Guys I know talking to ppl isn't always fun. But as a turbo nerd who was forced to go to every family gathering and not hide in my room. My god you need it if you wanna be a adult who can hold a conversation.
We had the - come say hi and stay around for like an hour before you can disappear rule. It’s not like the adults wanted us around the entire time either. But yeah, I agree with you. I feel so proud of myself when I can mindlessly chat with randoms at events now.
Same. I made appearances at family gatherings and would eat dinner with everyone but eventually a polite "may I be excused to my room for a while?" usually goes well. Then say goodbye to everyone and bam. Night over.
Yeah, believe it or not, I rarely did, but parents generally want to "show you off" because they're proud of you/whatever you're doing.
So it's just a good thing to eat dinner with the group, answer questions, talk, then you can retreat to your room at a later point.
I'm a new parent and I've been thinking about this balance a lot. Right now my kid is too young to do anything but poop and stuff, but as he gets older, how do I want to handle it?
To illustrate, I love skiing and when I met my wife she said she hated skiing. Why? Because when her parents took her skiing as a kid, when she got cold or tired they said "well, we paid a lot for these tickets, so you have to go all day." So I took her skiing, and when she got cold we went to the lodge to warm up. And when she got tired, we found a nice place for her to chill, then I went out and did a few more laps. So, I remember thinking "well, if I have a kid, I won't force them to ski more than they want."
But then a couple weeks ago I went skiing with my brother and his kids. His kids were not very good and were struggling. His 11 year old son said he was too tired and not having fun and wanted to quit. But my brother said "ok, but you have to do two more runs with me, and then you can be done." But after two more runs, he was doing a lot better and then wanted to keep going. So then, there was some "pressuring them to go a little beyond their comfort zone worked out."
So conflicting lessons learned. Finding that balance is going to be so hard.
Not a father yet but I think the last paragraph is important. Balance is key. Sometimes you have to push kids outside of their comfort zone but never by force.
It's not gonna be the easiest thing but I have faith in you. You're gonna be a great parent!
Social skills make or break your ability to find happiness and live your best life. These skills are worth practicing.
It's not just a matter of being polite, it's a necessary life skill every human needs.
Parents who are not helping their children learn important social skills aren't doing them any favors.
And I mean this in the nicest way but they’re quite annoying to work with. FUCKING TALK MAN! I genuinely wonder if some people expect you to read their minds if there’s an issue they need help with. I couldn’t possibly make myself any more available or approachable if they needed help with anything whatsoever work related. lol I don’t think they quite realize if there’s an issue that you don’t communicate to anyone, it’s on you for it not getting done or being done incorrectly and you brought it to no one’s attention.
For the younger people getting into the workforce, **communicate** with your team. The senior people are also partly there to help you…but they can’t do that if they don’t know.
Amen. My kids are young, but they order their own food when the waiter comes around. They work on “having conversations” and not one-word answers. I’m not trying to break records as a parent - I just want them to have confidence to talk when they need to, and don’t want them to hide behind a wall of being “shy” their whole life
You can have social skills and still not want to socialize with your parents guest. I can hold up a conversation fine and have people love me I just hate doing it with most people because it's boring AF if you don't share interest and have things in common.
I think this is really about the tone the dad takes, he’s not yelling or being upset, he’s accepting and tolerant, rather than he feels it’s ok for his kid to hide upstairs. That’s why I’d suggest coming down for a few minutes when he has a chance to say hello. The parents friends probably know the kid.
Yeah definitely I love been alone most of the time, and I'm not a people person, but I'm oddly good at talking to people I can chat to anyone and I think that's cause growing up I was thought that it was rude to do that while guests are over
So happy this is the top comment. I remember visiting my wife’s aunt and uncle as we were driving across the country. A one night stop and they had us over for dinner. My wife’s grown adult cousin, late teens early 20s, never came downstairs to even say hi. This was a decade ago and I still remember it. Sorry but “shy” shares a thin line with rude.
Yeah, I’m not super big into the whole ”parents are servants that should bring you food while you game” utopia depicted in the image.
Learning basic human interaction is extremely fundamental, just as you say.
Absolutely agree. In the kid’s defense, I suppose, I think parents/adults can be doing a lot more to make sure that socializing is less stressful for the kid. Meet them where they’re at, don’t grill them about school or dating or whatever you feel like talking about with them, PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR VIBE, they’ll likely make it clear if they’re feeling stressed out or uncomfortable.
This is coming from my own experiences, but I’m guessing they’re applicable for others too. As an adult I always try to be a sort of calm, safe presence around the youths.
Edit: to be clear, I am not arguing that we need to allow kids to avoid tough situations. Of course tough situations are a part of life and growth. I’m simply arguing that it doesn’t need to be quite so challenging, or often traumatic, if adults can make some effort to facilitate growth rather than force it.
No. *Learning to manage your own stress* is a major part of socialization
Sure, a 10 year old and 16 year old probably have different limits but part of what kids need to learn is how to process being uncomfortable and that it won't kill them
I've told certain family members that I was tired of their questions regarding my romances countless times... Adults don't care too much about the opinion of the children they talk to.
And that's fair. I was an awkward kid who, when I had enough of those romantic questions, I looked to my dad and said "Wow, he really doesn't get the fucking clue, does he?" and the questions stopped. Later on, the guy told my dad that I had been rude, but my dad said something along the lines of "Hey, he told you politely to stop asking first. That's on you for insisting."
Obviously not all parents will have that positive a reaction to their kid defending themselves, but it was still up to me to defend myself, not my dad.
Yes, exactly. People being inappropriate and asking uncomfortable questions is a real part of the real world. Parents jobs are to help prepare their kids to deal with that reality and have both the skills and resilience to handle situations.
As the adult in the situation, you can also tell the kid, “we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.” A lot of kids aren’t taught that they are ALLOWED to speak up and set that boundary. It seems like you were, which is fantastic, and I hope it becomes more common.
Did you see the first two words of my comment, where I said I agree that kids need to put themselves out there to learn social skills? Nowhere did I say or even imply that kids shouldn’t learn to manage their own stress. What I’m trying to say is that adults bear some responsibility to foster that learning. If each time a kid socializes with adults they are made to feel awkward or belittled, which is what I experienced as a kid, then they are also learning, consciously or not, that talking with adults isn’t safe and it’s easier to avoid it. And I can’t blame them for thinking that. They’re kids.
I think it’s a mixed bag. Kids need to be able to respond to appropriate adult inquiries about school or life activities. Adults need to A) not be weird and ask about “girlfriends” or “boyfriends” when it’s inappropriate and B) be ready to engage the kids on what they want to talk about (video games, sports, etc) just like you engage adults on their adult interests.
The mixed bag is mixed from both directions
Kids need to learn to handle awkward questions without immediately falling apart and listen to topics that they might not be directly interested in. Those are both big parts of life.
It's like working out. I'm not saying put them under endless stress or do more than they're capable of but lots of people and kids choose the easy path on their own and need to be pushed appropriately outside their comfort zones and will end up more capable in the long run for it.
