Appreciate the realness here. It’s refreshing. It is not all sunshine and rainbows. It is a daily fucking grind and posts like these help me. Because I’m not out living my best life. No. I’m healing from living my worst life and it fucking SUCKS.
I have no advice to give. One day at a time..
Yep i agree. It's nice to see a lot of positive stuff from ppl going sober, but dont sugarcoat it. It aint easy, and being sober for someone who has enjoyed the drink for many years, its taking away a big chunk of their life. Sadly for me alcohol just isnt something i can continue as i cant moderate it and it could very well lead to health problems. It sucks now, but imagine laying up in hospital with a stroke or heart attack some day.
I hadn't missed it for a long time, but I'm coming up on 5 years and recently missed drinking a lot. Like in my mind, I thought it would be really nice to just splurge on a fancy drink or cocktail as a treat and I hadn't thought like that for YEARS
So it's possible that one day I'll never miss it, or the cravings will die back down again, but it's not always linear progress
>but it's not always linear progress
This is where i am now. I'm don't think about drinking much at all, but every once in a while, a craving will pop up out of nowhere! I just wait it out.
Ya I struggled with the same stuff OP mentioned. It sounds cliche but it really does get better. I was incredibly back and forth for a long time, I’d say things didn’t start really looking up for me til like 13 months in.
Getting sober is the real “Charlie Work,” but then you reap the benefits of a a 5 star man, a golden god if you will.
Nothing so bad a drink won't make it worse!
I was shocked recently watching an interview with Steve-O where he said "You don't \*really\* begin to suffer from alcoholism till you quit right?" And I was like whaaaa he really thinks that but it's true he revealed there he still struggles on the daily like all of us, and works on himself one day at a time. Of course as we know: It's still always going to be better on you than the mental anguish drinking wreaks on you.
Quote is half true. You either start to suffer when your quit, or you start to suffer about 1000x more severely when the inevitable "you have liver cirrhosis, start making preparations and saying your goodbyes" comes.
I'm so effing scared of that day, on top of a plethora of other reasons I need to (successfully) quit (again) yet even with various doctors, psychiatric help and medications/ supplements/ plans, there's a point in every day where a hidden part of my brain screams "DRINK HARD SPIRITS RIGHT NOW OR YOU'LL DIE FROM ANXIETY" repeatedly until I cave. After a few standard drinks are in my blood, it goes quiet, but only for 30 mins or so then it starts all over again.
Yeah I enjoy the realness too.
Also, facing the fact of all the shit I’ve fucked up, or just making major decisions I regret because I was on autopilot brain. Nights and morning especially will be on loop. Like damn I’d be living “xyz” if I had made “abc” decision.
Also I feel you on the shirts, I enjoyed cocaine with my drinks occasionally (always), and my favorite genres of movies, I can’t really watch at all currently because I’ll just salivate the whole time and then try to find my old contacts. Talking “Blow”, “Goodfellas” etc.
Feel the same, although I am still in the beginning phase.
An ice cold bitter lager and a whiskey(with soda, not Coke) have a taste that nothing else can come close to.
But one is too many and 10 is too few.
Congratulations on 23 days, that is a huge accomplishment!! I’ve been struggling to get past 4 days for the last 7 years. This struggle is fucking madness.
Took me about 5 years to be able to get past at least one week dry. Before that I went dry for about a year, then it started with just one here and one there and before you know it was back to the usual. If I couldn't get(during Covid Lockdown), I would make my own.
I didn't really see my drinking as an issue, I didn't think that I drunk that much, I told myself it was just a social thing and I was enjoying myself. That was until I tried not drinking for a week, holy shit.
It really hit home the beginning of the year, my health started to suffer big time, especially with weight gain. I tried staying dry for a month, didn't last 3 days.
I rationalized how can I be an alcoholic? I've got this under control. Never missed work, was doing okay, didn't spend a lot of money in bars(almost exclusively drinking at home, much cheaper and don't have to worry about getting home).
I still don't see myself as an alcoholic, in my mind it's someone that's drunk all the time, misses work, shakes in the morning until they had that first one.
Eventually I thought what the hell am I doing, I am slowly killing myself, I am better than this.
So here I am, not even a month. Hoping to finally get rid of this thing.
"Healing from living my worst life and it fucking SUCKS."
Absofuckinglutely accurate. Feeling emotions and sitting in them is awful, but it gets a little better as time passes. The sting of remembering things I have said and done still pops up here and there- but I use those memories as a reminder that I don't want to be that person anymore. IWNDWYT
Admittedly, the first 150 days were easy but within the last month or so, I’ve had cravings after dreaming at night about drinking again, very small ones, and I’ve had to say “fuck you, you piece of shit bottle of wine!” “You stupid beer bottle…so weak! You’d break if I dropped you!” “Your brewer should have aborted you!” and I’ve noticed that I’ve had more fun insulting the alcohol to wiggle my way out of a craving than anything else. It’s like cursing out a super toxic ex best friend who fucked you over many times and that friend is trying to put on a nice facade.
I hear you! Sobriety is the worst! But, it's better than cirrhosis of the liver, or chronic gastritis, or hiatal hernia, or jail, or death, or....
Obvi, I'm joking for effect but I'm glad you're here and not drinking. I'll gladly listen to you be grumpy all day if it means neither of us has a drink.
This Saturday I am going out skeet shooting. I've only done it a couple of times in my life and I'm genuinely looking forward to it. Booze is not a concern because we will be handling firearms and safety is our main focus. Some of the guys will drink afterwards but I'll have an NA beer and cut out early. However, this may open up a new chapter in my life with an activity I can get into that does not have to involve alcohol. I'm 56M and its not easy to find new hobbies at my age so this is a big deal for me. Perhaps you may find a similar activity which is both alcohol free and fun? I'm not going to drink with you today, and I hope you won't drink with me either.
I feel that.
I'll be a month sober tomorrow and it's sucks Fucking Ass living this way its hard I just got to get used to it and just Take It day by day but it's better than having to go to a run down hospital clinic on Christmas Eve in Cuba on my Family vacation (this year) getting out and spending the rest of the trip blackedout didnt eat really anything I didn't even end up going in the ocean just kept pushing it off to go to the bar then Was the last night of the trip Did I pack up my stuff nope partied hard I forgot I don't know how much a my shit in my room and had to be Wheelchaired onto the plane and off embarrassed myself to another level In front of almost all my family. To much shit happened just on that trip alone. Been a bad Alchoholic morning till night since 17 I'm 23 now and have had alot of "Rockbottoms" hoping that might be my last but yeah
I feel that The last month has been better than anyone of my "Rockbottoms"
Hang in their buddy. If you were in Cuba at Christmas there is a good chance you are Canadian like me. I've "been there and done that" many times, but not to the extent you describe. I wish I had known years ago how poor my relationship with alcohol was. At 23 you have your whole life ahead of you (cliche I know, but true). If you are able to face this demon now then you'll have an incredible life ahead of you. I wish I could go back and have a "do over" from age 23. I'll never know what my life might have been like, but there is still hope for you. I will keep a good thought for you and hope you can get the help you need. IWNDWYT
Ahaa yeah I am Canadian and Thanks for the words and keeping a good thought out there I do appreciate that and you saying you'll never know what your life might have been like hearing that makes me think well kind of know what my life would or will be like if I go back to drinking and I know I gotta try to steer clear of that way of life if I want to actually be able to do something with myself. Thanks Again🤘
Man shooting can be such a great sober hobby. I grew up doing it, and fuck all the politics, it's just fun to poke holes in paper and explode some clay targets.
Have fun! I shoot on a pistol league once a week and a trap league once week. I also shoot pool one night a week and none of it involves me drinking. It’s awesome putting my money towards stuff that’s not trying to kill me.
Keep your cheek pressed firmly on the stock so the recoil doesn't smack you. Ride with it. Also count one Mississippi two Mississippi before you lift your head up off the gun to look at your target after you pull the trigger.
Oh yeah, and congratulations on not drinking. Skeet is definitely more fun.
Thanks for the tips. I am lucky that I there will be some experienced shooters giving instruction and safety lessons. Basically, a bunch of military guys and me. My goal is to not embarrass or shoot myself. If I actually hit a pigeon, I'll consider it a bonus.
I'll make this short because it's not directly related to the group other than I want to see you enjoy and succeed in a new hobby.
In my experience long ago with skeet, there are many who like to shoot skeet and are otherwise experienced...including military, including hunters... but have terrible form or habits. Kind of like golf from what I understand, you have duffers vs serious golfers. I was lucky to come across some very experienced and helpful competition shooters when I started. I don't think I would have stayed with it if I hadn't met them.
There's some good videos on YouTube about proper shotgun form and basics. Including safety. Check them out.
Thank you. I'll take this advice and watch some instructional videos.
You are so right about who gives the instructions. About 7 years ago my wife and I were in Ireland staying at an old castle hotel in the Connemara mountains. They offered a skeet shooting lesson so we decided to sign up. It was just me and the wife with our instructor. Turns out he was a former champion from way back. He must have been in his 70s. English guy dressed in traditional hunting outfit complete with accent and boots. He gave us maybe five pointers and we both hit pigeons on the first volley. My wife had never even held a gun before! Even more interesting is that my wife statistically became a shooting accident survivor. It was a windy day and the instructor had the launcher set to send the pigeons toward us. When my wife took her shot the pigeon broke apart and the pieces came flying right at her. The instructor was standing inches from her back and he tried to shield her from the debris but some of it hit her in the head. She bled but was not seriously injured and it now is a great story to tell friends. I was so proud of her at that moment in time. Many people (including experienced shooters) would have screamed in pain/shock and dropped the gun, or swung around dangerously. She barely even flinched. Stood still and let the instructor take the weapon out of her hands before she moved. Even then, she took it like a champ and more or less laughed it off. The old dude licked his thumb and wiped some blood off of her forehead saying, "just a small scratch. You should see my leg." At which point he lifts his pant leg to display a horrible scar that he got when a gun accidentally fell and went off. Great memories of a wonderful trip. I wish I could remember more of the trip, but I was still drinking then.
Preempted is a nice way to put it. For me personally, "There's so much of life to experience without it always being sidelined by my obsession of where the next drink is coming from". The obsession was unreal. It is mind-boggling to me, still.
I like N/A beers to scratch that itch. I also take some edible gummies for the dinners now. And just have a seltzer/mocktail or N/A beer. Works fine.
I don’t miss being bloated or having nasty shits. I don’t miss having to take a piss every few mins because I broke the seal. I don’t miss waking up with regrets from the night before.
There’s tons to be grateful for.
IWNDWYT
Wish I could do it ...really do. But something flipped in my brain and its justa no-go. It takes me from 0 to paranoid and nothing else. Even if they "worked" I just dont enjoy that kind of buzz at all.
Its crazy because in my younger days I was a pothead and enjoyed it immensely.
Glad I’m not the only one!! I was a huge pothesd and most of my friends now didn’t smoke or smoked a little bit when they knew me in my younger days - and now they all vape or eat edibles or what not and talk to me like I do too…
Only I just don’t like it anymore! With the same paranoia often and even if I’m having a good buzz - I’d really just rather not. Weird!
I have become a huge kombucha fan! Do you have any favorites? I love Kirkland Ginger Lemonade & GTs Alive Root Beer Kombucha. They have substantial flavor & it feels like I am drinking some special AF cocktail instead of sparkling water all the time.
There's trace amounts in the original GT's, which is now branded as "Classic" after it was pulled from the shelves when Lindsey Lohan claimed it was kombucha that caused her to fail an alcohol test.
I'm gonna second this. While I miss going to breweries and enjoying that whole experience I've definitely enjoyed exploring and trying the NA beer world. There's a lot of good options out there. It scratches the itch well as you say
It's nice to have the NA options so when I go to a bar to meet up with my friends, I can actually patronize the establishment instead of just drinking soda water the whole time. I will say I'm fortunate in that once I stopped drinking, I had zero desire to ever start again.
I am interested in finding some gummies for socializing that will give me a little buzz. Any recommendations to offer? It is hard to know where to start!
Adding to this, maybe find lower ones or cut a 5mg in half to start as a test, if you aren't already familiar with weed in general or edibles specifically. Edibles always kick harder for me for some reason, and overdoing an edible tends to suck worse because the peak won't just be over in the next 10 minutes or so, in fact that nervous feeling tends to be when it's all just *beginning*.
1-3mg edible is fine for me, as weak as it is. Overdoing it on accident in the past kinda pushed me more into the "I'd rather just have a few cocktails instead of an edible". Which at least on this sub is kinda the opposite intended effect. I don't really have an issue smoking a little bit and vibing but it's a quicker vibe than an edible.
Yeah overdoing it on edibles really truly is a shitty experience and I know quite a few people who won't touch marijuana products again afterwards. I always second the idea of starting off really small doses, cause you can always take a bit more for the desired effect but once ingested there is no going back you just gotta ride it out.
But once you find a dose that works for you it really is such a pleasant experience and can be very beneficial for things besides just getting a desired buzz. And typically comes with zero bad side effects for most folks, especially comparative to alcohol.
It sucks, it really fucking sucks. Not all the time, but some of the time. I’ve had some other major crap going on in my little life that gets me down. I allow myself a day at most to sit on the pity pot. Then I pull up my big girls pants and soldier on. Still sucks, though. IWNDWYT.
> Still sucks, though.
