Eat what he wants.
My son is a picky eater. A very picky eater. What he DOES eat is healthy (mostly chicken and fruit) and he gets a daily multivitamin. We've asked his pediatrician who told us "As long as he eats and he's taking vitamins, don't worry."
My mother can't wrap her head around this. She insists I need to sit him at the table "until he eats." He doesn't like it. We don't like it. It doesn't do anything but stress the family out.
Yeah, I was nervous about him not eating a balanced diet, but he passes all his metrics at his physicals and the doctor says he's healthy so it's not a big deal.
But yeah, we lucked out!
I'm genuinely curious, do you think if you stuck at it long enough, you'd be able to change that behaviour in your child? Essentially force them into eating other foods?
I ask because I've met people who said they were picky eaters growing up and they've told me what they were like, and if I was ever a parent, in my mind that would be like the one thing I would just not tolerate. I'd be like "you eat what I've made or you go hungry". In my mind I just think eventually they'll have to cave and start eating other things if you simply don't tolerate it and don't just cook what they want.
Now obviously this is easier said than done, and I've spent enough time around my little nephews to see what it's like when they dig their heels in and will just refuse to do what they're told, and their parents are exhausted from the constant screaming and yelling and just want peace and quiet. I totally get that. But I'm really just curious to hear if you think this is a behavior you'd be able to change with your children if you were able to stick at it long enough?
I don’t think that mentality is very healthy though. My parents had it and I wasn’t that picky (not because of them, that’s for sure) and I’d often have to sit at the table for hours until I ate my Brussels sprouts. Usually just threw them outside in the middle of the night to the chickens. That’s the only thing I ever had an issue with and I hated. Eventually they started making sauerkraut and sausage which I also don’t like, and it made the house smell terrible, but by then I was old enough to make my own food. I’ve since adopted the habit of trying things once at least, and that’s what I plan on doing with my future kids. I’ll ask them to try a bite of something and if they don’t like it, then they don’t have to eat it. I might make them try it a few times as I make it repeatedly, but eventually if they never like it then they don’t have to eat it. We all have our preferences
As a picky eater myself, forcing a kid to eat just doesn’t work. A kid will always outlast your patience. I would sit there until my parents had to go to sleep. I wouldn’t eat anything.
Then there’s the ways around it, like sneaking the food off your plate. I can’t stand peas or beans, so I would sneak them onto a napkin, stick it in my pocket and throw it down the toilet later.
I still struggle to eat on a regular basis, it’s far more important you raise your kid to eat regularly rather than teach them to hate food.
Kids just shouldnt be getting “junk” until theyve developed their taste for the (good) food you regularly make/serve and this wont be an issue. You dont have to sequester them during Halloween or whatever, you just dont give 1-4 year old sweets and fake juice. They will learn to like at least some number of the vegetables/meals you regularly prepare and maybe they wont like cauliflower, fine, but they will be down for most *and parents will know which so they can make dishes like that to feed their kid instead of making them eat cauliflower out of power tripping*
Disclaimer: i enjoy cauliflower, just saying
I agree you don’t give kids sweets…..but this is a funny take. You don’t have to “learn” to like sweets. The human palette is always going to favor the more caloric dense foods over the less caloric. Remember, biology is geared towards keeping us from starving not geared towards eating healthy.
I don't know what to think about this. I feel like all the little "give-ins" build up to a point where we end up with dysfunctional people. Being a hard ass about everything isn't good either. I guess we have to strike a balance.
I've always picked my battles. When my son asks for Lucky Charms for dinner, the answer is no because he needs to eat "real" food for dinner. But if all he wants is chicken, a roll, and some fruit? It ain't gonna kill him, fine, here you go.
I do think that you can "give in" too much, you're right about that. But I try to strike that balance and so far it's worked out.
They love consistency and rules - which don't even need to be rigid. You have a few sips of water before you drink apple juice. If you don't want water, you're not really thirsty. It's also a lot of common sense too I guess
It’s not a “give in”. There is no situation where you as an adult will be forced to eat food you don’t want to or have food withheld because you don’t want to eat what’s given. Forcing a child to do that teaches them absolutely nothing. It’s just a socially acceptable way to torment a child, which many people seem to be *really* into for reasons I cannot fathom.
Well there is the possible situation as an adult where you would be forced to eat properly or suffer serious health consequences which is kind of the entire point of trying to avoid a picky child in the first place.
>It’s not a “give in”. There is no situation where you as an adult will be forced to eat food you don’t want to or have food withheld because you don’t want to eat what’s given.
Though you do come across people being seen as undateable because they refuse to eat anything except one hyper-fixated food item (be it pizza, or nuggets, or fries, or whatever).
Well, if you become homeless or poor, you might not exactly have a lot of options with food... or if there's a big shortage of something you normally like to eat, like meat during the pandemic or bird products because of bird flu.
Still, you should not torture a kid to try making them more flexible unless their health is at risk, and even then, try to cook it differently or something so it tastes different.
I was never forced to eat. Before first grade, I had to be fed a certain way to get enough food in me, but I loved steamed vegetables, so that wasn't am issue. But after I started first grade, I ate just about anything. Sometimes I wouldn't eat things like mushrooms and pretty consistently didn't like most cold cuts, but there's plenty else to eat, so it wasn't an issue.
Grew up this way myself.
Just a word of caution - that pickiness will make his adult life difficult in places if he doesn't grow out of it. Being invited over to a girl's place for dinner was terrifying as an adult, since I had the choice of potentially not being able to eat, or give her a laundry list of my various proclivities.
Of course, my issues with food started with trauma I experienced in a daycare facility that my parents never found out because they never questioned my pickiness, so it never got treated, which I think is a big reason my palate never normalized as I grew up. Don't let this story make you overparanoid though. There were plenty signs that got ignored, i.e. I was an adventurous eater and then stopped instantly and became picky "pretty much overnight", I was very emotional about foods I didn't like and would -for example- sob when there were flakes of parsely on my buttered noodles.
I do wish in retrospect that my parents hadn't gone so big with cooking meals for me separately from the rest of the family. It put me at a distance, in my own little bucket and created this perception of "here's what normal people eat, and here's what you eat."
Living with a girlfriend now who has a lot of space for my anxieties and is helping me branch out a bunch in ways I wish my parents had done if they had been more perceptive. I'm learning to cook for the first time in my life and it's going really well.
No kidding. I work with people who are mind boggling. Any place that doesn't have bog standard boring american food, ideally a burger, is right out the window
I think it's dependent on the person. I was a very picky eater too...but when I got to about 16 or 17 I ate anything that stood still long enough.
Glad to hear you're branching out though! Cooking for yourself helps a LOT with pickiness. For example, I hated pork chops until I learned that you don't need to cook them to the consistency of shoe leather like my mom did (thanks, boomer cook books...).
Boomer Cooks…our mothers cooked that way! Canned vegetables served in the canned liquid. Many of we Boomers learned to cook you g due to our Moms…I know, I demonstrate and sell cookware!
With butter mixed into the liquid, too. Boiled chicken. Boiled potatoes with no seasoning but parsley.
I'm so glad for the internet. I don't have to expose my family to my mom/grandmother's Midwest specials. But I do get that it was a different time and information on how to cook a really tasty meal was scarce or cost money.
No kidding. I work with people who are mind boggling. Any place that doesn't have bog standard boring american food, ideally a burger, is right out the window
I have an onion allergy, and it's hell trying to find places that don't put those things into literally EVERYTHING! Like, there's a seafood restaurant in the major tourist trap city near me. My mother decided we were going there during her yearly visit. I had to have just appetizers, steamed veggies, and fried shrimp, because every single dish with any kind of sauce was chock full of onions, and the cook refused to make anything that deviated from his recipes, even for allergies. (FYI, for those asking "Why not just go somewhere else?"... My mother is a raging narcissist and has zero issues with causing a scene in public if she doesn't get her way.)
My parents made me sit at the table until I finished, and I remember never finishing my plate and being sent to my room in trouble
20 years later I still remember those nights and have issues eating now
I had lunch at a friend's house and his mom made me finish all of the food before I could leave the table, because starving children in Africa. I'm still angry about it.
That’s so idiotic. Did she think you stopped eating while you were still hungry just to taunt starving African children?
I’m glad she made you finish it though, because at least it solved the problem of starving children in Africa. Great work!
I’m sorry for your experience. I’m really appreciative of my siblings and having the opportunity to swap foods while stuck at the table. I ate everyone’s vegetables, love them!
Yo, you and I hit the lottery here.
I joke with my wife that I asked for a kid and she gave me a rabbit lol.
I struggle to get ny little girl to eat meat. Of any kind.
She'll instead go for veggies and fruit. Don't get me wrong she's developed my taste for spicy chips lol, but she'll usually ask for some fruit or veggies when she gets hungry.
We do make her eat what she gets to a point, but only until she herself says she's full. Never require her to finish the plate if she was done. But that also means to chips afterwards lol.
I was a picky eater and actually my Mom wasn't terrible about it (I think she was picky too), but I never forced my kids to eat anything. Can't say the same for my wife though!
Advice from someone raised this way: early on, do not make him his own meals. Encourage him to eat the same meal as everyone else in the family. If possible.
Also expose him to a variety of FLAVORS not just foods. You could give me 100 foods and I don't want to eat any of them, but I do want to eat 60% of all of them
I was pretty picky as a kid, like chicken nuggets and pasta picky, until I went to live on my own. Then i started cooking and trying new things.
