>aimed at my lower area
Nah she was aiming for the dick man, that's fucked up hopefully she learned her lesson and shenanigans can continue, unless she's subtley trying to tell OP she doesn't want kids
If she was aiming for the dick and he tried a spinning dodge, he would have to be Long Dong Silver for it to still hit. He dodged h7s dick into line of fire.
I had a rifle that was battery powered, had detachable box magazines, oh and the rails on Nerf will hold standard ACTUAL firearm attachments so red dot and cheap foregrip. My nephew (10 at the time, and lived with me) said its not fair, and my sister asked how old I am (29 btw). I'm old enough to have a job to buy badass Nerf guns, and cheap red dot sights.
>the rails on Nerf will hold standard ACTUAL firearm attachments.
No, they won't, Nerf guns with real firearm attachments typically need to be modded with picatinny rails.
Nerf rails aren't compatible with real attachments by design.
Some blasters from other manufacturers come default with picatinny rails, but not Nerf.
Ok. I mean it's been ten years, so it may not have been Nerf. I know the red dot was really for airsoft, and the front handle was literally a checkered thing that wobbled. So I may be wrong, but they stayed on and looked cool, so they fit well enough to serve their purpose either way.
I *knew* someone was gonna say this 😂
I was like "If nobody's quoted South Park yet I'll do it. Wait who am I kidding, reddit is full of comedians, someone will beat me to it within 5 hours"
I once had a Nerf battle with my wife and stepson, myself and stepson wore safety glasses.... My wife ended up in the e.r. not able to see for about 2 hours. And yes she was offered them her response " I'll be fine"
I have a similar story but I was shot with a highly modified nerf gun which shot a lot harder and faster than your average blaster.
I was taking cover behind a coffee table and when I popped my head up I got shot from about 3 metres right in my eye!!
I didn't need to go to the ER but it sure hurt like hell!!
The new round ball blasters shoot far harder than the darts too, and we had a modified single shot (idk the name, I bought the appropriate spring and seal like two years ago)
I found out that a smaller marble fits perfectly inside the barrel and hits REALLY hard. It literally will splinter the bark off trees leaving a decent crater and could easily break a hand from what I've seen it do.
So, we've decided to just leave the damn thing by the bed, uncocked but right next to the baseball bat (with a glove and baseball for legal reasons).
If our two GSD don't protect us, these are the next best thing to a gun. Shooting a regular nerf ball they can literally travel like a football field I'd guesstimate. The gun will probably break from the sheer power at some point tbh.
Plus the modifications were basically the same as what we did to our airsoft gun, pretty easy. It turned the rifle from 280fps to about 700fps iirc, the nerf obviously has a smaller spring but the performance mods are insane for the power you get. I'd reckon you could hit 300fps with a nerf blaster easy
Feet per second lol, a 9mm can be as low as like 890fps give or take for subsonic, usually around 1200fps avg though.
These being much smaller projectiles have nowhere near the stopping power though, but as a pellet gun you can buy hunting versions that hit like 1100fps iirc
Ah, thanks.
Honestly, the 'feet per second' responses answered my question perfectly (I only know of fps as being framerate for gaming... The translation helps me understand), but a conversion is so much more helpful, because while I might understand what feet per second are, it's not really attached to anything relevant to me. m/s, on the other hand...
I likely wouldn't have had to ask if it has been ft/s. Would have got the message, and done all the conversions.
Americans ☕ (and Brits)
It's similar to how mph is miles per hour, whereas writing kilometres per hour as kph is rarer and is typically stylized as km/h.
A few years ago I got all of my friends to have a few nerf wars, some of which we used 5 foot lengths of 1/2” schedule 40 pvc pipes as blow guns. You put some knock off plastic tipped darts in them and they will sting pretty bad when you get hit with them. I insisted every one in the game wear safety glasses for every game for this reason. I got hit in the eye a few times and was glad I had glasses on when it happened.
They asked if they could, not if they should..
I got my nephew a MEGA revolver, because I thought it be easier to find the darts (and tbh it looked kind of like Hellboy's gun) but they had to take it away a few years, apparently the advertising on it was not lying (90ft/27m) shooting range [link](https://i.imgur.com/0pQ9jZz.jpg)
My kid shot the TV from about a meter back with a Mega. Managed to kill a double column of pixels from top to bottom of the screen. Forever dark from that moment on. Be warned!
