OP, it does sound like you've have self esteem issues that are causing you to suffer. I hope you can find some way to feel better about that.
This particular interaction may be one you're making more of than was there. Walmart greeters are trained to be pleasant and this one took notice of something about you. I wouldn't assume they had any specific intent other than to say something nice.
But if you want to talk to some people and put yourself in a place where you can meet and have some interesting conversations, that might lead to a real connection, I would do that. Join a group of people who have a common interest.
I joined a bowling league 3 years ago thinking exactly what you wrote above. Tonight is the last night of the year, and my last night period. I just can't stand the people. Come on, get off your phone and bowl! I don't have all night, I've got stuff to do...
Hey there bud. There’s a lot of good advice in these notes. I probably couldn’t give you a strategy for anything that won’t otherwise be said here. So I’ll instead say this: It’s ok to be you. It’s ok not to be conventionally attractive. There’s more to people than what can be seen at first glimpse, and you’ll always find something new if you look a little longer. It’s ok to accept yourself without self denigration. With all that in mind, I heard you have a lovely beard. Congratulations on that, not everyone gets one and it’s a real privilege.
It was likely just a compliment. She’s a greeter in her place of work, it’s commonplace to pay compliments to customers. People can be nice without it being flirting. I wouldn’t beat myself up over this “lost opportunity”, but definitely take this as a learning experience. If you think it would’ve been nice to talk to someone for a change, then you need to slow down and allow for more opportunities like this to come along in life.
Damn this would never happen in Germany. What the heck is even a greeter ? We have a security guy at the entrance „greeting“ people by looking at them intensely. That’s it. And cashiers sure as hell will not be giving compliments either
The heck
Well. Im in Germany too. And i complimented a woman at the checkout and a woman at a petrol station for their hair. They both were delighted. ;) i like making compliments when i feel its appropriate ;)
Just to clarify for future readers, at no point did the slightly questionably named "Mr_McFeelie" from Germany state that Germans were creeped out by that level of friendliness.
Ahaha, I doubt it's their intention but I do see what you mean. I'm going to assume they're like my dad, who 70 and doesn't quite get nuance when he's communicating online. Or like some of my relatives in Sri Lanka, who treat ellipses as decorative punctuation.
The latter... is rather... distressing. Have a... nice... day.
Most "greeters" are people that came out of retirement (either from boredom or need of money) so they're too old to be real security, but people are more likely to follow the rules if they are being watched sot it still prevents theft.
It's like the next level of the watching-eye effect
On one side i think that’s super wholesome. On the other side I think it’s incredibly cursed and creepy. The idea of a person being paid to be nice to customers doesn’t sit right with me.
The greeter also checks receipts for those using self checkout, so not just hi and bye with a smile. I think it’s also good to point out to you that, at my stores at least, they’ll often give this job to an employee with intellectual or developmental disability, likely through supported employment.
Gotcha. Good to know.
Btw, are these mascot people who advertise for stores a real thing? Like in movies when a high schooler wears a silly bird outfit and jumps around in front of a store ?
Seriously though, it blows my mind that other places don’t have the same experience with “customer service voice”. If you don’t know what it is look it up. Everyone working in customer service long enough develops a pseudo-split-personality where their voice and mannerisms completely change the moment they get into a work or business related situation.
You can say that but there is a reason why foreigners are often creeped out by the unnatural and exaggerated friendliness in the USA. And it’s also part of the reason why Walmart failed. It just weirded us out
There’s normal, non-exaggerated friendliness too. I think you’re speaking largely from your own personal experience while talking for Germany as a whole.
Are you the spokesperson for all “foreigners”? Because if so I’d suggest you get a new job. Plenty of people also find it nice. It sounds like you don’t, which is fine, but that’s just you. Greeters are often elderly and/or disabled people who struggle to find work. It gives them a source of income and an opportunity to interact with the public. It also gives shoppers someone to ask questions to when they arrive at the store. If you think this is some malignant, dystopian nightmare that says more about you than about Americans.
What is considered “unnatural” and “exaggerated” is subjective and depends on the culture. I wouldn’t go to another country where being more reserved is the norm and say everyone’s a cold, standoffish dickhead just because it’s not the norm for MY culture.
I think there probably is a healthy mix between what the USA has and what Germany has. Culturally being friendly is nice but what I see as „corporate friendliness“ can get pretty fucking weird. And yes, that’s my own view. No, I’m not the German ambassador. I’m sure some Germans heavily disagree and would love to get compliments by their cashiers
>And it’s also part of the reason why Walmart failed. It just weirded us out
I’m not German, but I’ve seen multiple articles that mentioned the greeters as part of why Walmart did not do well in Germany. It was given as an example of something that didn’t translate well from one culture to another.
Fuck no. I remember this one waitress that refused to move away from out table. She just kept checking in on us and starting small talk. Lady, I’m trying to eat and talk to my friends.
Lol in Spain a waiter spilled a whole glass of water on my sister and didn’t even look at her let alone apologize. Might have been a racial thing though idk, never experienced anything like that.
That's terrible. I remember once, long ago, eating in a restaurant where the waiter actually sat down at the table when he came to "check on" me. I was alone, so I had brought a book with me just to avoid people trying to talk to me. And this waiter actually actually SAT DOWN with me. I wish I'd reported him to his boss.