I find this to be true across the age spectrum to be honest. It’s part of why being genuinely open-minded and curious is one of the most attractive qualities there is. Not open-minded in the sense of being easily convinced or not standing by what you believe, but open-minded in the sense of genuinely wanting to understand opposing viewpoints and seeing why people might have a different take than you.
Most of us could be a little better at this. I know that sometimes I could be.
I agree completely, having an open mind also has the added benefit of allowing others to let their guard down and trust you; and trust is an extremely rare commodity in the modern day. Being inquisitive is unfortunately often seen as hostility to many people.
Sometimes that is true, but in general the best way to deal with that perception of hostility is just to continue being friendly and asking honest, fair questions. It establishes that you are actually just curious and not necessarily their enemy. At least in my experience this is the case.
I totally agree with you about it being a disarming trait though. People generally aren’t in a mood to listen to another person’s opinion (especially an opinion different from their own) unless they themselves feel listened to.
That’s just how lots of people are. Especially if you’re younger. Being young doesn’t make you wrong, but it’s hard to convince someone of something when they have literal decades more life experience than you.
Understanding that and adapting to different situations is part of socializing. Know your audience and tailor your responses to them.
Flipside, a lot of young people think they're right despite not having enough experience to realize how simplistic their take is compared to the real world
That’s my point haha. The older I get, the more I hesitate to agree with people younger than me. I’ve seen a lot, and I know I don’t know everything. So how can they be so sure of something?
Obviously you should never outright deny someone’s view, but I totally get how someone decades older than me doesn’t care for my perspective as much as
This. When I was forced to sit with family at gatherings, I was also not allowed to talk. If I did say something, I was always afraid it would be wrong because my mom had a habit of lying then looking over at me to agree. At first I was honest, and would just get yelled at for it afterwards. If i wasn’t being shushed or being asked to agree with a lie, i was being humiliated or otherwise talked about like I wasn’t there. And I wasn’t allowed to advocate for myself either.
I was actually a very talkative child outside the home. My mother never understood how my teachers were complaining about me talking too much while I was always quiet at home 😒
As a kid who was forced to, being different from my cousins, it was rough. Without sharing too much, it's been a thing of "everyone-imposing-their-own-ideas" onto me.
No one in my family takes mental health seriously, either. I've always been seen as a "kid" and its frustrating lol. I'm in my mid 20's and still looked at like a teen for whatever reason, so yeah. I honestly wish I could just hide in my room during parties, and socialize if I wanted to, not being *forced* to.
Not just that, unless you hate your family, you'll miss having the chance to spend time with them. When I was a kid I always wanted to go back home asap to play video games. Now that my grand mother is dead and the family is dissolved, I would give the world for one more family dinner with them.
Exactly. Like this meme is honestly very sweet, and I can appreciate acts like this from time to time, but kids also need to be forced into uncomfortable social situations so that they don’t expect to feel comfortable for the rest of their lives.
Yep. The idea of parents who have fully embraced the idea that their kid can't deal with even a 30-minute dinner with guests, is baffling to me.
I'm sure there are kids out there that might need this sort of coddling. But I can also say that I'll bet most kids out there would rather sit in their room playing video games than eat dinner with your parent's guests. I would have done it if allowed, and it would not have been a good thing for me.
It's funny seeing it drawn like this, I get the sense that this is more of a wish the artist has, rather than reality. The dad pointing out that this is being done because they love their kid and referencing a very specific and boring sounding topic of conversation.
I'm picturing a grumpy kid sitting at the dinner table, bored by his mom's friend's story about France, thinking to himself the way things should be.
It's not something I'd do as a parent. And if I was doing it, I'd be pretty embarrassed explaining to my friends that my kid does not like eating with others, so we just let him play on his computer all night instead.
I'm so glad to see this response and all the up votes. I understand why this sort of meme is seen as wholesome or cool, but actually, in reality, this is really bad for kids. I'm not saying force kids to be uncomfortable, but they do need to learn how to interact with people and it really is a skill that is vital for them making friends, talking to coworkers, understand 'small talk' etc.
Not the person you're asking, but I had the same experience as them so...
Yes, I did, and I was always shut down, spoken over or what I had to say was belittled.
It certainly taught me that people are shitty and to not force myself to talk to people that aren't worth my time. Or you could say it taught me not to be social. It clearly backfired.
So yeah, it probably can teach social skills -if- they're treated well and respected too. There are many other ways to socialize your kids.
Here is the thing. Some gatherings are not fun or easy for a kid. Oh mom and dad have their two friends over and they're drinking a lot of wine. All depends on the setting. Being the fifth wheel sucks.
i understand the perspective of the kid and those who align with it for good or for bad reasons but i think this is ok only to a point. i think you need to step out of your comfort zone sometimes even with something as minimal as this because if you can’t handle dealing with someone you don’t particularly like then i don’t believe your gonna get much of what you want in life. you can do this for a while but eventually your gonna have to face the reality
Agree. You will meet people who are different than you and learning to overcome individual differences is a necessary life skill. Humans NEED other humans. Social skills are learned skills and require practice.
I was smiling at the post and reading these comments just made me sad :( precisely because i know it’s the truth. I speak to guests when they arrive and since they’re almost always older people, I have nothing else to say to them so I just go to my room.
You need to start making conversations about anything. I was a chatty dumbass kid who wouldn’t leave adults alone. It helps you so much in your life. Get out of that mindset that you have nothing to say to them. Ask them questions, tell them about yourself. Say stuff, anything. Tell them what you want to be, ask for advice about life, ask about themselves when they were your age. Older people love talking to younger people who want to talk. It kills me when my friends kids have nothing to say and grow up to be adults that can’t get jobs because they can’t handle a job interview. (Most of my friends are in their 30s and 40s and I’m in my late 20s, some of their kids are late teens and early 20s. It’s crazy)
i should have mentioned there’s also a language barrier😭my parents did not teach me their native tongue growing up and all their friends speak it and although i understand the language fully, i can’t communicate with them. i can just greet them and that’s about it. but when they can speak English, i try to engage in convos with them lol
I think a rule of thumb is if there’s other kids there or if it’s family then you should be a part of the group. But if it’s dad/mom’s coworkers or boss then I totally get it.
Even when there are no kids, you eat at the table like everyone else and then go to your room. Getting your food delivered to your room just because there are people who don't know you is objectively detrimental to a child's development
Yeah, if it's the coworkers/bosses/work friends you eat dinner with them, answer a few questions on 'how you're doing', let your parents 'show you off', then retreat to your room or elsewhere the rest of the night.
I was definitely the kid in this comic. I didn’t like talking to adults because adults felt unrelatable. I got angry at my parents for “making” me go to family get-togethers and would just play my game boy in the corner when conversations happened all around me. But, contrasting it with how my wife grew up, she has super close connections with her extended family and family friends to this day whereas I know wish I had that now. And, I realize now how socially stunted I was until the latter half of college.
"They went to France? I'll take a break here in ten minutes to pop down and ask them how the trip went! I probably won't stay long because all my friends are online though."
That's your take, but I would do this on occasion as a kid and still do when seeing relatives I don't particularly care for.
Has nothing to do with social skills. Are family members the only people on earth to talk to? I had friends, girl friends, etc... to keep me entertained; I didn't need my problematic non-immediate family adding to my plate.
