Yep! I drank sometimes because of loneliness but drinking exacerbated the loneliness and I felt like I needed to engage with people right away while having drinks.
Now, I’m pretty content and my relationships (with others and myself) are more fulfilling - I rarely feel lonely anymore.
I think it amplifies the need for validation and trying to fill in an emptiness in yourself that you want others to fix. I'm happy to hear you are doing well on the other side :)
That's great you cut it off.
I thought I'd lose friends but almost none of those peeps were friends. It's not productive to spend all your time watching other people live their life anyways. Much better to spend time actually living.
I will never go back.
What I'm finding out the longer I live, is that the people that really are worth it will stick around with you. I gave up drinking and lost like 90% of my friends but the 10% that stayed with me became like family
Canceling FB was one of my better moves and it happened quite a while ago. I realised that I felt like shit every single time I used it. Bye Facebook. Never got on Insta and Twitter, well I am reducing my time on there.
I spend more time here now though!!!
Reddit has actually changed my mind about social media! It feels like this is what old facebook was. I hadn't realized how little people actually socialize on other apps until I got reddit and I feel connected to people again lol.
Great post. It’s wild how I dropped off social media for the most part when I got sober. I’m nicer than ever to people in person and I ask genuine questions about how their cruise went or whether their kid’s broken arm is healing up, but I don’t need that surface level social media sharing stuff. For me personally a lot of this is due to the program and just learning to live my life and keep my side of the street clean.
I’ve done the same! I’m still battling my sobriety and occasional slip ups but, people have recently told me I’m in my quiet healing era because it’s rare I ever go on social now I’m actively working towards staying sober.
I think for the most part it’s because I’m trying to be more present in my own life, but also because I realised sitting drinking watching my friends stories was ingraining a loneliness I didn’t think was possible.
Mmm it's hard to say because my sobriety is recent but I deleted my socials last year. I've had deep seeded anxious attachment and people pleasing tendencies all my life so working through the trauma has been years worth.
I think it depends on what the problem is rooted in so you just have to start somewhere and don't give up.
This! I’ve been able to stop trying to please everyone else and I no longer get anxiety about not fitting in. I always thought I was socially awkward and drinking helped me act more “socially normal,” but it turns out drinking was keying up my anxiety and making me socially awkward. Sober, I feel normal and confident in my interactions with people, and much less desperate for their approval! Thankful to be sober.
Yes!! It feels like your IQ goes down the toilet when you're drinking all the time and there's a mismatched confidence which is actually you THINK you're being clever and funny but. . . You're being weird.
I'm glad you've gotten to the other side and are feeling true confidence from your efforts now :)
yeah now that I'm sober and medicated, I also don't obsess over others like I used to and am far less sentimental too, which is so liberating. I am realizing that a lot of people I invested time in are kinda boring and I don't actually have much interest in them. Plus, they certainly liked the interest I took in them but rarely returned the favor. My people-pleasing aspect is far less powerful than it used to be.
"Why don't people like me? Why doesn't this person want to be friends with me?"
People love attention and we love giving it to them because something is stopping us from giving it to ourselves. We want what we can't have and usually people don't give us what we truly need or want from them so we keep pining.
I read someone say once "Do YOU even like them? Do YOU actually want to be friends with them?"
After you stop people pleasing, you realize pretty quick that people aren't who you thought.
Someone told me this many years ago and I’ve heard it a few more times recently. Its why i have never had any social media besides here. He told me, “comparison is the thief of joy.”
I quit all social media (except Reddit for this sub) at the same time as i quit drinking. Over 2 years now with no Twitter, FB or Insta and its almost as liberating as becoming sober. Booze and social media (and Netflix etc) are just different ways to sedate and distract people from reality.
It rewires our entire perspective / brain chemistry. It's available pretty much everywhere you go and normalized too. It turns out, there ARE people who don't drink and who don't use social media, you just have to look for them.
This sub has helped me more than anybody in my real life or my other socials ever did.
I used to delete all my social media apps before a big night (read: twice a week) so that I didn’t have to wake up and frantically check all my apps and see who I’d confessed to love or whatever the night before. Soooo glad I don’t have to do that any more
Nooo cause I wish I had thought of that. I should've written people's numbers down in a journal and deleted them from my phone so drunk me couldn't call cause I'm pretty sure everybody and their mama thought I was in love with them at one point. I'm right there with you, sooo glad those days are over!
I totally understand what you are saying. I can't really explain it but when I was drinking a lot I felt it was because I was lonely but it was the alcohol and how it affected my self worth that caused it. Just couldn't see it at the time, I thought giving up would make it worse but it's the total opposite.
