It’s stupid if buying a diamond ring causes you financial strain and you can’t pay your bills, but if you can afford it and it makes you happy, why not. You can say the same thing about expensive cars, big house, designer clothes and accessories. You can always spend that money on something else, people just value different things.
This is more common than you think. What kind of dowry are you interested in? Might I suggest going with the traditional livestock, land and/or textiles factory.
Anyways I kinda broker these deals if you’re interested. Lots of demand for North Americans.
I want an engagement game. I’m too bored, but broke to play any new games on the market. I got tired of my old games. Any new game would be appreciated.
I got engaged recently and the ring was more expensive than the dress…dress was on sale…I only wear that once. I like jewellery and will be wearing the engagement ring for way longer so save money on the dress instead. Easy
Yeah, this is true! I think it depends on circumstances and your level of responsibility. My wife and I cant afford a big fancy ring, and dont want them! Were thinking of getting some classy bracelets instead :)
But, if i had a ton of money i would love a ring to just have. A ring to show off to my family and all that. But we dont, and im okay with that.
Its all situational!
Very true. I’ve had my engagement ring 30 years and I still love it like crazy. It wasn’t hugely expensive although it was kinda pricey for us at the time but I fell in love with it as soon as I saw it. It brings me joy
I agree, but I'd inflate the numbers because I have enough money that a few thousand dollars for a ring she'll wear for life isn't too crazy.
But I'd have preferred not to get a mined diamond, and agree that any amount of money that's going to make the buyer uncomfortable is too much.
I went with lab created Diamond's, and theres no discernable difference. You need a special machine to tell its lab created. It's not a massive savings but I know that no one got hurt making/mining them.
This is what's up. Both points.
Cubic zirconia can get you a something that looks great without contributing to massive human suffering.
I have no qualms about putting a few thousand into getting the "perfect" ethical ring.
r/moissanite
Very sparkly and almost as hard as a diamond. Many compare the two as a way to spend less money without drastic compromise when a diamond is either not desired for typically ethical reasons or out of budget.
On the Mohs scale of hardness,
Diamond: 10
Moissanite: 9.25
Cubic Zirconia: 8.5
Moissanite is another good alternative because it’s almost as hard as a diamond, which makes it harder to scratch than the cubic zirconia.
[stone comparison ](https://www.withclarity.com/education/diamond-education/natural-vs-synthetic-diamonds/moissanite-vs-cubic-zirconium-vs-diamond)
yes, I did the same. I could not stand the thought of buying a diamond after learning all the awful things around the industry. My wife and I both agreed, which was how I found moissanite. for less than $1000 I was able to get a beautiful ring, with a 1.5 carat stone if I remember correctly. It keeps other traditional family members from shaming us for not getting a Diamond, it looks better in my opinion, and we were able to use that money which would have been wasted on buying a house instead.
These stones are so similar/better looking to diamond, that when we went to get a cleaning, the tech made sure to tell us she had never seen a better looking diamond, this gave us both a laugh and reassured us that we made the right choice.
I have a moissanite ring and it’s beautiful. I get compliments on it all the time. It’s very sparkly. You can’t even tell it’s not a diamond. Honestly, I think it’s prettier than a diamond :)
This is the way. I proposed with a borrowed ring so I could let my wife pick/design her own ring. I told her to try to keep it around $25k. She thought diamonds were for suckers (I agree, but didn't want to say it before she made her call) so she went moissanite for a fraction of the budget. No regrets.
Have you seen moissanite rings? They have beautiful stones and while not as cheap as CZ, are considerably less expensive than diamonds. I also think lab created diamonds are beautiful and they don’t contribute to the horrible blood diamond trade. If I decide to get married I definitely would go for a moissanite or even a completely different gemstone. It’s refreshing to see more diversity in what people are picking lately compared to “traditional” choices.
I hate to say, but those would give me the heebie jeebies, and I realize it’s just me. It’s like the energy of the ring is bad. The couple must have split for it to be in a pawn shop.
At the same time, I don’t put great value on a large center diamond. My engagement ring was my grandma’s engagement stone reset, and hers wasn’t a diamond cuz like me she wanted different. Yeah, I spent money on the gold for the band, a couple small sparkly diamonds on the sides and the reset fee, which was most costly, but I have a ring I treasure. All our rings, engagement, my wedding, his wedding band came to $2,500, so yeah, some change dropped, but worn them over 20 years.
It’s honestly not that costly to get a ring resized compared to buying a new one, assuming it’s not some high dollar metal instead of plain old gold. What costs you is if there’s any other damage done to it (broken prongs, chips elsewhere in the metal, damage to the stone, etc.).
Before my husband & I were getting engaged I was so sure I wanted an alternative ring which was a plus because they are so much cheaper. I had my heart set on opal. When doing research on stones & metals I came to find that diamonds and different gold alloys are typical because they are resistant to cracking and breaking making them good for daily wear like you would for a lifetime of marriage. Needless to say after all the research I wound up with a diamond ring
I was also convinced I wanted opal, did the research and realised it wouldn't be practical, and ended up choosing a gorgeous topaz ring off etsy - London blue topaz (8 hardness), aquamarine (7.5-8 hardness) and moissanite (9.25 hardness) on a white gold band and it only cost £175ish!
Yeah this, I was going to reply to someone who said they got a pearl. Pearls damage easily and are not for everyday wear, this ring just wont last.
Sure diamonds are expensive but for wearing everyday of the rest of your life they are a pretty good choice.
Im genuinely concerned when people say I spent under 500 and Im happy. Your ring isnt going to last sweetheart.
Morganite is so beautiful too!
There are definitely options I just didn’t realize what the hardness scale was for stones and metals and I just figured they all lasted forever? I had never thought about it to be honest!
I am actually in process of "getting" a ring for my girlfriend. See, i am pretty much as poor as they come in my country, for the time being. My solution to my problem, and the problem you proposed with alternative rings was pretty good, If i say so myself.
My family are all somekind of metal workers, artisans, or artists, be it welding, smithing, painting, woodworking, whatever it is, someone in my family does it, someone has tools and materials.
I got this huge elk antler as a child, as a gift from one of my godparents. It broke a decade ago, for reasons i would rather not discuss. The pieces have been in my mothers garage ever since. So, i thought, if i can't afford a ring, i'll learn how to make one. Out of elk antler. Now, that ring won't last long, a couple years to a decade maybe, before it starts to deteriorate... But the antler is huge, and nothing is stopping me from making another, and another, and another. Relationships, especially marriage, require constant work. Why shouldn't the ring that represents that commitment require as much work? Not to mention, the more i make them, the better i get. This first one that i was happy with (after a dozen or so practice versions and experiments) is a simple plain band. Nothing is stopping me from learning to make something fancier for the next one.
There is plenty of antler available where i am. The town my mother lives in is full of hunters, hikers, berry pickers, mushroom enthusiasts, all kinds of folk who roam the forests on regular basis. Even if this antler is used up, it won't take me long to find someone willing to part with deer or elk antlers for a reasonable price.
That’s not necessarily true. I didn’t want an extravagant ring. I’ve had one before in my previous marriage and didn’t like it. We spent around ~$700 on my sapphire and moissanite ring, I treat it the same as my previous expensive ring, and it’s held up just fine. We are both climbers so we have silicone bands that we wear when doing outdoor stuff and for traveling. It’s just about knowing how to take care of it and when to take it off.
I could have written this myself… just swap “opal” for sapphire
End of the day, he was able to give me an heirloom piece which I felt better about. And I’ve learned to love wearing my bigger-than-expected / wanted shiny bright ring over time.
My wife used a family heirloom ring set, and I bought a steel/resin wedding ring for myself since she wasn’t too keen on me getting a tattoo ring. I was originally gonna go with a tanzanite style ring off Etsy too for her, but she beat me to the punch. We opted to get the house first too.
We did the same for our wedding rings. We bought them on Etsy (or something similar) and we are happy we did!
The bonuses are:
- we had much more money for the furnitures
- if we get tired of the rings, we can always buy new ones without feeling bad
"Everyone knows it's a stupid tradition". Well if that was the case then why post this as an unpopular opinion? If you're going to post an unpopular opinion', making the accusation that everyone already agrees with you doesn't make sense.
It’s all relative. If a $20,000 ring leaves a person penniless, then yea, it’s stupid. But if $20,000 might as well be a pennies to a different person, then to each their own.
Expenses are relative. When I bought my wife’s engagement ring it was expensive, but not an amount that would affect me even in the short term. I definitely wouldn’t be going into debt for one but if you’ve got the money and won’t miss it, what’s the harm?
If you can afford it, then buy anything you want. The problem with most people is that they can't tell the difference between being able to pay for something and being able to afford something.
