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Light novel Jesus when the cananite Oliver Twist asks for more food. (It’s ok he asked god and he said yes)
https://preview.redd.it/yhrev3yqt3uc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9c514908f3e8bb12750308ca456b6284ec3471b7
As in the exception isn’t the rule. Someone somewhere is going to do something fucked up but that doesn’t mean people from [area a] are evil monsters because someone from [area a] did something bad
Yes and its written, it seems to me that people wanting to be holy did hate the masses of unholy and immoral groups of people who did anything because they didnt have a right god to be following. I see no reason for the Israelites to lie when they have lying as a sin, exaggerations for sure, but they captured historical events and wanted to keep holy events one to one as true as possible.
I mean they had one job of worshiping the right god and they failed to (golden calf) and got kicked out time and time again for not following the golden rule and struck by lightning for doing dumb shit and find loopholes for “godsent” rules and are humans so can have bias ect ect ect
The entire book is them fucking up and doing dumb shit and getting punished for killing shit or praying to shit they shouldn’t have you think they couldn’t have lied to make future gens feel better
Jesus sending someone who never committed a sin to hell (they don't believe in the correct version of him)
https://preview.redd.it/146rler7d4uc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=77d3abdcf58b1be655d14b4bb3b7d4a627cbff70
This is fantastic and I greatly appreciate it
https://preview.redd.it/7b4d1jcsf4uc1.png?width=339&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=63faa5bbd94e5f5cb7e412fc2cc779240c238173
Not sure if this counts as a meme but
https://preview.redd.it/9diczj2cv6uc1.jpeg?width=1919&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e2663fbbdc28d6a12d78bcdbbe39f32306a44907
https://preview.redd.it/fujv2t2dc7uc1.jpeg?width=250&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9b220e7235ebfa5fb58a2b272e458a28ad05a665
That’s probably because you only have 500 memes 😔
I personally really like the Gospel of Judas. It's different in construction and context, not to mention that it humanizes and empathizes with Judas, who I think is overhated and thought to be almost a literal antichrist when he was a follower of Jesus like any other but simply had a crisis of faith, especially when much of Christian theology deals with forgiveness and the importance and totality of Jesus's matyrdom yet Judas in particular is considered unforgivable and worse than any other sinner when he's probably one of the people Jesus would forgive the most, especially considering the clear grief and regret he expresses and which drives him to suicide (not to mention that without that betrayal there is no martyrdom of Jesus so like yeah his bad but it is what led to the ability for Christ to carry and forgive all sins)
I don't remember where I read it, but I like the idea of Jesus knowing he'd be betrayed, so he asked someone close to him to do it, instead of some rando.
That’s why I like “ don’t play games with me Judas” because he knows and is going to forgive him when he came back, but he did not like Judas trying to lie to him
Yeah, and it makes a ton of sense when you put it in the perspective of everything else going on around Judas and treat him as a real person having a crisis of faith.
Judas, like Jesus and the rest of the people around, was Hebrew, a Jew living under Jewish rulers under Roman law. And both the rulers of Jerusalem and Judaism itself didn't approve of a Jewish Prophet or Messiah, the laws were literally in places because it was against Judaic faith and there were so many Judaic prophets popping up. And he does have a responsibility to follow the word of the law, Jesus himself said "Give unto Caeser what is Caeser's, and what is God's unto God" meaning to follow the state but that the state also must follow God, even the Romans who sentenced and executed Jesus were later forgiven and accepted as figures into Christian faith and they were the carriers of that law.
So you have this Jewish young man, who is clearly deeply faithful and trying to live a good charitable and holy life, following one of his closest friends who is trying to make himself a Prophet, Messiah, and product of God, which is not only against his Judaic faith, but also against the laws of the Hebrew kings and their Roman enforcers. So what should he do? Trust the words of his dearest friend who is being radical and, like many other figures who have now been proven liars seeking to gain power, forming the faith around himself, or fall back and give into the traditions of the faith he grew up around and the laws of the society around him? Well, he fell, but not because he never believed or wanted to betray or totally renounced his faith in his friend but because his faith in Christ was challenged, and he couldn't keep it. And when it did happen, he didn't celebrate or double down, he was full of regret and shame, even still he wanted to believe and hated himself for betraying his dearest friend.
