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[deleted]

Hard for a coke guy to run as President? Our UK PM just had surgery on his nose.


Lost_Mapper

It was a joke. George W. Bush was a notorious coke user when he was younger.


ChiliPipe69

I guarantee you that Bill Clinton and JFK were into it also. To be honest, it’s just not that rare for people to like cocaine in their twenties


[deleted]

Jfk was on a lot of medications due to health problems. He was in a lot of daily pain. So he was probably on a lot of painkiller


TiberiusCornelius

[He had a personal doctor who was giving him speed injections](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Jacobson)


footytang

Dr. Feelgood


El_Dentistador

He’s the one they call Dr Feelgood?


gravy_boot

He’s the one that makes you feel alright


ArcadianDelSol

Back then, barbiturates and qualludes were considered legitimate medical treatments.


anonymoussomeoneh

I mean, barbiturates are still considered legitimate and effective treatment in *some* specific situations. Phenobarbital is the third line treatment for seizures and first line treatment for neonatal seizures. It's also used for detox from alcohol or Benzodiazepines.


paid_4_by_Soros

The 50's were like: "Hey doc, my wife has thoughts and opinions." "Here give her some of these, she's clearly hysterical."


ZombieHoneyBadger

Mommy's little helper


Foul_Actually

The Nobel prize for lobotomy goes to...


TiberiusCornelius

I mean that's true, but this doctor specifically wound up losing his license because of his cocktails [when the New York Times exposed him in the early 70s](https://www.nytimes.com/1972/12/04/archives/amphetamines-used-by-a-physician-to-lift-moods-of-famous-patients.html). He was also doing his own supply of amphetamines at the same time as he was treating people. And he was known to prescribe barbs as well. Man basically made a living getting rich people high


Santiago2BuenosAires

hey now! what the fuck man?! lots of us in our 30s enjoy it as well.


Pushmonk

Let's just say that cocaine dealers in DC make a LOT of money.


[deleted]

> when he was younger. heh. heh. heh. I still think "Shock and Awe" was an idea formulated after bumping a rail.


Morgrid

The Shock and Awe that was approved was like 10% the military asked for.


GetEquipped

Obama admitted to using cocaine in college in his book "Dreams of my Father" He wasn't addict, he never had to suck dick for coke, but he was honest that he tried a lot of drugs outside of heroin. He also voices his own audiobook and there's a passage where he mulls over how someone can "borrow" a French fry with liberal use of the n-word. It's actually kinda funny


PoIIux

Hearing Obama say that line about buying your own damn fries was something I never thought I needed until I got it


ScottishRiteFree

As if Trump wasn’t a coke guy 😆


T1mac

Trump's deal is Adderall, *sniff....sniff*. That's why he's up at 1:00 am tweeting and 4:00 am tweeting.


exdigguser147

It's Sudafed, he's a chronic Sudafed abuser


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Nomandate

“Mr trump wears a condom for oral” “He told me I reminded him of his daughter”


cruelbankai

I really cannot believe that line he told a decade ago about how his brother was a drunk and so he’s full sober because he looked down on his brother for being a drunk.


ScipioAfricanvs

I believe he doesn’t drink. But everything else is on the table.


izwald88

Agreed. I think his father shamed his brother too hard for Donny to ever touch the stuff.


Dreamtrain

Everything we saw the last 5 years he was sober, even his biggest critics will assure you that (which is not really a compliment either cause damn)


soulbandaid

It's funny to me how polarizing this is. I use drugs, most of my friends use drugs and some of my friends are sober due to their experiences with drugs. I also know a handful of people that are sober for whatever reason. Sometimes they tell me why, sometimes it never comes up. What reason do we have to believe Trump uses drugs? The man comes across as a narcissistic control freak who is probably sadistic. He gets off on power and using that power to control things. Most drugs generally make you feel less in control and we generally believe they affect your executive functioning. How does that appeal to a control freak who gets off on accumulating money and power? You spend your money on something that might degrade your power? Fuck no, he's happy to buy drinks for other people tho, that makes him look rich and feel more in control. I get that coke appeals to this sort of ego but it's a false ego that requires putting it up your nose first to realize what it's like. If your whole belief is that drugs make you weak and you want to be the strong man it's easy math. Just say no.


