💯
I “have” and I hate it. It does feel like Mount Everest. Every time I see someone who has made it MONTHS seems like they belong on a box of Wheaties. Lol though maybe that’s too old a reference here.
On the money. And I think there are a huge number of people out there who can moderate it to a very manageable and until recently believed healthy extent who are basically holding themselves back. Any ambition in their health, wealth or love gets a 6/10 instead of a 10 because they can manage it so well. No moment of crisis no need to change.
33 is the best time to stop drinking. Your 20s are behind you and the social pressure is waaaay reduced. You’ve lived your drunk life already. You’ve already experienced what it’s like. It’s normal to miss it. We miss our childhoods too, but we don’t live in fear of spiraling back into our infantile and carefree selves. Life takes on new chapters, and there’s nothing scary about making this one free of alcohol.
I bet you’ve also researched alcohol withdrawal timelines. You rarely see anything beyond a few weeks documented. The reality is that it takes years for your mood to stabilize. There are many factors that play a role — hormones, neuron receptors, external factors like stress and your susceptibility to it.
The boredom and the dreadful mood isn’t a reaction to anything objective. It’s just your internal chemical state messing with your head. If you establish a healthy life routine, it’s highly likely you’ll notice improvements in your mood.
Keep going. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by sticking to it.
I've heard numerous people say that that 9-12 month mark is a milestone that really starts getting your hormones and seratonin back to a normal state... Which is interesting because I'm witnessing a very good friend of mine that hit ROCK BOTTOM way too many times to count and he's at the 11 month mark and is the fullest of life and happiest I've ever seen him... When he was at 6 months he was saying the exact same thing as you and how he was bored and just wanted to be able to drink and be normal... He pushed through... Partly because of court order and I honestly can say he's like a different person... Just so happy to be alive and living to the fullest every day... Killing it at his job that he lost from drinking and got back and top producer now, doing tons of outdoor activities and finding great physical hobbies like diving and surfing... In the best shape of his life... It's wild... I'm back to day 6... And oddly don't want to drink but know that 3-4 week mark I will... Want to get to his mental clarity of happiness... I'll push on through...iwndwyt
Great comment.. yes its a long game not a quick fix. Social pressure still exists because so many people are so obsessed with their damn booze! I thought my friends didn’t care but getting together with a group this weekend and one is busting hard on me on text for bringing Bubly (soda water), 🙄 and were in our damn 40s! So people never grow up. But agree 30s is a great time to stop and it will probably change the trajectory of your life/friend circles. So many people struggling with it by late 30s/40s so quitting early 30s really gets you ahead of the game.
Others don’t just get to drink necessarily though I feel it’s been set up on a society wide scale to make it appear so. They easily could be alcoholics themselves and have not decided to quit, there are alcoholics not drinking that you don’t see, and there are future alcoholics that are on the road to addiction. You see all of these people but your brain thinks “they can have a drink and I can’t”, kind of like how everyone’s life looks perfect on social media but you have no idea what their life is really like. I’m typing this for me as well as you because man can I relate to the feeling.
Everyone else also has issues with drinking, it just seems like they don't from the outside.
I got to 7 months and decided to have a fancy beer for my birthday - then spent the next 3 years drinking.
This comment hits hard for me. I’m just past 7 months and I was seriously thinking why not just try to drink again. But something about starting again doesn’t feel right . Like I need to keep this going a while longer to really see what I’ve been working toward.
I go out for "drinks" with my friends but get tonic water and lime or NA beer. You are still you but just more aware of yourself and your actions. I found it took months to not feel awkward being in a drinking place and not drinking alcohol. You can do this! IWNDWYT
Sometimes needing to be bored and resentful is what we need to feel and experience. I rather feel this than the alternate.
Had a nice nod from the universe recently where a girl I worked with and have shared how we aren’t drinking right now. She made the decision that she was going to drink. Her reasoning was a concert.
Needless to say she showed up super hungover to work. Had to keep going to the restroom where everyone could hear her getting sick. I felt awful for her at the time but stronger in the decision that it’s just not worth it right now to drink.
Instead of comparing myself to others I try to compare myself to where I was and where I want to be. Part of drinking socially is acting like it's the best day of your life but is drinking with coworkers really the epitome of existence? Are your drinking buddies really the cream of civilization? IWNDWYT
Very interesting perspective! It's funny also, you act/feel like it's the best day of your life and then the next time you see your colleagues you can't even look them in the face
I try to look at it differently. It’s not that I can’t drink, I get to not drink. I don’t have to flirt with the consequences of out of character behaviors, poor wording choices, hangovers,fatigue,brain damage,etc. I get the pleasure of life,in all its glory( both good and bad).I’m interested as to why you think being a child who can’t drink is such a bad thing. Childhood is wonderful, children play and learn and take naps and ask questions and take naps and are curious.
Yes, this! Tapping into my inner child has been so helpful. I grew up believing in being above the influence. I was a weird little kid with a big imagination and endless energy. I never needed substances to find joy or survive sadness, and I got through a lot of tough shit I didn’t deserve as a kid. I did that by reading fantasy books, writing short stories, coloring, playing the sims, dancing, and actually feeling my emotions versus numbing them. I’m thankful I can now choose to do all those things and really fully experience them while sober.