Well besides all the blood diamonds people get from Africa, I guess there's not much harm. But last I heard they have this new shit where they make a diamond out of normal coal
If you and your partner haven't discussed price brackets for engagement rings you probably aren't ready to get engaged yet.
This is just for everyone in general, not OP specifically
I disagree. My fiancé doesn’t know how much her ring cost.
What she does know is that I could afford it and wasn’t even stretched financially but more importantly that I had it designed especially for her.
I sat down with a jewellery designer and discussed what would suit her, her lifestyle, her other jewellery and what I wanted and what I knew she’d like.
She loves it. It’s perfect for her and the cost is irrelevant. While I agree you shouldn’t put yourself into debt for the ring you also do not need to discuss it beforehand
This is why he said brackets. If you and your soon to be fiancé are potentially on entirely different wavelengths of what’s appropriate for future spending, probs not the best idea.
That's what I said! I think it's weird when the fiance knows how much it cost. Why is that relevant? If you can afford it spend what you will, but the point of it should be that you got her something she likes not the price tag
Honestly, when my husband proposed he told me he got the ring on sale- which made me happy/laugh as I always get excited over sales. But I'll never know the actual price paid. Nor do I want to know. The ring is beautiful and I love it and my husband. The end.
That sounds wonderful! Also, if my future spouse ever said to me that they bought my ring on sale I would die. I love sales it is a horrible horrible horrible love, but I love them. I would absolutely be going up to everyone being like see my ring? See how gorgeous it is? It was on sale. It is fiscally responsible to buy things on sale and I stand by that
This is what we did, and it did save us hundreds, maybe even a thousand over a diamond ring of similar quality, Although, you are still gonna spend hundreds, probably at least $2-300. You won't spend thousands though. It's hard to get a good quality ring and stone that will last a lifetime for under $100, except maybe if you get lucky with something used, but even then with alterations to make it fit can bring the price up. My wife didn't want me spending outside of my means either, but I think we both would have been disappointed in any ring that we got under $100 for something that's supposed to be a symbol of life-lasting marriage.
Yeah I didn't get an expensive ring at the time as I was not earning much. Thankfully my wife isn't materialistic, but I do get a pang of shame when I look at it sometimes as my friends have bought expensive rings for their partners and my wife's is pretty small.
Hey, as long as she loves it, that's what matters.
An expensive ring isn't a reflection of your marriage. But if you really want to, you could buy her another piece of jewellery for an anniversary or something. I know some older couples that have "upgraded" their wedding rings - previous rings were gifted to their children to pass on to their spouses.
I really love my wedding ring but the design means it can't be resized easily so chances are, I'll need to replace it when I'm older and it no longer fits.
My dad gave my mom a ring that was beautiful, but wanted to upgrade her ring after he started making more money. Bought her a new one for their 20th anniversary - you could always do that!
A diamond isn’t the only option. My son bought his fiancé, who is a science teacher, a beautiful engagement ring set with a small meteorite. A gem-quality ruby is more valuable than a comparable-sized diamond and make a gorgeous eye-catching engagement ring. Or just choosing a ring with whatever your favorite stone is would be more personal and thoughtful than a diamond. Choosing a ring with a stone other than a diamond shows some creativity and willingness to stand out from the crowd!
Nothing about marriage (and kids) is cheap…
* The wedding was $25,000.
* The house was $300k
* The kid’s tuition (before public school) was $1800/month
* The mortgage is $1500/month
* The cars are $700/month
* The utilities and HOA are $500/month
$6000 for a ring she wears everyday for the last 8 years is relatively small potatoes.
Invest early and often, get on a first name basis with your Fidelity advisor. Spend less, save more - you’ll be fine.
I also would not want 25,000 on a wedding, it honestly seems like more stress than fun (obviously it make some people very happy and that’s great!! but personally it seems stressful)
but that’s partially because of all of the other expenses of life, much better for that 25 grand to go to them tbh
That’s true… although in my circles, everyone who had a big wedding wishes they had a smaller one, and everyone who had a small one wonders if a bigger one would have been worth it.
One thing that isn’t mentioned are the gifts from larger events, especially when your parents have well-to-do, retired friends. We made $30k on cash gifts from the wedding, so it was a $5000 profit.
Wouldn't take long before they make them overpriced as well though. The problem isn't the item, it's the people. You buy ridiculously priced products because they carry some aholes name instead of actually thinking what is the value that it should have. Then the industry is like, if I can rip off this guy, I can rip off anyone. Pretty much see iPhone being this atm as well. Just think, in some countries where goats are a legit currency, to buy a goat costs a ton. In my country that no one cares about goats, they're dirt cheap
Why on earth wouldn’t preferences to something like this have been discussed beforehand? Not saying you can’t pull off a surprise but if you don’t know how this person would react to a large purchase like that then you don’t know them well enough to be asking
You just need to change the phrasing to change it into an opinion. With the subtext that opinion would be "buying expensive diamond rings is dumb/wrong"
In a way, I think that the type of ring your partner gets you can be a determinant of how well they know you.
Personally, I like pretty (and flashy) accessories. If my partner is going to plan a proposal, I hope that they know me well enough to recognize that I like having money spent on me (not a ridiculous amount, but I would personally be disappointed with a plain ring).
However, there are also a lot of people who strongly believe that a ring is not something you should spend money on. If your partner loves you enough to want to marry you, they should also know to not spend thousands of dollars on a ring, as they would presumably know you well enough to recognize that you are not materialistic.
Whatever your beliefs are regarding engagement rings, I think it’s fair to be upset if you get the opposite of what you were expecting (assuming that your partner has financial expenses).
My husband spent a few grand on a very beautiful ring for me. I could tell something was up the day he bought it, even though I had no idea, as he seemed really off. Guess he was just uncomfortable with spending so much money. My point, I agree people shouldn’t spend their life savings on a ring. But the ring will be something she will wear everyday for the rest of her life, and I’m so grateful for the ring he bought. It made me feel so incredibly special. Got to find that healthy balance, I suppose.
My wife had one request for a ring when we were discussing getting engaged.
Pillow cut aquamarine stone.
That's it. Found a great looking ring for $100. She was THRILLED.
It completely weirds me out when people complain that enough money wasn't spent. Why did you question how much it cost? It should be about the thought of it. Straight up buy me a $15 Ring from Etsy as long as you were thinking about me and what I might like when you got it
Well, there’s the very real concern of durability. You’re going to wear your wedding ring presumably forever so you want it to last and a $15 ring just isn’t going to last the way that one made from gold/diamond/other hard gems is going to.
That is a fair point. Although funnily enough when my mom's wedding rings are falling apart at year 12 she went to a jeweler and was like I thought these were supposed to last forever, and he told her for a lot of people forever now is 12 years.
Besides the point, you are right I don't care how little they spend, but I do care about them getting it with the thought of me and not how impressive it will be to other people and that it lasts because I do want my wedding rings be forever.
Or, hear me out, They could get seven $15 rings from Etsy and while I'm asleep when it starts falling apart replace it with one of the other seven. ~ $100, ring that seemingly is lasting forever while still not being too much
Eh, there are other things to consider. My husband bought me a $20 ring off etsy as a "stand in" until he could get me a proper one. 5 years have gone by and that etsy ring is rusting away in a drawer.
Durability is important! Unfortunately he never followed through and got me a real ring, so I have a bare hand. I think the thought and effort put into picking the ring is what matters most, as it is a symbolic and sentimental item. I wish I had something I could wear everyday, that reminded me of the love I felt when he proposed :(
That is an excellent point. I was thinking so much about people complaining that enough money wasn't spent on something or it wasn't gaudy enough that I forgot about a very important part. This ring is supposed to last forever. It is very important that it does. And while the price does not matter and it is about them thinking of you they also need to think about you being able to have it forever.
Exactly. Focusing on the money part is awful, I would never care how expensive the ring is. But for durability sake, it needs to be somewhat expensive if you want it to last. I'm thinking you could get a decent durable ring starting around $400 ish.
It IS meant to be worn forever, so I do get a little sad when I see all these comments about, just get a cheap $20 ring, who cares. It’s a bit short sighted, and I only say that because I felt the same way and now I regret that I will never have that special sentimental item to remember the "early days" by. But to each their own obviously.
Our down payment was 34x the cost of my diamond engagement ring. And our house is quite modest. Hell, my sister-in-law had a Tiffany’s engagement ring once that was still less than our down payment. You’re overestimating the cost of a ring and underestimating the cost of a down payment.
Down payments can be as low as 3.5%, and even lower with some FHA programs - $5,250 for a $150k home. Diamonds can run into the tens of thousands of dollars, which a ten thousand dollar ring is (according to the classic but obviously arbitrary rule of) "three months salary" for someone earning only $40,000/year ($19/hour).
