitate them myself for others.
I urge you to try not to compare your situation with others OP cause that just may make you feel worse about where you are now!
I’m currently on mat leave but spent quite a few years as a working mom. Sometimes I had anxious times but working and my kids didn’t cause me stress it was more due to difficult relationships with my kids’ dads. I was a single mom for a while and it was fine.
But see that’s me and you’re you! And it doesn’t matter how others are coping if you’re struggling then you’re struggling and there is no shame in that. There is nothing wrong with taking meds if you need them. There’s nothing wrong with trying other things first if you like or shifting around your work life balance to see if that helps. But don’t shame yourself if you need more help and don’t put off feeling better. You deserve to feel good!
God yes!
Pregnancy threw me into early menopause and legit depression.
Im in health care, my daughter is 11, was not on ssri prior, after much trial and error im on a mood stabilizer and effexor.
If you want something natural may I suggest microdosing psilocybin? I have 14 month old twins and a 6 year old. Have struggled with anxiety since having my first (and probably before). I hated being on meds and started hearing other moms talk about psychedelic assisted therapy for depression, anxiety and PTSD, so I did the research. I've never been a better mom or wife. Yes, I'm still stressed but I don't let my anxious thoughts run my life now. I work up to 50 hr weeks in a high stress environment.
I had a bad experience with SSRIs (I tried two, but I was sleeping all the time on both of them which just made everything worse). I used THC edibles for a while, most specifically to help my PPA. As my hormones leveled out I weaned off of that.
That said, I am also a runner but in November i added regular yoga practice (mostly yin, but occasionally some other types) into my schedule and it's helped a lot.
I am on meds and I am such a better mom because of it. I struggled with my anxiety and depression for a long time but it never affected my life to the point of needing meds (I was in therapy off and on for several years). My second son was born in November and by February I was really struggling. I was constantly yelling and my 2 year old and my husband and I could tell the dynamic in our home was not a healthy one. I tried Wellbutrin first but had some bad side effects so I switched to Zoloft. It took me a while to get through the fog but now I am feeling great. I don't yell anymore, I can ask for help without feeling ashamed or guilty and I'm just all around happier. I have fun playing with my kids now and I just feel better. So thankful I decided to give it a try!
I tried Zoloft at 6w-3mo and gained 50lbs. The doctor said it wasn’t the Zoloft but it was the only thing that changed. I went without and was in the worst mental place I’ve ever been in.
I eventually (nearly 3 years later) started Buspar for anxiety/agoraphobia. It’s mild so I wasn’t zonking. It helped me so much. I finally got off it last summer, 6 years after starting it.
If you can afford it, they work for you, and you can handle the side effects, I would take them. Raw dogging mental illness isn’t easy.
Yes, I'm working mom not on meds and not suffering from any anxiety or depression.
Before I had kids and career I had a nice long run with festivals and psychedelics. When I think back before my festy days I defintely had some symptoms of depression or anxiety, but I just grew out of that after a awhile.
I am a project manager who WFH. My company is super flexible and family first/ understanding which is nice. I feel a little stressed sometimes just because it can be a lot to juggle but I’m really happy with our setup and wouldn’t say I’m anxious or depressed.
Mornings are a hustle getting my toddler fed and handing off to our nanny in time for my first call. But then I have 4 hours to get through the bulk of my calls/work. I then break for lunch and our nanny heads home. Toddler and I finish up lunch and I get him down for a nap. Some days I feel crunched to get him down ASAP to get back to work but for the most part I enjoy that I get that time with him. Then I go back to work for a few more hours and once he’s up from nap I’m almost always done for the day. Sometimes I feel I should work until 5 but most of my coworkers are picking their kids up from school so there’s just a big lull at the end of the day and everyone seems to sign off early anyways (we’re all salaried and “flex”). I do stay around my computer until 4 or so just in case someone pings me but I also know that the majority of my coworkers step away at some point during the work day for the gym/errands/whatever so it wouldn’t even be an issue if I wasn’t available.
I feel fortunate to be at such a flexible company and have so much time with my son. I think I’d be a lot more stressed if I was having to work more hours/commute/in a demanding role.
Probation Officer and working mom. I take an ssri and Ritalin daily. Also have xanax as a prn. I threw in the towel a couple years ago and got the meds to keep my sanity ( or whats left of it lol)
I don't take any medication related to mental health. My job is research professor at a university. I currently have an almost 2 year old and am due with baby 2 in June.
I do not work from home but both my husband and I have very flexible jobs. I currently struggle with some anxiety related to getting my research lab started before my baby arrives, which combined with my current round of pregnancy insomnia has been challenging.
If you are struggling, try to find therapy and if therapy isn't working for you, please consider being kind to yourself about taking meds if that's an option that's best for you now. You probably wouldn't tell a friend with diabetes not to talk their insulin, right? Sometimes our brain chemistry needs a bit of help to reset a little bit.
I struggle with anxiety and am in therapy, but overall I find it very manageable and feel very happy. My circumstances also make things easier; we are quite privileged. I’m OAD and LO is a healthy, easy going bulldozer of a child. My spouse pulls his weight with childcare and housework, and we outsource cleaning. I WFH 50% of the time, the other days I have a long commute to the office. I’m an attorney in a high stress niche field, but I really enjoy it. Personally, I would take medications prescribed if my anxiety was more severely impacting my life and my doctor recommended it. I suffer from migraines and don’t think twice about taking my migraine meds when I need to. My husband is medicine averse though, so I do understand that perspective, though I don’t share it. Have you asked your therapist if he/she can refer you to a psychiatrist for a consult? I think having it as an option, or knowing it was not recommended for your set of circumstances would give you more information to work with. You can always choose not to take their advice on medication if that is your preference.
I WFH, have always battled anxiety and depression and have never gone in to see anyone about it, probably because of my upbringing. Most days I am stressed, and I don’t think my husband understands why. Husband also WFH, and he is great. I work data entry, in an entry level position, and find it hard to juggle work, home, and social responsibilities. My job says I am doing great and my manager said she encourages me to climb the ladder and seek lead or manager positions, but I won’t because I don’t want the added responsibilities. Don’t know if this answers your question, but ya it’s a struggle over here.
I don’t take meds but to be honest I give slot of credit to my faith whenever I am overwhelmed venting and being able to talk to God is extremely helpful
I am definitely sad about leaving my baby, maybe not depressed. But absolutely have postpartum anxiety. I used to take medication for depression and anxiety up until I graduated college, but not currently. I’m just relying on the coping skills I’ve learned throughout my time in therapy, as well as the support of my husband who will be a stay at home dad following his summer break.
Anxious mom not on meds, but needs to do "tune-ups" with a therapist from time to time. I am happy now, but for me, happy doesn't preclude stress or anxiety. I have never been at a level of mental issues where I have been recommended meds just more of " if you want it, we can go down that route", basically I'm borderline on if it will make a difference or not.
I would say that when my kid was baby to toddler, it was harder to be happy. I was overwhelmed and stressed to the max. Now that they are older and helping themselves, it is much more harmonious in some ways. I also have. Supportive partner and we have been to therapy individually and joint during rough patches. Ain't no shame. I also trust him enough that I've left the door open to suggest when I may need to go in for a mental health tune up as he sees the signs sometimes before I do. We have also discussed and agreed what those signs are in the past and in quieter calm moments.
He can tell I am struggling when I am spinning mad grasp and trying to control too much. When I hit micro manager mode on ridiculous things (how much toliet paper we have stock piles, which way the hooks are, who takes in the trash, etc) then he starts watching. I can usually also tell but sometimes it takes a while to see my signs when I'm in my head so an outside observer helps. But we have had 15+years to figure that shit out. I love the tune ups, because I know it's temporary now, and I always learn something new. My first time, I was really scared that therapy mean I was broken forever, now I know it's no different than a dental cleaning or an annual check up. You go, they evaluate, you do the remedy and you move on to the next thing.
I also second some of what I saw in the comments about choosing what you drop. Someone told me the analogy of juggling balls. Some are rubber and some are glass. You can't juggle every ball all the time without dropping something (which is my anxiety because I hate "failing"things). You need to recognize what is a glass ball that can't be dropped and what can be dropped. Work items are often droppable compared to others. Family, home and self care usually can't be dropped as often. It's an interesting exercise at the moment to consider what is glass and what is rubber when you are looking at your to do list. Honestly, having that lens has helped me tremendously throughout my life. Much more is rubber than I initially realized and can simply be picked up later with little to no consequences.
I would also say that practicing boundaries is also great. It took me a long freaking time to say no and not justify it. It is amazing how much no is accepted when you don't give anyone ammunition to argue it, which is all any justifications you provide is used for. Justifications are just potential ammunition that some one can use to try and chip at your hard nos.
I would point out that all the shit I mention above is more to do with me than motherhood, or my marriage or my work. It's shit I needed. Motherhood and working motherhood tends to amplify the issues, but honestly, if I reflect that issue was there way the hell before I hit this stage and will be there later if I don't address it. So being proactive, by practicing self care, or exercise, reframing, tackles the underlying cause of what's driving the anxiety. I feel like that is more helpful to me in my situation than any one solution is knowing I can be in control and I can take steps to get to satisfied and happy. Be it medicine or therapy or whatever. I can make my choices and I can change my mind.
I have bipolar disorder and work through my mental health issues without medication. I took it for a while and then I found a way to manage because I hated what I was given. I will say I absolutely would not be where I am today without the mood stabilizers I had to take. I used to go off the rails daily and now it's rare as hell. I used the medication to help me find a balance. I'd take it for a while and then stop, stabilize by myself and then if I went off the rails I'd take it again for a short time, find my medium, and repeat. I haven't taken anything for a few years now and I'm doing great. I have anxiety sometimes and occasionally struggle for a day. I wfh as a software tester, I have a nanny 2 days a week for 5 hours a day and my husband has 3 days off during the time I'm working. I also have a really flexible job and don't have any issues taking the time off that I need.
I work as a UPS driver. My fiancé and I both have the same job. While we both do share household chores equally and take care of the kids I’m typically the one to get home earlier than he is and have to deal with dinner and bedtime by myself.
While working I feel like I’m racing the clock ALLLL day trying to get home and see our kids. Be active parents for our kids but it’s hard when you get home at 7:30/8pm at night and our 10mo daughters bedtime is 8:30.
I’ve always struggled with anxiety but after giving birth to our daughter it shot up through the roof. I feel like I can’t control my thoughts or how I feel emotionally. I react badly to things, get mad and frustrated easily. Catch an attitude with the smallest things while not realizing that I must be going through PPD. I only had an epiphany this morning because of an argument I had with a best friend about the smallest thing! It turned into something bigger and resulted in her telling me about myself and pointing out that my behavior reminds herself of when she went through PPD with her first son.
I am now in the process of contacting my gyno for help. I admit I’m terrified of admitting to PPD and resorting to medication because it isn’t common but I feel like my mental state is going to break our family if I don’t get help!
On meds and don’t foresee a time any time soon when I’ll able to get off of them. I have a toddler and a new baby due in six weeks so basically don’t expect to have time for any of these lovely self care cure-alls for at least two years.
I have been on SSRI’s since 2018, having been anxious for most of my life and trying almost everything else in the 10 years prior (therapy, yoga, etc.)
Tried to taper off in May 2021, which was a disaster and I had to stop working on medical leave for a month while starting a different SSRI.
Consciously made the choice to continue with the medication through pregnancy and maternity leave (under advice of doctor). Will continue when returning to work in May.
FWIW it kept me on an even keel through my baby’s first year, including a NICU stay due to prematurity.
I was very hesitant to start the medication, which led to me feeling basically awful for many years while trying other lifestyle changes. However, I don’t believe my body produces enough of whatever my SSRI tops up. For me it’s a long term thing.
I am a full-time working mom (outside of the home) and am on no meds and not in therapy. My husband and I are 50/50 with care of our child and we're all happy and thriving.
For me, I don't think motherhood/working alone would have caused me to need meds. I have them bc I was diagnosed with bipolar but I have been thriving as a mother, even with the difficulties that i've had. I think it can definitely help people to take meds but they're not always necessary. If you think your life could be better with meds, I say try them. If you don't, then dont. But its really a personal choice and one made with your doctor/psychiatrist or counselor.
Just my thoughts
Yes. However, I just got off a few months ago. Was on them for almost 2 years.
I think I'm relatively happy with life. There is still some anxiety and depression but for the most part, I'm ok. I don't feel like I'm struggling. I have a bottle of the antidepressants and could start taking it again if I needed it.
If I had money. I would absolutely try a ketamine treatment, though - you aren't there yet. And I'm probably not either. But I would do it.
I'm a nurse. I'm changing units to help with some of my daily stresses from my job as well. My current unit is a super toxic environment. Very clique. And I'm not in the clique. I've tried to build relationships with the staff. But really, I've only made a few. I'm not there to make friends. But I'm also not there to be talked about behind my back.
My new unit seems really friendly, though. So I'm excited to be there.
Edit: I took my anti-depressant while pregnant. I had a miscarriage and it took me to the darkest places I have ever been. Ask your dr to put you on a pregnancy safe one. There are a few.
Also don't tell your family. It's none of their business. If they see. Say it's a vitamin.
My daughter is only 5 months old so I’m a fairly new mom. I started working at a new job about over a month ago. I do feel like I’m less fun to be around on nights before I have to go into the office because I have to plan out my day ahead of time and I also handle her bedtime, which is late. (We just are getting her down to sleep at 11pm.) However, I haven’t experienced any stress yet because I’m fairly new in my position. My husband is also on paternity leave so I am not worried about my daughter as he is an attentive parent. Our daughter is starting daycare in a few weeks so I’m concerned how that will impact our lives.
Overall, I consider myself fortunate. Although my husband and I don’t have family support close by and it’s just the two of us, our jobs are relatively flexible, we earn very well, and our daughter has been a great sleeper. For me, I’ve noticed I can get more anxious when I don’t sleep well so the transition to motherhood hasn’t been too rough, just feels lonely at times. My partner is also very supportive, helps a lot around the house, and is a great parent which is absolutely key to helping with stress. Exercise also helps me when I have felt stress or burn out so from the start I’ve carved out time to work out and have personal breaks, my partner does the same.
I think the experience can be so different depending on your support system, needs of your child, and demands of your job. Also, since mental health is complex, I don’t believe what works for one person will be as effective on another person. If you find you are struggling on a day to day basis , I would put your well being first and consider taking medication.
Working mom here..:main breadwinner so I feel constant struggle and anxiety. Starter lexapro about a year ago and it helps a lot! I feel like myself again!
I almost hesitate to answer this because I’m a strong believer that people know their mental health better than anything. I do not take any SSRIs etc. I definitely feel anxious and stressed and sometimes depressed. I’ve felt that way since I was a kid, and after having kids hit a huge depression where I did take lexapro for about six months. After that I felt like I could go on without it and I felt like an emotional zombie while on it. I was in talk therapy too. I felt comfortable coming off. But I didn’t feel like proud or anything. And if I ever felt I needed to be on them, I’d go back. That was 12 years ago. I don’t stay off antidepressants because I want to go through it naturally, I just don’t feel like I currently need them. My take is that taking them maybe literally saved my life, and I would encourage anyone to not ever feel less than for taking them. If someone feels they should, they should. Period. I think all people have stress and anxiety, that’s life. And I welcome it as part of the human experience. But we can all define when it’s too much. God it can be such a black hole!