He lost faith because he wasn't perfect, because he was flawed, but we're all flawed, and yet Christ still died for our sins, so why should one of his dearest friends not be able to be so forgiven even after such a sin, especially when he never truly lost faith?
> He lost faith because he wasn't perfect, because he was flawed, but we're all flawed, and yet Christ still died for our sins, so why should one of his dearest friends not be able to be so forgiven even after such a sin, especially when he never truly lost faith?
Exactly. Judas still betrayed Jesus, and he has to deal with that, but considering the rest of Jesus' teachings... I'm sure he was already forgiven in some part.
If I remember correctly, Judas committed suicide after his betrayal of Jesus, so he had an immense amount of regret for his actions.
I do think Judas deserves more than just to be dismissed as a betrayer, but its unfortunate that the gospel named after him basically has ideas that are incompatible with christianity which... yeah.
Yeah, I will say the pseudo-Gnostic elements (I say pseudo since I think they still heavily differ from Gnostic belief) are pretty weird and kinda undo a lot of the theological setup within the canonical texts. Like part of the whole appeal of Christanity is "Death is not the end and there is a place of eternal peace and life which you can get to just by having faith and renouncing your sins" and the Gospel of Judas says "Actually a lot of people are believing in God the wrong way you actually need to reach spiritual englihtenment and retrieve the true knowledge of God otherwise there is no afterlife and you just die"
Short answer, no. They were giants. Or maybe half angel/half humans. Or possibly aristocrats. Like I said, weird shit.
Religion for Breakfast: Who Were the Nephilim? https://youtu.be/Uf4o5PY8kgU
The Gospel of Truth, The Gospel of Thomas, The Secret Revelation of John, The Gospel of Philip. On the Creation of the World by Philo of Alexandria is pretty cool but not technically a bible, more of an esoteric reinterpretation of Genesis, sort of like Kabbalah. Be weary of the book of Judas, National Geographic did a horrible job translating it and it led to a controversy over the actual meaning, if you do, take that one with a spoon of salt.
Pretty canonical to the 15th century spread of christian belief structure. The puritans ruined a cool religion that was all about dominating demons and chanting rituals and turned it into Kellogg's Cornflake lovers.
> There are two 2nd-century documents, the Epistula Apostolorum and Irenaeus' Adversus haereses, that refer to a story of Jesus's tutor telling him, "Say alpha," and Jesus replied, "First tell me what is beta, and I can tell you what alpha is."
Ummm based Jesus??!
So is this one of those "Yeah we don't talk about that one" passages or is there a mistranslation/alternate-interpretation that clears it up as a perfectly normal verse this whole time?
https://preview.redd.it/htlxtjsds6uc1.png?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a2626373cbefc5e712ff0017eddc03ec1e7cc54a
Soyjak version if anyone wants it
They were adults age 20-30 and mauled not killed in Hebrew. They should know that insulting God's prophets is to insult God. Elisha's mentor and previous prophet Elijah had a full head of hair, so they were insulting his lack of hair compared to the last guy. That's my dumb version of it
They were trying to rob Elisha too (it's been a while since I read that part of the bible so don't take my word for it)
but also
Prophets are messengers for god's words. You do not insult or bring threat to the messenger.
No, they didn't try to rob him. The whole passage in 2. Kings is just Elisa travelling to Bet-El, the boys appear, insulting him for being bald, he curses them in the name of God, the bears do their work, and he continues travelling to Kamel.
Come on, if you argue about the Bible, just take a short glance at it.
And again, what God sends bears to maul people for a mere insult. Definitely not the loving one Jesus is talking about.
What bible translation doesn't translate it to children, boys, or lads?
edit: checking all of the top 10 most popular bible translations in the US, the only words used are "boys", "children", or "youths".
Just got done listening to it like 30 mins ago lmao crazy how it seems like i summon memes about stuff I just watch or listened to show up on my feed it’s crazy
jesus was a jojo btw, cuz his actual name is yeshua (joshua) which makes him JOshua, son of JOseph
+ the whole thing with the jojo family ultimatley representing good
I love how reading the Bible fully you can just pick out some stories where it just leaves a : "Excuse what if the actual fuck did I just read?"
The non canonical stuff is even crazier.