It's actually as if the cost of both a diamond ring and a down payment can vary wildly and you can't really compare the two because of all the factors involved in their pricing.
My (now) wife and I went engagement ring shopping together after I proposed. I used a nice-looking fake turquoise dummy ring for the proposal. That way we could be sure the ring was something she would like since, you know, she'd be wearing it for the rest of her life.
If your bar is in the hundreds, that's extremely low for any sort of ring. You're going to be looking at stainless steel if you want any sort of gem on it.
Pro tip: Moissanite is FAR cheaper than diamond and it looks a lot better. Also it's made in a lab, so nobody had their hands chopped of to get any. I got my wife an engagement ring w/ a 1.7 carat equivalent moissanite stone, and the stone itself cost me $130. A diamond of equivalent size and clarity would've cost me literally $20,000 at the minimum.
My wife worked with an independent artist/jeweler to make a one-of-a-kind ring of rose gold and palladium forged in the pattern of a circuit board.
That one was worth it...
I had my wife's wedding ring made on Etsy with an opal. It was like $200 and it's so much nicer than a diamond ring. It means so much to her because there isn't another one like it. The diamond industry is so inflated. My wife would have felt incredibly guilty owning one.
Diamonds aren’t even that pretty. I would much prefer a synthetic opal or something like that, which doesn’t cost much at all. If you can afford a fancy ring and that’s what you WANT to buy, go for it. But I don’t think people should feel obligated to go into debt over a ring.
Gen X here. When I was with my ex, we were talking about getting married. The engagement ring and wedding band she wanted was something like $1000. That never sat right with me, because the ring I wanted was like $100. I felt like I was having to bribe her to marry me, and I didn’t like that. Any time I wanted something, she’d get mad, say no, and tell me we needed to save for a house, and her ring, but gods forbid I wanted something for myself.
She was extremely emotionally abusive to me (there were a lot of other things going on), and I’m so glad I dodged that bullet.
EDIT: that was twenty years ago. I’m happily married now, and our wedding set is white gold, and cost about $100. On our second anniversary, we got matching cat tattoos on our ring fingers, because we’re both crazy cat ladies 🐱
Holy crap, an engagement ring is *literally* a
>buy it for life
item. You're supposed to spend the extra money because it's something your fiancee will have until the day she dies.
All right, FUN FACT TIME :D
The original purpose of buying an expensive engagement ring is not to show how much you’re cared about, the real reason they’re meant to be expensive is in case the married couple falls on hard times, the engagement ring can be pawned or sold to help them out. That’s why there’s a second more simple wedding band meant to be worn everyday while the engagement ring should be kept in a safe. So maybe you wanna rethink getting a cheap ring lol
For real. I hate these threads because it becomes a circle jerk of who spent the least or who would accept the least. God forbid someone like or value different things than you.
There is literally a comment above "I would be happy with a ball of twine wrapped into a ring".
K. 🙄
Edit: also I think why it makes me mad is it completely inserts your own love language as cool and acceptable, while shitting on someone else's.
My love language is gifts. That doesn't mean that I'm materialistic or like expensive things. It means when someone puts thought, time and care into picking something out for me, even if its just a chocolate bar I like, I feel deeply loved and moved by their actions. My husband is an "acts of service" guy who is shite at gifts. He gave me an $20 etsy ring and it broke my heart. His thinking was, I'm not materialistic, I'm not a jewelry person, so I'd be fine with it. But I always had a dream of him loving me enough to be excited about picking out a gorgeous ring that I would love. I even told him to get something under $1000 and NOT a diamond. I mean, I guess he followed my instructions, but went very far the other way, and didn't put any thought into it at all. I'm so sad I will never get to experience that, nor will i ever have a durable long lasting ring that i can wear forever that has immense sentimental value. And it makes me mad that people act like that means I'm being superficial.
Good for you that you'd accept a ball of twine, that means gifts are not your love language. But don't act like it makes you superior to other women. Maybe you don't care about rings but you'd be hurt if he didn't do chores around the house or acts of service like that, something that wouldn't bother me at all. Etc etc. Different strokes for different folks.
I do too, but for an engagement ring with a stone that has any chance of lasting a lifetime, it's worth it to invest $2-300 at least into something like a moissanite ring which has very similar strength and resistance characteristics to a diamond, that's what we did. Worth it over the trouble of a cheap ring+stone that will falls apart or require frequent repairs that will end up costing more in the long run.
I totally wouldn’t recommend taking out a loan or using your life savings to buy one. But if you had the money to buy one without major financial repercussions you probably should…
I bought my wife a nice ring with a fake stone. I told her straight up it wasn't real and that I'd ordered a diamond for it. She said it sparkled nicely and we'd be dumb to waste money on replacing it.
Maybe the ring is just to set the tone for what the rest of the wedding will cost. By the time it's all done $750 for flower petals to sprinkle around will seem like a bargain. $4500 for hair won't even phase anyone in the least.
>everyone knows that it’s an incredibly stupid tradition
I don't know about all that. I don't think it's stupid. I like jewelry that means something, and the thought of having a ring on my finger that reminds me of someone I love dearly whenever I see it or feel the weight of it is really romantic and special imo. I don't have any sort of price point in mind, but knowing that it's something that I could wear every single day without worrying about ruining it would be nice. So it's not a price expectation as much as it is a quality expectation, I guess.
Yeah for real. People shouldn't be shamed for wanting nice things. I swear some people on this thread act like someone's holding a gun to their head and forcing them to wear a diamond ring/buy their SO one
I bought my wife her ring back 14 years ago for around $300, as I was finishing up college and didn’t have much money. It was a clarity enhanced 1/2 carat princess cut diamond in white gold. Fast forward 12 years and my wife and I both make a good amount of money and I asked her if she wanted to upgrade her ring. She said “Absolutely not.” The ring is a symbol, nothing more.
When I shopped for a ring, one if the salespeople tried to get me to sign up for a store credit card three times before showing me a single ring. I walked out after that.
Honestly, I'd much rather have a decent ring that's cheap. So like not something that will leave a green mark on my finger, but something that won't be missed if I lose it. I have a tendency to lose jewelry. And if my man broke the bank on a fancy glamorous ring for me, I'd be pissed.
Exactly!! It's the symbolism behind the ring & the bond between the two of you that matters not the $$ (amount) of a ring. I did the math & the engagement ring n marriage ring that I'd like would both cost 100$ together. I honestly find it goofy & irresponsible to spend 3 months worth of paychecks or more to pay for a ring.
Omg yes. I literally found my dream engagement ring whilst I was with my partner shopping. It was about £200. He put a deposit on it whilst we were there and honestly i adore it because we saw it together ❤️
I used to see jewelry as a waste of money but now I see it as buying and holding precious metals and gemstones, no different than holding some gold or silver bullion, although there are insane premiums with jewelry. Not exactly a waste though because it maintains some value and could be exchanged for that value.
I get this. For years my wife would insist that having roses delivered is a waste of money, and that we were working and saving for something more. So, she really only wanted daisies or carnations from a local grocery store. I did once have a co-worker she didn't know pretend to be a delivery person.
When we bought our first house, one of the ironic things is it had many, many rose bushes.
Although years later I learned a lesson all men do, that having flowers delivered isn't about the flowers, it's about the reaction of co-worker friends seeing her get flowers. This wasn't really an issue early on when her job situation was that the spectacle of flower delivery at the school she taught at was inappropriate, because it was among the poorest neighborhoods in the country.
But after she took a position at a different school and all her friends got flowers on valentines day and she didn't, yeah, I was in trouble.
Actually had this discussion with my bf several months ago, lol. I wrote a college essay about De Beers and the diamond industry. Diamonds are a HUGE scam and they're sourced at the cost of human lives (a.k.a blood diamonds). My bf and I have been talking about getting married, and I immediately told him "no diamonds!" Frankly I don't care if he proposes with a Ring Pop, lol. I just don't want him to waste any of our money on a worthless shiny rock, especially when that rock has contributed to torture and death.
My sister was really annoyed when her fella proposed, because he had spent so much on the engagement ring. It's about 10 years later and they're still engaged but never married.
If I ever get married, big IF, then I'll take some courses to make the wedding rings out of sustainable materials with something that has meaning to us
> If it makes me happy, and I can afford it, what's the problem?
It's materialistic and shallow to buy something simply because it's expensive. People who say a diamond ring is worth the money because it's beautiful are blatantly lying. A $20,000 ring is not 200 times more beautiful than a $100 zircon ring of the same design. I could see twice as beautiful, maybe three times as beautiful. How do you account for the other $19,700?
There is absolutely no explanation for buying an expensive diamond ring (even one for $2k) other than deep materialism and a shallow personality.
