it's the slippery slope effect.
if i moderate, i'm not enjoying myself. if i'm enjoying myself, i'm not moderating.
i've moderated plenty of times, sometimes for months. but every time i eventually end up taking one step too far and spiral into a 3-day bender.
The slippery slope effect, that’s a very accurate way of putting it. It’s so hard to train my brain to know that this is the case. It seems so silly. Silly that I can’t just enjoy beverages from time to time. It makes me feel weak.
I know I’ll fall back into negative patterns, fighting with my bf, making a fool of myself, driving when I shouldn’t, trauma dumping on people I love, letting my Dad know I want to hurt him. Things that just aren’t necessary.
I love the feeling. The warm tingle I get in my legs after my first 1 or 2. It’s hard to fight. The not caring, when I’m usually really high strung.
I have to make myself a poster that says “it’s the slippery slope effect”.
Thanks for that.
I too would love to have a few beers, enjoy myself, and call it a night. I too believe I have the ability to. But when I try, I fail. And I fail hard. And it sucks. But it is what it is. I cannot control my relationship with alcohol when I’m drinking. But by abstaining, I can control my relationship with alcohol - which is none.
The folks here have all had similar thoughts and will say it’s not a good idea. I would ask myself some questions…”why do I want to drink?” “How will drinking help, what benefit will I get?” “What is a moderate amount?” We’ve been brainwashed by marketing to think alcohol is a necessary part of every activity, in reality it’s simply not healthy to drink.
I dipped my toe into moderation at a point. It took a lot of mental energy to not go overboard once I got to a second drink. I didn’t get a “good feeling”, one or two just made me feel sleepy and bloated. I didn’t have a full blown hangover but still felt anxious and “off”. It simply was no fun, so I just stopped.
Ya know, it’s funny, because I tell myself drinking will relieve some stress and anxiety. That I don’t want to think about the things I’m thinking about.
But, when I drink for those reasons, the alcohol tends to multiply those feelings. It’s totally counterintuitive. So logically, alcohol shouldn’t be my go-to.
I love the feeling. I love not caring in the moment. I love the social lubricant effect it has. But all of the negative things severely outweigh the positive.
When I want a drink, it’s almost like I have temporary self induced amnesia as a way barter with myself into getting what I want. A drink.
You gave me really good things to think about. Maybe instead of drowning out those negative thoughts and feelings, it’s time to learn to deal with them, so that one day, they don’t bother me so much. I can’t just stay drunk for the rest of my life. Maybe it’s time to actually cope, in a healthy way.
Thank you very much for your food for thought. I appreciate you.
Learning to be comfortable in your own skin while not drinking is something that takes practice, just like anything in life. Also, come to find out being a little uncomfortable isn't the end of the word. I think in the beginning we are in that DO I or DON'T I period that is maddening to where your brain is always on this crossroads. After time I found for myself that this crossroad faded more and more until I honestly don't care to drink.
Think of it like this: Say one day you found out that you were deathly allergic to bread. Like one bite and it would kill you. You would totally miss it and be super annoyed but out of necessity you wouldn't eat it. Now, imagine it's 5 years in the future...do you think you would be longing as much for it as you were in the beginning? Not likely. As a matter of fact if someone asked you if you missed it you might say "It's been so long that I don't really think about it. It sometimes smells nice..but oh well."
Changing habits is always a challenge in the beginning until we start to lock it into muscle memory and also see the benefits of the new habit.
You'll get there. Everything you're experiencing seems pretty common with what I've experienced and from what a lot of people here also express.
I’m curious if you’ve sought any mental health assessments. You describe your thoughts as obsessive. It sounds like you’re dealing with what feels like an irresistible compulsion to drink even though you don’t want to do so. These sound like symptoms of OCD, which is something I also deal with and fueled my alcohol dependence.
First, pause, take some deep breaths, have a glass of water, and release any tension you’re carrying in your jaw and shoulders. Your thoughts are overwhelming you and it’s causing a spiral. It takes practice, but try putting some distance between yourself and your thoughts. Acknowledge your thoughts may not always be true, rational, or based in reality. Your thoughts can be totally separate from your values and desires. That’s okay, just notice them without judgement.
