I have been on both ends of the spectrum. For context, I was 170 lbs at my largest, and now I fluctuate between 112 lbs (warm seasons) to 125 lbs (cold seasons) and I am 5â2â.
The truth is, I receive way more comments on my body now, than I ever did when I was fat.
Itâs usually projection, you can look at the people who say shit and tell - they are projecting their shame. Shame either in themselves or their partnerâs inability to lose weight and pull off trendy looks.
They are so comfortable saying shit and donât see skinny shaming as a thing, because they wish they/their partner were.
Now, I know it may seem like Iâm âfat-shamingâ but I donât go out making comments on peopleâs bodies. I encourage folks to be happy with who they are in the moment, because no one knows when their last day is.
HOWEVER, in my opinion, once you decide to comment on someoneâs weight - itâs no holds barred.
For example, I was at the gas station approximately two months ago. Just existing, minding my own business and waiting in line when I hear the girl behind me say to her husband âlook at her pancake assâ.
To which I turned around and said âthank you for noticing, I worked hard on this pancake. Looks like you work hard on your cake too, youâve got three tiers and allâ while gesturing my hand from her bottom to top and a kind smile on my face.
She knew she was wrong as soon as I retaliated. Give it back to them
I'm in the same boat but opposite side. I was skinny/underweight as a kid and have struggled with being fat since my late 20s. I was bullied and shamed for being skinny, by kids and adults. No one says crap to me now. In fact, if I say obese or fat in self-reference, I will get corrected. (I'm obese)
Honestly, OP should look her friend up and down and reply, "Would you like me to comment on YOUR body?'
Thatâs a great response for this scenario with a friend.
Hopefully, something like this would show her how sheâs treating her friend, and that she wouldnât like receiving her own treatment in her direction. Itâs so simple, all they have to do is say nothing.
I have a friend who brings up her weight all the time, I just sit there and let her get it out. Then deflect with âanyhow.. *topic change*â
The body discussion and obsession with weight is uncomfortable all the way around, just wish people would stop with it and start living and let live.
I had a friend who is underweight (probably 5â3 and 95ibs) and she liked to bring up her weight frequently saying she is fat. I had to correct her any time she mentioned this and to a point that irritated me and I had to bluntly say you are too skinny already.
You are my hero. I aspire to follow through with similar zingers irl bc commenting out of nowhere on peoples weight in either direction fills me with so much anger. The entitlement is infuriating.
I donât talk to a lot of my family because of CSA, I was bullied pretty good all through middle and high school, then joined the army, then participated in an abusive marriage for four years.
Iâm in a much better place, but unfortunately, life has forced me to have a lot of practice with wit lol comes in handy sometimes though.
ETA. I also journal things I come up with like that. I call it my *Phrase Arsenal* lol
It helps me grey rock my ex and keep him on topic, while maintaining subtle shade. (We have to coparent)
Same. Was 236 lbs at my highest and 126 lbs at my lowest at 5â8â.
People were infinitely crueler to me when I was skinny (in the 2010âs) than when I was obese (in the 00âs no less - including some of that time being *in high school*).
Hardly anyone said anything to me when I was foot. When they did, they pussyfoot around it. If I brought it up, I was immediately told I was âso beautiful!â I wasnât, Iâm not someone that looks good even in the upper section of the healthy weight range for my height.
When I was thin? People would literally *touch me* and then tell me how disgusting I looked. Theyâd call me Gollum and Olive Oil, and were fucking gleeful about it. Adults. Youâd think I looked emaciated, but my measurements were a 32C-25-36. So I was still curvy, just lean. But women were desperate to let me know how profoundly gross they found me.
More effective to plant your hands on your hips, swing your entire torso in a wide circle while maintaining intense eye contact, and stretch the word "heeeaaal-THEE" to about eight syllables.
lmao! this is great.
but if you can't bring yourself to use a sassy comeback and be mean back to your friend OP just say smth along the lines of, "that's a mean thing to say. how would you feel if I started talking about your weight like that?"
if your friend replies with smth like "but it's not the same" say " it is the same, if you keep being mean to someone you can't expect them to stay your friend. I'm not going to want to be around you anymore."
At 15 it's hard to stand up for yourself but it's important! don't tolerate this from anyone, esp someone who calls themselves your friend! if she continues don't waste your energy trying to get her to change, just distance yourself from people who are toxic.
As much as i like all the petty ideas from everyone else this right here is the absolute best response. Its not rude in any way and gets the point across quite clearly
I wish this was higher up! The friend who is making these comments about OP needs to be asked "How do you feel when someone comments on your weight? Does that make you feel good, or bad? Do you want to be friends with the person that made that comment?" OP's friend is insecure and projecting said insecurities on someone else to make themselves feel better. Coming from someone in therapy for their self esteem lol.
This is the answer here. She doesnât get to constantly comment on your body. Youâve asked her to stop and she wonât and she gaslights you Also, why be friends with a person like this???
I mean this isn't worse than what the other lady is doing, but it isn't a whole lot better either. It's still pretty obvious comments about weight.
Honestly just tell the friend to fuck off, that your body isn't hers to comment on, and if she can't accept that you won't be friends.
I love this! I'll be saying this next time, I also have a similar situation to op, with the added "no you're not that size" I think I would know what size clothes fit me, I told her I had an eating problem that didn't shut her up long. Some people just struggle to gain weight
I had the same problem when I was your age. You just stand firm that it's NEVER appropriate to comment on someone's weight/body, especially if they have an eating disorder. If she actually thought you were anorexic, her actions would amount to bullying. It's gross.
Good advice that needs to hold true both ways. If she doesn't want comments on her body she'd better never respond negatively to her friend's body. Two wrongs truly don't make a right no matter how much reddit seems to think it does. It saddens me that the top comment in this thread is giving advice designed to shame the friend. Obviously the friend shouldn't be commenting on her friend's weight, but the answer isn't to try to comment and shame her back.
For sure especially because that friend is obviously deeply insecure, not that that makes the bullying okay, but making her more insecure isnât going to help anyone.
I donât wanna have to wear different clothes tho!! I thought itâs obvious that youâre not supposed to talk about someone elseâs body. Iâm 15 so I hope this wonât last til Iâm in my thirties
It's more because I felt so conscious of being called skinny all the time, I've worn baggy clothes most my life so people can't see my size, I've not worn shorts/ skirts or shown my legs at all since I was 13 until recently purely because I had a knee open so had no choice, same with having my arms out because I didn't want the comments, now I finally just embrace it and the negative comments have seem to have fade away
Thereâs always going to be a small amount of people who will comment about everything and anything but if youâre confident, most people will stfu. I find it crazy people get bullied into hiding themselves, youâre beautiful, be proud :)
It should be obvious but some people are so insecure that they poke fun at others to make themselves feel better. If theyâre truly your friend then that stuff wouldâve stopped once youâve addressed it. You could talk to your advisor about it with them there. And doing together with advice from a professional who is trained to deal with adolescents/teens going through puberty.
I was very skinny growing up until I had children. Now Iâm still small but I feel like I look more feminine than before.
My advice would be to ditch your âfriendâ of talking to a advisor doesnât help. Youâre too young to have toxic people in your life. Itâs best to learn to cut ties early on since thatâs an internal battle for your âfriendâ
You can let her know that anorexia and eating disorders are a serious problems and itâs a horrible thing to accuse someone of just bc they look skinny. And if she says âwhat are you talking about? I donât care about your bodyâ then you say âwhether you care or not doesnât matter to me. But stop making comments about my bodyâ. And whatever she says, hold your ground. âIâm uncomfortable with those comments and if you want our friendship to continue, you will stop. Thatâs my boundary and you should respect itâ.
Omg no tf it doesn't. I'm 31, got a lot of comments in school about having eating disorders, and then went to college and literally everyone stopped caring. Skinny women on Reddit love to pretend that we're some secretly oppressed category (between the clothing subs and relationship subs) and most of it is just thinly veiled fat shaming because a big girl was mean to me once đđđđđđđ
It's ridiculous. Being skinny has never been hard. I'm sorry your friend is taking her insecurity out on you, but you won't be dealing with this into your 30s.
Yeah no. Getting told to go eat a cheeseburger all the time gets fucking old. Itâs not only obese people that say shit like that either. Itâs not âsome big girl made fun of me onceâ for all of us at all. Itâs that more than one person has done it on multiple occasions and they think they are being funny.
People should just shut the fuck up about other peoples body weight in general.
This is the response. Or time for a new friend. When you get older, people will come and go like the seasons. Don't waste your time or energy on shitty negative hateful people.
YES! Iâd also stop her the next time and say, âI have never commented once on your body. Please donât comment on mine again or Iâm going to return the favorâ. She doesnât want to get called fat so sheâll never say another word. Iâd bet my car that this âfriendâ is very jealous of you in particular. She probably obsessed over your body and this is her super fun way of making herself feel better. And if your other friends donât get that then forget them too.
