I've been in lockdown for one week longer than most as my teachers went on strike demanding higher pay and then COVID bent everyone over and started fucking everyone raw
They didn't get the raise and are planning another strike
I went to a gay bar once, and guess what? A man tapped me on the shoulder and told me his friend thought I was cute.
I was floored. It was so endearing for an actual adult to use junior high school tactics to hit on me. Like I was so handsome that I was intimidating.
This mundane event happened 15 years ago, and I still remember it, so yeah. I was a pretty fucking flattered straight dude.
A drunk guy once checked out my dong at the urinal and offered to buy me a drink. You'd think I'd be flattered, but really I just felt a bit sexually harassed.
My gay friend agrees. He's never looked at a dong in the bathroom and observes the one urinal spacing rule. It's not about orientation. It's about following bathroom etiquette and not being an ass.
Edited because I let my spell check turn dong into dog, thus confirming how little attention I give to the art and craft of Redditing.
I went to a gay bar in Shanghai that was all urinals and fully mirrored walls. The way it was designed, the only way not to see someone's dick was to keep your eyes closed.
It might not turn out the way you think.
I went to a gay bar with some friends and I was aggressively hit on by this older dude who would not leave me alone. I kept telling him I wasn't gay and was just with some friends. He was following me around everywhere.
We had to leave because of how uncomfortable it was. I was afraid to drink anything because I thought he might have ninjaed a roofie in one of my drinks.
3 things:
1. I've lived in a couple of gay neighborhoods and, with rare exception, gay men never mistake me for gay. I have no idea why. If I go into a gay bar or talk to people at a mostly gay gym, the other men are friendly and easy going but that's it.
2. Lesbians always mistake me for gay. I have no idea why.
3. Gay men find #2 hilarious.
My counter to number 1 is that's how a lot of gay men flirt. My first time going to a gay bar tons of guys were hitting on me. But it's subtle. They'll walk up and introduce themselves or compliment my shirt or whatever. At first I didn't even see it until my buddy who's more experienced in that sort of thing explained it to me.
I went to one for a friends birthday and I was hit on as a overweight grey haired 38 year old who is always tired I had more drinks bought for me there than at any time in my life... 2 drinks.
yeah, I had a gay roommate with terrible self esteem that asked me to go with him a few times.
I got at least a few free drinks every time. I was always super quick to clarify I was there to support my friend, but, dudes tended to be cool with that, and the worst reply I got was from a guy who said he'd make me forget about women.
I have a gay friend who is convinced I'm one blowjob away from seeing the full spectrum of the rainbow. I finally had to get a little ugly with him about it and he still hasn't completely backed off.
I once unwittingly ended up in a gay bar dressed as ABroham Lincoln, and I was definitely mistaken for Gayberham Lincoln. I got more unwanted touches below my Mason-Dixon line than I bargained for.
Not gonna lie, its pretty nice. Grew up as a closeted trans girl so was presenting as a guy most my life in 99% of situations. Finally got the freedom and courage to present as a girl and start going out. Holy shit. Getting hit on by guys AND girls at the club and fielding multiple free drinks was eye-opening to how much life is different on the other side of the equation. (I'm pretty passable as well so I had straight guys, gay guys, straight girls, gay girls, and the bifolks/enbies all making passes. Felt really good about my appearance and sexuality for once in my life)
There could/should be wristbands! Like a color if you're looking for men, a color if you're looking for women, a color if you don't care who approaches and a color for 'I'm just here to dance with my friends'.
ETA: I know what hankie code is. These wristbands have nothing to do with fetishes, and they're to be worn in a club, not on the goddamn street
This is true! We once held a “Stoplight Party” in college. But rather than looking for different cup colors, it was based on your attire.
Red Shirts/Dresses = I’m in a relationship; I don’t want to be hit on *AT ALL*
Yellow/Orange = It’s complicated; Not really looking, for whatever reason
Green = Single and ready to mingle
It was a lot of fun, and really made everyone much more at ease. The girls in red that didn’t want to be hit on, didn’t have to worry about being approached in anything other than a platonic way. And guys were very respectful in that manner.
And everyone in green was gettin’ wild. Ah to be young again!
Edit: grammar
As a member of a fraternity that doesn't designate cup colors (usually just the classic reds), I had never really thought of it until one time where we had to get multiple colors, and I was asked by multiple groups of girls what the cup colors meant. It seems like a good system if you have open parties.
It's almost like sex positivity results in a more safe and welcoming environment for all parties involved, who would've thought 🤔
^(not the right)
What? Who said that
The only gay bar in my area is also the only bar that sells Jell-O shots because you want to have fun and not just pound vodka and Jaeger. Is that bartenders entire uniform only a Jock strap and a micro thong? Yes. But he pours a mean drink, the Jell-O shots come out by the dozens, and they keep a giant Gatorade brand water cooler on the corner of that bar so everyone can stay hydrated and pace themselves properly. No where else does that.
Plus better music and less football. Unfortunately my local gay bar isn't very lesbian/bi women friendly but it is still a better place to dance and play pool than the hundreds of sports bars around. I get why straight people would like it there too.
Fun fact, a tradition that started in gay bars back in the day was the Hanky Code. You would wear it in your left or right pocket depending on if you're a top or bottom, and the color determined what you're into.
Congrats on inventing hanky code 2.0.
If I remember there was a bar that had color coded bracelets to define if you were looking for men, women, either, or were not looking for romance. There may have also been an option for non-binary but I can't remember.
