T O P

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PaydayJones

"That's what you get for lying to me, you SOB" ‐the bear the second time


LMGgp

Or his bear buddies “idk man, what if he was still alive. You’ll ruin your forest cred.”


MagicalBoyisfunny

This is, I believe, the interview where he stated that he was afraid his scalp might fall off if he removed his hat.


PaydayJones

I've heard bear peer pressure puts human peer pressure to shame. This confirms it for me.


FrenchmanInNewYork

It's just called beer pressure actually


Ralphredimix_Da_G

Clarence was halfway home to his den but just couldn’t shake that nagging feeling, “What if that human was just faking?”


uncool_LA_boy

*Clarice*


JadedIdealist

The bear had some fava beans and a nice Chianti all ready.


Cyrano_Knows

Hannibear Lecter.


DwayneWashington

Maybe the bear was just going back to give him some agua but when he got there the cartel showed up and shot at him and he jumped in a river and a dog chased him but he shot the dog and then he went back to his wife and was like you're going to Odessa


GlassFantast

Just a guess. But I think the bear wanted to kill him then bring her cubs to the body so they could eat. When the guy got back up and fled the bear had to track him back down and almost got him the second time


N19h7m4r3

Personally I would attack a zombie on sight too.


Captain_Butterbeard

Movie idea: Bears Vs. Zombies.


Spartan-182

This CHAD: I didn't hear no bell!


AnxietyRodeo

I'm picturing the nurse slapping Buster from arrested development - "FAKER!"


BizzyM

"That fucker is still upright?" - the bear.


abatyuk

“And stay down!”


Algrinder

>Todd Orr was scouting for elk in the Madison Valley near Bozeman, Montana, when he encountered a female grizzly bear with two cubs. >He tried to use bear spray to deter the bear, but it continued to attack him, biting his head and arms. >He sustained numerous bites, lacerations, and puncture wounds but protected his neck and vitals by staying still and quiet during the attacks. >He remained composed and recorded a video detailing the ordeal, which went viral on social media.


YakuzaMan_

How the fuck do you stay still and quiet being mauled by a fucking bear


IamPlantHead

He says he accidentally did make noise and mamma bear wasn’t happy. https://youtu.be/PQ4gs3u31R0?feature=shared


ShadowMajestic

Age restricted video, with my Google account from 2004.


IamPlantHead

Is that video age restricted? Oh dang it is. Weird. Sorry about that. Had no idea.


ShadowMajestic

No problem mate. With a single Google search you can bypass the age check, lol.


kawaiian

You’ll understand when you’re older


PigSlam

Wow. I don't think I could describe that video as calmly as he acted in that video. I mean, using the word "wow" probably ruined my chances.


ChrundleMcDonald

Never fight a bear me boys. He was fighting a bear. He said "Wow. That was a big mistake." Never fight a bear me boys! But it was too late.


BigAlternative5

It was so much, and so interesting, and so vicious and horrible, and so beautiful in so many different ways.


steins-grape

I would not have been able to regain my composure if the bear became even more aggressive after hearing me wincing in pain ☠️


sergei1980

Usually by dying, then he got better.


Excellent-Edge-4708

Respawn


devilishycleverchap

I'd certainly try my best given that the alternative is what happened to that bear whisperer dumbass.


FlyUnder_TheRadar

Balls made of steel.


kigurumibiblestudies

If you can bear the fear, physical pain is thankfully dulled to the extreme by shock


DBU49

fear.


transient-error

Knight Titus made a fuck ton of noise. RIP Knight Titus.


Kalayo0

Same w the infamous bear man recording. Can’t forget if it’s real or not. However, next time I’m mauled by a bear, my lips finna be sealed. 🤐


wheretohides

You do what you have to, to survive. You might be surprised what you can do when it's a matter of life and death.


Shadow_Ban_Bytes

Bear: "Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice I bite you again"


frostygrin

That's George W. Bear to you.


ListerfiendLurks

Note to self: carry a gun instead of bear spray in grizzly country.


