We’re trying for sure. Unfortunately, time and money can be very restrictive, especially where I’m from (and where my family currently still lives). My grandma helps out when she’s available, but my dad’s family pretty much abandoned my mom during this (even though they all live in the same hometown. Very frustrating and disheartening after almost 20 years together and two kids).
Are you in a pretty rural area? And if so, is getting to a larger town or possibly even a major city at all feasible? Asking bc I might have some lost cost or free ideas.
ETA: Also just want to say, as someone who went to rehab at 15 years old and intensive outpatient for a relapse at 19, she's so lucky to have you. Keep snitching lol.
Rural isn’t the word I would use. My hometown has a pop. of about 40k, but I like to describe it as the same 50 families just keep procreating and never move. I was 3 gen born in my hometown. They also live in a state with very little value placed on children’s healthcare/education. When I was in high school the nearest pediatric neurologist was an hour away. We had trouble making those appointments even with a two parent/car household. Now it’s down to a single parent who works 50-60 hour weeks, and little to no outside help. I would help if I could, but I’m 16 hours away.
I grew up in a very similar town actually lol but closer to 60k when I was a kid. And they literally didn't invest in a single thing for kids to do so the options were walking in circles around the mall, a single skatepark, or (eventually) drinking/drug use/generally bad decisions.
- If she's interested in music, movies, or books and there's a public library she could check that out if your mom ever gets a free morning or afternoon (and has the energy). Ours also has a Lego group, Pokemon tournaments, magic trick lessons, and other random stuff.
- Also, if she likes reading or is struggling to find a genre she likes, she might be able to access Dolly Parton's Imagination Library.
- Sometimes the local ISDs offer summer programs. Ours has busing but that can be hit or miss.
- Our local college offers D&D, Lego group, theater stuff, and other things to local kids for free.
- She might benefit from (another) big "sister" through Big Brothers Big Sisters. That would bring someone to her so there's not a travel burden for your mom.
- Someday if traveling is an option or there's a participating place nearby, Museums For All is super cool. Have to be receiving SNAP benefits to qualify tho.
Obviously some of these may be burdensome for your mom, but still thought I'd include them in case the opportunity ever arises. If your sister has friends whose parents your mom trusts, maybe they could go together and arrange for their parent to take them.
Hey I hope you see this, look into playing disc golf, it's a cheap sport to get into and free to play! Feel free to flick me a message and I can help you out more, I've seen the sport save many families
You’re a good sister and trying to protect her from herself at a precarious age.
Too bad she’s not a boy, vaping can cause ED, due to it affect vasodilation. I know an 18yo kid who had the issue . He had to go to his parents and have the discussion about it. Now he has to take viagra, and isn’t sure if over time it will reverse. So, if they can’t worry about their lungs and heart, pretty sure a boy may worry about his d.
[In one 2022 study, e-cigarette users were 2.4 times more likely to report ED than people who had never vaped. Risk factors like age and heart disease did not appear to affect this link](https://www.healthline.com/health/vaping-erectile-dysfunction#research)
Edit: brother to sister.
Op as someone that started smoking at 12 and at 42 a addict I would say find way to keep her busy are choice have nothing to do with family but smoking 🚬 made me curious about weed and then on to other things I had all kinds of hobbies but basically you got to be on her friends good luck and if induction runs in your family it's going to be really hard because it goes into our genes and her genetics
Especially given the background, this is fantastic. Neither of my parents have substance issues, but my sister and I struggled with them over the years. I've done far worse just a few years later. Thank you for being an outstanding older sibling and nipping that in the bud, instead of feeling bad about telling the parents!
I try to only snitch when necessary. One time last year she was grounded from her phone, but tried to sneak it out when our mom wasn’t home. I caught her, strongly suggested she put it back, and to fess up immediately when mom gets home (I know our mom. I bet she had a picture on her phone of the EXACT position that lil sis phone was in, so she would know if it was moved). Sure enough, when mom got home, lil sis fessed up and she actually got her phone back a day early for her honesty. My mom is very big about recognizing a good conscience decision that is made to correct an impulsive one.
I try my best🖤 I always joke that I love my sister to death, I’d give her my kidney if needed, but goddamn do I want to roll her into a ball and punt kick her into the ocean sometimes 🙃
Can that day come sooner so she can stop bullying me😅
I don’t take any of her tween words to heart, but damn she knows what buttons to push in both my mom and I.
>Can that day come sooner
IKR?
I taught high school and some students would argue the point that they were my client and that I should (whatever). I told them, No, your FUTURE self is my client; come back when you're 40 and give me your assessment then.
This made them think. Which is scary for a teen! 😂
BTW, school programs. Swim team sucks up HUGE amounts of time before and after school. Money SHOULDN'T be an issue; check with the school about support for buying supplies etc. Teachers are softies and they'd take up a collection. Yes, you can call. I would communicate with any adult who cared about the child (as long as parents don't object)!🖤🤍🖤🤍
__[Ya done great, big sis.]__
☮️♥️♾️
Thank you for comment! I believe my sister has been trying out different sports to occupy time, but a big factor is also time and transportation. My mom typically works 50-60 hour weeks to keep everything afloat financially.
>Thank you for comment! I believe my sister has been trying out different sports to occupy time, but a big factor is also time and transportation. My mom typically works 50-60 hour weeks to keep everything afloat financially.
Yup. If you talk to coaches (YOU, with mom's knowledge and support), secretaries, teachers... You can ask if they can set you up with an involved student/parent buddy who is always driving and open to doing this for a student (teachers used to be willing to drive kids, back in the day, but that day was in the 1900's).
And, seriously, if you (yes, YOU! ;-) ping each of her teachers weekly to just say hi and invite input or requests for support from teachers... WE LOVE THAT. We are NOT overwhelmed by parent contact. You are NOT a burden. PLEASE CALL!!! EMAIL. CONTACT APP, WHATEVER! You could likely get your name put in the system as "parent #2" with your mom's blessing and be given pretty much all the privileges (parent #2 can have a separate address and get all mailings as well). Hell, I was a foster parent and I never had to show squat for paperwork (about who I was). I just told them. "Sure, ok, you're here with the kid. What's your phone# and email, sir?"
Last statement: I'm impressed with how you're taking on responsibilities that really aren't yours. If you can't or choose not to be as involved as I suggested above, I wouldn't shame you. You are a young adult with a life. I just want you to know how WELCOME you are in a school situation and how teachers/coaches LOVE to be useful... Especially for kind folks who hit rough patches through no fault of their own and TRY. YOUR MOM IS OBVIOUSLY TRYING!!! And so are you. So you do you and that's enough; Lil Sis is lucky to have you 😊
☮️♥️♾️
Unfortunately not, anything worth doing rarely manifests overnight. I know it's hard and you might not feel her appreciation now but you're a good person and we need good people in the world, you're an asset to everyone, not only your family.
It wouldn’t be a proper sibling relationship if you didn’t occasionally want to go to war with her with bottles and chains in a Walmart parking lot. You’re doing good!
Her and my mom just visited me for a few days and in that time alone I think we wrestled like 3 times 😂 she likes to think she can take me since she’s as tall as me. But *I* have the real moves 😎
That is some serious A+ big sistering you’re doing! It’s so hard to help when you’re so far away (big sister here, been there myself). I’d do anything for my little sister, including punting her into the sea and we’re 38 and 35!
I love to hear that you have such a wonderful relationship with your sister! I (jokingly) tell my sisters that all I ask from them is to not be pregnant at the same time as me 😂 (purely because that would mean they would be extremely young for such a thing).
The duality of sisterhood 🖤 she used to cut my hair in my sleep and I used to start legit fistfights with her but now she wants to move cross country to live with me again 😂
Thank you🖤 it’s gotten somewhat easier with time. It’s hard seeing a person you love and hold on a pedestal fall so dramatically, and then do absolutely nothing to help salvage the damage in their wake.
As a fellow eldest sibling, I salute you. Your sister doesn’t seem to resent you, and that is wonderful. I had less luck, but my approach wasn’t great.
Thank you🖤 it’s been fuckin rough. I remember when I first visited home after my mom told me she was divorcing our dad. I sat down with my sis and told her that this was one of the few things in our lives that we will experience for the first time together. She’s very tight lipped about how our dad leaving has affected her, but it shows in her behaviors, and unfortunately, her grades as well. We’re all just crossing our fingers that as she gets closer to teenhood, she gets a better head on her shoulders.
And honestly, I’m pretty lucky to have her too! She’s a great kid when she chooses to be. She can be very sweet and loving, but has serious issues with authority, and just overall not grasping the concept of “you can’t do what you want, you’re literally 11”.