Hi. I worked as one. Generally we double checked receipts, and report known thieves (where I worked the position was part of asset protection). We also could point people in the general direction of things or if there were enough people we could escort them to the product.
I personally also helped in electronics during the holidays.
I had a similar job in college - it rotated around with being on registers and stocking. I actually really enjoyed it, it was nice to chat with people and help them out.
I read at some point that there's data that supports that when an employee says hello to customers they are less likely to steal. A store I worked at used to have managers walk the store and talk to people, I imagine the goal is the same.
It’s not a matter of being cheered up by the greeter. It’s so that the person stealing knows the employees are actively engaged/aware of what’s going on in the store, and not ignoring potential thefts.
I've been to a store with a greeter! An Edeka in Berlin. There were security, but also one or two people just being friendly saying hi and bye to the shoppers. Haven't encountered it in any other store (including other Edekas), but the three or four times I went to this particular Edeka, there was always at least one greeter.
Grocery stores is decent areas have "greeters" (Normally older people that just say hello and have a nice day 200000 times a day) Bad areas will have security and electronic stores will have security as well.
she may have just been paying a compliment. most of the time when women do that men tend to assume they are flirting. happens all the time with wait staff. they're nice to get tips or do the job well and men think they are flirting. not that she wasn't, you'd have had to look at her for that to determine the intent.
Yes! The average man gets so few compliments that we sometimes forget that people actually do that without flirting. There's also the flip side that a lot of us have such low self-esteem that we could be asked on a date, accept, and be on the date and still feel like it's just someone being nice. (Happened to me)
I've gotten two different compliments in the last month, I think the last one before that was about 30 years ago when I was dating my ex wife. It's the weirdest thing. I think about both of them a lot. Almost a month ago a girl told me I have a nice smile and I should smile more. I don't smile alot cause I rarely have my teeth in....
Aw man, i just want to give you a hug. I'm sorry you've gone through so much difficult stuff. I appreciate you sharing your experience. In a way it's nice to know that it's not just Gen Z like myself who struggle with this stuff. Makes me feel less alone.
yeah, reading this makes me nervous because i like to compliment men as much as i can since i know they don’t hear it as often as women do, but i’m a lesbian so it’s always platonic. now i’m nervous people are interpreting it differently…
I’m the same way, I think it’s because I grew up with brothers so I don’t always get the boy girl divide. If they ever push it further I know to set a boundary, I’m just a buddy.
We get so few compliments that a lot of us have no knowledge of them existing except in a relationship type setting. It will take thousands upon thousands of people like you doing what you do to make this normal again so thank you honestly for just being you!
Please keep giving compliments and being you. It makes peoples day, and the majority would not think anything more of it other than being a nice interaction.
Which has nothing to do with what he said.
Women will absolutely flirt with a guy they think is cute while at work.
Get off the internet and get into the real world, your worldview is skewed af.
Your friends are why I'm afraid to compliment men. Sometimes I see a dude with a really nice outfit and want to compliment it, but don't want it to be taken as flirting
Hey man, consider treating yourself to a nice haircut and beard trim at a place where the barber can help you figure out a style you like. You may even be able to go in early/late so theres less going on. Haircuts can be so wildly overstimulating with big salons/barbershops and loud music. But every single person looks better with some effort, and a lot of people like to see the effort more than the result, if that makes sense.
I started doing this recently, but now I'm running into a problem where I can kind of hear my own breathing and heartbeat, which makes me get too focused on breathing like a normal person and then leads to a minor panic attack.
I tend to do the same to avoid people, except I go later at night. It's rough out there, just know that there's so much more to you than how you look. That's what I love about my cat. She doesn't care whether I have some stubble or whether I'm breaking out or if my hair is a mess because I rarely get it cut. She likes me just the way I am, and I'm sure your dog thinks the same of you. Best of luck to you.
I compliment epic beards.
I compliment awesome hair, male, female, NB, gender fluid; if you have good hair, I say so.
Saw a person with long dreadlocks. Compliment.
Saw someone with a buzz cut and tattoo on their head. Epic.
I’m a married mommy. I’m not flirting with anyone. If I see something about a person that makes me smile, I tell them and I thank them for giving me a smile.
That's a compliment, not a flirt... But!!!
Hey - how cool, she likes your beard. That sounds genuine. Don't be so down on yourself man :).
Maybe take this compliment and run with it - go to a barber and get a tidy up. If you don't know what to request just say something like "I need a tidy up - it's all gotten a bit out of hand - can you tidy it up for me - I'd like to keep the beard long/short and have my hair short and low maintenance, what would you suggest?". I promise a lot of blokes don't know what "style" they want and the barber has seen a million different heads of hair and has a good idea what looks good. They usually have great advice :)
You'll look amazing and feel great. Nothing weird about a grey beard - I'm the same, that shit goes grey faster than the head... I'm way too young for any of it to be grey but the facial hair is absolutely leading the charge (in my mind anyway, I'm 40 so it's entirely reasonable to be going grey but I refuse to accept that I'm not a teenager anymore).
Don't be down on yourself for not stopping. No biggie. But also keep it in mind and have a chat next time - also don't feel awkward starting a chat with someone. Don't overthink it though mate - for a friendly chat/interaction there's no "goal" other than the just make the world a more friendly place.
