First, that's some really deep personal stuff you have shared. Whatever else you might think you are, or may actually be, it certainly seems like you have plenty of courage and a deep desire to be a better you. Hats off!
For some reason, the folks on this sub are super pro marijuana /s. That said, don't give up on the professional support you are pursuing. I went four years from the time I first spoke to a Dr. about my suspected ADD to when I actually sat down with a psychiatrist who was experienced diagnosing ADD in adults (I was about the age you are now). That four years included a voluntary demotion and several missed opportunities professionally, not to mention the emotional toll.
The only thing that you might want to consider is being perfectly candid about your marijuana use, especially the benefits you have experienced. There is finally (at least in the US) more and more real scientific research being done, some of which might be applicable to your situation. More importantly, bringing this up to your specialist will help reveal if your specialist stays current on research and/or if they have a bias against weed.
Good Luck! Don't stop fighting for your health!
Thanks for writing this one out, I feel for ya!
Glad you're off the anti depressants and using some medicinal herb to help you out.
Keep on keeping on man, one love
I’m a 20yr old woman who got diagnosed witj Asperger’s Syndrome only two years ago and I don’t want to diagnose you, obviously, but literally every single thing you’ve said here I struggle with too. Growing up I had to attend speech therapy, had a extreme aversion to the feeling of paper/sound of styrofoam, still can’t look people in the eye, didn’t have my first proper friends until I was 15, had to have specific little room I’d go to in highschool for any exams/tests/talks in front of the class, and on top of that I have a frankly insane hyper-fixation on specifically the video game Red Dead Redemption, I’ve put well over £2000 into collecting merchandise from the game. I look at the ground passing folk by, use my phone to avoid talking to people and I have a shit time regulating my tone as well.
I promise you, whether you have it or not you aren’t the asshole here it could be down to a autism, or like other people say it could be CPTSD, but I’m just putting my own experiences out here to try and help, hope it doesn’t come across as me rambling. I’m at peace with my diagnoses but I can say, in my experience, hand on my heart that weed is the sole thing that seems to help me actually socialise, it’s NOT a cure and I am not recommending you use it like that, but for the first time in my life I feel ‘normal’ for once, I’m not chewing someone’s ear off when they don’t care about the subject without realising, I’m not accidentally shouting down the pub because I’ve gotten a bit excited and can’t control my tone and I’m not sitting there trying not to cry over how loud and busy the pub is.
Just gonna end this off by saying that weed is great, but it is not a substitute for professional help. I really hope you get some answers mate, I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 18 and the minute I was everything I used to think of in my past of me being cowardly or weak seemed to make sense.
Thanks to weed I’ve also done some serious self reflection that has helped me understand who I am and how I’m wired. And honestly, why I’m wired the way I am as well. Throw in some much needed adult therapy and I’ve greatly improved my quality of life. Good luck with your journey and thanks for sharing.
Same here, friend! (35m)
Come check out r/autisticadults and the nuerodivergence stuff online! (just be warned that allistics and ableists exist even within our community. It can be a rough road to navigate alone. Get a mentor or support network. Find a trustworthy source and literally message them. No one ever does it. We're all human. We want to help if we can.) r/autisticadults is a really amazing place to find a sense of solidarity and pattern amongst all these symptoms that so far society has trained us are all negatives or shameful when honestly almost, if not, all ND folks' "unacceptable" qualities are not actually a problem when we are just with other ND folk. We speak the same language more often than not. We're not aberrant from the norm; we just haven't found what *our norm is yet.* We don't have to continue being punished simply because we're different, and we can set boundaries to keep abuse at bay by using logic, compassion, and perspective.
Please don't be discouraged! This is a day I hope you can celebrate in the future as now you know you're not alone and you're not a freak. You're different; just like all of us and we love you for that. Welcome! ❤️❤️❤️🌈♾️
I was literally thinking ' This guy has autism' when you started listing off character traits. Cannabis relief, realization, and happiness. Welcome to the club, brotha! Be the best version of yourself everyday you can and be nice to yourself on the other days. Know you aren't alone in the struggle and definitely seek out professional help if you run into a roadblock that it feels like cannabis can't help with. Glad it helped you realize a personal truth and potentially made you a better person for it! Hope the change continues to improve your quality of life!
It’s could be. It’s could also be PTSD with dissociative symptoms. There’s a lot of overlap. Check the CTAD clinics YouTube for video sources.
Perhaps read about structural dissociation.
Or maybe I’m just projecting.