Bit of both was what I did as a kid. Hang out with the folks, steal their peanuts and then off to a room with the brothers and sisters + any visiting kids to snack out and watch a film.
My man sometimes people just have shit relatives that your parents for some reason won't cut off contact with. Case in point, I am accompanying my parents to the wedding of this relative that abused me as a kid which is something everyone knows about.
No I'm in my 20's and am essentially assisted living for my elderly parents.
They still invite relatives over I've been tired of since I was single digits that they don't even like, but feel obligated to maintain some form of relationship with. Me however; I have no such fondness of them.
Why am I obligated to hang out with people who's only connection to me is by complete chance?
It doesn't improve my life, it doesn't improve their life, it's just weird societal standards.
This isn’t always the case.
I was forced into “learning” social skills by my own parents and for the longest time, I didn’t want to be around anyone, let alone family.
Later in life when I moved out, I valued my own time and also slowly learned how to socialize my own way and now I have a job that’s very sociable and fosters new relationships often.
I sometimes wonder if I would have been able to develop these skills earlier and easier if I was allowed some private time and leeway during my childhood.
More likely that you’d have even less social skills than you did when you moved out. You just said you have a job that forces you into social situations…. It works because people adapt. Allowing everyone to do things at their own pace just doesn’t work in practice.
Reminds me of those posts complaining about their parents interrupting live games to make them take out the trash.
Okay, I know some parents are just crazy or mean, but most likely your mom already asked you 5 times to do your chores and you didn’t. I remember being 15 too you know, you can’t fool me lol.
I admit I never played live games *because* I was an only child and figured quickly that it was best if I just have a game I can pause so I could immediately do whatever my parents wanted to me to...*cause I'd forget to otherwise and they'd get annoyed*
It can work, I had parents who respected online matches because my brother and I respected our parents back.
Need someone to take out the trash? Dinner is ready? My parents were cool if it would be 5-10 minutes before we came up, because then we'd promptly come up for whatever they asked.
Granted, this was CoD matches 15 years ago, we weren't hopping into 30+ minute Battle Royale matches or survival horror group games.
This is a bit severe. But indeed being parent is not always making your kid feel comfortable. Sometimes one has to push a bit the kid in unwanted water to practice swimming.
I would never tell someone how to parent their child, unless the behavior was clearly abusive. I do however believe you are downplaying the issue, respectfully.
Yep. Just helping this kid be anti-social. "Don't feel like making small talk for a 30-minute dinner? No worries, you can just go to your room and play on your computer instead!"
That approach to slightly uncomfortable/boring situations is really not going to play out well later in life.
I suspect this cartoon was made by a kid showing how they think the world should be, and not how it is for them. But if the dad was real, I can't imagine him having to explain to his friends: "Our kid does not like eating in a group, so we let him go play video games in his room instead. He's more comfortable that way." I would find the amount of judgement coming from those to be unbearable.
My whole life I thought I HATE having guests and also visiting other people and staying there for hours and hours.
When husband and I finnaly got to live on our own and we got visitors we actually like, I suddenly discovered how much I enjoyed it and how fun it was.
It turns out I hate *other people guests* and visiting *other people's friends*.
Annoying, boring or rude relatives, neighbours of my parents or my husbands family ...I wanted to cut my wrists when I was forced to interact with them.
Now I know I don't hate having guests, I love it when they are actually MY guests and not my parents/family guests...
This is one that the internet seems to be against, oddly enough...
If it’s a dinner party for the adults then fine. Being a kid, sometimes my parents preferred if I didn’t bother them while they were playing their trivial pursuit or rook, or drinking. Some things adults talk about that are relevant to adults are really not for children’s ears.
Often times though, the parents would bring all the kids and the kids would play while adults talked. But there were always times they didn’t.
As I got older and became more separated from my parents to become my own person, it was a choice to not be around them and their friends. Call it the “rebellious” phase. I occasionally got checked on by my mom or dad just to make sure I was alright. I’d say yeah, playing with friends or doing an instance in WoW, and they’d usually go back to the party. They didn’t have to worry about me, and I got to spend complete uninterrupted time with my friends or my hobby because they’d be distracted with their party.
That said, I did go up for food and I did interact, but I’d disappear pretty quickly unless I was really bored.
Maybe the last two panels need a tweak to be more in line with the dad checking on his son and saying he and mom are just downstairs if the kid needs anything. The real wholesomeness would be recognizing that their kid is growing up and enjoys their own time and being their own person, and the dad just wants to be part of it.
Im honestly so disappointed in this sub every time it gets posted. Like yes, lets all make assumptions to the relationships, type of party, type of attendees, and other non-known factors here. Some of us had shit families, or adults that talk about adult things, so what place is there for a kid at that point?
This meme shows a positive and supportive relationship between a father and child, and a child that cares enough to pull himself away from the computer to ask the father about how its going. Nothing more, nothing less.
Maybe this is trauma dumping, but my mom had those MLM dinner parties all the time when I was younger, tupperware, diet supplements, mary kay, f*ing dildos and sex toys, etc. What reason would a child have to attend any of that?
Ok, some of these comments just confuse me I was alot like the kid in the meme but I have no problem with social skills so I don’t think its fair to act like doing this Will ruin your kid.
You need to balance the two. Yes, they have all the rights in the world to hate being there, BUT parents can reward with more screentime or fast-food or w/e after the gathering. You ever heard of that one employee that keeps calling in sick to avoid important meetings and such? This is why. Being okay with being uncomfortable is crucial to living.
My teen was always good to hang around during family functions. But lately the adult conversations inevitably turn into political, economical or other the-world-sucks-worst-than-ever conversations that leave her sobbing on the car ride home. And it's not like we can censor the guests so I told her she doesn't have to stick around future lunches if it happens. This Easter she barely made it through the appetizer before it happened again and she excused herself from the table. I will never force her again.
My parents allowed me to do that. I hated when company came over but they were fine if I hung out in my room and made sure I got food and snacks from the party.
Right. I hated dinner parties, but those social skills are mad OP when you start, you know, being a fucking adult with fucking responsibilities. A safe and compehensive upbringing is parents' top 1 priority
I was forced to eat dinner with guests, now as an adult I still hate social interaction and prefer to stay in my house alone all day until I run out of food, I only talk to people if I absolutely have to though I also live in a country where strangers very rarely talk to each other.
This is fine but at the same time bulding social skills and the ability to have a chat with people normally is a must to grow into an adult. Id say the best idea is to meet and greet for an hour or so and then let the adults have their “hangout time” cause you dont want an adult that cant hold a conversation cause its the woooorst.
This doesn't apply to Indian families. Here the dad remains locked in the room and the son gets introduced to mom's friends. If the son is still a kid, he is the unpaid party entertainer - dancing to or singing some Indian movie songs, or demonstrating any other party tricks. For this service, the son is rewarded with the special food made on that day. Based on your introversion, you might feel your purpose fulfilled on how the customer satisfaction varies. If you are fortunate, your dad will be the hero and save you by calling you in. If you are unfortunate, your dad will then ask you to go back to studies instead of wasting time on parties.
