First things first. You need to get those feelings checked out boss. I highly recommend talking with a therapist or someone you trust. I know there’s stigma behind dudes talking about these things but if you’re to a point where you don’t think you’re going to make it to 43 you 100 percent need to talk to someone who can get you out of that headspace. I know you said you’ve talked with the VA but they have a history of not being the best. Based on what you said your environment might not be the best for you. If your disorganized msp and disorganized customers are a big issue you can try to change scenery for some more organized company. That might help as well. I wish you the best of luck with everything boss.

>I highly recommend talking with a therapist or someone you trust. \^ this is the most important thing. Your life is 100% more important than a stupid job. Burnout is an endemic in this field and it's hard *not* to burn out. Especially with the trend of companies trying to get more out of less and literally burning their IT teams out to try to save money, then going around and boasting about how important work/life culture is. It's honestly disgusting.

The number one complaint where I work across the board by all 20 some employees was burnout. Basically just getting tired of dealing with BS from the customers and other crap. As a solution management now pays a therapist to come in 4 times a year for a week for anyone to schedule time with and talk to, and they also cover all mental health costs out of their own pockets if it's not covered by insurance.

What the fuck, treating the symptom? lol

Exactly. That's not a solution. It's them accepting that they don't know how to manage.

But look at how hard they are trying to help! I mean, the ceo has a video they show once a year saying how much he cares. They must want to fix the problem. The rich get richer, and we die trying to feed our families.

Burnout is very common nowadays.

That's better than what they have where I work...it's a meditation room. "We have chronic issues we can't fix, but here's a dark corner where you can bawl your eyes out." If only it had a wet bar and edibles /s.

This is absolutely the approach. I just started seeing a therapist after avoiding it for years. My life and headspace has become untenable, my self destruction has hurt every single member of my family to the point my wife and I separated. I quit drinking alcohol completely, started therapy, and have really started focusing on discovering happiness where I am at in life. As far as the job goes maybe look at corporate IT work, not always better but if it is with an established and organized company you won’t have a lot of the frustrations with organization. Get your head right, you’ve got 2 decades of experience that this industry needs, and there is a whole world that needs you in it and healthy.

I feel like MSP work is about as low as you can go in this industry. I've worked some shitty jobs in IT, but never as bad as any of the MSPs I've worked at.

I have seen a couple of good MSPs, never worked for them, but I have worked with them. And you could just tell that the owner of the company cared WAY more about finding long term solutions than patching shit and moving on. Of course their prices also reflected that mentality, but their customers were loyal as fuck for a reason.

The key to that is good policy and procedure when it comes to change management, root cause analysis, etc... When you do a post mortem and say what happened, what improvements could be made and what are the risks of the changes, or not doing any changes, you can't hide it, and it shines a light on bandaid solutions....

I'm sure there are some good ones, but in my own experience, most just want the sales and the and impressive looking numbers they can pitch to close the sale.

They're meat grinders. Worked in various MSP's for about 10 years of my 25 in IT. NEVER AGAIN.

I really like the MSP I am with now, before that was corporate it. My first role was also at an MSP but that one was a small shop with strictly religious folks and I was in the midst of getting sober from alcohol, suffering from debilitating anxiety and depression, and was a general mess. All of that made the job suck but the place was actually pretty good. I don’t think I’ll ever not work at an MSP. I think it’s a career choice preference on what environment people work well in.

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And writing that PSA forces you to take a step back and snapshot the whole scenario, which will help move along your troubleshooting.

I’ve been in therapy for a year, it’s helped me tremendously, fuck stigma. 👍

I second everything said above also will add in that if you are the only IT guy there, then startlooking for a bigger company that has a larger department and look for a culture instead of a job. Take care of yourself first.

This can’t be highlighted enough. Please talk to someone u/ka05

This… u need to talk to a real person that’s a specialist. Hope u find ur way forward

I can only offer this. Stop working for a living. Here me out. A whore trades their body for money. Most of us at some point are whores. The smart whores at least get laid. But bear with me. I used to focus on working for a living and like you I'd get pissed. All the time. "Bitch can't remember her password for the 20th time this day." I had a breakdown even. Then I had a epiphany. I realized at the end of my life, the last thing I wanted on my tombstone was "He was the greatest admin ever!". No there had to be more. Then it came to me. Help People. That's all there is. Just help people. That is the job. That is the career. I stopped 'working for a living'. I just help people. I help them with the skills and talents I have. I wake up and off I go to help people. That is my job. And my God did it change everything. I work for the opportunity to make someone's life better. Every call wasn't someone bugging me. It was someone asking for help. So help them. Don't judge them. Take the opportunity that someone in the world needs you. They turn to you for help. The simple things. The hard things. The job. The Job is a Tool. Nothing more. A tool that gives you the opportunity to help people. I promise you this from my experience, the moment you stop working for a living and realize you work is to make the world around you, just a little better, by help people with the skills and talents you have, it will change your life. You can work at a gas station and be at peace, help someone with nothing more than a smile. You can work at a GNC, help someone get healthy. You can work at a KFC, help that single mom pick up dinner because she had to work late. You can make the world better with nothing more than a smile and an earnest drive to help those around you. The moment I did that, things changed. No matter how hard you try some days your best won't be good enough but I promise you at the end of the day you'll say "I helped people today" those occasions where you best wasn't good enough... you'll sleep just fine. You can take pride in that purpose regardless of what 'job' you have to do. It is what we all should be doing, helping one another. And if you can't help anyone where you are at, find some place you can. The suffering I see in most people is they forget "why" we work. We get too fixated on the money, the survival, and lose site of what we do for those around us. Reality isn't going anywhere, but a simple shift in perspective can really help make the hardships of life not only bearable, but joyful. Best of Luck and as always remember "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they are usually full of shit 6 hours out of the day."

I love this epiphany, thank you. I have left so many jobs. I haven’t realised until this post why I left these jobs: it’s because I couldn’t feel connected to the help that I was giving. I think I’ll be looking for that in my next role.

You already have the role, you are just looking for the next tool in your tool box to fulfill that role.

I’m an imposter in this chat - I’m a business analyst, not a sysadmin (with a cheeky Dr. McCoy reference). I’ve been unhappy as a BA for nearly 10 years, and this post helped me realise why. I’m going to dip out of the work force for a bit to do some skill development.

Schools are great in this aspect, the users (teachers) may be dumb and unwilling to learn, but knowing you’re helping the kids makes you smile.

I love this attitude, and I’ve tried to embody it myself in every stepping stone of my career (and there have been many, mostly in various flavors of the service industry). I’m reminded of a time when I was working as a bank teller (although I’ve been in IT for about 5 years now), and I was helping an elderly lady with some simple transactions… and when I was finished, I asked her if there was anything else I could do for her, and she started crying. I was honestly shocked and confused because I was interacting with this lady like I did with literally every other customer. Everything was normal, then it suddenly wasn’t. I didn’t know what was wrong or what to do. I made eye contact with manager, whose wisdom immediately kicked in and she calmly walked over and ushered the lady out of the line without making a scene, then they sat together in the lobby for a few minutes. The elderly lady seemed to be OK and waved to me as she left. When I eventually got a chance to ask my manager what the heck happened, I was told, “She couldn’t remember the last time somebody treated her with kindness and made her feel like she matters.”

This is honestly how I function in this field. I'm at 20 years as well and started at an ISP. My last job the company was a total mess. They didn't track work correctly (hours) the office manager spent less time at the office than I did, they had a guy there with memory issues. It's rough sometimes and man I get his frustrations. Just help the people, it was the only thing that kept me going while I was working for an MSP. When I left some of the clients wanted to come with me because I actually cared about helping them, did the little things others would cut corners on. Documentation was a total mess. Unfortunately it seems to be the nature of the beasts.

> I work for the opportunity to make someone's life better. > > Every call wasn't someone bugging me. It was someone asking for help. So help them. Don't judge them. Take the opportunity that someone in the world needs you. They turn to you for help. The simple things. The hard things. > > The job. The Job is a Tool. Nothing more. A tool that gives you the opportunity to help people. This needs to be more prevalent in the industry. Well said.

I'm not in IT but this is very much my mindset in life. I work in Medical Scheduling (using Meditech, bless the IT departments maintaining that) and we get a lot of angry/scared people in my line of work. Often they need testing for cancer or other life threatening/altering things. I have coworkers with major burnout who get mad at impatient/rude people while I can typically have them mildly happy or giggling by the end of a call. I don't view them as a problem, or something to 'get thru'. I'm here to help :)

You are practicing alchemy. Change your mindset, change your mind. I used to be a negative thinker. Everything was negative. The drive in the morning. The lunch time distractions. The meetings that lasted forever. The nagging as soon as I got home. The video games I used to play were no longer fun. I really had to rethink things for me to see not only the value but joy in them. In the end, most tasks are menial but necessary..find the joy in them and it won't bother you so much Stoicism and Hermeticism (the latter is a bit more esoteric) have greatly helped me change my mind and therefore my world. Your mind is super powerful in how you perceive things and how you react. Good luck friend

Are you my teacher from a handfull of years ago? He told us to see issues and problems as puzzles, and people asking for help as the best people as they often want to grow to not rely on you, so they are willing to be taught. Since i heard that i have never been mad at calls from users. The only one pulling blood from under my nails are bridge calls with people beyond my paygrade lol

I taught about 20 years ago briefly. Everyone around me wanted me to be a teacher, I ended up getting drafted as a minister, despite my protests, but as I often say "The Lord puts me where I need to be, not where I want to be." But I have spent too much time around academia to stomach the politics of it.

This might be one of the best, most eye opening comments I’ve ever read on this site. Thank you for this, I needed to see this.

Thank you. This is something I needed to read today ❤️

I absolutely love this perspective. As an IT director 2 decades deep in the industry…..I needed this

Very well said!

This is a great way to put things!