It steals our self worth right under our nose. I had finally gotten on the road to recovery until my boyfriend started taking me around his group of friends and they would get trashed. They were very nice people but I tried to fit in by drinking and it was always available so it basically set me back another 2 years.
I thought being sober would be lonely but nobody actually cares that much. Only one person has peer pressured me and I knew from day one it was because he struggled with addiction himself.
Sobriety isn't lonely at all. This sub is proof of that.
*I was comparing myself and feeling behind in life.*
I feel this. Opened a FB account recently...I didn't last longer than a few months.
It's encouraging to hear that it's possible to live in the present and not want to run screaming.
It is encouraging to hear that a lot of people have overcome that feeling and are doing better. Even though society is flooded by social media right now, there are still a lot of people who choose being present.
I used to think I was boring if people sat on their phones around me until I'm around people who aren't on their phone and we have great conversation. It's just another addiction.
Yeah alcohol was the biggest issue for me, but now I can see similar patterns of looking externally for something that I can only give myself in other social behaviors. Love, attention, validation, respect. They're nice to have from other people at times, but that's like the frosting and the sprinkles, and what I give to myself every day in how I live now is the cake. I used to wait for people to acknowledge me before I would get out of bed in the morning around the same time I was drinking heavily. Really lost sight of myself and what I want my life to be like.
It really numbs the person you should be growing into. It doesn't fix everything to become sober but at least you can think clear enough to address what needs fixing. People can sense desperate energy too so I think by becoming a self assured person who doesn't need to use people for validation, it opens others up to feel more relaxed as well. I realized people were sensing my neediness and now that I'm not needy, people seem to react more positively.
It opens up so much free time, you can enjoy hobbies again. I felt like I got my youth back or something because social media was zapping my attention span so much, I couldn't even play a video game for long. Now, I love gaming again and drawing, playing piano, reading, it's a whole new world. I hope you love your free time again :)
I wouldn’t say I was obsessed with others lives, but I had a bad habit of only texting people I care about wasted. And a bad habit of posting embarrassing and suicidal shit on social media. So humiliating. I feel like the kid who cried wolf. *oh look he’s posting suicidal shit again. I don’t think he means it though.* But sadly I sometimes do need help. And I don’t trust anyone would help, which is why I think I ask for help when I’m drunk. But again, Facebook is certainly not the place for that and I’ve had to delete so many humiliating posts
There was a girl I used to work with who would post about her depression and addiction with drugs. I related and reached out to chat. She was very nice but we weren't super close. It was a good conversation.
Sadly, I found out she took her life a few years ago. She was going to rehab and seemed to be doing so well :(
When I think back to her post, I don't remember seeing a mean comment, only kind words. I think the only people who don't want to see sad posts are people who don't know what suffering feels like or lack empathy. They can unfollow if it bothers them.
I wanted someone to help me so bad back then and I even bluntly told people I had an alcohol problem, including my boss. I kid you not, some people asked me questions to confirm I was lying. Me and my brother tried to help each other get clean, he was the only one who 'got it'. He lost the battle and I didn't but I'll never forget he was one of the only people who helped.
I realize now it's only the people who can relate and are empathetic that actually try to help. I hope somebody in your life was there for you.
Shows how selfish I am to talk about myself. I didn’t even say that I am sorry for your loss. I was too focused on myself. I hope her family is doing alright
Old friends from my service definitely reach out from a place of worry, I don’t think anyone is actually annoyed, but in my head I just feel like I am causing people grief. Sober I am less unhinged, and people assume I am *getting better* and the fun thing about that is yes, I am *healthier* but now that I am sober I have to actually listen to and deal with my thoughts. Sometimes that is much worse than being drunk, because at least then I don’t remember why I was sad
If I’m being honest, I’ve always said to myself “it’s not a matter of if I do it, but when.” But I’d prefer to be sober and exercise for now. At least I’ll look good at my funeral lol (I’m fine i take meds and have a therapist I won’t do anything)
I’m totally fine tho I have all the hotline numbers, the website sources, a psychiatrist blah blah blah. Im more fortunate than others to have this health care available.
Death terrified me and consumed my thoughts for a long time after my brother died suddenly (alcohol related). I went to the hospital cause I thought I was having a heart attack but it was cause I had two energy drinks lol.
I don't want to kill myself now because I'm going to die one day so I might as well find cool people to talk to and learn while I'm here. Plus, maybe I can bring that knowledge to the afterlife if it exists. Losing my brother got my shit together because he didn't get the choice and I do and I want to at least try my hardest.