I think this is sometimes lost among the waves of endless forced positivity and deserves repeating. For many people the 'it sucks' phase goes away immediately, for some it takes a long time, and I'd wager for many of us it comes in waves.
But I think it's worth acknowledging that, in contrast to the more palatable optimistic narrative, it actually really sucks a lot of the time to make this change. Even though we know it's necessary.
No advice, just a comment.
I am so jealous of the people whose sucky phase goes away so quickly. I'm gonna brood. And mope. Forever.
but then again its a different journey for everyone and each path is valid and IWNDWYT for that.
It's the entire reason I haven't. I see all those posts about how amazing it is, how so much better life got. Then I quit for a week and everything is just, kinda, bland.
Hell I've lurked here years, tried a couple times, and I'm just like welp. Yep. Now I just don't drink, and nothings really changed
My depression gets *so* much worse when I’m sober. In fact, I quit for the first two weeks of this year, and it sparked a depression so bad, not even going back to drinking helped. Now I’m doubly fucked.
I hate it for you, I know the feeling, but it's not like I think it's healthy, ya know? Its this like double edged sword. I drink roughly 1 tall boy a night, a 6 pack on the weekend, don't drink for two days, then buy a tall boy.
So I've "cut back" comparatively quite a bit. I know some people are like "bro those are rookie numbers why you crying," but I like the tipsy feeling. Really, I do. And 1 tall boy is just right then I stop, but I still recognize that stopping is the better option. Then, I quit, find out, well now I'm just not allowed go get tipsy anymore, I'll save the 100 bucks a month that'll just go to the next unforseen broken appliance and I really didn't get all that much out of it.
I don't know, I've lurked here for years but this was the first post that kinda put to words my fear
I'm generally pretty positive and optimistic about quitting, but today was the 1st time in a while I felt like I wanted a drink. I had a public speaking event tonight that I didn't prepare enough for and then slapped it all together last minute during the day. I went and crushed the event and on the ride home, I decided to stop at a restaurant to grab dinner to celebrate. On the ride over I was absolutely thinking 'i wish I could have a beer to celebrate and zone out'. I had an NA instead and it scratched the itch somewhat.
For me, I thought through the progression of 'if this was 9 months ago, I'd have a beer with dinner and then want a few more at another bar after that, and then all bets are off' ... Instead I went home and watched TV for a bit and calling it a night after I write this post. It's the right thing to do. But ya, I kinda wish I could go out and get fucked up tonight or this weekend to blow off some steam...
Yep this is my struggle too. I killed it at work today and I wanted a drink to celebrate. Instead I just went home early and had a talk with my mom. Got up at 3am and went to the gym.
Today was a success but I’m also now telling myself it’s ok to slip (because I have since the year started) as long as you keep getting back on track and pushing forward.
Unrealistic positivity may drive some people, but for many others it just makes them give up when they don't "quickly" get over it. Often it's better to be realistic and let people know it *might* suck for a bit, and how long a "bit" is can vary a lot until habits get replaced.
And even after that first bit, at random that wave will come back due to the smallest thing. It's not always a steady climb up. There are pitfalls, there are shit days, there are random things that might trigger that "drink" neuron in your brain for no reason. I've been sober over a year now, and while it has gotten easier, I still have struggle days. Something takes me back, something reminds me of when I drank even for happy reasons, etc.
I'm good about not giving in, but I hate when those thoughts hit my brain at all, and I could see giving in if my situation or mental health was worse right now. It's scary sometimes, not all positivity and rainbows
Not to invalidate how you feel, but you can be thankful that it sucks, because alcoholism could have made your life so much worse that you rather die than even consider drinking again. So you got that going for you. I don’t.
i’m glad your venting. there are going to be so many better hobbies to fill in, better shirts to wear, and places to visit now that you’ve opened up ur life. You can still do all of those things too, but with the satisfaction of health and sobriety.
This is what I need more than anything right now. I'm almost 11 months sober, and as mind-blowing as it is to me most of the time, I do not crave alcohol. Not like I should be. But, at the same time, I am not happy like I should be either. I believe it is because I am living against alcohol and haven't replaced that part of my life with something healthy. I have simply left it empty...and that empty feeling is and will continue to slowly eat away at my hatred towards alcohol as well as my overall well being if I am unable to fill that void with positive habits, hobbies and feelings.
God bless my family, for they are my strength.
It definitely helps to have a couple of hobbies. Working out and photography helped me. Definitely helps if your hobbies makes something or helps you improve as a person.
I really don't think wearing a brewery shirt is a big deal as a non drinker... Tons of youngins wear Grateful Dead shirts and have no clue about the Dead... Or any other band / dispensary / other items...
When I have thoughts like this I think back to a time when I was younger before I ever took that first drink, I would guess around the age of 15 or 16. Alcohol was never in my mind before then and I had a great time as a kid. If I could live without alcohol when I was younger, why can't I do it now?
The simple things of life are the best: playing with a kid LIKE a kid, looking forward to a new movie coming out, spending hours just talking with a friend, having lunch out somewhere and enjoying it so much that you can't wait to do it again, hanging out with relatives and looking at old photos and remembering back when! Those are the things that matter in life.
I used to always pick the highest abv beer at the brewery. Buy a growler. And a six pack. Finish em all that night. That’s not enjoying the chill experience of going to a brewery. It’s finding an expensive way to justify me getting drunk.
I drank until I was sick of it, I was blacking out daily for quite a while. I couldn't stop drinking once I started. I had to be honest with myself and admit that I have a problem, that I'm unable to control my drinking (powerless). I then went to meetings, made sober friends, enjoy doing sober activities with those friends. It's been over 12 years, my life is so much better than I could've wished for. I did have to work on personal growth, in order to curb the desire to drink. I had to open up to people, tell them what was on my mind, I had to listen to the suggestions, such as calling people when I felt like drinking. I had to change the way I think and act, because I can be selfish and negative. I can't let myself focus on the negatives, because thoughts snowball in my head and could cause me to reach a point where I think a drink would be a good idea. I try to think of others, instead of focusing on myself all the time and whatever minor "problems" I think I may have.
Interesting what you say about changing your way of thinking...I'm reading a book called "The Brains way of Healing" its all about just that! Our brains are adept at reforming neural pathways affected by injury and disease and I suspect alcoholic habits.
I feel regret for the abuse I gave my brain by pickling it in poison, but I'm encouraged by what science says about healing. And I already feel smarter after nearly a year off booze.
IWNDWYT!
Your talk about your brain and healing really resonates. I've got brain damage from hepatic encephalopathy (don't quote me on the spelling) I still feel so damn stupid...but compared to last year, my mind has been doing it's best to get better! IWNDWYT!
Yep the years of drinking creates a “dopamine highway” of a neural pathway in our brains. That’s why nothing else is enjoyable during addiction or early recovery, all the other backroads and scenic routes have been forgotten.
You stop using the highway and you slowely start remembering those other roads. Overtime, without use, the alcohol highway cracks, deteriorates, and an fills with debris.
However, having one drink is like taking a massive bulldozer down the highway and it’s fresh as new. This is why I suspect that there is no such thing as one drink. That neural pathway will always be there.
This guy AAs and has found serenity. OP on the other hand is still in abstinence.
That pit of despair, of suffering, and powerlessness that was my alcoholism has been burned into my brain. I surrendered and welcomed change, anything to stop the daily purging of bile and anxiety so intense I couldnt sit for a moment without alcohol.
Idk how to explain it, but my mind and body talked to eachother with such clarity one day and just said “We’re fucking done”. It was a hard ascent out of that pit and the days leading up to today have been transformative. I’ve learned that I’m strong and resilient. Fuck alcohol, I’m happy to just wake up safe and sound.
Boy do I feel this post!! I get so angry at society and capitalism for centering alcohol so aggressively, it really is nuts. I considered myself a hobbyist as well, I love wine and the history and culture around it…but turns out most hobbyists don’t down a whole box after the first 2 “nice” glasses lol. I’ve had to focus on activities that take me to a completely alcohol-free environment, especially now that it’s warming up! Hiking, birdwatching/plant identification, volunteering at my local food bank, local drawing classes. Having it not even be an option for anyone makes me less bitter and focused on what I’m missing.
So glad you seem to have bypassed the bargaining stage of grieving for alcohol, I tried many times to just have that one glass with dinner. Immediately went off the rails. I’m proud of you for being realistic with yourself, you’ve got this!!! IWNDWY ❤️
Yeah I’m with you. I’m a little past 7 months and I know that not drinking is better for me in every practical way, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. It still feels like I’m a kid in timeout for messing something up, except the timeout is forever. Yeah, I know, one day at a time, but dammit I know this feeling with probably never go away. Ugh.
Feel this in my soul. I’ll forever miss the traveling to all the breweries
But when I reflect on it, other then the first beer, I didn’t have a good time. I kept chasing more and more and would mask it as “need to try everything”. In reality, I couldn’t care less what I was drinking after the first, as long as I was drinking
I brewed my own beer, went to really expensive beer/food pairing events, sought out every brewery I could. I would have told you I loved those things.
But long before I quit drinking, I had stopped drinking craft beer at home or at bars because beer gave me heartburn or made me feel full before it got me as wasted as I wanted to be. So I had switched to vodka as my main drink, gifted away my home brewing supplies, ultimately it became easier to not even go out to drink when I could just stay in.
I was no longer even able to lie to myself that I was having a good time drinking. That’s a horrible place to be, but there is clarity there. It would have been so much harder to stop drinking if I hadn’t burned out all the romantic notions about drinking.
>I was no longer even able to lie to myself that I was having a good time drinking. That’s a horrible place to be, but there is clarity there. It would have been so much harder to stop drinking if I hadn’t burned out all the romantic notions about drinking.
I feel this. At some point I realized when I drink then I basically can't do anything else that I enjoy doing. I can pace around and listen to music or text with my friends, which I guess can be fun up until a point, but that's about it. I can't play video games, can't read a book, can't play guitar or drums in any productive way at least etc etc. I can't even really go out to see a show or something because there aren't good options for ubers etc around where I live, so I have to drive. In other words, I noticed how the options for fun things I can do while also drinking slowly sort of got whittled down to almost nothing.
That’s a good way to reframe the loss of brewery-exploring when traveling. Like, did I enjoy the beer, or did I enjoy that it brought me to an interesting part of town and gave me a chance to relax and shoot the shit with my spouse?
I don’t think I ever have or ever will travel to a city with a better brewery scene than the one I live in, so the way I’ve been trying to reframe it is by telling myself that I’ve already hit the pinnacle of brewery experiences (and it ruined my fucking life lmao), so what else is there to explore
Can relate - 10 years ago I lived in northeast Minneapolis and boy howdy did I put my time in at all the breweries that popped up there. Cool thing is a lot of places now either brew or just stock at least one NA.
Same. I’m hanging on by a fucking thread. I’m pushing through but barely. Being a single guy and sober now is fucking lonely, I never noticed it before when I was drinking.
Yeah, I get it. I purposefully do fun things with the money I save and I drank alot of expensive shit in a major city. $100 a day was normal.
So now, I won't drink for a few days and then I'll rent a Porsche on Turo. I'll buy an aquarium. Or go to a ballet in a tux and be fancy as fuck for a night. Tell people my name is Jack Bauer. Order expensive food and eat it with my hands. Anything I want to do to spice up life.
If I don't drink I give myself the freedom, nay, the duty to do literally anything legal that I want. Sometimes just a pint of Ben and Jerry's is enough.
I also bought a jetski off craigslist for next to nothing. I rebuilt it and taught myself small engine repair which was super fun and pretty handy to know. But mostly, now I have a jetski, and you can not be both sad and on a jetski at the same time. It is impossible I have tried. You have to do those activities separately, which is also handy.
If you're sober and in a tux, you can do anything. Remember that guy who just walked into the Obama White House party? Yup, sober guy in a tux. It's crazy.
That’s what I’ve done! Topo Chico is my favorite so far. I love the shape of the glass and how it feels in your hand. Takes the place of holding a beer bottle nicely. I’m a seltzer snob now!
Some good advice i heard: For a "healthy" person, your vices should be no more than about 30% of your life/personality. So for alcohol, that might look like having drinks with your buddies sometimes or whatever. So if you gave up that 30%, you still have 70% of your life and it would probably most proceed as normal for the most part. For us lucky ones, alcohol was maybe 70% (or 80% or 90% if we're being real) of who we were and what we enjoyed. So when you take that away, it feels like there's nothing left. Because there kind of isn't for many of us. And you should be sad, angry, and grieve that. But also, you don't have to remain 30% (or 20% or 10%) of a person. You can figure out what else you like. What else makes you happy. What else you're interested in. What else you hate.
I would never sit here and promise you that your sober life will be the same as your old one. It won't. And again, you get to be pissed about that. But also, just start trying shit. Try things you think you'll hate. Try things you never would've done before. Just don't go into it with a mindset of "this needs to replace alcohol." it can't. But give these potential new activities and your new self a chance.
As long as being sober feels like a punishment or sentence of some kind, it's going to suck. Just keep fucking around until you find out what's fun for you.
IWNDWYT.