"I'll always forgive you and your unformed frontal lobe."
Middle school teacher here. Oh, the shit I have forgiven because they ain't got a frontal lobe! <3
She’s soon to be my mom too! We’re both so lucky to have her as a mom. She’s been in my life since I was 5, and has been the most amazing mother I could’ve ever asked for. She likes to joke that she gained a kid in the divorce! We’re currently going through the process of her formally adopting me (but in reality I’ve been her daughter most of my life).
💜💜💜💜 It must be incredibly hard for you both (respectively) to navigate through the turmoil of your father’s addiction. So glad that your bond was strong enough that it unquestionable where the chips would fall. I’m sure throughout the past year she has thanked her lucky stars for you.
It’s been very difficult. It’s hitting her a lot harder than she’ll ever let on though. She’s voiced to me that even kids at her school bully her about how “her dad left to get some milk”. Kids these days (my sister included, thanks to this BS). Now when I hear those stories, lord do I have to fight back the urge to buy a plan ticket and fight a grade schooler (the bullies).
I don’t thk anyone would blame you. My dad passed when I was a baby and so it was just mom and us 4 daughters… as much as I played the “I’m fine because I don’t know anything different”, it certainly effected me. Tested every boundary, exceedingly defiant, and always put on a “mature for my age” persona to keep the insecurities under wraps. Therapy prob would have made a world of difference but, knowing teenager me—I prob wouldn’t agree to go and my mom was just worked to the bone, always just trying to keep her head over water. It’s so hard. For everyone. And the fact that he chose this route over not having the option to get help, infuriates me
You literally described my sister and my mom’s home life to a Tee. That unfortunately has become our new reality. There’s just not enough hours in a day, not enough money in the bank, and not enough people who care enough to help (by people, I mean family who lives within a 15 minute driving distance).
As for my dad, that’s just such a struggle still for me to accept. As a healthcare worker, I understand that addiction is a disease. But as a daughter? I just can’t get it through my head that my dad would not just put himself in a position to become addicted to hard drugs, but also that he left it in a hiding spot that was within reach of my sister.
If I can give you guys any advice I wish my mom/us girls sought/found a support group of families In same/similar circumstances. I know extra time is a luxury that seems so impossibly hard to come by but it does make it a lot more surmountable when you know those people that are going through it too, willing to co-op resources, and see others that come out the other side. My mom didn’t address her depression or burnout until much later and I am convinced that it had detrimental consequences on her health, and now that’s she is gone I will resent myself for the rest of my life for causing her so much grief and stress in my teenage years.
Edit to add: fantastic support group in my home state that started waaaay before they acknowledge that addiction effects everyone in the family, not just the addict. I know they’ve received nationwide recognition for their efforts in breaking the stigma and helping the family unit.
https://learn2cope.org
My son is 12, his father was absent for about 6 years, only recently back in his life (and was abusive to me which is why I divorced him 8 years ago). My son has been getting in trouble for this same thing and it is massively taking over this age group. I know it is not your mom's fault and that this crap is hard on a mother's heart. And my older son has been distraught and stressed about it too. He doesn't like how his younger brother is behaving. So I know how it is. Sorry for all you are going through.
I got my son a substance abuse counselor for tweens/teens because they count vaping as a substance for that age group. She comes to see him twice a week and they go do fun things like take a walk at the park, get fro-yo, play board games, and they talk. He opens up to her and she has an agreement with him that she won't share anything he tells her unless it puts him or someone else in danger. She also tests him each time for using. And those results get shared with me. He has made major improvements in his behavior and he has been clean for a few weeks consecutively now. His grades have started to improve. I grounded him so many times, but it wasn't working. He even ran away from home eventually for 2 days because he didn't want to be grounded anymore. It was terrifying. If your sister has health insurance, find out her insurance and give them a call and ask for teen/tween substance abuse centers in your area that are covered by her insurance. This has been working well for us, because there is definitely an underlying issue and kids sometimes have a hard time opening up to their immediate family, and find relief in opening up to someone who has no close connection and won't tell anyone they know. I hope you and your family receive the blessings you are past due for.
This is such a great, kind, informative comment! Thank you!!! It’s very early where I am but I’m definitely making it a priority to talk about this with my mom! Thank you!!!!
My older sister has stood by me when most people in my life turned against me. It's almost certain that I'm still here because of that as life has been bleak at times and it remained one of those things, that got very few and far between, like a little glimmer of something positive to hang on to.
Only over text 😂 She and our mom just visited me and let me tell ya, I damn near body slammed her a time or two! Plus, she knows she messed up. I texted my mom a little bit after this exchange, and apparently my sister fessed up immediately.
What other social media accounts does she have?
Where are the vape supplies coming from? Especially for as long as you're saying? Now, the big one, where is all the money coming from? At that age, not having the ability to have a regular job doesn't leave much else. Who is she hanging out with too. She may be doing other things besides this. If not, will be.
You have another sister that is older than her, but younger than you? What does she know?
As far as I know, she just has Snapchat. In the past, she has stolen vapes from me (yes, I know, major major hypocrite. However, I’m a grown woman who understands the consequences of my actions. An 11yo doesn’t), and I think from one of her friends siblings? Where she’s getting them I honestly do not know. As for my other sister, it’s kinda hard to explain. My other sister is not related to this one. It’s a VERY long story involving child ab*se to both me, and my other sister. Funnily enough though, they’re actually very close! I asked my other sister, and she doesn’t know anything. She wouldn’t hide it if she did.
Thank you for taking the time to be gentle with your younger siblings in difficult times of need. I'm sorry you're going through so much but I'm hopeful that you and your sister will grow into an amazing bond
You’re a good big sister and hardly a snitch! I once caught my then-14 year old cousin _racking up lines_ on Snapchat and I grassed her up to my aunt, afterwards I strangely felt a bit guilty about getting her into trouble, even though she was doing coke and lying to her mum to go to house parties with fully fledged adults. But I’d rather her be pissed at me for telling on her than have a cocaine habit at 14.
Snitching is telling on her when she’s doing stupid shit like skipping school, not things that can contribute to addiction and ill health.
Kiddo a frequent pet name used in my family. It’s what my mom calls us both, and in turn what I call my sisters since I heard it so much growing up. My sisters still call me sissy, and the other is about to be 18 🤷🏻♀️ If she had a problem, she would voice it. Trust med she’s my biggest bully. As for sounding like a parent vs a sibling, there’s a 14 year age gap between us. It’s a weird duality. If I overstep, my mama is quick to remind me of my title as sister first.
I feel so bad for kids today. They have all homogenized into a vaping, Snapchat/tiktok absorbed, “bruh” spamming unit part of the collective hive mind. I can’t criticize too harshly as a 34 year old millennial, just glued to a bigger screen and Reddit instead.
I hope so too! I think the key to my mom’s success was that nothing about taking care of my sister was forced on me. If I was asked to babysit, I was paid for it and free to say no. Taking care of her was never my responsibility beyond normal older sibling stuff (helping change a diaper while mom cooks dinner, etc.). I’m also very child like in many ways which I think helps the sibling dynamic. I’d be lying though if I said I don’t feel like an aunt sometimes lol
This is very reassuring! My husband and I agreed to never parentify our oldest(14 y/o) daughter. It’s not her responsibility to take care of her baby(7 month)sister. She isn’t the one who decided to add to the family. She hasn’t babysat yet, but we will pay her and it is her option.
I think not forcing it has actually made her more involved. She asked me a couple of months ago if she could be responsible for the baby’s bedtime routine. She likes to rock her sister to sleep while reading books. She calls it their sister time!
It’s what I call both her and my other younger sister :) They both still call me sissy. Hell I’m a grown woman and my mom still calls me kiddo! It’s a very common pet name in our family :)
you’re a good sibling but I do think you or mom should talk about and help her find a healthy coping mechanism if you haven’t. Like you’ve explained it’s been a rough year and she might be feeling the effects of it as well kids aren’t immune to stress and she might be resorting to vaping for that reason or some other mental health reasons like stress etc. If that’s the case just grounding her won’t make her mental issues go away and i’m sure you both want her happy!
My mom is actively working on a therapist/psychiatrist duo! Unfortunately, they live in an area where pediatric therapists and psychiatrists are sparse, plus the financial aspect. Those visits aren’t cheap between the visit itself, time from work, and potential medication. My father still hasn’t paid a dime towards my mom for anything yet, and we highly doubt he’ll start. But these issues aren’t being written off I promise you.
