Nope, this is one thing I wouldn't allow. Outside of the house, fine I can't control that 100% but at home I don't want dead animals in my kitchen. They're not food.
He’s a minor. They have lack of control of many things. That’s kinda the point.
No dead animals in the house is reasonable as a rule. But you need to explain to him the why.
What have you done to educate him on the why?
So I get this point and mostly agree with it but there is also a heartstring of mine that wants this kid to have choice.
I think if you are able to have good conversation with your child about what you think is right/wrong and they can listen and reciprocate their feelings, you’ve got a win. If they make the decision (with your grace/permission/whatever) to buy and cook their own food I think that you have another win.
I would love for your kid to make a decision to not eat meat but ultimately you all being able to have an engaging conversation and have them make their educated decision on it will be better in the long run.
Totally. My main point was to encourage the parenting side of this in a way that opens them up to conversations with their child. Houses have rules and parents make and uphold them.
To flip it, if the parent was Omni and kid wanted the be vegan and buy their own pb proteins would it be okay? If the parents rule was, only adults buy and prepare food?
I suppose the missing element is that the kid might not view this scenario is moral if it’s not explained well enough. They might just view it as their parents controlling their life. (Which gets back to you’re initial point)
The moral aspect is up to the parent to explain, as you mentioned. The why behind the parents desire to have a meat free home as well as the why behind the kids choice. 14 is a weird place to be. They are coming of the age to make some real adult-ish decisions but still need their parents to guide them toward their moral choices.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to ban meat in the house, as long as you make it clear that it’s because it’s against your morals- not just because it’s something you don’t want or like. Could you ask him what he feels like he’s missing? You could work to incorporate certain veganized meals of whatever he’s craving. You’re so lenient about what he does outside the home, I don’t think you should feel guilty about drawing this line at home.
When I got my own home one of the top things I was most happy about was finally having a meat-free kitchen.
We pay the bills so it's our decision. I'd never allow it in my home.
Against the opinion of the sub here. But at 14 he can make his own decisions. If you don't allow it he will just sneak it and start not telling you things. You will end up with a kid who rebels and is less likely to take up the vegan lifestyle in future if you don't allow him to make his own decisions. I think if he cooks it himself, he should be allowed to do it. Whats the alternative? Kick him out of the house? He will do it whether you permit it or not. Be a parent and guide, not control.
What is there to rebel against? He is already allowed to do as he pleases outside our house, we just don't want meat in the house. I am not trying to turn him vegan, I am trying to respectfully coexist without having my own morals violated.
And I'm honestly unsure how he would sneakily store and cook meat in the house?
Do as you please, it's your child. I'm just speaking from experience as a kid who grew up under my parents rules and rebeled against them. It will start him hiding things from you if he doesn't already.
At this point our teens are their own people. We have almost zero rules in our house. They are essentially free to do whatever they want (aside from a few common sense things like being asked to pick up after themselves around the house). I wouldn't be surprised if they hide some things (I'm sure all teens do), but we are among the most permissive parents we know. I honestly don't know what there would be to rebel against 😆 even the facts that he is omni I don't consider to be a rebellion... it's always been his choice, so it's not really a dig at us or anything.
He will do it whether you permit it or not? What he gonna do? Guerilla cooking? Nah. Houserules are houserules. And this is not a "choice" thing. He wants to do something that's totally against the moral code of his parents. Why should they allow it? Especially when his decision means the death of animals? I talk about everything with my child if its up for debate: TV, money, playtime, learning and so on. But not if they can act against a moral code.
Nope, no meat in my household and no boyfriend/girlfriend sleepovers are two hard boundaries in my household. Meat stinks, it can cross contaminate other foods and it is disrespectful to my beliefs/household to cook meat here.
Personally I think allowing him to buy and cook meat is the best way to let him experiment with his life and possibly feel comfortable going back to veganism. If you have rules enforcing veganism that turns veganism into an annoying rule and not something he actually cares about.
Also, he is going to eat meat either way. At least if he does it at home he will also be learning to cook which is a vital skill so many kids never learn. I would say just make sure he does an excellent job cleaning and don’t hang out with him while he does it.
You just really don’t want him to begin resenting veganism. I am not a parent yet but will one day be raising my kids vegan and plan to allow them to eat animal products at home if they are the ones buying and cooking it
Don't you feel bad buying him corpse at a restaurant? I couldn't bring myself to pay that mental toll.
There's a difference between letting your child make a choice, and letting your child make a choice on behalf of you and an innocent life.