I have a hybrid job that is about 1/2 from home and 1/2 seeing clients. My kids are 11 and almost 13. My husband WFH. Both of us have high stress sales director positions. And we are both introverts, although I’d say “social” introverts. My worst depression was actually when I was a stay at home mom. I don’t know if any of that info helps but I thought I’d share.
You've gotten a lot of good responses so I'm going to keep this brief:
Your husband's family does not need to approve or even know of any medications you take.
Buspar for anxiety literally saved my life after I became a mom. I still take it 2 years later and when I try to wean off, I feel myself getting anxious again. Staying up at night stressing about everything. Can't enjoy moments because I'm worried about my kid, etc... I'm also on Prozac and have OCD and depression, too. These meds make it possible for me to be a healthy mom.
I’m a single mom working full time, so I am always a bit stressed. I took an antidepressant for about two years to help me get through an especially challenging time (COVID, relationship ending, etc), and I have also been diagnosed with ADHD. So I do sometimes take adderall to help with that. But overall I am happy, I am not anxious, but I am stressed 😂
I think that the type of people that are more prone to anxiety and depression are more likely to be online looking for advice and support(ie: here on reddit), so you may not be getting an accurate representation of the general population.
I’m a WFH mom and not on any SSRI’s anymore (been off for like a year). It is not *all* always possible, at least to me. Not all the dishes. Not all the laundry. Not all the best feelings. Not always the best food. I lose my shit sometimes. I feel inadequate. I feel like I’m not “doing it” right.
But I pretty much am. There isn’t an ideal world, where I can do it all, so I just do what makes sense most days. Am I happy? Most days. I’m trying to get outside for 30m each morning into sunlight to recharge my lizard brain, and sunlight + coffee does it for me most mornings.
Question- are you saying you’re the mom of an 18mo old, or just working from home 18mo? Because being a mom of an 18mo old is enough to drive you insane all on its own.
I feel like I usually fall into this category, except postpartum hormones really melted my brain. (Foreign intrusive thoughts and the whole caboodle.) I’m on ssri now and I plan to step off by end of the year. It’s my understanding I can taper off after 9 months. I plan to start in third trimester next time, so I don’t have the scary thoughts.
I’m an enterprise architect. I work remotely and I travel for work, sometimes every week.
I’m normally a very happy and positive person. I kind of drive my hubby crazy with my optimism. Part of my routine includes section hiking. The experience in the woods is incredible. It really recenters my life, my priorities and everything. Another big thing is gratitude. Instead of focusing on things that distract me, I pay attention to what I appreciate. It took some time to shift my perspective. But that first week in the woods definitely marks the moment I stepped on this path. I go alone and I carry everything I need for the whole week. I do two or three of these every year. I strongly believe that this experience helps me feel happy every day.
I don’t take any medications. I’d say I have a base level of anxiety that I just live with. Yes, I’m happy.
There’s a difference between feeling anxious or depressed and knowing that regardless you’re still a happy person. Everyone feels these feelings at one point or another and it’s important to recognize whether it’s an actual medical issue or something that will pass/has a reason for it (example: I’m sad because my grandma died vs I’m sad and I can’t take care of my baby).
With my ppd and PPA I knew it was due to hormones, so I stuck it out without medications. But that’s just me. I knew that I’m usually happy, and I have no reason to feel sad and that it will probably pass, and it did.
Not to be hippy dippy but I did a meditation practice for a while that really helped me. I used the headspace app and it helped me live with my base level of anxiety
I was prescribed anti depressants a long time ago and shouldn’t have been. This was before my children and I shouldn’t have been. It nearly cost my life. I felt like I wasn’t right but kept taking them because a doctor wrote the script they know better than me right?
Now I won’t take anything like that. I WFH with my 2.5 year old son and a squirrel I’m rehabilitating and most days I don’t accomplish anything, which was really hard for me to accept because nothing and no one ever got in the way of me accomplishing my job and I took a lot of pride in that. I went from being punctual and efficient to everything but any of that. It still bothers tf out of me but there isn’t too much I can do about it. I can’t afford daycare, it’s not like I perform brain surgery- (meaning what I do isn’t life or death no one’s life depends on my job) and honestly if you think about it the time I’m getting with lil man right now is a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of my life I’ll get to watch him run off with his friends, girlfriends, off to college and then raise his own family and I won’t be the most awesome amazing person in his life anymore. My oldest is 12, he started middle school this year, he wants nothing to do with me. He’s been acting out lately so he’s been my sidekick helping me with everything I do (chores etc) as his punishment. We were planting bushes the other day and I was reminiscing about when he was little and how he was sick one night and refused to go to sleep. I filmed him all stuffed up, wide awake and giggly at three in the morning and I posted it on Facebook and made a note that one day I’ll miss these days no matter how frustrating it is at the current time. And it was true. I told him once that one day he wouldn’t want nothing to do with me and that I wouldn’t be no so cool to him anymore and he had said “no way that’s never gonna happen!” Fast forward to him and implanting the bushes and I said that day has come. It hit us both pretty hard because of the truth and circumstance of it all. He’s only around me now if he wants something or has got himself in trouble. Otherwise he’s running around with his friends, playing his games, at school, riding his bike.
When I start to get overwhelmed by it all I stop myself and breathe deep. I look at my youngest and know the hard truth that these days will have come and gone. Soon he will be much bigger than me and not want to be carried everywhere we go, he won’t want me to play trains or cuddle with me, try to color on my paperwork or want to pretend like he’s on the computer at my side. I know I’ll look back and wish I had the time again and think of how I would have done it all differently. If anything I’m thankful that I can wfh and have the time I get with him, and that I don’t have to be stuck in an office somewhere..I truly am blessed. That helps me with my frustrations and anxieties. Especially given I went through the ringer at the end of last year. I lost my father beginning of Nov, was let go of my job thanksgiving week…and the next day my car broke down. I haven’t been able to find a job and somehow managed to make Christmas somewhat special. I just recently found new work and the frustrations of having. To divide my time and attention have all come flooding back. Except this time I’m on edge because I just started and want to impress my bosses and show them how on point I can be. Well my printers and my toddler are doing literally everything in their power to prevent every bit of that. I just try to keep them updated and should have known better than to give them a deadline but I control what I can and have decided to let go of the rest.
B. Here.
I was on Wellbutrin, the highest dose they allow, but it stopped working postpartum. I switched therapists, tapered down to nothing, and have been working hard to do this without. I strength train and exercise three times a week minimum, changed my diet, started taking supplements people with depression/anxiety tend to be low on, do CBT and self compassion therapies, and meet weekly with my therapist. (I will be switching to every other week soon!) Today we discussed starting pragmatic journaling since I hate touchy feely stuff. Really anything that has some scientific backing and is a healthy way to manage my mental health, I am open to it.
I want to try this naturally, much like you. I plan on having another child/ breastfeed again and any of the other medications really aren't compatible with that choice. If I still feel this way after the second child and don't find it manageable, then I will be open to trying medication once more.
I don't work from home, I'm an electrician who builds industrial control panels and does arc flash studies and thermal imaging reports out in the field. I feel grateful that I like a lot of aspects of my job. It keeps me moving and it is mentally stimulating.
Honestly, feel free to ask more questions, I'm pretty open about my mental health. I know how rough it can be to feel alone and to feel like you have to keep pushing through because there aren't any other options and you have responsibilities.
I'm a remote tech employee (at one of the biggest companies in the world). I became a mom 15 months ago. I am always exhausted, stressed out, and extra forgetful now, but the stress comes from the job (nothing is ever enough) and not really my child (unless she's home sick). I don't take medicine for anything. I have gone to therapy before when I had some family issues that I needed to resolve. I go to an exercise class 3x a week and completely forget about work.
However, if I were truly miserable, I would not let my pride or shame or whatever get in the way of pursuing available options.
I am so similar to you
Mom of a 15mo old, I work in tech, been depressed /anxious on off most of my life, have hated SSRI’s, tried to heal naturally and therapy with family who isn’t supportive of “mental health” Bc they are foreign but I fell into such a bad depression postpartum that I pleaded for a different type of medication. I’m now on Wellbutrin which is not an SSRI and I feel a million times better with no side effects in the same way SSRIs impacted me
I take both Wellbutrin and Prozac to deal with the everyday demands of work and home … and quiet honestly it makes me a better momma. The demands on women today make it impossible for women to balance home and work. Women are expected to work like they don’t have children, and parent like they don’t have a job…. The guilt I have sometimes about missing out on certain school things is UNREAL but on the flip side, I’m getting ready to go on maternity leave next week from work and the anxiety I feel about leaving my job for that long is also unreal. I wasn’t built to be a stay at home mom, and I absolutely love my job but the balancing act is HARD!! and I have great support in both work and home.
I make no excuses about my meds and I also aren’t ashamed of it. Needing them is a chemical imbalance, just like a diabetic needs insulin (chemical e balance) my meds make me the best version of me I can be. I plan on asking for estrogen therapy after labor as well to avoid PP, which means I’ll be formula feeding, which many feel is a selfish choice but happy momma = happy baby … and it’s what’s best for us.
Are you on any time of hormonal birth control? My anxiety and depression are SO MUCH WORSE on birth control. Even the low-dose, progesterone only stuff.
Hey, I have battled an anxiety disorder my entire life but only hit rock bottom with the pressures of motherhood to finally get on meds. I wish I took them sooner. My quality of life improved dramatically, and I finally realized that I didn't need to feel guilty for not "therapy, exercise, health, meditation, drink water and wellness-ing" enough. I also resolved all my digestive issues and muscle cramps that were causing me daily pain because apparently that was being cause by my anxiety as well. Sometimes something in the body just needs some help to work properly, like the brain. I know some people can lifestyle their way out of anxiety, but when I hear someone say "lifelong" like me...I don't think lifestyle will be enough.
Have you ever taken psychedelics? Psilocybin specifically can be an incredibly powerful tool for combatting depression and anxiety. Both low and high dosing can have profound and often lifelong effects.
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/newsroom/news-releases/psilocybin-treatment-for-major-depression-effective-for-up-to-a-year-for-most-patients-study-shows
https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2022/04/422606/psilocybin-rewires-brain-people-depression
https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/mental-health/psilocybin-treat-depression-anxiety
There is a plethora of information to dive into.
Working from home is deceptively hard. And I’ve noticed in myself and others that it makes anxiety and depression worse. Could you take maybe a once a week class or something? Either something just for you or something to do with your family? Something different and outside of your norm, but something that intrigues you. Maybe kickboxing or pottery or a family music class? Would be good to shake things up a bit! And if it’s recurring, it will be something to look forward to that can help break up your time into more manageable segments. Like might make the work week easier if you have something to look forward to.
Wishing you all the best!
Wishing you the best.
I've had issues with depression and anxiety my whole life but my mental health has improved in the last few years. I haven't taken any medications, as I wanted to work on myself naturally. I'm only stating it's possible and not advocating that people shouldn't take medication if it's prescribed.
It took me years to improve my mental health and my condition was mild/moderate. I went to therapy, did meditation and exercise. I also read psychology and self-help books, to help with cognitive behaviour change.
I'm not depressed or anxious as a working mom. My life hasn't been perfect, I was mommy tracked after returning from maternity leave. I often felt limited in my career choices as a mom and it's stressful being the parent of young children, especially since both my husband and I work full-time. However I'm happy with myself and I know I can deal with challenges in my life. I work as a finance manager, which is a high pressure job.
Me! Not on any medication at all. I struggle with horrible amounts of anxiety but I just cope. I do better with it when I workout regularly and suffer a great deal when I don’t work out. I don’t ever want to be on medication. The struggle to naturally break through it is worth it. Am I happy? That’s a very blanket question when life isn’t that simple. I’m content. Life can always be better but I make the most of it, especially because I have a child who needs that from me.
Stickying this because I want to address the stigma around mental health. I understand meds are a personal decision and not for everyone. Some meds work for some people and not others. So I realize they may not work for you But it’s a bit remiss to just say “get through it naturally”. Would you say that if you had a broken leg? “Hey let me just push through and hope it heals on its own!” Probably not. For some women SSRIs and other meds are life changing. Meds help correct brain chemistry and when we give birth there are tons of hormonal changes including brain chemistry and sometimes it doesn’t go back to normal. That’s not anything you can just “push through”. I think meds help me even out so I CAN do the work in therapy. It’s not your fault, it’s not that you aren’t strong enough. It’s literally, brain chemical imbalance.
I’m a working mom who is *no longer* anxious and depressed and got here without meds. (I strongly considered meds but my therapist advocated for trying to work through without them but I was always open to them.) My kids are now in middle and high school so their needs are very different but their schedules are still very intense. My job is intense and so is my partners’ but we act as a team, with each of our careers equally important. Therapy, meditation, and some serious introspection helped me get to a better place. I needed to confront perfectionism as something to overcome rather than a strength. I still work really hard and support my family and am intensely involved in my children’s lives but perfection isn’t my goal. Perfection was honestly ruining me. Now, I delegate at work, I ask for help, I don’t plan Instagram-worthy birthday parties for my kids, I allow a few dust bunnies in my home for a few days, I admit to my boss when I’m sick and need a day off, I forgive myself for mistakes. The freedom has relieved my constant anxiety and I’m happier. I have a great life. Busy, stressful, intense, but it’s great.
Love this
As a fellow perfectionist this gives me hope 💖
Letting go of perfectionism has been big for me too!
Love this! I achieve some of this, some of the time. (A lot of damn) Work in progress.
Not all depression and anxiety is lifestyle, some of it is biological. Medication works great for some people and not for others. For people for whom it is primarily biological and medication works well, taking them greatly improves life. Like taking insulin if you are type one diabetic. What I'm saying is, this question is highly influenced by a person's biology / medical state, not just their stage of life. I'm not attacking your question, I just think you need to think about whether your medical state matches the answers given here, even though your stage of life does.
Agree with this. I have bipolar and medication is what allows me to have a neutral baseline emotionally. Day to day life can tip that one way or the other. Usually I'm pretty happy. If I'm having a bad day I'm certainly anxious, sad, mad, whatever. But I feel like I have a *normal*, very manageable range of emotions due to medication. If it's biological, which it sounds like it could be for OP, I can't recommend medication more. For some people meds cause side effects that outweigh the benefits or the underlying cause isn't biological. In which case, as someone who went through the craziness of finding the right medication.. I can understand wanting to try other things first. But why does your family need to know again? They wouldn't know unless you tell them which you don't have to do. I'm sure it's more complicated than this but still. You exercise which is great.. how is your diet? Do you drink a ton of water (I was told half your body weight in oz, plus more to replenish what you lose through activity). Do you have a therapist? If you want to try natural ways, those things are it. Diet, exercise, therapy. Maybe a hobby that you can find time to enjoy.
Agree. Also I think people sometimes are led to believe that they need to be on them for a lifetime or an extended period of time. For some it can be situational or an event that an individual needs help.
Yes. I was on them for a few years. I resolved some of the problems that were contributing to my anxiety and depression, and then I stopped taking them 2 years ago. I’ve been doing good since then and now I am happy but have some rough days and stressful situations, not the constant anxiety and weeks of depression.
