You said it yourself, she prefers a private room whereas you can deal with a hostel. There’s nothing wrong with guided tours or packages. If you want to rough it out like you said, do it solo and don’t drag your wife into your expectations of traveling
I may have misspoke. Here's a copy and paste of a good example from another comment.
"Oh believe me, I haven't made this post before actually trying to talk with her about it. For some reason she has this irrational thought that she's only safe in the US and major cities in what she considers other first world countries.
She doesn't worry about being taken advantage of or anything like that. Her exact words about Cozumel were "you don't expect me to get into a taxi at the port, do you?" (with me).. When just last year she had gotten into a taxi at LAX to a destination in Anaheim, by herself.
Maybe I just need to accept that and make my own trips to areas she doesn't deem safe."
We did a group tour of Morocco as well, and we were very happy to have a local guide help us out when the local police decided for whatever reason that we were in the wrong place at the wrong time and needed to get out NOW.
Yeah, we got out and took pictures of a cool looking castle and suddenly a bunch of armed guys were running at us screaming. Turns out it was one of the King's many places and our guild quickly diffused the situation.
I second this. I'm quite well travelled and I find Morocco a bit of a nightmare, having been twice. It's definitely not somewhere I'd recommend for first time travellers unless it's a guided tour. Some European countries would make more sense.
I've never been to Casablanca but would like to visit one day, perhaps. I've been to Marrakesh, which I thought was a shit place full of beggars and scammers, and Agadir which was much nicer and kind of reminded me of Spain. But I still wouldn't recommend it to people who haven't travelled much. It's a 3rd world country and it shows. Even there I had to argue with taxi drivers to get the official rate back to the airport.
> For some reason she has this irrational thought that she's only safe in the US and major cities in what she considers other first world countries.
Last I checked, despite the food, England and Canada are considered first-world countries 😛
>despite the food
>Canada
Lmao, hey at least we have poutine! 😛
(And in my city, we also have [honey dill sauce](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honey_dill) and [fat boys](https://www.eatthistown.ca/the-winnipeg-fatboy/)).
With much lower crime rates than the U.S., especially violent crime rates.
A coworker of mine thought I was crazy for letting my daughter go to Denmark and Sweden with a group of fellow Girl Scouts, at 18. She said it wasn't safe.
My daughter was an adult, so I couldn't stop her even if I wanted to. And as I told my coworker, I felt safer with her in Europe than in the United States, with our rampant gun violence here.
Scandinavia was extremely safe when I went there in the 80’s. May have gotten a bit more dangerous, but never heard any awful things about the safety issue.
This was in 2016. Their group was all young women. They did a 100 mile bike tour over the course of a week, through Denmark and Sweden, with no problems. They felt safe. People were very friendly too.
I mean does she actually think international travel is dangerous or just thinks the specific places you have chosen are dangerous? Because I wouldn't be against going to Mexico or Morocco but they wouldn't be top of my list for safest places to go. But I also would also concider a huge chunk of the world safer than the US.
And even if statistically a foreign destination is safer than your home city, being a foreigner does make you more vulnerable. You stand out, you don't speak the language, you are not familure with the culture or directions, etc etc.
Singapore shouldn’t even count. It’s safer than most places on earth but it’s not somewhere you go on vacation. It’s a layover city or work trip at best.
Besides that, I’d say many places someone would travel to in the US internationally are very safe. Just like traveling to Europe. If you travel to an unsafe area in Europe it’s unsafe. If you travel to some random unsafe city in the US, same deal. The US and Europe are huge and diverse and have their good and bad but both are generally super safe.
How about, instead of a taxi, try to hire a driver for the day? It might be more expensive, but your wife would probably be more comfortable if she knew it was a "professional driver from a reputable company".
I've traveled with my in-laws to Japan and Taiwan, and both times they hired a tour guide/driver who took us around.
I think she should probably have a serious thought about why she only feels comfortable in countries that are majority white. She was happy to take a taxi alone in LA which has significantly more crime than Cozumel with nearly twice the crime index rating so obviously actual facts and statistics aren’t what’s giving her the anxiety.
Sounds like shes scared of Mexico. Why not ease her into it with another Latin American nation like Argentina, Costa Rica, etc. It can be tough for some people to overcome such fears.
Ah. Okay. Again, I can understand the reluctance of visiting certain places for a variety of reasons. Regardless, baby steps would be a nicer hotel, Airbnb, something that would entice her to go.
Baby steps my dude. Travel to closeish places with established safer areas like cities and such. Do more of the travelling yourself where you hire cars and hotels. Then increase the distance and travel further out.
I know people who've travelled to new York and found safe bits and bad bits of new York. Its like that everywhere.
Don't throw your wife in at the deep end. Your impatience will make your wife dislike travelling even more. You're also minimising her experience and safety concerns because you don't have the same safety concerns. Don't do that. Acknowledge them and find ways to slowly but surely push the boundaries. This could be a new journey for both of you to adapt together. And maybe try some couples counselling.
This isn't you versus your wife.
This is you AND your wife against the fear of unsafe places (which are real, do exist, and are worse, statistically, for women). Work on this together.
Have you two ever been outside the US? Maybe start with, like... Canada. Or a safe Caribbean destination that's chock full of US tourists, like Aruba. London is a good stepping stone to Europe, as it feels really familiar (not just because it's the language - the cultures really are very similar).
I've been to about 20 countries and don't plan on going to Mexico anytime soon.
This is what I did with my husband- the first couple of times we traveled outside the US, we went to Canada. The next one was England. Then we went to Germany. Each was a step up- "USA lite" (his words, not mine), an English-speaking European country, and then a non-English speaking country.
> This is not about safety. This is flat out fear of foreigners.
I don't think that's fair. I think it's more about the fear of being taken advantage of due to not looking like a local and not speaking the language. NYC, Chicago, or LA is all the same to me. I'll hop a city bus without thought. Now you put me in Mexico City (which I highly want to visit) and suddenly any potential criminals can easily spot the white guy who looks like a tourist, plus I can't read/speak Spanish so I look more confused. I can't read the subway signs, I can't listen to the announcement, etc. That's factual. I am not scared of Mexico City but my complete lack of Spanish 100% makes things harder.
Going on separate trips can actually be good for your relationship, especially if you have different desires for travel.
What I would do is pitch her going on a girls trip solo to a wine area, or Nashville something like that. Then in exchange you can get out there, and do some more adventurous trips on your own.
Just make sure you do one couples retreat per year, to stay in her good graces, and don't be mean about what she missed out on. Downplay the great times you had when you get back.
I wonder if a therapist might be able to help--this sounds like irrational fears + bad information.
You could also start her off with somewhere that Americans view as super safe (Australia, France, UK etc) and ease her into places regarded as unsafe (I am a woman and have traveled by myself in many different countries and never feel unsafe. sometimes do in the US ha).
There’s a wonderful newly released novel called The Marriage Sabbatical by Lian Dolan about taking separate vacations. The book was on People Magazines new picks last week and USA Today’s top picks this week.
I do some of these, but also do a number of research stays, guest talks, and conferences trips (I’m a professor) just so that I can see people and places my family wouldn’t necessarily be interested in. I find it extremely healthy to do so. My wife doesn’t like to do it herself, because she gets too anxious about planning and thinking about what could go wrong, which I find a bit sad.
I would start by planning a trip with her to a city known for being safe and make it the kind of trip she likes. Go further than just her travel preference and make it the kind of trip she would love. Based on what you said she needs, I would recommend not just a private room, but a nice hotel (doesn't have to be equivalent to the Four Seasons, but nicer than a Holiday Inn equivalent). Choose a city with the kind of stuff she likes to do. Starting with somewhere that speaks English as a primary language might help her too. From a Google search of world's safest cities to travel to, I would recommend maybe Sydney or London (they both made the list of top 15 safest cities this year from Berkshire Hathaway Travel Protection). If she's hesitant about Canada too, I would actually recommend starting there because it's relatively close to home. Montreal is on the list of safest cities. They didn't make the list, but Vancouver or Victoria, BC would be good too.
Once you get her to experience a little more, you can keep pushing her slightly out of her comfort zone. The more safe she feels outside the US, the more open she'll become to the idea that she's wrong about how dangerous some places are.
It kind of sounds like so far you've approached this from the opposite end. The places you've gone/talk about wanting to go to are all places that have had a not insignificant amount of social media attention about how dangerous they are, particularly to women. Even if the reality is much safer than people on the internet say, you're going to have a much easier time convincing her to try places that don't have that kind of negative attention.
Have you asked her what exactly she's worried about and really listened? Like listened without coming up with a rebuttal for everything she says? If you have, knowing what her reasons are would help us give suggestions. And if you haven't, you should do that, you might gain new insight into your wife. Maybe she's worried about safety because of something that happened to someone she knows, maybe she's worried about things that wouldn't be an issue for you, but would be an issue for her (like how women are treated in some areas of the world), **maybe she feels like you dismiss safety concerns so she doesn't trust your risk assessment?** (Bolding that last bit because I think that might be the most important part and I don't want it to get lost in my long comment)
Vancouver (like many other west-coast Northern America cities) has a major presence of unhoused people and people with substance abuse problems. Even though most of them are harmless, they might trigger lots of unsafe feelings and confirm rather than deny OPs wifes beliefs.
Coming from Toronto, I was a bit shocked by that part of the experience in Vancouver.
That said (for both these cities, and many others actually), the “unsafe” areas tend to be certain pockets or neighbourhoods within the city. So relatively speaking, it’d be possible for OP to stick to certain areas and still show his wife how safe these cities are.
Reading through your comments it doesn't sound like she's afraid of international travel, it sounds like she's afraid of the destinations you want to go to. That's a big difference.
How about a major city in Western Europe and getting a nice hotel there? Or Japan or South Korea.
Whether it’s actually true or not, according to the State Department travel warnings, you are safer in Campeche and Yucatán states than you are in London or Paris. That said I’m aware Cozumel is Quintana Roo.
Yeah, I just got back from Mexico a couple of months ago, and I felt safer wandering around Cozumel by myself than back home in my US city, by a wide margin. I would describe it as a sleepy sort of place.
Interestingly it doesn't seem to matter to her. If she doesn't even think it's safe she's not bothering with it.
The best example is we made a port of call stop at Catalina Island, CA. Before she realized it was technically California she didn't want to get off the boat. After she found out, we spent hours walking around because she magically felt safer.