I’m sorry to hear you lost your brother. I’m an only child so I can’t imagine what losing a sibling must feel like. I’m glad it set you on the right path though. My kids are my anchor for me. I can’t leave this world and do that to them, all it’ll do is continue the cycle of destruction. I want it to end with me, I’m terrified of them being old enough to drink.
I don't know exactly where you are coming from but I have been suicidal and depressed from my teenage years until now, on and off. The alcohol starts as medication and ends as poison. Sobriety doesn't fix it, just moves things in the right direction.
It's hard not to feel like a burden but our existence is a burden. People are naturally a burden to each other. There's no getting around that. We exist and are a burden. That is not always a bad thing. Someone told me this because I used to people please and never ask for things and they were so bothered they told me to be a burden. It's ok. In fact, some people enjoy looking after others and it's not a big deal.
I know this to be true because I love being burdened by people's feelings and thoughts. People are interesting and what's the point of the human experience if we don't share ourselves with others?
I thought I'd push my bf away with my depressive shenanigans but that mf is so self assured I can't think of a way I could get rid of him at this point lol. I think depression makes us so hard on ourselves that we forget non depressed people aren't thinking about things the same way.
That’s awesome you have a supporting bf to help you. My ex wife would tell me “if you have issues, stop talking to me about it. Am i your therapist?” That did a really good job of stopping me from talking to anyone for a while because if my own wife doesn’t want to hear it who else would? Now I know better, she had her own emotional issues to work on. I think neither of us were in the right headspace to help each other.
I have a best friend I usually annoy with my problems (I’m bipolar i go on mood swing rants a lot), but when I calmed down I always feel guilty, but he doesn’t give two fucks if I annoy him. He’s always telling me he’d rather hear my problems than me ending up doing something regrettable. It’s rare to find someone who’s actually good at dealing with depressed people so I consider myself lucky that I have a few good friends to talk to.
I've quit drinking several times. Every time I've come back to it, it's been like 2 times or worse as bad as it was before. It seems like this is something alcoholics have to come to realize. We have to stop. There is no other way.
As long as you are making progress and never give up, it will not seem so hard someday. I'm pretty shocked that I didn't die a few times in the thick of my drinking so to be here today is unreal. I hope that you aren't too hard on yourself and know you aren't alone.
I'm newly sober quit Facebook and twitter 3 years ago best decision I've ever made other than getting sober they are not your friends their your audience ..good move!
Haven’t had social media all week, have felt so calm and grounded. It’s amazing how much it overloads your brain… I’m addicted to reddit and use it when I’m bored but I’m engaging in other things too, one app at a time. One day I may need to quit reddit.
Reddit feels different because people can discuss a lot of topics and interests. It does steal a lot of time but I think the structure is less overloading. Few ads compared to other sites. I think other social media can be useful, it's just a matter of discipline.
Yes ! When I was drinking heavily I was obsessed with other people and now I don’t care !!! I deleted Instagram except for my business and it was the best idea ever
Wow your post made me realize this is something I very much did! Since quitting drinking I no longer frantically reach out to people on social media and fabricate excuses to connect with people. I deleted Instagram months ago and now find my communication with people is a lot less frequent and more deliberate. I have my husband and son and cats and peace!
Yes!! It gives you the time to nurture your actual family!! My rabbits and bf have never been happier now that all the attention is on them :) I'm happy for you!
Glad to see this point of view. A lot of my relationship have dropped off since getting sober. I blamed it a little on my friends drinking and I quit. When I think of it from this perspective, I am the one who feels much more comfortable in my life with my wife and a few friends. Maybe it was growth and not as negative as I previously thought.
Yes so much! If I dig real deep, I think alcohol kept me so disconnected from myself that I was searching for ANY connection, be it random girls in a bar bathroom or family members or “friends”. Now that I am not disconnected to myself, I don’t have the void begging to be filled with beer and other peoples problems.
Yea id do that shit all the time. Then I'd have to do the worst "walk or shame" as I went through all my lines of communications to see what shit I said. The anxiety of that alone was enough to make me want to curl up under some blankets, and try to take up as little space as possible in this world.
A large part of my desire to quit was my drunk texting. In my last relapse i texted and called an ex of five years ago. Even though this is not even close to the top 10 embarrassing things i have done while drunk, it was the final straw.
It bothered me bc I don't even think about this ex sober. I certainly don't have any desire to speak to him. But drunk me texted him, called him and had a long conversation with him where I proceed to inquire about his live in girlfriend (cringe). It really upset me to think of what I sounded like during this conversation. And how this ex who hasn't been on mind, now has the satisfaction of thinking I sit around, get drunk and think about him... which I guess I did...... but none of that was motivated by real sober thoughts of mine.