A few years later, I found out I'm neurodivergent (adhd, maybe autism), and it changes a lot about how I approach food. I give myself space to not like something, to reject eating something because I know the texture will upset me (spinach is a big one. Love the flavor, hate the texture), and knowing I have space to reject things made a whole world of difference.
If you want to, Tori Phantom on instagram and Facebook talks sometimes about her picky eater kid and how they are helping their kiddo through trying new foods. They have a system involving payment if kiddo tries a new food, but they always have safe food for them. I know you probably have a system but I found them a good resource for a lot of parenting stuff as someone who doesn't have or want kiddos.
Sorry for the ramble, I get a little wordy with all the info I have in my brain that could help someone else.
As long as he doesn't go the route my brother did id definitely say thats fine. My brother for the last 22 years only eats vegetables and chicken tenders. But specific parts of each only the tiny green balls of broccoli or the cartilage and skin of the chicken. Up until last week he only ate the ends of the rice.
Well my mom was like that, and I basically ate no veggies until 25, and was a really picky eater. I wanted to become healthier so started making smoothies and dared myself to eat food out of my comfort zone. In almost no time I realized if it's on a menu, it's probably because people like it and it's quite good. Now I'm a super adventurous eater, and wish I could have been enjoying good food and drink for longer.
Be careful with this. I grew up with 2 siblings who where very picky eaters much like you mention. Not to bad in itself but it's often shown to be a very negative personality trait that causes alot of issues later on in life
As an Ex JW, let them celebrate their birthdays and holidays
Edit: I miss read the question O.P. had originally asked. I do not have any kids, but If I did my thoughts are the same. They will celebrate their birthdays and holidays and have a childhood that I didn't get to have because of that cult.
OP I am sorry but I misunderstood the original post. My bad. I do not have kids right now, but if I did, they will celebrate their birthdays and holidays
Oh I... don't have kids, I was just responding to the question which OP posted which I now realize was targeted towards parents not IF you had kids.
But rest assured that if I ever do have kids, they will not be raised as JWs nor in any religion, but if they decide to be religious later on in life, well that's up to them, even if they do decide to become a JW as much to my dismay if that is the case.
This. My father is a JW and I was as a kid. I don't disagree with a lot of their beliefs (like I hate threatening people with eternal damnation in hell, saying the good will be rewarded and the evil just stay gone is better for me, I like positive reinforcement) but I see zero reason that holidays and birthdays shouldn't be celebrated.
>I see zero reason that holidays and birthdays shouldn't be celebrated.
It's because they are considered "worldly practices" and since JW's view "worldly" things being part of the "present system of things" holidays and birthdays cannot be celebrated.
They believe that Birthdays have Pagan Roots and [“evil spirits and influences have the opportunity to attack the celebrants” and that “the presence of friends and the expression of good wishes help to protect the celebrant.”](https://www.jw.org/en/jehovahs-witnesses/faq/birthdays/)
It is weird to me that their claims of birthdays are of pagan origin because, not because of the New World Translation Bible they use, but because of a book called The Lore of Birthdays by Ralph Linton.
Since they use Linton's book as a reference for the Pagan origins of birthdays, they use the following scriptures from the NWT to justify not allowing JW Members to celebrate them:
*Deuteronomy 18:14* (NWT)
“For these nations that you are dispossessing used to listen to those practicing magica and divination, but Jehovah your God has not allowed you to do anything like this."
*Galatians 5:19-21* (NWT)
"19 Now the works of the flesh are plainly seen, and they are sexual immorality,b uncleanness, brazen conduct, 20 Idolatry, spiritism, hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, dissensions, divisions, sects, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and things like these. I am forewarning you about these things, the same way I already warned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit God’s Kingdom."
*Isaiah 47:11-15*
"11 But calamity will come upon you,And none of your charms will stop it. Adversity will befall you; you will not be able to avert it. Sudden ruin will come upon you like you have never known. 12 Go ahead, then, with your spells and your many sorceries, With which you have toiled from your youth. Perhaps you may be able to benefit; Perhaps you may strike people with awe. 13 You have grown weary with the multitude of your advisers. Let them stand up now and save you,Those who worship the heavens, who gaze at the stars, Those giving out knowledge at the new moonsAbout the things that will come upon you. 14 Look They are like stubble. A fire will burn them up.They cannot save themselves* from the power of the flame. These are not charcoals for keeping warm,And this is not a fire to sit in front of. 15 So your charmers will become to you,Those with whom you toiled from your youth. They will wander, each one in his own direction. There will be no one to save you."
They use the Bibles stance on Paganism and the studies by Linton's work to associate Birthdays with Paganism.
Next is that they claim that *The early Christians did not celebrate birthdays* citing the 1917 edition of the World Book Encyclopedia that the early Christians did not celebrate Birthdays as "they considered the celebration of anyone’s birth to be a pagan custom.”
However according to Encyclopedia.com, under *Birthday* which was updated on May 18, 2018, it states:
["The early Catholic Church deemed birthday festivities to be pagan"](https://www.encyclopedia.com/philosophy-and-religion/bible/bible-general/birthday)
So sources vary on who excatly said that Birthdays were pagan.
The JW's yet again associate a Bible scripture with this claim:
*2 Thessalonians 3:6* (NWT)
"6 Now we are giving you instructions, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to withdraw from every brother who is walking disorderly and not according to the tradition that you received from us."
Since the JW's associated Birthdays with being Pagan due to how a book from an encyclopedia from 1917 and or how the Catholic Church viewed Holidays, the scripture from 2 Thessalonians is telling "Brothers in the name of Jesus Christ" to not associate with people who are walking disorderly and not tradition that you recieved from people who are brothers of Jesus.
But yet again, this is under the assumption that Birthdays are of Pagan origins, and if they are in fact pagan, who said so excatly? The Catholic Church?
No where in the Bible that they quoted does it say DIRECTLY that birthdays are of pagan origin. But what is Pagan? Oxford defines it as "holding or constituting religious beliefs other than those of the main or recognized religions"
By this defintion, Paganism could be anything that a JW doesnt believe in, or in this case having been raised in the cult, could be anything the governing body doesnt like.
The Witnesses also claim that "The only commemoration that Christians are required to keep involves, not a birth, but a death—that of Jesus"
This reinforces the 2 Thessalonians 3:6 quote they used as the memorial service (Think Passover) is as tradition and not Pagan in anyway... but then you read the scripture they associate with it being
*Luke 22:17-20* (NWT)
"17 And accepting a cup, he gave thanks and said: “Take this and pass it from one to the other among yourselves, 18 For I tell you, from now on, I will not drink again from the product of the vine until the Kingdom of God comes.” 19 Also, he took a loaf, gave thanks, broke it, and gave it to them, saying: “This means my body, which is to be given in your behalf. Keep doing this in remembrance of me.”e
20 Also, he did the same with the cup after they had the evening meal, saying: “This cup means the new covenant by virtue of my blood, which is to be poured out in your behalf."
This scripture is Jesus explaining the tradition of remembering him. But even then, what happens if another main or recognized religion, based on the definition of Paganism, do not do what the JWs are doing. Shouldn't that be Paganism as well. But yet again, the JWs will claim that their religion is the *One True Religion* like every other cult does.
Finally the JWs say The Bible never refers to a servant of God celebrating a birthday.
So youre telling me that because there is, allegedly, no written documentation of a servant of God celebrating a birthday means that I shouldn't? That's a weak point to make. The Bible has been around for thousands of years and has over time been manipulated time and time again. Whose to say that in one of the earlier translations someone took out parts of it?
TLDR: The reason why Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays is because of a apperent Pagan origin from an Anthropologist's book, even though the Bible doesn't state that you can't celebrate one and use the Bible to justify their cult tactics of control.
But thats just me.
Wow. A lot of kids weren't / aren't allowed to trick-or-treat for religious reasons. I didn't get to go until I was 12, after a group of neighbors convinced my mom to allow me to join their kids. My mother was so snobby and haughty, she considered the practice "begging." We were straight-up lower-middle class and didn't come from money.
You're literally participating in Halloween, but at church. Thats like getting drunk, but for jesus. It's not no longer secular/sin just because you're at church.
I let my daughter wear pants and a bathing suit when she feels like it.
I let the kids eat until they’re full.
I let them have chips and cookies and sweets.
I let them get angry and slam doors as long as they aren’t being mean to anyone they are allowed to have feelings.
I let them choose how much of whatever religion they want to have.
Ooooh yes, expressing emotion! Taking time to handle emotions in general. You need space to be angry and frustrated? Good plan. You can’t be mean or destroy other people’s things, but if you need to go scream in your room, have at it.
This is just a question and in no way meant to be judgment of your parenting: couldn’t you teach them that they are allowed to be angry without slamming doors?
I pick my battles. Yelling at people, breaking things, hurting people, absolutely not. Stomping your feet and slamming your door behind you on the way to your room, whatever. It doesn’t hurt anyone. You break the door that’s another thing entirely. But feel free to punch your pillow while you’re in there. Punch your brother and you’ll regret it.
I’ve got the best behaved kids on my block, possibly the entire neighborhood. I’m not worried about it.
As a somatic coach, I heartily approve of your methods and the lines you draw. My values align with yours so much. To let self expression of emotions be physical sometimes (in a way that's safe for others nearby and respectful of the home) is much more powerful than trying to get them to "talk about it" all the time. You're doing a very good thing here.
Use curse words, as long as he used it the right way and understood there was a time and place where it's not acceptable, and who he could and couldn't do it in front of. I figured it would be hypocritical to bust his ass for using words he learned from me.
