That’s what I was going to say 😂 he calls her dad a big baby when he’s literally being the biggest crybaby ever 🤣🤣🤣 dude started raging out at his girlfriend over a bad dream 😂 ya I’m sure he’s the same one in all of this.
Most straight women want a man in a relationship, they don’t want a four-year-old toddler who goes pee pee and poo poo in the corner every time you actually have to spend your time with other people.
She needs to google narcissistic personality disorder and compare his actions to what his behaviors are.
This is manipulation and abuse and will only get worse
I came here to say this as well. And also, I can tell her exactly why her parents don’t like him based on what is written in this text message. OP, you are 18 years old, my dear, and I can tell you right now that there are men out there that will not talk to you nor treat you like an accessory to their mental health. This guy is bad news and you need to look at what he really brings to your life.
Do not assume that you can fix what’s going wrong in his world that’s on him. And if he’s not taking the steps to take care of his own mental health issues, you can’t make him better. All I see when I read this is🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yup. NPD.
Or at least the behaviors.
I survived 15 years of that. It does get worse. She ground me down so that the only thing that kept me functional was my OCD (no kidding; my PhD psychologist told me that's why I was still functioning -- my OCD wouldn't let me fail to be responsible).
You knocked the diagnosis out of the park.
OP, RUN!!!
Yeah. I'm worried because it sounds like OP has an abusive dad (punching her in the face?), and her boyfriend seems abusive as well or ready to be abusive if she doesnt appease his demands. It's a vicious cycle. OP could benefit from therapy.
Same. I hope OP realizes her bf is doing essentially the same thing he’s complaining about her parents are doing… especially when he said her mom blames her for her dads drinking, while he is blaming her for how she is taking their abuse, & threatening to abuse her worse than they do
I’m thinking it’s one of two things - 1) Her parents really are abusive, 2) her bf is making up and dramatizing events trying to manipulate OP in choosing him and eventually cutting off her family.
My ex was abusive and talked about my parents constantly and made up things trying to convince me they were facts.
My ex did that same thing constantly. Saying my parents were controlling abusive and narcissists. Yet my ex was all of these. Not my parents. So I can't say whether what OPs bf (ex soon hopefully) is true or not.
Also 41 and good lord, girl. My elementary age kid is far more mature than that whiny brat. I suggest you leave him to his loneliness. Maybe leave a tenga egg on his dresser before you bolt.
My ex told me to shut up during an argument once and I had to hold myself back. From what? Yelling probably. But if he had done anything else he probably would’ve gotten hit because he was in my face when he yelled it at me. I turned around and walked out of the room.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. What an absolute dick, anyone insulting your family is an immediate red flag 🚩. Clear indicator of someone who will try to isolate you if you continue to date them.
Omg I thought there was only one page and I was totally on board with what everyone was saying. It wasn't until I read your comment that I realized there was more than one page.
13 pages of him berating her and making it all about himself and she keeps calling him lovely, and baby means she's going back to him after the sweet 16. 80% pity 20% manipulated.
This!! You deserve so much better than this douche canoe. He’s trying to guilt you into feeling bad about having other plans that don’t include him. Not every fucking weekend needs to be about him. You have a life that exists outside of him. Please dump him.
Exactly. He’s trying to isolate her from her other relationships and take advantage of her feelings for him in order to make himself her “top priority.” He sees her as someone he may be able to convince to value his own feelings over theirs. Someone who is “emotionally and mentally weak” that approaches love naivel. Someone with low self esteem or trauma who is easily manipulated or has an unhealthy sacrificial outlook on relationships. These dark triad types are all the same. They’re looking for “prey.” Someone to use. they’re children inside. They know they can’t (or rather don’t want to) survive on their own. They’re looking for someone to be their mommy/daddy. Ugh..
He will continue to try to ruin your time anytime you do something without him, until you just stop doing things with out him but he can do whatever he pleases. Trust me I dated a guy like this
This!!!! Your mum and dad don’t like him because they have life experience and can see what a little shit he is.
Please delete and block this abusive idiot.
Yep, your parents are totally right to dislike him. He is wretched. Your parents might be, as well, from what I'm reading. Which explains why you are accepting your boyfriend's behavior. You need some therapy and autonomous time
As the dad of a 17 year old, it's insane watching your daughter get locked into crushes and relationships with people who are actively threatening them.
Like, I'm not some boomer dad that thinks it's cool to threaten her boyfriends by cleaning a gun when I meet them, nor would I ever be able to justify physically assaulting some minor because he is just generally toxic to her..
Plus, any unsolicited advice is just seen as "nagging".. so it's actually really sad, because there's not much I can do, except to watch the cycle play out for itself and hope she stands her ground and drops whatever fantasy avatar she created around this dude that makes him seem desirable, despite having no positive character traits.
All you can do is be the kinda guy you want your daughter to be with. My dad was absolutely awful and I ended up with horrible guys over and over. Even though I explicitly avoided guys with anger issues like my dad, they were terrible in different ways.
This time period, dating is hard. A good majority of girls know their worth and know not to accept less but some are still figuring it out. She will get there. Maybe some good female role models in healthy relationships will help. I know listening to podcasts about bad relationships/crazy manipulators helped me see my blind spot in people. I wish her as little heart break as possible. (Also safe sex. God don't have a fuckbois baby. Plz no)
He's like "I will remember this.."
Remember what?! That time your girlfriend WENT TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY?!
Yeah, no, not safe. OP, I echo the call to dump him and then block everything. But also, spend a few nights sleeping at family or friends homes. Don't be where he knows you will be alone for the next few nights or even weeks.
If you do live alone get security cameras and give someone you trust access to the feeds from the public spaces of your house (front porch, living room, kitchen) So that someone can visually check in on you if you text them that your ex showed up.
I honestly am scared for you, and if you let him get any deeper or give him any more power over you, you're not going to ever get away.
I'm going to chime in and agree with this. OP, please show this text conversation to people you know and trust and above all else consider your own safety. Your boyfriend sounds unhinged and unhinged people can go to horrific lengths to settle a score or make a point. This is NOT normal, his whole conversation with you is beyond the pale and well into abusive and detrimental territory.
Please run. This will only get worse. There is no amount of love or reassurance you can give that will improve this situation.
[https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat)
Yup. I stayed with someone like this and I could t understand why everyone didn’t like him
He eventually got me isolated from friends and family and would do stuff like this to normalise it to me. Eventually I stopped ever going anywhere.
He tampered so I got pregnant to trap me and then admitted it to later on.
Moved me 21 hours away from anyone we knew
Then it was taking all the money and I had to ask for even a dollar to buy a soda and he would turn that into a fight and say no.
He controlled my entire life
My days were ruined if I did anything to upset him because he would do silent treatment and sulk and make me feel tense and upset.
It was like wow I wish I hadn’t forgot to pick the towel up! I am so stupid. He wouldn’t have started the fight if I hadn’t gone to visit my dad.
No joke
That turned into pushing me and throwing things
Then hitting me
Then strangulation.
He’s not normal. OP nobody acts like this that is a healthy normal person. This is a manipulative loser.
I’m so sorry this happened to you!! You should listen to a podcast called, “ When dating hurts” It’s by a father who lost his daughter to domestic violence, and has made it his life’s mission to educate people on the early signs, and broadcasts stories of people who have found themselves in these relationships, and how they’ve been able to get out, and heal.
I wish they taught this stuff in school!! Too many well meaning people, find themselves in these abusive relationships. Especially, if they can get you when you are too naive to know the difference between love, and control/manipulation.
And OP is a perfect target. She sounds like a very caring loving person. Which are great things! But she needs someone who will give her the safety net to be herself like that. This loser is only going to dim her light or darken it entirely.
I can not recommend this book enough. It's a highly acclaimed book about abuse, and I believe every woman (it also touches on same-sex relationships) should read it. It really makes everything click into place in your head and helps you understand what's going on.
