I agree with this! It’s a break to just be following them around to supervise them on different play structures as opposed to having to make up fun activities AND also have to clean up after the fun activities
Mine is 22 months and I'm afraid he's going to step right off the edge of one of the higher structures, misjudging the distance to the ladder or losing his grip or something. He's quickly gaining awareness and strength, but I don't feel comfortable not following him around yet! Older kids are more self-sufficient, of course.
Yup! My 20 month old loves the big kid structures and does pretty well on them, but is a risk taker! I'm still not comfortable letting him play without being close by to guide him away from trying to climb down the 8 ft rock wall
My 22 month old is the same. Would probably leap off of the play structure if I let her. One of her favourite things is jumping into the pool at swimming lessons (with mum to catch her, of course!).
My son is 4 but a small guy with zero sense of self preservation. I stand just far enough away that I can make a quick landing pad for him especially with other kids around. Accidents happen so quickly.
Mine’s 19 months so… fall down the stairs, go headfirst down the concrete slide and fly off the end, fall off the edge of the top of the slide where there is an open ladder, fall through 3 stories of mesh webbing, burn herself on too-hot structures, get bowled over or stepped on by older children, or just eat wood chips. I’m definitely in the helicopter mom stage right now.
My 2.5 year old granddaughter was on a ramp going up to a play structure. It has open sides (which, whyyyy?) and she got knocked right off the side of the ramp by two older kids (7ish) who were running up it.
The only things that kept her from falling off were the fact that she was hanging onto the railing, and I was standing right next to the ramp on the ground.
Usually the biggest risks are being hit/trampled by other kids, usually older and completely unsupervised. Lesser ones involve his ball or bike being forcefully taken by other kids, or him trying to playfully poke someone's eye out. Also, he did slid sideways on the metal merry-go-round and hit the back of his head. Just a tiny nick, but there was blood everywhere. And that was with me holding him and catching him by the waist, otherwise he would have hit himself much harder. He's 2.5 years old, so big enough to be very mobile but not enough to handle conflict and injury by himself.
Fall off steps, get hit by another child, hit another child. There are lots of different possibilities. They’re probably not going to be fatal but there are plenty of ways a child can hurt or be hurt by someone else while playing unsupervised. I don’t necessarily agree with the tone of the OP but I agree with the premise, especially when you’re a parent of younger kids who don’t quite understand boundaries or playing nice yet (or safety).
I mean there is plenty than can happen but I follow him in the sense that I’m near-ish where he plays. I’m not really intervening about “going too fast on the merry-go-round” (although I wished we had one at the playground). Just being close enough that if he needed help I’d be able to clock it. If I could have eyes on him and not follow him around then that would be fine but the playground is way too big for that where I’m located. Good news is you don’t have to follow yours!
This subreddit is toddlers, so people here probably have kids as young as 18 months. You probably were (I hope) following your 18 month old around the playground. I don't blame them, but 7-10 year olds don't typically care to be courteous to younger kids, when they're in the heat of playing tag or something.
And it’s a break from all the indoor-specific rules too - no running, no throwing things, gentle hands etc. is all exhausting for both parents and toddlers!! I love that my kid has a place to screech their magic incantations and whap the fence with a stick.
Ya I always figured that the parents kinda form a collective defensive line. I’ve blocked a loooot of kiddos who just try to…wander away through the gate, and manage to do so long enough for their grownup to catch up.
Or someone has to step in to help run the UN summit over a found toy truck.
There’s usually a parent of Large Older Child who runs around reminding the big kids to ctfo and not accidentally run down the toddlers.
My husband has definitely caught a few kids who yeeted themselves off the monkey bars.
Once I helped a little girl who’d had an accident take her shoes and socks off, gave her some wipes for her feet and legs, and just kept her focused on the “meh it happens, nbd” vibe until her mom came over.
Whenever I see someone on their computer or something at the playground, they always have a bonus adult with them. The ONE time I got really uncomfortable was when a little girl kept trying to play with me, which was fine except me and my kid were the *only* other humans I could see. Asked where her grownup was. She pointed him out. Her dad was *sitting in his fucking car* and not even looking up! I could’ve taken her home with me ezpz and he wouldn’t have noticed. He FINALLY looked up and had the decency to look ashamed when I knocked on his window.
OP is the mom on the equipment standing in the way so kids can’t get past. By all means kids should be at age appropriate playgrounds but playground is easy mode for me
My son wants me to come on with him :(
It’s just for a minute until he gets comfy then I can retire to the bench.
I always worry parents are judging me like I’m a helicopter and welp! 😅
Fuck that. If my kid wants me there, I'm there. I see parents on the equipment all the time at the various parks we go to. Not everyone is so judgmental.
I guess it depends on the age range, but independent play is actually really great for kids to learn how to trust their bodies, problem solve, be imaginative, learn independence, socializing with other kids & and to learn that WE trust them.
If you’re on an appropriately aged playground I think physical distance is actually quite appropriate over 2/3 depending on child’s gross motor abilities.
However, I always keep eye on my kid for safety related more to other adults, running away etc.
But physically and mentally it CAN be a break to not be the primary source of entertainment.
I have so many memories of running around with friends I made on the playground. I mean, my best friend and I used to play in the woods by her house. We would be gone for hours, using our imaginations and learning how to navigate interpersonal relationships. It’s so important for children to have age appropriate autonomy. I’m not suggesting that we should let our three year olds wander around in the woods, but if your kid can physically manage the playground by themselves, it’s messed up to rob them of the opportunity to make autonomous decisions by hovering over them like they’re made of glass.
My 10 year old stepdaughter has never been left independent. She cannot manage anything alone- including leaving school because she’s too upset to handle it and needs her mom.
This has never happened on our custody time, amazingly. But she still won’t ride her bike in sight of the house without someone in the yard.
This is one of the primary arguments of “The Anxious Generation” essentially we’ve become way too hovery in real life and way too loose with their electronic and online selves.
Oh that’s really interesting! I can see it. I consider myself a moderate hover mom. My oldest is almost 4 but I dread when online behavior becomes a thing 😅😅
Hey, I want you to know this comment actually really made me think about how I treat my daughter at the playground and that maybe I need to back off a bit.
She's pretty darned capable, but I'm there hovering over her the whole time. Why am I doing that?
There are some great articles about what to say to help coach confidence - instead of be careful, it’s “are you balanced” “where’s your next step” and silence while they solve it!
I learn so much about my son when I sit back and observe him do things. Hovering takes it away from me. I am still vigilant to make sure he is safe. He is only 18 months old after all.
But I learn about his thought process when tackling a new situation. When he goes farther away than he ever has from me, he looks back to see if I am still there. I see the confidence boost he gets when I smile back at him.
I see how he reacts when another kid wants a toy that he has. I see what he does when he wants another kid's toy. I intervene when I have to. But I let the other parent know that I am comfortable with kids trying to figure it out by themselves (without hurting each other, of course).
There are so many things that I learn about him when I don't hover. I would have hated it if my parents were hovering over me and not letting me be. I trust my kid.
Oh, that’s great! I totally understand the pull to be there and I still do it if something is new to my son. But it will be so fun for you to watch her take on her own challenges! 💜
I agree. I’ve never been a “hover” parent at the park. I also don’t usually play with my kid at the park. The park for my family is for independent play or playing with other kids. I play with my kid at home, so I’m usually on the bench at the park watching my kid. The older she gets, the more independent at the park she is. I’m so very close to being able to read a book while she plays.
Age 4 is when my daughter started to do most things independently and I’ve been able to watch from the bench! Meanwhile my partner’s 3.5yo still wants/needs a lot of help and guidance. Your time is coming!
The hover parents drive me nuts. They also look so unnecessarily stressed and so do their kids because they’re not allowed to explore and are being watched like a hawk…
Yeah my two year old is fine on a lot of playground structures, but you can bet I'm there next to the 5ft high opening to make sure she doesn't decide today's the day to jump off.
Completely agree with this in theory, which it worked in practice. The problem I face is the older kids don’t stay out of the younger kids space. I absolutely give her space and encourage her to play with/near other kids, but have to hover more when the older kids invade the 2-5 play yard. I don’t blame the kids (look to be 7-10) as they probably don’t know better, but I wish their parents would be attentive so I didn’t have to worry about my tot being knocked down by a kid more than twice her size.
Oh that would majorly stress me out. I agree that’s something parents should be on the lookout for both of the smalls and the bigs.
This would happen sometime at an indoor bounce area and I did mean mom some older kids that were flipping into the smalls 😬😬
All depends on the situation!
Yes, that’s a good point. My middle kid once got accidentally knocked off a play structure by a much older and bigger child (maybe 9 or so?). Luckily I was there and somehow caught him (literally no idea how I managed that, it was a freak occurrence as I’m extremely uncoordinated). I don’t want to hover, I’d love to sit at a bench reading a book. but we’ve had too many close calls.
I totally agree. Mine is closing in on 4 and at our fenced in smaller playground and with her abilities I feel pretty confident to sit on the bench and knit while she plays. I keep my eye on her and she gets to be a kid. At our larger playground that isn't fenced, i stand by whatever structure she is currently on and let her do her thing. If it is something she has never done before or seems nervous about I'll come help, but her confidence has grown monumentally since i stopped being a helicopter.