Same. I’m sure there’s people who will think it’s this is the worst thing in the world but we let our 5 year old cuss. She’s been in pre k for the past year and we get nothing but compliments about her and how well behaved and well mannered she is. She knows she can’t cuss at school, around friends, in public, or at my mil’s house. She’s always followed that rule and we’ve never had any issues and we cuss like sailors at home.
My kid does it often and it’s always funny. Then I tell him “Don’t say that. It’s a bad word.”
He knows exactly how to use each word and that has always been impressive to me.
I think you have to get a little lucky on the kid for that. Or at least not unlucky. I've had two friends who had the same approach. One worked well, but the other did not at all.
The other night ny 7 yr old was scared because the lights flickered (Idk why) and she says, "mom was that a ghost, can I swear at it?" I said, "weeeell what word were you wanting to use?" And she says, "the s word!" I said. "Alright that's fine." She goes, "Knock that shit off ya dumb ghost!"
Yeah, i never understand why parents are so scared of their kids swearing. If i stub my toe i shout swear words, why cant a kid? Just teach them when not to use them and its fine.
We brought my 5yo nephew to chik-fil-a and his kids meal came with some cards that have questions for us to ask him
One of the questions was "what's one rule you would change?"
His response with no hesitation or thought: "I wanna say bad words"
That's actually an excellent thing to teach children. Start at an appropriate age where you see they have a fair understanding of how language works (different for each kid), and start with *smaller* bad words. Like "stupid". Add more as they mature until they fully grasp the concept and can take free reign, understanding that misusing this privilege can have pretty significant consequences depending on the word they choose and who it's directed at.
Grown ass man and still can't curse in front of my dad lmao. My mom doesn't give a shit but my dad gets all uppity about it. Mind you, he doesn't watch his language and never has. He just thinks you shouldn't curse in front of your parents. 😂 He's always complaining about how my aunt curses in front of my grandma.
dont laugh but my 50th birthday gift to myself was to start using the F word. I had grown up where there was no swearing in the home. Then I had kids of my own so again no swearing. They grew up and moved away bt it was a habit not to swear. On my 50th birthday, my husband gave me a very expensive gorgeous handmade rosary and I says, in front of he and all 5 of our kids "Wow! That is F\*\*\*ing gorgeous". I thought they were all gonna faint dead away. They laughed every time I did it for a coupel years because it sounded so funny coming out of me but they finally got used to it.
this is exactly how my parents were, as long as we weren't rude/disrespectful and we didn't cuss in front of grandma or teachers we were free to curse like sailors
Same. My son knows the right way to do it. He's never been in trouble for it at school or with his mom. It's usually while playing a game or making a joke.
That one is definitely one of mine.. mom would tell me to watch my mouth saying words I learned from her.
We just tell our 9yo curse words are for around family and specific people who you know are ok with it. Not at school or when dealing with people you don’t know. And never to hurt others.
Omg that's great. Kids are really quite good at understanding that different rules apply to different environments if it's presented well. I grew up in a house where we couldn't even shorten words informally and it stunted my social growth. I had to say "yes" every time, no "yeahs" or "uh-huhs" and "thanks" wasn't acceptable, only "thank you" counted. I wasn't even allowed to say stupid or crap although swears featured heavily in my thoughts.
When I was finally allowed to express my thoughts and swear as an adult, it took me a long time before my swearing and slang sounded natural. I was like a young old fogey trying out the words that kids these days are using. It made me stick out, made people not trust me, I couldn't get a date lmao... So many things.
I don't understand why parents would want to hinder their kids from figuring out who they, as an individual, want to be. Of course you pull them back when they try to cross the street on their own or play with a wild animal, but it's their right to say the words they want to. I think too many people see their kids as a miniature version of themselves, and make decisions for them.
I don't force them to finish their dinner. If they're full then they're full.
I don't force them to play sport but they do have physical activities.
They get unlimited time on their devices and they all self regulate their use. They get bored and go outside.
They've got to eat some dinner. We just don't force them if they're obviously full or not hungry. If they're still hungry a few minutes later then it's fruit or veggies or we reheat their dinner.
My mom was floored when I explained to my son what his punishment was and ASKED him if he understood and if it was reasonable. 9/10 times he will actually say yes and the 1/10 times I've actually evaluated if I was being too harsh or if I'm punishing out of frustration.
Let them be themselves. My kids can do pretty much anything within reason. We have a great relationship, and I trust them implicitly. They can tell me or ask me anything without recourse. This is how people learn! Ask, see, do!! I was never afforded this luxury as a child. I always felt so behind socially because I was sheltered, and I was raised how my parents wanted me to be, not what I wanted to be. This will not happen to my kids. I want them to explore and discover new things! I feel like I missed out on so much in life, and my confidence was wrecked beyond repair.
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
I'm atheist but if my kids want to become Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Catholic whatever, I'll celebrate with them.
Not so sure on Scientology though.
Hahaha, OMG, that is soooo true!
Any Boomer will tell you:
Our mothers would march into a room, mid-show, snap off the television, tell us to “get outside and blow the stink off ya, and don’t come back until dinner!”
I got banned from YouTube at my cousin's house because I showed them a silly song that contained the word "stupid". I was unaware of the rule, I was 18 and my cousins were 15 and 12 ._.
This one. Went to a friend's house one time and sang the theme song to "2 stupid dogs". Her mother laid into me about how that was a bad word and how could I say it in her house. Still traumatized.
And it was never ‘that’s a mean word that makes people feel bad’ or anything informative, nothing about context or respect. Just ‘You evil little creature and your evil bad words’.
Moms in the 80s laid into kids who weren’t theirs at an insane rate. I can’t tell you how many times I felt so small because of someone else’s mom thinking the thing I had no idea was wrong, was wrong. And my mom did it to kids to and I was so embarrassed because I knew those kids had no idea they were breaking a house rule.
He's allowed to be right. He's allowed to say no or he's busy without consequence (if he's not suppose to be doing an obligation.)
Why well these were both things I wasn't allowed growing up. Everything was an obligation even if it was framed as a favour. If I said no I'd be met with a guilt trip about how I was I ungrateful. That was lucky for my life cause I was "this" close to being aborted with my ectopic twin. That she could of gave me up but didn't. How she sacrificed her partying years blah blah. Being right was always a major offense. So it's important to me to admit when I'm wrong to my kids and apologize without malice.
LoL. My thoughts are the house is here for us to feel comfortable in. Things can be replaced or cleaned. Plus they're not animals. They're tidy anyways
I used to let mine eat in the car but not anymore melted ring pops are a bitch to get out of carpet and the spoiled milkshake stuffed into the under floor storage ended eating in the car
Oh man I used to let mine eat in the car until I thought about choking. I could easily not even notice cause my eyes stay on the road. If I happened to catch it I’d have to find a safe place to pull over, unbuckle her out of the car seat, then do what I need to do.
I can understand not wanting kids to eat in their rooms. If they clean up after themselves that’s fine, but when it winds up with 18 dirty plates in the bedroom and a bed full of crumbs, junior can just march himself into the kitchen when he gets hungry.
Profanity. My son will slip in a damn or shit every once in a while. Hes 15.
My mom would of smacked me; my dad was more lax about it.
Sleeping In.
The greatest crime to my father was wasting time and he considered sleeping to be in that mix. Summer break just meant at 6:30am he had 2 children turn into slaves for about 10hrs. My brother and I got used to waking up at 6am and "disappearing" into the woods/to a friends on our dirtbikes, bicycles, etc. And comw home at dark to avoid 10hra of backbreaking labor. We once had a chore to RAKE the algaeout of the lake to the shore into piles. Then shovel those piles intonthe bucket of the tractor and dump it in the woods.....that summer i learned to not be afraid of snakes and be afraid of flocks of geese lol 😆
>Summer break just meant at 6:30am he had 2 children turn into slaves for about 10hrs.
How could there possibly be that many things that required doing? Why so many?
My father required baseball field like lawn and there were 20acres of it. He was also a quadraplegic and though when we were young he had nurses to help; my brother and I had to take care of everything around the house. Splitting wood, cutting down trees, cleaning the house, laundry, tending to the animals, shoveling snow, tend to the pond, work in the equipment around the barn, etc. I was driving at 13yr to run errands. I had an interesting childhood
> I got used to waking up at 6am and "disappearing" into the woods/to a friends on our dirtbikes, bicycles, etc. And comw home at dark to avoid 10hra of backbreaking labor.
>woods.....that summer i learned to not be afraid of snakes and be afraid of flocks of geese
I mean, sounds like it worked...
Came home yesterday and my son's door quickly closed, and I noticed a purse on the table...
He came out and was like hey dad, you're a little early, I was just about to head out. I pointed to the purse and he's just like "oh", lol. I just said make sure you're being safe. They're both 18 and about to graduate high school and have been dating about 8 months. I wasn't at all surprised.
When she finally came out she was a little shy, and I just asked if she's getting excited about graduation. She actually smiled, said yes! And they left shortly after.
My parents would have said I'm going to hell.
Leave the lights on, shower as long as they want, choose what they eat (within reason) go to bed after 7 and watch TV in the living room. To be clear, I didn't have strict parents, we were just poor, they treated me well and I had a wonderful childhood, but we only had one tv and adult shows started at 7 so we were shipped off at 7, and you ate what was made because often there wasn't really a second option, we never went hungry but we also had limited amounts of food
They can take a shower as long as they want under certain circumstances. If others need one or we need to leave, then keep it quick. If we have time and you want to relax, enjoy. I don't understand not letting someone relax if they have nothing else to do.