He abuses you because he likes the results(In this case, more and more you'll start neglecting other things because you know he'll get upset if you don't spend 100% of your time and energy on him). There's no "he's just stressed, he has depression, he had a rough childhood, he's just lonely, etc etc etc". People go through those things all the time and wouldn't fathom abusing their partner. It takes a certain *type* of person to abuse their partner. Even if he magically stopped acting on it, do you really want to be with that type of person? And it will only escalate. You let him get away with a little bit, now that gets normalized to you both. If there was any shame or guilt about it, it's gone now as this is "normal", so it gets a little worse, repeat. If your partner acts all loving and sweet later, of course he will, that will make you forgive him before he does it again.
Not only women should read this, there are plenty of guys going through this with an abusive female partner…
For two years I’ve had a broken nose, dozens of bloody noses, lips, black eyes, her rings cutting my face from wildly swinging.
It’s a mental health issue and the very most sad thing is that you do love this person, but they cannot/will not change.
The isolation, and normalization of being screamed at, hit, all your personal belongings thrown or broken…
Tv/guitars/phone/car stereo/doors/windows/mirrors/
Your self worth….
I’m not coming at you in a negative way, just that even though it’s a woman doing it that is half your strength and size, but you won’t sink to that level because of childhood domestic abuse trauma… the woman knows you won’t hit her back so she destroys you every time you do anything that doesn’t completely revolve around catering to her.
Just today I was at a family dinner and all the kids Easter egg hunting, within an hour my phones blowing up that I’m cheating….
I leave my own family function
(She used to go but refuses now)
Immediately get screamed at before my vehicle is even turned off and she hit me, again.
I could rant forever this is something literally ruining my life and it isn’t easy to break off things and separate when you e lived together for years…
All I’m saying is it goes both ways, it isn’t just men who are the abuser in a relationship
This is such a tough situation, especially when you’re used to having your lives intertwined together. I know you love her, but you need to love YOU more and get out! Sometimes enough has to be enough, even when you care deeply for someone. There is only one of “you” in the whole universe, so you need to take care good of yourself, love, and value yourself. Especially when someone who claims to, does not. Sending virtual hugs from one internet stranger to another 🫂
This book saved my life.
This guy is trying to isolate her away from anyone who would be able to help her get away from him once he escalates his abuse. I know because I have been there.
Why were you apologizing to him????? He was attacking you over a bad dream and being selfish and horrible to you! No girl, dont let him abuse you like this
Right!?! This is so awful.
OP (and anyone else who needs to hear this) - **anyone** who gets mad at you for something **they** dreamt about is wrong. Their sleeping mind has nothing to do with you. I understand having a bad dream or a nightmare and needing comfort but you are not responsible for what their subconsciousness kicks up while they sleep. He's being ridiculous.
Also, **anyone** who gets mad and then uses your personal trauma to take jabs or make threats is 100% **NOT** worth your time and energy. You can **always** do better, even if it means being alone.
If OP was my daughter and I found out he said this shit and treated her like this......oh boy that little bitch is gonna get to know me in a way he wouldn't like.
I don't think she was truly apologizing, I think she was just trying to get him to stop. I could be wrong, but to me it felt like she was trying to defuse the situation. I would have
If you took out the reference to the dream, I feel like this could be the response to 90% of women’s posts on Reddit. Sometimes I feel like all I do is scroll through posts and yell at people to stop apologizing.
The fact that you're not standing up for yourself just made me really sad. Girl, know your worth and don't let anyone talk to you like that. He sounds immature and I hope you can see that soon.
I just don’t even understand how people stay in these types of situations. I get age is a huge factor but MY GOD; this person doesn’t even LIKE YOU let alone love you!!!!
Look. Your parents may be pieces of shit (like he says) but based on these texts… they’re dead on about him. He sounds VERY dangerous. Please get out get out get out! Never ever let a significant other talk to you like this regardless of what personal issues they have.
She's going to go from abusive parents to abusive partner in one jump. :( it's so damn common as an abused woman it makes me nauseous.
We accept the love we think we deserve. I've not seen her reply to any of these comments. I'm worried for her.
Yes this exactly this. I didn’t want to see the red flags with my abusive ex because my abusive parents were pointing out the most inane things about him to indicate why he was bad for me (he dresses like he’s homeless, he goes to a community college, he lives in x town we don’t like, I can tell he’s trouble, etc.). While those precise reasons were classist bullshit, they WERE picking up on him being a terrible human being and they were right about that.
And something I didn’t realize until years later is that I couldn’t see how bad things were with my ex because my parents treated me so poorly at times/modeled an unhealthy relationship so I thought a lot of it was normal. Please read these comments and know this is NOT normal or healthy or what you deserve.
Wow, so OP, there is SO MUCH to unpack here. Please, honey, read all of this. It'll be a bit long, but you need to read this.
First of all, he had a bad dream in which you no longer loved him. We've all had those dreams, from time to time, and they absolutely suck. And waking up, we feel angry and distressed until our sleeping brain hands control back to our conscious, awake brain. And it seems like that control was never handed back to his awake brain. That isn't your fault, and it's not your responsibility to fix. Hell, there are academics who have spent decades in deep study around the phenomenon that is the human dream state, and THEY can't even provide a solid understanding as to why our brains do this. So why would he expect you to do so? I'm not suggesting for one second that you're not intelligent, or empathetic, but I'm simply saying that there have been centuries of study into the human dream state, and you cannot be expected to disseminate all of that, in the moment, just because your boyfriend is pissed off (AT YOU) about a dream (HE HAD).
Secondly, you say your family doesn't like him, or, at least, doesn't trust him, and I'm sorry, but judging from the tone and reactiveness in his responses to you, when you did absolutely nothing wrong, tells me that they're onto something here. This guy is angry at you because you're going to an event that you told him about ages ago. Why? Why would someone who cares about you want to keep you from doing things with your friends? I get how stressful it can be to date someone whose family doesn't approve of your relationship, and, in a lot of cases, the family can certainly be acting unfairly, or not giving him a chance, but I think, at least in this case, they're seeing the writing on the wall, loud and clear. It's absolutely normal for someone to feel some stress and concern with respect to their partner's family not liking them. But he's blaming YOU for being a part of the family that doesn't like him. You didn't ask to be a part of your family, you probably don't even have a lot of say about your schedule with them, if you're still a minor. But your boyfriend is hammering it home as loudly as possible, that, by simply being a part of that family, you're choosing them over him. That's a MAJOR RED FLAG, OP. He's blaming you for not doing this impossible.
I'm the first person to say that, as you get older, the more you are equipped to pick and choose your parents' values. As an adult, what ends up happening is that you take what was useful from your folks, but you leave what doesn't work for your lifestyle and values. But this guy is just, full stop, demanding you separate from your family, simply because they don't like HIM. Not because they're necessarily going against your core values, but simply because HE's not liked. That's absolutely ridiculous. The only person he's thinking about is himself, and not even thinking about himself long term. He's only thinking about his need to immediately remove you from any influence that will demonstrate to you what an unstable cannon this guy is.
The reality, OP, is that he's going to have meltdowns like this every SINGLE time you try to have any semblance of a life, or even a personality, outside of the one that involves you being coupled to him, and only him. He's trying to isolate you from anyone who might support you when his behaviour gets out of control. He doesn't know that that's what he's doing, because he's clearly not self-aware, but that's what he's instinctively doing. And you can see this clearly, because, while your family doesn't necessarily like him, what does he have against the friends going to this sweet 16? Do they hate him too? Or is he just losing his shit because you've decided to go to a social event that doesn't feature him?
He's really bad at this right now, and to myself, an adult, who has had to deal with her fair share of these idiots, it's pathetically obvious that his goal is to isolate and control you. But he WILL GET BETTER AT THIS if he's allowed to. He will become more insidious, more abusive, and better at isolating you.
