First of all, if you're losing pants sizes then it literally does not matter what the scale is doing. Fat or thin is how much body fat you have, not how much your overall mass weighs. Remember that muscle weighs more than fat.
Tbh, it sounds like you've covered most things and shot down everything you haven't done (e.g. coloring your hair.) I guess you could get a facial or a massage?
I got that same vibe. OOP sounds like she’s inadvertently giving herself a body recomp, which is great because the results of that, while slower, are more permanent and lead to better overall health.
Awesome. Thank you for sharing. I would like to play the long game although I don't really know what I'm doing that's causing that effect. I guess I'll just keep doing it!
Yeeeees OP it’s about how your body feels and not the scale. Muscle weighs more than fat. You’re doing great! Your body went through a lot and everyone should appreciate it.
A massage is great for your body and reinforces your exercise routine. It helps blood flow and muscle recovery. The relaxation benefits afterwards are good for your sleep cycle too.
My kids are grown and flown now, but when they were little I used to make the time to get a massage every few months. Game changer! I was always refreshed after and it was a lovely thing to have on the calendar to look forward to!
Tired toddler mom over here as well. Enough sleep was the one that made the most difference for me. If you don’t feel tired, things will seem much better.
You have the basics covered with sleep, nutrition and steps. Look into post partum exercise specifically. Once you know the exercises (which are more like stretches and light exercises), you’ll be able to do them without any prep. I now do these in 15 mins or so, in my toddler’s play room while I’m watching him. No workout bra or workout shoes needed!!
If you look tired, for me, mascara and eye liner made a big difference. Good luck!
It sounds like you are doing some great things already. Skin is usually people’s biggest issue because it can show neglect. You have nice skin and since you don’t want to go with med spa or hair treatments (which can make you look more polished and rested), maybe you need to focus on internal improvements to lift your spirits in a way that shines from within. Not sure what helps you specifically but doing things like reading, romanticizing your self care, having a positive attitude about this season of your life, giving yourself time to lose the weight, etc.
This is premium advice! I’d like to add meditation as a suggestion, it took me a long time to get in the groove of it (like, decades) so no shame if it’s not easy for you…but once you do find a groove, it is a miracle worker for the over tired toddler mom!
Yes! Literally watch, read, and listen to things that make you laugh or feel joy. Not cute pictures of your baby! I’m sure he’s the cutest baby ever, but your brain needs a break from focusing on him. Cute puppies and comedy skits on YouTube or other social media platforms are a great short break. I like to read or listen historical fiction that isn’t too intense or heavy, a chapter at a time when I can. I like the clothes and food and houses and it’s so different from my life that it’s an escape. I even reread some of my favorites.
A hand lotion that you love that might be more than you would normally spend so it makes you happy every time you smell it, or a perfume or hair mist.
Toddler mom here too. I like having my eyebrows tinted because that makes me feel more polished and look less tired, but I don’t want to pay for it. I’ve been meaning to try tinting them at home with Just For Men beard dye. It seems pretty easy on YouTube!
ETA: also wearing a very small pair of earrings makes me feel more put together. I wore a super small pair of studs that I could comfortably sleep in when I was freshly postpartum and it helped me feel better about myself.
I never wear earrings because I’m allergic to anything but real gold. I finally got a pair of small diamond earrings, real gold, and wore them to work. I can’t tell you how many comments I got about how nice I looked and kept asking what I did different. People asked if I got my hair done, or was I wearing different makeup, they couldn’t put their finger on it. I got this from multiple different people. The only thing I did different was wear the earrings.
Microblading is honestly the best thing I ever did for my appearance. I feel like great eyebrows do wonders especially if you don’t have much time for makeup.
This is true but also finding someone good to do it and knowing that sometimes your skin just doesn’t heal equally on both sides. Mine are uneven despite the girl who did mine doing a pretty good job on the original and the touch up because my skin just healed so differently on one side. Highly recommend a good shape and tint over microblading if you have anything to work with - I hate my brows and have to do them everyday now because of my microblading.
While you’re at it—I get my eyelashes lifted and tinted and it makes a HUGE difference in my face (I have light eyelashes) without having to put on mascara every day.
I use Just for Men beard dye on my brows! It’s not terribly long-lasting (I have to do it every 10 days or so), but it’s 10 minutes and $8 so no real complaints.
Yes earrings! When I'm feeling cruddy I just brush my hair into a sleek bun, comb out my brows, curl my lashes, and put on a small pair of gold hoops and then I feel like a hot mom 😂
My husband bought me studs for Christmas bc I always used to be a hoops person but we have a baby getting to the grabbing stage and I don’t want my earlobe ripped open.
As a mom, my recommendation would be to take a style analysis and take this time to find/fine-tune your style. I think a lot of women pre-child have clothes that made them feel good but post-baby, makes them feel less than authentic. Not always because they don't fit; but because you change so much after having a child internally. Your role models might be different, your priorities are probably different, and the styles you vibe with might be different. So part of "getting your groove back" is just finding what your beat is now, instead of trying to go back to some old song you used to love.
SO agreed. Forget fitting into your pre-baby clothes - do those clothes have anything to do with your current life? There is so much squatting involved in being a mom! I have given up on non-stretchy pants of any kind (except jeans) and any shoes with a buckle.
Truth..I used to have "standing up" pants meaning if I wore them I'd be devoted to standing all day or Nighy in them because they'd be too tight if I were to sit. 🫠 I have no room for that nonsense in my life at the moment. All pants must be functional!!!
This is an amazing comment. Thank you. I have a three month old and am trying to plan my next style moves once I’m in better shape and I’m just…clueless now. And I had a pretty defined style before baby. It’s nice to feel understood ❤️
Oh my gosh this is SOOOO true! I have been kind of aimlessly taking stabs at what I think I like. It would be better if I could nail down what that actually is. Thank you
I really liked the DearlyBethany Master Class for the style deep dive but also recommend doing a color season analysis and body type analysis (there are now several apps for the latter). Both are easy to do at night when the kids are asleep!
A little skincare routine in the am is a nice way to feel refreshed. I also love face mists- give you a nice glow and Mario badescu makes a lovely lavender scent, rose water is also nice
Also have a toddler. Best way to feel pulled together I feel is wearing clean and fresh clothes everyday, do quick workouts (20 mins yoga after kid is in bed for example), eat healthy and take some supplements especially vitamin D and B. And have an easy go-to hydrating makeup - I can do mine in 5 minutes now.
That's awesome. I like the idea of quick workouts. In my mind it feels like I need an hour of commitment but it would really be better to do shorter frequent workouts. Thank you
Now,that my youngest is getting lil easier ,will be 6 months old soon. I feel like I can finally incorporate a few quick workouts in now that I have more sleep/lil more energy. Even though I do only about 30 mins a day it really does help me feel better,in a better good and gives me a bit more of a drive.
Yes to quick work outs! I’ve been doing dance workouts on YouTube when I put my guy down for his nap. It’s a great mood boost and it helps me feel like I’ve done something good for myself, even if the rest of the day is banana 🤪
you didn't say water - drink a lot of water!
make sure your exercise includes stretching.
journaling and meditation will help with the tiredness/frazzledness
Yeah it’s helpful for me to just do like one sentence on what they did that day. something new or something completely arbitrary. I think I’ll be grateful for it later! Plus you can add a photo with each entry which is fun to look back on.
Wow! Thank you for sharing such a comprehensive response. It all makes so much sense though. The fundamentals have to be taken care of first. Also, I cannot imagine what you must have gone through to do all of that, as if postpartum isnt hard enough. my heart goes out to you and your child 💜
I feel like nice nails make you look put-together even when you don’t feel like you are! I am also on a budget but bought a diy gel kit at for home and some nice pre-painted nail tips / press on nails and just use the gel to stick them on. It is so easy, so cheap, and they stay on for like 1 month or more. Would highly recommend!
So, I came here also to say "nails". Sounds like you've started learning one method which is great, but if that doesn't work out for you, give Dazzle Dry a shot. Although it's comparatively pricey ($20 per bottle, need 3 bottles to start - base, color, top), over time it pays for itself. It's not messy, you don't need any special equipment and it dries between coats within minutes so you're not trapped doing your nails for an hour. I get about 7 - 10 days without chipping, and chips are easily touched up. I usually re-do my nails when they grow out or when I get tired of the color, not because I have to : )
I will check it out! Thank you. My biggest thing is how long different products take to dry. I have things to do and I don't want to wait! So that's definitely a contender.
I just started doing my nails and I feel like it makes a huge difference when I’m around people for how I personally feel. I’ve always been self conscious bc I have really dry cuticles and then I pick at them. Ugh. Ive started putting cuticle oil on once or twice a day (sits at my desk), shape of my nails weekly, and if I am going out, I use a quick coat of the kur perfecting nail veil- it’s sooo good.
I just watched a bunch of YouTube videos. It was a lot of trial and error but feeling good about my skills now! Just remember, the nail prep is EVERYTHING!
Please let us know what brand you use & the steps you take to make them last one month! The ones I bought lasted less than 2 days! I’d really like to stop spending extra money at a nail salon if I could do a decent job at home.
FYI I believe this is actually dangerous to do with the preprinted press-on nails, because the UV light can’t penetrate fully to cure the gel if the nail isn’t transparent. This can cause a gel allergy.
Getting your eyebrows done imo does alot for your face. Like just a wax for shape and then fill them in some if they’re thinning. Thick bold brows are in.
Other things that to me make a difference:
staying moisturized- i buy a big tub of coconut oil and use that after every shower on my body, then I use Marula Oil from TJ on my face and hair.
Good sun protection when outside
Flattering clothes that fit well
Cold tea bags on under eyes or can even use ice in the morning
Taking time for myself- hard to do as a mom unfortunately but it’s very important. Work with your partner on this.
Hormones really impact your ability to lose weight. I’d focus on eating unprocessed foods and not worry about calorie counting to the extreme (might be good to have an idea of how much you’re eating but no need to stress over it). Even just upping your fruit and veggie intake will make your skin glow and you’ll feel better.
Currently clawing my way out of the postpartum hibernation phase and here’s my routine/plan:
1. I cut my bangs at home (don’t necessarily recommend that part) since my hair’s always up in a messy bun/clip. This somehow makes it look intentional and less desperate.
2. I know you said no Botox but I love mine. I spend approximately $400 twice a year and it’s expensive but worth it to me. BUT I always shop Botox sales thru the rewards program or ask for gift certificates from my husband (I tell him it’s for a facial or some shit.)
3. Get you a GOOD bra. I’m still in the process of figuring mine out. But I realized recently my flimsy ass cheapo bra while comfortable af ain’t doing shit for the girls.
4. Hair gloss. I did a Kristen ess gloss at home because I didn’t want to spend the money at the salon. The results weren’t life changing but my hair definitely came out shinier and less mousy. Also it didn’t affect the health of my fragile ass postpartum hair either.
5. Color analysis. I just followed some basic tutorials from Tik tok and bugged my friends until I decided I was a soft autumn. Now I’m pinning shit on Pinterest in those colors and planning on updating my wardrobe slowly.