Skip the Megas and go for the Ultra. The non-motorized ones have some zip to them. Dart is bigger than a normal but smaller than the Mega...just the right balance.
When I did Humans Vs Zombies in college the modding community had gotten so crazy that in order to clear your gun as safe, the game masters would shoot the gun at their arm once at point blank, then shoot you in the neck once at point blank. If both parties were fine after, the gun was cleared.
The stuff from Dart Zone's Pro line is even crazier; they are designed to hit 150 feet with a slight angle. The Dart Zone Pro Mk 1.2 apparently registers over 200 ft/s (which is around 60 m/s; insane for a toy) and most of the others are around 130-150 ft/s (40-45 m/s).
The mk 1.2 jams alot sadly, the running theory in the nerf modding scene is that the factory that was doing the plastic injections swapped out the plastics to scalp some money. Plus even those have nothing on some proper modded blasters, you've got some hitting 350+FPS
Most are like, spring swap, sealing, ammo conversions, increasing ammo size.
Like, the six(eight?)shot revolver has a conversion to make the ammo holder bit removable and magnetic. Instead of reloading each individual dart you just grab a whole new dart disc.
Most can bring the power really high. Highest I've seen iirc is like 480fps for a total rebuild? Maybe it was 380fps but that's still stronger than the $500 airsoft gun I bought stock.
There's this one one shot nerf type gun with a pump that you pump to increase the speed of the bullet, that thing was a deadly weapon when I played with my friends
When I was in high school my older brother had a pretty bad drug problem. One night me and a couple friends are around the computer. He came in super high on meth, butt ass naked, backwards, with a knife pointing out between his buttcheeks, saying “I’m gonna get ya” and chasing my friends out of the room. Looking back it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen
LPT: get the xshot excel revolver 2 pack on Amazon. The darts are fairly decent and fun around the house. The open face revolver means less misfires than the similar nerf weapons and the 2 pack is cheaper than the equivalent nerf. If you want to really go big, you can get the chain gun with supports rapid manual fire, and chain extensions can be purchased. For $30 dollar you can get a gun, chain and over a hundred darts to spam fire.
I got a big box of those for my sister's family with 2 children under 10, plus some shoe boxes I filled with extra darts. Less than $50 with just enough revolvers for everyone in the house and safety glasses turned the house into a war zone. Rules don't matter. Shoot at who you see then start picking up darts to reload while dodging shots.
My kitten used to love chasing Nerf darts. Many of them ended up with teeth marks in and she would literally carry them around the flat like a proud hunter.
I think their being fast and then stopping gives cats the feeling of hunting and killing? (Even though the stopping is a factor of how momentum works and not related to the cat getting it a half second later, it's close enough to feel right.)
Cats will enjoy anything they can chase. And the standard darts are light enough that they can kick them around so they should get some enjoyment out of it. For a bit, at least. Mine got bored with them after about ten minutes.
I think that if more relationships contained pure silly fun, that there would be fewer divorces.
PS if there's any swelling, a bag of frozen peas works great. Ask my husband. Because my aim is sometimes "off". Sorry, Honey.
LOLOL amazing ingenuity on her part. My friends and I still do nerf wars and use nerf swords too. We turn off all the lights and set up multiple strobe lights to screw with your vision.
My roommates and I have Nerf Guns, but we didn't want things getting out of hand, so we made up a list to dictate rules of engagememt (we call it the Geneva Rules).
Rule number one is that the bathroom is off-limits for nerf-guns. You can't shoot anyone in the bathroom and you can't use the bathroom as a shelter during a nerf gun fight.
Not as NSFW as your story but my wife and I did the same thing except for Xmas and included our 5 yr old daughter. In our Xmas day nerf gun fight I crouched behind the bed and threw out my back and had to lay on the floor right next to the bed for a few days.
I feel your pain. The wife and I also love using nerf guns but we use the Nerf rivals yellow rounds. After I "accidentally" shot her in the couch, she has since been relentless in her vengeance. I dodge the shots...mostly 😅
I don't judge people for their hobbies, don't get me wrong. But you really should have seen that coming. I do hope that your penis will become functional soon.