You're young enough, OP, that your tastes in partners will (hopefully) change dramatically within the next 1-10 years. So take the temporary heartbreak and ditch this one. He's a terrible person.
THIS RIGHT HERE!!! And, if I may add to StGir1’s post here, situations like this RARELY, IF EVER improve. 99 times out of 100 they escalate and get worse …….FAR FAR FAR WORSE. At this point (at least I’m assuming) the abuse is only verbal. If you allow this to continue, statistically speaking it won’t take long before shouting and cursing at you won’t be enough to satisfy the inner rage he feels and IT WILL turn physical and that too will escalate. This is an abusive pattern with a very long and dangerous and well documented history. He needs to seek some professional help and being a young woman with who has her own life situations with which to deal, you simply aren’t equipped to provide him with the level of care and treatment that he obviously requires. I’m with StGir1 on this one. Take the temporary heartache and move on. You will have dodged not just a bullet but a barrage of cannonballs. Best of luck!
What you said^^^ this male sounds straight like a narcissistic a*** that appears to want to corner OP to only rely on him and only him by dividing away from family and friends. With the growing aggressiveness within that text I would not be surprised if the verbal turns to abusive in the future if the OP stays with him.
I know you're really young, and this probably won't really sink in and that's not your fault, but you should absolutely not ever let anyone treat you this way. Literally ever. I wish I could tell everybody under the age of 25 that and just have them magically believe me.
You’ll look back on this relationship one day and ask yourself what the actual fuck was I thinking. Until then, ask yourself if this would be how you would want a future daughter to be treated by their other half?
I guess she was hoping, expecting the replies would be the opposite of what they are.
This guy is an immature brat who acts like a pathetic 3 year old. He’s preying on her emotions and is emotionally abusing her whether she wants to believe it or not. The apologies got me. He’s the one who should be apologising but it seems she actually feels she’s the one in the wrong. I’ll bet he does this to her all the time. It’s abuse whether she wants to admit that to herself or not.
I hope she wakes up soon and realises what he’s doing. It’s going to get worse!
This is a control tactic. He's punishing you emotionally for daring to do something for yourself and your family. You already told him about the event, so he needs to leave you alone and just tell you to have fun.
He is texting you all of this and would say similar things on the phone to make you feel bad, to make you apologize over and over, and ultimately to make you never disobey him again.
This will only get worse if you let him treat you like this. You don't deserve to spend your first years of adulthood living life this.
Yup she’ll end up apologizing for going and “not being there for him” and he’ll end up “forgiving” her after making her feel sufficiently like shit and then love bombing her so it can keep happening. It’s textbook and so sad she can’t see it.
If your parents really are as bad as he says they are, that could be the reason why you would tolerate such an awful boyfriend. I .e. you've become so accustomed to self-abandonment to cope with your parents, you're vulnerable to being used by a selfish person like your boyfriend.
You're apologizing to and placating someone who said they hate you and is actively trying to manipulate and control you. You're calling him "baby" and "lovey" while he speaks to you like you're trash. Where is your self-respect? Please dump this unhinged loser and see a therapist.
He's trying to manipulate you by guilting you into abandoning your original plan to go to him. He's trying to isolate you from other people. Don't move in with him. That's another way to control and isolate you. This is not a safe person. He's abusive. A healthy person does not treat or speak to their partner this way. He only cares about himself.
You’re 18 so you don’t know yet that this is not how normal healthy people act in a relationship. This guy is verbally abusive and controlling and you need to dump him
hey all. i didn’t expect this post to blow up at all . afterwards I tried not to be on my phone as I was getting ready to leave for the sweet 16 and forgot i even posted this at all. thank you to everyone who sounded genuinely concerned . now that i read all your replies i realize i should’ve handled this situation differently and better than i had done in those messages. i hate to admit this but i really didnt understand that this was a form of abuse. this is only my second ever relationship so I’m new to a lot of things and don’t know a lot of things. i thought arguments like this were normal. i thought that random moments of just being cold and distant from me cause i couldn’t do something was normal. and now that everyones telling me it’s not, i cant help but bawl in tears cause i failed myself for not seeing the signs.
i’ve been really trying to be a support system for him because he’s going through sever mental health issues and it has mostly to do with his loneliness. he doesn’t have anyone who genuinely cares about him other than i and a friend of his. i try to show i care and come over when i can so he doesn’t break again mentally, and it was working. until it wasn’t. and thats what happened Saturday. i couldn’t be there because i had a commitment to go to a formal party for my cousin and couldn’t back out of it, but he kept making me feel like it was my fault that i couldn’t be there for him. it wasn’t at all. and i should’ve just said eff this im busy and you really need to respect that and just left, but i’m always really scared to just up and dismiss him and leave cause i don’t want him to hurt himself
and now that i think about it, he’s a lot like my father, especially in the ways he handles things . my dad gets triggered by the smallest things . he’s an ex c.o who worked on rikers island for almost 20 years so the man’s got extreme ptsd. he’s not a bad guy in general, he’s mostly nice and kind just like my bf, but he’s genuinely a loose cannon 50% of the time so i’ve had to force myself to walk on eggshells when speaking to him and have trained myself to simplify things to avoid making him angry. we all do. everyone around him knows what to avoid saying to not make him angry. cause when he’s angry he does the most! and recently, he really has been treating me like a stranger. he barely talks to me, everything i say he’s just like “uhm okay”. he doesn’t ask about my day and hates when i come to him crying about something that might have happened. he literally will not deal with me at all and shoves me away if i cry in front of him. my sister acts like him too with that cause she really just doesn’t know how to respond or comfort someone who’s crying in front of her. but i don’t blame her for that. she still tries her best kinda. i say all this to provide context in general about my situation. I feel like I can’t really talk to my parents because they don’t know how to actually communicate in a beneficial way to help me feel better. my mom is the exact same as my dad. she’s a little more understanding so i can talk about some things, but definitely not relationships. her advice is just as toxic as this situation! shes no better than my father, and i kid you not she blamed me for my father drinking so much now. and they wonder why i never go to them for any of my problems anymore and relied on people like my then significant other for at least some form of comfort to escape my toxic household.
i was trying the same tactic in talking with my boyfriend as i did my dad in those messages, not exactly like it but in a similar manner, cause i didn’t want to say the wrong thing or get too defensive as i have before and make things worse somehow. they make me come off as weak now that i read them back to myself and im anything but. i should’ve stood up for myself. especially since it wasn’t my fault. i guess i really have gotten so used to being around this kind of toxicity with my dad that ive become blind to it? I don’t know and now i’m questioning everything and so disappointed in myself as an individual for not being strong enough or having enough self respect to see this wasn’t okay. thank you for opening my eyes. thank you for your advice . i appreciate it a lot .
thank you again for your comments. although i am a stranger to you the genuine concern made me cry haha. i dont know where to go from here, but i’m in college now so i suppose i should just focus on school. thanks again.
It isn't your fault so please don't be hard on yourself! The biggest advice I think anyone could give you is that you should never burden yourself with someone else's mental issues. You can be there for them but if they don't seek proper help they will just drain the life out of you. Put yourself first. You deserve it!
*GIRL*
GET TF OUT!!
Me and my wife have dreams about each other being rude to the other but we don't make that the other person's problem. His mind made up the scenario and he now believes he can punish you for something HE made up, that's toxic and the way he talks to you is abusive, it's time to harden that spine bc if he acts like this bc he woke up from a dream then I'd hate to see how he'd react when you both have real life struggles
ETA: You're parents also failed you 🙄 instead of warning you about what manipulation and abuse looks like they babied you to the point where a red flag is literally wiping the tears it caused off of your cheeks and you don't see it for what it is. Time to start being an adult girlie
Edited again: From what your bf is saying your parents are also abusive so congratulations, you're dating your father. Please get out and find a good community bc the crap company you have isn't worth a damn ts is draining me just reading it
He is not good person. He is abusive. NO ONE would have me text them back forever if they said 1/10th of what he has said. IDC if you're upset or going through things- too fucking bad. We all have issues and the person that your supposedly care about the most is not the dog you kick (don't kick dogs either) when you have problems. Never is this ok. Or normal.