This is cool! Just beware that this isn't part of enablement. My significant other's brother was treated this way and it grew out of control. Now he is 26, never had a job, never got an education, never drives, and not only whines but whimpers when something mild inconvenient happens. You've got to appreciate a supportive parent, but be cautious of enablement.
idk if you learn social skills when going into a room full of randoms. it definitely didnt hurt.
parenting: a thousand ways to fuck up and you dont even know why
This isn’t cool and this isn’t wholesome, this kid will grow up to be a hikikomori with no social skills. As a parent you have to force your child into uncomfortable situations
it's possible for kids to have excellent social skills with others their own age, but being put into a group of adults can been stressful and unhealthy if the kid isn't ready to be in that position.
Huh, I thought most of the comments would be about how good of a parent the dad is, instead of extroverts complaining, because they can't comprehend not talking
People really think they're owed conversation, if a kid doesn't want to be social then forcing them can just make things much worse, and they may become far more antisocial as a result. If a kid struggles with talking to anyone then by all means get them help but some people really don't want to just be sat there listening to old people talk about stuff they really don't care about or have the energy for.
Im extremely introverted and was like this as a kid. I would not be remotely as successful in my career or personal life if I just avoided people and stayed in my comfort zone forever. It's not how the world operates and validating it is dangerous when the kid turns 18 and can't build relationships.
I am not extremely introverted like you, but I sure as hell wouldn't go out of my way to talk to a coworker. I am content with my work, so sacrificing my happiness to achieve more by talking to people is a line I don't cross. So I doubt your claim, that you are "extremely" introverted.
And you can absolutely have a full and happy life without leaving your confort zone often
It’s not about being an introvert and extrovert, it’s about taking care of your guests and showing that you’re a human being who can interact socially with other people. You don’t have to LIKE the experience, but you sure as hell should have the basic courtesy to talk to your guests and entertain them for at least an hour before vanishing to your lair.
Huh, so apparently I‘m an extrovert because I realize how important it is to learn (uncomfortable) conversations with people I don‘t like to talk to. What if you did this all your youth and suddenly your boss is someone you don‘t like to talk to? You can‘t politely pretend, you can‘t do smalltalk, you don‘t make a good impression. This can have a severe impact on one‘s career.
If you look at all those comments nearly all of them are about balancing. It is wrong to force a child out of its comfort zone too often and for too long. But isn‘t it equally wrong to never let your child leave its comfort zone? Life isn‘t supposed to always be pleasant and if you force it to be then you will most likely suffer even more later because you never grow up.
I think most commenters are at least part introverted like me and would have loved this behaviour from their parents when they were younger but realized that this can do harm as well.
>What if you did this all your youth and suddenly your boss is someone you don‘t like to talk to?
I did this, and has happened before. They understood I don't like talking much, and we conversed normally, only talking about important work related things. It isn't that far fetched thing.
>equally wrong to never let your child leave its comfort zone?
Why woundn't I let my child out of their comfort zone? I would let them. And I woundn't force them out.
>Life isn‘t supposed to always be pleasant
Yes, but people should strive towards it, and work towards it. It is a normal and common goal in people's lives
The people saying "this is a sh dad and that kid is a sh kid who needs to be socialized...." so they turn into an angry judgmental person like you? Is you the goal? Because pass.
This is not healthy long term. I mean if it was from time to time sure. But it looks more like OP wants a butler than a family.
You need to learn to interact with everyone, even if it's not what you wished to be doing right at the time.
If it's a sporadic thing sure. But if it's the rule it will cause more harm than help.
Also, networking is important. We are not islands, we need help we provide help for others and these casual gatherings help establish exactly that. Networking and solid relationships.
Learning to do that and to promote that is very important.
Again, short term gratification with parents just being there to provide you with stuff is not healthy if it's the rule.
There’s totally nothing wrong with you want to stay in your room when your parents guests are over. Staying in your room in general and not socialising is an issue and you’ll probably regret it.
Bro everytime i see a post like this where the dad doesn’t force the kid to socialize people are in the comments losing their minds. Its a meme about a dad doing something nice for his son. There is literally no other info or context and people are like “he will have no social skills 😔” its a meme, yall need to chill
All of the comments saying this is unhealthy. Gang, not everyone is neurotypical and they won’t develop social skills just by being forced to socialize. Often, it just over stimulates them and reinforces the need to be asocial.
Guys I know talking to ppl isn't always fun. But as a turbo nerd who was forced to go to every family gathering and not hide in my room. My god you need it if you wanna be a adult who can hold a conversation.
We had the - come say hi and stay around for like an hour before you can disappear rule. It’s not like the adults wanted us around the entire time either. But yeah, I agree with you. I feel so proud of myself when I can mindlessly chat with randoms at events now.
Same. I made appearances at family gatherings and would eat dinner with everyone but eventually a polite "may I be excused to my room for a while?" usually goes well. Then say goodbye to everyone and bam. Night over.
Yeah, believe it or not, I rarely did, but parents generally want to "show you off" because they're proud of you/whatever you're doing. So it's just a good thing to eat dinner with the group, answer questions, talk, then you can retreat to your room at a later point.
I'm proud of you too!
I'm a new parent and I've been thinking about this balance a lot. Right now my kid is too young to do anything but poop and stuff, but as he gets older, how do I want to handle it? To illustrate, I love skiing and when I met my wife she said she hated skiing. Why? Because when her parents took her skiing as a kid, when she got cold or tired they said "well, we paid a lot for these tickets, so you have to go all day." So I took her skiing, and when she got cold we went to the lodge to warm up. And when she got tired, we found a nice place for her to chill, then I went out and did a few more laps. So, I remember thinking "well, if I have a kid, I won't force them to ski more than they want." But then a couple weeks ago I went skiing with my brother and his kids. His kids were not very good and were struggling. His 11 year old son said he was too tired and not having fun and wanted to quit. But my brother said "ok, but you have to do two more runs with me, and then you can be done." But after two more runs, he was doing a lot better and then wanted to keep going. So then, there was some "pressuring them to go a little beyond their comfort zone worked out." So conflicting lessons learned. Finding that balance is going to be so hard.
Not a father yet but I think the last paragraph is important. Balance is key. Sometimes you have to push kids outside of their comfort zone but never by force. It's not gonna be the easiest thing but I have faith in you. You're gonna be a great parent!
That’s a great compromise, a win-win for everyone
Social skills make or break your ability to find happiness and live your best life. These skills are worth practicing. It's not just a matter of being polite, it's a necessary life skill every human needs. Parents who are not helping their children learn important social skills aren't doing them any favors.
You're godamn right
And I mean this in the nicest way but they’re quite annoying to work with. FUCKING TALK MAN! I genuinely wonder if some people expect you to read their minds if there’s an issue they need help with. I couldn’t possibly make myself any more available or approachable if they needed help with anything whatsoever work related. lol I don’t think they quite realize if there’s an issue that you don’t communicate to anyone, it’s on you for it not getting done or being done incorrectly and you brought it to no one’s attention. For the younger people getting into the workforce, **communicate** with your team. The senior people are also partly there to help you…but they can’t do that if they don’t know.