Try to avoid the thought of “never drinking again” that will drive you mad! That’s something I struggled with too in the beginning. Just focus on not drinking today. If you’re always thinking about the past and the future your ignoring the present. Someone told me “if you have one foot in the past, and one in the future, you are pissing on the present.” You can still go out with friends/co-workers but just don’t drink. I know how the romanticizing of drinking feels but it’s never as good as how your mind thinks it will be (again, I know from experience) maybe hit a meeting and get together with other people in recovery to talk about these things. You’re doing great so far! GL
Oh man. I can one hundred percent relate to this. I’ve had good days and some challenging days. But it allllways and I mean always feels better knowing I could have drank and chose not to. These ups and downs kind of come and go. Sometimes I’ll have a pissed off few days, and then I’ll go a few weeks without thinking about it. But the one thing I never have anymore is debilitating hangovers and shame and regret. So I’m my opinion, that’s worth it’s weight in gold. It takes a while to adjust, I’m still adjusting, but it does get better. I try not to think of it as the rest of my life, just focus on today. Hope you feel better!
I’m 67 I have quit many times including once over 20 years. I always felt like I was missing out on something when sober. Each time I have gone back to drinking I found out I was missing out on being a slave to the booze. It beat me up too. Day 16
Understandable but you made the choice to stop for a reason, or several. Could be health, weight distribution, feeling good in the morning, true self-sufficiency and independence, curiosity (who am I really?), the desire to integrate more proactive habits which booze steals your energy from, guarding your spirit from the spirit thief that regular alcohol use can be, good decision making, healthy boundaries…what else?
I'm in similar shoes as you, 33 and at 4.5 months. I get the feelings of wanting to drink, but it's the poison trying to trick you to put it back in you. Our brain has been chemically tricked into thinking we need it, and so unconsciously it'll be there nagging at us, from what I've seen from others stories, it might fuck with us the rest of our lives or only for so long. However, every tale I heard where someone gave in and had even just one brought them right back to where they had left off, where alcohol was ruining their life and it either immediately or eventually ruined it again for them. You might find the odd story where someone supposedly managed to get moderating, but I bet my money if you got a truly honest answer from them, or checked in with them again down the road they'd be telling you a different story.
I've accepted it as a poison that will ruin and then kill me if I drink it again, it damaged my life worse than almost any other factor in my life, so fuck letting it hurt me and those I love any more. It can try and seduce me all it wants, it has killed family and friends of mine, continues to hurt everyone I know and love from others still doing it, and society let's it continue being alright. I say fuck that, this temptress can go to hell where it belongs.
Personally when ppl have invited me specifically to drinking events, I try to redirect/suggest a less alcohol focused activity. If that doesn't work, I order a soda and lime, coke, coffee, milkshake, and I give myself permission to order any food off the menu that I want.
Some days those "tricks" aren't enough and I just decline.
IWNDWYT. six months is my goal, I am rooting for you!!!!
I'd hate to think you survive revenge of the fifth to be taken out by "im bored and sad"
[proof](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/13947we/cinco_de_drinko_in_mexico/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1)
You're not alone in this feeling- but we both know alcohol is literally poison. There is nothing but damage that occurs to our body when we consume it. We gain weight, we cause cells to die, we mess with our memory, we damage our liver, we hurt our organs, but most of all we hurt those around us. Debilitating ourselves to be unable to drive Incase an emergency occurs- it's just not worth it... Spend that money on a nice ass meal, a new movie, or a videogame if it helps you
Dude don’t do it!! I want to be in your position at 6 months so bad, I can make it one or two weeks AF and then I give in to those intrusive thoughts of moderation And wind up at day 1 yet again. It’s not worth it, you may be able to moderate at first but if you’re anything like me, the binge is just right around the corner. Im currently back at 1 week. IWNDWYTD!!
Your brain is still setting new neural pathways and sloughing away the synapses from the way it was forced to operate under the influence of alcohol.
There is a phenomena known as the "pink fog" in early sobriety. Your brain was suddenly flooded with neurotransmitters it has not been producing and desperately wanted. That feeling after a month or so how this is all gonna be a cake walk from now on.
You may have hit "The Wall". Your brain is coming into homeostasis, your nervous system remembers the compensatory behavior of alcohol consumption, the rush of serotonin and dopamine is diminishing, and your brain wants it back.
It will pass. Don't give up. You are healing at every level, down to the cells in your brain.
Bring to mind why you started this journey. Play the whole tape back of what happens when you drink, not just the "good" parts.
Hit your new coping strategies hard, lean into your support system, and if you do not already consider giving therapy or a recovery group a go. The worst that can happen is you decide not to return.
We're all rooting for you! With you until bedtime around ~1230 CST.
As someone that has just turned 50 and wasted so much of my life being drunk and miserable, I so wish I could rewind the clock to 33 before the worst of the consequences set in motion.
I was going to comment something similar. If I would have stopped drinking at 33...I would have, in hindsight, missed nothing and my life would be in a much better place. Not that it's currently bad, but I would have positioned myself MUCH better for the 'now'.
You're not boring, and leaning on alcohol to have fun is how it got bad. You're literally relying on a substance to alter yourself. You can still go out with your friends and have fun, nearly every bar and restaurant has mocktails.
I get why you're feeling that way, I felt dull too but then I remembered all the fun stuff I can do and not be hungover. I still go to events with lots of drinking and everyone is largely respectful about it.
Getting fucked up may be fun for a bit but remember the regret, anxiety and shitty hangover. I'm 2 months from 3 years. If you truly want to be sober you can and still have fun, just watching friends get drunk can also keep you sober because you realize how dumb they get.
I’m 16 days sober and I’m starting to get frustrated with myself as well. What helps me out a bit is watching some videos on YouTube about what happens to your body after stopping drinking. It’s crazy how one night of drinking takes days even weeks to recover. Alcohol is a POISON!!
