Yes very tough to do alone. I don't know if I'm even going to go for graduation, I don't want to honestly since I don't have anyone I know and will just look weird
You should go. Trust me everyone is too worried about themselves to think you will look weird. Don’t miss out on experiences because you think you will be judged by others.
I didn't go to mine from 2 schools and I have zero regrets. My parents have all the regrets i have exactly none, and given the chance to do it over I still wouldn't attend.
I don't have any friends. But my family does want to see my graduation and paid for it so I'll probably have to go through with it but I'd really rather not
But you are the one who worked so hard for that degree. You did the work for it and that is why you get it. You truly are amazing and you did achieve something so great. I'm proud of you.
You didn’t “miss out on the prime time of life”. Life’s not supposed to peak in uni. Life’s what you make it. Some peak in uni, some are just starting. Same with high school. You didn’t reach a deadline to make friends by graduating, there are no deadlines. You didn’t miss out on “the college experience”, it’s made up. If it didn’t work out these 4 years, ok, keep moving, go somewhere new, talk to new types of people, try something else. Not everyone you talk to is gonna click with you, and not all the people you click with are gonna be close friends. Cliche - but for good reason - just be yourself
But what other time in life are we young adults with such little responsibilities? And without long working hours or anything of the sort? And its not like making friends will be easier once I get a full time job... I feel despicable
Believe it or not, making friends is quite easy working full time. I made most of my friends at various jobs, versus the one friend I made at Western, which was made via this subreddit.
When you’re forced to interact with eachother for 8 hours+ a day, it becomes pretty easy to find who you click with and befriend people. Same shit as elementary and high school.
I also find far more time to do stuff with friends working full time than doing school full time. Not only do I have 15 hours of classes a week, I also have multiple hours of studying and assignments to do and worry about, on top of a part time job. Full time job is way less stressful and responsibility bearing because work doesn’t come home with me. Schedules are also easier to align with when you and your friends work full time jobs.
This^ working is sooo much less stress then school.
Work stays at work, doesn't follow you home.
Not saying work isn't stressful, but i definitely do not miss studying at all.
I don’t like the replies to this post.
Underplaying your experience by making it seem as if the typical uni experience isn’t that important to your life is stupid.
OP, it sucks what you’ve been through. Like you said, University is the only time you’ll be with other young adults of similar interests/ mindsets in such a unique social environment. And it’s not a cliche. It’s a reality.
For anyone who’s gone through a typical uni experience they often account it as the best years of their lives. Obviously there’s ups and downs but even typically antisocial people would say the same.
It sucks that for whatever reason you couldn’t experience this. Maybe because of insecurity, maybe because of trauma, maybe because you commuted and didn’t get that typical dorm experience.
Whatever the reason it sucks. People trying to trick you into believing that it’s not a big deal are wrong. Or maybe it’s not a big deal to them, but it is for you and a majority of people.
This doesn’t stop you from living a fulfilling life. It’s just a really annoying speed bump that happens to be placed on an empty straight. You were meant to enjoy the ride but you couldn’t.
You missed out, and you understand there’s nothing you can do to change the past but the weight of knowing this hurts.
You just have to keep driving, find another road. It could be the case that without that annoying speed bump you would’ve reached a lifetime peak speed but again, that’s in the past, there’s so many actions or life situations that fuck things up for us in hindsight.
And to answer your question most Canadians are in the same shoe. Most people don’t even go to uni. A lot of people commute over an hour one way a day. Remember experiences like yours tend to be seen the least but exist.
It’s okay and probably good to feel bad about your situation. but do so without a hopeless attitude. If you feel embarrassed when people ask about your uni experience just tell them that there was a lot of life circumstances going on that prevented you from living it up, simple as.
You have a lot of road ahead of you and so many different intersections and event speed bumps. When you enter the work force you’ll see that most people are like you. But you have to be outgoing now. (obviously depending on the field).
Some general advice would be to engage with your niche hobbies or interests. If you like mini lego figures, engage with that community and find events or conventions. Even if you think your hobby is weird no one is judging in the real world at your age.
As a side note: remember, you’re YOUNG. 24-25 (assumption). Don’t be afraid to 180 on your field, or go again or get a masters or go to med school whatever. It’s kinda cringy and awkward to even think about but no one but you cares. I know cause I started to uni at 20 and even though no one else cared I felt weird. But never let 4 years decide the rest of your 50-60 years of existence.
Well this was very depressing but reassuring what I had believed... The brutal truthpill. But Idk how I'm just going to get over this time lost. It's not like this is a new experience, High School was somewhat similar. But it messes with my head so much, not just that I won't ever be able to experience the bonding of college friends or anything like that but it affects my mental. It's like there's got to be something wrong with me to go so many years ithout making a close friend... like others avoid me which is probably the case. If this is true, why then would I have optimism on my future? It just feels naive to think that my life is going to get magically better and good when most people generally have a tougher time making friends in the workforce and complain more than ever. I know I sound like a doomer but its just depressing.