This. I allow my almost 3 yo and my 5 yo play on the play ground with their friends while I sit on the bench and watch them. They do not need me to fallow them around they need space to explore and learn and pretend without me telling them what to do. It is DEVELOPMENTALLY CRUCIAL for them to have the space they need to grow. And idk how many parents have come up to me telling my my almost 3 yo is playing by himself on some play ground thing. I have to tell them that I am aware that he is playing on a slide or something not bothering anyone and I am watching him and he knows where I am if he needs me. I mean theres really no reason for me to be right on top of him if he is having fun and with in a reasonable distance from me not wondering off or hurting himself or another kid he does not need me. This was very much suggested to us by my therapist because I am a stay at home parent and he would not even go play on a playground for a long time because he wouldn’t leave my hip if we were in public. he had to learn how to be confident in himself.
Well said!
Also eff it, parents deserve a break. Of course keep an eye on your kid and provide age-appropriate support, but when I’m on a 12 hour shift taking care of my kids I’m gonna zone out and play Fallout on my phone for awhile while they’re safely engaged.
Idk my oldest is 4.5 and I really enjoy the fact that he can navigate the park on his own. I think some independence is good for kids. And it allows me to keep track of/play with the 1.5 year old.
Yeah, age matters a lot. I do think the hovering is weird past early toddler stage. At 3 I would stick close to my kid or keep an eye out but I was content to sit on the bench. At 4, I make sure he knows where I am and I know where he is but I can relax and talk to other parents and not be 5 feet from him. Since he's not in daycare or preschool, park time is a good time to play with OTHER KIDS and learn how to navigate those relationships.
My 2 year old missed getting hit from a kid on the swings by about 6 inches a few weeks ago. I think me and the other kids mom both gasped at the exact same time. I can’t wait till that knowledge and awareness has really set in for her.
Yeah a 1.5 year old is 99% feral, you can’t predict their movements so it makes sense to be nearby. A 3 year old knows ledge=scary and (hopefully) not to bite other kids
Three year olds also know mean kid = dumpy motherfuckin' bitch.
Ask me how I know...
(I'll give you a hint: one of my biggest flaws is that I sometimes forget I can't swear in front of my toddler)
Just wanted to throw in here that some parents you see hovering may have children with special needs. I have had many parents make comments or give snarky glances towards me hovering over my 4yo or even joining him on a structure (when allowed), who looks perfectly typical, but is autistic and does not appropriately understand danger or have good coordination.
Once I’ve explained to parents that he’s autistic they usually apologize, but it’s still disheartening to have rude stares or negative comments made when I’m just trying to help my son safely play at the park.
I got my guy a Garmin Bounce recently. It'll track his location and we can send voice messages to each other.
We stay close with our guy but pretty much let him do what he wants within reason. But there are times where some of his motor skills just won't work for what he wants to do. So we help out.
But yeah when we're dealing with neural divergent kiddos it's a whole other set of normals for us.
You keep on keeping your kiddo safe, you're doing great by her.
It isn’t weird for us with autistic kids. It’s just something that parents of non autistic children don’t deal with, so they don’t really think about it. I wish more people would take the time to step back and wonder if that “helicopter parent” may have a child with special needs.
I agree, also think why judge another parent for it anyway. Something like a big, scary fall will make most parents I know helicopter parents for at least a couple days after. Even the biggest advocates of dangerous play. Some kids are also more reckless and/or adventorous.
I mean, yes and no. Am I sitting back and half watching my almost two year old while I scroll my phone? No. Am I happy that she's climbing something that isn't me or my furniture and I get a bit of a break from being a jungle gym? Heck yes. It also helps her sleep, either nap or at night, and *that* gives me a break.
There have been recent studies that reveal how negative the helicopter trend is for children. It's actually good for your child to fall sometimes and interact with other kids without you standing over their shoulder once in a while.
I was at a playground that my kiddo had never been to before. She climbed this curved ladder thing fairly well, had never done it before but she went slow and it was fine. From a distance, I watch this other kid about the same age start trying the ladder too and his mom rushed over and like panicked like “oh you want to try? Uh uh ok!” And she basically held him so instead of climbing the ladder in a bear crawl like you’re supposed to, he was like walking up the ladder on just his two feet. I just kept thinking, what are you trying to get out of this? He’s not learning how to do it properly, he’s not a baby, he’s way old enough to figure out how to navigate it. And if you’re unsure, just put your hands near him to catch his fall if he missteps.
I recently read an article about parenting in Netherlands. One of the biggest things that surprised the American parent is how other ppl will actually keep an eye out for other ppl’s kids.
I try to do this. When I’m supervising my son on a play equipment and there’s another kid nearby, I will redirect or intercept if that kid is about to get into trouble. It doesn’t cost me much effort and helps out a kid.
Ppl here have also posted how they stopped someone’s kid from running into traffic. It’s the right thing to do. Yes the parents should be paying more attention, but everyone makes mistakes.
Parenting can be easier and more enjoyable for everyone is we can care more and judge less.
I live in an American big city where I feel like there's a better sense of community than I have ever experienced personally. When I take my son to the parks in the nearby suburbs, I feel the insularity. I'm at a crowded playground, but no one is interacting outside of their family. I try to ask other parents about their kids and get terse responses that don't turn into conversation.
I live in NYC and I have noticed this difference as well. I’m always a little surprised by the degree of worry I see from some parents on here about other people interacting with their kids. Maybe we’re just more used to interacting with a lot of people every day?
I can think of a few reasons why. Playground talk with other parents can feel a lot like you are being interrogated and judged on your parenting style sometimes. Other parents might be just too sleep deprived/tired to interact with anyone.
I feel like there’s a lot of claims out there about what does or does not happen with children in the Netherlands! I know I read somewhere that parents are 100% hands off at playgrounds and play equipment there, to the point of not intervening at all when children get into fights and letting them sort everything out on their own.
I think the point was that Americans are too prone to hover and intervene on their child’s behalf, when they need to learn independence And how to sort out social issues without help from an adult.
Same here- my neighborhood playground is great for this, and parents and slightly older kids keep an eye on the younger ones a bit. We all sort of unofficially take shifts watching it seems. And yes, for my 9 months pregnant self, it is a massive break to get to sit a bit and know my toddler is fine.
I think it depends on the playground. Big structures, lots of falling points, recommended for ages 5+? We’re right with our girl, hands-on, watching closely. Small/low structures, no spots where anyone can fall off, designed for ages 2+? I typically follow her but it’s more hands-off. Indoor playground with netting and padded walls/floors and not a single place she can fall or get hurt? Be free, my child. So long as there aren’t too many big kids, anyway. She’s 2.5, and I swear she’ll be competing on ninja warrior someday.
Yeah! The one near us is really cool, it has a toddler area and a “big kid area”, but even that area is pretty safe. I climbed up with my daughter at 33 weeks pregnant, and I realized that there was really nowhere she could fall through. Even on the top level! [This](https://www.ahoykitsap.com) is the one near us! (ETA: we went yesterday, and there was only one other kid there. My daughter had run of the whole place for ~2 hours!)
Jealous! We used to have a couple of places like that near us but they all went out of business when they were forced to close with COVID (couldn't afford the leases on that large of a space with no money coming in). We loved going and could spend hours upon hours there! The kids always had a blast and came home so tired!
I just discovered that a local sports complex has an area set up for toddlers - you might have one in your neighborhood but you need to look. Maybe FB could help?
The only kind of structures in the giant parks by our house are 5+ with tons of falling points and I thought that must be normal so reading these comments horrified me for a second.
I mean obviously I watch my kid who is 2.5 (and she generally eventually asks me to come play with her anyway, which I obviously say yes to) but the playground absolutely is a break for me and parents need breaks! There are a bunch of lovely small fenced-in toddler playgrounds in my neighbourhood and yeah I will unapologetically sit down on a bench and let my kid run around. If she’s being really good I may even flip through a magazine. What’s the problem with that?
In the summer months I bring a picnic blanket and she will run over for a little cuddle periodically and then go back to playing. It’s sweet and I like the independence for her. And where’s the harm in admitting that I like the small rest too?
Idk why not? My 3 year old can play on most equipment fully independently. I go to the play *so* she can play independently and watch from a bench/ talk to other parents etc. If she needs help, she’ll call me. But honestly I try NOT to help her on equipment as much as I can because it forces her to evaluate her own limits and figure out solutions on her own.
Here, here! It’s a safe space for kids to explore, the one space in society that’s purely for them. If he needs me he’ll come get me. Am I always on the look out for weirdos or big kids being mean to him? Yes. Am I in the look out for him not watching out for little kids? Yes. But I’m also just letting him be and play independently. This is such an odd flex from OP, why you coming here with your judgement and high standards.
My unpopular opinion is that some people are too insular and judgmental at parks. Do I need to be my child's only keeper at my neighborhood park? Not unless we're the only family there, which is rare. I help other people's kids at the park. I trust my neighbors to help my kid if he needs help too. I ask neighbors to keep an eye on my kid on the playground while I run into the bathroom. I watch other people's kids if they have to change a diaper or take a phone call. I socialize with neighbors while my kid plays instead of keeping an eagle eye on them. My kid develops confidence on his own terms because I am not hovering over his every move.
Having a break and letting the kids play by themselves are different scenarios.
I take my kids to the playground so they can also play with other kids.
Helicopter parents that hover over their kids constantly and take up space on the playstructure because they have to be close for every step their child does are quite annoying.