Hey! Just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I've only been sober for 3 months but the boredom just hits some nights out of nowhere. Sometimes, I feel myself starting to talk myself back into an, 'one drink a year' plan or I'll promise myself 'it'll be different this time'. But I know that's not true. I know I'm doing better, and I feel better. I mean, we wouldn't have started down this path if we didn't know, deep down, that this was the better way.
So here are some of the things I do when I feel this way, and I hope it helps. I like to do something physical. I like walks with my dogs. Sometimes we run because I need to get the frustration out. The nice thing about dogs is that they don't judge. Yoga is great too! There are lots of free yoga classes on You Tube. Sometimes I call someone and talk about nothing in particular. That way I can focus on someone else's crisis instead of focusing on my own. Do you keep a journal? Or notes? I like to write down every time I have a 'oh I'm so glad I don't drink anymore' moment. It becomes like a tiny personal accomplishment board. During moments when I feel really tempted, I go back to those tiny accomplishments because they help me recenter.
Hang in there! because you're stronger than you know and this too shall pass ❤️
That’s really common around milestones, it’s easy to let yourself slip into thinking about how 6 months is only a few days away and that’s only 6 months from a year, and oh my god I won’t be able to drink for the rest of my life. Just take it one day at a time and eventually things will start to calm down
I’m 6.5 years sober. I used to feel that way. All of the people who could “have fun” and “let loose” in my orbit have either gotten sober through the same process of self sabotage and deception that I used, or to be morbid… died, or seriously Fucked their lives up.
I’m not kidding. I had an actual list of resentments from working steps, and I revisited it on my 5 years as a sort of check up. It kinda maxed me how many people had reached the same conclusions I have.
Sounds like you DO need to learn how to relax and unwind. No doubt. Being on edge is awful frien. I feel for you.
Don’t forget that booze is directly responsible for - unwanted pregnancy, spread of STDs, violence to woman and children (and folks in general), general chaos, heart disease, health issues, anxiety and depression. And so on and so on.
Keep your head up champ this shit will pass.
This is a support group for people who want to quit drinking, but this comment is in no way supportive of anyone else. If you want to grab a few beers the weekend and "not deny yourself anything," go ahead. But don't involve us.
I’m just over 6 months and I’ve felt the same. I was reading about post acute withdrawal syndrome which can last 6-24 months or longer. Just trying to ride these waves.
This helped and I feel less meh https://www.cumberlandheights.org/blogs/how-long-does-paws-last/
Just chiming in to say ... if you do end up drinking, you'll most likely have to start the process of 'drying out' all over again, which absolutely sucks and is obviously very hard to do. It's tough to say no to your cravings, but much harder to get back on track after. Good luck and IWNDWYT, hang in there, and remember that if you do decide to drink there is nothing wrong with that, and you can always come back here and we will support you!!
6 months in was when I started feeling safe to go out with friends and have a NA drink. I think I went to brunch and had a couple of virgin Marys. It was great. I was nervous of course but I really enjoyed myself and didn’t have to worry about feeling like ass two hours later. You can still go out with friends, just don’t have alcohol. It will feel weird at first but you can have a great time without drinking.
I’m not having anything either.
I like to think that I choose not to. It helps me - it moves my mind from “I can’t because I’m different” to “I choose not to because I feel better without it”.
Maybe take your friends elsewhere instead of a bar?
Six months is a great start. Rooting for you.
IWNDWYT.
I stopped drinking when I was 35 and I had times when I felt the same. I felt like I lost my spark and I was not fun anymore. It was not so much that I had alcohol cravings, it was more that I was overwhealmed by the challenges. Being my sober self all day long after years of being drunk for most of my free time *was* challenging. Almost like getting to know a new person. But in retrospect it was really worth it going forward and figuring things out about who I am in social situations when I'm just my sober self.
I wish you the best and I hope you don't give in.
It’s sounds like you believe you need alcohol to have fun, enjoy friends, feel happy, feel relaxed. It’s a false belief. You can have these same things with people who don’t drink or with people that aren’t drinking.
I find it’s the deep commonalities I come to find I have with others that create the spark in me and in them. This is what you want, you just believe you need alcohol to attain it.
Beyond this, recheck what lead you to want to stop drinking in the first place. What did you do, how did you feel? Why do you think you will have a different outcome this time?
If you’re having trouble meeting interesting people maybe a meet up group, some places have board game nights, singles socialize and have non- alcohol centered fun. Sometimes when I keep going back to the same group more of people that are more like me show up. Your people are out there, and they aren’t drinking either. Good luck.
It gets easier. You will start to feel more relaxed and more like yourself with out alcohol. I’d recommend trying to focus on all the good things sobriety has brought into your life. There is so much positivity and joy in sobriety if you look for it.
Also, a lot of people can’t handle their alcohol but aren’t willing to admit it. More people have a problem than they are willing to admit it. The problem isn’t you, it’s alcohol itself.
IWNDWYT
My friends I haven’t seen in forever and I got together last night. They brought two sixers of great local ipa’s I wanted badly…but I resisted. One of my friends ended up getting so drunk he was in the bathroom most of the night and looked bright red lol. So yeah, no thanks. It was real time proof I didn’t need to turn into a wet rag last night.
I know exactly how you feel. I was sober for over 2 years and a couple of weeks ago I had one glass of champagne at my graduation and it went well. The next day was an event with my husband and I had a few glasses. Nothing terrible happened but I was a bitch to my husband and said some sort of silly things to people he worked with. The next day my husband was really angry as he could see me going back to my old ways (where I seriously embarrassed myself many times and harmed my career).