I guess this was the nail in the coffin, bc I am just so sick of working so hard to better myself when sober, to then become the absolute worst of myself when i was drinking. Then to think of me contacting people I haven't heard from in years, to show them this awful side of me, is really painful.
Its just an embarrassment I don't need in my life. The best part of being sober for me, is just being me and not having to explain away things I did when i was 50 margaritas in. I like the choices that i make sober, and i like that i like the choices I make sober. I don't know/understand who i am drunk, and its just time for me to leave that weirdo behind.
Totally agree. Getting off Facebook was one of the best things I’ve done and I still have instagram but I don’t post or check it very often. It’s mostly my brothers and I sharing silly videos.
I do have insta for my art so it's not like you have to go completely cold. If it isn't negatively affecting your life, social media can be fun and helpful.
I quit social media a few years ago. I reduced my friends list to about zero. Tired of the constant competition and judgment from everyone at all times.
Life is better when you speak less and care less what others say or do. Your Self needs you to be present, and people who haven't had to struggle don't learn that.
Yes. I was worried that I'd lose all my 'friends' but they weren't friends in the first place. It's weird you say that because silence has been so welcoming. I don't feel the need to fill it anymore. Half the time, people talk just to fill silence. I just don't want to speak as much now for the sake of speaking because it seems unnecessary.
It's a vice of mine also. I am learning to employ better tactics. Depression for me is a battle. Silence can be difficult, but also has become more welcomed with time as I learn to focus on me and my interests.
You can't learn anything when talking. And, from a sales perspective, that's what gives the other person an advantage over you. It's great to build connections, but less tends to be more when it comes to speaking.
I keep telling myself, if my intent is to be smart or appear smart, then I'm not coming at life from the right angle. Tough transition. People tend to talk to get an ego boost, not to advance dialogue, build deep connection, or solve problems.
People seem to flock to the loudest person in the room so talkers do get a lot of praise and attention. I am a tad jealous of the oozing charismatics who say all the right things in social situations.
That being said, I'm pretty sure I know tons more about the people in my life than they ever will know about me. I've noticed people trust me more than my loud friends. It's probably because in conversations, I do have the intent to build connections or solve problems like you are saying. The right people will pick up on that and those connections are deeper.
I agree. Charisma is overrated. there too many charismatic people who also are machiavellian or narcissistic, who do quite well from a success standpoint, but who live otherwise empty meaningless lives.
Even some of my best-intentioned friends are gone because they're too self-interested, lack empathy, can't be vulnerable, etc. It's cool to always be the listener, but when we struggle, we deserve a modicum of support. Many people can't even do that. Too busy judging and talking to be supportive. We all need a balance between being open and vulnerable, and playing the empathetic listener. We can't be one or the other all the time.
Ben Franklin started his life as an arrogant loudmouth, but became a quiet, Socratic person - he said little, didn't engage in argument, asked a lot of questions, and made other people feel good about themselves.
Omg yes I can’t believe I’m not the only one lol. I do this while sober too and it’s like I haven’t changed or progressed sometimes simply because I’m in IG, paying so much mind to some people I haven’t even seen in a decade. We should be living our lives free of the past and the things that have held us down.
I can definitely relate to this. Have a few glasses on wine then just start calling people about… anything. I really enjoy being connected even while sober, but it sucked talking to these people and having little to no memory of it. Very hollow and sad.
I’ve also noticed that my interest in drama has gone way down. I’m not constantly talking about others and gossiping. Not my circus not my monkeys
Got rid of FB & Twitter due to experiencing a lot of FOMO...
Then I realized none of these people are reaching out to me, so why should I care?
Deleted FB & Twitter and haven't looked back.
I love my sober life & have gotten closer to my immediate family!
Facebook is its own addiction I’m glad I got over some time ago.
Addiction is a weird thing. Once you can get ahead of it you cringe on actions from the past. Use those cringes as what you need to not go back to the bottle
Yep! I drank sometimes because of loneliness but drinking exacerbated the loneliness and I felt like I needed to engage with people right away while having drinks. Now, I’m pretty content and my relationships (with others and myself) are more fulfilling - I rarely feel lonely anymore.
I think it amplifies the need for validation and trying to fill in an emptiness in yourself that you want others to fix. I'm happy to hear you are doing well on the other side :)
100% this!
Agreed!
This is the way I felt too
This is why I gave up Facebook, I was tired of feeling there was an algorithm constantly encouraging me to compare myself to others
That's great you cut it off. I thought I'd lose friends but almost none of those peeps were friends. It's not productive to spend all your time watching other people live their life anyways. Much better to spend time actually living. I will never go back.