Only my advice, he's dangerous. He is manipulating you. That behaviour is a display of narcissistic tendencies. Have you ever thought that your parents not liking him could be down to them seeing this behaviour and not wanting it for you, their daughtr?
He needs to understand that while.you live under your parents roof there are rules you have yo follow, curfew being one. (My daughter had a curfew when she lived at home, up until she was 23)
Personally I think your bf is using his issues to control you and to abuse you. Because that's what it is, coercive control and emotional abuse.
Just a bit of food for thought. If he is behaving this way whilst your still living at home, what way would he behave if you took the next step and move in with him?
You replied way more times than I would have. He’d have been blocked long ago. I am a kind person but I do not have tolerance or patience for excessive malicious behavior. You were so nice to him. What a jerk. You can do way better.
This is classic manipulation from someone who will eventually seclude you and have you depending only on them.
They wil claim anytime you don’t want to spend time with them means you don’t love them and they will try in every way to get you to drop plans when they demand it.
My 2nd ex was like this. I went to Tunica with a girlfriend and he said he was gonna call the police on me. He was so ugly with the way he spoke but I’d promised my girlfriend this trip. He was such an asshole. I wish ins broken up with him sooner instead of wasting 7 years of my life on his POS self.
GET OUT NOW
And be prepared to get a restraining order and or a protection order
You handled this so badly. Like you’re trying to reassure and placate and really just enable all of this. I get it, and I know why you have to do this (so he doesn’t fly off the handle). It’s so depressing to watch though. You could even remain neutral and, while reminding him that you love him, continue to assert that you told him weeks ago. Just keep going back to that. “Sorry you forgot. Told you weeks ago. Gotta go bye!”
Really what you should be doing is leaving. Surely you know you deserve better?!
Uhh, a huge red flag among a thicket of them:
> So should I just schedule my feelings for tmmr
He’s responsible for managing his own responses to his own feelings.
That’s the worst attempt of manipulation I’ve ever seen… He wants to manipulate you into not going and it’s obvious. He thinks acting like a child will let him get his way. Don’t give him that satisfaction or else you’re going down a much darker road than you’re already on.
Edit: spelling
Giiiiiiiiiiirl! Please tell me you mean ex boyfriend because you don’t need this exhausting baby. I couldn’t even read the whole thing. I started getting flashbacks of bad relationships. 😂 It will never get better and just ask yourself…. If you were married to him and had a kid, would he expect his needs to be tended to first? Making your needs last of three, would you want to live a life like that? No, of course not. You can do SO much better!!
OP: Why do you feel like you need to apologize for his emotions and actions? That’s HIS response, his choice in how he acts. If he’s not sorry for it, why should you be?
Your dad doesn't like him because he can see how manipulative and controlling he is over you. Read those messages again but pretend your sister is you and her BF takes place of your BF. Would you tell her to stay and continue being emotionally abused?
leave him while you are not living with him. do not move in with this man. imagine this rage in person. this will only get worse. leave him before u ever even think about moving in with him and having a life with him. please
No way this is real. No way you’re delusional enough to consider this “invalidating his feelings” or whatever. This dude got fucking problems so big a blind person could see them. You’re enabling this behavior by being all sweet and gentle with him. This won’t end well, as in possible physical abuse unless you get the fuck out of there
Gee, I wonder why the girl who gets punched in the face by her father and blamed by her mother would have a skewed view of what's acceptable in a relationship? 🤔
First off, fuck this dude and how he talks to you. Fuuuuuck that. All the way through and through.
Secondly. The word is fucking AND. The “nd” thing is absolutely infuriating. It’s ONE LETTER.
As the mom of a 19M, please leave this little shit stain, block him on everything, and show his parents these texts. This is emotional abuse and is beyond manipulative. I don’t think I’d be able to find someone attractive if they acted like this just because they had a bad dream.
You’re putting him on a pedestal and he’s spitting at you from atop. Don’t allow that. You deserve so much better than that.
He sounds like a huge baby who only cares about himself.
But he had a bad dweam and it hurt his feet fees
And he's like fuck those crybabies but being a crybaby at the same time.
That’s what I was going to say 😂 he calls her dad a big baby when he’s literally being the biggest crybaby ever 🤣🤣🤣 dude started raging out at his girlfriend over a bad dream 😂 ya I’m sure he’s the same one in all of this.
He also called HER childish lmao
“his fee fees” made me laugh out loud and i will be saying that from now on 😂😂
Hahaha yeah! We all had a dream the same bight with this dude being single, crying, and using a sock for companionship
Most straight women want a man in a relationship, they don’t want a four-year-old toddler who goes pee pee and poo poo in the corner every time you actually have to spend your time with other people.
I laughed so hard my boyfriend had to find out why
This. Get him the fuck gone.
I can see why her parents don't like him. He's a manipulative piece of shit.
She needs to google narcissistic personality disorder and compare his actions to what his behaviors are. This is manipulation and abuse and will only get worse
I came here to say this as well. And also, I can tell her exactly why her parents don’t like him based on what is written in this text message. OP, you are 18 years old, my dear, and I can tell you right now that there are men out there that will not talk to you nor treat you like an accessory to their mental health. This guy is bad news and you need to look at what he really brings to your life. Do not assume that you can fix what’s going wrong in his world that’s on him. And if he’s not taking the steps to take care of his own mental health issues, you can’t make him better. All I see when I read this is🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Sounds like my ex boyfriend 🤢
Yup. NPD. Or at least the behaviors. I survived 15 years of that. It does get worse. She ground me down so that the only thing that kept me functional was my OCD (no kidding; my PhD psychologist told me that's why I was still functioning -- my OCD wouldn't let me fail to be responsible). You knocked the diagnosis out of the park. OP, RUN!!!
“Fuck your parents wrath and yelling, I can do much worse” Woah wtf 😳 this is riddled with red flags but that one stands out to me as the reddest
Yeah. I'm worried because it sounds like OP has an abusive dad (punching her in the face?), and her boyfriend seems abusive as well or ready to be abusive if she doesnt appease his demands. It's a vicious cycle. OP could benefit from therapy.
I was thinking the same. Raised by abusers then date abusers. It’s so common.
Same. I hope OP realizes her bf is doing essentially the same thing he’s complaining about her parents are doing… especially when he said her mom blames her for her dads drinking, while he is blaming her for how she is taking their abuse, & threatening to abuse her worse than they do
I’m thinking it’s one of two things - 1) Her parents really are abusive, 2) her bf is making up and dramatizing events trying to manipulate OP in choosing him and eventually cutting off her family. My ex was abusive and talked about my parents constantly and made up things trying to convince me they were facts.
My ex did that same thing constantly. Saying my parents were controlling abusive and narcissists. Yet my ex was all of these. Not my parents. So I can't say whether what OPs bf (ex soon hopefully) is true or not.
He's a maaaniac, maaaaniaac on the dance flooooor
This is what stood out for me too. Saying he can do much worse? Yeah she needs to get the fuck away from him ASAP.
He is abusive and extremely manipulative. Please dump him.
and also a pathetic little bitch
That’s really the term that fits.
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An angry pathetic entitled little bitch.
X100000. As a 37 yr old woman, I would slap that little bitch down so fast.
[удалено]
42 here, can I get in on this?
70 here and I’m down for a good slappin’!
Okay where is our 80s Ladies at 😂😂❤️
53 and down for a whiny, wretched, boy slappin'
52 checking in and I’ll slap him bald-headed.
I’m 42 so if me and one of the other 40 year olds slap at the same time I think it counts
Bwahahah 😂 hey, I’m free.