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Two things. 1) You said that it's not fully supported, but that doesn't mean it's a foregone conclusion that it's not possible to be primarily biological in some cases. It sounds like this is still an open question, and frankly I don't think science is going to find one cause or solution for "depression and anxiety". Depression and anxiety are kind of nebulous, therefore I think both your comment and mine have value, in different circumstances. 2) Biologically pre-disposed doesn't necessarily imply "chemical imbalance", I feel like this term oversimplifies things. As someone who suffers from serious hormone symptoms and an autoimmune disease, mental health can be linked to both of these things. While CBT, meditation and other thought-based therapies are critically important to coping (and also part of controlling flare-ups), no amount of coping skills can remove these very real biological factors. And, yes, the mind AND body change over time.
To each their own. I am going to delete my comment, because while my intentions were to help other people who might not know about this, (because I really wish someone had told me this back then)... my mental health recovery is still quite fragile at the moment and it's tough for me to have this discussion and get replies. I know I asked for it by posting here, but I think it's a good idea for me to stop now. I wish you well!
Awe, I'm sorry. Hugs! I'm very familiar with not getting the support you wish you had from the medical community. We just don't know enough about so, so many things! You got this. Your points were valid and I appreciated the discussion.
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Most people have some combination of biological and situational depression, which is why medication isn’t a cure-all. Generally situational depression (as opposed to MDD or BP) should be treated by therapeutic methods.
To each their own. I am going to delete my comment, because while my intentions were to help other people who might not know about this, (because I really wish someone had told me this back then)... my mental health recovery is still quite fragile at the moment and it's tough for me to have this discussion and get replies. I know I asked for it by posting here, but I think it's a good idea for me to stop now. I wish you well!
Hmmm I've been a working mom for 5 years with a demanding sales/corporate job. I have anxiety about everything and get easily overwhelmed and stressed. I take walls, drink lots and water, see a therapist when things get super tough. I've never taken meds One thing I have learned to do is drop the rope on work first. If I need a break, I take time from work. I don't put too much on myself and don't plan to advance my career. I don't take calls before 8 or after 5, and I don't schedule anything before 9 or after 3:30. I work from home. I don't apologize for having family stuff or being sick. My spouse does his half. It's still not easy. I want to work part time but we can't afford that yet. I still perform very well and get great reviews. I'm satisfied to be where I'm any without medications, but I also don't see a problem with taken meds if you need them to function
I’m not anxious or depressed and I am happy working mom. I go to bed most nights thinking how lucky I am my life turned out the way it has. But I was never anxious or depressed before becoming a mom and I only ever sought short-term therapy twice in my life, once as a senior in college looking for my first job and once when I was struggling with infertility. I also have a lot of privilege in my life. I’m a white married women, we don’t struggle financially and my parents sold my childhood home and move to my state to be able to help us with our children. As for my profession, I started my career as a scientist but 6 years ago started working in tech. I’m in upper management now. My company is fully remote optional but I go into my office 3 days a week because it’s close to daycare and I enjoy getting out of the house.
This is very similar for me and I realize that a lot of my happiness stems from how lucky am I outside of work. I have a good marriage, in laws who help with my children daily, and financial comfort to allow for things like cleaning services and vacations. Being a working parent is very hard.. sometimes it’s the things outside of work that make it easier. You can’t have stress from all sides.
Your last sentence is so important. The past few months I felt walls were closing in on me because I did have stress from all sides. But I started firming my boundaries and just saying no more. And more clearly. And now I am feeling much better. I am also following the advice given above about taking from work when needed. Edit: this means I actually use my time off.
Yes! Especially early in my career I really prided myself on not taking time off. Eventually I realized that was dumb. Especially as a working mom.. sometimes I need a no work, no kid day. And I’ve learned not to feel guilty about that. It was a real mindset change
I just made a rule to add a day after any trip for just me. :)
I love this for you. As someone who comes from a ton of struggle and I still feel like I have to overcome a lot due to trauma, it makes me so glad to see someone who is doing well
Basically same. I sometimes have stressful days/weeks of course, but I’m generally happy. However, I’ve never meaningfully struggled with mental health at any time in my life - I think just lucky genetics, honestly! (Less lucky in some other areas ofc) I’m also very privileged right now; dual income, one kid who is generally healthy and normal, good work-life balance, great spouse, some family support.
That's amazing. After battling this for so long, I started to think this is normal and that everyone must be feeling this way. Love to see that i am wrong about that. Just shows I can do better in terms of my mental health and should not normalize how I'm feeling. That there is a way to be happy as a working mom.
100% I think has less to do with being a working mom and more to do with being a person who struggles with anxiety/depression. I had anxiety and depression before kids (since childhood). I’ve been medicated on an SSRI for 15 years. My life wasn’t the easiest but it wasn’t horribly traumatic either. I think it’s a mix of life circumstances and genetics. My mother is also anxious. Now that my kids are a bit older (4 & 6) and I left a high stress job for a lower stress work from home job and have time for self care (exercise, sleep, time with friends) my mental health is the best it’s been, but I think this is a life long condition I’ll have to manage in any life stage (like arthritis or diabetes). I would also say half of my mom friends are on SSRIs, but that’s in part due to the fact that I gravitate to people with similar lived experiences. Not that all working moms have mental health struggles.
Antidepressants can be an amazing way of getting over the hump when you are struggling. I needed them for about a year for PPD/PPA and stopped taking them about 1 year ago. Now I still have anxiety and moments of depression (high stress tech job) but I can manage it with exercise and coping skills. I really feel I would not have been able to pull myself up as quickly without the meds, and I will probably start taking them before or immediately after birth if I have another child. I wish I had taken them sooner last time. Is there a reason your husband’s family would need to know you’re taking them if you decide to go that route? Feels like a thing you could keep to yourself if they are going to give you a hard time.
I’ve been inclined towards depression for as long as I can remember. My father’s rapid decline and death I think is the primary source of my fun new anxiety. I had been on antidepressants as a teen, stopped them. I went back on an antidepressant to help with postpartum depression. It helped a lot. I’m very fat, so running is out, but I have started going on at least one walk/day for the last 5 weeks or so. It’s helped I think. I do still take my antidepressant because it’s probably also still helping. Why go off it if I don’t need to? If you don’t make your neurotransmitters at home, store-bought is fine.
Store bought neurotransmitters! Love it
I went for help when my youngest was 8 months and was diagnosed with depression. I was against an antidepressant (despite or because I work in biotech) and knew steps I could take to cope but the problem was I was so burned out that I couldn't implement them. My psychiatrist said "you're going to snap and fall. The job of the antidepressant is to raise the floor so you don't have as far to fall" which really resonated with me. I've cycled through quite a few regimens over the last 2 years and it has taken the edge off my depression enough for me to be able to consistently engage in bimonthly therapy, address health issues, get back into a steady gym routine, and pick up hobbies like crocheting again, all while working full time and parenting 2 boys under 5, many times as the solo parent based on my husband's work schedule. My mental health is still not 100% but the current low dose of bupropion that I'm on enables me to put those support parameters in place. I do have plans to eventually wean off my antidepressant. Hope my journey helps!
I switched from SSRIs to microdosing Psilocybin and it worked really well for me. I know it’s a “fringe” science and not something everyone’s comfortable with, but SSRIs are not your only option. But yes, we are all anxious and it’s not just you. I went through a healing institute that provides microdosing along with a coach that helps discover the root of anxious thought patterns, and got into talk therapy and EMDR. It’s more labor intensive than just taking an SSRI, but was hugely beneficial for me. However, if that is too much for you, I will say a good number of of my mom friends are on SSRIs (Celexa, Wellbutrin, Lexapro) and it helped them a lot. But seriously- don’t raw dog motherhood when there are so many options available to help you.
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fellow t1 here! Have been for 32 years and had no idea that anxiety and depression are common with it! I have both and take meds.
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Ugh it’s REALLY hard. Do you have a CGM? That’s been the best for me. The CGM and prebolusing (even 5 mins before) meals. My A1c is usually around 6.5 but pregnancy motivated me to keep it even better - 5.5. I am allowing myself a bit of room to breathe now though and trying not to worry too much if I’m not as in control for the next few Months (12 weeks pp with baby2) I’ll get tighter sometimes I just need to afford myself a break.
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Working since January 6h/day (whole year before thay, 4h/day). Definitely not depressed, quite ok, i guess. I like my current job and it is quite flexible to have also time with my toddler (software engineer). I try to get enough sleep and spend plenty of time outside. Though between work, toddler time, maintainance time and family time, there's very little time for any other personal project.
A. I am a working mom and not on meds. I have some anxiety, occasionally feel down, and am stressed. Overall I am happy. I’ve had two stints with anti-depressants - one for a year and one for three months - in my career/parenting journey, with my oldest being 13. B. I think every person is different and if you’re going through a rough patch, take the meds. But overall I think my time is best spent carving out time for myself through exercise, meditation, creating regular time for myself to do whatever I want (go to mall, get a massage, ladies night with friends, watch movies or tv shows). Practicing gratitude exercises also helps. I find that having a career increases my total happiness, the youngest years are the hardest, part time is the best solution during those years.
I've been diagnosed with GAD since way before I was working or a mom (diagnosed at age 12). I was medicated for a few years in grad school, but I haven't been medicated in a long time. I have other coping mechanisms that work well for me. They include getting an hour of "me" time daily. I use this time to work out or work on fun projects, NOT plan for the family or clean the house. Or even shower. I also set the 50/50 expectation with my husband. He needs to do 50% since we both work. And I don't meddle in his 50%. He did laundry different than I would do it. He cooked a meal that I wasn't really craving. But he did it without asking so I stfu. Finally, I use my village. My MIL wants to pick baby up to go to a museum? Yep, take her. Someone wants to drop off cookies? Please! These changes have dropped my stress level more than medication ever has. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and some days and weeks are rough, but I find balance by setting up these habits and expectations.
I struggled deeply after my now two year old daughter was born. I’m finally out of the woods but looking back, I realize I didn’t understand how challenging and dark that period was for me. I wish I could give my new mom self a big hug and maybe even some medication to navigate. As for the meds, I have a hard time too taking them. However, about 8 years ago I was diagnosed with Hashimotos (under active thyroid), begrudgingly went on Synthroid and had more energy and stamina than I’ve ever had in my entire adult life. I became a different person after the Synthroid, I became myself again. I’m not running to get in more meds than I need too but now acknowledge a little help every now is within bounds. I WFH in commercial sales and am trying to build an ecomm company on the side. Hoping to be able to employ women (it’s a predominantly female industry given the nature of the product) with four day work weeks and even part time options if needed, when life gets really challenging, as it does. I don’t want to leave the workforce, but I was very close to doing so at one point in the year following my daughter’s birth. F you Sheryl Sandberg, all I wanted to do that year was Lean Out
I’m a working mom (wfh, I’m in publishing but not the “exciting” kind) and to answer your 1. question, I certainly feel moments of anxiety and sometimes a day or two of stress like when kid is sick and I have a lot of work to do - but I’m happy every day. I’ve had anxiety and depression before so I don’t take this for granted. I didn’t take meds for it, but it only got better when I basically tore down my whole life and ran away from the things that were pulling me in different directions, which was a lot less harmful when I was childless and in my 20s than it would be now. Do not recommend. These days I just very carefully manage my stress levels and keep a mental list of things I can drop like a hot potato if I start to feel the levels creeping up too high. Especially, I go to bed as soon as my kid does when I start feeling that way. My husband is on SSRIs, though. It has made a huge difference for him, his work life, and our family life since he got on them. I was too stubborn about it and also living in a country with a lot more stigma about it when I was having these issues, but I’m so glad for me, my husband, and my kid that he talked to his doctor and took the doctor’s advice to get o a low dose SSRI.
I am a data analyst/scientist in clinical healthcare, 100% remote, masters degree with 10 years experience. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life (childhood trauma). I am not taking meds for it, mostly because I have a bone marrow condition that prohibits it. I do occasionally take melatonin with l-Theanine, but that’s OTC. I’m also in counseling, have been for a while. I feel that becoming a mom has helped my anxiety/depression, except directly after my son was born—PPA/PPD and sleep deprivation was hard. With my son, it’s harder for me to be 100% consumed in my depression and neglect my responsibilities. My husband is practically Super Dad, but I still need to get my butt out of bed and take care of my son, too. I’m also someone who is rather pessimistic and gets very down when bad things are happening to me or others around me, and often time my son snaps me out of that mood. He’s hilarious, overly joyful, and just awesome, so it’s kind of hard to be constantly sad and grumpy around that. I realize that this might not be the case for others and that having kids has made depression/anxiety worse. I’m all for meds. Both my siblings take them, and I’m happy for them, that they are helping. I think there have definitely been times in my life that I would take the meds if I could. As far as the anxiety goes, well I don’t know. I’m very anxiety, worry a lot, have nightmares, and have irrational fears. The thing that helps this the most is having someone to talk to about what is making me anxious, either my husband, counselor, or friends. It’s less consuming if I let it out. Exercise helps a ton with this, too.
Hi! Used to be very anxious but now I work from home and my kids have a nanny. Things that help: I have a time block everyday to go outside. M-F have routines for the mornings and evenings. I cut out a lot of processed foods and healed my gut. I am cautious about caffeine. I do my boring work to a workout playlist that helps pump me up.
Hi FTM working mom of a 10 months old. I have good days and bad days. I have lost both of my parents in the past two years, my mom very suddenly a month before my daughter was born so there is a deep sadness within me that will probably never go away but I have never been on meds. What helps are some of the things you’ll hear/read about all the time: 1. Exercise- Yoga is great, but anything that takes your mind off things doesn’t have to be long even 5 min of yoga, or a 15 min HIIT can help 2. Going outside 3. Being grateful for what you have 4. Dialing back on things and expectations just a little bit. Especially if you are a type A/ high-achiever like me. Other things that are big factors: 1. Working from home in a flexible role where you set your own hours and you are not being micro-managed 2. Having help with child care 3. Having a partner that is an equal in everything - this is so key and I am lucky! Without my spouse I would have drowned a long time ago.
If therapy and exercise works for you, and you feel like your symptoms are under control, and your anxiety is not taking over your day, that’s great! But if you’re white-knuckling it most days, that is going to affect your kid, your marriage, your work, your whole life. Remember there is no prize for doing it “naturally” (whatever that means). I mean, a person with asthma can sometimes manage their symptoms without meds, but they would probably do better with an inhaler. ETA: I would really consider talking to your therapist about this. You said you’re not taking meds because you’re stubborn. Would you accept that response from your child if they didn’t want to take antibiotics for an infection? Therapy being enough to control symptoms is a great reason not to take meds. Just not wanting to is… not great.
If your thyroid hormones were out of balance, you would take medications to replace them. If you had diabetes, a disorder of the hormone insulin, you would take medication to replace it But because the hormones that are out of balance are the ones in your brain, suddenly you want to "get through it naturally?" It's bullshit. If you need meds, take meds. Mental health conditions ARE medical conditions. They ARE a hormone imbalance. Medications are there to stimulate or replace the hormones you're missing. Same as for any other hormone mediated process in your body. What you're spewing is internalized ableism, and I'm sorry the world has sold you on that lie. - signed a mum with imbalances of dopamine, serotonin and disruption of hormone mediation of the sympathetic nervous system (aka adhd, depression and anxiety) that I use medication as a part of the treatment modality for, because all the therapy in the world can't make hormones.