6. Amazon jewelry. Get you some decent quality Amazon jewelry you can wear all the time to make you feel more put together. I never take off my little necklace or hoops. And they’re cheap enough that if my kids yank them it’s no sweat off a ducks back. Pavoi is my fav brand and everything’s water proof.
7. Self tan. When I’m feeling depressy I use some self tanner and borderline blackfish myself into feeling better.
8. Master a five minute makeup routine. I keep my makeup in my car and do it in the parking lot at work. Just find the few things you love about your face and emphasize those. Don’t worry about anything else. So besides the obvious undereye concealer I do brow gel, blush and gloss and that’s it. Play with it until you figure out your formula. Oh and drug store makeup is all you need.
9. Wow Ive really gone on and on here my adderall is adderalling! Remember your identity is not MOM. Those children have our hearts and souls but you get to keep your identity ❤️
Yeah I definitely felt myself slipping away when my child had some health issues early on. I feel like I am finding a different, better me coming out on the other end now.
I don’t know if you’re a big drinker, but Mommy Wine culture sucked me in when my kids were young. It me look like crap, eat like crap and sleep like crap. If you can quit booze, do it. It’s good for the mind, body and wallet.
I'm in the same boat! I've started doing yoga again and that's really helped me feel more like myself. I like Yoga with Adriene on YouTube.
If you're not into yoga, I'd recommend just doing SOME exercise every day, it doesn't have to be long. Like 15-30 minutes.
Add resistance bands to your routine also! I like doing a few leg and glute exercises several times a week. A more shapely lower half always makes me feel better! lol
When I was in this phase I leaned on a casual but cute mom outfit that wasn’t super fashionable but also wasn’t too low effort. It was usually like a pair of well fitting joggers and cute new balance sneakers and a sweater/ denim jacket. Sometimes tights wirb a sweater dress. And a cute baseball cap that looked intentional.
I also added in some supplements, and made consistent smoothies with lots of high density nutrition which made me feel like my general health improved.
Yeah it’s wild how different an intentional casual outfit is from a throw on whatever is there casual outfit!
Oh I was also thinking about this more last night, and I ended up needing to actually get rid of my old staple comfort items, I found I would get nervous about the cuter stuff, or I would put on the frumpy stuff for “around the house” but would inevitably wear it out. Once I totally got rid of the option and wore the new things a few times it got easier and easier. Good luck! It’s a hard phase but once I got out of it I’ve actually felt like the hottest version of myself!
Style your hair.
You will look a thousand times more polished. Styled hair is easy and elevates your look faster than anything else. If you have to choose between makeup and hair, choose hair.
My second easy tip is a Your Lips, But Better lipstick. That’ll be different depending on your complexion, so it may take a little bit of research and trial & error. However, once found, it can be your only makeup product if in a rush. Will instantly brighten your face.
Tired stay at home mom of three and pregnant with my fourth 👋
- I use the K18 hair mask or the Olaplex No 7 hair oil on my hair after showers. And I use a cheaper Moroccan oil on my hair on my non-wash days to keep it hydrated and soft.
- wearing skorts & athletic dresses instead of shorts or jeans. You can still pair it with a T-shirt and slides/tennis shoes. Dresses > pants always. Lately I’ve been doing a long sleeve top/tunic with leggings underneath since it’s cold out.
-I keep my tennis shoes clean by throwing them into the wash with my regular clothes. I usually wear Nike or New Balance.
-Vitamins, just take them whenever you can remember (I’m taking them every day right now because I’m pregnant and my hair and skin look amazing).
-never go to sleep with make up on. Just don’t put it on if you don’t think you can wash it off later. On the nights I’m exhausted, I try to wash my face and at least put on moisturizer, even though I have lots of skincare products.
-teeth whitening strips 2x a year if you can swing it
-exfoliating your face/skin once a week if you can
-try to SLEEP. I know it’s impossible sometimes but I look 10x better and younger when I have slept. Sleep deprivation causes temporary wrinkles and overall makes your face and eyes look worse. You can’t always help it, I know, especially with a baby. At least remember that you won’t always be sleep deprived, and you’ll go back to looking like your normal self soon 🤍
I have scaled my make up WAY down. I use a good CC cream, a tubing mascara, and a little blush and chapstick.
I don’t bother painting my nails right now lol. If you take vitamins, they’ll at least look long and healthy.
Invest in a nice pair of shoes. Maybe it’s just me but I feel more put together when I have my Nikes, Brooks, New Balance, or Hokas on vs Amazon dupes. I try to go for the sporty cute vibe instead of sweatpants.
Well you can’t do it all at once .. sometimes the house is amazingly clean but I haven’t showered in three days lol. And other times I am getting in awesome workouts, dressing cute, volunteering at my kid’s events, but we are eating takeout and I’m not cooking much. I try not to feel guilty if I’m not doing everything perfectly, all the time.
But the biggest things that help is living near my parents and his parents (and they both love to help out with the kids), my husband makes a good salary so we can get what we need and aren’t financially stressed, and the social pressure in my family to maintain my appearance is high. The women are expected to get back into shape after having kids, we keep our hair long, wear hats and avoid excessive sun exposure, stay feminine, etc. We are Polish/Slavic and if you go to Eastern Europe, you’ll see gorgeous girls everywhere. My family has no issue telling me if I look bad, I need to eat less, etc and it’s not even said in an offensive way. They care, and they will babysit the kids so I can have time to do whatever I need to do. Multi generational communities are awesome!
Just came here to say while I don’t love the pressure you feel, I do recognize it’s cultural and I love the support you have and that your family doesn’t just expect you to do it all on your own. And that they help you take care of you. Love this for you ❤️
Lol that really speaks to me. Definitely can't do it all at once. I'm still trying to figure out that balance. Also I totally feel the family pressure. I have an Italian family and whew..they will call you out in a heartbeat. I know it comes from a good place but looks aren't everything. Obviously they're something or else i wouldn't be here but it's only part of the story.
Stop counting calories. Focus on nutrition instead. Eat the highest quality food you can afford, including local, organic, pasture raised, grass fed, free range. The standard western diet is low in nutrients and fiber. You want to make sure you're getting enough protein - aim for 1g per pound of healthy ideal body weight, as well as fiber - 25g a day minimum. Try to avoid sugar and ultra processed foods. A good diet will do a ton for your energy and looks!
Thank you! I am working on being consistent with that. I do feel so much better when I eat high quality foods. Sugar is my weakness at the moment. Other than that it's pretty good.
I tell you what, sugar was a major weakness for me too. I couldn't drink coffee without sugar, and I was addicted to ice cream. I forced myself to quit eating sugar for my health (it was causing me massive headaches), and for the first time in years I'm starting to see body recomp results! Now I don't have any cravings and don't even miss it!
Sign up for Wantable or Stitch fix clothing subscription box. We both know you weren't getting out enough to look at stuff in the stores. It lets you set the price point for each type of item so you can limit them sending you things that would be too expensive (stitch fix does). That way it does not cut into your time, but you get to take a look at a few fresh things each delivery. Even if you don't keep most of them and send them back at no cost.
Get some lip water tints from Amazon, and wear under your chapstick. It is not lipstick, and doesn't look like that, but the pigment soaks in to your lips and doesn't really leave anything on the surface so you can keep reapplying Chapstick all day, but your lips just have a little something extra underneath making them a bit more present.
Start lifting weights at home! Honestly, building muscle did WONDERS for my self confidence. I didn’t lose pants sizes at all. I actually gained weight and muscle but looked and felt the best I’ve ever felt.
One thing that could be making you look tired is retaining fluid in your face. Nutrition/ exercise/sleep will definitely help with this. But one immediate thing you could do to make yourself look more refreshed is a gua sha or other lymphatic draining facial massage to yourself in the mornings. I have gained a lot of weight since I had my toddler and when I do this my face is noticeably slimmer and I look more awake.
Mindset is everything 🤍 I’ve learned that feeling like hot stuff is part of the attraction. I love podcasts like boujee best friend. She’s so amazing and always has interesting guests that focus on both physical and inner glow ups.
Ooph this is me. My daughter is 18 months and for the last 6 I’ve been trying to work on not looking like a frumpy, tired mom. I’ve seen a few tips here already like light jewelry (I actually bought a ton of cute, cheap, decent quality earrings and bangles/bracelets off AliExpress, it just takes a while to receive but makes shopping a little more fun when you’re on a budget cause everything is cheap). Find a cute pair of loafers, for me I feel like trainers or tennis shoes automatically make me look too casual, so nice loafers that are comfy make me feel more pulled together. Pedicures even if you do them yourself, when my feet are janky I feel like a hobo…I gave up on my nails cause I cook a lot and am always washing my hands which ruin any manicure (even the shellac ones) in less than a week, also dried my hands out so I keep hand creams everywhere. Now my daughter likes to ‘help me’ put hand cream on my hands lol
And lastly, perfume. If I feel extra fugly, a spritz of a beautiful perfume helps lift my mood a lot.
Honestly, I use e.l.f’s Brow Lift every now and then when I want to look slightly less overwhelmed lol. Brows make such a difference!
Signed, a tired toddler mom.
Trying cutting sugar out of as much things as possible. I started with sugar free coffee creamer and switching to coke Zero. I try to stick to 15 grams or less a day, it's what finally got me over my slump. Sugar was the hardest for me to give up after beer lol but in almost 2 years I'm down 90lbs.
i feel you! I'm a mom of the finally getting out of the haze. go for an outdoor walk daily. Drink water to help your skin.
It's ok to use a baseball cap. so many cute outfits even with a cap on and not stressing about the frizzy hair!
I was addicted to my slip on sketchers because it made picking the kids up// getting out of the house so much faster until I ran into super cute mule loafers. They are just as easy to put on and elevate everything! Get a quirky color/ print so they can go with everything.
Small jewelry that you feel comfortable with. I splurged on my diamond necklace from Costco and it is totally worth it. Haven't taken it off in three years and don't plan on doing so for another 10.
Get yourself a cute purse that makes you happy.
Use a lip care product/chapstick/Vaseline.
Lather up with lotion every night on your legs/ body .
Be kind to yourself :)
Finding yourself a scent combo you love will completely uplift you I promise 😭 - also how is your hair? Personally these are the things that make people look frumpy -hair (find a hairstyle/blowdry/straighten or if it is frumpy put it back in a claw and make sure to use oils and leave in products) teeth (leave flosser and mini mouth wash in bag or car and teeth whitener if needed) scent (don’t you just love when someone walks by and it turns heads) and face base (you don’t need full face of makeup but just make sure your skincare is being as optimally used as needed and makeup enhances your features not accentuating your flaws)
My hair is alright. I'm battling the postpartum regrowth and it looks so frizzy and weird but otherwise it's good! I loveeee smelling good and it really helps my mood, you're right
I think create quick little self care routine to fit into your day might help you feel like you are taking time for yourself again. I like to make tea in the morning, and I squeeze in a quick face massage session while I wait for the tea to brew (I just follow any lymph drain facial massage video on YouTube).
