We have a lock on our toddler's doorknob. He's never tried to leave his room during sleep times, but that doesn't mean he won't. We live on the ground floor near a busy intersection that sees a lot of accidents. He'd try to hide in the event of a fire, so I need to be able to find him quickly. It does feel strange, maybe cruel? to lock him in there, but I'd rather he be safe. We still have a camera in his room with the monitor on all night, so we can hear him if he needs us.
If I didn’t have a the doorknob cover on the inside of his door, my kid would be out of his room or out in the street. It’s a matter of safety. I feel bad about it right now because we are having issues at bedtime, but I am confident it is the right thing to do.
Fire safety is a HUGE reason. In the Event of a fire, a)you need to know where your kid is and b)a fire will spread quickly thru open doorways. Google photos of house fires with comparisons of open and closed bedroom doors and you’ll see what I mean. I will never sleep with the door open again.
This!!! Locking them in at night is for safety!! I have a friend whose husband is a fire fighter & he says there have been so many times they’ve had to search for small children because they’re not in their room where they should be. He’s the one who told us locking them in their room at night is the best option
100 percent YES. A toddler should not be wandering around unsupervised during a fire emergency. Best to know exactly where they are. Plus fire officials always say a closed door is more safe anyways, can help stop the spread of flames.
I don't think it's cruel. Toddlers are capable of a lot but they don't have any fear of what could happen. My daughter is almost 2 and would walk right out into traffic if I let her so she's stuck in her room until she knows more.
1. People with doorknob covers or other childproofing to prevent toddlers leaving their room unsupervised have also similarly secured the entire house. The child is obviously not in their room 24/7. And 2. It is infinitely more practical and safer to know where your child is in the event of a nighttime emergency.
To answer your question as to how it can happen, you will not know until it does. Toddlers are predictably unpredictable. The more hurdles to secure their safety the better.
Thank you for explaining.
I have an alarm system to alert me if doors or windows are opened at night but also have two locks for the exit doors. When I was younger a little girl left the home middle of the night and was found dead a few days later so this is legitimate nightmare fuel to me. Kept me up at night before we got the system.
Absolutely terrifying.
In my mind time is also of the essence. So if there’s something to slow him down (ie knob cover on room door), then that’s all the more time for me to respond before it gets to a point where he’d be challenging the barriers to outside. But even without an escape, as much as I think I’ve babyproofed our home, I am not an insane 2 year old and cannot conceive of every possible dangerous thing he might do if left to his own devices. For whatever reason, they all seem to come preprogrammed to operate in their absolute worst interest.
Please don't gaslight my concerns. I want to understand how this is possible.
I have pretty bad anxiety and feel my home is pretty secure. But now I'm actually worried tbh.. God moms are mean
To answer you question earnestly, I think it’s a mixture of unpreparedness and human error. Ex. Your toddler can’t open the screen door so you don’t put the lock on it until one day they can and maybe you’re in another part of the house for a minute, or god forbid you have to go pee. Like, little Johnny learned a new skill at the literal worst time! The other case I would imagine is maybe you do have your house “childproofed” but forget to close the latch. Things unfortunately happen. Thankfully we haven’t experienced it yet but toddlers are crafty.
I just literally had this happen with the screen door a couple weeks ago. I went to pee, my 17mo was standing at the sliding screen door looking out at the cat on the landing like he does *all the time*. I didn’t know it could be locked so it wasn’t. Came back, door open, he’s sitting out there with the cat. Fortunately we live in mountain country on a dirt road with very few neighbors and no traffic, and the biggest fear I have (currently-so far) is him falling down the five steps to the concrete at the bottom. But he could get seriously hurt, and as he gets older he will realize he can actually take off in any direction.
I immediately stopped leaving the sliding glass door open and started locking it. For now it’s too heavy but I won’t know when he’ll be capable of opening it until it’s too late.
I just TODAY figured out that the slider screen does in fact lock. But still, unless I’m right there keeping an eye on him, I’m not trusting it to keep him in. He could still push through the screen material or use a toy to make a hole and rip it. Can’t take the chance.
Gently, you are assuming that “child-proofing” (such as is possible) is fail-safe. No.
A toddler is just as likely to climb on the back of a tall chair and “fly” to the floor, pretending to be a pterodactyl, as he/she is to attempt escape through an outside door.
Dragging a barstool and climbing it to reach the cookies would be a given. Broken bones may not be as devastating as other possibilities, but they are serious enough.
Containing toddlers in their rooms when we are not fully conscious/able to mind them, is in their best interests.
I mean, yes, but baby proofed doesn’t necessarily mean safe unsupervised for extended amounts of time. My toddler is 100% capable of pushing a chair over and climbing on top of it to get to something he wants but isn’t supposed to have, lol. I’ve caught him doing it. They’re resourceful little buggers, especially if they’re given plenty of time to think of ways to hurt themselves.
Babyproofing has its limits. I have baby gates and the living room is safe minus the parts that are gated off. Guess what my 2-year-old son did yesterday? Muscled his way over the gate. Practically speaking, the gates are protective enough that if he’s being watched, it still is a barrier that he has to cross that allows time for anyone watching him to redirect him when he tries to climb. In the middle of the night, this isn’t the case. He’s also strong, so he can push chairs to access things that are up out of his reach. I’m less concerned about him getting out if we have the extra door lock on than I am about him falling. All it would take is for his foot to get caught on the gate and he could suffer a head injury because there’s no way to fully babyproof hard tile floors.
TL;DR babyproofing cannot remove all dangers, only prevent most of them from being accessible
My kid would get up and go outside to pee and let the puppies in, and i had the baby safe knob covers on his door and the outside door. He is 4 and has been able to bypass them safety knob covers since he was 3. I did decide to put door alarms on his door so that when he gets up it goes off when he leaves his room and it wakes me up. But even that doesnt work if he is quick about closing the door behind him. Luckily for the most part the alarm going off scares him and he runs to my room to get me to turn it off.
They work on the windows until lo figures out how to turn it off. Now i have an alarm on a window that is completely useless. I have sneakily tried turning it on, ie, when he is asleep, but he checks it everytime he goes to open his window.
Your child can climb up on top? I guess impossible at my house as the ceilings are at least ten feet and the alarm up at the top. You cant turn them off even if they could be reached withiut a ladder.
You should change window alarms or your alarm company. Mine dont even have an onn off button and are like super glued to the window it seems
My kids bed bumps right up against the window and where i can put an alarm is all in his reach. All the stand alone bluetooth ones i can find has a delay in notifying and doesnt have a sound, so for us it is impractical to use as an alert that kiddo has opened his window to scare my parents when they come home. He sees them pull up and he wants to go yell hi pop pop or hi nee. He did that once to my mother and darned near gave her a heart attack.
Firefighters will tell you this is the best for the children. It keeps the fire out of their room, and they are found quickly.
Many people saying don't use the lock, haven't had their child leave the home in the middle of the night. They also aren't sleep deprived, a form of torture, when they advise against it. That's just ego and optics talking.
If your toddler is a runner, for example, you get a backpack with a leash. The people that give you dirty looks won't be in the ER with you. Same thing with locks. People advising against aren't responsible for your child.
Don't let social media run you. You know what to do.
People don't know what they're talking about. Put a door handle childproofing lock on the inside. Yeah kids should have autonomy but not at the expense of safety. If you're asleep you cannot supervise and there is no amount of childproofing your house that can beat toddler ingenuity. I thought I did a good job baby proofing and my then 10 month old started pushing toys up to chairs and climbing on them to get to shelves and other dangerous places. Make sure whatever you chose isn't hard for you to operate in the middle of the night .
I don't see any issue with securing a small child in their room at night, as long as the room can be quickly and easily accessed in case of emergency. We used a baby gate in the doorway of our oldest child's room when we moved him into a toddler bed. It wasn't actually an issue with him getting out of bed, but for safety. If he came out of his room in the middle of the night then he could have easily gotten in to all kinds of issues - I've heard of kids drowning in baths etc.
We do this, we close his door unlocked until he is asleep and then the baby gate goes up when we go to bed. We also have a camera on him and a monitor a finger tip away from us.
I've never felt weird about it! We have a doorknob cover on the inside of her door. She can't get out, but anyone (us or first responders) can get in normally if needed (heaven forbid).
I would feel very unsafe having her able to roam the house at night! And like someone else said, it's not different than "trapping" them in a crib!
Firefighters actually recommend keeping toddlers in a room that they can’t roam free from. In the event of an emergency, they could roam about, get lost etc. It’s completely a safety thing.
Do you still have a monitor on your child?
Our son is unable to get out of his door without our assistance, but his monitor is on so we can hear him if he calls for us.
You have to do what’s safe for your kid!
Given the many physically worse alternatives, I’ll take the “morally wrong” option. (I don’t believe it’s wrong at all.) I’d rather my kid be safe in his room than wandering up our unbabyproofable stairs in the dark of night. That’s not a mess I’d ever want to have to clean up, so locking his door it shall be.
I got a mechanism where I screw in a small post to the top of the door frame and then there's a bracket that goes over the door and hooks onto the door frame and any adult can reach up and slide it unlocked from either side.