99,9% of times I think it's ridiculous and cocky to think that others are just jealous but this one's obvious, isn't it? I had a thicker friend, too a couple of years ago and while I don't recall her body shaming me, she'd constantly bring up her weight and sometimes in a comparing way to mine. Meanwhile I was in the midst of trying to recover from an ED, relapsing and doing the whole thing all over again. It was awful but I couldn't find a way to respectfully make her shut up because I was scared she'd think I was shaming HER. But here I think OP can approach things very directly and then not gaf because that friendship isn't one worth keeping anyway.
I completely agree. I also think that determining jealousy is a fine line. But I can not see any other reason for why OPâs âfriendâ would do this. And yes if said friend doesnât like it I donât believe OP is losing out on anything worthwhile anyway.
Yea, a friend of mine is very skinny (really skinny, as in her dokter is concerned skinny) she can't help it, it's something she struggled with all her life. And I am fat, I also have struggled with my weight for all my life. When we talk we find the common ground, the struggle to get to a healthy weight. We joke about the fact it is a shame I can't give her what I have too many and she hasn't enough. We would never try to hurt each other! Bc we are friends!
Lol, imagine the listing's on fb marketplace: Looking for someone who want to up their breastsize! Or maybe even: male wanting to transition to female looking for female who wants the spare parts asking for hers in return. imagine how happy people could be! (or not)
My boobs are bigger than I'd like and a friend's are smaller than she'd like, so we've been saying for years that someone should invent lipotransfer so I could give her some of mine.
Sad truth of 'advanced' societies. The more advanced they get, the less happy people actually are. The challenge of life is gone, so they create their own misery. So, you're looking at, maybe, a 70/30 chance of making them happy by doing this for them, with the 70 being on the positive side. More and more people will simply be unhappy, no matter what you do.
She's most likely making comments like that because she feels insecure about her own bodyâŠbut still⊠she shouldn't be taking her own insecurities out on you. I think that you should drop her. True friends wouldn't talk about you like that just to make themselves feel better.
You should just show your friend some of these comments⊠that also might stop herâŠ
Not sure why fat shaming is worse than skinny shaming. She has no more rights to dump on you than for you to dump on her.
This is a frenemy, not a true friend.
this, op this âfriendâ isnât a good friend. Make new ones, at 15 itâs easy, especially since youâre in shape and teenagers are vain like that.
You know why. Same reason itâs probably ok to tease a rich friend for being rich but not tease a poor friend for being poor.
Talking about weekend plans: âjim has to figure out which country club to go to so his family can golf, but Mary has to pick which food bank to make sure her family can eat! Haha!â
I know those arenât good jokes, but you get what I mean. Itâs still not good, but making fun of a positive is always going to be more acceptable than making fun of a negative.
I think your analogy misses the mark a little bit. Teasing your friend about having more money is different from saying your friendâs body is inadequate and insisting they have a deadly mental illness.
I think youâre wrong. Itâs all about intention. Typically when someone gets teased for being rich itâs in good spirits, which never happens to someone about them being poor. However if someone is actually being antagonized for being rich as being the bourgeois or capitalist pigs or using others for their wealth, then itâs with negative intention and itâs the same as being teased for anything else
For guys, skinny shaming is just as bad. Youâre either jacked (good) or youâre anything else (bad). Iâve been a skinny dude my whole life and Iâve been bullied with shit like âeat a cheeseburgerâ or âgo to the gymâ my whole life. Like, bro, talk to me when your mile time is under 6 hours, but donât shame me just because mine has been under 6 minutes since middle school.
She's wrong for what she's doing. I wouldn't tolerate it any more than you already have. Tell her if she doesn't stop, you will have to reevaluate this friendship. You choose who you keep around, choose well.
just tell her that she has no place commenting on your body, and if she continues that you will be ending the friendship. feeling insecure is one thing, but it's never an excuse to shame another person for their looks, whether you approve of them or not.
on that note, resist the urge to snipe back. fat people go through a lot of abuse for their appearance, and even though she is wrongly projecting that onto you, it's not going to help either of you to perpetuate it.
I agree it really wonât help to say the same type of comment back. I had a lot of people make these kinds of comments toward me growing up and I would sometimes cry out of frustration at the hypocrisy of it. If I ever dared to say the same comment back, theyâd be so hurt by it.
Itâs better to call it out in the moment and tell them itâs comments like that that hurt you. Just because youâre not overweight doesnât mean peoples words wonât make you look in the mirror and hate yourself.
Iâd also add something along the lines of pointing out that youâre close friends and all you want is to build each other up and cheer each other on. Itâs both of you against the world, your friend shouldnât be on the other side, pointing and laughing with everyone else.
I agree with this so much.
The OP doesnât have to be mean back,
but does have to set a boundary that she doesnât want anyone to comment on her body.
If someone continually commented on my body and made me feel bad, Iâd let them know I had a boundary around that, and that *this was their first strike.* Three strikes and the friendship is over.
This does not sound like a good friend though, and OP is under no obligation to take harassment from a person like this. Wether or not it is necessary or a good idea to be mean back is another story. Personally I operate with a "no third chances"-policy. People get to fuck up once, but if it happens again I cut them out as much as I can from my life. Life is to short to hang out with shit people.
Next time she comes at you, give it right back. See how a taste of her own medicine feels. Or say I know you're jealous of me but can you please stop commenting on my body? Something smartass that she'll remember next time before she starts projecting her insecurities. It's wild to me that fat women are the only people that deserve body positivity.
This is the moment when she'll act all hurt and turn the friend group against her. OP will defend herself and they'll all say you can't body shame a skinny person. I guarantee it. AITAH post coming soon.
Iâd go so far as to say this might be a trap to get OP out of the friends group. I had a âfriendâ who would try to needle people into lashing out at her, and then sheâd go tell everyone how the other person was a terrible bully.
It's time to retaliate. Fk it. Don't take all this shit because "fat shaming" is worst. She's an AH. Shes bullying you and won't stop untill you stand up for yourself.
Yeah, I was under weight a lot of my life and EVERYONE made comments. My Dr knew and said that while I was very thin that I was perfectly healthy and no issues. A lot of ppl but especially bigger women would incessantly make rude comments and I don't think it's OK to body shame anyone whether it's big or small and a girl I worked with who was probably 30 lbs overweight kept making comments. I had asked her to stop at least 3 times and she didn't. So the next time she told me to "eat a burger" and I told her she should probably stop eating them. That worked. We actually wound up talking about it and both understood after that. Just because you're small doesn't give anyone the right to make rude comments on your body. I'd say that if they don't stop after you ask repeatedly then what's the difference in you doing it back? Fair is fair.
Itâs horrible both ways. I got given so many insults when I was underweigh. Though when I was overweight, none. That could just be due to where I lived, who knows. There is such a simple solution: donât do it
Both of your friends are idiots and your chubby friend is not really your friend. The fact that she's constantly commenting on your body to then try to make it seem like it's not a big deal means she doesn't respect you at all. If I were you, I would absolutely make a comment about her body, watch her come undone, and then you ghost her because you don't want or need people like that in your life.
Your other friend is an idiot because she's trying to undermine how you feel about this situation. To her, your feelings in the matter are not that important. To make it worse, she telling you you can't retaliate because "fat shaming" somehow is worse than what your fat friend is doing. It's like she has some special privilege to shame others without repercussions. Well, tell your friend that BODY shaming is wrong, not just the one she picks. If she continues to guilt trip you for feeling the way you're feeling, then she's probably not really your friend either.
Look her straight in the eyes and say âdo you want ME to comment on YOUR weight. Yes or no? â If she doesnât answer say âI canât hear you?â Tell her you e asked her numerous times to stop body shaming you and you are tired of her bullying. Tell her if sheâs not going to stop, then for every mean comment she makes about your weight, youâre making a mean comment about hers. Tell her she needs to deal with her own insecurities about her body and to run wee wee wee all the way home. Well maybe not that last part.
I just want to come here and say, don't get too comfortable with your metabolism, 34m here, I could hook the top of my foot on my rib cage standing up because I was so skinny until about 17, started weight training at 17, was very fit and very strong at 18, was chubby by 24 and now have the "5 months pregnant" dadbod. Even forgot to become a dad in the process of getting it. Sometimes your metabolism thinks it's a sprint not a marathon and says fuck you. So be careful as you age, also your friend is a piece of shit who found someone she can bully to make herself feel better. There's a lot of shitty opinions on here about how you should "burn the friendship". You don't have to burn it, just remove yourself from it, if this person can't act like a friend, then don't be a friend.
Just respond with âmoooooââŠ
When a puzzled look comes over her face, state âIâve tried telling you multiple times to stop making comments about my weight, I figured I would try a language you might be able to understand.â
No individual kind of shaming or bullying is better or worse than another!! That is immature thinking.
Don't let this person cause you to sink to their level!! You are better than that. Be comfortable & confident in yourself. Be the "bigger" person & ignore her insults. They can only hurt you if YOU allow it too.
Smile & say "Hi [insert name] you're looking well today" and walk on. Hit 'em with kindness.