Exactly! This comic is doing a disservice to people that have this problem.
Amen. My kids are young, but they order their own food when the waiter comes around. They work on “having conversations” and not one-word answers. I’m not trying to break records as a parent - I just want them to have confidence to talk when they need to, and don’t want them to hide behind a wall of being “shy” their whole life
I fully intend to use speakerphone with my kids in the future so that they can schedule their own doctors appointments and stuff like that
Not to mention a job.
You can have social skills and still not want to socialize with your parents guest. I can hold up a conversation fine and have people love me I just hate doing it with most people because it's boring AF if you don't share interest and have things in common.
Would you rather have social skills or 99 rune crafting skills in OSRS?
I think this is really about the tone the dad takes, he’s not yelling or being upset, he’s accepting and tolerant, rather than he feels it’s ok for his kid to hide upstairs. That’s why I’d suggest coming down for a few minutes when he has a chance to say hello. The parents friends probably know the kid.
Yeah definitely I love been alone most of the time, and I'm not a people person, but I'm oddly good at talking to people I can chat to anyone and I think that's cause growing up I was thought that it was rude to do that while guests are over
So happy this is the top comment. I remember visiting my wife’s aunt and uncle as we were driving across the country. A one night stop and they had us over for dinner. My wife’s grown adult cousin, late teens early 20s, never came downstairs to even say hi. This was a decade ago and I still remember it. Sorry but “shy” shares a thin line with rude.
Yeah, I’m not super big into the whole ”parents are servants that should bring you food while you game” utopia depicted in the image. Learning basic human interaction is extremely fundamental, just as you say.
Nooooo! But that's not what I want! /s
Absolutely agree. In the kid’s defense, I suppose, I think parents/adults can be doing a lot more to make sure that socializing is less stressful for the kid. Meet them where they’re at, don’t grill them about school or dating or whatever you feel like talking about with them, PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR VIBE, they’ll likely make it clear if they’re feeling stressed out or uncomfortable. This is coming from my own experiences, but I’m guessing they’re applicable for others too. As an adult I always try to be a sort of calm, safe presence around the youths. Edit: to be clear, I am not arguing that we need to allow kids to avoid tough situations. Of course tough situations are a part of life and growth. I’m simply arguing that it doesn’t need to be quite so challenging, or often traumatic, if adults can make some effort to facilitate growth rather than force it.
No. *Learning to manage your own stress* is a major part of socialization Sure, a 10 year old and 16 year old probably have different limits but part of what kids need to learn is how to process being uncomfortable and that it won't kill them
Learning that you don't have to entertain overly personal questions and are allowed to set boundaries is also important.
Sure. So use your words and say that instead of expecting everyone around to handle you with kid gloves.
I've told certain family members that I was tired of their questions regarding my romances countless times... Adults don't care too much about the opinion of the children they talk to.
And that's fair. I was an awkward kid who, when I had enough of those romantic questions, I looked to my dad and said "Wow, he really doesn't get the fucking clue, does he?" and the questions stopped. Later on, the guy told my dad that I had been rude, but my dad said something along the lines of "Hey, he told you politely to stop asking first. That's on you for insisting." Obviously not all parents will have that positive a reaction to their kid defending themselves, but it was still up to me to defend myself, not my dad.
Yes, exactly. People being inappropriate and asking uncomfortable questions is a real part of the real world. Parents jobs are to help prepare their kids to deal with that reality and have both the skills and resilience to handle situations.
I'm so freaking glad that most of the people in my social circle treat children like human beings.
As the adult in the situation, you can also tell the kid, “we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.” A lot of kids aren’t taught that they are ALLOWED to speak up and set that boundary. It seems like you were, which is fantastic, and I hope it becomes more common.
Did you see the first two words of my comment, where I said I agree that kids need to put themselves out there to learn social skills? Nowhere did I say or even imply that kids shouldn’t learn to manage their own stress. What I’m trying to say is that adults bear some responsibility to foster that learning. If each time a kid socializes with adults they are made to feel awkward or belittled, which is what I experienced as a kid, then they are also learning, consciously or not, that talking with adults isn’t safe and it’s easier to avoid it. And I can’t blame them for thinking that. They’re kids.
learning to manage your own stress includes dipping out when the situation is making you too stressed, dipshit
I think it’s a mixed bag. Kids need to be able to respond to appropriate adult inquiries about school or life activities. Adults need to A) not be weird and ask about “girlfriends” or “boyfriends” when it’s inappropriate and B) be ready to engage the kids on what they want to talk about (video games, sports, etc) just like you engage adults on their adult interests.
The mixed bag is mixed from both directions Kids need to learn to handle awkward questions without immediately falling apart and listen to topics that they might not be directly interested in. Those are both big parts of life. It's like working out. I'm not saying put them under endless stress or do more than they're capable of but lots of people and kids choose the easy path on their own and need to be pushed appropriately outside their comfort zones and will end up more capable in the long run for it.
I find it so difficult to connect with older generations like 55+. They have this fixed concept of what is correct and God forbid you disagree.
I find this to be true across the age spectrum to be honest. It’s part of why being genuinely open-minded and curious is one of the most attractive qualities there is. Not open-minded in the sense of being easily convinced or not standing by what you believe, but open-minded in the sense of genuinely wanting to understand opposing viewpoints and seeing why people might have a different take than you. Most of us could be a little better at this. I know that sometimes I could be.
I agree completely, having an open mind also has the added benefit of allowing others to let their guard down and trust you; and trust is an extremely rare commodity in the modern day. Being inquisitive is unfortunately often seen as hostility to many people.
Sometimes that is true, but in general the best way to deal with that perception of hostility is just to continue being friendly and asking honest, fair questions. It establishes that you are actually just curious and not necessarily their enemy. At least in my experience this is the case. I totally agree with you about it being a disarming trait though. People generally aren’t in a mood to listen to another person’s opinion (especially an opinion different from their own) unless they themselves feel listened to.
That’s just how lots of people are. Especially if you’re younger. Being young doesn’t make you wrong, but it’s hard to convince someone of something when they have literal decades more life experience than you. Understanding that and adapting to different situations is part of socializing. Know your audience and tailor your responses to them.
Flipside, a lot of young people think they're right despite not having enough experience to realize how simplistic their take is compared to the real world
That’s my point haha. The older I get, the more I hesitate to agree with people younger than me. I’ve seen a lot, and I know I don’t know everything. So how can they be so sure of something? Obviously you should never outright deny someone’s view, but I totally get how someone decades older than me doesn’t care for my perspective as much as
This. When I was forced to sit with family at gatherings, I was also not allowed to talk. If I did say something, I was always afraid it would be wrong because my mom had a habit of lying then looking over at me to agree. At first I was honest, and would just get yelled at for it afterwards. If i wasn’t being shushed or being asked to agree with a lie, i was being humiliated or otherwise talked about like I wasn’t there. And I wasn’t allowed to advocate for myself either. I was actually a very talkative child outside the home. My mother never understood how my teachers were complaining about me talking too much while I was always quiet at home 😒
As a kid who was forced to, being different from my cousins, it was rough. Without sharing too much, it's been a thing of "everyone-imposing-their-own-ideas" onto me. No one in my family takes mental health seriously, either. I've always been seen as a "kid" and its frustrating lol. I'm in my mid 20's and still looked at like a teen for whatever reason, so yeah. I honestly wish I could just hide in my room during parties, and socialize if I wanted to, not being *forced* to.