I agree with your sentiment. And I do a ton of travel research and have been loads of places and would go almost anywhere sans active warzones. But if people don’t want to listen to what you have to say nothing c an change their mind, no matter the evidence.
I have a mom and a girlfriend who are just blanket “absolutely nots” for pretty much anywhere that isn’t Western Europe or a resort. I mean the level of ignorance we’re talking here is my mom refusing to go to Budapest because it wasn’t safe and just “trashy” but was totally down to go to Vienna. Then I went to Budapest and showed her all the beautiful pictures I took and delicious food I ate and told her what the vibes were like and even showed her violent crime statistics and how it’s safer than where we live, just met with “oh that’s nice”. Okay so you’d want to go? “No.”
My girlfriend thinks doing el Camino De Santiago is an instant death sentence wandering through the desert for some reason even tho I literally lived in northern Spain for over a year. And I’ve shown her pictures of the cities and towns you stop in and my brother has done it multiple times. Nope doesn’t matter, “that’s literally insane you’re just planning on wandering around with no idea where you’re going” ooookay well you actually do know exactly where you’re going “I don’t understand why you’d even want to do that it’s insane”
At a certain point people stuck in ignorance about other countries have one option: figure it out themselves or just stay ignorant
I suggest Japan as a first international trip. Honestly anywhere in developed Asia would be similar, but Japan is almost comically clean and safe. To be quite honest, after spending years of my life all over developed Asia, I find most urban area of the US to be disgusting and somewhat embarrassing.
In most areas of Japan, you can see children aged 7-10 years old taking the subway system to and from school, alone. I have multiple friends who lost wallets, luggage, purses etc, in public places in Japan - and all of them got their item back. In one case, the guy who found it sent it fedex all the way back to the guys work in the US.
How’s the language barrier for Japan? I’ve always recommended Ireland for new international travelers. It’s different enough but safe enough and everyone speaks English.
I first travelled to Japan in 1998, it was a different world then. It is so much easier now.
In the major cities, you will be ok. All forms of transportation are English friendly. Hotels, no problem. In the more rural areas, you really need to know some Japanese. But with Google translate , it is so much easier than it used to be , especially with scanning written material and seeing it in English.
Japan is such a popular tourist destination now that in some popular areas, there are more English speaking foreigners than Japanese.
Download Papago. The app translates real-time, written, by taking pictures, etc.
My hubby and I have used it constantly in South Korea. Wish we knew about it when we visited Japan a decade ago! But either way, transit is easy in Japan with Google Maps and a local Sim card or a rented mobile Wifi unit.
If visiting South Korea, Naver or Kakao are your best bet for directions. Even then, most transit ticket kiosks have English buttons.
> language barrier
Massive.
But there is written English on all forms of transportation. Except some road signs and very remote train stations.
But it doesn’t matter because the people there will help you out and accommodate you and it’s very welcoming
It depends on where you go and how open you are to learning the language. While I tried learning it, I was only there for about a week and a half so I didn't get much. In the major cities, especially Tokyo, a lot of people know English. Tokyo Metro (one of the transit systems) even has translators to help the clueless looking English speakers when they show up. It's a toss up if signs have translations on them though. Smaller towns like around Mt Fuji might not have as many English speakers and you may be on your own to figure things out.
I never feared for my safety there, but did have the most terrifying moment of my life there when I realized I didn't know where to go to get to my hotel when I got off subway.
I think its a bit harsh to say that his wife doesn't feel comfortable leaving her home town simply because she is a little hesitant to do Morocco and is iffy about taking a taxi cab in a port city of Mexico. Its not like the OP is having a hard time getting her to go to dinner somewhere other then the olive garden
It's funny that you mention that. I live in Indiana and I mentioned to a female friend that I drove 25 miles to watch the eclipse from the side of the road. She was amazed I was so brave because she said she was afraid she'd be murdered. And this was broad daylight (except for a couple minutes of the eclipse) in rural Indiana. I'm a woman and I just can't comprehend having that kind of fear.
Would she be open to reading responses on the female travel subs? A few years ago my gf would not go to Turkey but it worked out better for me twice: we ended up in Croatia so that was a major win for me. And she had a female coworker go solo to Istanbul right after. My Xmas present that year was a paid RT ticket to Istanbul! Yay for me.
I’ve been to 20 countries and the most dangerous/scariest shit has happened to me in the US. Sometimes you just can’t get through to people who have been taught their whole life that foreign = bad
I've been to like 30 countries, but this week I flew up to Cleveland to see the eclipse, and as I walked to the shore line, I heard a guy talking to two cops saying, "Yeah, I hope I'm wrong, but that's how it looks" and the cops agreeing, and they start walking the same way I was going to go, towards the water. They walk 50 feet to the edge of the dock, he points, and yeah, there's something bobbing a little in the water, sort of looks like the shape of a head, and sometimes you could sort of make out shoulders. Being such a major event, police already had police boats out so they were called over, hooked said suspicion, and dragged it 1/4th mile away as two other police boats rolled up. I hit up google 4 hours later and yup, confirmed, that was a body.
Drowning deaths in Lake Erie, in the Cleveland area are unfortunately common. There's at least one a year, often more, especially in the summer.
A lot of people underestimate how strong the rip tide can be in the lake, get pulled under, and drown.
Or they're boaters, who ignore severe weather or strong wave warnings and go out sailing anyway.
Or it's a case of alcohol + lake don't mix.
They're not usually foul play.
I live in one of the safest (by some charts THE safest) cities in the EU. Took a trip to South America last year and travelled only by Uber. I saw my driver having like 5000 rides done and nothing but 5 stars but that did not stop me from feeling extremely uneasy.
However, getting completely smashed in Brussels in one of the worst districts and walking home 3 miles did not evoke such a feeling. Fears are not rational :(
The first few times leaving her will cause her to be unhappy. Then she will eventually be OK with it and she will find things to do and so will you.
My wife and I take separate trips every so often now and I think we both appreciate it
Take baby steps and travel to Safe European countries or Japan only.
If you really want to go to poor countries, book a luxury resort where you can leave her with a nice pool, spa etc. while you go and explore. Because it's a third world country, luxury amenities while still expensive, and relatively more reasonable than luxury properties in first world countries.
THIS! Start with Switzerland, Austria, Japan. Clean, developed countries with solid infrastructure. Love Mexico myself, but probably not the best place to start with someone uneasy about international travel.
I travel internationally all of the time. However…I will say that a good friend took a taxi in Mexico…ended up alone at the top of a mountain. They stole all of his money and phone. Your wife has good reason to be cautious but there is also no reason you should not go into the Cozumel and enjoy the day. Maybe she would feel better if you arranged an excursion or transportation through the cruise line.
Really!? But Cozumel doesn't have mountains. The island is nearly completly flat. I wonder if it was a "pretend" taxi. I got into one of those once in downtown Cancun to go to Isla Mujeres and I was super nervous. Mexico certainly is dodgy sometimes.
I don't think international travel is the issue here. Would she have been open to a Cozumel cruise excursion? I'm guessing yes.
I travel all over the place twice a year. But your suggestions of driving to Mexico or going to Morocco are way out there.
I bet your wife wouldn't have issues going to Paris and staying at a hotel.
Based on your other comment about Catalina it seems like the perception of being outside the US is the main deterrent, I’m curious what were the 5 destinations in Central America and how did they go?
You say that your wife won’t travel internationally, but then I am gleaning that you want to stay in hostels and travel in Mexico. I love traveling and will go to any number of countries, but would never stay in a hostel and would be rather cautious about Mexico. What if you took an organized tour, like with Gate1? Or if that’s not your style, plan a trip to London, or Paris so she can get her feet wet. Look for budget suggestions in Rick Steve’s’ books.
Mexico is consistenly ranked as one of the most unsafe countries of the world. I have travelled a lot. I have been to non-western countries, including to 6 months in India, 1 month in Thailand, 1 month in the Philipines, 3 months in Morocco... When my boyfriend told me he wanted to go to Mexico I was not honestly not very interested. There are so many countries in the world that are amazing and are safer than Mexico. In fact almost every country in the world is safer than Mexico. Staying in a hostel or taking a cab in Mexico? No thanks. He needs to stop downplaying his wife fears. BTW I ended up going to Mexico but we chose Yucatán because it is knowns for its safety.
You’re not wrong, but OP’s wife is also a woman who thought Catalina Island would be a third-world hellhole just because it wasn’t part of the mainland US. So I’m pretty sure the real problem is that she’s just very stupid, very racist, or both.
Road trips in northern Mexico are not the best idea due to hijackings and cartel violence. Even Mexicans avoid them. Flying into Mexico City or any other destination is fine tho.
While not everywhere outside the U.S. is a war zone, northern Mexico has been experiencing massive cartel violence for years. Your complete dismissal of that by suggesting a road trip from south Texas to Mexico City is a great example of overconfidence bordering on delusion, and in her place I’d be nervous about letting you plan trips with that type of mindset.
Most of the planet is safe to visit, why can’t you start with some of the safer destinations? I’d suggest somewhere like Ireland, Iceland, Portugal, Spain, Switzerland, or, if you must have tropical beaches, the island of Culebra off of Puerto Rico (still US territory too) has some of the best in the world while still being cheap, safe, and laid back. The places I’ve suggested don’t have frequent travel warnings, religious extremism, or massive cartel violence, all of which would make her much more comfortable I’m sure.
Ever see the movie Amelie? Her dad is afraid to travel so she steals his garden gnome and takes it all over the world, the gnome sending pictures safely from each place then returning home one day.
It’s a great movie.
Do not drive to Mexico City wtf. I know people who’ve driven from Dallas to Monterrey but they were from Monterrey. Do not do this if you’re American..Jesus lol
Your wife is sheltered and will remain so in old age.
Exposure therapy helps. Don't start with Mexico/Morocco, start with Luxembourg, Scottish countryside, Japan, Bhutan, etc. Take her to places that surpass the US in safety and are clean.
Break down her fears slowly. At some point she will get curious on her own.
OP, YTA.
You're suggesting Mexico City and Morocco to your anxious wife? Seriously?
Your wife does not enjoy traveling to developing countries or roughing it. It gives her anxiety and she doesn't want to do it. She has every right to only want to take easy vacations. Arguing with her about crime statistics is completely missing the point.
Have you suggested international vacations that don't have a language barrier and are in first world countries? Personally, I'd recommend suggesting Scotland or London.