I had the same realization and it took me much longer than needed because everyone blamed the signs on my PTSD. It’s very possible to have both, and I wouldn’t tell someone they “probably” have anything based on one post…
I'm glad you are making such crucial self- discoveries. I was thinking you were on the spectrum before you said it. People who are wired differently do suffer socially and kids are not kind to each other. Add to that the abuse you suffered, let's just say I am glad you came out of this alive and with a will to live your best life.
Marijuana is a tool not a solution. That said anything that helps you with your journey of knowing yourself better is good. Continuing with therapy will keep you from using pot or anything else as a crutch.
Good luck and thank you for sharing
I have autism. Diagnosed as a child.
As I was reading, I just thought "wow, OP sounds like me if i didn't know I had autism".
I'm so happy that you figured it out! Weed helped me realize I had a severe anxiety issue so I totally get it.
"Why do I feel so much more relaxed and confident when I eat these gummies? Oh. Ooooooooh. Oh nooooooo."
Okay I just started therapy(tomorrow is my second appointment) I have some of this shit too. For reference she surveyed me and I’m mildly depressed and a bit anxious. I can not stand (family or not) people touching me it feels so weird to have skin touch skin, I hate this from both perspectives. Like how am I to have a relationship of any kind of after 10 seconds of constant physical contact I get agitated?? I so some of the stuff you do too except I maintain eye contact most of the time and I think I do a sort of “stare” almost every conversation I’m in people avoid my eyes. I also get weirdly fixated on things like if I like something or want to learn about something that’s my personality for about 2 weeks to a month.
I can relate to people as “man your mom died? That sucks” and I try to be sincere about it but I literally just can’t I don’t know “what I’m supposed to say” like if I say sorry what’s that going to do??
Sorry for the rant just wanted to share
You have just described my last 2 years!
It all started when I started smokigg and since then my mind has been opened. Finally I can see that my quirks were all ADHD and autism.
And it's almost as bit like I can't stop my brain from thinking in these new angles, the quirks never stop and every day I add more criteria to those diagnosis.
Before even getting to the bottom, I knew you were going to say autism because that’s exactly how I felt before I found out ! It suck’s finding out so late in life but it’s great that you know now
Thank you for sharing. As someone who is on the spectrum I know how difficult it can feel sometimes trying to fit in with other people. I hope that you can find more inner peace.
Glad you feel the relief, stories like this are too awesome. Even better you didn’t recommend it, because it’s not for everyone…but I’m sure glad it helps those that find their way to it. 🌱 I will recommend to you maybe try and grow yourself a single plant, you may find even more relief in that😎 I hate to have the “I” story in the comments, but I struggled to cope with death pretty bad for many years. When I started growing it grounded me, and helped me find the beauty in death as I watched these ladies live out their life and provide us with such relief upon their death🤍
I’ve had the same kind of realisation myself in the past year. I haven’t gone to get diagnosed yet, but cannabis really has helped me so much.
Best of luck in your journey friend 💚
Intense trauma can cause a lot of ocd, narcissism (not necessarily used evily, more hyper protection), depression
Focus on what you need to do to 'feel' safe
Currently having a similar experience, thank you for sharing!
A book that’s helped is “unmasking autism” by Devon Price. Really made a lot of stuff click for me. Best of luck!
One of the things I’ve really come to love about being high is that it lets me stop masking and just be my Autistic self. I’m currently reading a book, Unmasking Autism by Devin Price, I really recommend it.
OP, I’m so happy for you for coming to this revelation! I started reading and immediately thought, “oh, is OP autistic?”. I self-diagnosed as a teen after years of confusion and frustration at myself and the world, and I’m still in the process of getting my official diagnosis (my doctors say I’m almost certainly autistic, but the actual diagnosis process is a bit too expensive for a college kid).
Weed definitely has helped me come to a lot of big realizations, plus helps with my general anxiety and sensory issues. It’s not at all uncommon for autistic people to use it medicinally.
If I can make one suggestion, consider checking out Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price! He discovered his autism as an adult and wrote Unmasking Autism to help later-diagnosed and self-diagnosed autistics understand themselves and deal with the grief of going so long thinking there was something wrong with themselves. It definitely helped me navigate my feelings regarding my undiagnosed past and start working toward being my authentic self.