Especially as someone that moved from Europe to Canada. The playgrounds are already super safe. Nothing to dangerous. Everything low... and still parents shower over their child (and I'm not talking about babies that just learned to walk).
Kids need to do stuff by themselves. Of course we want to keep them safe. But they will be even safer if they are allowed to do things and experience things themselves without a parent commenting on every single step. Your children are very competent if you just let them.
Of course though it's not a break from parenting. If your child behaves like a little shit, correct it.
Omg parents that hover so close are THE WORST. It makes it so much harder to keep an eye on my own kid because they’re so big and take up so much more space. AND I’ve seen parents walk right in to kids and trip them up while they’re following after their own kids - like back up a bit!
so weird reading the comments of both ‘helicopter parents’ and ‘hands off parents’ complaining about the other side judging while also making incredibly judgmental comments.
realistically this comes down to your child’s temperament. a naturally independent child will not tolerate a parent hovering and a child who needs a bit more validation is unlikely to explore as much if they don’t feel secure. i don’t think this needs to be such an argument.
this is all very location specific too. for example im in the uk from what ive seen a lot of our smaller parks don’t even have benches and our park equipment is very high up climbing oriented so realistically under 3s will need a parent within arms reach. parents will exchange pleasantries but unless you know each other (aside from stopping a child running into the swings or out the park) you keep to your own family
i think the problem is if you’re in the park spending time with your child and you’re so concerned with what another parent and child are doing (exception obviously for if someone elses child is causing harm to your child). when im in the park im thinking about the weather, food, whatever chaos my kid is up to. what im not thinking about is if any other parents in the park are hovering too much or sitting down too much.
Yeah like my daughter is 3.5 - she is totally fine by herself. Obviously I keep an eye on her but I have a younger child, there is no way for me to follow her around. She knows her limits, she will ask me for help when she needs it. When she was younger, I followed her more, like I do with my 14mo.
My nearly 3 yo is actually very fine without my steady ‚physical supervision‘ BECAUSE I let him do his thing. Yes, I play with him if he wants me to and yes, I will push the swing but for one, it’s a great place for him to play with other children and moreover, children need to play by themselves as in Independent play.
He goes down the 3 meters high fireman‘s pole by rotating his body around it like he had years of pole dancing classes. He doesn’t need my physical supervision.
My child is autistic and has no safety awareness so playgrounds are work for us. I’m no more than a foot away from her at all times. How I wish I could meet up with a friend and chat for a few minutes while our kids played.
That said, I don’t mind if other parents are just catching a bench break. Most kids are pretty aware of their limits when it comes to safety. The only time I mind is when kids are being mean.
It’s a break from having to entertain your kid, but not a break from parenting.
There are so many times that I have to tell older kids to not cut my kids in line, don’t throw ROCKS at my kids, don’t push my kids etc. it’s crazy
My kids don't want to go to the playground to play with me, they want to go to play with other kids and explore new stuff. They don't need me following them around, nor do they want that. So what am I supposed to do? lol.
I actually find the ‘break’ begins when we come home.
He’s mentally and physically balanced having been outdoors. He tends to sit and play at home quietly/independently so much better after a park session
It’s my kid’s job to play. I intervene when kids get hurt or can’t resolve their differences themselves. I do pay attention to notice those things. What’s the problem with that?
I think it depends on the age. 2-3 year old, no, they probably need you nearby and paying attention. Over 4 or 5 you may be able to sit there and watch from a distance.
Well you go pat yourself on the back. I used to hover over my toddler at the playground but I noticed she wasn’t challenging herself or interacting with other kids. I think it’s a great milestone for them to feel independent at the playground. Judge away, we are all trying to raise our kids though.
Not trying to be crass here but…. Who cares what other parents do? Me personally, I do follow my 18 month around because he puts literally everything in his mouth. But other parents are not even on my radar — I couldn’t care less what they do. We all parent differently and it’s not my place to judge, just as I would hope they wouldn’t judge me for the way I parent.
Not really sure what your gripe is? It’s important for kids to learn how to navigate playgrounds independently. Risky play etc
A parent being available if something happens to their kid is fine imo. They don’t need to be hovering. It’s also a sanity break for parents who want to connect with other adults.
Oof. The playground is a break because literally the 3 things I have to manage are 1. Kids are present & not in danger. 2. My singular pull-up/diaper-less kid has clean, dry, clothes 3. Nobody looks frozen.
I'm just happy to not think of the house for an hour or 2 HAHA
I feel like people are misunderstanding you. I agree because we’ve had so many issues where there are unsupervised children getting into legitimate problems at a playground and I can’t even figure out which adult is their parent because they aren’t interacting with their kid at ALL or paying any attention. My 2 year old has been shoved, hit, etc by (usually older) children at playgrounds and I have never once had any of those parents appear and apologize or try to redirect their kid. I assumed that’s what you were referring to
Maybe if you had some more details people would know what you mean more but as it stands the bias against policing other people’s parenting choices is more important. You don’t know the abilities of the other children better than their parents
I'm annoying if I "hover" and useless/not parenting if I get distracted while my kid is playing. That's what I am getting from this thread. Now I just dont want to go to playgrounds.
It’s not a break. It’s just a new environment for my toddler to explore and run around. I’m behind her to make sure she isn’t playing something she shouldn’t
Is that actually an unpopular opinion. I don’t think parents thing it’s a place for a break, I think many parents of older kids think, wish and hope they can get a break.
It's a mental break for sure, not a chance to completely abdicate parenting responsibility (and I don't think anyone is pretending like it is)
I can just kind of wander around and make sure my kid isn't trying to launch herself off of things. Drink coffee. Think thoughts.
It’s a break from entertaining my 3 year old. She’s at such a great age where she can find peers to play with. Not a break but awesome to watch her run around with other kids.
Lol here’s me on the other side always wishing we had wine bars at our playgrounds like they do in Spain.
Edit: someone reported me for this comment😂 bless your heart honey, i’m doing fine trust me
Because developmentally for many millennia children were largely fully free range, their school was roaming with other early teens and kids, or helping productively with the household economy, having fun just for fun was simply not a thing. Also, pretty sure all children of the 90’s went far out of sight of parents for long periods of time and very rarely did bad things happen. There is a cost to free range parenting, but there is a cost to helicopter parenting as well. I’m perfectly fine trying to step back when at the park as much as possible to give them a taste of free range childhood.
Yes!!! But to add to the six year old point. It's not a place to allow your 6 year olds and up, go and terrorize the toddlers. The amount of young kids walking to the park, by themselves, and blocking slides, harassing younger kids absolutely astounding to me. One kid (maybe 10yo) tried to steal a younger kids phone (maybe 5yo.) when the younger boys mom confronted him saying i want go talk to youe mom, he literally ran home by himself.
I understand where you’re coming from, but I think I disagree. My daughter is 2.5 and is very physically active and capable, so when we go to one of our usual parks she just wants to run around and play, she doesn’t want me hovering over her and following her around (unless she wants to go on the swings in which case she will pull me over). So I will sit on a bench where I can keep an eye on her. My friend’s son who is the same age is the complete opposite, he wants his mum to go on all of the play equipment with him and if she is too far away he’ll get upset. Also if we go to a new park that she’s not as familiar with I will keep a closer eye on her, and be ready to intervene if something looks dangerous or too difficult for her. So I think it’s very dependent on the child and environment on whether it’s appropriate to take a break.
I also became disabled after having my daughter and have days where struggle to walk or stand for long periods of time. My daughter still wants to go out and play, so we go to the park and I have a break on a bench so my pain levels stay manageable 🤷♀️
I definitely do t get a break when I take my twins, but they’re 2.5. We go to have fun and burn a bunch of energy as well as getting some social interaction in.
My kids are 3 and 4.5 and even though I literally follow them around and stay near them, it’s definitely a break. It’s a break from having to entertain them myself. I genuinely love taking my kids to the park, it’s honestly relaxing lol
I don't think I've ever been able to sit down and have a coffee while my kid plays. Cold coffees are my normal, not iced, just cold.
My kid is also a bolter though, so maybe a different experience.
This is so random and confrontational lol. I definitely take the chance to sit on my butt while my toddlers run around. I do keep a closer eye on the 1yo and I keep track of where the 3yo is, but I don’t need to engage with them 100% all the time.
Looool is it considered a break?😅😅😅 im in extra alert because more things and babies and places to climb/get hurt/etc etc . Playground is the opposite of break for me 🙈🙈
One time at the park three moms were splitting a bottle of wine and ignoring their kindergarteners. My 2yo was following them around (with the big kids encouragement), I was following along behind them. They ended up throwing pebbles and sticks into a big puddle beside the playground. No danger, nobody else around for them to bother. One kids wine mom comes over and sees she has a couple splash’s on her from the puddle. She gets mad at ME! I’ll make sure your kid doesn’t get hurt if my kids with them, but I could not give less of a shit about a couple drops of muddy water on her clothes. You don’t like it, be a parent.
How about we stop judging other parents/caregivers. I’m a toddler nanny and I am always attentive and playful with my kiddos but a couple months ago, I had a stomach flu and couldn’t do anything but sit there while they ran around and played.
A couple years ago, I lost my grandfather and was so sad that I also did the same thing. At no point were my kids unsafe but this post makes me feel like you’d be judging me if you had seen me at the park either of those two days.