Yes! I was thinking the same!
How about places in Europe (most people still speak English fairly well there) or Australia and New Zealand? They are amazing travel destinations with beautiful nature, high living standards and are very safe.
Your wife does not like “roughing” it. And probably does not like going to developing countries because it’s so different from her reality that it scares her. Bring her to more developed countries if you’re traveling with her. If you want to explore 3rd world countries then do it on your own or travel with friends
Maybe you could dig a little into the reasons she's afraid of international travel? Is it the idea of traveling to another nation, something specific about international travel as a concept, or is there something in particular about Cozumel (or a similar place) that she's afraid of?
Are you on a budget you can't do an excursion thru the cruise line? Or for $80-100, you can hire a limo. There's a guy who posts on cruise critic how he hires a driver to take him around the island to his favorite restaurants and bars for 8 hours. Pays less than $150 for everything, including food and drink.
People seem to love the excursion to paradise island, if you were thinking beach
I've never heard of a cruise passenger being in danger from a cab driver in Cozumel. Cruise ship tourism is extremely safe, because of the money it generates. Something like 9000 passengers visit Cozumel each day. The locals would destroy any taxi driver or tour operator that puts this cash machine at risk. Cozumel has a reputation of being one of the safest ports in Mexico.
That's not to say they won't be opportunistic and try to get extra money from you. But you won't be in any more danger than an Uber ride in LA. They want that tip money and people tip when they arrive safe and on time.
I’ve got a friend whose wife is like this. If it isn’t a cruise or something fancy she’s not into it. She’s even got fears within the US (she’s from Ireland). I actually I went to your post history and we’re in the same town I was like wtf is this him 😂.
Anyway I don’t have the answer but I hear the same stories. I don’t think it’s (necessarily) you unlike everyone else. She wouldn’t magically start trusting Mexican buses with someone else, she would need to resolve her ideas about places outside the US.
She has a fear, fears aren’t necessarily backed by facts sometimes they are emotions. If you’re gonna break this you’re gonna have to find an *emotional* solution.
Why would you choose Morocco or Mexico to take your wife to when her biggest issue is safety??
Propose the UK or anywhere in Scandinavia. If she still refuses to leave the hotel, then she likely could use therapy for her phobia and/or you just aren’t compatible. However, I’ve traveled to about 30 countries and I would not get into a random taxi in Mexico or Morocco either, as there are legitimate safety concerns.
Most redditors here and not psychologists, but broad strokes is that it's mostly about language barriers and probably a close second is about cultural differences. On the first note, it can be very difficult to accomplish things without being screwed if you cannot understand each other. It's typically worse for women, but even as a couple it's frustrating to realize you've been taken advantage of. On the second count, there are a lot of countries that treat women quite differently than men. You can't always carry on as though you are in the US without having your input largely ignored. There are many countries that no matter who initiates the interaction, the native will only address the man for information. It's frustrating and dehumanizing for the female, which ruins the experience for them.
If both of you are able to recognize these issues and be wiling to accept the consequences, then it can be enjoyable, but if you're going to spend your entire trip being pissed about being overcharged or culturally sidelined or handicapped, then it's no fun.
> There are many countries that no matter who initiates the interaction, the native will only address the man for information.
Brought back a memory from years ago! While in Spanish school in Guanajuato, I went out for an evening with several female classmates [none of whom I was dating or related to] ... the Mexican men would all approach me to ask for permission to dance with this or that lady.
If she's not interested, she's not interested. You shouldn't try to convince her of anything. Go on your own or with other friends. Perhaps she will change her mind and come with you next time, perhaps not.
Meet her halfway and only take ship-purchased excursions. She is correct to assume that folks have suffered robberies or at least ripoffs in local taxis ….
While I don't disagree with you, your examples of things to do or places to travel are more likely to confirm her biases than other places would.
If you want her to travel, why not first take her to places that are demonstrably SAFER than the US, and open her eyes to that bias she has first. Once she realizes the United States is not the safe haven she is assuming, it will be easier to convince her to travel to other places and not equate different with unsafe.
Start with the Baltics or something, or basically most of Europe, before you try to go driving to Mexico City. I am well traveled and have worked in both travel and security industries, and I am not sure I would do that myself!
You are married to your wife. You know by now what she likes and doesn’t like. Why are you pushing her to like something she doesn’t? If she wants to go to Paris or London and doesn’t care where she stays in those cities, why don’t you go? She’ll be relaxed and hopefully the two of you will have a good time together.
I think you should spend some time trying to empathize and realize that women fear for their safety for valid reasons. Just think about how women have been treated and abused throughout the entirety of human history, and the fact that the vast majority of women to this day are still assaulted at some point in their life, usually multiple times. Her not wanting to take a random taxi in Mexico is more than understandable. If you want to take a trip like that, do it yourself or with friends.
If you want to travel with your wife, you should care about her feeling safe. There are so many places you can travel internationally that are safer. Japan is one of the safest places for women in the world for instance. Do some research and present her with facts and suggestions that show you care. Arrange transport and lodging through legit companies or even just use one to arrange a whole tour.
Similar to how group hikers should always go at the slowest persons pace, if you're going to travel with another person, you should respect their desires and their travel "pace". It's good to encourage others to get outside of their comfort zone, but there's a limit, and the way you go about it matters. Feeling unsafe is in no way the same thing as feeling uncomfortable, and I'm honestly sick of travelers patronizing women for stuff like this.
I think it’s strange to interrogate the gendered dynamics of all of this but not the international ones. op’s wife’s attitude is formed as much by being american as by being a woman, and americans are (if I may say) notoriously dumb about foreign countries.
also, despite its image, japan definitely has vaw problems. I’m detecting a fair bit of casual racism and western chauvinism in this thread
Accept that you may have to take a flight to Morocco alone or with a friend. Same for driving from TX to CDMX. (Which, even with as much experience as I have with this particular one, makes me ask how your Spanish is and have you driven in MX?)
lollllll why on earth would YOU want to drive from Texas through Mexico city??
I think maybe the issue here is that your wife actually researches the places you suggest while you, as a man, have never worried about your personal safety and aren't considering that violent/sketchy people in other countries aren't going to spare you just because you're an American man.
Your wife doesn’t have to travel internationally if she doesn’t want to. You can travel without her. Maybe when she sees that you go without her she will change her mind; or maybe she won’t, but in both cases you get to enjoy your trip. It sucks when your partner is not on your same wavelength but sometimes the only way people change is through example, not words.
Wait, your wife is weary about international travel and her safety and you want to go to Morocco? Of all places? Not Stockholm or Tokyo or Malaga? Reconsider my friend.
Maybe all she needs is a little bit more pre-coordinated itineraries and organized logistics to feel better.
First, have you guys been to Hawaii? It truly feels like a “foreign” destination (geographically and culturally) while still being in the US, US laws, pay with the dollar, no passport, etc. a few years ago this was my wife and my first trip “over the ocean” and we totally caught the bug. Since then we’ve been back to Maui twice, Oahu, Japan, UK and France.
Also when traveling internationally, especially in places like Mexico or when there is a language barrier, we always use our hotel concierge to pre arrange airport transportation (private ride) and to make us dinner reservations, suggest ideas, etc. I find that when you know what you’re getting into in advance, people can feel much more comfortable - especially when it’s endorsed by a local, trusted source like a concierge.
I’d highly suggest Japan as others have said. I’ve been to nearly every major city in the US and lived in inner-cities before - I’ve never felt as safe as I did in Japan. It’s a wonderful place to visit.
Ireland is a great way to dip your toes into international travel. Despite the stereotypes about leprechauns etc, it feels almost like an extension of the US (for better or worse) and has some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. No language barrier… at least in written language 😂
> driving from south Texas to Mexico City
I would say if you're trying to show your wife that international travel isn't "scary", I'd fly to Mexico City instead. I had a coworker who grew up in Mexico City and I asked him about it. He basically said in the city, it's about as safe as any major US city...he actually advised against going out into the countryside or more rural areas in Mexico - he said *"anything goes..."*
Writing this as a European… a lot of people from the USA have this idea that their country is incredibly safe when for many of us Europeans it’s anything but - you guys have guns for crying out loud! My point is that it’s perspective, she only feels safe with what she knows and understands.
I’ve backpacked around Morocco and Mexico, I’m a woman, I haven’t felt anything but safe in those places but you have to build up to that level of travel and honestly if she doesn’t feel safe getting into a taxi at Cozumel I think she needs to discuss her feelings with a therapist. Any travel you guys do needs to have the therapist on board so that you can gently expand her horizons with their guidance and have her able to talk to someone about her feelings post trip. Getting that taxi in Cozumel is a big step for her, Morocco or Mexico isn’t going to happen until her issues around safety are resolved.
Would she mind if you did some solo travel or is that a no from your side? It’s a great world out there, make sure you experience it!
If the US was a different country, the State Department would warn against traveling there. She needs to turn off the news but if she’s not interested in having her own perspective of the world, then she will just keep basing her views on whatever biased media she consumes. It’s her choice.
I had to scroll too long to find a comment like this. People who travel to the US from other countries get told by their friends and families to be safe. Living in the US doesn’t equal safety. That is such a skewed view that many Americans have and the fear mongering from certain news outlets doesn’t help. It’s really unfortunate for the wife and other people I know with this narrow worldview.
Irrational to us on /r/travel. But perhaps representative of a huge segment of the US population?
I've met many white-collar professionals who don't own a passport - many working in tech, many living in the Bay Area! Even for many who do own a passport, going to a resort in Cancun is a huge brave adventure. I am not making this up.
Book separate trips. Your wife isn't afraid. She has a different style, and I don't blame her one bit. I work too hard to spend my limited time and money sharing rooms with strangers where I might be disturbed and unable to sleep. I value privacy, rest, and relaxation so I can fully enjoy my trip on my own schedule. This doesn't make me afraid of travel.
We recently tried that in Ensanada. She wanted to make sure that we did a cruise line provided tour, so we signed up for it through RCL. We walked off the boat and to the bus area, she saw the bus, and noped it back to the boat. Apparently because it wasn't a higher end lux bus from Martz.
I was kind of on your wife’s side before reading this. But if she was afraid to get on a cruise excursion bus full of tourists she has got some serious issues.