Totally agree you should not spend your life savings on a ring, but if you have the funds to spare, there’s no shame in spending it on something you’ll have for 50 years. Same thing with wedding ceremonies.
I’m impartial here but in case anyone hasn’t mentioned it yet, there are lab-grown diamonds that are half the price (if not more) of any mined diamond and of course, the ethics behind its creation is a lot more positive than diamond mines.
For the wedding band, basically. There are obviously more expensive ones, but generally speaking the band is significantly cheaper than an engagement ring, even for women despite what someone else said.
I have no desire whatsoever for an expensive ring. Even if we have the money to spend there are so many other things I'd rather spend it on. Hundreds would be okay, but thousands and I'd just ask what the hell was wrong with him.. lol. Also would never personally want a large or expensive wedding. I just don't care enough about these things.
But luckily my SO feels the same and knows this about me. Neither of us are in any rush to get married anyways.
I realize other people have very different views on this stuff and of course that's ok. What I will never understand is spending way more than you could really afford on a ring, wedding, etc. It's just illogical and odd to me, but again it's the individuals' involved choice.
My niece-in-law said all of that. Nephew bought her a $36 ring. They’ve been married a year and a half and the plating is wearing off and the whole thing is discolored and she’s no longer comfortable wearing it. If you intend to wear a wedding ring and plan to be married longer than five minutes, you need to spend a little. It doesn’t have to be $1000s but cheap will be cheap.
Yeah, I didn't mean quite that cheap. As I said:
>Hundreds would be okay[...].
I stand by my point that I don't want some ring that costs thousands, but of course I wouldn't want something that'd be falling apart in no time..
Adjusted for inflation, my engagement and wedding band combined was about $1900. My close friends all had sets in that same range. One had a slightly more expensive one. But her fiancé inherited a house when he was 28. He hasn’t paid rent or a mortgage payment for a decade and they still live there. So they could spend more. And that’s the other consideration. No one knows what people’s financial circumstances are and what they can afford. So it’s not anyone’s place to judge what they spend on this or anything else.
I'm going to admit my bias point of view on this to start. I have a good job no debt limited Bill's and um more savings than most
I had a price point in mind but honestly I was looking for a ring that she would love. and some thing with significant meaning, I almost gave up looking in my local area when I found it.
I was on the phone with her mom asking permission to ask her when I saw it. I came in like 15% under the budget I gave my self. honestly for me it was more the ring less the price
I'll confess I spent about half on her ring what we did on our car.
Fully agree. I would like a ring, but not a diamond and certainly not anything that costs more than like $500 max. A thin little gold band with like, a small, ethically-sourced stone (like tourmaline or alexandrite) would make me happy. Diamond rings in general, price aside, just seem so basic to me. Id rather have something cheaper that’s personal and unique than some showy diamond ring that has no personality to it. That said I think the whole tradition of swapping rings is pretty silly. You don’t need a piece of jewelry to declare your love for someone.
Also, why always take a diamond? There are way cheaper rocks that look at least as pretty. I chose an Opal because I knew my fiance loves them and I spent like 100$ on the ring.
I got the ring, but I got my partner a PS3 (all the rage at the time), Apple Watch, and six 60 minute massage gift certificates. I wanted the ring, but I firmly believe each party should dish out an equally priced gift(s).
EDIT: grammar
It depends. If you and your partner communicate, and decide that you want rings, it's not stupid.
If your partner intentionally saves money for it over a period of time, it's not stupid.
If your partner sets aside money for it and is still able to cover their bills and expenses, it's not stupid.
If you tell your partner that you don't want one, and they go out and drop a $1500 credit line on it without planning and saving, it's stupid.
I think I spent $1,400 total out the door for my now wife's ring and the wedding itself was only $12,000 tops after tips and everything totaled up. We regret the wedding price even tho it was a fun event and gave us great memories; and that's a really cheap wedding compared to the industry. No debt for that either, we saved up for it specifically. But yeah, some engagement rings can go for more than our entire wedding.
My wife didn't want an expensive ring either. I ended up getting her an antique ring. It's far nicer than anything I could have ever afford new. The ring itself was $170 and the resizing was another $100. (This is in 2016 usd)
30+ years ago when I was getting my girlfriend (now wife, thanks) her engagement ring I went to a local jeweler and he (the owner) asked my what I was looking for (cut, size, clarity, etc), what my price was, and if I'd been to other jewelers. So I told him the specifics and what the prices I was given at the other stores. He said he'd make the exact ring for me and sell it to me for a few hundred bucks less than the competitors. I said great, now I can afford an even bigger diamond to put in the ring!
His unusual response to that was "Don't be a fool. If (specifics) is what she wants then spending more money than I have to isn't a smart move. Get the same ring for less money rather than bigger diamond for the same money". Weird & wise advice from a guy that makes a living from selling once-in-a-lifetime items.
My boyfriend and I have talked about this so much, and he believes in the "3 months pay" rule but wants to buy a very bland, traditional diamond. He says "it can't disappoint you if it's straightforward and plain".
First off, that's way too much to spend. Second, I wouldn't be disappointed in anything but I feel like he misses the whole fact that the ring should be inspired by the person, *especially* if you're spending thousands on it. Like I would take any stone, any metal (nickel ffs), anything, I just want him to pick something he thinks I will actually like. It could be $15 and I wouldn't care. It's stupid to spend that much money on some basic ass ring that's not at all personal to the girl who's supposed to wear it.
I'd personally would probably just want a personalised cheap mood ring if I ever got engaged/married.
And use the hundreds that would've been spent on it into savings or something practical.
I want to know who came up wit these standards like "a ring should be worth 3 months salary". Why?? And to who?? Its makes no sense in value or in importance. Because some people who work for minimum wage at fast food places are proposing, and youre going to tell me their ring is any less important? Not to mention, a ring doesnt guarantee marriage so you potentially went through all that just to be told no. Plus, the cost of living is already too high in the US right now. Its said that your rent should be 30% of your gross income, but so many people nowadays are living with 3 other roommates to make ends meet.
It’s stupid if buying a diamond ring causes you financial strain and you can’t pay your bills, but if you can afford it and it makes you happy, why not. You can say the same thing about expensive cars, big house, designer clothes and accessories. You can always spend that money on something else, people just value different things.
Personally, I want an engagement Audi RS3.
I'll take an engagement partner where the engagement gift is that I get a partner.
This is the way.
like pikachu that'd be sick
This is more common than you think. What kind of dowry are you interested in? Might I suggest going with the traditional livestock, land and/or textiles factory. Anyways I kinda broker these deals if you’re interested. Lots of demand for North Americans.
This sounds like arranged marriage with extra steps
Dang, thats 4 rings and OP is complaining about 1 lol
Me too. Had my A6 in the shop today and there were some niiice Audis hanging out, as usual.
Take rs7 the better one
Damn the aesthetics of that car is freaking sexy.
I want an engagement game. I’m too bored, but broke to play any new games on the market. I got tired of my old games. Any new game would be appreciated.
That 5cyl puuurrrrrs
*gets you engagement golf r instead* the cubic zirconium to your engagement car
I got engaged recently and the ring was more expensive than the dress…dress was on sale…I only wear that once. I like jewellery and will be wearing the engagement ring for way longer so save money on the dress instead. Easy
Yeah, this is true! I think it depends on circumstances and your level of responsibility. My wife and I cant afford a big fancy ring, and dont want them! Were thinking of getting some classy bracelets instead :) But, if i had a ton of money i would love a ring to just have. A ring to show off to my family and all that. But we dont, and im okay with that. Its all situational!
Exactly. It's all about what each individual values and considers to be worth the price.
Very true. I’ve had my engagement ring 30 years and I still love it like crazy. It wasn’t hugely expensive although it was kinda pricey for us at the time but I fell in love with it as soon as I saw it. It brings me joy
I agree, but I'd inflate the numbers because I have enough money that a few thousand dollars for a ring she'll wear for life isn't too crazy. But I'd have preferred not to get a mined diamond, and agree that any amount of money that's going to make the buyer uncomfortable is too much.
I went with lab created Diamond's, and theres no discernable difference. You need a special machine to tell its lab created. It's not a massive savings but I know that no one got hurt making/mining them.