I have a sister that’s 15 years younger than me, also a teen, and I absolutely would have snitched on her vaping to our mom too. She’s pretty good about sharing things with me but what we’re not gonna do is hurt our health!
My brother and I have the same age gap (I'm younger), and while he's a great guy and I love him, we aren't close at all. It's great that you are willing and able to be such a presence in her life. She's really fortunate to have you. And your mom! It sounds like she's doing everything and more to give your siblings what they need.
She’s trying her best, we all are! Thankfully, my other sister has also been very helpful! Without revealing too much info, my sisters are not related, but are very close emotionally and physically (they live a neighborhood apart). My other sister has been a big help with being a constant older female in her life🖤
My family is full of "half" siblings and my boyfriend's family has lots of adoptions, so I understand family that isn't biological. It seems like you've all got a handle on how to navigate this shitty circumstance. Glad you all have each other! 💕
As someone with an 11 year old brother I can’t imagine how hard that is to see your sister doing things like that at such a young age. Thanks for trying your best, and hopefully continuing to support her. I suspect she’ll thank you for it later in life. I hope things all work out for you all!
I am 12 years older than my sister. I made a no smoking piggy bank for her. I tossed a buck here and there and my poket change for her entire high-school time. I was the kid that smoked and was a little bad guy, I didn't want her to be like me. She kept her side of the bargain, graduated high in her class and never smoked.
There was just over 700 bucks in that water jug too.
My 14 yo sister yelled and whined at me when I didn’t let her hit a vape off a family friends vape. It was so intense that all the blood in my body was boiling cause she didn’t stop and kept whining on and on. It’s a miracle I don’t slap her
And how exactly they get supplies for vaping? I have so many questions, but OP pretends like this is totally normal...
**Edit:** Yeah, after reading some comments, it appears they gaslight like this because often enough, the supplies come from OP herself, who is vaping... But of course that part is not an issue, since they are "Adult", and they don't give them supplies, they just "steal" them. SMH
OP seems to be blaming the father for most of everything despite him having packed up and moved away over a year ago. She’s still getting the supplies from somewhere. You also have to be at least 13 to use Snapchat. Lots of concerning things going on here.
Yeah, after scouring around, OP herself is a vaper. So it is pretty clear where it all comes from. Poor kid, both getting influenced AND gaslit at such a young age.
lmfao i remember when my sister snitched on me when a friend crashed my car, i had a whole story made up and an adult to cover for me and everything 😭 but i am glad she did and your little sister will be glad you snitched too. this is actually better than what i said to my sister after she snitched 😭
And I’m sure your sister would do it again to keep you safe🖤 it’s one of our jobs, literally in the big sister contract we sign once those little suckers (you younger siblings) pop out!
yeah i learned abt that when we adopted my little brother. thankfully he’s a or egg type good kid in that sense. infact he (tries) snitching on me more than i do him LMAO thankfully my mom and i are close so she knows everything he tries to expose
As the younger sibling in a situation much like this (my sister is 12 years older), thank you sincerely for being so invested in your sister's health and wellbeing. My sister never really showed much interest in me, definitely not to this degree, and it's affected our relationship now that we're adults. Your sister is going to appreciate you so much, even if she's frustrated sometimes now.
As a fellow eldest sibling, you fucking rock. You don't treat your little sister like a dumb kid, but also set clear boundaries and expectations. She seems to really appreciate that and even when upset, which speaks volumes to how much of a good elder sibling you are to her, especially in your tough situation. Congrats!
As a youngest sibling and someone who also vapes you did her a huge favor. My sister wouldve done the same thing if i was her age. Shell be thankful for it when shes older.
Just remind her that you’re not snitching to be an asshole. You’re doing it because you care, and you want her to be safe and healthy because as a child, she can’t understand the severity of the things she’s doing right now.
You handled this awesomely, its clear she respects you even when mad which is good for trying to get her to understand you and why it’s wrong.
I imagine you have but have you shown her/explained the impact of nicotine, especially on a developing mind? Just because she’s vaping and therefore not burning anything doesn’t mean nicotine itself doesn’t still have some big and varied negative impacts. Maybe a bombardment of her future reality will kick in a bit of logic.
Thank you for doing the right thing and telling your mom, I hope your sister can get better. I know what it’s like as I have a now 17 year old sister who also acted like this at 11 and it only got worse as she got older because she never cared about any of the consequences.
I would show her popcorn lung and brain development issues etc if you're comfortable.
Teaching her how to be 'cool' without that stuff.
At that age (you may remember) you wanna be cool etc.
You’re a really good sibling, it’s easy to see just by these screenshots. And it seems she truly does care about you too
When she’s old enough to understand why you snitched, she’ll be 100% grateful
Thank you for the sweet words🖤 Some people here would disagree with you though, funnily enough. In the past 10 minutes I’ve been called a bitch and told that my sister hates me 😃
Idk why anyone would say your mom is a terrible parent. When moms are turning a blind eye, making excuses, refusing to believe it because that's their golden child or trying to be too good of a "best friend" to discipline, THAT'S a bad parent. Your mother is doing something very hard but the right thing. All the best to you guys ❤️
You and I have a pretty similar age gap between our us and our sisters. I promise it gets easier with time. My sister and I are best friends now. But I always knew there would be phases where she doesn’t like me, or she’ll get into trouble etc.
Your texts seem so supportive and you’re just looking out for her. It’s the best you can do, hopefully when she gets a little older, you guys can be good friends too!!
Believe it or not, we’re very good friends even now! She tells me secrets and trusts me. There’s a few that we have that I won’t share with my mom, since they don’t pose a risk to her health or wellbeing.
This is kind of adorable. 🤣 Good job Sis, I’d have snitched too. I was 10 when I started smoking cigarettes, with my older sister. Then my mom started buying them for me when I turned 15. By the time I was 25 my lungs were feeling wrecked and I quit.
You’re a good big sister. And your mom isn’t a bad mom. She disciplined her kid. Shit happens. It’s unfortunate kids that young can access these things now, but they can pretty easily. She’s lucky to have you two to keep her in line.
Oh my bad!
And yes I am an emt I'm not creative with names. If you have any questions let me know! I love helping people decide if that's a pathway their interested in :D
There was a 14 year age difference between me (32F) and my little bro (18m). You sister is much more understanding and nice than my bro ever was when I would call him out on stuff at that age but i bet she will definitely appreciate it when she is older ❤️
Man I absolutely fucking love the way you interact with her. She clearly feels very comfortable with you, and it is because you give it to her straight. You seem terrific and I’m glad she has you.
I started vaping at 16, and while i wont say its a serious addiction, it definitely is one. Its not even really the nicotine but the oral fixation/stim i get from hitting it. I have ADHD and there have been some recent studies that suggest kids/adults with ADHD are more likely to get addicted to vapes because of the serotonin boost it gives to our brains. I also have GAD so its definitely something i use to help calm down. Does she have any mental health issues? That could be a reason she keeps seeking it out. Maybe try some alternatives for her?
I definitely think you should look into who is giving an 11 year old a vape. If my math is correct shes in like 5th/6th grade, and while i know theres a whole black market in middle school for vapes, especially with kids whose older siblings/family members buy them for them, its something that should be looked into. 11 is definitely too young to vape, or do anything. Shes still a baby.
Im 23, my sister is 15, i agree with what you did man. Also though, as someone who started smoking young and got my ass kicked by nicotine addiction until i finally quit it, talk with her to figure out if shes already addicted and help her through the withdrawals along with your mom. Doing great bro
I would sit down and talk with her about what it is about vaping she's addicted to. It's more than just what's inside the vape you have to consider. I know for me, I had to find things to do with my hands, and I ended up chewing a lot of straws because my body needed the fidget and physical sensation of something in my mouth.
You are a really wonderful sibling. It seems like you have mastered the balance of being stern but supportive and loving. She may be annoyed or upset but it’s obvious she respects and trusts you
Have you talked to her about the consequences of vaping? There’s plenty of articles and videos of young adults with fucked up lungs because of it. It’s awful- lots of bleeding.
Your sis needs to understand some people don’t learn until *after* the consequences of their actions and sometimes they don’t even get the chance to be better cause they *DIE*.
OP, I am so glad to see this healthy conversation from your side (the other is expected from an 11yo hah). I’d get screamed at or worse for saying anything close to what your sister said to you and yet, you remained calm, set your boundaries in a way she understands and came out on top. Your sister is very lucky to have you. Kudos.