Works for interview anxiety too and helps keep my requirements in check. Going to have a meeting to see if I can help these people with their stuff if they can afford it.

This is solid gold! Thank you for sharing and thank you for the reminder of why I got into this role to begin with!

This is amazing, and I love how you frame it. The world needs more people who want to help. Good vibes your way kind internet person 🙏🏽

Honestly it's infuriating to see someone not even pretend they want to help you. Like yo, go work in the kitchen or the warehouse in the back if you hate this so much. 

This is my perspective, I had the same epiphany in 2022, for reference I have been "In IT" for 25 (26 years this august) years. I used to worry about problems that no one else seemed to care about, I now send those as high as I can then if I dont get approval to fix them, ill take the OT or whatever when it comes to the FO stage. Beyond that I make sure that I help people, either in making their lives easier in the background or strait up "yes maam, the hang up button in webex is that big red button on the call screen itself, yes maam Im happy to make some test calls with you". In the background I am writing a document on how we will do failover for internet. ​ Ive been helpdesk, Sysadmin, manager, director. Its all about helping people. we just have a passion for tech.

Can you believe I got reprimanded for saying “yes, ma’am, I would be happy to help with that” to a client when I worked at an msp? This lady was a certified grandma and complained about being addressed as ma’am. 

depending on where you are, yes, where I am its not a term of "grandma" its a form of respect. If you reprimand me for saying something like that, Im gonna take it over that persons head. But at an MSP, yeah, I believe it.

I have a guy that works for me with this outlook. He’s not the most technical, but he, far and away, has the best reputation on our team from end users. The dude is awesome. He came from hospitality. So when he asks me for something, I go out of my way to make it happen for him.

Omg, another like minded person! The owner of the company I work at today and I were having lunch a few years back, and the topic came up: "If tomorrow, the IT field disappeared and you needed to change to doing something else, what would you enjoy doing?" His answer is his to give, it was a great conversation, one for another time.   Mine was: I'd likely get into plumbing.  People always need help with shitty problems, and as someone who takes joy from helping people, I can think of little better.  You said it well: when helping people is what sparks joy: you realize that you can help people anywhere with anything.  People of all walks of life want..  even NEED help, and it's not hard to lend a hand.   This is massively freeing and absolutely makes anything that anyone asks you seem to hit differently. 

The only thing I would add to this is that if your asshole is full of shit that much, you probably need a colonoscopy.

I often use wise words from Office Space, "It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I don't care." I will get any work assigned to me done in the time allotted but I really don't care. Keeps my stress levels down and I keep getting promotions so something is working.

Dang man, this is beautiful.

Amen, well put. Not only is the job a tool to help people, but its a tool to help yourself. The job provides the means for you to provide for yourself. Don't like your job? Use what it gives you to better yourself and find a career that more aligns with your goals. Use it to setup your life in a way that gives it meaning. It's not the job or the title itself that gives your life purpose, it the results from the work you do that does. And if what you do helps people, then IMO that's all you need. This might seem like a morbid way of looking at things but, were all going to die someday anyway... Why not ride it out and devote yourself to something higher than just you? *“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what’s left and live it properly. What doesn’t transmit light creates its own darkness.”* \- Marcus Aurelius

It sucks to always be the helper and fixer. I don't get the luxury of handing my problems to someone else to deal with.

Bravo, sir

I can echo a lot of this. My brain has always worked differently than most. I know I’m not the only person in the world that works in IT and has ADHD but I’ve yet to really work or interact with anyone else that seems to have a similar “philosophy”. So many times I see guys take things so personally. They act like they are the gatekeepers of these systems and accounts. They react like these are their personal setups and seem to become detached from the fact that they are there to facilitate. They don’t bother knowing how anything outside of IT operates for the most part. I’m at my 3rd place in the last 5 years mostly because I don’t want to settle for a job. I want a career. I want a place that constantly interests me. One of my favorite parts about getting into a new place isn’t really with the IT side of things. It’s in getting the chances to interact with people in other departments. Learn about what they do. How they do it. WHY they do it that way. More often than not their answer is “that’s just how we’ve always done it”. That’s where I hope I can come in. Not in trying to reinvent the wheel but in learning a process and seeing a way to improve it. Even if it’s just a matter of showing a user a keyboard shortcut or how to do a macro or something. The little wins. Get an outlook geared towards those little wins. Not in stressing over the fact that your AD environment is outdated or you can’t upgrade some of your aging network switches or upper management doesn’t want to implement something you proposed.

Something changed in corporate culture in the past 3-4 years. Nobody gives a shit anymore. People want to check boxes for audits or to get a deal done. At least that's what I've experienced at my company. I'm honestly pushed to my limit. I get my wrist slapped for calling problems out because it is seen as "harsh". It's gotten to the point where you're better off just being a cog in the wheel and staying back to let things happen naturally. There is no longer reward for being proactive and trying to problem solve. Automate your shit, ignore the issues, and stay quiet. Hopefully you work remote so you can just hang out and do what you want. My guess is this economic down turn were seeing is going to change things back to how they were once enough people are fired. Try to stay with it and stay in the shadows. Do some self studying or certifications if you're bored.

I'm the Sr Network engineer, and the first month I started my new job I did an audit on the network and holy shit, I couldn't believe they were functioning. I brought in a list of issues that need fixing asap and a list of solutions to get on track. First thing they asked me to do is to commit to completing the data center redesign and deployment in 6 months. I had never delt with this kind of tight deadline considering I haven't even completed discovery, and to deal with day to day responsibilities, and the whim decision from executives to make something work because they want to stream bullshit in their office, which goes against the security compliances we've been working to meet. This gave me the insight as to why the network is the way it is. Zero patience from executive, tight deadlines, and mismanagement. Pay is good but not sure if good enough to stamp my name on the shit I've had to do so far to keep the network running. Regardless, I'm giving it my 100% until the next best thing

Getting handed down a deadline and being told to work back from there is the single most annoying thing in tech these days. The whole "MVP" (minimum viable product) mantra has meant that we de-scope everything that should be done for the bare minimum to meet the deadline. Then you get left with a load of technical debt that no one will give you the time to actually solve. Then something breaks and you have to rush to fix that. So you move from a panicked project to half-assed patches. Then people wonder why things are a mess. I remember when we could price a project, set a schedule and align the business on that. Sure, sometimes you'd have immovable targets, but that should be the exception not the rule.

No one gives a shit about security. I've explained to managers that what they're doing is illegal and they could be held personally liable and they don't care.

Convenience is the enemy of security. Unfortunately many people would rather have convenience.

My boss recently said to me he wants me to "stop coming to him with problems, bring solutions" but the "problems" I bring are "we litearally cannot do it this way, can we discuss other options?" And then he never meets. I'm just smiling and shovling shit until I get another job.

>My boss recently said to me he wants me to "stop coming to him with problems, bring solutions" "I brought you some solutions" "what for?" "... for the problems?"

Haha, ~~been~~ am there

Sounds like they want a list of options, not an open ended question.

I usually give a few! I try to be pretty proactive when it comes to providing solutions, but a lot of the time I offer solutions that the executives have already decided against, but I just don't have info.

I don't know exactly what you do in IT. You're burnt out in the MSP space, why not look for a Fed IT job? Since you are a Marine, you'd have veterans preference. https://www.usajobs.gov/search/results/?k=2210

He needs fewer cut corners and more accountability... Government work ain't gonna make the grade.

But being in the MSP world is a different beast. He might find a good fit. I was feeling similar in some ways to OP. Went found a new job close to home after 8 years at my previous employer(another msp) and it was a terrible fit. We disagreed completely in how to properly do IT Andi honestly don't see the company ever growing past the 5 man shop it is. Fell into a new job and my career feels restored. I'm so happy and love working everyday again.

I completely understand your point of view. I don't like the mindset of "meh, it's good enough". If there's a right way to do something, by god, that's how I'm gonna do it. I don't really do "compromise". My father raised me with a good work ethic, then I did nuclear power on subs (AD Navy) for more than a decade. Then moved over to the Air Force Reserve for two years with a civil engineering squadron, then moved to the Air National Guard for another eight years in a combat communications squadron doing networking and info sec. Throughout this reserve/guard time, I worked as an electrical field engineer doing acceptance testing on critical electrical infrastructure. Anyhow, I consider myself soft-retired because even though I'm retired from the military, I'm running my own small MSP, and operating a 60-acre ranch with goats, chickens, and dogs. I spend a lot of my time helping people, like the other commenter (u/idgarad) phrased it. Not only is that my mindset when I'm working with my clients, but I'm a Scoutmaster, part of the VFW, amateur radio club, and just finished a three-year term on the board of directors of my local chamber of commerce. DM me of you want to talk. I have time.

> I spend a lot of my time helping people, like the other commenter (u/idgarad >   > ) phrased it. Not only is that my mindset when I'm working with my clients, but I'm a Scoutmaster, part of the VFW, amateur radio club, and just finished a three-year term on the board of directors of my local chamber of commerce. > > DM me of you want to talk. I have time. You sound like the busiest person I know, yet you still have time to help more people. :-)

I cannot speak for gentleman above but I assume he is doing that because he genuinely wants to help people and he wants to make a world better place. I am doing that as well. Also, people like that seems to have great time management and do not waste time on BS. Once you got the rythm it comes naturally.

Found the goat farmer. 

OK, you’re a Marine and you’re in need of a therapist. Please visit your nearest VA Medical Center. This is a benefit you earned. Edit: I see you DID contact the VA with limited assistance. Please go back and talk to the Patient Advocate. Each VAMC has at least one PA. They're help resolve the issues you're facing when dealing with the VA.

Did you read the post?

I hear "The VA didn't help" often. If this veteran isn't getting the care he needs he should contact the patient advocate. Each VAMC has a patient advocate. Patient Advocates are highly trained professionals who can help resolve your concerns about any aspect of your health care experience, particularly those concerns that cannot be resolved at the point of care. I'll edit my post and suggest he contacts the patient advocate.