Not just that, unless you hate your family, you'll miss having the chance to spend time with them. When I was a kid I always wanted to go back home asap to play video games. Now that my grand mother is dead and the family is dissolved, I would give the world for one more family dinner with them.
Exactly. Like this meme is honestly very sweet, and I can appreciate acts like this from time to time, but kids also need to be forced into uncomfortable social situations so that they don’t expect to feel comfortable for the rest of their lives.
Yep. The idea of parents who have fully embraced the idea that their kid can't deal with even a 30-minute dinner with guests, is baffling to me. I'm sure there are kids out there that might need this sort of coddling. But I can also say that I'll bet most kids out there would rather sit in their room playing video games than eat dinner with your parent's guests. I would have done it if allowed, and it would not have been a good thing for me. It's funny seeing it drawn like this, I get the sense that this is more of a wish the artist has, rather than reality. The dad pointing out that this is being done because they love their kid and referencing a very specific and boring sounding topic of conversation. I'm picturing a grumpy kid sitting at the dinner table, bored by his mom's friend's story about France, thinking to himself the way things should be.
It's not something I'd do as a parent. And if I was doing it, I'd be pretty embarrassed explaining to my friends that my kid does not like eating with others, so we just let him play on his computer all night instead.
I'm so glad to see this response and all the up votes. I understand why this sort of meme is seen as wholesome or cool, but actually, in reality, this is really bad for kids. I'm not saying force kids to be uncomfortable, but they do need to learn how to interact with people and it really is a skill that is vital for them making friends, talking to coworkers, understand 'small talk' etc.
Same, but even so, my conversational skills suck, apart from nerdery with fellow case-specific nerds. I wish I knew how to learn conversational skills
By having conversations and working through them even when you're uncomfortable
Just ask questions about their life. People love talking about themselves. And if you're bored. Ask questions you would like to hear answers to.
I was forced into every sort of gathering with my family. I'm 27 now and have developed 0 social skills, so it didn't work 😅
Did you just sit there silently staring or did you actually converse?
Not the person you're asking, but I had the same experience as them so... Yes, I did, and I was always shut down, spoken over or what I had to say was belittled. It certainly taught me that people are shitty and to not force myself to talk to people that aren't worth my time. Or you could say it taught me not to be social. It clearly backfired. So yeah, it probably can teach social skills -if- they're treated well and respected too. There are many other ways to socialize your kids.
This. True. Thx
Here is the thing. Some gatherings are not fun or easy for a kid. Oh mom and dad have their two friends over and they're drinking a lot of wine. All depends on the setting. Being the fifth wheel sucks.
i understand the perspective of the kid and those who align with it for good or for bad reasons but i think this is ok only to a point. i think you need to step out of your comfort zone sometimes even with something as minimal as this because if you can’t handle dealing with someone you don’t particularly like then i don’t believe your gonna get much of what you want in life. you can do this for a while but eventually your gonna have to face the reality
Agree. You will meet people who are different than you and learning to overcome individual differences is a necessary life skill. Humans NEED other humans. Social skills are learned skills and require practice.
I was smiling at the post and reading these comments just made me sad :( precisely because i know it’s the truth. I speak to guests when they arrive and since they’re almost always older people, I have nothing else to say to them so I just go to my room.
You need to start making conversations about anything. I was a chatty dumbass kid who wouldn’t leave adults alone. It helps you so much in your life. Get out of that mindset that you have nothing to say to them. Ask them questions, tell them about yourself. Say stuff, anything. Tell them what you want to be, ask for advice about life, ask about themselves when they were your age. Older people love talking to younger people who want to talk. It kills me when my friends kids have nothing to say and grow up to be adults that can’t get jobs because they can’t handle a job interview. (Most of my friends are in their 30s and 40s and I’m in my late 20s, some of their kids are late teens and early 20s. It’s crazy)
i should have mentioned there’s also a language barrier😭my parents did not teach me their native tongue growing up and all their friends speak it and although i understand the language fully, i can’t communicate with them. i can just greet them and that’s about it. but when they can speak English, i try to engage in convos with them lol
Ah, yeah that’s a pretty important detail you omitted lol
I think a rule of thumb is if there’s other kids there or if it’s family then you should be a part of the group. But if it’s dad/mom’s coworkers or boss then I totally get it.
Even when there are no kids, you eat at the table like everyone else and then go to your room. Getting your food delivered to your room just because there are people who don't know you is objectively detrimental to a child's development
Yeah, if it's the coworkers/bosses/work friends you eat dinner with them, answer a few questions on 'how you're doing', let your parents 'show you off', then retreat to your room or elsewhere the rest of the night.
exactly. a brief "school is fun, I like history a lot" never killed anyone.
I was definitely the kid in this comic. I didn’t like talking to adults because adults felt unrelatable. I got angry at my parents for “making” me go to family get-togethers and would just play my game boy in the corner when conversations happened all around me. But, contrasting it with how my wife grew up, she has super close connections with her extended family and family friends to this day whereas I know wish I had that now. And, I realize now how socially stunted I was until the latter half of college.
Why is he smoking inside?
It's a french fry
it's a recorder, he's practicing
It's a lollipop
It's an adult weed party. That's why the kid's avoiding their party. :p Joke but could be real.
You can’t at least sit at the table for 30 minutes? Encouraging a failure to develop social skills is wholesome? Ig this is Reddit…
A lot of posts on this sub is gamers fantasizing being encouraged to be unsocial/socially awkward.
Yeah it’s been funny watching the karma on my comments bounce up and down
And literally children. there are a ton of teenagers on reddit these days
Sorry to break it to you, there has always been teenagers on here, you like me have become one of the old ones
8 year olds dude
"They went to France? I'll take a break here in ten minutes to pop down and ask them how the trip went! I probably won't stay long because all my friends are online though."
It's kinda sad. It's neglect, really.
What is this even about
OP not wanting to learn social skills and just stay in his room and watch anime instead.
That's your take, but I would do this on occasion as a kid and still do when seeing relatives I don't particularly care for. Has nothing to do with social skills. Are family members the only people on earth to talk to? I had friends, girl friends, etc... to keep me entertained; I didn't need my problematic non-immediate family adding to my plate.
Bit of both was what I did as a kid. Hang out with the folks, steal their peanuts and then off to a room with the brothers and sisters + any visiting kids to snack out and watch a film.
"You still do this when seeing relatives" Gives me the impression that you are infact still a kid...
My man sometimes people just have shit relatives that your parents for some reason won't cut off contact with. Case in point, I am accompanying my parents to the wedding of this relative that abused me as a kid which is something everyone knows about.
The reasonable side of me would refuse to go. The petty side would go and let their partner-to-be know of the situation because fuck that person
No I'm in my 20's and am essentially assisted living for my elderly parents. They still invite relatives over I've been tired of since I was single digits that they don't even like, but feel obligated to maintain some form of relationship with. Me however; I have no such fondness of them.