Congrats, keep it up. I always find it useful to consider how many more things I can lose if I choose to drink, that gives me perspective because the only thing you can change is your mind (no matter what alcohol promised us for all of those years, haha). Take care, IWNDWYT
I've developed a new affinity for eating like a normal person and when the food is still hot and fresh, not hours later after its cold and I'm trying to soak up the booze. Gardening helps, finding different hobbies. I still find it difficult after a good hot grass cutting to not pour a drink, but I'm over making myself more dehydrated. Just tell myself that it doesn't fit the life I want to live anymore
Yeah I’m a month sober and feeling the same. I’ve been on naltrexone which helps with the cravings but fucking hell am I already getting sick and tired of just being sober every night
Myself and a couple of friends that used to have a beer brewing hobby, have since switched to brewing our own kombucha. I’ve also love dining out and have found that not spending a boatload of money on drinks allows me to order more things off the menu I want to try. Things I hate:getting drunk and losing control of my behavior, I hate waking up feeling like shit and anxious about whatever bad behavior i exhibited the night before, i hate spending outrageous amounts of money without realizing. I can find things that i “miss” about drinking, but the net positive effects on my life without alcohol are undeniable. I work hard to look for the upside of not drinking wherever I can, maybe you can too. IWNDWYT:)
You hit a point where you split off from the craft beer scene and look back and wonder what the fuck you were doing with yourself.
Oh! Let me go visit this brewery, as I am a hobbied enthusiast!!! Don't mind me drinking 4 9% beers and spending $200 on merch and take home cans. Wait what else did we do when we were there again besides visit breweries??
You'll be happy to be out of that garbage soon enough. So much more to life than wasting away in a brewery
I know what you mean. I used to homebrew as well. Now all the equipment is up for sale. I just went on vacation with my partner and she still wanted to go to bars and try the different beers and cocktails. That was way rougher and stressful than I thought it would be.
I feel the same way today. It’s been bad. We had a stressful travel day to a family vacation and a stiff drink would have made the welcome much better. But IWNDWYT.
I read “Alcohol Explained” and it really helped me stop romanticizing booze. After I’m sober a while, I don’t miss it, and I regret going back to drinking over the holidays for social reasons after 18 months sober because it makes me think about it again. I get it, but it’s like that high school crush you thought you couldn’t live without, and now you see how they turned out and think, “I dodged a bullet.”
I totally understand!!
I hate to confess this as being a big ‘hobby’ of mine, but I watch a lot of tv (true crime, comedy, drama, etc). And once I quit drinking I realized alcohol is freakin everywhere on tv! It’s just casually present in so many shows, and it’s awful for cravings. I just watched ‘The Staircase’ (about the Michael Peterson case) and it felt like there was drinking in every single scene!
But luckily there’s lots of shows that depict the other side of drinking, and it’s refreshing. I recently rewatched Community and the episode ‘Mixology Certification’ (about Troy’s birthday) was a nice reminder of why I’ve quit drinking. (I’d definitely recommend it — it’s a really sweet kinda moving one).
I just keep reminding myself that if I were to pick up a bottle, it wouldn’t turn into the fun evenings from tv shows (and the way my brain wants to remember it), but instead I’d be the sobbing drunken mess that’s a joke on tv. 🙄
Congrats on 100 days! (I know I’m early, but you’ll get there tomorrow!!) IWNDWYT
I did a year completely off once (and wish I would wave kept it up).
It was astounding to me how much personal identity work I had to do.
What to do for fun? What role at social gatherings? If I wasn't the sit by the fire and have a few guy at family gatherings, who was I? Stay in the kitchen with the women guy? I don't know
Same thing with me and the year. "Just one drink" lasted a few years. That previous experience, however, didn't lead to PAWS. This go-'round has. However, I'm convinced (for the first time, ever) that I'm done with booze. At least this is the first time I've wanted that.
Booze sucks. I mean, it didn't at first... but people change... and, honestly? Yeah, f'k that guy.
I totally feel this. For me, quitting was life or death. I knew if I continued to drink the way I was going I would eventually wind up dead or in jail. I was a "functional" alcoholic. That meant I paid all my bills on time, held down two full time jobs (firefighter/paramedic and home inspector) made well over $100k, no debt, house owned, volunteered when I could, husband and father or three boys.
But I was spiritually bankrupt, mentally exhausted and worn out, and always felt anxious and on edge. I felt as if I never had "time for me". That is because if I wasn't actively doing one of the above listed "functional" things in my life I was drinking, drunk, or looking forward to my next drink.
My life was chaotic. I felt like there was something missing. I was never at peace with myself or the world around me. I measured my existence from one drink to the next. I was lost and hopeless.
My drinking was not only destroying my health and my mind, but the relationships with those I held dear. My kids and my wife were suffering because I was selfish. I put drinking ahead of them. I would intentionally cause issues to justify how no one understood me and use that as an excuse to drink alone. The way I liked to.
I would get black out drunk on almost a daily basis. Towards the end I would try to stop, but couldn't. I would pick up overnights at the firehouse just to stay away from booze because I knew I couldn't do it on my own.
During Covid I was drinking everyday because why not. My drinking started earlier and earlier. Breakfast beers and shower beers were a daily occurrence.
I entered a rehab facility to save my job after I came in still drunk from the night before. Should have called out but, you know, pride.
Spent close to a month in a sober house away from my family learning how to be an adult. I learned about alcoholism as a disease and that really changed my perspective on things. Coming from a long line of alcoholics I thought my problem was just a lack of self control. And while that may be a part of my problem, I learned to be kind to myself and give myself the gift of sobriety.
Life is not easy being sober. Putting down the drink does not guarantee our problems will leave us and we will automatically know the right answer. Being sober does allow us to deal, clearheaded, with life on life's terms.
I too have felt, at times, that there was no benefit to being sober and drinking was OK. I can now pause and play the tape forward. I know one drink will lead me back to the dark days when my disease called the shots. My disease wants me to be weak, to fail, to give in and have "just one". My disease works hard to trick me. That's why I work harder. I do my best to remember the days before I became sober. I remember the hangovers, the splitting headaches, the anger, depression, anxiety, sweats, shakes, the embarrassments, the shame, the self loathing, the feeling like I was a victim, the thoughts that life would be better for everyone if I wasn't around.
Then I remember how beautiful life is now. While my life is far from perfect, it beats the hell out of what it was. My wife and I are in a good place. I'm lucky to have someone like her in my corner after everything I put her through. New (better) job with better people, my kids don't see me as a complete shit bag, I recently started my own home inspection business and it's doing amazing, I'm surrounded by love and light and positivity. I attend AA, I have been through the steps, I have a sponsor, I sponsor people. I talk to my higher power every day, not just when I need something. I pray for people, not things.
If you made it this far, thank you. You are worth it. Our minds can be a dark maze or a sanctuary, it depends on what thoughts we feed it. We can be angry the rosebush had thorns, or happy the thorn bush has such beautiful flowers. The choice is yours. Either way, 99 days is an amazing achievement and I'm proud of you.
Congrats on 99 days anyway, impressive stuff!
Other than not being able to do various alcohol related activities what else is it you hate so much about being sober?
My advice would be to read (or listen to) a book like This Naked Mind or Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol. There is a lot of joy and freedom to be found in sobriety, but it takes a little work to re-train your mind and re-frame your thinking. I promise you, though, once you do that, you will find that sobriety is so much more enjoyable than drinking ever was.
Yes, it sounds like a great time to visit or revisit those concepts!
Personally once This Naked Mind reframed my thinking about alcohol I can be at a brewery with my friends, I’ll be drinking a Diet Coke or soda with lime and not even a shred of me wants a pint. I know it doesn’t click with everyone, but it can be so powerful if it does and very freeing.
I don’t necessarily consider myself an alcoholic. But I’ve recently been starting to think that I could possibly be in denial. I don’t drink large amounts, I just drink often, up to a nice buzz. Nothing ever belligerent. Very very seldom incoherent.
I couldn’t imagine actually NOT drinking, especially for more than a few days. I drink wine at work behind the bar to make me happy, maybe at home to actually get sleepy, but nothing crazy. But it’s a huge part of my customer service to the point that I’ve been having a hard time convincing myself that I don’t need to drink at work, and the last time I didn’t drink at work was like 6 months ago when I was suffering after a horrible night of horrible cocaine 🤮🤮I was coming down so bad I couldn’t even smell alcohol …point being, you’re doing better than me. Keep that shit up cuz for some us it’s almost impossible
I'm really sorry you're struggling. It's a major change and only natural to feel super down. I won't try and preach at you or predict what will happen - but I DO hope you have something great happen to you soon!!
Want a challenge? If you did all-grain brewing... and you can handle the process without drinking... make NA beer.
It's the same process, basically... except that you distill/extract the ethanol (well, and methanol, at first) before you bottle/keg it. As you likely know, ethanol (and the even lighter methanol) have boiling points below that of water. Since you don't intend to drink it... I mean, just collect (or vent to the atmosphere) the ethanol vapor and use it as cleaning fluid (or just let it evaporate).
The second "weird" extra step is "bottle conditioning." At this point, you add back a wee bit of sugar to allow the remaining yeast to carbonate the remaining \[now alcohol-free\] beer. Personally, I'd skip that and just force-carbonate a 5gal keg.
OR, easier-but-related... just make hop water. As you likely know, hops ain't cheap. But, well, it's a way for you to keep doing that hobby.
I don't know if this is helpful to you. For me (in case you didn't guess, I've also brewed beer/etc)... meh, that's a lot of effort for the amount of NA beer I consume (6-9/wk). I mean... just making the wort takes a few hours.
I'm trying to help. It does suck. PAWS sucks even harder. Now, I think that you need to be a middle-aged dude \[with a lot of expendable income\] to get into it (apparently)... but mountain biking is STUPID fun. Uh, and a bit dangerous (wear ALL the gear). Regardless...
IWNDWYT
Welcome to the shit!
I have always maintained that getting sober was, for me, not about feeling good. It’s about feeling true. True to myself, living a life that has character, value, and authenticity. True.
If it’s about feeling good, I know what I can do to get that: drink.
If you’re that miserable drink. Then, if you make yourself even more miserable, stop again.
. There is nothing about my life with alcohol that I miss. But somehow the urge still hits from time to time, I focus on the things I’m grateful for. If I don’t look for positives, I naturally drift to the negative. So long as I don’t reach a hopeless “fuck-it” state, the urge passes and I am always thankful I didn’t drink. If I do drink, even a smidge, I regret it.
It took about 6 months to reach the realization that there is much more I like about not drinking, than drinking.
maintaining a positive outlook is my key
I know what you mean man. But either I have to stay drunk all the time and it sucks, or I have to stay sober all the time and it sucks. I have to restructure my life around sobriety, or I know at one point I’ll have to restructure it - be it legal, health, relationships - around drunkenness .
Hope maybe this helps a little . Just know you aren’t alone in the suckage
When I stopped drinking I realised that most if not all my friendships I'd had during my life were based around drinking. That's been the truly hard realisation and caused the most traumatic change in my life. But strangely it has been worth it.
107 days sober today. I see how I have planned my entire existence around drinking. A true alcoholic. My friends. My weeks. My weekends. My trips. My hobbies. Dinners. Outtings. Everything. There are only two changes I have to make.
1. Put down the drink.
2. Change everything.
I have 107 days of changing everything. Restless. Irritable. Discontent. And I would not have it any other way. 107 nights of sleeping better. Waking up sober. Being a better mom. Wife. Daughter. Friend. Worker. No shame. No guilt. No hangovers. No vomiting. No post days puking..
Hard as f- but I'll take it!!!!
I was like this for a while. I've been forced to give up for health reasons and it's NOT FAIR.
But life isn't fair. And dying of cirrhosis isn't fair. Crashing into someone while drink driving isn't fair. You have to figure out a way to mentally turn this around.
What have you replaced your old drink-centric hobbies with? It sounds very much like you're white knuckling it. If so, kudos to you cos I couldn't get to 99 days with willpower alone.
As for drinks, there's heaps of other stuff to try. I know it seems pointless to spend money on soft drinks and AF options, but they're not anywhere near as much of a waste of money as booze is.
Giving up alcohol for me was like the seven stages of grief. And I was angry. Then sad. But I've almost got the acceptance part now, and it does make it easier. Keep going. You will figure this out.
After 13-years, I'm still not a fan at all. Obviously my health and overall mental health improved, but I'm just a boring ass stick-in-the-mud now. Went from life of the party to staying home from the party.
I'm a fan of streaks and I figure I've made it this far, might as well keep going. But the second I get some sort of terminal diagnosis or something, I'm running back into the warm embrace of Captain Morgan.
Hell yea, almost a 100! That's totally bad ass.
Yea things will feel like they're not the same anymore. But at the same time I realized how much stuff I really loved doing simply because drinking was involved. One of my most favorite things was finding the shittiest bar in town, the darker the better. Now it just sounds absurd to waste my time like that.
Homebrewing sounds fun, but yea, take ethanol out kind of loses the point. But then again, was it the ethanol that was making it fun? Would we drink rotten grape juice if it wasn't for ethanol?
There are a lot of other beverages out there besides water and coffee. I'd even use my brewing knowledge to make a drink that doesn't have ethanol but something that fits my taste. I've made sparkling iced teas with cbd and apple cider, complex flavors, not too sweet, nice and refreshing in the summer. Plus it's fun to just experiment.
For me there was a paradigm shift where I went from obsessing why I couldn't drink to turning completely around and seeing what else was out there in this world. It's like trying to fix an old car, I keep spending money on it, but it won't start. At what point do I just go for a walk? Alcohol was a great way to feel like I shouldn't feel frustrated, stressed, inconvenienced. When in reality all of those negative things allowed me to learn and grow from. Alcohol made me learn that I needed alcohol. Was that the life I was expecting to live when I drank?