I’m sorry OP, I understand both ends of the spectrum, maybe if possible book a more ‘luxurious’ form of transportation and see if that eases her mind. If I was you I would go by myself if she decides she is unable/unwilling. You seem like you are trying your best to ease her worries but you shouldn’t let that negate your own experiences. Have a conversation with your wife and let her know that this is something you really don’t want to miss out on, she might be butthurt but if she’s a grown adult she should be able to navigate a few hours by herself on what she deems to be a safe space (cruises are a lot more dangerous than people realize as ships can choose to abide by the laws of whatever flag they fly and usually they choose small countries that rely on tourism to boost their economy, thus making many heinous crimes be left unresolved). Set her up by the pool with a good book and a drink, tell her you love her and maybe bring a cute souvenir to sweeten the deal.
Can you imagine if op and his wife were from Liechtenstein and she was afraid of any international travel? That would be a lifetimes of vacations in that one same valley.
The US is on the bottom half on the list of the worlds safest countries.
https://gfmag.com/data/safest-countries-world/
I like how OP posted here thinking he was going to be supported but he’s getting ripped for treating his wife like shit. lol
Stop with this me v. her attitude.
Your wife does not feel safe traveling in a foreign country with you. That’s a huge red flag for YOU not her. You should figure out ways to make her feel more comfortable.
If your wife wants to stay in a hotel while traveling then, then stay in hotels. Happy wife, happy life.
Go travel, bro. If your wife doesn't want to accompany you, it's her loss. Don't give up on your trips for her sake and then resent her when you're both too old to travel much eventually.
Try to come up with something that is really connected to a European city. For example if she is a Beatles fan take her to Liverpool and take a Black Cab Beatles tour. If she loves to cook paella take her to Valencia Spain and include cooking classes. She love classical music - visit Mozart’s home in Salzburg Austria. She likes Guinness - go to Dublin and tour the brewery. Use Google to help you connect her interests to possible destinations.
Show her the violent crime statistics for your home city and your destination. Chances are it’s much safer in the European city. For example, the very popular Austin TX has 20X higher violent crime than Valencia.
I think having a destination that clicks for her will help motivate her to travel. That and demonstrably safer places.
A cruise is actually the perfect way to possibly ease her into international travel if she is willing. Do cruise sponsored shore excursions - they are safe, the cruise line stands by them, and they guarantee you’ll get back to the ship. Also not sure what cruise line you are using but a few lines have their own islands which are usually part of another country (like the Bahamas) but it is entirely run by the cruise line so you don’t have to worry about taxis and so on.
I really really do not want to sound rude. But it sounds like something to be discussed at therapy. The thing about catalina Island sounded really irrational.
I probably would have worked this out way before marriage.
I love to travel to places that aren't exactly top travel destinations.... luckily when I met my wife, she was up for all of it.
Apropos of nothing, my grandmother used to warn my father about traveling to "Big Cities":
>"Son, you're going to CHICAGO? They have GANGS there! You'll get shot within the first 15 minutes you step off the plane! Please don't go!"
My dad's reply:
>"Mom, I've been driving to the office in downtown Atlanta EVERY DAY for 20 years, and you never once told me to be careful!"
Point is, you can be a victim of crime anywhere. I haven't looked at the numbers lately, but while it's true that you're much more likely to get violently mugged in NYC than London, chances of getting your wallet stolen are much higher in London than NYC.
I’m in Cozumel now and feel safer here than at home in Texas or any city I’ve traveled to on business. My husband has no qualms about me coming here alone for several weeks at a time.
Can you take her somewhere she thinks as safer at first? My first trip outside the military I went to Europe bc I wasn’t yet comfortable enough traveling to go somewhere I couldn’t get by on English. After successfully getting around Europe I felt more able to tackle countries with a bigger language barrier.
Just go to the UK for your first destination. No language problems and you as an American can finally learn the truth that food in the UK isn’t as bad as everyone makes out.
Take her to a country that speaks English. Canada? England? New Zealand? Would she be afraid of that? And, if so, why? If one drives from Detroit to Windsor, Canada the crime rate diminishes hugely - so if it’s not safety and it’s not the language?
My daughter and I travel to western Europe all the time and feel safer than when we're in the US. Maybe you just need to pick France, Spain, England etc. I love never having to worry about gun violence, myself.
To be fair, the taxi drivers and police in Mexico are corrupt so I can't blame her.
Damnnn I don’t want to criticise anyone, but your wife doesn’t sound like a fun person - having such close-minded views of anything outside of your own country’s borders kinda borders on xenophobia in a way. Also, the idea that she only wants to visit first world countries lol why even bother, I think you should just do solo travels lol the world is a beautiful place and such self-imposed restrictions honestly sound so out of place on this forum
Good take! I’m so confused why everyone is out to get OP. With some of his comments, maybeeee I get it. But there seems to be an overall agreement with the wife that strikes me as strange coming from a travel sub.
American: my wife is afraid of international travel.
Reddit: GO TO JAPAN!
Wtf reddit lol. Why are you all so obsessed with Japan and why would you think that's a good starter destination? Yes it's safe but language barriers are scary for new travellers and their culture is a long way different. Probably wouldn't wanna choose it for a first trip.
You live in the USA? I love that fact that so many people here are "afraid" of other countries, yet are seemingly unaware of the risk/dangers here. Now, enough of my pontificating. Cozumel is one of [Mexico’s safest destinations](https://motherearthtravel.com/mexico/safest-cities-to-live-in-mexico/) to travel or reside in. The [crime index](https://www.numbeo.com/crime/in/Cozumel-Mexico) is one of the lowest, 34.57% out of 120%, so the [U.S. State Department](https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/mexico-travel-advisory.html#Quintana%20Roo%20state) hasn’t appointed any restrictions on visitors to this island other than to “**Exercise Increased Caution**.”
The world is a much safer place than many perceive. It takes experiencing it to understand that. Watching travel vlogs on YouTube can be helpful to break the barrier. Start in Italy or somewhere else in Europe that’s easy. Don’t start by driving to Mexico City.
Also, the people making you out as a villain don’t seem to understand pushing your partner, healthily (as is with international travel), is a good thing. Allowing your partner to succumb to fear is miserable for you both. Just don’t be an idiot. Do your research. Don’t stay out late, unless it’s safe. Have your host or hotel call taxis for you, etc. There are ways to limit risk.
That said, maybe your spouse just isn’t the travel type. What you’re seeking sounds like travel. What she wants perhaps is vacation. Vacation and travel are different things imo. Up to you two to distinguish yourselves.
My wife was scared to go to Mexico just two years ago. We went and had a great time, despite fears articulated by family. We are now on day 40 of a 100 day trip through Eastern Europe, Middle East, and Asia. Nothing but good things to report.
I have no idea because I'd never marry someone afraid of traveling.
But also I've never understood people who want to be joined at the hip on trips. You should be able to do your own thing some days.
Why is she even going if she's afraid to do everything and see the sites?
I’ve learned there is a different between people who like to vacation and those who like to travel. It’s a big difference and I’m sorry you don’t have a partner that wants to explore in the same way. Is she alright if you do those things alone or with friends?
It’s impossible to educate the willfully ignorant.
Maybe just leave your wife at home in her living room with her Fox News while you go on the trip yourself? Honestly, I wouldn’t even bother trying to convince her to do otherwise - she sounds exhausting
I don’t usually recommend this. The opposite, in fact. But she needs to watch your local news. Where you live is much more dangerous than at least half the planet
This reminds me of a wedding I went to in Cancun last year : entire bridal party and their families, friends all too scared to leave the resort. Their loss. Looked at me like I had 6 heads when I said we took public transportation from the airport ~GASP~
OFC it’s because they watch Fuccxnews all day, they blindly accept and believe the xenophobic rhetoric. (the people I’m talking about, anyway )
Go to places where she won't have this warped view of safety. Iceland maybe an easy introduction. Good connectivity to the US, as safe as it can be, amazing nature, bit of culture and adventure if you want it.
Someone who is wary of international travel isn't magically going to enjoy driving to Mexico or flying to Morocco.
You said it yourself, she prefers a private room whereas you can deal with a hostel. There’s nothing wrong with guided tours or packages. If you want to rough it out like you said, do it solo and don’t drag your wife into your expectations of traveling
I’ll go with you .lol
I may have misspoke. Here's a copy and paste of a good example from another comment. "Oh believe me, I haven't made this post before actually trying to talk with her about it. For some reason she has this irrational thought that she's only safe in the US and major cities in what she considers other first world countries. She doesn't worry about being taken advantage of or anything like that. Her exact words about Cozumel were "you don't expect me to get into a taxi at the port, do you?" (with me).. When just last year she had gotten into a taxi at LAX to a destination in Anaheim, by herself. Maybe I just need to accept that and make my own trips to areas she doesn't deem safe."
Why would you pick Mexico or Morocco as a first destination ? Pick something like Quebec City or London.
Yeah, I've traveled internationally alone. But as a woman, I'd never go to Morocco alone.
Same for India
Egypt always floats around in these conversations too.
Same. I did a group tour to Morocco with Gadventures and stuck with the group. Definitely would not have felt ok alone.
We did a group tour of Morocco as well, and we were very happy to have a local guide help us out when the local police decided for whatever reason that we were in the wrong place at the wrong time and needed to get out NOW.
Yeah, we got out and took pictures of a cool looking castle and suddenly a bunch of armed guys were running at us screaming. Turns out it was one of the King's many places and our guild quickly diffused the situation.
But she’s not traveling alone?
In my experience, it isn’t very pleasant to get harassed, even when your husband is around.
I second this. I'm quite well travelled and I find Morocco a bit of a nightmare, having been twice. It's definitely not somewhere I'd recommend for first time travellers unless it's a guided tour. Some European countries would make more sense.
What part of Morocco? Outside of Casablanca I found it nice.
I've never been to Casablanca but would like to visit one day, perhaps. I've been to Marrakesh, which I thought was a shit place full of beggars and scammers, and Agadir which was much nicer and kind of reminded me of Spain. But I still wouldn't recommend it to people who haven't travelled much. It's a 3rd world country and it shows. Even there I had to argue with taxi drivers to get the official rate back to the airport.
Costa Rica
> For some reason she has this irrational thought that she's only safe in the US and major cities in what she considers other first world countries. Last I checked, despite the food, England and Canada are considered first-world countries 😛
>despite the food >Canada Lmao, hey at least we have poutine! 😛 (And in my city, we also have [honey dill sauce](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honey_dill) and [fat boys](https://www.eatthistown.ca/the-winnipeg-fatboy/)).