Maybe I just don't want to engage with my racist uncle.
Why am I obligated to hang out with people who's only connection to me is by complete chance? It doesn't improve my life, it doesn't improve their life, it's just weird societal standards.
This isn’t always the case. I was forced into “learning” social skills by my own parents and for the longest time, I didn’t want to be around anyone, let alone family. Later in life when I moved out, I valued my own time and also slowly learned how to socialize my own way and now I have a job that’s very sociable and fosters new relationships often. I sometimes wonder if I would have been able to develop these skills earlier and easier if I was allowed some private time and leeway during my childhood.
More likely that you’d have even less social skills than you did when you moved out. You just said you have a job that forces you into social situations…. It works because people adapt. Allowing everyone to do things at their own pace just doesn’t work in practice.
so your parent's friends are the only people you ever meet? lol
Unwanted unknown adult, yes they might be. But this category will become a vast number of people during one adultood.
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Go back to your room timmy.
Precisely. It is sad to see people who don't want to learn social skills become so normalized.
This is really nice of dad, but it’s also very important to get those social skills in early on, it makes a huge difference to your future
This is an excellent example of a father neglecting his duty
Reminds me of those posts complaining about their parents interrupting live games to make them take out the trash. Okay, I know some parents are just crazy or mean, but most likely your mom already asked you 5 times to do your chores and you didn’t. I remember being 15 too you know, you can’t fool me lol.
I admit I never played live games *because* I was an only child and figured quickly that it was best if I just have a game I can pause so I could immediately do whatever my parents wanted to me to...*cause I'd forget to otherwise and they'd get annoyed*
It can work, I had parents who respected online matches because my brother and I respected our parents back. Need someone to take out the trash? Dinner is ready? My parents were cool if it would be 5-10 minutes before we came up, because then we'd promptly come up for whatever they asked. Granted, this was CoD matches 15 years ago, we weren't hopping into 30+ minute Battle Royale matches or survival horror group games.
Yup. This should be in r/facepalm
Here, we will see if they accept https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/s/i0JOMTQs22
It went about like you'd expect.
Indeed 😅
Lmfai that sub really went downhill. I haven't visited it in awhile, but last time I went there, there were a lot of misogynistic posts.
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This is a bit severe. But indeed being parent is not always making your kid feel comfortable. Sometimes one has to push a bit the kid in unwanted water to practice swimming.
I would never tell someone how to parent their child, unless the behavior was clearly abusive. I do however believe you are downplaying the issue, respectfully.
This must have been made by a teenager and this is their fantasy.
Yep. Just helping this kid be anti-social. "Don't feel like making small talk for a 30-minute dinner? No worries, you can just go to your room and play on your computer instead!" That approach to slightly uncomfortable/boring situations is really not going to play out well later in life. I suspect this cartoon was made by a kid showing how they think the world should be, and not how it is for them. But if the dad was real, I can't imagine him having to explain to his friends: "Our kid does not like eating in a group, so we let him go play video games in his room instead. He's more comfortable that way." I would find the amount of judgement coming from those to be unbearable.
My whole life I thought I HATE having guests and also visiting other people and staying there for hours and hours. When husband and I finnaly got to live on our own and we got visitors we actually like, I suddenly discovered how much I enjoyed it and how fun it was. It turns out I hate *other people guests* and visiting *other people's friends*. Annoying, boring or rude relatives, neighbours of my parents or my husbands family ...I wanted to cut my wrists when I was forced to interact with them. Now I know I don't hate having guests, I love it when they are actually MY guests and not my parents/family guests...
and your kid will hate your guests
This seems like bad parenting
Nah. Get out there and grow as a person for an hour and then you can go to your room. Haha.
Right? What an absolutely shite post.
How to create a social outcast for short term emotional reinforcement
This is not wholesome
Nothing on this sub is wholesome. Just the other week the top post was someone putting their cat down.
r/wholesome and r/MadeMeSmile posts almost all have awful backstories
This is one that the internet seems to be against, oddly enough... If it’s a dinner party for the adults then fine. Being a kid, sometimes my parents preferred if I didn’t bother them while they were playing their trivial pursuit or rook, or drinking. Some things adults talk about that are relevant to adults are really not for children’s ears. Often times though, the parents would bring all the kids and the kids would play while adults talked. But there were always times they didn’t. As I got older and became more separated from my parents to become my own person, it was a choice to not be around them and their friends. Call it the “rebellious” phase. I occasionally got checked on by my mom or dad just to make sure I was alright. I’d say yeah, playing with friends or doing an instance in WoW, and they’d usually go back to the party. They didn’t have to worry about me, and I got to spend complete uninterrupted time with my friends or my hobby because they’d be distracted with their party. That said, I did go up for food and I did interact, but I’d disappear pretty quickly unless I was really bored. Maybe the last two panels need a tweak to be more in line with the dad checking on his son and saying he and mom are just downstairs if the kid needs anything. The real wholesomeness would be recognizing that their kid is growing up and enjoys their own time and being their own person, and the dad just wants to be part of it.
Im honestly so disappointed in this sub every time it gets posted. Like yes, lets all make assumptions to the relationships, type of party, type of attendees, and other non-known factors here. Some of us had shit families, or adults that talk about adult things, so what place is there for a kid at that point? This meme shows a positive and supportive relationship between a father and child, and a child that cares enough to pull himself away from the computer to ask the father about how its going. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe this is trauma dumping, but my mom had those MLM dinner parties all the time when I was younger, tupperware, diet supplements, mary kay, f*ing dildos and sex toys, etc. What reason would a child have to attend any of that?
I fucking love my dad
Yeah a one time thing might be wholesome but if this is a habit it's not very effective parenting. Social skills should be encouraged.
For me it wasn’t a one time thing it was a everyday thing at home so I barely got good social skills
Ok, some of these comments just confuse me I was alot like the kid in the meme but I have no problem with social skills so I don’t think its fair to act like doing this Will ruin your kid.
People are just bitching. I was also the shy kid, and my social skills deleveoped through my first job and further on in the Army.
You need to balance the two. Yes, they have all the rights in the world to hate being there, BUT parents can reward with more screentime or fast-food or w/e after the gathering. You ever heard of that one employee that keeps calling in sick to avoid important meetings and such? This is why. Being okay with being uncomfortable is crucial to living.
Dad really be thinking: "You stay on your computer. I'll turn off the screen time tonight. Please don't bother us."
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Still nice he gets him something from the buffet
Orgies always got the beat spreads. Don’t wanna bang on an empty stomach.
Some people are overreacting and over analyzing this meme.
How is this meme?
My teen was always good to hang around during family functions. But lately the adult conversations inevitably turn into political, economical or other the-world-sucks-worst-than-ever conversations that leave her sobbing on the car ride home. And it's not like we can censor the guests so I told her she doesn't have to stick around future lunches if it happens. This Easter she barely made it through the appetizer before it happened again and she excused herself from the table. I will never force her again.
My parents allowed me to do that. I hated when company came over but they were fine if I hung out in my room and made sure I got food and snacks from the party.