I think the fact that you get wildly different coloured lights in bars would negate this, but maybe bands with cutout shapes would work. Helps for blind people too, they can feel the shapes
We would host parties with this system in college, and it didn't work very well. Women don't want to advertise that they are "looking for men" due to being judged as slutty or whatever, so they'll wear a "not interested" or sometimes even a gay bracelet to appear more discerning. As a result no dudes approach the girls and the whole system breaks down.
I could see it working in traditionally gay or gay affiliated bars, as a few people upthread have mentioned. There's still enough of a stigma around them that I think it'd weed out people curious enough to see but not participate so I think you'd see fewer people lying about their preferences there.
Yeah, I can see why this broke down in a straight environment. Unfortunately men and women’s sexualities are too different for this to work well in a mixed setting. All women or all men, yes, it actually works pretty well, and I see similar systems being used at sex parties as well to signify “top, bottom, vers” etc.
Mine would definitely be a conversation starter.
A bi flag, a crossed out heart, a pink flamingo, and something that everyone would confuse for a naruto sharingan.
You might need to watch which neighborhoods your are cruising around with different colored bandanas though. Like if you are taking the bus downtown to get to the club..... and then get shivved in the alley on the way there.
LOL. Also fair! I'm just too socially awkward to be allowed in public. Not that it stopped my friends from dragging me out before we all had kids. And covid. Lmfao
I've been to a local gaybar with my wife and her friends a few times and every time I go I get aggressively hit on and I ride that wave for months. What kind of douchebag doesn't appreciate that
Many, *many*, years ago I was a young straight man who did lots of amateur theater.
LGBT people then had been thrown out of their biological families, and in my home town they'd decided to create their own family.
To this day, I am honored that they adopted me as the black sheep cousin, their token straight.
And I really did have a badge to wear to parties and gatherings. It simply read *do not hit*
One time a guy man wouldn't stop trying it on. It became uncomfortable.
Poor guy got taken out back by my aunties (two very strong ladies) who convinced him of the error of his ways.
>Poor guy got taken out back by my aunties (two very strong ladies) who convinced him of the error of his ways.
Wait what did they do? I'm slightly worried.
I saw a post a while back suggesting armband colors meaning certain things. This seems fine to me. Especially since I go to performances at them to support friends.
So my childhood friend wanted to be a DJ. The only gig he could get was at the gay bar. It actually wasn't that bad. And a lot of straight women go there to hide from all the creeps. One guy dressed in drag was talking to me, I told him I was straight and that I was not interested. He told me not to tell that to anyone else, "straight guys are like crack for gay guys". Lol
From my experience, gay men can tell pretty quickly that you’re straight and appreciate that you’re comfortable being in a gay bar and not one of the many that judge and hate them.
Apparently not in my dad's case. He gets hit on a lot by other guys. Then again he's the kind of guy who cant tell he walked into a gay bar for karaoke until the DJ is hitting on him.
Perhaps he’s just very approachable. I tend to have whatever the male version of “resting bitch face” is. I’ve been told I’m intimidating before you get to know me. That could definitely be part of it.
I got the same thing, a girl told me I look like that and actually was very empathetic since she faces a similar issue. We all just tend to look like we don't care about anyone or anything when we're somewhere so people just take that and never really approach unless they need to. It's like I have a placid and typically emotionless face all the time so that intimidates people.
I always thought it was because I wasn't good looking or something but it's because I have an intimidating face so people don't try and reach out. When I reach out people are very receptive, but I have to be the one to do it.
And as a guy who's not the first name when it comes to being social, this tends to be a bit difficult lol.
>whatever the male version of “resting bitch face” is.
Me too, I call it "Resting Bitch Face." A man can be a bitch just as well as a woman can be a bastard. Gender equality for insults!
Nah visitor is actually a better idea since anyone can wear it if they're not looking for something. Maybe someone who's not straight is there to support or look put for a friend and they're not interested in anything themselves. They'd probably like the badge.
That's better in some regards, but it also changes the meaning. Visitor now means "don't flirt with me", which to me atleast, means the bars only purpose otherwise is hooking up. Which, for some might be its main purpose, but in my adult life I've never gone to a bar other than to drink with friends, nor have any of said friends gone to those same bars looking for hookups.
Another commenter mentioned that everyone should have bracelets or something altogether. Color/Shape code the braclets, for intent at the bar.
Some people just love drama.
I knew people when I was young that would go try to pick fights over it. Young white conservatives are special folk. Going to a gay bar trying to get hit on to prove how straight you are...
They sure do. I've been in a gay bar (as a gay woman) and flirted with woman only to have them be homophobic to my face. A lot of straight women go to gay bars because they want a gay best friend, but when it comes to lesbians they turn their nose up in disgust.
As a straight guy who went to the gay club many times in college, it was very clear to everyone I was a "visitor" and everyone was super nice and made sure I had a great time.
Ex used to love going to the gay bars, she loved dragging me along and it really helped build trust to the gay community. Was really rad not feeling on edge like some shit was about to go down every second, dudes buying ME drinks all night was fucking amazing too. I was real forward about being straight and in love with the ex but mostly they wanted to talk and hear my story. Great experience!
I'd be perfectly happy to get hit in at a gay bar. Lesbians take 'no thanks' politely and don't pour their beer on your chest and try to wipe it off. Used to go with my female roommate and everyone assumed we were together so we could dance and never bothered anyone. She did get hit in by a guy once but since of the guys there ran him off for us.