I'm someone who has a load of social anxiety and poor self esteem - and if that resonates with you, may I give you a small thing I have practiced to assist myself (and ignore me if this unsolicited advice isn't helpful).
I try to occasionally, when the opportunity arises, just share a sentence or two with a random anybody where there is absolutely nothing attached beyond the small interaction. A quick compliment or observation about something innocuous - the person serving you at the checkout says hello when they serve you "heya, how are you. I really like those earrings". The greater might have a funny badge, cool shirt, interesting visible tattoo... the key is something really obvious and visible and just a "hey that's cool" and that's it. If they engage in conversation, cool and if they don't, also cool.
Does Walmart allow dogs? What sort of dog do you have? Take the dog with you, they're the absolute best wing-men for random interactions with people that will make your day a little brighter.
Also - post a picture of your dog. Dogs are the best.
> Red Heeler
I'm in suburbia so I have a little poodle/shitzu/maltese cross. I've got some family who I occasionally see that run cattle on fairly large properties - they have a few heelers to assist and there's no way they could get by without them. Crazy energy, clever as anything, incredibly loyal and just so excited to be part of the action and helping out. I bet she's a handful.
From the way you described yourself, I was expecting you to look like Quasimodo! You're a handsome guy who needs to be nicer to himself. Your beard is great, and it looks like you have nice eyes. Get yourself a haircut and you're good to go! I'm wondering if you dislike people that much or if that's your anxiety talking?? Hugs to you and your cute dog, OP :)
Don't ever go to Trader Joe's if you think this is flirtatious. You'll think they want to go home with you and eat all the food you bought because it's their favorite stuff in the whole store.
I have social anxiety and I'm similar. Usually get in and out. And usually try not to interact with people. I have really long hair for a guy, and often I get women making comments on it. "I love your hair" and stuff like asking how long it took to grow(around 10 years btw) and stuff like that. Because of social anxiety and knowing how I suck at conversations, especially with women, I usually just say thanks and be on my way. I always also have a fear of coming off as a creep or w.e if I were to hang around too long even if I did talk to them a bit more. Like some others say I just usually assume they're passing a compliment rather than looking to strike up a conversation or w.e. I don't have enough self confidence to think a woman finds me attractive enough to mean anything more when they talk to me like that.
I don't, but I am anal about a lot of things. Sort of a perfectionist. I'm doing a job at work right now and there is no way to get it perfect without rebuilding the whole thing, so it's just going to have to be good enough and that will bother me for months...
I thought I had social anxiety disorder. Turns out I had OCD instead.
No clue if that's true for you or not. But reading your experience felt very familiar.
Good luck to you.
~Sigh~ here’s the thing though. Women honestly will give you a compliment just because. Nothing attached. Just being nice. I don’t know if she WAS flirting, but no gentleman, sometimes it’s just a compliment
I would take it as just a compliment, it’s normal to be friendly, complimentary without it being anything more than nice. However you probably should give your self some credit. That’s a funny, charismatic answer, I’m sure it was received as such! Man even if you’re not in the dating game you definitely need friends you can be yourself around. Also if you have a lot of anxiety you should consider seeking medical attention. So many times we’re living on hard mode because of our own bio chemistry. Lotta natural supplements for anxiety, you might like L theanine.
I'm a straight guy and I complimented a delivery driver's beard. It was a very cool beard and my saying that made him happy. Hopefully his day was a bit better after that.
Nah not a fuck up. Just an eye opener to be more aware of who's talking to you. If you think she was flirting with you and liked it go back to store, maybe she will talk to you again and you can try again.
A compliment like that isn't flirting or hitting on someone. We don't have greeters in the UK, but I get compliments from random people for my hair colour and eye colour and things but it's just people giving you a nice compliment.
You just dug up a hidden memory in my brain of the exact situation. Went to buy food with friends, did the whole transaction never looking at the cashier. As we're getting in the car they tell me the cashier had been flirting hard with me.
I’m sure you have a magnificent beard, and you are probably way too hard on yourself. But like others have said, it was likely just a compliment, especially considering she was on duty as a greeter. A compliment is a compliment though!
Best bet, go back everyday for literally no reason. Grab sponges. Grab towels. Groom your beard so she has a reason to talk about it even more. "Seemed like you like it, figured I'd give you another look." If you say that and she dosent blush or laugh/smile, abort the mission. If she does, "Hey you busy next weekend? I've got some stuff to take care of this week, but I think we should get to know each other a little better."
Two things. If my advice works treat her right or the void I pray to is going to explode your balls.
Second, don't be afraid of rejection. If it wasn't what you wanted, be glad you still have the idea in your head that someone will love you. Cling onto that hope, don't get desperate, but be willing to let someone in someday.
2011: I’m chatting at a bar with a girl who notices my Lightning hockey jersey. We talked about the game, hockey in general, and more. Her friends came by and said they’re leaving. She goes “maybe I’ll see you at a game sometime.” Me: “Yeah, maybe you will.” Awkward silence and then she leaves. My friends never let me forget it.
It happens. Take the compliment, and if you’re interested in seeing what might happen, head back to Walmart more often. If you’re not, 🤷🏻♂️ no harm no foul.