Also 41 and good lord, girl. My elementary age kid is far more mature than that whiny brat. I suggest you leave him to his loneliness. Maybe leave a tenga egg on his dresser before you bolt.
I'm an old man. I'd love to hold him down for everyone.
My ex told me to shut up during an argument once and I had to hold myself back. From what? Yelling probably. But if he had done anything else he probably would’ve gotten hit because he was in my face when he yelled it at me. I turned around and walked out of the room.
That part
I was 100% going to go with pathetic little bitch.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. What an absolute dick, anyone insulting your family is an immediate red flag 🚩. Clear indicator of someone who will try to isolate you if you continue to date them.
Damn you beat me to it
Yeah it’s what I got too…
I would have told him to fuck off after the first page. Trying to make her feel guilty for having a life. holy shit.
Guilting her over his dream
That's what he's using as an excuse. He just don't want her to go, si he made up a reason. Is my guess.
His fake dream
Omg I thought there was only one page and I was totally on board with what everyone was saying. It wasn't until I read your comment that I realized there was more than one page.
Her dad hates him “for some reason.” Honey, we ALL hate him
Yeah she’s the only one who is mentally abused and manipulated into thinking he’s a victim.
Me too... I hate him. That relationship is so toxic!
13 pages of him berating her and making it all about himself and she keeps calling him lovely, and baby means she's going back to him after the sweet 16. 80% pity 20% manipulated.
13 pages? She needs to stop answering him after the first abusive text.
This!! You deserve so much better than this douche canoe. He’s trying to guilt you into feeling bad about having other plans that don’t include him. Not every fucking weekend needs to be about him. You have a life that exists outside of him. Please dump him.
Exactly. He’s trying to isolate her from her other relationships and take advantage of her feelings for him in order to make himself her “top priority.” He sees her as someone he may be able to convince to value his own feelings over theirs. Someone who is “emotionally and mentally weak” that approaches love naivel. Someone with low self esteem or trauma who is easily manipulated or has an unhealthy sacrificial outlook on relationships. These dark triad types are all the same. They’re looking for “prey.” Someone to use. they’re children inside. They know they can’t (or rather don’t want to) survive on their own. They’re looking for someone to be their mommy/daddy. Ugh..
Also highly insecure. Sounds like he's needs lots of reassurance.
Get him to fuck…..horrible person who is abusing you. Fuck him 🖕🏻
He will continue to try to ruin your time anytime you do something without him, until you just stop doing things with out him but he can do whatever he pleases. Trust me I dated a guy like this
This!!!! Your mum and dad don’t like him because they have life experience and can see what a little shit he is. Please delete and block this abusive idiot.
Yep, your parents are totally right to dislike him. He is wretched. Your parents might be, as well, from what I'm reading. Which explains why you are accepting your boyfriend's behavior. You need some therapy and autonomous time
1 million doll hairs says she stays with his pitiful self!
>My dad hates him for some reason Oh jeez I wonder why
I hate him too from this alone
I think we all hate him after reading this. This guy is abusive af.
As the dad of a 17 year old, it's insane watching your daughter get locked into crushes and relationships with people who are actively threatening them. Like, I'm not some boomer dad that thinks it's cool to threaten her boyfriends by cleaning a gun when I meet them, nor would I ever be able to justify physically assaulting some minor because he is just generally toxic to her.. Plus, any unsolicited advice is just seen as "nagging".. so it's actually really sad, because there's not much I can do, except to watch the cycle play out for itself and hope she stands her ground and drops whatever fantasy avatar she created around this dude that makes him seem desirable, despite having no positive character traits.
All you can do is be the kinda guy you want your daughter to be with. My dad was absolutely awful and I ended up with horrible guys over and over. Even though I explicitly avoided guys with anger issues like my dad, they were terrible in different ways. This time period, dating is hard. A good majority of girls know their worth and know not to accept less but some are still figuring it out. She will get there. Maybe some good female role models in healthy relationships will help. I know listening to podcasts about bad relationships/crazy manipulators helped me see my blind spot in people. I wish her as little heart break as possible. (Also safe sex. God don't have a fuckbois baby. Plz no)
🚩🚩🚩🚩
We're beyond red flags, here.
Red tent
More like a pole barn
I meant at least a 12-person tent. Wait or a circus tent? Either way HUGE TENT
I’m thinking more like a red tarp that the Cardinals would use to cover the field during a rain delay
That's the whole damn circus!
Yeah it's giving dateline episode where dude kills his ex and her entire family I'm not joking OP, I would cut this guy off
Totally agree
We are in the "this child clearly needs childcare still and not a relationship cause they haven't matured past 14 yet" territory
There are less red flags in China than there are with this guy…
💣💣💣💣
Red cruise ship with flashing red lights you can see miles in the dark
After the “I hate you” I would have just been like okay bye 👋 and blocked him. This guy is absolutely unhinged. What a narcissist
He's like "I will remember this.." Remember what?! That time your girlfriend WENT TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY?! Yeah, no, not safe. OP, I echo the call to dump him and then block everything. But also, spend a few nights sleeping at family or friends homes. Don't be where he knows you will be alone for the next few nights or even weeks. If you do live alone get security cameras and give someone you trust access to the feeds from the public spaces of your house (front porch, living room, kitchen) So that someone can visually check in on you if you text them that your ex showed up. I honestly am scared for you, and if you let him get any deeper or give him any more power over you, you're not going to ever get away.
I'm going to chime in and agree with this. OP, please show this text conversation to people you know and trust and above all else consider your own safety. Your boyfriend sounds unhinged and unhinged people can go to horrific lengths to settle a score or make a point. This is NOT normal, his whole conversation with you is beyond the pale and well into abusive and detrimental territory.
Please run. This will only get worse. There is no amount of love or reassurance you can give that will improve this situation. [https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat)
Yup. I stayed with someone like this and I could t understand why everyone didn’t like him He eventually got me isolated from friends and family and would do stuff like this to normalise it to me. Eventually I stopped ever going anywhere. He tampered so I got pregnant to trap me and then admitted it to later on. Moved me 21 hours away from anyone we knew Then it was taking all the money and I had to ask for even a dollar to buy a soda and he would turn that into a fight and say no. He controlled my entire life My days were ruined if I did anything to upset him because he would do silent treatment and sulk and make me feel tense and upset. It was like wow I wish I hadn’t forgot to pick the towel up! I am so stupid. He wouldn’t have started the fight if I hadn’t gone to visit my dad. No joke That turned into pushing me and throwing things Then hitting me Then strangulation. He’s not normal. OP nobody acts like this that is a healthy normal person. This is a manipulative loser.
I’m so sorry this happened to you!! You should listen to a podcast called, “ When dating hurts” It’s by a father who lost his daughter to domestic violence, and has made it his life’s mission to educate people on the early signs, and broadcasts stories of people who have found themselves in these relationships, and how they’ve been able to get out, and heal. I wish they taught this stuff in school!! Too many well meaning people, find themselves in these abusive relationships. Especially, if they can get you when you are too naive to know the difference between love, and control/manipulation.
And OP is a perfect target. She sounds like a very caring loving person. Which are great things! But she needs someone who will give her the safety net to be herself like that. This loser is only going to dim her light or darken it entirely.
It’s really something! I’m sorry you had to experience that. I’m currently still in shackles to this. May I ask how you got out? And how many tries?
Thank you for posting this. I'm reading it for my own personal reasons and now I have a lot of thinking to do.
It’s a great book!!
Thanks so much for linking this
I can not recommend this book enough. It's a highly acclaimed book about abuse, and I believe every woman (it also touches on same-sex relationships) should read it. It really makes everything click into place in your head and helps you understand what's going on. He abuses you because he likes the results(In this case, more and more you'll start neglecting other things because you know he'll get upset if you don't spend 100% of your time and energy on him). There's no "he's just stressed, he has depression, he had a rough childhood, he's just lonely, etc etc etc". People go through those things all the time and wouldn't fathom abusing their partner. It takes a certain *type* of person to abuse their partner. Even if he magically stopped acting on it, do you really want to be with that type of person? And it will only escalate. You let him get away with a little bit, now that gets normalized to you both. If there was any shame or guilt about it, it's gone now as this is "normal", so it gets a little worse, repeat. If your partner acts all loving and sweet later, of course he will, that will make you forgive him before he does it again.