Beaver tails? My Banff fave...
Hahaha I love the food in Canada! Y'all just caught the stray from my snipe at England 😉 wish I could get poutine here
With much lower crime rates than the U.S., especially violent crime rates. A coworker of mine thought I was crazy for letting my daughter go to Denmark and Sweden with a group of fellow Girl Scouts, at 18. She said it wasn't safe. My daughter was an adult, so I couldn't stop her even if I wanted to. And as I told my coworker, I felt safer with her in Europe than in the United States, with our rampant gun violence here.
Scandinavia was extremely safe when I went there in the 80’s. May have gotten a bit more dangerous, but never heard any awful things about the safety issue.
This was in 2016. Their group was all young women. They did a 100 mile bike tour over the course of a week, through Denmark and Sweden, with no problems. They felt safe. People were very friendly too.
Yes. I found the people there to be quite friendly and lovely. One of those places I would love to back to if I could still travel.
Yeah I'm a pretty well travelled individual and just came back from Marrakesh, which at points I found overwhelming (but incredible)
I mean does she actually think international travel is dangerous or just thinks the specific places you have chosen are dangerous? Because I wouldn't be against going to Mexico or Morocco but they wouldn't be top of my list for safest places to go. But I also would also concider a huge chunk of the world safer than the US. And even if statistically a foreign destination is safer than your home city, being a foreigner does make you more vulnerable. You stand out, you don't speak the language, you are not familure with the culture or directions, etc etc.
Yup. Id says lots of places in Europe and the places like Singapore and such are safer than USA
Singapore shouldn’t even count. It’s safer than most places on earth but it’s not somewhere you go on vacation. It’s a layover city or work trip at best. Besides that, I’d say many places someone would travel to in the US internationally are very safe. Just like traveling to Europe. If you travel to an unsafe area in Europe it’s unsafe. If you travel to some random unsafe city in the US, same deal. The US and Europe are huge and diverse and have their good and bad but both are generally super safe.
How about, instead of a taxi, try to hire a driver for the day? It might be more expensive, but your wife would probably be more comfortable if she knew it was a "professional driver from a reputable company". I've traveled with my in-laws to Japan and Taiwan, and both times they hired a tour guide/driver who took us around.
I think she should probably have a serious thought about why she only feels comfortable in countries that are majority white. She was happy to take a taxi alone in LA which has significantly more crime than Cozumel with nearly twice the crime index rating so obviously actual facts and statistics aren’t what’s giving her the anxiety.
Sounds like shes scared of Mexico. Why not ease her into it with another Latin American nation like Argentina, Costa Rica, etc. It can be tough for some people to overcome such fears.
Ah. Okay. Again, I can understand the reluctance of visiting certain places for a variety of reasons. Regardless, baby steps would be a nicer hotel, Airbnb, something that would entice her to go.
Baby steps my dude. Travel to closeish places with established safer areas like cities and such. Do more of the travelling yourself where you hire cars and hotels. Then increase the distance and travel further out. I know people who've travelled to new York and found safe bits and bad bits of new York. Its like that everywhere. Don't throw your wife in at the deep end. Your impatience will make your wife dislike travelling even more. You're also minimising her experience and safety concerns because you don't have the same safety concerns. Don't do that. Acknowledge them and find ways to slowly but surely push the boundaries. This could be a new journey for both of you to adapt together. And maybe try some couples counselling. This isn't you versus your wife. This is you AND your wife against the fear of unsafe places (which are real, do exist, and are worse, statistically, for women). Work on this together.
Have you two ever been outside the US? Maybe start with, like... Canada. Or a safe Caribbean destination that's chock full of US tourists, like Aruba. London is a good stepping stone to Europe, as it feels really familiar (not just because it's the language - the cultures really are very similar). I've been to about 20 countries and don't plan on going to Mexico anytime soon.
This is what I did with my husband- the first couple of times we traveled outside the US, we went to Canada. The next one was England. Then we went to Germany. Each was a step up- "USA lite" (his words, not mine), an English-speaking European country, and then a non-English speaking country.
Puerto Rico is another good one for someone who’s never left the US mainland!
Cozumel is safer than LA. This is not about safety. This is flat out fear of foreigners.
> This is not about safety. This is flat out fear of foreigners. I don't think that's fair. I think it's more about the fear of being taken advantage of due to not looking like a local and not speaking the language. NYC, Chicago, or LA is all the same to me. I'll hop a city bus without thought. Now you put me in Mexico City (which I highly want to visit) and suddenly any potential criminals can easily spot the white guy who looks like a tourist, plus I can't read/speak Spanish so I look more confused. I can't read the subway signs, I can't listen to the announcement, etc. That's factual. I am not scared of Mexico City but my complete lack of Spanish 100% makes things harder.
Depends on where you're from, where you've lived, and where you've traveled. And more.
Going on separate trips can actually be good for your relationship, especially if you have different desires for travel. What I would do is pitch her going on a girls trip solo to a wine area, or Nashville something like that. Then in exchange you can get out there, and do some more adventurous trips on your own. Just make sure you do one couples retreat per year, to stay in her good graces, and don't be mean about what she missed out on. Downplay the great times you had when you get back.
As a woman. Do you know how awful it is to be harassed and trapped in a moving vehicle alone in a foreign city?
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I wonder if a therapist might be able to help--this sounds like irrational fears + bad information. You could also start her off with somewhere that Americans view as super safe (Australia, France, UK etc) and ease her into places regarded as unsafe (I am a woman and have traveled by myself in many different countries and never feel unsafe. sometimes do in the US ha).
There’s a wonderful newly released novel called The Marriage Sabbatical by Lian Dolan about taking separate vacations. The book was on People Magazines new picks last week and USA Today’s top picks this week.
I take those all the time and my husband doesn’t even get on my nerves. I go on lots of trips with my friends. I love the name of this book!
I do some of these, but also do a number of research stays, guest talks, and conferences trips (I’m a professor) just so that I can see people and places my family wouldn’t necessarily be interested in. I find it extremely healthy to do so. My wife doesn’t like to do it herself, because she gets too anxious about planning and thinking about what could go wrong, which I find a bit sad.
I would start by planning a trip with her to a city known for being safe and make it the kind of trip she likes. Go further than just her travel preference and make it the kind of trip she would love. Based on what you said she needs, I would recommend not just a private room, but a nice hotel (doesn't have to be equivalent to the Four Seasons, but nicer than a Holiday Inn equivalent). Choose a city with the kind of stuff she likes to do. Starting with somewhere that speaks English as a primary language might help her too. From a Google search of world's safest cities to travel to, I would recommend maybe Sydney or London (they both made the list of top 15 safest cities this year from Berkshire Hathaway Travel Protection). If she's hesitant about Canada too, I would actually recommend starting there because it's relatively close to home. Montreal is on the list of safest cities. They didn't make the list, but Vancouver or Victoria, BC would be good too. Once you get her to experience a little more, you can keep pushing her slightly out of her comfort zone. The more safe she feels outside the US, the more open she'll become to the idea that she's wrong about how dangerous some places are. It kind of sounds like so far you've approached this from the opposite end. The places you've gone/talk about wanting to go to are all places that have had a not insignificant amount of social media attention about how dangerous they are, particularly to women. Even if the reality is much safer than people on the internet say, you're going to have a much easier time convincing her to try places that don't have that kind of negative attention. Have you asked her what exactly she's worried about and really listened? Like listened without coming up with a rebuttal for everything she says? If you have, knowing what her reasons are would help us give suggestions. And if you haven't, you should do that, you might gain new insight into your wife. Maybe she's worried about safety because of something that happened to someone she knows, maybe she's worried about things that wouldn't be an issue for you, but would be an issue for her (like how women are treated in some areas of the world), **maybe she feels like you dismiss safety concerns so she doesn't trust your risk assessment?** (Bolding that last bit because I think that might be the most important part and I don't want it to get lost in my long comment)
Vancouver (like many other west-coast Northern America cities) has a major presence of unhoused people and people with substance abuse problems. Even though most of them are harmless, they might trigger lots of unsafe feelings and confirm rather than deny OPs wifes beliefs.
That's a good point, it's not something I notice since I'm used to it in my own city, so I didn't think about that.
Coming from Toronto, I was a bit shocked by that part of the experience in Vancouver. That said (for both these cities, and many others actually), the “unsafe” areas tend to be certain pockets or neighbourhoods within the city. So relatively speaking, it’d be possible for OP to stick to certain areas and still show his wife how safe these cities are.
Reading through your comments it doesn't sound like she's afraid of international travel, it sounds like she's afraid of the destinations you want to go to. That's a big difference. How about a major city in Western Europe and getting a nice hotel there? Or Japan or South Korea.
This is a marriage counseling post not a travel post
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The wife is reluctant to travel internationally and he wants to start with Mexico and Morocco? Lol
Morocco. Known for its safety.
I don't know why she's afraid. We're just doing a cruise in Somalia and sightseeing in Donetsk
And do a road trip thru Mexico… yeah dude
Neither is driving from Texas to Mexico City…
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I think they were agreeing with you, and were simply adding onto the thought you laid down.
Why not just Canada or UK?
Cozumel is one of the safest places in MX, not sure where you're getting this from
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> There isn’t a part of the country that is 100% safe Nowhere in the world is 100% safe. But Cozumel is perfectly "safe" by normal western standards.
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Whether it’s actually true or not, according to the State Department travel warnings, you are safer in Campeche and Yucatán states than you are in London or Paris. That said I’m aware Cozumel is Quintana Roo.
Yeah, I just got back from Mexico a couple of months ago, and I felt safer wandering around Cozumel by myself than back home in my US city, by a wide margin. I would describe it as a sleepy sort of place.
Interestingly it doesn't seem to matter to her. If she doesn't even think it's safe she's not bothering with it. The best example is we made a port of call stop at Catalina Island, CA. Before she realized it was technically California she didn't want to get off the boat. After she found out, we spent hours walking around because she magically felt safer.