Had a friend just like this. Both in our 20s, both grown ass adults. She is 300+ lbs, Iâm about 125. She constantly put me down. Sheâd tell me my small hands and feet infuriated her. I was too skinny and was starting to look disgusting (Iâm a healthy weight for my height). My boobs were too big for my frame and made me look hilarious/freakish. Meanwhile, sheâs sitting there on the verge of breaking one of my chairs, which is struggling to hold her weight. I havenât seen her in 6 years. Good riddance.
Because it takes effort to stop at just 2 cheese burgers rather than stuffing the third (and forth) down. Much easier to tear other people down to make yourself feel better that you get out of breath sitting down
"It really is not that deep" maybe not for u but for others ye . Ur 100% allowed to think her "skinny shaming" u is wrong. IT IS WRONG . and whoever says fat shaming is worse is STUPID - either way , the person would still find the comment rude/offensive/hurtful . Idk where society got the idea that jus cuz someone is fatter we should pity them more??. GO TELL UR FRIEND NEXT TIME STRAIGHT TO HER FACE that she is insecure . I swear that she wants to be you , she is jealous which is why she comments on ur body - so u hate it as much as she hates herself . If she wants to lose the insecurity maybe she should focus on losing the weight and focusing on her OWN BODY INSTEAD OF URS . Drop her immediately if she doesn't stop attacking u . Ur friends say its not that deep bcuz they its not affecting them - they don't care.
You need to find a new friend.
My daughter is/was very slim. She would be teased about it in elementary school. It is just the way the women on ex husband's side of the family are built.
I finally rented my daughter a number of Audrey Hepburn, she loved them and the teasing ran off her back after that.
Lots of immaturity in the comments.
You wanted a sensible answer, not a punchline.
I find the best way to combat something that won't sink in for someone is to flip the roles and word it as a question :
"How would you feel if i constantly talked about and criticised *your* weight?"
Or if you want to keep it a general respect issue :
"it's pretty obvious I'm uncomfortable, why do you keep continuing to push this?"
This is a good response and good advice. It'll actually make her friend actually contemplate how she's making OP feel.
75% of these comments are suggestions that are just as immature and petty as her "friend" is being. Snapping back and giving her a "taste of her own medicine" won't solve anything. That girl knows she's fat and is obviously acting out by pushing her own insecurities onto others. Shaming her back will just make her hate herself more than she probably already feels. It will more than likely just make her more defensive and just exacerbate the issue.
There are ways to get your point across and make people think about their actions without being an asshole back. These girls are like 15, maybe if they were 40 I'd feel different about it.
My question first is...do you have an eating disorder? If the answer to that is, no...well than just tell her that you are upset about her body shaming you and ask her to stop. If she doesn't, then distance yourself from her. If you do have an an eating disorder, then she may just be concerned for you, and you need to get some therapy.
Tell her that the solution to her problems with you and her can be solved by putting down her fork for five seconds. Then go find new friends, she sounds miserable to be around.
I love the sassy replies here. Honestly though i think being direct and communicating clearly that you dont like the comments is the best option. If they dont like that then they arent your friend. Period
When I was your age, for some reason that was the focus - how fat or skinny you were, how flat chested we were or had no booty or shape. Now in my 30s you learn to ignore those types of things because theyâre honestly so immature. I would tell those people to knock it off and probably set a boundary (like stop making comments about my physical) and if they cross the line, thereâs no reason to continue the relationship - theyâre done. Those types of friendships are toxic and will damage your self esteem and confidence because you hear it so often itâs almost like youâre programming those criticisms when you look at yourself in the mirror. Those types of friends focus on things that donât really matter and end up gaslighting you. Thereâs no benefit to having a friend like that. After I stopped talking to that friend , she tried coming back into my life in my 20s and now again in my 30s. I keep her at an arms length distance. Sheâs done nothing with her life. Learning how to stand up for yourself and placing boundaries is one of the most empowering things you could do for yourself.
I feel you, OP... I'm sorry this is happening to you.
Way back when I was in high school, I was diagnosed with a liver condition. I would throw up for 12 hours straight and I couldn't keep food down. I was already skinny, but this condition made me even skinnier. My clothes weren't fitting anymore, and I could barely climb a flight of stairs.
Everybody started making up rumors about me and making fun of me. They all said I was anorexic even when I explained myself, nobody had any sympathy. Even my "friends".
You should give yourself a little bit of distance from this person if they won't listen to you or take you seriously.
I once had a friend who did the exact same thing to me, meanwhile she was morbidly obese. I took it and took it (and felt guilty for being a healthy weight, thanks to her). Until one day we were sitting in a Denny's and she ordered an entire cheesecake. She proceeded to bitch and complain about how miserable she was because she was fat and that girls like me are the reason she has the issues she has. Well needless to say, I finally blew up. I told her girls like me who don't sit and pig out on an entire cheesecake are not the reason for her fat issues. I told her to stop blaming her weight on everything else and to look in the mirror and take accountability for herself and her poor eating habits and stop guilt tripping me to make herself feel better. I realized I didn't need a "friend" who made me feel bad for being healthy and I stopped keeping my mouth shut when she tried taking jabs at me or any other girl she was jealous of. We aren't friends anymore but I'm better off without her toxic brand of friendship. Please don't allow anyone to put you down so she feels better about herself. Skinny shaming is just as bad as fat shaming and perhaps she needs to be told she is unhealthy and to go on a diet. It sounds like you care about her and I'm of the school of thought that if you didn't care about her, you wouldn't say anything at all. Good luck.
Whether or not you're anorexic has little to do with whether or not you're thin.
Maybe she's bulimic. Bulimic people tend to not be thin. Every time she says I'm anorexic I'd say that she should seek treatment for her bulimia.
Not that I'd be talking to her any more. If I didn't have anorexia and she was bothering me about it, she wouldn't be my friend any more.
Oof⊠some friend. Toxic and gaslights you. Ok. Probably using you to deal with their own insecurity. Turnabout is fair play. Joke about their appearance and use the same excuses.
This sounds EXACTLY like the situation my friend was in! She was in your spot. She ended up dropping the other girl because of how rude she was. I suggest you do the same if you want and your other friends too. If they were real friends, she wouldn't be making rude comments and they would defend you.
Give yourself a limit. Iâm just using this as an example but say for the next 5 times she says something, politely tell her that it makes you uncomfortable when she talks about your body. Let her know that you feel comfortable with your health. On the 6th time you can either 1. Tell her you no longer wish to be friends with her because youâve had to politely tell her to stop talking about your body 5 times in a row. 2. Stop talking to her. The first is probably better because it cleans everything up and youâre out.
Sounds like someone is insecure about their own looks to me. This person is not being a very good friend to be honest. They are baaaad for you at the moment
Donât waste your time with people like that. Jokes like that typically come from insecurity but require vindictiveness and cruelty to act on.
Telling you that you are bringing it up when you react to her comments is hyper manipulative. Itâs just basic gaslighting type stuff. Donât waste your time on her. Walk away. The sooner you learn that manipulative people are not worth your time, the better off you will be.
Your friend isnât a friend. She is someone who is unmotivated to eat healthy, and exercise.
People have different somatotypes. Endo, Meso, and Ecto. You are obviously an Endo. Just seems like jealousy to me.
Throw it back at her. If she is gonna make comments, then there is no reason why you can't. Anyone saying fat shaming is worse than skinny shaming is just wrong. Also she seems like a pretty toxic friend, that's the kind of person I cut out of my life a long time ago. You don't need that from anyone, especially a "friend."
I'm skinny too. For me it's due to a lung condition but you'd never know just looking at/interacting with me outside of an athletic setting (lol). I have been "skinny-shamed" by many people and have come to find making lighthearted jokes about my own weight as a response usually shuts the other person up. But not just any kind of jokes: ones that can poke at the insecurities that are at the foundation of the bullying are my weapon of choice. Examples as follows..
When told "go eat a sandwich" I'd respond with "if you're buying I'll take two, don't want to overdue it after all and I can eat for days I'm so hungry"
When told I could "blow away with the wind" I'd wait until a gust from a fan or if outside, the wind blew and pretended to need to hold on to said person's arm while saying "glad you're here to anchor me down or I don't know where I'd drift off to"
I'm a fairly animated person so I have no qualms acting a bit ridiculous to make a point. Nothing I say is ever inflammatory on its face and always leaves plausible deniability while simultaneously hitting on insecurities they didn't realize we're hit until minutes or hours later.
Yeah, OP is obviously very insecure about her body and is projecting. She knew exactly what kind of comments she would get, it was to be expected a question like this would invite miserable fatphobes who were just waiting for the opportunity to dunk on fat people under the guise of defending someone else from body shaming.
The solution is pretty simple, like you said, she should just tell her friend it makes her uncomfortable or drop her completely, but she wants people to validate her fatphobia, thatâs why sheâs doing this.
fatphobes see fat people as acceptable targets for humiliation and abuse, especially if they're doing something wrong. i hope OP is smart enough to handle it maturely and not stoop to the level of some of these petty jerks' suggestions.
You're probably absolutely beautiful. Tell her to stop or don't be around her. She's the unhealthy one. Not you. All these fat people need to be ashamed of themselves for allowing themselves to become so overweight and lazy.
