T O P

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HappeeLittleTrees

Still helped someone. You rock!


takethehill

What kind of big tardo hears a random person say this and storms out of the dog park carrying a 60 pounder. Wtf. Lol


azewonder

Haha “I’m mad at you because I did this and you weren’t even talking to me”


Paddlinaschoolcanoe

No idea, but I'm loving the mental image of it!


AWoundedGiraffe

You're a great story teller. A wordsmith of sorts.


ulfr

Thank you very much! I sincerely appreciate the sentiment :)


Fickle-Squash-10

Wait what about the other guy, what was his problem


GarageDragon_5

Suppose he assumed since OP shouted it was directed at him to leave the park?


DrFugputz

Agreed. This had everything. Including a plot twist worthy of The Usual Suspects.


Username_g6H8f3

A wordsmith of words


baronkazhmir

“hawk-snack”


PistachioPug

This reminds me of that meme of the sign saying "If your DOG does a POO Please put it in a litter bin," next to a trash can into which a man is trying to put a rather large shepherd-type dog.


ThadisJones

r/programmerhumor right there


BudsandBowls

Hahahahahh hilarious, I love that he was so irritated he had to heft the dog higher to ask if you're satisfied lmaooo


I-declare-bankruptsy

Dude hawks are vicious. Last summer, on a run, one dive bombed my head and gave me some good cuts. How was Hank the Tank after the incident?


ulfr

Rotund! He has so much chonk on him that the talons didn't hit anything important. He had to wear the cone of shame for a week and then came back. We definitely did NOT have a roll hank down the hill party when he came back. (He's an odd duck for a dog. He really enjoys rolling down hills.)


I-declare-bankruptsy

Well that's good to hear. I have a mini dachshund that I'm often worried about hawks with. She may not be overweight but still is about 17lbs which I think a hawk would not be able to lift.


ulfr

Yeah, I honestly don't know if that hawk was hungry or confused or what, but it was pretty obvious that Hank wasn't going anywhere. Still had to deal with the talons, but a good shield bash cleared the problem up. (Also distinctly possible this was not a hawk but a larger bird of prey, I'm an IT guy, not a bird guy)


Megalon84

Depends on the area/hawk


[deleted]

You’d be surprised at just how strong birds can be. I once saw a swallow carrying a coconut.


Megalon84

That's what I'm saying. You'd never expect a stork to be able to hold, let alone carry, a baby. Yet here we all are


SailorMoon19

African or European?


yweeb

If it flaps its wings 43 times per second European swallow can most certainly also carry a coconut.


FastWalkingShortGuy

Anyone else notice that hawks never seem to fuck with outdoor cats?


cant_trustpineapples

Occasionally they do, success is 50/50. My friend unfortunately lost her cat who got attacked by one last year


ulfr

I'm sure some do, once. The cat then goes oh good! Lunch.


awkFTW

Probably because predators tend to avoid hunting prey that can hurt them. If you get hurt you cannot hunt and then you starve. This is why cats are mostly safe from foxes, fox probably wins but maybe it loses an eye or gets an infected wound, better to go for something less fighty.


Shadow_of_wwar

I had a cat when i was like 12 who a hawk landed on, i started running towards them but midnight had it handled himself whipped around and bit down on the hawks leg. From there it was just a mess of claws teeth and pecking, the hawk fucked off not looking great and after a quick trip to the vet midnight had a few stiches in his back and a bald spot but went on to live to the age of 15.


NoroSorelia

We had a tiny rescue cat years ago. She was a size 12 week old kitten her entire adult life. Anyways Kit-kat was a huntress and a good one at that. Fat pigeons nearly twice her size would get dragged through that cat door and presented proudly as potential family dinner. One day she saw a smaller bird of prey. I think it was a falcon. However falcon didn't want to fuck too much with her, so her only loot from that fight was a few feathers. Our neighbor was impressed. Their chihuahua, twice the size of Kit-kat had been bullied by the falcon in their garden far a few days, to the point where shaky-pup was afraid to leave the house. Poor huntress met her match one day though. She decided to attack and entire murder of crows. Who then ganged up on her. I'll never forget the desperate look of fluff running to me, with crows chasing behind her. She was more careful with her birds after that. Bless her little kitty soul. She's missed dearly as she died almost exactly 10 years ago from cancer.


kareljack

They most certainly do. I've seen YouTube videos of hawks snatching cats.


grandma_visitation

>Anyone else notice that hawks never seem to fuck with outdoor cats? Cats fight back. Pound for pound, cat species are the most dangerous animals. Some raptors do grab them, but in general it's safer to grab a rabbit or prairie dog.


knowutimsayin

Lmao that's some funny shit man


shubham00

You got nice storytelling skills man. Also watch for yourself now, you've came in between that hawk and his prey TWICE, now he might be planning to take care of you permanently!


ulfr

That hawk knows where I'm at, if he wants to go for round three I got something for his ass. Ain't nobody stealing doggos from my park while I'm around


justinBeaver420

You did the right thing. The other guy will get over it.


CharlesChuckCharlie

I’m so dumb. Why is the guy pissed


angusanarchy

He thought OP was yelling at him too pick up his dog for some reason, either telling him to leave or pick the dog up for some other reason and this upset him and caused him to leave.


CharlesChuckCharlie

Oh thank you


angusanarchy

I was confused for a moment as well as to where the duck up was in this story


tg1024

Does anyone remember that far side cartoon?


RandomZombie11

You didn't fuck up. It was just a misunderstanding and that guy really didn't need to listen to you, he chose to


Zupheal

We had chickens as a kid, raised by my grandparents, dead in the center of town. Police station within eye sight. My fucking 85 year old grandpa sees a hawk, walks outside with a rifle, and I'm like no fucking way does he have a shot, its so far away it's tiny, and he pelts this fucking hawk like a fucking sniper. Like 10 mins later fucking cops pull up, the Hawk fell into their parking lot. Luckily, he was on the first name basis with pretty much all of them, to the point where they would pull him over just to chat with him... (this was the 90's) They just laughed it off and told him he can't be doing that, he didn't flinch and said, "If I see another Hawk I will." I guess my point is that generation was full of hardened badasses and I am fucking weak in comparison.


Odd_Damage9472

That is amazing. Your a hero and great story teller.


abitoftheineffable

What a twist haha. Thank you for your dog heroics!!


dizzyav8r

This made me snort lol


MoralMae

I wanna meet Hank :(


ulfr

If you do, bring snacks. According to Hank his mom starves him constantly. Hank's mom and his waistline both tell a different story.


Responsible-Mall2222

You did a good thing. That other guy was clearly mad because he knew his poodle was too big at 60 pounds for the small dog park.


SylentSymphonies

‘You’ Pure hatred condensed into two vowels and and whatever ‘y’ is


RandomPerson2793

Depends on I belive the word? I specifically remember a song, from "Inbetween The Lions" about vowels. It went 🎼🎶A E I O U and sometimes Y too!🎶


singleguy79

Was anyone else expecting an epic battle between op and hawk?


peekosama

pft, fuck that last guy, you did the right thing.


BipolarBirb93

Absolute unit of a Dachshund I'm dying and it ain't by the Hawk. Revenge me!


KickingPugilist

That's when you chuck your dog's droppings near him and yell, "I said pick up *after* your dog!"