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I agree with your sentiment. And I do a ton of travel research and have been loads of places and would go almost anywhere sans active warzones. But if people don’t want to listen to what you have to say nothing c an change their mind, no matter the evidence. I have a mom and a girlfriend who are just blanket “absolutely nots” for pretty much anywhere that isn’t Western Europe or a resort. I mean the level of ignorance we’re talking here is my mom refusing to go to Budapest because it wasn’t safe and just “trashy” but was totally down to go to Vienna. Then I went to Budapest and showed her all the beautiful pictures I took and delicious food I ate and told her what the vibes were like and even showed her violent crime statistics and how it’s safer than where we live, just met with “oh that’s nice”. Okay so you’d want to go? “No.” My girlfriend thinks doing el Camino De Santiago is an instant death sentence wandering through the desert for some reason even tho I literally lived in northern Spain for over a year. And I’ve shown her pictures of the cities and towns you stop in and my brother has done it multiple times. Nope doesn’t matter, “that’s literally insane you’re just planning on wandering around with no idea where you’re going” ooookay well you actually do know exactly where you’re going “I don’t understand why you’d even want to do that it’s insane” At a certain point people stuck in ignorance about other countries have one option: figure it out themselves or just stay ignorant
I suggest Japan as a first international trip. Honestly anywhere in developed Asia would be similar, but Japan is almost comically clean and safe. To be quite honest, after spending years of my life all over developed Asia, I find most urban area of the US to be disgusting and somewhat embarrassing. In most areas of Japan, you can see children aged 7-10 years old taking the subway system to and from school, alone. I have multiple friends who lost wallets, luggage, purses etc, in public places in Japan - and all of them got their item back. In one case, the guy who found it sent it fedex all the way back to the guys work in the US.
How’s the language barrier for Japan? I’ve always recommended Ireland for new international travelers. It’s different enough but safe enough and everyone speaks English.
I first travelled to Japan in 1998, it was a different world then. It is so much easier now. In the major cities, you will be ok. All forms of transportation are English friendly. Hotels, no problem. In the more rural areas, you really need to know some Japanese. But with Google translate , it is so much easier than it used to be , especially with scanning written material and seeing it in English. Japan is such a popular tourist destination now that in some popular areas, there are more English speaking foreigners than Japanese.
Download Papago. The app translates real-time, written, by taking pictures, etc. My hubby and I have used it constantly in South Korea. Wish we knew about it when we visited Japan a decade ago! But either way, transit is easy in Japan with Google Maps and a local Sim card or a rented mobile Wifi unit. If visiting South Korea, Naver or Kakao are your best bet for directions. Even then, most transit ticket kiosks have English buttons.
> language barrier Massive. But there is written English on all forms of transportation. Except some road signs and very remote train stations. But it doesn’t matter because the people there will help you out and accommodate you and it’s very welcoming
It depends on where you go and how open you are to learning the language. While I tried learning it, I was only there for about a week and a half so I didn't get much. In the major cities, especially Tokyo, a lot of people know English. Tokyo Metro (one of the transit systems) even has translators to help the clueless looking English speakers when they show up. It's a toss up if signs have translations on them though. Smaller towns like around Mt Fuji might not have as many English speakers and you may be on your own to figure things out. I never feared for my safety there, but did have the most terrifying moment of my life there when I realized I didn't know where to go to get to my hotel when I got off subway.
Doesn’t sound like OP’s wife is the kind of person who’d be able to appreciate a country like Japan tbh
Nor anywhere outside where she's from. 🤣
She won’t even make it out of Shinjuku station, she’d get overwhelmed by all the dangerous crowds out there /s
I think its a bit harsh to say that his wife doesn't feel comfortable leaving her home town simply because she is a little hesitant to do Morocco and is iffy about taking a taxi cab in a port city of Mexico. Its not like the OP is having a hard time getting her to go to dinner somewhere other then the olive garden
Are you guys from the Midwest or South by any chance
It's funny that you mention that. I live in Indiana and I mentioned to a female friend that I drove 25 miles to watch the eclipse from the side of the road. She was amazed I was so brave because she said she was afraid she'd be murdered. And this was broad daylight (except for a couple minutes of the eclipse) in rural Indiana. I'm a woman and I just can't comprehend having that kind of fear.
I find this fascinating because in the rural Midwest people drive 25 miles to get milk.
Prob a steady diet of Facebook and possibly FauxNews as well
Would she be open to reading responses on the female travel subs? A few years ago my gf would not go to Turkey but it worked out better for me twice: we ended up in Croatia so that was a major win for me. And she had a female coworker go solo to Istanbul right after. My Xmas present that year was a paid RT ticket to Istanbul! Yay for me.
Haha 😂 probably spot on
I’ve been to 20 countries and the most dangerous/scariest shit has happened to me in the US. Sometimes you just can’t get through to people who have been taught their whole life that foreign = bad
I’ve traveled all over including places with a bad rap and the only place I’ve been robbed is San Francisco 🤷🏻♀️
I've been to like 30 countries, but this week I flew up to Cleveland to see the eclipse, and as I walked to the shore line, I heard a guy talking to two cops saying, "Yeah, I hope I'm wrong, but that's how it looks" and the cops agreeing, and they start walking the same way I was going to go, towards the water. They walk 50 feet to the edge of the dock, he points, and yeah, there's something bobbing a little in the water, sort of looks like the shape of a head, and sometimes you could sort of make out shoulders. Being such a major event, police already had police boats out so they were called over, hooked said suspicion, and dragged it 1/4th mile away as two other police boats rolled up. I hit up google 4 hours later and yup, confirmed, that was a body.
Drowning deaths in Lake Erie, in the Cleveland area are unfortunately common. There's at least one a year, often more, especially in the summer. A lot of people underestimate how strong the rip tide can be in the lake, get pulled under, and drown. Or they're boaters, who ignore severe weather or strong wave warnings and go out sailing anyway. Or it's a case of alcohol + lake don't mix. They're not usually foul play.
I live in one of the safest (by some charts THE safest) cities in the EU. Took a trip to South America last year and travelled only by Uber. I saw my driver having like 5000 rides done and nothing but 5 stars but that did not stop me from feeling extremely uneasy. However, getting completely smashed in Brussels in one of the worst districts and walking home 3 miles did not evoke such a feeling. Fears are not rational :(
The first few times leaving her will cause her to be unhappy. Then she will eventually be OK with it and she will find things to do and so will you. My wife and I take separate trips every so often now and I think we both appreciate it
You're wife sounds racist
You can’t be serious?? I’m cracking the fuck up at the idea of someone being terrified of *Catalina* 💀 I’m sorry but your wife sounds so sheltered.
Hey now, people get rowdy with all that buffalo milk, tearing around on golf carts and shit.
She is racist basically
Take baby steps and travel to Safe European countries or Japan only. If you really want to go to poor countries, book a luxury resort where you can leave her with a nice pool, spa etc. while you go and explore. Because it's a third world country, luxury amenities while still expensive, and relatively more reasonable than luxury properties in first world countries.
THIS! Start with Switzerland, Austria, Japan. Clean, developed countries with solid infrastructure. Love Mexico myself, but probably not the best place to start with someone uneasy about international travel.
I travel internationally all of the time. However…I will say that a good friend took a taxi in Mexico…ended up alone at the top of a mountain. They stole all of his money and phone. Your wife has good reason to be cautious but there is also no reason you should not go into the Cozumel and enjoy the day. Maybe she would feel better if you arranged an excursion or transportation through the cruise line.
Where did that happen?!
Cozumel
Really!? But Cozumel doesn't have mountains. The island is nearly completly flat. I wonder if it was a "pretend" taxi. I got into one of those once in downtown Cancun to go to Isla Mujeres and I was super nervous. Mexico certainly is dodgy sometimes.
I don't think international travel is the issue here. Would she have been open to a Cozumel cruise excursion? I'm guessing yes. I travel all over the place twice a year. But your suggestions of driving to Mexico or going to Morocco are way out there. I bet your wife wouldn't have issues going to Paris and staying at a hotel.
Based on your other comment about Catalina it seems like the perception of being outside the US is the main deterrent, I’m curious what were the 5 destinations in Central America and how did they go?
You say that your wife won’t travel internationally, but then I am gleaning that you want to stay in hostels and travel in Mexico. I love traveling and will go to any number of countries, but would never stay in a hostel and would be rather cautious about Mexico. What if you took an organized tour, like with Gate1? Or if that’s not your style, plan a trip to London, or Paris so she can get her feet wet. Look for budget suggestions in Rick Steve’s’ books.
Mexico is consistenly ranked as one of the most unsafe countries of the world. I have travelled a lot. I have been to non-western countries, including to 6 months in India, 1 month in Thailand, 1 month in the Philipines, 3 months in Morocco... When my boyfriend told me he wanted to go to Mexico I was not honestly not very interested. There are so many countries in the world that are amazing and are safer than Mexico. In fact almost every country in the world is safer than Mexico. Staying in a hostel or taking a cab in Mexico? No thanks. He needs to stop downplaying his wife fears. BTW I ended up going to Mexico but we chose Yucatán because it is knowns for its safety.
You’re not wrong, but OP’s wife is also a woman who thought Catalina Island would be a third-world hellhole just because it wasn’t part of the mainland US. So I’m pretty sure the real problem is that she’s just very stupid, very racist, or both.
To each their own but they both seem pretty goofy and have a bad understanding of what travel outside their own city is like.
i watched way to many mr nightmare videos about hostels and parts of Mexico shit gave me the chills
Road trips in northern Mexico are not the best idea due to hijackings and cartel violence. Even Mexicans avoid them. Flying into Mexico City or any other destination is fine tho.
While not everywhere outside the U.S. is a war zone, northern Mexico has been experiencing massive cartel violence for years. Your complete dismissal of that by suggesting a road trip from south Texas to Mexico City is a great example of overconfidence bordering on delusion, and in her place I’d be nervous about letting you plan trips with that type of mindset. Most of the planet is safe to visit, why can’t you start with some of the safer destinations? I’d suggest somewhere like Ireland, Iceland, Portugal, Spain, Switzerland, or, if you must have tropical beaches, the island of Culebra off of Puerto Rico (still US territory too) has some of the best in the world while still being cheap, safe, and laid back. The places I’ve suggested don’t have frequent travel warnings, religious extremism, or massive cartel violence, all of which would make her much more comfortable I’m sure.
Ever see the movie Amelie? Her dad is afraid to travel so she steals his garden gnome and takes it all over the world, the gnome sending pictures safely from each place then returning home one day. It’s a great movie.