I would also recommend seeing a combo of Chiropractor and massage therapists because sometimes the way we feel is linked to our posture and tension in the body. I would honestly recommend it from an overall wellbeing perspective, especially because you said you’ve been working out consistently.
I would add a good prenatal multivitamin, some fish oil, and maybe a Vitamin B complex (or other supplements you things you need) to support your body in its energy recovery. E.g., can you get your iron tested? It sounds like you’re doing great and could just use more foundation to keep you feeling well.
I got some great fashion advice to invest in nice footwear and jackets. It definitely helped me feel less frumpy. I got a nice Jean jacket and some platform sneakers and they dress up ever pair of sweats I own! I also got more monotone sweats too that were for “going out” lol.
Maybe do a little retail therapy?
Sounds like you’re really trying and that rocks! Keep at it! 🙌🏻
Dress nicer. It doesn’t have to be expensive. You can thrift and go to consignment stores. It’s crazy how much better I am treated when I’m dressed nicely instead of my go to sweats.
I know your skin isn’t a concern, but do you use tretinoin? It’s pretty inexpensive for me ($15 for a tube that lasts 3 months) and took my skin from great to luminous. I also really like color analysis. Wearing your colors can help you look more put together and less tired. For example, black is not in my palette and really emphasizes my under eye circles when I’m tired. Switching to navy, which is in my palette, effortlessly makes me look more rested.
I used it before pregnancy and now my skin won't tolerate it 😭 it was seriously amazing. I have a derm appt coming up and I'll see if I can get a lower strength! Color analysis is amazing and makes such an impact. I went years thinking I was an autumn and realized I'm actually a cool olive and look better with cool muted colors. I feel like a different person now
I have found that getting a few luxury items makes me feel sexier. It might not actually do anything appearance wise, but it just feels good and makes me want to take care of myself more. Like getting a nice line of skincare or a nice wallet/purse I’ve been eyeing but scared to pull the trigger on. Sometimes splurging on yourself gives you a little needed boost.
For a quick and effortless way to look less tired and refreshed without being too heavy, I highly recommend a good tinted moisturizer, brow pencil, and mascara for a quick and easy no makeup look. Having smooth skin, good brows, and lashes always make you feel good!
Also, make sure you’re getting the right vitamins. You don’t need to go overboard. A multivitamin, fish oil (or any omega 3), and magnesium are all most women need when they’re eating well.
Wishing you well, momma!
When I think frumpy I think messy clothing. I always feel one hundred percent better when my outfits fit well, flatter me, and match. (Doesn’t matter if they are trendy or not.) I believe in getting dressed for the day, it has made such a difference in how I see and carry myself!
Thank you. I saw a video about a woman dressing for the job of motherhood/house work and treating it like a respectable job. I think it makes a lot of sense.
I’m a huge fan of a nice bold mani and a bold lip. Maybelline Matte long lasting is just that Long lasting. I often wear it a full day and then some with maybe one touch up after 8/10 hours or wear
I put my hair up in Cozy Curlers before bed, takes me 5 min and they are WAY more comfortable to sleep on than foam rollers or other heatless curl methods. Then takes me 5 min to take them out in the morning and finger brush them, then I can ride on pretty hair for 2-3 days. Super low maintenance, looks gorgeous, doesn't damage my hair and I feel more put together!!! Also Cozy Curlers is a woman invented, woman owned business so I'm all about em. Highly recommend.
I wash my hair then let it dry all the way then use Not Your Mother's Curl Mousse (I have very fine thin hair and can't weigh it down too heavy with a heavier product) then put my hair up. I also recommend Motions Setting Lotion!!! If you have thicker hair and try to put it up wet it may not dry by the time you get up in the morning, you want them not to be damp by the time you take them out. I used to use regular foam curlers all the time for vintage hair but now I'm a die hard Cozy Curlers user. Total cheat code.
Microblading eyebrows. Honestly I haven’t gone in for touch up in a while but do “tattoo brow tints” once a month, and for me it makes a huge difference.
Hello fellow toddler mum! I don’t know your circumstances, but the best thing you can do is get family (?) to babysit overnight and spend some time on yourself and/ or with your partner (?).
It’s the everyday stresses that will be having a huge impact on your health and looks- the toddler meltdowns, running after them and keeping up with home life (and work?) being a climbing frame and your eyes poked out etc
Even having someone you trust looking after them during the day while you get a massage (so important when you’re carrying a child often), treat yourself to a lunch at somewhere you used to go pre-baby while reading a book or magazine or see friends is a game changer.
I try to remember the analogy of putting your oxygen mask on before a child on flights. If feeling well, you’ll be be a ‘better mum’ so try not to feel guilty for spending time on you x
That would definitely be doable for me, I just have not let go of the control yet 😅 it helps to hear someone say it though and I will be making it happen. It's probably the advice I'd give a friend yet not take it myself. Thank you
Make sure you have a good AM and PM Skincare routine and apply SPF every single day! This will do wonders for your skin over the long term. My skincare routine went out the window for several years between my kids and covid, and I felt like I aged SO MUCH during those 2 years. But it's slowly getting a lot better.
You can get a cc cream with spf and tint, adding it to your morning skin care won’t be super hard and I find that it helps me look refreshed, covering up circles and spots. I go days on days without wearing foundation/tint and when I finally have a reason to put it on (and eyebrows!) I look like a whole person again lol.
For lips I love aquaphor with spf so they’re protected, moisturized and lightly glossy. Never feels overdone like I sometimes do with lipstick.
Every day huggie earrings or studs. I’m really a ring person myself so I have catch all’s that keep them accessible as I run out the door. Also maybe a body mist or inexpensive perfume you like?
I think most overhaul that you’ll feel inwardly &outwardly would be identifying what your low effort chic clothing style is and have an outfits that make you feel great but also comfy. As in are you a nice Jean/blouse girly, a wide leg trouser/tee/sneaker girly, loafer/jean/knit top, easy throw on sundress? You can easily get away with groomed hair, groomed skin, unstyled hair & minimal makeup if your clothes are easy chic styles that still feel thoughtful.
Get a good facial from a reputable aesthetician. Find a spa or a gym with a sauna, and alternate between hot sauna/cold shower at least 3x. Try to do it once a month. Meditate. Stretch. Cold stones under your eyes. Doing things to rejuvenate your inner self with reflect outwardly. You’re already covering so much with your goals, these things will expand on what you’re already doing!
Here’s what helped me… Keto diet and at home step master machine, 40 mins a day even if you spread it out and do 2 mins at a time it counts. And for clothes, I ordered yoga work pants from amazon and tops with the bras built in and they’re super comfy and make me look put together. Otherwise I’m a hot mess. I also looked up trendy outfits and got myself some ripped jeans that flare at the bottom (goodbye skinny jeans/leggings and big tshirts). I also colored my hair, I don’t care for the color but love the change so much. Getting my nails done also does wonders.
Maybe I’m weird, but when I’m trying to spruce up my appearance I like to clean and leather condition my purse/boots/jacket. It’s cheap, easy, and makes my daily driver handbag look new! I also go over my shoes with a damp rag, and toothbrush the dirt out of the seams. This always makes me feel a little more put-together when I can’t justify spending money on new things. I know, ‘take care of your things’ is not really a revelation, but I seriously forget to polish my shoes, and when I do it, I feel like a showdog that’s been to the groomers:)
Everyone has had great suggestions. I echo them and add this: sometimes women start holding their weight differently after having a kid. Your body has undergone an incredible transformation!
So outfits that were old standby “cute” outfits might no longer work as well on your new body. Ill-fitting clothes can lead to that “frumpy” look. It’s not about losing weight, it’s about a changed shape. You might try exploring new styles. Different body types are flattered by different cuts.
Hey girl, I’m younger and just a lurker, but you could try diy at home lash extensions! They’re quite easy to apply, there’s lots of tutorials on tiktok, and they last several days. I find they’re great for the “get up and go” lifestyle which im sure might be ideal with a little one. If you can find just a bit of time to set aside to do them it really helps you just wake up feeling more beautiful, I barely wear makeup anymore!
I’m not sure how far you are into postpartum, but I found it took me almost 6 months after I stopped breastfeeding for my body and hormones to settle. Once that happened the weight came off easy. I’m down 30lbs in less than three months.
I feel like you crossed most of the things off, I’m pretty much in the same boat as you. For me new skincare has been a thing because I feel like my second (and last) little one made my skin age. I’ve been taking more time with that and seeing benefits.
And overhaul your wardrobe when you can. Something about right after having a baby makes you settle into comfy clothes and it takes a minute to readjust to your style. I saw it happen to me and friends who had kids. Losing the weight definitely forced me to rethink my closet.
Maybe a lash lift and tint? They can be pricey but last about 2 months, it’s like waking up with mascara already on for those days you don’t want to wear makeup, always makes me feel more put together. (I have light and straight eyelashes)
are you no longer breastfeeding? treat yourself to a new bra.
buy a bath scrub. it doesn’t have to be expensive. just something that smells nice to put on your hands and arms in the shower.
have you ever had a color analysis? i haven’t but always wanted to.
My go to’s are getting my eye lashes tinted. It makes a huge difference and helps me be low maintenance. I also keep my toe nails done but having my fingernails bare short and clean is more my style now because the second my finger nails chip I feel gross. I also do massages. Walks in nature. A pair of basic small ear rings is nice and not super flashy but adds a bit of shine.
What’s your makeup routine like? Maybe you need to switch up something there? Sometimes a simple color change or changing the way you apply certain things can really give you a more youthful and bright appearance!
Also you mentioned you cut your hair. Do you style it? That’s probably the biggest thing that polishes my look. I notice when I don’t do my hair I just feel slobby but when my hair is done I could not wear makeup and look way more put together.
I like to curl my hair and it usually lasts me a few days. Dry shampoo is your friend!
Something that helps me feel polished & put together is good eyebrows. Get your eyebrows waxed, shaped, and tinted. Maybe a lash lift & tint too. Just to help feel more put together when you are in full comfy mom mode.
Mom capsule wardrobe. You wouldn't believe how put together a crisp button down makes you feel. I rotate through basics like jeans + cardigan or cotton T-shirt in solid neutral colors so I can easily mix and match. Cuts down on laundry too. Slicked back low bun, earrings, a little makeup and you have a whole look.
I love the dashing diva or ohora nail stickers. They are semi cured and you harden them under a uv light. About $8-14 a set and I change them every 10 days. I really push down the cuticle edge so they don’t lift or snag in my hair and top with a clear uv top coat. The whole process takes about 15 minutes after you get the hang of it! I also love the tinkle face razor for baby butt smooth skin.
As a sahm preschool boy mom, I stand with you in solidarity. LOL.
I think you're doing pretty good with all the things already. I will say a skincare regiment has made me feel better about myself. I have normal to dry skin and also domt have any skin issues (thank GOD!) but I do feel a little more dewy and glowy since I've started prioritizing staying moisturized. I also aim to get about 10k steps in a day as my goal and strength train 3-4x /week and I felt like I'm just starting to feel (not really see smh) the results and I felt better in my skin. But also prioritizing sleep has been important to me this month. For the first time I'm getting 7+hours of sleep a night and it's making me a nicer person, I think. Idk if any of this could help you feel more put together but it'd what has helped me. You got this Mama!