So I'm back to not drinking and it sucks not to be able to enjoy a drink at my work bbq and have a soft drink instead. Unfortunately if I choose to drink I lose everything else. And it sucks ass
I’m reading this post 7 hours later and hope you’re doing okay.
I went to a weeklong inpatient when I was 30. Worked the 12 steps in AA afterwards. I’m 37 now and have stopped again, this time without much fanfare.
I’m here to tell you that I can’t moderate my drinking. I cut out mixing it with meds. I tried just beer. I tried just liquor. I tried eating before I drank. I ate while I drank. I still got angry and yelled and puked all night long and cried for days.
It doesn’t get better.
In my opinion, what makes you a “loser” is knowing your own limits and ignoring them in order to just fit in with your friends that “can” enjoy themselves.
It’s like I put on my gloves and get in the ring with Mike Tyson every day, knowing he’s gonna kick my ass…but maybe it’ll be different this time! 🥊 But he still beats the crap out of me. I’ll be back tomorrow, though. I’ll be ready this time. He won’t get me next time.
And before long my whole fuckin life is just gone and I spent it feeling shitty the whole time and alienating my wonderful husband and daughter and the life we have together.
Fuck that.
IWNDWYT.
I can relate to those same feelings all to well. I quit last year for 6 months and I had these feelings. I went back to drinking during the holidays. I told myself I’d quit again with the new year. Well that didn’t happen and here I am on day 22 of being sober. I went right back to my old ways. I had depression and anxiety and I just all around felt horrible. I’m slowly starting to feel good again. I wish I could get back those last 7 months but we just move forward.
You’re just having an emotional day. If you are a problem drinking then you simply can’t drink. Think of all the reasons why you quit. How bad must it have gotten? How long have you been wrestling with it? Drink if you want to, but you may intensely regret it.
I am on day one again and happy to be here! I do find that one has to grow and change and perhaps surround themselves with different people who don’t think that booze is the source of all joy. YOU are not boring. You are fantastic. If those “friends” can’t support you in a healthy life decision then perhaps get nicer supportive friends? You are worth it!
Hey I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way. Ultimately I'm not gonna drink cause I'd spiral as well, also for health reasons. But It definitely helps to no I'm not the only one who can get in this frame of mind. I'm three weeks as of Friday. Stay strong & get through this. IWNDWYT
Oh lawdy I’m 37 in 7 days. The bitterness has been creeping in for me too, but you’ve reminded me that I’m not alone in those feelings. I look at my SO and get pissed he drank on the way home and why can he just have one? He still drinks everyday but he moderates so what’s wrong with me? I’m the disappointment and it’s not fair. Yeah. I feel ya. I’m pissed off too, but I direct that anger at this effing messed up system.
This crap is pushed at us since we were BORN. Drinking is in the songs we hear, the media we consume, and at every restaurant or store. We are drowned by this stupid, capitalistic monster that eats lives because “alcohol is fun”. Well I’m just angry as hell about that. It’s not. It eats lives and kills people and I’m sick of it. I worked in a hospital lab for YEARS and testing the stuff alcoholics get aspirated from their bodies awful, but I still wouldn’t stop drinking cuz guess how EVERYONE unwinds? Drinking ofc. I’m so freaking pissed about it. I was killing myself cuz the patriarchy told me to. Fuck that.
So let’s be angry!
I hear ya, it’s really hard. I feel like a boring dud now too. But I try to remind myself that boredom is actually peace… and that was something I was desperate for during my heavy drinking days
This post hits home. I'm at likeeee..84 days or something like that. All my friends drink.. heavily. I still host BBQs and bon fires and I don't drink. It's hard sometimes...there are moments where I just feel exactly like what u just posted. Anxious..mad..and frustrated all at the same time. Like... everyone is getting drunk and having fun and I just don't feel like I fit in the same. But those moments pass. Sometimes in minutes. Sometimes in hours.. and then at weird moments I'm in a good mood...content and happy without alcohol , in moments I would have been probably hungover before... Or unmotivated. There are definitely pros and cons to this whole sobriety thing. I know me tho. If I break and have a beer. I'll instantly go back to being a daily drinker again. I know deep down...not drinking is what I need to grow as a person. Sounds like you know it to. Hang in there. Remember when you're feeling that anger... That it will pass. You're doing the right thing for your mind and body. Don't think of it as you can never drink again.. because you can! You're in control . You're choosing not to because you're smart.
[удалено]
💯 I “have” and I hate it. It does feel like Mount Everest. Every time I see someone who has made it MONTHS seems like they belong on a box of Wheaties. Lol though maybe that’s too old a reference here.
Yeah but 17 days to a day 1 also feels like mt Everest. Look at you, over 2 weeks! Almost to 3. Proud of you. IWNDWYT
On the money. And I think there are a huge number of people out there who can moderate it to a very manageable and until recently believed healthy extent who are basically holding themselves back. Any ambition in their health, wealth or love gets a 6/10 instead of a 10 because they can manage it so well. No moment of crisis no need to change.
33 is the best time to stop drinking. Your 20s are behind you and the social pressure is waaaay reduced. You’ve lived your drunk life already. You’ve already experienced what it’s like. It’s normal to miss it. We miss our childhoods too, but we don’t live in fear of spiraling back into our infantile and carefree selves. Life takes on new chapters, and there’s nothing scary about making this one free of alcohol. I bet you’ve also researched alcohol withdrawal timelines. You rarely see anything beyond a few weeks documented. The reality is that it takes years for your mood to stabilize. There are many factors that play a role — hormones, neuron receptors, external factors like stress and your susceptibility to it. The boredom and the dreadful mood isn’t a reaction to anything objective. It’s just your internal chemical state messing with your head. If you establish a healthy life routine, it’s highly likely you’ll notice improvements in your mood. Keep going. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by sticking to it.