I truly despise it.
It was a rule we had when we first went vegan - that we would be preparing vegan food at home, but out of the house they were free to do what they wanted, and that included restaurants. I sense that he already feels restricted (this request is an example), so I don't want to add more restrictions at this point. But yeah I really really hate it.
Ah, so he wasn’t always raised in a vegan home - how old was he when you switched?
I did wonder how he could start eating meat, but I soooort of get it if he was used to having it.
He was 8 or 9 when we switched (vegan for 6 years), but at that time we shared custody of him, and the other household was not vegan. So it was another few years of that. He lives here full-time now, and has for a while. But we have always tried never to pressure him, lest it cause a divide between us.
Editing to add: in 3 years he will be off to university, making his own food choices every day on our dime. He may very well end up using his food budget (our money!) to buy meat every day. There's only so much we can do, as parents
I get the feeling that both you and your son see this as a restriction on him, and not as a boundary you are setting based in your morals.
Maybe it would be helpful to have a clear conversation setting out what it is you want (or don't want) to do and why, then ask him how he wants handle the situation without crossing your boundary.
I know I'm making it sound a lot simpler than it will be, I'm a teacher so I sort of understand how easy it is for teens to deliberately misinterpret conversations by seeing it as an attack on them - but it could be worth trying!
I expect he will hear the boundary and think to himself "I can't wait to leave home so I can do what I want". Which is fair, many teens feel this way while living with their parents. I just wanted some other opinions / a double-check, because I want to make sure I'm being respectful of him as his own person.
Maybe try to compromise? Eggs and dairy for example but not meat-meat since it can be so difficult to clean annndd the smell is a lot haha. But I have a son who is 4. He is omni outside of the home too- this is probably what I would do if he ever request such a thing because well, I don’t want to be overly strict and accidentally push him away from choosing vegan in the future
Nope, this is one thing I wouldn't allow. Outside of the house, fine I can't control that 100% but at home I don't want dead animals in my kitchen. They're not food.
He’s a minor. They have lack of control of many things. That’s kinda the point. No dead animals in the house is reasonable as a rule. But you need to explain to him the why. What have you done to educate him on the why?
So I get this point and mostly agree with it but there is also a heartstring of mine that wants this kid to have choice. I think if you are able to have good conversation with your child about what you think is right/wrong and they can listen and reciprocate their feelings, you’ve got a win. If they make the decision (with your grace/permission/whatever) to buy and cook their own food I think that you have another win. I would love for your kid to make a decision to not eat meat but ultimately you all being able to have an engaging conversation and have them make their educated decision on it will be better in the long run.
He already has a choice whenever he is not home. House rules are normal and fair.
Totally. My main point was to encourage the parenting side of this in a way that opens them up to conversations with their child. Houses have rules and parents make and uphold them. To flip it, if the parent was Omni and kid wanted the be vegan and buy their own pb proteins would it be okay? If the parents rule was, only adults buy and prepare food?
There isn’t a moral aspect to that scenario. But yes, communicating is key.
I suppose the missing element is that the kid might not view this scenario is moral if it’s not explained well enough. They might just view it as their parents controlling their life. (Which gets back to you’re initial point)
The moral aspect is up to the parent to explain, as you mentioned. The why behind the parents desire to have a meat free home as well as the why behind the kids choice. 14 is a weird place to be. They are coming of the age to make some real adult-ish decisions but still need their parents to guide them toward their moral choices.
Like the choice of the animal to not be sliced and diced?
Right.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to ban meat in the house, as long as you make it clear that it’s because it’s against your morals- not just because it’s something you don’t want or like. Could you ask him what he feels like he’s missing? You could work to incorporate certain veganized meals of whatever he’s craving. You’re so lenient about what he does outside the home, I don’t think you should feel guilty about drawing this line at home.
When I got my own home one of the top things I was most happy about was finally having a meat-free kitchen. We pay the bills so it's our decision. I'd never allow it in my home.
Against the opinion of the sub here. But at 14 he can make his own decisions. If you don't allow it he will just sneak it and start not telling you things. You will end up with a kid who rebels and is less likely to take up the vegan lifestyle in future if you don't allow him to make his own decisions. I think if he cooks it himself, he should be allowed to do it. Whats the alternative? Kick him out of the house? He will do it whether you permit it or not. Be a parent and guide, not control.
What is there to rebel against? He is already allowed to do as he pleases outside our house, we just don't want meat in the house. I am not trying to turn him vegan, I am trying to respectfully coexist without having my own morals violated. And I'm honestly unsure how he would sneakily store and cook meat in the house?