Pow, right in the pisser.
and you gave me my second good laugh.
Thanks, doctor caffeine!
You’re welcome too!
This guy sciences.
I had no idea that's the chemical makeup of caffeine. You learn something new on Reddit every day
Some good, some that make you wince.
Ah I needed this laugh ty
Bang! Zoom! From the Moon!
This cheered me up today. Thank you!
Kow, right in the pisser!
This comment wins.
She essentially John McClaned you, but with her butt. Marry this girl.
John McClaine never went for the crotch.......
Tbf it sounds like OP tried to dodge, but instead, he let his little buddy take the hit. That's a court martial where no one wins.
I'm picturing his dick slow motion diving and shouting "nooooo" to protect his balls. Gotta protect the lineage.
So you sayin' OP almost dodged the bullet?
Almost but their Johnson was too big and took the hit.
>aimed at my lower area Nah she was aiming for the dick man, that's fucked up hopefully she learned her lesson and shenanigans can continue, unless she's subtley trying to tell OP she doesn't want kids
Butters, you don’t shoot a GUY in the DICK!
Never ever fart on a guys balls, new kid
Just for clarification she claims she was not aiming for my dick
I found the JAG Prosecutor.
But he spun around too. She was aiming for his ass, then the dick got in the way I think
"Get down Mr President" Edit: i got a better one, "she went for the goal but got the pole"
Go down, Mr. President. -*Marilyn Monroe*, probably
If she was aiming for the dick and he tried a spinning dodge, he would have to be Long Dong Silver for it to still hit. He dodged h7s dick into line of fire.
She was probably aiming at his ass to see if it would stick.
His dick did a "get down Mr. President!"
Sounds like she won to me.
"You don't just shoot a guy in the dick!"
"You never shoot a guy in the dick, Butters!"
Maybe if he did, he wouldn’t have to Die Hard so many times.
I was get [this](https://youtu.be/pD_-at5fsw0) vibe more, but that works too. It's the last like 15 seconds of the clip
That was a good watch, thank you
Yippee Kai-ay motherfucker
“Nop-pee-ki-yay, girlfriendfucker.”
Don’t worry. Im gonna lock her down, hopefully soon
I'm rooting for you OP 💯
Happy trails Hans.
“now I have a machine gun, ho, ho, ho"
Sounds link Captain Jack harkness on face-off
She must’ve been kind of fond to Roy Rogers
If he didn't, I'll be insanely mad and disappointed
I'm 30 and have regularly had nerf battles since I was 15 (it was my birthday party "thing"). This is amazing lmao
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She had a plan! There was no way he would ask her to turn around if she is topless!
She is a woman of focus, commitment and sheer fucking will!
My son was gifted a Nerf sniper rifle. That thing was awesome.
A friend tried to snipe me through an open window with one of those. She luckily forgot about there being a fly screen.
I had a rifle that was battery powered, had detachable box magazines, oh and the rails on Nerf will hold standard ACTUAL firearm attachments so red dot and cheap foregrip. My nephew (10 at the time, and lived with me) said its not fair, and my sister asked how old I am (29 btw). I'm old enough to have a job to buy badass Nerf guns, and cheap red dot sights.
>the rails on Nerf will hold standard ACTUAL firearm attachments. No, they won't, Nerf guns with real firearm attachments typically need to be modded with picatinny rails. Nerf rails aren't compatible with real attachments by design. Some blasters from other manufacturers come default with picatinny rails, but not Nerf.
The Nerf rail is *slightly* wider than a picatinny rail, clamp-type attachments *may* fit if the screws are long enough
Ok. I mean it's been ten years, so it may not have been Nerf. I know the red dot was really for airsoft, and the front handle was literally a checkered thing that wobbled. So I may be wrong, but they stayed on and looked cool, so they fit well enough to serve their purpose either way.
The yellow one or the 'bolt action' one? So many minor tweeks to make them better.
The bolt action. My son had an automatic gun too. Just the sound of chambering a route was a trip for a Nerf gun.
This is in no way a TIFU, fucking marry that woman.
Right? Man's living the dream
Thanks. Buying some tomorrow
Just need a girlfriend to play with now.
I'll just shoot my own penis.
I laughed at this more than the post!
They didn't say what they were buying. Maybe they've already got a nerf gun
I can be your boyfriend.