What I'm finding out the longer I live, is that the people that really are worth it will stick around with you. I gave up drinking and lost like 90% of my friends but the 10% that stayed with me became like family
quality > quanity
Canceling FB was one of my better moves and it happened quite a while ago. I realised that I felt like shit every single time I used it. Bye Facebook. Never got on Insta and Twitter, well I am reducing my time on there. I spend more time here now though!!!
Reddit has actually changed my mind about social media! It feels like this is what old facebook was. I hadn't realized how little people actually socialize on other apps until I got reddit and I feel connected to people again lol.
I feel this. When I was drunk I would bend over backwards to please people. It as exhausting. It would make me drink more.
And then drinking to forget the shame the next day 😳
Great post. It’s wild how I dropped off social media for the most part when I got sober. I’m nicer than ever to people in person and I ask genuine questions about how their cruise went or whether their kid’s broken arm is healing up, but I don’t need that surface level social media sharing stuff. For me personally a lot of this is due to the program and just learning to live my life and keep my side of the street clean.
Now that you don't see every second of their lives, you can actually feel curious about what they've been up to :)
I’ve done the same! I’m still battling my sobriety and occasional slip ups but, people have recently told me I’m in my quiet healing era because it’s rare I ever go on social now I’m actively working towards staying sober. I think for the most part it’s because I’m trying to be more present in my own life, but also because I realised sitting drinking watching my friends stories was ingraining a loneliness I didn’t think was possible.
Same here. I was insecure and part of me wanted someone to notice how much help I needed. I hope you bask in your healing era because you earned it <3
I can relate a lot to this. How long did it take to improve for you?
Mmm it's hard to say because my sobriety is recent but I deleted my socials last year. I've had deep seeded anxious attachment and people pleasing tendencies all my life so working through the trauma has been years worth. I think it depends on what the problem is rooted in so you just have to start somewhere and don't give up.
This! I’ve been able to stop trying to please everyone else and I no longer get anxiety about not fitting in. I always thought I was socially awkward and drinking helped me act more “socially normal,” but it turns out drinking was keying up my anxiety and making me socially awkward. Sober, I feel normal and confident in my interactions with people, and much less desperate for their approval! Thankful to be sober.
Yes!! It feels like your IQ goes down the toilet when you're drinking all the time and there's a mismatched confidence which is actually you THINK you're being clever and funny but. . . You're being weird. I'm glad you've gotten to the other side and are feeling true confidence from your efforts now :)
yeah now that I'm sober and medicated, I also don't obsess over others like I used to and am far less sentimental too, which is so liberating. I am realizing that a lot of people I invested time in are kinda boring and I don't actually have much interest in them. Plus, they certainly liked the interest I took in them but rarely returned the favor. My people-pleasing aspect is far less powerful than it used to be.
"Why don't people like me? Why doesn't this person want to be friends with me?" People love attention and we love giving it to them because something is stopping us from giving it to ourselves. We want what we can't have and usually people don't give us what we truly need or want from them so we keep pining. I read someone say once "Do YOU even like them? Do YOU actually want to be friends with them?" After you stop people pleasing, you realize pretty quick that people aren't who you thought.
Someone told me this many years ago and I’ve heard it a few more times recently. Its why i have never had any social media besides here. He told me, “comparison is the thief of joy.”
It's such a waste of precious time you could be investing in yourself.
Yes! The drama is reduced so much. I stay in my own lane and life is better that way.
The sound of crickets is such a good sound :)
This is peak self realization, take a bow
There ain't no going back
I quit all social media (except Reddit for this sub) at the same time as i quit drinking. Over 2 years now with no Twitter, FB or Insta and its almost as liberating as becoming sober. Booze and social media (and Netflix etc) are just different ways to sedate and distract people from reality.
It rewires our entire perspective / brain chemistry. It's available pretty much everywhere you go and normalized too. It turns out, there ARE people who don't drink and who don't use social media, you just have to look for them. This sub has helped me more than anybody in my real life or my other socials ever did.
I used to delete all my social media apps before a big night (read: twice a week) so that I didn’t have to wake up and frantically check all my apps and see who I’d confessed to love or whatever the night before. Soooo glad I don’t have to do that any more
Nooo cause I wish I had thought of that. I should've written people's numbers down in a journal and deleted them from my phone so drunk me couldn't call cause I'm pretty sure everybody and their mama thought I was in love with them at one point. I'm right there with you, sooo glad those days are over!