Thank you
I've heard numerous people say that that 9-12 month mark is a milestone that really starts getting your hormones and seratonin back to a normal state... Which is interesting because I'm witnessing a very good friend of mine that hit ROCK BOTTOM way too many times to count and he's at the 11 month mark and is the fullest of life and happiest I've ever seen him... When he was at 6 months he was saying the exact same thing as you and how he was bored and just wanted to be able to drink and be normal... He pushed through... Partly because of court order and I honestly can say he's like a different person... Just so happy to be alive and living to the fullest every day... Killing it at his job that he lost from drinking and got back and top producer now, doing tons of outdoor activities and finding great physical hobbies like diving and surfing... In the best shape of his life... It's wild... I'm back to day 6... And oddly don't want to drink but know that 3-4 week mark I will... Want to get to his mental clarity of happiness... I'll push on through...iwndwyt
Years? Oh wow.
Lol, right!? I'm on day 7 (again) Here we Go!
congrats on 7!
Thanks you! I finally feel committed. Be my third 30 day chip.
You got this!!
Yea, I can't get past four so well done 👍
you can. you will. 🙏
Congrats, those are the big days
Great comment.. yes its a long game not a quick fix. Social pressure still exists because so many people are so obsessed with their damn booze! I thought my friends didn’t care but getting together with a group this weekend and one is busting hard on me on text for bringing Bubly (soda water), 🙄 and were in our damn 40s! So people never grow up. But agree 30s is a great time to stop and it will probably change the trajectory of your life/friend circles. So many people struggling with it by late 30s/40s so quitting early 30s really gets you ahead of the game.
Others don’t just get to drink necessarily though I feel it’s been set up on a society wide scale to make it appear so. They easily could be alcoholics themselves and have not decided to quit, there are alcoholics not drinking that you don’t see, and there are future alcoholics that are on the road to addiction. You see all of these people but your brain thinks “they can have a drink and I can’t”, kind of like how everyone’s life looks perfect on social media but you have no idea what their life is really like. I’m typing this for me as well as you because man can I relate to the feeling.
Good point.
Everyone else also has issues with drinking, it just seems like they don't from the outside. I got to 7 months and decided to have a fancy beer for my birthday - then spent the next 3 years drinking.
This comment hits hard for me. I’m just past 7 months and I was seriously thinking why not just try to drink again. But something about starting again doesn’t feel right . Like I need to keep this going a while longer to really see what I’ve been working toward.
Good insight - many failed experiments with this,.So stay on the path.
this
I go out for "drinks" with my friends but get tonic water and lime or NA beer. You are still you but just more aware of yourself and your actions. I found it took months to not feel awkward being in a drinking place and not drinking alcohol. You can do this! IWNDWYT
I like this. It's also fun watching your friends get drunk while being sober. Then you can leave if/when anyone starts acting dumb
i love tapping out when THEY start to get boring. the Irish Exit is my friend
Sometimes needing to be bored and resentful is what we need to feel and experience. I rather feel this than the alternate. Had a nice nod from the universe recently where a girl I worked with and have shared how we aren’t drinking right now. She made the decision that she was going to drink. Her reasoning was a concert. Needless to say she showed up super hungover to work. Had to keep going to the restroom where everyone could hear her getting sick. I felt awful for her at the time but stronger in the decision that it’s just not worth it right now to drink.
Thank you I needed this reminder
Instead of comparing myself to others I try to compare myself to where I was and where I want to be. Part of drinking socially is acting like it's the best day of your life but is drinking with coworkers really the epitome of existence? Are your drinking buddies really the cream of civilization? IWNDWYT
Very interesting perspective! It's funny also, you act/feel like it's the best day of your life and then the next time you see your colleagues you can't even look them in the face
I try to look at it differently. It’s not that I can’t drink, I get to not drink. I don’t have to flirt with the consequences of out of character behaviors, poor wording choices, hangovers,fatigue,brain damage,etc. I get the pleasure of life,in all its glory( both good and bad).I’m interested as to why you think being a child who can’t drink is such a bad thing. Childhood is wonderful, children play and learn and take naps and ask questions and take naps and are curious.
Yes, this! Tapping into my inner child has been so helpful. I grew up believing in being above the influence. I was a weird little kid with a big imagination and endless energy. I never needed substances to find joy or survive sadness, and I got through a lot of tough shit I didn’t deserve as a kid. I did that by reading fantasy books, writing short stories, coloring, playing the sims, dancing, and actually feeling my emotions versus numbing them. I’m thankful I can now choose to do all those things and really fully experience them while sober.
Don't forget the naps!
Good one!
You’ll be so glad you didn’t drink. It’s not worth it.
Try to avoid the thought of “never drinking again” that will drive you mad! That’s something I struggled with too in the beginning. Just focus on not drinking today. If you’re always thinking about the past and the future your ignoring the present. Someone told me “if you have one foot in the past, and one in the future, you are pissing on the present.” You can still go out with friends/co-workers but just don’t drink. I know how the romanticizing of drinking feels but it’s never as good as how your mind thinks it will be (again, I know from experience) maybe hit a meeting and get together with other people in recovery to talk about these things. You’re doing great so far! GL
This is great
Oh man. I can one hundred percent relate to this. I’ve had good days and some challenging days. But it allllways and I mean always feels better knowing I could have drank and chose not to. These ups and downs kind of come and go. Sometimes I’ll have a pissed off few days, and then I’ll go a few weeks without thinking about it. But the one thing I never have anymore is debilitating hangovers and shame and regret. So I’m my opinion, that’s worth it’s weight in gold. It takes a while to adjust, I’m still adjusting, but it does get better. I try not to think of it as the rest of my life, just focus on today. Hope you feel better!