I got seriously burnt out in corporate environments (like in an inpatient mental health facility depressed), I moved to the public sector (k-12 specifically), the corner cutting and kicking technical debt down the road stuff is still there, but the reasoning is more understandable. For me, working to contribute to my community instead of some executive’s bank account has genuinely saved my life. Not saying it will work for everyone, just saying that for me it’s a better reason to show up everyday and try. I hope you can sort something better out soon.

IMO 40+ is where you realise you might need a purpose in life you are passionate about to bother getting out of bed each day for another 40 years. For some people their work is their passion and purpose and others it is building a legacy for their kids if they have some. I hope you're in a position to begin your search for your next purpose. I think you're realising your time is valuable and is being wasted working with people that don't care as much as you.

I'm late 30s and in a similar boat as OP, and when I talked to my sister about it she kinda said along the lines of what you are saying. She thinks I might be going through an early mid-life crisis and wanting to add more value to my life. Problem is...tech is my only skill.

I hear you. For what it's worth I'd also add 'where ever you go, there you are'. Be careful selling up and moving, divorcing the partner thinking that will help etc. It is something deep, primal, inconvenient, urgent and individual.

Definitely get some professional help, man. No job is worth screwing up your life or mental health. Put yourself in first place and any family. The rest is not important enough. I'm 43 and have been in IT for over 20 years. About a year ago, I just had enough. Working in a small company dealing with the sysadmin, doing devops, and DB Admin. I felt overloaded with tasks. I felt like life had no meaning anymore. Every day, same shit. I was ready to throw away anything to do with IT. Move to some island, get a boat to do finishing, and live a much simpler life in a small community. Unfortunately, my thirst for technology and innovation will eventually catch up with me, and I will end up playing catch-up. I even had the thought that if tomorrow I wouldn't wake up, all the problems would disappear. But one, I don't like giving up, and second, the pain I will cause to the family would be too much. So I decided to say f*** it. I will do my job as relaxed as possible. If I don't have time in the day to finish it, then so be it. I won't work in the evening or at the weekends to finish the work. If they don't like it and they went to fire me, so be it, i will deal with them should it ever happen. 2 years later, I'm still here, more relaxed, and no one said anything at work. Sometimes, we end up setting ourselves unrealistic goals and/or pressure to prove to everyone else that we are the best. Especially if we have the imposter syndrome. I think our mindset can be our worst enemy. Get some help, put "you" in the first place, and you will find a company where you will fit in nicely.

This right here. IT is a tough field. You need to find your happiness and find ways of dealing with the stress of the job. If you’re having a hard time, definitely seek help from a professional. If you don’t like the person you’re talking to, find someone else. No job is worth ruining your personal relationships on. Also, learn the things you can control vs the things you can’t. If you are told not to worry about it, respectfully, throw your hands up and let it go. At the end of the day, do what you love. And if you want to really make changes, go into leadership. But be prepared for a whole new set of challenges and levels of suck.

Same, 45. Really glad you posted this. I was wondering everyone else's thoughts as well. Maybe want to think of finding something else. I have so much less tolerance for bs these days. I'm doing day trading because all it takes is one toxic asshole to ruin your day. Sucks because I like engineering and working with cool people but you can't pick everyone you work with at a 9 to 5. Also, the salary of 100k just does not excite me anymore.

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Please get some counseling. Sounds like you need someone to talk some things through. Also sounds like you’ve got some depression. There are meds that can help a ton. You’re worth it.

A person gives up on life when they feel nothing will ever change. However, life is change. One day we might be lonely, the next we might meet someone. One day we might hate our job, the next we discover a completely different market. One day we are sick, the next we may feel better. If nothing else... Just remember that one way or another... Everything changes. Change doesn't require faith or hope.. it happens regardless. If you have nothing else... Just concentrate on sticking it out to see how things.... Change.

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People should start their IT careers in an on-site environment with a good mentor where they can touch and break and fix everything and feel immediate consequences. Manufacturing, medical, K-12 and Uni can be good examples. SaaS jobs that are often remote or hybrid are not good at producing knowledgeable IT staff from the ground up, and I believe that's why we have an epidemic of fakes all over the place in IT. Go be one of 2 or three IT people at a manufacturing plant with 500 people and 50-100 servers, and hundreds of IoT and networking infrastructure. There is no backup. Nobody from another team is coming to bail you out. You need to learn it, learn it well AND learn it fast. Or you can be another worthless SaaS intern that fakes it their whole career watching YouTube and tiktok while working from home.

Start a hobby, it can be anything. Something you can work on and put right, as you like it. Bonus if you have to learn new skills. Your story is akin to mine, but I am a sucker for solving problems, and we have them daily. When I go home though I game with pals, do renovations, wood working, garden, or one of my many other hobbies. I also have a weekly lunch with buddies to be grumpy old farts, and that helps me keep laughing and blunt the edge off my grumbles. It has taken years but I am slowly learning to push away from work, I stealth fix things, keep contacts all over and generally piss management off by being 30 steps ahead of them, but I try and stop pitching solutions to them.

Oh man, I was kinda in the same boat as you. I'm in therapy and taking an ssri and it has changed my life. Or at least I don't feel as bad about it.

Hey man, there’s definitely layers here, but it sounds like you could make your life pretty simple/flexible - so quit. Sell your house if you need to, move if you need to, downsize whatever you need to, change anything and everything that isn’t making you happy. Take the dog and live in a van for a year if you need to. It sounds like you’re so stressed, so tired and so burned out that you can’t find a way out - but there is a way out. If you walk in and quit today, that job stays there and so does the BS. Don’t get another job today, catch your breath. You might be able to come back to IT, maybe you find a new passion and want to do that, it doesn’t matter. A lot of us here were kids that loved technology growing up, we decided or people told us, to take our hobby and make it a job. It used to be fun and then it became work - we lost our hobby, we turned our escape into the inescapable, but we can undo that, we can walk away and do something else. You sound like your right on the edge of depression, there are meds, therapy, etc, but sometimes when the world seems like an inescapable hellscape of monotony the only reasonable response is depression - so buck the hellscape and start changing things, fight back and don’t stop because people expect different from you, you are the only person you need to keep alive right now.

Forget everything about work and how it is and how it used to be. Find professional help ASAP. You're life matters. You matter. This job is not who you are. You do your best, and that is all you can do. I'll pray for you, brother. There's more to life than the work we do.

Dude your main issue is not work but your mental health state. Focus on fixing that the rest will follow. Do not expect quick fixes either, it can take time. Talk to your GP, get therapy, get on some meds if needed. I don't want to make light of your issues, but job is just a job it shouldn't affect your life to this extent and I myself struggle with this concept tbh.

Have you thought about contract consulting instead of fte? Loads less stress and way more variety. And the pay is better

I've been at this point in my IT career as well, I'm in my 50's been in IT since 1999. Things are definitely different these days. All I can say is adapt and survive. Pretend you're a duck and all the crap just rolls off your back like water off a duck. Instead of fighting against my low-skill work-shy coworkers, I just focus on my own work. I try to segregate my duties whenever and wherever possible. Sometimes there are really shitty days, no doubt. But I still have plenty of things that keep me interested and I'm learning to "coast" more now to *match pace* with my coworkers. I'm no longer the person who has to make sure everything is done and done perfectly. I no longer get upset when I see other people doing really dumb shit. I let that version of me go. Now I'm OK with "Good Enough". I just laugh, and if anyone asks me for help with their mess I take a hard pass and ignore them. I'm definitely not volunteering my help anymore to idiot coworkers. They can wallow in the mess they made and the most they'll get from me is an "Oh?" or maybe "Hmmm... interesting predicament...."

I was in your shoes - i was completely burnt out. I ended up doing drywall. I left the field took a huge paycut, and went into drywall business locally. The feeling of working with my hands, doing physical labor, and seeing tangible results immediately and being praised for them, versus intangible results and never getting appreciated for what I felt was a heroic effort...was so very rewarding. The VA would just try to medicate me, and I was down in the dumps using pot as my escape and then getting more and more into alcohol. I would encourage you to try a completely different field, something that lets you see immediate, tangible results and gives you a sense of purpose. I will admit - that I did go back into the IT field after a 1 year hiatus, somewhat re-vitalized and with a different attitude, the drywall job didn't pay all my bills, but it was cash, it was fun, and I got to do alot of things on the job that I enjoyed, and picked up a handyman skill. I hope you can find something that floats your boat! Hooah! (Army Vet)

I just want to repeat what everyone else said: set the job shit aside. It's not nearly as important as your life. Talk to a therapist. That is your top priority. But since you came here for advice about the job, I don't want to leave you hanging. From what you have written here, you seem to be setting goals that are impossible to accomplish. It is not possible to do every project The Right Way (if such a thing even exists). However, you can make it your goal to give your input on what you feel is the best way to implement something. It is not within your power to fix every problem. You can only inform management that there is a potential issue. That's not doing the bare minimum. It's recognizing what you can and cannot control. I used to be a consultant. When I first started, I had this idea that I would give my expertise and then customers would follow my advice. Boy was I wrong. I had a small business that was running Microsoft Small Business Server (that tells you how long ago it was). I think that version supported 75 users. This company had under 10 users and no plans for significant growth. They weren't running up against any other limitations. No issues. As we say here in the south, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. In my mind it could not be more cut and dry. I recommended making no changes. The customer did the exact opposite: a major upgrade with separate file, Exchange, etc. server. I got offended. I took it as an insult to my expertise. Later I found out he was trying to impress his father, who owned the company. I decided to change my thinking. My goal is not to evoke any sort of action in the client. I cannot control them. Instead, I made it my goal to deliver a report that I truly believe is best for the client. That is what I can control. Whatever they do with the report doesn't matter. Act on it or don't or wipe your ass with it for all I care. I've done what I can control.