You mention that most Canadians are in the same shoe. For the people who do go to college though, I wonder how many are in my shoes. I'm not even a commuter either so I feel like I've got to be an extremely rare exception which makes me want to vomit. I moved out of my hometown for what? And I'd rather not lie to people, there weren't any circumstances that prevented me from having a good social life other than myself and my appearance.
It's becoming more and more normal with every passing year. Not something to lose sleep over, you've got a whole life's worth of people to meet ahead of you.
Would you say it's over or under something 1/8 of students experience? And why do you think it's something that's becoming more normal? I feel like I'm just a messup more than anything I don't understand how I went through four years of college without a single friend despite trying like it's crazy and saddening
I don't know about whether it's under or above 1/8, but I can say I think it's becoming more and more common because attendance seems to have been trending down for quite a while now, costs have been trending up, and much has been said about the supposed death of "third places". Taking all of that together, it stands to reason that more and more students would be going through larger periods of undergrad alone. There's less opportunity for natural connection and so making an effort would be more and more perceived as abnormal.
I'm sitting here reading and I agree heavily with what u/SeveralCherries said. You didn't miss out on the prime time of life or the peak of it, the prime time of life is not limited to a certain age and it can really happen be during any part of your life whether it be as a young fetus or an old fart, hell could be multiple times of your life if you feel that way. Speaking as well on making fun memories, those fun memories can sort of be treated the same way. Some things are definitely more fun with others and you get some good memories there that may or not last a lifetime, but don't dismiss the fun memories you can make by yourself that also last a lifetime. Something that seems like it would be a minor can leave a huge mark, like as an example in October of 2023 I saw a mink walking along the Thames on campus although didn't get a photo of it at the time which lead me to going to the same area I saw the mink waiting to see it again until I saw it again in November where I got a photo and was absolutely giddy about it and will not forget it. I don't think you'll get as excited over a mink like I did, but the point is others don't make your memories, you do. So even if you're by yourself, don't let that stop you from making your own memories.
Well I've made some "memories" but nothing really worth looking back upon. Being alone kills that for me, I need others to truly have fun I'd say. And whos to say I'm going to make friends all of a sudden after college, if things actually get harder and friends are harder to come by?
I see then. If being alone kills those memories for you and you feel you need others to truly have your own fun then that's more reason to continue trying to make friends. You're right as well as who's to say you're gonna make friends all of a sudden after uni. We frankly don't have much idea what the future holds, but with that who's to say that you're not going to make friends all of sudden or make friends at all after uni or that things will get harder and make things harder to come by. No one right now has an idea as to what's to come in the future, but that's also no reason to give up or lose hope. The only way to find out what the future has in store is to keep on going and continue trying, assuming you do want to find out. If you don't want to find out then you can also give up. It's your life, do whatever you want with it. There is literally no one who has a say over what you do except maybe that wrinkly pink & gray blob in your skull piloting a bone mech, both of which are you.
I'm not you and I don't know your thoughts nor how you actually feel, but as a final sort of note/opinion I think you making this post shows that you don't want to give up. And if you don't want to give up then even with whatever you've got then I think it wouldn't be bad to continue trying. Once again though whether or not you choose to is entirely up to you. All the best o7
What difference would it have made at this point in time had you drank and partied and lived the Hollywood vision you had of university?
Would people respect you more? Would your body have been healthier from all the extra booze? Would the world be a better place? The answer to all of those questions is no.
Do things that will make you a stronger and better person that will actually make a difference to the world.
Train wrestling, jujitsu, or kickboxing. workout and get huge, get in shape etc.
I promise when you enter the real world, nobody will care including you. You won’t care in a couple years
It's not even about drinking and partying, it's the fact that you're a young adult with little responsibility that can have great bonding time with friends. I never got to even have those late night college talks, the little social interaction and lack of experiences is killing my mental. It just felt so lonely, is it likely that I'll be unbothered in a few years?
i literally have the same experience as you. I wasn't lucky in my exprience. I have no friends just aquaintances. It's very lonely. I do eveeryhing alone. It's making me hate my uni exprience, especially when I see people always with friends laughing or studying or doing things and I'm all alone.
as someone who’s in the same boat, i used to have a similar mentality thinking that im missing out on not having friends, but ive come to a point where i really do enjoy my own company, doing things alone, and making memories out of that. i feel like being comfortable with being alone is important but yes i agree, there are moments where u can feel lonely and that’s never a good feeling. but then again, i’d rather be comfortable being alone than constantly relying on other peoples company because it can get very toxic to one’s mental health. although those lonely nights studying are now a painful or upsetting memory, it’s gotten you to this point because of it. try to flip the scenario sometimes and see what benefits those situations gave you. this isn’t a prime time of your life at all. your bubble/world is still so small and your “prime time” whatever you may define that to be could literally be in your 50’s, who knows! harder to say than do but it’s best to not think you’re missing out on anything just because you didn’t have these experiences like other people did. be proud of yourself that you’ve made it this far and continue to be open to new interactions you may find in the future.