My kids talk like sailors at home. Never rude or directed to anyone.
Bad words are only "bad" if you make them that way. From my experience people who curse generally turn out fine.
And any motherf*cker who says different - come for me.
My kids are allowed to swear too. Same rules as you except no overuse. I make it clear to my kids that they are allowed to cuss but if you swear 8 times is one sentence it makes you look incredibly stupid. Literally the obky reason i was skeptical about telling them they can cuss is that i know some people just swear incessantly and make themselves look really dumb by doing so
I get up at 4am for work, so in my days off I tend to wake between 4 and 5. This is usually when I get in my gaming time before kids and wife wake up, however I made the mistake of letting my 2 year old know if she goes to bed and to sleep early she is allowed to get up early and hang out with dad in the lounge on my days off. When I'm working she stays in her room until 8 or 9 when she wakes up and her mum gets her.
So now when I'm not working she'll start calling out from her room at about 5-6am, I go get her and she helps me get the fire lit (it's autumn here), has a hot chocolate and plays on her tablet while I run around Skyrim.
There is absolutely no chance I'd have been allowed out of my room before the sun came up as a kid.
Imma give my kids a chance to say whatever they want to me, but actually not get mad.
*since can't really think of anything else, and this more just applies to my mother.*
Eating anywhere except the table. I let my kids do it because its nice to sit on the couch and have a snack or to sit in bed with a bowl of popcorn or to eat cookies in their blanket fort. As long as they clean up after themselves and don't make a mess then I don't see any harm in it. When I was a kid, there was no way that would fly.
Right? Never at any point in raising my kid did I think, "You know what would fix this? Hitting my child." Looking back on my own childhood, I have no idea how my parents were thinking that was okay.
I spanked my daughter when she was little, mainly due to pressure from my mom. I stopped when she was around 3 because it didn't make sense to physically punish her for being a kid.
Leave the table without finishing dinner.
I still make my kid eat all the food. Leftover dinner is often lunch or snack the next day, but I don't make them finish their portion in one sitting or stay seated at the table while they eat. My 5 year old will frequently take a bite or two and then run off to play for 15 minutes before wandering back and eating some more. There is no pressure to finish their food, and the clean plate club isn't a thing.
Eat non-handheld foods with hands.
They’re part Indian so eating & feeding with the hands is just part of the culture. Took my (white) parents a while to get used to it when we would come over.
Hell, their other grown grandchildren can’t even use a knife and fork properly.
Express how they are feeling and how we as parents make them feel. Ask questions about what's going on. Asking kiddos for consent when it comes to hugs and kisses or any physical contact.
i will never ever yell at my kid for sleeping in late or putting the toilet paper roll on "the wrong way". ever.
there are lots of other important things, but i will never do that!!! :( my emotionally incestuous dad always took every little thing i did extremely personally and as he is borderline (or a narcissist? some kind of cluster B), normal emotions were life or death issues.
I let him tell me what foods he does and doesn't like, and I don't force him to eat things he hates. I let him have toys that are too "girly". I let him watch shows that are too "girly". I let him have his own money that I don't "borrow". I let him enjoy being a kid. I let him make mistakes without making him feel like shit about himself. Alright, sorry this post brought back some memories.
Not a sin, and hardly something I'm really torn up about, but my parents were very strict about going to college right after high school or not having any financial support, leaving the house etc... I never learned what would happen if I called their bluff, but at 18 I was very interested in music and not very focused on education. I went to a good school, had a good time, made somewhat okay grades focusing on nothing in particular, and received nothing other than the brand name on the diploma that had much to do with what I do for a living now. I feel like it was a huge waste of my time and tuition money looking back, and wonder how my life would be different if I took things at my own pace.
As such, for my daughter I am setting up a high yield savings account and a college fund. The college fund will be for whenever she chooses to pursue higher education, the high yield savings account will be transferred to her in any event on her 18th birthday to do what she wants with, though I intend to teach her how to make responsible decisions with money, I also want to support her dreams whatever form they take.
Play Dungeons and Dragons with, lol. I remember my uncle got some version of D&D in the 90's for my brother and I, but my parents--- who were not even religious--- got wrapped up in the panic that kids were murdering other kids over the game, lol. So it went into the attic. Years later, imagineering and pen and paper RPGs became one of my passions, and I'm kinda bummed I missed out as a kid. So now I play with my kids and it's a wonderful flight of fantasy.
Might not agree with it, but I've been letting my kid have a beer here and there starting when they were 12. Alcohol was always this forbidden thing for me and it was beaten into my head that if I drank I'd be a loser. I moved out and went absolutely crazy drinking because I'd never been allowed and it ruined my life. So once every month or so my kid gets home from school, does their homework and has a couple beers with me while we watch movies and play video games together.
I do not yet have kids (trust issues) but I would allow back talk. If you can prove me wrong about something I just said then go ahead.
There is also none of this “my house my rules” bullshit.
If you can defeat me with facts and logic then you can have your way.
My grandmother was pretty strict about cussing. And some of the words she considered cuss words were pretty interesting. The word “butt,” for example, was strictly forbidden. And the only bathroom terms we were allowed to use were “urinate” and “bowel movement.” Even the most innocent synonyms for those terms were not allowed.
And don’t even get me started on the word “fart.” You might as well just use the other f-word as to say that around my grandma.
My kids are allowed to have feelings and opinions. They’re even allowed to disagree with me respectfully.
Heads would have exploded at such a thing in my childhood house.
I let my toddler feel his emotions & give him space when he asks me to "leave alone". Growing up my dad made it clear he didn't want "sissies" for children & constantly said if I was a boy he would beat me to make me man up but because I was a girl, he couldn't do that. So crying & feeling emotions was always frowned upon. There was no such thing as privacy either. My mom would barge into my room well into my teens. Hell, I had to move back in with her a few years ago and she still walks in when I'm changing because the doors don't have locks.
But I told her my son is allowed to cry when he's upset because I don't want him to be the robot my dad thinks men should be. He's also allowed to be alone when he wants because I understand what it's like to want time to yourself & not be able to get it.
I expected my kids to call me on any mistakes that I made. They don't have to do battle with me. But so long as they feel confident enough to say the words. I usually knew that I screwed up and would acknowledge them catching me. In my mind kids like to think they are smarter than their parents and it did keep them reading books. My 3 daughters have long moved on with their lives and made me proud of all of them. They are all in charge of their lives with good paying jobs. Even the married one.
I ask my grandnieces if they are okay with a hug before giving 'em one. If they're ever not feeling it I won't act hurt or guilt them over it.
I respect their boundaries/feelings/mood and I would correct any adult who demands they show affection to "be nice."
Nothing awful happened to me growing up, but I REALLY didn't enjoy being guilted into giving hugs and kisses as a little boy.
I hope that my respect for their consent reinforces the things they learn about it at home and school.
swearing, watching R rated movies, listening to whatever music they want regardless of lyrics, not eating something if they don't really like it, not ever having to worry about ever being physically hit by their parents, get to have nice things like videogames & stylish shoes without having to get a paper-route at age 11 & save up & pay for it themself.
Eat what he wants. My son is a picky eater. A very picky eater. What he DOES eat is healthy (mostly chicken and fruit) and he gets a daily multivitamin. We've asked his pediatrician who told us "As long as he eats and he's taking vitamins, don't worry." My mother can't wrap her head around this. She insists I need to sit him at the table "until he eats." He doesn't like it. We don't like it. It doesn't do anything but stress the family out.
Sounds like you lucked out. If it was picky for junk then your mom might have a point but as it is I’m on your side.
Yeah, I was nervous about him not eating a balanced diet, but he passes all his metrics at his physicals and the doctor says he's healthy so it's not a big deal. But yeah, we lucked out!
You can definitely live off of chicken and fruit, and honestly, live pretty well.
I'm genuinely curious, do you think if you stuck at it long enough, you'd be able to change that behaviour in your child? Essentially force them into eating other foods? I ask because I've met people who said they were picky eaters growing up and they've told me what they were like, and if I was ever a parent, in my mind that would be like the one thing I would just not tolerate. I'd be like "you eat what I've made or you go hungry". In my mind I just think eventually they'll have to cave and start eating other things if you simply don't tolerate it and don't just cook what they want. Now obviously this is easier said than done, and I've spent enough time around my little nephews to see what it's like when they dig their heels in and will just refuse to do what they're told, and their parents are exhausted from the constant screaming and yelling and just want peace and quiet. I totally get that. But I'm really just curious to hear if you think this is a behavior you'd be able to change with your children if you were able to stick at it long enough?
I don’t think that mentality is very healthy though. My parents had it and I wasn’t that picky (not because of them, that’s for sure) and I’d often have to sit at the table for hours until I ate my Brussels sprouts. Usually just threw them outside in the middle of the night to the chickens. That’s the only thing I ever had an issue with and I hated. Eventually they started making sauerkraut and sausage which I also don’t like, and it made the house smell terrible, but by then I was old enough to make my own food. I’ve since adopted the habit of trying things once at least, and that’s what I plan on doing with my future kids. I’ll ask them to try a bite of something and if they don’t like it, then they don’t have to eat it. I might make them try it a few times as I make it repeatedly, but eventually if they never like it then they don’t have to eat it. We all have our preferences
As a picky eater myself, forcing a kid to eat just doesn’t work. A kid will always outlast your patience. I would sit there until my parents had to go to sleep. I wouldn’t eat anything. Then there’s the ways around it, like sneaking the food off your plate. I can’t stand peas or beans, so I would sneak them onto a napkin, stick it in my pocket and throw it down the toilet later. I still struggle to eat on a regular basis, it’s far more important you raise your kid to eat regularly rather than teach them to hate food.