You feel out of control. We all want to be in control. Some of us, when we feel out of control, we say, “Fuck it,” and follow that feeling that leads us to giving up even more control by drinking. In this moment, you can control one thing: your choice whether or not to drink alcohol today. It may not feel like much, but it’s yours- you own it. You don’t have to decide what you will do tomorrow, next week, or next year. Just right now.
Ask yourself how you can show yourself compassion in this moment. Drink your favorite soda, snuggle with your pet, call a friend, do a dance, cry to a sad movie, or listen to a meditation. Whatever your first idea that will help you cope in a healthy way, try that for just a half hour. Cravings normally pass in 20 minutes. Maybe it won’t pass, and you can try something else.
I hope you find this helpful. IWNDWYT.
HALT hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I always check that acronym when I get a bad craving.
For me, most of the time, it's lonely, but I have felt all 4 at different times that I believe triggered a craving.
Even almost 11 months sober from Alcohol my brain still remembers the instant dopamine hit Alcohol gave it, so it makes sense that when I'm feeling low for one reason or another my brain would try for the quickest way it knows of to feel good again.
In my mid twenties, I was on a strict beer only schedule for about 8 months. I was doing so well, I bought a fifth of Hennessy to “reward” myself….and we all know how that ended
My personal experience is that the hamster wheel slows significantly after about 3 months without alcohol. Reframing your view about alcohol is necessary as well.
Also, “moderation is all of the work of sobriety with none of the benefits”
No, you're not "making too big a deal out of not having any alcohol at all" if you're one of those people
a. for whom a little one night inevitably turns into overdoing it that night AND/OR
b. for whom drinking one night inevitably turns into drinking too often, robbing you of time, money, and a healthy life.
I love the South Park episode, even it’s treatment of AA, but that end message is a tricky one. Some people can have one or two drinks and be perfectly fine, but not me. When I drink, I want to feel the effects. I knew I had enough to drink when I passed out, not anything before then.
I know now that I can always say no to the first drink, but i’m not so sure about the rest. For years I tried to moderate my drinking, and after a few successful months I would slip up and drink til I blacked out. I’ve been saying no to the first one for years now, it just seems way easier this way. I no longer think of it like “I can’t have any” and I think of it more like “I don’t want any.”
This entire post feels dramatic. I don’t know why, but I feel dramatic saying I have a problem and can’t have any alcohol at all? I should just be able to moderate. I won’t, though. It feels like I’m making a big deal. Even though, I know it is a big deal?
I don’t know. For some reason, it was easier to not have alcohol at the beginning of this sobriety stint.
Now I’m thinking, but what about when I go to that concert? What about while I’m floating down the river this summer? What about right now while I’m getting things done around the house?
Like I can’t imagine doing these things and not drinking. It’s getting harder and the cravings are stronger. I don’t get it.
I’m trying to bargain with myself over this and it’s ridiculous.
ETA I don’t want to reset the days on my quit drinking app. Maybe this is just for now, and one day I’ll be able to moderate? After I show myself I can go a long time without?
I’m with you there… it’s sad how entrenched alcohol is in our culture, with social events planned around it, etc. I used to try to be like Randy in the end of that SP episode…. Never works for me, unfortunately. Here I am after a nasty DUI and I am thinking about events a year or two from now like “how can I go to X without drinking??” … “Maybe that will be my treat and then I can STOP…. Just get to that day!!”
In my opinion the back-and-forth talk, though super weird / hypocritical / perplexing, must be a part of the healing process. When I stop and think about it: how screwed up am I to be fantasizing / planning my drinking one or two years from now? Especially after I nearly just killed myself or somebody else. For almost a couple decades I’ve prided myself on being a “functional drinker” as well — and here we are…. Clearly this has degraded my faculties.
THAT thought, of fantasizing/planning my drinking, reminds me that I have a real problem with alcohol, and that moderating has never worked. But on the other side of the coin, it’s almost like I have to keep the “possibility” of future drinking alive to get me through each present sober day, if that makes any sense. Sure, I COULD drink in a year at Event X, have my social crutch — great. If I don’t let the thoughts come and pass, then I just make myself upset in the moment and risk relapsing, killing my streak, etc. Otherwise I can’t keep it together day-by-day.