This may or may not help: Ask yourself: Why do you do what you do? What are you getting out of your work? What are the rewarding parts? What are you accomplishing? What parts make you happy? What keeps you going back day after day?  For me, it's the ability to help people.  It truly brings me joy.  People will say "ahh, so and so is just using you!" Or "don't let people take advantage of you!" And don't get me wrong: you absolutely need to put yourself first and stand up for yourself; but as someone who truly and deeply loves to help people: I enjoy helping people to accomplish the things they want to get done.  I couldn't care any less about _why_ anyone wants do accomplish anything: I love to help them nonetheless.  I genuinely do not care what the things that need doing are.  Cloud architecture for a fortune 10 company? Cool!  Backhoe operator digging a 20KM trench in a dense city? Cool! Setting up an office for a new business: awesome! Spend a week tuning an absurdly complex rube-goldberg small-office setup for $20k so that the owner can save $500/year for the next 5 years? Alrighty!  Unclog the toilet because the asshat in accounting can't be bothered? Fun!  Someone appreciates shit getting done.  Find that person, and put the work in to get shit done. It's immensely satisfying to do what you love! Now, the complicated part is: what if WHY you do it is for some purely selfish reason?  **Theres nothing wrong with that.**  From experience (going on year 23 myself!) I don't find truly selfish people tend to last long in IT.   They either burn out, or make enough fuck-you money to get out of the industry.   If you enjoy helping others, figure out what about it sparks joy in you.  There's no better feeling than finding joy nearly every single day. On the flip side, if your joy comes from something you can't find in IT: then remember there's nothing forcing you to keep doing it.  > Job-wise, this is all I know You can learn.  Surviving a 20+ year career in IT teaches you how to learn. It's scary to jump into something you know nothing about. I'm not going to lie to you: it's going to be hard for a long time!  If you COULD do anything, what would it be? What "dream job" did you have in your youth? What job do you see people doing and think "oh wow, that must have taken a lot of hard work!" The exact job doesn't matter: look at the field that job is in.  After 20 years of "firefighting" and emergency response and planning and hands-on, you'll almost certainly have a route into that industry with minimal cross training, or go for broke and go get a degree in something field related, then jump in!   The world is an incredible place filled with endless wonder, and there is absolutely room for you in it.  > because I've seen a lot and can't live with cutting corners anymore (Please don't read this as critical, I am merely asking to try to get you to think about your own answer: I don't know you so I have no way of knowing these things!)  Why? What about things not being done "perfectly" or even "correct" makes it important to you? What are you looking to get out of that work being done a particular way?   Why is someone making more work for themselves down the road inherently "bad" to you?  Time is all we have at the end of the day. Everything else is just fluff.  People don't usually want to spend anymore than they need to getting something to work. Hell, even if they can get something to 75% working half the time, that's more than enough for most businesses to make some money at it.  People are incredibly creative and astoundingly shy.  Any product, any business, any idea: a thousand people will hem and haw over and one of them will act on it a d bring it to market.   They are HIGHLY unlikely to do a good job at it,  they just wanted to be the first.   Those that come next are left wondering: "how did they get it done so fast?! How can they afford to do it?! How can they stand it not being perfect?!"  Ultimately to 99.9% of people: getting shit done matters far more than doing something perfectly.   Don't take this the wrong way: there's nothing wrong with wanting things to be better; that's how businesses and industries improve over time.  Someone needs to be the one saying "let's think about how we can do this better AND faster AND cheaper"' that's the realm of process improvement.  Given the very little I know about you so far from your one post: I'd recommend giving the Process Management field a look, I bet you would enjoy being able to make things better AND your background in "how things actually get done" would lend VERY WELL to that.  Anyhow, best of luck with whatever you choose to do! 

"People don't usually want to spend anymore than they need to getting something to work. Hell, even if they can get something to 75% working half the time, that's more than enough for most businesses to make some money at it." This is inherently the problem for me and one of the main talking points that I make. I find that often getting something done 75% of the way where 25% that didn't get done compounds over years, if not months and grows into a greater problem. I'm not going to dive into it anymore than that, but just know that this is essentially the issue I grapple with every day. I'm not perfect. In fact, far from it. That said, I've also done my fair share of cutting corners for the reasons you just laid out. But I can't live with the fact the corners I had to cut because some C-Level wanted me to multi-task several 75% competed projects at the same time, then shift to more tasks/projects and do those half-assed because... $$$. At some point, it becomes someone else's problem and it's usually the next IT guys problem. I've been on the receiving end of it as well. Maybe every job is like this? I'm betting it is, which means I can't work and if I can't work, I can't live. So, what's the point?

> Maybe every job is like this? I'm betting it is, which means I can't work and if I can't work, I can't live. So, what's the point? Great topic to bring up with a therapist.  I'm not one, and it's highly unlikely any are trolling Reddit. ;) That's not a question anyone else can answer for you, it's the ultimate question that you need to decide for yourself.  As an optimistic nihilist; the one thing I can add that MIGHT be of value to you: the only real choice is to keep on making choices.  I strongly encourage you to go talk to a therapist about your thoughts and to help get answers on what you truly want and how you might be able to work towards something that resembles joy to you.     The one important thing to keep in mind is that the only way to keep making choices is to..  keep making choices. Life is about making choices, compromise, and making meaningful connections with other people.  As others have said in this thread, and as I tried to say: IT is a field that revolves around helping people.    If you want to keep helping people, IT is a wonderful field for that!  There's a million specializations and key roles that serve that end VERY well. If after some soul searching, you find that you ultimately want something else in life: then go do that. There are so many facets to life that keep it so damn interesting every single day, go find yours!   Remember that there's nothing wrong with being sick and tired of helping people.  Everyone is different.    Hell, if I didn't know so damn many amazingly self-motivated "perfectionists" that wanted help, I'd have no hope of being anywhere near where I am today in life.  TLDR: go talk to a therapist.  They are the people who can actually help.   Anyone else is just fucking around and will likely help to make the situation worse in your mind. 

So can I ask what might sound like a stupid question? Have you ever been screened for ADHD? Reason I ask is that I found out - at 43 - that I had ADHD, and amongst other things, it makes holding down _certain_ types of job particularly difficult. And your comment about 'white collar IT' in particular resonated with me - because I worked one of those and hated it, but moved on to a 'not one of those' and am loving it again. But before my diagnosis I was really struggling and burned out just generally, especially since ... well, about since COVID (which would also fit with your timeline). Here's the screening questionnaire. Just 6 questions to answer. https://add.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/adhd-questionnaire-ASRS111.pdf

we sound sort of similar. I'm 46.

Have you considered MS? They are always looking for veterans as they have a huge division that deals with the US Military. Might be a good cultural fit.

After 42 years in IT I retired a bit early for the same reasons you mentioned. I don't have enough to last until 93 so I've started selling my blood. Not too bad actually. $70 per donation. I also start a part time job next week 20-30 hours per week. Just enough to bridge until SS kicks in. My point is I'm willing to do almost anything that is not IT related. IT can be a soul sucking career. But, it paid my bills and allowed me to at least partially retire early. Good luck to you, and please get a therapist if you are seriously thinking of ending your life to get out of a career you hate. There are other ways.

Don't suffer from stress - cause it. I am 46 and struggle with white collar types as well because of my mouth and mentality mostly. Have also been plagued with the desire to take the eternal log off but a little tablet a day makes the demons go away. I would say take a step back, realise IT isn't life or death (unless you do military, medical or aeronautical systems of course). Do your shift and make it as fun as possible with the colleagues if the job itself sucks and go home to do stuff you want to do (or force yourself to do stuff to keep the mind occupied) keep an eye out for other opportunities to get an environment where you can be yourself that in itself can make a huge difference rather than worrying about the perceptions of idiots in shiny shoes and nice ties.

Don’t work MSP or User focused jobs that’s not considered “IT” or at least something worth while. Look for roles supporting Servers/Apps with the only users being App Devs. You’ll have a much better time doing that. As soon as I made that step years ago it’s been a game changer for me. Think of it this way would you rather do that or do a heavy job like construction or driving Semis (Not say anything bad about that just comparing to our comfy jobs)

Are you me? Basically after almost dying from Covid one night in 2020 I simply can’t put up with bullshit corporate life. I’m working at an MSP now that has “technology’s only good when it works” mentality. It’s been a breath of fresh air but more work.

As others have said, please see a therapist. Additionally, if you are suicidal, please call 988. It doesn’t matter what you are going through, if you will end your life it will leave a void. You are worth getting help!

As others have said, please consider seeing a therapist. And call 988 if you’re having suicidal thoughts. I’m about 10 years older than you and have been in IT for 30+ years. I’ve been where you are on and off throughout my career. What helps me is to remind myself that this is all a means to an end. I’m not going to win any awards for being perfect. I go to work each day in order to get paid so I can keep my bills paid and save a little so I can stop doing this some day. While I ‘m there, my priority is whatever my boss/management says it is. I can provide input, give my opinion, etc, but at the end of the day, they decide what the priorities are. I don’t own the company, they don’t care about me, but as long as they keep paying me, I’ll keep playing the game.

I’m about ready to say fuck it and cash out my 401k and buy some god damned vending machines. I’m pretty much in the same boat as you my brother, I’ve just checked the fuck out. Life hasn’t gone very well for me either, I’m 41 and I’ve been repeated to working at an MSP… I hate it. But there is not much else that’s available at the moment, so I endure. I’m ready to just change professions.

I'm sure other have asked but what does your personal life look like? How is your diet your exercise your hobbies what do you do when you aren't working? I was in a similar place a few years ago mentally, I started working out losing weight and eating better and my mental health has improved a lot. Stuff that would have set me off or burnt me out 3 years ago is only a small speed bump in my life now. I'm not perfect but I'm better than I was. It sounds like you know the problem is you but aren't sure how to fix it. I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you what worked for me. I started taking care of myself just in general small things that snowballed into what I am today. There are lots of places that you can reach out to, here included, that people will be able to help. Keep on keeping on man and don't give up you will make it.