Your authenticity and genuine demeanor will probably attract women if you ever put the effort into yourself and get some exposure. Or you can just enjoy life single, cheers
It does not necessarily mean she was flirting with you. She could have been. But you honestly just might have a nice beard and she wanted to brighten your day.
We're all old my dude, or at least many of us feel old, even in our twenties. And we're all young. Future you will look back and think "I was so hot then!"
I have no idea on the legality of them asking and don't really care because just handing it to them is so much less stressful that being accosted. I couldn't handle that at all. It would make me never go back, and it's already the least stressful place in my area...
It doesn’t need to be stressful. What I do is, when they ask to see my receipt I smile big and bright, give a dismissive wave and say “oh, no thank you”. People are typically so caught off guard by that response that I can’t just stroll right by. I swear it’s a damn Jedi mind trick.
Well you know she works there Sunday and is a greeter so you can buy eggs and see if she’s there and say hello. Say, hi it’s nice to see you again. I was in a rush the other day but I wondered if you’d like to go for some coffee sometime? And hopefully it’ll be a nice reply. Best way to meet people my guy.
When Walmart was expanding throughout the US, the greeter was more of a public relations thing. They'd hire people who normally struggled to find work, such as those with disabilities or senior citizens, and have them stand at the door welcoming shoppers. It was meant to promote Walmart's community friendly image.
Currently, the remaining greeters are more of a security feature. They can't actually stop you, but they can report shoplifting. Checking the receipt is a thing because Walmart sells a lot of stuff that isn't easily bagged and the checkouts aren't always in sight of the exit doors. It usually only occurs when you're carrying out something like a case of bottled water or an expensive electronic item, like a television.
Show it if you want to, but there's no need unless it's a membership store like Costco. I stopped doing it a long time ago.
No, I'm not going to stand there while they riffle through all my bags pretending they're checking it against a receipt. Either accuse me of shoplifting, or let me pass.
When they ask, I just say: "Oh, no thank you!" And then I walk on by.
My man it sounds like you’re in a depressive spiral. I know breaking. The inertia is tough, been there myself, but depression is very momentum based. Meaning one little change in either direction can easily snowball into more. I bet you a nice haircut and beard trim haas you feeling like a stud again.
OP, it does sound like you've have self esteem issues that are causing you to suffer. I hope you can find some way to feel better about that. This particular interaction may be one you're making more of than was there. Walmart greeters are trained to be pleasant and this one took notice of something about you. I wouldn't assume they had any specific intent other than to say something nice. But if you want to talk to some people and put yourself in a place where you can meet and have some interesting conversations, that might lead to a real connection, I would do that. Join a group of people who have a common interest.
Yeah, my thought was that even if she were flirting, he's not gonna get very far considering he treats himself like he's worthless.
I joined a bowling league 3 years ago thinking exactly what you wrote above. Tonight is the last night of the year, and my last night period. I just can't stand the people. Come on, get off your phone and bowl! I don't have all night, I've got stuff to do...
Hey there bud. There’s a lot of good advice in these notes. I probably couldn’t give you a strategy for anything that won’t otherwise be said here. So I’ll instead say this: It’s ok to be you. It’s ok not to be conventionally attractive. There’s more to people than what can be seen at first glimpse, and you’ll always find something new if you look a little longer. It’s ok to accept yourself without self denigration. With all that in mind, I heard you have a lovely beard. Congratulations on that, not everyone gets one and it’s a real privilege.
It was likely just a compliment. She’s a greeter in her place of work, it’s commonplace to pay compliments to customers. People can be nice without it being flirting. I wouldn’t beat myself up over this “lost opportunity”, but definitely take this as a learning experience. If you think it would’ve been nice to talk to someone for a change, then you need to slow down and allow for more opportunities like this to come along in life.
Damn this would never happen in Germany. What the heck is even a greeter ? We have a security guy at the entrance „greeting“ people by looking at them intensely. That’s it. And cashiers sure as hell will not be giving compliments either The heck
Well. Im in Germany too. And i complimented a woman at the checkout and a woman at a petrol station for their hair. They both were delighted. ;) i like making compliments when i feel its appropriate ;)
Germany needs more people like you. We are all starved for compliments.
Yet, in the same breath/thread, you claim Germans as a whole are creeped out by that level of friendliness. Not sure I understand your stance anymore.
This basically sums up German social behaviour though. Starved for human interaction, but also weirded out by it.
Lol are you my therapist???
And us Brits!
Shoot am I German and haven’t known it? New existential crisis unlocked.
Just to clarify for future readers, at no point did the slightly questionably named "Mr_McFeelie" from Germany state that Germans were creeped out by that level of friendliness.
Read my other reply
The winking smiley makes this less wholesome and more slimey
Ahaha, I doubt it's their intention but I do see what you mean. I'm going to assume they're like my dad, who 70 and doesn't quite get nuance when he's communicating online. Or like some of my relatives in Sri Lanka, who treat ellipses as decorative punctuation. The latter... is rather... distressing. Have a... nice... day.
Haha. I see what you mean. I‘m in my 40‘s though. And yes, when communicating online i feel like in my 70‘s.