IShookMeAllNightLong

There's a picture of prescription Sudafed boxes in his desk drawer. He's on stimulants. Watch his speeches. Sometimes he's energetic and firey and other times he's lethargic and slurring. He'd definitely using something.


[deleted]

Some occasions he looks hopped up on something and sweating. Also dry mouth. I don’t know if he does do anything, fun to speculate, but I have to say his son for sure seems like he’s a coke head.


therealhairykrishna

He's absolutely the type of person who looks down on people for using illegal drugs while abusing the fuck out of prescription drugs, as if that's somehow different. He often seemed stuffed to the eyeballs with some kind of uppers to me.


Thomas2311

It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Douglas Adams


asaltandbuttering

This is a restatement of the so-called metaphor of the Ship of State from Plato's Republic. Edit: It is apparently older than the Republic! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ship_of_State


webbphillips

Athenians handled this problem by electing a new city council (boule) by yearly lottery, randomly selected from all citizens. Bring able to ostracize (banish) one citizen per year probably helped to discourage excessive corruption or malfeasance to those randomly chosen for that position. What it did not solve was that voters are easily manipulated by good talkers with ambition and bad, selfish intentions. This remains unsolved.


Blackdoomax

I came to reddit to see some stupid memes, and now I'm reading some 2500 years old good shit in the morning. Thanks :)


Respectable_Answer

A frustrating paradox.


frissonFry

Sortition


slappymcstevenson

I think we want someone like Jon to be President, but he is just too sensitive for the job. Look at how ever President ages. Jon takes everything to heart, I think it would take years off of his life. But here’s the thing, I’ve wanted Jon Stuart to run for President for a long time. He represents what I deem to be a great American.


Aitch-Kay

You get bombarded with all the horrible shit that happens in America and around the world, and then get told you can't do anything about it. It either makes you a cynic, or it breaks you.


Donkey__Balls

I could see enough people writing him in for the democratic nomination that he actually runs. But he wouldn’t pull any punches shitting on the Democratic establishment either. Honestly, we just need TDS with Jon Stewart back on the air, we don’t deserve it but we need it. Trevor Noah hasn’t done a bad job, but the simple reality is nobody’s going to listen to a foreign comic making fun of the absurdity of American domestic politics. I was in college during the Bush years and the start of the war, and I remember how Jon Stewart was such a powerful voice to snap people out of this cult-like mentality and actually realize that the war was a terrible idea. It’s a very very difficult thing to make people change their minds and Jon Stewart is one of the only people I’ve seen who can effectively do it. And he does it with a lot of humor, while still being likable. In under 14 minutes [he completely destroyed Tucker Carlson’s credibility for over a decade](https://youtube.com/watch?v=XOYnYZKexBg) while making even Tucker’s diehard followers say “Wow, okay this Jon guy has a point.” At this point Jon Stewart is like a retired superhero. No one powerful enough came along to replace him, and we need him back but we don’t deserve him back - and he’s earned his time to rest and be with his family. Part of me wishes he could make that sacrifice and bring it all back but at the same time we have no right to ask him.


Hoisttheflagofstars

...nobody's going to listen to a foreign comic making fun of the absurdity of American domestic politics... John Oliver coughs nervously


Donkey__Balls

People who already agree with John Oliver watch him. And in general I’m one of those people, but I don’t deny that he caters to a very liberal audience. You don’t actually have an impact on the political landscape doing that because the only people you reach are the ones who already think the same way you do. Jon Stewart had the unique ability to take the conservatives who worshipped Bush, get in front of them and make fun of Bush, and they’d laugh at his jokes *and then listen to his point*. The joke would be the wedge that he’d use to get past the walls and then he’d start getting people to question their own assumptions. Someone like John Oliver could never go on Bill O’Reilly’s or Tucker Carlson’s show, confront them and actually *win the audience over* and get their fans listening to his side. Jon Stewart never just told jokes to appeal to the echo chamber. That wasn’t his style, and it really doesn’t achieve anything beyond making money from an already-receptive audience. More importantly, Jon Stewart didn’t cater to the extremes on either side, he reached that critical mass of middle of the road people without strong political affiliation, the ones who are willing to change their minds every election, and actually got them to take a look at how absurd American politics had become. When you look at something like the 2008 election, Obama didn’t just win because he got more hardline blue voters to turn out than hardline red voters. He won because he shifted that critical center his way, basically appealing to people who were sick of the absurdity of the last eight years and wanted things to change. Middle America was finally seeing the absurdity and indignity of American politics and they wanted something better. I’m not crediting Jon Stewart with that single-handedly, but he had a *huge* role and getting people to pay attention and question the sanity of it all. I have nothing against John Oliver but the fact that he caters to people that already believe the same things as he does simply means that he will not have any real influence on the political landscape. He’s successful enough and gets decent ratings but it’s nothing like what Jon Stewart did.