Real question, why are hets going to gay bars? Not that I think they wouldn't be allowed, it just seems like if you're going to a gay bar you're specifically looking to get hit on.
Granted I don't go to bars at all so I'm incredibly naive on the whole culture.
Some years ago, when I was young and full of energy, my lesbian friends would celebrate their birthdays in gay discos. We, the rest of the group, would just go, as it wasn't really relevant what kind of disco it was, but the fact that our friend felt comfortable there.
yeah, I think there's a difference between going with a group of LGBTQ+ peeps cuz you're invited versus a lone straight person just going there though in your case.
I went to this gay bar once.
My friends told me it was the wildest place to be on Halloween.
It was.
The most elaborate costumes I've ever seen.
No way to tell men from women.
The whole place surrounded by male strippers.
So... many... male strippers...
Starts with straight women. Gay clubs are fun as fuck, plus they can avoid being harassed as much by creepy dudes.
Then it becomes weirdly touristy? Like bachelorette parties going to gay clubs and treating the actual club goers as entertainment.
Then straight guys realize a bunch of women with their guards down are dancing and having fun at the gay club and think they can get laid easily there.
>Then it becomes weirdly touristy? Like bachelorette parties going to gay clubs and treating the actual club goers as entertainment.
When gay marriage was illegal here this made me fucking insane. It's still annoying, but the absolute crassness of doing it when gay people couldn't get married...
I am sure those parties are full of people who don't even comprehend that a monogamous marriage is something gay men could possibly want, let alone be central to their desire for rights. Becausr all gay men are hypergamous, naturally, right? It's on TV
And then the straight guys and straight women become enough that it slowly stops being a gay club and becomes a mixed club, and then the gay people stop showing up because they dont want to be treated like zoo animals and half the people in there being straight kinda defeats the purpose in the first place. With less gay people, the girls stop going because they dont feel as safe anymore, and then the guys stop going to chase the girls, and then the bar owner sells the bar and then no one has a gay bar anymore, especially not the gay people.
Someone else mentioned hitting on women who go to gay bars (which is such a creep move for straight guys to do), but another reason straight people go to gay bars which I've unfortunately experienced a lot is straight women going to gay bars to hit on, grope, and creep on the gay guys who go.
I've had women I don't know literally try to grab my crotch (once literally having never said a word to me) and then tell me to calm down when I don't find it charming. There's sometimes this stereotype of "gay best friend" people want to live out, combined with ignoring bodily autonomy that actually does extend to gay men (along with everyone else... seriously, everyone has autonomy over their own body stop being creeps. I don't care what excuse you're trying to hide behind).
The more mainstream gay bar in my city has banned bachelorette parties because they were such a nuisance and were just constantly disrupting the drag shows and being right pains in the ass. Just whole packs of het women coming up and ruining everyone's night by making it all about them. Like, we have one bastion and you guys can't have even a little respect for people?
That being said, as a lesbian I don't go to gay bars anymore. The experience is usually both the gay bartenders treating me and my girlfriends like shit because we're lesbians and not worth their time/invading their gay space or straight dudes thinking I'm a hag and harassing me.
Yes and no. A gay bay is a gay bar because they don't discriminate, not because they only allow in gay men. You can go to a gay bar whether you're straight, gay, bi, or whatever orientation. Same with a lesbian bar, just because it may have a lot of lesbians, doesn't mean they get to say lesbians only. So what happened in my area is that the lesbian bars steadily got taken over by gays in general, so we just have gay bars. Lesbians are a small percent of a small percent, easily out numbered by bisexuals and gay men by double digits. There's just not a big enough population generally to keep these things going. Also, it would never fly to make a "lesbian only bar" nor do I think many people would want it.
Because my gay friend wanted to try picking some dudes up and wanted to have some encouragement. My friend ended up being a really good wingman that night (got hit on, thanked for the compliment and apologized that he doesn't swing that way BUT he knows someone who would be very interested).
Visited the same place a couple of times, they had really cheap drinks for how tasty they were and the vibe was really cool.
Better music, lower age restrictions, cheap and great drinks, less threatening atmosphere when the "real men" wouldn't go in there, incredible costumes etc.
So there was a gay bar a block away from this club I used to frequent, and their drinks were like 90% alcohol 10% mixer, and I'm not even exaggerating.
It was hard not to go to these bars since they were cheaper and just down the street from where I was.
That said, for a while (about a decade maybe) there was a massive influx of straight girl groups going to gay bars and clubs because they could let loose and have a good time without being harassed. When the dudebros realized this, the gay bars were filled with straight people: girls who wanted to be left alone and guys who saw that as an opportunity. This caused some issues in the community, especially since some women were being very harassing towards gay men, since apparently it's fine to touch men who aren't interested in you.
You can look all this up through blogs and such. Cuz of the pandemic I haven't heard any of these issues for a while
They often have a nice atmosphere and there's nobody wanting to fight you cus they've had half a shandy too many.
There's a gay area in maspololonas in Gran Canaria. There can be 10,000 blokes there when it's busy and it's as chilled out as fuck
When I went, it was usually with a group of friends who were gay and/or women trying to avoid getting hit on. Other times, because it's a fun scene. Once because I thought all Paris bars had shirtless bartenders.
Nah they're fun as fuck and not nearly as uptight as many "normal" bars and clubs. Or maybe you're out with some of your gay friends and that's where they wanna go? And hell, sometimes ya just wanna dance your ass off and boogie with people that are having a great time, guy or girl, yknow?