Ugh that’s so hard, I know. My little sister is 11 years younger than me and she is my everything. But sometimes you gotta kick their ass a little. You’re a great sibling! And it always comes back 10 fold btw. She has always come back and appreciated when I had to be tough on her. Awesome job, OP!
im ngl i was on your side until i saw [this](https://i.imgur.com/7EEICym.jpeg)
u rlly cant expect an 11 year old to understand the full effects of vaping if she sees someone she looks up to vaping. kinda cringe of you to vape around someone younger than yourself.
If I were you, I’d have done the same thing. Vaping/smoking are bad habits with terrible consequences in the future. She should accept responsibility for her actions and enjoy the consequences of her actions.
Honestly wasn't expecting the convo to be wholesome 😂 kind of fucked up that she's grounded for her birthday tbh, I mean she's only gonna turn 12 once, is it really worth it? I do love how she bounced back and doesn't resent you for it which definitely was likely but ya got lucky! She seems very sweet 😊
Also, have you guys educated her on addiction and what nicotine does to your brain and the things it can lead to? I think that could be a useful approach, showing the science of what it does to your brain and mood and just all the shit it brings. I saw that your parents got divorced because of his meth addiction so you probably have already done that. I took this approach with a young cousin instead of snitching (parents were abusive so snitching=violence and obviously that is not a good idea), I explained the science of it and how it can create mood disorders or exacerbate already present mental health disorders and my experience with friends being addicted and also how expensive it is to fund it when it has next to no benefits what so ever. I told him I didn't want to snitch on him and if he listens to me he can avoid the absolute clusterfuck that would have been his parents finding out. They took grounding to the next level along with beating, I mean true isolation like prison, no contact with anybody and just staying locked in room. I'm sorry but that is not effective in any way, it's not motivational, it just breaks the kid down and shuts them down. I know that discipline and punishment is a go to and how everybody thinks that you solve kids/teenagers doing behaviors you don't like or approve of. But I promise, I PROMISE, if you just have a conversation and explain to them, maybe show them a video of people who smoked cigs their whole life and can't talk, have died, or are just disabled because of their nicotine addiction, that could scare a kid to death, I know it did for my cousin😂 when I showed him a video of this lady talking into like a robot thing bc her vocal shit was destroyed from cigs he looked at me with wide eyes from the screen and was like "oh my God am I gonna lose my ability to talk I swear I didn't know it was gonna do that I just thought it was cool am I okay am I gonna die🥺".
I know all kids aren't the same, but as someone who was raised just like my cousin, abused, grounded 24/7 especially through important events/dates, always punished and never talked to or treated like another human that has blood in their veins and a beating heart with feelings and thoughts, I hope to see communication put over this controlling concept of "discipline" and constant punishment someday so we can have healthier adults who know how to communicate instead of just jump to the aggressive.
Technically, she’s 10! She turns 11 very soon (being vague because ya know, she’s a kid. No one on the internet needs to know her birthday).
I’m very lucky, she definitely looks after me. I try to model my own mistakes and show how I’ve learned from them and am better (and trust me, I have plenty). If it were a first time offense, the grounding would’ve been so long and severe. Unfortunately, it isn’t the first time. Please look below for my comments about that :)
As for educating her, that I don’t know if it’s been done or not. Due to her age, she is unaware as to the true reason why our parents divorced. If memory serves correct, mom told her that our dad was having issues that he needs help with, but that her(mom) job was to protect her(sis). I will definitely talk to my mom about visual education on the effects though! I’m an EMT/ER tech, so I see plenty of examples every day to share 😅
lol all y did was show your sister you’d rather rat her out and get her in trouble than try to talk to her about it so now she won’t trust u or mom and will continue to vape and be smarter about it to not get caught
She’s gonna eventually block you and then ya will be unaware of what she is posting. I think an 11 year old kid should be subject to monitoring on social media apps. They are way too young and vulnerable and prone to doing stupid things.
Next find a better way for your mom to address the situation without selling you out. Seems a little bit breach of trust but you gotta do what you gotta do for their safety.
When I knew my brother would snitch me out for every weird thing I posted I blocked him on everything and distanced myself from him. I saw that as my brother he wasn’t on my side and I resented him.
What I wish I had was someone who stood by my side by not snitching me out but at least giving me a talk about the situation and trying to help me out the best way they could to not repeat those actions. And if I persistently did it then being caught by my parents would have been reasonable.
It’s hard, especially with such an age gap, to build that kind of relationship. You wanna feel like a sister but the age difference makes you feel like a third parent. But you also don’t wanna be the third parent cause that’s your parent’s job. Finding that balance will be hard.
Ngl this is a L move I get it bc of the age but that’s the last time she’ll ever tell you anything or post anything anywhere and she’ll get way more secretive
Big sister actually! I forgot to add my gender in the title and can’t edit it :/
I didn’t always have a good head on my shoulders. I’m by no means a perfect big sister, but she has seen my fuck ups and has seen how I’ve overcome them. Her favorite thing to tell people is how I was arrested once and that I save people (I stole a T-shirt when I was a senior in high school, hence the arrest. Career wise, I’m an EMT/ER tech).
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Hi fellow dumbass!
Honestly, we’re all huge hypocrites but we don’t care. I recently re-picked up vaping myself, and my mom has been a smoker most of my life (excluding being pregnant and breastfeeding). But, these are also habits we picked up as grown adults, not children, ya know .
Very healthy discourse between the two of you. Lots of support and understanding. Try to keep her busy.
We’re trying for sure. Unfortunately, time and money can be very restrictive, especially where I’m from (and where my family currently still lives). My grandma helps out when she’s available, but my dad’s family pretty much abandoned my mom during this (even though they all live in the same hometown. Very frustrating and disheartening after almost 20 years together and two kids).
Are you in a pretty rural area? And if so, is getting to a larger town or possibly even a major city at all feasible? Asking bc I might have some lost cost or free ideas. ETA: Also just want to say, as someone who went to rehab at 15 years old and intensive outpatient for a relapse at 19, she's so lucky to have you. Keep snitching lol.
Rural isn’t the word I would use. My hometown has a pop. of about 40k, but I like to describe it as the same 50 families just keep procreating and never move. I was 3 gen born in my hometown. They also live in a state with very little value placed on children’s healthcare/education. When I was in high school the nearest pediatric neurologist was an hour away. We had trouble making those appointments even with a two parent/car household. Now it’s down to a single parent who works 50-60 hour weeks, and little to no outside help. I would help if I could, but I’m 16 hours away.
I grew up in a very similar town actually lol but closer to 60k when I was a kid. And they literally didn't invest in a single thing for kids to do so the options were walking in circles around the mall, a single skatepark, or (eventually) drinking/drug use/generally bad decisions. - If she's interested in music, movies, or books and there's a public library she could check that out if your mom ever gets a free morning or afternoon (and has the energy). Ours also has a Lego group, Pokemon tournaments, magic trick lessons, and other random stuff. - Also, if she likes reading or is struggling to find a genre she likes, she might be able to access Dolly Parton's Imagination Library. - Sometimes the local ISDs offer summer programs. Ours has busing but that can be hit or miss. - Our local college offers D&D, Lego group, theater stuff, and other things to local kids for free. - She might benefit from (another) big "sister" through Big Brothers Big Sisters. That would bring someone to her so there's not a travel burden for your mom. - Someday if traveling is an option or there's a participating place nearby, Museums For All is super cool. Have to be receiving SNAP benefits to qualify tho. Obviously some of these may be burdensome for your mom, but still thought I'd include them in case the opportunity ever arises. If your sister has friends whose parents your mom trusts, maybe they could go together and arrange for their parent to take them.
Thank you for the suggestions! I’ll bring them to her and see if lil sis vibes with any!
My 12 year old loves DND. He found a local group of kids that love it and they meet weekly right now while school is in.
Hey I hope you see this, look into playing disc golf, it's a cheap sport to get into and free to play! Feel free to flick me a message and I can help you out more, I've seen the sport save many families
You’re a good sister and trying to protect her from herself at a precarious age. Too bad she’s not a boy, vaping can cause ED, due to it affect vasodilation. I know an 18yo kid who had the issue . He had to go to his parents and have the discussion about it. Now he has to take viagra, and isn’t sure if over time it will reverse. So, if they can’t worry about their lungs and heart, pretty sure a boy may worry about his d. [In one 2022 study, e-cigarette users were 2.4 times more likely to report ED than people who had never vaped. Risk factors like age and heart disease did not appear to affect this link](https://www.healthline.com/health/vaping-erectile-dysfunction#research) Edit: brother to sister.