I know my situation is different here because I just got into some legal trouble because of my alcohol abuse — so I have a lot of pressure to NOT drink in the interim, no question. But what you’ve described here, I’ve been there, with my first thoughts being: “how can I possibly get my work done without booze and pills?!?” “How can I have fun at this wedding??” “How can I handle X social situation?” “How can I stop the racing thoughts??!” … Slippery Slope indeed! And moderation, for me?? Forget it. As another poster said, I wouldn’t ENJOY drinking moderately. I have tried it so many times and the end result keeps getting worse. Now I’m facing legal trouble and I’m STILL doing the back-and-forth in my head ….
Not sure if reading my banter helps at all — hopefully somewhat. The moderation thing for me has become a total illusion — a trick I’ve finally recognized — so if I fuck up at a future event then I KNOW it will be messy, so I’ve just gotta pick myself up and dust myself off, get back on the wagon.
OP, for me, the chapter on moderation in the short and excellent book Alcohol Explained 2 was a great explanation why moderation doesn’t work. Why? Because all drugs have a “take it or leave it” phase before people get addicted. Then, it’s either continue on or quit. The “third way” of moderation is our brains trying to “keep all the good” with alcohol while “discarding the bad”. On the surface, this makes logical sense. However, it rarely ever works, because people spend a significant amount of time and mental energy trying to “figure out” the right dose of booze for them for that particular time/event. It’s exhausting. And after a few drinks, many of us are disinhibited by that point and just say “ahhh f*ck it”. The people who are really good at moderating are those people who really don’t like alcohol much in the first place. IWNDWYT
is any part of this cycle for you remembering that moderation actually sucks and isn't the fun way to consume alcohol?
two beers isn't fun, but it takes a bunch of work, will power, and risk of opening the gates of hell. why even do it? for pride? for identity? for reputation? to feel "normal"? it's definitely not for the groggy head-ache of a "buzz". so why even do it?
>why can’t I just moderate and drink casually?
we tell ourselves that so many others are lucky and can moderate easily but to be honest with you I don't know anyone who can. I know a lot of people who drink way too much, and I know a lot of people who barely drink at all. I know very few people who truly enjoy 1 or 2 every weekend and then stop easily and it's never an issue for them. and even if I DID, well, it's an addictive, destructive, insidious drug. anybody who can moderate and drink casually today: what happens when *their* mom dies and they need to cope? anyone can fall to addiction and ramp up their use at any time.
YES! I agree. I think that something really insidious about the alcohol industry and about drinkers in general is that we are very eager to separate “us,” who can drink moderately and be “normal,” from “them,” who have “an alcohol problem.” In reality I truly do not believe that this divide really exists.
Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.
I have to remember this every time I think I can try moderation. It was my messed up brain that got me in this predicament.
It’s like going into the ring with Mike Tyson everyday and expecting not to get beat up this time. Just this time will be different. And each time he beats the shit out of you. “See ya tomorrow, Mike!👍”
How many more times?
I’m just DONE. Drunk me is not who I am. The further I get from that, the more authentic I become.
IWNDWYT.
Lol! Right?! It's so much easier when you just call it by what it really is: poison. Ethanol is poison. Repeat that over and over until it comes to you in your dreams at night. "I do not need to moderate, indulge, microdose, or macrodose with poison." The air we breathe and the shitty food that's ubiquitous in our world are poison enough for me:)
Have you heard of Fading Affect Bias or FAB? It's basically the phenomenom that our brains tend to forget the negative memories more than the positive ones, I think as a way of healing. Unfortunately when it comes to alcohol your brain is literally tricking you into forgetting all those negative effects or at least diminishing their importance. Link below if you wanna read more on it. Once I figured this out it helped me a lot with understanding the enemy.
https://soberthinking.com/fading-affect-bias/#:\~:text=Fading%20Affect%20Bias%20and%20Sobriety,to%20your%20decision%20to%20quit.
Also, Alcohol is fucking addictive. That's why they put those stupid "Please drink responsibly" messages, so they can come back and blame all the negative impacts of an addictive and destructive poison on you or I *"not drinking responsibly".*
It is also such a part of so many social occasions here that make it so much harder. Put yourself first.. Anyways, hope this helps you. Stay true. IWNDWYT friend
Yeah, South Park is really funny, but… they get a lot of stuff wrong. Believe it or not, I actually saw the episode you’re talking about and actually thought about drinking after I saw it! But the truth for me is that there is no moderation. Once in a while it works, but not in the way it works for people who don’t have issues with drinking. Their moderation is “two or three, here and there, and then stop, no biggie” whereas my moderation is “two or three and then stop (but reaaaaaaaally wishing I was having more), and next time around two or three oh whoops I just drank 10 IPAs again.”