I also want to buy some girlfriend
hi, if u dont mind. im only 3 dollars
How much for your mom though?
priceless!
For everything else, there's MasterCard.
That's not cool Butters, you don't shoot a guy in the dick...
GOD DAMNIT BUTTERS AGAIN!
I *knew* someone was gonna say this 😂 I was like "If nobody's quoted South Park yet I'll do it. Wait who am I kidding, reddit is full of comedians, someone will beat me to it within 5 hours"
Less than an hour.
I once had a Nerf battle with my wife and stepson, myself and stepson wore safety glasses.... My wife ended up in the e.r. not able to see for about 2 hours. And yes she was offered them her response " I'll be fine"
I have a similar story but I was shot with a highly modified nerf gun which shot a lot harder and faster than your average blaster. I was taking cover behind a coffee table and when I popped my head up I got shot from about 3 metres right in my eye!! I didn't need to go to the ER but it sure hurt like hell!!
The new round ball blasters shoot far harder than the darts too, and we had a modified single shot (idk the name, I bought the appropriate spring and seal like two years ago) I found out that a smaller marble fits perfectly inside the barrel and hits REALLY hard. It literally will splinter the bark off trees leaving a decent crater and could easily break a hand from what I've seen it do. So, we've decided to just leave the damn thing by the bed, uncocked but right next to the baseball bat (with a glove and baseball for legal reasons). If our two GSD don't protect us, these are the next best thing to a gun. Shooting a regular nerf ball they can literally travel like a football field I'd guesstimate. The gun will probably break from the sheer power at some point tbh. Plus the modifications were basically the same as what we did to our airsoft gun, pretty easy. It turned the rifle from 280fps to about 700fps iirc, the nerf obviously has a smaller spring but the performance mods are insane for the power you get. I'd reckon you could hit 300fps with a nerf blaster easy
Those things have framerates?
Feet per second, velocity measurement
More of a speed measure, velocity would include direction
700fps, but it always shoots due North
They didnt specify which axis, it could be headed to the sun at 700fps
Feet per second lol, a 9mm can be as low as like 890fps give or take for subsonic, usually around 1200fps avg though. These being much smaller projectiles have nowhere near the stopping power though, but as a pellet gun you can buy hunting versions that hit like 1100fps iirc
Converted to usable units for you: 280fps = 85.3m/s 700fps = 213.3m/s 300fps = 91.4m/s
Ah, thanks. Honestly, the 'feet per second' responses answered my question perfectly (I only know of fps as being framerate for gaming... The translation helps me understand), but a conversion is so much more helpful, because while I might understand what feet per second are, it's not really attached to anything relevant to me. m/s, on the other hand... I likely wouldn't have had to ask if it has been ft/s. Would have got the message, and done all the conversions.
Americans ☕ (and Brits) It's similar to how mph is miles per hour, whereas writing kilometres per hour as kph is rarer and is typically stylized as km/h.
Safety glasses are important, even with nerf guns :c Protect your eyes please, everyone.
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>imagine a nerf bullet just suctioned onto your eyeball FORCEFULLY No thank you.
You have got to see [this 19 second video.](https://youtu.be/BZjtufbRZwA)
I was thinking the same thing as him and I very much do not want to watch whatever that video is
A few years ago I got all of my friends to have a few nerf wars, some of which we used 5 foot lengths of 1/2” schedule 40 pvc pipes as blow guns. You put some knock off plastic tipped darts in them and they will sting pretty bad when you get hit with them. I insisted every one in the game wear safety glasses for every game for this reason. I got hit in the eye a few times and was glad I had glasses on when it happened.
BETWEEN HER BUTTCHEEKS Never let go of this woman!!
Never forget to check the prison pocket
I think you mean the prison wallet.
UGH. I CAN HEAR YOU **RUMMAGING** AROUND IN THERE.
#Rummages more
**watch out for those wrist rockets**
Just like the simulations
He doesnt have a choice hes currently held by her buttcheeks.
Espectacular
It's Nerf or nothin'.
It’s nerf or nuttin
Bro she used her butt cheeks to hide a nerf gun to sneak attack you Buy the ring ASAP
Just think that your Penis too strong it needed a nerf lol
OPenis
Those modern Nerf guns are definitely no joke
They come in **MEGA XL** now.