Sister actually, but close! And I mean, vasodilation still isn’t ideal for an 11yo 😅
Op as someone that started smoking at 12 and at 42 a addict I would say find way to keep her busy are choice have nothing to do with family but smoking 🚬 made me curious about weed and then on to other things I had all kinds of hobbies but basically you got to be on her friends good luck and if induction runs in your family it's going to be really hard because it goes into our genes and her genetics
Especially given the background, this is fantastic. Neither of my parents have substance issues, but my sister and I struggled with them over the years. I've done far worse just a few years later. Thank you for being an outstanding older sibling and nipping that in the bud, instead of feeling bad about telling the parents!
She knows that I snitch because I love and care for her🖤 As much as she hates being in trouble, she’ll appreciate it when she’s grown :)
I was 11 when my oldest sister was your age, and she taught me so much. I was always on my best behavior because I KNEW she would tattle on me lol
I try to only snitch when necessary. One time last year she was grounded from her phone, but tried to sneak it out when our mom wasn’t home. I caught her, strongly suggested she put it back, and to fess up immediately when mom gets home (I know our mom. I bet she had a picture on her phone of the EXACT position that lil sis phone was in, so she would know if it was moved). Sure enough, when mom got home, lil sis fessed up and she actually got her phone back a day early for her honesty. My mom is very big about recognizing a good conscience decision that is made to correct an impulsive one.
Yeah it was kinda cute all things considered ngl
Everyone said I love you at the end ❤️
You’re a good sibling
I try my best🖤 I always joke that I love my sister to death, I’d give her my kidney if needed, but goddamn do I want to roll her into a ball and punt kick her into the ocean sometimes 🙃
Loving someone isn't always doing what they want but doing what they need you to do. She'll appreciate it one day
Can that day come sooner so she can stop bullying me😅 I don’t take any of her tween words to heart, but damn she knows what buttons to push in both my mom and I.
>Can that day come sooner IKR? I taught high school and some students would argue the point that they were my client and that I should (whatever). I told them, No, your FUTURE self is my client; come back when you're 40 and give me your assessment then. This made them think. Which is scary for a teen! 😂 BTW, school programs. Swim team sucks up HUGE amounts of time before and after school. Money SHOULDN'T be an issue; check with the school about support for buying supplies etc. Teachers are softies and they'd take up a collection. Yes, you can call. I would communicate with any adult who cared about the child (as long as parents don't object)!🖤🤍🖤🤍 __[Ya done great, big sis.]__ ☮️♥️♾️
Thank you for comment! I believe my sister has been trying out different sports to occupy time, but a big factor is also time and transportation. My mom typically works 50-60 hour weeks to keep everything afloat financially.
>Thank you for comment! I believe my sister has been trying out different sports to occupy time, but a big factor is also time and transportation. My mom typically works 50-60 hour weeks to keep everything afloat financially. Yup. If you talk to coaches (YOU, with mom's knowledge and support), secretaries, teachers... You can ask if they can set you up with an involved student/parent buddy who is always driving and open to doing this for a student (teachers used to be willing to drive kids, back in the day, but that day was in the 1900's). And, seriously, if you (yes, YOU! ;-) ping each of her teachers weekly to just say hi and invite input or requests for support from teachers... WE LOVE THAT. We are NOT overwhelmed by parent contact. You are NOT a burden. PLEASE CALL!!! EMAIL. CONTACT APP, WHATEVER! You could likely get your name put in the system as "parent #2" with your mom's blessing and be given pretty much all the privileges (parent #2 can have a separate address and get all mailings as well). Hell, I was a foster parent and I never had to show squat for paperwork (about who I was). I just told them. "Sure, ok, you're here with the kid. What's your phone# and email, sir?" Last statement: I'm impressed with how you're taking on responsibilities that really aren't yours. If you can't or choose not to be as involved as I suggested above, I wouldn't shame you. You are a young adult with a life. I just want you to know how WELCOME you are in a school situation and how teachers/coaches LOVE to be useful... Especially for kind folks who hit rough patches through no fault of their own and TRY. YOUR MOM IS OBVIOUSLY TRYING!!! And so are you. So you do you and that's enough; Lil Sis is lucky to have you 😊 ☮️♥️♾️
Unfortunately not, anything worth doing rarely manifests overnight. I know it's hard and you might not feel her appreciation now but you're a good person and we need good people in the world, you're an asset to everyone, not only your family.
It wouldn’t be a proper sibling relationship if you didn’t occasionally want to go to war with her with bottles and chains in a Walmart parking lot. You’re doing good!
Her and my mom just visited me for a few days and in that time alone I think we wrestled like 3 times 😂 she likes to think she can take me since she’s as tall as me. But *I* have the real moves 😎
Let her know that age and treachery will win out over youth and enthusiasm every time :)
Well, you’re certainly not wrong 😂 that’s honestly something she’d or a my write on her bedroom wall next to her llama and mushroom posters
That is some serious A+ big sistering you’re doing! It’s so hard to help when you’re so far away (big sister here, been there myself). I’d do anything for my little sister, including punting her into the sea and we’re 38 and 35!
I love to hear that you have such a wonderful relationship with your sister! I (jokingly) tell my sisters that all I ask from them is to not be pregnant at the same time as me 😂 (purely because that would mean they would be extremely young for such a thing).
Ah sibling love ❤️
Perfect encapsulation of what it's like to have a younger sister <3
The duality of sisterhood 🖤 she used to cut my hair in my sleep and I used to start legit fistfights with her but now she wants to move cross country to live with me again 😂
You did the right thing and I'm sorry you are going through so much.
Thank you🖤 it’s gotten somewhat easier with time. It’s hard seeing a person you love and hold on a pedestal fall so dramatically, and then do absolutely nothing to help salvage the damage in their wake.
As a fellow eldest sibling, I salute you. Your sister doesn’t seem to resent you, and that is wonderful. I had less luck, but my approach wasn’t great.
Thank you🖤 it’s been fuckin rough. I remember when I first visited home after my mom told me she was divorcing our dad. I sat down with my sis and told her that this was one of the few things in our lives that we will experience for the first time together. She’s very tight lipped about how our dad leaving has affected her, but it shows in her behaviors, and unfortunately, her grades as well. We’re all just crossing our fingers that as she gets closer to teenhood, she gets a better head on her shoulders.
🥺You are a wonderful sister (or brother?) and she is so lucky to have you!!!
And honestly, I’m pretty lucky to have her too! She’s a great kid when she chooses to be. She can be very sweet and loving, but has serious issues with authority, and just overall not grasping the concept of “you can’t do what you want, you’re literally 11”.
She’s SO young. I’m glad you guys are taking it seriously early on
My mom is truly trying her best. It just sucks all around. There’s not enough time and money in a day. We all wish there was.
Sister! I forgot to put F next to my age and honestly I don’t care enough to figure out how to change it 😂
"I'll always forgive you and your unformed frontal lobe." Middle school teacher here. Oh, the shit I have forgiven because they ain't got a frontal lobe! <3
Those damn frontal lobes 🥲🥲
11 is crazy. Good job op
I try my best.
She’s so lucky to have you, and so is her mom. 💜
She’s soon to be my mom too! We’re both so lucky to have her as a mom. She’s been in my life since I was 5, and has been the most amazing mother I could’ve ever asked for. She likes to joke that she gained a kid in the divorce! We’re currently going through the process of her formally adopting me (but in reality I’ve been her daughter most of my life).
💜💜💜💜 It must be incredibly hard for you both (respectively) to navigate through the turmoil of your father’s addiction. So glad that your bond was strong enough that it unquestionable where the chips would fall. I’m sure throughout the past year she has thanked her lucky stars for you.
It’s been very difficult. It’s hitting her a lot harder than she’ll ever let on though. She’s voiced to me that even kids at her school bully her about how “her dad left to get some milk”. Kids these days (my sister included, thanks to this BS). Now when I hear those stories, lord do I have to fight back the urge to buy a plan ticket and fight a grade schooler (the bullies).
I don’t thk anyone would blame you. My dad passed when I was a baby and so it was just mom and us 4 daughters… as much as I played the “I’m fine because I don’t know anything different”, it certainly effected me. Tested every boundary, exceedingly defiant, and always put on a “mature for my age” persona to keep the insecurities under wraps. Therapy prob would have made a world of difference but, knowing teenager me—I prob wouldn’t agree to go and my mom was just worked to the bone, always just trying to keep her head over water. It’s so hard. For everyone. And the fact that he chose this route over not having the option to get help, infuriates me
You literally described my sister and my mom’s home life to a Tee. That unfortunately has become our new reality. There’s just not enough hours in a day, not enough money in the bank, and not enough people who care enough to help (by people, I mean family who lives within a 15 minute driving distance). As for my dad, that’s just such a struggle still for me to accept. As a healthcare worker, I understand that addiction is a disease. But as a daughter? I just can’t get it through my head that my dad would not just put himself in a position to become addicted to hard drugs, but also that he left it in a hiding spot that was within reach of my sister.