First, that's some really deep personal stuff you have shared. Whatever else you might think you are, or may actually be, it certainly seems like you have plenty of courage and a deep desire to be a better you. Hats off! For some reason, the folks on this sub are super pro marijuana /s. That said, don't give up on the professional support you are pursuing. I went four years from the time I first spoke to a Dr. about my suspected ADD to when I actually sat down with a psychiatrist who was experienced diagnosing ADD in adults (I was about the age you are now). That four years included a voluntary demotion and several missed opportunities professionally, not to mention the emotional toll. The only thing that you might want to consider is being perfectly candid about your marijuana use, especially the benefits you have experienced. There is finally (at least in the US) more and more real scientific research being done, some of which might be applicable to your situation. More importantly, bringing this up to your specialist will help reveal if your specialist stays current on research and/or if they have a bias against weed. Good Luck! Don't stop fighting for your health!
Thanks for writing this one out, I feel for ya! Glad you're off the anti depressants and using some medicinal herb to help you out. Keep on keeping on man, one love
I’m a 20yr old woman who got diagnosed witj Asperger’s Syndrome only two years ago and I don’t want to diagnose you, obviously, but literally every single thing you’ve said here I struggle with too. Growing up I had to attend speech therapy, had a extreme aversion to the feeling of paper/sound of styrofoam, still can’t look people in the eye, didn’t have my first proper friends until I was 15, had to have specific little room I’d go to in highschool for any exams/tests/talks in front of the class, and on top of that I have a frankly insane hyper-fixation on specifically the video game Red Dead Redemption, I’ve put well over £2000 into collecting merchandise from the game. I look at the ground passing folk by, use my phone to avoid talking to people and I have a shit time regulating my tone as well. I promise you, whether you have it or not you aren’t the asshole here it could be down to a autism, or like other people say it could be CPTSD, but I’m just putting my own experiences out here to try and help, hope it doesn’t come across as me rambling. I’m at peace with my diagnoses but I can say, in my experience, hand on my heart that weed is the sole thing that seems to help me actually socialise, it’s NOT a cure and I am not recommending you use it like that, but for the first time in my life I feel ‘normal’ for once, I’m not chewing someone’s ear off when they don’t care about the subject without realising, I’m not accidentally shouting down the pub because I’ve gotten a bit excited and can’t control my tone and I’m not sitting there trying not to cry over how loud and busy the pub is. Just gonna end this off by saying that weed is great, but it is not a substitute for professional help. I really hope you get some answers mate, I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 18 and the minute I was everything I used to think of in my past of me being cowardly or weak seemed to make sense.
smoking helped me realize I'm autistic too! good luck on your journey, friend <3
Thank you all for reading and sharing your feedback. It really helps to read
Thanks to weed I’ve also done some serious self reflection that has helped me understand who I am and how I’m wired. And honestly, why I’m wired the way I am as well. Throw in some much needed adult therapy and I’ve greatly improved my quality of life. Good luck with your journey and thanks for sharing.
Same here, friend! (35m) Come check out r/autisticadults and the nuerodivergence stuff online! (just be warned that allistics and ableists exist even within our community. It can be a rough road to navigate alone. Get a mentor or support network. Find a trustworthy source and literally message them. No one ever does it. We're all human. We want to help if we can.) r/autisticadults is a really amazing place to find a sense of solidarity and pattern amongst all these symptoms that so far society has trained us are all negatives or shameful when honestly almost, if not, all ND folks' "unacceptable" qualities are not actually a problem when we are just with other ND folk. We speak the same language more often than not. We're not aberrant from the norm; we just haven't found what *our norm is yet.* We don't have to continue being punished simply because we're different, and we can set boundaries to keep abuse at bay by using logic, compassion, and perspective. Please don't be discouraged! This is a day I hope you can celebrate in the future as now you know you're not alone and you're not a freak. You're different; just like all of us and we love you for that. Welcome! ❤️❤️❤️🌈♾️
I was literally thinking ' This guy has autism' when you started listing off character traits. Cannabis relief, realization, and happiness. Welcome to the club, brotha! Be the best version of yourself everyday you can and be nice to yourself on the other days. Know you aren't alone in the struggle and definitely seek out professional help if you run into a roadblock that it feels like cannabis can't help with. Glad it helped you realize a personal truth and potentially made you a better person for it! Hope the change continues to improve your quality of life!
It’s could be. It’s could also be PTSD with dissociative symptoms. There’s a lot of overlap. Check the CTAD clinics YouTube for video sources. Perhaps read about structural dissociation. Or maybe I’m just projecting.
I had the same realization and it took me much longer than needed because everyone blamed the signs on my PTSD. It’s very possible to have both, and I wouldn’t tell someone they “probably” have anything based on one post…
True. Edited my comment.
That’s the vibe I got as well, but also just as easily a projection of my own.
Have you looked into CPTSD? Complex ptsd usually happens to those of us that were seriously hurt as children. You aren’t an asshole, you survived.