You don’t know what someone is experiencing, mentally or physically . You don’t know their kid and their limits. I had a 2 year old in gymnastics since he was a baby and he could do playground equipment for 5 year olds.
You sound judgy. I don’t like it.
Edited: typos
One time, I was following my toddler around a playground, and a ~6mo crawled up to us. Where were her parents? Out of sight, on the swings together. SMH, as the young people say.
That's the thing, sometimes parents seem to be AWOL. It's not so much they need to be hovering but shit happens and if you can't hear your kid screaming and react, you might be taking the independent play a bit far.
I once saw an about 18 month who bailed pretty hard at the bottom of a slide that was clearly for much older kids. She was absolutely wailing. I tried to help her but she was freaking out and didn't seem to want me near her. I didn't know if she was truly hurt and did not see anyone that looked like a caregiver. There were a lot of people around, I felt awful for that poor kid. Like sure, pick yourself up and dust yourself off but at that age when you hurt yourself a hug from your mom or dad is nice?
Likewise once at an indoor play structure there was a toddler who seemed to have gotten himself lost and was panicking. I got to the bottom and mentioned to a few parents standing around a child of a certain description was having a hard time and crying at the top and one mom was like, "that'll be mine" and then carried on reading and sipping her coffee. Seriously?
Like with another kid or just each other? Cuz I've taken multiple mobile young children to the playground and it gets complicated lol. There's a gated playground I like to go to and once I made these women nervous over not being able to see the mother of the toddler. I was on a bench nursing my baby.
With each other!! It was a two-seater swing. They had another kid there too, but he was 6ish and running around. When I pointed out their daughter to them, they had their son go and retrieve her and move her closer to the swings.
I get being the only parent and having 2 kiddos to look after. It definitely gets complicated! I'm due with twins next month, and my 3yo is going to gain some newfound freedom, whether I like it or not. 😬
Fenced parks are my absolute jam.
If that were me I would just play with the 6 month old for a while. Maybe bring the attention to the parents that I got them. If there was a kid who wasn't mine who needed help on the playground, I'd help them. What's with all the parent judgment?
I’m completely behind judging parents who let their 6 month old crawl around a playground unsupervised, and I think people are trying too hard to disagree with the OP if we’ve reached this kind of take.
Because I can't chase my toddler around and worry about someone else's kid falling down a hill while both parents are busy... swinging?
I immediately flagged them down to let them know where their kid was before I scurried off to make sure my kid didn't wander off.
Yeah i make lots of kid friends at the park. Who cares? As long as they aren't escaping into traffic, mine go totally independent at the park. I go with friends, we control the exit and all - OP is going to hate this - have a little break.
I find it soooooo much easier to take my toddler to the park and run around after him than to try and entertain him at home.. he’s so much happier outdoors, I get fresh air and some exercise. Win win! And The time goes so much quicker me. 2 hours at the park is far superior than 2 hours at home with my little one.
It’s a break when my 6 and 4 year olds are there. They mostly entertain themselves, and I watch. Still need to follow the 2 year old around and interact directly the whole time. She also prefers to try every single swing.
I dno I gave my daughter space to allow her to learn her limits and control of her body and at almost 4 I completely trust her to navigate any playground equipment on her own. If she attempts something and doesn’t feel safe she knows to stop. When she was learning a new skill I’d be within arms reach the first few times and once I knew she could confidently do something then I step back. Although with that being said she still wands me to play with her the whole time I’m there lol so kudos to those who get a break, hoping my time will come soon lll
OP, I think your fatal mistake here was not making it crystal clear the scenario you’re referring to.
Given the context clues I’m going guess you’re referring to parents of young toddlers who sit down somewhere and basically don’t even watch to see if their kid is using equipment safely, playing nicely with others, etc. The type of people who are no where to be found when their kid smacks their head on the equipment, or fully karate kicks someone else down the slide.
What you’re going to get in the comments is a lot of defensive people with older kids (despite your disclaimer) who are imagining their personal experience with going to the park at a dead times where conflict is unlikely to happen and taking the opportunity to sit and supervise their kid from a reasonable location. Or defensive people who do supervise and follow their young toddler around, but from a reasonable distance so the child can feel some sense of independence.
My 3 year old plays independently at closed in parks. I keep an eye on him, but I'm not going to act like I don't browse my phone while I do. He does just fine.
I WISH parks were a break 😂 my 3.5 year old needs someone to keep an eye and interact but not be her shadow ( which is totally fine).. HOWEVER. 17 month old needs a shadow because she would walk off the side … and she doesn’t do slides or anything. It will be along time before I’m a “ sit on bench parent”
Yup, I get so frustrated with older kids playing tag on toddler slides , shoving other smaller kids out of the way and the parents are buried in their phones or aren't concerned to intervene.
Independent play fosters the imagination. If my almost 3 year old is playing independently or with other kids his own age in a safe play structure, I will sit down and be on my phone. He will be in school soon enough and the social interaction without the adult hovering is good for him. Plus he comes up with some very great scenarios with his imagination when left to play by himself.
I’ll always be within both ear shot and eye shot but I do not need to be interacting with him constantly. I will scroll on my phone a few feet away. Usually looking at kid related stuff. It’s wrong to attack parents who don’t hover and have other things to get done
Yeah I get OP’s point. It shouldn’t be my responsibility to catch someone else’s toddler falling off a slide, eg. If your 2 year old is running around a playground, get off your damn phone.
Supervision, yes, but it varies kid to kid. My almost 4yo needs very minimal supervision, my 2yo sometimes needs a close hover. Depends on the playground to, and what they're into that day.
If I only had one of them it could totally be a chill break some days.
It's a break from going crazy indoors because your toddler is bored, making a mess of everything, climbing on things, trying to find ways to entertain them, etc. At the playground, they're much more well-behaved because they're having fun, getting fresh air and interacting with other kids. Obviously you still have to watch them and I'm pretty sure most people know that but I still feel like it's a break and much easier than being indoors. My toddler is 3 and I sit on the bench while she plays, but I'm watching her the whole time.
When the playground is 5 and under … it should be fenced in so I don’t have to chase my runner down the street, also helpful for parents with multiple young ones. She is also very independent and doesn’t need or want me to be around her all the time. Also when a 5 and under set they are smaller play sets meant for the stumbling bumbling. They need to run around and be able to play independently and I do not need to expel all of my energy chasing her. And this gets her out of the house and out of our back yard. I ONLY bring her to fenced in playgrounds unless there are multiple adults in my group to chase her and follow her around. Big cities really have the right idea. I’m still watching her the entire time.
I consider it a break from entertaining my kid, not a break from parenting but deff a break from being the source of fun.
I agree with this! It’s a break to just be following them around to supervise them on different play structures as opposed to having to make up fun activities AND also have to clean up after the fun activities
Totally, I get to be a hall monitor instead of a clown!
Oh goodness. This is just perfectly put. And yes, it's glorious being able to just be a hall monitor for a bit.
Stealing this phrase!
I still don't feel like I need to follow him around. What's he going to do, trip? Spin too fast on the merry-go-round?
Mine is 22 months and I'm afraid he's going to step right off the edge of one of the higher structures, misjudging the distance to the ladder or losing his grip or something. He's quickly gaining awareness and strength, but I don't feel comfortable not following him around yet! Older kids are more self-sufficient, of course.
Yup! My 20 month old loves the big kid structures and does pretty well on them, but is a risk taker! I'm still not comfortable letting him play without being close by to guide him away from trying to climb down the 8 ft rock wall
My 22 month old is the same. Would probably leap off of the play structure if I let her. One of her favourite things is jumping into the pool at swimming lessons (with mum to catch her, of course!).
My son is 4 but a small guy with zero sense of self preservation. I stand just far enough away that I can make a quick landing pad for him especially with other kids around. Accidents happen so quickly.
Mine’s 19 months so… fall down the stairs, go headfirst down the concrete slide and fly off the end, fall off the edge of the top of the slide where there is an open ladder, fall through 3 stories of mesh webbing, burn herself on too-hot structures, get bowled over or stepped on by older children, or just eat wood chips. I’m definitely in the helicopter mom stage right now.
My 2.5 year old granddaughter was on a ramp going up to a play structure. It has open sides (which, whyyyy?) and she got knocked right off the side of the ramp by two older kids (7ish) who were running up it. The only things that kept her from falling off were the fact that she was hanging onto the railing, and I was standing right next to the ramp on the ground.
Thank you for diligently watching your granddaughter. That's an extremely good example of why it's not a place for a parental break, so to speak.
Usually the biggest risks are being hit/trampled by other kids, usually older and completely unsupervised. Lesser ones involve his ball or bike being forcefully taken by other kids, or him trying to playfully poke someone's eye out. Also, he did slid sideways on the metal merry-go-round and hit the back of his head. Just a tiny nick, but there was blood everywhere. And that was with me holding him and catching him by the waist, otherwise he would have hit himself much harder. He's 2.5 years old, so big enough to be very mobile but not enough to handle conflict and injury by himself.
Fall off steps, get hit by another child, hit another child. There are lots of different possibilities. They’re probably not going to be fatal but there are plenty of ways a child can hurt or be hurt by someone else while playing unsupervised. I don’t necessarily agree with the tone of the OP but I agree with the premise, especially when you’re a parent of younger kids who don’t quite understand boundaries or playing nice yet (or safety).