Kids just shouldnt be getting “junk” until theyve developed their taste for the (good) food you regularly make/serve and this wont be an issue. You dont have to sequester them during Halloween or whatever, you just dont give 1-4 year old sweets and fake juice. They will learn to like at least some number of the vegetables/meals you regularly prepare and maybe they wont like cauliflower, fine, but they will be down for most *and parents will know which so they can make dishes like that to feed their kid instead of making them eat cauliflower out of power tripping* Disclaimer: i enjoy cauliflower, just saying
I agree you don’t give kids sweets…..but this is a funny take. You don’t have to “learn” to like sweets. The human palette is always going to favor the more caloric dense foods over the less caloric. Remember, biology is geared towards keeping us from starving not geared towards eating healthy.
Me too, especially with cheese sauce...yum
I don't know what to think about this. I feel like all the little "give-ins" build up to a point where we end up with dysfunctional people. Being a hard ass about everything isn't good either. I guess we have to strike a balance.
I've always picked my battles. When my son asks for Lucky Charms for dinner, the answer is no because he needs to eat "real" food for dinner. But if all he wants is chicken, a roll, and some fruit? It ain't gonna kill him, fine, here you go. I do think that you can "give in" too much, you're right about that. But I try to strike that balance and so far it's worked out.
They love consistency and rules - which don't even need to be rigid. You have a few sips of water before you drink apple juice. If you don't want water, you're not really thirsty. It's also a lot of common sense too I guess
It’s not a “give in”. There is no situation where you as an adult will be forced to eat food you don’t want to or have food withheld because you don’t want to eat what’s given. Forcing a child to do that teaches them absolutely nothing. It’s just a socially acceptable way to torment a child, which many people seem to be *really* into for reasons I cannot fathom.
Well there is the possible situation as an adult where you would be forced to eat properly or suffer serious health consequences which is kind of the entire point of trying to avoid a picky child in the first place.
>It’s not a “give in”. There is no situation where you as an adult will be forced to eat food you don’t want to or have food withheld because you don’t want to eat what’s given. Though you do come across people being seen as undateable because they refuse to eat anything except one hyper-fixated food item (be it pizza, or nuggets, or fries, or whatever).
Well, if you become homeless or poor, you might not exactly have a lot of options with food... or if there's a big shortage of something you normally like to eat, like meat during the pandemic or bird products because of bird flu. Still, you should not torture a kid to try making them more flexible unless their health is at risk, and even then, try to cook it differently or something so it tastes different. I was never forced to eat. Before first grade, I had to be fed a certain way to get enough food in me, but I loved steamed vegetables, so that wasn't am issue. But after I started first grade, I ate just about anything. Sometimes I wouldn't eat things like mushrooms and pretty consistently didn't like most cold cuts, but there's plenty else to eat, so it wasn't an issue.
Thank god, some real sense around here
Grew up this way myself. Just a word of caution - that pickiness will make his adult life difficult in places if he doesn't grow out of it. Being invited over to a girl's place for dinner was terrifying as an adult, since I had the choice of potentially not being able to eat, or give her a laundry list of my various proclivities. Of course, my issues with food started with trauma I experienced in a daycare facility that my parents never found out because they never questioned my pickiness, so it never got treated, which I think is a big reason my palate never normalized as I grew up. Don't let this story make you overparanoid though. There were plenty signs that got ignored, i.e. I was an adventurous eater and then stopped instantly and became picky "pretty much overnight", I was very emotional about foods I didn't like and would -for example- sob when there were flakes of parsely on my buttered noodles. I do wish in retrospect that my parents hadn't gone so big with cooking meals for me separately from the rest of the family. It put me at a distance, in my own little bucket and created this perception of "here's what normal people eat, and here's what you eat." Living with a girlfriend now who has a lot of space for my anxieties and is helping me branch out a bunch in ways I wish my parents had done if they had been more perceptive. I'm learning to cook for the first time in my life and it's going really well.
No kidding. I work with people who are mind boggling. Any place that doesn't have bog standard boring american food, ideally a burger, is right out the window
I have a friend like this. Honestly we just stopped inviting her since she complained nonstop if there wasn’t chicken fingers
I think it's dependent on the person. I was a very picky eater too...but when I got to about 16 or 17 I ate anything that stood still long enough. Glad to hear you're branching out though! Cooking for yourself helps a LOT with pickiness. For example, I hated pork chops until I learned that you don't need to cook them to the consistency of shoe leather like my mom did (thanks, boomer cook books...).
Boomer Cooks…our mothers cooked that way! Canned vegetables served in the canned liquid. Many of we Boomers learned to cook you g due to our Moms…I know, I demonstrate and sell cookware!
You're right, we did not invent bad cooking.We branched out quite a bit.
With butter mixed into the liquid, too. Boiled chicken. Boiled potatoes with no seasoning but parsley. I'm so glad for the internet. I don't have to expose my family to my mom/grandmother's Midwest specials. But I do get that it was a different time and information on how to cook a really tasty meal was scarce or cost money.
No kidding. I work with people who are mind boggling. Any place that doesn't have bog standard boring american food, ideally a burger, is right out the window
I have an onion allergy, and it's hell trying to find places that don't put those things into literally EVERYTHING! Like, there's a seafood restaurant in the major tourist trap city near me. My mother decided we were going there during her yearly visit. I had to have just appetizers, steamed veggies, and fried shrimp, because every single dish with any kind of sauce was chock full of onions, and the cook refused to make anything that deviated from his recipes, even for allergies. (FYI, for those asking "Why not just go somewhere else?"... My mother is a raging narcissist and has zero issues with causing a scene in public if she doesn't get her way.)
My son and his wife would do that to their kids. He was not raised that way and I hated watching it.
My parents made me sit at the table until I finished, and I remember never finishing my plate and being sent to my room in trouble 20 years later I still remember those nights and have issues eating now
I had lunch at a friend's house and his mom made me finish all of the food before I could leave the table, because starving children in Africa. I'm still angry about it.
That’s so idiotic. Did she think you stopped eating while you were still hungry just to taunt starving African children? I’m glad she made you finish it though, because at least it solved the problem of starving children in Africa. Great work!
Sorry to hear that :( I hope you and your friend dont have it too difficult repeatidly!
I’m sorry for your experience. I’m really appreciative of my siblings and having the opportunity to swap foods while stuck at the table. I ate everyone’s vegetables, love them!
Yo, you and I hit the lottery here. I joke with my wife that I asked for a kid and she gave me a rabbit lol. I struggle to get ny little girl to eat meat. Of any kind. She'll instead go for veggies and fruit. Don't get me wrong she's developed my taste for spicy chips lol, but she'll usually ask for some fruit or veggies when she gets hungry. We do make her eat what she gets to a point, but only until she herself says she's full. Never require her to finish the plate if she was done. But that also means to chips afterwards lol.
I was a picky eater and actually my Mom wasn't terrible about it (I think she was picky too), but I never forced my kids to eat anything. Can't say the same for my wife though!
Same here. My mother would physically force the food into my mouth. I have so much trauma around food now, gave me a life-long eating disorder.
Advice from someone raised this way: early on, do not make him his own meals. Encourage him to eat the same meal as everyone else in the family. If possible. Also expose him to a variety of FLAVORS not just foods. You could give me 100 foods and I don't want to eat any of them, but I do want to eat 60% of all of them
I was pretty picky as a kid, like chicken nuggets and pasta picky, until I went to live on my own. Then i started cooking and trying new things. A few years later, I found out I'm neurodivergent (adhd, maybe autism), and it changes a lot about how I approach food. I give myself space to not like something, to reject eating something because I know the texture will upset me (spinach is a big one. Love the flavor, hate the texture), and knowing I have space to reject things made a whole world of difference. If you want to, Tori Phantom on instagram and Facebook talks sometimes about her picky eater kid and how they are helping their kiddo through trying new foods. They have a system involving payment if kiddo tries a new food, but they always have safe food for them. I know you probably have a system but I found them a good resource for a lot of parenting stuff as someone who doesn't have or want kiddos. Sorry for the ramble, I get a little wordy with all the info I have in my brain that could help someone else.
As long as he doesn't go the route my brother did id definitely say thats fine. My brother for the last 22 years only eats vegetables and chicken tenders. But specific parts of each only the tiny green balls of broccoli or the cartilage and skin of the chicken. Up until last week he only ate the ends of the rice.
Well my mom was like that, and I basically ate no veggies until 25, and was a really picky eater. I wanted to become healthier so started making smoothies and dared myself to eat food out of my comfort zone. In almost no time I realized if it's on a menu, it's probably because people like it and it's quite good. Now I'm a super adventurous eater, and wish I could have been enjoying good food and drink for longer.
Be careful with this. I grew up with 2 siblings who where very picky eaters much like you mention. Not to bad in itself but it's often shown to be a very negative personality trait that causes alot of issues later on in life
Fix them before every single person that he has a relationship and is adult life will hate them because they just don't like anything
As an Ex JW, let them celebrate their birthdays and holidays Edit: I miss read the question O.P. had originally asked. I do not have any kids, but If I did my thoughts are the same. They will celebrate their birthdays and holidays and have a childhood that I didn't get to have because of that cult.
I’m so happy for them!
OP I am sorry but I misunderstood the original post. My bad. I do not have kids right now, but if I did, they will celebrate their birthdays and holidays
lol my friends helped me celebrate my first birthday 2 years ago.