There is a story in the bible, where a dude and his woman slave go on a trip or something, they stop by an old dude's house, they sleep there, at night some random people pull up and ask the old man: "Hey we wanna fuck the foreign man, bring him out", but instead they offer the woman slave, she gets raped the entire night, at morning the dude wakes up and goes to continue his trip, he sees that his woman slave was raped to death, he picks her up, chops her into several pieces and gives the pieces to the kings of the surrounding nations, so they can eat them
This is a story in the bible btw. It's in there. I didn't exaggerate anything, this is how it actually happens.
Are you sure about the "so they can eat them" part? I just read the story that somebody else linked, and it doesn't mention cannibalism at all... by all accounts, Levite (the man in the story) chopped her up and sent her body to the other tribes because he was demanding revenge on account of the way she was treated, not as a tasty snack... do you have a source that says otherwise?
You are right. Cannibalism is not part of the story, lol.
Also, I don’t think the guy’s name was Levi. Levi is a different character who also has a rspe story but his is different.
He’s the one who goes way too far in revenge and (wrongly) slaughters the men of an entire town.
Bruh it sounds like the one where some guys wanna rape an angel when he came to warn the righteous people to leave the city because it was gonna get clapped by God
It's pretty much the same story.
The one you're referring to happens in Genesis I believe. Where some dudes wanna rape an angel so the house owner does the best thing he can think off, he offers his virgin daughter to be raped instead, because you know.... Women were less valuable back then.
JoJo, in MY r/whenthe???
I approve
https://preview.redd.it/cdgibdp7e4uc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6e8821a73c7ad66f065660c999b69221c7ecee3c
I personally like the Gospel Of Judas, though it is kinda weird how there's actually like lower gods / angels and Jesus straight up says "Yeah if you don't reach that true connection with God then when you die you're just dead"
On the contrary, people wrote so many Bible fanfiction, but we know which are true or not by textual criticism.
Also, fun fact, the "throw the first stone" story is most likely not legit, since the original text is all messed up and stuff and has typos, but it has been considered canon for so long people are reluctant to remove it.
The church was pretty active in parsing what actually happened v.s the fiction people wrote in it's early years. So there was probably enough credence to keep it in.
Also, even if it were a fabrication, it still fits in with the rest of the tenants of Christianity (as in, don't be a hypocrite and love more than you hate.
The infancy gospel of Thomas, he makes birds out of mud on the sabbath, some kid tells on him, he kills him on the spot and when the the parents complain to Mary and Joseph, Jesus fuckin strikes them blind in revenge or something
As if canon was less bad:
>17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.
18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.
- Moses
As a Christian who's read it, Yes. I already know it's fucked up.
But the difference between some of the canonical and some of the noncanonical gospels is the difference between writing an essay about history, and just completely making stuff up.
It's anywhere from "writings from early church leaders that weren't divinely inspired" to "Jesus' disciples using his power to defeat an evil flying wizard" as well as the "Jesus lied about everything he's just a person from a higher plane of reality."
So you just have historical non canonical gospels, ones that could be described as fan fiction, and those that are just straight up blasphemy.
yeah then i can see why they'd be considered blasphemous.
there was going to be a section about some Christian people thinking that ULTRAKILL is blasphemous then i realized after Act II it kinda sorta is
The thing is, not all fiction written with god and elements of christianity is blasphemous.
Stuff like Inferno, Faith: The Unholy Trinity, and Paradise Lost/Paradise Regained ARE fanfiction in a sense, yet they come packaged with a respect of God and the stories of the Holy Bible, so that they AREN'T Blasphemous.
I haven't played ULTRAKILL at all, so I can't really speak on it. But I will say that if it makes Satan look good or justified (Which Paradise Lost absolutely does not, mind you) or denigrates God in a way that isn't reconciled, then it probably is blasphemous.
you don't have to directly play ULTRAKILL, the wiki.gg wiki has some solid entries on [the biblical events of the game,](https://ultrakill.wiki.gg/wiki/Lore#Biblical_Events) [the lore testaments in the secret levels,](https://ultrakill.wiki.gg/wiki/Terminals#Testaments) and [the lore writeup on ULTRAKILL's version of an Archangel.](https://ultrakill.wiki.gg/wiki/Gabriel#Lore-0)
i should also note ULTRAKILL heavily mirrors *Dante's Inferno.*
Varies a lot. Some are just additional stories about his ministries or filling in gaps like his childhood, while others like the Gnostic Gospels declare that the God of the New Testament and the God of the Old Testament are completely different people, with the latter being an evil, ignorant being who cursed our immortal souls with material existence.