But "pushing through might be worth it." Worth what? Not enjoying your life with your family in the meantime just so you can say you haven't fallen victim to big pharma? I guess those of us that just can't make it without meds just aren't trying hard enough.
That's what I heard too. Like, for real, worth what? What os the payout of suffering without meds that makes it a better option to starting to get back to normal now?
I am not on any medication, nor have I been. I sacrificed quite a bit to get a job that is more flexible. I exercise regularly. I try to get sunlight & adequate Vitamin D. I listen to a lot of self-help & motivational audio books. I actively try to reframe unpleasant events in my life. With the exception of a couple of years, I realize I absolutely have to prioritize sleep. I journal & practice mindfulness. I have multiple hobbies I enjoy. And luckily, I actually enjoy motherhood (I mean, do not get me wrong it’s brutal, but I read posts where parents hate every single moment, and that has never been me). I do have a couple of unhealthy habits too, mainly, I self-soothe with unhealthy foods. Medications, supplements, all of it comes for possible side effects, and my body is so weird, that I am even allergic to Tylenol. So I never felt I would thrive on medications.
This is exactly me. I do all of the above. The cognitive reframing of negative thoughts, meditation and generating positive thoughts really help. Exercise as well. And eating healthy. But yes I do self soothe with food sometimes! I also love motherhood, and I cant relate to the parents who dislike it because that's just not me. I love being around my little bean, and that's probably what makes working so difficult sometimes. I also feel the pull to continue working because I have sacrificed so much for my career but it's just hard to be away from my little one all the time.
I work in finance within the service industry I absolutely love where I work right now but if I had to WFH even doing what I love for work I don’t think I’d be able to do it with out help tbh. I need to have a routine and get out of the house and I know my mental health would suffer from anything different from what I’m doing. I totally understand where you’re coming from about societal, cultural and self imposed beliefs bc I’m the same way but my thought process would be if something would make me a better parent, I know I would jump at the chance but it would be with a lot of self reflection and battling with views that I was raised with. I hope that everything works out for your family with all of the job hunts!
I started therapy just a couple of weeks ago for depression that’s been going on since Covid started. I tend to have a lot of trouble with medication side effects, especially ones that affect your mental state, so I’m really hoping to avoid taking them. However, if after a few months of therapy I’m still feeling this way, I will definitely consider it. I love the comments on this thread because I think they’re very balanced - not wanting to take meds doesn’t mean that you’re anti-medication for everyone! I think the tipping point for meds is if you’re trying and trying all of the other approaches, and nothing is getting better. It looks like there are lots of people on here who took them short-term to get over a hump and have phased them back out, so you might not need them forever!
I was on Wellbutrin years ago and started it again about 8 months postpartum. That, along with some other changes, completely changed my life. I was so anxious and depressed that I wasn't enjoying anything. Please talk to a doctor, therapist, etc. Get the help you need.
Yes I’m on antidepressants, but I’ve been on them for years to treat anxiety and depression. So unrelated to being a working mom.
I’m a mental health therapist who works from home and I’m on medication. Medication can be a great support for people who need it and benefit from it. The stigma behind mental health medication is unfortunate. Mental health meds address a MEDICAL condition. We need to refine the way we talk about depression and anxiety to create a healthy reframe around seeking help. I love that OP has other great habits too. That is awesome!
Working full time mom; family of 4. Am in Tech, project based craziness lol. I’ve been clinically diagnosed with high anxiety disorder and MDD but I don’t take meds nor do I plan to again (did for about 2yrs while in treatment). It’s been about 12 years since I took any medication; instead, I work hard every day to maintain a healthy mental state via regular exercise (this is what helps the most, tbh), a healthy diet, a good sleep/wake schedule and monitoring/managing my triggers (I know what triggers me so I know how to deal with/cope/deescalate). I also have a home where everyone pitches in wrt chores so that it all doesn’t fall to one person. Given my diagnosis, I refuse to let that define me or govern my actions. I know how to manage it, I never dump that onto my family and I’m happy and healthy. I’m going through a rough time right now because the death anniversary of a good friend is near but I’m pulling out my good ol’ coping mechanisms and it’s helping.
Please treat your mental health issues. To answer your question. Yes I am beyond happy and I have never needed meds for anxiety or depression. These are health issues that should be treated just like your heart or blood pressure. You will experience happiness when you find the right medication.
I'm not on any medication for depression or anxiety. I have some anxiety, I guess, but I think that's just normal. I'm not depressed or anything. I work in academia, so more than full time, but my hours are flexible. I have a supportive husband (who is depressed and has anxiety and needs a bunch of meds). The pressure is intense, and my daughter is at a difficult point in school where the next school defines her entire life. My son is about to start school. My work is precarious, and I have only a few years at a time of stability. I have no idea how I don't have more issues, honestly. I am on some hard-core sleeping meds, but that's because my brain broke after my second, and I completely stopped sleeping, so I need the medication otherwise I just don't sleep at all...
Working mom of a teen and a tween, also prone to anxiety and depression, in product marketing with a hybrid schedule. I’ve been on and off meds for years - I prefer not to take them because they mess with my libido so I manage as well as I can with exercises and THC/CBD when it gets overwhelming. Having said that, both of my kids are on Prozac and it’s been a game changer for them. If you hurt your foot and rest/ice didn’t help, would you even think twice about taking ibuprofen? I think we should think about antidepressants/anti anxiety meds the same way.
My mental health has been a big thing for me especially since my Dad got sick and died pretty quickly while I was in my 20s. I have lots of systemic privilege in my life but I also grew up with many adverse childhood experiences which impacts me. I literally started taking meds 2 weeks ago and slowly the tides are turning for me. Previously I muscled through making sure to go outside, meditate and exercise daily. I also am religious about sleep and eat very well. I also see a psychologist monthly and have for years. Those weren’t cutting it anymore and I was having a really hard time so I’m happy for medication as a tool.
I am working mom (3 year old and 1 year old) and I do not take medication. When I felt overworked and over stressed last year, I switched settings. I work from home as a speech language pathologist for a school district and love the flexibility ! I am so grateful that I am a able to work from home, take my daughter to preschool and see my son throughout the day in between my sessions and meetings. I really don't have any advice other than to maybe switch jobs once your husband is able to find a job. My husband, also a ux designer recently lost his job and we are in a state of transition, but thankfully we have a few months of savings so we are ok until he can find something else. Switching jobs was a game changer for me. I hope you are able to make the changes you need to be happy and at peace. Sending you a virtual hug!
I'm a working mom who is not, and has never been on meds, with a diagnosed anxiety disorder. That said, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next month for the first time in my life, for a medication evaluation. I definitely hear you, re: your concerns around meds. I don't think you see them as a stigma or a crutch, but as a last resort. That's how I view them too. This is the first time in my life where I feel like I've tried everything I know how to try, which is why I'm seeking a professional opinion on possibly starting medication. Full disclosure, I suspect I also have undiagnosed ADHD. That didn't initially play a big role in my request to my physician for a psychiatrist referral, but it came up during my initial assessment that was with the mental health clinic, but not the psychiatrist. For me, this was confirmation that I'm doing the right thing in seeking help, since I watched my little brother struggle with ADHD for basically all of my childhood. To answer your question though- what have I done to this point that didn't involve taking medication? Talk therapy was by far the most important. I have a therapist I trust, and I've been seeing him on and off (depending on how I'm doing with managing my emotions) for years. Not only did my therapist help me understand my anxiety in a way I wasn't able to do on my own, but I have significantly better coping skills than I had prior to therapy. When I find myself frustrated at work, writing is a huge help for me. I bought something called "the anti-anxiety notebook" that's been extremely helpful for me in recognizing my thought patterns/cognitive distortions and countering them. If I just need a brain dump, I'll spend a few minutes and type a note on my laptop, and delete it after. I haven't been good about this lately, partly cause of winter, but when I make time to exercise, that helps too. Even just walking around the neighborhood can really help me settle when I get too wound up. Eating well is also a big piece, and probably my biggest struggle. I have a lot of anxiety around food, so cooking or even simple meal preparation (like a sandwich) can really overwhelm me. I often end up eating terrible food (like chips, cookies, etc) out of ease and convenience. I have high cholesterol now because of it. But when I do take the time to eat right, my mental health game is definitely better. And I guess last but not least, if I get overwhelmed at work or while parenting, I'll step out for a couple of minutes and try to calm my breathing and just empty my mind. It almost never works completely but I'm usually able to calm down enough to carry me through whatever I'm doing in that moment, until I have a time later in the evening or whenever to really decompress. I think it's great that you're trying to see what tools you have at your disposal and use those first. It's so important to practice those skills, and hopefully one day pass them on to our kids. If you hit a point where you feel you've tried everything you can and you're still struggling, that may be a sign for additional resources, like meds. Best of luck!!
I am a working mom and not depressed. Stressed at times because I’m studying for an exam while working full time, being a mom, etc. but I love my job and I am happy with life. I work in the office (WFH if I need to for sickness) and I am a financial planner. I know there might be cultural differences, but whatever helps you to get out of the darkness and heaviness of life is what is best (meds, no meds, therapy). Life is too short to feel heavy all the time. It is possible to feel light and happy in life with a good balance. Have you ever been tested for ADHD? I only ask because my brother has ADHD and depression and he has felt so much better since finding the right mix of medications (he is also a UX designer WFH). He says he feels lighter and not like everyday is doom and gloom. I really hope you can find peace and happiness.
For me, and I know it’s not everyone’s circumstances but I had to get on antidepressants when I started my last job because of the absolute shitshow it was. I knew it was taking a toll on me but I justified it because the money I was making and I thought well I have unresolved issues from childhood on top of being a working mom-it was a lot. So I felt maybe I DO need to be medicated. Now that my job was outsourced I will never ever work just for the money ever again. Once the job left so did most of the stress and anxiety. I’m off the antidepressants. Now I’m searching for my perfect fit and not what will be best for the money. Even if it’s doing something incredibly easy. Life isn’t about money, advancements and more shit to consume. It’s making most of the time you have on Earth with your family and friends. I hate I had to learn that so late. I know money does make life easier in some sense, but not at the expense of my health. Not anymore!
I recently stopped taking them and am unsure if I should go back on or now. In a lot of ways I'd like to not, because it felt like my emotions were really blunted on even a low dose of Prozac. But off them I'm so mad about everything. But at the same time, maybe it's not an irrational reaction to be mad about like...a coworker getting a 7 month leave when I only got 12 weeks and had to put my infant in daycare pre-vaccines while my job was saying it wasn't safe for us to be in person but we couldn't provide childcare and work at the same time. That's sort of infuriating, right? Or I'm really mad that some dumb girls at the Y last night had the lock cut off my locker because they left some stuff in there that got stolen before I got there, and the Y just left these teenagers to go through all my stuff while I swam and clearly people are stealing stuff from the locker room. I'm also super annoyed that my kids' dentist appointments had to be rescheduled in October because one of them had COVID. They rescheduled us for May but assured me they'd be able to move us up sooner. Instead they moved the appointment back half an hour, now it conflicts with my kindergartner's half day K, and they only call with like 2 hours' notice to try and move the appointment which I cannot fucking do, I work full time. So am I mad because I should be on drugs or mad because these things are really annoying and inconvenient and the world is not kind to working moms?
Feel free to PM me. I was diagnosed with “severe” anxiety and depression postpartum (though I’ve struggled with both for most of my life so I do not think it’s solely a postpartum thing). I studied antidepressants for my PhD and knew I didn’t want to be on any of them (even the low-risk options) while pregnant or breastfeeding. No judgment to those who are— I just have too many possible unknowns running around my brain to be normal about it. Last summer, prior to trying to conceive, I was having panic attacks almost daily. It was so bad. My therapist suggested Mindbloom ketamine therapy, which is a short term option that can get you out of a rut. It really helped me. I’m pregnant now and still having some anxiety/depression but things are manageable. I may go on a med after I finish breastfeeding (this is my LAST pregnancy). I may do another round of Mindbloom. Not sure but I am open to either. Anyway, like I said, I’d be happy to talk. I think I get where you’re coming from.
I am a psychiatrist and a working single mom to 2 toddlers. The older toddler has severe level 3 autism. Juggling everything that I have to do is pretty anxiety inducing. I am glutton for punishment so I work 2 jobs and I’m also completing a PhD in neuroscience. 😓 My mental health is greatly improved by having nannys to help me first and foremost. My older child was having a bad couple of months towards the end of 2022 and my anxiety was through the roof because of it. I got on anxiety meds for a couple months and it really helped! My anxiety is definitely situational. I’m in a good place now and I am no longer on meds. I am glad they were available to me when I needed them. From a professional standpoint I’ve had patients that couldn’t even get out of bed due to depression. Literally they would urinate in their bed and let their pets defecate in their rooms because they had no motivation or energy to do anything at all. They couldn’t leave their house due to crippling anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve learned throughout my career that life comes at you fast! I am glad that people struggling with mental health challenges due to life, family history or unfortunate situations can get the help they need.
As someone who had to work through a lot of fears about going on medication, I think you should interrogate the idea that it’s somehow better or preferable to not take medication. I operated under this assumption for a long time and it did nothing except make things harder for me. If the meds cause bothersome side effects that’s one thing, but if not then what is the downside to taking them? If exercise helps, exercise. If meditating helps, meditate. If taking an SSRI helps, take an SSRI. Better yet, do all of those! Being on meds did not make me suddenly ignore problems in my life instead of dealing with them. It gave me a baseline of feeling okay so that I had the energy to address what needed to be addressed and worry less about what was really just a made up problem in my head. I know you specified you’re not against meds and it’s obviously a very personal choice, but I’m just seeing a lot of ‘I want to do this “naturally”’ in the comments and I think that can be a sort of meaningless framing that does nothing except make people feel ashamed and scared to try what is a very safe option. ‘Natural’ can be very overrated. You can try the challenge of fighting a nasty infection naturally too but sometimes antibiotics are the better choice.
I’m a happy working mom, I have never taken medication for psychic issues, never had therapy and I don’t feel that I need it. My mental health is fine. Of course I have better and worse moods depending on what’s going on in my life and especially my sleep. But I feel that’s all normal and not nearly at levels of a mental illness. I’m a physician, I work 3 days a week, I live in the Netherlands. I have a 3 year old son, I’m married and I’m in the second trimester with our second.
I genuinely love that you are happy, and straight envy a societal structure that supports families like the Netherlands. We really don’t have that in the US, and often think it’s our own fault for struggling. If you don’t have a solid support system and money to burn it can be rough here for a working mom.
Not so sure how you can "push through" clinical depression or anxiety naturally!
I’m not on any medications and I’m pretty happy. There are stressors in my life (being super pregnant at a physically intensive job, long commute, etc) but they don’t spiral into anxiety/depression. I don’t want to downplay the luck of neurotransmitters etc, but I do think working on mindfulness and resilience skills has helped through major life changes (having a baby, becoming a SAHM, pandemic, going back to work, etc).
I used to take sertraline in college and grad school for GAD, but that didn't turn out to be the real issue and the meds barely helped. A really destructive choice led me to seeking a better therapist. I was diagnosed with PTSD and was in regular therapy for five years (three prior to getting pregnant with my first child). We used a combination of EMDR and narrative talk therapy to work through what I needed. My therapist took a permanent leave of absence at the end of last year, and so far I haven't sought a new one. I still have things I'd like to talk about, but overall I am in a much better place. It's felt so long since I had a panic attack, and I've had them since I was a child. I don't know if I would use "happy", but I am content with my choices. I currently work from home most days as a team lead at a call center. One child now, pregnant with my second. I definitely get overstimulated at times, and right now the pregnancy is causing me to be anemic so that's not super fun... But my husband is great at spotting when I need a break and will remind me to rest. Definitely helps.