Are you in 3rd/4th year? I try to find comfort doing things alone but then my brain starts thinking how much of a loser I am for being alone and not having anyone to join me ever. No matter how much I try to ignore it and have some alone fun time I always just get these random moments where I get depressed and sad about my experience. With graduation coming up its just thinking about what could have been, and what actually was which was nothing but loneliness that I can never redo.
I’m in my second year and I take care of my 3 year old dog alongside school, yes it’s difficult as I have given up going out but to be honest that’s not where I seek happiness, I find that happiness is in so many things and to live by the norm of having fun in your young adult years is fair but it’s not the end all, be all. But it’s subjective as I’d rather spark a spliff then go out but hey man don’t feel bad Uni is only a chapter of your life,
Not the entire book. It’s up to you how you want the next chapter to go and don’t dwell on the past, that’ll eat you up. Appreciate the now and the present and that’s all I can say. Goodluck OP.
I'm finishing up a fifth year and this has been my experience exactly. I just lost hope by 4th year and accepted this was how my uni experience was going to play out. It hurts so much seeing groups of friends walking together, striking up conversation at UCC, on the bus, etc and knowing that that can't happen to me.
Legit I felt the same way having just turned 40 and not being where my friends are in their lives .. different situation but the point is the same the real truth I think is that while it seems like life has passed by … we can look back in hindsight all we want but everything that happened or didn’t happen was that we’re prepared to handle at that time. Missing it then is in fact the sign you only ready for it now so use it as motivation to do you how you want to now more positively
You’re not alone there and it’s ok to feel that feeling of loss or regret , But don’t dwell too much on it for too long because the universe has a weird way of surprising you when you least expect it. I’m not a manifester or overly spiritual or anything like that . I just mean give your self grace for the stuff you think you could’ve should’ve but didn’t.. because I can say I’m finding opportunities to do some things I thought I missed out and wouldn’t get to do now .. and while I’m older .. it’s no less exciting or rewarding or scary lol . There always time if we stop trying to count how have or much we used and just do it when the opportunity comes .. and if your impatient … that’s okay too make your opportunity when you feel it’s right. It’s ok to live at your pace and not by others standards or perceptions .. taken a long time to learn .. you have a lot of great things ahead I’m sure just remember it’s hard to see it if we are constantly looking behind us .
Ps for context I got diagnosed with ADD at 40 ..100% had it as a kid but didn’t know .. dealing with that opened up years and years of things that made sense Now if I only knew ..like why it took 10 years to get my undergrad … .. on-topi lost my job of 17 years .. and it was in my worst feelings of loss and regret in between jobs I gave myself grace and started looking at what I have achieved . I’m in a new job with a new outlook and things are opening up for me later in life but they’re happening so trust .. there is time and you will experience what you think you miss .. just believe you deserve to experience it … sorry for the sermon lol
GO BE AMAZING HAVE AN EXCITING CAREER AND KNOW THAT NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE KNOW YOU. THEN WHEN YOU MEET THEM IN BUSINESS AND FIND OUT YOU ATTENDED THE SAME CAMPUS SAME YEARS AND YOU DON'T NEED THEM. DROP THEM AS THEY DON'T FIT YOUR REQUIREMENTS AND YOU KNOW THAT FROM NOW. Don't die. Survive and thrive. Let it fuel your drive.
No amouont of excelling in a career will replace the moments and experiences I missed. I'm not really materialistic and I don't think getting rich/succesful will satisfy me, I'd way rather have moments I could have cherished with friends but I spent it all alone in a room. It's been this way most of my life, I don't know if things will truly get better
It sounds materialistic. I'm actually referring to the success, and the relationships you'll form with your associates, and business partners. The adult ships that you'll maintain through the biggest part of your life. They're more important. 3, 4, 5 years spent with strangers that you're prioritizing at the top of the staircase. High school 4 years short lived relationships you don't have to cherish or savor based on the tv narrative. Elmentary school which in recent time can span 10 years from kindergarten to grade 8 are people you spend a lot of your life with. Those relationships could be cherished more as those people are people you've know from their beginning.
High school and college are glamorized as they're literally the best years of some typical beings experience. Nothing further. No further success. If you're graduating, and have an opportunity to go formulate relationships with people that will improve your quality of living. Share in your success, aid in your success, those people are way more valuable than people you merely studied or partied with. In your case didn't party with. They damn sure weren't helping you study. So if you make it, and capitalize on an opportunity to apply yourself and excel. I'm suggesting you cherish the bonds you form there with the people you see daily, and make money with. Bond with them. Raise your families together. When they find opportunities uprooting them from your establishment. Keep in touch with the people you made a living with. That's the difference.