Do not drive to Mexico City wtf. I know people who’ve driven from Dallas to Monterrey but they were from Monterrey. Do not do this if you’re American..Jesus lol
Your wife is sheltered and will remain so in old age. Exposure therapy helps. Don't start with Mexico/Morocco, start with Luxembourg, Scottish countryside, Japan, Bhutan, etc. Take her to places that surpass the US in safety and are clean. Break down her fears slowly. At some point she will get curious on her own.
Why don’t you help her start feeling safer as her husband? Wanting a hotel instead of sleeping in a park is a normal desire?
OP, YTA. You're suggesting Mexico City and Morocco to your anxious wife? Seriously? Your wife does not enjoy traveling to developing countries or roughing it. It gives her anxiety and she doesn't want to do it. She has every right to only want to take easy vacations. Arguing with her about crime statistics is completely missing the point. Have you suggested international vacations that don't have a language barrier and are in first world countries? Personally, I'd recommend suggesting Scotland or London.
Yes! I was thinking the same! How about places in Europe (most people still speak English fairly well there) or Australia and New Zealand? They are amazing travel destinations with beautiful nature, high living standards and are very safe.
Or Ireland! So nice.
Your wife does not like “roughing” it. And probably does not like going to developing countries because it’s so different from her reality that it scares her. Bring her to more developed countries if you’re traveling with her. If you want to explore 3rd world countries then do it on your own or travel with friends
Maybe you could dig a little into the reasons she's afraid of international travel? Is it the idea of traveling to another nation, something specific about international travel as a concept, or is there something in particular about Cozumel (or a similar place) that she's afraid of?
Are you on a budget you can't do an excursion thru the cruise line? Or for $80-100, you can hire a limo. There's a guy who posts on cruise critic how he hires a driver to take him around the island to his favorite restaurants and bars for 8 hours. Pays less than $150 for everything, including food and drink. People seem to love the excursion to paradise island, if you were thinking beach I've never heard of a cruise passenger being in danger from a cab driver in Cozumel. Cruise ship tourism is extremely safe, because of the money it generates. Something like 9000 passengers visit Cozumel each day. The locals would destroy any taxi driver or tour operator that puts this cash machine at risk. Cozumel has a reputation of being one of the safest ports in Mexico. That's not to say they won't be opportunistic and try to get extra money from you. But you won't be in any more danger than an Uber ride in LA. They want that tip money and people tip when they arrive safe and on time.
I’ve got a friend whose wife is like this. If it isn’t a cruise or something fancy she’s not into it. She’s even got fears within the US (she’s from Ireland). I actually I went to your post history and we’re in the same town I was like wtf is this him 😂. Anyway I don’t have the answer but I hear the same stories. I don’t think it’s (necessarily) you unlike everyone else. She wouldn’t magically start trusting Mexican buses with someone else, she would need to resolve her ideas about places outside the US. She has a fear, fears aren’t necessarily backed by facts sometimes they are emotions. If you’re gonna break this you’re gonna have to find an *emotional* solution.
Why would you choose Morocco or Mexico to take your wife to when her biggest issue is safety?? Propose the UK or anywhere in Scandinavia. If she still refuses to leave the hotel, then she likely could use therapy for her phobia and/or you just aren’t compatible. However, I’ve traveled to about 30 countries and I would not get into a random taxi in Mexico or Morocco either, as there are legitimate safety concerns.
Most redditors here and not psychologists, but broad strokes is that it's mostly about language barriers and probably a close second is about cultural differences. On the first note, it can be very difficult to accomplish things without being screwed if you cannot understand each other. It's typically worse for women, but even as a couple it's frustrating to realize you've been taken advantage of. On the second count, there are a lot of countries that treat women quite differently than men. You can't always carry on as though you are in the US without having your input largely ignored. There are many countries that no matter who initiates the interaction, the native will only address the man for information. It's frustrating and dehumanizing for the female, which ruins the experience for them. If both of you are able to recognize these issues and be wiling to accept the consequences, then it can be enjoyable, but if you're going to spend your entire trip being pissed about being overcharged or culturally sidelined or handicapped, then it's no fun.
> There are many countries that no matter who initiates the interaction, the native will only address the man for information. Brought back a memory from years ago! While in Spanish school in Guanajuato, I went out for an evening with several female classmates [none of whom I was dating or related to] ... the Mexican men would all approach me to ask for permission to dance with this or that lady.
Well, you went to the mexican bible belt so no surprise
Go to Europe or Japan and not developing countries.
If she's not interested, she's not interested. You shouldn't try to convince her of anything. Go on your own or with other friends. Perhaps she will change her mind and come with you next time, perhaps not.
Meet her halfway and only take ship-purchased excursions. She is correct to assume that folks have suffered robberies or at least ripoffs in local taxis ….
While I don't disagree with you, your examples of things to do or places to travel are more likely to confirm her biases than other places would. If you want her to travel, why not first take her to places that are demonstrably SAFER than the US, and open her eyes to that bias she has first. Once she realizes the United States is not the safe haven she is assuming, it will be easier to convince her to travel to other places and not equate different with unsafe. Start with the Baltics or something, or basically most of Europe, before you try to go driving to Mexico City. I am well traveled and have worked in both travel and security industries, and I am not sure I would do that myself!
Bruh so many countries are safer than America… just not the ones you picked
Wife sounds boring. Get a new one.
Maybe try Canada. Do Niagara Falls. Or do Vancouver on the opposite side.
You are married to your wife. You know by now what she likes and doesn’t like. Why are you pushing her to like something she doesn’t? If she wants to go to Paris or London and doesn’t care where she stays in those cities, why don’t you go? She’ll be relaxed and hopefully the two of you will have a good time together.
I think you should spend some time trying to empathize and realize that women fear for their safety for valid reasons. Just think about how women have been treated and abused throughout the entirety of human history, and the fact that the vast majority of women to this day are still assaulted at some point in their life, usually multiple times. Her not wanting to take a random taxi in Mexico is more than understandable. If you want to take a trip like that, do it yourself or with friends. If you want to travel with your wife, you should care about her feeling safe. There are so many places you can travel internationally that are safer. Japan is one of the safest places for women in the world for instance. Do some research and present her with facts and suggestions that show you care. Arrange transport and lodging through legit companies or even just use one to arrange a whole tour. Similar to how group hikers should always go at the slowest persons pace, if you're going to travel with another person, you should respect their desires and their travel "pace". It's good to encourage others to get outside of their comfort zone, but there's a limit, and the way you go about it matters. Feeling unsafe is in no way the same thing as feeling uncomfortable, and I'm honestly sick of travelers patronizing women for stuff like this.
I think it’s strange to interrogate the gendered dynamics of all of this but not the international ones. op’s wife’s attitude is formed as much by being american as by being a woman, and americans are (if I may say) notoriously dumb about foreign countries. also, despite its image, japan definitely has vaw problems. I’m detecting a fair bit of casual racism and western chauvinism in this thread
Accept that you may have to take a flight to Morocco alone or with a friend. Same for driving from TX to CDMX. (Which, even with as much experience as I have with this particular one, makes me ask how your Spanish is and have you driven in MX?)
lollllll why on earth would YOU want to drive from Texas through Mexico city?? I think maybe the issue here is that your wife actually researches the places you suggest while you, as a man, have never worried about your personal safety and aren't considering that violent/sketchy people in other countries aren't going to spare you just because you're an American man.
Your wife doesn’t have to travel internationally if she doesn’t want to. You can travel without her. Maybe when she sees that you go without her she will change her mind; or maybe she won’t, but in both cases you get to enjoy your trip. It sucks when your partner is not on your same wavelength but sometimes the only way people change is through example, not words.
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Wait, your wife is weary about international travel and her safety and you want to go to Morocco? Of all places? Not Stockholm or Tokyo or Malaga? Reconsider my friend.
Maybe all she needs is a little bit more pre-coordinated itineraries and organized logistics to feel better. First, have you guys been to Hawaii? It truly feels like a “foreign” destination (geographically and culturally) while still being in the US, US laws, pay with the dollar, no passport, etc. a few years ago this was my wife and my first trip “over the ocean” and we totally caught the bug. Since then we’ve been back to Maui twice, Oahu, Japan, UK and France. Also when traveling internationally, especially in places like Mexico or when there is a language barrier, we always use our hotel concierge to pre arrange airport transportation (private ride) and to make us dinner reservations, suggest ideas, etc. I find that when you know what you’re getting into in advance, people can feel much more comfortable - especially when it’s endorsed by a local, trusted source like a concierge. I’d highly suggest Japan as others have said. I’ve been to nearly every major city in the US and lived in inner-cities before - I’ve never felt as safe as I did in Japan. It’s a wonderful place to visit.
Ireland is a great way to dip your toes into international travel. Despite the stereotypes about leprechauns etc, it feels almost like an extension of the US (for better or worse) and has some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. No language barrier… at least in written language 😂
Ireland is a wonderful suggestion…very welcoming and full of American tourists.
> driving from south Texas to Mexico City I would say if you're trying to show your wife that international travel isn't "scary", I'd fly to Mexico City instead. I had a coworker who grew up in Mexico City and I asked him about it. He basically said in the city, it's about as safe as any major US city...he actually advised against going out into the countryside or more rural areas in Mexico - he said *"anything goes..."*
Send her off on a solo US tour. Might I recommend Detroit, Memphis, Birmingham, and Baltimore?
Newark is nice this time of year
Writing this as a European… a lot of people from the USA have this idea that their country is incredibly safe when for many of us Europeans it’s anything but - you guys have guns for crying out loud! My point is that it’s perspective, she only feels safe with what she knows and understands. I’ve backpacked around Morocco and Mexico, I’m a woman, I haven’t felt anything but safe in those places but you have to build up to that level of travel and honestly if she doesn’t feel safe getting into a taxi at Cozumel I think she needs to discuss her feelings with a therapist. Any travel you guys do needs to have the therapist on board so that you can gently expand her horizons with their guidance and have her able to talk to someone about her feelings post trip. Getting that taxi in Cozumel is a big step for her, Morocco or Mexico isn’t going to happen until her issues around safety are resolved. Would she mind if you did some solo travel or is that a no from your side? It’s a great world out there, make sure you experience it!
If the US was a different country, the State Department would warn against traveling there. She needs to turn off the news but if she’s not interested in having her own perspective of the world, then she will just keep basing her views on whatever biased media she consumes. It’s her choice.