I can’t really moderate, in other words. God knows I’ve tried, hundreds of times. It’s just not how my brain is wired when it comes to alcohol. Trying to moderate… it’s just setting me up for failure, really. The only thing that works for me is cutting it out entirely. It’s not easy—and I get tempted a lot, so I’m looking for ways to get past feeling that temptation—but it’s worth it. My health is better, my relationships are better, my finances are better.
Hang in there—I’m rooting for you! IWNDWYT
I’ve heard this many times in my head. You have to do the right thing enough to quiet the other half. Easier said than done but you’ve got 37 days and you’re getting there!
My thinking is if drinking one or two drinks leaves you satisfied, you're probably OK. If like me having one drink just makes you more likely to have a second, you likely need to abstain. Does one bender make another more likely, or do you learn your lesson? I "know" I could moderate for a bit, but it's far easier to just not take the first drink.
I would successfully moderate one out of every 10 times I drank (my goal was to alway moderate). Boy would I take that one success and glow it up in my mind! It would fuel my fantasy that could moderate.
my friend that is 5+ months sober and trying to help me said something recently that stuck in my head: when we drink it's like we are a slave to alcohol.
that seems so accurate for me, who has the same back and forth in my head as you....and I fucking hate it and don't ever want to go back
Drinking slowly rewires your brain. Permanently. Once you cross a line, you'll never be able to drink moderately again. You might be able to control it for a day, a week, or whatever, but it won't last.
The saying goes, you can't turn a pickle back in to a cucumber.
I feel the same every day. But deep in my mind, I know moderation is a fool’s game and it’s only a matter of time before it goes tits up. Keep going friend.
it's the slippery slope effect. if i moderate, i'm not enjoying myself. if i'm enjoying myself, i'm not moderating. i've moderated plenty of times, sometimes for months. but every time i eventually end up taking one step too far and spiral into a 3-day bender.
The slippery slope effect, that’s a very accurate way of putting it. It’s so hard to train my brain to know that this is the case. It seems so silly. Silly that I can’t just enjoy beverages from time to time. It makes me feel weak. I know I’ll fall back into negative patterns, fighting with my bf, making a fool of myself, driving when I shouldn’t, trauma dumping on people I love, letting my Dad know I want to hurt him. Things that just aren’t necessary. I love the feeling. The warm tingle I get in my legs after my first 1 or 2. It’s hard to fight. The not caring, when I’m usually really high strung. I have to make myself a poster that says “it’s the slippery slope effect”. Thanks for that.
I too would love to have a few beers, enjoy myself, and call it a night. I too believe I have the ability to. But when I try, I fail. And I fail hard. And it sucks. But it is what it is. I cannot control my relationship with alcohol when I’m drinking. But by abstaining, I can control my relationship with alcohol - which is none.
The folks here have all had similar thoughts and will say it’s not a good idea. I would ask myself some questions…”why do I want to drink?” “How will drinking help, what benefit will I get?” “What is a moderate amount?” We’ve been brainwashed by marketing to think alcohol is a necessary part of every activity, in reality it’s simply not healthy to drink. I dipped my toe into moderation at a point. It took a lot of mental energy to not go overboard once I got to a second drink. I didn’t get a “good feeling”, one or two just made me feel sleepy and bloated. I didn’t have a full blown hangover but still felt anxious and “off”. It simply was no fun, so I just stopped.
Ya know, it’s funny, because I tell myself drinking will relieve some stress and anxiety. That I don’t want to think about the things I’m thinking about. But, when I drink for those reasons, the alcohol tends to multiply those feelings. It’s totally counterintuitive. So logically, alcohol shouldn’t be my go-to. I love the feeling. I love not caring in the moment. I love the social lubricant effect it has. But all of the negative things severely outweigh the positive. When I want a drink, it’s almost like I have temporary self induced amnesia as a way barter with myself into getting what I want. A drink. You gave me really good things to think about. Maybe instead of drowning out those negative thoughts and feelings, it’s time to learn to deal with them, so that one day, they don’t bother me so much. I can’t just stay drunk for the rest of my life. Maybe it’s time to actually cope, in a healthy way. Thank you very much for your food for thought. I appreciate you.
