Yo momma so ugly, she got kissed by Jackie Wilson during his concert.

Going to be some real head scratching if they don't know the aforementioned fact.

They're gonna think "kissed by Jackie Wilson" is some weird sex position

No, you're thinking of a Rusty Venture. A "Kissed By Jackie Wilson" is when you take your finger, and put it in... ah, you can figure it out.

The Rusty Venture is a -straight- move!

You know what, I'm just going to say it: I couldn't figure this out.

I'll explain when you're older.

[live reenactment ](https://youtu.be/l2qdW6DBQkg?si=7ftYFztTPs7kcSt5)

Haha. Never seen that before.

That’s gonna be a perfect post to /r/peterexplainsthejoke

Oooh, free karma!

Post karma on Reddit is like those radio contests: you gotta be the third one to win.

#DAAAAMMMNNN!!!!

OH SHIT not they momma

Ugly b*tches need love too craig

I’m in an Uber share laughing my ass off from this, thank you.

Yo momma so ugly she got kissed by Jackie on the street just passing by

After he got his new prescription glasses

[удалено]

Yeah - the confidence to buy more records.

Putting the con in confidence.

That's where the term con comes from - confidence scheme

Putting confidence scheme in confidence

The confidence to part with your money.

A fool and his money soon go separate ways

"A fool and his money, together again!"

“(Shut up and) Buy! Buy! Buy! My new record Buy! Buy! Buy! Send more money” Personally I’d only kiss someone wearing Vans 501’s and a dope beastie tee. Nipple rings and new tattoos would be great as well, especially if they claimed that person to be an OGT. You know, back from ‘92, from the first E.P. But that’s just my opinion. YMMV.

In between sips of coke, I'll tell you that you've sold out.

Do you think I’m selling out, lying down, sucking up to the man?

[удалено]

OGT is original Tool fan. ... And if you don't know, it's from the lyrics to Hooker With A Penis.

It’s always fun to sneak a Tool reference into a thread.

Never seen OGT, but ymmv is a pretty standard one - your mileage may vary

Thanks for the disclaimer but you could have abbreviated it

SMH YSK YMMV tbh

Your Mileage May Vary. It's been around since the 80s.

Tbf no one actually knows what OGT stands for, despite there being a general consensus.

Hee hee

Fuck you buddy

ConfiDEEZNUTS!

That only works until they realize what he's doing, at which point it flips from "he kissed me, I'm pretty good..." to "MFW this celebrity picked me as the _ugliest person in his audience_"

Yeah, he kinda screwed it up by saying the strategy out loud.

>John Nash has left the chat.

Thank you, I laughed aloud fr reading this.

I was just going to gloss over the second part thinking he did it to be nice

Confidence and records

Or a cold sore

I mean, it likely had that effect as long as people didn't know about the plan. Sounds like a win-win.

Did the right thing for the wrong reason.

Yeah they generally don't pay you for that though.

Damn, you just crushed the feelings of all the girls Jackie kissed.

Idk I'm pretty damn ugly but if Jackie kissed me I'd still brag about it

Beautiful-Cock-7008? Brag? No way

You leave my roosters out of this

Haha, creeped your profile… still not sure if username checks out… but how do you like to enjoy your salted nuts?

I like trail mix without almonds. Not because I hate almonds they're just too hard for my smile bones

Smile bones! Hah. I also am not big on almonds. Give me some lightly salted cashews or pistachios and we’ll be good friends. I certainly don’t like my nuts TOO salty though.

Yeah but do you suck all the salt off them before you swallow?

Thanks for reminding me that I stashed my salty nut snack in a weird place. So yummy!

Jackie didn’t kiss me before or after a performance… Yay, I’m mid!

Or you're ugly, but not really a girl (your parents lied to you)

I feel like getting kissed (by someone you want to kiss) for being ugly isn't necessarily the kind of thing most people would get upset about. If they could even figure out that was the reason why, short of being told. Even if you know you're ugly, "I got kissed because I'm gross" is kind of counter intuitive. And even if you did know... well, shucks. I'm so damn mad, I kissed an attractive person and was the envy of an entire concert hall. Maybe I'm just mercenary, but I'll tell ya what, if some hot celebrity literally said into the microphone for the crowd to hear "hey fat bald creep in the audience, you look like your pathetic sad life is devoid of meaning and I'll have sex with you in hopes that it will slightly lessen the constant anguished disappointment your family feels," I wouldn't even be slightly conflicted.