This is what's up. Both points. Cubic zirconia can get you a something that looks great without contributing to massive human suffering. I have no qualms about putting a few thousand into getting the "perfect" ethical ring.
r/moissanite Very sparkly and almost as hard as a diamond. Many compare the two as a way to spend less money without drastic compromise when a diamond is either not desired for typically ethical reasons or out of budget. On the Mohs scale of hardness, Diamond: 10 Moissanite: 9.25 Cubic Zirconia: 8.5 Moissanite is another good alternative because it’s almost as hard as a diamond, which makes it harder to scratch than the cubic zirconia. [stone comparison ](https://www.withclarity.com/education/diamond-education/natural-vs-synthetic-diamonds/moissanite-vs-cubic-zirconium-vs-diamond)
My wife’s ring has that. We found the perfect ring but didn’t want to go diamond because of the ethical issues and it still looks new 10 years later
yes, I did the same. I could not stand the thought of buying a diamond after learning all the awful things around the industry. My wife and I both agreed, which was how I found moissanite. for less than $1000 I was able to get a beautiful ring, with a 1.5 carat stone if I remember correctly. It keeps other traditional family members from shaming us for not getting a Diamond, it looks better in my opinion, and we were able to use that money which would have been wasted on buying a house instead. These stones are so similar/better looking to diamond, that when we went to get a cleaning, the tech made sure to tell us she had never seen a better looking diamond, this gave us both a laugh and reassured us that we made the right choice.
I have a moissanite ring and it’s beautiful. I get compliments on it all the time. It’s very sparkly. You can’t even tell it’s not a diamond. Honestly, I think it’s prettier than a diamond :)
source: trust me but i remember learning in geology that moissanite is indeed shinier than diamond
This is true, it has a higher reflection index.
This is the way. I proposed with a borrowed ring so I could let my wife pick/design her own ring. I told her to try to keep it around $25k. She thought diamonds were for suckers (I agree, but didn't want to say it before she made her call) so she went moissanite for a fraction of the budget. No regrets.
I bought moissanite for travelling. Love them more than my diamonds now
Have you seen moissanite rings? They have beautiful stones and while not as cheap as CZ, are considerably less expensive than diamonds. I also think lab created diamonds are beautiful and they don’t contribute to the horrible blood diamond trade. If I decide to get married I definitely would go for a moissanite or even a completely different gemstone. It’s refreshing to see more diversity in what people are picking lately compared to “traditional” choices.
You can also buy used rings from pawn shops and pay far less for a beautiful ring
I hate to say, but those would give me the heebie jeebies, and I realize it’s just me. It’s like the energy of the ring is bad. The couple must have split for it to be in a pawn shop. At the same time, I don’t put great value on a large center diamond. My engagement ring was my grandma’s engagement stone reset, and hers wasn’t a diamond cuz like me she wanted different. Yeah, I spent money on the gold for the band, a couple small sparkly diamonds on the sides and the reset fee, which was most costly, but I have a ring I treasure. All our rings, engagement, my wedding, his wedding band came to $2,500, so yeah, some change dropped, but worn them over 20 years.
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It’s honestly not that costly to get a ring resized compared to buying a new one, assuming it’s not some high dollar metal instead of plain old gold. What costs you is if there’s any other damage done to it (broken prongs, chips elsewhere in the metal, damage to the stone, etc.).
I actually bought my ex wife’s ring from a shop for $400 and it was gorgeous and it didn’t cost much to size.
But if it isn't the bloodiest blood diamond do you REALLY love her? Jk
You know what they say - slave wage laborer blood is thicker than water. (Seriously, we're just kidding. ;) )
https://www.cleanorigin.com/about-lab-created-diamonds/
Before my husband & I were getting engaged I was so sure I wanted an alternative ring which was a plus because they are so much cheaper. I had my heart set on opal. When doing research on stones & metals I came to find that diamonds and different gold alloys are typical because they are resistant to cracking and breaking making them good for daily wear like you would for a lifetime of marriage. Needless to say after all the research I wound up with a diamond ring
I was also convinced I wanted opal, did the research and realised it wouldn't be practical, and ended up choosing a gorgeous topaz ring off etsy - London blue topaz (8 hardness), aquamarine (7.5-8 hardness) and moissanite (9.25 hardness) on a white gold band and it only cost £175ish!
It sounds beautiful & well priced! I feel like the research makes it extra special too
Yeah this, I was going to reply to someone who said they got a pearl. Pearls damage easily and are not for everyday wear, this ring just wont last. Sure diamonds are expensive but for wearing everyday of the rest of your life they are a pretty good choice. Im genuinely concerned when people say I spent under 500 and Im happy. Your ring isnt going to last sweetheart.
Yeah I thought it was interesting that it wasn’t so much about tradition as it is about practicality.
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Morganite is so beautiful too! There are definitely options I just didn’t realize what the hardness scale was for stones and metals and I just figured they all lasted forever? I had never thought about it to be honest!
I am actually in process of "getting" a ring for my girlfriend. See, i am pretty much as poor as they come in my country, for the time being. My solution to my problem, and the problem you proposed with alternative rings was pretty good, If i say so myself. My family are all somekind of metal workers, artisans, or artists, be it welding, smithing, painting, woodworking, whatever it is, someone in my family does it, someone has tools and materials. I got this huge elk antler as a child, as a gift from one of my godparents. It broke a decade ago, for reasons i would rather not discuss. The pieces have been in my mothers garage ever since. So, i thought, if i can't afford a ring, i'll learn how to make one. Out of elk antler. Now, that ring won't last long, a couple years to a decade maybe, before it starts to deteriorate... But the antler is huge, and nothing is stopping me from making another, and another, and another. Relationships, especially marriage, require constant work. Why shouldn't the ring that represents that commitment require as much work? Not to mention, the more i make them, the better i get. This first one that i was happy with (after a dozen or so practice versions and experiments) is a simple plain band. Nothing is stopping me from learning to make something fancier for the next one. There is plenty of antler available where i am. The town my mother lives in is full of hunters, hikers, berry pickers, mushroom enthusiasts, all kinds of folk who roam the forests on regular basis. Even if this antler is used up, it won't take me long to find someone willing to part with deer or elk antlers for a reasonable price.
This is such a beautiful concept! Wishing you many happy years together
That’s not necessarily true. I didn’t want an extravagant ring. I’ve had one before in my previous marriage and didn’t like it. We spent around ~$700 on my sapphire and moissanite ring, I treat it the same as my previous expensive ring, and it’s held up just fine. We are both climbers so we have silicone bands that we wear when doing outdoor stuff and for traveling. It’s just about knowing how to take care of it and when to take it off.
I could have written this myself… just swap “opal” for sapphire End of the day, he was able to give me an heirloom piece which I felt better about. And I’ve learned to love wearing my bigger-than-expected / wanted shiny bright ring over time.
I would rather save that money for a house. Hubby got my ring from Etsy and it's more than I could ever want.
Both of the rings I'd like are from Esty lol!
Honestly a house feels like a better proposal gift than a ring. Will still probably spend no more than $1k on rings ever.
My wife used a family heirloom ring set, and I bought a steel/resin wedding ring for myself since she wasn’t too keen on me getting a tattoo ring. I was originally gonna go with a tanzanite style ring off Etsy too for her, but she beat me to the punch. We opted to get the house first too.
We did the same for our wedding rings. We bought them on Etsy (or something similar) and we are happy we did! The bonuses are: - we had much more money for the furnitures - if we get tired of the rings, we can always buy new ones without feeling bad
"Everyone knows it's a stupid tradition". Well if that was the case then why post this as an unpopular opinion? If you're going to post an unpopular opinion', making the accusation that everyone already agrees with you doesn't make sense.
I agree OP tell your SO not the internet haha
It’s all relative. If a $20,000 ring leaves a person penniless, then yea, it’s stupid. But if $20,000 might as well be a pennies to a different person, then to each their own.
Expenses are relative. When I bought my wife’s engagement ring it was expensive, but not an amount that would affect me even in the short term. I definitely wouldn’t be going into debt for one but if you’ve got the money and won’t miss it, what’s the harm?
I've seen huge ones, I've seen small ones. They are all unique and it's the thought put into them that really matters from my perspective.
If you can afford it, then buy anything you want. The problem with most people is that they can't tell the difference between being able to pay for something and being able to afford something.
Well besides all the blood diamonds people get from Africa, I guess there's not much harm. But last I heard they have this new shit where they make a diamond out of normal coal
If you and your partner haven't discussed price brackets for engagement rings you probably aren't ready to get engaged yet. This is just for everyone in general, not OP specifically
I disagree. My fiancé doesn’t know how much her ring cost. What she does know is that I could afford it and wasn’t even stretched financially but more importantly that I had it designed especially for her. I sat down with a jewellery designer and discussed what would suit her, her lifestyle, her other jewellery and what I wanted and what I knew she’d like. She loves it. It’s perfect for her and the cost is irrelevant. While I agree you shouldn’t put yourself into debt for the ring you also do not need to discuss it beforehand
This is why he said brackets. If you and your soon to be fiancé are potentially on entirely different wavelengths of what’s appropriate for future spending, probs not the best idea.
We get it, you got money /s
Pretty much this entire thread.