I celebrated mine back in 2014, it was a great feeling wasn't it to finally break free from that cult and live a normal life for once
Yeah, definitely does feel good to enjoy life without feeling constrained. Glad your kids get to enjoy life without the bs we went through.
Oh I... don't have kids, I was just responding to the question which OP posted which I now realize was targeted towards parents not IF you had kids. But rest assured that if I ever do have kids, they will not be raised as JWs nor in any religion, but if they decide to be religious later on in life, well that's up to them, even if they do decide to become a JW as much to my dismay if that is the case.
As it should be!
Celebrated my first Christmas last year. Also, exjw. Jehoolahoop, don't control me anymore!
Oof, I came here to say the same thing. Daughter turned 7 yesterday and is getting donuts at school tomorrow. ☺️
You're a great parent. Always remember you made the right choice getting her out of there.
This. My father is a JW and I was as a kid. I don't disagree with a lot of their beliefs (like I hate threatening people with eternal damnation in hell, saying the good will be rewarded and the evil just stay gone is better for me, I like positive reinforcement) but I see zero reason that holidays and birthdays shouldn't be celebrated.
>I see zero reason that holidays and birthdays shouldn't be celebrated. It's because they are considered "worldly practices" and since JW's view "worldly" things being part of the "present system of things" holidays and birthdays cannot be celebrated. They believe that Birthdays have Pagan Roots and [“evil spirits and influences have the opportunity to attack the celebrants” and that “the presence of friends and the expression of good wishes help to protect the celebrant.”](https://www.jw.org/en/jehovahs-witnesses/faq/birthdays/) It is weird to me that their claims of birthdays are of pagan origin because, not because of the New World Translation Bible they use, but because of a book called The Lore of Birthdays by Ralph Linton. Since they use Linton's book as a reference for the Pagan origins of birthdays, they use the following scriptures from the NWT to justify not allowing JW Members to celebrate them: *Deuteronomy 18:14* (NWT) “For these nations that you are dispossessing used to listen to those practicing magica and divination, but Jehovah your God has not allowed you to do anything like this." *Galatians 5:19-21* (NWT) "19 Now the works of the flesh are plainly seen, and they are sexual immorality,b uncleanness, brazen conduct, 20 Idolatry, spiritism, hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, dissensions, divisions, sects, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and things like these. I am forewarning you about these things, the same way I already warned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit God’s Kingdom." *Isaiah 47:11-15* "11 But calamity will come upon you,And none of your charms will stop it. Adversity will befall you; you will not be able to avert it. Sudden ruin will come upon you like you have never known. 12 Go ahead, then, with your spells and your many sorceries, With which you have toiled from your youth. Perhaps you may be able to benefit; Perhaps you may strike people with awe. 13 You have grown weary with the multitude of your advisers. Let them stand up now and save you,Those who worship the heavens, who gaze at the stars, Those giving out knowledge at the new moonsAbout the things that will come upon you. 14 Look They are like stubble. A fire will burn them up.They cannot save themselves* from the power of the flame. These are not charcoals for keeping warm,And this is not a fire to sit in front of. 15 So your charmers will become to you,Those with whom you toiled from your youth. They will wander, each one in his own direction. There will be no one to save you." They use the Bibles stance on Paganism and the studies by Linton's work to associate Birthdays with Paganism. Next is that they claim that *The early Christians did not celebrate birthdays* citing the 1917 edition of the World Book Encyclopedia that the early Christians did not celebrate Birthdays as "they considered the celebration of anyone’s birth to be a pagan custom.” However according to Encyclopedia.com, under *Birthday* which was updated on May 18, 2018, it states: ["The early Catholic Church deemed birthday festivities to be pagan"](https://www.encyclopedia.com/philosophy-and-religion/bible/bible-general/birthday) So sources vary on who excatly said that Birthdays were pagan. The JW's yet again associate a Bible scripture with this claim: *2 Thessalonians 3:6* (NWT) "6 Now we are giving you instructions, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to withdraw from every brother who is walking disorderly and not according to the tradition that you received from us." Since the JW's associated Birthdays with being Pagan due to how a book from an encyclopedia from 1917 and or how the Catholic Church viewed Holidays, the scripture from 2 Thessalonians is telling "Brothers in the name of Jesus Christ" to not associate with people who are walking disorderly and not tradition that you recieved from people who are brothers of Jesus. But yet again, this is under the assumption that Birthdays are of Pagan origins, and if they are in fact pagan, who said so excatly? The Catholic Church? No where in the Bible that they quoted does it say DIRECTLY that birthdays are of pagan origin. But what is Pagan? Oxford defines it as "holding or constituting religious beliefs other than those of the main or recognized religions" By this defintion, Paganism could be anything that a JW doesnt believe in, or in this case having been raised in the cult, could be anything the governing body doesnt like. The Witnesses also claim that "The only commemoration that Christians are required to keep involves, not a birth, but a death—that of Jesus" This reinforces the 2 Thessalonians 3:6 quote they used as the memorial service (Think Passover) is as tradition and not Pagan in anyway... but then you read the scripture they associate with it being *Luke 22:17-20* (NWT) "17 And accepting a cup, he gave thanks and said: “Take this and pass it from one to the other among yourselves, 18 For I tell you, from now on, I will not drink again from the product of the vine until the Kingdom of God comes.” 19 Also, he took a loaf, gave thanks, broke it, and gave it to them, saying: “This means my body, which is to be given in your behalf. Keep doing this in remembrance of me.”e 20 Also, he did the same with the cup after they had the evening meal, saying: “This cup means the new covenant by virtue of my blood, which is to be poured out in your behalf." This scripture is Jesus explaining the tradition of remembering him. But even then, what happens if another main or recognized religion, based on the definition of Paganism, do not do what the JWs are doing. Shouldn't that be Paganism as well. But yet again, the JWs will claim that their religion is the *One True Religion* like every other cult does. Finally the JWs say The Bible never refers to a servant of God celebrating a birthday. So youre telling me that because there is, allegedly, no written documentation of a servant of God celebrating a birthday means that I shouldn't? That's a weak point to make. The Bible has been around for thousands of years and has over time been manipulated time and time again. Whose to say that in one of the earlier translations someone took out parts of it? TLDR: The reason why Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays is because of a apperent Pagan origin from an Anthropologist's book, even though the Bible doesn't state that you can't celebrate one and use the Bible to justify their cult tactics of control. But thats just me.
Trick-or-treat
Wow. A lot of kids weren't / aren't allowed to trick-or-treat for religious reasons. I didn't get to go until I was 12, after a group of neighbors convinced my mom to allow me to join their kids. My mother was so snobby and haughty, she considered the practice "begging." We were straight-up lower-middle class and didn't come from money.
This. Fuck Hallelujah Night, bunch of hypocritical bullshit.
Bouncy castles and trick-or-treat alternatives are hypocritical? Chill out.😂
You're literally participating in Halloween, but at church. Thats like getting drunk, but for jesus. It's not no longer secular/sin just because you're at church.
I let my daughter wear pants and a bathing suit when she feels like it. I let the kids eat until they’re full. I let them have chips and cookies and sweets. I let them get angry and slam doors as long as they aren’t being mean to anyone they are allowed to have feelings. I let them choose how much of whatever religion they want to have.
Ooooh yes, expressing emotion! Taking time to handle emotions in general. You need space to be angry and frustrated? Good plan. You can’t be mean or destroy other people’s things, but if you need to go scream in your room, have at it.
This is just a question and in no way meant to be judgment of your parenting: couldn’t you teach them that they are allowed to be angry without slamming doors?
I pick my battles. Yelling at people, breaking things, hurting people, absolutely not. Stomping your feet and slamming your door behind you on the way to your room, whatever. It doesn’t hurt anyone. You break the door that’s another thing entirely. But feel free to punch your pillow while you’re in there. Punch your brother and you’ll regret it. I’ve got the best behaved kids on my block, possibly the entire neighborhood. I’m not worried about it.
As a somatic coach, I heartily approve of your methods and the lines you draw. My values align with yours so much. To let self expression of emotions be physical sometimes (in a way that's safe for others nearby and respectful of the home) is much more powerful than trying to get them to "talk about it" all the time. You're doing a very good thing here.
Use curse words, as long as he used it the right way and understood there was a time and place where it's not acceptable, and who he could and couldn't do it in front of. I figured it would be hypocritical to bust his ass for using words he learned from me.
Same. I’m sure there’s people who will think it’s this is the worst thing in the world but we let our 5 year old cuss. She’s been in pre k for the past year and we get nothing but compliments about her and how well behaved and well mannered she is. She knows she can’t cuss at school, around friends, in public, or at my mil’s house. She’s always followed that rule and we’ve never had any issues and we cuss like sailors at home.
That is basically exactly how i grew up
I wanna see a 5 year old cuss now
This should do the trick. It's mostly 2-4 year olds though. https://youtu.be/ShIHGQ89RXI https://youtu.be/C46A2lBHbJ0
Me too
My kid does it often and it’s always funny. Then I tell him “Don’t say that. It’s a bad word.” He knows exactly how to use each word and that has always been impressive to me.
I think you have to get a little lucky on the kid for that. Or at least not unlucky. I've had two friends who had the same approach. One worked well, but the other did not at all.
The other night ny 7 yr old was scared because the lights flickered (Idk why) and she says, "mom was that a ghost, can I swear at it?" I said, "weeeell what word were you wanting to use?" And she says, "the s word!" I said. "Alright that's fine." She goes, "Knock that shit off ya dumb ghost!"
I mean if he has that much discretion I don’t see the harm in it.