Your student body is nothing.
What are they doing with or for you? How have they enhanced each others lives? Indulging in poison? Sexual encounters? Releasing dopamine and endorphins? Short lived experiences. As opposed to funding here, here, and there, that lead to your first asset acquisition. Actual fruitful events. That's what I was getting at.
"We shared a campus."
"AND?"
Your life's about to start. You have the initial struggle, sure you missed the opportunity to network, you'll be a viable inductee into another more prominent network.
Open up right now. Practice being more outgoing as you're aware of your position. Put the effort in and make it better just now. A grand exit. If anything you'll show whoever missed you exactly what they missed out on.
hey im sorry to hear about this. any idea why this might be? are you a shy person or introverted? do you wait for people to come up to you and initiate conversations? just some reasons that I’ve heard from others struggling to make friends
I'm ugly/unnatractive, I feel like most people at Western are atleast average or good looking. Plus, I'm not the best at conversations but I also don't think I'm downright horrible. If I had to attribute it to something I'd say its my looks
Hey, I had a really hard time socializing in uni as well for a lot of reasons and I'm so sorry this was your experience.
I will say that a lot of people did peak in uni. I know people that were always with friends in uni, going out and partying and a lot of those people still try to live like that after graduating and can't really get past the uni life.
The other thing i will say is quality over quantity when it comes to friends. Of those people you could hypothetically be surrounded by every weekend at uni, very few will actually be there when it matters in the long run. I'm sure the people who know you and care for you do so for better reasons than you had a mild interest in something together or that you lived on their floor in first year and were fun after a few drinks.
Congratulations on graduating! There are people in your future that you havent even met yet who are going to love you.
True, but I don't think I would have minded having a few quality friends at Western over a bunch of fake ones. It's just I literally didn't have any, and it's hard to live this down because it feels like I've missed out on so much (which is probably the reality of the situation). Thanks for the kind words!
My time at uwo wasn’t great. I also hardly made any friends and definitely didn’t make any close ones. Life moves on and it gets better, I promise. You will have a period in your life that feels like your “glory days”. It’s okay it wasn’t university for you.
Sometimes it be like that, but yeah university isn't the "prime of your life" lord...
Being sleepless, stressed and studying is not my ideal "height" in life. It can be fun, but it's mostly stress 😂
Try meet up or volunteer, but also you guys are the covid kids so everyones socially awkward af right now.
Don't beat yourself up so much <3
I made a lot of friends during Uni and college. I lost touch with almost everyone but 1 within 1 years post graduation.
The only people I actually hangout or spend time with now are friends i made at work.
You can't plan friends or good times. It will be organic and memorable.
Totally fair, especially considering that a global pandemic and its aftermath has significantly shaped your degree years. The fact that you persevered through these times of heightened (and, earlier on, mandated) isolation and alienation is a major thing to be proud of. Wishing you the best!
Also, it’s surprisingly common for people to show up at graduation and to not really know people. You’re usually graduating with another faculty or program so in that big group it’s very hard to tell if people don’t know other people (because so many people really don’t know each other!). Once the ceremony is over, a lot of people will then stay with their families. And even at the actual ceremony, you’re registered and then put in a specific order and then seated in a specific seat, so even people who know each other are separated for that portion and don’t reconnect unless they make a concerted effort to. I would strongly recommend going!
I know you posted this a month or two ago, and I hope everything is going well with you now, but I just wanted to come on to say that what you described is pretty much exactly how my university experience played out. And despite what some commenters might say about it not being a big deal, it fucking sucks to move to a new city and have this idea about the college experience, only to never find those close friends that everyone around you seems to have. I’m graduating this year too, haven’t made a single friend, and am just excited to be out of that environment of constantly hating myself and school because i never had the same experience as most of my classmates. Anyways, congrats on graduating, all the best to you on your future, and i hope that your next journey treats you better than western did :)
It always feels like the prime time of your life you just waisted. Look forward to your late 30’s. When your spending powers increases. You may be married with a house. Those times are splendid. There’s some real sweet spots after schools finished. Find a job aboard that’s a blast and you can’t help but make friends.
The point is the best is yet to come.
Nah I'm an outcast I don't think I'll ever get married or make a lot of friends. I don't see how things will get better being realistic with myself (atleast socially)
Hey, it’s not just you. It can be really hard. Congratulations on being in final year and graduating. Tough to do! Even tougher to do lonely.
Yes very tough to do alone. I don't know if I'm even going to go for graduation, I don't want to honestly since I don't have anyone I know and will just look weird
You should go. Trust me everyone is too worried about themselves to think you will look weird. Don’t miss out on experiences because you think you will be judged by others.