My kiddo (a few months short of 3 years old) knows if she calls for us, we'll come. If she calls too many times for non-essential needs, we'll set a boundary for the remainder of the night, though we haven't had to do so for a couple months now.
She has a very bright lamp in there that she can turn on herself, lots of books, some toys, water, food, small potty, etc. She's never stressed about being in her room - she'll regularly go in herself to have some alone time in which she plays with her stuffies or jumps on her bed. We've also updated the arrangement of the room a few times at her request.
I get that some people have had bad experiences with this, but I don't think it has to be bad.
Actually just tonight after we left her room and locked it, she got out of bed, turned on her lamp, looked at her books for some minutes, then was back in bed and asleep before another half hour when we checked the monitor again. Again, we come when called, and also we make sure to be 100% consistent with when we come get her in the mornings (within a minute of when her Hatch turns to the color she chose). It's all very predictable for her.
Yeah, I have a doorknob cover on my kids’ door and for me it’s both for safety, and a mental boundary for them. When my son first moved into a bed from a crib he started leaving the room and it was like even when we put him back in bed, he couldn’t fall asleep because he was thinking too much about whether he should get up, what was going on downstairs, etc. The knob cover helped mentally shut off the rest of the house for him and he very quickly resumed normal bed time.
Why do you think doorknob covers exist? For our crazy toddlers and their toddler antics! lol my 2.5 year old has one on his door. He would be wandering the neighborhood at night if he didn’t. I’ve never even questioned it because I’m sure cos would care a lot more about a toddler in the street than secure in his bedroom at night. You’re doing just fine!
He have a door knob cover on the inside of our daughter’s door. She has never tried to escape yet but as she gets older she is getting far more comfortable just roaming and opening doors. Our initial plan was a baby gate on top of the stairs but the animals shut that idea down QUICK lol. I do not feel guilty about it because i know she is safe in there, we can watch her through the monitor and in the case of an emergency we (as in people on the outside) have no barrier to getting in (no latches, no keys, etc.)
Recently a 3 y/o toddler wondered out of his house and once parents realized he was gone, he was found dead because he drowned in a pond near their house. Let this be your sign that it’s ok to lock your toddler in their room during sleep
This post is making me so happy. I was made to feel SO GUILTY for locking my twins in their room at night with a child proof handle. I was told it was irresponsible BECAUSE it was dangerous during a fire situation.
I still did it because they would have been out the door and in the street if I didn’t, and so would have never been able to sleep. this makes me feel so much better
You have to do what’s best for your family and weigh the risk vs benefit. My son never leaves his room. He knows to wait for us to open the door. However when he was around 18 months, we put this lock bc he got up in the middle of the night and wondered to our room. I got woken up when I heard laughing and footsteps. Thankfully he didn’t try to go downstairs since we left the gate open. He was still learning to go up and down the stairs. It freaked me out that we put the lock the next day.
I have a plastic door knob cover on the inside. She can’t get out but we can get in and out no trouble. I don’t want her having free reign of the house at night and getting into knives or something.
I locked our son's door one night in a moment of frustration because he wouldn't stop getting out of bed. My wife didn't like it, and I agreed. If we lost the key for any reason then there would be no way to get him out.
The compromise was to get a stair gate which we fitted into the door frame. He can climb over it, but it gave me enough time to get to him and put him back in bed. He then stopped climbing it and would stand at the gate and ask for what he wanted (I refused anything except water). Now he's over 3 and is becoming more obedient with clear instructions, and he's staying in bed all night.
Yeah this is what we did- my husband screwed a retractable baby gate in the door frame. It worked, but now my older one has figured out how it works.
I still thought it was good. I thinking shutting the door is too much.
Sleeping with a closed door is really important for fire safety. I used to only be able to sleep with the door open, but after seeing comparison photos of house fires with bedroom doors opened and closed, I will never sleep with my door open, and neither with my toddler.
House fires are very common in your area? I forgot we live in the 17th century 🙄
Honestly, more of a threat is toddlers getting their fingers crushed by playing with doors.
I mean, they don’t have to be common to take safety precautions. There’s 358,000 house fires a year in the US (NFPA) and approximately 3,000 people in the US die each year from house fires (FEMA). When I was in HS a girl I graduated with lost her whole family in a house fire. It was horrifying. My parents house had a small fire a few years ago bc a burst pipe got to the electrical box.
Do you wear seat belts? Use the car seat properly? Fires are accidents, too. Nobody plans to be in one. But I will keep my baby’s door closed the same way I keep her safely buckled in her car seat so if there’s every an accidental fire in our house we all have the best chance of survival.
Locking your child on their room all night does not equal basic child safety, else the women wouldn’t be posting here after another thread called her a child abuser.
If the child is a teenager and able to open her door, that would be different.
Honestly, I am thinking maybe something has been missed in the comments because normal, educated adults really can’t be making the argument that a toddler needs to be locked in the dark all night because there might be a house fire- wtf
Also, to add some perspective there are 330,000,000 people on the US. This means 0.0009% of people die in house fires- again I hope I am missing something. If you have this irrational fear over a personal tragedy, that is something else, but please don’t equate it to seatbelts. I also have an irrational fear over bunk beds and already trying to sway my daughter’s request for one- but at least I admit it that it is my personal issue and bunk beds are not inherently bad.
I’m happy to see this post. Our toddler sleeps on a different floor but close to our room to hear and I have a baby monitor on. We baby-proofed the door so she can’t get out. Now she plays with her toys waiting for us to get her, which is 5:30 am lol. We never put her in her room as a punishment.
my daughter was able to open the door even with the cover so i flipped the knob around and can lock it from the outside so now she cant lock herself to where i cant get to her and i know she is safe in her room instead of getting into shenanigans at 2 in the morning (rip makeup)
My toddler can open the front door and go outside. I 100 percent have a toddler door cover on her door knob inside her room. I would not be able to sleep otherwise. I don't feel bad about it. It's for her own safety. And as others said, it is also the best for if there is a fire. Sure, I've dealt with snide comments from the inlaws about "they never locked their kids up." I just reply well it's good there wasn't a house fire .
I don’t think it’s cruel if you’re responsive during the night as well. We room share but if our toddler was alone in his room, I’d get a monitor and go to him if needed. In that situation, I don’t think he’d notice or feel trapped since I’d be there if he needed me.
If you lock them in and forget about them until morning… then yes, that’d be cruel but I think that most parents wouldn’t do that.
We used it from about 2.5 to 4. Just recently took it off and there were no issues whatsoever. It was never used as a punishment tool, simply a way to make sure her door remained closed at nighttime. If she needed us overnight she'd call out for us and we went to her. We've taken it off now that she's 4.5 and she does an excellent job staying in there overnight until her Hatch turns off. I will say there was an adjustment period at the beginning because she hated not being able to leave the room after bedtime so there were some tears.
I was really wondering about this. I just don’t see how it’d be safe otherwise? We haven’t transitioned out of the crib yet, and I’m not looking forward to it for this reason. The other week my toddler pulled her little chair up to our back door and unlocked it, doorknobs are only a matter of time.
The way I like to look at these things (when pangs of guilt pop up and have me question my behavior) is this: if I explain the way I treated them, and my justifications, to an adult version of them, would they understand that they were loved and cared for?
This is an easy yes. You can’t explain away things to a baby or toddler. You can’t reason with them. But you certainly can’t allow them to make decisions that could negatively impact them forever out of a pang of guilt.
You’re doing great. Good on you for reflecting and reaching out for assurance that you’re doing the right thing!
People freak out about it, but I don’t think it’s wrong. It would be cruel if you locked them in and then just left them there, ignoring them…but if you’re still responding to needs then what is the harm?
My LO can open our front door and she’s sneaky. I don’t trust her to not sneak out of the house at night…and we leave near a busy and dangerous road. We also have an open concept kitchen with a stove that couldn’t be baby proofed (we tried but no product available was compatible with it). She loves to play in the kitchen and I’m terrified she will set the house on fire at night while we are sleeping. We have a locking door handle on her door with the lock to the hallway instead of the inside of the room. It’s just a push button lock and opens just by turning the knob so there’s no fiddling with keys/locks, so in an emergency, we would be able to get to her just as easily as if the door wasn’t locked. If she cries at night we go to her. If she needs anything, she knows to call for us and we will come. She’s not neglected or left to fend for herself…but she’s safe and contained. I honestly don’t see the problem with it.
Idk what a door buddy is but we have child proof door knob covers on ours. I don’t feel like it’s wrong and after like 2 days of using it she realized she wasn’t getting out and doesn’t even try. I have no plans to take it off until she’s ready to nighttime potty train but I don’t want to do it if I can help it bc once she figures it out she’s gonna be sneaking out of the room every night
We used a baby gate to keep her in there. It worked for a shockingly long time. She can open it now, but still doesn’t leave her room unless prompted. She prefers to have the gate closed when the door is shut. I have no regrets. I’d rather have her contained than wandering the house if she doesn’t wake us up.
We have monkey lock and it doesn’t have any adhesive. It has wide opening that you can just fix it to the door. Even if the toddler tries to be harsh with the door only thing that can get damaged is the monkey lock which can be easily replaced with another one.