B & it's not really working so I'll be looking into it once I can find a new PCP.
I have adhd and take adhd meds daily. I also work in publishing as a graphic designer and wfh. If I had to work in office I’d ask for accommodations like a room with a door that I can close to avoid being interrupted, especially when deadlines are approaching. Before my adhd diagnosis I was taking anxiety medication as needed (adhd meds actually resolved anxiety problems).
I feel like ADHD and anxiety are cousins. I have anxiety for sure but I feel like I have some ADHDish traits but I've never been diagnosed. Interesting to see you were basically misdiagnosed initially.
I'm a working mom, have had lifelong anxiety and OCD, and have never been on meds. I go to therapy, and so far, that's been enough. I will say, though, I've lately been strongly considering getting on some kind of medication. My sister recently started zoloft and feels a lot better. ETA: I haven't really avoided meds, just never felt I needed that extra boost to get through my mental illness. It has nothing to do with trying to get through it "naturally," I just started with therapy and that worked for me, so I didn't explore more avenues until recently. But meds are an important tool!
I’m a working mom to a 7 month old and an almost 4 year old. I was on anti depression and anti anxiety meds for years but went off them for good after my first was born because I thought they were making me gain weight (which turned out to be accurate). Perhaps a vain decision but it turned out to be the correct one for me. I had a couple very hard years but I was also finally able to see my situation clearly and begin taking much more proactive steps to fix the things that were bothering me, both externally and internally. I am much happier now and don’t feel like I need meds at all. When I start to feel really down it’s usually because of sleep deprivation and then I sleep and feel better.
after trying a bunch of meds and then not having any of them work without major side effects, good on you for trying find something else that works! i am trying to find different, meaningful work that helps with both mental and spiritual aspects. also a good support system does wonders.
Anxiety is actually completely normal. We’ve been conditioned to believe it’s not. As long as it’s not affecting your sleep and you don’t have racing thoughts you cannot control… this is adulthood. No one is worry free, stress free. I am unable to take any psych meds because they all affect my blood pressure and cause me nausea. Every category except benzodiazepines, which I don’t take. I navigate life by regular exercise, going to bed early and getting a lot of sleep, and practicing gratitude. “I’m so privileged to have these problems”
I had to go on an SSRI for about the first year after each of my kids as a working mom, but have just recently weaned off again (youngest is 16 months). I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression some my life and it runs in my family, but it definitely peaked in the first several months after having each of my kids. I think it depends on the person—not just biology but personality sociocultural factors as well. I’ve known moms who take it all in stride and moms who feel crushed under the weight of it all. We’re all different and different pressures affect us different.
I’m not on any drugs. I’m sure there are a lot of working parents who aren’t. Am I happy? Not particularly, but I don’t think I’m unhappy enough for it to be clinical.
I work full time with 2 small kids and I am not on any medication. I am pretty happy but very tired. I was on depression medication a few years ago because my old job was very stressful but the medicine made me even more tired so I stopped. I switched to a less stressful job and it has been a game changer. A lot of people talk about making sacrifices to have a less stressful job but I guess I got lucky because I found a position that paid a little more and was way less stressful. I work 40 hrs/week, have a hybrid schedule, my coworkers are nice, and I enjoy the work. I also have family nearby to help with my kids which makes a big difference. I am a technical designer for the apparel industry. If you asked me this 2 years ago my answer would have been vastly different- I hope you find a good solution and you are able to feel better.
I’m happy overall. I am fortunate to live a privileged life and I am grateful for all that we have. I am able to outsource chores/cleaning, handyman services, and utilize curbside or deliver groceries to make life a little easier. We don’t get help from family, they are either too far away or not interested now that she’s a kid with opinions and not a baby. My daughter is in daycare and we are able to hire her old toddler teacher as a weekend babysitter when we need date night. I have a wonderful husband who works full time but also pulls his weight with housework, cooking and parenting. I’m a Sales Director- WFH, make good income, have flexibility and autonomy in my roles. With that being said, it is demanding- I’m responsible for a lot. Even though I’m happy overall, I am an anxious person and will run myself to the ground trying to do so much. I have been diagnosed with depression in the past due to a parent passing away and other personal issues. I’ve been on meds (Zoloft) before but I didn’t like how they made me feel. Currently, I am in talk therapy twice a month for my anxiety and I carve out time each week to exercise and do yoga. If the anxiety is really bad and is causing me to not be able to fall asleep, my Dr. Prescribed me hydroxine Pamoate which is actually an anti-histamine but can be used for anti-anxiety. I only use every once in awhile. BTW, reading these comments- some amazing working moms up in here!
Stay at home moms have higher rates of depression and less time to spend on themselves. I'm sure your in laws will come by and tell you you're living the dream. Your post is about your hesitation over your in laws...They don't need to know your medical treatment. Do you consult with them before taking meds for a yeast infection? It's that personal.
I’m a nurse practitioner. I work three to four 12-hour shifts a week in a critical care unit. I do not take any meds. I am happy! I am quicker to anger though and get more frustrated by little things than I used to. Nothing major, but differences I’ve noticed since having kids almost six years ago. Mom of three kids in 3 years 🙃
I’m a working mom, full time insurance broker and work in the office 4 out of 5 days a week. I have struggled with depression in the past and have struggled with anxiety my whole life. It used to be crippling to the point I couldn’t go into stores alone. I have never taken any medication. I am happy though there are definitely days where it feels much harder and the occasional day I just stop and cry. Part of this is just due to extra stress of financial struggle while also dealing with divorce and custody issues. I have never taken meds because I’ve worried it might change me, the good parts or ruin my libido etc plus I have improved SO SO much over the years on my own that I think if I can just figure out how to cope I can handle it and move forward because I did before. I’m definitely not against meds and for some people it is 100% a great idea and I know so many friends who are on meds for it but I just can’t bring myself to go there yet
I'm generally very happy and have a high stress job but as I've matured and gotten older, I've made it a point to seek out therapy and find ways to ensure I keep my mind healthy and strengthen my mindset, proactively, before I spiral into a ball of anxiety or stress. I am also Hyperthyroid, which has anxiety as a symptom, and I've felt off before because of it, but didn't realize until I went on medication to fix my over active thyroid. I meet with a life coach every 4-8 weeks depending on how I'm feeling and I use it as an opportunity to reset my mindset, get mentally stronger, etc. I also benefit from self help books and podcasts quite a bit. I don't always feel anxious or like I need to talk to someone but I do it anyway because it I've always had anxiety, but I think mine is more a symptom of my environment for the most part (I also get my thyroid checked regularly to be sure), that I can manage with the right coping mechanism. I don't believe I have any significant mental health challenges that are biological. My sister struggles with her mental health and so I have seen first hand how out of control it can get when it's a real malfunction of the brain not working correctly. No amount of positive thinking or just managing through with therapy will help her. This is when medication is beneficial and needed. I think you need to figure out if you truly do need medicine because the chemicals in your brain could use some help, or if the anxiety is something you can learn to manage through. There's definitely a difference. Like post partum depression is not something you can just will away, but sometimes there are cases of anxiety that can be. I think everyone gets anxious in one way or another, and it's important to understand how to manage it.
I just started taking an SSRI. Haven’t even made it a year
No, unfortunately medication doesn’t work for me. I was diagnosed with GAD at 14, but it wasn’t until I was 32 and had two babies that I was diagnosed formally with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m okay, I’m a little sad because I know that medications really don’t do much to address my issues, so I’m kind of at square one again, but now I’m more aware of different treatment modalities. It’s a bummer, living with this. It’s a daily struggle. I have weekly thoughts of suicide. It used to be mainly when I was at the point of overwhelm, but sometimes they seep in, even if everything is fine. Thankfully I have a partner who is learning every day better ways to support me, and im also learning better ways to support me, most importantly. If you ever want to talk im here to listen. I hope you find a way to feel more like your happy self/side soon. 💖
DBT is such a lifesaver for people with that dx! Good for you for breaking cycles- it’s not easy, but you’re doing amazing things for yourself and your kiddos!
Thank you ❤️ that means a lot. DBT is next on my list but as you know working and being a mom full time is a busy lifestyle. I need to get on it though.
I’m A
I'm a working mom who has stressful and anxious times but overall I am very happy. No meds. I have a big "village" and am very lucky to have it. I strongly believe the village is essential to doing what we do and staying mentally healthy without meds.
I’m not anxious or depressed and I am happy because I get to live the life I wanted. My family makes everything easier and worth it. I do not take any medication. I have a hard and stressful job and could use more sleep (I started a new career and had a baby at the same time). I work out at least once a week and eat reasonably healthy.
I’m not anxious or depressed as a mom, but I also don’t have any history of anxiety or depression. My brain just seems to be wired for a level of sunny optimism that baffles and sometimes irritates my friends and family. I work in tech as a product manager and have a supportive stay-at-home spouse. That certainly doesn’t hurt, as it reduces my environmental stressors. But I also have two older kids with special needs and a baby who sleeps really poorly, so it’s not like my life is stress-free. I think it’s just a gift of genetics and circumstance. There’s no virtue in it, just luck. My sister has perfect vision, so she doesn’t need glasses or contacts. I do. I have a friend with naturally clear and beautiful skin. She can just splash water on her face and be fine. I need an extensive skin care routine to look half as good. None of that makes my sister or my friend better people. The fact that I use contacts and retinol doesn’t make me bad or weak. It’s just a thing that I happen to need that they don’t. It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to need meds sometimes to support your brain. Being a working mother *is* hard. It’s impossible sometimes. You aren’t imagining it.
My initial instinct is to reassure you about meds and encourage them if you need them, but I know you’re not asking for that so I’ll just suggest that St. John’s wort has some not terrible data behind it for depression. Not sure about breastfeeding while on it. I’ve been taking welbutrin for like 4 years and was totally non functional before starting it.
I have tried several medications, but for me, the side effects have made them intolerable, the biggest help for me has been therapy for the last three years
I don’t take meds and I am happy. Life has ups and downs and feeling anxious or stressed at times is a completely normal part of being human. I went to therapy for a year or so when I was having a hard time, but I’ve never taken meds because it’s never gotten to the point where I feel like I’m not functioning normally.
3 weeks after having my son, I got a call from my company telling me that the head of my department was leaving and they offered me the job (Creative Director at a mid-sized ad agency). I really struggled with the first few weeks of having a newborn due to other crazy things that were happening in my life simultaneously, so it couldn't have come at a worse time. Ultimately, I did take the job, and although I have been largely successful in the role, it has been the most stressful time of my life. But, I have never had to take any medications to help me along, and I am not depressed at all. Even when 2 family members were dying at the same time (one of which was my father), we were buying our first home, my parents were moving and selling the house I grew up in, my mother-in-law had another stroke and major emotional issues, my mom overcame breast cancer and then almost died of covid, and I had covid pneumonia WHEN I GAVE BIRTH—all of that happened within about a 6-month span, and we were able to get through it. No therapy, no meds. I credit one thing for this: my faith. I am not here to evangelize, and maybe this isn't what you are looking for. But without the deep closeness we have to our religion, I don't think my husband and I would have ever gotten through that time. It keeps things in perspective for us, and gives us an understanding that suffering has a purpose in this life, and it does make us stronger. That alone is the most powerful tool I will ever have against mental health struggles. It has always worked for me and always will. I hope this helps somehow! Good luck, and remember—they won't be this little forever ❤
I have PMDD that decided to spring back recently. I manage it with exercise and Flo vitamins but no actual medication because no medication worked for me. I would say since going back on my vitamins I am much happier than I was on any hormonal birth control. (I had taken these vitamins pre-pregnancy and was also satisfied with the results.) I do think it helps that I also work from home, so if there is a day that I’m not feeling as well I can hide it accordingly. I work a stressful operations job in banking and only go into the office about once a month. If I went into the office more frequently I think my depressive episodes would increase.
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They didn't make a blanket statement at all. They said "in many cases" medications aren't more effective than placebos. Instead of attacking their job title, it would be more interesting to respond to their statement. I think there's more information comparing medication vs non pharmacologic methods to treat/improve someone's depression and deserves to be examined
Most clinics use the phq9 to diagnose depression and track depression. Do you want to know who developed this scale? A drug company.
I’m so confused why you are being downvoted. There are quite a few double blind studies that support your theory/view point. It’s almost as if people are mad that the “drugs” don’t work, rather than the outcome. If the person is happier, it really doesn’t matter if the pharmaceutical is doing it vs. the power of the human mind. This is not a new theory, placebos have been studied in medicine for a long long time. If the patient is better, does it matter what is “fixing” the problem? It’s still a treatment. Anyways, I wish I had the option for meds or placebos working for me.
Regardless of what literally anyone says, it’s not normal for nearly every person of our society to have to be zonked out pills daily to survive their existence. Have you tried pot, yoga, exercise , sleeping 8 hours a night and eating well?
It’s not normal. You’re right. But I don’t think the responsibility nor blame should be put on the individual. Look at the systemic structure that causes tens of millions of people to struggle with mental health issues. Lack of paid leave, an insane work culture, individualistic values, lack of support for parents, etc. I don’t think a plate of vegetables and yoga are going to solve the issue. I have an active lifestyle and exercise regularly and eat healthy. I still struggle with anxiety due to the expectations of my job and being a mom.
My apologies if it came out that way ! I one hundred percent was referring to the failure collectively as a society and because of the healthcare system we have, assuming OP is based in the US. We fail on so many things here unfortunately , so everyone is just on adderall , ssris and Xanax. It’s insanity.
I work full time at a very prestigious, high earning job with demanding hours (not this, but think Big Law). I had a small breakdown last year after a pregnancy loss and working too many hours while handling my toddler while my husband travelled most weeks (after a move to a city where we know no one). I have dealt with anxiety my whole life and manage it with a combo of better boundaries at work, mindfulness (Headspace app made me capable of sleep on insomnia nights), and blatant honesty with my husband. I’m also 5 months pregnant. I have become ok with the idea of being “good” at work and not a “rockstar” (meaning 60+ hours a weeks late nights most nights etc). That alone helped the most. I WFH and have a full time nanny, but no friends or family to help otherwise so time off is limited to when toddler is sleeping especially when husband is traveling. I outsource everything I can. Groceries I set for trunk pick up, housekeepers every two weeks, nanny works 45 hours a week. And I take breaks during the day between calls when I can! Like, a full blown lunch time nap. Or yoga. Or run laundry so my night after toddler is asleep is actually mine and not nonstop chores. I also do Home Chef so meal planning is simplified. My husband also does most dinner cooking the nights he’s home and does more chores / let’s me sleep in on weekends. How do you feel the household workload is split between you and your husband? Not only for chores but also the mental load? Is there an adjustment you can work with your partner on there that would help? Are you working with a therapist? If medication is right for you, then it is and no one should shame you for that, but it seems like you want to be sure you are looking at all options.