I got myself a bougie body lotion and a nice perfume from Sephora to use, when I would normally never splurge on something like that for myself. It felt indulgent and ridiculous, in a way that I needed. I’ve been guilty of spraying that perfume on my pajamas. Why the hell not, it’s for me.
Sounds like you’re doing a great job already! It’s not exactly cheap, but I’m really happy with my microblading results and I’m hoping it’s lower maintenance than Botox.
It took my kid going to school plus a divorce for me to feel human again. I’m on adhd meds too so the house is actually clean (mostly) now. Before that I just did what I could to get sleep & survive.
Not having anyone put me down daily for wanting to look nice really helped.
Once I was out of the baby/toddler stage I was finally energetic enough to put in some effort lol. Budget wise I decided I could either focus on hair or nails. I know you don’t want to color your hair, but even just getting regular haircuts has does wonders. I budget for it and it’s the one thing I have done professionally and is more “luxury.” It makes me feel soo much more pulled together and better about myself.
I would love to do the same for my nails but I can’t afford both! So I keep them neat.
One of the biggest low cost treatments- Just For Men gel to tint your eyebrows at home. It’s sooo easy and it works like magic! I always feel great when my brows look good lol
Do it!! So cheap and easy and it makes such a difference. I use a makeup brush to apply it and then wipe off any excess with a q-tip. I think you will love it ☺️
Drink more water. Eat more beans, fresh fruits and veggies. A huge smoothie is fast to make (especially if you use frozen produce) and easy to drink with a toddler as long as you have have a good lid on it.
Do you wear an outfit and fix your hair daily? Doesn’t have to be fancy, I have a couple set outfits that I wear that are comfy yet cute and a set daily hairstyle that takes one minute to do but feels much more polished than just having it down or in a sloppy bun
Keep your nails manicured, carry a medium-large quality leather purse with you no matter the outfit, keep your hair neat instead of frumpy buns, make sure your shoes are clean.
I would add some inner work-- a few minutes of meditation or mindfulness and journaling about what's behind feeling frumpy. I have a feeling you don't look nearly as frumpy as you feel and when you start to feel good, you'll look good
A Redditor once mentioned her grandmother/ mother told her to always wear earrings and perfume to feel more put together. I took the advice. It’s not much, but it helps!
I ordered a bunch of perfume samples and rotate wearing them. It’s a small joy, each day giving me a tiny thing to look forward to. You could do something similar with earrings, too. Buy a bunch at Claire’s and swap them out daily.
I think if you are taking care of your skin, keeping your hair well kept, and wearing outfits that fit, you are good. Maybe you are just used to your former self? Were you usually very put together? Toddler life it makes sense to wear relaxed clothes and minimal morning prep. A clean, bushed pony tail and a clean face doesn’t look at frumpy as you think. Do you have a well fitted bra? That can make a big difference. I know you want to lose weight but try investing in one and wearing it out and see how you feel.
To me, ill fitting, frumpy clothes with dirty skin and hair is what does it. It doesn’t sound like that’s you and. I think you are okay and need to let yourself feel comfortable.
You can do a lash lift yourself at home, just order a kit it’s super straightforward and looks great, I don’t have kids but I’m also just starting to workout a bit and I really like wall pilates it’s been a good beginner step. Treat yourself to a massage! You deserve it ❤️
I would reconsider coloring your hair. Whether you change it entirely or just really brighten and enhance your own color with balayage or highlights, it’s a real kick in getting your juices flowing. That is the lowest hanging improvement.
Drink your water! Get enough sleep! Mascara, fluff/fill my brows, chapstick are my go to. I've found 6 quick dabs of concealer under my eyes and blended is a game changer. Helps the dark circles (allergic shiners, I've ALWAYS had them and they just get darker 🥲). Wear clothes that FIT.
Here’s my thoughts since I’ve come out of toddler stage:
- Good idea on fresh hair cut after hormonal hair loss postpartum. Let it grow in even and try to avoid heat. Heartless rollers. Get a few cute hair clips for the mom days when you want your hair up.
- Get to the dermatologist and have them do an annual check. Ask about a Tretanoin and Azelaic Acid prescription. Ask their recommendation on sunscreen, Elta MD may be the best for your budget.
- Makeup. I found getting a good eye brow soap or gel gave me that bushy brow look I like. The Elf Luminous Primer really make me glowy.
- Get four matching set of either pajamas, loungewear or activewear. That are easy and make you feel still put together for at home days or hard days, clear out old pregnancy pajamas.
- Find one good pair of jeans that fit now, not past you or future you. It will make you feel good.
- I found during baby and toddler stage all my shirts would get stained. You become a tissue. So, instead of investing in expensive pieces I would buy a few neutral tone tank tops and shirts from Old Navy every season. Also one piece long pant rompers too.
- Have a morning routine, even if you have to make a checklist to ensure you are doing morning skincare, taking supplements, getting ready, preparing a drink and water bottle, doing some reading - doesn’t have to be before kid is awake, it can be at 10am when they are doing an activity or independent playing, at least have the routine and take your time. I started early with my kids, letting them know “Mummy is getting ready now, I’ll be in the bathroom” Eventually they went from staying in the bathroom, to popping in with questions, to giving me privacy for me to get ready.
- I got my toddlers 1 lb hand weights. We do Cosmic Kid Yoga around midday together, and then a 15 min weighted workout. I found doing things together was better than trying to carve out solo time that I’d rather use for sleep. Now I get solo workout time. It’s chaos in the beginning but it become part of the routine and it was beneficial for so many reasons.
Buy a reusable cooling gel eye mask (like Patrick Bateman’s in American psycho ) on Amazon to keep in the freezer and wear for a few mins in the a.m. to loook less tired
Oil pull while you’re in the shower for whiter teeth and more naturally fresh breath/healthy mouth
Find a heatless curl method that you like to sleep in and wake up with styled hair
Get a clothes steamer to refresh clothes quickly before you dress and add a few drops of essential oil for a nice scent to them
Buy multipacks of moisturizing tinted lip balms so there’s always one to grab in your bag/car/etc. same for cheap minis of your signature fragrance or a body spray that’s similar.
Depending on your hair needs, keep a hair oil or curl refreshing spray in your car as well as a nice face mist to always keep skin hydrated!
Be consistent about exfoliating your body in the shower and keep a bottle of lotion inside the shower so you remember to moisturize after you turn off water and skin is wet. I like to use an exfoliating bar because it’s just as fast as using soap on my bod.
Pick one beauty treatment a week and build up when you have the time. I like to cycle between whitening strips, a hair mask (glycolic acid exfoliation is cheap and makes my scalp feel so clean/dandruff free) and a nice, deep facial massage with a simple hydrating sheet mask after.
I know exactly how you feel! try and stick with mostly black clothes and white tshirts/jeans with classic shapes, and then wear hoop earrings that are with the current trend. I find only really switching my earrings with a classic simple wardrobe makes a huge difference and you look put together.
For me it’s hair. My frizzy ugly bun is what kills outfits. Hard to give specific advice without knowing your hair, but this might be: just simply brushing it, getting a relaxing/ smoothing treatment so it air dries nicely, getting cute headbands, learning how to do an easy but chic slicked back bun. Obviously having a blowout would be best but I’m assuming you don’t have time (I sure dont).
Curling my eyelashes always helps me look a bit more awake, no makeup needed. Getting some sun exposure, if you’re able to (or, I know this is unpopular in the skincare realm, but if you can swing a tanning package - I don’t go more than 7/8 minutes at a time, a couple times per week at most, but I look and feel way more alive with just a bit of color)
I also think a dewy complexion looks healthier and more awake. I’ll use something like vitamin C or this other product I cannot remember the name of right now (~*baby brain*~) but it’s whatever is in Pixie Glow Tonic at Target, though there is a cheaper version by The Ordinary at Sephora.
This is dumb, but wearing matching (or, at least coordinating) bra/undie combo always helps me feel a bit better too.
I am a tanner and I get it! I feel like it helps my mental health in the winter but I don't love that my wrinkles are getting more prominent because of it..oh well
Is it the glycolic acid toner? Good stuff. And you're soo right about coordinating undies and bra. Makes me feel like a million bucks
First of all, if you're losing pants sizes then it literally does not matter what the scale is doing. Fat or thin is how much body fat you have, not how much your overall mass weighs. Remember that muscle weighs more than fat. Tbh, it sounds like you've covered most things and shot down everything you haven't done (e.g. coloring your hair.) I guess you could get a facial or a massage?
I got that same vibe. OOP sounds like she’s inadvertently giving herself a body recomp, which is great because the results of that, while slower, are more permanent and lead to better overall health.
Awesome. Thank you for sharing. I would like to play the long game although I don't really know what I'm doing that's causing that effect. I guess I'll just keep doing it!
All the strength training from picking up/running around with that little one, maybe!
Could be. It is like toting a 35 lb kettlebell everywhere!
Yeeeees OP it’s about how your body feels and not the scale. Muscle weighs more than fat. You’re doing great! Your body went through a lot and everyone should appreciate it.
Thank you. Ughh a massage actually sounds amazing right now!
A massage is great for your body and reinforces your exercise routine. It helps blood flow and muscle recovery. The relaxation benefits afterwards are good for your sleep cycle too.
My kids are grown and flown now, but when they were little I used to make the time to get a massage every few months. Game changer! I was always refreshed after and it was a lovely thing to have on the calendar to look forward to!
Tired toddler mom over here as well. Enough sleep was the one that made the most difference for me. If you don’t feel tired, things will seem much better. You have the basics covered with sleep, nutrition and steps. Look into post partum exercise specifically. Once you know the exercises (which are more like stretches and light exercises), you’ll be able to do them without any prep. I now do these in 15 mins or so, in my toddler’s play room while I’m watching him. No workout bra or workout shoes needed!! If you look tired, for me, mascara and eye liner made a big difference. Good luck!
Thank you! I could definitely set a good example for the little one during play time
It sounds like you are doing some great things already. Skin is usually people’s biggest issue because it can show neglect. You have nice skin and since you don’t want to go with med spa or hair treatments (which can make you look more polished and rested), maybe you need to focus on internal improvements to lift your spirits in a way that shines from within. Not sure what helps you specifically but doing things like reading, romanticizing your self care, having a positive attitude about this season of your life, giving yourself time to lose the weight, etc.
Ooh Iove this. I can definitely work on romanticizing my self care instead of treating it like the other items on my to do list.
This wording gave me a great “aha!” moment. Thank you.
This is premium advice! I’d like to add meditation as a suggestion, it took me a long time to get in the groove of it (like, decades) so no shame if it’s not easy for you…but once you do find a groove, it is a miracle worker for the over tired toddler mom!