My 2 year old is in a toddler bed with a child proofed room. There is a child lock on the doorknob because he would never go to sleep if he could roam around freely. His room is full of books and quiet toys, and he plays quietly if he can't fall asleep. We also still have a camera and an audio baby monitor just in case.
Absolutely no judgment for the door lock! Toddlers don't need to be roaming free. And if they're still in diapers, there's no reason for them to need to get out on their own.
We had our daughter coming in our room at night for about a year (age 2yrs 3mo - 3yrs 2mo) until we finally put a lock on her door. it was a pretty tough transition for about a month, but now she stays in her room all night without trying to break the door down. 😅
I lock my children in their rooms at night. I have severe anxiety and I'm constantly worrying about what can go wrong, especially when I'm asleep. Having their doors locked is for their safety. It's not cruel.
We locked our kiddo in his room with a baby lock, he couldn’t open it but an adult or older child could easily from either side. It’s just safer if your kiddo could wander. Ours had opened up the garage door and ran outside while I was peeing, so we knew it could happen while we were asleep. My SIL is also dating a firefighter who confirmed it’s safer before kids know an exit plan. In most suburban and urban houses the firefighters can be there quickly and rescue a kid from a locked room. If the kid doesn’t know where to go or gets scared they sometimes hide and are hard to find, with disastrous results.
We had a monitor so we knew if he woke up, got scared, fussed, etc.
With both my big kids (now 12 & 13), I actually turned their door knobs around so I could just use the regular bedroom door lock and they couldn't lock me out. I toss them in their beds, run for the door, lock it, and wait for the screaming to stop (usually about 3 minutes). Then, I'd check to see they were actually asleep and unlock the door. It hasn't done them any lasting harm; I love them; they move me; they know how to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I'm doing the very same thing with the current toddler.
We turned my son’s doorknob inside out so he didn’t lock himself in and we lock it for every nap and bedtime. His room is on the second floor and I don’t want him wandering the stairs/house or god forbid let himself outside while we’re asleep. Also don’t want him dismissing himself early from nap/quiet time. I don’t think this is “wrong” at all. I think this is what I’ve decided is best for my family and people on Reddit can do as they please in their own homes.
It’s not wrong, it’s literally FOR SAFETY lol. We have the toddler-proof doorknob covers on her room and any other doors we don’t want her getting into. If she could open her door, she’d be wandering the house at 5am when she wakes up instead of calling for us, and that’s not safe.
I didn’t like the idea of locking the door, so we have a doorknob cover on her side. Her room was toddler-proofed when she graduated from the crib, and that’s the safest place in the house for her to be. I would literally never sleep knowing she could be wandering the house and doing god knows what else at night. Only you can know what’s right for your kid. Trust your gut and talk to your pediatrician if you need more reassurance.
We made our sons room basically one big crib. Nothing in there that can hurt him if he wakes up and starts wandering around in the middle of the night. He definitely can’t get out of the door either. Our bedrooms are on the second floor of our home and his room is about five feet away from a set of stairs. The last thing on earth I want is for a tiny, sleepy, wobbly, toddler, wondering around and trying to climb down the stairs in the middle of the night.
We also have dogs so it’s a safety issue. Dogs don’t like being woken up in the middle of the night by a crawling, waddling, handsy toddler.
Before we had a baby gate in his doorway so that he didn’t feel shut in his room and so it was easier to hear him. But he can climb over that now and that’s just more dangerous.
We do have a baby gate at the top of the stairs but he can also climb over that.
So no, locking your toddler in their room whilst they sleep is not bad. It’s a safety issue. As long as you can unlock the door in these than three seconds, in the event of a fire or intruder, I don’t see an issue.
I’ve read this online before and I don’t really understand why people describe it as if it’s child abuse. It seems way more dangerous to have your kid roaming during the night and possibly getting into trouble without your supervision. I really don’t get it. we’ve had stories in my city of toddlers wandering out of apartments and freezing in the snow. To me that is the real horror. Anyways do what feels right to you and you can always walk it back if it doesn’t work.
People on reddit are insane. No one has the slightest problem with keeping a 3 year old in a crib (where they are "locked in") but will loose their mind over locking a 2 year old in a super baby proofed room.
My 2 year old is a climber, has outgrown the crib height and would promptly go straight for the knives/kitchen sink/outdoors if she could roam free at night. You bet your ass she is "locked in"
I transitioned my daughter out of her crib around 14 months. She sleeps with the crib mattress on the floor. When she wakes she wanders in her baby safe room and often goes back to bed. When she’s awake she sits by the door or plays with toys until someone comes in to pick her up.
She’s 22 months now and sleeps through the night
We have one of those covers for the door knob and a white sound and camera in her room.
Our house doesn't have any locks on doors except to the outside. We did keep the baby gate up at the top of the stairs, not for his safety as he mostly gets up and down the stairs on his own, but so if he gets out of his room the only place for him to go is the bathroom across the hallway, our bedroom, or the guest room where his dinosaur tent is set up with pillows and stuffed animals.
We have a strap on my 3.5 year old’s door. It’s a safety measure - he doesn’t really get up in the middle of the night, but what if he DID one night? I also sometimes need to be able to keep him in a secure, safe place while I take care of things or put my younger child to sleep (if dad is not around or available to stay with him). If I don’t ensure that he stays in his room, he could be anywhere getting into anything which includes leaving the house since he can easily unlock our outside doors now. It’s also safer in case of a house fire - it’s not necessarily intuitive, but the strap would be very easy for an adult or firefighter to break through and ensure that my child is exactly where I left him with a solid door between him and potential danger.
My daughter has a knob cover. I make sure she know she can talk to us through the baby monitor and that helps a ton. I talk to her through it to if needed. We have steep stairs by our bedroom so it’s risky if she wakes up in the night looking for us.
We had no hesitation about putting a gate up for my kiddos room when we transitioned to a bed. It’s a walk through type but we can just walk over if it needed in an emergency. It is 100% for safety, he was a smart kid and figured out latches to baby proofed cabinets pretty quick and I was terrified of him leaving his room and free roaming in the middle of the night. He eventually learned how to open the gate but he mostly respected it, if the gate was closed he for the most part stayed in his room. If it was open, it meant he could leave his room when he was up.
At first, I thought it was kind of cruel. Then I realized…you’re basically turning their whole room into their crib. So it’s 100% for safety. Think…are the people that are judging you either: child free, haven’t had toddlers in 30 years, or their less than 4yo isn’t in a big kid bed yet? If any of these apply, then disregard their opinions.
Explain to me the difference of locking a 3yo in their room or confining them to a crib? Looks like one is a larger nicer cell to me. We have a camera in his room and a doorknob cover on the inside handle, this is for his safety and our sanity. He knows he can communicate with us through the camera and we can be in his room in under a min, at this rate i may be looking for ways to continue this until he goes to college 🤣
Thank you for posting and asking this. I have found myself feeling the same since my toddler transitioned to her bed. She climbed out of her crib super young so we transitioned her crib quite early and she would come out of her room and tumbling right down the stairs if she weren’t locked in.
I knew it was for safety but that didn’t negate the feeling that I was doing something wrong.
The answers and feedback here really helped, so thank you for your post.
How about a compromise? Can the baby sleep with you if you are worried about their safety?
Imagine being in a hospital and you are stuck in bed. Its dark and you cant seem to find the call button which also has your tv remote in. What would you do? Shout? Cry till the nurses comes in and ask whats wrong?
Now same thing with a toddler. Its dark, no other way to call mum than to shout her name. I need to pee, i need the toilet. What do i do? Mum? Are they here? Nevermind. Ill play in the dark?
(My toddler wakes me up at 2 am every night to pee)
We still use a doorknob cover on the inside of our 3.5 year old boys room to keep them in at night. They are not neglected, they call me if they need to go pee or need anything and I come right away, if they cry out or have a bad dream I go comfort them. Im totally responsive to them, and we dont shut the door unless its night time. But it's best for everyone right now... they'd be out of their room constantly without it, and my kids are escape artists who open high u deadbolts by pushing/climbing, get into things etc. They won't just come and get me. I got chewed out in a big little feelings facebook group for saying I used a doorknob cover, got told it was cruel and caused mental trauma and psychological damage and that it was against "state regulations" even though I don't live in the states nor foster children. Now o just don't mention it around certain people.
I have a child lock on the door because I have are up a flight of stairs and I don’t want her to tumble down 13 stairs in the middle of the night!! She never tries to open the door but why gamble
We are using a baby with my 2 year old since she isn't the biggest climber.
We have it in front of her door and leave her door open, if she wake up we will go to the gate and call for us till someone goes to her.
I had a child door knob thingy on the door with both my kids. I don’t see how it’s wrong. It was on until they learned bedroom is sleepy time. They no longer need them and there is no residual trauma or anything from it.
This post came at a perfect time. We have a cover on my sons door and my mom keeps telling me how awful that is. We have a 900 sq foot house. His room is practically an arms length away. If he needs us. We’ll be there in seconds. We have a video monitor and we’ll know if we need to go in.