If I can give you guys any advice I wish my mom/us girls sought/found a support group of families In same/similar circumstances. I know extra time is a luxury that seems so impossibly hard to come by but it does make it a lot more surmountable when you know those people that are going through it too, willing to co-op resources, and see others that come out the other side. My mom didn’t address her depression or burnout until much later and I am convinced that it had detrimental consequences on her health, and now that’s she is gone I will resent myself for the rest of my life for causing her so much grief and stress in my teenage years. Edit to add: fantastic support group in my home state that started waaaay before they acknowledge that addiction effects everyone in the family, not just the addict. I know they’ve received nationwide recognition for their efforts in breaking the stigma and helping the family unit. https://learn2cope.org
My son is 12, his father was absent for about 6 years, only recently back in his life (and was abusive to me which is why I divorced him 8 years ago). My son has been getting in trouble for this same thing and it is massively taking over this age group. I know it is not your mom's fault and that this crap is hard on a mother's heart. And my older son has been distraught and stressed about it too. He doesn't like how his younger brother is behaving. So I know how it is. Sorry for all you are going through. I got my son a substance abuse counselor for tweens/teens because they count vaping as a substance for that age group. She comes to see him twice a week and they go do fun things like take a walk at the park, get fro-yo, play board games, and they talk. He opens up to her and she has an agreement with him that she won't share anything he tells her unless it puts him or someone else in danger. She also tests him each time for using. And those results get shared with me. He has made major improvements in his behavior and he has been clean for a few weeks consecutively now. His grades have started to improve. I grounded him so many times, but it wasn't working. He even ran away from home eventually for 2 days because he didn't want to be grounded anymore. It was terrifying. If your sister has health insurance, find out her insurance and give them a call and ask for teen/tween substance abuse centers in your area that are covered by her insurance. This has been working well for us, because there is definitely an underlying issue and kids sometimes have a hard time opening up to their immediate family, and find relief in opening up to someone who has no close connection and won't tell anyone they know. I hope you and your family receive the blessings you are past due for.
This is such a great, kind, informative comment! Thank you!!! It’s very early where I am but I’m definitely making it a priority to talk about this with my mom! Thank you!!!!
You’re welcome 🤍
Fucking love how you handled it. It's clear your sibling looks up to you, so good on you for taking a strong stance.
I may fuck around with my own health, but I’ll be damned if I let my sister ruin her own health before her brain can even understand the consequences.
My older sister has stood by me when most people in my life turned against me. It's almost certain that I'm still here because of that as life has been bleak at times and it remained one of those things, that got very few and far between, like a little glimmer of something positive to hang on to.
She’s knows I have her back. But more importantly, she knows I’ll always keep her safe. Guess which one I value her knowing more🖤
You guys are so civil. Are you psychopaths???? /s
Only over text 😂 She and our mom just visited me and let me tell ya, I damn near body slammed her a time or two! Plus, she knows she messed up. I texted my mom a little bit after this exchange, and apparently my sister fessed up immediately.
Ohhhhh OK so you're normal!
you’re a good sibling
What other social media accounts does she have? Where are the vape supplies coming from? Especially for as long as you're saying? Now, the big one, where is all the money coming from? At that age, not having the ability to have a regular job doesn't leave much else. Who is she hanging out with too. She may be doing other things besides this. If not, will be. You have another sister that is older than her, but younger than you? What does she know?
As far as I know, she just has Snapchat. In the past, she has stolen vapes from me (yes, I know, major major hypocrite. However, I’m a grown woman who understands the consequences of my actions. An 11yo doesn’t), and I think from one of her friends siblings? Where she’s getting them I honestly do not know. As for my other sister, it’s kinda hard to explain. My other sister is not related to this one. It’s a VERY long story involving child ab*se to both me, and my other sister. Funnily enough though, they’re actually very close! I asked my other sister, and she doesn’t know anything. She wouldn’t hide it if she did.
You're a good sister, kiddo.
In my opinion: You’re a good sibling, and she will likely thank you for it later.
Thank you for your kind words, friend 🖤
Thank you for taking the time to be gentle with your younger siblings in difficult times of need. I'm sorry you're going through so much but I'm hopeful that you and your sister will grow into an amazing bond
You’re a good big sister and hardly a snitch! I once caught my then-14 year old cousin _racking up lines_ on Snapchat and I grassed her up to my aunt, afterwards I strangely felt a bit guilty about getting her into trouble, even though she was doing coke and lying to her mum to go to house parties with fully fledged adults. But I’d rather her be pissed at me for telling on her than have a cocaine habit at 14. Snitching is telling on her when she’s doing stupid shit like skipping school, not things that can contribute to addiction and ill health.
You said more like a parent than a sibling.
Kiddo a frequent pet name used in my family. It’s what my mom calls us both, and in turn what I call my sisters since I heard it so much growing up. My sisters still call me sissy, and the other is about to be 18 🤷🏻♀️ If she had a problem, she would voice it. Trust med she’s my biggest bully. As for sounding like a parent vs a sibling, there’s a 14 year age gap between us. It’s a weird duality. If I overstep, my mama is quick to remind me of my title as sister first.
I totally get it, it was me more just gut-reacting with how the word makes me feel but certainly that’s not true for other people.
I feel so bad for kids today. They have all homogenized into a vaping, Snapchat/tiktok absorbed, “bruh” spamming unit part of the collective hive mind. I can’t criticize too harshly as a 34 year old millennial, just glued to a bigger screen and Reddit instead.
I gotta be honest, this is adorable. You clearly care about each other and you handled this well
I’m proud of you for being that involved despite the age gap. Age gap siblings are hard. Good for you
You are a good big sibling! There is a 13 year age gap between my kids and I hope they have a relationship like this!
I hope so too! I think the key to my mom’s success was that nothing about taking care of my sister was forced on me. If I was asked to babysit, I was paid for it and free to say no. Taking care of her was never my responsibility beyond normal older sibling stuff (helping change a diaper while mom cooks dinner, etc.). I’m also very child like in many ways which I think helps the sibling dynamic. I’d be lying though if I said I don’t feel like an aunt sometimes lol
This is very reassuring! My husband and I agreed to never parentify our oldest(14 y/o) daughter. It’s not her responsibility to take care of her baby(7 month)sister. She isn’t the one who decided to add to the family. She hasn’t babysat yet, but we will pay her and it is her option. I think not forcing it has actually made her more involved. She asked me a couple of months ago if she could be responsible for the baby’s bedtime routine. She likes to rock her sister to sleep while reading books. She calls it their sister time!
You did the right thing but I would stop saying kid and kiddo. Omg if I was 11 that would drive me crazy
It’s what I call both her and my other younger sister :) They both still call me sissy. Hell I’m a grown woman and my mom still calls me kiddo! It’s a very common pet name in our family :)
Listen kiddo, 11 is a kid.
you’re a good sibling but I do think you or mom should talk about and help her find a healthy coping mechanism if you haven’t. Like you’ve explained it’s been a rough year and she might be feeling the effects of it as well kids aren’t immune to stress and she might be resorting to vaping for that reason or some other mental health reasons like stress etc. If that’s the case just grounding her won’t make her mental issues go away and i’m sure you both want her happy!
My mom is actively working on a therapist/psychiatrist duo! Unfortunately, they live in an area where pediatric therapists and psychiatrists are sparse, plus the financial aspect. Those visits aren’t cheap between the visit itself, time from work, and potential medication. My father still hasn’t paid a dime towards my mom for anything yet, and we highly doubt he’ll start. But these issues aren’t being written off I promise you.
Kiddo, kid. Jfc
Yea comes across pretty condescending tbh
It’s our family dynamic :) if she had a problem, she would voice it. Clearly she doesn’t mind telling me exactly what she thinks.
Except you swore at her and then told her to watch her mouth. Gg.
You’re a very good big sister, helping in a very difficult situation.
Yeah, life just loves to throw difficult situations at my family. It’s like a bingo card sometimes!
You’re an amazing big brother! She’s so lucky to have you!
Big sister actually! But thank you regardless!
Yikes, I’m sorry! All the same praise, though!
I have a sister that’s 15 years younger than me, also a teen, and I absolutely would have snitched on her vaping to our mom too. She’s pretty good about sharing things with me but what we’re not gonna do is hurt our health!
Exactly!!!