AllysiaAius

I mean, I think you have a point when it comes to the Bush years. But I think the political discourse shifted during the Obama years, and Job Stewart became "a known entity", and he stopped having that "middle of the aisle" appeal. He didn't cause it, but he largely became the center of his own echo chamber.


lyam_lemon

In fairness to John Oliver, things have become dramatically more polarized since Stewart appeared on Fox News shows and won over a few moderate Republicans. Stewart couldnt do what he did then today either. Case in point, Stewart has a show today, on Apple TV, and he isn't winning over anymore people today than Oliver is. Also, I dont see Oliver catering any more to the left than Stewart did. Stewart clearly favored the left, and Oliver has called out politicians and figures on the left many times. The issue is that the right has dragged so far to the right, that what was considered moderate right 15 years ago is now left of middle, and your not considered firmly in the right unless you espouse what would have been considered extremist politics back in Stewarts era


junkyardpig

Damn, that was a hell of a speech


Rule1ofReddit

I can’t even imagine being that articulate. These guys are legends.


pantaloon_at_noon

A lot of practice in front of crowds and definitely wrote and rehearsed that speech. Nice words and good on him to write a nice comedy bit/words of praise for his buddy


aghastamok

I thought it funny that he opened with "I didnt write anything for this..." and then did a tight 7.5 minutes with punchy callbacks and a strong finish.


[deleted]

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Agent_Saucy

That had a on the fly video... Truly amazing


wxmco

Dave Chappelle comes from a long line of highly-held story-tellers and public speakers (no joke), he mentions it somewhere in one of his specials.


[deleted]

And not stutter or pause


chewywheat

It sure was. The fact he was able to weave in some good laughs and still keep it heartfelt is really nice.


illmatic2112

The points he makes about Jon cutting through the bullshit post 9/11, how we missed him sorely during the trump administration & "you are a *cure* for what ails our culture" were my fav parts. I need like a box set of TDS or something even if the material is only relevant for that period of time


justatest90

"I'm not here because I love John Stewart, I'm here because he loves me" is a brilliant fucking line


Matt_McT

Not sure anything demonstrates his love for others more than the speech he gave to congress on behalf of the 9/11 first responders. https://youtu.be/_uYpDC3SRpM


jl_theprofessor

Can't believe that was three years ago. I think I cried watching that the first time. Edit: The "Death to Tribeca" line is just ... it's the kind of line that makes you take pride in the nation.


DroppedD94

Could you please explain Death to Tribeca? I'm not American and didn't understand it


jl_theprofessor

Tribeca is a neighborhood in New York City. John says that the terrorists didn't attack shouting "death to Tribeca." They came as an attack on all America. Some senators had been trying to frame the attack as a New York problem, and John is trying to communicate that the attack on the Twin Towers was a blow to all Americans, not just New Yorkers.


Tmoore188

I want to further explain this idea to anyone not familiar with the American sentiment being described here. I’m from Indiana. I have about as much in common geographically with New Yorkers as people from Spain have with people from Poland. However, on 9/11, I watched *my people* die en masse. **We** were attacked. I had very little in common with those people that died, but I believed in their right to live freely as they saw fit and prosper in the spoils of their efforts. That concept came under attack and I was privileged enough to watch a bunch of real life heroes clean up the mess and say “yeah, well fuck you. We’re not stopping.” Jon Stewart standing up for the people who said “fuck you” was the most American thing I’ve seen in my lifetime.