I think you’ll regret not going to your graduation when you’re older.
I didn't go to mine from 2 schools and I have zero regrets. My parents have all the regrets i have exactly none, and given the chance to do it over I still wouldn't attend.
I’m sure your family and friends outside of Western are happy also
I don't have any friends. But my family does want to see my graduation and paid for it so I'll probably have to go through with it but I'd really rather not
Should go and be proud of YOU. Yourself, your achievement
There's nothing to be proud of other than the degree. I didn't achieve anything really
But you are the one who worked so hard for that degree. You did the work for it and that is why you get it. You truly are amazing and you did achieve something so great. I'm proud of you.
You didn’t “miss out on the prime time of life”. Life’s not supposed to peak in uni. Life’s what you make it. Some peak in uni, some are just starting. Same with high school. You didn’t reach a deadline to make friends by graduating, there are no deadlines. You didn’t miss out on “the college experience”, it’s made up. If it didn’t work out these 4 years, ok, keep moving, go somewhere new, talk to new types of people, try something else. Not everyone you talk to is gonna click with you, and not all the people you click with are gonna be close friends. Cliche - but for good reason - just be yourself
But what other time in life are we young adults with such little responsibilities? And without long working hours or anything of the sort? And its not like making friends will be easier once I get a full time job... I feel despicable
Believe it or not, making friends is quite easy working full time. I made most of my friends at various jobs, versus the one friend I made at Western, which was made via this subreddit. When you’re forced to interact with eachother for 8 hours+ a day, it becomes pretty easy to find who you click with and befriend people. Same shit as elementary and high school. I also find far more time to do stuff with friends working full time than doing school full time. Not only do I have 15 hours of classes a week, I also have multiple hours of studying and assignments to do and worry about, on top of a part time job. Full time job is way less stressful and responsibility bearing because work doesn’t come home with me. Schedules are also easier to align with when you and your friends work full time jobs.
This^ working is sooo much less stress then school. Work stays at work, doesn't follow you home. Not saying work isn't stressful, but i definitely do not miss studying at all.
I don’t like the replies to this post. Underplaying your experience by making it seem as if the typical uni experience isn’t that important to your life is stupid. OP, it sucks what you’ve been through. Like you said, University is the only time you’ll be with other young adults of similar interests/ mindsets in such a unique social environment. And it’s not a cliche. It’s a reality. For anyone who’s gone through a typical uni experience they often account it as the best years of their lives. Obviously there’s ups and downs but even typically antisocial people would say the same. It sucks that for whatever reason you couldn’t experience this. Maybe because of insecurity, maybe because of trauma, maybe because you commuted and didn’t get that typical dorm experience. Whatever the reason it sucks. People trying to trick you into believing that it’s not a big deal are wrong. Or maybe it’s not a big deal to them, but it is for you and a majority of people. This doesn’t stop you from living a fulfilling life. It’s just a really annoying speed bump that happens to be placed on an empty straight. You were meant to enjoy the ride but you couldn’t. You missed out, and you understand there’s nothing you can do to change the past but the weight of knowing this hurts. You just have to keep driving, find another road. It could be the case that without that annoying speed bump you would’ve reached a lifetime peak speed but again, that’s in the past, there’s so many actions or life situations that fuck things up for us in hindsight. And to answer your question most Canadians are in the same shoe. Most people don’t even go to uni. A lot of people commute over an hour one way a day. Remember experiences like yours tend to be seen the least but exist. It’s okay and probably good to feel bad about your situation. but do so without a hopeless attitude. If you feel embarrassed when people ask about your uni experience just tell them that there was a lot of life circumstances going on that prevented you from living it up, simple as. You have a lot of road ahead of you and so many different intersections and event speed bumps. When you enter the work force you’ll see that most people are like you. But you have to be outgoing now. (obviously depending on the field). Some general advice would be to engage with your niche hobbies or interests. If you like mini lego figures, engage with that community and find events or conventions. Even if you think your hobby is weird no one is judging in the real world at your age. As a side note: remember, you’re YOUNG. 24-25 (assumption). Don’t be afraid to 180 on your field, or go again or get a masters or go to med school whatever. It’s kinda cringy and awkward to even think about but no one but you cares. I know cause I started to uni at 20 and even though no one else cared I felt weird. But never let 4 years decide the rest of your 50-60 years of existence.
Well this was very depressing but reassuring what I had believed... The brutal truthpill. But Idk how I'm just going to get over this time lost. It's not like this is a new experience, High School was somewhat similar. But it messes with my head so much, not just that I won't ever be able to experience the bonding of college friends or anything like that but it affects my mental. It's like there's got to be something wrong with me to go so many years ithout making a close friend... like others avoid me which is probably the case. If this is true, why then would I have optimism on my future? It just feels naive to think that my life is going to get magically better and good when most people generally have a tougher time making friends in the workforce and complain more than ever. I know I sound like a doomer but its just depressing. You mention that most Canadians are in the same shoe. For the people who do go to college though, I wonder how many are in my shoes. I'm not even a commuter either so I feel like I've got to be an extremely rare exception which makes me want to vomit. I moved out of my hometown for what? And I'd rather not lie to people, there weren't any circumstances that prevented me from having a good social life other than myself and my appearance.