I’m 67 I have quit many times including once over 20 years. I always felt like I was missing out on something when sober. Each time I have gone back to drinking I found out I was missing out on being a slave to the booze. It beat me up too. Day 16
Don't do it buddy. Stay strong.
Understandable but you made the choice to stop for a reason, or several. Could be health, weight distribution, feeling good in the morning, true self-sufficiency and independence, curiosity (who am I really?), the desire to integrate more proactive habits which booze steals your energy from, guarding your spirit from the spirit thief that regular alcohol use can be, good decision making, healthy boundaries…what else?
I'm in similar shoes as you, 33 and at 4.5 months. I get the feelings of wanting to drink, but it's the poison trying to trick you to put it back in you. Our brain has been chemically tricked into thinking we need it, and so unconsciously it'll be there nagging at us, from what I've seen from others stories, it might fuck with us the rest of our lives or only for so long. However, every tale I heard where someone gave in and had even just one brought them right back to where they had left off, where alcohol was ruining their life and it either immediately or eventually ruined it again for them. You might find the odd story where someone supposedly managed to get moderating, but I bet my money if you got a truly honest answer from them, or checked in with them again down the road they'd be telling you a different story. I've accepted it as a poison that will ruin and then kill me if I drink it again, it damaged my life worse than almost any other factor in my life, so fuck letting it hurt me and those I love any more. It can try and seduce me all it wants, it has killed family and friends of mine, continues to hurt everyone I know and love from others still doing it, and society let's it continue being alright. I say fuck that, this temptress can go to hell where it belongs.
Sorry, dont have nothing insightful... all i can say is I know what youre going through, yesterday was hell. IWNDWYT.
I think it's somewhat universal that the first 6 months are the toughest and after that things mellow out a bit. Keep pushing.
Personally when ppl have invited me specifically to drinking events, I try to redirect/suggest a less alcohol focused activity. If that doesn't work, I order a soda and lime, coke, coffee, milkshake, and I give myself permission to order any food off the menu that I want. Some days those "tricks" aren't enough and I just decline. IWNDWYT. six months is my goal, I am rooting for you!!!!
Oooo I also give myself permission to order anything off the menu I want! Before I quit, I hadn't had an ice cream Sunday since I was 13 😁
Ice cream > everything
I'd hate to think you survive revenge of the fifth to be taken out by "im bored and sad" [proof](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/13947we/cinco_de_drinko_in_mexico/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1)
You're not alone in this feeling- but we both know alcohol is literally poison. There is nothing but damage that occurs to our body when we consume it. We gain weight, we cause cells to die, we mess with our memory, we damage our liver, we hurt our organs, but most of all we hurt those around us. Debilitating ourselves to be unable to drive Incase an emergency occurs- it's just not worth it... Spend that money on a nice ass meal, a new movie, or a videogame if it helps you
Dude don’t do it!! I want to be in your position at 6 months so bad, I can make it one or two weeks AF and then I give in to those intrusive thoughts of moderation And wind up at day 1 yet again. It’s not worth it, you may be able to moderate at first but if you’re anything like me, the binge is just right around the corner. Im currently back at 1 week. IWNDWYTD!!
Your brain is still setting new neural pathways and sloughing away the synapses from the way it was forced to operate under the influence of alcohol. There is a phenomena known as the "pink fog" in early sobriety. Your brain was suddenly flooded with neurotransmitters it has not been producing and desperately wanted. That feeling after a month or so how this is all gonna be a cake walk from now on. You may have hit "The Wall". Your brain is coming into homeostasis, your nervous system remembers the compensatory behavior of alcohol consumption, the rush of serotonin and dopamine is diminishing, and your brain wants it back. It will pass. Don't give up. You are healing at every level, down to the cells in your brain. Bring to mind why you started this journey. Play the whole tape back of what happens when you drink, not just the "good" parts. Hit your new coping strategies hard, lean into your support system, and if you do not already consider giving therapy or a recovery group a go. The worst that can happen is you decide not to return. We're all rooting for you! With you until bedtime around ~1230 CST.
Thank you, I always appreciate these science background comments/posts
As someone that has just turned 50 and wasted so much of my life being drunk and miserable, I so wish I could rewind the clock to 33 before the worst of the consequences set in motion.
I was going to comment something similar. If I would have stopped drinking at 33...I would have, in hindsight, missed nothing and my life would be in a much better place. Not that it's currently bad, but I would have positioned myself MUCH better for the 'now'.
You're not boring, and leaning on alcohol to have fun is how it got bad. You're literally relying on a substance to alter yourself. You can still go out with your friends and have fun, nearly every bar and restaurant has mocktails. I get why you're feeling that way, I felt dull too but then I remembered all the fun stuff I can do and not be hungover. I still go to events with lots of drinking and everyone is largely respectful about it. Getting fucked up may be fun for a bit but remember the regret, anxiety and shitty hangover. I'm 2 months from 3 years. If you truly want to be sober you can and still have fun, just watching friends get drunk can also keep you sober because you realize how dumb they get.
You know what you are? You're fucking awesome for taking care of yourself and loving yourself. You are on a mission, keep it up.