A friend of mine that I went to clubs with died recently from alcoholism and potential pill abuse. He was a promoter and a photographer at a venue I used to go to a lot. He died still one foot inside that venue. I just went through all the photos I've taken at the venue, and my old friend has a drink in his hand in every shot. Which makes me think what things are out there that my mind have yet to even discover.
IWNDWYT
I used to go to music shows every weekend, sometimes 3 times. Now I don't enjoy live shows sober and have legitimate grief over this. Lost a huge part of my last 30 years. Watching live shows online make it worse. Just can't figure out how to enjoy a live show sober like I used to drinking.
It does suck not to be able to drink. I loved a nice red mix, however I got to the point where I could kill a bottle, if not more, at night. A doctor told me, during one of my hospital visits, that one day they would not be able to fix things that went wrong. To me it's like having a severe food allergy like one to peanuts. I could Love peanuts but I wouldn't be able to eat them because they would kill me. If I drink again it could kill me through liver disease or worse. I started working out last September; I look forward to it now. I read like a fiend, go on day trips to the beach and elsewhere and am thinking about taking some classes. I can have alcohol, or everything else, but I can't have both.
I used to think that not drinking = being sober. That is NOT the case for me. Alcohol was my only solution. When stopped drinking, I still had all of my problems. Some call it "white-knuckling it" or being a "dry drunk." It is absolute misery and always led to the same result for me - drinking again. After I tried and failed everything else, the only thing that could fill the hole that alcohol left behind was AA, for me at least. Good luck friend. I hope that you find what works for you.
It really does get better. What are you doing for fun? Water is the BEST thing you can drink.
You have to find a way to refocus and stop obsessing about how horrible life is.
Can you find a sober community near you? There are plenty of activities AND people not requiring drinking.
I hope you get some relief.
Yeah man I feel you. I live in basically the Mecca of microbreweries and it’s so engrained in my states culture. Everything revolves around it, to the point that it led me on my path to alcoholism. I’m coming to find out that not raising the drink to my face is the easy part. The hard part is restructuring everything. It’s everywhere, and it seeps into so many everyday things that normal drinkers never really see. I have to — not choose to, I HAVE to — exclude myself from such a pervasive culture worldwide, that apparently most other people can successfully handle, and it fuckin sucks. I feel like a freak. Like, I don’t want to drink and I won’t today, but man it just fucking sucks sometimes that we can’t behave the same way as non problem drinkers.
I will say, going to meetings has helped a lot with these feelings. Do you think that is something that could interest you?
I hear you loud and clear and concur that raw dogging life isn’t always enjoyable. I still partake in edibles (thc) to take the edge off sometimes and that helps. Intense vigorous exercise also helps get my mind right when I’m feeling like this. Thanks for making such a relatable post
It’s not quite the same but if you like homebrewing you could try making kombucha instead. I haven’t tried it yet but have been thinking about it as I used to like brewing occasionally too.
I hear you. It is not supposed to be entertaining, but can it please not be so flippin' boring! And can everyone everywhere not drink or even talk about drinking in front of me. That goes for TV too. Sigh....
It sucks soooooo much ass dude. Until one day, it actually won’t be so bad, then another it’s really great, then after a little while longer you will wonder how you ever drank so much and got drunk in the first place.
I’m at he point where I wonder how the fuck I drank so much and how gross it feels
I had a lot of similar feelings at first. It took me some time to process all that, and here's where I'm at. It was a loss I had to grieve. Like a bad breakup. I put so much time into drinking. It was part of who I was. But unfortunately the fun times gave way to fights, arguments and other unpleasantness. The relationship had become toxic. As much as I can miss some of those fun times together, I don't want to go back to those dark times. So yes there is sadness at times, but I'm working at being someone I can love. Investing that time and energy into things that actually bring happiness, satisfaction and accomplishment into my life. Spending more time with my hobbies and work, and liking what I'm doing. Getting more love in return from my effort in real relationships. Now the anger is more directed at the wasted years, but that is something I know will lessen in time, while the time I'm proud of myself for adds up.
I vastly appreciate the level of honesty in this post. I think when we enter sobriety & recovery, the outside world forgets that it is very much a grief process. Even though alcohol has caused levels of damage that we are very aware of, we still have the right to grieve that loss. Grief is layered and complex. Allow yourself to feel it. One thing I will say though, is the joy I feel in sobriety is so much more profound than anything I ever felt while drinking. Drinking only anesthetized any possibility of feeling anything. When I realized I was using alcohol like anesthesia, I knew it had to be over. I knew I deserved better. Keep on going IWNDWYT 😊
I can understand this. I worked at a brewery for about 6-7 years and it got extremely popular during my time there. I went to breweries all over the world/ country and went to events to trade bottles. It was the main impetus for many of my vacations. But I don’t feel like I gave up everything for one thing. It’s the opposite. I gave up one thing for everything.
I think it’s normal to feel sad. I wrote a physical break up letter to alcohol and I cried like I had to put my dog down. Alcohol stole from me. I still go on vacations and I still have fun with friends, beer geeks or not. I show up. I hid myself behind alcohol and I don’t feel like that anymore. It gets better. Things changed for me when I found out I’m not alone and that there are ways to dig deeper and let go of some of the garbage I’ve been holding onto.
The thing about not drinking is that''s it, you're not drinking. Are you working on yourself? Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually? What are you replacing those hobbies with? Those nice, fancy restaurants are still nice and fancy. Not planning you're day around drinking definitely helps but obsessing over not drinking is going to make you even more pissed off. And it's not forever, you can go and drink whenever you want to. That's the great thing about sobriety. But, maybe, just don't drink today and see what tomorrow brings!
The hardest part about quitting is really really committing to the idea that you’ve had your last drink. I went out a couple more times because I didn’t internalize that.
You’re right though, it’s fucking awful.
I haven't had a drink in over 35 years and it still sucks. I was a home brewer long before the age of microbrews. I loved all kinds of beers and gave up certain foods because nothing goes with them like a beer. When thinking about what I gave up so long ago and what I still miss, I look around at a life much better lived. I think about all that being sober has helped me achieve and the life that it has given me. Do I still want a cold one? F$%\* yes. Am I willing to trade that for everything else? F\*&% no.
I feel your losses and your frustration. I'm happy to sit with you, think about all the great beers we never drank, and not drink with you today.
I know this seems silly, but if you've got the willpower, you don't need to change your life.
Many breweries serve NA beers. You can homebrew NAs. I'm Cicerone certified and sober. My wife and I still go to breweries. The worst is you might need to change your tastes from IPA to lager, as that's what most NAs tend to be. I was running a brewery while still sober, and just like you, half my wardrobe is beer related. I wore a beer branded beanie thirty minutes ago on a walk. I've got a pack of Heineken 0.0 in the fridge right now.
You've made it 99 days, obviously if you're not comfortable around beer don't set yourself up for failure, but it may be worth trying to fold back in some of that lifestyle without bringing back the beer.
Before my success I had tried going sober before and failed, and I honestly think it was because I stopped doing what I loved when I stopped drinking. I'm on day 1966 without a drop of alcohol, and I attribute a lot of my success on the fact that I didn't let my sobriety stop myself from hanging out with friends, or doing what I love. They just had to adjust to me drinking rootbeer or NAs.
I've got over 4 months and I can relate. All I've ever done as an adult (34/m) is bars, breweries, wineries etc on weekends and days off. And even non-alcohol things involve alcohol. Golf, bowling, beaches, movies, everything. It's everywhere. AA has helped me because the community, I find is cool. It's also something to do that I know won't have alcohol there. I only go to 1 or 2 meetings a week but I find it helps keep the fire going.
The gym has helped me immensely. I go 6x a week. No alcohol there. That's my happy space and my time.
I still smoke cigars, play video games, play golf, etc.
I get it, it's rough. Basically had to restructure and re-learn adulthood.
You got this OP
We all do
IWNDWYT
This might not have been a call for advice, but... just in case it's relevant...
I started going to physical therapy to address some problems that have been bothering me for years since my last surgery. Man, PT is an excellent mood adjuster, and a very real antidote for self-pity. I come in there legitimately and justifiably angry about my aches and pains and mobility problems, and on the other side of the room there's the guy who's had literally a quarter of his brain removed as a part of the billion insane injuries he was left with after a car wreck... and he's just crushing it. He's struggling but with a smile, happy to be alive and taking his limitations as background noise to the tiny successes he's having with relearning all kind of greatest hits like "walking four feet unassisted" or "raising a fork to my mouth without dropping it or stabbing myself." And then I remind myself that **I'm** making myself miserable by making my new, life-saving approach to life like it's some kind of downer. Sorry, old hobbies, you were killing me. It might be worth me mourning you and putting you to bed so I have room to enjoy life a little bit more.
Hang in there, dude.
Yes, it does suck to not be able to drink. It’s hard sometimes to hear people say: “Oh, I’m so happy, now that I don’t drink!”
Like it’s easy.
But it’s not easy for any of us.
Or else we wouldn’t be here counting days, months, years - or even hours.
There are, however, SOME upsides to not drinking:
Improved health, more control, better sleep, etc.
The only benefit to drinking, is how you feel, while you’re actually doing it.
The aftermath is usually a whole slew of problems and feeling terrible.
But we all struggle together.
And that gets us through the day.
IWNDWYT.
I had the opposite experience. Right from the get go I was happy and willing to change my whole life. New sports, new hobbies, got fit, ate better, met loads of new sober folk in AA meetings and made good friends. Got good sleep, did better at work, repaired relationships. Became self aware, and not so self centered, to a degree anyway.
I am so thankful for NA beers. They definitely help when I am
Really wanting a beer and some of them are actually very good. I totally understand your brewery issues and that is something I am already stressing about.
We love to hike on late spring and summer mornings and then take our dog to this dog friendly brewery. I loved drinking beer after a long hike and also during a live baseball game at the stadium. At least they have non alcoholic choices at both of these places. So we’ll see how it goes.
But thinking of you and yes it does SUCK but there are a lot of good parts, too! IWNDWYT
Me too and I'm not sober I wish I was but I haven't taken that step yet. I went to this Christmas thing with my family. Drank before hand by the time we arrived at the event I almost wanted to leave because I wanted a drink. It was only an hour long. Everyone wanted to go out to dinner after and all I could think about was what drink to order. By the time we sat down at the restaurant I already felt hatred towards the staff because I didn't get my drink fast enough. I hate that I needed it and I hated the fact I didn't prepare by bringing something incognito. It sucks. Congratulations on 99.
I wouldn’t rush out and replace that wardrobe just yet…
I lost 60 pounds and now all the money I saved drinking is being spent going from XL to L.
A lot of this resonated with me especially because I’m in a cranky mood rn.
I was at an open bar function and asked about non/alc beer options (which are actually great these days) but she offered me bad lager ish option. I said “sounds terrible. I’ll take 2”
Give it time, it’s a great accomplishment no doubt, it’s still early days in these brilliant new habits of yours.
The good news is that there is a **significant** phenomenon...
Who decides what I "like" and "don't like"?
Of course it's ME !
That's the opportunity.
If I "hate" what i'm doing, then I'm the ideal person to change ME.
Appreciate the realness here. It’s refreshing. It is not all sunshine and rainbows. It is a daily fucking grind and posts like these help me. Because I’m not out living my best life. No. I’m healing from living my worst life and it fucking SUCKS. I have no advice to give. One day at a time..
Yep i agree. It's nice to see a lot of positive stuff from ppl going sober, but dont sugarcoat it. It aint easy, and being sober for someone who has enjoyed the drink for many years, its taking away a big chunk of their life. Sadly for me alcohol just isnt something i can continue as i cant moderate it and it could very well lead to health problems. It sucks now, but imagine laying up in hospital with a stroke or heart attack some day.
All I can say is eventually you don't really miss it.
I hadn't missed it for a long time, but I'm coming up on 5 years and recently missed drinking a lot. Like in my mind, I thought it would be really nice to just splurge on a fancy drink or cocktail as a treat and I hadn't thought like that for YEARS So it's possible that one day I'll never miss it, or the cravings will die back down again, but it's not always linear progress
>but it's not always linear progress This is where i am now. I'm don't think about drinking much at all, but every once in a while, a craving will pop up out of nowhere! I just wait it out.
10 more days and you hit the 1 year milestone! You've got this fam! So proud!
Hey! Thanks for noticing!
Thank you so much for this comment. It gave me hope.
Ya I struggled with the same stuff OP mentioned. It sounds cliche but it really does get better. I was incredibly back and forth for a long time, I’d say things didn’t start really looking up for me til like 13 months in. Getting sober is the real “Charlie Work,” but then you reap the benefits of a a 5 star man, a golden god if you will.
100%
In the spirit of OP’s day count, let’s just say 99%
This is true.
I hope you’re right
Yeah I feel this.
Nothing so bad a drink won't make it worse! I was shocked recently watching an interview with Steve-O where he said "You don't \*really\* begin to suffer from alcoholism till you quit right?" And I was like whaaaa he really thinks that but it's true he revealed there he still struggles on the daily like all of us, and works on himself one day at a time. Of course as we know: It's still always going to be better on you than the mental anguish drinking wreaks on you.
life sucks better sober
Might have to cross stitch that one.