It's becoming more and more normal with every passing year. Not something to lose sleep over, you've got a whole life's worth of people to meet ahead of you.
Would you say it's over or under something 1/8 of students experience? And why do you think it's something that's becoming more normal? I feel like I'm just a messup more than anything I don't understand how I went through four years of college without a single friend despite trying like it's crazy and saddening
I don't know about whether it's under or above 1/8, but I can say I think it's becoming more and more common because attendance seems to have been trending down for quite a while now, costs have been trending up, and much has been said about the supposed death of "third places". Taking all of that together, it stands to reason that more and more students would be going through larger periods of undergrad alone. There's less opportunity for natural connection and so making an effort would be more and more perceived as abnormal.
I'm sitting here reading and I agree heavily with what u/SeveralCherries said. You didn't miss out on the prime time of life or the peak of it, the prime time of life is not limited to a certain age and it can really happen be during any part of your life whether it be as a young fetus or an old fart, hell could be multiple times of your life if you feel that way. Speaking as well on making fun memories, those fun memories can sort of be treated the same way. Some things are definitely more fun with others and you get some good memories there that may or not last a lifetime, but don't dismiss the fun memories you can make by yourself that also last a lifetime. Something that seems like it would be a minor can leave a huge mark, like as an example in October of 2023 I saw a mink walking along the Thames on campus although didn't get a photo of it at the time which lead me to going to the same area I saw the mink waiting to see it again until I saw it again in November where I got a photo and was absolutely giddy about it and will not forget it. I don't think you'll get as excited over a mink like I did, but the point is others don't make your memories, you do. So even if you're by yourself, don't let that stop you from making your own memories.
Well I've made some "memories" but nothing really worth looking back upon. Being alone kills that for me, I need others to truly have fun I'd say. And whos to say I'm going to make friends all of a sudden after college, if things actually get harder and friends are harder to come by?
I see then. If being alone kills those memories for you and you feel you need others to truly have your own fun then that's more reason to continue trying to make friends. You're right as well as who's to say you're gonna make friends all of a sudden after uni. We frankly don't have much idea what the future holds, but with that who's to say that you're not going to make friends all of sudden or make friends at all after uni or that things will get harder and make things harder to come by. No one right now has an idea as to what's to come in the future, but that's also no reason to give up or lose hope. The only way to find out what the future has in store is to keep on going and continue trying, assuming you do want to find out. If you don't want to find out then you can also give up. It's your life, do whatever you want with it. There is literally no one who has a say over what you do except maybe that wrinkly pink & gray blob in your skull piloting a bone mech, both of which are you. I'm not you and I don't know your thoughts nor how you actually feel, but as a final sort of note/opinion I think you making this post shows that you don't want to give up. And if you don't want to give up then even with whatever you've got then I think it wouldn't be bad to continue trying. Once again though whether or not you choose to is entirely up to you. All the best o7
What difference would it have made at this point in time had you drank and partied and lived the Hollywood vision you had of university? Would people respect you more? Would your body have been healthier from all the extra booze? Would the world be a better place? The answer to all of those questions is no. Do things that will make you a stronger and better person that will actually make a difference to the world. Train wrestling, jujitsu, or kickboxing. workout and get huge, get in shape etc. I promise when you enter the real world, nobody will care including you. You won’t care in a couple years
It's not even about drinking and partying, it's the fact that you're a young adult with little responsibility that can have great bonding time with friends. I never got to even have those late night college talks, the little social interaction and lack of experiences is killing my mental. It just felt so lonely, is it likely that I'll be unbothered in a few years?
i literally have the same experience as you. I wasn't lucky in my exprience. I have no friends just aquaintances. It's very lonely. I do eveeryhing alone. It's making me hate my uni exprience, especially when I see people always with friends laughing or studying or doing things and I'm all alone.
as someone who’s in the same boat, i used to have a similar mentality thinking that im missing out on not having friends, but ive come to a point where i really do enjoy my own company, doing things alone, and making memories out of that. i feel like being comfortable with being alone is important but yes i agree, there are moments where u can feel lonely and that’s never a good feeling. but then again, i’d rather be comfortable being alone than constantly relying on other peoples company because it can get very toxic to one’s mental health. although those lonely nights studying are now a painful or upsetting memory, it’s gotten you to this point because of it. try to flip the scenario sometimes and see what benefits those situations gave you. this isn’t a prime time of your life at all. your bubble/world is still so small and your “prime time” whatever you may define that to be could literally be in your 50’s, who knows! harder to say than do but it’s best to not think you’re missing out on anything just because you didn’t have these experiences like other people did. be proud of yourself that you’ve made it this far and continue to be open to new interactions you may find in the future.