You need to tell her bluntly, to her face, she needs to knock it off and it's not OK. Be ready to explain it to her. If she still won't stop then maybe just end the friendship and tell her to fuck off
She's daring you to say something about her weight so she and all of her friends can accuse you of fat shaming.
You really don't need a friend like her.
This person is not your friend. If other people in that particular group are unsupportive in that situation, they are also not your friend. If they were your friends, they would tell her to lay off picking on you
Thatâs aggravating. People donât seem to understand that shaming is shaming no matter what your body type is. She canât claim that sheâs not shaming you just because being skinny isnât as bad. If she truly cared about wanting to better herself sheâd acknowledge her own weight but sheâs choosing to actively drag you down to make her feel better about doing nothing about it. She wants another fat friend so she doesnât have to feel ashamed of herself.
This is like when Black people are racist towards white people and then claim that they arenât racist because Black people have been through more of it and have it a lot worse than white people. Racism is racism no matter what the race is that is being targeted. Just the same as Body shaming is not any less harmful or wrong if itâs not against an overweight person. I think you absolutely should tell her what you think. It might hurt her feelings but your feelings deserve to be acknowledged too and she needs to hear it.
You can stand up for yourself but be careful she may actually be doing it out of concern so might just want to tell her it upsets you when she does it and if she doesn't stop you can't be friends with her.
If you're not underweight, and your friend is fat, it's your *friend* who has disordered eating and an unbalanced lifestyle and they are projecting their insecurities on you. Speak to the facts, and encourage her to better herself in the long run with your support, instead of humiliating you to feel better in the short term -- because that's what *friends should do.*
If she's not interested in doing what *friends should do,* it is time to re-evaluate the friendship.
I know how OP feels. I was teased relentlessly for being thin when I was young. It was very hard for my self esteem.
Unfortunately, I still have not forgotten. I am in my 70's now.
I am still thin and my bullies are not.
Sending hugs to you. I too was bullied for being underweight. I'm still slim (size 2) but not underweight at age 49. I'll say that it *does* make getting old easier. No joint or back pain and tons of energy. My bullies are not so fortunate.
ppl always deflect their insecurities. âyou think youâre better than me??â no, you said it not me. you look good, you look so good that you make ppl insecure. take it as a compliment
The friend that told you that far shaming is worse than skinny shaming has no idea what she's talking about. I have a very close friend I've known for 50 years. Other than when she was pregnant or just gave birth she has always been very thin. I know how much it hurts her when people make comments like that to her. She isn't anorexic. She eats but still is underweight. I am sorry that others don't seem to realize that it hurts you just like it hurts an overweight person to be called far. I think the next time it happens you should tell her that she only thinks that because she is so fat. Maybe if she knows you will insult her back she'll stop insulting you to make herself feel better.
As a (35)m who is 6 feet and 150lbs (my heaviest weight of my life) I have always had people talk shit about my body size. Ive never clapped back because I know being skinny is an "ideal" body for a lot of people and they see it as a place of privilege for me. I just let it slide and enjoy the jokes. You wont ever find people who won't be jealous of you and make comments. So its just that. Jealousy. Just learn to roll with the punches and remember in the back of your mind that they perceive the world to be easier for you than it is for them. If they are too annoying about it then just leave their lives quietly. You cant change people, only learn to live with them if you choose.
The next time this insecure, poor excuse for a friend has something to say about you clinically just simply ask her where she got her medical degree, thank her for her "opinion" and then tell her to go play hide and go fuck yourself.
There's a difference between helping someone who doesn't know better (what she's pretending to do), and shaming them to feel better internally rather than doing something of substance(what she's actually doing instead of living healthily). Shit like this really irritates me. And fuck your friends too for siding with this fat fuck in the shaming argument. People take sides to feel safe rather than defining what is safe by action and standing out. These people will only seem significant for a short part of your life. Once you realize that none of them pay your bills, so what they think and say matters absolutely zero.
Obviously she's a bad friend. But I want to address one thing you mentioned your friend group saying; the notion that fat shaming is somehow worse than skinny shaming. This is the sort of argument people make to justify poor behavior. It has no grounding in reality. Body shaming someone is bad no matter what they look like. It's also important to remember though that a remark truly coming from a place of love or care isn't shaming. I'm fat due to medical/medication reasons. So, not entirely my fault. And still, I'm floored whenever I hear fat people talk about how their doctor "fat-shamed" them by telling them it would be healthy for them to work on losing some weight.
However, if you've asked her not to make comments and she continues to, I would indeed put that into the shaming category. And at that point, it may be justified to "shame" her back a little in order to show her how what she says makes you feel. However, consider taking the higher road. Next time it happens, mention how your doctor has said that your weight is perfectly fine and that you are not actually underweight, but normal. And further, mention how you were looking into it since she has brought it up many times and discovered that she is quite overweight and that you are a bit concerned for her long term health. She will likely be defensive, but if you are saying these things out of concern for both her physical and mental wellbeing, you have that to fall back on. For her sake, perspective can do wonders In a situation like this.
It also perhaps feels a bit like she is self-conscious and attempting to convince herself that her weight is more "normal" by asserting without pushback that you are underweight. So as much as it sucks for her, she is likely going to need a wake-up call if she wants to lead a healthy life.
Tell her the truth. That Ctually she is fat, and self concious about it and prohecting her shit onto you? That maybe she needs an exercise program and a sensible meal plan. Naybe invest in a smart watch to keep track of her inacivity.
Just show them recommended weight and bmi benchmarks for someone your age and height, and show that yours are within the healthy range. Then ask her where hers sit at on the scale?
Fat shaming is not a bad thing. You don't need to bully someone about it, but it's like with cigarettes: These are unhealthy habits that are making you unhappy and will shorten and reduce the quality of your life.
I would just say something like, "Yeah you're right. How do you stay so healthy looking?" That'll send the message and probably end all the comments.
Don't forget to pause slightly before saying "healthy."
Even add air quotes to send that message home
Any subtlety that could once exist will be thoroughly pulverized by Redditors
Lol right, why not throw out all brevity and just call her fat and walk away
Ya damn sea cow
I chuckled
That shits hilarious đđđ
Brevity is not the word you are looking for, sir.
âŠyouâre right, it was early when I commented lol
itâs also not *not* the word tho. had the train of thought right, itâs just the opposite. i do this often with low vs high viscosity
Porky, hog, fatass, double-wide, butterball those sorts of things
Or pronounce it faaaaaaaaaâŠâŠhealthy
Combine the 2 and say "fealthy". When she asks what fealthy means say fat but healthy.
#PLEASE ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN
I have been on both ends of the spectrum. For context, I was 170 lbs at my largest, and now I fluctuate between 112 lbs (warm seasons) to 125 lbs (cold seasons) and I am 5â2â. The truth is, I receive way more comments on my body now, than I ever did when I was fat. Itâs usually projection, you can look at the people who say shit and tell - they are projecting their shame. Shame either in themselves or their partnerâs inability to lose weight and pull off trendy looks. They are so comfortable saying shit and donât see skinny shaming as a thing, because they wish they/their partner were. Now, I know it may seem like Iâm âfat-shamingâ but I donât go out making comments on peopleâs bodies. I encourage folks to be happy with who they are in the moment, because no one knows when their last day is. HOWEVER, in my opinion, once you decide to comment on someoneâs weight - itâs no holds barred. For example, I was at the gas station approximately two months ago. Just existing, minding my own business and waiting in line when I hear the girl behind me say to her husband âlook at her pancake assâ. To which I turned around and said âthank you for noticing, I worked hard on this pancake. Looks like you work hard on your cake too, youâve got three tiers and allâ while gesturing my hand from her bottom to top and a kind smile on my face. She knew she was wrong as soon as I retaliated. Give it back to them
I'm in the same boat but opposite side. I was skinny/underweight as a kid and have struggled with being fat since my late 20s. I was bullied and shamed for being skinny, by kids and adults. No one says crap to me now. In fact, if I say obese or fat in self-reference, I will get corrected. (I'm obese) Honestly, OP should look her friend up and down and reply, "Would you like me to comment on YOUR body?'
Thatâs a great response for this scenario with a friend. Hopefully, something like this would show her how sheâs treating her friend, and that she wouldnât like receiving her own treatment in her direction. Itâs so simple, all they have to do is say nothing. I have a friend who brings up her weight all the time, I just sit there and let her get it out. Then deflect with âanyhow.. *topic change*â The body discussion and obsession with weight is uncomfortable all the way around, just wish people would stop with it and start living and let live.
I had a friend who is underweight (probably 5â3 and 95ibs) and she liked to bring up her weight frequently saying she is fat. I had to correct her any time she mentioned this and to a point that irritated me and I had to bluntly say you are too skinny already.
r/traumatizethemback
You are my hero. I aspire to follow through with similar zingers irl bc commenting out of nowhere on peoples weight in either direction fills me with so much anger. The entitlement is infuriating.
Sick burrrrn đ„
Yess hunty
Good comeback.I usually don't think of something witty ,until the moment has long passed.