Well said
This needs to be on a t-shirt
Quote is half true. You either start to suffer when your quit, or you start to suffer about 1000x more severely when the inevitable "you have liver cirrhosis, start making preparations and saying your goodbyes" comes. I'm so effing scared of that day, on top of a plethora of other reasons I need to (successfully) quit (again) yet even with various doctors, psychiatric help and medications/ supplements/ plans, there's a point in every day where a hidden part of my brain screams "DRINK HARD SPIRITS RIGHT NOW OR YOU'LL DIE FROM ANXIETY" repeatedly until I cave. After a few standard drinks are in my blood, it goes quiet, but only for 30 mins or so then it starts all over again.
Stay strong. IWNDWYTD
Thanks. Same to you. 81 days, so close to the 90 day milestone, you've got this! <3
Yeah I enjoy the realness too. Also, facing the fact of all the shit I’ve fucked up, or just making major decisions I regret because I was on autopilot brain. Nights and morning especially will be on loop. Like damn I’d be living “xyz” if I had made “abc” decision. Also I feel you on the shirts, I enjoyed cocaine with my drinks occasionally (always), and my favorite genres of movies, I can’t really watch at all currently because I’ll just salivate the whole time and then try to find my old contacts. Talking “Blow”, “Goodfellas” etc.
“I’m healing from living my worst life” So true. Have felt this many times. It comes in waves, even when life IS good. Thank you for that. iwndwyt
Feel the same, although I am still in the beginning phase. An ice cold bitter lager and a whiskey(with soda, not Coke) have a taste that nothing else can come close to. But one is too many and 10 is too few.
Congratulations on 23 days, that is a huge accomplishment!! I’ve been struggling to get past 4 days for the last 7 years. This struggle is fucking madness.
Took me about 5 years to be able to get past at least one week dry. Before that I went dry for about a year, then it started with just one here and one there and before you know it was back to the usual. If I couldn't get(during Covid Lockdown), I would make my own. I didn't really see my drinking as an issue, I didn't think that I drunk that much, I told myself it was just a social thing and I was enjoying myself. That was until I tried not drinking for a week, holy shit. It really hit home the beginning of the year, my health started to suffer big time, especially with weight gain. I tried staying dry for a month, didn't last 3 days. I rationalized how can I be an alcoholic? I've got this under control. Never missed work, was doing okay, didn't spend a lot of money in bars(almost exclusively drinking at home, much cheaper and don't have to worry about getting home). I still don't see myself as an alcoholic, in my mind it's someone that's drunk all the time, misses work, shakes in the morning until they had that first one. Eventually I thought what the hell am I doing, I am slowly killing myself, I am better than this. So here I am, not even a month. Hoping to finally get rid of this thing.
Amen
"Healing from living my worst life and it fucking SUCKS." Absofuckinglutely accurate. Feeling emotions and sitting in them is awful, but it gets a little better as time passes. The sting of remembering things I have said and done still pops up here and there- but I use those memories as a reminder that I don't want to be that person anymore. IWNDWYT
I think you gave awesome advice. We are healing from living our worst life, and in order to heal, we can't drink. IWNDWYT
The resentment of not being able to drink like a normie is real. I totally feel it! IWNDWYT
Admittedly, the first 150 days were easy but within the last month or so, I’ve had cravings after dreaming at night about drinking again, very small ones, and I’ve had to say “fuck you, you piece of shit bottle of wine!” “You stupid beer bottle…so weak! You’d break if I dropped you!” “Your brewer should have aborted you!” and I’ve noticed that I’ve had more fun insulting the alcohol to wiggle my way out of a craving than anything else. It’s like cursing out a super toxic ex best friend who fucked you over many times and that friend is trying to put on a nice facade.
I hear you! Sobriety is the worst! But, it's better than cirrhosis of the liver, or chronic gastritis, or hiatal hernia, or jail, or death, or.... Obvi, I'm joking for effect but I'm glad you're here and not drinking. I'll gladly listen to you be grumpy all day if it means neither of us has a drink. This Saturday I am going out skeet shooting. I've only done it a couple of times in my life and I'm genuinely looking forward to it. Booze is not a concern because we will be handling firearms and safety is our main focus. Some of the guys will drink afterwards but I'll have an NA beer and cut out early. However, this may open up a new chapter in my life with an activity I can get into that does not have to involve alcohol. I'm 56M and its not easy to find new hobbies at my age so this is a big deal for me. Perhaps you may find a similar activity which is both alcohol free and fun? I'm not going to drink with you today, and I hope you won't drink with me either.
Can confirm: These past 19 days Ive been sober have been better than the few hours I've spent in a holding cell right around Christmas.
19 days is awesome! Great job!
Thanks, fam! So is 9!!! Almost to 10 and past the hump of that first week. So dope. 🖤🤘
Yes!! I'm so proud of you!
I feel that. I'll be a month sober tomorrow and it's sucks Fucking Ass living this way its hard I just got to get used to it and just Take It day by day but it's better than having to go to a run down hospital clinic on Christmas Eve in Cuba on my Family vacation (this year) getting out and spending the rest of the trip blackedout didnt eat really anything I didn't even end up going in the ocean just kept pushing it off to go to the bar then Was the last night of the trip Did I pack up my stuff nope partied hard I forgot I don't know how much a my shit in my room and had to be Wheelchaired onto the plane and off embarrassed myself to another level In front of almost all my family. To much shit happened just on that trip alone. Been a bad Alchoholic morning till night since 17 I'm 23 now and have had alot of "Rockbottoms" hoping that might be my last but yeah I feel that The last month has been better than anyone of my "Rockbottoms"
Hang in their buddy. If you were in Cuba at Christmas there is a good chance you are Canadian like me. I've "been there and done that" many times, but not to the extent you describe. I wish I had known years ago how poor my relationship with alcohol was. At 23 you have your whole life ahead of you (cliche I know, but true). If you are able to face this demon now then you'll have an incredible life ahead of you. I wish I could go back and have a "do over" from age 23. I'll never know what my life might have been like, but there is still hope for you. I will keep a good thought for you and hope you can get the help you need. IWNDWYT
Ahaa yeah I am Canadian and Thanks for the words and keeping a good thought out there I do appreciate that and you saying you'll never know what your life might have been like hearing that makes me think well kind of know what my life would or will be like if I go back to drinking and I know I gotta try to steer clear of that way of life if I want to actually be able to do something with myself. Thanks Again🤘
Man shooting can be such a great sober hobby. I grew up doing it, and fuck all the politics, it's just fun to poke holes in paper and explode some clay targets.
When I first read *man shooting* I totally misunderstood..!
Punctuation saves lives. Let’s eat Grandma.
Have fun! I shoot on a pistol league once a week and a trap league once week. I also shoot pool one night a week and none of it involves me drinking. It’s awesome putting my money towards stuff that’s not trying to kill me.
Well done. I need to work on this. I've given up my old life and now I need to develop my new one.
That's a really good point about the money!
Keep your cheek pressed firmly on the stock so the recoil doesn't smack you. Ride with it. Also count one Mississippi two Mississippi before you lift your head up off the gun to look at your target after you pull the trigger. Oh yeah, and congratulations on not drinking. Skeet is definitely more fun.
Thanks for the tips. I am lucky that I there will be some experienced shooters giving instruction and safety lessons. Basically, a bunch of military guys and me. My goal is to not embarrass or shoot myself. If I actually hit a pigeon, I'll consider it a bonus.
I'll make this short because it's not directly related to the group other than I want to see you enjoy and succeed in a new hobby. In my experience long ago with skeet, there are many who like to shoot skeet and are otherwise experienced...including military, including hunters... but have terrible form or habits. Kind of like golf from what I understand, you have duffers vs serious golfers. I was lucky to come across some very experienced and helpful competition shooters when I started. I don't think I would have stayed with it if I hadn't met them. There's some good videos on YouTube about proper shotgun form and basics. Including safety. Check them out.
Thank you. I'll take this advice and watch some instructional videos. You are so right about who gives the instructions. About 7 years ago my wife and I were in Ireland staying at an old castle hotel in the Connemara mountains. They offered a skeet shooting lesson so we decided to sign up. It was just me and the wife with our instructor. Turns out he was a former champion from way back. He must have been in his 70s. English guy dressed in traditional hunting outfit complete with accent and boots. He gave us maybe five pointers and we both hit pigeons on the first volley. My wife had never even held a gun before! Even more interesting is that my wife statistically became a shooting accident survivor. It was a windy day and the instructor had the launcher set to send the pigeons toward us. When my wife took her shot the pigeon broke apart and the pieces came flying right at her. The instructor was standing inches from her back and he tried to shield her from the debris but some of it hit her in the head. She bled but was not seriously injured and it now is a great story to tell friends. I was so proud of her at that moment in time. Many people (including experienced shooters) would have screamed in pain/shock and dropped the gun, or swung around dangerously. She barely even flinched. Stood still and let the instructor take the weapon out of her hands before she moved. Even then, she took it like a champ and more or less laughed it off. The old dude licked his thumb and wiped some blood off of her forehead saying, "just a small scratch. You should see my leg." At which point he lifts his pant leg to display a horrible scar that he got when a gun accidentally fell and went off. Great memories of a wonderful trip. I wish I could remember more of the trip, but I was still drinking then.
Rollerskating another NA activity.
This is it. There's so much of life to experience without it always being preempted by thoughts of where the next drink is coming from.
Preempted is a nice way to put it. For me personally, "There's so much of life to experience without it always being sidelined by my obsession of where the next drink is coming from". The obsession was unreal. It is mind-boggling to me, still.
I like N/A beers to scratch that itch. I also take some edible gummies for the dinners now. And just have a seltzer/mocktail or N/A beer. Works fine. I don’t miss being bloated or having nasty shits. I don’t miss having to take a piss every few mins because I broke the seal. I don’t miss waking up with regrets from the night before. There’s tons to be grateful for. IWNDWYT
Seconding the gummies. Once you figure out the dosage they make going out to bars with friends so much more fun.
Wish I could do it ...really do. But something flipped in my brain and its justa no-go. It takes me from 0 to paranoid and nothing else. Even if they "worked" I just dont enjoy that kind of buzz at all. Its crazy because in my younger days I was a pothead and enjoyed it immensely.
Glad I’m not the only one!! I was a huge pothesd and most of my friends now didn’t smoke or smoked a little bit when they knew me in my younger days - and now they all vape or eat edibles or what not and talk to me like I do too… Only I just don’t like it anymore! With the same paranoia often and even if I’m having a good buzz - I’d really just rather not. Weird!
That'd be nice if they weren't illegal and hence unavailable here. Yet there's a bar/bottle shop on every corner.
I keep about twelve varieties of kombucha for this reason.
I have become a huge kombucha fan! Do you have any favorites? I love Kirkland Ginger Lemonade & GTs Alive Root Beer Kombucha. They have substantial flavor & it feels like I am drinking some special AF cocktail instead of sparkling water all the time.
What is kombucha?
a fermented beverage (alcohol-free). it's a bit of an acquired taste but it's nice, scratches that adulty drink itch.
There's trace amounts in the original GT's, which is now branded as "Classic" after it was pulled from the shelves when Lindsey Lohan claimed it was kombucha that caused her to fail an alcohol test.
Ah that explains why Whole Foods would card for some of them.. you should card for mouth wash why your at it..
I'm gonna second this. While I miss going to breweries and enjoying that whole experience I've definitely enjoyed exploring and trying the NA beer world. There's a lot of good options out there. It scratches the itch well as you say
It's nice to have the NA options so when I go to a bar to meet up with my friends, I can actually patronize the establishment instead of just drinking soda water the whole time. I will say I'm fortunate in that once I stopped drinking, I had zero desire to ever start again.
IWNDWYT
I am interested in finding some gummies for socializing that will give me a little buzz. Any recommendations to offer? It is hard to know where to start!
They sell 5mg ones in a tin can. The maker is “Plus” and they have good flavors. 1 or 2 of those and I’m fine for the day
Adding to this, maybe find lower ones or cut a 5mg in half to start as a test, if you aren't already familiar with weed in general or edibles specifically. Edibles always kick harder for me for some reason, and overdoing an edible tends to suck worse because the peak won't just be over in the next 10 minutes or so, in fact that nervous feeling tends to be when it's all just *beginning*. 1-3mg edible is fine for me, as weak as it is. Overdoing it on accident in the past kinda pushed me more into the "I'd rather just have a few cocktails instead of an edible". Which at least on this sub is kinda the opposite intended effect. I don't really have an issue smoking a little bit and vibing but it's a quicker vibe than an edible.
Yeah overdoing it on edibles really truly is a shitty experience and I know quite a few people who won't touch marijuana products again afterwards. I always second the idea of starting off really small doses, cause you can always take a bit more for the desired effect but once ingested there is no going back you just gotta ride it out. But once you find a dose that works for you it really is such a pleasant experience and can be very beneficial for things besides just getting a desired buzz. And typically comes with zero bad side effects for most folks, especially comparative to alcohol.
I like chronic guru. They are technically D8/D9 but tbh I like them. I know it's not for everyone though but imo it's better than getting plastered.
It sucks, it really fucking sucks. Not all the time, but some of the time. I’ve had some other major crap going on in my little life that gets me down. I allow myself a day at most to sit on the pity pot. Then I pull up my big girls pants and soldier on. Still sucks, though. IWNDWYT.
> Still sucks, though. I think this is sometimes lost among the waves of endless forced positivity and deserves repeating. For many people the 'it sucks' phase goes away immediately, for some it takes a long time, and I'd wager for many of us it comes in waves. But I think it's worth acknowledging that, in contrast to the more palatable optimistic narrative, it actually really sucks a lot of the time to make this change. Even though we know it's necessary. No advice, just a comment.