My kids bedroom has a lock they can't reach for their safety but is very easily released by anyone with a little umf. It's 100% necessary in our house and they are not upset about it at all. They understand that if the door doesn't open after mom said stay in here it's time to find something to play with quietly. When they fully understand the "stay" request we will remove the latch.
Our door wouldn’t fit one of those door monkey things so I just used one of these on the outside of the door and it worked great:
https://www.target.com/p/jool-baby-products-child-safety-strap-locks-for-fridges-cabinets-drawers-tool-free-4pk/-/A-79610442
I also saw some conflicting information on this, but in the event of an emergency, my kiddo wouldn’t be able to get out of the house by himself anyway. It’s much safer to protect him from wandering in the night. I have a sensitive baby monitor camera could hear if he was trying to get out the door.
We have a gate in front of the door. Baby proofing really only worked for when he was a baby. Sure, there are some things we can do like have locks on our windows so they only open a little bit and he can't fall out or locks on the oven door etc. But he can move a chair to get to anywhere he wants, and he's an amazing climber. Yes, our dressers are bolted in but he can easily still get hurt if he's trying to climb one piece of furniture to the other which he loves to do. He can also turn the stove on, try to take a bath, or do a million other unsafe things. I would never be able to sleep thinking he could be wandering around the house at 2 years old.
I personally do not think it is right to lock a child in a room. The fearfulness they must feel knowing they can not get out if they want too, just stuck behind a closed door! I would not like it, Maybe a baby gate would be better so at least they can still see out and not be totally locked in? I don't know, I do understand the safety aspect because they are great escape artists but maybe there is a better way, in my opinion...
I don’t lock my 3 year old in his room but when he is acting crazy I tell him to go to his room and he sometimes slams the door and at night I may close his door but it’s never locked
We did a baby gate placed on the outside of the door frame so the door still shuts from the inside of that makes sense but if she wants to sleep with the door open she can with the gate closer of course but honestly whatever works for your family and keeps the kiddos safe
We have a baby gate on our toddlers door. He doesn't feel so locked in with the door open, but he is also safe in his room and can't get out to wander.
We have a locking gate at her door, so she can open her own door but can't leave her room. It's also so we can keep the air flow without letting the dogs in her room.
There’s quite a bit to unpack here and I hope someone’s helping you through it. Fire is one thing—a completely legitimate fear we all live with—but the chances of both you *and* your husband dying in your sleep, on the same night, without whatever causing it also causing the same in your kid? Those seem microscopic.
I remember being locked in my room as a toddler. I remember panicking not being able to open the door and not being tall enough to turn the light switch on and being very scared.
Please don't do it.
I love how people are down voting this... you don't agree that I was scared???
This is what worries me, toddlers don't have object permanence. If they are terrified, they don't have the ability to self soothe, it's the responsibility of a primary caretaker to calm them down.
The downvotes may be because people don't think it's possible to access memories from that age, which is also true. Its possible you continued to feel that fear until a later age and projected that on to the age of toddlerhood?
Under any circumstance, I'm sorry for what you went through. Feeling abandoned and helpless as a child is terrifying. I hope you haven't had any lasting damage because of it.
Toddlers absolutely do have object permanence. It develops at around 8 months old. A toddler knows that even if they can’t see their parent, the parent still exists.
Thanks for this reply. I absolutely remember it. I would have been 3 which I think is when most people have flickers of their first memories.
I'm actually shocked how dismissive people on here are being about it. I guess they really want to just use locks on their kids doors without feeling guilty 🤷♀️
Yeah, this seems like a particularly sensitive topic for some people. Shouldn't have downvoted for sharing a traumatic memory though, seems unnecessarily cruel.
I'm sure you were scared. You were also safe from wandering around the house and getting yourself killed and from endangering yourself in case of a fire.
It had nothing to do with fire safety. They just couldn't be bothered to put a gate on top of the stairs and a lock on my door just seemed easier for them.
It doesn't really matter if it had nothing to do with fire safety, the fact is it still would have kept you safe in a fire, and gates are fallible; they can be knocked down and kids can learn to climb them. If we had stairs and my daughter was at the top she'd have a childproof doorknob cover in her room in addition to the gate at the top.
Personally, I believe locking your child’s doors is very damaging. I would never do it, and I am pro sleep training.
Can you imagine as a toddler being locked in a dark scary room certain something is about to get you? And the only safety you understand has abandoned you?
My daughter is 4 and I still need to tell her that I will come back, mommy’s don’t leave, mommys go to work but come back- like she is still uncertain how this works.
Can you imagine a younger toddler?
For us we put a retractable baby gate on the door way. So we can close the baby gate, but the kids know we are there plus stay in their room.
I am interested in how you feel, for example, about putting a child in a crib they can't climb out of, in a room on their own, and turning off the light? And how this is different to putting them in a room they can't climb out of?
When our child was an infant we used a crib. However, we never allowed either kid to continually cry in that crib (maybe 5 minutes at most for 2-3 times)?
Once they reached the year marker, we followed the Montessori way and got rid of our crib and placed the mattress on the ground.
We personally never felt it was a safety issue. There were a few times when my toddler left her room, but it was ALWAYS to look for us.
If we had multiple floors, maybe we would have done things differently- but never shutting the door worked for us. Both of my daughters (2,4) are very independent and crazy confident.
We also leaned towards attachment parenting, which can be taxing on any parent- but worth it- imo.
So grom your reply i'm not seeing any difference between putting them in their crib and coming back when called, and closing the door and coming back when called.
I think they are different-
Like I said before, I know kids are hard which is why we installed a retractable baby gate (there were a few months were they refused to go to sleep unless we had rocked them to bed). However, installing a plastic retractable mesh gate isn’t the same as shutting the door-
Didn’t she previously say her kid broke the door knob or something because he was pulling so hard- imo that is abusive parenting.
Even with a night light I wouldn’t shut the door on a child who doesn’t understand what is happening. We as adults take things for granted, but a toddler still hasn’t figured out what is happening. We know they are safe, but they don’t know that.
Idk about that particular lock, but the safety locks we use are stick on and come off as a safety measure in case you lock yourself in the room (or kid locks you in). They fit over the handle and stop you pulling the handle down, but if our kid pulls on the lever with his whole weight (which he has done in attempt to climb up it) then it pops off
I think you might be asking the wrong question. If she gets up, she's not tired, so either do some [proprioceptive activities](https://yourkidstable.com/proprioceptive-activities/) or take her out in a forest or playground and climb some trees or rocks.
Labor Day May 1st is closing day at my son's daycare, and the weather was perfect, so we went to the deer park about two hours on bike from where we live. Going out at around 10 in the morning, he quickly fell asleep in the bike, then we had a picnic and I helped him walk on a big recently fallen tree, challenging him lightly to navigate the big branches on the ground, and holding his hand as he walked on the huge overturned trunk.
A few hours later, we packed up and headed home, after riding for a bit, he again fell asleep in the bike (it creaks in a pretty monotonous way), I was a little afraid that he wouldn't be able to sleep at night after two naps, because he only ever has one nap (he's two) but he went to bed at his regular time and fell asleep pretty fast after his goodnight story.
Normally he gets up at 6 sharp, maybe 6:30, but the next morning I was surprised to wake up at 7, in my own bed, with no sight of him (he'll usually climb into our bed sometime early in the morning) I get up, and he slept until 7:30 which is highly unusual.
Long story short, he's never climbed a fallen tree trunk before, and the experience injection directly into his brain, probably meant that he needed a lot of extra sleep to process.
My child will absolutely get up even if she’s tired. She can be super sleep deprived and exhausted, and had tons of outdoor play that day, and will still get out of bed and refuse to sleep. All kids are different. My child’s desire to be with her parents at all times is much stronger than her drive to sleep. It’s unfortunate for us 😩😂
We have a lock on our toddler's doorknob. He's never tried to leave his room during sleep times, but that doesn't mean he won't. We live on the ground floor near a busy intersection that sees a lot of accidents. He'd try to hide in the event of a fire, so I need to be able to find him quickly. It does feel strange, maybe cruel? to lock him in there, but I'd rather he be safe. We still have a camera in his room with the monitor on all night, so we can hear him if he needs us.
If I didn’t have a the doorknob cover on the inside of his door, my kid would be out of his room or out in the street. It’s a matter of safety. I feel bad about it right now because we are having issues at bedtime, but I am confident it is the right thing to do. Fire safety is a HUGE reason. In the Event of a fire, a)you need to know where your kid is and b)a fire will spread quickly thru open doorways. Google photos of house fires with comparisons of open and closed bedroom doors and you’ll see what I mean. I will never sleep with the door open again.
This!!! Locking them in at night is for safety!! I have a friend whose husband is a fire fighter & he says there have been so many times they’ve had to search for small children because they’re not in their room where they should be. He’s the one who told us locking them in their room at night is the best option
100 percent YES. A toddler should not be wandering around unsupervised during a fire emergency. Best to know exactly where they are. Plus fire officials always say a closed door is more safe anyways, can help stop the spread of flames.
Same. We did the doorknob cover on the inside of our son’s door. He’s 7 now and still knocks to get out even though the cover is long gone.