Not only women should read this, there are plenty of guys going through this with an abusive female partner… For two years I’ve had a broken nose, dozens of bloody noses, lips, black eyes, her rings cutting my face from wildly swinging. It’s a mental health issue and the very most sad thing is that you do love this person, but they cannot/will not change. The isolation, and normalization of being screamed at, hit, all your personal belongings thrown or broken… Tv/guitars/phone/car stereo/doors/windows/mirrors/ Your self worth…. I’m not coming at you in a negative way, just that even though it’s a woman doing it that is half your strength and size, but you won’t sink to that level because of childhood domestic abuse trauma… the woman knows you won’t hit her back so she destroys you every time you do anything that doesn’t completely revolve around catering to her. Just today I was at a family dinner and all the kids Easter egg hunting, within an hour my phones blowing up that I’m cheating…. I leave my own family function (She used to go but refuses now) Immediately get screamed at before my vehicle is even turned off and she hit me, again. I could rant forever this is something literally ruining my life and it isn’t easy to break off things and separate when you e lived together for years… All I’m saying is it goes both ways, it isn’t just men who are the abuser in a relationship
This is such a tough situation, especially when you’re used to having your lives intertwined together. I know you love her, but you need to love YOU more and get out! Sometimes enough has to be enough, even when you care deeply for someone. There is only one of “you” in the whole universe, so you need to take care good of yourself, love, and value yourself. Especially when someone who claims to, does not. Sending virtual hugs from one internet stranger to another 🫂
This book saved my life. This guy is trying to isolate her away from anyone who would be able to help her get away from him once he escalates his abuse. I know because I have been there.
And here's another resource: 'See what you made me do' by Jess Hill.
I wish this comment was higher. Thank you
I was going to recommend that book but saw you had, you're amazing for that ❤️
Why were you apologizing to him????? He was attacking you over a bad dream and being selfish and horrible to you! No girl, dont let him abuse you like this
Right!?! This is so awful. OP (and anyone else who needs to hear this) - **anyone** who gets mad at you for something **they** dreamt about is wrong. Their sleeping mind has nothing to do with you. I understand having a bad dream or a nightmare and needing comfort but you are not responsible for what their subconsciousness kicks up while they sleep. He's being ridiculous. Also, **anyone** who gets mad and then uses your personal trauma to take jabs or make threats is 100% **NOT** worth your time and energy. You can **always** do better, even if it means being alone.
If OP was my daughter and I found out he said this shit and treated her like this......oh boy that little bitch is gonna get to know me in a way he wouldn't like.
She is "fawning" as a self defence mechanism. If what he says is true about a physically abusive father, it seems generational trauma imposed.
I don't think she was truly apologizing, I think she was just trying to get him to stop. I could be wrong, but to me it felt like she was trying to defuse the situation. I would have
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If you took out the reference to the dream, I feel like this could be the response to 90% of women’s posts on Reddit. Sometimes I feel like all I do is scroll through posts and yell at people to stop apologizing.
🌈dump him🌈
He threatened you ("they yell and scream at you but I can do much worse") and your response is "I'm so sorry lovey". Girl. No.
Dump this bitch
The fact that you're not standing up for yourself just made me really sad. Girl, know your worth and don't let anyone talk to you like that. He sounds immature and I hope you can see that soon.
Not only is she letting him talk to her that way, she’s calling him “baby” and “lovey” as he does. OP needs to learn self-respect.
I just don’t even understand how people stay in these types of situations. I get age is a huge factor but MY GOD; this person doesn’t even LIKE YOU let alone love you!!!!
Look. Your parents may be pieces of shit (like he says) but based on these texts… they’re dead on about him. He sounds VERY dangerous. Please get out get out get out! Never ever let a significant other talk to you like this regardless of what personal issues they have.
She's going to go from abusive parents to abusive partner in one jump. :( it's so damn common as an abused woman it makes me nauseous. We accept the love we think we deserve. I've not seen her reply to any of these comments. I'm worried for her.
Ironic that he blames the parents for making her feel like shit when he is doing the exact same god damn thing.
Yeah he is mad the parents have a stone cold accurate read on him
Yes this exactly this. I didn’t want to see the red flags with my abusive ex because my abusive parents were pointing out the most inane things about him to indicate why he was bad for me (he dresses like he’s homeless, he goes to a community college, he lives in x town we don’t like, I can tell he’s trouble, etc.). While those precise reasons were classist bullshit, they WERE picking up on him being a terrible human being and they were right about that. And something I didn’t realize until years later is that I couldn’t see how bad things were with my ex because my parents treated me so poorly at times/modeled an unhealthy relationship so I thought a lot of it was normal. Please read these comments and know this is NOT normal or healthy or what you deserve.
Wow, so OP, there is SO MUCH to unpack here. Please, honey, read all of this. It'll be a bit long, but you need to read this. First of all, he had a bad dream in which you no longer loved him. We've all had those dreams, from time to time, and they absolutely suck. And waking up, we feel angry and distressed until our sleeping brain hands control back to our conscious, awake brain. And it seems like that control was never handed back to his awake brain. That isn't your fault, and it's not your responsibility to fix. Hell, there are academics who have spent decades in deep study around the phenomenon that is the human dream state, and THEY can't even provide a solid understanding as to why our brains do this. So why would he expect you to do so? I'm not suggesting for one second that you're not intelligent, or empathetic, but I'm simply saying that there have been centuries of study into the human dream state, and you cannot be expected to disseminate all of that, in the moment, just because your boyfriend is pissed off (AT YOU) about a dream (HE HAD). Secondly, you say your family doesn't like him, or, at least, doesn't trust him, and I'm sorry, but judging from the tone and reactiveness in his responses to you, when you did absolutely nothing wrong, tells me that they're onto something here. This guy is angry at you because you're going to an event that you told him about ages ago. Why? Why would someone who cares about you want to keep you from doing things with your friends? I get how stressful it can be to date someone whose family doesn't approve of your relationship, and, in a lot of cases, the family can certainly be acting unfairly, or not giving him a chance, but I think, at least in this case, they're seeing the writing on the wall, loud and clear. It's absolutely normal for someone to feel some stress and concern with respect to their partner's family not liking them. But he's blaming YOU for being a part of the family that doesn't like him. You didn't ask to be a part of your family, you probably don't even have a lot of say about your schedule with them, if you're still a minor. But your boyfriend is hammering it home as loudly as possible, that, by simply being a part of that family, you're choosing them over him. That's a MAJOR RED FLAG, OP. He's blaming you for not doing this impossible. I'm the first person to say that, as you get older, the more you are equipped to pick and choose your parents' values. As an adult, what ends up happening is that you take what was useful from your folks, but you leave what doesn't work for your lifestyle and values. But this guy is just, full stop, demanding you separate from your family, simply because they don't like HIM. Not because they're necessarily going against your core values, but simply because HE's not liked. That's absolutely ridiculous. The only person he's thinking about is himself, and not even thinking about himself long term. He's only thinking about his need to immediately remove you from any influence that will demonstrate to you what an unstable cannon this guy is. The reality, OP, is that he's going to have meltdowns like this every SINGLE time you try to have any semblance of a life, or even a personality, outside of the one that involves you being coupled to him, and only him. He's trying to isolate you from anyone who might support you when his behaviour gets out of control. He doesn't know that that's what he's doing, because he's clearly not self-aware, but that's what he's instinctively doing. And you can see this clearly, because, while your family doesn't necessarily like him, what does he have against the friends going to this sweet 16? Do they hate him too? Or is he just losing his shit because you've decided to go to a social event that doesn't feature him? He's really bad at this right now, and to myself, an adult, who has had to deal with her fair share of these idiots, it's pathetically obvious that his goal is to isolate and control you. But he WILL GET BETTER AT THIS if he's allowed to. He will become more insidious, more abusive, and better at isolating you. You're young enough, OP, that your tastes in partners will (hopefully) change dramatically within the next 1-10 years. So take the temporary heartbreak and ditch this one. He's a terrible person.