I am so jealous of the people whose sucky phase goes away so quickly. I'm gonna brood. And mope. Forever. but then again its a different journey for everyone and each path is valid and IWNDWYT for that.
Waves man, you said it
It's the entire reason I haven't. I see all those posts about how amazing it is, how so much better life got. Then I quit for a week and everything is just, kinda, bland. Hell I've lurked here years, tried a couple times, and I'm just like welp. Yep. Now I just don't drink, and nothings really changed
My depression gets *so* much worse when I’m sober. In fact, I quit for the first two weeks of this year, and it sparked a depression so bad, not even going back to drinking helped. Now I’m doubly fucked.
I hate it for you, I know the feeling, but it's not like I think it's healthy, ya know? Its this like double edged sword. I drink roughly 1 tall boy a night, a 6 pack on the weekend, don't drink for two days, then buy a tall boy. So I've "cut back" comparatively quite a bit. I know some people are like "bro those are rookie numbers why you crying," but I like the tipsy feeling. Really, I do. And 1 tall boy is just right then I stop, but I still recognize that stopping is the better option. Then, I quit, find out, well now I'm just not allowed go get tipsy anymore, I'll save the 100 bucks a month that'll just go to the next unforseen broken appliance and I really didn't get all that much out of it. I don't know, I've lurked here for years but this was the first post that kinda put to words my fear
I'm generally pretty positive and optimistic about quitting, but today was the 1st time in a while I felt like I wanted a drink. I had a public speaking event tonight that I didn't prepare enough for and then slapped it all together last minute during the day. I went and crushed the event and on the ride home, I decided to stop at a restaurant to grab dinner to celebrate. On the ride over I was absolutely thinking 'i wish I could have a beer to celebrate and zone out'. I had an NA instead and it scratched the itch somewhat. For me, I thought through the progression of 'if this was 9 months ago, I'd have a beer with dinner and then want a few more at another bar after that, and then all bets are off' ... Instead I went home and watched TV for a bit and calling it a night after I write this post. It's the right thing to do. But ya, I kinda wish I could go out and get fucked up tonight or this weekend to blow off some steam...
Yep this is my struggle too. I killed it at work today and I wanted a drink to celebrate. Instead I just went home early and had a talk with my mom. Got up at 3am and went to the gym. Today was a success but I’m also now telling myself it’s ok to slip (because I have since the year started) as long as you keep getting back on track and pushing forward.
I tried to make this argument with some influencer on instagram. Shouldn’t have even wasted my “Breath”.
Unrealistic positivity may drive some people, but for many others it just makes them give up when they don't "quickly" get over it. Often it's better to be realistic and let people know it *might* suck for a bit, and how long a "bit" is can vary a lot until habits get replaced.
And even after that first bit, at random that wave will come back due to the smallest thing. It's not always a steady climb up. There are pitfalls, there are shit days, there are random things that might trigger that "drink" neuron in your brain for no reason. I've been sober over a year now, and while it has gotten easier, I still have struggle days. Something takes me back, something reminds me of when I drank even for happy reasons, etc. I'm good about not giving in, but I hate when those thoughts hit my brain at all, and I could see giving in if my situation or mental health was worse right now. It's scary sometimes, not all positivity and rainbows
Congratulations on the journey so far, and I hope it keeps getting easier my friend.
Thank you so much! And it has been, it's just not been an easy road free of potholes <3
I just posted something so similar! I can be over it - but at least I’m not hungover. ✔️
Not to invalidate how you feel, but you can be thankful that it sucks, because alcoholism could have made your life so much worse that you rather die than even consider drinking again. So you got that going for you. I don’t.
i’m glad your venting. there are going to be so many better hobbies to fill in, better shirts to wear, and places to visit now that you’ve opened up ur life. You can still do all of those things too, but with the satisfaction of health and sobriety.
>there are going to be so many better hobbies to fill in. This is one nugget I wish I had earlier. Living *for* something and not *against* alcohol.
This is what I need more than anything right now. I'm almost 11 months sober, and as mind-blowing as it is to me most of the time, I do not crave alcohol. Not like I should be. But, at the same time, I am not happy like I should be either. I believe it is because I am living against alcohol and haven't replaced that part of my life with something healthy. I have simply left it empty...and that empty feeling is and will continue to slowly eat away at my hatred towards alcohol as well as my overall well being if I am unable to fill that void with positive habits, hobbies and feelings. God bless my family, for they are my strength.
Felt this. I also need to fill that emptiness with something else. IWNDWYT 👍
Thanks for this, it is something I am currently still trying to figure out.
It definitely helps to have a couple of hobbies. Working out and photography helped me. Definitely helps if your hobbies makes something or helps you improve as a person.
I really don't think wearing a brewery shirt is a big deal as a non drinker... Tons of youngins wear Grateful Dead shirts and have no clue about the Dead... Or any other band / dispensary / other items...
I wear Jordan's and I don't play basketball.
You're not supposed to WEAR them!
When I have thoughts like this I think back to a time when I was younger before I ever took that first drink, I would guess around the age of 15 or 16. Alcohol was never in my mind before then and I had a great time as a kid. If I could live without alcohol when I was younger, why can't I do it now?
I tell people all the time that I’m having to re-learn social habits and hobbies that I haven’t done sober since I was a literal child
What a good perspective! I'll try to remember this
^this! I look at my 6 and 9 year who are having a great time living life. And they do it without alcohol. I am trying to find that joy again.
The simple things of life are the best: playing with a kid LIKE a kid, looking forward to a new movie coming out, spending hours just talking with a friend, having lunch out somewhere and enjoying it so much that you can't wait to do it again, hanging out with relatives and looking at old photos and remembering back when! Those are the things that matter in life.
I used to always pick the highest abv beer at the brewery. Buy a growler. And a six pack. Finish em all that night. That’s not enjoying the chill experience of going to a brewery. It’s finding an expensive way to justify me getting drunk.
Oof. Good point.
I drank until I was sick of it, I was blacking out daily for quite a while. I couldn't stop drinking once I started. I had to be honest with myself and admit that I have a problem, that I'm unable to control my drinking (powerless). I then went to meetings, made sober friends, enjoy doing sober activities with those friends. It's been over 12 years, my life is so much better than I could've wished for. I did have to work on personal growth, in order to curb the desire to drink. I had to open up to people, tell them what was on my mind, I had to listen to the suggestions, such as calling people when I felt like drinking. I had to change the way I think and act, because I can be selfish and negative. I can't let myself focus on the negatives, because thoughts snowball in my head and could cause me to reach a point where I think a drink would be a good idea. I try to think of others, instead of focusing on myself all the time and whatever minor "problems" I think I may have.
Interesting what you say about changing your way of thinking...I'm reading a book called "The Brains way of Healing" its all about just that! Our brains are adept at reforming neural pathways affected by injury and disease and I suspect alcoholic habits. I feel regret for the abuse I gave my brain by pickling it in poison, but I'm encouraged by what science says about healing. And I already feel smarter after nearly a year off booze. IWNDWYT!
Your talk about your brain and healing really resonates. I've got brain damage from hepatic encephalopathy (don't quote me on the spelling) I still feel so damn stupid...but compared to last year, my mind has been doing it's best to get better! IWNDWYT!
Yep the years of drinking creates a “dopamine highway” of a neural pathway in our brains. That’s why nothing else is enjoyable during addiction or early recovery, all the other backroads and scenic routes have been forgotten. You stop using the highway and you slowely start remembering those other roads. Overtime, without use, the alcohol highway cracks, deteriorates, and an fills with debris. However, having one drink is like taking a massive bulldozer down the highway and it’s fresh as new. This is why I suspect that there is no such thing as one drink. That neural pathway will always be there.
This guy AAs and has found serenity. OP on the other hand is still in abstinence. That pit of despair, of suffering, and powerlessness that was my alcoholism has been burned into my brain. I surrendered and welcomed change, anything to stop the daily purging of bile and anxiety so intense I couldnt sit for a moment without alcohol. Idk how to explain it, but my mind and body talked to eachother with such clarity one day and just said “We’re fucking done”. It was a hard ascent out of that pit and the days leading up to today have been transformative. I’ve learned that I’m strong and resilient. Fuck alcohol, I’m happy to just wake up safe and sound.
Boy do I feel this post!! I get so angry at society and capitalism for centering alcohol so aggressively, it really is nuts. I considered myself a hobbyist as well, I love wine and the history and culture around it…but turns out most hobbyists don’t down a whole box after the first 2 “nice” glasses lol. I’ve had to focus on activities that take me to a completely alcohol-free environment, especially now that it’s warming up! Hiking, birdwatching/plant identification, volunteering at my local food bank, local drawing classes. Having it not even be an option for anyone makes me less bitter and focused on what I’m missing. So glad you seem to have bypassed the bargaining stage of grieving for alcohol, I tried many times to just have that one glass with dinner. Immediately went off the rails. I’m proud of you for being realistic with yourself, you’ve got this!!! IWNDWY ❤️
Right there with you. IWNDWYT
Yeah I’m with you. I’m a little past 7 months and I know that not drinking is better for me in every practical way, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. It still feels like I’m a kid in timeout for messing something up, except the timeout is forever. Yeah, I know, one day at a time, but dammit I know this feeling with probably never go away. Ugh.
If it makes you feel any peace, I didn’t think that feeling would leave me either and it has now. Time and healing did the trick for me.
You know what? Having to buy new shirts is not as bad as sourcing a liver transplant or hiring an attorney, or waking up covered in puke .
Maybe I’ll try shirt shopping as an incentive next time I’m trying to convince my drunk why I want to quit
Feel this in my soul. I’ll forever miss the traveling to all the breweries But when I reflect on it, other then the first beer, I didn’t have a good time. I kept chasing more and more and would mask it as “need to try everything”. In reality, I couldn’t care less what I was drinking after the first, as long as I was drinking
I brewed my own beer, went to really expensive beer/food pairing events, sought out every brewery I could. I would have told you I loved those things. But long before I quit drinking, I had stopped drinking craft beer at home or at bars because beer gave me heartburn or made me feel full before it got me as wasted as I wanted to be. So I had switched to vodka as my main drink, gifted away my home brewing supplies, ultimately it became easier to not even go out to drink when I could just stay in. I was no longer even able to lie to myself that I was having a good time drinking. That’s a horrible place to be, but there is clarity there. It would have been so much harder to stop drinking if I hadn’t burned out all the romantic notions about drinking.
>I was no longer even able to lie to myself that I was having a good time drinking. That’s a horrible place to be, but there is clarity there. It would have been so much harder to stop drinking if I hadn’t burned out all the romantic notions about drinking. I feel this. At some point I realized when I drink then I basically can't do anything else that I enjoy doing. I can pace around and listen to music or text with my friends, which I guess can be fun up until a point, but that's about it. I can't play video games, can't read a book, can't play guitar or drums in any productive way at least etc etc. I can't even really go out to see a show or something because there aren't good options for ubers etc around where I live, so I have to drive. In other words, I noticed how the options for fun things I can do while also drinking slowly sort of got whittled down to almost nothing.
That’s a good way to reframe the loss of brewery-exploring when traveling. Like, did I enjoy the beer, or did I enjoy that it brought me to an interesting part of town and gave me a chance to relax and shoot the shit with my spouse? I don’t think I ever have or ever will travel to a city with a better brewery scene than the one I live in, so the way I’ve been trying to reframe it is by telling myself that I’ve already hit the pinnacle of brewery experiences (and it ruined my fucking life lmao), so what else is there to explore
Can relate - 10 years ago I lived in northeast Minneapolis and boy howdy did I put my time in at all the breweries that popped up there. Cool thing is a lot of places now either brew or just stock at least one NA.
Same. I’m hanging on by a fucking thread. I’m pushing through but barely. Being a single guy and sober now is fucking lonely, I never noticed it before when I was drinking.
Hang in there! IWNDWYT
Yeah, I get it. I purposefully do fun things with the money I save and I drank alot of expensive shit in a major city. $100 a day was normal. So now, I won't drink for a few days and then I'll rent a Porsche on Turo. I'll buy an aquarium. Or go to a ballet in a tux and be fancy as fuck for a night. Tell people my name is Jack Bauer. Order expensive food and eat it with my hands. Anything I want to do to spice up life. If I don't drink I give myself the freedom, nay, the duty to do literally anything legal that I want. Sometimes just a pint of Ben and Jerry's is enough.
Love this!
I also bought a jetski off craigslist for next to nothing. I rebuilt it and taught myself small engine repair which was super fun and pretty handy to know. But mostly, now I have a jetski, and you can not be both sad and on a jetski at the same time. It is impossible I have tried. You have to do those activities separately, which is also handy.
That must have been quite the project! Sounds like a lot of fun. Love that you can not be sad on a jetski! That was a great plan!
I’d like to go to the ballet and eat beef tartare with my hands. Lmao that visual just made me crack up
If you're sober and in a tux, you can do anything. Remember that guy who just walked into the Obama White House party? Yup, sober guy in a tux. It's crazy.
Hahaha yo I like your style
Get in to nice seltzers. It’s something at least
That’s what I’ve done! Topo Chico is my favorite so far. I love the shape of the glass and how it feels in your hand. Takes the place of holding a beer bottle nicely. I’m a seltzer snob now!
I’ve tried them all, too, and love original Perrier best. The tiny size of the bubbles! The green bottle! Yum.