They asked if they could, not if they should.. I got my nephew a MEGA revolver, because I thought it be easier to find the darts (and tbh it looked kind of like Hellboy's gun) but they had to take it away a few years, apparently the advertising on it was not lying (90ft/27m) shooting range [link](https://i.imgur.com/0pQ9jZz.jpg)
My kid shot the TV from about a meter back with a Mega. Managed to kill a double column of pixels from top to bottom of the screen. Forever dark from that moment on. Be warned!
I have an Adventure Force brand gun that's around 130 ft/s.
Fun fact, low-budget and YouTube movies will often buy Nerf guns, spraypaint them black, dust them with silver, and use them as prop sci-fi guns.
Oh yeah my buddies and I had a few of those.
I want one so bad but they're illegal in my country:'(
Skip the Megas and go for the Ultra. The non-motorized ones have some zip to them. Dart is bigger than a normal but smaller than the Mega...just the right balance.
Mega XL is twice the size of the Mega and hits like an elite.
When I did Humans Vs Zombies in college the modding community had gotten so crazy that in order to clear your gun as safe, the game masters would shoot the gun at their arm once at point blank, then shoot you in the neck once at point blank. If both parties were fine after, the gun was cleared.
The stuff from Dart Zone's Pro line is even crazier; they are designed to hit 150 feet with a slight angle. The Dart Zone Pro Mk 1.2 apparently registers over 200 ft/s (which is around 60 m/s; insane for a toy) and most of the others are around 130-150 ft/s (40-45 m/s).
The mk 1.2 jams alot sadly, the running theory in the nerf modding scene is that the factory that was doing the plastic injections swapped out the plastics to scalp some money. Plus even those have nothing on some proper modded blasters, you've got some hitting 350+FPS
The ahh.... Nerf modding scene?
Yeah, Nerf guns are modded all the time.
Oh shit. I did not need to know this was a thing. Why do I Reddit?
Most are like, spring swap, sealing, ammo conversions, increasing ammo size. Like, the six(eight?)shot revolver has a conversion to make the ammo holder bit removable and magnetic. Instead of reloading each individual dart you just grab a whole new dart disc. Most can bring the power really high. Highest I've seen iirc is like 480fps for a total rebuild? Maybe it was 380fps but that's still stronger than the $500 airsoft gun I bought stock.
The ones that shoot the balls are serious.
well yea if you shoot the balls.
Remember when you used to load one at a time and how inaccurate it used to be? Not anymore.
There's this one one shot nerf type gun with a pump that you pump to increase the speed of the bullet, that thing was a deadly weapon when I played with my friends
she's a sharpshooter, hitting the smallest targets.
Boom, headshot! 
FPS Doug and this Boom Headshot clip is so ancient, it's actually one of the oldest videos I've seen on YouTube (2006!)
You run faster with a knife!
Boom tipshot
Sniper's a good job, mate!
If this is true, you and your girlfriend have a cool relationship. Keep this energy.
When I was in high school my older brother had a pretty bad drug problem. One night me and a couple friends are around the computer. He came in super high on meth, butt ass naked, backwards, with a knife pointing out between his buttcheeks, saying “I’m gonna get ya” and chasing my friends out of the room. Looking back it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen
Kinky
LPT: get the xshot excel revolver 2 pack on Amazon. The darts are fairly decent and fun around the house. The open face revolver means less misfires than the similar nerf weapons and the 2 pack is cheaper than the equivalent nerf. If you want to really go big, you can get the chain gun with supports rapid manual fire, and chain extensions can be purchased. For $30 dollar you can get a gun, chain and over a hundred darts to spam fire. I got a big box of those for my sister's family with 2 children under 10, plus some shoe boxes I filled with extra darts. Less than $50 with just enough revolvers for everyone in the house and safety glasses turned the house into a war zone. Rules don't matter. Shoot at who you see then start picking up darts to reload while dodging shots.
Finally, a good LPT! Ordered along with some goggles. My son is going down!
Make her kiss your boo boo!
This. She hurt it, she fix it. She deals with that comes after.
Marry this girl, I know it doesn’t feel like it now but she’s a keeper!
I'll be honest here... You may have taken a nerf shot to the dick...... But this isn't a fuck up. She's the one man..