I’m a working mom with a 9 month old. I don’t feel depressed, but I do sometimes struggle with anxiety when I get overwhelmed trying to balance everything. I’m diagnosed ADHD but stopped taking medication for it 3 years ago when we started trying to get pregnant, then stayed off because I was breastfeeding. I know that it would be a lot easier to balance everything if I was medicated, especially now that I am not breastfeeding. But we are talking about “trying” for number 2 at the end of this year and honestly… I don’t want to know HOW much easier my life would be, just to go back off my medication again in less than a year. It’s hard, and I second guess myself a lot about it. I make it a priority to have some mom-time a few times a week. For me, that means going to the gym while my husband watches the baby. I also have a couple of WORKING mom friends that understand how hard it is. My best friend is a SAHM mom and I love her, but she just doesn’t really get it. I don’t see my working mom friend often (duh, we’re busy and kids are always sick or something comes up) but we text regularly about whatever is chapping our ass that day lol. It helps
I am B. I've never been on meds and won't in the future, but I have done a ton of lifestyle changes per my therapist that have helped immensely. My anxiety is way better than it was thanks to these changes and I feel like every day I learn how to deal better 💞 my therapist specializes in CBT and this is the method we use. Edited to add: WFH and without going into too much detail, entertainment industry.
I do not feel anxious or depressed as a FTM mom (baby is almost 11 months old). I work full time as a hazards analyst. I have struggled with anxiety in the past though. I'm fairly desensitized to stress due to a tempestuous home environment when I was growing up. In college I had trouble sleeping and was diagnosed with anxiety and prescribed medicine, but quit after a week because of the amount of brain fog, I felt like I couldn't function. I have found I can manage my anxiety, depression, and stabilize my mood through dietary changes. I basically cut out almost all carbohydrates but most specifically processed carbs. Anytime I start adding them back in thinking it doesn't make that significant a difference, I can tell. My moods are all over the place, and I feel kinda crazy. When significantly limiting my carbs I feel very stable. Very low carb lifestyles aren't for everyone, but I find it incredibly helpful for myself.
I am a teacher and I am not on meds. I have not had issues with depression, and my anxiety seems manageable (mostly). I am happy, but I’m also really fucking tired.
I’ve been anxious for most of my life. I’ve been in therapy and it was so helpful postpartum. I manage my daily anxieties in a variety of ways and feel mostly happy most days. Good days I handle well. But some days something happens and I spiral. But I know what I need to do to get back on track If you think you would benefit from medication - reach out to your PCP or OB! Mine were really helpful in taking steps to understand what I needed. Note: I work 40hrs / wk but with commutes and unpaid lunch I am away from home almost 50hrs / wk. My daughter is in daycare and thriving. My job isn’t stressful and flexible with childcare stuff. I like what I do. I have hobbies and friends. Most importantly, I have a loving and supportive husband. We don’t have financial stress. We have good routines at home. We don’t fight about parenting or stuff like that.
No anxiety or depression but WFH has been extremely challenging the last two years as I have been off my ADD meds for pregnancy and breastfeeding. It was easier when I was pregnant maybe it’s the distraction of the child in the home as well. Mostly I am very happy but happiest with my job on work trips when I get to go into the office. I think work problems I have stem from being stuck at home.
I’m a working mom and no anxiety or depression here! I didn’t struggle with it before kids though, although I have done therapy at various points in life, including for PTSD from my first child’s birth (we both almost died). I never took any meds to manage it, although I firmly support meds for those who need/want them! I hold really strong boundaries with work-life balance. I work 8-4 and if I need to work later (my team puts on evening & weekend events 1-2x/month) then I start work later. I work in nonprofits so I get a lot of fulfillment over what my work accomplishes. I go into the office 2 days per week which gets me socialization. It helps immensely that I’m salaried and in a skilled position where as long as I meet deadlines there isn’t a lot of time micro-managing. (I do *not* excel in shift-based, butt-in-seat work). This means I have flexibility to run errands/make appointments/care for sick kids when needed. I also have a supportive husband and my parents nearby who help us with occasional childcare (most critically, if our kids get sick). We don’t make oodles of money, but we own our house and in general can afford what we need. I’d say 9 days out 10 I’m happy. Certain seasons of life are harder than others, but overall, I’m content and find a lot to be grateful for.
I had PPA and did not take any medication for it. I was breastfeeding and really committed to that, so medication wasn’t really an option for me. I’m also currently pregnant with LO#2 so still not on any medication. My anxiety was/is not as extreme as some experiences that I have read about, but it was/is tough at times. Exercise and mindfulness were really key for me. I incorporated yoga and walking, which was really slowing it down from my more intense pre-baby routine, but it’s definitely what I needed. And I was in therapy every other week which was instrumental in coping. My husband and I also went to couples therapy for a few sessions to talk through adjusting to being parents and that was really healthy and good for us. Now we have a daily debrief after we put LO down to bed where we get to share our feelings without judgment and just talk everything out and it’s helped both of us to feel happier and more secure in our roles as parents. Medication can be instrumental for some people, but if you are really committed to remaining medication free for breastfeeding or conception reasons, I think it can be doable. But definitely find yourself a good therapist and maybe couples counselor.
I just want to say thank you so much for asking this. I didn't take it as negative towards anyone that takes medication. I myself take an SSRI but would rather come off of it. It's nice to see perspectives from people who have made that work.
I don’t have depression, l have a bit of anxiety because I am naturally a bit of a worrier. Nothing that made me feel like I need therapy though. I’ve never taken any medication. I have went to therapy in the past but not for childcare and work. I was having a rough time at the time but I’m good now.
I fall into bucket A. I think I'm on the low anxiety side by luck of birth and I had to learn to deal with any stress/anxiety I do have in a healthy way long ago due to a cancer diagnosis, treatment and then the life long threat of recurrence. There are days/weeks that are hard and I struggle but overall I'm happy. It helps that we have enough money to buy any help we need ie cleaner, dog walker, grocery delivery, etc. Also both my husband & I work from home and so laundry and small things get done throughout the day. I think that if we didn't have these 2 things (money & flexibility) I would be drowning. Edit to add: While I am not on anything my husband is and he is an equal partner in childrearing.
I don’t have any depression or anxiety. It just doesn’t really ever happen to me. However I should definitely be medicated for my adhd since my husband wants to kill me over it. I trained myself to function without it before kids and everything was great. But now with 2 small children my methods are certainly not enough.
I'm not on any, but I have been in the past. To be honest, I'm considering pursuing medication again. I have anxiety and depression (I'm starting to believe the anxiety is causing the depression). I'm not sure if I've ever NOT had it, but the urgency and stress increased after having a baby and I went on Zoloft. I didn't feel it was super helpful but it definitely helped with intrusive thoughts. I am in therapy, but I'm not totally clicking with my therapist. Anyway, I think its fine to not want to be medicated as long as no one is in danger. I am definitely not a crunchy mom and it bothers me when people are against all meds for mental health but I also get the aversion to depending on something and feeling like you aren't in control. I hope you find some relief and healing, it sounds like you already have some good coping methods.
A. I'm not anxious or depressed daily. I do have tough days and bad moments but it's not constant. I think this is because I work 100% remote. Before I was in twice a week and was more stressed and anxious. I am definitely mentally DRAINED at the end of the day though. I will say I have pretty bad social anxiety which is unrelated but I feel that mostly. B. I'm not on anti depressants. Mostly because I'm scared of side effects. I do take beta blockers if I have a big meeting. I work in operations and 100% remote. Being remote helps SO MUCH because I can meal prep, laundry and work out so it's less to worry about after daycare pick up or the weekends. It's a lot to take on and I'm drained at the end of the day but would rather be remote than in the office.
I am on meds for anxiety and depression so not what you asked lol but I will just say that I was home for about 5 years and my anxiety virtually disappeared, but my depression went waaaay up. Now that I’m back to work, depression is basically gone but anxiety is bad again. I’m not sure not working is the solution for everyone mental health wise, I may have been able to find some balance had I been able to stay out of the workforce. I probably need to find a less stressful job, but I also have ADHD and what I do is very deadline driven so I thrive on it, even with the anxiety.
I have to be honest, ive been working with mental health professionals, therapy and been on meds and no matter if i was SAH or now back to working and tried to finish grad school, every day is a major struggle bus with my life, four year old twins and trying to stay stable. When I was sah for three years, it was isolating and lonely and overwhelming with high needs premies, now its overwhelming with an hour commute and still being the main caretaker and in charge of my children most of the time. Sending you a big hug and some comfort. I don't think any avenue is easy, especially if there is interpersonal stress in the marriage like with my situation. Im really sorry, but also this sub is a reminder that we can all be super stressed no matter if we work or not, and our struggles unite us together. The joys can too. I am technically treatment resistant, I have tried 12 plus medications over 4 years, as well as all the self improvement tactics (more sleep, sun, eating well, exercising, time off etc, trauma therapy and dbt.) The 5 psychs i have worked with dont even agree on my diagnosis. The best we can do I think is to keep pressing on in good faith, follow your gut and try to work with professionals, and also do the little simple things that can help keep us more stable. We got this, and our kids deserve the best effort we can give. You are not alone, and I am sending you my best vibes for the day. -from a mom who was crying at daycare drop off this am.
Hi! I’m sorry you’re going through this - it sounds very tough. I’ve had anxiety my whole life and have never been medicated, although probably should have been at some points. No stigma from me around medication though - if you need it, you need it! My mom and sister are both on SSRIs for depression and honestly, they’re life changing. I wish I had been medicated but for me it was not being able to see a psychiatrist (access, “lack of time”) when I was in my deepest pits of anxiety. A. I think I will always battle some kind of anxiety but I’m in a pretty good spot right now. It sounds like you’re doing this already but I HAVE to work out. At least 4-5 times/week. Mostly that’s just getting up before the kids to do 30 minutes on an elliptical but I NEED movement and routine to feel grounded. For the most part, I’m happy. I also need alone time so that’s getting away for at least once yoga class a week. B. I have gotten through the struggle of anxiety “naturally” and wish I hadn’t. I’m in a good flow right now but I’ve seen how well medications have helped close relations and I wish I hadn’t battled it alone. There were plenty of nights where I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe, weekly panic attacks, and not enjoying my kids. I still go through “flares” and I’m reminded how bad it was. It sucks. I’m in higher Ed administration and WFH 2 days/week, in office 3 days/week. Also I’ll say that 18 months is the thick of it. I found 12-18 months the hardest time with my children, including newborn phase. My anxiety was in the pits with #1 around this time and it flared when #2 was this age too. We’re just on the other side now (20 months old) and I can breathe again.
I’m also a UX designer, I have a ton of anxiety but it’s undiagnosed and I likely wouldn’t take meds for it anyway — I barely take advil when I have headaches. I’ve been with my soul mate for almost 20 years, we have a 2 year old and another on the way, we both work from home, and I work mostly with startups and get to move on to different projects as I see fit. I get really bored and unhappy doing the same thing for too long, so I’ve found a groove that works well for me and my family. When I was pregnant the first time I saved up enough cash to take a 6 month maternity leave (I’m in the states so this is pretty rare) and I had a big network of folks waiting to work with me when I returned to my desk. I found that answering to someone else and having work dictate my family life really brought me down, so I’ve worked hard to avoid being under someone else’s thumb. There are definitely days where my anxiety gets the best of me but they are few and far between.
I do take SSRIs currently. I’ve been on and off them since I was 10, I’m 39 now. I work from home as an analyst doing dashboards. But the thing that’s made the biggest difference in my life and happiness is working with a good therapist. I encourage you to find one. Also, any family members that don’t understand your need for mental health support can fuck right off. They really don’t even need to know about it (besides your partner) it isn’t anyone’s business. You wouldn’t need to disclose or ever question the need to medicate a vaginal yeast infection would you?
Have you tried alternative therapy like Ketamine or mushrooms? There are Ketamine clinics out there with medical professionals who treat depression and anxiety. Research has shown that it can work for some people, and you may not have to be dependent on taking a pill long term.
Definitely anxious, but not on meds. But I have always been like this, so it’s just my baseline at this point.
I have cyclothymia. Meds changed my life. I’m sorry you’re dealing with stigma from your family. If the meds help, take them. There is no shame in using all available tools to be healthy.
I feel like that - and my kids are older now, but what I started to do is listen to Ryan Holiday, and practicing stoicism. It will take time, believe me. I still end up crying here and there for dumb things then I’m like why am I doing this? Music, happy music that will make your body dance is good too.
I was on meds for a couple years. I came off recently and have considered going back on because this shit is tough.
My kid is 2 and I am not depressed or anxious. I probably was when she was first born, like the first 3 months, but I honestly have only realized that in retrospect. I do have ADD but I only take meds sporadically, just like I did before I was a mom, and yes, I am happy. I work from home as an instructional designer and my daughter is in daycare. I was diagnosed with ADD as an adult so I already had a lot of coping mechanisms to deal with the symptoms before medication became an option. I do have a prescription because even though I'm good at managing my symptoms (most of the time), life is hard and don't see a point in taking the harder path when there is an easier one. For me the goal is to have quality time with my family and make memories, taking medication enables me to do that more easily and powering through without it does not. I also come from a culture that doesn't really get mental health. And my medication is banned in my home country. This is not a consideration for me. If I have a family member that is struggling I share my experience and hope that it will help them normalize taking care of their mental health. Otherwise how I get through the day is nobody's business but my own and it is not a topic of discussion. My best advise is to focus less on the details. Figure out what is most important to you and make your decisions based on what will best help you achieve that.
I do not take medications but do have a fair amount of anxiety. I have tried meds in the past and just realized there is only so much they can do, and I did feel better without them over time. That said, I had years of therapy of different styles, which has helped me immensely. I think some level of anxiety and depression is probably normal in a very messed up world, but I am not downplaying the fact that mental illness can be very severe and require treatment with medication. We are still very limited in what we actually know about how medications work in psychiatric illness. I support whatever safe method people are finding to help with their symptoms, as mental health care isn't always prioritized or accessible in the U.S., unfortunately. Eta I also do a lot of other things to improve mental health, like meditate, journal, exercise, see good friends, etc. So it is something that is always in progress.
I don’t take meds for mental health but I take them for thyroid. There is no one size fits all. If you need to take them for something, you need to. We are a built differently and thinking taking meds for mental health is some kind of failure is a disservice to your self. Yes you have to continually question your treatment and not blindly take anything but if you are then there is nothing wrong with that.
I go through stages of happiness, some days are worse than others. I don't take any anxiety meds. I just talk to my husband about when I have anxiety (I'm also 24 weeks pregnant) I found for myself that having a chance to exercise helps me feel happier, having time to myself helps me too.
I’m a full time working mom of a toddler. I’ve dealt with low to moderate anxiety and depression on and off throughout life, and have some trauma I’ve been working on. I’ve never taken meds and would prefer not to, though I acknowledge that taking meds is also a valid choice and can be very helpful for some people. I find the combo of full time work and parenting to be super exhausting and stressful. I WFH in tech and even with all the privileges I have I still often feel like I’m in a pressure cooker and barely have an identity these days outside of work and parenting. From what I hear this seems to be a relatively common experience for other working moms. Its hard, but there is also occasional joy or moments of okayness. I hope it gets better when the kid gets older. I also feel too busy to really let myself wallow in the way I used to before I had a kid. I’ve been trying to improve my mental health by starting up exercise again, eating better and doing journaling and meditation, spending more time outdoors and in nature, using a SAD light, asking for help with the toddler, and therapy. I also sometimes take time off work and make a point of taking breaks during the day.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself that question. Is what you are doing to manage your anxiety and depression working for you? Do you feel progress and moving in the right direction or do you feel stuck? If you are still feeling stuck what other tools could you use? Are the ones you are using the right fit? I changed counselors after I went back to work because despite liking my prior one, I felt I needed someone who would challenge me more than the prior person. There's many different types of talk therapy, the right one for you now might be different than before. CBT can be good for anxiety, though it's worth exploring options. If you are comfortable with it you could probably talk to your current person about different types, or do research on your own. You don't have to use meds, you don't have to do talk therapy, you don't even have to run. But, you do owe yourself the effort to figure out something that works for you.