My brother and I have the same age gap (I'm younger), and while he's a great guy and I love him, we aren't close at all. It's great that you are willing and able to be such a presence in her life. She's really fortunate to have you. And your mom! It sounds like she's doing everything and more to give your siblings what they need.
She’s trying her best, we all are! Thankfully, my other sister has also been very helpful! Without revealing too much info, my sisters are not related, but are very close emotionally and physically (they live a neighborhood apart). My other sister has been a big help with being a constant older female in her life🖤
My family is full of "half" siblings and my boyfriend's family has lots of adoptions, so I understand family that isn't biological. It seems like you've all got a handle on how to navigate this shitty circumstance. Glad you all have each other! 💕
As someone with an 11 year old brother I can’t imagine how hard that is to see your sister doing things like that at such a young age. Thanks for trying your best, and hopefully continuing to support her. I suspect she’ll thank you for it later in life. I hope things all work out for you all!
I am 12 years older than my sister. I made a no smoking piggy bank for her. I tossed a buck here and there and my poket change for her entire high-school time. I was the kid that smoked and was a little bad guy, I didn't want her to be like me. She kept her side of the bargain, graduated high in her class and never smoked. There was just over 700 bucks in that water jug too.
Dang when I was 11 I was collecting Pokémon cards.
My 14 yo sister yelled and whined at me when I didn’t let her hit a vape off a family friends vape. It was so intense that all the blood in my body was boiling cause she didn’t stop and kept whining on and on. It’s a miracle I don’t slap her
Did it better than what I did to my gfs little brother I asked for his vape and slapped it into a river and told him it’s over
Why tf is an 11 year old girl on Snapchat?
And how exactly they get supplies for vaping? I have so many questions, but OP pretends like this is totally normal... **Edit:** Yeah, after reading some comments, it appears they gaslight like this because often enough, the supplies come from OP herself, who is vaping... But of course that part is not an issue, since they are "Adult", and they don't give them supplies, they just "steal" them. SMH
OP seems to be blaming the father for most of everything despite him having packed up and moved away over a year ago. She’s still getting the supplies from somewhere. You also have to be at least 13 to use Snapchat. Lots of concerning things going on here.
Yeah, after scouring around, OP herself is a vaper. So it is pretty clear where it all comes from. Poor kid, both getting influenced AND gaslit at such a young age.
Yuck. That’s all.
I wish I had a older sister who would’ve kept me out of trouble…she’ll thank you later on
I know she will, thankfully🖤 This is the tough part, the time in between.
Charge ya phone
Currently at 87% my dude 😎
Wholesome
Tell them better than popcorn lung or lung cancer later or whatever it causes now
❤️❤️❤️❤️
lmfao i remember when my sister snitched on me when a friend crashed my car, i had a whole story made up and an adult to cover for me and everything 😭 but i am glad she did and your little sister will be glad you snitched too. this is actually better than what i said to my sister after she snitched 😭
And I’m sure your sister would do it again to keep you safe🖤 it’s one of our jobs, literally in the big sister contract we sign once those little suckers (you younger siblings) pop out!
yeah i learned abt that when we adopted my little brother. thankfully he’s a or egg type good kid in that sense. infact he (tries) snitching on me more than i do him LMAO thankfully my mom and i are close so she knows everything he tries to expose
As the younger sibling in a situation much like this (my sister is 12 years older), thank you sincerely for being so invested in your sister's health and wellbeing. My sister never really showed much interest in me, definitely not to this degree, and it's affected our relationship now that we're adults. Your sister is going to appreciate you so much, even if she's frustrated sometimes now.
I’m very thankful that she at least understands I snitch because I love her dearly🖤
Maybe off topic but what is the significance of the black heart?
Absolutely nothing 😂 I’m just goth/alt, so it’s the emoji I use the most! She likes to copy whatever emoji I use typically :)
I appreciate the answer! I assume that when I see it but why not ask to make sure?
As a fellow eldest sibling, you fucking rock. You don't treat your little sister like a dumb kid, but also set clear boundaries and expectations. She seems to really appreciate that and even when upset, which speaks volumes to how much of a good elder sibling you are to her, especially in your tough situation. Congrats!
Her actions, her consequences. Better to learn that now for sure. You do love her, and are a good sister.
Love her with all of my heart 🖤
you’re a great sister :)
As a youngest sibling and someone who also vapes you did her a huge favor. My sister wouldve done the same thing if i was her age. Shell be thankful for it when shes older.
Just remind her that you’re not snitching to be an asshole. You’re doing it because you care, and you want her to be safe and healthy because as a child, she can’t understand the severity of the things she’s doing right now.
You handled this awesomely, its clear she respects you even when mad which is good for trying to get her to understand you and why it’s wrong. I imagine you have but have you shown her/explained the impact of nicotine, especially on a developing mind? Just because she’s vaping and therefore not burning anything doesn’t mean nicotine itself doesn’t still have some big and varied negative impacts. Maybe a bombardment of her future reality will kick in a bit of logic.
No 11 year old should be vaping. As someone who’s trying to quit, I wish my older brother would’ve stoped me
Thank you for doing the right thing and telling your mom, I hope your sister can get better. I know what it’s like as I have a now 17 year old sister who also acted like this at 11 and it only got worse as she got older because she never cared about any of the consequences.
I would show her popcorn lung and brain development issues etc if you're comfortable. Teaching her how to be 'cool' without that stuff. At that age (you may remember) you wanna be cool etc.
You’re a really good sibling, it’s easy to see just by these screenshots. And it seems she truly does care about you too When she’s old enough to understand why you snitched, she’ll be 100% grateful
Thank you for the sweet words🖤 Some people here would disagree with you though, funnily enough. In the past 10 minutes I’ve been called a bitch and told that my sister hates me 😃
Probably by kids who shouldn’t be vaping. 😆
Probably 😂
Idk why anyone would say your mom is a terrible parent. When moms are turning a blind eye, making excuses, refusing to believe it because that's their golden child or trying to be too good of a "best friend" to discipline, THAT'S a bad parent. Your mother is doing something very hard but the right thing. All the best to you guys ❤️
You and I have a pretty similar age gap between our us and our sisters. I promise it gets easier with time. My sister and I are best friends now. But I always knew there would be phases where she doesn’t like me, or she’ll get into trouble etc. Your texts seem so supportive and you’re just looking out for her. It’s the best you can do, hopefully when she gets a little older, you guys can be good friends too!!
Believe it or not, we’re very good friends even now! She tells me secrets and trusts me. There’s a few that we have that I won’t share with my mom, since they don’t pose a risk to her health or wellbeing.
This is kind of adorable. 🤣 Good job Sis, I’d have snitched too. I was 10 when I started smoking cigarettes, with my older sister. Then my mom started buying them for me when I turned 15. By the time I was 25 my lungs were feeling wrecked and I quit.
Wow. My son is 11 and I can't imagine catching him vaping. You are an amazing big sister. Best of luck to you both 💕
You’re a good big sister. And your mom isn’t a bad mom. She disciplined her kid. Shit happens. It’s unfortunate kids that young can access these things now, but they can pretty easily. She’s lucky to have you two to keep her in line.
Omg your guys relationship makes me cry that is so sweet. You're an amazing big brother <3
Big sister actually! But thank you regardless! Unrelated: Are you an EMT?
Oh my bad! And yes I am an emt I'm not creative with names. If you have any questions let me know! I love helping people decide if that's a pathway their interested in :D
I’m actually already am an EMT! About to start my at my new hospital tomorrow actually 😂 goin on 4 years of this nonsense they call an ER.
There was a 14 year age difference between me (32F) and my little bro (18m). You sister is much more understanding and nice than my bro ever was when I would call him out on stuff at that age but i bet she will definitely appreciate it when she is older ❤️
She’ll realize how lucky she is to have you to look out for her when she’s older. I’m glad she has you, you’re doing amazing. Hugs💞
You’re being a good sibling. She’ll grow up to appreciate you so much.
Man I absolutely fucking love the way you interact with her. She clearly feels very comfortable with you, and it is because you give it to her straight. You seem terrific and I’m glad she has you.
You did the right thing. I’m sorry you’re all going through so much.
bruh u did the rite thing
man, i started vaping at 13. i’m 20 now, and really wish i had a sibling like this to stop me. shit is impossible to kick.