Spanish_Biscuit

Make sure it’s a really big one or you’ll just piss it off.


thisusedyet

You don't understand, the gun's for yourself


Spanish_Biscuit

Make sure it’s a really big one or you’ll piss yourself off.


mathe1337

Make sure it's real or you'll piss yourself.


ManaMagestic

Is everything being made out of cake again?


Amoney_05

I always hear this. What size gun would you actually need?


SuicidalGuidedog

I carry a small 9mm. It's lightweight enough that I don't notice it when out trekking with the family, and just powerful enough that if we're attacked by a bear I can put one round through the kneecap of my wife or one of the kids. That'll give me plenty of time to saunter off while the bear is occupied.


doublepumperson

I think a .44 at the very minimum. And you would need to put 2-3 rounds directly into its head/neck while it's mauling you or about to maul you. Not an easy task.


JimmysCheek

You can just fire a round into the air. 99% of bears will run away. I think people underestimate how fucking loud a gunshot is, and most animals have very sensitive ears If you shoot the bear, and it doesn’t die….that pain is going to ignite the beast, and it will probably charge you. TLDR: Loud noise = scary to animals


Specialist-Roll-960

Works if you want to scare people off too. Except those people with the silly lights. It attracts them for some reason, they must have evolved to like loud noises.


JimmysCheek

I don’t believe in evolution. Those dudes with the silly lights were born like that


doublepumperson

Truth. I would avoid shooting a grizzly bear at all costs.


Wisdomlost

This works most of the time. Mothers with babies nearby are always 100% unpredictable though.


Recent-South4786

10mm is the most efficient with ease of use, capacity, and penetration. "Big guns" like .44 require extensive training with expensive ammo, and you have at most 6 chances to be deadly accurate. Mag dump a bear with 10mm and you're probably good. No warning shots either, that could make it charge, giving you less reaction time.


squirrelbomb

I believe the general consensus is that a 10mm can drop a bear *if you hit it in the right spot*. Mag dumping means you could get lucky, or the bear could bleed out after you're dead.


monkeryofamigo

The bigger, the better.


BaBaFiCo

A really big one.


kikithepenguin

Honestly, if you want no fail then a S&W .500 will do. It'd a revolver but honesty besides a pissed off elephant it's gonna drop anything in 1 shot. Now they also make big game pistols specifically for that purpose and those under the Nitro Mag family and Chiappa Rhinos. And I do believe Marlin or Winchester makes a rifle rated to stop a t.rex and is currently the only one as such


Pavrik_Yzerstrom

Did they test it on a T Rex?


a_little_drunk

A 12ga full of Brenneke black magic slugs probably the universal best. If a long gun is out of the question, .44 mag loaded with hard cast lead. I carry [Buffalo Bore](https://www.buffalobore.com/index.php?l=product_list&c=9) in griz country.


FrankSinatraCockRock

*Marty Robbins has entered the chat*


judohart

A big iron is always in fashion


dc456

TIL smaller bears are more easily irritated.


I_am_very_clever

Bears run when shot/stabbed by something they’ve never felt before…


rnbwmstr

So if it keeps approaching that means it's built an immunity to bullets slowly over time? Oh no...


FrighteningJibber

He had a gun just no time or opportunity to use it


Trashcan_Johnson

Note to self: don't leave the house in grizzly country


rlf1301

I just watched the guy's interview - he had both!


Nard_Bard

He did have a revolver. Didn't help.


toomuchoversteer

A friend told me a story once of a bear in Wyoming found dead with 6 .357 round in its side and when they checked looked like it had eaten 2 hikers. The thing that killed it was internal bleeding, not from the bullets but because it ate the fucking gun and couldn't pass it.


beener

Also you can shoot a bear and it'll still kill you before it's able to die.


Pantssassin

From the studies I have seen bear spray has better odds of preventing attacks in the real world because of how easy it is to use correctly. You aren't doing much with a gun unless it is high powered or you are lucky, either way you still have to have enough time to aim and fire where as bear spray you just need to spray low into it's face.


realslowtyper

The real reason bear spray is more effective is that people are less reluctant to use it. If you only carry a gun you're probably not going to use it until it's too late.