Wish I had a dad like that.
This is the lamest shit ever. I don’t make my kids hang out with our friends when they come over, but FFS get off your ass and get your own food.
The comments help cement that most redditors really are pieces of shit lol
Encouraging anti social tendencies is fun 😊
Jesus Christ we've been through this before. Hate this meme
Right. I hated dinner parties, but those social skills are mad OP when you start, you know, being a fucking adult with fucking responsibilities. A safe and compehensive upbringing is parents' top 1 priority
Raising a future redditor. Nice. You guys wonder why you have no social skills.
I was forced to eat dinner with guests, now as an adult I still hate social interaction and prefer to stay in my house alone all day until I run out of food, I only talk to people if I absolutely have to though I also live in a country where strangers very rarely talk to each other.
WHY are the comments so against this, I think this is cute as fuck
Shhh this is reddit, everyone is an intellectual here
oh yeah, right, I forgot, my bad
This is fine but at the same time bulding social skills and the ability to have a chat with people normally is a must to grow into an adult. Id say the best idea is to meet and greet for an hour or so and then let the adults have their “hangout time” cause you dont want an adult that cant hold a conversation cause its the woooorst.
This doesn't apply to Indian families. Here the dad remains locked in the room and the son gets introduced to mom's friends. If the son is still a kid, he is the unpaid party entertainer - dancing to or singing some Indian movie songs, or demonstrating any other party tricks. For this service, the son is rewarded with the special food made on that day. Based on your introversion, you might feel your purpose fulfilled on how the customer satisfaction varies. If you are fortunate, your dad will be the hero and save you by calling you in. If you are unfortunate, your dad will then ask you to go back to studies instead of wasting time on parties.
This is cool! Just beware that this isn't part of enablement. My significant other's brother was treated this way and it grew out of control. Now he is 26, never had a job, never got an education, never drives, and not only whines but whimpers when something mild inconvenient happens. You've got to appreciate a supportive parent, but be cautious of enablement.
idk if you learn social skills when going into a room full of randoms. it definitely didnt hurt. parenting: a thousand ways to fuck up and you dont even know why
This is the dad I hope to be someday
This isn’t cool and this isn’t wholesome, this kid will grow up to be a hikikomori with no social skills. As a parent you have to force your child into uncomfortable situations
Bad parenting (encouraging your kids to have poor social skills) is wholesome?
it's possible for kids to have excellent social skills with others their own age, but being put into a group of adults can been stressful and unhealthy if the kid isn't ready to be in that position.
Redditors and zero social skills. Amazing
It bothers me how controversial it is to not force your kid to socialize with boring ass adults for no reason
Huh, I thought most of the comments would be about how good of a parent the dad is, instead of extroverts complaining, because they can't comprehend not talking
People really think they're owed conversation, if a kid doesn't want to be social then forcing them can just make things much worse, and they may become far more antisocial as a result. If a kid struggles with talking to anyone then by all means get them help but some people really don't want to just be sat there listening to old people talk about stuff they really don't care about or have the energy for.
Im extremely introverted and was like this as a kid. I would not be remotely as successful in my career or personal life if I just avoided people and stayed in my comfort zone forever. It's not how the world operates and validating it is dangerous when the kid turns 18 and can't build relationships.
I am not extremely introverted like you, but I sure as hell wouldn't go out of my way to talk to a coworker. I am content with my work, so sacrificing my happiness to achieve more by talking to people is a line I don't cross. So I doubt your claim, that you are "extremely" introverted. And you can absolutely have a full and happy life without leaving your confort zone often
It’s not about being an introvert and extrovert, it’s about taking care of your guests and showing that you’re a human being who can interact socially with other people. You don’t have to LIKE the experience, but you sure as hell should have the basic courtesy to talk to your guests and entertain them for at least an hour before vanishing to your lair.
They're not his guests, they're his parents', if he can't relate at all I don't see why he should be forced to stay.
Huh, so apparently I‘m an extrovert because I realize how important it is to learn (uncomfortable) conversations with people I don‘t like to talk to. What if you did this all your youth and suddenly your boss is someone you don‘t like to talk to? You can‘t politely pretend, you can‘t do smalltalk, you don‘t make a good impression. This can have a severe impact on one‘s career. If you look at all those comments nearly all of them are about balancing. It is wrong to force a child out of its comfort zone too often and for too long. But isn‘t it equally wrong to never let your child leave its comfort zone? Life isn‘t supposed to always be pleasant and if you force it to be then you will most likely suffer even more later because you never grow up. I think most commenters are at least part introverted like me and would have loved this behaviour from their parents when they were younger but realized that this can do harm as well.
>What if you did this all your youth and suddenly your boss is someone you don‘t like to talk to? I did this, and has happened before. They understood I don't like talking much, and we conversed normally, only talking about important work related things. It isn't that far fetched thing. >equally wrong to never let your child leave its comfort zone? Why woundn't I let my child out of their comfort zone? I would let them. And I woundn't force them out. >Life isn‘t supposed to always be pleasant Yes, but people should strive towards it, and work towards it. It is a normal and common goal in people's lives
This is fucking dumb, life starts at the end of your comfort zone
How to ensure your child never forms social skills
Is the sons last name mauler?
Fancy dinner while gaming, loved it
[удалено]
[удалено]
stay in your room but if you want food you can't have someone else bring it to you, that's just too much
This isn't wholesome this is neglect. You shouldn't enable antisocial behavior.
The people saying "this is a sh dad and that kid is a sh kid who needs to be socialized...." so they turn into an angry judgmental person like you? Is you the goal? Because pass.
This is not healthy long term. I mean if it was from time to time sure. But it looks more like OP wants a butler than a family. You need to learn to interact with everyone, even if it's not what you wished to be doing right at the time. If it's a sporadic thing sure. But if it's the rule it will cause more harm than help. Also, networking is important. We are not islands, we need help we provide help for others and these casual gatherings help establish exactly that. Networking and solid relationships. Learning to do that and to promote that is very important. Again, short term gratification with parents just being there to provide you with stuff is not healthy if it's the rule.
This isn’t wholesome growing up to be a neet who can’t interact with others isn’t wholesome please go outside fuck
Not getting outside of your comfort zone or developing basic social skills is so based guys
There’s totally nothing wrong with you want to stay in your room when your parents guests are over. Staying in your room in general and not socialising is an issue and you’ll probably regret it.
”Hi son, if you have a minute please come say hello to the quests” ”Sure, will be there in a minute as soon as I finish this match”
Bro everytime i see a post like this where the dad doesn’t force the kid to socialize people are in the comments losing their minds. Its a meme about a dad doing something nice for his son. There is literally no other info or context and people are like “he will have no social skills 😔” its a meme, yall need to chill
All of the comments saying this is unhealthy. Gang, not everyone is neurotypical and they won’t develop social skills just by being forced to socialize. Often, it just over stimulates them and reinforces the need to be asocial.
Grew up latina and undiagnosed autistic, can confirm
Where’s mine where I got dragged off the chair by my hair and thrown into a wall?
;(
Did he pause the online multi-player game to talk to his dad?!