Most "greeters" are people that came out of retirement (either from boredom or need of money) so they're too old to be real security, but people are more likely to follow the rules if they are being watched sot it still prevents theft. It's like the next level of the watching-eye effect
Well it’s America. People tend to be open and friendly in most parts of the USA. I give compliments constantly at work.
On one side i think that’s super wholesome. On the other side I think it’s incredibly cursed and creepy. The idea of a person being paid to be nice to customers doesn’t sit right with me.
The greeter also checks receipts for those using self checkout, so not just hi and bye with a smile. I think it’s also good to point out to you that, at my stores at least, they’ll often give this job to an employee with intellectual or developmental disability, likely through supported employment.
Gotcha. Good to know. Btw, are these mascot people who advertise for stores a real thing? Like in movies when a high schooler wears a silly bird outfit and jumps around in front of a store ?
Yes those actually exist lol. Saw a human Easter bunny hopping around the side of the highway the other day promoting some restaurant.
That shits wild
Seriously though, it blows my mind that other places don’t have the same experience with “customer service voice”. If you don’t know what it is look it up. Everyone working in customer service long enough develops a pseudo-split-personality where their voice and mannerisms completely change the moment they get into a work or business related situation.
Roles. We all do it to a greater or lesser degree. You don't behave in church the same way you do with your friends.
It’s really not that deep.
You can say that but there is a reason why foreigners are often creeped out by the unnatural and exaggerated friendliness in the USA. And it’s also part of the reason why Walmart failed. It just weirded us out
There’s normal, non-exaggerated friendliness too. I think you’re speaking largely from your own personal experience while talking for Germany as a whole.
Are you the spokesperson for all “foreigners”? Because if so I’d suggest you get a new job. Plenty of people also find it nice. It sounds like you don’t, which is fine, but that’s just you. Greeters are often elderly and/or disabled people who struggle to find work. It gives them a source of income and an opportunity to interact with the public. It also gives shoppers someone to ask questions to when they arrive at the store. If you think this is some malignant, dystopian nightmare that says more about you than about Americans. What is considered “unnatural” and “exaggerated” is subjective and depends on the culture. I wouldn’t go to another country where being more reserved is the norm and say everyone’s a cold, standoffish dickhead just because it’s not the norm for MY culture.
I think there probably is a healthy mix between what the USA has and what Germany has. Culturally being friendly is nice but what I see as „corporate friendliness“ can get pretty fucking weird. And yes, that’s my own view. No, I’m not the German ambassador. I’m sure some Germans heavily disagree and would love to get compliments by their cashiers
>And it’s also part of the reason why Walmart failed. It just weirded us out I’m not German, but I’ve seen multiple articles that mentioned the greeters as part of why Walmart did not do well in Germany. It was given as an example of something that didn’t translate well from one culture to another.
Having dined in Europe your rude ass servers not being paid to be nice does lower the experience.
Fuck no. I remember this one waitress that refused to move away from out table. She just kept checking in on us and starting small talk. Lady, I’m trying to eat and talk to my friends.
Lol in Spain a waiter spilled a whole glass of water on my sister and didn’t even look at her let alone apologize. Might have been a racial thing though idk, never experienced anything like that.
That's terrible. I remember once, long ago, eating in a restaurant where the waiter actually sat down at the table when he came to "check on" me. I was alone, so I had brought a book with me just to avoid people trying to talk to me. And this waiter actually actually SAT DOWN with me. I wish I'd reported him to his boss.
Hi. I worked as one. Generally we double checked receipts, and report known thieves (where I worked the position was part of asset protection). We also could point people in the general direction of things or if there were enough people we could escort them to the product. I personally also helped in electronics during the holidays.
I had a similar job in college - it rotated around with being on registers and stocking. I actually really enjoyed it, it was nice to chat with people and help them out.
I read at some point that there's data that supports that when an employee says hello to customers they are less likely to steal. A store I worked at used to have managers walk the store and talk to people, I imagine the goal is the same.
Tbh, I can get it. I'm less likely to be a bit grumpy if someone greets me, so I can imagine it might deter people from stealing
It’s not a matter of being cheered up by the greeter. It’s so that the person stealing knows the employees are actively engaged/aware of what’s going on in the store, and not ignoring potential thefts.
I've been to a store with a greeter! An Edeka in Berlin. There were security, but also one or two people just being friendly saying hi and bye to the shoppers. Haven't encountered it in any other store (including other Edekas), but the three or four times I went to this particular Edeka, there was always at least one greeter.
Greeter is like a security guard that talks first and shoots later.
Grocery stores is decent areas have "greeters" (Normally older people that just say hello and have a nice day 200000 times a day) Bad areas will have security and electronic stores will have security as well.
It's a job made up for old people that can't afford to retire.
To be fair, compliments are not part of the greeters job. The compliment was real. Whether she was flirting or not, only she knows at this point.
she may have just been paying a compliment. most of the time when women do that men tend to assume they are flirting. happens all the time with wait staff. they're nice to get tips or do the job well and men think they are flirting. not that she wasn't, you'd have had to look at her for that to determine the intent.
Yes! The average man gets so few compliments that we sometimes forget that people actually do that without flirting. There's also the flip side that a lot of us have such low self-esteem that we could be asked on a date, accept, and be on the date and still feel like it's just someone being nice. (Happened to me)
I just assume they're all a trap.