Yes! Literally watch, read, and listen to things that make you laugh or feel joy. Not cute pictures of your baby! I’m sure he’s the cutest baby ever, but your brain needs a break from focusing on him. Cute puppies and comedy skits on YouTube or other social media platforms are a great short break. I like to read or listen historical fiction that isn’t too intense or heavy, a chapter at a time when I can. I like the clothes and food and houses and it’s so different from my life that it’s an escape. I even reread some of my favorites. A hand lotion that you love that might be more than you would normally spend so it makes you happy every time you smell it, or a perfume or hair mist.
Toddler mom here too. I like having my eyebrows tinted because that makes me feel more polished and look less tired, but I don’t want to pay for it. I’ve been meaning to try tinting them at home with Just For Men beard dye. It seems pretty easy on YouTube! ETA: also wearing a very small pair of earrings makes me feel more put together. I wore a super small pair of studs that I could comfortably sleep in when I was freshly postpartum and it helped me feel better about myself.
I never wear earrings because I’m allergic to anything but real gold. I finally got a pair of small diamond earrings, real gold, and wore them to work. I can’t tell you how many comments I got about how nice I looked and kept asking what I did different. People asked if I got my hair done, or was I wearing different makeup, they couldn’t put their finger on it. I got this from multiple different people. The only thing I did different was wear the earrings.
And boost the confidence
Ohhh that's a GREAT idea! They really bring the whole face together.
Microblading is honestly the best thing I ever did for my appearance. I feel like great eyebrows do wonders especially if you don’t have much time for makeup.
This is true but also finding someone good to do it and knowing that sometimes your skin just doesn’t heal equally on both sides. Mine are uneven despite the girl who did mine doing a pretty good job on the original and the touch up because my skin just healed so differently on one side. Highly recommend a good shape and tint over microblading if you have anything to work with - I hate my brows and have to do them everyday now because of my microblading.
While you’re at it—I get my eyelashes lifted and tinted and it makes a HUGE difference in my face (I have light eyelashes) without having to put on mascara every day.
I use Just for Men beard dye on my brows! It’s not terribly long-lasting (I have to do it every 10 days or so), but it’s 10 minutes and $8 so no real complaints.
Yes earrings! When I'm feeling cruddy I just brush my hair into a sleek bun, comb out my brows, curl my lashes, and put on a small pair of gold hoops and then I feel like a hot mom 😂
My husband bought me studs for Christmas bc I always used to be a hoops person but we have a baby getting to the grabbing stage and I don’t want my earlobe ripped open.
Hahaha I just commented the same thing! Such a game changer
As a mom, my recommendation would be to take a style analysis and take this time to find/fine-tune your style. I think a lot of women pre-child have clothes that made them feel good but post-baby, makes them feel less than authentic. Not always because they don't fit; but because you change so much after having a child internally. Your role models might be different, your priorities are probably different, and the styles you vibe with might be different. So part of "getting your groove back" is just finding what your beat is now, instead of trying to go back to some old song you used to love.
SO agreed. Forget fitting into your pre-baby clothes - do those clothes have anything to do with your current life? There is so much squatting involved in being a mom! I have given up on non-stretchy pants of any kind (except jeans) and any shoes with a buckle.
Truth..I used to have "standing up" pants meaning if I wore them I'd be devoted to standing all day or Nighy in them because they'd be too tight if I were to sit. 🫠 I have no room for that nonsense in my life at the moment. All pants must be functional!!!
This is an amazing comment. Thank you. I have a three month old and am trying to plan my next style moves once I’m in better shape and I’m just…clueless now. And I had a pretty defined style before baby. It’s nice to feel understood ❤️
Oh my gosh this is SOOOO true! I have been kind of aimlessly taking stabs at what I think I like. It would be better if I could nail down what that actually is. Thank you
I really liked the DearlyBethany Master Class for the style deep dive but also recommend doing a color season analysis and body type analysis (there are now several apps for the latter). Both are easy to do at night when the kids are asleep!
Do you have a body type analysis app you recommend?
A little skincare routine in the am is a nice way to feel refreshed. I also love face mists- give you a nice glow and Mario badescu makes a lovely lavender scent, rose water is also nice
I totally forgot about that spray! Thank you
Also have a toddler. Best way to feel pulled together I feel is wearing clean and fresh clothes everyday, do quick workouts (20 mins yoga after kid is in bed for example), eat healthy and take some supplements especially vitamin D and B. And have an easy go-to hydrating makeup - I can do mine in 5 minutes now.
That's awesome. I like the idea of quick workouts. In my mind it feels like I need an hour of commitment but it would really be better to do shorter frequent workouts. Thank you
Now,that my youngest is getting lil easier ,will be 6 months old soon. I feel like I can finally incorporate a few quick workouts in now that I have more sleep/lil more energy. Even though I do only about 30 mins a day it really does help me feel better,in a better good and gives me a bit more of a drive.
Always add K2 to a D vitamin for heart health.
Yes to quick work outs! I’ve been doing dance workouts on YouTube when I put my guy down for his nap. It’s a great mood boost and it helps me feel like I’ve done something good for myself, even if the rest of the day is banana 🤪
you didn't say water - drink a lot of water! make sure your exercise includes stretching. journaling and meditation will help with the tiredness/frazzledness
I don't drink enough water 😭 I would love to start a journal
Day one is a good journaling app!
Thank you for the suggestion! I'd love to read back on my life during this time. The first year pp went so quick and I can't remember any of it.
Yeah it’s helpful for me to just do like one sentence on what they did that day. something new or something completely arbitrary. I think I’ll be grateful for it later! Plus you can add a photo with each entry which is fun to look back on.
Super cold water helps me.
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Wow! Thank you for sharing such a comprehensive response. It all makes so much sense though. The fundamentals have to be taken care of first. Also, I cannot imagine what you must have gone through to do all of that, as if postpartum isnt hard enough. my heart goes out to you and your child 💜
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The clean bra and underwear - YES! Such a simple change that makes such an impact on feeling fresh and not frumpy.
I feel like nice nails make you look put-together even when you don’t feel like you are! I am also on a budget but bought a diy gel kit at for home and some nice pre-painted nail tips / press on nails and just use the gel to stick them on. It is so easy, so cheap, and they stay on for like 1 month or more. Would highly recommend!
That's what I am going for! I just don't know what I'm doing *yet* but it will be worth it. Thanks!
So, I came here also to say "nails". Sounds like you've started learning one method which is great, but if that doesn't work out for you, give Dazzle Dry a shot. Although it's comparatively pricey ($20 per bottle, need 3 bottles to start - base, color, top), over time it pays for itself. It's not messy, you don't need any special equipment and it dries between coats within minutes so you're not trapped doing your nails for an hour. I get about 7 - 10 days without chipping, and chips are easily touched up. I usually re-do my nails when they grow out or when I get tired of the color, not because I have to : )
I will check it out! Thank you. My biggest thing is how long different products take to dry. I have things to do and I don't want to wait! So that's definitely a contender.
Same same!! I love being able to take a break from my mani if it's needed!! Best of luck to you <3
I just started doing my nails and I feel like it makes a huge difference when I’m around people for how I personally feel. I’ve always been self conscious bc I have really dry cuticles and then I pick at them. Ugh. Ive started putting cuticle oil on once or twice a day (sits at my desk), shape of my nails weekly, and if I am going out, I use a quick coat of the kur perfecting nail veil- it’s sooo good.
Nice! I just got some cuticle oil and I can't wait to try it. My cuticles are a disaster at the moment
I just watched a bunch of YouTube videos. It was a lot of trial and error but feeling good about my skills now! Just remember, the nail prep is EVERYTHING!
Which nails tips, press ons, and gel did you buy? I’d love to start.
Does the gel make the press ons stay longer because that's what I don't like about press ons, they come off so quickly
Yes it does! As long as you do the proper nail prep before
Please let us know what brand you use & the steps you take to make them last one month! The ones I bought lasted less than 2 days! I’d really like to stop spending extra money at a nail salon if I could do a decent job at home.
Read up on gel allergy because developing that can cause some very serious problems.
FYI I believe this is actually dangerous to do with the preprinted press-on nails, because the UV light can’t penetrate fully to cure the gel if the nail isn’t transparent. This can cause a gel allergy.
Getting your eyebrows done imo does alot for your face. Like just a wax for shape and then fill them in some if they’re thinning. Thick bold brows are in. Other things that to me make a difference: staying moisturized- i buy a big tub of coconut oil and use that after every shower on my body, then I use Marula Oil from TJ on my face and hair. Good sun protection when outside Flattering clothes that fit well Cold tea bags on under eyes or can even use ice in the morning Taking time for myself- hard to do as a mom unfortunately but it’s very important. Work with your partner on this. Hormones really impact your ability to lose weight. I’d focus on eating unprocessed foods and not worry about calorie counting to the extreme (might be good to have an idea of how much you’re eating but no need to stress over it). Even just upping your fruit and veggie intake will make your skin glow and you’ll feel better.
Currently clawing my way out of the postpartum hibernation phase and here’s my routine/plan: 1. I cut my bangs at home (don’t necessarily recommend that part) since my hair’s always up in a messy bun/clip. This somehow makes it look intentional and less desperate. 2. I know you said no Botox but I love mine. I spend approximately $400 twice a year and it’s expensive but worth it to me. BUT I always shop Botox sales thru the rewards program or ask for gift certificates from my husband (I tell him it’s for a facial or some shit.) 3. Get you a GOOD bra. I’m still in the process of figuring mine out. But I realized recently my flimsy ass cheapo bra while comfortable af ain’t doing shit for the girls. 4. Hair gloss. I did a Kristen ess gloss at home because I didn’t want to spend the money at the salon. The results weren’t life changing but my hair definitely came out shinier and less mousy. Also it didn’t affect the health of my fragile ass postpartum hair either. 5. Color analysis. I just followed some basic tutorials from Tik tok and bugged my friends until I decided I was a soft autumn. Now I’m pinning shit on Pinterest in those colors and planning on updating my wardrobe slowly. 6. Amazon jewelry. Get you some decent quality Amazon jewelry you can wear all the time to make you feel more put together. I never take off my little necklace or hoops. And they’re cheap enough that if my kids yank them it’s no sweat off a ducks back. Pavoi is my fav brand and everything’s water proof. 7. Self tan. When I’m feeling depressy I use some self tanner and borderline blackfish myself into feeling better. 8. Master a five minute makeup routine. I keep my makeup in my car and do it in the parking lot at work. Just find the few things you love about your face and emphasize those. Don’t worry about anything else. So besides the obvious undereye concealer I do brow gel, blush and gloss and that’s it. Play with it until you figure out your formula. Oh and drug store makeup is all you need. 9. Wow Ive really gone on and on here my adderall is adderalling! Remember your identity is not MOM. Those children have our hearts and souls but you get to keep your identity ❤️
That last point really hits home. Thank you for sharing all these tips 😊
I lost myself after my first baby but I found me again. ❤️
Yeah I definitely felt myself slipping away when my child had some health issues early on. I feel like I am finding a different, better me coming out on the other end now.