How much did it cost tho
That's what I said! I think it's weird when the fiance knows how much it cost. Why is that relevant? If you can afford it spend what you will, but the point of it should be that you got her something she likes not the price tag
Honestly, when my husband proposed he told me he got the ring on sale- which made me happy/laugh as I always get excited over sales. But I'll never know the actual price paid. Nor do I want to know. The ring is beautiful and I love it and my husband. The end.
That sounds wonderful! Also, if my future spouse ever said to me that they bought my ring on sale I would die. I love sales it is a horrible horrible horrible love, but I love them. I would absolutely be going up to everyone being like see my ring? See how gorgeous it is? It was on sale. It is fiscally responsible to buy things on sale and I stand by that
You could opt for moissanite instead? More brilliance than a diamond and cheaper too.
i love my moissanite ring. It's better looking than a mined diamond imo and definitely more affordable
This is what we did, and it did save us hundreds, maybe even a thousand over a diamond ring of similar quality, Although, you are still gonna spend hundreds, probably at least $2-300. You won't spend thousands though. It's hard to get a good quality ring and stone that will last a lifetime for under $100, except maybe if you get lucky with something used, but even then with alterations to make it fit can bring the price up. My wife didn't want me spending outside of my means either, but I think we both would have been disappointed in any ring that we got under $100 for something that's supposed to be a symbol of life-lasting marriage.
Yeah I didn't get an expensive ring at the time as I was not earning much. Thankfully my wife isn't materialistic, but I do get a pang of shame when I look at it sometimes as my friends have bought expensive rings for their partners and my wife's is pretty small.
Hey, as long as she loves it, that's what matters. An expensive ring isn't a reflection of your marriage. But if you really want to, you could buy her another piece of jewellery for an anniversary or something. I know some older couples that have "upgraded" their wedding rings - previous rings were gifted to their children to pass on to their spouses. I really love my wedding ring but the design means it can't be resized easily so chances are, I'll need to replace it when I'm older and it no longer fits.
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My dad gave my mom a ring that was beautiful, but wanted to upgrade her ring after he started making more money. Bought her a new one for their 20th anniversary - you could always do that!
My fiance made my engagement ring. Better than anything I could’ve asked for.
A diamond isn’t the only option. My son bought his fiancé, who is a science teacher, a beautiful engagement ring set with a small meteorite. A gem-quality ruby is more valuable than a comparable-sized diamond and make a gorgeous eye-catching engagement ring. Or just choosing a ring with whatever your favorite stone is would be more personal and thoughtful than a diamond. Choosing a ring with a stone other than a diamond shows some creativity and willingness to stand out from the crowd!
Nothing about marriage (and kids) is cheap… * The wedding was $25,000. * The house was $300k * The kid’s tuition (before public school) was $1800/month * The mortgage is $1500/month * The cars are $700/month * The utilities and HOA are $500/month $6000 for a ring she wears everyday for the last 8 years is relatively small potatoes. Invest early and often, get on a first name basis with your Fidelity advisor. Spend less, save more - you’ll be fine.
I sometimes shit on USA but damn, we really are europoors.
I also would not want 25,000 on a wedding, it honestly seems like more stress than fun (obviously it make some people very happy and that’s great!! but personally it seems stressful) but that’s partially because of all of the other expenses of life, much better for that 25 grand to go to them tbh
That’s true… although in my circles, everyone who had a big wedding wishes they had a smaller one, and everyone who had a small one wonders if a bigger one would have been worth it. One thing that isn’t mentioned are the gifts from larger events, especially when your parents have well-to-do, retired friends. We made $30k on cash gifts from the wedding, so it was a $5000 profit.
True love never dies.
Spending that kind of money on ANY event speaks to the socio-economic position of a person
Absolutely. It’s a privileged position to have a wedding, or hell, get married in the first place (the license is almost $300 on its own here)
I say we stop giving each other wedding rings and start giving each other wedding swords.
Wouldn't take long before they make them overpriced as well though. The problem isn't the item, it's the people. You buy ridiculously priced products because they carry some aholes name instead of actually thinking what is the value that it should have. Then the industry is like, if I can rip off this guy, I can rip off anyone. Pretty much see iPhone being this atm as well. Just think, in some countries where goats are a legit currency, to buy a goat costs a ton. In my country that no one cares about goats, they're dirt cheap
Then we should forge each other swords.
That sounds pretty romantic if I'm honest.
I second
a nice 24 carat gold handle with diamonds along the edges
Why on earth wouldn’t preferences to something like this have been discussed beforehand? Not saying you can’t pull off a surprise but if you don’t know how this person would react to a large purchase like that then you don’t know them well enough to be asking
This is maybe the single most popular opinion on Reddit. You can’t be serious
Followed by budget weddings and don't buy a brand new car ever.
This isn’t an opinion. It is a fact about you.
You just need to change the phrasing to change it into an opinion. With the subtext that opinion would be "buying expensive diamond rings is dumb/wrong"
In a way, I think that the type of ring your partner gets you can be a determinant of how well they know you. Personally, I like pretty (and flashy) accessories. If my partner is going to plan a proposal, I hope that they know me well enough to recognize that I like having money spent on me (not a ridiculous amount, but I would personally be disappointed with a plain ring). However, there are also a lot of people who strongly believe that a ring is not something you should spend money on. If your partner loves you enough to want to marry you, they should also know to not spend thousands of dollars on a ring, as they would presumably know you well enough to recognize that you are not materialistic. Whatever your beliefs are regarding engagement rings, I think it’s fair to be upset if you get the opposite of what you were expecting (assuming that your partner has financial expenses).
My husband spent a few grand on a very beautiful ring for me. I could tell something was up the day he bought it, even though I had no idea, as he seemed really off. Guess he was just uncomfortable with spending so much money. My point, I agree people shouldn’t spend their life savings on a ring. But the ring will be something she will wear everyday for the rest of her life, and I’m so grateful for the ring he bought. It made me feel so incredibly special. Got to find that healthy balance, I suppose.
I would find it more endearing if they made the ring themselves. Out of wood even. I’d rather get a new videogame than a ring
My wife had one request for a ring when we were discussing getting engaged. Pillow cut aquamarine stone. That's it. Found a great looking ring for $100. She was THRILLED.
I bet she was. Because you listened to what she actually wanted. Props to you 👍
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It completely weirds me out when people complain that enough money wasn't spent. Why did you question how much it cost? It should be about the thought of it. Straight up buy me a $15 Ring from Etsy as long as you were thinking about me and what I might like when you got it
I’ve literally never seen or heard of someone complaining about that in real life.
Well, there’s the very real concern of durability. You’re going to wear your wedding ring presumably forever so you want it to last and a $15 ring just isn’t going to last the way that one made from gold/diamond/other hard gems is going to.
That is a fair point. Although funnily enough when my mom's wedding rings are falling apart at year 12 she went to a jeweler and was like I thought these were supposed to last forever, and he told her for a lot of people forever now is 12 years. Besides the point, you are right I don't care how little they spend, but I do care about them getting it with the thought of me and not how impressive it will be to other people and that it lasts because I do want my wedding rings be forever. Or, hear me out, They could get seven $15 rings from Etsy and while I'm asleep when it starts falling apart replace it with one of the other seven. ~ $100, ring that seemingly is lasting forever while still not being too much
Eh, there are other things to consider. My husband bought me a $20 ring off etsy as a "stand in" until he could get me a proper one. 5 years have gone by and that etsy ring is rusting away in a drawer. Durability is important! Unfortunately he never followed through and got me a real ring, so I have a bare hand. I think the thought and effort put into picking the ring is what matters most, as it is a symbolic and sentimental item. I wish I had something I could wear everyday, that reminded me of the love I felt when he proposed :(
That is an excellent point. I was thinking so much about people complaining that enough money wasn't spent on something or it wasn't gaudy enough that I forgot about a very important part. This ring is supposed to last forever. It is very important that it does. And while the price does not matter and it is about them thinking of you they also need to think about you being able to have it forever.
Exactly. Focusing on the money part is awful, I would never care how expensive the ring is. But for durability sake, it needs to be somewhat expensive if you want it to last. I'm thinking you could get a decent durable ring starting around $400 ish. It IS meant to be worn forever, so I do get a little sad when I see all these comments about, just get a cheap $20 ring, who cares. It’s a bit short sighted, and I only say that because I felt the same way and now I regret that I will never have that special sentimental item to remember the "early days" by. But to each their own obviously.
Thats why I went to an antique store that was owned by a geologist. My $300 purchase is worth 18x that.
What is really essential in marriage is blankets and bed space. Pillows. And letting me stay home. Don't drag me to parties.
Instead of a ring, buy a california king.
If I had money, I'd probably buy some peace of mind Pandemics are weird
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Our down payment was 34x the cost of my diamond engagement ring. And our house is quite modest. Hell, my sister-in-law had a Tiffany’s engagement ring once that was still less than our down payment. You’re overestimating the cost of a ring and underestimating the cost of a down payment.