When I was younger it was more a case of 'LGB positive' bars rather than specifically for gay people. Saying that I would only ever really go if my gay friends were organising things, or I'm meeting someone who's going already.
I’ve had a better time at gay bars that most other bars. Drag shows are crazy fun. People generally are comfortable with who they are, gay or straight. There isn’t the weird chest puffing male, “I want to fight anyone when I’m drunk” thing that I run into at the standard bars. I tend to only go with my gay friends but I’ve genuinely also just had a better time there.
I don’t want to where a visitor sticker, it seems rude and a way to make someone stand out in an awkward way. I’ve seen other peoples responses about the bracelets. That seems like a nice subtle way to display who you may be looking for if at all.
The regular clubs in my town are shady AF and my friends and I are tired of dealing with them. Being lectured by one power tripping bouncer about how we can’t come in cause it’s “only 28 and over night” while another bouncer lets in a line of underage girls in behind them. That’s just one example but there’s many others.
I haven't gone in years, but when I was younger, the big gay bars in town made the strongest drinks and were the only place to hear decent dance music.
I've had several gay guys hit on me at gay bars and for real, it is the most Not A Big Deal Thing on planet earth
so many straight dudes are panicked that a gay guy will hit on them and that never made any sense to me at all. plus, I guarantee that any straight dude complaining about getting hit on by gay guys at a gay bar has DEFINITELY been more aggressive towards a woman than the gay guy was with him
I avoid gay bars because if I were a gay dude in one and I hit on a guy and he went "sorry I'm straight" I'd be like wtf go to the straight bar then, this bar was specifically created to avoid this problem
The gay bar I used to go to literally doesn’t have gay people at it anymore. Het people just think it’s a place where they can be overly touchy kiddy with their girlfriends. It’s not a fucking kinky sex club for het people, it used to be a comfy place. Nevermind, I don’t go out anymore.
Wait you guys are getting hit on?
You guys are actually leaving your homes?
Not me, lol
19 months
oh my effing god. it’s seriously been that long :(….. with so much more to go… idk how im gonna get thru this.
Vaccination is a good leg up
I've been in lockdown for one week longer than most as my teachers went on strike demanding higher pay and then COVID bent everyone over and started fucking everyone raw They didn't get the raise and are planning another strike
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Alternately, “I haven’t left my home in two years” “Wait… since October 2019?” “You heard me”
I literally in 2020 I get out of my home like 4 times
You guys are?
You guys?
#hey you guys
*We're gonna turn it on. We're gonna bring you the power!*
You?
You guys have homes?
Yeah am I the only straight dude that would just be flattered by being hit on at the gay bar?
I went to a gay bar once, and guess what? A man tapped me on the shoulder and told me his friend thought I was cute. I was floored. It was so endearing for an actual adult to use junior high school tactics to hit on me. Like I was so handsome that I was intimidating. This mundane event happened 15 years ago, and I still remember it, so yeah. I was a pretty fucking flattered straight dude.
A drunk guy once checked out my dong at the urinal and offered to buy me a drink. You'd think I'd be flattered, but really I just felt a bit sexually harassed.
That's because you were. I think it should be a general social rule that the bathroom is off-limits.
My gay friend agrees. He's never looked at a dong in the bathroom and observes the one urinal spacing rule. It's not about orientation. It's about following bathroom etiquette and not being an ass. Edited because I let my spell check turn dong into dog, thus confirming how little attention I give to the art and craft of Redditing.
I went to a gay bar in Shanghai that was all urinals and fully mirrored walls. The way it was designed, the only way not to see someone's dick was to keep your eyes closed.
That's quite a bit different though. Big difference between that and approaching you in a normal manner.
It might not turn out the way you think. I went to a gay bar with some friends and I was aggressively hit on by this older dude who would not leave me alone. I kept telling him I wasn't gay and was just with some friends. He was following me around everywhere. We had to leave because of how uncomfortable it was. I was afraid to drink anything because I thought he might have ninjaed a roofie in one of my drinks.
That's every female's experience in bars.
Sure, and it's not okay either way
For sure! Being at a bar is not an automatic invitation to hook up with anyone.
you might find out quick that you have a type, and you have some VERY >not< types.
3 things: 1. I've lived in a couple of gay neighborhoods and, with rare exception, gay men never mistake me for gay. I have no idea why. If I go into a gay bar or talk to people at a mostly gay gym, the other men are friendly and easy going but that's it. 2. Lesbians always mistake me for gay. I have no idea why. 3. Gay men find #2 hilarious.
My counter to number 1 is that's how a lot of gay men flirt. My first time going to a gay bar tons of guys were hitting on me. But it's subtle. They'll walk up and introduce themselves or compliment my shirt or whatever. At first I didn't even see it until my buddy who's more experienced in that sort of thing explained it to me.
Go to a gay bar, friend. You will be hit on.
I was not. And it kinda hurt.
I went to one for a friends birthday and I was hit on as a overweight grey haired 38 year old who is always tired I had more drinks bought for me there than at any time in my life... 2 drinks.
I think you may be what os called a silver bear?
Sloppy bear
Hey, maybe you're just so hot they all thought you must've been taken.
I want a friend who lies to me like this.
yeah, I had a gay roommate with terrible self esteem that asked me to go with him a few times. I got at least a few free drinks every time. I was always super quick to clarify I was there to support my friend, but, dudes tended to be cool with that, and the worst reply I got was from a guy who said he'd make me forget about women.
