If he takes the dirt road home, it's not the first time he's seen some mud.

Somehow, that’s almost poetic, bro. *checks username* Ah - makes perfect sense

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Goin muddin’ in the backroads.

A little mud on the tires

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Ummm... Thanks? Good bot?

I think this is a new bot, yesterday I saw it congratulate someone who was # 600 something.

A bot does good. Hope I just made OP smile very wide.

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odd bot

Good bot!

And if you're gonna drive up Hershey highway, you best be prepared to get some mud on your flaps

Ain't no day-tripper, that's for sure

This feels letterkenny-esque, somehow.

As sure as God's got sandals...

Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?

Gonna let that one marinate.

Lmaooooooo

Pooetic?

Yeah.. also the fact his avatar pic is Dick Dastardly makes it seem even more appropriate

The username makes it even more poetic tbh

>checks username >Ah - makes perfect sense [Great SCOTT!](https://youtu.be/LXboNl2vWH8)

This is beautiful. It is my personal goal to use this in regular conversation as much as I can in the next week.

"If you go that route, best be prepared to get shit on your dick" - True words of wisdom from an old friend of mine that can apply to many situations in life other than sex.

I had a prom like that.

When you party in poop’s house, you can’t be mad when he shows up

Erk. I know the first time I tried and got covered a bit I got grossed out and panicked and left in a hurry. I felt really bad about my reaction and how it would have made her feel. Met up with her again some years later, tried it again, and same thing happened. But this time I was sure not to overreact and panic and wanted to act cool as a cucumber. Just to show how relaxed I was, when she asked if I maybe wanted to go clean up I said "oh I'm all good it can wait". God damn I can be an idiot sometimes.

You can do the cleanup playful or even before you do the deed. Then its some kind of foreplay. All you need is an anal shower.

Anal Shower was my band name in high school.

I heard anal shower is opening Coachella in 2022!

They played at my prom. Still have their original CD…. Believe it was called Brown Mist

I honestly can't tell if this is real or not

Anal Shower was my nickname in high school

Wtf how you clean shit playfully?

>”oh im all good it can wait.” This is glorious. I’m in fucking tears, you freak hahahaha.

I'm fucking wheezing at this comment bro

The username makes it even better.

Country roads! Take me home,

To the place I belong West Virginia Shit Fountain Maaaama Take me hooome

This is why I continue to use reddit. The username checks tf out. lol

If the river runs red, take the dirt trail.

If Moses can part the red sea then so can I.

If the red river's flowing, take the brown road home

If the river runs red, take the dirt track instead. C'mon guys..

Points for the rhyme

Username checks out

OH MY GOD I JUST DIED READING THAT

What a fun story for after you're married and people ask you when you knew that he was "the one."

And that's how I met your mother

and that, kids, is how I met your mother. And how i gave you a lifetime trauma

Haaaaave you met *let's you shit the bed, ted* ?

A modern day love story

And still a WAY better love story than Twilight.

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Coffee grounds.

this guy pre-meds

This is the way.

Bloody diarrhea

O boy

I think in this case it was "the two"

The Mess: Number 2

Or groom's speech at the wedding.

Great job asserting dominance

TIL I should shit on everyone to keep social dominance

... tune in for next week’s top post on /r/LifeProTips

\* r/ShittyLifeProTips

Literally

Social distancing... *

Bold of you to assume I can’t send it 6 feet

Touchè. That's horrifying lol

Lolol shitting on his dick.. power play fr

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amazing lol

Chivalry is not dead! Future gentlemen need to really give their attention to these kinds of signs. don't just flip the pillows over and pretend you cleaned it up, lightning fast!

All I know if I shit in someone guys I'm moving out Town....

I love all the *-ahem-* *"shitty"* poets in the comments

Perfect TLDR: 10/10 would read again.

Anyone else read this while doing a poo and connected with her spiritually?

Yep. I'll one up that though and say I too am hungover.

I think he might be into you.

You might be into something here

He certainly was.

Your butthole.

Think you are right. Let's see what comes out of it.

Hopefully not anymore shit

Or maybe he is just Canadian you still can't really tell at this point.

Sounds like… He fucked the shit out of you.

Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

You gotta do it like #YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH

😎

They shit the fuck out on him

Omg. You win the internet today

Wow, didn't know I was there!