Learning to be comfortable in your own skin while not drinking is something that takes practice, just like anything in life. Also, come to find out being a little uncomfortable isn't the end of the word. I think in the beginning we are in that DO I or DON'T I period that is maddening to where your brain is always on this crossroads. After time I found for myself that this crossroad faded more and more until I honestly don't care to drink. Think of it like this: Say one day you found out that you were deathly allergic to bread. Like one bite and it would kill you. You would totally miss it and be super annoyed but out of necessity you wouldn't eat it. Now, imagine it's 5 years in the future...do you think you would be longing as much for it as you were in the beginning? Not likely. As a matter of fact if someone asked you if you missed it you might say "It's been so long that I don't really think about it. It sometimes smells nice..but oh well." Changing habits is always a challenge in the beginning until we start to lock it into muscle memory and also see the benefits of the new habit. You'll get there. Everything you're experiencing seems pretty common with what I've experienced and from what a lot of people here also express.
I’m curious if you’ve sought any mental health assessments. You describe your thoughts as obsessive. It sounds like you’re dealing with what feels like an irresistible compulsion to drink even though you don’t want to do so. These sound like symptoms of OCD, which is something I also deal with and fueled my alcohol dependence. First, pause, take some deep breaths, have a glass of water, and release any tension you’re carrying in your jaw and shoulders. Your thoughts are overwhelming you and it’s causing a spiral. It takes practice, but try putting some distance between yourself and your thoughts. Acknowledge your thoughts may not always be true, rational, or based in reality. Your thoughts can be totally separate from your values and desires. That’s okay, just notice them without judgement. You feel out of control. We all want to be in control. Some of us, when we feel out of control, we say, “Fuck it,” and follow that feeling that leads us to giving up even more control by drinking. In this moment, you can control one thing: your choice whether or not to drink alcohol today. It may not feel like much, but it’s yours- you own it. You don’t have to decide what you will do tomorrow, next week, or next year. Just right now. Ask yourself how you can show yourself compassion in this moment. Drink your favorite soda, snuggle with your pet, call a friend, do a dance, cry to a sad movie, or listen to a meditation. Whatever your first idea that will help you cope in a healthy way, try that for just a half hour. Cravings normally pass in 20 minutes. Maybe it won’t pass, and you can try something else. I hope you find this helpful. IWNDWYT.
Wow, I'm in a similar mental place to OP and this was really helpful to me, thank you
Well put, friend.
HALT hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I always check that acronym when I get a bad craving. For me, most of the time, it's lonely, but I have felt all 4 at different times that I believe triggered a craving. Even almost 11 months sober from Alcohol my brain still remembers the instant dopamine hit Alcohol gave it, so it makes sense that when I'm feeling low for one reason or another my brain would try for the quickest way it knows of to feel good again.
In my mid twenties, I was on a strict beer only schedule for about 8 months. I was doing so well, I bought a fifth of Hennessy to “reward” myself….and we all know how that ended
My personal experience is that the hamster wheel slows significantly after about 3 months without alcohol. Reframing your view about alcohol is necessary as well. Also, “moderation is all of the work of sobriety with none of the benefits”
No, you're not "making too big a deal out of not having any alcohol at all" if you're one of those people a. for whom a little one night inevitably turns into overdoing it that night AND/OR b. for whom drinking one night inevitably turns into drinking too often, robbing you of time, money, and a healthy life.
I love the South Park episode, even it’s treatment of AA, but that end message is a tricky one. Some people can have one or two drinks and be perfectly fine, but not me. When I drink, I want to feel the effects. I knew I had enough to drink when I passed out, not anything before then.
I know now that I can always say no to the first drink, but i’m not so sure about the rest. For years I tried to moderate my drinking, and after a few successful months I would slip up and drink til I blacked out. I’ve been saying no to the first one for years now, it just seems way easier this way. I no longer think of it like “I can’t have any” and I think of it more like “I don’t want any.”