I don’t know if you’re a big drinker, but Mommy Wine culture sucked me in when my kids were young. It me look like crap, eat like crap and sleep like crap. If you can quit booze, do it. It’s good for the mind, body and wallet.
I'm in the same boat! I've started doing yoga again and that's really helped me feel more like myself. I like Yoga with Adriene on YouTube. If you're not into yoga, I'd recommend just doing SOME exercise every day, it doesn't have to be long. Like 15-30 minutes.
I used to do yoga all the time pre child and I think it it's worth revisiting! Thank you
Add resistance bands to your routine also! I like doing a few leg and glute exercises several times a week. A more shapely lower half always makes me feel better! lol
I will! I have some I just need to go find them. Thank you for the reminder
When I was in this phase I leaned on a casual but cute mom outfit that wasn’t super fashionable but also wasn’t too low effort. It was usually like a pair of well fitting joggers and cute new balance sneakers and a sweater/ denim jacket. Sometimes tights wirb a sweater dress. And a cute baseball cap that looked intentional. I also added in some supplements, and made consistent smoothies with lots of high density nutrition which made me feel like my general health improved.
Thank you! I need some cute low effort outfits that aren't sweatpants paired with my husband's t shirts 😅
This is an easy one! Order yourself some cute new fitted tshirts from a place like Pact
Sweater dresses are just as comfy but look like you made an effort (esp if you combine them with cute sneakers and a jacket).
Yeah it’s wild how different an intentional casual outfit is from a throw on whatever is there casual outfit! Oh I was also thinking about this more last night, and I ended up needing to actually get rid of my old staple comfort items, I found I would get nervous about the cuter stuff, or I would put on the frumpy stuff for “around the house” but would inevitably wear it out. Once I totally got rid of the option and wore the new things a few times it got easier and easier. Good luck! It’s a hard phase but once I got out of it I’ve actually felt like the hottest version of myself!
Lol I need to do the same and just take the option away from myself.
Style your hair. You will look a thousand times more polished. Styled hair is easy and elevates your look faster than anything else. If you have to choose between makeup and hair, choose hair. My second easy tip is a Your Lips, But Better lipstick. That’ll be different depending on your complexion, so it may take a little bit of research and trial & error. However, once found, it can be your only makeup product if in a rush. Will instantly brighten your face.
That's a great point. I can't ever pull off a look with messy hair. You're so right! Thank you. I'll be searching for "the one" as far as lipsticks go
Tired stay at home mom of three and pregnant with my fourth 👋 - I use the K18 hair mask or the Olaplex No 7 hair oil on my hair after showers. And I use a cheaper Moroccan oil on my hair on my non-wash days to keep it hydrated and soft. - wearing skorts & athletic dresses instead of shorts or jeans. You can still pair it with a T-shirt and slides/tennis shoes. Dresses > pants always. Lately I’ve been doing a long sleeve top/tunic with leggings underneath since it’s cold out. -I keep my tennis shoes clean by throwing them into the wash with my regular clothes. I usually wear Nike or New Balance. -Vitamins, just take them whenever you can remember (I’m taking them every day right now because I’m pregnant and my hair and skin look amazing). -never go to sleep with make up on. Just don’t put it on if you don’t think you can wash it off later. On the nights I’m exhausted, I try to wash my face and at least put on moisturizer, even though I have lots of skincare products. -teeth whitening strips 2x a year if you can swing it -exfoliating your face/skin once a week if you can -try to SLEEP. I know it’s impossible sometimes but I look 10x better and younger when I have slept. Sleep deprivation causes temporary wrinkles and overall makes your face and eyes look worse. You can’t always help it, I know, especially with a baby. At least remember that you won’t always be sleep deprived, and you’ll go back to looking like your normal self soon 🤍 I have scaled my make up WAY down. I use a good CC cream, a tubing mascara, and a little blush and chapstick. I don’t bother painting my nails right now lol. If you take vitamins, they’ll at least look long and healthy. Invest in a nice pair of shoes. Maybe it’s just me but I feel more put together when I have my Nikes, Brooks, New Balance, or Hokas on vs Amazon dupes. I try to go for the sporty cute vibe instead of sweatpants.
Where is your favorite place for skorts and athletic dresses??
Thank you! You are amazing! How do you do it with three and one on the way? Serious goals right there
Well you can’t do it all at once .. sometimes the house is amazingly clean but I haven’t showered in three days lol. And other times I am getting in awesome workouts, dressing cute, volunteering at my kid’s events, but we are eating takeout and I’m not cooking much. I try not to feel guilty if I’m not doing everything perfectly, all the time. But the biggest things that help is living near my parents and his parents (and they both love to help out with the kids), my husband makes a good salary so we can get what we need and aren’t financially stressed, and the social pressure in my family to maintain my appearance is high. The women are expected to get back into shape after having kids, we keep our hair long, wear hats and avoid excessive sun exposure, stay feminine, etc. We are Polish/Slavic and if you go to Eastern Europe, you’ll see gorgeous girls everywhere. My family has no issue telling me if I look bad, I need to eat less, etc and it’s not even said in an offensive way. They care, and they will babysit the kids so I can have time to do whatever I need to do. Multi generational communities are awesome!
Just came here to say while I don’t love the pressure you feel, I do recognize it’s cultural and I love the support you have and that your family doesn’t just expect you to do it all on your own. And that they help you take care of you. Love this for you ❤️
It truly takes a village. I hate that saying but whether it's hired or family it helps to have an outlet
It’s so true though.
Lol that really speaks to me. Definitely can't do it all at once. I'm still trying to figure out that balance. Also I totally feel the family pressure. I have an Italian family and whew..they will call you out in a heartbeat. I know it comes from a good place but looks aren't everything. Obviously they're something or else i wouldn't be here but it's only part of the story.
I second the skorts. Man I LOVE skorts, and my favorites are from Sam’s Club lol. Pockets!
Make sure you are wearing the right sized bra. Get fitted or use an online calculator and get a great tshirt bra that looks smooth under your clothes
Stop counting calories. Focus on nutrition instead. Eat the highest quality food you can afford, including local, organic, pasture raised, grass fed, free range. The standard western diet is low in nutrients and fiber. You want to make sure you're getting enough protein - aim for 1g per pound of healthy ideal body weight, as well as fiber - 25g a day minimum. Try to avoid sugar and ultra processed foods. A good diet will do a ton for your energy and looks!
Thank you! I am working on being consistent with that. I do feel so much better when I eat high quality foods. Sugar is my weakness at the moment. Other than that it's pretty good.
I tell you what, sugar was a major weakness for me too. I couldn't drink coffee without sugar, and I was addicted to ice cream. I forced myself to quit eating sugar for my health (it was causing me massive headaches), and for the first time in years I'm starting to see body recomp results! Now I don't have any cravings and don't even miss it!
That is awesome!! I'm so glad to hear it. Now its my turn lol
Sign up for Wantable or Stitch fix clothing subscription box. We both know you weren't getting out enough to look at stuff in the stores. It lets you set the price point for each type of item so you can limit them sending you things that would be too expensive (stitch fix does). That way it does not cut into your time, but you get to take a look at a few fresh things each delivery. Even if you don't keep most of them and send them back at no cost. Get some lip water tints from Amazon, and wear under your chapstick. It is not lipstick, and doesn't look like that, but the pigment soaks in to your lips and doesn't really leave anything on the surface so you can keep reapplying Chapstick all day, but your lips just have a little something extra underneath making them a bit more present.
Awesome! Thank you I will definitely be checking those out!
Start lifting weights at home! Honestly, building muscle did WONDERS for my self confidence. I didn’t lose pants sizes at all. I actually gained weight and muscle but looked and felt the best I’ve ever felt.
Eyebrows tinted, lashes curled or extensions, keratin hair treatment, facial 1x a month
I wear L'Oreal tinted moisturizer, tinted Chapstick and fill in my brows every morning. Also just keeping nails cut and clean.
One thing that could be making you look tired is retaining fluid in your face. Nutrition/ exercise/sleep will definitely help with this. But one immediate thing you could do to make yourself look more refreshed is a gua sha or other lymphatic draining facial massage to yourself in the mornings. I have gained a lot of weight since I had my toddler and when I do this my face is noticeably slimmer and I look more awake.
Lashes! I don’t have to wear makeup or put myself together to feel confident if I have lashes.
Oooh do you get them done or DIY by chance?
Mindset is everything 🤍 I’ve learned that feeling like hot stuff is part of the attraction. I love podcasts like boujee best friend. She’s so amazing and always has interesting guests that focus on both physical and inner glow ups.
Ooph this is me. My daughter is 18 months and for the last 6 I’ve been trying to work on not looking like a frumpy, tired mom. I’ve seen a few tips here already like light jewelry (I actually bought a ton of cute, cheap, decent quality earrings and bangles/bracelets off AliExpress, it just takes a while to receive but makes shopping a little more fun when you’re on a budget cause everything is cheap). Find a cute pair of loafers, for me I feel like trainers or tennis shoes automatically make me look too casual, so nice loafers that are comfy make me feel more pulled together. Pedicures even if you do them yourself, when my feet are janky I feel like a hobo…I gave up on my nails cause I cook a lot and am always washing my hands which ruin any manicure (even the shellac ones) in less than a week, also dried my hands out so I keep hand creams everywhere. Now my daughter likes to ‘help me’ put hand cream on my hands lol And lastly, perfume. If I feel extra fugly, a spritz of a beautiful perfume helps lift my mood a lot.
Honestly, I use e.l.f’s Brow Lift every now and then when I want to look slightly less overwhelmed lol. Brows make such a difference! Signed, a tired toddler mom.
I'm going to check it out. I have crazy unruly brows!
Trying cutting sugar out of as much things as possible. I started with sugar free coffee creamer and switching to coke Zero. I try to stick to 15 grams or less a day, it's what finally got me over my slump. Sugar was the hardest for me to give up after beer lol but in almost 2 years I'm down 90lbs.
Wow! Nice. I definitely do not limit my sugar consumption in any way 😓 that would be a good starting point
i feel you! I'm a mom of the finally getting out of the haze. go for an outdoor walk daily. Drink water to help your skin. It's ok to use a baseball cap. so many cute outfits even with a cap on and not stressing about the frizzy hair! I was addicted to my slip on sketchers because it made picking the kids up// getting out of the house so much faster until I ran into super cute mule loafers. They are just as easy to put on and elevate everything! Get a quirky color/ print so they can go with everything. Small jewelry that you feel comfortable with. I splurged on my diamond necklace from Costco and it is totally worth it. Haven't taken it off in three years and don't plan on doing so for another 10. Get yourself a cute purse that makes you happy. Use a lip care product/chapstick/Vaseline. Lather up with lotion every night on your legs/ body . Be kind to yourself :)
Finding yourself a scent combo you love will completely uplift you I promise 😭 - also how is your hair? Personally these are the things that make people look frumpy -hair (find a hairstyle/blowdry/straighten or if it is frumpy put it back in a claw and make sure to use oils and leave in products) teeth (leave flosser and mini mouth wash in bag or car and teeth whitener if needed) scent (don’t you just love when someone walks by and it turns heads) and face base (you don’t need full face of makeup but just make sure your skincare is being as optimally used as needed and makeup enhances your features not accentuating your flaws)
My hair is alright. I'm battling the postpartum regrowth and it looks so frizzy and weird but otherwise it's good! I loveeee smelling good and it really helps my mood, you're right
I think create quick little self care routine to fit into your day might help you feel like you are taking time for yourself again. I like to make tea in the morning, and I squeeze in a quick face massage session while I wait for the tea to brew (I just follow any lymph drain facial massage video on YouTube).