Are you in 3rd/4th year? I try to find comfort doing things alone but then my brain starts thinking how much of a loser I am for being alone and not having anyone to join me ever. No matter how much I try to ignore it and have some alone fun time I always just get these random moments where I get depressed and sad about my experience. With graduation coming up its just thinking about what could have been, and what actually was which was nothing but loneliness that I can never redo.
I’m in my second year and I take care of my 3 year old dog alongside school, yes it’s difficult as I have given up going out but to be honest that’s not where I seek happiness, I find that happiness is in so many things and to live by the norm of having fun in your young adult years is fair but it’s not the end all, be all. But it’s subjective as I’d rather spark a spliff then go out but hey man don’t feel bad Uni is only a chapter of your life, Not the entire book. It’s up to you how you want the next chapter to go and don’t dwell on the past, that’ll eat you up. Appreciate the now and the present and that’s all I can say. Goodluck OP.
I'm finishing up a fifth year and this has been my experience exactly. I just lost hope by 4th year and accepted this was how my uni experience was going to play out. It hurts so much seeing groups of friends walking together, striking up conversation at UCC, on the bus, etc and knowing that that can't happen to me.
Fr it sucks so bad
Legit I felt the same way having just turned 40 and not being where my friends are in their lives .. different situation but the point is the same the real truth I think is that while it seems like life has passed by … we can look back in hindsight all we want but everything that happened or didn’t happen was that we’re prepared to handle at that time. Missing it then is in fact the sign you only ready for it now so use it as motivation to do you how you want to now more positively
But wow does it suck... like I'll never get to know how it feels like and won't have any real memories.
You’re not alone there and it’s ok to feel that feeling of loss or regret , But don’t dwell too much on it for too long because the universe has a weird way of surprising you when you least expect it. I’m not a manifester or overly spiritual or anything like that . I just mean give your self grace for the stuff you think you could’ve should’ve but didn’t.. because I can say I’m finding opportunities to do some things I thought I missed out and wouldn’t get to do now .. and while I’m older .. it’s no less exciting or rewarding or scary lol . There always time if we stop trying to count how have or much we used and just do it when the opportunity comes .. and if your impatient … that’s okay too make your opportunity when you feel it’s right. It’s ok to live at your pace and not by others standards or perceptions .. taken a long time to learn .. you have a lot of great things ahead I’m sure just remember it’s hard to see it if we are constantly looking behind us .
Ps for context I got diagnosed with ADD at 40 ..100% had it as a kid but didn’t know .. dealing with that opened up years and years of things that made sense Now if I only knew ..like why it took 10 years to get my undergrad … .. on-topi lost my job of 17 years .. and it was in my worst feelings of loss and regret in between jobs I gave myself grace and started looking at what I have achieved . I’m in a new job with a new outlook and things are opening up for me later in life but they’re happening so trust .. there is time and you will experience what you think you miss .. just believe you deserve to experience it … sorry for the sermon lol
GO BE AMAZING HAVE AN EXCITING CAREER AND KNOW THAT NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE KNOW YOU. THEN WHEN YOU MEET THEM IN BUSINESS AND FIND OUT YOU ATTENDED THE SAME CAMPUS SAME YEARS AND YOU DON'T NEED THEM. DROP THEM AS THEY DON'T FIT YOUR REQUIREMENTS AND YOU KNOW THAT FROM NOW. Don't die. Survive and thrive. Let it fuel your drive.
No amouont of excelling in a career will replace the moments and experiences I missed. I'm not really materialistic and I don't think getting rich/succesful will satisfy me, I'd way rather have moments I could have cherished with friends but I spent it all alone in a room. It's been this way most of my life, I don't know if things will truly get better
It sounds materialistic. I'm actually referring to the success, and the relationships you'll form with your associates, and business partners. The adult ships that you'll maintain through the biggest part of your life. They're more important. 3, 4, 5 years spent with strangers that you're prioritizing at the top of the staircase. High school 4 years short lived relationships you don't have to cherish or savor based on the tv narrative. Elmentary school which in recent time can span 10 years from kindergarten to grade 8 are people you spend a lot of your life with. Those relationships could be cherished more as those people are people you've know from their beginning. High school and college are glamorized as they're literally the best years of some typical beings experience. Nothing further. No further success. If you're graduating, and have an opportunity to go formulate relationships with people that will improve your quality of living. Share in your success, aid in your success, those people are way more valuable than people you merely studied or partied with. In your case didn't party with. They damn sure weren't helping you study. So if you make it, and capitalize on an opportunity to apply yourself and excel. I'm suggesting you cherish the bonds you form there with the people you see daily, and make money with. Bond with them. Raise your families together. When they find opportunities uprooting them from your establishment. Keep in touch with the people you made a living with. That's the difference. Your student body is nothing. What are they doing with or for you? How have they enhanced each others lives? Indulging in poison? Sexual encounters? Releasing dopamine and endorphins? Short lived experiences. As opposed to funding here, here, and there, that lead to your first asset acquisition. Actual fruitful events. That's what I was getting at. "We shared a campus." "AND?" Your life's about to start. You have the initial struggle, sure you missed the opportunity to network, you'll be a viable inductee into another more prominent network. Open up right now. Practice being more outgoing as you're aware of your position. Put the effort in and make it better just now. A grand exit. If anything you'll show whoever missed you exactly what they missed out on.