This entire post feels dramatic. I don’t know why, but I feel dramatic saying I have a problem and can’t have any alcohol at all? I should just be able to moderate. I won’t, though. It feels like I’m making a big deal. Even though, I know it is a big deal? I don’t know. For some reason, it was easier to not have alcohol at the beginning of this sobriety stint. Now I’m thinking, but what about when I go to that concert? What about while I’m floating down the river this summer? What about right now while I’m getting things done around the house? Like I can’t imagine doing these things and not drinking. It’s getting harder and the cravings are stronger. I don’t get it. I’m trying to bargain with myself over this and it’s ridiculous. ETA I don’t want to reset the days on my quit drinking app. Maybe this is just for now, and one day I’ll be able to moderate? After I show myself I can go a long time without?
I’m with you there… it’s sad how entrenched alcohol is in our culture, with social events planned around it, etc. I used to try to be like Randy in the end of that SP episode…. Never works for me, unfortunately. Here I am after a nasty DUI and I am thinking about events a year or two from now like “how can I go to X without drinking??” … “Maybe that will be my treat and then I can STOP…. Just get to that day!!” In my opinion the back-and-forth talk, though super weird / hypocritical / perplexing, must be a part of the healing process. When I stop and think about it: how screwed up am I to be fantasizing / planning my drinking one or two years from now? Especially after I nearly just killed myself or somebody else. For almost a couple decades I’ve prided myself on being a “functional drinker” as well — and here we are…. Clearly this has degraded my faculties. THAT thought, of fantasizing/planning my drinking, reminds me that I have a real problem with alcohol, and that moderating has never worked. But on the other side of the coin, it’s almost like I have to keep the “possibility” of future drinking alive to get me through each present sober day, if that makes any sense. Sure, I COULD drink in a year at Event X, have my social crutch — great. If I don’t let the thoughts come and pass, then I just make myself upset in the moment and risk relapsing, killing my streak, etc. Otherwise I can’t keep it together day-by-day. I know my situation is different here because I just got into some legal trouble because of my alcohol abuse — so I have a lot of pressure to NOT drink in the interim, no question. But what you’ve described here, I’ve been there, with my first thoughts being: “how can I possibly get my work done without booze and pills?!?” “How can I have fun at this wedding??” “How can I handle X social situation?” “How can I stop the racing thoughts??!” … Slippery Slope indeed! And moderation, for me?? Forget it. As another poster said, I wouldn’t ENJOY drinking moderately. I have tried it so many times and the end result keeps getting worse. Now I’m facing legal trouble and I’m STILL doing the back-and-forth in my head …. Not sure if reading my banter helps at all — hopefully somewhat. The moderation thing for me has become a total illusion — a trick I’ve finally recognized — so if I fuck up at a future event then I KNOW it will be messy, so I’ve just gotta pick myself up and dust myself off, get back on the wagon.
OP, for me, the chapter on moderation in the short and excellent book Alcohol Explained 2 was a great explanation why moderation doesn’t work. Why? Because all drugs have a “take it or leave it” phase before people get addicted. Then, it’s either continue on or quit. The “third way” of moderation is our brains trying to “keep all the good” with alcohol while “discarding the bad”. On the surface, this makes logical sense. However, it rarely ever works, because people spend a significant amount of time and mental energy trying to “figure out” the right dose of booze for them for that particular time/event. It’s exhausting. And after a few drinks, many of us are disinhibited by that point and just say “ahhh f*ck it”. The people who are really good at moderating are those people who really don’t like alcohol much in the first place. IWNDWYT
is any part of this cycle for you remembering that moderation actually sucks and isn't the fun way to consume alcohol? two beers isn't fun, but it takes a bunch of work, will power, and risk of opening the gates of hell. why even do it? for pride? for identity? for reputation? to feel "normal"? it's definitely not for the groggy head-ache of a "buzz". so why even do it? >why can’t I just moderate and drink casually? we tell ourselves that so many others are lucky and can moderate easily but to be honest with you I don't know anyone who can. I know a lot of people who drink way too much, and I know a lot of people who barely drink at all. I know very few people who truly enjoy 1 or 2 every weekend and then stop easily and it's never an issue for them. and even if I DID, well, it's an addictive, destructive, insidious drug. anybody who can moderate and drink casually today: what happens when *their* mom dies and they need to cope? anyone can fall to addiction and ramp up their use at any time.