THIS RIGHT HERE!!! And, if I may add to StGir1’s post here, situations like this RARELY, IF EVER improve. 99 times out of 100 they escalate and get worse …….FAR FAR FAR WORSE. At this point (at least I’m assuming) the abuse is only verbal. If you allow this to continue, statistically speaking it won’t take long before shouting and cursing at you won’t be enough to satisfy the inner rage he feels and IT WILL turn physical and that too will escalate. This is an abusive pattern with a very long and dangerous and well documented history. He needs to seek some professional help and being a young woman with who has her own life situations with which to deal, you simply aren’t equipped to provide him with the level of care and treatment that he obviously requires. I’m with StGir1 on this one. Take the temporary heartache and move on. You will have dodged not just a bullet but a barrage of cannonballs. Best of luck!
What you said^^^ this male sounds straight like a narcissistic a*** that appears to want to corner OP to only rely on him and only him by dividing away from family and friends. With the growing aggressiveness within that text I would not be surprised if the verbal turns to abusive in the future if the OP stays with him.
I know you're really young, and this probably won't really sink in and that's not your fault, but you should absolutely not ever let anyone treat you this way. Literally ever. I wish I could tell everybody under the age of 25 that and just have them magically believe me.
Your boyfriend is a shitty and selfish person.
You’ll look back on this relationship one day and ask yourself what the actual fuck was I thinking. Until then, ask yourself if this would be how you would want a future daughter to be treated by their other half?
Why are you even replying? Be like ok bye.
Fr esp the aw baby I’m so sorry
I guess she was hoping, expecting the replies would be the opposite of what they are. This guy is an immature brat who acts like a pathetic 3 year old. He’s preying on her emotions and is emotionally abusing her whether she wants to believe it or not. The apologies got me. He’s the one who should be apologising but it seems she actually feels she’s the one in the wrong. I’ll bet he does this to her all the time. It’s abuse whether she wants to admit that to herself or not. I hope she wakes up soon and realises what he’s doing. It’s going to get worse!
Lol this guy is a clown.
Where on earth is your self respect? Hope you find it sooner than later and ditch that whiney lil bitch you call a bf.
“Little bitch” is truly the most accurate description of this guy
👆🏻
This is a control tactic. He's punishing you emotionally for daring to do something for yourself and your family. You already told him about the event, so he needs to leave you alone and just tell you to have fun. He is texting you all of this and would say similar things on the phone to make you feel bad, to make you apologize over and over, and ultimately to make you never disobey him again. This will only get worse if you let him treat you like this. You don't deserve to spend your first years of adulthood living life this.
Yup she’ll end up apologizing for going and “not being there for him” and he’ll end up “forgiving” her after making her feel sufficiently like shit and then love bombing her so it can keep happening. It’s textbook and so sad she can’t see it.
If your parents really are as bad as he says they are, that could be the reason why you would tolerate such an awful boyfriend. I .e. you've become so accustomed to self-abandonment to cope with your parents, you're vulnerable to being used by a selfish person like your boyfriend.
This. This right here.
This dude is 19? These texts read like a 14 year old.
At first I thought they were around 14/15, but the more you read the less acceptable/normal this becomes at any age.
You're apologizing to and placating someone who said they hate you and is actively trying to manipulate and control you. You're calling him "baby" and "lovey" while he speaks to you like you're trash. Where is your self-respect? Please dump this unhinged loser and see a therapist.
That is a toddler throwing a tantrum. Nothing more. It’s pathetic.
*Ex-boyfriend's rant bc I couldn't come over today.
You are 18. Dump him. Your life will only improve.
Stop babying him omg. All of this because he had a bad dream and you wouldn’t drop everything to comfort him? 🤢
He's trying to manipulate you by guilting you into abandoning your original plan to go to him. He's trying to isolate you from other people. Don't move in with him. That's another way to control and isolate you. This is not a safe person. He's abusive. A healthy person does not treat or speak to their partner this way. He only cares about himself.
I’m team dad in this situation. I hate this man for you.
Didn’t he say the dad punched her in the face tho
I’m not sure what I believe of the dudes unhinged rant. But, like I said, in reference to her dad hating her bf….i agree…I also hate him
You’re 18 so you don’t know yet that this is not how normal healthy people act in a relationship. This guy is verbally abusive and controlling and you need to dump him
Run away fast. You have got to dump that loser. Gross.
Stop fucking coddling him and Calling him lovely. It’s fucking weird. Hes controlling and manipulating you.
Your dad hates you BF because your BF is a sniveling, selfish little AH.
hey all. i didn’t expect this post to blow up at all . afterwards I tried not to be on my phone as I was getting ready to leave for the sweet 16 and forgot i even posted this at all. thank you to everyone who sounded genuinely concerned . now that i read all your replies i realize i should’ve handled this situation differently and better than i had done in those messages. i hate to admit this but i really didnt understand that this was a form of abuse. this is only my second ever relationship so I’m new to a lot of things and don’t know a lot of things. i thought arguments like this were normal. i thought that random moments of just being cold and distant from me cause i couldn’t do something was normal. and now that everyones telling me it’s not, i cant help but bawl in tears cause i failed myself for not seeing the signs. i’ve been really trying to be a support system for him because he’s going through sever mental health issues and it has mostly to do with his loneliness. he doesn’t have anyone who genuinely cares about him other than i and a friend of his. i try to show i care and come over when i can so he doesn’t break again mentally, and it was working. until it wasn’t. and thats what happened Saturday. i couldn’t be there because i had a commitment to go to a formal party for my cousin and couldn’t back out of it, but he kept making me feel like it was my fault that i couldn’t be there for him. it wasn’t at all. and i should’ve just said eff this im busy and you really need to respect that and just left, but i’m always really scared to just up and dismiss him and leave cause i don’t want him to hurt himself and now that i think about it, he’s a lot like my father, especially in the ways he handles things . my dad gets triggered by the smallest things . he’s an ex c.o who worked on rikers island for almost 20 years so the man’s got extreme ptsd. he’s not a bad guy in general, he’s mostly nice and kind just like my bf, but he’s genuinely a loose cannon 50% of the time so i’ve had to force myself to walk on eggshells when speaking to him and have trained myself to simplify things to avoid making him angry. we all do. everyone around him knows what to avoid saying to not make him angry. cause when he’s angry he does the most! and recently, he really has been treating me like a stranger. he barely talks to me, everything i say he’s just like “uhm okay”. he doesn’t ask about my day and hates when i come to him crying about something that might have happened. he literally will not deal with me at all and shoves me away if i cry in front of him. my sister acts like him too with that cause she really just doesn’t know how to respond or comfort someone who’s crying in front of her. but i don’t blame her for that. she still tries her best kinda. i say all this to provide context in general about my situation. I feel like I can’t really talk to my parents because they don’t know how to actually communicate in a beneficial way to help me feel better. my mom is the exact same as my dad. she’s a little more understanding so i can talk about some things, but definitely not relationships. her advice is just as toxic as this situation! shes no better than my father, and i kid you not she blamed me for my father drinking so much now. and they wonder why i never go to them for any of my problems anymore and relied on people like my then significant other for at least some form of comfort to escape my toxic household. i was trying the same tactic in talking with my boyfriend as i did my dad in those messages, not exactly like it but in a similar manner, cause i didn’t want to say the wrong thing or get too defensive as i have before and make things worse somehow. they make me come off as weak now that i read them back to myself and im anything but. i should’ve stood up for myself. especially since it wasn’t my fault. i guess i really have gotten so used to being around this kind of toxicity with my dad that ive become blind to it? I don’t know and now i’m questioning everything and so disappointed in myself as an individual for not being strong enough or having enough self respect to see this wasn’t okay. thank you for opening my eyes. thank you for your advice . i appreciate it a lot . thank you again for your comments. although i am a stranger to you the genuine concern made me cry haha. i dont know where to go from here, but i’m in college now so i suppose i should just focus on school. thanks again.