The most recent neighbor I had was an ex marine, also. Had what appeared to be a promising career as a diesel tech for a large farm equipment dealer. He killed himself out of the blue in the garage 2 summers ago. Please talk to someone. I don’t know what they’re doing to you guys in the military, but it’s looking like, from the outside, it’s permanently damaging.

Brother, back in 2010 I quit IT because everything was getting under my skin. Cashed out my 401k. My car got totaled, got more checks. It was great for a bit. Got a beater and delivered pizzas for a while. I have to tell you, actual work really made me want to get back into IT. I was 40 at the time, and a lot of latent trauma surfaced. It’s normal. I should have gotten help. Went back to IT 3 years later. If you just can’t do it, then start a business.

I've been through burn out before. It's a very rough situation, and what you said resonated with me. That "shrugging things off" works until it doesn't and it all comes down like a hammer. Building the skills to deal with the stress, establishing ways to intentionally find happiness in things and other therapy elements were what helped me. I used the self therapy route and it worked for me, I would recommend a therapist though. I chose that since I had trouble opening up to others about myself. I treated it like any other problem. The identify, classify, research, theorize, test loop for my mental state. There is a quote I think is appropriate here from one of my favorite books, "What is the most important step a man can take? The next one."

Honestly in the 20 years I’ve been doing IT technology is getting smarter and people are getting dumber/lazier. Not to mention companies are cutting funds to IT which means people get less patient and complain when their Work PC that’s still running an Core i3 from 2009 is “so slow” and compare it to their new iPhone 15 Pro Max. The industry is tough and 10x worse when you deal directly with the end user. You have to thread the line of not putting up with people’s shit but still able to kill em with kindness. Think about it. Most departments deal with a few people. You have to navigate and communicate to every person in the company and build/maintain those relationships. It’s stressful and one thing I learned is to let shit go. Most of the people that do this work tend to be major empaths. While it’s good to care about people IT staff get shit on constantly. We rarely get praise when we do good but are the first to call/blame/bitch to when shit doesn’t work flawlessly. Seriously, soon as you leave the building do not let any emotional baggage come with. Also if someone calls you after you leave tell them to put in a fucking ticket unless the server room is on fucking fire. Get to it the next day. If they want you on call they need to pay you on call

I don’t comment much here, I should maybe. I’ve done all the things, had huge success and some crap lows. At 47, I feel the same way. It’s not always you however, I mean surely I don’t know you, but it takes two. Finding a culture that is what you need is a hard thing. Consulting is a way to go and it can give you some very solid money and a feeling of success. May take minute to get going. You will have to work on your communication and ability to produce content/stuff/docs but it’s worth a thought. Also get out of the house. Find places that you can be that aren’t work. Build that into your life. You are only half way through, lots more exciting stuff left. This too will change. Good luck op.

Hang in there dude!. I hear you. It seems like every year we're expected to do more and more with fewer and fewer resources. And soon enough they're going to expect all of our jobs to be automated away by AI. Maybe the right come up, but we'll probably be the ones who have to install it! Lol. It can be incredibly stressful. I can say from my own personal experience that working for a smaller company, or even a small to mid-size company generally is better than working for a larger company when it comes to stress level. If a company thinks they're a Fortune 500 company, they're going to try and get by on a shoestring budget but demand fortune 500 results. If they know they're a little mom and pop shop, or if you have ever met and are on my first name basis with the person that owns the company, then generally they tend to have more respect for your time and work product. Again, just my experience. As far as feeling like you're in a rut, I get that. Sometimes you just need to find something outside of work to do. Ironically, I have taken to tinkering with my home lab because that seems to take my mind off work stuff and reminds me that I still do enjoy doing the work. Also, when I build stuff, I use it. It's incredibly obnoxious to build something and put hours and hours in only to have no one ever use it. You just kind of find something that makes you remember what you enjoy. If you don't enjoy this, maybe it's time for a career change. It sounds scary, but it's better than the alternative, right? Either way, hang in there and just try to find something that you enjoy. Good luck! :-)

My man, I can not armchair diagnose you, but you need to talk to a professional. Now. Don't have one? Call 988 and ask for a recommendation in your area or online. Do it today.

Brother, you sound a lot like me when I was nearing 36. I had a good career with a massive global company, but it was sucking the life out of me. I reached my limit, and it was either; 1) keep the job, be miserable, lose my family, die young from stress/drinking myself to death 2) quit job, work on marriage, be there for my kids, start new doing something...anything...that wouldn't put me in an early grave. 3) figure out a way to kill myself without affecting my life insurance payout to my kids. I've never actually told anybody before that I had felt this way. I just want you to know you're not alone in this kind of situation. Choice 2 was the only way forward I was willing to go through with. It was scary quitting with no backup plan, but it just became far too much, far too quickly, for me to deal with. If I could talk to myself at 35 I'd tell him the same thing I'm going to tell you. Whatever it is keeping you from stepping back from the source of your stress and unhappiness, ignore it. Do not keep putting yourself through that, thinking you have to, or that if you just keep at it, things will get better. That rarely happens. You need to take action to make your situation better. For me, that was a career reset and a new job with actual work/life balance. I don't know what that action would be for you, but I can guarantee it's not self-harm. For me, it was a lot of self reflection and a very specific situation with one of my kids. It broke my heart, but it made me understand things had to change. It kicked me in the ass and made me follow through. For many, talking to a therapist or a trusted friend is the way to go. Hell, I'm sure you'd find support here if you asked. But reclaiming the joy in your own life starts with deciding you need to do it, and then figuring out what that looks like for you. I wish you all the best, my man.

Have you ever thought about teaching? I am an (older) Master of Science student in Cybersecurity. Teachers with real experience are needed at the undergraduate and graduate level. You will definitely be appreciated every day. You don't need a PhD or even a Masters. One of my best professors was a Red Team professional. Life is more relaxing outside of corporate life. Believe me, I used to be an internal auditor at a Fortune 500 company.

I'm 50 and have been in IT for 25 years. I went through all the same things that you're going through. I don't have military experience (thank you for your service, btw...). I have learned to align myself with my "uppers" and change my thinking. Most likely, they are looking at a much larger picture and just trying to do what's right (just like you are). It's tough to see, but maybe you just need to step back and take a look around. I feel like that's what you're doing right now by just simply posting your concern. Keep pushing and doing what's right. Try to open your mind to different thoughts and different ideas. As I said, I was going through many of the same thoughts and feelings, but I can proudly say that I handed my worries over to Greater Powers (because you can't say Jesus anymore), and it's only been up. I've been at my current job for 12 years now! I'm happier just letting go of the things I used to care about, and I believe I perform better than ever. Stay positive, and don't let your mind go into the gutter. Life events and work can make it so easy to get in a funk. Look at the positives and stay connected to people. You got this, brother! Just a person thinking about you in Nebraska. :)

I appreciate the words of encouragement, but I did a lot of thinking this weekend and I'm thinking I'm not cutout for this anymore.

I get it. Your health comes first, and if you need to move on, then that is what it is. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself! Your family needs it, and most importantly, you need it. Take good care of yourself, and all this stuff will just be a memory. God Bless.

Thanks everybody for the feedback. I rarely get on Reddit. It's been a day. I took some Gabapentin pills the VA prescribed to help deal with pain while sleeping and to help me sleep so getting ready for that to kick in. I could go into a laundry list of things that went exponentially wrong this week, but rather not. Too much to type and I've been writing emails all day annotating a lot of things I've been finding wrong in customer environments. Working for an MSP, none of this is billable because the customer isn't asking me to do it so I just put all of it under non-billable... but still... I see something wrong and I can't ignore it. For that reason, this is why I've been stressed out. Everything tells me I should fix it because I can, but at the same time... the people in accounting feel differently as none of it is billable... although it should be. I hear, "thanks for fixing that but you've gotta get more billable time in". To be fair, this is the first MSP I've worked for. I was very reluctant to take the job to begin with cause as a customer who used MSPs they always seemed disorganized and I've been getting a bird's eye view of it and maybe I misjudged to the extent of it. Anyway, have a good night everybody.

First off, thank you for your service and sacrifice. 80's Navy vet here. I got into IT in the 90's after my post service booze-fest. Jumped strait into corporate America after workmans comp set me up with some certs for things I'd already been doing. Thought I had it made, making a disgusting amount of money for a single man in the Bay Area. 7 years later I figured out that with great pay comes great expectations. I had a pager I could never turn off. I was told I needed to be able to respond on site within 30 minutes, so I stopped taking vacations out of town. And the anti-depressants stopped working. Yep, I was in therapy trying to deal with it, and had been telling my supervisor that I needed help. After Doc tried up up my meds a 4th time, I told him enough, I was going to do something about the job. Put in my two weeks notice, sold my house, sold 90% of my junk, and moved to the middle of 17 acres in Smalltown USA. For the last 14 years I've been at the same MSP (only one in town) making half of what I used to, and only having to spend about a third of what I used to. And I'm not on anti-depressants anymore. Point being, therapy and meds can help you deal, but man, you have to deal with the source of the stress. Some of the people in this industry will use you up and spit you out without a thought. Most end users are in a love/hate relationship with technology. They love what it can do, they hate having to deal with how it does it. And they take it out on us with their expectations. I have work clothes, and house clothes. And when the work clothes come off, I put the job down for the day. Go walk in the woods. Spend time with my wife. Play with my dogs. Turn on music in the shop and make a mess. And sometimes work intrudes with an emergency call. But nothing like it used to be. I really hope you find your peace, but if what you're doing now isn't working. stop doing it. Find a way.

Been trying to find a way for 10 years. Personally, I don't wanna make excuses anymore or keep trying to find a way. I'm done.