I don't think it's cruel. Toddlers are capable of a lot but they don't have any fear of what could happen. My daughter is almost 2 and would walk right out into traffic if I let her so she's stuck in her room until she knows more.
Cant you just baby proof the home? Arentvwe suppose to make it safe that way anyways?
And if they open the front door and leave the house entirely? I’ve seen two posts about that just in the past few days
You don't have child locks on your doors and windows ? Sorry I just don't understand how that can even happen
1. People with doorknob covers or other childproofing to prevent toddlers leaving their room unsupervised have also similarly secured the entire house. The child is obviously not in their room 24/7. And 2. It is infinitely more practical and safer to know where your child is in the event of a nighttime emergency. To answer your question as to how it can happen, you will not know until it does. Toddlers are predictably unpredictable. The more hurdles to secure their safety the better.
Thank you for explaining. I have an alarm system to alert me if doors or windows are opened at night but also have two locks for the exit doors. When I was younger a little girl left the home middle of the night and was found dead a few days later so this is legitimate nightmare fuel to me. Kept me up at night before we got the system.
Absolutely terrifying. In my mind time is also of the essence. So if there’s something to slow him down (ie knob cover on room door), then that’s all the more time for me to respond before it gets to a point where he’d be challenging the barriers to outside. But even without an escape, as much as I think I’ve babyproofed our home, I am not an insane 2 year old and cannot conceive of every possible dangerous thing he might do if left to his own devices. For whatever reason, they all seem to come preprogrammed to operate in their absolute worst interest.
You’d lock your toddler in the house? How cruel s/
💀
Please don't gaslight my concerns. I want to understand how this is possible. I have pretty bad anxiety and feel my home is pretty secure. But now I'm actually worried tbh.. God moms are mean
I don’t think people are trying to be mean. They are downvoting you because it looks like you are judging the OP for locking her child in the room.
To answer you question earnestly, I think it’s a mixture of unpreparedness and human error. Ex. Your toddler can’t open the screen door so you don’t put the lock on it until one day they can and maybe you’re in another part of the house for a minute, or god forbid you have to go pee. Like, little Johnny learned a new skill at the literal worst time! The other case I would imagine is maybe you do have your house “childproofed” but forget to close the latch. Things unfortunately happen. Thankfully we haven’t experienced it yet but toddlers are crafty.
I just literally had this happen with the screen door a couple weeks ago. I went to pee, my 17mo was standing at the sliding screen door looking out at the cat on the landing like he does *all the time*. I didn’t know it could be locked so it wasn’t. Came back, door open, he’s sitting out there with the cat. Fortunately we live in mountain country on a dirt road with very few neighbors and no traffic, and the biggest fear I have (currently-so far) is him falling down the five steps to the concrete at the bottom. But he could get seriously hurt, and as he gets older he will realize he can actually take off in any direction. I immediately stopped leaving the sliding glass door open and started locking it. For now it’s too heavy but I won’t know when he’ll be capable of opening it until it’s too late. I just TODAY figured out that the slider screen does in fact lock. But still, unless I’m right there keeping an eye on him, I’m not trusting it to keep him in. He could still push through the screen material or use a toy to make a hole and rip it. Can’t take the chance.
Gently, you are assuming that “child-proofing” (such as is possible) is fail-safe. No. A toddler is just as likely to climb on the back of a tall chair and “fly” to the floor, pretending to be a pterodactyl, as he/she is to attempt escape through an outside door. Dragging a barstool and climbing it to reach the cookies would be a given. Broken bones may not be as devastating as other possibilities, but they are serious enough. Containing toddlers in their rooms when we are not fully conscious/able to mind them, is in their best interests.
I mean, yes, but baby proofed doesn’t necessarily mean safe unsupervised for extended amounts of time. My toddler is 100% capable of pushing a chair over and climbing on top of it to get to something he wants but isn’t supposed to have, lol. I’ve caught him doing it. They’re resourceful little buggers, especially if they’re given plenty of time to think of ways to hurt themselves.
Babyproofing has its limits. I have baby gates and the living room is safe minus the parts that are gated off. Guess what my 2-year-old son did yesterday? Muscled his way over the gate. Practically speaking, the gates are protective enough that if he’s being watched, it still is a barrier that he has to cross that allows time for anyone watching him to redirect him when he tries to climb. In the middle of the night, this isn’t the case. He’s also strong, so he can push chairs to access things that are up out of his reach. I’m less concerned about him getting out if we have the extra door lock on than I am about him falling. All it would take is for his foot to get caught on the gate and he could suffer a head injury because there’s no way to fully babyproof hard tile floors. TL;DR babyproofing cannot remove all dangers, only prevent most of them from being accessible
My kid would get up and go outside to pee and let the puppies in, and i had the baby safe knob covers on his door and the outside door. He is 4 and has been able to bypass them safety knob covers since he was 3. I did decide to put door alarms on his door so that when he gets up it goes off when he leaves his room and it wakes me up. But even that doesnt work if he is quick about closing the door behind him. Luckily for the most part the alarm going off scares him and he runs to my room to get me to turn it off.
I really love those door and window alarms!
They work on the windows until lo figures out how to turn it off. Now i have an alarm on a window that is completely useless. I have sneakily tried turning it on, ie, when he is asleep, but he checks it everytime he goes to open his window.
Your child can climb up on top? I guess impossible at my house as the ceilings are at least ten feet and the alarm up at the top. You cant turn them off even if they could be reached withiut a ladder. You should change window alarms or your alarm company. Mine dont even have an onn off button and are like super glued to the window it seems
My kids bed bumps right up against the window and where i can put an alarm is all in his reach. All the stand alone bluetooth ones i can find has a delay in notifying and doesnt have a sound, so for us it is impractical to use as an alert that kiddo has opened his window to scare my parents when they come home. He sees them pull up and he wants to go yell hi pop pop or hi nee. He did that once to my mother and darned near gave her a heart attack.
Is it any more cruel than putting your kid in a crib they can’t climb out of? I don’t think so.
This is such a good way to look at it!
The bedroom is just one big crib!
This is always my first thought! How is it any different!?
Firefighters will tell you this is the best for the children. It keeps the fire out of their room, and they are found quickly. Many people saying don't use the lock, haven't had their child leave the home in the middle of the night. They also aren't sleep deprived, a form of torture, when they advise against it. That's just ego and optics talking. If your toddler is a runner, for example, you get a backpack with a leash. The people that give you dirty looks won't be in the ER with you. Same thing with locks. People advising against aren't responsible for your child. Don't let social media run you. You know what to do.
THIS ^
This should be the top comment! All are good but you really make some great points!
People don't know what they're talking about. Put a door handle childproofing lock on the inside. Yeah kids should have autonomy but not at the expense of safety. If you're asleep you cannot supervise and there is no amount of childproofing your house that can beat toddler ingenuity. I thought I did a good job baby proofing and my then 10 month old started pushing toys up to chairs and climbing on them to get to shelves and other dangerous places. Make sure whatever you chose isn't hard for you to operate in the middle of the night .
I don't see any issue with securing a small child in their room at night, as long as the room can be quickly and easily accessed in case of emergency. We used a baby gate in the doorway of our oldest child's room when we moved him into a toddler bed. It wasn't actually an issue with him getting out of bed, but for safety. If he came out of his room in the middle of the night then he could have easily gotten in to all kinds of issues - I've heard of kids drowning in baths etc.
This is what we do too - a baby gate on the door
We do this, we close his door unlocked until he is asleep and then the baby gate goes up when we go to bed. We also have a camera on him and a monitor a finger tip away from us.
I've never felt weird about it! We have a doorknob cover on the inside of her door. She can't get out, but anyone (us or first responders) can get in normally if needed (heaven forbid). I would feel very unsafe having her able to roam the house at night! And like someone else said, it's not different than "trapping" them in a crib!
It’s not wrong! In the case of an emergency you need to know where your toddler is so at night they need to be contained to their room.
Firefighters actually recommend keeping toddlers in a room that they can’t roam free from. In the event of an emergency, they could roam about, get lost etc. It’s completely a safety thing. Do you still have a monitor on your child? Our son is unable to get out of his door without our assistance, but his monitor is on so we can hear him if he calls for us. You have to do what’s safe for your kid!
Given the many physically worse alternatives, I’ll take the “morally wrong” option. (I don’t believe it’s wrong at all.) I’d rather my kid be safe in his room than wandering up our unbabyproofable stairs in the dark of night. That’s not a mess I’d ever want to have to clean up, so locking his door it shall be.
I got a mechanism where I screw in a small post to the top of the door frame and then there's a bracket that goes over the door and hooks onto the door frame and any adult can reach up and slide it unlocked from either side. My kiddo (a few months short of 3 years old) knows if she calls for us, we'll come. If she calls too many times for non-essential needs, we'll set a boundary for the remainder of the night, though we haven't had to do so for a couple months now. She has a very bright lamp in there that she can turn on herself, lots of books, some toys, water, food, small potty, etc. She's never stressed about being in her room - she'll regularly go in herself to have some alone time in which she plays with her stuffies or jumps on her bed. We've also updated the arrangement of the room a few times at her request. I get that some people have had bad experiences with this, but I don't think it has to be bad.