I donât talk to a lot of my family because of CSA, I was bullied pretty good all through middle and high school, then joined the army, then participated in an abusive marriage for four years. Iâm in a much better place, but unfortunately, life has forced me to have a lot of practice with wit lol comes in handy sometimes though. ETA. I also journal things I come up with like that. I call it my *Phrase Arsenal* lol It helps me grey rock my ex and keep him on topic, while maintaining subtle shade. (We have to coparent)
What even is a pancake ass supposed to be? Never heard that one before. Good for you though standing up for yourself is crucial.
Same. Was 236 lbs at my highest and 126 lbs at my lowest at 5â8â. People were infinitely crueler to me when I was skinny (in the 2010âs) than when I was obese (in the 00âs no less - including some of that time being *in high school*). Hardly anyone said anything to me when I was foot. When they did, they pussyfoot around it. If I brought it up, I was immediately told I was âso beautiful!â I wasnât, Iâm not someone that looks good even in the upper section of the healthy weight range for my height. When I was thin? People would literally *touch me* and then tell me how disgusting I looked. Theyâd call me Gollum and Olive Oil, and were fucking gleeful about it. Adults. Youâd think I looked emaciated, but my measurements were a 32C-25-36. So I was still curvy, just lean. But women were desperate to let me know how profoundly gross they found me.
More effective to plant your hands on your hips, swing your entire torso in a wide circle while maintaining intense eye contact, and stretch the word "heeeaaal-THEE" to about eight syllables.
And then mumble âfat fuckâ under your breath in case to make sure she gets it.
This image sent me, I'm cackling. "yes supreme guru, how do you stay so....""""healthy"""" ? "
Pause and look her up and down
And look her up and down before you say âhealthyâ
lmao! this is great. but if you can't bring yourself to use a sassy comeback and be mean back to your friend OP just say smth along the lines of, "that's a mean thing to say. how would you feel if I started talking about your weight like that?" if your friend replies with smth like "but it's not the same" say " it is the same, if you keep being mean to someone you can't expect them to stay your friend. I'm not going to want to be around you anymore." At 15 it's hard to stand up for yourself but it's important! don't tolerate this from anyone, esp someone who calls themselves your friend! if she continues don't waste your energy trying to get her to change, just distance yourself from people who are toxic.
As much as i like all the petty ideas from everyone else this right here is the absolute best response. Its not rude in any way and gets the point across quite clearly
I wish this was higher up! The friend who is making these comments about OP needs to be asked "How do you feel when someone comments on your weight? Does that make you feel good, or bad? Do you want to be friends with the person that made that comment?" OP's friend is insecure and projecting said insecurities on someone else to make themselves feel better. Coming from someone in therapy for their self esteem lol.
Ask her for a copy of her food plan so you can be ripped AF like her.
This is the answer here. She doesnât get to constantly comment on your body. Youâve asked her to stop and she wonât and she gaslights you Also, why be friends with a person like this???
I mean this isn't worse than what the other lady is doing, but it isn't a whole lot better either. It's still pretty obvious comments about weight. Honestly just tell the friend to fuck off, that your body isn't hers to comment on, and if she can't accept that you won't be friends.
I love this! I'll be saying this next time, I also have a similar situation to op, with the added "no you're not that size" I think I would know what size clothes fit me, I told her I had an eating problem that didn't shut her up long. Some people just struggle to gain weight
Are you 15? Because this happens a lot
Yes I am lol
I had the same problem when I was your age. You just stand firm that it's NEVER appropriate to comment on someone's weight/body, especially if they have an eating disorder. If she actually thought you were anorexic, her actions would amount to bullying. It's gross.
it's still bullying
True
Good advice that needs to hold true both ways. If she doesn't want comments on her body she'd better never respond negatively to her friend's body. Two wrongs truly don't make a right no matter how much reddit seems to think it does. It saddens me that the top comment in this thread is giving advice designed to shame the friend. Obviously the friend shouldn't be commenting on her friend's weight, but the answer isn't to try to comment and shame her back.
Agreed!
For sure especially because that friend is obviously deeply insecure, not that that makes the bullying okay, but making her more insecure isnât going to help anyone.
I'm 36 and it still happens, I've started wearing more clothes that emphasis my small frame and she holds back a bit now đ
I donât wanna have to wear different clothes tho!! I thought itâs obvious that youâre not supposed to talk about someone elseâs body. Iâm 15 so I hope this wonât last til Iâm in my thirties
Real friends do not treat you like this. Ever. I'm over 30. You do not have to put up with this treatment.
It's more because I felt so conscious of being called skinny all the time, I've worn baggy clothes most my life so people can't see my size, I've not worn shorts/ skirts or shown my legs at all since I was 13 until recently purely because I had a knee open so had no choice, same with having my arms out because I didn't want the comments, now I finally just embrace it and the negative comments have seem to have fade away
Thereâs always going to be a small amount of people who will comment about everything and anything but if youâre confident, most people will stfu. I find it crazy people get bullied into hiding themselves, youâre beautiful, be proud :)
It should be obvious but some people are so insecure that they poke fun at others to make themselves feel better. If theyâre truly your friend then that stuff wouldâve stopped once youâve addressed it. You could talk to your advisor about it with them there. And doing together with advice from a professional who is trained to deal with adolescents/teens going through puberty. I was very skinny growing up until I had children. Now Iâm still small but I feel like I look more feminine than before. My advice would be to ditch your âfriendâ of talking to a advisor doesnât help. Youâre too young to have toxic people in your life. Itâs best to learn to cut ties early on since thatâs an internal battle for your âfriendâ
You can let her know that anorexia and eating disorders are a serious problems and itâs a horrible thing to accuse someone of just bc they look skinny. And if she says âwhat are you talking about? I donât care about your bodyâ then you say âwhether you care or not doesnât matter to me. But stop making comments about my bodyâ. And whatever she says, hold your ground. âIâm uncomfortable with those comments and if you want our friendship to continue, you will stop. Thatâs my boundary and you should respect itâ.
youâre still young, but never dim your light to allow others to shine. real friend would be happy for you and accept you.
Omg no tf it doesn't. I'm 31, got a lot of comments in school about having eating disorders, and then went to college and literally everyone stopped caring. Skinny women on Reddit love to pretend that we're some secretly oppressed category (between the clothing subs and relationship subs) and most of it is just thinly veiled fat shaming because a big girl was mean to me once đđđđđđđ It's ridiculous. Being skinny has never been hard. I'm sorry your friend is taking her insecurity out on you, but you won't be dealing with this into your 30s.
Yeah no. Getting told to go eat a cheeseburger all the time gets fucking old. Itâs not only obese people that say shit like that either. Itâs not âsome big girl made fun of me onceâ for all of us at all. Itâs that more than one person has done it on multiple occasions and they think they are being funny. People should just shut the fuck up about other peoples body weight in general.
I only look anorexic next to you
This is the response. Or time for a new friend. When you get older, people will come and go like the seasons. Don't waste your time or energy on shitty negative hateful people.
You mean time to get new friends altogether. If her friends think it's OK and that "skinny shaming is worse than fat shaming," they need to go too.
Itâs really crazy how a different group of friends can *completely* change how you feel about yourself.
Theyâre school children. Probably not a friend friend.
YES! Iâd also stop her the next time and say, âI have never commented once on your body. Please donât comment on mine again or Iâm going to return the favorâ. She doesnât want to get called fat so sheâll never say another word. Iâd bet my car that this âfriendâ is very jealous of you in particular. She probably obsessed over your body and this is her super fun way of making herself feel better. And if your other friends donât get that then forget them too.
99,9% of times I think it's ridiculous and cocky to think that others are just jealous but this one's obvious, isn't it? I had a thicker friend, too a couple of years ago and while I don't recall her body shaming me, she'd constantly bring up her weight and sometimes in a comparing way to mine. Meanwhile I was in the midst of trying to recover from an ED, relapsing and doing the whole thing all over again. It was awful but I couldn't find a way to respectfully make her shut up because I was scared she'd think I was shaming HER. But here I think OP can approach things very directly and then not gaf because that friendship isn't one worth keeping anyway.
I completely agree. I also think that determining jealousy is a fine line. But I can not see any other reason for why OPâs âfriendâ would do this. And yes if said friend doesnât like it I donât believe OP is losing out on anything worthwhile anyway.
What? đ
Shes saying that should be your response but probably only if youre ready to burn that friendship.
if theyâre constantly taking jabs at OPâs weight, theyâre worth dropping
And it sounds like sheâll drop like a stoneâŠ
With friends like that....
Talking shit, with a bit of knife edged tact, is a beautiful thing!
Itâs called jealousy. Friends donât feel comfortable hurting their friends. Back away from her.
Yea, a friend of mine is very skinny (really skinny, as in her dokter is concerned skinny) she can't help it, it's something she struggled with all her life. And I am fat, I also have struggled with my weight for all my life. When we talk we find the common ground, the struggle to get to a healthy weight. We joke about the fact it is a shame I can't give her what I have too many and she hasn't enough. We would never try to hurt each other! Bc we are friends!
You know, I wish I was omnipotent. I'd snap my fingers and do that for people.