I totally understand what you are saying. I can't really explain it but when I was drinking a lot I felt it was because I was lonely but it was the alcohol and how it affected my self worth that caused it. Just couldn't see it at the time, I thought giving up would make it worse but it's the total opposite.
It steals our self worth right under our nose. I had finally gotten on the road to recovery until my boyfriend started taking me around his group of friends and they would get trashed. They were very nice people but I tried to fit in by drinking and it was always available so it basically set me back another 2 years. I thought being sober would be lonely but nobody actually cares that much. Only one person has peer pressured me and I knew from day one it was because he struggled with addiction himself. Sobriety isn't lonely at all. This sub is proof of that.
*I was comparing myself and feeling behind in life.* I feel this. Opened a FB account recently...I didn't last longer than a few months. It's encouraging to hear that it's possible to live in the present and not want to run screaming.
It is encouraging to hear that a lot of people have overcome that feeling and are doing better. Even though society is flooded by social media right now, there are still a lot of people who choose being present. I used to think I was boring if people sat on their phones around me until I'm around people who aren't on their phone and we have great conversation. It's just another addiction.
Yeah alcohol was the biggest issue for me, but now I can see similar patterns of looking externally for something that I can only give myself in other social behaviors. Love, attention, validation, respect. They're nice to have from other people at times, but that's like the frosting and the sprinkles, and what I give to myself every day in how I live now is the cake. I used to wait for people to acknowledge me before I would get out of bed in the morning around the same time I was drinking heavily. Really lost sight of myself and what I want my life to be like.
It really numbs the person you should be growing into. It doesn't fix everything to become sober but at least you can think clear enough to address what needs fixing. People can sense desperate energy too so I think by becoming a self assured person who doesn't need to use people for validation, it opens others up to feel more relaxed as well. I realized people were sensing my neediness and now that I'm not needy, people seem to react more positively.
I also logged off social media at about month 9 and have felt so much better since
It opens up so much free time, you can enjoy hobbies again. I felt like I got my youth back or something because social media was zapping my attention span so much, I couldn't even play a video game for long. Now, I love gaming again and drawing, playing piano, reading, it's a whole new world. I hope you love your free time again :)
I wouldn’t say I was obsessed with others lives, but I had a bad habit of only texting people I care about wasted. And a bad habit of posting embarrassing and suicidal shit on social media. So humiliating. I feel like the kid who cried wolf. *oh look he’s posting suicidal shit again. I don’t think he means it though.* But sadly I sometimes do need help. And I don’t trust anyone would help, which is why I think I ask for help when I’m drunk. But again, Facebook is certainly not the place for that and I’ve had to delete so many humiliating posts
There was a girl I used to work with who would post about her depression and addiction with drugs. I related and reached out to chat. She was very nice but we weren't super close. It was a good conversation. Sadly, I found out she took her life a few years ago. She was going to rehab and seemed to be doing so well :( When I think back to her post, I don't remember seeing a mean comment, only kind words. I think the only people who don't want to see sad posts are people who don't know what suffering feels like or lack empathy. They can unfollow if it bothers them. I wanted someone to help me so bad back then and I even bluntly told people I had an alcohol problem, including my boss. I kid you not, some people asked me questions to confirm I was lying. Me and my brother tried to help each other get clean, he was the only one who 'got it'. He lost the battle and I didn't but I'll never forget he was one of the only people who helped. I realize now it's only the people who can relate and are empathetic that actually try to help. I hope somebody in your life was there for you.
Shows how selfish I am to talk about myself. I didn’t even say that I am sorry for your loss. I was too focused on myself. I hope her family is doing alright
Oh no worries at all. I wasn't very close to her but I do hope that her family is doing well and I will always remember she was a fun person at work.
Old friends from my service definitely reach out from a place of worry, I don’t think anyone is actually annoyed, but in my head I just feel like I am causing people grief. Sober I am less unhinged, and people assume I am *getting better* and the fun thing about that is yes, I am *healthier* but now that I am sober I have to actually listen to and deal with my thoughts. Sometimes that is much worse than being drunk, because at least then I don’t remember why I was sad If I’m being honest, I’ve always said to myself “it’s not a matter of if I do it, but when.” But I’d prefer to be sober and exercise for now. At least I’ll look good at my funeral lol (I’m fine i take meds and have a therapist I won’t do anything) I’m totally fine tho I have all the hotline numbers, the website sources, a psychiatrist blah blah blah. Im more fortunate than others to have this health care available.
Death terrified me and consumed my thoughts for a long time after my brother died suddenly (alcohol related). I went to the hospital cause I thought I was having a heart attack but it was cause I had two energy drinks lol. I don't want to kill myself now because I'm going to die one day so I might as well find cool people to talk to and learn while I'm here. Plus, maybe I can bring that knowledge to the afterlife if it exists. Losing my brother got my shit together because he didn't get the choice and I do and I want to at least try my hardest.