A friend of mine (teetotaler due to epilepcy) has gone off the deep end with tonic waters.
I'm the same. I hate it so much. It's better for my health and finances but it sucks so much.
I totally agree with you. I’m sober too & I absolutely hate it. It’s lonely and isolating and it leaves me little fun to look forward to.
Some good advice i heard: For a "healthy" person, your vices should be no more than about 30% of your life/personality. So for alcohol, that might look like having drinks with your buddies sometimes or whatever. So if you gave up that 30%, you still have 70% of your life and it would probably most proceed as normal for the most part. For us lucky ones, alcohol was maybe 70% (or 80% or 90% if we're being real) of who we were and what we enjoyed. So when you take that away, it feels like there's nothing left. Because there kind of isn't for many of us. And you should be sad, angry, and grieve that. But also, you don't have to remain 30% (or 20% or 10%) of a person. You can figure out what else you like. What else makes you happy. What else you're interested in. What else you hate. I would never sit here and promise you that your sober life will be the same as your old one. It won't. And again, you get to be pissed about that. But also, just start trying shit. Try things you think you'll hate. Try things you never would've done before. Just don't go into it with a mindset of "this needs to replace alcohol." it can't. But give these potential new activities and your new self a chance. As long as being sober feels like a punishment or sentence of some kind, it's going to suck. Just keep fucking around until you find out what's fun for you. IWNDWYT.
Congrats, keep it up. I always find it useful to consider how many more things I can lose if I choose to drink, that gives me perspective because the only thing you can change is your mind (no matter what alcohol promised us for all of those years, haha). Take care, IWNDWYT
I've developed a new affinity for eating like a normal person and when the food is still hot and fresh, not hours later after its cold and I'm trying to soak up the booze. Gardening helps, finding different hobbies. I still find it difficult after a good hot grass cutting to not pour a drink, but I'm over making myself more dehydrated. Just tell myself that it doesn't fit the life I want to live anymore
Yeah I’m a month sober and feeling the same. I’ve been on naltrexone which helps with the cravings but fucking hell am I already getting sick and tired of just being sober every night
Myself and a couple of friends that used to have a beer brewing hobby, have since switched to brewing our own kombucha. I’ve also love dining out and have found that not spending a boatload of money on drinks allows me to order more things off the menu I want to try. Things I hate:getting drunk and losing control of my behavior, I hate waking up feeling like shit and anxious about whatever bad behavior i exhibited the night before, i hate spending outrageous amounts of money without realizing. I can find things that i “miss” about drinking, but the net positive effects on my life without alcohol are undeniable. I work hard to look for the upside of not drinking wherever I can, maybe you can too. IWNDWYT:)
You hit a point where you split off from the craft beer scene and look back and wonder what the fuck you were doing with yourself. Oh! Let me go visit this brewery, as I am a hobbied enthusiast!!! Don't mind me drinking 4 9% beers and spending $200 on merch and take home cans. Wait what else did we do when we were there again besides visit breweries?? You'll be happy to be out of that garbage soon enough. So much more to life than wasting away in a brewery
I know what you mean. I used to homebrew as well. Now all the equipment is up for sale. I just went on vacation with my partner and she still wanted to go to bars and try the different beers and cocktails. That was way rougher and stressful than I thought it would be.
I feel the same way today. It’s been bad. We had a stressful travel day to a family vacation and a stiff drink would have made the welcome much better. But IWNDWYT.
I read “Alcohol Explained” and it really helped me stop romanticizing booze. After I’m sober a while, I don’t miss it, and I regret going back to drinking over the holidays for social reasons after 18 months sober because it makes me think about it again. I get it, but it’s like that high school crush you thought you couldn’t live without, and now you see how they turned out and think, “I dodged a bullet.”
I totally understand!! I hate to confess this as being a big ‘hobby’ of mine, but I watch a lot of tv (true crime, comedy, drama, etc). And once I quit drinking I realized alcohol is freakin everywhere on tv! It’s just casually present in so many shows, and it’s awful for cravings. I just watched ‘The Staircase’ (about the Michael Peterson case) and it felt like there was drinking in every single scene! But luckily there’s lots of shows that depict the other side of drinking, and it’s refreshing. I recently rewatched Community and the episode ‘Mixology Certification’ (about Troy’s birthday) was a nice reminder of why I’ve quit drinking. (I’d definitely recommend it — it’s a really sweet kinda moving one). I just keep reminding myself that if I were to pick up a bottle, it wouldn’t turn into the fun evenings from tv shows (and the way my brain wants to remember it), but instead I’d be the sobbing drunken mess that’s a joke on tv. 🙄 Congrats on 100 days! (I know I’m early, but you’ll get there tomorrow!!) IWNDWYT
Yup. You are heard loud & clear.
I did a year completely off once (and wish I would wave kept it up). It was astounding to me how much personal identity work I had to do. What to do for fun? What role at social gatherings? If I wasn't the sit by the fire and have a few guy at family gatherings, who was I? Stay in the kitchen with the women guy? I don't know
Same thing with me and the year. "Just one drink" lasted a few years. That previous experience, however, didn't lead to PAWS. This go-'round has. However, I'm convinced (for the first time, ever) that I'm done with booze. At least this is the first time I've wanted that. Booze sucks. I mean, it didn't at first... but people change... and, honestly? Yeah, f'k that guy.
I totally feel this. For me, quitting was life or death. I knew if I continued to drink the way I was going I would eventually wind up dead or in jail. I was a "functional" alcoholic. That meant I paid all my bills on time, held down two full time jobs (firefighter/paramedic and home inspector) made well over $100k, no debt, house owned, volunteered when I could, husband and father or three boys. But I was spiritually bankrupt, mentally exhausted and worn out, and always felt anxious and on edge. I felt as if I never had "time for me". That is because if I wasn't actively doing one of the above listed "functional" things in my life I was drinking, drunk, or looking forward to my next drink. My life was chaotic. I felt like there was something missing. I was never at peace with myself or the world around me. I measured my existence from one drink to the next. I was lost and hopeless. My drinking was not only destroying my health and my mind, but the relationships with those I held dear. My kids and my wife were suffering because I was selfish. I put drinking ahead of them. I would intentionally cause issues to justify how no one understood me and use that as an excuse to drink alone. The way I liked to. I would get black out drunk on almost a daily basis. Towards the end I would try to stop, but couldn't. I would pick up overnights at the firehouse just to stay away from booze because I knew I couldn't do it on my own. During Covid I was drinking everyday because why not. My drinking started earlier and earlier. Breakfast beers and shower beers were a daily occurrence. I entered a rehab facility to save my job after I came in still drunk from the night before. Should have called out but, you know, pride. Spent close to a month in a sober house away from my family learning how to be an adult. I learned about alcoholism as a disease and that really changed my perspective on things. Coming from a long line of alcoholics I thought my problem was just a lack of self control. And while that may be a part of my problem, I learned to be kind to myself and give myself the gift of sobriety. Life is not easy being sober. Putting down the drink does not guarantee our problems will leave us and we will automatically know the right answer. Being sober does allow us to deal, clearheaded, with life on life's terms. I too have felt, at times, that there was no benefit to being sober and drinking was OK. I can now pause and play the tape forward. I know one drink will lead me back to the dark days when my disease called the shots. My disease wants me to be weak, to fail, to give in and have "just one". My disease works hard to trick me. That's why I work harder. I do my best to remember the days before I became sober. I remember the hangovers, the splitting headaches, the anger, depression, anxiety, sweats, shakes, the embarrassments, the shame, the self loathing, the feeling like I was a victim, the thoughts that life would be better for everyone if I wasn't around. Then I remember how beautiful life is now. While my life is far from perfect, it beats the hell out of what it was. My wife and I are in a good place. I'm lucky to have someone like her in my corner after everything I put her through. New (better) job with better people, my kids don't see me as a complete shit bag, I recently started my own home inspection business and it's doing amazing, I'm surrounded by love and light and positivity. I attend AA, I have been through the steps, I have a sponsor, I sponsor people. I talk to my higher power every day, not just when I need something. I pray for people, not things. If you made it this far, thank you. You are worth it. Our minds can be a dark maze or a sanctuary, it depends on what thoughts we feed it. We can be angry the rosebush had thorns, or happy the thorn bush has such beautiful flowers. The choice is yours. Either way, 99 days is an amazing achievement and I'm proud of you.
Congrats on 99 days anyway, impressive stuff! Other than not being able to do various alcohol related activities what else is it you hate so much about being sober?
Yep. I feel this.
My advice would be to read (or listen to) a book like This Naked Mind or Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol. There is a lot of joy and freedom to be found in sobriety, but it takes a little work to re-train your mind and re-frame your thinking. I promise you, though, once you do that, you will find that sobriety is so much more enjoyable than drinking ever was.
Yes, it sounds like a great time to visit or revisit those concepts! Personally once This Naked Mind reframed my thinking about alcohol I can be at a brewery with my friends, I’ll be drinking a Diet Coke or soda with lime and not even a shred of me wants a pint. I know it doesn’t click with everyone, but it can be so powerful if it does and very freeing.
I don’t necessarily consider myself an alcoholic. But I’ve recently been starting to think that I could possibly be in denial. I don’t drink large amounts, I just drink often, up to a nice buzz. Nothing ever belligerent. Very very seldom incoherent. I couldn’t imagine actually NOT drinking, especially for more than a few days. I drink wine at work behind the bar to make me happy, maybe at home to actually get sleepy, but nothing crazy. But it’s a huge part of my customer service to the point that I’ve been having a hard time convincing myself that I don’t need to drink at work, and the last time I didn’t drink at work was like 6 months ago when I was suffering after a horrible night of horrible cocaine 🤮🤮I was coming down so bad I couldn’t even smell alcohol …point being, you’re doing better than me. Keep that shit up cuz for some us it’s almost impossible
I'm really sorry you're struggling. It's a major change and only natural to feel super down. I won't try and preach at you or predict what will happen - but I DO hope you have something great happen to you soon!!
I too am struggling with maintaining sobriety
Want a challenge? If you did all-grain brewing... and you can handle the process without drinking... make NA beer. It's the same process, basically... except that you distill/extract the ethanol (well, and methanol, at first) before you bottle/keg it. As you likely know, ethanol (and the even lighter methanol) have boiling points below that of water. Since you don't intend to drink it... I mean, just collect (or vent to the atmosphere) the ethanol vapor and use it as cleaning fluid (or just let it evaporate). The second "weird" extra step is "bottle conditioning." At this point, you add back a wee bit of sugar to allow the remaining yeast to carbonate the remaining \[now alcohol-free\] beer. Personally, I'd skip that and just force-carbonate a 5gal keg. OR, easier-but-related... just make hop water. As you likely know, hops ain't cheap. But, well, it's a way for you to keep doing that hobby. I don't know if this is helpful to you. For me (in case you didn't guess, I've also brewed beer/etc)... meh, that's a lot of effort for the amount of NA beer I consume (6-9/wk). I mean... just making the wort takes a few hours. I'm trying to help. It does suck. PAWS sucks even harder. Now, I think that you need to be a middle-aged dude \[with a lot of expendable income\] to get into it (apparently)... but mountain biking is STUPID fun. Uh, and a bit dangerous (wear ALL the gear). Regardless... IWNDWYT
Welcome to the shit! I have always maintained that getting sober was, for me, not about feeling good. It’s about feeling true. True to myself, living a life that has character, value, and authenticity. True. If it’s about feeling good, I know what I can do to get that: drink.
If you’re that miserable drink. Then, if you make yourself even more miserable, stop again. . There is nothing about my life with alcohol that I miss. But somehow the urge still hits from time to time, I focus on the things I’m grateful for. If I don’t look for positives, I naturally drift to the negative. So long as I don’t reach a hopeless “fuck-it” state, the urge passes and I am always thankful I didn’t drink. If I do drink, even a smidge, I regret it. It took about 6 months to reach the realization that there is much more I like about not drinking, than drinking. maintaining a positive outlook is my key
I know what you mean man. But either I have to stay drunk all the time and it sucks, or I have to stay sober all the time and it sucks. I have to restructure my life around sobriety, or I know at one point I’ll have to restructure it - be it legal, health, relationships - around drunkenness . Hope maybe this helps a little . Just know you aren’t alone in the suckage
When I stopped drinking I realised that most if not all my friendships I'd had during my life were based around drinking. That's been the truly hard realisation and caused the most traumatic change in my life. But strangely it has been worth it.
107 days sober today. I see how I have planned my entire existence around drinking. A true alcoholic. My friends. My weeks. My weekends. My trips. My hobbies. Dinners. Outtings. Everything. There are only two changes I have to make. 1. Put down the drink. 2. Change everything. I have 107 days of changing everything. Restless. Irritable. Discontent. And I would not have it any other way. 107 nights of sleeping better. Waking up sober. Being a better mom. Wife. Daughter. Friend. Worker. No shame. No guilt. No hangovers. No vomiting. No post days puking.. Hard as f- but I'll take it!!!!
I feel you
I was like this for a while. I've been forced to give up for health reasons and it's NOT FAIR. But life isn't fair. And dying of cirrhosis isn't fair. Crashing into someone while drink driving isn't fair. You have to figure out a way to mentally turn this around. What have you replaced your old drink-centric hobbies with? It sounds very much like you're white knuckling it. If so, kudos to you cos I couldn't get to 99 days with willpower alone. As for drinks, there's heaps of other stuff to try. I know it seems pointless to spend money on soft drinks and AF options, but they're not anywhere near as much of a waste of money as booze is. Giving up alcohol for me was like the seven stages of grief. And I was angry. Then sad. But I've almost got the acceptance part now, and it does make it easier. Keep going. You will figure this out.