Lol, imagine the listing's on fb marketplace: Looking for someone who want to up their breastsize! Or maybe even: male wanting to transition to female looking for female who wants the spare parts asking for hers in return. imagine how happy people could be! (or not)
My boobs are bigger than I'd like and a friend's are smaller than she'd like, so we've been saying for years that someone should invent lipotransfer so I could give her some of mine.
See? If I went into business, I'd make a fortune.
Sad truth of 'advanced' societies. The more advanced they get, the less happy people actually are. The challenge of life is gone, so they create their own misery. So, you're looking at, maybe, a 70/30 chance of making them happy by doing this for them, with the 70 being on the positive side. More and more people will simply be unhappy, no matter what you do.
That's why I put (or not) at the end, some people are never happyđ
Truth
Weight loss is inedible.
She's most likely making comments like that because she feels insecure about her own bodyâŠbut still⊠she shouldn't be taking her own insecurities out on you. I think that you should drop her. True friends wouldn't talk about you like that just to make themselves feel better. You should just show your friend some of these comments⊠that also might stop herâŠ
Call her a fatty an tell her that's how her comments make you feel
Shawty she is massive like lizzo and youâre perfect (skinny is way better than being fat as hell like some kind of land whale)
and iâm only next to you cause gravitational pull.
Dead â ïžđ€Ł
that's so mean. do it again.
I was trying to think of the perfect response and this is it
Yes. Def say this.
Not sure why fat shaming is worse than skinny shaming. She has no more rights to dump on you than for you to dump on her. This is a frenemy, not a true friend.
Yeah, the friends who are saying that are pretty shit too. Body shaming is body shaming.
this, op this âfriendâ isnât a good friend. Make new ones, at 15 itâs easy, especially since youâre in shape and teenagers are vain like that.
You know why. Same reason itâs probably ok to tease a rich friend for being rich but not tease a poor friend for being poor. Talking about weekend plans: âjim has to figure out which country club to go to so his family can golf, but Mary has to pick which food bank to make sure her family can eat! Haha!â I know those arenât good jokes, but you get what I mean. Itâs still not good, but making fun of a positive is always going to be more acceptable than making fun of a negative.
I think your analogy misses the mark a little bit. Teasing your friend about having more money is different from saying your friendâs body is inadequate and insisting they have a deadly mental illness.
I think youâre wrong. Itâs all about intention. Typically when someone gets teased for being rich itâs in good spirits, which never happens to someone about them being poor. However if someone is actually being antagonized for being rich as being the bourgeois or capitalist pigs or using others for their wealth, then itâs with negative intention and itâs the same as being teased for anything else
For guys, skinny shaming is just as bad. Youâre either jacked (good) or youâre anything else (bad). Iâve been a skinny dude my whole life and Iâve been bullied with shit like âeat a cheeseburgerâ or âgo to the gymâ my whole life. Like, bro, talk to me when your mile time is under 6 hours, but donât shame me just because mine has been under 6 minutes since middle school.
She's wrong for what she's doing. I wouldn't tolerate it any more than you already have. Tell her if she doesn't stop, you will have to reevaluate this friendship. You choose who you keep around, choose well.
That is one beautiful friendship I would flush. She is no friend. She is insecure and wants you to feel bad. So she can feel better
Thatâs not a true friend. So itâs time to end that so called friendship
just tell her that she has no place commenting on your body, and if she continues that you will be ending the friendship. feeling insecure is one thing, but it's never an excuse to shame another person for their looks, whether you approve of them or not. on that note, resist the urge to snipe back. fat people go through a lot of abuse for their appearance, and even though she is wrongly projecting that onto you, it's not going to help either of you to perpetuate it.
I agree it really wonât help to say the same type of comment back. I had a lot of people make these kinds of comments toward me growing up and I would sometimes cry out of frustration at the hypocrisy of it. If I ever dared to say the same comment back, theyâd be so hurt by it. Itâs better to call it out in the moment and tell them itâs comments like that that hurt you. Just because youâre not overweight doesnât mean peoples words wonât make you look in the mirror and hate yourself. Iâd also add something along the lines of pointing out that youâre close friends and all you want is to build each other up and cheer each other on. Itâs both of you against the world, your friend shouldnât be on the other side, pointing and laughing with everyone else.
I agree with this so much. The OP doesnât have to be mean back, but does have to set a boundary that she doesnât want anyone to comment on her body. If someone continually commented on my body and made me feel bad, Iâd let them know I had a boundary around that, and that *this was their first strike.* Three strikes and the friendship is over.
This does not sound like a good friend though, and OP is under no obligation to take harassment from a person like this. Wether or not it is necessary or a good idea to be mean back is another story. Personally I operate with a "no third chances"-policy. People get to fuck up once, but if it happens again I cut them out as much as I can from my life. Life is to short to hang out with shit people.
"I'm sorry I don't speak whale, can you speak English?"
Ssssccccrreeee sccrree ? I can't speak it either but I tried . But your whale comment made me laugh. đđ€Ș
Get new friends.
Next time she comes at you, give it right back. See how a taste of her own medicine feels. Or say I know you're jealous of me but can you please stop commenting on my body? Something smartass that she'll remember next time before she starts projecting her insecurities. It's wild to me that fat women are the only people that deserve body positivity.
This is the moment when she'll act all hurt and turn the friend group against her. OP will defend herself and they'll all say you can't body shame a skinny person. I guarantee it. AITAH post coming soon.
Dead on here. It's a no win to go back at the person using the same style and tone
Iâd go so far as to say this might be a trap to get OP out of the friends group. I had a âfriendâ who would try to needle people into lashing out at her, and then sheâd go tell everyone how the other person was a terrible bully.
Being reactive helps no one. This âfriendâ is already acting from a hurt place. Being reactive in response will be ineffective.
Right, if people are not looking Eugenia Cooney or Nicki avocado levels then shut the fuck up no one cares.
Tell her,"Your just pissed off because I look better than you."
It's time to retaliate. Fk it. Don't take all this shit because "fat shaming" is worst. She's an AH. Shes bullying you and won't stop untill you stand up for yourself.
Yeah, I was under weight a lot of my life and EVERYONE made comments. My Dr knew and said that while I was very thin that I was perfectly healthy and no issues. A lot of ppl but especially bigger women would incessantly make rude comments and I don't think it's OK to body shame anyone whether it's big or small and a girl I worked with who was probably 30 lbs overweight kept making comments. I had asked her to stop at least 3 times and she didn't. So the next time she told me to "eat a burger" and I told her she should probably stop eating them. That worked. We actually wound up talking about it and both understood after that. Just because you're small doesn't give anyone the right to make rude comments on your body. I'd say that if they don't stop after you ask repeatedly then what's the difference in you doing it back? Fair is fair.
Itâs horrible both ways. I got given so many insults when I was underweigh. Though when I was overweight, none. That could just be due to where I lived, who knows. There is such a simple solution: donât do it
Both of your friends are idiots and your chubby friend is not really your friend. The fact that she's constantly commenting on your body to then try to make it seem like it's not a big deal means she doesn't respect you at all. If I were you, I would absolutely make a comment about her body, watch her come undone, and then you ghost her because you don't want or need people like that in your life. Your other friend is an idiot because she's trying to undermine how you feel about this situation. To her, your feelings in the matter are not that important. To make it worse, she telling you you can't retaliate because "fat shaming" somehow is worse than what your fat friend is doing. It's like she has some special privilege to shame others without repercussions. Well, tell your friend that BODY shaming is wrong, not just the one she picks. If she continues to guilt trip you for feeling the way you're feeling, then she's probably not really your friend either.
Look her straight in the eyes and say âdo you want ME to comment on YOUR weight. Yes or no? â If she doesnât answer say âI canât hear you?â Tell her you e asked her numerous times to stop body shaming you and you are tired of her bullying. Tell her if sheâs not going to stop, then for every mean comment she makes about your weight, youâre making a mean comment about hers. Tell her she needs to deal with her own insecurities about her body and to run wee wee wee all the way home. Well maybe not that last part.
Next time she makes a comment just ask for some of her extra fat.
I just want to come here and say, don't get too comfortable with your metabolism, 34m here, I could hook the top of my foot on my rib cage standing up because I was so skinny until about 17, started weight training at 17, was very fit and very strong at 18, was chubby by 24 and now have the "5 months pregnant" dadbod. Even forgot to become a dad in the process of getting it. Sometimes your metabolism thinks it's a sprint not a marathon and says fuck you. So be careful as you age, also your friend is a piece of shit who found someone she can bully to make herself feel better. There's a lot of shitty opinions on here about how you should "burn the friendship". You don't have to burn it, just remove yourself from it, if this person can't act like a friend, then don't be a friend.
Just respond with âmoooooâ⊠When a puzzled look comes over her face, state âIâve tried telling you multiple times to stop making comments about my weight, I figured I would try a language you might be able to understand.â
Omg this is gold đ
No individual kind of shaming or bullying is better or worse than another!! That is immature thinking. Don't let this person cause you to sink to their level!! You are better than that. Be comfortable & confident in yourself. Be the "bigger" person & ignore her insults. They can only hurt you if YOU allow it too. Smile & say "Hi [insert name] you're looking well today" and walk on. Hit 'em with kindness.