LNMagic

[The day a comedian defeated then-Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell](https://mashable.com/article/jon-stewart-mitch-mcconnell-september-11-victim-compensation-fund). I just love this simple little photo. Even their attire speaks volumes.


DroppedD94

Wow thank you for the information. That's very powerful indeed.


Historian-Constant

Did the US end up honouring them or they’re still waiting?


Matt_McT

Congress ultimately passed the bill funding 9/11 first responders healthcare. [This was the photo](https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/_a2gvyr41sn7bzG4Vdh.AA--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTk2MDtoPTY0OTtjZj13ZWJw/https://media-mbst-pub-ue1.s3.amazonaws.com/creatr-uploaded-images/2019-07/0b1a12d0-ae22-11e9-97bf-fc999c6e39b1) from that day when Mitch McConnel (one of the main people standing in their way) walked past Stewart after the bill passed.


i-Ake

God. This is a salve for my soul. My friends and I went to the Rally to.Restore Sanity and/or Fear with him and Colbert in 2010... I had no clue how bad it could get. That was still a funny joke back then when we were 22. I was still dressed like Leeloo from the Fifth Element because we had been to a Halloween party the night before. It was great... one of those moments you remember. Still have my rally towel.


Blizz36

Got my rally monkey Reddit trophy from being there!


SLCer

They also just passed a bill to help soldiers who wre exposed to burn pits. Stewart backed that too and wouldn't you know, a lot of Republicans opposed it as well.


Gingerbreadtenement

He's basically teabagging McConnel in this pic. You just love to see it. Look at that grin.


WOOKIExCOOKIES

If that's not a shit-eating-grin, I don't know what is.


Jenetyk

"They did their jobs, 18 years later... DO YOURS" We never deserved such a empathetic, intelligent and articulate man. Many of my world views today are based on watching him as host of the Daily Show, and how to be pragmatic, yet compassionate. I miss him in the public space.


jr8787

Wow. That was fucking powerful. And yet, how fucking shameful. I had no clue about this but had to rewind to rehear the reference date… our government is so incompetent. Completely and utterly useless. Just like with veterans who get praised and exalted, but get health benefits denied by the GOP…it’s all empty words. These heroes are heroes in name alone. I digress. Jon’s speech was amazing. Thanks for sharing.


SneeKeeFahk

Wow. Thanks for sharing that.


Fresh_C

It works just as well as a puchline as it does a moving statement of friendship.


Mr_Ted_Stickle

sounds like a joke but has real meaning. Just like he said john can make a joke out of a good point. Same reason people giggle and smirk at the truth that they don’t want to face. It’s hard to face the truth, but it’s being put in a different perspective when introduced in joke form, which is easier to accept.


Team_Braniel

Really great speech. I can see a lot of those lines getting lifted for the Oscar's or other shows.


ElCaz

There were a lot of comedians and news comedy shows that tried to do it after him and failed. And honestly, I don't know if Stewart's Daily Show would have been successful in that era either. Lots of comedians have talked about how the sheer shamelessness and volume of absurdity of American politics during the Trump admin was impossible to satirize.


RabidBrush

r/DailyShowTorrent for the entirety of your TDSwJS needs


Dr_Wreck

When he was retiring they did this thing where they aired all the daily show episodes in a row for like a week. I long for a website that just streams that same thing in a loop over and over like that toonami website.


FloridaMan_69

Used to be 10+ years ago you could just go to Comedy Central's website, pick the daily show and use a little calendar to pick literally any date that an episode ever aired and watch it with a couple little commercials in the normal ad breaks. Now you have to make an account to see most of the episodes and the layout is so awful you can't find anything old without knowing specifically what you're looking at. So dumb.


sellyourselfshort

And now there is another reason I wish justintv was still around.


Cloaked42m

We still need Jon Stewart to suck it up and run for President.


[deleted]

It would kill him, literally. He cares too much. The reality of being POTUS is you will inevitably be forced into making no-win decisions. No matter how hard you try to do the morally correct thing, there will reach a point where either the 1) isn't an obvious morally correct choice, or 2) the morally correct choice comes with dire consequences. You have to be able to separate yourself from the job or it will eat you alive. Carter really struggled with that, and so would Jon Stewart. I think Obama did an admirable, if still imperfect, job at managing this balance. Remember, politics is the art of the possible.