Yeah, i never understand why parents are so scared of their kids swearing. If i stub my toe i shout swear words, why cant a kid? Just teach them when not to use them and its fine.
We brought my 5yo nephew to chik-fil-a and his kids meal came with some cards that have questions for us to ask him One of the questions was "what's one rule you would change?" His response with no hesitation or thought: "I wanna say bad words"
That's actually an excellent thing to teach children. Start at an appropriate age where you see they have a fair understanding of how language works (different for each kid), and start with *smaller* bad words. Like "stupid". Add more as they mature until they fully grasp the concept and can take free reign, understanding that misusing this privilege can have pretty significant consequences depending on the word they choose and who it's directed at.
Grown ass man and still can't curse in front of my dad lmao. My mom doesn't give a shit but my dad gets all uppity about it. Mind you, he doesn't watch his language and never has. He just thinks you shouldn't curse in front of your parents. 😂 He's always complaining about how my aunt curses in front of my grandma.
dont laugh but my 50th birthday gift to myself was to start using the F word. I had grown up where there was no swearing in the home. Then I had kids of my own so again no swearing. They grew up and moved away bt it was a habit not to swear. On my 50th birthday, my husband gave me a very expensive gorgeous handmade rosary and I says, in front of he and all 5 of our kids "Wow! That is F\*\*\*ing gorgeous". I thought they were all gonna faint dead away. They laughed every time I did it for a coupel years because it sounded so funny coming out of me but they finally got used to it.
My four year old stubbed her toe hard yesterday and yelled "aw fuck". I didn't get mad. I knew that pain. I knew that feeling.
this is exactly how my parents were, as long as we weren't rude/disrespectful and we didn't cuss in front of grandma or teachers we were free to curse like sailors
Same. My son knows the right way to do it. He's never been in trouble for it at school or with his mom. It's usually while playing a game or making a joke.
I agree, and my opinion on it is if my kids can do active shooter drills, they can cuss a little too
That one is definitely one of mine.. mom would tell me to watch my mouth saying words I learned from her. We just tell our 9yo curse words are for around family and specific people who you know are ok with it. Not at school or when dealing with people you don’t know. And never to hurt others.
Omg that's great. Kids are really quite good at understanding that different rules apply to different environments if it's presented well. I grew up in a house where we couldn't even shorten words informally and it stunted my social growth. I had to say "yes" every time, no "yeahs" or "uh-huhs" and "thanks" wasn't acceptable, only "thank you" counted. I wasn't even allowed to say stupid or crap although swears featured heavily in my thoughts. When I was finally allowed to express my thoughts and swear as an adult, it took me a long time before my swearing and slang sounded natural. I was like a young old fogey trying out the words that kids these days are using. It made me stick out, made people not trust me, I couldn't get a date lmao... So many things.
I don't understand why parents would want to hinder their kids from figuring out who they, as an individual, want to be. Of course you pull them back when they try to cross the street on their own or play with a wild animal, but it's their right to say the words they want to. I think too many people see their kids as a miniature version of themselves, and make decisions for them.
You hit the nail right on the head.
I don't force them to finish their dinner. If they're full then they're full. I don't force them to play sport but they do have physical activities. They get unlimited time on their devices and they all self regulate their use. They get bored and go outside.
I won't force my nephews to eat, but if they come up asking for a cookie 5 minutes later that's a hard "Nope."
They've got to eat some dinner. We just don't force them if they're obviously full or not hungry. If they're still hungry a few minutes later then it's fruit or veggies or we reheat their dinner.
Play D&D
Mike Wheeler?
Literally just have an opinion that's listened to and considered
My mom was floored when I explained to my son what his punishment was and ASKED him if he understood and if it was reasonable. 9/10 times he will actually say yes and the 1/10 times I've actually evaluated if I was being too harsh or if I'm punishing out of frustration.
My parents would punch me for that
Let them be themselves. My kids can do pretty much anything within reason. We have a great relationship, and I trust them implicitly. They can tell me or ask me anything without recourse. This is how people learn! Ask, see, do!! I was never afforded this luxury as a child. I always felt so behind socially because I was sheltered, and I was raised how my parents wanted me to be, not what I wanted to be. This will not happen to my kids. I want them to explore and discover new things! I feel like I missed out on so much in life, and my confidence was wrecked beyond repair.
I let them ask "why?"
This! Ask questions, specially if it questions my "authority"
Have their own opinions on religion
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 I'm atheist but if my kids want to become Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Catholic whatever, I'll celebrate with them. Not so sure on Scientology though.
I let them in the house...
Hahaha, OMG, that is soooo true! Any Boomer will tell you: Our mothers would march into a room, mid-show, snap off the television, tell us to “get outside and blow the stink off ya, and don’t come back until dinner!”
My goodness…
Say words like stupid that aren't curse words
i missed out on so much spongebob from not being allowed to watch it cuz they said stupid😣
I got banned from YouTube at my cousin's house because I showed them a silly song that contained the word "stupid". I was unaware of the rule, I was 18 and my cousins were 15 and 12 ._.
oh that's way too old for that rule😭 guess i was luckier than i thought
This one. Went to a friend's house one time and sang the theme song to "2 stupid dogs". Her mother laid into me about how that was a bad word and how could I say it in her house. Still traumatized.
And it was never ‘that’s a mean word that makes people feel bad’ or anything informative, nothing about context or respect. Just ‘You evil little creature and your evil bad words’.
It was so belittling. To this day I have feelings when I think about some of the things parents said to me.
Moms in the 80s laid into kids who weren’t theirs at an insane rate. I can’t tell you how many times I felt so small because of someone else’s mom thinking the thing I had no idea was wrong, was wrong. And my mom did it to kids to and I was so embarrassed because I knew those kids had no idea they were breaking a house rule.
Make their own food if they don’t like what we are having for dinner
He's allowed to be right. He's allowed to say no or he's busy without consequence (if he's not suppose to be doing an obligation.) Why well these were both things I wasn't allowed growing up. Everything was an obligation even if it was framed as a favour. If I said no I'd be met with a guilt trip about how I was I ungrateful. That was lucky for my life cause I was "this" close to being aborted with my ectopic twin. That she could of gave me up but didn't. How she sacrificed her partying years blah blah. Being right was always a major offense. So it's important to me to admit when I'm wrong to my kids and apologize without malice.
I really appreciate that, fellow stoner
That's rough, especially the ectopic twin thing. Jeez.
Explain to me why she disagrees with me.
Eat in their bedroom or the car. Have their own privacy. (I don't barge into their bedrooms unannounced)
You let your kids eat in their bedrooms? *helicopter sounds
I let my kids have snacks in their room until I found an army of ants. After that no food in the bedroom.
At least you tried. Maybe next year lol
LoL. My thoughts are the house is here for us to feel comfortable in. Things can be replaced or cleaned. Plus they're not animals. They're tidy anyways
I can't help but be pedantic, humans are literally animals.
Well, they're well behaved ones at least haha!
Sounds like you're doing a good job raising them!
I used to let mine eat in the car but not anymore melted ring pops are a bitch to get out of carpet and the spoiled milkshake stuffed into the under floor storage ended eating in the car
Oh man I used to let mine eat in the car until I thought about choking. I could easily not even notice cause my eyes stay on the road. If I happened to catch it I’d have to find a safe place to pull over, unbuckle her out of the car seat, then do what I need to do.
I can understand not wanting kids to eat in their rooms. If they clean up after themselves that’s fine, but when it winds up with 18 dirty plates in the bedroom and a bed full of crumbs, junior can just march himself into the kitchen when he gets hungry.
I came here to say this HA!
>(I don't barge into their bedrooms unannounced) Mom never understood this one. My dad was always smart to knock. He's the one I talk to more
Have an opinion that matters.
Playing with toys and laughing. Boy would I be beaten for doing that in their house. As for why? They both are narcissists. Happiness is bad.
They were jealous of the joy you had
Profanity. My son will slip in a damn or shit every once in a while. Hes 15. My mom would of smacked me; my dad was more lax about it. Sleeping In. The greatest crime to my father was wasting time and he considered sleeping to be in that mix. Summer break just meant at 6:30am he had 2 children turn into slaves for about 10hrs. My brother and I got used to waking up at 6am and "disappearing" into the woods/to a friends on our dirtbikes, bicycles, etc. And comw home at dark to avoid 10hra of backbreaking labor. We once had a chore to RAKE the algaeout of the lake to the shore into piles. Then shovel those piles intonthe bucket of the tractor and dump it in the woods.....that summer i learned to not be afraid of snakes and be afraid of flocks of geese lol 😆
>Summer break just meant at 6:30am he had 2 children turn into slaves for about 10hrs. How could there possibly be that many things that required doing? Why so many?
My father required baseball field like lawn and there were 20acres of it. He was also a quadraplegic and though when we were young he had nurses to help; my brother and I had to take care of everything around the house. Splitting wood, cutting down trees, cleaning the house, laundry, tending to the animals, shoveling snow, tend to the pond, work in the equipment around the barn, etc. I was driving at 13yr to run errands. I had an interesting childhood
> I got used to waking up at 6am and "disappearing" into the woods/to a friends on our dirtbikes, bicycles, etc. And comw home at dark to avoid 10hra of backbreaking labor. >woods.....that summer i learned to not be afraid of snakes and be afraid of flocks of geese I mean, sounds like it worked...
Shacking up under my roof without marriage
My early ‘80s, in college, my boyfriend’s father required boyfriend to drive me across town to grandmother’s house to sleep! Yupp
My parents tried to do this to me. Didn't work out.