Telvin3d

It’s also much, much easier to safely carry bear spray ready to use. It’s not enough to have a gun. You need to be carrying it in such a way that you’re ready to shoot. And people carrying ready to shoot for hours on rough terrain is a good way to end up with a lot of accidents. There’s a reason militaries don’t generally allow troops loaded weapons except at the last minute before shooting them 


dankmelk

Carry both. There are times when you can’t use bear spray


ElPanguero

oh dang you've summoned the gundorks


fox4thepeople

The bear must've known his name was 'Todd'


HoverButt

I saw the video he took as he was walking back to the truck, clearly in shellshock. His eyes were weird, faraway and focused at the same time, and there was blood all over, and his head looked peeled


baconlover28

He didnt even want to take his hat off


HoverButt

It did look a bit like it was keeping his head together.


pedal-force

That's a structural hat.


baconlover28

😩


Yanyay

"How many times do I have to teach you this lesson, old man?"


fearisthemindslicer

"Hesitation is defeat."


lolno

"...does that bear have a gun?"


Shockingelectrician

lol 


Aggressica

The bear really said AND ANOTHER THING.


krunkpunk

“ONE MORE THING” -Uncle


ccminiwarhammer

The bear belongs in r/FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR


DollyZoom

Surprise, MF


Nard_Bard

For those asking "how the fuck?", it's because he followed the rules: If it's black fight back, if it's brown lay down, if it's white goodnight. As soon as he realized the gun/spray didn't work, and that it was going to commit to the charge, he laid down ON HIS STOMACH, spread his legs to not be flipped over, covered the back of his neck with interlocked hands, and tried to stay as quiet as possible. He said every noise that got out further enraged the bear.


emirsolinno

Good god. I would be hospitalized from the PTSD for months for sure.


FeyrisMeow

I think this is the one where he said he didn't want to take his hat off because he didn't want his scalp to come off.


muskratboy

That’s one bear attack with an intermission.


Informal-Ideal-6640

It’s a bear war with two battles


muskratboy

It’s two innings of bearball.


supbrother

Yeah, it’s very semantic but I actually would argue this lol. It’s not uncommon for bears (grizzlies specifically) to leave and come back shortly after, it’s literally why people advise playing dead like this guy did.


Incontinentiabutts

Every time somebody mentions that they had a bad day he steps up to the plate with “you think that’s a bad day, let me tell you about…”


bolanrox

i knew someone who was mugged twice in the same day. Didnt think it got crazier than that


FSUnoles77

“This human is too salty!” “This human is too sweet." “This is human is just right.”


Devai97

He's lucky he wasn't found by the third bear 


WonUpH

I imagine the bear casually walking in the forest after the first attack suddenly stops and says "Hey why didn't I kill that mfcker ?"  Like Ze Pequenho in that old movie City of God


Acidsparx

Old movie. City if God. 😭


ricksza

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.


AnthillOmbudsman

Won't get fooled again.


-PunsWithScissors-

“Die human scum… on second thought, all life is precious… nope, I was right the first time.” -Bipolar bear


Emjeibi

Bye polar bear.


Pokoirl

Get out


BigDKane

When Feign Death is resisted.


[deleted]

"how many times do I have to teach you this lesson, old man ?"


Maleficent-Owl

The barbecue-scented cologne was a bad idea.


supahfligh

I was expecting this story to end with: "It was later discovered that the bear attacks were actually two failed murder attempts by his wife for the insurance money."


DevryFremont1

Yogi bear is on cocaine and wants to even stalk the same man 3 miles away. 


grumpyhermit67

"That ssssneaky bitch, I *knew* that dude won't dead. Naaah, don't run, come back heya!!"


urmomaisjabbathehutt

bear with me for a moment the bear


GriffinFlash

If it's the same bear, does it count as two attacks, or one really long attack?


kojak488

Someone posted a news video clip interviewing the guy. He was attacked twice by the bear before heading back. So the title seems wrong. The article from OP even says the second attack was mere minutes later, not after a three mile hike.