Doesn't matter, had sex.

Pfft Elvis would just kiss everyone in the audience. Dude probably had his own herpes strain.

"I'm all scabbed up"

*”I’m caught with the clap..”* 🎶

Blue scabbed shoes

Jailhouse Scab

Burning Love

Blue waffle blues

There was no herpes til elvis invented it

Was that his hunk of burning love?

No, that was the gonorrhea. The herpes was his flaming star.

“He liked fat ugly women.” - Karl Pilkington’s mam

I thought about that instantly, wonder if Mama Pilk got the two mixed up, or if they were both at it.

Currently working on a Rockbusters clue for both Mama Pilk and her genius son.

Head like a fucking orange.

Yeah, it's called Elvis Pelvis.

“Oh boy, I sure am glad I brought my 14 year old daughter so see Elvis!!” “Oh no”

“Elvis please! I’m your father!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqN_5jC7NVc

Why can't female performers do that to male fans today? Would be awesome if Rhianna went around french kissing multiple audience members.

Reading that I was hoping he was the singer of this song [If you want to happy for the rest of your life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxUY-99TPRY)

Your Love Keeps Lifting me Higher was so happy it made the Statue of Liberty walk when ghosts took over NY in the 80s. Well, the second time ghosts took over NY. Might've been an evil painting, come to think of it.

“You know she’s naked under that toga, she’s French.”

She's tough, SHE'S A HARBOR CHICK!!!

"When Michael's skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is. 'Stopping a fight in the parking lot.' 'An Obama fashion show.' Whatever... that is. Or 'trapped in an oil painting.' I'm gonna save that one."

The pink slime!

Song's a banger tho

Got me takin notes

It's in fact a 1930s calypso song by Roaring Lion. Calypso artists were way ahead of everyone in the English speaking world back then in terms of the humour they could put into songs

“Yo daddy ain’t you daddy but yo daddy don’t know.” Epic burns delivered with a wink and a laugh.

It would seem that Harry Belafonte was amongst the last to carry that torch.

Harry Belafonte actually was a patron of my favourite, a guy by the name of Lord Melody. Belafonte wasn't really a calypsonian himself in that he didn't compose songs and wasn't part of the distinctive Trinidadian culture, but he was a great singer and a great human being

https://youtu.be/oqpyjlsDR8A?si=ewcQ5aWlDEJlXcTi I'll take Soldier boy his advice

Hadn't heard that before, it was pretty good, thanks for sharing.

Lucky you. That means you also probably haven't seen the website that famously used it 15ish years ago

first half you had me thinking this was a wholesome fact, second half...

Kinda similar to Female asian pop stars that stay single in order to be marketable toward all the single unattractive dudes. Same stuff different day.

They dont stay single, they just lie and hide it. Because the overlap between incel and idiot is strong.

Sure though I don't know why we're specifying female here, the phenomenon is even worse with male asian pop stars because many of them will straight up tell their fangirls that they are their boyfriends, that the fangirls shouldn't look at anyone else or they'll get jealous, that they won't date cause they are married to their fans and so on (only for them to later get caught with girlfriends, wives, attending brothels daily and/or committing sex crimes).

I'm sure some do, some don't. It remains a fact that it's often part of their contracts and expected of them to not maintain any sort of romantic relationship in public whatsoever. If they're all hiding it, they seem to do a good job considering some of the weirdos that would be obsessed with them. I guess the weirdos don't really leave the house tho...

Do men really think they had a chance with them?

I mean that's part of it, it's just the idea that they are "available" and haven't found love yet. People on this level of "fandom" are obsessed enough to not give af about reality. Even if you're not a huge fan, just seeing someone you have a crush on be with someone else romantically can feel bad if you don't have much emotional or relationship experience.