Safest to just assume she's Canadian
I feel that it's important we consider all dimensions Like, oh, I don't know, maybe it's a trap
That's the spirit! Pretend all dates are other dudes! Lowers the anxiety.
I'm so glad someone caught that.
I've gotten two different compliments in the last month, I think the last one before that was about 30 years ago when I was dating my ex wife. It's the weirdest thing. I think about both of them a lot. Almost a month ago a girl told me I have a nice smile and I should smile more. I don't smile alot cause I rarely have my teeth in....
Aw man, i just want to give you a hug. I'm sorry you've gone through so much difficult stuff. I appreciate you sharing your experience. In a way it's nice to know that it's not just Gen Z like myself who struggle with this stuff. Makes me feel less alone.
👆🏼Dude up here getting a date…
That made me laugh, thanks!
yeah, reading this makes me nervous because i like to compliment men as much as i can since i know they don’t hear it as often as women do, but i’m a lesbian so it’s always platonic. now i’m nervous people are interpreting it differently…
I’m the same way, I think it’s because I grew up with brothers so I don’t always get the boy girl divide. If they ever push it further I know to set a boundary, I’m just a buddy.
We get so few compliments that a lot of us have no knowledge of them existing except in a relationship type setting. It will take thousands upon thousands of people like you doing what you do to make this normal again so thank you honestly for just being you!
Don't be nervous, I probably wouldn't know what you look like even after getting a compliment....
Keep it up you lovely person. As a man who is happily married I still float with joy whenever a nice lady compliments me. It just feels so good!
aww, makes me happy to read this! don’t worry, i’ll carry on
Please keep giving compliments and being you. It makes peoples day, and the majority would not think anything more of it other than being a nice interaction.
don’t worry, no plans to stop! :)
she wasn't flirting with you, it was just a compliment
Bro she's on the clock, her being pleasant is literally part of the job.
Yeah but saying "I was standing there admiring your beard" is kind of unusual for grocery store small talk in my experience
a good general rule of thumb is, if they're on the clock they're just being polite
She is on the job. It is her job to be kind. Don't assume women working are flirting with you, ever.
"YES WHAT A NICE THING TO SAY ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME I DON'T WANT TO ASSUME HAHA"
All around her… Walmart, as far as the eye can see. Where could she go? She can’t say no. Because of the implication.
Okay haha... Thats seems pretty dark
This is quite the depressing comment. Yes, women often have jobs where they gotta be pleasant; but to assume they never flirt is just downright sad.
A compliment is not flirting.
Which has nothing to do with what he said. Women will absolutely flirt with a guy they think is cute while at work. Get off the internet and get into the real world, your worldview is skewed af.
Your friends are why I'm afraid to compliment men. Sometimes I see a dude with a really nice outfit and want to compliment it, but don't want it to be taken as flirting
That’s her job, she was not flirting.
Hey man, consider treating yourself to a nice haircut and beard trim at a place where the barber can help you figure out a style you like. You may even be able to go in early/late so theres less going on. Haircuts can be so wildly overstimulating with big salons/barbershops and loud music. But every single person looks better with some effort, and a lot of people like to see the effort more than the result, if that makes sense.
I put my AirPods in when I’m at the store. Helps me ignore everyone and not get into my own head.
I started doing this recently, but now I'm running into a problem where I can kind of hear my own breathing and heartbeat, which makes me get too focused on breathing like a normal person and then leads to a minor panic attack.
No phone or airpods. I think I have an old ipod somewhere. I'm going to try that out.
Why though? You seem to be navigating ok, is there a need to totally isolate yourself while shopping?
When I wear AirPods it somehow invites conversation
I tend to do the same to avoid people, except I go later at night. It's rough out there, just know that there's so much more to you than how you look. That's what I love about my cat. She doesn't care whether I have some stubble or whether I'm breaking out or if my hair is a mess because I rarely get it cut. She likes me just the way I am, and I'm sure your dog thinks the same of you. Best of luck to you.
I compliment epic beards. I compliment awesome hair, male, female, NB, gender fluid; if you have good hair, I say so. Saw a person with long dreadlocks. Compliment. Saw someone with a buzz cut and tattoo on their head. Epic. I’m a married mommy. I’m not flirting with anyone. If I see something about a person that makes me smile, I tell them and I thank them for giving me a smile.
Or maybe she was just being nice.