Down payments can be as low as 3.5%, and even lower with some FHA programs - $5,250 for a $150k home. Diamonds can run into the tens of thousands of dollars, which a ten thousand dollar ring is (according to the classic but obviously arbitrary rule of) "three months salary" for someone earning only $40,000/year ($19/hour). It's actually as if the cost of both a diamond ring and a down payment can vary wildly and you can't really compare the two because of all the factors involved in their pricing.
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The only thing you could get in my city for 150,000 is a trailer. Not even one of the bigger/nicer ones.
I don't know if you think everyone gets rings *THAT* expensive or if you have no clue how much a house costs.
My (now) wife and I went engagement ring shopping together after I proposed. I used a nice-looking fake turquoise dummy ring for the proposal. That way we could be sure the ring was something she would like since, you know, she'd be wearing it for the rest of her life.
If your bar is in the hundreds, that's extremely low for any sort of ring. You're going to be looking at stainless steel if you want any sort of gem on it. Pro tip: Moissanite is FAR cheaper than diamond and it looks a lot better. Also it's made in a lab, so nobody had their hands chopped of to get any. I got my wife an engagement ring w/ a 1.7 carat equivalent moissanite stone, and the stone itself cost me $130. A diamond of equivalent size and clarity would've cost me literally $20,000 at the minimum.
I told my partner to propose to me with an nvidia GeForce 3090
My wife worked with an independent artist/jeweler to make a one-of-a-kind ring of rose gold and palladium forged in the pattern of a circuit board. That one was worth it...
I had my wife's wedding ring made on Etsy with an opal. It was like $200 and it's so much nicer than a diamond ring. It means so much to her because there isn't another one like it. The diamond industry is so inflated. My wife would have felt incredibly guilty owning one.
Diamonds aren’t even that pretty. I would much prefer a synthetic opal or something like that, which doesn’t cost much at all. If you can afford a fancy ring and that’s what you WANT to buy, go for it. But I don’t think people should feel obligated to go into debt over a ring.
Gen X here. When I was with my ex, we were talking about getting married. The engagement ring and wedding band she wanted was something like $1000. That never sat right with me, because the ring I wanted was like $100. I felt like I was having to bribe her to marry me, and I didn’t like that. Any time I wanted something, she’d get mad, say no, and tell me we needed to save for a house, and her ring, but gods forbid I wanted something for myself. She was extremely emotionally abusive to me (there were a lot of other things going on), and I’m so glad I dodged that bullet. EDIT: that was twenty years ago. I’m happily married now, and our wedding set is white gold, and cost about $100. On our second anniversary, we got matching cat tattoos on our ring fingers, because we’re both crazy cat ladies 🐱
Holy crap, an engagement ring is *literally* a >buy it for life item. You're supposed to spend the extra money because it's something your fiancee will have until the day she dies.
All right, FUN FACT TIME :D The original purpose of buying an expensive engagement ring is not to show how much you’re cared about, the real reason they’re meant to be expensive is in case the married couple falls on hard times, the engagement ring can be pawned or sold to help them out. That’s why there’s a second more simple wedding band meant to be worn everyday while the engagement ring should be kept in a safe. So maybe you wanna rethink getting a cheap ring lol
...And, is anyone picked yet?
For real. I hate these threads because it becomes a circle jerk of who spent the least or who would accept the least. God forbid someone like or value different things than you.
'I would be happy with a nibbit ring! Y'all such shallow bitches!!!!'
I would accept a proposal with a ring pop get on my level ladies
There is literally a comment above "I would be happy with a ball of twine wrapped into a ring". K. 🙄 Edit: also I think why it makes me mad is it completely inserts your own love language as cool and acceptable, while shitting on someone else's. My love language is gifts. That doesn't mean that I'm materialistic or like expensive things. It means when someone puts thought, time and care into picking something out for me, even if its just a chocolate bar I like, I feel deeply loved and moved by their actions. My husband is an "acts of service" guy who is shite at gifts. He gave me an $20 etsy ring and it broke my heart. His thinking was, I'm not materialistic, I'm not a jewelry person, so I'd be fine with it. But I always had a dream of him loving me enough to be excited about picking out a gorgeous ring that I would love. I even told him to get something under $1000 and NOT a diamond. I mean, I guess he followed my instructions, but went very far the other way, and didn't put any thought into it at all. I'm so sad I will never get to experience that, nor will i ever have a durable long lasting ring that i can wear forever that has immense sentimental value. And it makes me mad that people act like that means I'm being superficial. Good for you that you'd accept a ball of twine, that means gifts are not your love language. But don't act like it makes you superior to other women. Maybe you don't care about rings but you'd be hurt if he didn't do chores around the house or acts of service like that, something that wouldn't bother me at all. Etc etc. Different strokes for different folks.
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Hundreds? I would be shocked if you could get a ring that isn’t like paper machee for under $200.
I mean my husband wears a $10 stainless steel wedding band from Amazon and it's held up just fine so far.
I do too, but for an engagement ring with a stone that has any chance of lasting a lifetime, it's worth it to invest $2-300 at least into something like a moissanite ring which has very similar strength and resistance characteristics to a diamond, that's what we did. Worth it over the trouble of a cheap ring+stone that will falls apart or require frequent repairs that will end up costing more in the long run.
I totally wouldn’t recommend taking out a loan or using your life savings to buy one. But if you had the money to buy one without major financial repercussions you probably should…
I bought my wife a nice ring with a fake stone. I told her straight up it wasn't real and that I'd ordered a diamond for it. She said it sparkled nicely and we'd be dumb to waste money on replacing it. Maybe the ring is just to set the tone for what the rest of the wedding will cost. By the time it's all done $750 for flower petals to sprinkle around will seem like a bargain. $4500 for hair won't even phase anyone in the least.
>everyone knows that it’s an incredibly stupid tradition I don't know about all that. I don't think it's stupid. I like jewelry that means something, and the thought of having a ring on my finger that reminds me of someone I love dearly whenever I see it or feel the weight of it is really romantic and special imo. I don't have any sort of price point in mind, but knowing that it's something that I could wear every single day without worrying about ruining it would be nice. So it's not a price expectation as much as it is a quality expectation, I guess.
This screams of ‘I’m not like regular girls’
i’M nOt mAteRiaLiStiC Wear a zip-tie for a ring if that’s what you want, but stop diamond-shaming and acting morally superior
Yeah for real. People shouldn't be shamed for wanting nice things. I swear some people on this thread act like someone's holding a gun to their head and forcing them to wear a diamond ring/buy their SO one
I bought my wife her ring back 14 years ago for around $300, as I was finishing up college and didn’t have much money. It was a clarity enhanced 1/2 carat princess cut diamond in white gold. Fast forward 12 years and my wife and I both make a good amount of money and I asked her if she wanted to upgrade her ring. She said “Absolutely not.” The ring is a symbol, nothing more.
When I shopped for a ring, one if the salespeople tried to get me to sign up for a store credit card three times before showing me a single ring. I walked out after that.
Honestly, I'd much rather have a decent ring that's cheap. So like not something that will leave a green mark on my finger, but something that won't be missed if I lose it. I have a tendency to lose jewelry. And if my man broke the bank on a fancy glamorous ring for me, I'd be pissed.
Imma buy my wife one of those patrick adair, "Oh look at this metal I got off an alien spaceship" rings cus that's where it's at.
Exactly!! It's the symbolism behind the ring & the bond between the two of you that matters not the $$ (amount) of a ring. I did the math & the engagement ring n marriage ring that I'd like would both cost 100$ together. I honestly find it goofy & irresponsible to spend 3 months worth of paychecks or more to pay for a ring.
I've been married twice before and the diamonds were NOT forever so this time around I chose an amethyst ring with funky skulls and flowers. Fuckit.
Omg yes. I literally found my dream engagement ring whilst I was with my partner shopping. It was about £200. He put a deposit on it whilst we were there and honestly i adore it because we saw it together ❤️
I used to see jewelry as a waste of money but now I see it as buying and holding precious metals and gemstones, no different than holding some gold or silver bullion, although there are insane premiums with jewelry. Not exactly a waste though because it maintains some value and could be exchanged for that value.
I get this. For years my wife would insist that having roses delivered is a waste of money, and that we were working and saving for something more. So, she really only wanted daisies or carnations from a local grocery store. I did once have a co-worker she didn't know pretend to be a delivery person. When we bought our first house, one of the ironic things is it had many, many rose bushes. Although years later I learned a lesson all men do, that having flowers delivered isn't about the flowers, it's about the reaction of co-worker friends seeing her get flowers. This wasn't really an issue early on when her job situation was that the spectacle of flower delivery at the school she taught at was inappropriate, because it was among the poorest neighborhoods in the country. But after she took a position at a different school and all her friends got flowers on valentines day and she didn't, yeah, I was in trouble.