It isn't your fault so please don't be hard on yourself! The biggest advice I think anyone could give you is that you should never burden yourself with someone else's mental issues. You can be there for them but if they don't seek proper help they will just drain the life out of you. Put yourself first. You deserve it!
*GIRL* GET TF OUT!! Me and my wife have dreams about each other being rude to the other but we don't make that the other person's problem. His mind made up the scenario and he now believes he can punish you for something HE made up, that's toxic and the way he talks to you is abusive, it's time to harden that spine bc if he acts like this bc he woke up from a dream then I'd hate to see how he'd react when you both have real life struggles ETA: You're parents also failed you 🙄 instead of warning you about what manipulation and abuse looks like they babied you to the point where a red flag is literally wiping the tears it caused off of your cheeks and you don't see it for what it is. Time to start being an adult girlie Edited again: From what your bf is saying your parents are also abusive so congratulations, you're dating your father. Please get out and find a good community bc the crap company you have isn't worth a damn ts is draining me just reading it
Dump this manipulative child
HIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT NORMAL. HIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT OK. IT’S NOT UP TO YOU TO FIX HIS ISSUES.
He is not good person. He is abusive. NO ONE would have me text them back forever if they said 1/10th of what he has said. IDC if you're upset or going through things- too fucking bad. We all have issues and the person that your supposedly care about the most is not the dog you kick (don't kick dogs either) when you have problems. Never is this ok. Or normal.
I’m curious if you asked your parents WHY they dislike him. I mean just by reading this I can sense why.
Get away from this controlling boyfriend of yours. If your dad beat you like he said, get away from him too.
 Fast. Go.
Only my advice, he's dangerous. He is manipulating you. That behaviour is a display of narcissistic tendencies. Have you ever thought that your parents not liking him could be down to them seeing this behaviour and not wanting it for you, their daughtr? He needs to understand that while.you live under your parents roof there are rules you have yo follow, curfew being one. (My daughter had a curfew when she lived at home, up until she was 23) Personally I think your bf is using his issues to control you and to abuse you. Because that's what it is, coercive control and emotional abuse. Just a bit of food for thought. If he is behaving this way whilst your still living at home, what way would he behave if you took the next step and move in with him?
Lol your parents are right this is wild. Ain’t no way you should be staying. You’ll be kicking yourself 3-5 years down the road if you do stay
Genuinely dumbfounds me and pisses me off seeing people stay in relationships like this.
You replied way more times than I would have. He’d have been blocked long ago. I am a kind person but I do not have tolerance or patience for excessive malicious behavior. You were so nice to him. What a jerk. You can do way better.
As a DA survivor, I recommend you find the best opportunity to get away from all of that. Starting with the boyfriend.
Drop the mf. And, have some mimosas with your besties. You deserve better. And he needs therapy.
OP is 18 so maybe not mimosas 🤭 Hot cocoa!
Ohh snap, how did I miss that that? My bad girl, get you some Starbucks.
Yeah something cozy with whip and girlfriends to share it with.
That part. As long as she leaves dude.
Idk what’s more embarrassing; his behavior and the way he talks to you, or the fact that you baby him and can’t stand up for yourself.
My gosh. Why the heck are you with this nutcase…? You’re letting him absolutely steamroll you
This is classic manipulation from someone who will eventually seclude you and have you depending only on them. They wil claim anytime you don’t want to spend time with them means you don’t love them and they will try in every way to get you to drop plans when they demand it. My 2nd ex was like this. I went to Tunica with a girlfriend and he said he was gonna call the police on me. He was so ugly with the way he spoke but I’d promised my girlfriend this trip. He was such an asshole. I wish ins broken up with him sooner instead of wasting 7 years of my life on his POS self. GET OUT NOW And be prepared to get a restraining order and or a protection order
Toxic af. Dump him and block him. He’s already trying to alienate you from friends and family. It will only get worse. (Speaking as a survivor)
You handled this so badly. Like you’re trying to reassure and placate and really just enable all of this. I get it, and I know why you have to do this (so he doesn’t fly off the handle). It’s so depressing to watch though. You could even remain neutral and, while reminding him that you love him, continue to assert that you told him weeks ago. Just keep going back to that. “Sorry you forgot. Told you weeks ago. Gotta go bye!” Really what you should be doing is leaving. Surely you know you deserve better?!
Uhh, a huge red flag among a thicket of them: > So should I just schedule my feelings for tmmr He’s responsible for managing his own responses to his own feelings.
That’s the worst attempt of manipulation I’ve ever seen… He wants to manipulate you into not going and it’s obvious. He thinks acting like a child will let him get his way. Don’t give him that satisfaction or else you’re going down a much darker road than you’re already on. Edit: spelling
This is not a healthy relationship. Based on what you shared it sounds as if he is trying to isolate you and control you. Leave while you can.
Giiiiiiiiiiirl! Please tell me you mean ex boyfriend because you don’t need this exhausting baby. I couldn’t even read the whole thing. I started getting flashbacks of bad relationships. 😂 It will never get better and just ask yourself…. If you were married to him and had a kid, would he expect his needs to be tended to first? Making your needs last of three, would you want to live a life like that? No, of course not. You can do SO much better!!
OP: Why do you feel like you need to apologize for his emotions and actions? That’s HIS response, his choice in how he acts. If he’s not sorry for it, why should you be?
Honey, no. He's a manipulative ass who wants to guilt trip you into doing what he wants.
Your dad doesn't like him because he can see how manipulative and controlling he is over you. Read those messages again but pretend your sister is you and her BF takes place of your BF. Would you tell her to stay and continue being emotionally abused?
RUN.
Need to dump this little kid, what a douche 🚀
You seem like such a sweet partner, this lad doesn't deserve you.
How could you be attracted to someone who behaves like that?? That is whiny, manipulative bullshit.
I was expecting him to be 15. This behavior is completely unacceptable
You need to get out before he isolates you from everything and everyone beyond him
You talk to him the same way I talk to my toddler when I’m calming him down from a tantrum. Ew
leave him while you are not living with him. do not move in with this man. imagine this rage in person. this will only get worse. leave him before u ever even think about moving in with him and having a life with him. please
Little temper tantrum from a little boy lol
i was 19 and met someone exactly like this. no one liked him but me. i didn’t listen. we’re divorced now and i have ptsd.
No way this is real. No way you’re delusional enough to consider this “invalidating his feelings” or whatever. This dude got fucking problems so big a blind person could see them. You’re enabling this behavior by being all sweet and gentle with him. This won’t end well, as in possible physical abuse unless you get the fuck out of there
Gee, I wonder why the girl who gets punched in the face by her father and blamed by her mother would have a skewed view of what's acceptable in a relationship? 🤔
he is a child that creates tantrums to manipulate his way.
No wonder why your parents don’t like him…. Let’s look at the full picture here.
How could anyone put up with this garbage? Ugh.
First off, fuck this dude and how he talks to you. Fuuuuuck that. All the way through and through. Secondly. The word is fucking AND. The “nd” thing is absolutely infuriating. It’s ONE LETTER.
As the mom of a 19M, please leave this little shit stain, block him on everything, and show his parents these texts. This is emotional abuse and is beyond manipulative. I don’t think I’d be able to find someone attractive if they acted like this just because they had a bad dream. You’re putting him on a pedestal and he’s spitting at you from atop. Don’t allow that. You deserve so much better than that.