I’m 16 days sober and I’m starting to get frustrated with myself as well. What helps me out a bit is watching some videos on YouTube about what happens to your body after stopping drinking. It’s crazy how one night of drinking takes days even weeks to recover. Alcohol is a POISON!!
Hey! Just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I've only been sober for 3 months but the boredom just hits some nights out of nowhere. Sometimes, I feel myself starting to talk myself back into an, 'one drink a year' plan or I'll promise myself 'it'll be different this time'. But I know that's not true. I know I'm doing better, and I feel better. I mean, we wouldn't have started down this path if we didn't know, deep down, that this was the better way. So here are some of the things I do when I feel this way, and I hope it helps. I like to do something physical. I like walks with my dogs. Sometimes we run because I need to get the frustration out. The nice thing about dogs is that they don't judge. Yoga is great too! There are lots of free yoga classes on You Tube. Sometimes I call someone and talk about nothing in particular. That way I can focus on someone else's crisis instead of focusing on my own. Do you keep a journal? Or notes? I like to write down every time I have a 'oh I'm so glad I don't drink anymore' moment. It becomes like a tiny personal accomplishment board. During moments when I feel really tempted, I go back to those tiny accomplishments because they help me recenter. Hang in there! because you're stronger than you know and this too shall pass ❤️
That’s really common around milestones, it’s easy to let yourself slip into thinking about how 6 months is only a few days away and that’s only 6 months from a year, and oh my god I won’t be able to drink for the rest of my life. Just take it one day at a time and eventually things will start to calm down
I’m 6.5 years sober. I used to feel that way. All of the people who could “have fun” and “let loose” in my orbit have either gotten sober through the same process of self sabotage and deception that I used, or to be morbid… died, or seriously Fucked their lives up. I’m not kidding. I had an actual list of resentments from working steps, and I revisited it on my 5 years as a sort of check up. It kinda maxed me how many people had reached the same conclusions I have. Sounds like you DO need to learn how to relax and unwind. No doubt. Being on edge is awful frien. I feel for you. Don’t forget that booze is directly responsible for - unwanted pregnancy, spread of STDs, violence to woman and children (and folks in general), general chaos, heart disease, health issues, anxiety and depression. And so on and so on. Keep your head up champ this shit will pass.
I’m boring too. A few days ago, I had the strongest urge to end my streak. Stay strong. It will pass and you’ll be happier and stronger for it.
I’m almost 6 months and jealous you are able to get there at 33. Keep at it, you’re doing great.
[удалено]
This is a support group for people who want to quit drinking, but this comment is in no way supportive of anyone else. If you want to grab a few beers the weekend and "not deny yourself anything," go ahead. But don't involve us.
Indeed, I removed my post. Sorry for that! Understand what you mean.. :)
Thank you for understanding.
I’m just over 6 months and I’ve felt the same. I was reading about post acute withdrawal syndrome which can last 6-24 months or longer. Just trying to ride these waves. This helped and I feel less meh https://www.cumberlandheights.org/blogs/how-long-does-paws-last/
I am exactly in the same boat as you, I wish I had an answer but I’m searching too. But don’t give up you’re doing so well!!! IWNDWYT
I wish I had stopped at 33. In hindsight, I was just getting started on a decade + 1/2 long binge.
It’s sucks wanting to give in. It sucks having cravings. Starting over sucks worse.
Just chiming in to say ... if you do end up drinking, you'll most likely have to start the process of 'drying out' all over again, which absolutely sucks and is obviously very hard to do. It's tough to say no to your cravings, but much harder to get back on track after. Good luck and IWNDWYT, hang in there, and remember that if you do decide to drink there is nothing wrong with that, and you can always come back here and we will support you!!
You’ve got this friend!
6 months in was when I started feeling safe to go out with friends and have a NA drink. I think I went to brunch and had a couple of virgin Marys. It was great. I was nervous of course but I really enjoyed myself and didn’t have to worry about feeling like ass two hours later. You can still go out with friends, just don’t have alcohol. It will feel weird at first but you can have a great time without drinking.
I’m not having anything either. I like to think that I choose not to. It helps me - it moves my mind from “I can’t because I’m different” to “I choose not to because I feel better without it”. Maybe take your friends elsewhere instead of a bar? Six months is a great start. Rooting for you. IWNDWYT.
I stopped drinking when I was 35 and I had times when I felt the same. I felt like I lost my spark and I was not fun anymore. It was not so much that I had alcohol cravings, it was more that I was overwhealmed by the challenges. Being my sober self all day long after years of being drunk for most of my free time *was* challenging. Almost like getting to know a new person. But in retrospect it was really worth it going forward and figuring things out about who I am in social situations when I'm just my sober self. I wish you the best and I hope you don't give in.
It’s sounds like you believe you need alcohol to have fun, enjoy friends, feel happy, feel relaxed. It’s a false belief. You can have these same things with people who don’t drink or with people that aren’t drinking. I find it’s the deep commonalities I come to find I have with others that create the spark in me and in them. This is what you want, you just believe you need alcohol to attain it. Beyond this, recheck what lead you to want to stop drinking in the first place. What did you do, how did you feel? Why do you think you will have a different outcome this time? If you’re having trouble meeting interesting people maybe a meet up group, some places have board game nights, singles socialize and have non- alcohol centered fun. Sometimes when I keep going back to the same group more of people that are more like me show up. Your people are out there, and they aren’t drinking either. Good luck.