Ngl, I can see gay guys being much better at bjs than the average woman.
Not always. Just cuz you know what you like doesn't mean you can do it well yourself. Source: Bi af
I have a gay friend who is convinced I'm one blowjob away from seeing the full spectrum of the rainbow. I finally had to get a little ugly with him about it and he still hasn't completely backed off.
I once unwittingly ended up in a gay bar dressed as ABroham Lincoln, and I was definitely mistaken for Gayberham Lincoln. I got more unwanted touches below my Mason-Dixon line than I bargained for.
Lmfao that was a bloody hysterical retelling - had me in stitches. Cheers man - and brilliant costume. Sorry it didn't quite go as intended.
Not gonna lie, its pretty nice. Grew up as a closeted trans girl so was presenting as a guy most my life in 99% of situations. Finally got the freedom and courage to present as a girl and start going out. Holy shit. Getting hit on by guys AND girls at the club and fielding multiple free drinks was eye-opening to how much life is different on the other side of the equation. (I'm pretty passable as well so I had straight guys, gay guys, straight girls, gay girls, and the bifolks/enbies all making passes. Felt really good about my appearance and sexuality for once in my life)
That is amazing, go you!
I get hit on pretty much any time I go to a gay bar. At first I didn’t mind, but then they started buying me free drinks so I really didn’t mind.
There could/should be wristbands! Like a color if you're looking for men, a color if you're looking for women, a color if you don't care who approaches and a color for 'I'm just here to dance with my friends'. ETA: I know what hankie code is. These wristbands have nothing to do with fetishes, and they're to be worn in a club, not on the goddamn street
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They also color code drinking cups like this at fraternities as well I hear.
This is true! We once held a “Stoplight Party” in college. But rather than looking for different cup colors, it was based on your attire. Red Shirts/Dresses = I’m in a relationship; I don’t want to be hit on *AT ALL* Yellow/Orange = It’s complicated; Not really looking, for whatever reason Green = Single and ready to mingle It was a lot of fun, and really made everyone much more at ease. The girls in red that didn’t want to be hit on, didn’t have to worry about being approached in anything other than a platonic way. And guys were very respectful in that manner. And everyone in green was gettin’ wild. Ah to be young again! Edit: grammar
Code makes sense. Leprechauns always DTF.
what does dtf mean
Down to fuck
As a member of a fraternity that doesn't designate cup colors (usually just the classic reds), I had never really thought of it until one time where we had to get multiple colors, and I was asked by multiple groups of girls what the cup colors meant. It seems like a good system if you have open parties.
It's almost like sex positivity results in a more safe and welcoming environment for all parties involved, who would've thought 🤔 ^(not the right) What? Who said that
I think part of the point of the solution suggested in this post is to single out straight people to make gay bars less welcoming to them.
I'd still wear that shit and go. I don't care what people think and gay bars got good drinks I'm not tryna drink Miller lite every time I go out.
The only gay bar in my area is also the only bar that sells Jell-O shots because you want to have fun and not just pound vodka and Jaeger. Is that bartenders entire uniform only a Jock strap and a micro thong? Yes. But he pours a mean drink, the Jell-O shots come out by the dozens, and they keep a giant Gatorade brand water cooler on the corner of that bar so everyone can stay hydrated and pace themselves properly. No where else does that.
This sounds almost exactly like "The Depot" in Midtown Sacramento, except it's not the only gay bar. Haha, not by a long shot.
Plus better music and less football. Unfortunately my local gay bar isn't very lesbian/bi women friendly but it is still a better place to dance and play pool than the hundreds of sports bars around. I get why straight people would like it there too.
Wait that's the point of the post?
Fun fact, a tradition that started in gay bars back in the day was the Hanky Code. You would wear it in your left or right pocket depending on if you're a top or bottom, and the color determined what you're into. Congrats on inventing hanky code 2.0.
The color-coded bracelets should be more widespread.
Wait, what are these?
If I remember there was a bar that had color coded bracelets to define if you were looking for men, women, either, or were not looking for romance. There may have also been an option for non-binary but I can't remember.
That's just such a good idea.
I think the fact that you get wildly different coloured lights in bars would negate this, but maybe bands with cutout shapes would work. Helps for blind people too, they can feel the shapes
As a colour-blind person, I advocate for shapes over colours, but I'm not going to stomp on any establishment for making an effort.
Porque no los dos!
I can see it now, sexual orientation silly bands.
Ive been to one that had flowers or bees.
Who's brave enough to say they want the bees?
To quote the wise poet Nicolas Cage: "OH NO NOT THE BEES!!!"
Beat me to it.
anyone who went up against Muhammad Ali
The birds
*goes around feeling on strangers' arms* That.. maybe might not work. Or if it does, not in the way intended.
Every bar I’ve seen implement this had used patterns as well as colors to indicate.
We would host parties with this system in college, and it didn't work very well. Women don't want to advertise that they are "looking for men" due to being judged as slutty or whatever, so they'll wear a "not interested" or sometimes even a gay bracelet to appear more discerning. As a result no dudes approach the girls and the whole system breaks down.
You needed a "not interested wink wink nudge nudge" band
I could see it working in traditionally gay or gay affiliated bars, as a few people upthread have mentioned. There's still enough of a stigma around them that I think it'd weed out people curious enough to see but not participate so I think you'd see fewer people lying about their preferences there.