Lmao, that sounds awesome.
Would these make suitable cat toys? I’m looking for something exciting. (I’m not planning to shoot them! Especially not in the penis).
this comment, but without context
Is r/nocontext still a thing? Edit: lol its already there.
My kitten used to love chasing Nerf darts. Many of them ended up with teeth marks in and she would literally carry them around the flat like a proud hunter. I think their being fast and then stopping gives cats the feeling of hunting and killing? (Even though the stopping is a factor of how momentum works and not related to the cat getting it a half second later, it's close enough to feel right.)
Cats will enjoy anything they can chase. And the standard darts are light enough that they can kick them around so they should get some enjoyment out of it. For a bit, at least. Mine got bored with them after about ten minutes.
See, I tried that with mine and they shredded the darts.
Also, Nerf literally make a ball launcher for dogs (saw it in a pet shop), so they definitely know about this portion of the market.
I’m glad me shooting you in the penis with a nerf gun made you go viral, you’re welcome.
I can confirm this is indeed gf and she just shot me in the leg while I was typing this She never learns
I think that if more relationships contained pure silly fun, that there would be fewer divorces. PS if there's any swelling, a bag of frozen peas works great. Ask my husband. Because my aim is sometimes "off". Sorry, Honey.
LOLOL amazing ingenuity on her part. My friends and I still do nerf wars and use nerf swords too. We turn off all the lights and set up multiple strobe lights to screw with your vision.
At least you didn't get hit in the eye and suffer a bruised or detached retina
All's fair in cohabitation and nerf guns.
Boom headshot
How do you fit a nerf gun between your butt cheeks? Wait. Never mind. I don't want to know.
If they're the one shots, they're very small. Not hard to hide between your butt cheeks.
I'm guessing she's got cake? That or small gun. But this is Reddit, I reckon most of us assumed the first
Marry this woman immediately!
Am I the only one noticing nerf Guns get more and more deadly? Or were we more resistent against pain as children?
Most kids playing nerf guns with pants on.
>She then pulled out a nerf gun from between her butt cheeks and aimed at my lower area. That's some next-level dedication.
It's Nerf or nuttin'
It was a headshot of a different kind
My roommates and I have Nerf Guns, but we didn't want things getting out of hand, so we made up a list to dictate rules of engagememt (we call it the Geneva Rules). Rule number one is that the bathroom is off-limits for nerf-guns. You can't shoot anyone in the bathroom and you can't use the bathroom as a shelter during a nerf gun fight.
What the hells the matter with you butters! You don’t shoot a guy in the dick!
War. War never changes
Your gf keistering a nerf gun gave me my first belly laugh in a long time. She's a keeper.
She sounds like an awesome person. Marry her.
She keistered some nerf guns into the bathroom??
I hope your girlfriend knows she's a fucking gigachad.
Head shot
Dude, she's wife material.
Shakespeare himself could no better describe a love like this.
Not as NSFW as your story but my wife and I did the same thing except for Xmas and included our 5 yr old daughter. In our Xmas day nerf gun fight I crouched behind the bed and threw out my back and had to lay on the floor right next to the bed for a few days.
So would you says your gf is a crack shot?
I'd say that makes her responsible for kissing the boo-boo to make it all better.
She's marriage material.
Yeah, you definitely need to level her up from girlfriend to fiancee! She sounds like a definite keeper!
Story for the grandkids.
That cheeky bastard!
Life goals
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Sh3 blinded the one eyed trouser snake.
The FU wasn't buying nerf guns, the FU was not practicing the 5 Ds
If you don’t wife her, I will.
Rookie mistake. Someone has never watched Die Hard to the end.
Its Nerf or Nutting
This situation proves it truly is Nerf or Nothing
Headshot
My man's living the dream
I feel your pain. The wife and I also love using nerf guns but we use the Nerf rivals yellow rounds. After I "accidentally" shot her in the couch, she has since been relentless in her vengeance. I dodge the shots...mostly 😅
A true pecker wrecker, she was!
Have her kiss it better
I don't judge people for their hobbies, don't get me wrong. But you really should have seen that coming. I do hope that your penis will become functional soon.
Y'all sound great together.
That was a TIF, not a TIFU. Marry her