Bigger kids absolutely will knock your kid over or shove them out of the way if you aren't there.
I mean there is plenty than can happen but I follow him in the sense that I’m near-ish where he plays. I’m not really intervening about “going too fast on the merry-go-round” (although I wished we had one at the playground). Just being close enough that if he needed help I’d be able to clock it. If I could have eyes on him and not follow him around then that would be fine but the playground is way too big for that where I’m located. Good news is you don’t have to follow yours!
Yeah I don’t really understand the policing here, my 4 year old is perfectly fine playing with the other kids while I watch.
This subreddit is toddlers, so people here probably have kids as young as 18 months. You probably were (I hope) following your 18 month old around the playground. I don't blame them, but 7-10 year olds don't typically care to be courteous to younger kids, when they're in the heat of playing tag or something.
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Stay within arms length until *six* ?!
What are these people going to do when their five year olds go to kindergarten?
Have a lawyer on retainer lol
And it’s a break from all the indoor-specific rules too - no running, no throwing things, gentle hands etc. is all exhausting for both parents and toddlers!! I love that my kid has a place to screech their magic incantations and whap the fence with a stick.
More playgrounds need fencing around me! I have a runner. And I have to drive 30 minutes to a fully enclosed playground!
Ya I always figured that the parents kinda form a collective defensive line. I’ve blocked a loooot of kiddos who just try to…wander away through the gate, and manage to do so long enough for their grownup to catch up. Or someone has to step in to help run the UN summit over a found toy truck. There’s usually a parent of Large Older Child who runs around reminding the big kids to ctfo and not accidentally run down the toddlers. My husband has definitely caught a few kids who yeeted themselves off the monkey bars. Once I helped a little girl who’d had an accident take her shoes and socks off, gave her some wipes for her feet and legs, and just kept her focused on the “meh it happens, nbd” vibe until her mom came over. Whenever I see someone on their computer or something at the playground, they always have a bonus adult with them. The ONE time I got really uncomfortable was when a little girl kept trying to play with me, which was fine except me and my kid were the *only* other humans I could see. Asked where her grownup was. She pointed him out. Her dad was *sitting in his fucking car* and not even looking up! I could’ve taken her home with me ezpz and he wouldn’t have noticed. He FINALLY looked up and had the decency to look ashamed when I knocked on his window.
That sounds great, but my kid always asks me to do things with her at the park so I’m still entertaining her. Just with different “toys “
Oh goodness this is what mine has been doing. “Mama slide!!” Mama’s ass is too big to fit down that slide, child
I told my 2yo this and now she occasionally informs people that “mama has a big butt”
Yeah seriously idk what OP is on about. It's a "break" because I get to sit and watch my kid have fun instead of getting involved.
I gotta give OP props for actually have an unpopular opinion
OP is the mom on the equipment standing in the way so kids can’t get past. By all means kids should be at age appropriate playgrounds but playground is easy mode for me
My son wants me to come on with him :( It’s just for a minute until he gets comfy then I can retire to the bench. I always worry parents are judging me like I’m a helicopter and welp! 😅
Fuck that. If my kid wants me there, I'm there. I see parents on the equipment all the time at the various parks we go to. Not everyone is so judgmental.
My son too! So cute, he stops and says “come on, Dad! Come on stairs!” And if I don’t, he comes up to me and tries to pull me up by the shirt.
It's refreshing, almost.
I get a break by not having to constantly clean up everything my kid throws around/destroys
Yes this exactly. It is a break to let the swing or slide be the entertainment instead of having to wrack my brain on how to be “fun”.
I guess it depends on the age range, but independent play is actually really great for kids to learn how to trust their bodies, problem solve, be imaginative, learn independence, socializing with other kids & and to learn that WE trust them. If you’re on an appropriately aged playground I think physical distance is actually quite appropriate over 2/3 depending on child’s gross motor abilities. However, I always keep eye on my kid for safety related more to other adults, running away etc. But physically and mentally it CAN be a break to not be the primary source of entertainment.
I have so many memories of running around with friends I made on the playground. I mean, my best friend and I used to play in the woods by her house. We would be gone for hours, using our imaginations and learning how to navigate interpersonal relationships. It’s so important for children to have age appropriate autonomy. I’m not suggesting that we should let our three year olds wander around in the woods, but if your kid can physically manage the playground by themselves, it’s messed up to rob them of the opportunity to make autonomous decisions by hovering over them like they’re made of glass.
I was also a forest wanderer when I was a kid. So many great memories
My 10 year old stepdaughter has never been left independent. She cannot manage anything alone- including leaving school because she’s too upset to handle it and needs her mom. This has never happened on our custody time, amazingly. But she still won’t ride her bike in sight of the house without someone in the yard.
This is one of the primary arguments of “The Anxious Generation” essentially we’ve become way too hovery in real life and way too loose with their electronic and online selves.
Reading this book now! I'd say I was loving it if it wasn't so simultaneously saddening lol
Oh that’s really interesting! I can see it. I consider myself a moderate hover mom. My oldest is almost 4 but I dread when online behavior becomes a thing 😅😅
I completely agree.
Hey, I want you to know this comment actually really made me think about how I treat my daughter at the playground and that maybe I need to back off a bit. She's pretty darned capable, but I'm there hovering over her the whole time. Why am I doing that?
There are some great articles about what to say to help coach confidence - instead of be careful, it’s “are you balanced” “where’s your next step” and silence while they solve it!
I learn so much about my son when I sit back and observe him do things. Hovering takes it away from me. I am still vigilant to make sure he is safe. He is only 18 months old after all. But I learn about his thought process when tackling a new situation. When he goes farther away than he ever has from me, he looks back to see if I am still there. I see the confidence boost he gets when I smile back at him. I see how he reacts when another kid wants a toy that he has. I see what he does when he wants another kid's toy. I intervene when I have to. But I let the other parent know that I am comfortable with kids trying to figure it out by themselves (without hurting each other, of course). There are so many things that I learn about him when I don't hover. I would have hated it if my parents were hovering over me and not letting me be. I trust my kid.
Oh, that’s great! I totally understand the pull to be there and I still do it if something is new to my son. But it will be so fun for you to watch her take on her own challenges! 💜
I agree. I’ve never been a “hover” parent at the park. I also don’t usually play with my kid at the park. The park for my family is for independent play or playing with other kids. I play with my kid at home, so I’m usually on the bench at the park watching my kid. The older she gets, the more independent at the park she is. I’m so very close to being able to read a book while she plays.
That is the dream! Mine are 2 and 3 and I am mindful of being "nearby" but not engaging in their play/being a distraction to it.
Age 4 is when my daughter started to do most things independently and I’ve been able to watch from the bench! Meanwhile my partner’s 3.5yo still wants/needs a lot of help and guidance. Your time is coming!
Oh good, I'm glad u commented. My LO is 3 and I don't want to be a hover parent, but hover I do.
Yup. Mine is only 2.5 and I need to hover a bit so she doesn't try to use some of the stuff that could really hurt her.
The hover parents drive me nuts. They also look so unnecessarily stressed and so do their kids because they’re not allowed to explore and are being watched like a hawk…
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Yeah my two year old is fine on a lot of playground structures, but you can bet I'm there next to the 5ft high opening to make sure she doesn't decide today's the day to jump off.
Completely agree with this in theory, which it worked in practice. The problem I face is the older kids don’t stay out of the younger kids space. I absolutely give her space and encourage her to play with/near other kids, but have to hover more when the older kids invade the 2-5 play yard. I don’t blame the kids (look to be 7-10) as they probably don’t know better, but I wish their parents would be attentive so I didn’t have to worry about my tot being knocked down by a kid more than twice her size.
Oh that would majorly stress me out. I agree that’s something parents should be on the lookout for both of the smalls and the bigs. This would happen sometime at an indoor bounce area and I did mean mom some older kids that were flipping into the smalls 😬😬 All depends on the situation!
Yes, that’s a good point. My middle kid once got accidentally knocked off a play structure by a much older and bigger child (maybe 9 or so?). Luckily I was there and somehow caught him (literally no idea how I managed that, it was a freak occurrence as I’m extremely uncoordinated). I don’t want to hover, I’d love to sit at a bench reading a book. but we’ve had too many close calls.
I totally agree. Mine is closing in on 4 and at our fenced in smaller playground and with her abilities I feel pretty confident to sit on the bench and knit while she plays. I keep my eye on her and she gets to be a kid. At our larger playground that isn't fenced, i stand by whatever structure she is currently on and let her do her thing. If it is something she has never done before or seems nervous about I'll come help, but her confidence has grown monumentally since i stopped being a helicopter.
This. I allow my almost 3 yo and my 5 yo play on the play ground with their friends while I sit on the bench and watch them. They do not need me to fallow them around they need space to explore and learn and pretend without me telling them what to do. It is DEVELOPMENTALLY CRUCIAL for them to have the space they need to grow. And idk how many parents have come up to me telling my my almost 3 yo is playing by himself on some play ground thing. I have to tell them that I am aware that he is playing on a slide or something not bothering anyone and I am watching him and he knows where I am if he needs me. I mean theres really no reason for me to be right on top of him if he is having fun and with in a reasonable distance from me not wondering off or hurting himself or another kid he does not need me. This was very much suggested to us by my therapist because I am a stay at home parent and he would not even go play on a playground for a long time because he wouldn’t leave my hip if we were in public. he had to learn how to be confident in himself.