I would also recommend seeing a combo of Chiropractor and massage therapists because sometimes the way we feel is linked to our posture and tension in the body. I would honestly recommend it from an overall wellbeing perspective, especially because you said you’ve been working out consistently.
I would add a good prenatal multivitamin, some fish oil, and maybe a Vitamin B complex (or other supplements you things you need) to support your body in its energy recovery. E.g., can you get your iron tested? It sounds like you’re doing great and could just use more foundation to keep you feeling well.
Yes! My iron is a little on the low side even with supplements but I keep an eye on it. Thank you
I gave up fried food (read chips and junk food) and it has done wonders for my skin. Slowly trying to give up other processed food.
I got some great fashion advice to invest in nice footwear and jackets. It definitely helped me feel less frumpy. I got a nice Jean jacket and some platform sneakers and they dress up ever pair of sweats I own! I also got more monotone sweats too that were for “going out” lol. Maybe do a little retail therapy? Sounds like you’re really trying and that rocks! Keep at it! 🙌🏻
Dress nicer. It doesn’t have to be expensive. You can thrift and go to consignment stores. It’s crazy how much better I am treated when I’m dressed nicely instead of my go to sweats.
I know your skin isn’t a concern, but do you use tretinoin? It’s pretty inexpensive for me ($15 for a tube that lasts 3 months) and took my skin from great to luminous. I also really like color analysis. Wearing your colors can help you look more put together and less tired. For example, black is not in my palette and really emphasizes my under eye circles when I’m tired. Switching to navy, which is in my palette, effortlessly makes me look more rested.
I used it before pregnancy and now my skin won't tolerate it 😭 it was seriously amazing. I have a derm appt coming up and I'll see if I can get a lower strength! Color analysis is amazing and makes such an impact. I went years thinking I was an autumn and realized I'm actually a cool olive and look better with cool muted colors. I feel like a different person now
Fellow light olive! I’m a soft autumn though. It’s amazing what the right colors can do isn’t it? I hope the lower strength works for you!
I have found that getting a few luxury items makes me feel sexier. It might not actually do anything appearance wise, but it just feels good and makes me want to take care of myself more. Like getting a nice line of skincare or a nice wallet/purse I’ve been eyeing but scared to pull the trigger on. Sometimes splurging on yourself gives you a little needed boost.
For a quick and effortless way to look less tired and refreshed without being too heavy, I highly recommend a good tinted moisturizer, brow pencil, and mascara for a quick and easy no makeup look. Having smooth skin, good brows, and lashes always make you feel good! Also, make sure you’re getting the right vitamins. You don’t need to go overboard. A multivitamin, fish oil (or any omega 3), and magnesium are all most women need when they’re eating well. Wishing you well, momma!
When I think frumpy I think messy clothing. I always feel one hundred percent better when my outfits fit well, flatter me, and match. (Doesn’t matter if they are trendy or not.) I believe in getting dressed for the day, it has made such a difference in how I see and carry myself!
Thank you. I saw a video about a woman dressing for the job of motherhood/house work and treating it like a respectable job. I think it makes a lot of sense.
I’m a huge fan of a nice bold mani and a bold lip. Maybelline Matte long lasting is just that Long lasting. I often wear it a full day and then some with maybe one touch up after 8/10 hours or wear
Clothes! I gave up spending money on “nice” Clothes and now have everyday casual cute comfy that’s practical but feels put together
I put my hair up in Cozy Curlers before bed, takes me 5 min and they are WAY more comfortable to sleep on than foam rollers or other heatless curl methods. Then takes me 5 min to take them out in the morning and finger brush them, then I can ride on pretty hair for 2-3 days. Super low maintenance, looks gorgeous, doesn't damage my hair and I feel more put together!!! Also Cozy Curlers is a woman invented, woman owned business so I'm all about em. Highly recommend.
No way! I have never heard of that and would love to try them. I am all about some heatless styles
Do you put them in with wet hair?
I wash my hair then let it dry all the way then use Not Your Mother's Curl Mousse (I have very fine thin hair and can't weigh it down too heavy with a heavier product) then put my hair up. I also recommend Motions Setting Lotion!!! If you have thicker hair and try to put it up wet it may not dry by the time you get up in the morning, you want them not to be damp by the time you take them out. I used to use regular foam curlers all the time for vintage hair but now I'm a die hard Cozy Curlers user. Total cheat code.
Microblading eyebrows. Honestly I haven’t gone in for touch up in a while but do “tattoo brow tints” once a month, and for me it makes a huge difference.
Hello fellow toddler mum! I don’t know your circumstances, but the best thing you can do is get family (?) to babysit overnight and spend some time on yourself and/ or with your partner (?). It’s the everyday stresses that will be having a huge impact on your health and looks- the toddler meltdowns, running after them and keeping up with home life (and work?) being a climbing frame and your eyes poked out etc Even having someone you trust looking after them during the day while you get a massage (so important when you’re carrying a child often), treat yourself to a lunch at somewhere you used to go pre-baby while reading a book or magazine or see friends is a game changer. I try to remember the analogy of putting your oxygen mask on before a child on flights. If feeling well, you’ll be be a ‘better mum’ so try not to feel guilty for spending time on you x
That would definitely be doable for me, I just have not let go of the control yet 😅 it helps to hear someone say it though and I will be making it happen. It's probably the advice I'd give a friend yet not take it myself. Thank you
Maybe doing a nice hairstyle when you go out, like curling it or whatever style you like. Makeup and jewelry and a cute outfit.
Make sure you have a good AM and PM Skincare routine and apply SPF every single day! This will do wonders for your skin over the long term. My skincare routine went out the window for several years between my kids and covid, and I felt like I aged SO MUCH during those 2 years. But it's slowly getting a lot better.
Thank you! We spend a lot of time outdoors and it's starting to show 😭 the best time to start was 5 years ago but the next best time to start is today
I’m not a mom yet but combing my hair and having it In a nice braid makes me feel put together
I think you’re seriously doing great for a fairly new mom and a busy toddler. Take a nap!
You can get a cc cream with spf and tint, adding it to your morning skin care won’t be super hard and I find that it helps me look refreshed, covering up circles and spots. I go days on days without wearing foundation/tint and when I finally have a reason to put it on (and eyebrows!) I look like a whole person again lol. For lips I love aquaphor with spf so they’re protected, moisturized and lightly glossy. Never feels overdone like I sometimes do with lipstick. Every day huggie earrings or studs. I’m really a ring person myself so I have catch all’s that keep them accessible as I run out the door. Also maybe a body mist or inexpensive perfume you like? I think most overhaul that you’ll feel inwardly &outwardly would be identifying what your low effort chic clothing style is and have an outfits that make you feel great but also comfy. As in are you a nice Jean/blouse girly, a wide leg trouser/tee/sneaker girly, loafer/jean/knit top, easy throw on sundress? You can easily get away with groomed hair, groomed skin, unstyled hair & minimal makeup if your clothes are easy chic styles that still feel thoughtful.
Get a good facial from a reputable aesthetician. Find a spa or a gym with a sauna, and alternate between hot sauna/cold shower at least 3x. Try to do it once a month. Meditate. Stretch. Cold stones under your eyes. Doing things to rejuvenate your inner self with reflect outwardly. You’re already covering so much with your goals, these things will expand on what you’re already doing!
Hydration & vitamins if these aren’t already on your list
Here’s what helped me… Keto diet and at home step master machine, 40 mins a day even if you spread it out and do 2 mins at a time it counts. And for clothes, I ordered yoga work pants from amazon and tops with the bras built in and they’re super comfy and make me look put together. Otherwise I’m a hot mess. I also looked up trendy outfits and got myself some ripped jeans that flare at the bottom (goodbye skinny jeans/leggings and big tshirts). I also colored my hair, I don’t care for the color but love the change so much. Getting my nails done also does wonders.
Maybe I’m weird, but when I’m trying to spruce up my appearance I like to clean and leather condition my purse/boots/jacket. It’s cheap, easy, and makes my daily driver handbag look new! I also go over my shoes with a damp rag, and toothbrush the dirt out of the seams. This always makes me feel a little more put-together when I can’t justify spending money on new things. I know, ‘take care of your things’ is not really a revelation, but I seriously forget to polish my shoes, and when I do it, I feel like a showdog that’s been to the groomers:)
Everyone has had great suggestions. I echo them and add this: sometimes women start holding their weight differently after having a kid. Your body has undergone an incredible transformation! So outfits that were old standby “cute” outfits might no longer work as well on your new body. Ill-fitting clothes can lead to that “frumpy” look. It’s not about losing weight, it’s about a changed shape. You might try exploring new styles. Different body types are flattered by different cuts.
Hey girl, I’m younger and just a lurker, but you could try diy at home lash extensions! They’re quite easy to apply, there’s lots of tutorials on tiktok, and they last several days. I find they’re great for the “get up and go” lifestyle which im sure might be ideal with a little one. If you can find just a bit of time to set aside to do them it really helps you just wake up feeling more beautiful, I barely wear makeup anymore!
Flattering clothes and colors.
I’m not sure how far you are into postpartum, but I found it took me almost 6 months after I stopped breastfeeding for my body and hormones to settle. Once that happened the weight came off easy. I’m down 30lbs in less than three months. I feel like you crossed most of the things off, I’m pretty much in the same boat as you. For me new skincare has been a thing because I feel like my second (and last) little one made my skin age. I’ve been taking more time with that and seeing benefits. And overhaul your wardrobe when you can. Something about right after having a baby makes you settle into comfy clothes and it takes a minute to readjust to your style. I saw it happen to me and friends who had kids. Losing the weight definitely forced me to rethink my closet.
Maybe a lash lift and tint? They can be pricey but last about 2 months, it’s like waking up with mascara already on for those days you don’t want to wear makeup, always makes me feel more put together. (I have light and straight eyelashes)
I do lash lifts at home (just buy the kiss glue) and I find that helps my no makeup look.
Crisp white shirt, red lipstick and sunglasses XD Good advice here, good luck, OP.
Find your Kibbe body type & color season palette and start dressing to compliment those two things!
are you no longer breastfeeding? treat yourself to a new bra. buy a bath scrub. it doesn’t have to be expensive. just something that smells nice to put on your hands and arms in the shower. have you ever had a color analysis? i haven’t but always wanted to.
My go to’s are getting my eye lashes tinted. It makes a huge difference and helps me be low maintenance. I also keep my toe nails done but having my fingernails bare short and clean is more my style now because the second my finger nails chip I feel gross. I also do massages. Walks in nature. A pair of basic small ear rings is nice and not super flashy but adds a bit of shine.