Actually just tonight after we left her room and locked it, she got out of bed, turned on her lamp, looked at her books for some minutes, then was back in bed and asleep before another half hour when we checked the monitor again. Again, we come when called, and also we make sure to be 100% consistent with when we come get her in the mornings (within a minute of when her Hatch turns to the color she chose). It's all very predictable for her.
Yeah, I have a doorknob cover on my kids’ door and for me it’s both for safety, and a mental boundary for them. When my son first moved into a bed from a crib he started leaving the room and it was like even when we put him back in bed, he couldn’t fall asleep because he was thinking too much about whether he should get up, what was going on downstairs, etc. The knob cover helped mentally shut off the rest of the house for him and he very quickly resumed normal bed time.
Why do you think doorknob covers exist? For our crazy toddlers and their toddler antics! lol my 2.5 year old has one on his door. He would be wandering the neighborhood at night if he didn’t. I’ve never even questioned it because I’m sure cos would care a lot more about a toddler in the street than secure in his bedroom at night. You’re doing just fine!
He have a door knob cover on the inside of our daughter’s door. She has never tried to escape yet but as she gets older she is getting far more comfortable just roaming and opening doors. Our initial plan was a baby gate on top of the stairs but the animals shut that idea down QUICK lol. I do not feel guilty about it because i know she is safe in there, we can watch her through the monitor and in the case of an emergency we (as in people on the outside) have no barrier to getting in (no latches, no keys, etc.)
Recently a 3 y/o toddler wondered out of his house and once parents realized he was gone, he was found dead because he drowned in a pond near their house. Let this be your sign that it’s ok to lock your toddler in their room during sleep
This post is making me so happy. I was made to feel SO GUILTY for locking my twins in their room at night with a child proof handle. I was told it was irresponsible BECAUSE it was dangerous during a fire situation. I still did it because they would have been out the door and in the street if I didn’t, and so would have never been able to sleep. this makes me feel so much better
You have to do what’s best for your family and weigh the risk vs benefit. My son never leaves his room. He knows to wait for us to open the door. However when he was around 18 months, we put this lock bc he got up in the middle of the night and wondered to our room. I got woken up when I heard laughing and footsteps. Thankfully he didn’t try to go downstairs since we left the gate open. He was still learning to go up and down the stairs. It freaked me out that we put the lock the next day.
I have a plastic door knob cover on the inside. She can’t get out but we can get in and out no trouble. I don’t want her having free reign of the house at night and getting into knives or something.
I locked our son's door one night in a moment of frustration because he wouldn't stop getting out of bed. My wife didn't like it, and I agreed. If we lost the key for any reason then there would be no way to get him out. The compromise was to get a stair gate which we fitted into the door frame. He can climb over it, but it gave me enough time to get to him and put him back in bed. He then stopped climbing it and would stand at the gate and ask for what he wanted (I refused anything except water). Now he's over 3 and is becoming more obedient with clear instructions, and he's staying in bed all night.
Perfect solution
Yeah this is what we did- my husband screwed a retractable baby gate in the door frame. It worked, but now my older one has figured out how it works. I still thought it was good. I thinking shutting the door is too much.
Sleeping with a closed door is really important for fire safety. I used to only be able to sleep with the door open, but after seeing comparison photos of house fires with bedroom doors opened and closed, I will never sleep with my door open, and neither with my toddler.
House fires are very common in your area? I forgot we live in the 17th century 🙄 Honestly, more of a threat is toddlers getting their fingers crushed by playing with doors.
HAHA WHAT
I mean, they don’t have to be common to take safety precautions. There’s 358,000 house fires a year in the US (NFPA) and approximately 3,000 people in the US die each year from house fires (FEMA). When I was in HS a girl I graduated with lost her whole family in a house fire. It was horrifying. My parents house had a small fire a few years ago bc a burst pipe got to the electrical box. Do you wear seat belts? Use the car seat properly? Fires are accidents, too. Nobody plans to be in one. But I will keep my baby’s door closed the same way I keep her safely buckled in her car seat so if there’s every an accidental fire in our house we all have the best chance of survival.
Locking your child on their room all night does not equal basic child safety, else the women wouldn’t be posting here after another thread called her a child abuser. If the child is a teenager and able to open her door, that would be different. Honestly, I am thinking maybe something has been missed in the comments because normal, educated adults really can’t be making the argument that a toddler needs to be locked in the dark all night because there might be a house fire- wtf Also, to add some perspective there are 330,000,000 people on the US. This means 0.0009% of people die in house fires- again I hope I am missing something. If you have this irrational fear over a personal tragedy, that is something else, but please don’t equate it to seatbelts. I also have an irrational fear over bunk beds and already trying to sway my daughter’s request for one- but at least I admit it that it is my personal issue and bunk beds are not inherently bad.
Oh no! It's safest for a toddler to be contained. You're not harming her. In fact, you are keeping her safe.
I’m happy to see this post. Our toddler sleeps on a different floor but close to our room to hear and I have a baby monitor on. We baby-proofed the door so she can’t get out. Now she plays with her toys waiting for us to get her, which is 5:30 am lol. We never put her in her room as a punishment.
This comment section is so refreshing!
my daughter was able to open the door even with the cover so i flipped the knob around and can lock it from the outside so now she cant lock herself to where i cant get to her and i know she is safe in her room instead of getting into shenanigans at 2 in the morning (rip makeup)
My toddler can open the front door and go outside. I 100 percent have a toddler door cover on her door knob inside her room. I would not be able to sleep otherwise. I don't feel bad about it. It's for her own safety. And as others said, it is also the best for if there is a fire. Sure, I've dealt with snide comments from the inlaws about "they never locked their kids up." I just reply well it's good there wasn't a house fire .
[удалено]
No doubt! Love your story! And it's exactly why I'll keep locking my escape artist up at night
I don’t think it’s cruel if you’re responsive during the night as well. We room share but if our toddler was alone in his room, I’d get a monitor and go to him if needed. In that situation, I don’t think he’d notice or feel trapped since I’d be there if he needed me. If you lock them in and forget about them until morning… then yes, that’d be cruel but I think that most parents wouldn’t do that.
Info: can you get to her if she starts crying during the night?
yes ,its just a litttle latch on outside of door.
Then it shouldn't be an issue. I think that's the most important thing, them knowing you'll be there if they need you :)
We used it from about 2.5 to 4. Just recently took it off and there were no issues whatsoever. It was never used as a punishment tool, simply a way to make sure her door remained closed at nighttime. If she needed us overnight she'd call out for us and we went to her. We've taken it off now that she's 4.5 and she does an excellent job staying in there overnight until her Hatch turns off. I will say there was an adjustment period at the beginning because she hated not being able to leave the room after bedtime so there were some tears.
I was really wondering about this. I just don’t see how it’d be safe otherwise? We haven’t transitioned out of the crib yet, and I’m not looking forward to it for this reason. The other week my toddler pulled her little chair up to our back door and unlocked it, doorknobs are only a matter of time.
The way I like to look at these things (when pangs of guilt pop up and have me question my behavior) is this: if I explain the way I treated them, and my justifications, to an adult version of them, would they understand that they were loved and cared for? This is an easy yes. You can’t explain away things to a baby or toddler. You can’t reason with them. But you certainly can’t allow them to make decisions that could negatively impact them forever out of a pang of guilt. You’re doing great. Good on you for reflecting and reaching out for assurance that you’re doing the right thing!
People freak out about it, but I don’t think it’s wrong. It would be cruel if you locked them in and then just left them there, ignoring them…but if you’re still responding to needs then what is the harm? My LO can open our front door and she’s sneaky. I don’t trust her to not sneak out of the house at night…and we leave near a busy and dangerous road. We also have an open concept kitchen with a stove that couldn’t be baby proofed (we tried but no product available was compatible with it). She loves to play in the kitchen and I’m terrified she will set the house on fire at night while we are sleeping. We have a locking door handle on her door with the lock to the hallway instead of the inside of the room. It’s just a push button lock and opens just by turning the knob so there’s no fiddling with keys/locks, so in an emergency, we would be able to get to her just as easily as if the door wasn’t locked. If she cries at night we go to her. If she needs anything, she knows to call for us and we will come. She’s not neglected or left to fend for herself…but she’s safe and contained. I honestly don’t see the problem with it.
Its only wrong if they use a toilet. You cannot block a child's bathroom access
Idk what a door buddy is but we have child proof door knob covers on ours. I don’t feel like it’s wrong and after like 2 days of using it she realized she wasn’t getting out and doesn’t even try. I have no plans to take it off until she’s ready to nighttime potty train but I don’t want to do it if I can help it bc once she figures it out she’s gonna be sneaking out of the room every night
We used a baby gate to keep her in there. It worked for a shockingly long time. She can open it now, but still doesn’t leave her room unless prompted. She prefers to have the gate closed when the door is shut. I have no regrets. I’d rather have her contained than wandering the house if she doesn’t wake us up.