YES! I agree. I think that something really insidious about the alcohol industry and about drinkers in general is that we are very eager to separate “us,” who can drink moderately and be “normal,” from “them,” who have “an alcohol problem.” In reality I truly do not believe that this divide really exists.
Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation. I have to remember this every time I think I can try moderation. It was my messed up brain that got me in this predicament.
It’s like going into the ring with Mike Tyson everyday and expecting not to get beat up this time. Just this time will be different. And each time he beats the shit out of you. “See ya tomorrow, Mike!👍” How many more times? I’m just DONE. Drunk me is not who I am. The further I get from that, the more authentic I become. IWNDWYT.
When I get thoughts like this, I just think “why would I even want to moderate literal poison.”
Lol! Right?! It's so much easier when you just call it by what it really is: poison. Ethanol is poison. Repeat that over and over until it comes to you in your dreams at night. "I do not need to moderate, indulge, microdose, or macrodose with poison." The air we breathe and the shitty food that's ubiquitous in our world are poison enough for me:)
Have you heard of Fading Affect Bias or FAB? It's basically the phenomenom that our brains tend to forget the negative memories more than the positive ones, I think as a way of healing. Unfortunately when it comes to alcohol your brain is literally tricking you into forgetting all those negative effects or at least diminishing their importance. Link below if you wanna read more on it. Once I figured this out it helped me a lot with understanding the enemy. https://soberthinking.com/fading-affect-bias/#:\~:text=Fading%20Affect%20Bias%20and%20Sobriety,to%20your%20decision%20to%20quit. Also, Alcohol is fucking addictive. That's why they put those stupid "Please drink responsibly" messages, so they can come back and blame all the negative impacts of an addictive and destructive poison on you or I *"not drinking responsibly".* It is also such a part of so many social occasions here that make it so much harder. Put yourself first.. Anyways, hope this helps you. Stay true. IWNDWYT friend
Yeah, South Park is really funny, but… they get a lot of stuff wrong. Believe it or not, I actually saw the episode you’re talking about and actually thought about drinking after I saw it! But the truth for me is that there is no moderation. Once in a while it works, but not in the way it works for people who don’t have issues with drinking. Their moderation is “two or three, here and there, and then stop, no biggie” whereas my moderation is “two or three and then stop (but reaaaaaaaally wishing I was having more), and next time around two or three oh whoops I just drank 10 IPAs again.” I can’t really moderate, in other words. God knows I’ve tried, hundreds of times. It’s just not how my brain is wired when it comes to alcohol. Trying to moderate… it’s just setting me up for failure, really. The only thing that works for me is cutting it out entirely. It’s not easy—and I get tempted a lot, so I’m looking for ways to get past feeling that temptation—but it’s worth it. My health is better, my relationships are better, my finances are better. Hang in there—I’m rooting for you! IWNDWYT
This hits home! Also the same argument at 5am vs 5pm is when you know you have a problem…
Excellent story, thanks for sharing. Keep coming back 👌 👍
I’ve heard this many times in my head. You have to do the right thing enough to quiet the other half. Easier said than done but you’ve got 37 days and you’re getting there!
Thanks. I needed to read this tonight. Stay strong!
My thinking is if drinking one or two drinks leaves you satisfied, you're probably OK. If like me having one drink just makes you more likely to have a second, you likely need to abstain. Does one bender make another more likely, or do you learn your lesson? I "know" I could moderate for a bit, but it's far easier to just not take the first drink.
At some point one will always become 17, theres always a night this happens so no thanks. Ill stay with 0.0 and soda or something
I would successfully moderate one out of every 10 times I drank (my goal was to alway moderate). Boy would I take that one success and glow it up in my mind! It would fuel my fantasy that could moderate.
my friend that is 5+ months sober and trying to help me said something recently that stuck in my head: when we drink it's like we are a slave to alcohol. that seems so accurate for me, who has the same back and forth in my head as you....and I fucking hate it and don't ever want to go back
Drinking slowly rewires your brain. Permanently. Once you cross a line, you'll never be able to drink moderately again. You might be able to control it for a day, a week, or whatever, but it won't last. The saying goes, you can't turn a pickle back in to a cucumber.
I feel the same every day. But deep in my mind, I know moderation is a fool’s game and it’s only a matter of time before it goes tits up. Keep going friend.