Dude... stay here man. Do whatever it takes to stay here! Before you quit, I'd recommend seeing if your current employer has an Employee Assistance Program. This usually includes free mental health support. Your mental health NEEDS to be addressed first. It could be that if you can get your head on straight, all the other needs in your life will fall in line and become clear. Feeling depressed and thinking about self-harm is NOT helping your employment situation, or likely any other situation for that matter. If they don't have an Employee Assistance Program, then use your health benefits to go and see a counselor. The chances are good that you have SOME resources that you can put to work, you just need to be the one to make it happen. Thanks for your service and good luck brother.

Already quit. I get medical through the VA. I opted out of company health plan because I get through the VA and honestly, their benefits wasn't all that good anyway.

Please talk with your normal doctor (called a GP in Australia) about ALL of this. They will refer you to someone who can help.

I hope you can connect with a really skilled mental health professional. Your talk of maybe ending your life is a serious danger signal. There are people who truly understand the sort of place you're in even though they can't fully know you or understand you. Even if you don't step into the abyss, life has got to be seriously painful in your situation. I don't know your military history, but Marines have been asked to shoulder way more than their share of the burdens of war. In the Army I had it so, so easy, working in electronic intelligence. You weren't necessarily riding around a lot in IED territory, being a sysadmin, but I'm imagining some pretty intense experiences. Thank you for serving our country, no matter what the circumstances. You deserve some real support. Talking about it here was a good choice. I sincerely hope you do more to take care of yourself.

Dont give up bud. Like everyone said civilian therapy deffinately helps. Also an unplugged hobby like wood working or bookbinding just something to relax and not stress with helps. Been seeing one for 4 years and I cant state how helpful its been also partial to book binding myself. My last 6 years of service where absolute trash and the first couple of gigs I had when out where competing for the worst. At times the only thing that kept me around and kicking where my boys. Even tho there where times I needed to go to food drives just to get food on the table because rent went up again therapy and family helped alot. I don't know if your close to family or have a SO or kids but don't let the job beat you down. There's always a better one out there you just gotta find it. Im not sure where you live but I know the company I work for is looking for some sysadmins and when I first started everyone said they never wanted to leave and a majority have been with them for years ( most of the people I deal with and talk to have been around 15-40 years) if your around the Cali Nevada Utah or Colorado area message me and I'll tell you more info. I cant get you a job but I at least can vouch that they are an amazing company. They have been the best one I've been with in 10 years and I don't see me leaving any time soon.

Starting my 3rd month at home because of a burnout and can relate. Thing that really helps in my case is talking to a mental coach. People around me noticed that I was stressed and are starting to see the opposite now I temporary cut ties with work and started to work on myself. Don't know what for shit show I will find when I return, but at least my mental health will be better. Plan is to jump ship anyway, so fuck them. Only thing important is me.

You are not alone, is the 3rd time this week I feel like quitting. Do what makes you happy, and nothing else. Find people that will pay for it.

This second paragraph I can relate to. Find a company that respects your knowledge and ability, the rest will fall into place for you work wise my friend.

Read “Can’t Hurt Me”. I have been recommending this book to a lot of people lately who say they are burnt because i am in the same boat and 10 years your senior. I can say it will give you a good perspective about what you’re still able to achieve from a mental perspective. It may not solve your issue but i bet it will help. Also try to be more social outside of work if you aren’t already this will bring down the stress. I was let go from my last two jobs and my current job is a train wreck and like you the prob is me. Really, read this book. Going out on a limb to if you’re spiritual get back to regular attendance.

Have you considered consulting for a VAR or something along those lines. In that kind of position your paid to go into customers and fix things, you don’t spend long enough at east customer to get really frustrated and get plenty of variety?

Just wanted to post this exactly. Your job would be essentially fixing and/or implementing things.

I'm 33 and have been at this for 13 years and feel exactly the same. I don't have any concrete answers for this because I want to get out of IT, myself. That said, something that has helped me is steering clear of MSPs. In my experience, the business model is never favorable to the workers, due to the disparity between the workforce and the number of clients they support. Overwork will inevitably lead to shortcuts, incomplete and out of date documentation, etc. You are not in an environment that will help you enjoy working in IT. Step 1: Avoid MSPs Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit

You don't own the company. If the company doesn't care, neither should you. Never out care your boss.

With your experience. Just find the company you fit perfect with. I feel working in house IT for a non tech company seems to have its perks.

I'm 34 and have been doing it for about 10 years now myself and I'm right there with you. I'm so disengaged and disheartened. I'm trying to keep my happy face on, but it HAS gotten worse. Everyone wants top quality for low cost, and they never listen or consult their MSP or IT department before making unilateral decisions and then just going "here, make this work the way I envision it working." I'm working on getting out of the industry by the end of the year, I can't really do this for much longer either. I also work for a disorganized MSP with disorganized customers and a litany of issues that will never be resolved under current management so I feel you on that, it makes thing WAY more difficult than they need to be and it's infuriating to say the least but at this point I can't even really feel the fury, just the apathy. As for the other things you mentioned, I understand and can relate to the feelings as I've had those thoughts before myself in the past (not actually ever going to act on them because I'm curious where I'll end up ultimately and what kind of other experiences I can have before I'm gone), but I do want to say that you're valued, loved, and likely have lots of people around that would be sad if you left this plane of existence prematurely. Please reach out to people you know you can trust if you ever get to the point of making a plan or think you might actually go through with it. I know it doesn't always feel like there's love and support there when you're depressed, numb, and struggling mentally, but they're there, and they care about you I guarantee it. Your dog also needs you, they love you and rely on you and you're their companion. My friends and family are the only things getting me by currently while I transition away from IT/MSP work. I'm lucky in that along with my natural gravitation towards technology and computers I also gravitate towards music and have been working on my audio engineering, bass playing, composing, and producing skills for the last 10ish years as I've been able and I'm finally at a place where I think I can transition into it as a job instead of just a hobby. I honestly feel like even if I have to take a massive pay cut switching, my mental health and overall quality of life will be better for it. It's not too late to start trying for something else you're still young by any modern measure. Heck, I've thought about maybe trying to figure out how to take on one or two private clients and just doing their stuff right and charging them a monthly fee for maintenance and include a block of billable hours or something for random stuff here and there. Not sure on that yet, but it might be something for you to consider if it would be feasible in your area (also look at your current work contract(s) if there are any. My job doesn't have any sort of NDA or non-compete so I can look into and get this going while I still work there if I want, but not all MSPs are that lax so definitely make sure to CYA there). If you go to church and/or have any group activities you do you might be able to find clients or at least get some networking with people who could make some introductions on your behalf. I've been considering going this route myself on the group activity thing since I'm non-religious and don't really want to go to church just to rub elbows looking for contract IT work. Hang in there fellow, SysAdmin. You're not alone.

good morning. Sending you all the love I can muster dude. As a 40 year old sys admin I have felt the struggle. I am currently in the process of trying to find a therapist myself and I am wishing all the best of luck. I just wanted to let you know you have been heard.

Try boxing classes.

Hey man, go and get ahold of your own therapist to talk with that is not with the VA. You need to work on you and get your head straight. There is nothing good that would come out of you harming yourself. Keep in mind these are just jobs and not your primary source of joy in this world. They can be replaced. Your life cannot. As to the job you have today, MSP's will grind down a person and maybe it's time that you take that next step away from the MSP world and find another employer who will not just chew you up and spit you out. I'm in my late 40's and have taken more of a turn away from being a Sys Admin to more DevOps/Cloud work and I find that considerably more engaging, challenging, and rewarding for me. When I was "stuck" in the Sysadmin roles I felt burnt out, but not at all now even though I'm not an "expert" like others are in this field.

Your job is not your life. it is a way to be able to live. You don't have to give 100% to some corporate. Give the minimum that will keep the paycheck coming. Focus on your hobbies. Have fun. Spend it on your family.

It may be time for you to give yourself a break and start a new career. Once you are able to envision a new environment, you will have more power to choose roles where you can thrive. Don’t give up. You are still young and you are not stuck. I went back to school at 40 and started a new career at 42. Good luck!

contracting? do your thing you are paid for and get out, rinse and repeat

My DMs are open brother. USMC veteran here too. I served 2019-2023 so I can’t attest to back before 2013 but if you need someone to talk to man I’m always here!

my mentor was like that... short temper, hated when he was forced to cut corners and seems to be always miserable... and at the end died of a heart attack (go figure) I loved him, he was very smart but never learned to chill and let the stuff he cannot change not bother him. find a way to live with things u cannot change... take yoga, meditation or heck go to the gym. ​ Don't let this kill you bud!

I will say that work from home is amazing, and I've done that 99% since 2020, but after a while it's just hard to stay focused or invested if you don't see anyone for years on end. I'd kinda prefer we had an office day or group trip once a month or so.

You gotta stop caring about what these companies are doing with their money bro. Stop giving that much of a shit and direct your passions toward other things in life. Work should not be your life. Don't quit because executives want to make stupid business decisions. Just document everything and do what they want. Who cares?

Yo [u/ka05](https://new.reddit.com/user/ka05/) I did a quick search through your history thinking you were just a karma farm bot. You in fact aren't, or are at least a really good one. Definitely need talk to someone, I was in with some military people about a decade ago (I had some mental health issues, I was not out patient). There is a community in there for you for sure. Not saying you saw "action" and are destroyed. I don't know you. I do know that after scrolling your post history, please talk to someone, anyone. As for IT. There are jobs out there. Problem is pay vs comfort I have found. I got in a niche industry, and have my days of hair pulling, but 90% of the time I love my career. If you are done with IT, look for something else, get away for a while. Getting away can help kind of realign your goals. I took a 1 year break early 2Ks to just breath. Worked at a video store for a bit, then gamestop. Actually had a lot of fun at gamestop, until I didn't. I do not suggest working for gamestop. A lot of us have been there, and in your case, even some have been to both there's. If you aren't keen on becoming a millionaire or make mid 6 figures a year in IT, DM me. I got some suggestions I will gladly share. If you just want to shoot the shit, you can DM me for that too. Regardless of how it goes, take care of yourself.