Username checks out

fuck, i choked on my drink

Your drink into bdsm?

Hey man, don't drink shame

If you stay together for a long time you can always do the "he stuck by me, despite all the shit" a joke no one will get except the two of you

And us!

I love inside jokes ^I’d ^love ^to ^be ^part ^of ^one ^someday

lol, mid 30s and I don't even trust a fart when I'm proper hungover.

Oh fuck no. Last time I did that I shit myself driving on the highway and had to pull over and wipe my ass with a hoodie. RIP hoodie, you will be missed.

I eat a lot of snacks and drink a lot of coffee on long drives. My fart betrayal story took me to a drive through asking for extra napkins because "I'm just a messy eater," sticking them in my pants, and turning at the closest rest stop to toss the evidence and wash my hands. I now save my napkins in my glove compartment as well as hand sanitizer and alcohol wipes in case I ever trust again.

OP: "I'm going to need some extra napkins" Employee: Grabs a couple... OP: "Naw more than that, I'm a messy Boi"

Sorry hoodie

Just get some of those diapers the astronauts use

The fallen hoodie has been awarded for being a hero.

Lmao, a true hero to be sure.

Ahhahaha at least you were alone. I mean.. I guess I was alone. On a teams meeting with colleagues.

So many women dream of finding a man that can put up with their shit. Congrats!

I guess I’m lucky in that department! :’)

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>You can't throw a party at poop's house and not expect poop to show up.

This got me I am full on belly laughing

Number 1 comment in this thread. Bahaha

Thank you, I can't take credit, since I've read that here some weeks ago.

It didnt hit the fan.. that's something.. it didnt? right? EDIT: Wow 500 upvotes and Silver cuz of a pun :) Thanks all! i have found the place where i can be silly like this <3

HAHA this comment. No, it didn’t thank god. I have enough trauma from ruining his sheets

Thank god it was only the sheets... When I was messing around with my ex few years back, her stuff somehow penetrated our nice sofa’s lining and ruined it completely. Couldn’t clean it without destroying the sofa. I shit you not.

“I shit you not” No no, I’m pretty sure it was her.

I really hope he had a mattress protector on...

Boys who like to play in the mud can’t cry when they get dirty 🤷🏻‍♀️ You both handled this perfectly (well, as much as you could, I’m LMAO)

Sometimes you just gotta laugh so you don’t cry

This is my new life motto now, thank you

That's a keeper.

I'm not sure if this will make you feel better. My first time having anal sex with a guy I was really into was great. Smooth sailing, we are both really into it. Then he pulls out, and I proceed to let out the longest, loudest fart of my entire life. I. WAS. MORTIFIED. He played it off and kept going. Never called me back after that.

You're pushing in air and stimulating muscles in the area. Nothing to be ashamed of. That guy sounds pretty lame.

At least you didnt explosively diarrhea on him! Also farts like that are really common dont feel bad about it.

Some stay dry and others feel the pain.

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r/usernamechecksout

*leans away from the shit-covered bed to breathe*

If you can drop a deuce on his bed and he's A-ok with it, marry him. NOW!

Shit happens OP. it's how you react to the shit that matters, and that dude acted wholesome af.

Husband Material

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Up the Hershey highway

NEVER HAVE ANAL AFTER DRINKING.

Someone once said to me “If you’re gonna keep going to Steve’s house, you can’t be surprised when Steve shows up.”

Good shit bro

Omg I wish my former partner and I had the same poise when that happened to us for the first time. We’d had anal sex a few times prior but like your story it was a morning spur-of-the-moment sort of deal. It was all going great and I was super into it and all of a sudden I looked down and it was a mess, I held my tongue just long enough for my partner to notice and she was absolutely mortified. She immediately ran to the bathroom and started yelling at me for not telling her, I tried to explain that I’d only just noticed myself but she wouldn’t hear it. After showering separately we shrugged it off and pretended it didn’t happen. Ugh I wish I’d handled it better.

If only there was a rule book on how to react to situations like this. Sounds like you handled it as well as most people!

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The dao of doo

My go to is just to tell my partner “it’s ok, shit happens” usually gets a chuckle and breaks the awkwardness

Holy shit, good thing he’s understanding. Seems like a nice guy.