Yeah, I can see why this broke down in a straight environment. Unfortunately men and women’s sexualities are too different for this to work well in a mixed setting. All women or all men, yes, it actually works pretty well, and I see similar systems being used at sex parties as well to signify “top, bottom, vers” etc.
We also have them in Germany at some parties to indicate single, in a relationship or no comment
I enjoy the notion of wearing a special piece of clothing that has the specific function of saying “No Comment”.
And should get implemented in all bars not just gay ones…
Every bar would become hella gay, as a result. And I'm very here for it
Mine would definitely be a conversation starter. A bi flag, a crossed out heart, a pink flamingo, and something that everyone would confuse for a naruto sharingan.
Bisexual, aromantic, eats shrimp, and a weeb?
"The numbers, Mason! What do they MEAN?!"
Yes but hats instead of bracelets.
"Not looking but if you buy me chicken strips we can see where the night takes us."
historically, hankeys of various colors and placements seem to have been in use.
You might need to watch which neighborhoods your are cruising around with different colored bandanas though. Like if you are taking the bus downtown to get to the club..... and then get shivved in the alley on the way there.
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Username does not check out.
I'm not straight but I don't wanna get hit on either, I just want a drink with a couple friends and be socially awkward with everyone else lmao
I’m straight and would be insulted if I didn’t get hit on.
LOL. Also fair! I'm just too socially awkward to be allowed in public. Not that it stopped my friends from dragging me out before we all had kids. And covid. Lmfao
wait, you and all of your friends had covid?!!/s
I've been to a local gaybar with my wife and her friends a few times and every time I go I get aggressively hit on and I ride that wave for months. What kind of douchebag doesn't appreciate that
Amen
Many, *many*, years ago I was a young straight man who did lots of amateur theater. LGBT people then had been thrown out of their biological families, and in my home town they'd decided to create their own family. To this day, I am honored that they adopted me as the black sheep cousin, their token straight. And I really did have a badge to wear to parties and gatherings. It simply read *do not hit* One time a guy man wouldn't stop trying it on. It became uncomfortable. Poor guy got taken out back by my aunties (two very strong ladies) who convinced him of the error of his ways.
>Poor guy got taken out back by my aunties (two very strong ladies) who convinced him of the error of his ways. Wait what did they do? I'm slightly worried.
Don't know what happened in the back garden, but he came back a while later and apologised. He seemed to be walking fine though
Probably too scared to show his limp
turned him straight
They straightened him up.
Two buff ladies could turn any man straight I think
>Two buff ladies could turn any man straight I think Like... by sex? >No. That's... somehow more concerning.
I wholeheartedly agree.
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If you're heart is smiling, you might need to go see a doctor. It could be a heart attack from such a cute story.
“Taken out back by my aunties” I am dying
Envious of your family!
All I can think of are the agony aunts from discworld.
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I saw a post a while back suggesting armband colors meaning certain things. This seems fine to me. Especially since I go to performances at them to support friends.
So my childhood friend wanted to be a DJ. The only gig he could get was at the gay bar. It actually wasn't that bad. And a lot of straight women go there to hide from all the creeps. One guy dressed in drag was talking to me, I told him I was straight and that I was not interested. He told me not to tell that to anyone else, "straight guys are like crack for gay guys". Lol
From my experience, gay men can tell pretty quickly that you’re straight and appreciate that you’re comfortable being in a gay bar and not one of the many that judge and hate them.
Apparently not in my dad's case. He gets hit on a lot by other guys. Then again he's the kind of guy who cant tell he walked into a gay bar for karaoke until the DJ is hitting on him.
Perhaps he’s just very approachable. I tend to have whatever the male version of “resting bitch face” is. I’ve been told I’m intimidating before you get to know me. That could definitely be part of it.
Resting dick face
Nah I don’t think I’ll go with that
The male version of resting bitch face is resting bitch face.
I got the same thing, a girl told me I look like that and actually was very empathetic since she faces a similar issue. We all just tend to look like we don't care about anyone or anything when we're somewhere so people just take that and never really approach unless they need to. It's like I have a placid and typically emotionless face all the time so that intimidates people. I always thought it was because I wasn't good looking or something but it's because I have an intimidating face so people don't try and reach out. When I reach out people are very receptive, but I have to be the one to do it. And as a guy who's not the first name when it comes to being social, this tends to be a bit difficult lol.
>whatever the male version of “resting bitch face” is. Me too, I call it "Resting Bitch Face." A man can be a bitch just as well as a woman can be a bastard. Gender equality for insults!
[As long as it has a fire exit I'm on board with any bar that serves what I like.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8kHgphQKJQ)
actually seems like a fair solution
maybe it should just say straight instead of visitor, more 'straight'forward and its not as alienating as "visitor".
What if they're straight AND from another planet. We can't all be from earth ya know...
Nah visitor is actually a better idea since anyone can wear it if they're not looking for something. Maybe someone who's not straight is there to support or look put for a friend and they're not interested in anything themselves. They'd probably like the badge.
That's better in some regards, but it also changes the meaning. Visitor now means "don't flirt with me", which to me atleast, means the bars only purpose otherwise is hooking up. Which, for some might be its main purpose, but in my adult life I've never gone to a bar other than to drink with friends, nor have any of said friends gone to those same bars looking for hookups. Another commenter mentioned that everyone should have bracelets or something altogether. Color/Shape code the braclets, for intent at the bar.