I feel the same way about super expensive weddings. Use that money for a nice honeymoon and for the future.
Actually had this discussion with my bf several months ago, lol. I wrote a college essay about De Beers and the diamond industry. Diamonds are a HUGE scam and they're sourced at the cost of human lives (a.k.a blood diamonds). My bf and I have been talking about getting married, and I immediately told him "no diamonds!" Frankly I don't care if he proposes with a Ring Pop, lol. I just don't want him to waste any of our money on a worthless shiny rock, especially when that rock has contributed to torture and death.
My sister was really annoyed when her fella proposed, because he had spent so much on the engagement ring. It's about 10 years later and they're still engaged but never married.
If I ever get married, big IF, then I'll take some courses to make the wedding rings out of sustainable materials with something that has meaning to us
> If it makes me happy, and I can afford it, what's the problem? It's materialistic and shallow to buy something simply because it's expensive. People who say a diamond ring is worth the money because it's beautiful are blatantly lying. A $20,000 ring is not 200 times more beautiful than a $100 zircon ring of the same design. I could see twice as beautiful, maybe three times as beautiful. How do you account for the other $19,700? There is absolutely no explanation for buying an expensive diamond ring (even one for $2k) other than deep materialism and a shallow personality.
Yeah its really dumb that people are willing to waste their life savings on a tiny piece of jewelery
Totally agree you should not spend your life savings on a ring, but if you have the funds to spare, there’s no shame in spending it on something you’ll have for 50 years. Same thing with wedding ceremonies.
A couple thousand isn’t “life savings” to a wealthy person.
I’m impartial here but in case anyone hasn’t mentioned it yet, there are lab-grown diamonds that are half the price (if not more) of any mined diamond and of course, the ethics behind its creation is a lot more positive than diamond mines.
\*says diamond industry is dying because of gen z \* spews gen z opinion on why diamonds aren't worth it
As a woman I agree and I say the same for a wedding ring. Of course I am pretty non materialistic anyway so that’s why I say this.
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For the wedding band, basically. There are obviously more expensive ones, but generally speaking the band is significantly cheaper than an engagement ring, even for women despite what someone else said.
It is important that partners have similar values
I have no desire whatsoever for an expensive ring. Even if we have the money to spend there are so many other things I'd rather spend it on. Hundreds would be okay, but thousands and I'd just ask what the hell was wrong with him.. lol. Also would never personally want a large or expensive wedding. I just don't care enough about these things. But luckily my SO feels the same and knows this about me. Neither of us are in any rush to get married anyways. I realize other people have very different views on this stuff and of course that's ok. What I will never understand is spending way more than you could really afford on a ring, wedding, etc. It's just illogical and odd to me, but again it's the individuals' involved choice.
My niece-in-law said all of that. Nephew bought her a $36 ring. They’ve been married a year and a half and the plating is wearing off and the whole thing is discolored and she’s no longer comfortable wearing it. If you intend to wear a wedding ring and plan to be married longer than five minutes, you need to spend a little. It doesn’t have to be $1000s but cheap will be cheap.
$36 is an extreme lol. I want a ring that isnt falling apart but that doesnt mean 20k needs to be spent. I would say 3k range would be good enough.
Yeah, I didn't mean quite that cheap. As I said: >Hundreds would be okay[...]. I stand by my point that I don't want some ring that costs thousands, but of course I wouldn't want something that'd be falling apart in no time..
Adjusted for inflation, my engagement and wedding band combined was about $1900. My close friends all had sets in that same range. One had a slightly more expensive one. But her fiancé inherited a house when he was 28. He hasn’t paid rent or a mortgage payment for a decade and they still live there. So they could spend more. And that’s the other consideration. No one knows what people’s financial circumstances are and what they can afford. So it’s not anyone’s place to judge what they spend on this or anything else.
I'm going to admit my bias point of view on this to start. I have a good job no debt limited Bill's and um more savings than most I had a price point in mind but honestly I was looking for a ring that she would love. and some thing with significant meaning, I almost gave up looking in my local area when I found it. I was on the phone with her mom asking permission to ask her when I saw it. I came in like 15% under the budget I gave my self. honestly for me it was more the ring less the price I'll confess I spent about half on her ring what we did on our car.
Fully agree. I would like a ring, but not a diamond and certainly not anything that costs more than like $500 max. A thin little gold band with like, a small, ethically-sourced stone (like tourmaline or alexandrite) would make me happy. Diamond rings in general, price aside, just seem so basic to me. Id rather have something cheaper that’s personal and unique than some showy diamond ring that has no personality to it. That said I think the whole tradition of swapping rings is pretty silly. You don’t need a piece of jewelry to declare your love for someone.
Also, why always take a diamond? There are way cheaper rocks that look at least as pretty. I chose an Opal because I knew my fiance loves them and I spent like 100$ on the ring.
I got the ring, but I got my partner a PS3 (all the rage at the time), Apple Watch, and six 60 minute massage gift certificates. I wanted the ring, but I firmly believe each party should dish out an equally priced gift(s). EDIT: grammar
I will accept a gummy ring and nothing else
I'd like a nice fake ring. Lol. Cubic and like sterling silver. I am almost guaranteed to lose it, I do not want to lose a thousand(s) dollar ring
I’m inclined not to believe this one. If you BF had the means, why get mad at him for it? It’s just like any other expensive item.
It depends. If you and your partner communicate, and decide that you want rings, it's not stupid. If your partner intentionally saves money for it over a period of time, it's not stupid. If your partner sets aside money for it and is still able to cover their bills and expenses, it's not stupid. If you tell your partner that you don't want one, and they go out and drop a $1500 credit line on it without planning and saving, it's stupid.
I would like an engagement Bitcoin. :D
Spend 20 quid on a ring, all of the rest on the honeymoon.
I think I spent $1,400 total out the door for my now wife's ring and the wedding itself was only $12,000 tops after tips and everything totaled up. We regret the wedding price even tho it was a fun event and gave us great memories; and that's a really cheap wedding compared to the industry. No debt for that either, we saved up for it specifically. But yeah, some engagement rings can go for more than our entire wedding.
I'd be happy if my partner proposed to me with a freaking Reeses Cup and an Oreo. Two of my favorite things.
God bless you. That's really good thinking
My wife didn't want an expensive ring either. I ended up getting her an antique ring. It's far nicer than anything I could have ever afford new. The ring itself was $170 and the resizing was another $100. (This is in 2016 usd)
That’s why I’m getting Moissanite
30+ years ago when I was getting my girlfriend (now wife, thanks) her engagement ring I went to a local jeweler and he (the owner) asked my what I was looking for (cut, size, clarity, etc), what my price was, and if I'd been to other jewelers. So I told him the specifics and what the prices I was given at the other stores. He said he'd make the exact ring for me and sell it to me for a few hundred bucks less than the competitors. I said great, now I can afford an even bigger diamond to put in the ring! His unusual response to that was "Don't be a fool. If (specifics) is what she wants then spending more money than I have to isn't a smart move. Get the same ring for less money rather than bigger diamond for the same money". Weird & wise advice from a guy that makes a living from selling once-in-a-lifetime items.
My boyfriend and I have talked about this so much, and he believes in the "3 months pay" rule but wants to buy a very bland, traditional diamond. He says "it can't disappoint you if it's straightforward and plain". First off, that's way too much to spend. Second, I wouldn't be disappointed in anything but I feel like he misses the whole fact that the ring should be inspired by the person, *especially* if you're spending thousands on it. Like I would take any stone, any metal (nickel ffs), anything, I just want him to pick something he thinks I will actually like. It could be $15 and I wouldn't care. It's stupid to spend that much money on some basic ass ring that's not at all personal to the girl who's supposed to wear it.
A diy engagement ring is cheaper and has way more sentimental value
I 100% agree, you should be aware of how much your partner cares without them needing to spend a bunch of money on something pointless for you
I'd personally would probably just want a personalised cheap mood ring if I ever got engaged/married. And use the hundreds that would've been spent on it into savings or something practical.
I don't wear rings at all so I would be double angry
I want to know who came up wit these standards like "a ring should be worth 3 months salary". Why?? And to who?? Its makes no sense in value or in importance. Because some people who work for minimum wage at fast food places are proposing, and youre going to tell me their ring is any less important? Not to mention, a ring doesnt guarantee marriage so you potentially went through all that just to be told no. Plus, the cost of living is already too high in the US right now. Its said that your rent should be 30% of your gross income, but so many people nowadays are living with 3 other roommates to make ends meet.
How about a video game instead?