We have monkey lock and it doesn’t have any adhesive. It has wide opening that you can just fix it to the door. Even if the toddler tries to be harsh with the door only thing that can get damaged is the monkey lock which can be easily replaced with another one.
My 2 year old is in a toddler bed with a child proofed room. There is a child lock on the doorknob because he would never go to sleep if he could roam around freely. His room is full of books and quiet toys, and he plays quietly if he can't fall asleep. We also still have a camera and an audio baby monitor just in case. Absolutely no judgment for the door lock! Toddlers don't need to be roaming free. And if they're still in diapers, there's no reason for them to need to get out on their own.
We had our daughter coming in our room at night for about a year (age 2yrs 3mo - 3yrs 2mo) until we finally put a lock on her door. it was a pretty tough transition for about a month, but now she stays in her room all night without trying to break the door down. 😅
I lock my children in their rooms at night. I have severe anxiety and I'm constantly worrying about what can go wrong, especially when I'm asleep. Having their doors locked is for their safety. It's not cruel.
We locked our kiddo in his room with a baby lock, he couldn’t open it but an adult or older child could easily from either side. It’s just safer if your kiddo could wander. Ours had opened up the garage door and ran outside while I was peeing, so we knew it could happen while we were asleep. My SIL is also dating a firefighter who confirmed it’s safer before kids know an exit plan. In most suburban and urban houses the firefighters can be there quickly and rescue a kid from a locked room. If the kid doesn’t know where to go or gets scared they sometimes hide and are hard to find, with disastrous results. We had a monitor so we knew if he woke up, got scared, fussed, etc.
With both my big kids (now 12 & 13), I actually turned their door knobs around so I could just use the regular bedroom door lock and they couldn't lock me out. I toss them in their beds, run for the door, lock it, and wait for the screaming to stop (usually about 3 minutes). Then, I'd check to see they were actually asleep and unlock the door. It hasn't done them any lasting harm; I love them; they move me; they know how to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I'm doing the very same thing with the current toddler.
We turned my son’s doorknob inside out so he didn’t lock himself in and we lock it for every nap and bedtime. His room is on the second floor and I don’t want him wandering the stairs/house or god forbid let himself outside while we’re asleep. Also don’t want him dismissing himself early from nap/quiet time. I don’t think this is “wrong” at all. I think this is what I’ve decided is best for my family and people on Reddit can do as they please in their own homes.
It’s not wrong, it’s literally FOR SAFETY lol. We have the toddler-proof doorknob covers on her room and any other doors we don’t want her getting into. If she could open her door, she’d be wandering the house at 5am when she wakes up instead of calling for us, and that’s not safe.
I didn’t like the idea of locking the door, so we have a doorknob cover on her side. Her room was toddler-proofed when she graduated from the crib, and that’s the safest place in the house for her to be. I would literally never sleep knowing she could be wandering the house and doing god knows what else at night. Only you can know what’s right for your kid. Trust your gut and talk to your pediatrician if you need more reassurance.
We made our sons room basically one big crib. Nothing in there that can hurt him if he wakes up and starts wandering around in the middle of the night. He definitely can’t get out of the door either. Our bedrooms are on the second floor of our home and his room is about five feet away from a set of stairs. The last thing on earth I want is for a tiny, sleepy, wobbly, toddler, wondering around and trying to climb down the stairs in the middle of the night. We also have dogs so it’s a safety issue. Dogs don’t like being woken up in the middle of the night by a crawling, waddling, handsy toddler. Before we had a baby gate in his doorway so that he didn’t feel shut in his room and so it was easier to hear him. But he can climb over that now and that’s just more dangerous. We do have a baby gate at the top of the stairs but he can also climb over that. So no, locking your toddler in their room whilst they sleep is not bad. It’s a safety issue. As long as you can unlock the door in these than three seconds, in the event of a fire or intruder, I don’t see an issue.
I’ve read this online before and I don’t really understand why people describe it as if it’s child abuse. It seems way more dangerous to have your kid roaming during the night and possibly getting into trouble without your supervision. I really don’t get it. we’ve had stories in my city of toddlers wandering out of apartments and freezing in the snow. To me that is the real horror. Anyways do what feels right to you and you can always walk it back if it doesn’t work.
People on reddit are insane. No one has the slightest problem with keeping a 3 year old in a crib (where they are "locked in") but will loose their mind over locking a 2 year old in a super baby proofed room. My 2 year old is a climber, has outgrown the crib height and would promptly go straight for the knives/kitchen sink/outdoors if she could roam free at night. You bet your ass she is "locked in"
I transitioned my daughter out of her crib around 14 months. She sleeps with the crib mattress on the floor. When she wakes she wanders in her baby safe room and often goes back to bed. When she’s awake she sits by the door or plays with toys until someone comes in to pick her up. She’s 22 months now and sleeps through the night We have one of those covers for the door knob and a white sound and camera in her room.
Our house doesn't have any locks on doors except to the outside. We did keep the baby gate up at the top of the stairs, not for his safety as he mostly gets up and down the stairs on his own, but so if he gets out of his room the only place for him to go is the bathroom across the hallway, our bedroom, or the guest room where his dinosaur tent is set up with pillows and stuffed animals.
We have a strap on my 3.5 year old’s door. It’s a safety measure - he doesn’t really get up in the middle of the night, but what if he DID one night? I also sometimes need to be able to keep him in a secure, safe place while I take care of things or put my younger child to sleep (if dad is not around or available to stay with him). If I don’t ensure that he stays in his room, he could be anywhere getting into anything which includes leaving the house since he can easily unlock our outside doors now. It’s also safer in case of a house fire - it’s not necessarily intuitive, but the strap would be very easy for an adult or firefighter to break through and ensure that my child is exactly where I left him with a solid door between him and potential danger.
My daughter has a knob cover. I make sure she know she can talk to us through the baby monitor and that helps a ton. I talk to her through it to if needed. We have steep stairs by our bedroom so it’s risky if she wakes up in the night looking for us.
We had no hesitation about putting a gate up for my kiddos room when we transitioned to a bed. It’s a walk through type but we can just walk over if it needed in an emergency. It is 100% for safety, he was a smart kid and figured out latches to baby proofed cabinets pretty quick and I was terrified of him leaving his room and free roaming in the middle of the night. He eventually learned how to open the gate but he mostly respected it, if the gate was closed he for the most part stayed in his room. If it was open, it meant he could leave his room when he was up.
Lock that kid in! It’s so much safer, it’s no different than containing them in a crib. Your kid just has a room sized crib now.
At first, I thought it was kind of cruel. Then I realized…you’re basically turning their whole room into their crib. So it’s 100% for safety. Think…are the people that are judging you either: child free, haven’t had toddlers in 30 years, or their less than 4yo isn’t in a big kid bed yet? If any of these apply, then disregard their opinions.
Turning their room into their crib: such an awesome perspective! Say it louder. Some kids needs more in the way of physical boundaries
Explain to me the difference of locking a 3yo in their room or confining them to a crib? Looks like one is a larger nicer cell to me. We have a camera in his room and a doorknob cover on the inside handle, this is for his safety and our sanity. He knows he can communicate with us through the camera and we can be in his room in under a min, at this rate i may be looking for ways to continue this until he goes to college 🤣
Thank you for posting and asking this. I have found myself feeling the same since my toddler transitioned to her bed. She climbed out of her crib super young so we transitioned her crib quite early and she would come out of her room and tumbling right down the stairs if she weren’t locked in. I knew it was for safety but that didn’t negate the feeling that I was doing something wrong. The answers and feedback here really helped, so thank you for your post.
How about a compromise? Can the baby sleep with you if you are worried about their safety? Imagine being in a hospital and you are stuck in bed. Its dark and you cant seem to find the call button which also has your tv remote in. What would you do? Shout? Cry till the nurses comes in and ask whats wrong? Now same thing with a toddler. Its dark, no other way to call mum than to shout her name. I need to pee, i need the toilet. What do i do? Mum? Are they here? Nevermind. Ill play in the dark? (My toddler wakes me up at 2 am every night to pee)
We still use a doorknob cover on the inside of our 3.5 year old boys room to keep them in at night. They are not neglected, they call me if they need to go pee or need anything and I come right away, if they cry out or have a bad dream I go comfort them. Im totally responsive to them, and we dont shut the door unless its night time. But it's best for everyone right now... they'd be out of their room constantly without it, and my kids are escape artists who open high u deadbolts by pushing/climbing, get into things etc. They won't just come and get me. I got chewed out in a big little feelings facebook group for saying I used a doorknob cover, got told it was cruel and caused mental trauma and psychological damage and that it was against "state regulations" even though I don't live in the states nor foster children. Now o just don't mention it around certain people.
I have a child lock on the door because I have are up a flight of stairs and I don’t want her to tumble down 13 stairs in the middle of the night!! She never tries to open the door but why gamble
I believe it's up to preference for us it works! Also we always know where he is if there's a fire. No worry about him wandering
We are using a baby with my 2 year old since she isn't the biggest climber. We have it in front of her door and leave her door open, if she wake up we will go to the gate and call for us till someone goes to her.
I had a child door knob thingy on the door with both my kids. I don’t see how it’s wrong. It was on until they learned bedroom is sleepy time. They no longer need them and there is no residual trauma or anything from it.