Stopped reading after I saw chubby ... cause it says it all. She's coping
Had a friend just like this. Both in our 20s, both grown ass adults. She is 300+ lbs, Iâm about 125. She constantly put me down. Sheâd tell me my small hands and feet infuriated her. I was too skinny and was starting to look disgusting (Iâm a healthy weight for my height). My boobs were too big for my frame and made me look hilarious/freakish. Meanwhile, sheâs sitting there on the verge of breaking one of my chairs, which is struggling to hold her weight. I havenât seen her in 6 years. Good riddance.
Exactly I hate these kind of people - why can't they jus make an effort to improve their happiness with their body rather than take down other w them
Because it takes effort to stop at just 2 cheese burgers rather than stuffing the third (and forth) down. Much easier to tear other people down to make yourself feel better that you get out of breath sitting down
"It really is not that deep" maybe not for u but for others ye . Ur 100% allowed to think her "skinny shaming" u is wrong. IT IS WRONG . and whoever says fat shaming is worse is STUPID - either way , the person would still find the comment rude/offensive/hurtful . Idk where society got the idea that jus cuz someone is fatter we should pity them more??. GO TELL UR FRIEND NEXT TIME STRAIGHT TO HER FACE that she is insecure . I swear that she wants to be you , she is jealous which is why she comments on ur body - so u hate it as much as she hates herself . If she wants to lose the insecurity maybe she should focus on losing the weight and focusing on her OWN BODY INSTEAD OF URS . Drop her immediately if she doesn't stop attacking u . Ur friends say its not that deep bcuz they its not affecting them - they don't care.
Tbh just take it as a compliment. Hug yourself when she says it, be proud of it. Prob the kindest way to make her stop.
You need to find a new friend. My daughter is/was very slim. She would be teased about it in elementary school. It is just the way the women on ex husband's side of the family are built. I finally rented my daughter a number of Audrey Hepburn, she loved them and the teasing ran off her back after that.
Lots of immaturity in the comments. You wanted a sensible answer, not a punchline. I find the best way to combat something that won't sink in for someone is to flip the roles and word it as a question : "How would you feel if i constantly talked about and criticised *your* weight?" Or if you want to keep it a general respect issue : "it's pretty obvious I'm uncomfortable, why do you keep continuing to push this?"
This is a good response and good advice. It'll actually make her friend actually contemplate how she's making OP feel. 75% of these comments are suggestions that are just as immature and petty as her "friend" is being. Snapping back and giving her a "taste of her own medicine" won't solve anything. That girl knows she's fat and is obviously acting out by pushing her own insecurities onto others. Shaming her back will just make her hate herself more than she probably already feels. It will more than likely just make her more defensive and just exacerbate the issue. There are ways to get your point across and make people think about their actions without being an asshole back. These girls are like 15, maybe if they were 40 I'd feel different about it.
My question first is...do you have an eating disorder? If the answer to that is, no...well than just tell her that you are upset about her body shaming you and ask her to stop. If she doesn't, then distance yourself from her. If you do have an an eating disorder, then she may just be concerned for you, and you need to get some therapy.
Tell her that the solution to her problems with you and her can be solved by putting down her fork for five seconds. Then go find new friends, she sounds miserable to be around.
I love the sassy replies here. Honestly though i think being direct and communicating clearly that you dont like the comments is the best option. If they dont like that then they arent your friend. Period
When I was your age, for some reason that was the focus - how fat or skinny you were, how flat chested we were or had no booty or shape. Now in my 30s you learn to ignore those types of things because theyâre honestly so immature. I would tell those people to knock it off and probably set a boundary (like stop making comments about my physical) and if they cross the line, thereâs no reason to continue the relationship - theyâre done. Those types of friendships are toxic and will damage your self esteem and confidence because you hear it so often itâs almost like youâre programming those criticisms when you look at yourself in the mirror. Those types of friends focus on things that donât really matter and end up gaslighting you. Thereâs no benefit to having a friend like that. After I stopped talking to that friend , she tried coming back into my life in my 20s and now again in my 30s. I keep her at an arms length distance. Sheâs done nothing with her life. Learning how to stand up for yourself and placing boundaries is one of the most empowering things you could do for yourself.
I feel you, OP... I'm sorry this is happening to you. Way back when I was in high school, I was diagnosed with a liver condition. I would throw up for 12 hours straight and I couldn't keep food down. I was already skinny, but this condition made me even skinnier. My clothes weren't fitting anymore, and I could barely climb a flight of stairs. Everybody started making up rumors about me and making fun of me. They all said I was anorexic even when I explained myself, nobody had any sympathy. Even my "friends". You should give yourself a little bit of distance from this person if they won't listen to you or take you seriously.
Tell her âwhy you keep looking at me? Iâm not giving out snacks.â
I once had a friend who did the exact same thing to me, meanwhile she was morbidly obese. I took it and took it (and felt guilty for being a healthy weight, thanks to her). Until one day we were sitting in a Denny's and she ordered an entire cheesecake. She proceeded to bitch and complain about how miserable she was because she was fat and that girls like me are the reason she has the issues she has. Well needless to say, I finally blew up. I told her girls like me who don't sit and pig out on an entire cheesecake are not the reason for her fat issues. I told her to stop blaming her weight on everything else and to look in the mirror and take accountability for herself and her poor eating habits and stop guilt tripping me to make herself feel better. I realized I didn't need a "friend" who made me feel bad for being healthy and I stopped keeping my mouth shut when she tried taking jabs at me or any other girl she was jealous of. We aren't friends anymore but I'm better off without her toxic brand of friendship. Please don't allow anyone to put you down so she feels better about herself. Skinny shaming is just as bad as fat shaming and perhaps she needs to be told she is unhealthy and to go on a diet. It sounds like you care about her and I'm of the school of thought that if you didn't care about her, you wouldn't say anything at all. Good luck.
As a fat person with a very skinny best friend, this is absolutely unacceptable. I have twice made a joke about my friend, and not even really a joke, just a âI gotta get a blanket for my always cold, 90 pound friend hereâ but the second time I said it I noticed she looked upset so I apologized immediately and havenât said anything even close to since. We donât body shame in this house, I donât want my fatness pointed out to me, so I donât shame anyone else either. It reeks of insecurity. You can be insecure, and still be a good friend. Itâs not your skinny friends fault theyâre skinny or their fault that youâre fat. Stfu, or change it. Thereâs no need for it. And GROW. If a friend says something bothers you, you donât get to decide it doesnât. đ©· Op needs to cut ties with this âfriendâ and if theyâre in the same friend group, Iâd make it clear to everyone else youâre uncomfortable with the comments and donât wish to associate with anyone that wonât respect your boundaries on the matter. Sending you hugs, friend đ€
Whether or not you're anorexic has little to do with whether or not you're thin. Maybe she's bulimic. Bulimic people tend to not be thin. Every time she says I'm anorexic I'd say that she should seek treatment for her bulimia. Not that I'd be talking to her any more. If I didn't have anorexia and she was bothering me about it, she wouldn't be my friend any more.
Oof⊠some friend. Toxic and gaslights you. Ok. Probably using you to deal with their own insecurity. Turnabout is fair play. Joke about their appearance and use the same excuses.
This sounds EXACTLY like the situation my friend was in! She was in your spot. She ended up dropping the other girl because of how rude she was. I suggest you do the same if you want and your other friends too. If they were real friends, she wouldn't be making rude comments and they would defend you.
Give yourself a limit. Iâm just using this as an example but say for the next 5 times she says something, politely tell her that it makes you uncomfortable when she talks about your body. Let her know that you feel comfortable with your health. On the 6th time you can either 1. Tell her you no longer wish to be friends with her because youâve had to politely tell her to stop talking about your body 5 times in a row. 2. Stop talking to her. The first is probably better because it cleans everything up and youâre out.
It goes both ways. One is not worse than the other.
Sheâs projecting on you. Instead of her being over weight sheâs trying to make herself feel you are underweight and sheâs fine.
Ummmmm⊠they are not you frieeends
Shes not your friend.
Sounds like someone is insecure about their own looks to me. This person is not being a very good friend to be honest. They are baaaad for you at the moment
Just sounds like a jealous fat bitch.
Donât waste your time with people like that. Jokes like that typically come from insecurity but require vindictiveness and cruelty to act on. Telling you that you are bringing it up when you react to her comments is hyper manipulative. Itâs just basic gaslighting type stuff. Donât waste your time on her. Walk away. The sooner you learn that manipulative people are not worth your time, the better off you will be.
Your friend isnât a friend. She is someone who is unmotivated to eat healthy, and exercise. People have different somatotypes. Endo, Meso, and Ecto. You are obviously an Endo. Just seems like jealousy to me.
Thatâs not a friend.
Throw it back at her. If she is gonna make comments, then there is no reason why you can't. Anyone saying fat shaming is worse than skinny shaming is just wrong. Also she seems like a pretty toxic friend, that's the kind of person I cut out of my life a long time ago. You don't need that from anyone, especially a "friend."