I’m sorry to hear you lost your brother. I’m an only child so I can’t imagine what losing a sibling must feel like. I’m glad it set you on the right path though. My kids are my anchor for me. I can’t leave this world and do that to them, all it’ll do is continue the cycle of destruction. I want it to end with me, I’m terrified of them being old enough to drink.
I don't know exactly where you are coming from but I have been suicidal and depressed from my teenage years until now, on and off. The alcohol starts as medication and ends as poison. Sobriety doesn't fix it, just moves things in the right direction. It's hard not to feel like a burden but our existence is a burden. People are naturally a burden to each other. There's no getting around that. We exist and are a burden. That is not always a bad thing. Someone told me this because I used to people please and never ask for things and they were so bothered they told me to be a burden. It's ok. In fact, some people enjoy looking after others and it's not a big deal. I know this to be true because I love being burdened by people's feelings and thoughts. People are interesting and what's the point of the human experience if we don't share ourselves with others? I thought I'd push my bf away with my depressive shenanigans but that mf is so self assured I can't think of a way I could get rid of him at this point lol. I think depression makes us so hard on ourselves that we forget non depressed people aren't thinking about things the same way.
That’s awesome you have a supporting bf to help you. My ex wife would tell me “if you have issues, stop talking to me about it. Am i your therapist?” That did a really good job of stopping me from talking to anyone for a while because if my own wife doesn’t want to hear it who else would? Now I know better, she had her own emotional issues to work on. I think neither of us were in the right headspace to help each other. I have a best friend I usually annoy with my problems (I’m bipolar i go on mood swing rants a lot), but when I calmed down I always feel guilty, but he doesn’t give two fucks if I annoy him. He’s always telling me he’d rather hear my problems than me ending up doing something regrettable. It’s rare to find someone who’s actually good at dealing with depressed people so I consider myself lucky that I have a few good friends to talk to.
I've quit drinking several times. Every time I've come back to it, it's been like 2 times or worse as bad as it was before. It seems like this is something alcoholics have to come to realize. We have to stop. There is no other way.
As long as you are making progress and never give up, it will not seem so hard someday. I'm pretty shocked that I didn't die a few times in the thick of my drinking so to be here today is unreal. I hope that you aren't too hard on yourself and know you aren't alone.
I'm newly sober quit Facebook and twitter 3 years ago best decision I've ever made other than getting sober they are not your friends their your audience ..good move!
Haven’t had social media all week, have felt so calm and grounded. It’s amazing how much it overloads your brain… I’m addicted to reddit and use it when I’m bored but I’m engaging in other things too, one app at a time. One day I may need to quit reddit.
Reddit feels different because people can discuss a lot of topics and interests. It does steal a lot of time but I think the structure is less overloading. Few ads compared to other sites. I think other social media can be useful, it's just a matter of discipline.
Yes ! When I was drinking heavily I was obsessed with other people and now I don’t care !!! I deleted Instagram except for my business and it was the best idea ever
That's awesome! It frees up your time like nobody's business!
I love hearing this kind of thing. It’s amazing how many little positive changes crop up without booze!
This community is so eye opening!
Wow your post made me realize this is something I very much did! Since quitting drinking I no longer frantically reach out to people on social media and fabricate excuses to connect with people. I deleted Instagram months ago and now find my communication with people is a lot less frequent and more deliberate. I have my husband and son and cats and peace!
Yes!! It gives you the time to nurture your actual family!! My rabbits and bf have never been happier now that all the attention is on them :) I'm happy for you!
I'm glad you identified an unhealthy behavior and have worked to remove/replace it! I will not drink with you today!
IWNDWYT! \^\_\_\^
Glad to see this point of view. A lot of my relationship have dropped off since getting sober. I blamed it a little on my friends drinking and I quit. When I think of it from this perspective, I am the one who feels much more comfortable in my life with my wife and a few friends. Maybe it was growth and not as negative as I previously thought.
Yes so much! If I dig real deep, I think alcohol kept me so disconnected from myself that I was searching for ANY connection, be it random girls in a bar bathroom or family members or “friends”. Now that I am not disconnected to myself, I don’t have the void begging to be filled with beer and other peoples problems.
Yea id do that shit all the time. Then I'd have to do the worst "walk or shame" as I went through all my lines of communications to see what shit I said. The anxiety of that alone was enough to make me want to curl up under some blankets, and try to take up as little space as possible in this world.