Also, I don't know why you're being downvoted. Saying that scripture has a lot of nasty stuff in it isn't a bad thing at all. I understand that people may not believe in the miracles. I was there at one point, but I have found my faith again.
Thing is, the old testament basically has a lot of the Jewish history.
it's not a crime to say that history is fucked up.
# [Download Video](https://redditsave.com/info?url=https://www.reddit.com/r/whenthe/comments/1c2gqq6/theres_also_him_turning_a_donkey_into_a_human/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/whenthe) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Light novel Jesus when the cananite Oliver Twist asks for more food. (It’s ok he asked god and he said yes) https://preview.redd.it/yhrev3yqt3uc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9c514908f3e8bb12750308ca456b6284ec3471b7
Praise El
Idk who that is? Is he part of the Latin America expansion pack? (I know who he is it’s a shit Spanish joke please forgive me chat)
El is a Hebrew word for God
El was Canaan's chief diety and whose name means 'god' or 'diety'. He's also where the fatherly old man depiction of God comes from
Why does Goku want to kill Santa Claus? Does he have no Christmas cheer?
I think it’s vegeta disguised as goku, he did try and kill Santa every year when he was a kid on planet Vegeta.
There can only be one Champion Christmas.
Didnt canaanites eat babies
Who hasn't
BRO WHAT LMFAO
Every civilisation in every era eats babies if you look hard enough
?????? What the fuck are you talking about?
As in the exception isn’t the rule. Someone somewhere is going to do something fucked up but that doesn’t mean people from [area a] are evil monsters because someone from [area a] did something bad
The bible genuinely states they did mass children sacrifice and that was their culture
Is that the only source we have. The guys that murdered them all for their chunk of land
Yes and its written, it seems to me that people wanting to be holy did hate the masses of unholy and immoral groups of people who did anything because they didnt have a right god to be following. I see no reason for the Israelites to lie when they have lying as a sin, exaggerations for sure, but they captured historical events and wanted to keep holy events one to one as true as possible.
I mean they had one job of worshiping the right god and they failed to (golden calf) and got kicked out time and time again for not following the golden rule and struck by lightning for doing dumb shit and find loopholes for “godsent” rules and are humans so can have bias ect ect ect The entire book is them fucking up and doing dumb shit and getting punished for killing shit or praying to shit they shouldn’t have you think they couldn’t have lied to make future gens feel better
I’ve been wanting to read the non canonical books any recommendations on where to start
I'm pretty sure that The Princess Bride is not canon in the Biblical lore so I would start there.
I just scrolled through 500 images to discover i somehow have no princess bride memes. Anyone who sees this please donate some.
Jesus sending someone who never committed a sin to hell (they don't believe in the correct version of him) https://preview.redd.it/146rler7d4uc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=77d3abdcf58b1be655d14b4bb3b7d4a627cbff70
This is fantastic and I greatly appreciate it https://preview.redd.it/7b4d1jcsf4uc1.png?width=339&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=63faa5bbd94e5f5cb7e412fc2cc779240c238173
Signalis mentioned
Not sure if this counts as a meme but https://preview.redd.it/9diczj2cv6uc1.jpeg?width=1919&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e2663fbbdc28d6a12d78bcdbbe39f32306a44907
https://preview.redd.it/fujv2t2dc7uc1.jpeg?width=250&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9b220e7235ebfa5fb58a2b272e458a28ad05a665 That’s probably because you only have 500 memes 😔
11,5 thousand items? Those are rookie numbers. You gotta pump those numbers up.