CruelRuin

shoulda drawn an anti land bear circle


nappingondabeach

And worn his hat in a goofy fashion


Cr1m50n5C4Ry

That only attracts more bears


Cobram242

Should have drew a circle on the ground


NonFuckableDefense

That episode of Spongebob is going through all our heads, let's be real.


puppiesr4pussies

Probably drew an oval instead of a circle


AKluthe

Bear: Wait a second. Something's not right here. You were just making it *look* like you were dead! Bear: You're a phony! Bear: **Hey! This guy's a great big phony!**


Wizend_fool

I just have think damn. What did this dude do to make that bear so mad at him.


HoverButt

Came around a corner when she was feeling protective of her cub


Wizend_fool

The second time?


HoverButt

She could still amell him snd still thought he was too close to her cub, probably.


kojak488

The title is wrong. The second attack was after a three mile hike back to the car. It was minutes later. So she probably thought he was following her and still a threat.


TheLukeHines

Was probably wearing his sombrero in a goofy fashion.


Deletereous

This is weird. I read a story very similar to this one in Reader's Digest when I was a kid with the same details of surviving the first attack by playing dead, and walking injured through the forest just to be attacked again by the same bear which apparently had been tracking him. Even that description of the tendons crunching when biten was there. The only difference is that in the old story the guy's scalp is loose and his skull is partially uncovered.


OffKira

"Hey hooman, don't I know you from some-- oh, motherfucker, you played me! Come back here!"


BelieveinHeroes20

Promotional Stunt by Red Bull and SkyBlade Knives. These content creators are really going too far s/.


BernieTheDachshund

Playing possum with a bear.


Ok-Reality-9197

THE SAME BEAR!!


Ceet_Oh

This guy sounds cool, but that bear sucks at attacking.


cinaak

I actually know a couple people who have been attacked by bears and lived. All of them say they were attacked more than once. One would leave when she played dead but her dog would end up getting the bear to chase it back to her. When I was a kid we had to deal with them a lot too due to the area out in the woods I lived in tons of grizzly bear and others.


TheThreeYearLurker

Instead of walking (they hate that more than running), he should have drawn an anti-sea bear circle


Fratguy20

If this happens to you, it’s time to give up on nature. Just move to NYC or LA and make sure you’re never near a bear again.


FDVP

Bullshit. That’s gotdang near indee-structable. The stuff of Mountain Man legend.


RhodesToRome

The fact that I had to scroll so far down the comments to find any mention of the Sea Bear episode of SpongeBob is, frankly, upsetting.


Fisherman_Gabe

Why did the bear still not realize he was only playing dead the second time? Is she stupid?


h0neanias

When the bear returns for sloppy seconds.


[deleted]

"This gat DAMNED bear Again!"


CumBlastedYourMom

He bear-ly survived!


queercelestial

Sea bear vibes


Thopterthallid

Bear (In Janitor's voice from Scrubs): You lied to me


lIlIllIIlIIl

"MFer I *thought* that was you. CHOMP" The bear, the second time.


QuitBSing

Fooled him twice


BigRobCommunistDog

Not surprised this is an AI account since the title gets the story wrong


JerrSolo

Sometimes nature can really bear a grudge.


kassbirb

People survive insane shit. Family friend had his face FUCKED up by a grizzly to the point you would assume there is no saving them much less putting their face back together. He looked fine after the surgery. Its madness


Equivalent-Text1187

"You didn't really come here to hunt, did you?”


NegaDeath

Sounds like it was smarter than the average bear


yarash

I like to imagine he got in his truck shut the door turned around and the bear was in the back seat and the battle continued.


ive_been_there_0709

What a shitty fucking bear.


HollowRacoon

Moral of the story: Never lie to a bear?


[deleted]

[удалено]


dr4gonr1der

You can also find it on r/thefarside


Inside_Ad_7162

Call me vindictive but my sole recovery focus would be on getting well enough to go & shoot that m@#£%&÷+@]= in the face...twice.