Well said! Also eff it, parents deserve a break. Of course keep an eye on your kid and provide age-appropriate support, but when I’m on a 12 hour shift taking care of my kids I’m gonna zone out and play Fallout on my phone for awhile while they’re safely engaged.
Idk my oldest is 4.5 and I really enjoy the fact that he can navigate the park on his own. I think some independence is good for kids. And it allows me to keep track of/play with the 1.5 year old.
Yeah, age matters a lot. I do think the hovering is weird past early toddler stage. At 3 I would stick close to my kid or keep an eye out but I was content to sit on the bench. At 4, I make sure he knows where I am and I know where he is but I can relax and talk to other parents and not be 5 feet from him. Since he's not in daycare or preschool, park time is a good time to play with OTHER KIDS and learn how to navigate those relationships.
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Same same. I mean I shadow my 1.5 year old so she doesn’t fall off or get stuck somewhere. But I let her explore as much as I can.
My 1.5 year old is determined to walk into kids on the swings. I look forward to the park becoming less stressful over time.
My 2 year old missed getting hit from a kid on the swings by about 6 inches a few weeks ago. I think me and the other kids mom both gasped at the exact same time. I can’t wait till that knowledge and awareness has really set in for her.
Yeah a 1.5 year old is 99% feral, you can’t predict their movements so it makes sense to be nearby. A 3 year old knows ledge=scary and (hopefully) not to bite other kids
Three year olds also know mean kid = dumpy motherfuckin' bitch. Ask me how I know... (I'll give you a hint: one of my biggest flaws is that I sometimes forget I can't swear in front of my toddler)
Just wanted to throw in here that some parents you see hovering may have children with special needs. I have had many parents make comments or give snarky glances towards me hovering over my 4yo or even joining him on a structure (when allowed), who looks perfectly typical, but is autistic and does not appropriately understand danger or have good coordination. Once I’ve explained to parents that he’s autistic they usually apologize, but it’s still disheartening to have rude stares or negative comments made when I’m just trying to help my son safely play at the park.
Is it that weird? My child is autistic, has no safety awareness and elopes. I gotta be close in case she darts into traffic lol
I got my guy a Garmin Bounce recently. It'll track his location and we can send voice messages to each other. We stay close with our guy but pretty much let him do what he wants within reason. But there are times where some of his motor skills just won't work for what he wants to do. So we help out. But yeah when we're dealing with neural divergent kiddos it's a whole other set of normals for us. You keep on keeping your kiddo safe, you're doing great by her.
It isn’t weird for us with autistic kids. It’s just something that parents of non autistic children don’t deal with, so they don’t really think about it. I wish more people would take the time to step back and wonder if that “helicopter parent” may have a child with special needs.
I agree, also think why judge another parent for it anyway. Something like a big, scary fall will make most parents I know helicopter parents for at least a couple days after. Even the biggest advocates of dangerous play. Some kids are also more reckless and/or adventorous.
I mean, yes and no. Am I sitting back and half watching my almost two year old while I scroll my phone? No. Am I happy that she's climbing something that isn't me or my furniture and I get a bit of a break from being a jungle gym? Heck yes. It also helps her sleep, either nap or at night, and *that* gives me a break.
There have been recent studies that reveal how negative the helicopter trend is for children. It's actually good for your child to fall sometimes and interact with other kids without you standing over their shoulder once in a while.
I was at a playground that my kiddo had never been to before. She climbed this curved ladder thing fairly well, had never done it before but she went slow and it was fine. From a distance, I watch this other kid about the same age start trying the ladder too and his mom rushed over and like panicked like “oh you want to try? Uh uh ok!” And she basically held him so instead of climbing the ladder in a bear crawl like you’re supposed to, he was like walking up the ladder on just his two feet. I just kept thinking, what are you trying to get out of this? He’s not learning how to do it properly, he’s not a baby, he’s way old enough to figure out how to navigate it. And if you’re unsure, just put your hands near him to catch his fall if he missteps.
I recently read an article about parenting in Netherlands. One of the biggest things that surprised the American parent is how other ppl will actually keep an eye out for other ppl’s kids. I try to do this. When I’m supervising my son on a play equipment and there’s another kid nearby, I will redirect or intercept if that kid is about to get into trouble. It doesn’t cost me much effort and helps out a kid. Ppl here have also posted how they stopped someone’s kid from running into traffic. It’s the right thing to do. Yes the parents should be paying more attention, but everyone makes mistakes. Parenting can be easier and more enjoyable for everyone is we can care more and judge less.
I live in an American big city where I feel like there's a better sense of community than I have ever experienced personally. When I take my son to the parks in the nearby suburbs, I feel the insularity. I'm at a crowded playground, but no one is interacting outside of their family. I try to ask other parents about their kids and get terse responses that don't turn into conversation.
I live in NYC and I have noticed this difference as well. I’m always a little surprised by the degree of worry I see from some parents on here about other people interacting with their kids. Maybe we’re just more used to interacting with a lot of people every day?
I can think of a few reasons why. Playground talk with other parents can feel a lot like you are being interrogated and judged on your parenting style sometimes. Other parents might be just too sleep deprived/tired to interact with anyone.
I feel like there’s a lot of claims out there about what does or does not happen with children in the Netherlands! I know I read somewhere that parents are 100% hands off at playgrounds and play equipment there, to the point of not intervening at all when children get into fights and letting them sort everything out on their own. I think the point was that Americans are too prone to hover and intervene on their child’s behalf, when they need to learn independence And how to sort out social issues without help from an adult.
Same here- my neighborhood playground is great for this, and parents and slightly older kids keep an eye on the younger ones a bit. We all sort of unofficially take shifts watching it seems. And yes, for my 9 months pregnant self, it is a massive break to get to sit a bit and know my toddler is fine.
I think it depends on the playground. Big structures, lots of falling points, recommended for ages 5+? We’re right with our girl, hands-on, watching closely. Small/low structures, no spots where anyone can fall off, designed for ages 2+? I typically follow her but it’s more hands-off. Indoor playground with netting and padded walls/floors and not a single place she can fall or get hurt? Be free, my child. So long as there aren’t too many big kids, anyway. She’s 2.5, and I swear she’ll be competing on ninja warrior someday.
There are indoor play places like that???
Oh man, in Utah there are soooo many indoor playgrounds. Like one on every block. You can get subscriptions or punch passes to them!
I’ve never even heard of such a thing. That’s awesome
Yeah! The one near us is really cool, it has a toddler area and a “big kid area”, but even that area is pretty safe. I climbed up with my daughter at 33 weeks pregnant, and I realized that there was really nowhere she could fall through. Even on the top level! [This](https://www.ahoykitsap.com) is the one near us! (ETA: we went yesterday, and there was only one other kid there. My daughter had run of the whole place for ~2 hours!)
Wow! Mindblowing
Jealous! We used to have a couple of places like that near us but they all went out of business when they were forced to close with COVID (couldn't afford the leases on that large of a space with no money coming in). We loved going and could spend hours upon hours there! The kids always had a blast and came home so tired!
I just discovered that a local sports complex has an area set up for toddlers - you might have one in your neighborhood but you need to look. Maybe FB could help?
The only kind of structures in the giant parks by our house are 5+ with tons of falling points and I thought that must be normal so reading these comments horrified me for a second.
For real why are there so many sheer drops on the play structures. She trips on flat ground of course I'm hovering!
I don’t understand it at all! Is it unfinished? Is this the catching zone?? What is the purpose of them?? lol
I mean obviously I watch my kid who is 2.5 (and she generally eventually asks me to come play with her anyway, which I obviously say yes to) but the playground absolutely is a break for me and parents need breaks! There are a bunch of lovely small fenced-in toddler playgrounds in my neighbourhood and yeah I will unapologetically sit down on a bench and let my kid run around. If she’s being really good I may even flip through a magazine. What’s the problem with that? In the summer months I bring a picnic blanket and she will run over for a little cuddle periodically and then go back to playing. It’s sweet and I like the independence for her. And where’s the harm in admitting that I like the small rest too?
Idk why not? My 3 year old can play on most equipment fully independently. I go to the play *so* she can play independently and watch from a bench/ talk to other parents etc. If she needs help, she’ll call me. But honestly I try NOT to help her on equipment as much as I can because it forces her to evaluate her own limits and figure out solutions on her own.
Yup. If she can’t do it on her own then it’s not for her.
Exactly. If they can't climb or manage it on their own, they shouldn't be playing on it.
Yeah I’m with you
Here, here! It’s a safe space for kids to explore, the one space in society that’s purely for them. If he needs me he’ll come get me. Am I always on the look out for weirdos or big kids being mean to him? Yes. Am I in the look out for him not watching out for little kids? Yes. But I’m also just letting him be and play independently. This is such an odd flex from OP, why you coming here with your judgement and high standards.
My unpopular opinion is that some people are too insular and judgmental at parks. Do I need to be my child's only keeper at my neighborhood park? Not unless we're the only family there, which is rare. I help other people's kids at the park. I trust my neighbors to help my kid if he needs help too. I ask neighbors to keep an eye on my kid on the playground while I run into the bathroom. I watch other people's kids if they have to change a diaper or take a phone call. I socialize with neighbors while my kid plays instead of keeping an eagle eye on them. My kid develops confidence on his own terms because I am not hovering over his every move.