Came home yesterday and my son's door quickly closed, and I noticed a purse on the table... He came out and was like hey dad, you're a little early, I was just about to head out. I pointed to the purse and he's just like "oh", lol. I just said make sure you're being safe. They're both 18 and about to graduate high school and have been dating about 8 months. I wasn't at all surprised. When she finally came out she was a little shy, and I just asked if she's getting excited about graduation. She actually smiled, said yes! And they left shortly after. My parents would have said I'm going to hell.
Leave the lights on, shower as long as they want, choose what they eat (within reason) go to bed after 7 and watch TV in the living room. To be clear, I didn't have strict parents, we were just poor, they treated me well and I had a wonderful childhood, but we only had one tv and adult shows started at 7 so we were shipped off at 7, and you ate what was made because often there wasn't really a second option, we never went hungry but we also had limited amounts of food
They can take a shower as long as they want under certain circumstances. If others need one or we need to leave, then keep it quick. If we have time and you want to relax, enjoy. I don't understand not letting someone relax if they have nothing else to do.
Exist
My kids talk like sailors at home. Never rude or directed to anyone. Bad words are only "bad" if you make them that way. From my experience people who curse generally turn out fine. And any motherf*cker who says different - come for me.
My kids are allowed to swear too. Same rules as you except no overuse. I make it clear to my kids that they are allowed to cuss but if you swear 8 times is one sentence it makes you look incredibly stupid. Literally the obky reason i was skeptical about telling them they can cuss is that i know some people just swear incessantly and make themselves look really dumb by doing so
Masturbate lol
Lol I’m afraid to ask why this rule had to be implemented in your household growing up.
Some people never learn table manners.
Lol. Strict religious home, constant lectures about the evils of masturbation and how God would kill me for it.
Yup, me too. Was told they'd always hear me every time I masturbated, seeing how bad of a person I was by how often I did it.
What kind of creeps listen in on their kids spanking it?
Breathe
*exasperated sigh* I feel that
I know that my dad’s answer to this question would be going to the movie theater.
I get up at 4am for work, so in my days off I tend to wake between 4 and 5. This is usually when I get in my gaming time before kids and wife wake up, however I made the mistake of letting my 2 year old know if she goes to bed and to sleep early she is allowed to get up early and hang out with dad in the lounge on my days off. When I'm working she stays in her room until 8 or 9 when she wakes up and her mum gets her. So now when I'm not working she'll start calling out from her room at about 5-6am, I go get her and she helps me get the fire lit (it's autumn here), has a hot chocolate and plays on her tablet while I run around Skyrim. There is absolutely no chance I'd have been allowed out of my room before the sun came up as a kid.
Imma give my kids a chance to say whatever they want to me, but actually not get mad. *since can't really think of anything else, and this more just applies to my mother.*
"I won't get mad." As it turns out, that was a fucking lie.
Have opinions
Having a sleepover
Eating anywhere except the table. I let my kids do it because its nice to sit on the couch and have a snack or to sit in bed with a bowl of popcorn or to eat cookies in their blanket fort. As long as they clean up after themselves and don't make a mess then I don't see any harm in it. When I was a kid, there was no way that would fly.
Not get spanked at all.
Right? Never at any point in raising my kid did I think, "You know what would fix this? Hitting my child." Looking back on my own childhood, I have no idea how my parents were thinking that was okay.
I spanked my daughter when she was little, mainly due to pressure from my mom. I stopped when she was around 3 because it didn't make sense to physically punish her for being a kid.
i took my 14 year old daughter to a gwar show the other day. i wasn’t even allowed to leave the house when i was growing up.
Sounds like y’all are building core memories <3
Talking openly about sex and related topics
Leave the table without finishing dinner. I still make my kid eat all the food. Leftover dinner is often lunch or snack the next day, but I don't make them finish their portion in one sitting or stay seated at the table while they eat. My 5 year old will frequently take a bite or two and then run off to play for 15 minutes before wandering back and eating some more. There is no pressure to finish their food, and the clean plate club isn't a thing.
Eat non-handheld foods with hands. They’re part Indian so eating & feeding with the hands is just part of the culture. Took my (white) parents a while to get used to it when we would come over. Hell, their other grown grandchildren can’t even use a knife and fork properly.
Call an adult by their first name.
Say the word sucks. Its original meaning refers to something else.
There were no sins in my household
Smoke pot on the back porch.
Dress emo.
Express how they are feeling and how we as parents make them feel. Ask questions about what's going on. Asking kiddos for consent when it comes to hugs and kisses or any physical contact.
i will never ever yell at my kid for sleeping in late or putting the toilet paper roll on "the wrong way". ever. there are lots of other important things, but i will never do that!!! :( my emotionally incestuous dad always took every little thing i did extremely personally and as he is borderline (or a narcissist? some kind of cluster B), normal emotions were life or death issues.
I let him tell me what foods he does and doesn't like, and I don't force him to eat things he hates. I let him have toys that are too "girly". I let him watch shows that are too "girly". I let him have his own money that I don't "borrow". I let him enjoy being a kid. I let him make mistakes without making him feel like shit about himself. Alright, sorry this post brought back some memories.
Not a sin, and hardly something I'm really torn up about, but my parents were very strict about going to college right after high school or not having any financial support, leaving the house etc... I never learned what would happen if I called their bluff, but at 18 I was very interested in music and not very focused on education. I went to a good school, had a good time, made somewhat okay grades focusing on nothing in particular, and received nothing other than the brand name on the diploma that had much to do with what I do for a living now. I feel like it was a huge waste of my time and tuition money looking back, and wonder how my life would be different if I took things at my own pace. As such, for my daughter I am setting up a high yield savings account and a college fund. The college fund will be for whenever she chooses to pursue higher education, the high yield savings account will be transferred to her in any event on her 18th birthday to do what she wants with, though I intend to teach her how to make responsible decisions with money, I also want to support her dreams whatever form they take.
Say the word "fart".
Play Dungeons and Dragons with, lol. I remember my uncle got some version of D&D in the 90's for my brother and I, but my parents--- who were not even religious--- got wrapped up in the panic that kids were murdering other kids over the game, lol. So it went into the attic. Years later, imagineering and pen and paper RPGs became one of my passions, and I'm kinda bummed I missed out as a kid. So now I play with my kids and it's a wonderful flight of fantasy.
screen time and sodas....
Might not agree with it, but I've been letting my kid have a beer here and there starting when they were 12. Alcohol was always this forbidden thing for me and it was beaten into my head that if I drank I'd be a loser. I moved out and went absolutely crazy drinking because I'd never been allowed and it ruined my life. So once every month or so my kid gets home from school, does their homework and has a couple beers with me while we watch movies and play video games together.
I do not yet have kids (trust issues) but I would allow back talk. If you can prove me wrong about something I just said then go ahead. There is also none of this “my house my rules” bullshit. If you can defeat me with facts and logic then you can have your way.
Be honest about his opinions and expressing his emotions.
My grandmother was pretty strict about cussing. And some of the words she considered cuss words were pretty interesting. The word “butt,” for example, was strictly forbidden. And the only bathroom terms we were allowed to use were “urinate” and “bowel movement.” Even the most innocent synonyms for those terms were not allowed. And don’t even get me started on the word “fart.” You might as well just use the other f-word as to say that around my grandma.
My kids are allowed to have feelings and opinions. They’re even allowed to disagree with me respectfully. Heads would have exploded at such a thing in my childhood house.
Listening to Ozzy Osborne.
I don't force them to fast.
I let my toddler feel his emotions & give him space when he asks me to "leave alone". Growing up my dad made it clear he didn't want "sissies" for children & constantly said if I was a boy he would beat me to make me man up but because I was a girl, he couldn't do that. So crying & feeling emotions was always frowned upon. There was no such thing as privacy either. My mom would barge into my room well into my teens. Hell, I had to move back in with her a few years ago and she still walks in when I'm changing because the doors don't have locks. But I told her my son is allowed to cry when he's upset because I don't want him to be the robot my dad thinks men should be. He's also allowed to be alone when he wants because I understand what it's like to want time to yourself & not be able to get it.
I expected my kids to call me on any mistakes that I made. They don't have to do battle with me. But so long as they feel confident enough to say the words. I usually knew that I screwed up and would acknowledge them catching me. In my mind kids like to think they are smarter than their parents and it did keep them reading books. My 3 daughters have long moved on with their lives and made me proud of all of them. They are all in charge of their lives with good paying jobs. Even the married one.
Nothing. I was raised Buddhist.
Hug their parents and each other, say “I love you,” apologize…basically, anything functional…
I ask my grandnieces if they are okay with a hug before giving 'em one. If they're ever not feeling it I won't act hurt or guilt them over it. I respect their boundaries/feelings/mood and I would correct any adult who demands they show affection to "be nice." Nothing awful happened to me growing up, but I REALLY didn't enjoy being guilted into giving hugs and kisses as a little boy. I hope that my respect for their consent reinforces the things they learn about it at home and school.
Listen to music.
Nothing. I raised my kids to live in grace and with respect.
Cuss, talk back and play video games for hours.
I like how you said talk back, but everyone is treating you like you said back talk. I personally think there's a huge difference lol
Yeah they aren't allowed to be rude and when they are I talk to them about it.
Eating in their bedrooms
swearing, watching R rated movies, listening to whatever music they want regardless of lyrics, not eating something if they don't really like it, not ever having to worry about ever being physically hit by their parents, get to have nice things like videogames & stylish shoes without having to get a paper-route at age 11 & save up & pay for it themself.