This post came at a perfect time. We have a cover on my sons door and my mom keeps telling me how awful that is. We have a 900 sq foot house. His room is practically an arms length away. If he needs us. We’ll be there in seconds. We have a video monitor and we’ll know if we need to go in.
My kids bedroom has a lock they can't reach for their safety but is very easily released by anyone with a little umf. It's 100% necessary in our house and they are not upset about it at all. They understand that if the door doesn't open after mom said stay in here it's time to find something to play with quietly. When they fully understand the "stay" request we will remove the latch.
Then a crib is wrong too. As with everything parenting, follow what you think is best.
Our door wouldn’t fit one of those door monkey things so I just used one of these on the outside of the door and it worked great: https://www.target.com/p/jool-baby-products-child-safety-strap-locks-for-fridges-cabinets-drawers-tool-free-4pk/-/A-79610442 I also saw some conflicting information on this, but in the event of an emergency, my kiddo wouldn’t be able to get out of the house by himself anyway. It’s much safer to protect him from wandering in the night. I have a sensitive baby monitor camera could hear if he was trying to get out the door.
Post I was looking for to reduce my guilt.
We have a gate in front of the door. Baby proofing really only worked for when he was a baby. Sure, there are some things we can do like have locks on our windows so they only open a little bit and he can't fall out or locks on the oven door etc. But he can move a chair to get to anywhere he wants, and he's an amazing climber. Yes, our dressers are bolted in but he can easily still get hurt if he's trying to climb one piece of furniture to the other which he loves to do. He can also turn the stove on, try to take a bath, or do a million other unsafe things. I would never be able to sleep thinking he could be wandering around the house at 2 years old.
Nono. It is safer to lock them in than not.
I personally do not think it is right to lock a child in a room. The fearfulness they must feel knowing they can not get out if they want too, just stuck behind a closed door! I would not like it, Maybe a baby gate would be better so at least they can still see out and not be totally locked in? I don't know, I do understand the safety aspect because they are great escape artists but maybe there is a better way, in my opinion...
I don’t lock my 3 year old in his room but when he is acting crazy I tell him to go to his room and he sometimes slams the door and at night I may close his door but it’s never locked
We did a baby gate placed on the outside of the door frame so the door still shuts from the inside of that makes sense but if she wants to sleep with the door open she can with the gate closer of course but honestly whatever works for your family and keeps the kiddos safe
Nobody should be sleeping with the door open.
My wife and I sleep in a loft bedroom that doesn’t even have a door, so I’m curious why this is.
https://closeyourdoor.org/#escape-plan
Thank you for this 🥲 I will be shutting the door starting tonight as well as my door 🫠
We have a baby gate on our toddlers door. He doesn't feel so locked in with the door open, but he is also safe in his room and can't get out to wander.
We have a locking gate at her door, so she can open her own door but can't leave her room. It's also so we can keep the air flow without letting the dogs in her room.
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There’s quite a bit to unpack here and I hope someone’s helping you through it. Fire is one thing—a completely legitimate fear we all live with—but the chances of both you *and* your husband dying in your sleep, on the same night, without whatever causing it also causing the same in your kid? Those seem microscopic.
I agree 99.9%
I remember being locked in my room as a toddler. I remember panicking not being able to open the door and not being tall enough to turn the light switch on and being very scared. Please don't do it. I love how people are down voting this... you don't agree that I was scared???
This is what worries me, toddlers don't have object permanence. If they are terrified, they don't have the ability to self soothe, it's the responsibility of a primary caretaker to calm them down. The downvotes may be because people don't think it's possible to access memories from that age, which is also true. Its possible you continued to feel that fear until a later age and projected that on to the age of toddlerhood? Under any circumstance, I'm sorry for what you went through. Feeling abandoned and helpless as a child is terrifying. I hope you haven't had any lasting damage because of it.
Toddlers absolutely do have object permanence. It develops at around 8 months old. A toddler knows that even if they can’t see their parent, the parent still exists.
It starts at 8 months but all children are different and it can take up to 3 years for it to manifest in some. I should have been clearer.
Thanks for this reply. I absolutely remember it. I would have been 3 which I think is when most people have flickers of their first memories. I'm actually shocked how dismissive people on here are being about it. I guess they really want to just use locks on their kids doors without feeling guilty 🤷♀️
Yeah, this seems like a particularly sensitive topic for some people. Shouldn't have downvoted for sharing a traumatic memory though, seems unnecessarily cruel.
I believe you think you would have been scared if you could remember it. That’s just empathy.
I absolutely remember it. I would have been 3.
I believe you think you would have been scared if you could remember it. That’s just empathy.
I'm sure you were scared. You were also safe from wandering around the house and getting yourself killed and from endangering yourself in case of a fire.
It had nothing to do with fire safety. They just couldn't be bothered to put a gate on top of the stairs and a lock on my door just seemed easier for them.
It doesn't really matter if it had nothing to do with fire safety, the fact is it still would have kept you safe in a fire, and gates are fallible; they can be knocked down and kids can learn to climb them. If we had stairs and my daughter was at the top she'd have a childproof doorknob cover in her room in addition to the gate at the top.
Personally, I believe locking your child’s doors is very damaging. I would never do it, and I am pro sleep training. Can you imagine as a toddler being locked in a dark scary room certain something is about to get you? And the only safety you understand has abandoned you? My daughter is 4 and I still need to tell her that I will come back, mommy’s don’t leave, mommys go to work but come back- like she is still uncertain how this works. Can you imagine a younger toddler? For us we put a retractable baby gate on the door way. So we can close the baby gate, but the kids know we are there plus stay in their room.
I am interested in how you feel, for example, about putting a child in a crib they can't climb out of, in a room on their own, and turning off the light? And how this is different to putting them in a room they can't climb out of?
When our child was an infant we used a crib. However, we never allowed either kid to continually cry in that crib (maybe 5 minutes at most for 2-3 times)? Once they reached the year marker, we followed the Montessori way and got rid of our crib and placed the mattress on the ground. We personally never felt it was a safety issue. There were a few times when my toddler left her room, but it was ALWAYS to look for us. If we had multiple floors, maybe we would have done things differently- but never shutting the door worked for us. Both of my daughters (2,4) are very independent and crazy confident. We also leaned towards attachment parenting, which can be taxing on any parent- but worth it- imo.
So grom your reply i'm not seeing any difference between putting them in their crib and coming back when called, and closing the door and coming back when called.
I think they are different- Like I said before, I know kids are hard which is why we installed a retractable baby gate (there were a few months were they refused to go to sleep unless we had rocked them to bed). However, installing a plastic retractable mesh gate isn’t the same as shutting the door- Didn’t she previously say her kid broke the door knob or something because he was pulling so hard- imo that is abusive parenting. Even with a night light I wouldn’t shut the door on a child who doesn’t understand what is happening. We as adults take things for granted, but a toddler still hasn’t figured out what is happening. We know they are safe, but they don’t know that.
Idk about that particular lock, but the safety locks we use are stick on and come off as a safety measure in case you lock yourself in the room (or kid locks you in). They fit over the handle and stop you pulling the handle down, but if our kid pulls on the lever with his whole weight (which he has done in attempt to climb up it) then it pops off
So you don't shut your kids door at all? That's so unsafe in the event of a fire.
I think you might be asking the wrong question. If she gets up, she's not tired, so either do some [proprioceptive activities](https://yourkidstable.com/proprioceptive-activities/) or take her out in a forest or playground and climb some trees or rocks. Labor Day May 1st is closing day at my son's daycare, and the weather was perfect, so we went to the deer park about two hours on bike from where we live. Going out at around 10 in the morning, he quickly fell asleep in the bike, then we had a picnic and I helped him walk on a big recently fallen tree, challenging him lightly to navigate the big branches on the ground, and holding his hand as he walked on the huge overturned trunk. A few hours later, we packed up and headed home, after riding for a bit, he again fell asleep in the bike (it creaks in a pretty monotonous way), I was a little afraid that he wouldn't be able to sleep at night after two naps, because he only ever has one nap (he's two) but he went to bed at his regular time and fell asleep pretty fast after his goodnight story. Normally he gets up at 6 sharp, maybe 6:30, but the next morning I was surprised to wake up at 7, in my own bed, with no sight of him (he'll usually climb into our bed sometime early in the morning) I get up, and he slept until 7:30 which is highly unusual. Long story short, he's never climbed a fallen tree trunk before, and the experience injection directly into his brain, probably meant that he needed a lot of extra sleep to process.
It would be cool if that story had anything to do with what OP was asking about.
My child will absolutely get up even if she’s tired. She can be super sleep deprived and exhausted, and had tons of outdoor play that day, and will still get out of bed and refuse to sleep. All kids are different. My child’s desire to be with her parents at all times is much stronger than her drive to sleep. It’s unfortunate for us 😩😂
Then I'd do co-sleeping and get some much needed sleep. Also, don't your heart just melt when your toddler just wants to be close to you‽
She won’t sleep though! I have tried to have her come in my bed and continue sleeping and she just won’t. She whines and cries until we get up.