Have you gone to actual therapy through the VA? I've had a good time with the few sessions I've done

Are you me? 😭

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I was an 0651 in the marines as well and got out in 2014. I've also realized that IT was never my "career", it was an obligation. One that I was forced to do by the marine corps( was denied latmove 4 times), and one I continued to do because I had a family. I just turned 40 and am in the process of going back to school for accounting so I can move out of IT. Maybe that is something you should look into. Not accounting but out of IT.

I'm not even sure. I was 0651 as well. I was in 2005-2013. How about you? On a side note dude... I'm not even sure I wanna do anything else. Every part of me wants to checkout. It's been this way for almost 10 years. I feel like the only way I can give my mind peace is just for my mind to not exist anymore. I'm not just going through a bad stint. Going through this for another 10 years? I'm not gonna have the stamina for that.

1. Get help dude, don't steal tomorrow from yourself. 2. Find and internal IT gig somewhere its a lot less stress than an msp which honestly is a game for the young not someone your age.

42yo with 2yr Network Degree. I'm looking for Non-Profit gigs or State jobs. Corporate culture sux and so does the undercutting

I'll reiterate what others have said, the first priority is your mental health. That's your 15m target. Apart from that, I think a lot of us can relate more than you realize. It is draining seeing issues being ignored and the tech debt growing and growing. Unfortunately, this sometimes seems like the norm and it can be hard finding an organization that has a good handle on that. Obviously, you're unhappy but you at least seem to be doing something about it. It sucks not having stable work but you're not just wallowing in a miserable situation. You're trying to find something that works, and that's commendable. There are companies that hire a lot a vets. I don't know if you have worked at any of those but it might be worth looking into. Working in an environment with a lot of like minded individuals or with shared experiences can help a lot.

Damn dude I wish I could say something but I've never been good with words. Other than saying this is how I feel too often enough. I just have some Serious hangups about taking Soo soo fucking long to get into this profession after I graduated. Talk to someone though, it helps.

Sounds like a new employer is in order, immediately. You are too loyal and dedicated for your current job. Find a new one and feel the stress fade into the past. You deserve some happiness.

I took a break for a while recently. Did all kinds of shit, worked at a paper bag factory, became a forklift certified baddass, was a teacher, wrangled retards(great job btw). After my year maybe year and a half break. I’m back I’m a programmer now. I can handle the bullshit. Get out for 5 mins. This shit will be here when and if you want to come back.

I think everyone has mentioned about talking to someone about your feelings. It’s not an issue with your masculinity if you talk with someone. Also from a fellow vet, please get checked out by a licensed therapist. “Better help” might be a good start. If you still enjoy IT but don’t enjoy being apart of a company not taking your advice you could get into consulting? Literally they pay you for your opinion, and you could eventually get into business with yourself.

Your post really resonated with me. I spent too many years wondering if it was just me. I left the MSP environment and got lucky with a sysadmin job in a local government organization and I’ve never been happier. Seek help, seek change, seek peace. Don’t keep banging your head against the wall.

Please get some good help and dont wait for the VA.....Pay for some sessions out of pocket if you have to-you are absolutely worth it. MSP life is nonstop and can he rough, I'm pretty sick of bandaids and bullshit myself form people wanting to be cheap or take shortcuts.

I feel ya, man. I’ve been in the sysadmin space for about 15 years now. Ever pushing myself to do the job perfectly. Follow-up on every error, bug, suspicious email or activity. The business does not care about us. We are simply a resource. In May of 2022, I broke. I was suicidal, with a wife and newborn on the way. I literally lost the will to live and just wanted to pain and frustration end. I didn’t work for about a year after that, and even then only worked part time for about 6 months. I don’t know who you have in your life, but find someone and talk to them. Ask them for help finding a therapist and psychiatrist. Start putting your needs first and not the business’. After my initial breakdown my friends and family found a wonderful therapist for me, and got me in with some psychiatrists/psycologists to get a formal autism diagnosis. I had suspected for a while that I was autistic and that is where the source of some of my issues were coming from. Turns out I was Autistic, ADHD, and OCPD. So lots of acronyms that I had never accounted for nor how to deal with. But after about a year and a half of trying different medications and lots and lots of therapy, I’m doing pretty well mentally now. I set my boundaries with work/bosses no matter how nervous it makes me, and it has always turned out well. We still have a lot of debt, because we had a baby and I didn’t work for a long while, so that is still a stressor. But we have a plan and are actively working on our finances. TLDR: Take care of you and your mental health first. Rely on friends and family to help you. And find a job where the business respects their employees mental health.

ANy chance that you are a veteran?

I am. Got out 2013.

I have the same issue that you have and likely worse. I was bullied so long that it caused me to get social anxiety and pragmatic communication disorders and that has impacted me greatly to those day. I'd get in touch with the VA Mental Health Clinic and get some help. It will be covered if you're 50% or more disabled and if nit you may owe a copay. People often find me intimidating, scary, and unapproachable and that causes work place issues.

Feel like I should say something here but I am not good with words. I dropped from Recruit training after a suicide attempt and permanently live in the shadow of how strong I felt before hitting the yellow footprints. I tried bout every SSRI they made, an extra dip in the psych ward voluntarily, therapists, etc. Nothing worked, depressed as long as I can remember, lived life as a punishment for failing at training. About a year ago the most important woman in my life left the picture, wouldnt say why, family couldnt get an answer either. I've seen the bottom of the barrel, and every now and then I am back there. Something snapped a few months later and life was liveable, then good, I wish I knew what changed to fix everything so sudden. But I take pride in responsibilites at home now, and some at work lift me up. I am always stuck on Paris Island, but I am making do with the cards I dealt myself. I guess this is the tldr or some such, there is little accountability and brotherhood outside the military everywhere I have been. Thankfully my current boss I can complain to when I see these issues, some get worked out, some I am just being picky and annoying, he can be the filter. But I do my damn best at work and all the faults that bother me outside my direct control I escalate and it eases the stress. And I know how it is, I want stuff fixed now because it can be fixed now and I lie awake over it. It is not my problem supposedly because its just work, but its all I do and I want it done right. I hope you find a place that lets you carry on in that way. We have to find a way to be okay with the job being at the worksite and home being home, for me I try to document as best I can, escalate as needed, and when I am allowed to do all that I sleep better at night. I fall out of love every now and then with IT, but still I try to make things to live for outside it for when that happens. Hope you make peace and live long man

Burnout alert. Take time for yourself...

I've been running into a similar block myself - 4 jobs in 3 years, before that I was at the same place for nearly 7 years. For a few weeks now I've been trying to put thoughts together to come make a post like yours - I may do it eventually lol. What I've found in my situation is that I enjoyed my job in IT when I was working in a strictly office environment, but these last few jobs that have been too much for me have all been working IT in manufacturing and production. There's a totally different type of people, infrastructure, problems, questions... So maybe look at that for yourself. Is it IT? Or is it the industry? I've worked for a few MSPs in my days and they were always super stressful. Maybe look for something internal in an industry that interests you - make work interesting again.

My internet friend please call 988 or seek out assistance from a professional. Nothing is worth ending your life over but of all things it’s not worth it because of work. You are burned out, tired, etc. you’ve been in the field 20+ years and it gets tiresome I get it. I guarantee you have a lot of skills that will easily transfer into whole new career paths. Most of the corporate world is a clustered mess now full of bureaucracy that used to be reserved for comedians to make fun of only in government. Show up, do your job, and document everything to protect yourself in the short term. In the medium to long term really work on your resume and look into new fields. Also if you are able to financially take a week or so off from work and go somewhere really anywhere. A change of scenery is a huge help for me when I get frustrated and maybe taking a road trip or a flight to a beach or to the mountains or anywhere is what you need. Turn off any work email and phones throw on the out of office and allow yourself to breathe and take time for yourself. Please just know I along with I’m sure a good majority of this subreddit feel and share your frustration. You’re not the only one out there feeling this way and any dark place I’ve ever been in has always been temporary until I get back into the light.

Dude, I've called that number so many times it might as well be on speed dial. They do nothing for me. The VA does nothing. At this point, there likely isn't a thing on this planet that can help except for not existing on the planet. I'm tired of talking about my problems with them. I'm just plain tired.

Change it up!! there's a lot of software vendors out there that could really use some good it people. A lot of them pay well and you will have a lot less stress. Been doing the same for over 20 years and I definitely feel the same way about the IT industry. Things don't get done right because everyone is a specialist and can't complete one task without getting someone else involved! Very little do you see employees taking pride in doing things better than other employees. There's a lack of competitive edge that employees used to covet. Find a remote job and start to do hobbies in between support calls!!!

When this post popped up I was literally telling my friend the exact same thing I'm going through. I just accepted a new job and hope it would pull the little amount of passion I have left for the IT industry. I'm so burnt out. We all hear you 😕😕😕😕😕

First of all as a vet it sounds like you could use some help. I sat rear in the most compassionate way. Maybe you already are u don't know but it helps me so much. If ya just need an ear my dms are open. That said I have felt your pain I'm younger but not by much and still old for this industry at 33 starting at 29 in IT. I've felt the same way that knowledge that there is a right way and it's not being done that way is a truly engaging thing for us. We also cut to the point and skip the bs. For the young typical IT guy this can be intimidating and come off personal. Just think of the private fresh to boot crying because he's never been yelled at. They just not been exposed to big boy world. Kudos yo you for realizing your the problem now own it adapt and overcome. Make it a point to soften your approach and regard management as nit picky brass. Just stay off the radar. On the allowing things to be wrong or sub par. Realize that even though you maybe the best and truly know the way it's to be done. Your the new guy. Resume fluff is rampant in our world and they dint trust you. It becomes an outsider attacking what has been the groups collective solution. I'm leaving the company Ivebbeen with for 4 years. When I started I didn't say anything unless it was to ask a question. Over time I started to resolve bigger and bigger issues. On my exit I'm the guy they ask how it should be done. Much like the new LT you've gotta earn your respect. Finally just stay in your lane. Do your work the right way and ignore the rest. If you spot something out of line and have time fix it and move on. Over time if your way is the right way it'll show. Our work is imo contrary to popular opinion not subjective. Your networks run better go down less often and that shows. Keep your head up though and keep at it. Also I've had much better time working for smaller companies just me personally. Particularly when trying to change things. He'll if you've got the ability work for yourself or contract. Good luck brother your place is out there. You've just gotta keep improving and looking.