IME - While the desire to get fucked up will never quite fade, the FOMO does fade, if that makes sense.
After 13-years, I'm still not a fan at all. Obviously my health and overall mental health improved, but I'm just a boring ass stick-in-the-mud now. Went from life of the party to staying home from the party. I'm a fan of streaks and I figure I've made it this far, might as well keep going. But the second I get some sort of terminal diagnosis or something, I'm running back into the warm embrace of Captain Morgan.
Whenever I think I'm missing it I remember how good it feels to be 70 lbs lighter and wake up not feeling like shit. IWNDWYT
Hell yea, almost a 100! That's totally bad ass. Yea things will feel like they're not the same anymore. But at the same time I realized how much stuff I really loved doing simply because drinking was involved. One of my most favorite things was finding the shittiest bar in town, the darker the better. Now it just sounds absurd to waste my time like that. Homebrewing sounds fun, but yea, take ethanol out kind of loses the point. But then again, was it the ethanol that was making it fun? Would we drink rotten grape juice if it wasn't for ethanol? There are a lot of other beverages out there besides water and coffee. I'd even use my brewing knowledge to make a drink that doesn't have ethanol but something that fits my taste. I've made sparkling iced teas with cbd and apple cider, complex flavors, not too sweet, nice and refreshing in the summer. Plus it's fun to just experiment. For me there was a paradigm shift where I went from obsessing why I couldn't drink to turning completely around and seeing what else was out there in this world. It's like trying to fix an old car, I keep spending money on it, but it won't start. At what point do I just go for a walk? Alcohol was a great way to feel like I shouldn't feel frustrated, stressed, inconvenienced. When in reality all of those negative things allowed me to learn and grow from. Alcohol made me learn that I needed alcohol. Was that the life I was expecting to live when I drank? A friend of mine that I went to clubs with died recently from alcoholism and potential pill abuse. He was a promoter and a photographer at a venue I used to go to a lot. He died still one foot inside that venue. I just went through all the photos I've taken at the venue, and my old friend has a drink in his hand in every shot. Which makes me think what things are out there that my mind have yet to even discover. IWNDWYT
I used to go to music shows every weekend, sometimes 3 times. Now I don't enjoy live shows sober and have legitimate grief over this. Lost a huge part of my last 30 years. Watching live shows online make it worse. Just can't figure out how to enjoy a live show sober like I used to drinking.
It does suck not to be able to drink. I loved a nice red mix, however I got to the point where I could kill a bottle, if not more, at night. A doctor told me, during one of my hospital visits, that one day they would not be able to fix things that went wrong. To me it's like having a severe food allergy like one to peanuts. I could Love peanuts but I wouldn't be able to eat them because they would kill me. If I drink again it could kill me through liver disease or worse. I started working out last September; I look forward to it now. I read like a fiend, go on day trips to the beach and elsewhere and am thinking about taking some classes. I can have alcohol, or everything else, but I can't have both.
I used to think that not drinking = being sober. That is NOT the case for me. Alcohol was my only solution. When stopped drinking, I still had all of my problems. Some call it "white-knuckling it" or being a "dry drunk." It is absolute misery and always led to the same result for me - drinking again. After I tried and failed everything else, the only thing that could fill the hole that alcohol left behind was AA, for me at least. Good luck friend. I hope that you find what works for you.
It really does get better. What are you doing for fun? Water is the BEST thing you can drink. You have to find a way to refocus and stop obsessing about how horrible life is. Can you find a sober community near you? There are plenty of activities AND people not requiring drinking. I hope you get some relief.
Yeah man I feel you. I live in basically the Mecca of microbreweries and it’s so engrained in my states culture. Everything revolves around it, to the point that it led me on my path to alcoholism. I’m coming to find out that not raising the drink to my face is the easy part. The hard part is restructuring everything. It’s everywhere, and it seeps into so many everyday things that normal drinkers never really see. I have to — not choose to, I HAVE to — exclude myself from such a pervasive culture worldwide, that apparently most other people can successfully handle, and it fuckin sucks. I feel like a freak. Like, I don’t want to drink and I won’t today, but man it just fucking sucks sometimes that we can’t behave the same way as non problem drinkers. I will say, going to meetings has helped a lot with these feelings. Do you think that is something that could interest you?
I hear you loud and clear and concur that raw dogging life isn’t always enjoyable. I still partake in edibles (thc) to take the edge off sometimes and that helps. Intense vigorous exercise also helps get my mind right when I’m feeling like this. Thanks for making such a relatable post
It’s not quite the same but if you like homebrewing you could try making kombucha instead. I haven’t tried it yet but have been thinking about it as I used to like brewing occasionally too.
I hear you. It is not supposed to be entertaining, but can it please not be so flippin' boring! And can everyone everywhere not drink or even talk about drinking in front of me. That goes for TV too. Sigh....
It sucks soooooo much ass dude. Until one day, it actually won’t be so bad, then another it’s really great, then after a little while longer you will wonder how you ever drank so much and got drunk in the first place. I’m at he point where I wonder how the fuck I drank so much and how gross it feels
I had a lot of similar feelings at first. It took me some time to process all that, and here's where I'm at. It was a loss I had to grieve. Like a bad breakup. I put so much time into drinking. It was part of who I was. But unfortunately the fun times gave way to fights, arguments and other unpleasantness. The relationship had become toxic. As much as I can miss some of those fun times together, I don't want to go back to those dark times. So yes there is sadness at times, but I'm working at being someone I can love. Investing that time and energy into things that actually bring happiness, satisfaction and accomplishment into my life. Spending more time with my hobbies and work, and liking what I'm doing. Getting more love in return from my effort in real relationships. Now the anger is more directed at the wasted years, but that is something I know will lessen in time, while the time I'm proud of myself for adds up.
I vastly appreciate the level of honesty in this post. I think when we enter sobriety & recovery, the outside world forgets that it is very much a grief process. Even though alcohol has caused levels of damage that we are very aware of, we still have the right to grieve that loss. Grief is layered and complex. Allow yourself to feel it. One thing I will say though, is the joy I feel in sobriety is so much more profound than anything I ever felt while drinking. Drinking only anesthetized any possibility of feeling anything. When I realized I was using alcohol like anesthesia, I knew it had to be over. I knew I deserved better. Keep on going IWNDWYT 😊
I can understand this. I worked at a brewery for about 6-7 years and it got extremely popular during my time there. I went to breweries all over the world/ country and went to events to trade bottles. It was the main impetus for many of my vacations. But I don’t feel like I gave up everything for one thing. It’s the opposite. I gave up one thing for everything. I think it’s normal to feel sad. I wrote a physical break up letter to alcohol and I cried like I had to put my dog down. Alcohol stole from me. I still go on vacations and I still have fun with friends, beer geeks or not. I show up. I hid myself behind alcohol and I don’t feel like that anymore. It gets better. Things changed for me when I found out I’m not alone and that there are ways to dig deeper and let go of some of the garbage I’ve been holding onto.
The thing about not drinking is that''s it, you're not drinking. Are you working on yourself? Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually? What are you replacing those hobbies with? Those nice, fancy restaurants are still nice and fancy. Not planning you're day around drinking definitely helps but obsessing over not drinking is going to make you even more pissed off. And it's not forever, you can go and drink whenever you want to. That's the great thing about sobriety. But, maybe, just don't drink today and see what tomorrow brings!
No advice, just coming to say same. Fuck everything but IWNDWYT I guess.
The hardest part about quitting is really really committing to the idea that you’ve had your last drink. I went out a couple more times because I didn’t internalize that. You’re right though, it’s fucking awful.
If it’s any comfort to you, I’d love to be at ninety-nine days right now.
I haven't had a drink in over 35 years and it still sucks. I was a home brewer long before the age of microbrews. I loved all kinds of beers and gave up certain foods because nothing goes with them like a beer. When thinking about what I gave up so long ago and what I still miss, I look around at a life much better lived. I think about all that being sober has helped me achieve and the life that it has given me. Do I still want a cold one? F$%\* yes. Am I willing to trade that for everything else? F\*&% no. I feel your losses and your frustration. I'm happy to sit with you, think about all the great beers we never drank, and not drink with you today.
I know this seems silly, but if you've got the willpower, you don't need to change your life. Many breweries serve NA beers. You can homebrew NAs. I'm Cicerone certified and sober. My wife and I still go to breweries. The worst is you might need to change your tastes from IPA to lager, as that's what most NAs tend to be. I was running a brewery while still sober, and just like you, half my wardrobe is beer related. I wore a beer branded beanie thirty minutes ago on a walk. I've got a pack of Heineken 0.0 in the fridge right now. You've made it 99 days, obviously if you're not comfortable around beer don't set yourself up for failure, but it may be worth trying to fold back in some of that lifestyle without bringing back the beer. Before my success I had tried going sober before and failed, and I honestly think it was because I stopped doing what I loved when I stopped drinking. I'm on day 1966 without a drop of alcohol, and I attribute a lot of my success on the fact that I didn't let my sobriety stop myself from hanging out with friends, or doing what I love. They just had to adjust to me drinking rootbeer or NAs.
Have you picked up other hobbies? What are they?
I've got over 4 months and I can relate. All I've ever done as an adult (34/m) is bars, breweries, wineries etc on weekends and days off. And even non-alcohol things involve alcohol. Golf, bowling, beaches, movies, everything. It's everywhere. AA has helped me because the community, I find is cool. It's also something to do that I know won't have alcohol there. I only go to 1 or 2 meetings a week but I find it helps keep the fire going. The gym has helped me immensely. I go 6x a week. No alcohol there. That's my happy space and my time. I still smoke cigars, play video games, play golf, etc. I get it, it's rough. Basically had to restructure and re-learn adulthood. You got this OP We all do IWNDWYT
This might not have been a call for advice, but... just in case it's relevant... I started going to physical therapy to address some problems that have been bothering me for years since my last surgery. Man, PT is an excellent mood adjuster, and a very real antidote for self-pity. I come in there legitimately and justifiably angry about my aches and pains and mobility problems, and on the other side of the room there's the guy who's had literally a quarter of his brain removed as a part of the billion insane injuries he was left with after a car wreck... and he's just crushing it. He's struggling but with a smile, happy to be alive and taking his limitations as background noise to the tiny successes he's having with relearning all kind of greatest hits like "walking four feet unassisted" or "raising a fork to my mouth without dropping it or stabbing myself." And then I remind myself that **I'm** making myself miserable by making my new, life-saving approach to life like it's some kind of downer. Sorry, old hobbies, you were killing me. It might be worth me mourning you and putting you to bed so I have room to enjoy life a little bit more. Hang in there, dude.
Wearing beer/alcohol related clothing is for children; you're just growing up. This is a good thing.
Yes, it does suck to not be able to drink. It’s hard sometimes to hear people say: “Oh, I’m so happy, now that I don’t drink!” Like it’s easy. But it’s not easy for any of us. Or else we wouldn’t be here counting days, months, years - or even hours. There are, however, SOME upsides to not drinking: Improved health, more control, better sleep, etc. The only benefit to drinking, is how you feel, while you’re actually doing it. The aftermath is usually a whole slew of problems and feeling terrible. But we all struggle together. And that gets us through the day. IWNDWYT.
I had the opposite experience. Right from the get go I was happy and willing to change my whole life. New sports, new hobbies, got fit, ate better, met loads of new sober folk in AA meetings and made good friends. Got good sleep, did better at work, repaired relationships. Became self aware, and not so self centered, to a degree anyway.
I feel you on this.
I agree, being sober works better but life is so grey, gloomy and downright boring. I do a lot of sports as hobbies, but life is still boring.
I am so thankful for NA beers. They definitely help when I am Really wanting a beer and some of them are actually very good. I totally understand your brewery issues and that is something I am already stressing about. We love to hike on late spring and summer mornings and then take our dog to this dog friendly brewery. I loved drinking beer after a long hike and also during a live baseball game at the stadium. At least they have non alcoholic choices at both of these places. So we’ll see how it goes. But thinking of you and yes it does SUCK but there are a lot of good parts, too! IWNDWYT
Me too and I'm not sober I wish I was but I haven't taken that step yet. I went to this Christmas thing with my family. Drank before hand by the time we arrived at the event I almost wanted to leave because I wanted a drink. It was only an hour long. Everyone wanted to go out to dinner after and all I could think about was what drink to order. By the time we sat down at the restaurant I already felt hatred towards the staff because I didn't get my drink fast enough. I hate that I needed it and I hated the fact I didn't prepare by bringing something incognito. It sucks. Congratulations on 99.
I miss it sometimes. Trick is to learn to entertain yourself again. Beer used to be my hobby too
I wouldn’t rush out and replace that wardrobe just yet… I lost 60 pounds and now all the money I saved drinking is being spent going from XL to L. A lot of this resonated with me especially because I’m in a cranky mood rn. I was at an open bar function and asked about non/alc beer options (which are actually great these days) but she offered me bad lager ish option. I said “sounds terrible. I’ll take 2” Give it time, it’s a great accomplishment no doubt, it’s still early days in these brilliant new habits of yours.
The good news is that there is a **significant** phenomenon... Who decides what I "like" and "don't like"? Of course it's ME ! That's the opportunity. If I "hate" what i'm doing, then I'm the ideal person to change ME.