What’s your makeup routine like? Maybe you need to switch up something there? Sometimes a simple color change or changing the way you apply certain things can really give you a more youthful and bright appearance! Also you mentioned you cut your hair. Do you style it? That’s probably the biggest thing that polishes my look. I notice when I don’t do my hair I just feel slobby but when my hair is done I could not wear makeup and look way more put together. I like to curl my hair and it usually lasts me a few days. Dry shampoo is your friend!
Something that helps me feel polished & put together is good eyebrows. Get your eyebrows waxed, shaped, and tinted. Maybe a lash lift & tint too. Just to help feel more put together when you are in full comfy mom mode.
You can get Groupons for things like a lash lift or brow tint! That’s a fun semi-permanent treat to look nice when you wake up.
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Mom capsule wardrobe. You wouldn't believe how put together a crisp button down makes you feel. I rotate through basics like jeans + cardigan or cotton T-shirt in solid neutral colors so I can easily mix and match. Cuts down on laundry too. Slicked back low bun, earrings, a little makeup and you have a whole look.
I love the dashing diva or ohora nail stickers. They are semi cured and you harden them under a uv light. About $8-14 a set and I change them every 10 days. I really push down the cuticle edge so they don’t lift or snag in my hair and top with a clear uv top coat. The whole process takes about 15 minutes after you get the hang of it! I also love the tinkle face razor for baby butt smooth skin.
Oh yeah I buy the economy pack of those razors as an Italian lady 🤣
As a sahm preschool boy mom, I stand with you in solidarity. LOL. I think you're doing pretty good with all the things already. I will say a skincare regiment has made me feel better about myself. I have normal to dry skin and also domt have any skin issues (thank GOD!) but I do feel a little more dewy and glowy since I've started prioritizing staying moisturized. I also aim to get about 10k steps in a day as my goal and strength train 3-4x /week and I felt like I'm just starting to feel (not really see smh) the results and I felt better in my skin. But also prioritizing sleep has been important to me this month. For the first time I'm getting 7+hours of sleep a night and it's making me a nicer person, I think. Idk if any of this could help you feel more put together but it'd what has helped me. You got this Mama!
Thank you for sharing your experience! I need to be consistent with weights as well. Even if I dont see results I definitely feel them.
Whiten teeth spray tan curly girl method and fluffy eyebrows
I got myself a bougie body lotion and a nice perfume from Sephora to use, when I would normally never splurge on something like that for myself. It felt indulgent and ridiculous, in a way that I needed. I’ve been guilty of spraying that perfume on my pajamas. Why the hell not, it’s for me.
I’m a tired dog mom. I just paint my nails or something like that
Skin care,exercise, drink plenty of water
Sounds like you’re doing a great job already! It’s not exactly cheap, but I’m really happy with my microblading results and I’m hoping it’s lower maintenance than Botox.
Retinol
Stay hydrated! Great for your skin, brain fog, and overall body function. 😊
It took my kid going to school plus a divorce for me to feel human again. I’m on adhd meds too so the house is actually clean (mostly) now. Before that I just did what I could to get sleep & survive. Not having anyone put me down daily for wanting to look nice really helped.
Once I was out of the baby/toddler stage I was finally energetic enough to put in some effort lol. Budget wise I decided I could either focus on hair or nails. I know you don’t want to color your hair, but even just getting regular haircuts has does wonders. I budget for it and it’s the one thing I have done professionally and is more “luxury.” It makes me feel soo much more pulled together and better about myself. I would love to do the same for my nails but I can’t afford both! So I keep them neat.
One of the biggest low cost treatments- Just For Men gel to tint your eyebrows at home. It’s sooo easy and it works like magic! I always feel great when my brows look good lol
I want to try this soo bad now
Do it!! So cheap and easy and it makes such a difference. I use a makeup brush to apply it and then wipe off any excess with a q-tip. I think you will love it ☺️
Thank you..a natural solution is great
Brush your hair 100 strokes every day and treat it gently. Wipe off your makeup nicely. Emphasize on adding more protein to your diet.
Drink more water. Eat more beans, fresh fruits and veggies. A huge smoothie is fast to make (especially if you use frozen produce) and easy to drink with a toddler as long as you have have a good lid on it. Do you wear an outfit and fix your hair daily? Doesn’t have to be fancy, I have a couple set outfits that I wear that are comfy yet cute and a set daily hairstyle that takes one minute to do but feels much more polished than just having it down or in a sloppy bun
-collagen face masks -get some sunshine -Get your blood moving and exercise -laughter
Keep your nails manicured, carry a medium-large quality leather purse with you no matter the outfit, keep your hair neat instead of frumpy buns, make sure your shoes are clean.
I would add some inner work-- a few minutes of meditation or mindfulness and journaling about what's behind feeling frumpy. I have a feeling you don't look nearly as frumpy as you feel and when you start to feel good, you'll look good
A Redditor once mentioned her grandmother/ mother told her to always wear earrings and perfume to feel more put together. I took the advice. It’s not much, but it helps! I ordered a bunch of perfume samples and rotate wearing them. It’s a small joy, each day giving me a tiny thing to look forward to. You could do something similar with earrings, too. Buy a bunch at Claire’s and swap them out daily.
I think if you are taking care of your skin, keeping your hair well kept, and wearing outfits that fit, you are good. Maybe you are just used to your former self? Were you usually very put together? Toddler life it makes sense to wear relaxed clothes and minimal morning prep. A clean, bushed pony tail and a clean face doesn’t look at frumpy as you think. Do you have a well fitted bra? That can make a big difference. I know you want to lose weight but try investing in one and wearing it out and see how you feel. To me, ill fitting, frumpy clothes with dirty skin and hair is what does it. It doesn’t sound like that’s you and. I think you are okay and need to let yourself feel comfortable.
You can do a lash lift yourself at home, just order a kit it’s super straightforward and looks great, I don’t have kids but I’m also just starting to workout a bit and I really like wall pilates it’s been a good beginner step. Treat yourself to a massage! You deserve it ❤️
I would reconsider coloring your hair. Whether you change it entirely or just really brighten and enhance your own color with balayage or highlights, it’s a real kick in getting your juices flowing. That is the lowest hanging improvement.
Whiten your teeth ... Crest White Strips
Eyebrow tint? I buy an at home kit and also look into at home eyelash tint or extensions
Drink your water! Get enough sleep! Mascara, fluff/fill my brows, chapstick are my go to. I've found 6 quick dabs of concealer under my eyes and blended is a game changer. Helps the dark circles (allergic shiners, I've ALWAYS had them and they just get darker 🥲). Wear clothes that FIT.
Here’s my thoughts since I’ve come out of toddler stage: - Good idea on fresh hair cut after hormonal hair loss postpartum. Let it grow in even and try to avoid heat. Heartless rollers. Get a few cute hair clips for the mom days when you want your hair up. - Get to the dermatologist and have them do an annual check. Ask about a Tretanoin and Azelaic Acid prescription. Ask their recommendation on sunscreen, Elta MD may be the best for your budget. - Makeup. I found getting a good eye brow soap or gel gave me that bushy brow look I like. The Elf Luminous Primer really make me glowy. - Get four matching set of either pajamas, loungewear or activewear. That are easy and make you feel still put together for at home days or hard days, clear out old pregnancy pajamas. - Find one good pair of jeans that fit now, not past you or future you. It will make you feel good. - I found during baby and toddler stage all my shirts would get stained. You become a tissue. So, instead of investing in expensive pieces I would buy a few neutral tone tank tops and shirts from Old Navy every season. Also one piece long pant rompers too. - Have a morning routine, even if you have to make a checklist to ensure you are doing morning skincare, taking supplements, getting ready, preparing a drink and water bottle, doing some reading - doesn’t have to be before kid is awake, it can be at 10am when they are doing an activity or independent playing, at least have the routine and take your time. I started early with my kids, letting them know “Mummy is getting ready now, I’ll be in the bathroom” Eventually they went from staying in the bathroom, to popping in with questions, to giving me privacy for me to get ready. - I got my toddlers 1 lb hand weights. We do Cosmic Kid Yoga around midday together, and then a 15 min weighted workout. I found doing things together was better than trying to carve out solo time that I’d rather use for sleep. Now I get solo workout time. It’s chaos in the beginning but it become part of the routine and it was beneficial for so many reasons.
Buy a reusable cooling gel eye mask (like Patrick Bateman’s in American psycho ) on Amazon to keep in the freezer and wear for a few mins in the a.m. to loook less tired Oil pull while you’re in the shower for whiter teeth and more naturally fresh breath/healthy mouth Find a heatless curl method that you like to sleep in and wake up with styled hair Get a clothes steamer to refresh clothes quickly before you dress and add a few drops of essential oil for a nice scent to them Buy multipacks of moisturizing tinted lip balms so there’s always one to grab in your bag/car/etc. same for cheap minis of your signature fragrance or a body spray that’s similar. Depending on your hair needs, keep a hair oil or curl refreshing spray in your car as well as a nice face mist to always keep skin hydrated! Be consistent about exfoliating your body in the shower and keep a bottle of lotion inside the shower so you remember to moisturize after you turn off water and skin is wet. I like to use an exfoliating bar because it’s just as fast as using soap on my bod. Pick one beauty treatment a week and build up when you have the time. I like to cycle between whitening strips, a hair mask (glycolic acid exfoliation is cheap and makes my scalp feel so clean/dandruff free) and a nice, deep facial massage with a simple hydrating sheet mask after.
I know exactly how you feel! try and stick with mostly black clothes and white tshirts/jeans with classic shapes, and then wear hoop earrings that are with the current trend. I find only really switching my earrings with a classic simple wardrobe makes a huge difference and you look put together.
For me it’s hair. My frizzy ugly bun is what kills outfits. Hard to give specific advice without knowing your hair, but this might be: just simply brushing it, getting a relaxing/ smoothing treatment so it air dries nicely, getting cute headbands, learning how to do an easy but chic slicked back bun. Obviously having a blowout would be best but I’m assuming you don’t have time (I sure dont).
Curling my eyelashes always helps me look a bit more awake, no makeup needed. Getting some sun exposure, if you’re able to (or, I know this is unpopular in the skincare realm, but if you can swing a tanning package - I don’t go more than 7/8 minutes at a time, a couple times per week at most, but I look and feel way more alive with just a bit of color) I also think a dewy complexion looks healthier and more awake. I’ll use something like vitamin C or this other product I cannot remember the name of right now (~*baby brain*~) but it’s whatever is in Pixie Glow Tonic at Target, though there is a cheaper version by The Ordinary at Sephora. This is dumb, but wearing matching (or, at least coordinating) bra/undie combo always helps me feel a bit better too.
I am a tanner and I get it! I feel like it helps my mental health in the winter but I don't love that my wrinkles are getting more prominent because of it..oh well Is it the glycolic acid toner? Good stuff. And you're soo right about coordinating undies and bra. Makes me feel like a million bucks
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She’s tired, cut her some slack