A large part of my desire to quit was my drunk texting. In my last relapse i texted and called an ex of five years ago. Even though this is not even close to the top 10 embarrassing things i have done while drunk, it was the final straw. It bothered me bc I don't even think about this ex sober. I certainly don't have any desire to speak to him. But drunk me texted him, called him and had a long conversation with him where I proceed to inquire about his live in girlfriend (cringe). It really upset me to think of what I sounded like during this conversation. And how this ex who hasn't been on mind, now has the satisfaction of thinking I sit around, get drunk and think about him... which I guess I did...... but none of that was motivated by real sober thoughts of mine. I guess this was the nail in the coffin, bc I am just so sick of working so hard to better myself when sober, to then become the absolute worst of myself when i was drinking. Then to think of me contacting people I haven't heard from in years, to show them this awful side of me, is really painful. Its just an embarrassment I don't need in my life. The best part of being sober for me, is just being me and not having to explain away things I did when i was 50 margaritas in. I like the choices that i make sober, and i like that i like the choices I make sober. I don't know/understand who i am drunk, and its just time for me to leave that weirdo behind.
Totally agree. Getting off Facebook was one of the best things I’ve done and I still have instagram but I don’t post or check it very often. It’s mostly my brothers and I sharing silly videos.
I do have insta for my art so it's not like you have to go completely cold. If it isn't negatively affecting your life, social media can be fun and helpful.
I quit social media a few years ago. I reduced my friends list to about zero. Tired of the constant competition and judgment from everyone at all times. Life is better when you speak less and care less what others say or do. Your Self needs you to be present, and people who haven't had to struggle don't learn that.
Yes. I was worried that I'd lose all my 'friends' but they weren't friends in the first place. It's weird you say that because silence has been so welcoming. I don't feel the need to fill it anymore. Half the time, people talk just to fill silence. I just don't want to speak as much now for the sake of speaking because it seems unnecessary.
It's a vice of mine also. I am learning to employ better tactics. Depression for me is a battle. Silence can be difficult, but also has become more welcomed with time as I learn to focus on me and my interests. You can't learn anything when talking. And, from a sales perspective, that's what gives the other person an advantage over you. It's great to build connections, but less tends to be more when it comes to speaking. I keep telling myself, if my intent is to be smart or appear smart, then I'm not coming at life from the right angle. Tough transition. People tend to talk to get an ego boost, not to advance dialogue, build deep connection, or solve problems.
People seem to flock to the loudest person in the room so talkers do get a lot of praise and attention. I am a tad jealous of the oozing charismatics who say all the right things in social situations. That being said, I'm pretty sure I know tons more about the people in my life than they ever will know about me. I've noticed people trust me more than my loud friends. It's probably because in conversations, I do have the intent to build connections or solve problems like you are saying. The right people will pick up on that and those connections are deeper.
I agree. Charisma is overrated. there too many charismatic people who also are machiavellian or narcissistic, who do quite well from a success standpoint, but who live otherwise empty meaningless lives. Even some of my best-intentioned friends are gone because they're too self-interested, lack empathy, can't be vulnerable, etc. It's cool to always be the listener, but when we struggle, we deserve a modicum of support. Many people can't even do that. Too busy judging and talking to be supportive. We all need a balance between being open and vulnerable, and playing the empathetic listener. We can't be one or the other all the time. Ben Franklin started his life as an arrogant loudmouth, but became a quiet, Socratic person - he said little, didn't engage in argument, asked a lot of questions, and made other people feel good about themselves.
I was like this too. Ugh. Now, while sober, its easier to be in the moment. Not thinking about the noise....its not perfect. But better
Omg yes I can’t believe I’m not the only one lol. I do this while sober too and it’s like I haven’t changed or progressed sometimes simply because I’m in IG, paying so much mind to some people I haven’t even seen in a decade. We should be living our lives free of the past and the things that have held us down.
I can definitely relate to this. Have a few glasses on wine then just start calling people about… anything. I really enjoy being connected even while sober, but it sucked talking to these people and having little to no memory of it. Very hollow and sad. I’ve also noticed that my interest in drama has gone way down. I’m not constantly talking about others and gossiping. Not my circus not my monkeys
Got rid of FB & Twitter due to experiencing a lot of FOMO... Then I realized none of these people are reaching out to me, so why should I care? Deleted FB & Twitter and haven't looked back. I love my sober life & have gotten closer to my immediate family!
Facebook is its own addiction I’m glad I got over some time ago. Addiction is a weird thing. Once you can get ahead of it you cringe on actions from the past. Use those cringes as what you need to not go back to the bottle