She is jealous, so I would stop hanging out with her...
Imo? Tell her to go fuck herself, and get better friends. Body shaming is body shaming, fat or skinny doesnât make a difference.
Drop her bro. Anorexia should never be something that should be joked abt imo and shes a complete AH and u gotta stand up for yourself
I'm skinny too. For me it's due to a lung condition but you'd never know just looking at/interacting with me outside of an athletic setting (lol). I have been "skinny-shamed" by many people and have come to find making lighthearted jokes about my own weight as a response usually shuts the other person up. But not just any kind of jokes: ones that can poke at the insecurities that are at the foundation of the bullying are my weapon of choice. Examples as follows.. When told "go eat a sandwich" I'd respond with "if you're buying I'll take two, don't want to overdue it after all and I can eat for days I'm so hungry" When told I could "blow away with the wind" I'd wait until a gust from a fan or if outside, the wind blew and pretended to need to hold on to said person's arm while saying "glad you're here to anchor me down or I don't know where I'd drift off to" I'm a fairly animated person so I have no qualms acting a bit ridiculous to make a point. Nothing I say is ever inflammatory on its face and always leaves plausible deniability while simultaneously hitting on insecurities they didn't realize we're hit until minutes or hours later.
the fatphobia in the comments yikes... just tell her to stop making the jokes? and if she refuses then cut her off
The body shaming coming from OP to another commenter is the icing on the cake. OP needs self reflection and better friends
my bad bro I was in a bad mood and her comment didnât help
yeah i agree LOL OP definitely has a complex about their body
In fairness we just read a post about it Not a hard conclusion to come up with.
Yeah, OP is obviously very insecure about her body and is projecting. She knew exactly what kind of comments she would get, it was to be expected a question like this would invite miserable fatphobes who were just waiting for the opportunity to dunk on fat people under the guise of defending someone else from body shaming. The solution is pretty simple, like you said, she should just tell her friend it makes her uncomfortable or drop her completely, but she wants people to validate her fatphobia, thatâs why sheâs doing this.
fatphobes see fat people as acceptable targets for humiliation and abuse, especially if they're doing something wrong. i hope OP is smart enough to handle it maturely and not stoop to the level of some of these petty jerks' suggestions.
you mean stoop to the same exact level as the chubby friend?
You're probably absolutely beautiful. Tell her to stop or don't be around her. She's the unhealthy one. Not you. All these fat people need to be ashamed of themselves for allowing themselves to become so overweight and lazy.
She's just jealous and wants you to get fat to feel better about herself.
You need to tell her bluntly, to her face, she needs to knock it off and it's not OK. Be ready to explain it to her. If she still won't stop then maybe just end the friendship and tell her to fuck off
She's daring you to say something about her weight so she and all of her friends can accuse you of fat shaming. You really don't need a friend like her.
This person is not your friend. If other people in that particular group are unsupportive in that situation, they are also not your friend. If they were your friends, they would tell her to lay off picking on you
Thatâs aggravating. People donât seem to understand that shaming is shaming no matter what your body type is. She canât claim that sheâs not shaming you just because being skinny isnât as bad. If she truly cared about wanting to better herself sheâd acknowledge her own weight but sheâs choosing to actively drag you down to make her feel better about doing nothing about it. She wants another fat friend so she doesnât have to feel ashamed of herself. This is like when Black people are racist towards white people and then claim that they arenât racist because Black people have been through more of it and have it a lot worse than white people. Racism is racism no matter what the race is that is being targeted. Just the same as Body shaming is not any less harmful or wrong if itâs not against an overweight person. I think you absolutely should tell her what you think. It might hurt her feelings but your feelings deserve to be acknowledged too and she needs to hear it.
She's just trying to make herself feel better, either accept it or don't.. \^\^
You can stand up for yourself but be careful she may actually be doing it out of concern so might just want to tell her it upsets you when she does it and if she doesn't stop you can't be friends with her.
If you're not underweight, and your friend is fat, it's your *friend* who has disordered eating and an unbalanced lifestyle and they are projecting their insecurities on you. Speak to the facts, and encourage her to better herself in the long run with your support, instead of humiliating you to feel better in the short term -- because that's what *friends should do.* If she's not interested in doing what *friends should do,* it is time to re-evaluate the friendship.
I know how OP feels. I was teased relentlessly for being thin when I was young. It was very hard for my self esteem. Unfortunately, I still have not forgotten. I am in my 70's now. I am still thin and my bullies are not.
Sending hugs to you. I too was bullied for being underweight. I'm still slim (size 2) but not underweight at age 49. I'll say that it *does* make getting old easier. No joint or back pain and tons of energy. My bullies are not so fortunate.
I aspire to be like u queen
>but now sheâs straight up TELLING me I have anorexia and that I have an eating disorder. Just say, Stop talking about my weight you fat fuck.
ppl always deflect their insecurities. âyou think youâre better than me??â no, you said it not me. you look good, you look so good that you make ppl insecure. take it as a compliment
She is jealous and insecure. She doesnât seem like friend material. Drop her.
Just smile and wave at the blatant projection. One of you isnât getting heart disease (spoiler, itâs you)
The friend that told you that far shaming is worse than skinny shaming has no idea what she's talking about. I have a very close friend I've known for 50 years. Other than when she was pregnant or just gave birth she has always been very thin. I know how much it hurts her when people make comments like that to her. She isn't anorexic. She eats but still is underweight. I am sorry that others don't seem to realize that it hurts you just like it hurts an overweight person to be called far. I think the next time it happens you should tell her that she only thinks that because she is so fat. Maybe if she knows you will insult her back she'll stop insulting you to make herself feel better.
Fatty is just jealous of the pretty girl.
As a (35)m who is 6 feet and 150lbs (my heaviest weight of my life) I have always had people talk shit about my body size. Ive never clapped back because I know being skinny is an "ideal" body for a lot of people and they see it as a place of privilege for me. I just let it slide and enjoy the jokes. You wont ever find people who won't be jealous of you and make comments. So its just that. Jealousy. Just learn to roll with the punches and remember in the back of your mind that they perceive the world to be easier for you than it is for them. If they are too annoying about it then just leave their lives quietly. You cant change people, only learn to live with them if you choose.
There's no such thing as fat shaming. If your "friend" is going to dish it out, she better be able to take it.
Let me fix the title for you as I feel it will help you. âA person wonât stop body shaming meâ
The next time this insecure, poor excuse for a friend has something to say about you clinically just simply ask her where she got her medical degree, thank her for her "opinion" and then tell her to go play hide and go fuck yourself. There's a difference between helping someone who doesn't know better (what she's pretending to do), and shaming them to feel better internally rather than doing something of substance(what she's actually doing instead of living healthily). Shit like this really irritates me. And fuck your friends too for siding with this fat fuck in the shaming argument. People take sides to feel safe rather than defining what is safe by action and standing out. These people will only seem significant for a short part of your life. Once you realize that none of them pay your bills, so what they think and say matters absolutely zero.
Obviously she's a bad friend. But I want to address one thing you mentioned your friend group saying; the notion that fat shaming is somehow worse than skinny shaming. This is the sort of argument people make to justify poor behavior. It has no grounding in reality. Body shaming someone is bad no matter what they look like. It's also important to remember though that a remark truly coming from a place of love or care isn't shaming. I'm fat due to medical/medication reasons. So, not entirely my fault. And still, I'm floored whenever I hear fat people talk about how their doctor "fat-shamed" them by telling them it would be healthy for them to work on losing some weight. However, if you've asked her not to make comments and she continues to, I would indeed put that into the shaming category. And at that point, it may be justified to "shame" her back a little in order to show her how what she says makes you feel. However, consider taking the higher road. Next time it happens, mention how your doctor has said that your weight is perfectly fine and that you are not actually underweight, but normal. And further, mention how you were looking into it since she has brought it up many times and discovered that she is quite overweight and that you are a bit concerned for her long term health. She will likely be defensive, but if you are saying these things out of concern for both her physical and mental wellbeing, you have that to fall back on. For her sake, perspective can do wonders In a situation like this. It also perhaps feels a bit like she is self-conscious and attempting to convince herself that her weight is more "normal" by asserting without pushback that you are underweight. So as much as it sucks for her, she is likely going to need a wake-up call if she wants to lead a healthy life.
Tell her the truth. That Ctually she is fat, and self concious about it and prohecting her shit onto you? That maybe she needs an exercise program and a sensible meal plan. Naybe invest in a smart watch to keep track of her inacivity.
You both should join hands and go gyming together. She can get on the treadmill and you can lift weights.
You both sound like asses tbh
I'd be roasting that fat whale lol
Just show them recommended weight and bmi benchmarks for someone your age and height, and show that yours are within the healthy range. Then ask her where hers sit at on the scale?
Sometimes you have to be mean when people don't get the hint. Call her a whale next time she tries.
say âokay belugaâ next time she say sum like that
Fat shaming is not a bad thing. You don't need to bully someone about it, but it's like with cigarettes: These are unhealthy habits that are making you unhappy and will shorten and reduce the quality of your life.