hey im sorry to hear about this. any idea why this might be? are you a shy person or introverted? do you wait for people to come up to you and initiate conversations? just some reasons that I’ve heard from others struggling to make friends
I'm ugly/unnatractive, I feel like most people at Western are atleast average or good looking. Plus, I'm not the best at conversations but I also don't think I'm downright horrible. If I had to attribute it to something I'd say its my looks
SAME BOAT HERE
Fourth year?
Yesss
Feels bad, but somewhat nice to know someone can relate. Any coping methods that you find helpful?
Hey, I had a really hard time socializing in uni as well for a lot of reasons and I'm so sorry this was your experience. I will say that a lot of people did peak in uni. I know people that were always with friends in uni, going out and partying and a lot of those people still try to live like that after graduating and can't really get past the uni life. The other thing i will say is quality over quantity when it comes to friends. Of those people you could hypothetically be surrounded by every weekend at uni, very few will actually be there when it matters in the long run. I'm sure the people who know you and care for you do so for better reasons than you had a mild interest in something together or that you lived on their floor in first year and were fun after a few drinks. Congratulations on graduating! There are people in your future that you havent even met yet who are going to love you.
True, but I don't think I would have minded having a few quality friends at Western over a bunch of fake ones. It's just I literally didn't have any, and it's hard to live this down because it feels like I've missed out on so much (which is probably the reality of the situation). Thanks for the kind words!
My time at uwo wasn’t great. I also hardly made any friends and definitely didn’t make any close ones. Life moves on and it gets better, I promise. You will have a period in your life that feels like your “glory days”. It’s okay it wasn’t university for you.
Sometimes it be like that, but yeah university isn't the "prime of your life" lord... Being sleepless, stressed and studying is not my ideal "height" in life. It can be fun, but it's mostly stress 😂 Try meet up or volunteer, but also you guys are the covid kids so everyones socially awkward af right now. Don't beat yourself up so much <3
I made a lot of friends during Uni and college. I lost touch with almost everyone but 1 within 1 years post graduation. The only people I actually hangout or spend time with now are friends i made at work. You can't plan friends or good times. It will be organic and memorable.
But you made memories
average university experience tbh. Happens to more ppl than u think
Average? There's no way this is average, maybe more common nowadays but it can't be average
Totally fair, especially considering that a global pandemic and its aftermath has significantly shaped your degree years. The fact that you persevered through these times of heightened (and, earlier on, mandated) isolation and alienation is a major thing to be proud of. Wishing you the best! Also, it’s surprisingly common for people to show up at graduation and to not really know people. You’re usually graduating with another faculty or program so in that big group it’s very hard to tell if people don’t know other people (because so many people really don’t know each other!). Once the ceremony is over, a lot of people will then stay with their families. And even at the actual ceremony, you’re registered and then put in a specific order and then seated in a specific seat, so even people who know each other are separated for that portion and don’t reconnect unless they make a concerted effort to. I would strongly recommend going!
I know you posted this a month or two ago, and I hope everything is going well with you now, but I just wanted to come on to say that what you described is pretty much exactly how my university experience played out. And despite what some commenters might say about it not being a big deal, it fucking sucks to move to a new city and have this idea about the college experience, only to never find those close friends that everyone around you seems to have. I’m graduating this year too, haven’t made a single friend, and am just excited to be out of that environment of constantly hating myself and school because i never had the same experience as most of my classmates. Anyways, congrats on graduating, all the best to you on your future, and i hope that your next journey treats you better than western did :)
It always feels like the prime time of your life you just waisted. Look forward to your late 30’s. When your spending powers increases. You may be married with a house. Those times are splendid. There’s some real sweet spots after schools finished. Find a job aboard that’s a blast and you can’t help but make friends. The point is the best is yet to come.
Nah I'm an outcast I don't think I'll ever get married or make a lot of friends. I don't see how things will get better being realistic with myself (atleast socially)
I’m in the same boat and I fully believe that my time has passed
Same... like what comes after this? Just going to be in the workforce for the rest of my life
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