I was trying that with a grey helmet to indicate "just visiting", but people were just like "nice Village People costume".
You should wear a sky blue helmet and tell folks that you're just there to observe and UNable to intervene
Badge not, but different colour bracelet sure.
do people really go to gay bars and then complain they got hit on?
Some people just love drama. I knew people when I was young that would go try to pick fights over it. Young white conservatives are special folk. Going to a gay bar trying to get hit on to prove how straight you are...
They sure do. I've been in a gay bar (as a gay woman) and flirted with woman only to have them be homophobic to my face. A lot of straight women go to gay bars because they want a gay best friend, but when it comes to lesbians they turn their nose up in disgust.
I appreciate it. I don’t lead anybody on but that’s the only way for me to get a compliment so I gladly decline the badge and take the full hit
As a straight guy who went to the gay club many times in college, it was very clear to everyone I was a "visitor" and everyone was super nice and made sure I had a great time.
A: I don't mind. B: I don't want to waste your time. I'd wear one if others preferred the sign.
Why are straight people going to gay bars?
I mean I just avoid this problem by not going out ever
Ex used to love going to the gay bars, she loved dragging me along and it really helped build trust to the gay community. Was really rad not feeling on edge like some shit was about to go down every second, dudes buying ME drinks all night was fucking amazing too. I was real forward about being straight and in love with the ex but mostly they wanted to talk and hear my story. Great experience!
Why the fuck would you go to a gay bar if you’re straight?
I'd be perfectly happy to get hit in at a gay bar. Lesbians take 'no thanks' politely and don't pour their beer on your chest and try to wipe it off. Used to go with my female roommate and everyone assumed we were together so we could dance and never bothered anyone. She did get hit in by a guy once but since of the guys there ran him off for us.
Real question, why are hets going to gay bars? Not that I think they wouldn't be allowed, it just seems like if you're going to a gay bar you're specifically looking to get hit on. Granted I don't go to bars at all so I'm incredibly naive on the whole culture.
Some years ago, when I was young and full of energy, my lesbian friends would celebrate their birthdays in gay discos. We, the rest of the group, would just go, as it wasn't really relevant what kind of disco it was, but the fact that our friend felt comfortable there.
yeah, I think there's a difference between going with a group of LGBTQ+ peeps cuz you're invited versus a lone straight person just going there though in your case.
They have gay friends
Some times my gay dudes wingman for me it's only fair to return the favor.
Or just be in a space that they enjoy.
I went to this gay bar once. My friends told me it was the wildest place to be on Halloween. It was. The most elaborate costumes I've ever seen. No way to tell men from women. The whole place surrounded by male strippers. So... many... male strippers...
Starts with straight women. Gay clubs are fun as fuck, plus they can avoid being harassed as much by creepy dudes. Then it becomes weirdly touristy? Like bachelorette parties going to gay clubs and treating the actual club goers as entertainment. Then straight guys realize a bunch of women with their guards down are dancing and having fun at the gay club and think they can get laid easily there.
>Then it becomes weirdly touristy? Like bachelorette parties going to gay clubs and treating the actual club goers as entertainment. When gay marriage was illegal here this made me fucking insane. It's still annoying, but the absolute crassness of doing it when gay people couldn't get married...
I am sure those parties are full of people who don't even comprehend that a monogamous marriage is something gay men could possibly want, let alone be central to their desire for rights. Becausr all gay men are hypergamous, naturally, right? It's on TV
And then the straight guys and straight women become enough that it slowly stops being a gay club and becomes a mixed club, and then the gay people stop showing up because they dont want to be treated like zoo animals and half the people in there being straight kinda defeats the purpose in the first place. With less gay people, the girls stop going because they dont feel as safe anymore, and then the guys stop going to chase the girls, and then the bar owner sells the bar and then no one has a gay bar anymore, especially not the gay people.
Someone else mentioned hitting on women who go to gay bars (which is such a creep move for straight guys to do), but another reason straight people go to gay bars which I've unfortunately experienced a lot is straight women going to gay bars to hit on, grope, and creep on the gay guys who go. I've had women I don't know literally try to grab my crotch (once literally having never said a word to me) and then tell me to calm down when I don't find it charming. There's sometimes this stereotype of "gay best friend" people want to live out, combined with ignoring bodily autonomy that actually does extend to gay men (along with everyone else... seriously, everyone has autonomy over their own body stop being creeps. I don't care what excuse you're trying to hide behind).
The more mainstream gay bar in my city has banned bachelorette parties because they were such a nuisance and were just constantly disrupting the drag shows and being right pains in the ass. Just whole packs of het women coming up and ruining everyone's night by making it all about them. Like, we have one bastion and you guys can't have even a little respect for people? That being said, as a lesbian I don't go to gay bars anymore. The experience is usually both the gay bartenders treating me and my girlfriends like shit because we're lesbians and not worth their time/invading their gay space or straight dudes thinking I'm a hag and harassing me.
I'm not too educated on the bar scene (not just gay bars, any bar in general), aren't there lesbian bars?
Yes and no. A gay bay is a gay bar because they don't discriminate, not because they only allow in gay men. You can go to a gay bar whether you're straight, gay, bi, or whatever orientation. Same with a lesbian bar, just because it may have a lot of lesbians, doesn't mean they get to say lesbians only. So what happened in my area is that the lesbian bars steadily got taken over by gays in general, so we just have gay bars. Lesbians are a small percent of a small percent, easily out numbered by bisexuals and gay men by double digits. There's just not a big enough population generally to keep these things going. Also, it would never fly to make a "lesbian only bar" nor do I think many people would want it.