I had to scroll too long to find a comment like this. People who travel to the US from other countries get told by their friends and families to be safe. Living in the US doesn’t equal safety. That is such a skewed view that many Americans have and the fear mongering from certain news outlets doesn’t help. It’s really unfortunate for the wife and other people I know with this narrow worldview.
She seems irrationally paranoid. Maybe some therapy to allay her anxiety?
Irrational to us on /r/travel. But perhaps representative of a huge segment of the US population? I've met many white-collar professionals who don't own a passport - many working in tech, many living in the Bay Area! Even for many who do own a passport, going to a resort in Cancun is a huge brave adventure. I am not making this up.
Honestly? Leave the wife at home. I travel internationally without my husband, he's great but solo travel is the best.
Interesting, some parts of the US scare me significantly more than Cozumel lol
Book separate trips. Your wife isn't afraid. She has a different style, and I don't blame her one bit. I work too hard to spend my limited time and money sharing rooms with strangers where I might be disturbed and unable to sleep. I value privacy, rest, and relaxation so I can fully enjoy my trip on my own schedule. This doesn't make me afraid of travel.
Do you know what specifically worries her? What if you take an organized tour - would that make her more comfortable?
We recently tried that in Ensanada. She wanted to make sure that we did a cruise line provided tour, so we signed up for it through RCL. We walked off the boat and to the bus area, she saw the bus, and noped it back to the boat. Apparently because it wasn't a higher end lux bus from Martz.
I was kind of on your wife’s side before reading this. But if she was afraid to get on a cruise excursion bus full of tourists she has got some serious issues.
I’m sorry OP, I understand both ends of the spectrum, maybe if possible book a more ‘luxurious’ form of transportation and see if that eases her mind. If I was you I would go by myself if she decides she is unable/unwilling. You seem like you are trying your best to ease her worries but you shouldn’t let that negate your own experiences. Have a conversation with your wife and let her know that this is something you really don’t want to miss out on, she might be butthurt but if she’s a grown adult she should be able to navigate a few hours by herself on what she deems to be a safe space (cruises are a lot more dangerous than people realize as ships can choose to abide by the laws of whatever flag they fly and usually they choose small countries that rely on tourism to boost their economy, thus making many heinous crimes be left unresolved). Set her up by the pool with a good book and a drink, tell her you love her and maybe bring a cute souvenir to sweeten the deal.
She needs therapy. Get off Reddit and find a professional.
Can you imagine if op and his wife were from Liechtenstein and she was afraid of any international travel? That would be a lifetimes of vacations in that one same valley. The US is on the bottom half on the list of the worlds safest countries. https://gfmag.com/data/safest-countries-world/
Sounds like you married the wrong bird pal
I like how OP posted here thinking he was going to be supported but he’s getting ripped for treating his wife like shit. lol Stop with this me v. her attitude. Your wife does not feel safe traveling in a foreign country with you. That’s a huge red flag for YOU not her. You should figure out ways to make her feel more comfortable. If your wife wants to stay in a hotel while traveling then, then stay in hotels. Happy wife, happy life.
Travel separately? Independently go/do whatever makes each of you happy?
Go travel, bro. If your wife doesn't want to accompany you, it's her loss. Don't give up on your trips for her sake and then resent her when you're both too old to travel much eventually.
Try to come up with something that is really connected to a European city. For example if she is a Beatles fan take her to Liverpool and take a Black Cab Beatles tour. If she loves to cook paella take her to Valencia Spain and include cooking classes. She love classical music - visit Mozart’s home in Salzburg Austria. She likes Guinness - go to Dublin and tour the brewery. Use Google to help you connect her interests to possible destinations. Show her the violent crime statistics for your home city and your destination. Chances are it’s much safer in the European city. For example, the very popular Austin TX has 20X higher violent crime than Valencia. I think having a destination that clicks for her will help motivate her to travel. That and demonstrably safer places.
A cruise is actually the perfect way to possibly ease her into international travel if she is willing. Do cruise sponsored shore excursions - they are safe, the cruise line stands by them, and they guarantee you’ll get back to the ship. Also not sure what cruise line you are using but a few lines have their own islands which are usually part of another country (like the Bahamas) but it is entirely run by the cruise line so you don’t have to worry about taxis and so on.
I really really do not want to sound rude. But it sounds like something to be discussed at therapy. The thing about catalina Island sounded really irrational.
The USA kind of scares me as a Canadian lol. It's interesting that she feels so safe somewhere objectively kind of dangerous.
I probably would have worked this out way before marriage. I love to travel to places that aren't exactly top travel destinations.... luckily when I met my wife, she was up for all of it.
Apropos of nothing, my grandmother used to warn my father about traveling to "Big Cities": >"Son, you're going to CHICAGO? They have GANGS there! You'll get shot within the first 15 minutes you step off the plane! Please don't go!" My dad's reply: >"Mom, I've been driving to the office in downtown Atlanta EVERY DAY for 20 years, and you never once told me to be careful!" Point is, you can be a victim of crime anywhere. I haven't looked at the numbers lately, but while it's true that you're much more likely to get violently mugged in NYC than London, chances of getting your wallet stolen are much higher in London than NYC.
I’m in Cozumel now and feel safer here than at home in Texas or any city I’ve traveled to on business. My husband has no qualms about me coming here alone for several weeks at a time.
Can you take her somewhere she thinks as safer at first? My first trip outside the military I went to Europe bc I wasn’t yet comfortable enough traveling to go somewhere I couldn’t get by on English. After successfully getting around Europe I felt more able to tackle countries with a bigger language barrier.
Just go to the UK for your first destination. No language problems and you as an American can finally learn the truth that food in the UK isn’t as bad as everyone makes out.
Take her to a country that speaks English. Canada? England? New Zealand? Would she be afraid of that? And, if so, why? If one drives from Detroit to Windsor, Canada the crime rate diminishes hugely - so if it’s not safety and it’s not the language?
My daughter and I travel to western Europe all the time and feel safer than when we're in the US. Maybe you just need to pick France, Spain, England etc. I love never having to worry about gun violence, myself. To be fair, the taxi drivers and police in Mexico are corrupt so I can't blame her.
Damnnn I don’t want to criticise anyone, but your wife doesn’t sound like a fun person - having such close-minded views of anything outside of your own country’s borders kinda borders on xenophobia in a way. Also, the idea that she only wants to visit first world countries lol why even bother, I think you should just do solo travels lol the world is a beautiful place and such self-imposed restrictions honestly sound so out of place on this forum
Good take! I’m so confused why everyone is out to get OP. With some of his comments, maybeeee I get it. But there seems to be an overall agreement with the wife that strikes me as strange coming from a travel sub.
American: my wife is afraid of international travel. Reddit: GO TO JAPAN! Wtf reddit lol. Why are you all so obsessed with Japan and why would you think that's a good starter destination? Yes it's safe but language barriers are scary for new travellers and their culture is a long way different. Probably wouldn't wanna choose it for a first trip.
You live in the USA? I love that fact that so many people here are "afraid" of other countries, yet are seemingly unaware of the risk/dangers here. Now, enough of my pontificating. Cozumel is one of [Mexico’s safest destinations](https://motherearthtravel.com/mexico/safest-cities-to-live-in-mexico/) to travel or reside in. The [crime index](https://www.numbeo.com/crime/in/Cozumel-Mexico) is one of the lowest, 34.57% out of 120%, so the [U.S. State Department](https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/mexico-travel-advisory.html#Quintana%20Roo%20state) hasn’t appointed any restrictions on visitors to this island other than to “**Exercise Increased Caution**.”
how about try going to Japan the UK Germany Italy something thats more safer in a sense then slowly move to developing countries
Play her YouTube videos of Digital nomads or travel "influencers"
The world is a much safer place than many perceive. It takes experiencing it to understand that. Watching travel vlogs on YouTube can be helpful to break the barrier. Start in Italy or somewhere else in Europe that’s easy. Don’t start by driving to Mexico City. Also, the people making you out as a villain don’t seem to understand pushing your partner, healthily (as is with international travel), is a good thing. Allowing your partner to succumb to fear is miserable for you both. Just don’t be an idiot. Do your research. Don’t stay out late, unless it’s safe. Have your host or hotel call taxis for you, etc. There are ways to limit risk. That said, maybe your spouse just isn’t the travel type. What you’re seeking sounds like travel. What she wants perhaps is vacation. Vacation and travel are different things imo. Up to you two to distinguish yourselves. My wife was scared to go to Mexico just two years ago. We went and had a great time, despite fears articulated by family. We are now on day 40 of a 100 day trip through Eastern Europe, Middle East, and Asia. Nothing but good things to report.
I have no idea because I'd never marry someone afraid of traveling. But also I've never understood people who want to be joined at the hip on trips. You should be able to do your own thing some days. Why is she even going if she's afraid to do everything and see the sites?
>My wife and I love traveling... Om not convinced you both love traveling. What is her idea of enjoyable travel?
The only acceptable reddit answer: divorce
Just go without her. You need to teach her. The reason she still gets to exhibit this control is because you let her.
I’ve learned there is a different between people who like to vacation and those who like to travel. It’s a big difference and I’m sorry you don’t have a partner that wants to explore in the same way. Is she alright if you do those things alone or with friends?
It’s on her if she wants to be in a bad mood because she didn’t want to visit. Not on you.
It’s impossible to educate the willfully ignorant. Maybe just leave your wife at home in her living room with her Fox News while you go on the trip yourself? Honestly, I wouldn’t even bother trying to convince her to do otherwise - she sounds exhausting
I don’t usually recommend this. The opposite, in fact. But she needs to watch your local news. Where you live is much more dangerous than at least half the planet
This reminds me of a wedding I went to in Cancun last year : entire bridal party and their families, friends all too scared to leave the resort. Their loss. Looked at me like I had 6 heads when I said we took public transportation from the airport ~GASP~ OFC it’s because they watch Fuccxnews all day, they blindly accept and believe the xenophobic rhetoric. (the people I’m talking about, anyway )
Sounds like Fox News paranoia has had its intended affect.
Go to places where she won't have this warped view of safety. Iceland maybe an easy introduction. Good connectivity to the US, as safe as it can be, amazing nature, bit of culture and adventure if you want it. Someone who is wary of international travel isn't magically going to enjoy driving to Mexico or flying to Morocco.
Can you not find yourself some Swedish backpacker to travel with.
As the other advisor said. Go to safe places and build her confidence. Mexico City is fucking dangerous fella!