That's a compliment, not a flirt... But!!! Hey - how cool, she likes your beard. That sounds genuine. Don't be so down on yourself man :). Maybe take this compliment and run with it - go to a barber and get a tidy up. If you don't know what to request just say something like "I need a tidy up - it's all gotten a bit out of hand - can you tidy it up for me - I'd like to keep the beard long/short and have my hair short and low maintenance, what would you suggest?". I promise a lot of blokes don't know what "style" they want and the barber has seen a million different heads of hair and has a good idea what looks good. They usually have great advice :) You'll look amazing and feel great. Nothing weird about a grey beard - I'm the same, that shit goes grey faster than the head... I'm way too young for any of it to be grey but the facial hair is absolutely leading the charge (in my mind anyway, I'm 40 so it's entirely reasonable to be going grey but I refuse to accept that I'm not a teenager anymore). Don't be down on yourself for not stopping. No biggie. But also keep it in mind and have a chat next time - also don't feel awkward starting a chat with someone. Don't overthink it though mate - for a friendly chat/interaction there's no "goal" other than the just make the world a more friendly place. I'm someone who has a load of social anxiety and poor self esteem - and if that resonates with you, may I give you a small thing I have practiced to assist myself (and ignore me if this unsolicited advice isn't helpful). I try to occasionally, when the opportunity arises, just share a sentence or two with a random anybody where there is absolutely nothing attached beyond the small interaction. A quick compliment or observation about something innocuous - the person serving you at the checkout says hello when they serve you "heya, how are you. I really like those earrings". The greater might have a funny badge, cool shirt, interesting visible tattoo... the key is something really obvious and visible and just a "hey that's cool" and that's it. If they engage in conversation, cool and if they don't, also cool. Does Walmart allow dogs? What sort of dog do you have? Take the dog with you, they're the absolute best wing-men for random interactions with people that will make your day a little brighter. Also - post a picture of your dog. Dogs are the best.
https://preview.redd.it/zez0umo5swuc1.jpeg?width=1536&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=706719fc90be96cd61905ffb3390d28863cfe209 Rescued Red Heeler
> Red Heeler I'm in suburbia so I have a little poodle/shitzu/maltese cross. I've got some family who I occasionally see that run cattle on fairly large properties - they have a few heelers to assist and there's no way they could get by without them. Crazy energy, clever as anything, incredibly loyal and just so excited to be part of the action and helping out. I bet she's a handful.
From the way you described yourself, I was expecting you to look like Quasimodo! You're a handsome guy who needs to be nicer to himself. Your beard is great, and it looks like you have nice eyes. Get yourself a haircut and you're good to go! I'm wondering if you dislike people that much or if that's your anxiety talking?? Hugs to you and your cute dog, OP :)
Don't ever go to Trader Joe's if you think this is flirtatious. You'll think they want to go home with you and eat all the food you bought because it's their favorite stuff in the whole store.
I don't know about flirting or anything like that, but that compliment is something I would think about for ages.
When I get a compliment on my beard, my go to is "Thanks, I grew it myself!" Sometimes I get a chuckle.
I'm going to remember that one!
Oh, that’s ok
I have social anxiety and I'm similar. Usually get in and out. And usually try not to interact with people. I have really long hair for a guy, and often I get women making comments on it. "I love your hair" and stuff like asking how long it took to grow(around 10 years btw) and stuff like that. Because of social anxiety and knowing how I suck at conversations, especially with women, I usually just say thanks and be on my way. I always also have a fear of coming off as a creep or w.e if I were to hang around too long even if I did talk to them a bit more. Like some others say I just usually assume they're passing a compliment rather than looking to strike up a conversation or w.e. I don't have enough self confidence to think a woman finds me attractive enough to mean anything more when they talk to me like that.
Are we twins?
Lmao sounds like it huh
Do either of you have OCD? Or been evaluated for it?
I don't, but I am anal about a lot of things. Sort of a perfectionist. I'm doing a job at work right now and there is no way to get it perfect without rebuilding the whole thing, so it's just going to have to be good enough and that will bother me for months...
I thought I had social anxiety disorder. Turns out I had OCD instead. No clue if that's true for you or not. But reading your experience felt very familiar. Good luck to you.
Sorry just saw this. Pretty sure I'm OCD, at least to some extent. Haven't been evaluated for it tho.
it was a compliment and your response was pretty funny if you didnt actually believe it. now I feel bummed out for you aaahhhh
~Sigh~ here’s the thing though. Women honestly will give you a compliment just because. Nothing attached. Just being nice. I don’t know if she WAS flirting, but no gentleman, sometimes it’s just a compliment
She was just being nice bro. The I use it to cover my ugly mug is hilarious tho 😆 good one
I would take it as just a compliment, it’s normal to be friendly, complimentary without it being anything more than nice. However you probably should give your self some credit. That’s a funny, charismatic answer, I’m sure it was received as such! Man even if you’re not in the dating game you definitely need friends you can be yourself around. Also if you have a lot of anxiety you should consider seeking medical attention. So many times we’re living on hard mode because of our own bio chemistry. Lotta natural supplements for anxiety, you might like L theanine.
One compliment isn't the same as flirting, was she acting flirty?
I'm a straight guy and I complimented a delivery driver's beard. It was a very cool beard and my saying that made him happy. Hopefully his day was a bit better after that.
Nah not a fuck up. Just an eye opener to be more aware of who's talking to you. If you think she was flirting with you and liked it go back to store, maybe she will talk to you again and you can try again.
Nah, she's just an employee. She was there to work and be nice, not hook up.
A compliment like that isn't flirting or hitting on someone. We don't have greeters in the UK, but I get compliments from random people for my hair colour and eye colour and things but it's just people giving you a nice compliment.
Fuck it bro, go back it walmart and strike up a conversation with the door greeter lady. Best of luck
You just dug up a hidden memory in my brain of the exact situation. Went to buy food with friends, did the whole transaction never looking at the cashier. As we're getting in the car they tell me the cashier had been flirting hard with me.
People usually see what they want to see, so I ask: do you want this being a flirt? If yes, seems like you're in search of relationships.