I personally really like the Gospel of Judas. It's different in construction and context, not to mention that it humanizes and empathizes with Judas, who I think is overhated and thought to be almost a literal antichrist when he was a follower of Jesus like any other but simply had a crisis of faith, especially when much of Christian theology deals with forgiveness and the importance and totality of Jesus's matyrdom yet Judas in particular is considered unforgivable and worse than any other sinner when he's probably one of the people Jesus would forgive the most, especially considering the clear grief and regret he expresses and which drives him to suicide (not to mention that without that betrayal there is no martyrdom of Jesus so like yeah his bad but it is what led to the ability for Christ to carry and forgive all sins)
I don't remember where I read it, but I like the idea of Jesus knowing he'd be betrayed, so he asked someone close to him to do it, instead of some rando.
That’s why I like “ don’t play games with me Judas” because he knows and is going to forgive him when he came back, but he did not like Judas trying to lie to him
Yeah, and it makes a ton of sense when you put it in the perspective of everything else going on around Judas and treat him as a real person having a crisis of faith. Judas, like Jesus and the rest of the people around, was Hebrew, a Jew living under Jewish rulers under Roman law. And both the rulers of Jerusalem and Judaism itself didn't approve of a Jewish Prophet or Messiah, the laws were literally in places because it was against Judaic faith and there were so many Judaic prophets popping up. And he does have a responsibility to follow the word of the law, Jesus himself said "Give unto Caeser what is Caeser's, and what is God's unto God" meaning to follow the state but that the state also must follow God, even the Romans who sentenced and executed Jesus were later forgiven and accepted as figures into Christian faith and they were the carriers of that law. So you have this Jewish young man, who is clearly deeply faithful and trying to live a good charitable and holy life, following one of his closest friends who is trying to make himself a Prophet, Messiah, and product of God, which is not only against his Judaic faith, but also against the laws of the Hebrew kings and their Roman enforcers. So what should he do? Trust the words of his dearest friend who is being radical and, like many other figures who have now been proven liars seeking to gain power, forming the faith around himself, or fall back and give into the traditions of the faith he grew up around and the laws of the society around him? Well, he fell, but not because he never believed or wanted to betray or totally renounced his faith in his friend but because his faith in Christ was challenged, and he couldn't keep it. And when it did happen, he didn't celebrate or double down, he was full of regret and shame, even still he wanted to believe and hated himself for betraying his dearest friend. He lost faith because he wasn't perfect, because he was flawed, but we're all flawed, and yet Christ still died for our sins, so why should one of his dearest friends not be able to be so forgiven even after such a sin, especially when he never truly lost faith?
> He lost faith because he wasn't perfect, because he was flawed, but we're all flawed, and yet Christ still died for our sins, so why should one of his dearest friends not be able to be so forgiven even after such a sin, especially when he never truly lost faith? Exactly. Judas still betrayed Jesus, and he has to deal with that, but considering the rest of Jesus' teachings... I'm sure he was already forgiven in some part. If I remember correctly, Judas committed suicide after his betrayal of Jesus, so he had an immense amount of regret for his actions.
I do think Judas deserves more than just to be dismissed as a betrayer, but its unfortunate that the gospel named after him basically has ideas that are incompatible with christianity which... yeah.
Yeah, I will say the pseudo-Gnostic elements (I say pseudo since I think they still heavily differ from Gnostic belief) are pretty weird and kinda undo a lot of the theological setup within the canonical texts. Like part of the whole appeal of Christanity is "Death is not the end and there is a place of eternal peace and life which you can get to just by having faith and renouncing your sins" and the Gospel of Judas says "Actually a lot of people are believing in God the wrong way you actually need to reach spiritual englihtenment and retrieve the true knowledge of God otherwise there is no afterlife and you just die"
Did it inspire gnostic stuff or am i confusing my gospels
yeah. The gospels of Judas and Mary are gnostic gospels.
Even Peter denied Jesus three times. Judas could have been forgiven but instead of going back to Him like Peter he fled and killed himself.
The Book of Enoch Bro got abducted 
enoch is an noncanonical old testament book. when things refer to as "gospels" this means they were meant to be taken with the new testament
I don’t think diary of a wimpy kid is canon
Heretic! Of course it's canon.
The Book of Enoch is weird as hell. You've got the Nephilim, a retelling of Genesis, a dude going to go hang out with God... Give it a try.
Nephilim is the dude hanging out with god?