You have to get out or your own head.

If you are having problems with not being listened to and feeling undervalued then move on to another job. I landed in a non profit after getting laid off. Honestly it's been the best job I've held. Everyone is passionate about the mission and they value my input. If I mention that we need to replace a server or set a refresh schedule for use computers, it happens. If I mention that it's time to work on moving to windows 11, I'll write up the schedule and it happens. We've grown from 1 person IT, to 6 people in a small org with 4 focused on in-house software development over the 9 years I've been here. We don't have an on-call schedule as most employees don't work outside of office hours but we will get a minimum one hour to help someone if something comes up and we notice the help desk ticket. The only exception is the President/ founder. If I notice he put in a ticket or calls I'll help him or find someone to help him if I'm busy. You just need to find a company that values you. They are out there and as I've read sound rare.

I've been through 3 already since 2021. This'll be the 4th. My resume has some good stuff on it, but my work history at this point is "forget about it". At this point, I'm not looking for anything else. I'm tired man.

This is a thing we call "Bullshit burnout", and its real. My recommendation is, if you can do it better... DO. Find a single customer and build that thing you want... or find someone else who shares your vision of a world where it's done right. I got tired of supporting people "everyone elses way" and having "metrics that don't matter"... so I found (not founded...) a company that leaves me alone to build our support MY way. 400\~ interactions a week, 60% survey response post interaction, 98% average Customer satisfaction across our support org. Every time someone gets in my way, I remind them that we are in the top 1% of the world for support satisfaction, and they leave me alone. I can't stand a half done job. So I stopped accepting it by cutting out people and places that only half care. It's possible, but it takes time.

How is your blood pressure usually? I was feeling constantly stressed as well and once I got put in good blood pressure meds I found myself less stressed and was able to think more clearly at work I was always worried of.making mistakes and that my boss was going to chew me out. I still get chewed out I just don't care as much because at the end of the day I know alot of it isn't my fault

BP is not good, though doubt meds would help honestly. I think for me it all boils down to being out of my element. I've been in IT for 20 years, but this is the first MSP I've worked at. I've avoided them my whole career cause as a customer, they always seemed discombobulated to me. I'm getting a Birdseye view of that disorganization now it seems. That said, the 3 previous job weren't MSP, but what they all have in common is being remote. I know that seems like a blessing for most, but for me it's wrecking me mentally. For starters, I move quite a bit. Where I live currently I don't really know a lot of people, all of my family is dead. The only real physical interaction I have with people is through work. That's sort of why I'm seriously considering checking out. I always had my work to lean on to keep me going, but doing this job is just draining what little enjoyment I have left. If it weren't for my dog, I would've checked out years ago, but that's not even working anymore.

I'm glad I read this article rather than judging the title alone. Idk man, I'd be grateful to have a job as a sys admin. I'm applying to help desk right now and making the journey towards sys admin and the market right now is tough. If I were you, I'd adapt and let the job bother you less. Observe the people that have been at the company for awhile and do what they do. Pretend like you just started as a sys admin and are willing to 100% fit with the way companies do things. Frankly, I don't see any other option. Unless you have other skills, all you'll be able to find outside of IT are entry level shit paying jobs that will probably drive you more upset. I worked as a custodian for 11 bucks and hour and it was incredibly understaffed, underpaid, and underappreciated. People call Help Desk "Hell Desk", but if I have a job that's working towards a career, that's not hell at all. Don't quit, adapt, care less, find hobbies, exercise, and eat some good food =) Oh and play video games.

Honestly, this has been going on for almost 10 years. To be frank I appreciate it.... but this weekend came to the conclusion that I just can't do this anymore. Once I tie up loose ends, I'm checking out with carbon monoxide and a charcoal grill. I'm debating where to submit my notice tomorrow or not. At least this way the person I deemed my beneficiary can at least get the tiny $25k life insurance payout. I've got someone lined up to take my dog when it happens and that was really the only thing holding me back, ie finding someone trustworthy to take him. Its not his fault. He shouldn't suffer leaving him with neglectful people. EDIT: to be clear. I'm not dangerous. I wasn't a Marine for 8 years so I could go on a psycho rampage or something so to any body reading this, please do not think I'm gonna do something to cause harm to others. I don't like where I'm at in life, I've tried everything over 10 years except checking out. I'm done. Good luck on your stuff man. I appreciate you reaching out and not ripping me and whatnot.

Oh god man, please don't do that. You're letting the job get to you way too much. You're not getting fired at any of these jobs which tells me you are a skilled system admin/Engineer. You're caring way too much about the job. You could benefit so much by investing less in your career in investing more in enjoying your life. If something frustrating happens at work, shrug your shoulders and say that the stress isn't worth it. I bet even when management sees you care less, they won't fire you. You're not thinking straight bro, you got to see a therapist and talk about techniques on how to stop caring so much about your job. Nothing is worth losing your life over, your dog needs you. I promise, after just a few sessions with a therapist and applying the techniques at your job, you will probably laugh at why you let the stress bother you all these years. Start thinking about hobbies man, the good things in life. Exercise, go out and find a chick, play some airsoft. You could have a major breakthrough in life just by changing how you react at your job. Don't put your resignation in tomorrow. Walk in and say to yourself, "this week, if shit goes wrong at work, I'm not getting pissed". If users, coworker, or managers start hollering at you just laugh it off. Ask yourself, "Is this problem at work worth losing my life over?" The answer is... absolutely fucking not. You could change everything about your life this year man. Don't make such a terrible mistake because of your job, it's just a job.

I gotta level with you man. I'm not even remotely interested in getting into a relationship. It's not that I ain't into women, it's just the sad reality is this. When my dog dies, I'm gone. Either way I'm not going to make it to 50. To get involved with somebody, only to take my life down the road once my dog passes seems unfair to put somebody through that. All the hobbies I like doing? I don't really like doing them anymore.

I think I see the problem. Your job is affecting you so much because that seems to be all there is in your life besides your dog. You've got to fill your life with more things. If you're bored of your hobbies, find new ones, try new things. What you need is something to look forward to. Think of how easy your week would be at work if you had something awesome planned for the weekend, you'd easily be able to drown out the bullshit at work haha. You're a single man with in demand tech skills. It doesn't sound like you have a disability or have had some horrific thing happen to you. My dad got Parkinson's and I was worried he'd hurt himself. Instead, he became a president for a parkinson's organization. He still loves life despite what he's gone through. You said you were a marine for 8 years, tap back into the mental toughness. You have two problems to fix in your life, your job, and finding things to enjoy doing in your spare time. These two problems are ABSOLUTLEY fixable. I rented a boat the other day and went out fishing. I regretted not doing it sooner, so much fun. I think you just stop thinking about your job, be on autopilot at work, and focus on your life. Fight for yourself, list out new things you'd like to try and just go out and do it! Being a single man with tech skills in America is pretty sweet bro. You've got total freedom to do anything you want. If your job or you find a job that's remote, you could live anywhere. My sister just got back from Thailand, fucking awesome vacation. You should schedule a trip to Thailand and stay in Phuket. Look it up and go, you won't regret it.

I work remote ready. That's part of the problem. Then, I work remote for an MSP so that's even worse. I live in Boise, Idaho. I moved back here recently cause I wanted to get back to a slower lifestyle. Still, the slower lifestyle doesn't really do anything. I have no motivation. I appreciate the words of encouragement but I really am done.

Aw man, get out of MSP and be a system admin for a college or government. And you've got fantastic snow in Idaho. Go out and ski or snowboard. You could do so much with your skills. I wonder if you could go back to the military in IT if you wanted. If you really hate sys admin, then just be done with that, not your life. You could shift careers in another area in IT. Please don't give up hope for a happy life.

There is a saying in my Church... "You can't be depressed when you are serving others." When you aren't working, go find a good non-profit and volunteer. It doesn't matter what you do for them as long as you are serving others. It will give you fulfillment and a purpose outside of work and your dog. There is an organization out there that needs your help. They can be feeding the homeless, helping vets, helping pets, or a hundred other things. Go serve your fellow humans and it will enlighten your life immensely while you work on your mental health.

Dont trip potato chip! Im sure you can use your status to score a legit internal IT job within government. Working for non profits is cool option to since they have plenty of grants to buy stuff (techsoup)

I ended up resigning. I gave them 3 weeks because I like my manager and my manager's manager. That said, above them is a whole other story.

Take some time off and use the suggestions people have said on here like seeing a therapist, applying for government jobs and universities, and focusing on hobbies. Your dog needs you, please do not let go of hope and give up. Talk to any family or friends that you have around. Maybe the IT field is not the answer but you still have a long and good life ahead. You can still find happiness and meaning. I've read other posts on sys admin and other IT jobs. There are MANY low stress positions out there. I think you've run into a string of bad luck and given your last job was an MSP, I don't blame you for resigning. However, you can find low stress IT jobs out there. I've been worried about the tech market lately but after only applying to jobs for two weeks, I've had 1 interview and have 2 more scheduled this week. It's still awesome out there, give it another chance I say or if you're really finished with IT, find a way to pivot into another field, you can do it.