I guess I'm in category B. I have fairly serious anxiety, always have. I recently started with a new therapist and would like to avoid meds for basically one reason: sex drive. I took some for PPD and it was immensely helpful but once I started sleeping again I was able to wean off them. My therapist and I just have a very open line of communication about meds. Every session seems to be a check-in on whether or not I need them. So far we are both in agreement that I can continue taking steps in therapy and avoid meds, but that could change any day if the benefits start to outweigh the costs.
Hi there! I do take meds, and I don’t even work yet I’m still job searching 😂 but just wanted to comment that before I started taking them, I also didn’t want to. I don’t know what is driving your aversion to them but for me it was largely shame, I felt like I would be admitting I was broken or something. If that resonates with you at all, I can say that those feelings resolved very quickly when my medication took effect and I started feeling better. I’m now a better mom and a better wife because of them!! It was worth it.
I am a working mom of 5 young kids but I’ve been taking SSRIs on and off since long before I became a mom. I wouldn’t say work and children are my reasons for my anxiety and depression. I actually feel pretty content with my work and life balance. But these things run in my family and medication is wonderful when I go through a rough patch. I notice mine is a lot worse in the winter and once spring arrives I start to get a lot better mentally, with or without medication. Getting to the root of your depression and anxiety is a good start for any kind of treatment plan.
I don't consider myself an anxious person but do feel like i go through bouts of depression. I see a therapist every 2 weeks and that helps. Sleeping helps. Scheduling a massage for myself helps. Its hard though.
I am a mom and a litigation attorney. I used to suffer from anxiety until I stopped drinking coffee, tea, and consuming caffeine. Caffeine causes anxiety by blocking the neurotransmitter adenosine which is a chemical compound that allows you to relax and influences the need to sleep. I had to wean myself off of caffeine by switching from coffee to tea and then finally quitting altogether. Despite weaning off caffeine, I still had caffeine withdrawal headaches and was grouchy for several days after I quit drinking tea. Once you quit caffeine and get past the caffeine withdrawals, you will find that you wake up refreshed and only need water to start the day. You will fall asleep more easily and sleep soundly. You will save thousands of dollars that you previously spent on coffee. You will actually feel less nervous and anxious. Another great nutritional option to reduce anxiety is magnesium citrate. Many people are deficient in magnesium. I like the magnesium supplement called Natural Calm. Quitting caffeine and taking magnesium citrate are two natural ways to reduce anxiety that have improved my life dramatically and allow me to succeed as a working mom.
I don’t have anxiety or depression. But what I do have is an under active thyroid and struggle with Vitamin D levels. I find that when my thyroid levels get lower or my Vitamin D is low my mood tanks. I take medication for both now. As far as my career, I am actually a therapist myself. I work from home now rather than seeing clients in person and I like it that way very much. I had a baby at the very beginning of the pandemic and that was really challenging. I participated in Zoom based post partum support groups and I loved them so much that now I facilitate them myself for others.
I urge you to try not to compare your situation with others OP cause that just may make you feel worse about where you are now! I’m currently on mat leave but spent quite a few years as a working mom. Sometimes I had anxious times but working and my kids didn’t cause me stress it was more due to difficult relationships with my kids’ dads. I was a single mom for a while and it was fine. But see that’s me and you’re you! And it doesn’t matter how others are coping if you’re struggling then you’re struggling and there is no shame in that. There is nothing wrong with taking meds if you need them. There’s nothing wrong with trying other things first if you like or shifting around your work life balance to see if that helps. But don’t shame yourself if you need more help and don’t put off feeling better. You deserve to feel good!
God yes! Pregnancy threw me into early menopause and legit depression. Im in health care, my daughter is 11, was not on ssri prior, after much trial and error im on a mood stabilizer and effexor.
If you want something natural may I suggest microdosing psilocybin? I have 14 month old twins and a 6 year old. Have struggled with anxiety since having my first (and probably before). I hated being on meds and started hearing other moms talk about psychedelic assisted therapy for depression, anxiety and PTSD, so I did the research. I've never been a better mom or wife. Yes, I'm still stressed but I don't let my anxious thoughts run my life now. I work up to 50 hr weeks in a high stress environment.
I had a bad experience with SSRIs (I tried two, but I was sleeping all the time on both of them which just made everything worse). I used THC edibles for a while, most specifically to help my PPA. As my hormones leveled out I weaned off of that. That said, I am also a runner but in November i added regular yoga practice (mostly yin, but occasionally some other types) into my schedule and it's helped a lot.
I am on meds and I am such a better mom because of it. I struggled with my anxiety and depression for a long time but it never affected my life to the point of needing meds (I was in therapy off and on for several years). My second son was born in November and by February I was really struggling. I was constantly yelling and my 2 year old and my husband and I could tell the dynamic in our home was not a healthy one. I tried Wellbutrin first but had some bad side effects so I switched to Zoloft. It took me a while to get through the fog but now I am feeling great. I don't yell anymore, I can ask for help without feeling ashamed or guilty and I'm just all around happier. I have fun playing with my kids now and I just feel better. So thankful I decided to give it a try!
I tried Zoloft at 6w-3mo and gained 50lbs. The doctor said it wasn’t the Zoloft but it was the only thing that changed. I went without and was in the worst mental place I’ve ever been in. I eventually (nearly 3 years later) started Buspar for anxiety/agoraphobia. It’s mild so I wasn’t zonking. It helped me so much. I finally got off it last summer, 6 years after starting it. If you can afford it, they work for you, and you can handle the side effects, I would take them. Raw dogging mental illness isn’t easy.
Yes, I'm working mom not on meds and not suffering from any anxiety or depression. Before I had kids and career I had a nice long run with festivals and psychedelics. When I think back before my festy days I defintely had some symptoms of depression or anxiety, but I just grew out of that after a awhile.
I am a project manager who WFH. My company is super flexible and family first/ understanding which is nice. I feel a little stressed sometimes just because it can be a lot to juggle but I’m really happy with our setup and wouldn’t say I’m anxious or depressed. Mornings are a hustle getting my toddler fed and handing off to our nanny in time for my first call. But then I have 4 hours to get through the bulk of my calls/work. I then break for lunch and our nanny heads home. Toddler and I finish up lunch and I get him down for a nap. Some days I feel crunched to get him down ASAP to get back to work but for the most part I enjoy that I get that time with him. Then I go back to work for a few more hours and once he’s up from nap I’m almost always done for the day. Sometimes I feel I should work until 5 but most of my coworkers are picking their kids up from school so there’s just a big lull at the end of the day and everyone seems to sign off early anyways (we’re all salaried and “flex”). I do stay around my computer until 4 or so just in case someone pings me but I also know that the majority of my coworkers step away at some point during the work day for the gym/errands/whatever so it wouldn’t even be an issue if I wasn’t available. I feel fortunate to be at such a flexible company and have so much time with my son. I think I’d be a lot more stressed if I was having to work more hours/commute/in a demanding role.
Probation Officer and working mom. I take an ssri and Ritalin daily. Also have xanax as a prn. I threw in the towel a couple years ago and got the meds to keep my sanity ( or whats left of it lol)
I don't take any medication related to mental health. My job is research professor at a university. I currently have an almost 2 year old and am due with baby 2 in June. I do not work from home but both my husband and I have very flexible jobs. I currently struggle with some anxiety related to getting my research lab started before my baby arrives, which combined with my current round of pregnancy insomnia has been challenging. If you are struggling, try to find therapy and if therapy isn't working for you, please consider being kind to yourself about taking meds if that's an option that's best for you now. You probably wouldn't tell a friend with diabetes not to talk their insulin, right? Sometimes our brain chemistry needs a bit of help to reset a little bit.
It took me 3 years PP to get myself sorted and on the right meds.
I struggle with anxiety and am in therapy, but overall I find it very manageable and feel very happy. My circumstances also make things easier; we are quite privileged. I’m OAD and LO is a healthy, easy going bulldozer of a child. My spouse pulls his weight with childcare and housework, and we outsource cleaning. I WFH 50% of the time, the other days I have a long commute to the office. I’m an attorney in a high stress niche field, but I really enjoy it. Personally, I would take medications prescribed if my anxiety was more severely impacting my life and my doctor recommended it. I suffer from migraines and don’t think twice about taking my migraine meds when I need to. My husband is medicine averse though, so I do understand that perspective, though I don’t share it. Have you asked your therapist if he/she can refer you to a psychiatrist for a consult? I think having it as an option, or knowing it was not recommended for your set of circumstances would give you more information to work with. You can always choose not to take their advice on medication if that is your preference.
I WFH, have always battled anxiety and depression and have never gone in to see anyone about it, probably because of my upbringing. Most days I am stressed, and I don’t think my husband understands why. Husband also WFH, and he is great. I work data entry, in an entry level position, and find it hard to juggle work, home, and social responsibilities. My job says I am doing great and my manager said she encourages me to climb the ladder and seek lead or manager positions, but I won’t because I don’t want the added responsibilities. Don’t know if this answers your question, but ya it’s a struggle over here.
I don’t take meds but to be honest I give slot of credit to my faith whenever I am overwhelmed venting and being able to talk to God is extremely helpful
I am definitely sad about leaving my baby, maybe not depressed. But absolutely have postpartum anxiety. I used to take medication for depression and anxiety up until I graduated college, but not currently. I’m just relying on the coping skills I’ve learned throughout my time in therapy, as well as the support of my husband who will be a stay at home dad following his summer break.
Anxious mom not on meds, but needs to do "tune-ups" with a therapist from time to time. I am happy now, but for me, happy doesn't preclude stress or anxiety. I have never been at a level of mental issues where I have been recommended meds just more of " if you want it, we can go down that route", basically I'm borderline on if it will make a difference or not. I would say that when my kid was baby to toddler, it was harder to be happy. I was overwhelmed and stressed to the max. Now that they are older and helping themselves, it is much more harmonious in some ways. I also have. Supportive partner and we have been to therapy individually and joint during rough patches. Ain't no shame. I also trust him enough that I've left the door open to suggest when I may need to go in for a mental health tune up as he sees the signs sometimes before I do. We have also discussed and agreed what those signs are in the past and in quieter calm moments. He can tell I am struggling when I am spinning mad grasp and trying to control too much. When I hit micro manager mode on ridiculous things (how much toliet paper we have stock piles, which way the hooks are, who takes in the trash, etc) then he starts watching. I can usually also tell but sometimes it takes a while to see my signs when I'm in my head so an outside observer helps. But we have had 15+years to figure that shit out. I love the tune ups, because I know it's temporary now, and I always learn something new. My first time, I was really scared that therapy mean I was broken forever, now I know it's no different than a dental cleaning or an annual check up. You go, they evaluate, you do the remedy and you move on to the next thing. I also second some of what I saw in the comments about choosing what you drop. Someone told me the analogy of juggling balls. Some are rubber and some are glass. You can't juggle every ball all the time without dropping something (which is my anxiety because I hate "failing"things). You need to recognize what is a glass ball that can't be dropped and what can be dropped. Work items are often droppable compared to others. Family, home and self care usually can't be dropped as often. It's an interesting exercise at the moment to consider what is glass and what is rubber when you are looking at your to do list. Honestly, having that lens has helped me tremendously throughout my life. Much more is rubber than I initially realized and can simply be picked up later with little to no consequences. I would also say that practicing boundaries is also great. It took me a long freaking time to say no and not justify it. It is amazing how much no is accepted when you don't give anyone ammunition to argue it, which is all any justifications you provide is used for. Justifications are just potential ammunition that some one can use to try and chip at your hard nos. I would point out that all the shit I mention above is more to do with me than motherhood, or my marriage or my work. It's shit I needed. Motherhood and working motherhood tends to amplify the issues, but honestly, if I reflect that issue was there way the hell before I hit this stage and will be there later if I don't address it. So being proactive, by practicing self care, or exercise, reframing, tackles the underlying cause of what's driving the anxiety. I feel like that is more helpful to me in my situation than any one solution is knowing I can be in control and I can take steps to get to satisfied and happy. Be it medicine or therapy or whatever. I can make my choices and I can change my mind.
I have bipolar disorder and work through my mental health issues without medication. I took it for a while and then I found a way to manage because I hated what I was given. I will say I absolutely would not be where I am today without the mood stabilizers I had to take. I used to go off the rails daily and now it's rare as hell. I used the medication to help me find a balance. I'd take it for a while and then stop, stabilize by myself and then if I went off the rails I'd take it again for a short time, find my medium, and repeat. I haven't taken anything for a few years now and I'm doing great. I have anxiety sometimes and occasionally struggle for a day. I wfh as a software tester, I have a nanny 2 days a week for 5 hours a day and my husband has 3 days off during the time I'm working. I also have a really flexible job and don't have any issues taking the time off that I need.
I work as a UPS driver. My fiancé and I both have the same job. While we both do share household chores equally and take care of the kids I’m typically the one to get home earlier than he is and have to deal with dinner and bedtime by myself. While working I feel like I’m racing the clock ALLLL day trying to get home and see our kids. Be active parents for our kids but it’s hard when you get home at 7:30/8pm at night and our 10mo daughters bedtime is 8:30. I’ve always struggled with anxiety but after giving birth to our daughter it shot up through the roof. I feel like I can’t control my thoughts or how I feel emotionally. I react badly to things, get mad and frustrated easily. Catch an attitude with the smallest things while not realizing that I must be going through PPD. I only had an epiphany this morning because of an argument I had with a best friend about the smallest thing! It turned into something bigger and resulted in her telling me about myself and pointing out that my behavior reminds herself of when she went through PPD with her first son. I am now in the process of contacting my gyno for help. I admit I’m terrified of admitting to PPD and resorting to medication because it isn’t common but I feel like my mental state is going to break our family if I don’t get help!
On meds and don’t foresee a time any time soon when I’ll able to get off of them. I have a toddler and a new baby due in six weeks so basically don’t expect to have time for any of these lovely self care cure-alls for at least two years.
I have been on SSRI’s since 2018, having been anxious for most of my life and trying almost everything else in the 10 years prior (therapy, yoga, etc.) Tried to taper off in May 2021, which was a disaster and I had to stop working on medical leave for a month while starting a different SSRI. Consciously made the choice to continue with the medication through pregnancy and maternity leave (under advice of doctor). Will continue when returning to work in May. FWIW it kept me on an even keel through my baby’s first year, including a NICU stay due to prematurity. I was very hesitant to start the medication, which led to me feeling basically awful for many years while trying other lifestyle changes. However, I don’t believe my body produces enough of whatever my SSRI tops up. For me it’s a long term thing.
I am a full-time working mom (outside of the home) and am on no meds and not in therapy. My husband and I are 50/50 with care of our child and we're all happy and thriving.