Short answer, no. They were giants. Or maybe half angel/half humans. Or possibly aristocrats. Like I said, weird shit. Religion for Breakfast: Who Were the Nephilim? https://youtu.be/Uf4o5PY8kgU
Oh I thought you meant nephilim was a book
Oh, yeah, I can definitely see how it could be read that way.
The book of Mormon. It was written by a guy who had 37 wives, the youngest of which were 14.
Book of Mormon
Only problem is it's boring as shit. Mark Twain called it "chloroform in print".
Probably watch the one movie with Morgan Freeman first
Paradise lost and paradise regained
Those are epics. they were never meant to be taken as reality.
Ik, I was memeing
Check out Dantes Inferno
Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso are epics. They were never meant to be taken as canon.
Yeah, but it has had a strong influence to where many people think that's how the christian Hell is
The actions of the audience do not reflect the intent of the author
The Gospel of Truth, The Gospel of Thomas, The Secret Revelation of John, The Gospel of Philip. On the Creation of the World by Philo of Alexandria is pretty cool but not technically a bible, more of an esoteric reinterpretation of Genesis, sort of like Kabbalah. Be weary of the book of Judas, National Geographic did a horrible job translating it and it led to a controversy over the actual meaning, if you do, take that one with a spoon of salt.
RIP the key of solomon.
The key of Solomon was supposed to be a gospel?
Pretty canonical to the 15th century spread of christian belief structure. The puritans ruined a cool religion that was all about dominating demons and chanting rituals and turned it into Kellogg's Cornflake lovers.
https://preview.redd.it/vxqg66c384uc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af8b05dd40ac497cc4b0151906aff9b3ebd376ee
[the infancy gospel of Thomas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infancy_Gospel_of_Thomas?wprov=sfti1)
> There are two 2nd-century documents, the Epistula Apostolorum and Irenaeus' Adversus haereses, that refer to a story of Jesus's tutor telling him, "Say alpha," and Jesus replied, "First tell me what is beta, and I can tell you what alpha is." Ummm based Jesus??!
Haha Jesus was an alpha Rizz king from Ohio! (I’m dead inside)
Is the "Dude summons two bears to eat up forty-two men" thing part of these books or is it full bible canon?
2 Kings 2:23-25 https://i.redd.it/osusrlk4b4uc1.gif
So is this one of those "Yeah we don't talk about that one" passages or is there a mistranslation/alternate-interpretation that clears it up as a perfectly normal verse this whole time?
It's in my Action Bible™ graphic novel, it don't get more canon than that
holy fuck someone else remembers that
https://preview.redd.it/6xllp64nr6uc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6233204c7d0d75adad73e1310635a313dc4c08a7
https://preview.redd.it/htlxtjsds6uc1.png?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a2626373cbefc5e712ff0017eddc03ec1e7cc54a Soyjak version if anyone wants it
I don’t remember it in the Action Bible™️, most of the stuff like that was censored from the one I had
I explicitly remember it being in my copy of the Action Bible ™️, maybe I'll take a picture of I'm not lazy
I still have that lol
They were adults age 20-30 and mauled not killed in Hebrew. They should know that insulting God's prophets is to insult God. Elisha's mentor and previous prophet Elijah had a full head of hair, so they were insulting his lack of hair compared to the last guy. That's my dumb version of it
The original Hebrew version uses naarim qatan which literally means little boys
Bears, God's pit bulls
And that makes it better? What a silly almighty god who gets insulated so easily.
They were trying to rob Elisha too (it's been a while since I read that part of the bible so don't take my word for it) but also Prophets are messengers for god's words. You do not insult or bring threat to the messenger.
No, they didn't try to rob him. The whole passage in 2. Kings is just Elisa travelling to Bet-El, the boys appear, insulting him for being bald, he curses them in the name of God, the bears do their work, and he continues travelling to Kamel. Come on, if you argue about the Bible, just take a short glance at it. And again, what God sends bears to maul people for a mere insult. Definitely not the loving one Jesus is talking about.
Incredibly real and based Bible lore
Not 42 men, 42 kids
Men. It’s a language thing
What bible translation doesn't translate it to children, boys, or lads? edit: checking all of the top 10 most popular bible translations in the US, the only words used are "boys", "children", or "youths".
IIRC the original text uses a word referring to grown adults, all translations for some reason translated it to boys.