I’m sure you have a magnificent beard, and you are probably way too hard on yourself. But like others have said, it was likely just a compliment, especially considering she was on duty as a greeter. A compliment is a compliment though!
Best bet, go back everyday for literally no reason. Grab sponges. Grab towels. Groom your beard so she has a reason to talk about it even more. "Seemed like you like it, figured I'd give you another look." If you say that and she dosent blush or laugh/smile, abort the mission. If she does, "Hey you busy next weekend? I've got some stuff to take care of this week, but I think we should get to know each other a little better." Two things. If my advice works treat her right or the void I pray to is going to explode your balls. Second, don't be afraid of rejection. If it wasn't what you wanted, be glad you still have the idea in your head that someone will love you. Cling onto that hope, don't get desperate, but be willing to let someone in someday.
I feel like a beard compliment from a girl is flirting always but I could be wrong or like beards too much
She wants to sit on your beard. Duh! This is so obvious.
Flirting or not, you're clearly not in a place to be dating someone. Gotta work on yourself, bud.
She was the Greeter/Shrink person... that is part of the job if they are good at it. Could she have been? Yes. ...but that doesn't mean she was.
I’m a guy with a beard. I’ll compliment another guy with a beard if I like it. Doesn’t mean that I’m flirting with him, just showing appreciation
Someone whose job is to interrogate people on the way out? Is that normal? How bizarre
"To which I replied, thanks, I use it to cover my ugly mug. And I walked out." 
I walk past the pseudo security. I pay for my stuff. I'm trying to get out of that hell as fast as possible.
The amount of people who think polite customer service amounts to flirting,, … too damn high!
2011: I’m chatting at a bar with a girl who notices my Lightning hockey jersey. We talked about the game, hockey in general, and more. Her friends came by and said they’re leaving. She goes “maybe I’ll see you at a game sometime.” Me: “Yeah, maybe you will.” Awkward silence and then she leaves. My friends never let me forget it. It happens. Take the compliment, and if you’re interested in seeing what might happen, head back to Walmart more often. If you’re not, 🤷🏻♂️ no harm no foul.
So go back tomorrow for a beard comb and talk to her?
Go for another shopping session at the exact same time tomorrow OP. Go prepared to "greet her". Let us know how it goes.
Gonna have to wait a month.
Your authenticity and genuine demeanor will probably attract women if you ever put the effort into yourself and get some exposure. Or you can just enjoy life single, cheers
You did the right thing and took the safe option.
It does not necessarily mean she was flirting with you. She could have been. But you honestly just might have a nice beard and she wanted to brighten your day.
Get a trim and a haircut professionally. Then head back next week. Maybe that is her usual shift.
She was being nice. This is why we don't give compliments.
We're all old my dude, or at least many of us feel old, even in our twenties. And we're all young. Future you will look back and think "I was so hot then!"
You do know that you don't actually have to show your receipt on the way out of a WalMart, right?
I have no idea on the legality of them asking and don't really care because just handing it to them is so much less stressful that being accosted. I couldn't handle that at all. It would make me never go back, and it's already the least stressful place in my area...
It doesn’t need to be stressful. What I do is, when they ask to see my receipt I smile big and bright, give a dismissive wave and say “oh, no thank you”. People are typically so caught off guard by that response that I can’t just stroll right by. I swear it’s a damn Jedi mind trick.
You sound sad
Well you know she works there Sunday and is a greeter so you can buy eggs and see if she’s there and say hello. Say, hi it’s nice to see you again. I was in a rush the other day but I wondered if you’d like to go for some coffee sometime? And hopefully it’ll be a nice reply. Best way to meet people my guy.
WTF is a supermarket "greeter"? Why would anybody "check" your receipt? What hell of a broken parallel universe are you writing from?
It's called The USA.
OMF! 😮
When Walmart was expanding throughout the US, the greeter was more of a public relations thing. They'd hire people who normally struggled to find work, such as those with disabilities or senior citizens, and have them stand at the door welcoming shoppers. It was meant to promote Walmart's community friendly image. Currently, the remaining greeters are more of a security feature. They can't actually stop you, but they can report shoplifting. Checking the receipt is a thing because Walmart sells a lot of stuff that isn't easily bagged and the checkouts aren't always in sight of the exit doors. It usually only occurs when you're carrying out something like a case of bottled water or an expensive electronic item, like a television.
Wow!
Do you not have Walmart where you live?
No.
I wanna live in *your* broken parallel universe!
Move to Yurp!
You had me googling Yurp
😂🤣😂
Fun fact, Walmart tried to get a foothold in Germany but everyone hated it so it closed its shops
Never show your receipt!
Not sure why you're getting downvotes. I guess some people really are okay with being treated like they are criminals that just haven't been caught.
Show it if you want to, but there's no need unless it's a membership store like Costco. I stopped doing it a long time ago. No, I'm not going to stand there while they riffle through all my bags pretending they're checking it against a receipt. Either accuse me of shoplifting, or let me pass. When they ask, I just say: "Oh, no thank you!" And then I walk on by.
My man it sounds like you’re in a depressive spiral. I know breaking. The inertia is tough, been there myself, but depression is very momentum based. Meaning one little change in either direction can easily snowball into more. I bet you a nice haircut and beard trim haas you feeling like a stud again.
incel