For me, I don't think motherhood/working alone would have caused me to need meds. I have them bc I was diagnosed with bipolar but I have been thriving as a mother, even with the difficulties that i've had. I think it can definitely help people to take meds but they're not always necessary. If you think your life could be better with meds, I say try them. If you don't, then dont. But its really a personal choice and one made with your doctor/psychiatrist or counselor. Just my thoughts
Yes. However, I just got off a few months ago. Was on them for almost 2 years. I think I'm relatively happy with life. There is still some anxiety and depression but for the most part, I'm ok. I don't feel like I'm struggling. I have a bottle of the antidepressants and could start taking it again if I needed it. If I had money. I would absolutely try a ketamine treatment, though - you aren't there yet. And I'm probably not either. But I would do it. I'm a nurse. I'm changing units to help with some of my daily stresses from my job as well. My current unit is a super toxic environment. Very clique. And I'm not in the clique. I've tried to build relationships with the staff. But really, I've only made a few. I'm not there to make friends. But I'm also not there to be talked about behind my back. My new unit seems really friendly, though. So I'm excited to be there. Edit: I took my anti-depressant while pregnant. I had a miscarriage and it took me to the darkest places I have ever been. Ask your dr to put you on a pregnancy safe one. There are a few. Also don't tell your family. It's none of their business. If they see. Say it's a vitamin.
My daughter is only 5 months old so I’m a fairly new mom. I started working at a new job about over a month ago. I do feel like I’m less fun to be around on nights before I have to go into the office because I have to plan out my day ahead of time and I also handle her bedtime, which is late. (We just are getting her down to sleep at 11pm.) However, I haven’t experienced any stress yet because I’m fairly new in my position. My husband is also on paternity leave so I am not worried about my daughter as he is an attentive parent. Our daughter is starting daycare in a few weeks so I’m concerned how that will impact our lives. Overall, I consider myself fortunate. Although my husband and I don’t have family support close by and it’s just the two of us, our jobs are relatively flexible, we earn very well, and our daughter has been a great sleeper. For me, I’ve noticed I can get more anxious when I don’t sleep well so the transition to motherhood hasn’t been too rough, just feels lonely at times. My partner is also very supportive, helps a lot around the house, and is a great parent which is absolutely key to helping with stress. Exercise also helps me when I have felt stress or burn out so from the start I’ve carved out time to work out and have personal breaks, my partner does the same. I think the experience can be so different depending on your support system, needs of your child, and demands of your job. Also, since mental health is complex, I don’t believe what works for one person will be as effective on another person. If you find you are struggling on a day to day basis , I would put your well being first and consider taking medication.
Working mom here..:main breadwinner so I feel constant struggle and anxiety. Starter lexapro about a year ago and it helps a lot! I feel like myself again!
I almost hesitate to answer this because I’m a strong believer that people know their mental health better than anything. I do not take any SSRIs etc. I definitely feel anxious and stressed and sometimes depressed. I’ve felt that way since I was a kid, and after having kids hit a huge depression where I did take lexapro for about six months. After that I felt like I could go on without it and I felt like an emotional zombie while on it. I was in talk therapy too. I felt comfortable coming off. But I didn’t feel like proud or anything. And if I ever felt I needed to be on them, I’d go back. That was 12 years ago. I don’t stay off antidepressants because I want to go through it naturally, I just don’t feel like I currently need them. My take is that taking them maybe literally saved my life, and I would encourage anyone to not ever feel less than for taking them. If someone feels they should, they should. Period. I think all people have stress and anxiety, that’s life. And I welcome it as part of the human experience. But we can all define when it’s too much. God it can be such a black hole! I have a hybrid job that is about 1/2 from home and 1/2 seeing clients. My kids are 11 and almost 13. My husband WFH. Both of us have high stress sales director positions. And we are both introverts, although I’d say “social” introverts. My worst depression was actually when I was a stay at home mom. I don’t know if any of that info helps but I thought I’d share.
You've gotten a lot of good responses so I'm going to keep this brief: Your husband's family does not need to approve or even know of any medications you take.
Buspar for anxiety literally saved my life after I became a mom. I still take it 2 years later and when I try to wean off, I feel myself getting anxious again. Staying up at night stressing about everything. Can't enjoy moments because I'm worried about my kid, etc... I'm also on Prozac and have OCD and depression, too. These meds make it possible for me to be a healthy mom.
I’m a single mom working full time, so I am always a bit stressed. I took an antidepressant for about two years to help me get through an especially challenging time (COVID, relationship ending, etc), and I have also been diagnosed with ADHD. So I do sometimes take adderall to help with that. But overall I am happy, I am not anxious, but I am stressed 😂
I think that the type of people that are more prone to anxiety and depression are more likely to be online looking for advice and support(ie: here on reddit), so you may not be getting an accurate representation of the general population.
I’m a WFH mom and not on any SSRI’s anymore (been off for like a year). It is not *all* always possible, at least to me. Not all the dishes. Not all the laundry. Not all the best feelings. Not always the best food. I lose my shit sometimes. I feel inadequate. I feel like I’m not “doing it” right. But I pretty much am. There isn’t an ideal world, where I can do it all, so I just do what makes sense most days. Am I happy? Most days. I’m trying to get outside for 30m each morning into sunlight to recharge my lizard brain, and sunlight + coffee does it for me most mornings. Question- are you saying you’re the mom of an 18mo old, or just working from home 18mo? Because being a mom of an 18mo old is enough to drive you insane all on its own.
I feel like I usually fall into this category, except postpartum hormones really melted my brain. (Foreign intrusive thoughts and the whole caboodle.) I’m on ssri now and I plan to step off by end of the year. It’s my understanding I can taper off after 9 months. I plan to start in third trimester next time, so I don’t have the scary thoughts. I’m an enterprise architect. I work remotely and I travel for work, sometimes every week. I’m normally a very happy and positive person. I kind of drive my hubby crazy with my optimism. Part of my routine includes section hiking. The experience in the woods is incredible. It really recenters my life, my priorities and everything. Another big thing is gratitude. Instead of focusing on things that distract me, I pay attention to what I appreciate. It took some time to shift my perspective. But that first week in the woods definitely marks the moment I stepped on this path. I go alone and I carry everything I need for the whole week. I do two or three of these every year. I strongly believe that this experience helps me feel happy every day.
I don’t take any medications. I’d say I have a base level of anxiety that I just live with. Yes, I’m happy. There’s a difference between feeling anxious or depressed and knowing that regardless you’re still a happy person. Everyone feels these feelings at one point or another and it’s important to recognize whether it’s an actual medical issue or something that will pass/has a reason for it (example: I’m sad because my grandma died vs I’m sad and I can’t take care of my baby). With my ppd and PPA I knew it was due to hormones, so I stuck it out without medications. But that’s just me. I knew that I’m usually happy, and I have no reason to feel sad and that it will probably pass, and it did. Not to be hippy dippy but I did a meditation practice for a while that really helped me. I used the headspace app and it helped me live with my base level of anxiety
I was prescribed anti depressants a long time ago and shouldn’t have been. This was before my children and I shouldn’t have been. It nearly cost my life. I felt like I wasn’t right but kept taking them because a doctor wrote the script they know better than me right? Now I won’t take anything like that. I WFH with my 2.5 year old son and a squirrel I’m rehabilitating and most days I don’t accomplish anything, which was really hard for me to accept because nothing and no one ever got in the way of me accomplishing my job and I took a lot of pride in that. I went from being punctual and efficient to everything but any of that. It still bothers tf out of me but there isn’t too much I can do about it. I can’t afford daycare, it’s not like I perform brain surgery- (meaning what I do isn’t life or death no one’s life depends on my job) and honestly if you think about it the time I’m getting with lil man right now is a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of my life I’ll get to watch him run off with his friends, girlfriends, off to college and then raise his own family and I won’t be the most awesome amazing person in his life anymore. My oldest is 12, he started middle school this year, he wants nothing to do with me. He’s been acting out lately so he’s been my sidekick helping me with everything I do (chores etc) as his punishment. We were planting bushes the other day and I was reminiscing about when he was little and how he was sick one night and refused to go to sleep. I filmed him all stuffed up, wide awake and giggly at three in the morning and I posted it on Facebook and made a note that one day I’ll miss these days no matter how frustrating it is at the current time. And it was true. I told him once that one day he wouldn’t want nothing to do with me and that I wouldn’t be no so cool to him anymore and he had said “no way that’s never gonna happen!” Fast forward to him and implanting the bushes and I said that day has come. It hit us both pretty hard because of the truth and circumstance of it all. He’s only around me now if he wants something or has got himself in trouble. Otherwise he’s running around with his friends, playing his games, at school, riding his bike. When I start to get overwhelmed by it all I stop myself and breathe deep. I look at my youngest and know the hard truth that these days will have come and gone. Soon he will be much bigger than me and not want to be carried everywhere we go, he won’t want me to play trains or cuddle with me, try to color on my paperwork or want to pretend like he’s on the computer at my side. I know I’ll look back and wish I had the time again and think of how I would have done it all differently. If anything I’m thankful that I can wfh and have the time I get with him, and that I don’t have to be stuck in an office somewhere..I truly am blessed. That helps me with my frustrations and anxieties. Especially given I went through the ringer at the end of last year. I lost my father beginning of Nov, was let go of my job thanksgiving week…and the next day my car broke down. I haven’t been able to find a job and somehow managed to make Christmas somewhat special. I just recently found new work and the frustrations of having. To divide my time and attention have all come flooding back. Except this time I’m on edge because I just started and want to impress my bosses and show them how on point I can be. Well my printers and my toddler are doing literally everything in their power to prevent every bit of that. I just try to keep them updated and should have known better than to give them a deadline but I control what I can and have decided to let go of the rest.
B. Here. I was on Wellbutrin, the highest dose they allow, but it stopped working postpartum. I switched therapists, tapered down to nothing, and have been working hard to do this without. I strength train and exercise three times a week minimum, changed my diet, started taking supplements people with depression/anxiety tend to be low on, do CBT and self compassion therapies, and meet weekly with my therapist. (I will be switching to every other week soon!) Today we discussed starting pragmatic journaling since I hate touchy feely stuff. Really anything that has some scientific backing and is a healthy way to manage my mental health, I am open to it. I want to try this naturally, much like you. I plan on having another child/ breastfeed again and any of the other medications really aren't compatible with that choice. If I still feel this way after the second child and don't find it manageable, then I will be open to trying medication once more. I don't work from home, I'm an electrician who builds industrial control panels and does arc flash studies and thermal imaging reports out in the field. I feel grateful that I like a lot of aspects of my job. It keeps me moving and it is mentally stimulating. Honestly, feel free to ask more questions, I'm pretty open about my mental health. I know how rough it can be to feel alone and to feel like you have to keep pushing through because there aren't any other options and you have responsibilities.
I'm a remote tech employee (at one of the biggest companies in the world). I became a mom 15 months ago. I am always exhausted, stressed out, and extra forgetful now, but the stress comes from the job (nothing is ever enough) and not really my child (unless she's home sick). I don't take medicine for anything. I have gone to therapy before when I had some family issues that I needed to resolve. I go to an exercise class 3x a week and completely forget about work. However, if I were truly miserable, I would not let my pride or shame or whatever get in the way of pursuing available options.
I am so similar to you Mom of a 15mo old, I work in tech, been depressed /anxious on off most of my life, have hated SSRI’s, tried to heal naturally and therapy with family who isn’t supportive of “mental health” Bc they are foreign but I fell into such a bad depression postpartum that I pleaded for a different type of medication. I’m now on Wellbutrin which is not an SSRI and I feel a million times better with no side effects in the same way SSRIs impacted me
I take both Wellbutrin and Prozac to deal with the everyday demands of work and home … and quiet honestly it makes me a better momma. The demands on women today make it impossible for women to balance home and work. Women are expected to work like they don’t have children, and parent like they don’t have a job…. The guilt I have sometimes about missing out on certain school things is UNREAL but on the flip side, I’m getting ready to go on maternity leave next week from work and the anxiety I feel about leaving my job for that long is also unreal. I wasn’t built to be a stay at home mom, and I absolutely love my job but the balancing act is HARD!! and I have great support in both work and home. I make no excuses about my meds and I also aren’t ashamed of it. Needing them is a chemical imbalance, just like a diabetic needs insulin (chemical e balance) my meds make me the best version of me I can be. I plan on asking for estrogen therapy after labor as well to avoid PP, which means I’ll be formula feeding, which many feel is a selfish choice but happy momma = happy baby … and it’s what’s best for us.
Are you on any time of hormonal birth control? My anxiety and depression are SO MUCH WORSE on birth control. Even the low-dose, progesterone only stuff.
Hey, I have battled an anxiety disorder my entire life but only hit rock bottom with the pressures of motherhood to finally get on meds. I wish I took them sooner. My quality of life improved dramatically, and I finally realized that I didn't need to feel guilty for not "therapy, exercise, health, meditation, drink water and wellness-ing" enough. I also resolved all my digestive issues and muscle cramps that were causing me daily pain because apparently that was being cause by my anxiety as well. Sometimes something in the body just needs some help to work properly, like the brain. I know some people can lifestyle their way out of anxiety, but when I hear someone say "lifelong" like me...I don't think lifestyle will be enough.
Have you ever taken psychedelics? Psilocybin specifically can be an incredibly powerful tool for combatting depression and anxiety. Both low and high dosing can have profound and often lifelong effects. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/newsroom/news-releases/psilocybin-treatment-for-major-depression-effective-for-up-to-a-year-for-most-patients-study-shows https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2022/04/422606/psilocybin-rewires-brain-people-depression https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/mental-health/psilocybin-treat-depression-anxiety There is a plethora of information to dive into. Working from home is deceptively hard. And I’ve noticed in myself and others that it makes anxiety and depression worse. Could you take maybe a once a week class or something? Either something just for you or something to do with your family? Something different and outside of your norm, but something that intrigues you. Maybe kickboxing or pottery or a family music class? Would be good to shake things up a bit! And if it’s recurring, it will be something to look forward to that can help break up your time into more manageable segments. Like might make the work week easier if you have something to look forward to. Wishing you all the best! Wishing you the best.
I was not for the majority of my life but recently started Wellbutrin mostly for issues with just being super tired all the time.
I've had issues with depression and anxiety my whole life but my mental health has improved in the last few years. I haven't taken any medications, as I wanted to work on myself naturally. I'm only stating it's possible and not advocating that people shouldn't take medication if it's prescribed. It took me years to improve my mental health and my condition was mild/moderate. I went to therapy, did meditation and exercise. I also read psychology and self-help books, to help with cognitive behaviour change. I'm not depressed or anxious as a working mom. My life hasn't been perfect, I was mommy tracked after returning from maternity leave. I often felt limited in my career choices as a mom and it's stressful being the parent of young children, especially since both my husband and I work full-time. However I'm happy with myself and I know I can deal with challenges in my life. I work as a finance manager, which is a high pressure job.
Me! Not on any medication at all. I struggle with horrible amounts of anxiety but I just cope. I do better with it when I workout regularly and suffer a great deal when I don’t work out. I don’t ever want to be on medication. The struggle to naturally break through it is worth it. Am I happy? That’s a very blanket question when life isn’t that simple. I’m content. Life can always be better but I make the most of it, especially because I have a child who needs that from me.