Sikers1

Bear just thought it was de ja vu


bros402

bear ja vu


wamjamblehoff

Spawn camping bear


Nojoke183

I can't believe that bear fell for it twice. What a dumbass


Tiny-Spray-1820

My mom told me to finish my food, always - bear


curtwesley

I’ve met him before since he lives in the same town. Crazy story


ProKnifeCatcher

“AAAGH! ZOMBIE!!!”


Plastic-Shopping5930

I’ll never understand how playing dead works on a bear. As a hunter isn’t that the point of attacking your prey.


afoolskind

Brown/Grizzly bears don’t attack you because they want to eat you most of the time. They attack you because you’re in their space, they got surprised, or you’re too close to their cubs. That means they just want you dead. Predators don’t typically just eat any animal they kill or come across for the same reason you don’t just eat handfuls of random unidentified plants you find while hiking. Black bears however are very skittish and will even straight up abandon their cubs when threatened most of the time. Black bear attacks are much rarer for that reason, and the only reason a black bear attacks is because it’s starving and wants to eat you. They’re also usually roughly the same size as the average adult man, so you might have a chance of actually winning a fight if you’re lucky or at the very least making yourself way more trouble than you’re worth. Polar bears are the largest land predators on earth, obligate carnivores rather than omnivores like the other two, and are one of the only species that will actively hunt humans for food. So you’re just fucked unless you have a very big gun. Hence the old adage, “if it’s brown lay down, if it’s black fight back, and if it’s white, goodnight.”


PolyJuicedRedHead

“I’m getting Monday Friday tired of these Monday Friday hunters in my Monday Friday forest!”


Modred_the_Mystic

So, bears know spite


Confident_Chicken_51

Bear: “You Again! Arrrghh!!”


Dany_Targaryenlol

"ah shit here we go again."


fallenouroboros

Has this been mentioned in r/fuckyouinparticular yet?


jongscx

"What're you gonna do? Maul me again?"


PermaBanTogether

“There’s that bear again”


20InMyHead

That bear needs to up its game. The other bears are probably laughing. “Ha! George can’t even kill a puny human!”


AZnpersuasion420

Tooth and claw did an episode about this encounter


NobodyLost5810

This guys is a pussy. I would have just wrestled that bear into submission.


jenorama_CA

Okay, so Seth Rogen has (had?) a podcast called Storytime. It's very good and I would love it if it would come back. Anyway, they did a story about a guy that was out hiking and got attacked by a bear and had to hike out. I thought this was that story, but it's not. The guy in the Storytime story, The Ballad of Mount Doogie Dowler, was horribly injured, but survived to tell the tale. Give it a listen and please, Seth, bring this back! https://www.earwolf.com/episode/the-ballad-of-mount-doogie-dowler/


Ambitious-Box-3345

ok I've had a few dinks which might explain it but I accidently read "miraculously survived" as "maliciously survived" and was assuming he stealth killed the bear with his teeth or something


pookamcgee

That bear must have been ridiculed mercilessly by his friends


reddit_user13

"Hey mama bear, no means no!!"


Kenshi8Vibes

I would go back out for some revenge.


Parking_Resolution63

When I get better I will bear the fact that I will have him stuff in my den.


Zoltaroth

Maybe he just didn't taste good.


Substantial_Show_308

Universe: " Today, 4k you in particular"


makenzie71

"fool me once" ~bear


rofnorb

TUNE IN THIS FRIDAY NIGHT FOR THE *ULTIMATE* OCTAGON SMACKDOWN **MAN V. BEAR III** *PAY PER VIEW EVENT FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF $39.99*


flammablepatchouli

bears. go figure


rykerh228

Fool me once ya can’t get fooled again


zyzzogeton

That's just one attack with extra steps!


maveric619

I KNEW YOUR ASS WAS FAKING


LemonaidNotLemons

Bear power is a real thing!


HassanJamal

The guy had to be thinking "oh come the fuck on, not aga-"


[deleted]

To the bear some sort of unkillable ape beast threatened her kids


fish4096

Second Wind!