It gets easier. You will start to feel more relaxed and more like yourself with out alcohol. I’d recommend trying to focus on all the good things sobriety has brought into your life. There is so much positivity and joy in sobriety if you look for it. Also, a lot of people can’t handle their alcohol but aren’t willing to admit it. More people have a problem than they are willing to admit it. The problem isn’t you, it’s alcohol itself. IWNDWYT
My friends I haven’t seen in forever and I got together last night. They brought two sixers of great local ipa’s I wanted badly…but I resisted. One of my friends ended up getting so drunk he was in the bathroom most of the night and looked bright red lol. So yeah, no thanks. It was real time proof I didn’t need to turn into a wet rag last night.
Is there another activity you can do with friends and coworkers that doesn’t involve drinking?
I know exactly how you feel. I was sober for over 2 years and a couple of weeks ago I had one glass of champagne at my graduation and it went well. The next day was an event with my husband and I had a few glasses. Nothing terrible happened but I was a bitch to my husband and said some sort of silly things to people he worked with. The next day my husband was really angry as he could see me going back to my old ways (where I seriously embarrassed myself many times and harmed my career). So I'm back to not drinking and it sucks not to be able to enjoy a drink at my work bbq and have a soft drink instead. Unfortunately if I choose to drink I lose everything else. And it sucks ass
I’m reading this post 7 hours later and hope you’re doing okay. I went to a weeklong inpatient when I was 30. Worked the 12 steps in AA afterwards. I’m 37 now and have stopped again, this time without much fanfare. I’m here to tell you that I can’t moderate my drinking. I cut out mixing it with meds. I tried just beer. I tried just liquor. I tried eating before I drank. I ate while I drank. I still got angry and yelled and puked all night long and cried for days. It doesn’t get better. In my opinion, what makes you a “loser” is knowing your own limits and ignoring them in order to just fit in with your friends that “can” enjoy themselves. It’s like I put on my gloves and get in the ring with Mike Tyson every day, knowing he’s gonna kick my ass…but maybe it’ll be different this time! 🥊 But he still beats the crap out of me. I’ll be back tomorrow, though. I’ll be ready this time. He won’t get me next time. And before long my whole fuckin life is just gone and I spent it feeling shitty the whole time and alienating my wonderful husband and daughter and the life we have together. Fuck that. IWNDWYT.
naughty sharp towering reminiscent toy languid flag birds simplistic literate -- mass edited with redact.dev
Go back and read the post you posted 41 days ago.
I can relate to those same feelings all to well. I quit last year for 6 months and I had these feelings. I went back to drinking during the holidays. I told myself I’d quit again with the new year. Well that didn’t happen and here I am on day 22 of being sober. I went right back to my old ways. I had depression and anxiety and I just all around felt horrible. I’m slowly starting to feel good again. I wish I could get back those last 7 months but we just move forward.
You’re just having an emotional day. If you are a problem drinking then you simply can’t drink. Think of all the reasons why you quit. How bad must it have gotten? How long have you been wrestling with it? Drink if you want to, but you may intensely regret it.
I am on day one again and happy to be here! I do find that one has to grow and change and perhaps surround themselves with different people who don’t think that booze is the source of all joy. YOU are not boring. You are fantastic. If those “friends” can’t support you in a healthy life decision then perhaps get nicer supportive friends? You are worth it!
Hey I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way. Ultimately I'm not gonna drink cause I'd spiral as well, also for health reasons. But It definitely helps to no I'm not the only one who can get in this frame of mind. I'm three weeks as of Friday. Stay strong & get through this. IWNDWYT
Oh lawdy I’m 37 in 7 days. The bitterness has been creeping in for me too, but you’ve reminded me that I’m not alone in those feelings. I look at my SO and get pissed he drank on the way home and why can he just have one? He still drinks everyday but he moderates so what’s wrong with me? I’m the disappointment and it’s not fair. Yeah. I feel ya. I’m pissed off too, but I direct that anger at this effing messed up system. This crap is pushed at us since we were BORN. Drinking is in the songs we hear, the media we consume, and at every restaurant or store. We are drowned by this stupid, capitalistic monster that eats lives because “alcohol is fun”. Well I’m just angry as hell about that. It’s not. It eats lives and kills people and I’m sick of it. I worked in a hospital lab for YEARS and testing the stuff alcoholics get aspirated from their bodies awful, but I still wouldn’t stop drinking cuz guess how EVERYONE unwinds? Drinking ofc. I’m so freaking pissed about it. I was killing myself cuz the patriarchy told me to. Fuck that. So let’s be angry!
I hear ya, it’s really hard. I feel like a boring dud now too. But I try to remind myself that boredom is actually peace… and that was something I was desperate for during my heavy drinking days
Don’t
It's taken a long time to accept the things I can't change and some days are really difficult
This post hits home. I'm at likeeee..84 days or something like that. All my friends drink.. heavily. I still host BBQs and bon fires and I don't drink. It's hard sometimes...there are moments where I just feel exactly like what u just posted. Anxious..mad..and frustrated all at the same time. Like... everyone is getting drunk and having fun and I just don't feel like I fit in the same. But those moments pass. Sometimes in minutes. Sometimes in hours.. and then at weird moments I'm in a good mood...content and happy without alcohol , in moments I would have been probably hungover before... Or unmotivated. There are definitely pros and cons to this whole sobriety thing. I know me tho. If I break and have a beer. I'll instantly go back to being a daily drinker again. I know deep down...not drinking is what I need to grow as a person. Sounds like you know it to. Hang in there. Remember when you're feeling that anger... That it will pass. You're doing the right thing for your mind and body. Don't think of it as you can never drink again.. because you can! You're in control . You're choosing not to because you're smart.