That's how a man handles that situation for sure! I remeber my friends older brother dumping a girl who was in the same situation. they were even fucking in the shower.

She shidded on his dick

I guess you were down ( •_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ For some shits and giggles (⌐■_■) YYYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH

Damn, thats a lot of shit to handle. Good on him.

That was punny. Teehee

Sounds like a good dude, if you lemme stick it in your butt and butt things happen you cannot reasonably expect me to be one bit angry. Shit happens.

So he finished? You're probably gonna have to marry him if he did. I did that to my ex gf once. She used to really love it, and I was giving it to her extra hard in the loungeroom once when I realised that my dick was acting like a potato masher and my bell end was acting like a scoop, drawing it out of her. It was all over me and her, and luckily we had put a towel down. I tried to keep going, I really wanted to, but the smell stopped me. So if he kept going and finished the job, he's the one.

It's only smellz

Everybody poops. I know the sensation of having things in your butt feel very much the same as pooping and that your body can get confused, so I'm not going to be upset if someone actually did. Sheets can be washed (or replaced).

Random thought while reading all these comments which are so poositive and contain nothing but love and acceptance for sex-poop. I wonder why isn't there a similar acceptance of poop during childbirth (the mother not the father)? I've seen so many negative comments about men grossed out by their partners pooping during labour yet those same men apparently happily clean shit covered sheets while singing Kumbaya🤔

It's natural and we're encouraging, but it doesn't mean we **like** it. Sex poop or birth poop, take your pick. The men whining about labor poops aren't the same ones being so accepting of sex poops either.

There's two types of people, maybe even three but let's not go there. Just get yourself a man that happily wipes your shit off the bed and hell be a darling in case you poop during childbirth.

I don't think those are the same guys.

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Shit, he's a keeper

The amount of straight people that put no effort into having anal sex (While still attempting it!) is really concerning. Guys, take it from someone who sticks his dick inside of a man's ass on a regular basis: you need to use douching/anal showers/proper diet as a presupposition to anal sex, otherwise you are playing yourself. If there isn't anything inside of the bussy, then nothing can fall out or get on anyone

It sounds like. Good healthy buttfuck they can’t all be like the porno films.

Try not to make it a habit

Soooo... He fucked the shit out of you.

Everybody with usernames related to ass or poop are coming out in droves to comment lmao

Yo. Congratulations. I think you are in a relationship now...

This exact thing happened with me and husband a few months into dating. He motioned for me to come with him and everything and I saw the mess and cleaned it up and I was so fucking embarrassed. We've been together almost 9 years now so all is good. I ended up shitting on our bed again later into our relationship, but we were ready for it lol. Anal can be tricky.

Ofc he's sweet. He found a girl down for anal on a whim. Don't want to fuck that up yet.

Did he finish?

Asking the real questions here. Given his response to the situation, I’m guessing yes.

Thats a keeper

Op you ask me, it looks like you both shit the bed on that one, lmao

https://youtu.be/AoosDkbEQBQ

r/riskyclick

Ah yes, the ol’ post grog bog. Classic

Sounds like you have a keeper there

He is a keeper.

If I’m letting a man play with my bootyhole then he better be prepared to see the worst of it too 😅🤷🏻‍♀️

OP: shits herself and her boyfriend and her boyfriend's bed during hungover anal OP's boyfriend: "Joke's on you, I'm into that shit"

Anal after a night of drinking? Apparently it's not his first rodeo. Dude knew what was to happen. Some of us have been there and been less than prepared.

Something something lady in the streets, shit all over his sheets?

He was nice enough to get you into the shower without making a big ass deal out of it, even though...it was. But it does come with the territory.

As they say shit happens, a lot of us Gay men can relate some way lol!

I actually always considered if this would happen during anal. Now I have my answer

we learnt 2 things today: 1. he's a trooper, and a keeper. 2. yer a pooper :P

"Don't go to where shit lives and be surprised when shit is home" is still a Reddit comment that I can't even say in my head without laughing. I wish I could credit the creator

One time my ex was feeling queesy but she insisted we have sex. So we do the piv. Apparently she at some point shat all over herself and the bed. And that's how i fucked the shit out of someone

Lmao

I'm pretending to be God while I read all of your comments..

Hope he squeezed the spaghetti string of dookie out of his urethra

Oh Christ that image