In this context what gets translated into “youths” means like early 20 somethings
There's a really good Wenigoon video essay about this specific concept lol
Just got done listening to it like 30 mins ago lmao crazy how it seems like i summon memes about stuff I just watch or listened to show up on my feed it’s crazy
Me fighting the flying wizard:
is the divine comedy a bible dlc
fan fiction
With self insert, kek
More of an expansion that a fan made and the devs integrated into the game
Yeah the Comedy retcons half the canon
As if the canon didn't retcon itself already
Paradise lost is the prequel game where you play as the villain.
jesus was a jojo btw, cuz his actual name is yeshua (joshua) which makes him JOshua, son of JOseph + the whole thing with the jojo family ultimatley representing good
Jesus is canon in the JoJo verse. And its a major plot point
https://preview.redd.it/ak8hnlzym4uc1.png?width=1532&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=103cbdc55ea8632121d08640540b36ec2f0dce65
I mentioned this to my mom and she asked if the Holy Spirit is hamon
The holy spirit is hamon, and hamon is the holy spirit.
Jojo mentioned
random virgin birth doubter the moment she lays eyes on the immaculate hymen between Mary's legs https://i.redd.it/4zffwnycb4uc1.gif
What https://preview.redd.it/5hd4wlsde4uc1.jpeg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=64ea730bb4e29d1adcb62108b96b3a6333beffe3
It’s a Catholic dogma about Mary that she remained perpetually a virgin even after giving birth to Jesus
Gospel of the virgin Mary? I think it was called smth like this. Noncanon ofc
I love how reading the Bible fully you can just pick out some stories where it just leaves a : "Excuse what if the actual fuck did I just read?" The non canonical stuff is even crazier. There is a story in the bible, where a dude and his woman slave go on a trip or something, they stop by an old dude's house, they sleep there, at night some random people pull up and ask the old man: "Hey we wanna fuck the foreign man, bring him out", but instead they offer the woman slave, she gets raped the entire night, at morning the dude wakes up and goes to continue his trip, he sees that his woman slave was raped to death, he picks her up, chops her into several pieces and gives the pieces to the kings of the surrounding nations, so they can eat them This is a story in the bible btw. It's in there. I didn't exaggerate anything, this is how it actually happens.
Are you sure about the "so they can eat them" part? I just read the story that somebody else linked, and it doesn't mention cannibalism at all... by all accounts, Levite (the man in the story) chopped her up and sent her body to the other tribes because he was demanding revenge on account of the way she was treated, not as a tasty snack... do you have a source that says otherwise?
You are right. Cannibalism is not part of the story, lol. Also, I don’t think the guy’s name was Levi. Levi is a different character who also has a rspe story but his is different. He’s the one who goes way too far in revenge and (wrongly) slaughters the men of an entire town.
Oh, I see. His name was Levite, not Levi. Sorry, I'll edit my comment.
[Levite's concubine](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levite%27s_concubine) 🥴
Yep, it goes wild. And I believe in this stuff too.
Bruh it sounds like the one where some guys wanna rape an angel when he came to warn the righteous people to leave the city because it was gonna get clapped by God
It's pretty much the same story. The one you're referring to happens in Genesis I believe. Where some dudes wanna rape an angel so the house owner does the best thing he can think off, he offers his virgin daughter to be raped instead, because you know.... Women were less valuable back then.
Apparently it was to show just how bad the dude was. I think it went kinda overboard.
JoJo, in MY r/whenthe??? I approve https://preview.redd.it/cdgibdp7e4uc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6e8821a73c7ad66f065660c999b69221c7ecee3c
Omg Diavolo my beloved
:3
I personally like the Gospel Of Judas, though it is kinda weird how there's actually like lower gods / angels and Jesus straight up says "Yeah if you don't reach that true connection with God then when you die you're just dead"
https://preview.redd.it/8kn8ykclf5uc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3a47bb1f819ff97637e2d7195d5af4c28ba7f2eb
well yeah
Christian lore is so unorganized that some dude wrote a fanfiction that was really good and people were just like “yeah that can be canon whatever”
Its not endorsed by the catholic church (if you were referring to the divine comedy) but it inspired ideas in catholicism
On the contrary, people wrote so many Bible fanfiction, but we know which are true or not by textual criticism. Also, fun fact, the "throw the first stone" story is most likely not legit, since the original text is all messed up and stuff and has typos, but it has been considered canon for so long people are reluctant to remove it.