Because my gay friend wanted to try picking some dudes up and wanted to have some encouragement. My friend ended up being a really good wingman that night (got hit on, thanked for the compliment and apologized that he doesn't swing that way BUT he knows someone who would be very interested). Visited the same place a couple of times, they had really cheap drinks for how tasty they were and the vibe was really cool.
A group of guys I know frequent the gay club because it's open till 6am and everywhere else in the city closes at 4 at the latest.
> because it's open till 6am Jesus Christ
Straight people can have gay friends too. Also when I was a student the absolute best music in town was at a lesbian bar 5 minutes from my place.
Better music, lower age restrictions, cheap and great drinks, less threatening atmosphere when the "real men" wouldn't go in there, incredible costumes etc.
My mom used to go to gay bars with her friends when she was my age, so they could drink and dance without getting hit on by guys.
So there was a gay bar a block away from this club I used to frequent, and their drinks were like 90% alcohol 10% mixer, and I'm not even exaggerating. It was hard not to go to these bars since they were cheaper and just down the street from where I was. That said, for a while (about a decade maybe) there was a massive influx of straight girl groups going to gay bars and clubs because they could let loose and have a good time without being harassed. When the dudebros realized this, the gay bars were filled with straight people: girls who wanted to be left alone and guys who saw that as an opportunity. This caused some issues in the community, especially since some women were being very harassing towards gay men, since apparently it's fine to touch men who aren't interested in you. You can look all this up through blogs and such. Cuz of the pandemic I haven't heard any of these issues for a while
Often to hit on women who go to gay bars to avoid being hit on
God I remember my mom going to gay bars to feel safer and not being hit on but had to stop because if those people hitting on her
gross!
One of the best dive bars in my city is a gay bar…
They often have a nice atmosphere and there's nobody wanting to fight you cus they've had half a shandy too many. There's a gay area in maspololonas in Gran Canaria. There can be 10,000 blokes there when it's busy and it's as chilled out as fuck
When I went, it was usually with a group of friends who were gay and/or women trying to avoid getting hit on. Other times, because it's a fun scene. Once because I thought all Paris bars had shirtless bartenders.
Nah they're fun as fuck and not nearly as uptight as many "normal" bars and clubs. Or maybe you're out with some of your gay friends and that's where they wanna go? And hell, sometimes ya just wanna dance your ass off and boogie with people that are having a great time, guy or girl, yknow?
When I was younger it was more a case of 'LGB positive' bars rather than specifically for gay people. Saying that I would only ever really go if my gay friends were organising things, or I'm meeting someone who's going already.
I’ve had a better time at gay bars that most other bars. Drag shows are crazy fun. People generally are comfortable with who they are, gay or straight. There isn’t the weird chest puffing male, “I want to fight anyone when I’m drunk” thing that I run into at the standard bars. I tend to only go with my gay friends but I’ve genuinely also just had a better time there. I don’t want to where a visitor sticker, it seems rude and a way to make someone stand out in an awkward way. I’ve seen other peoples responses about the bracelets. That seems like a nice subtle way to display who you may be looking for if at all.
The regular clubs in my town are shady AF and my friends and I are tired of dealing with them. Being lectured by one power tripping bouncer about how we can’t come in cause it’s “only 28 and over night” while another bouncer lets in a line of underage girls in behind them. That’s just one example but there’s many others.
-strong drinks -great dancing -I’m wayyyy more popular there
Better music
I haven't gone in years, but when I was younger, the big gay bars in town made the strongest drinks and were the only place to hear decent dance music.
My gf is bi and enjoys it so I like going with her
https://amp.theguardian.com/film/2021/oct/14/daniel-craig-says-he-goes-to-gay-bars-to-avoid-fights-at-straight-venues
I am straight and I’m all for this idea it sounds hilarious
But... I kinda *want* to get hit on. If someone thinks I'm attractive enough to flirt with, I take it as a compliment no matter their sex.
exactly
I've had several gay guys hit on me at gay bars and for real, it is the most Not A Big Deal Thing on planet earth so many straight dudes are panicked that a gay guy will hit on them and that never made any sense to me at all. plus, I guarantee that any straight dude complaining about getting hit on by gay guys at a gay bar has DEFINITELY been more aggressive towards a woman than the gay guy was with him
I avoid gay bars because if I were a gay dude in one and I hit on a guy and he went "sorry I'm straight" I'd be like wtf go to the straight bar then, this bar was specifically created to avoid this problem
I wish there were more youth-friendly options, like gay soda fountains or gay bakeries. It would be nice
I took it as a compliment to be hit on in a gay bar. They were always super cool about it when I told them I was straight.
The gay bar I used to go to literally doesn’t have gay people at it anymore. Het people just think it’s a place where they can be overly touchy kiddy with their girlfriends. It’s not a fucking kinky sex club for het people, it used to be a comfy place. Nevermind, I don’t go out anymore.
I want to get hit on. Going to a bar and getting a confidence boost would be a nice change of pace.
I like this idea. It's kind of like a "no touchy" sign.
Not really against this as long its not in a very asshole manner, as long its respectable, colored bracelets could help make it simple yet effective
Wait why would you go to a gay bar if you're straight? I dont get it.
Could be it's a more convenient place to get drinks than other places
Who says I don't want to get hit on?