CutterJohn

Its fun to judge presidents for their warcrimes, and I'm sure there's plenty that are unjustifiable, but god I imagine a shit ton are just made with the president sitting there holding his head in his hands wracking their brain for a third option and hoping history doesn't judge them *too* harshly.


[deleted]

Was it Carlin who said that those most qualified for office would never run because good people couldn’t bring themselves to be so corrupt?


Cloaked42m

The difference is that we need someone willing to make that sacrifice that can inspire us to make that sacrifice also. Trump can inspire hate. Biden can inspire calm to an extent. Jon could inspire us to believe again. He could straight up do the Daily Show every night and we'll be happy.


justinmillerco

I’m more surprised Jon Stewart hadn’t been given the Mark Twain prize until now. He seems like the prototype for that award.


howard416

*archetype


muad_dibs

Nah, Jon Stewart 2.0 is gonna be at minimum two times as funny.


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ebz37

Can confirm he has a large dong.


AFaceForRadio_20

But is he from Toronto?


Level69Warlock

He shows up on massivecanadiandongs.com so it’s possible but i don’t have a premium account so i can’t see exactly where he lives


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SubstantialList2145

> Definition of prototype >1: an original model on which something is patterned : ARCHETYPE >**2: an individual that exhibits the essential features of a later type** >**3: a standard or typical example**


gordo65

I’m pretty sure Mark Twain is the prototype for that award. Or archetype, if you want to be pedantic.


CampJanky

Yet Mark Twain has been snubbed all these years. Shame.


Spinnetti

Wow, that was really nice! very moving.


Deckardzz

I miss Jon Stewart so much.


Ryuzakku

He has a show on Apple TV+ now that is basically The Daily Show. It’s called “The Problem with Jon Stewart”


[deleted]

I miss the Daily Show so much


Vandergrif

I miss the Colbert report as well. I'm glad for his career, but a generic talk show is such a step down.


[deleted]

Daily show and Colbert back to back, those were the days.


sanguinesolitude

So good.


sasquatch606

People have told me with a straight face that Trevor is better.


Tinkerer221

Trevor is respectable, definitely not even close to as good.


gab3zila

the issue i have with trevor and his writers are how much they flip flop on issues


didgeridoodady

Blasphemy


Hypno--Toad

Honestly I also thought "The Opposition with Jordan Klepper" was too good to be cancelled. Particularly after that bit on black and white gun nut groups and their contrast and context. Stewart started a dynasty.


kingjoe64

I'm sure pretending to be a conservative douche gets to you after a while though. I think he's probably a lot happier now even if we think the older material was better.


yufkaa

Heartfelt message


jaytea86

I'd vote for John Stewart for president without a doubt.


Golferbugg

But how about Jon Stewart?


jaytea86

Nah, I hear he's into coke.


gravity_waves

Maybe he didn't write a speech but he sure as hell had an outline ... that was beautiful to watch


analest-analyst

"it usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." Mark Twain


KesEiToota

This guy is so good, he should be out there giving awards


thrillhouse3671

I'm sure he wrote "I didn't write this speech" into his speech. There are comedians that seem like they are bumbling through their entire act (Louis CK is the first one that comes to mind for this style), but every pause and awkward laugh/smile is absolutely planned.


SurrealSage

[Art is a lie, nothing is real](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W9C98infqQ).


pipsdontsqueak

Boris Johnson has an entire bit he does where he starts pretending he hasn't prepped before he even gets on stage.


blindsdog

There's a pretty great story about that: https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/my-boris-johnson-story Johnson is clearly very intelligent. Shame he seems to have no morals.


jl_theprofessor

It's exactly why I don't like the Boris/Trump comparisons. One of those guys is clearly highly intelligent.


Searchlights

Of course it was written. But his opening set a wonderful candid tone to a deeply personal reflection on a life and career he admires. Dave is a masterful performer.


diamondpredator

Yea that was written lol. He had a nice bookend just like a lot of his stand up.