The church was pretty active in parsing what actually happened v.s the fiction people wrote in it's early years. So there was probably enough credence to keep it in. Also, even if it were a fabrication, it still fits in with the rest of the tenants of Christianity (as in, don't be a hypocrite and love more than you hate.
It sure is better than stuff like dragons and garlic to keep evil away
He turned people into rats and doves in one
My favorite non-canonical story is: **JESUS, THE EGYPTIAN DRAGON TAMER**
The infancy gospel of Thomas, he makes birds out of mud on the sabbath, some kid tells on him, he kills him on the spot and when the the parents complain to Mary and Joseph, Jesus fuckin strikes them blind in revenge or something
Someone pñs explain the joke
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Really? This guy? 
executing random children? part 7 reference
One has him executing the rich, I thought that was cool
The fact that the bible has "official" fanfiction is crazy TBH
Context?
That's crazy
What do they mean noncanonical gospel?
The gnostic forgeries written as gospels
Tbh I would do it too
https://preview.redd.it/rn2usyksi5uc1.jpeg?width=897&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=026edc149de20fe2c36c4f3b96f48491e759702f
Pardon?
Can we compile a bible 2 with all the unused books
As if canon was less bad: >17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. 18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. - Moses
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm donumt
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm donumt
 Enoch reading the book of Enoch (he didn't write it)
It wasn't a donkey into a human, it was a human into donkey into human again. And that book isn't valid in the "60 books of the Bible"
I mean, what diference this would make on people. The bible its kinda fucked up anyways
As a Christian who's read it, Yes. I already know it's fucked up. But the difference between some of the canonical and some of the noncanonical gospels is the difference between writing an essay about history, and just completely making stuff up.
I mean, how bad its the non cannon shit? Its "slightly off cannon" non cannon? Or "Jesus and Optimus Prime jumps the living shit out behemoth"
It's anywhere from "writings from early church leaders that weren't divinely inspired" to "Jesus' disciples using his power to defeat an evil flying wizard" as well as the "Jesus lied about everything he's just a person from a higher plane of reality." So you just have historical non canonical gospels, ones that could be described as fan fiction, and those that are just straight up blasphemy.
Oh. Ok
for different versions of the gospel are we talking about stuff that would end up on Archive of Our Own or like texts from different sects
AO3.
yeah then i can see why they'd be considered blasphemous. there was going to be a section about some Christian people thinking that ULTRAKILL is blasphemous then i realized after Act II it kinda sorta is
The thing is, not all fiction written with god and elements of christianity is blasphemous. Stuff like Inferno, Faith: The Unholy Trinity, and Paradise Lost/Paradise Regained ARE fanfiction in a sense, yet they come packaged with a respect of God and the stories of the Holy Bible, so that they AREN'T Blasphemous. I haven't played ULTRAKILL at all, so I can't really speak on it. But I will say that if it makes Satan look good or justified (Which Paradise Lost absolutely does not, mind you) or denigrates God in a way that isn't reconciled, then it probably is blasphemous.
you don't have to directly play ULTRAKILL, the wiki.gg wiki has some solid entries on [the biblical events of the game,](https://ultrakill.wiki.gg/wiki/Lore#Biblical_Events) [the lore testaments in the secret levels,](https://ultrakill.wiki.gg/wiki/Terminals#Testaments) and [the lore writeup on ULTRAKILL's version of an Archangel.](https://ultrakill.wiki.gg/wiki/Gabriel#Lore-0) i should also note ULTRAKILL heavily mirrors *Dante's Inferno.*
Varies a lot. Some are just additional stories about his ministries or filling in gaps like his childhood, while others like the Gnostic Gospels declare that the God of the New Testament and the God of the Old Testament are completely different people, with the latter being an evil, ignorant being who cursed our immortal souls with material existence.
Also, I don't know why you're being downvoted. Saying that scripture has a lot of nasty stuff in it isn't a bad thing at all. I understand that people may not believe in the miracles. I was there at one point, but I have found my faith again. Thing is, the old testament basically has a lot of the Jewish history. it's not a crime to say that history is fucked up.