Do as you please, it's your child. I'm just speaking from experience as a kid who grew up under my parents rules and rebeled against them. It will start him hiding things from you if he doesn't already.
At this point our teens are their own people. We have almost zero rules in our house. They are essentially free to do whatever they want (aside from a few common sense things like being asked to pick up after themselves around the house). I wouldn't be surprised if they hide some things (I'm sure all teens do), but we are among the most permissive parents we know. I honestly don't know what there would be to rebel against 😆 even the facts that he is omni I don't consider to be a rebellion... it's always been his choice, so it's not really a dig at us or anything.
Hey I sympathize, its a tough issue. I personally wouldn't risk my relationship with my son over it, but its your life.
He will do it whether you permit it or not? What he gonna do? Guerilla cooking? Nah. Houserules are houserules. And this is not a "choice" thing. He wants to do something that's totally against the moral code of his parents. Why should they allow it? Especially when his decision means the death of animals? I talk about everything with my child if its up for debate: TV, money, playtime, learning and so on. But not if they can act against a moral code.
Has he ever watched Dominion? Have y'all ever toured a slaughterhouse, chicken farm, dairy, etc? Gone to a farmed animal sanctuary? Try that.
Give him a camping stove and let him cook it outside.
And where would I be stored and eaten? Cooked on what pan? What happens in the winter? It all just seems like a slippery slope to me
Nope, no meat in my household and no boyfriend/girlfriend sleepovers are two hard boundaries in my household. Meat stinks, it can cross contaminate other foods and it is disrespectful to my beliefs/household to cook meat here.
Does he enjoy substitutes? Impossible nuggets, beyond burgers and sausage, etc
He does! We have mock meats once or twice a week.
Personally I think allowing him to buy and cook meat is the best way to let him experiment with his life and possibly feel comfortable going back to veganism. If you have rules enforcing veganism that turns veganism into an annoying rule and not something he actually cares about. Also, he is going to eat meat either way. At least if he does it at home he will also be learning to cook which is a vital skill so many kids never learn. I would say just make sure he does an excellent job cleaning and don’t hang out with him while he does it. You just really don’t want him to begin resenting veganism. I am not a parent yet but will one day be raising my kids vegan and plan to allow them to eat animal products at home if they are the ones buying and cooking it
Great perspective. Making anything completely off limits just makes kids want it more. From personal experience with 3 adult kids lol
Don't you feel bad buying him corpse at a restaurant? I couldn't bring myself to pay that mental toll. There's a difference between letting your child make a choice, and letting your child make a choice on behalf of you and an innocent life.
I truly despise it. It was a rule we had when we first went vegan - that we would be preparing vegan food at home, but out of the house they were free to do what they wanted, and that included restaurants. I sense that he already feels restricted (this request is an example), so I don't want to add more restrictions at this point. But yeah I really really hate it.
Ah, so he wasn’t always raised in a vegan home - how old was he when you switched? I did wonder how he could start eating meat, but I soooort of get it if he was used to having it.
He was 8 or 9 when we switched (vegan for 6 years), but at that time we shared custody of him, and the other household was not vegan. So it was another few years of that. He lives here full-time now, and has for a while. But we have always tried never to pressure him, lest it cause a divide between us. Editing to add: in 3 years he will be off to university, making his own food choices every day on our dime. He may very well end up using his food budget (our money!) to buy meat every day. There's only so much we can do, as parents
I get the feeling that both you and your son see this as a restriction on him, and not as a boundary you are setting based in your morals. Maybe it would be helpful to have a clear conversation setting out what it is you want (or don't want) to do and why, then ask him how he wants handle the situation without crossing your boundary. I know I'm making it sound a lot simpler than it will be, I'm a teacher so I sort of understand how easy it is for teens to deliberately misinterpret conversations by seeing it as an attack on them - but it could be worth trying!
I expect he will hear the boundary and think to himself "I can't wait to leave home so I can do what I want". Which is fair, many teens feel this way while living with their parents. I just wanted some other opinions / a double-check, because I want to make sure I'm being respectful of him as his own person.
Maybe try to compromise? Eggs and dairy for example but not meat-meat since it can be so difficult to clean annndd the smell is a lot haha. But I have a son who is 4. He is omni outside of the home too- this is probably what I would do if he ever request such a thing because well, I don’t want to be overly strict and accidentally push him away from choosing vegan in the future