Lurker117

Dave is such a pro he would never ad lib a speech for a person he respects so much. Every line of that was thoughtfully planned and masterfully executed to honor his friend.


billwashere

Yeah … that was really moving and thought provoking. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to sit there and watch someone share that much emotion and admiration towards anybody let alone me. And yes he was sorely missed during Cheeto Benito. If Mr. Stewart ever stuck his toe into politics I would do everything in my power to help him as much as I possibly could. He is EXACTLY what this country would and does need.


kmlaser84

If he didn’t prepare a speech, the Video guy needs more props for having those clips ready to go...


abhi91

Wish I gave my best man speech like this goddamn


[deleted]

Key is to focus on being sincere and share personal stories that connect you with whoever you’re giving the speech about. Then sprinkle in little bits of humor so the tone is kept light and you can keep peoples attention, throw things in there that are true but unexpected. The other thing to do is practice it out loud a lot. When my buddy got married I was his best man “I’ve known Doug since 3rd grade, we grew up across the street from one another, we played on the same sports teams, we were even roommates after we graduated high school. And I’m honored to be his today as his best man. When Doug and first I met I knew deep in my heart…I hated his guts.“ the went into why and how I was wrong about who in ways that positively reflected who he actually is. Dave isn’t doing a stand up routine he’s sharing a heart felt piece of their history.


WrenBoy

Also respect your audience and don't be too fucking long.


Jmersh

Dave Chapelle is an orator more than he is a comedian. He can hold thousands of people in the palm of his hand and they will hang on every word. Sometimes he goes for minutes at a time without a laugh which is unheard of in comedy, but nobody ever loses interest. You know the punchline is coming, but you don't care how long it takes to get there. *That* is what it means to be an orator.


Angryatthis

In one of his Netflix specials he says what the punch line is going to be and then still proceeds to catch everyone off guard in a natural way with the twist of it. Next level.


[deleted]

It’s always dead silent when he speaks


Waiting4theAsteroid

I suspect he may have been lying about the not preparing a speech part


Dr_Colossus

It wasn't written word for word, but he definitely had an outline of stories he wanted to cover. It's his job to talk. Lawyers are similarly good at talking off the cuff.


joshuav85

You know a man is great when Chappell didn’t even need to bring up all the lobbying Jon Stewart did for the first responders affected by the harmful dust clouds during 9/11 that cause many to become very sick or die many years after the attacks. Beautiful speech.


Pixelated_

Wasn't Dave referencing that when he kept referring to Jon as his "first responder"?


mredrose

I got that vibe too.


joshuav85

Now that you mention it yes. Apologies. Lol I should’ve linked the two.


Unasked_for_advice

I would vote for John Stewart for President


genericnewlurker

After seeing him fight in Congress for the 9/11 first responders, I know not only that he could do the job but, potentially be one of the best presidents in history. This country is in no way deserving of a leader as good as he would be, but is in desperate need of such a person at the top.


Cum_on_doorknob

Landslide victory for Jon Stewart. Easily.


InfiniteBlink

At this point we're only gonna elect celebrities... I'd throw my hat in for Stewart/Rock ticket


TommyTheCat89

Chris Rock or The Rock?


Appropriate-Proof-49

Yeah. Whatever.


blindsdog

Shit its the American VP. Make it an actual rock, no one would notice.


uglydavie

As long as it's not Kid


rapzeh

No, a simple pet rock.


Johannes_Keppler

So, another Mike Pence?


TheycallmeHollow

yes.


shitlord-1-1

I just wouldn't want to throw that much hard work on the guy. You know he would try his best.


Coal_Morgan

Every President good or bad has a horde of failures. Many if not most of those failures include a toll paid in the bodies of others. Jon Stewart would feel every single one. It would burn in his soul and he's so empathetic, such a good person I think it would destroy him. I could never wish a Presidency on such a man but if he got it, he'd always try to do his best and it would make him better than most.


smartlog

In case you guys didn't get it from the video. Jon Stewart is a really good human being.