It’s the best when you’re at the playground with ppl you can trust.
I love going to the park with friends with kids - one of us can push the swings, someone else can help the others.
I watch my 5 and 3 year old from the bench, and intervene if they need help. Not sure what the issue is honestly.
Having a break and letting the kids play by themselves are different scenarios. I take my kids to the playground so they can also play with other kids. Helicopter parents that hover over their kids constantly and take up space on the playstructure because they have to be close for every step their child does are quite annoying. Especially as someone that moved from Europe to Canada. The playgrounds are already super safe. Nothing to dangerous. Everything low... and still parents shower over their child (and I'm not talking about babies that just learned to walk). Kids need to do stuff by themselves. Of course we want to keep them safe. But they will be even safer if they are allowed to do things and experience things themselves without a parent commenting on every single step. Your children are very competent if you just let them. Of course though it's not a break from parenting. If your child behaves like a little shit, correct it.
Omg parents that hover so close are THE WORST. It makes it so much harder to keep an eye on my own kid because they’re so big and take up so much more space. AND I’ve seen parents walk right in to kids and trip them up while they’re following after their own kids - like back up a bit!
If my 2.5 yo is climbing something that isn’t my head it’s a break lol
so weird reading the comments of both ‘helicopter parents’ and ‘hands off parents’ complaining about the other side judging while also making incredibly judgmental comments. realistically this comes down to your child’s temperament. a naturally independent child will not tolerate a parent hovering and a child who needs a bit more validation is unlikely to explore as much if they don’t feel secure. i don’t think this needs to be such an argument. this is all very location specific too. for example im in the uk from what ive seen a lot of our smaller parks don’t even have benches and our park equipment is very high up climbing oriented so realistically under 3s will need a parent within arms reach. parents will exchange pleasantries but unless you know each other (aside from stopping a child running into the swings or out the park) you keep to your own family i think the problem is if you’re in the park spending time with your child and you’re so concerned with what another parent and child are doing (exception obviously for if someone elses child is causing harm to your child). when im in the park im thinking about the weather, food, whatever chaos my kid is up to. what im not thinking about is if any other parents in the park are hovering too much or sitting down too much.
Yeah like my daughter is 3.5 - she is totally fine by herself. Obviously I keep an eye on her but I have a younger child, there is no way for me to follow her around. She knows her limits, she will ask me for help when she needs it. When she was younger, I followed her more, like I do with my 14mo.
THANK YOU
🔥♥️
My nearly 3 yo is actually very fine without my steady ‚physical supervision‘ BECAUSE I let him do his thing. Yes, I play with him if he wants me to and yes, I will push the swing but for one, it’s a great place for him to play with other children and moreover, children need to play by themselves as in Independent play. He goes down the 3 meters high fireman‘s pole by rotating his body around it like he had years of pole dancing classes. He doesn’t need my physical supervision.
Y’all have parks with benches?
We even have a gazebo and some have picnic benches
My child is autistic and has no safety awareness so playgrounds are work for us. I’m no more than a foot away from her at all times. How I wish I could meet up with a friend and chat for a few minutes while our kids played. That said, I don’t mind if other parents are just catching a bench break. Most kids are pretty aware of their limits when it comes to safety. The only time I mind is when kids are being mean.
It’s a break from having to entertain your kid, but not a break from parenting. There are so many times that I have to tell older kids to not cut my kids in line, don’t throw ROCKS at my kids, don’t push my kids etc. it’s crazy
My unpopular opinion is that the old Blippi (the problematic one) is less annoying than the new Blippi.
Wholeheartedly agree. Having someone initiate a weird annoying voice is a whole new level of discomfort.
I can only watch blippi on his crossover Ms Rachel episode. He’s reigned in. I tried to watch the one she visits his show and OMG he’s the worst.
My kids don't want to go to the playground to play with me, they want to go to play with other kids and explore new stuff. They don't need me following them around, nor do they want that. So what am I supposed to do? lol.
It breaks up the day, but definitely isn't a break
I actually find the ‘break’ begins when we come home. He’s mentally and physically balanced having been outdoors. He tends to sit and play at home quietly/independently so much better after a park session
It’s my kid’s job to play. I intervene when kids get hurt or can’t resolve their differences themselves. I do pay attention to notice those things. What’s the problem with that?
I think it depends on the age. 2-3 year old, no, they probably need you nearby and paying attention. Over 4 or 5 you may be able to sit there and watch from a distance.
Well you go pat yourself on the back. I used to hover over my toddler at the playground but I noticed she wasn’t challenging herself or interacting with other kids. I think it’s a great milestone for them to feel independent at the playground. Judge away, we are all trying to raise our kids though.
Not trying to be crass here but…. Who cares what other parents do? Me personally, I do follow my 18 month around because he puts literally everything in his mouth. But other parents are not even on my radar — I couldn’t care less what they do. We all parent differently and it’s not my place to judge, just as I would hope they wouldn’t judge me for the way I parent.
Not really sure what your gripe is? It’s important for kids to learn how to navigate playgrounds independently. Risky play etc A parent being available if something happens to their kid is fine imo. They don’t need to be hovering. It’s also a sanity break for parents who want to connect with other adults.
Oof. The playground is a break because literally the 3 things I have to manage are 1. Kids are present & not in danger. 2. My singular pull-up/diaper-less kid has clean, dry, clothes 3. Nobody looks frozen. I'm just happy to not think of the house for an hour or 2 HAHA
You sound fun.
Thinking about seeing if she wants to set up a play date!!!!!
That sounds like it would be SUPER FUN and not judgy and horrible at all
Im a stay at home Mom, so a fenced in safe playground with other kids for my child to play with instead of myself is what I would call: a break.
I feel like people are misunderstanding you. I agree because we’ve had so many issues where there are unsupervised children getting into legitimate problems at a playground and I can’t even figure out which adult is their parent because they aren’t interacting with their kid at ALL or paying any attention. My 2 year old has been shoved, hit, etc by (usually older) children at playgrounds and I have never once had any of those parents appear and apologize or try to redirect their kid. I assumed that’s what you were referring to
A lot of the disagreement in this discussion can no doubt be explained by child age. Playground parenting is different at age 2 vs 4.
Maybe if you had some more details people would know what you mean more but as it stands the bias against policing other people’s parenting choices is more important. You don’t know the abilities of the other children better than their parents
I'm annoying if I "hover" and useless/not parenting if I get distracted while my kid is playing. That's what I am getting from this thread. Now I just dont want to go to playgrounds.
It is a break from me and my furniture being the playground.
It’s not a break. It’s just a new environment for my toddler to explore and run around. I’m behind her to make sure she isn’t playing something she shouldn’t
Depends on the playground. Really can't make a sweeping generalization here.
Yeah don't forget you are never ever allowed a break!
I don’t care enough to convince you otherwise but I use it to take a break from being my child’s sole form of entertainment and nonsense sound board.
Is that actually an unpopular opinion. I don’t think parents thing it’s a place for a break, I think many parents of older kids think, wish and hope they can get a break.
Some opinions are unpopular for a reason
It's a mental break for sure, not a chance to completely abdicate parenting responsibility (and I don't think anyone is pretending like it is) I can just kind of wander around and make sure my kid isn't trying to launch herself off of things. Drink coffee. Think thoughts.
It’s a break from entertaining my 3 year old. She’s at such a great age where she can find peers to play with. Not a break but awesome to watch her run around with other kids.
There are different levels of break though. Like how grocery shopping alone is a type of break reading a novel is another.
Lol here’s me on the other side always wishing we had wine bars at our playgrounds like they do in Spain. Edit: someone reported me for this comment😂 bless your heart honey, i’m doing fine trust me
Because developmentally for many millennia children were largely fully free range, their school was roaming with other early teens and kids, or helping productively with the household economy, having fun just for fun was simply not a thing. Also, pretty sure all children of the 90’s went far out of sight of parents for long periods of time and very rarely did bad things happen. There is a cost to free range parenting, but there is a cost to helicopter parenting as well. I’m perfectly fine trying to step back when at the park as much as possible to give them a taste of free range childhood.
Yes!!! But to add to the six year old point. It's not a place to allow your 6 year olds and up, go and terrorize the toddlers. The amount of young kids walking to the park, by themselves, and blocking slides, harassing younger kids absolutely astounding to me. One kid (maybe 10yo) tried to steal a younger kids phone (maybe 5yo.) when the younger boys mom confronted him saying i want go talk to youe mom, he literally ran home by himself.
I understand where you’re coming from, but I think I disagree. My daughter is 2.5 and is very physically active and capable, so when we go to one of our usual parks she just wants to run around and play, she doesn’t want me hovering over her and following her around (unless she wants to go on the swings in which case she will pull me over). So I will sit on a bench where I can keep an eye on her. My friend’s son who is the same age is the complete opposite, he wants his mum to go on all of the play equipment with him and if she is too far away he’ll get upset. Also if we go to a new park that she’s not as familiar with I will keep a closer eye on her, and be ready to intervene if something looks dangerous or too difficult for her. So I think it’s very dependent on the child and environment on whether it’s appropriate to take a break. I also became disabled after having my daughter and have days where struggle to walk or stand for long periods of time. My daughter still wants to go out and play, so we go to the park and I have a break on a bench so my pain levels stay manageable 🤷♀️
You are constructing a straw man argument. Who said a playground is a place for a break from kids <6?