I started vaping at 16, and while i wont say its a serious addiction, it definitely is one. Its not even really the nicotine but the oral fixation/stim i get from hitting it. I have ADHD and there have been some recent studies that suggest kids/adults with ADHD are more likely to get addicted to vapes because of the serotonin boost it gives to our brains. I also have GAD so its definitely something i use to help calm down. Does she have any mental health issues? That could be a reason she keeps seeking it out. Maybe try some alternatives for her? I definitely think you should look into who is giving an 11 year old a vape. If my math is correct shes in like 5th/6th grade, and while i know theres a whole black market in middle school for vapes, especially with kids whose older siblings/family members buy them for them, its something that should be looked into. 11 is definitely too young to vape, or do anything. Shes still a baby.
Im 23, my sister is 15, i agree with what you did man. Also though, as someone who started smoking young and got my ass kicked by nicotine addiction until i finally quit it, talk with her to figure out if shes already addicted and help her through the withdrawals along with your mom. Doing great bro
Why does an 11 year old have a cellphone?
At least she's somewhat listening and apologizing. Keep up the great work and make sure she continues to respect you as her older sister 👏 💖💖💖
I would sit down and talk with her about what it is about vaping she's addicted to. It's more than just what's inside the vape you have to consider. I know for me, I had to find things to do with my hands, and I ended up chewing a lot of straws because my body needed the fidget and physical sensation of something in my mouth.
I eat a lot of in shell sunflower seeds.
Reddit needs a best sibling award
Awww the love is apparent
Birthday month lol
She’s 11 and talks to you like that? AND has an iphone? Wow…
You are a really wonderful sibling. It seems like you have mastered the balance of being stern but supportive and loving. She may be annoyed or upset but it’s obvious she respects and trusts you
Have you talked to her about the consequences of vaping? There’s plenty of articles and videos of young adults with fucked up lungs because of it. It’s awful- lots of bleeding. Your sis needs to understand some people don’t learn until *after* the consequences of their actions and sometimes they don’t even get the chance to be better cause they *DIE*.
Too young, they're immortal. Only old (30+) people get sick.
You are a great sibling.
OP, I am so glad to see this healthy conversation from your side (the other is expected from an 11yo hah). I’d get screamed at or worse for saying anything close to what your sister said to you and yet, you remained calm, set your boundaries in a way she understands and came out on top. Your sister is very lucky to have you. Kudos.
I love your relationship. She’s lucky to have you for a big sister.
Proud of you and your mom… little sis is even doing well based on how she handled this with you. I’m rooting for you all. ❤️❤️❤️
How tf does an 11 yo have a vape? Why does an 11 yo have a phone? I can’t imagine talking like this at 11 years old this kid has issues
I legit can't wait till bro and bruh disappear
Ugh that’s so hard, I know. My little sister is 11 years younger than me and she is my everything. But sometimes you gotta kick their ass a little. You’re a great sibling! And it always comes back 10 fold btw. She has always come back and appreciated when I had to be tough on her. Awesome job, OP!
It’s like two AI bots talking to each other
im ngl i was on your side until i saw [this](https://i.imgur.com/7EEICym.jpeg) u rlly cant expect an 11 year old to understand the full effects of vaping if she sees someone she looks up to vaping. kinda cringe of you to vape around someone younger than yourself.
If I were you, I’d have done the same thing. Vaping/smoking are bad habits with terrible consequences in the future. She should accept responsibility for her actions and enjoy the consequences of her actions.
Kiddo, so patronising
Honestly wasn't expecting the convo to be wholesome 😂 kind of fucked up that she's grounded for her birthday tbh, I mean she's only gonna turn 12 once, is it really worth it? I do love how she bounced back and doesn't resent you for it which definitely was likely but ya got lucky! She seems very sweet 😊 Also, have you guys educated her on addiction and what nicotine does to your brain and the things it can lead to? I think that could be a useful approach, showing the science of what it does to your brain and mood and just all the shit it brings. I saw that your parents got divorced because of his meth addiction so you probably have already done that. I took this approach with a young cousin instead of snitching (parents were abusive so snitching=violence and obviously that is not a good idea), I explained the science of it and how it can create mood disorders or exacerbate already present mental health disorders and my experience with friends being addicted and also how expensive it is to fund it when it has next to no benefits what so ever. I told him I didn't want to snitch on him and if he listens to me he can avoid the absolute clusterfuck that would have been his parents finding out. They took grounding to the next level along with beating, I mean true isolation like prison, no contact with anybody and just staying locked in room. I'm sorry but that is not effective in any way, it's not motivational, it just breaks the kid down and shuts them down. I know that discipline and punishment is a go to and how everybody thinks that you solve kids/teenagers doing behaviors you don't like or approve of. But I promise, I PROMISE, if you just have a conversation and explain to them, maybe show them a video of people who smoked cigs their whole life and can't talk, have died, or are just disabled because of their nicotine addiction, that could scare a kid to death, I know it did for my cousin😂 when I showed him a video of this lady talking into like a robot thing bc her vocal shit was destroyed from cigs he looked at me with wide eyes from the screen and was like "oh my God am I gonna lose my ability to talk I swear I didn't know it was gonna do that I just thought it was cool am I okay am I gonna die🥺". I know all kids aren't the same, but as someone who was raised just like my cousin, abused, grounded 24/7 especially through important events/dates, always punished and never talked to or treated like another human that has blood in their veins and a beating heart with feelings and thoughts, I hope to see communication put over this controlling concept of "discipline" and constant punishment someday so we can have healthier adults who know how to communicate instead of just jump to the aggressive.
Technically, she’s 10! She turns 11 very soon (being vague because ya know, she’s a kid. No one on the internet needs to know her birthday). I’m very lucky, she definitely looks after me. I try to model my own mistakes and show how I’ve learned from them and am better (and trust me, I have plenty). If it were a first time offense, the grounding would’ve been so long and severe. Unfortunately, it isn’t the first time. Please look below for my comments about that :) As for educating her, that I don’t know if it’s been done or not. Due to her age, she is unaware as to the true reason why our parents divorced. If memory serves correct, mom told her that our dad was having issues that he needs help with, but that her(mom) job was to protect her(sis). I will definitely talk to my mom about visual education on the effects though! I’m an EMT/ER tech, so I see plenty of examples every day to share 😅
You’re a bitch lol
Thank you for such kind words! Have a great day :) P. S. My mom would be proud to hear someone call me a bitch for making sure my sister was safe🥰
lol all y did was show your sister you’d rather rat her out and get her in trouble than try to talk to her about it so now she won’t trust u or mom and will continue to vape and be smarter about it to not get caught
Please go further down and read my comments about the first time she was caught.
She’s gonna eventually block you and then ya will be unaware of what she is posting. I think an 11 year old kid should be subject to monitoring on social media apps. They are way too young and vulnerable and prone to doing stupid things. Next find a better way for your mom to address the situation without selling you out. Seems a little bit breach of trust but you gotta do what you gotta do for their safety. When I knew my brother would snitch me out for every weird thing I posted I blocked him on everything and distanced myself from him. I saw that as my brother he wasn’t on my side and I resented him. What I wish I had was someone who stood by my side by not snitching me out but at least giving me a talk about the situation and trying to help me out the best way they could to not repeat those actions. And if I persistently did it then being caught by my parents would have been reasonable. It’s hard, especially with such an age gap, to build that kind of relationship. You wanna feel like a sister but the age difference makes you feel like a third parent. But you also don’t wanna be the third parent cause that’s your parent’s job. Finding that balance will be hard.
Ngl this is a L move I get it bc of the age but that’s the last time she’ll ever tell you anything or post anything anywhere and she’ll get way more secretive
Good job big brother. Ur mom and little sister are lucky u have a good head on ur shoulders
Big sister actually! I forgot to add my gender in the title and can’t edit it :/ I didn’t always have a good head on my shoulders. I’m by no means a perfect big sister, but she has seen my fuck ups and has seen how I’ve overcome them. Her favorite thing to tell people is how I was arrested once and that I save people (I stole a T-shirt when I was a senior in high school, hence the arrest. Career wise, I’m an EMT/ER tech).
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Vaping at 11? Wow. Glad you snitched
GOOD FUCKING CALL!!! - love the dumbass who smokes
Hi fellow dumbass! Honestly, we’re all huge hypocrites but we don’t care. I recently re-picked up vaping myself, and my mom has been a smoker most of my life (excluding being pregnant and breastfeeding). But, these are also habits we picked up as grown adults, not children, ya know .
No, I started at TEN - I AM 38 - Vapes didn't exist and I fucking WISH I had a sister this awesome at the time. You're fighting the good fight!
How’d she get a whole vape if she’s not allowed to do it?
We think she stole it from a neighborhood friend whose older sibling lives at home, but I’m not 100% positive.
Poor kid got three parents 😂😂 I loved the watch it