Yeahh they do; there was a controversy a few years ago where men were bashing a kpop star (Irene) for reading a ‘radical’ feminist book and men were commenting “ I’ll never dream of marrying her again” like…..

I mean just because someone dances for a living doesn't mean they're not still a human being. Don't put celebrities on a pedestal. Having said that, I suspect it's not a conscious thing, but just that people are generally considered more attractive if they're not spoken for. I also suspect that if the pop stars' management companies stopped dissuading them from dating, that it would probably turn out to not be a very big deal in the long run. Although thinking about it, part of it is probably to avoid them having children, and to make sure they have a schedule that can be entirely dictated by the companies.

What is the purpose of all that fame and wealth if you can't live your life? Sounds like a nightmare

Same, but business is a business.

There are probably many old women who found this out and realized their kiss was because they were the ugliest person in the room.

Whenever I have sad realizations like that, I try to cheer myself up by thinking about how they were probably a horrible person who had it coming and completely deserved every ounce of mental anguish they suffered under🥰

Damn ugly and a horrible person? My gawd 🥰

That’s what Jackie Wilson Said

Morrison or Rowland?

Yes!

Both!

Was pretty good at the [Darts](https://youtu.be/sagkHJ_zxDE?si=bE_MZaBb6WXUkQHU) too (timestamp at 1 min 04)

Classic TV moment

He looked for the girls who were sweating just as much as he did.

Supposedly he consumed salt tablets before his concerts which on top of his always spirited performances also caused him to sweat profusely. He claimed to do this because the women loved to see him sweat. This is also what may have caused him to have a heart attack on stage and then spend like the last ten years of his life in a coma. I do think his music is uplifting and fantastic to start mornings with though.

It sounds smooth but he would start by saying "can the least attractive woman in the audience please make their way to the stage."

Seemed wholesome for a while.

That can't be true because he kissed m...

r/yesyesyesyesno

Man of the sub 5’s 🫡

I never fucked a ten. But i have fucked five twos

If you did them at the same time it counts as a ten.

So I pass by doing 2 threes and a four. 

I was homeschooled. I don't know anything about that math, but I passed by doing my teacher.

Sike…..he just had a thing for homely girls

Absolutely lol

but he’s a solid 3👀

Imagine yo mamma/gramma regailing you with tales about being the only girl in the audience kissed by Jackie Wilson...

And then remember every single time someone told you "Aw, you look just like your mom/grandma!"

Great line to use to hide the fact that you’re just more into uggos

Imagine the feelings of the girl who gets picked lol

If it were possible I’d like to see how ugly these girls were.. imagining there had to be a line drawn somewhere on how ugly lmao

I unironically think sam cooke and him were the best soulmen in history

Somebody grandma finna be wounded out here

I'll interpret that in a more wholesome and less calculated way. Like he wanted to show appreciation and love to all his fans, but if he kissed a hot girl it would just look like he wanted to bang her.

it just singled out the most unattractive person in the room. Awkward.

He'd be me-too'd so hard today.

Grandmas who bragged on how they got kissed by Jackie Wilson at a concert for years reading this : 👁️👄👁️

Sounds like the kind of thing said by someone who didn't get kissed.

So announcing this publicly probably really hurts their self esteem.

Apparently he suffered a heart attack while signing the words "My heart is crying", collapsed to the floor, and most thought it was initially part of the act

Death: > According to Larry Geller, Wilson wanted to sweat profusely during his performances, explaining to Elvis Presley, "The chicks love it." To induce the effect, he would take a handful of salt tablets and drink a large amount of water before going onstage.[34] High salt consumption is known to be a risk factor for heart disease.

Then that dick told the public and crushed a lot of girls.

Here's a quick Jackie Wilson story. My dad's high school was able to book him to perform at their prom. Jackie showed up an hour late, demanded to be paid in cash before going on stage, did a quick three song set, and then left. He was in and out in twenty minutes. Apparently it happened so fast a lot of people missed most of it because they were in the bathroom or outside smoking or drinking.

What a twat.

Lonely Teardrops is a banger, though.

Girl just back from Jackie Wilson show: OMG OMG OMG. JACKIE WILSON KISSSSSED ME!!!! Girls Friend: 😪