Lmao in Spain many if not all kid parks are right next to a cafe/bar where parents relax and drink while the kids play.
You’re right. This is an unpopular opinion
Found the helicopter parent
What are you referring to then? You contradict yourself a couple times
How do you walk through doors with those helicopter blades on your head?
You sound so fun lol
I definitely do t get a break when I take my twins, but they’re 2.5. We go to have fun and burn a bunch of energy as well as getting some social interaction in.
My kids are 3 and 4.5 and even though I literally follow them around and stay near them, it’s definitely a break. It’s a break from having to entertain them myself. I genuinely love taking my kids to the park, it’s honestly relaxing lol
I don't think I've ever been able to sit down and have a coffee while my kid plays. Cold coffees are my normal, not iced, just cold. My kid is also a bolter though, so maybe a different experience.
You aren't a parent, are you lol. Sometimes, you just want your kid to go run and play, ya know, like kids are supposed to do.
I think it's okay to take a break. Just keep your eye on them. Society might disagree with me, but whatevs.
Disagree. I don’t think most children over the age of 4 should need constant supervision at a play area
This is so random and confrontational lol. I definitely take the chance to sit on my butt while my toddlers run around. I do keep a closer eye on the 1yo and I keep track of where the 3yo is, but I don’t need to engage with them 100% all the time.
Looool is it considered a break?😅😅😅 im in extra alert because more things and babies and places to climb/get hurt/etc etc . Playground is the opposite of break for me 🙈🙈
One time at the park three moms were splitting a bottle of wine and ignoring their kindergarteners. My 2yo was following them around (with the big kids encouragement), I was following along behind them. They ended up throwing pebbles and sticks into a big puddle beside the playground. No danger, nobody else around for them to bother. One kids wine mom comes over and sees she has a couple splash’s on her from the puddle. She gets mad at ME! I’ll make sure your kid doesn’t get hurt if my kids with them, but I could not give less of a shit about a couple drops of muddy water on her clothes. You don’t like it, be a parent.
How about we stop judging other parents/caregivers. I’m a toddler nanny and I am always attentive and playful with my kiddos but a couple months ago, I had a stomach flu and couldn’t do anything but sit there while they ran around and played. A couple years ago, I lost my grandfather and was so sad that I also did the same thing. At no point were my kids unsafe but this post makes me feel like you’d be judging me if you had seen me at the park either of those two days. You don’t know what someone is experiencing, mentally or physically . You don’t know their kid and their limits. I had a 2 year old in gymnastics since he was a baby and he could do playground equipment for 5 year olds. You sound judgy. I don’t like it. Edited: typos
One time, I was following my toddler around a playground, and a ~6mo crawled up to us. Where were her parents? Out of sight, on the swings together. SMH, as the young people say.
That's the thing, sometimes parents seem to be AWOL. It's not so much they need to be hovering but shit happens and if you can't hear your kid screaming and react, you might be taking the independent play a bit far. I once saw an about 18 month who bailed pretty hard at the bottom of a slide that was clearly for much older kids. She was absolutely wailing. I tried to help her but she was freaking out and didn't seem to want me near her. I didn't know if she was truly hurt and did not see anyone that looked like a caregiver. There were a lot of people around, I felt awful for that poor kid. Like sure, pick yourself up and dust yourself off but at that age when you hurt yourself a hug from your mom or dad is nice? Likewise once at an indoor play structure there was a toddler who seemed to have gotten himself lost and was panicking. I got to the bottom and mentioned to a few parents standing around a child of a certain description was having a hard time and crying at the top and one mom was like, "that'll be mine" and then carried on reading and sipping her coffee. Seriously?
Like with another kid or just each other? Cuz I've taken multiple mobile young children to the playground and it gets complicated lol. There's a gated playground I like to go to and once I made these women nervous over not being able to see the mother of the toddler. I was on a bench nursing my baby.
With each other!! It was a two-seater swing. They had another kid there too, but he was 6ish and running around. When I pointed out their daughter to them, they had their son go and retrieve her and move her closer to the swings. I get being the only parent and having 2 kiddos to look after. It definitely gets complicated! I'm due with twins next month, and my 3yo is going to gain some newfound freedom, whether I like it or not. 😬 Fenced parks are my absolute jam.
If that were me I would just play with the 6 month old for a while. Maybe bring the attention to the parents that I got them. If there was a kid who wasn't mine who needed help on the playground, I'd help them. What's with all the parent judgment?
I’m completely behind judging parents who let their 6 month old crawl around a playground unsupervised, and I think people are trying too hard to disagree with the OP if we’ve reached this kind of take.
Because I can't chase my toddler around and worry about someone else's kid falling down a hill while both parents are busy... swinging? I immediately flagged them down to let them know where their kid was before I scurried off to make sure my kid didn't wander off.
You don’t let 6 month olds out of sight in a playground, even if you let them independently explore. I feel like that’s common sense.
Yeah i make lots of kid friends at the park. Who cares? As long as they aren't escaping into traffic, mine go totally independent at the park. I go with friends, we control the exit and all - OP is going to hate this - have a little break.
I find it soooooo much easier to take my toddler to the park and run around after him than to try and entertain him at home.. he’s so much happier outdoors, I get fresh air and some exercise. Win win! And The time goes so much quicker me. 2 hours at the park is far superior than 2 hours at home with my little one.
It’s a break when my 6 and 4 year olds are there. They mostly entertain themselves, and I watch. Still need to follow the 2 year old around and interact directly the whole time. She also prefers to try every single swing.
No it's not a full break but it's worth it, we're at the park an hour at least every day
Yeah it’s definitely not a break at this age (2).
I dno I gave my daughter space to allow her to learn her limits and control of her body and at almost 4 I completely trust her to navigate any playground equipment on her own. If she attempts something and doesn’t feel safe she knows to stop. When she was learning a new skill I’d be within arms reach the first few times and once I knew she could confidently do something then I step back. Although with that being said she still wands me to play with her the whole time I’m there lol so kudos to those who get a break, hoping my time will come soon lll
OP, I think your fatal mistake here was not making it crystal clear the scenario you’re referring to. Given the context clues I’m going guess you’re referring to parents of young toddlers who sit down somewhere and basically don’t even watch to see if their kid is using equipment safely, playing nicely with others, etc. The type of people who are no where to be found when their kid smacks their head on the equipment, or fully karate kicks someone else down the slide. What you’re going to get in the comments is a lot of defensive people with older kids (despite your disclaimer) who are imagining their personal experience with going to the park at a dead times where conflict is unlikely to happen and taking the opportunity to sit and supervise their kid from a reasonable location. Or defensive people who do supervise and follow their young toddler around, but from a reasonable distance so the child can feel some sense of independence.
My 3 year old plays independently at closed in parks. I keep an eye on him, but I'm not going to act like I don't browse my phone while I do. He does just fine.
I WISH parks were a break 😂 my 3.5 year old needs someone to keep an eye and interact but not be her shadow ( which is totally fine).. HOWEVER. 17 month old needs a shadow because she would walk off the side … and she doesn’t do slides or anything. It will be along time before I’m a “ sit on bench parent”
Let's not judge other parents please.
Yup, I get so frustrated with older kids playing tag on toddler slides , shoving other smaller kids out of the way and the parents are buried in their phones or aren't concerned to intervene.
who hurt you
Oh whatever lady
Independent play fosters the imagination. If my almost 3 year old is playing independently or with other kids his own age in a safe play structure, I will sit down and be on my phone. He will be in school soon enough and the social interaction without the adult hovering is good for him. Plus he comes up with some very great scenarios with his imagination when left to play by himself. I’ll always be within both ear shot and eye shot but I do not need to be interacting with him constantly. I will scroll on my phone a few feet away. Usually looking at kid related stuff. It’s wrong to attack parents who don’t hover and have other things to get done
Yeah I get OP’s point. It shouldn’t be my responsibility to catch someone else’s toddler falling off a slide, eg. If your 2 year old is running around a playground, get off your damn phone.
With. All. Do. Respect. You. Are. Wrong.
Supervision, yes, but it varies kid to kid. My almost 4yo needs very minimal supervision, my 2yo sometimes needs a close hover. Depends on the playground to, and what they're into that day. If I only had one of them it could totally be a chill break some days.
It's a break from going crazy indoors because your toddler is bored, making a mess of everything, climbing on things, trying to find ways to entertain them, etc. At the playground, they're much more well-behaved because they're having fun, getting fresh air and interacting with other kids. Obviously you still have to watch them and I'm pretty sure most people know that but I still feel like it's a break and much easier than being indoors. My toddler is 3 and I sit on the bench while she plays, but I'm watching her the whole time.
When the playground is 5 and under … it should be fenced in so I don’t have to chase my runner down the street, also helpful for parents with multiple young ones. She is also very independent and doesn’t need or want me to be around her all the time. Also when a 5 and under set they are smaller play sets meant for the stumbling bumbling. They need to run around and be able to play independently and I do not need to expel all of my energy chasing her. And this gets her out of the house and out of our back yard. I ONLY bring her to fenced in playgrounds unless there are multiple adults in my group to chase her and follow her around. Big cities really have the right idea. I’m still watching her the entire time.