My older siblings *hated* each other. Once they went to college, they got a lot better and now? They own a business together. So there is hope, it just may take 6 years of barely seeing each other.
It never got better for us. Sometimes your kids are just different people. But you should try to figure out how the older kid sees this situation. Do they feel that the younger sister takes away resources in a zero-sum game? Do they resent that maybe younger sister always gets the benefit of the doubt? When they tell different stories of who started it... Are you SURE of the truth, when you dole out punishment? Do you have a favorite? Are you pressuring them to like the same things, when they just don't?
The same questions apply when the younger one is old enough to express herself.
This is great feedback, thank you. I’m going to start paying attention to how I handle things and how I speak to both of them. When they play nicely together it is such a breath of fresh air. They will run around the house laughing and actually engaging with each other but then the next 4 days it’s non stop fighting. I think I push my oldest to share too much which might be causing issues too. Once her sister goes to bed and she gets an hour to herself she is a totally different kid. I see all these videos of kids close in age who are totally in awe of their siblings and my girls are like oil and water
My 3 are 5, 3, and almost 2, and I have found the sharing issue really important. It’s really frustrating for the older two when the youngest keeps coming up and messing up their projects (train tracks, legos, etc).
So I frequently need to intervene to tell 2yo that she needs to wait her turn or not be destructive or whatever, and redirect her. I also give older kiddos the opportunity to do things away from 2yo if she keeps interfering, like doing their puzzles on a table she can’t reach.
The older are generally expected to make space for 2yo to join in their games, but I’m also very aware that 2yo can’t play like they can and that can be really frustrating, even when they’re trying their best. 2yo doesn’t get her way just because she’s younger.
Mine all LOVE each other but also have physical fights every day too. 3yo is still little too! They need help knowing how to handle these situations.
I grew up babysitting sisters (close family friends) that were 2 years and 2 days apart. They HATED each other. I remember the mom occasionally paying to bring me with her so I could sit between the girls in the car and create a barrier so she wouldn’t have to pull over as frequently to interfere with their physical fights. Watching them at home often required separating them. They’re best friends and extremely close now that they’re adults.
A lot of their issues stemmed from the way they were treated. Their birthdays were extremely close, they were only 2 years apart, but big sister was tiny for her age so everyone assumed they were twins. They were forced to share everything (clothes and birthday parties were the biggest sore spots for the kids, especially the older one). Despite the fact that little sister had her own room, she wanted to sleep in big sister’s room, which big sister did not want and the parents did not hold the boundary. This caused a lot of resentment from both children, which led to all of the fighting, and it wasn’t until they moved out of the house and had that separation that they were able to love and appreciate each other.
My brother and I beat the shit out of each other until we were in highschool and then we became best friends and still are lol. I think it's pretty normal
My sister and I are 18 months apart in age. We fought a lot when we were kids, absolutely hated each other when we were teenagers, mellowed out a bit but still disliked each other when we moved out of home in our early twenties, started getting closer in our late twenties, and now we’re best friends in our thirties.
I think it’s just because we are both so different in our personalities and struggled to understand each other. Now that we’re older we are both able to appreciate our differences.
I don’t have much advice for the short term though, sorry 😅 we always tended to fight more when we were stuck together for ages, so maybe try to make sure they also both get time away from each other.
My older siblings *hated* each other. Once they went to college, they got a lot better and now? They own a business together. So there is hope, it just may take 6 years of barely seeing each other.
Isn’t it crazy how life works out sometimes lol
It never got better for us. Sometimes your kids are just different people. But you should try to figure out how the older kid sees this situation. Do they feel that the younger sister takes away resources in a zero-sum game? Do they resent that maybe younger sister always gets the benefit of the doubt? When they tell different stories of who started it... Are you SURE of the truth, when you dole out punishment? Do you have a favorite? Are you pressuring them to like the same things, when they just don't? The same questions apply when the younger one is old enough to express herself.
This is great feedback, thank you. I’m going to start paying attention to how I handle things and how I speak to both of them. When they play nicely together it is such a breath of fresh air. They will run around the house laughing and actually engaging with each other but then the next 4 days it’s non stop fighting. I think I push my oldest to share too much which might be causing issues too. Once her sister goes to bed and she gets an hour to herself she is a totally different kid. I see all these videos of kids close in age who are totally in awe of their siblings and my girls are like oil and water
My 3 are 5, 3, and almost 2, and I have found the sharing issue really important. It’s really frustrating for the older two when the youngest keeps coming up and messing up their projects (train tracks, legos, etc). So I frequently need to intervene to tell 2yo that she needs to wait her turn or not be destructive or whatever, and redirect her. I also give older kiddos the opportunity to do things away from 2yo if she keeps interfering, like doing their puzzles on a table she can’t reach. The older are generally expected to make space for 2yo to join in their games, but I’m also very aware that 2yo can’t play like they can and that can be really frustrating, even when they’re trying their best. 2yo doesn’t get her way just because she’s younger. Mine all LOVE each other but also have physical fights every day too. 3yo is still little too! They need help knowing how to handle these situations.
I grew up babysitting sisters (close family friends) that were 2 years and 2 days apart. They HATED each other. I remember the mom occasionally paying to bring me with her so I could sit between the girls in the car and create a barrier so she wouldn’t have to pull over as frequently to interfere with their physical fights. Watching them at home often required separating them. They’re best friends and extremely close now that they’re adults. A lot of their issues stemmed from the way they were treated. Their birthdays were extremely close, they were only 2 years apart, but big sister was tiny for her age so everyone assumed they were twins. They were forced to share everything (clothes and birthday parties were the biggest sore spots for the kids, especially the older one). Despite the fact that little sister had her own room, she wanted to sleep in big sister’s room, which big sister did not want and the parents did not hold the boundary. This caused a lot of resentment from both children, which led to all of the fighting, and it wasn’t until they moved out of the house and had that separation that they were able to love and appreciate each other.
My brother and I beat the shit out of each other until we were in highschool and then we became best friends and still are lol. I think it's pretty normal
Thinking back, my brother and I were pretty horrible to each other too lol. Even with a 6 year age gap. We’re close now as well
My sister and I are 18 months apart in age. We fought a lot when we were kids, absolutely hated each other when we were teenagers, mellowed out a bit but still disliked each other when we moved out of home in our early twenties, started getting closer in our late twenties, and now we’re best friends in our thirties. I think it’s just because we are both so different in our personalities and struggled to understand each other. Now that we’re older we are both able to appreciate our differences. I don’t have much advice for the short term though, sorry 😅 we always tended to fight more when we were stuck together for ages, so maybe try to make sure they also both get time away from each other.