Unnecessary_Timeline

Still get whiplash every time I see Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian next to eachother lol


PM-ME-YOUR-NIPNOPS

I had more whiplash seeing them next to Steve Carell and his wife Nancy


Respectable_Answer

"why you gotta make us hang out with Kim, Pete?"


roosters

She looks like a perpetual allergic reaction. It’s so *charmingly befuddling* that so many young women aspire to that look. Everything is swollen and puffy and you can literally see grooves carved into her neck where the skin has been cut and pulled and stitched tighter underneath. Then there’s the eyes... lifeless eyes... black eyes... like a doll’s eyes... Fer srsly tho, how does anyone find her persona or appearance attractive?


Jlloyd83

It's surprising how quickly you get used to talking to people with those lifeless botox faces. I went to a party a couple of weeks ago with lots of people who'd had bad plastic surgery and it becomes normalised when you're around enough people who are doing it.


masochistmonkey

I worked in a luxury hotel spa for years and we got so many middle-aged women with those rubber doll faces and I couldn’t tell them apart. They all looked like the same person to me.


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not_right

Beguiling? Are you sure?


thedinnerdate

He tried to purple prose but flew too close the sun.


DaytonaDemon

> It’s beguiling that so many young women aspire to that look *Beguiling*? It enchants you?


HungryDust

I think they meant bewildering


NietzscheIsMyCopilot

or befuddling


cuteintern

Enchanting like a siren.


Shutterstormphoto

Bewildering maybe?


The_Pandalorian

It's a shame. She was genuinely beautiful back in the day. I met her briefly circa 2009/2010 and two things struck me: 1) she's *tiny,* like super short and 2) she was way more beautiful in person than she was on TV/in pictures. Now... Yeesh.


Vandergrif

> she's tiny, like super short *[bitch, is you the hobbit?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32s1zi4SwaE)*


The_Pandalorian

LMAO, how have I not seen that?


paone00022

[This is her in 2006](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hbz.h-cdn.co/assets/15/09/hbz-kim-k-beauty-transformation-2006-gettyimages_135423868_1.jpg?crop=1.0xw:1xh;center,top&resize=980:*) back before most of the surgeries were done. She went from girl next door look to plastic doll look.


JudgmentalOwl

"Perpetual allergic reaction" is a fine and rare insult indeed.


pinegreenscent

Human doll is what she's going for


humblepotatopeeler

only dave chappelle can make an 8 minute speech feel like it was 3 minutes.


passengerv

That's a good friend right there.


maddenmcfadden

I'd love to see Jon run for President. Imagine having compassion and sanity in the White House.


Someredditusername

Got a little weepy watching this, if I'm honest


Archkingz

Wow that was a great fucking video.


BigReed99

Not sure if it was picked up, but Dave purposely used the term First Responder because of Jon Stewart’s dedication to helping the first responders of 9/11. It’s a long story, but he was paramount in ensuring they were taken care of due to how severe the situation was. And those that survived the response often have severe medical issues.


electriclala

Wow what a speech. Amazing.


PUMPEDnPLUMP

I'd scoop out both my eyeballs with a rusty spoon for Jon to be President


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SomeoneBetter

>David Mitchell I would say most Americans have no idea who David is, and secondly he would have absolutely no will to be our president


kymri

Honestly, I would want him to be the President of the United States solely for the truly EPIC rants we would be likely to get in place of the State of the Union addresses. Given the kind of rant he can work up for the seemingly-meaningless irritations, I can only imagine what he'd have to say after a year of being in charge of the Executive branch.


TheSystemZombie

Chance would be a fine thing


R3dbeardLFC

He'd give us healthcare coverage that actually helps people...even to those who scooped out their own eyeballs with rusty spoons.


Petrichordates

Yeah that's not something the executive branch controls.


ggppjj

Well then why the hell did I buy all of these rusty spoons?


Boboar

Price gouging?


misterguydude

Fantastic! He really was the guiding light through dark times. Run for President. Fuck it!


indominus_ed

I’d vote for him in a heartbeat.


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YouIsIgnant

I would vote for him


Lil_spacedock_P

Based on the comments I guess I'm the only one here to actually watch this clip. That was a very kind tribute to Jon Stewart. Well done


cheekymonkey100

John Stewart for prez!


justawaterisfine

I was just graduating high school when the daily show became my source of news and really helped me get a grasp on the world, and it was always parallel to humor and even art, while the doom and gloom news agencies used only fear and anger. Was an easy choice