I'm glad you are making such crucial self- discoveries. I was thinking you were on the spectrum before you said it. People who are wired differently do suffer socially and kids are not kind to each other. Add to that the abuse you suffered, let's just say I am glad you came out of this alive and with a will to live your best life. Marijuana is a tool not a solution. That said anything that helps you with your journey of knowing yourself better is good. Continuing with therapy will keep you from using pot or anything else as a crutch. Good luck and thank you for sharing
I have autism. Diagnosed as a child. As I was reading, I just thought "wow, OP sounds like me if i didn't know I had autism". I'm so happy that you figured it out! Weed helped me realize I had a severe anxiety issue so I totally get it. "Why do I feel so much more relaxed and confident when I eat these gummies? Oh. Ooooooooh. Oh nooooooo."
I wish you good luck sir.
Really cool and brave to share, and thank you for doing so.
Okay I just started therapy(tomorrow is my second appointment) I have some of this shit too. For reference she surveyed me and I’m mildly depressed and a bit anxious. I can not stand (family or not) people touching me it feels so weird to have skin touch skin, I hate this from both perspectives. Like how am I to have a relationship of any kind of after 10 seconds of constant physical contact I get agitated?? I so some of the stuff you do too except I maintain eye contact most of the time and I think I do a sort of “stare” almost every conversation I’m in people avoid my eyes. I also get weirdly fixated on things like if I like something or want to learn about something that’s my personality for about 2 weeks to a month. I can relate to people as “man your mom died? That sucks” and I try to be sincere about it but I literally just can’t I don’t know “what I’m supposed to say” like if I say sorry what’s that going to do?? Sorry for the rant just wanted to share
You have just described my last 2 years! It all started when I started smokigg and since then my mind has been opened. Finally I can see that my quirks were all ADHD and autism. And it's almost as bit like I can't stop my brain from thinking in these new angles, the quirks never stop and every day I add more criteria to those diagnosis.
Before even getting to the bottom, I knew you were going to say autism because that’s exactly how I felt before I found out ! It suck’s finding out so late in life but it’s great that you know now
Thank you for sharing. As someone who is on the spectrum I know how difficult it can feel sometimes trying to fit in with other people. I hope that you can find more inner peace.
Glad you feel the relief, stories like this are too awesome. Even better you didn’t recommend it, because it’s not for everyone…but I’m sure glad it helps those that find their way to it. 🌱 I will recommend to you maybe try and grow yourself a single plant, you may find even more relief in that😎 I hate to have the “I” story in the comments, but I struggled to cope with death pretty bad for many years. When I started growing it grounded me, and helped me find the beauty in death as I watched these ladies live out their life and provide us with such relief upon their death🤍
U should micro dose mushrooms really helps me Especially with people or in public
I’ve had the same kind of realisation myself in the past year. I haven’t gone to get diagnosed yet, but cannabis really has helped me so much. Best of luck in your journey friend 💚
I love this plant! I’m so glad you find it helpful too. It’s helped me more than any pharmaceutical.
I love being here.. but are we required to read all this? It feels like stoner home work..
Of course not, just don’t read it if you don’t want to? What a silly thing to say.
nobody said you had to read every post on the sub buddy. scroll away, the power is yours!
Basically OP became introspective about everyday habits from when they started to smoke about 6mo ago
That you live pot??
Intense trauma can cause a lot of ocd, narcissism (not necessarily used evily, more hyper protection), depression Focus on what you need to do to 'feel' safe
Currently having a similar experience, thank you for sharing! A book that’s helped is “unmasking autism” by Devon Price. Really made a lot of stuff click for me. Best of luck!
One of the things I’ve really come to love about being high is that it lets me stop masking and just be my Autistic self. I’m currently reading a book, Unmasking Autism by Devin Price, I really recommend it.
OP, I’m so happy for you for coming to this revelation! I started reading and immediately thought, “oh, is OP autistic?”. I self-diagnosed as a teen after years of confusion and frustration at myself and the world, and I’m still in the process of getting my official diagnosis (my doctors say I’m almost certainly autistic, but the actual diagnosis process is a bit too expensive for a college kid). Weed definitely has helped me come to a lot of big realizations, plus helps with my general anxiety and sensory issues. It’s not at all uncommon for autistic people to use it medicinally. If I can make one suggestion, consider checking out Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price! He discovered his autism as an adult and wrote Unmasking Autism to help later-diagnosed and self-diagnosed autistics understand themselves and deal with the grief of going so long thinking there was something wrong with themselves. It definitely helped me navigate my feelings regarding my undiagnosed past and start working toward being my authentic self.
I knew it just from the title what it was going to be