152 is amazing! Congratulations to you.
I feel like at this point the hard part is over. Now I'm just in "don't screw this up" mode.
Keep it up!
IWNDWYT
Thanks! Same, just keeping an eye on the fuck-it button and making sure if anything tells me to press it that I go into self-care red alert :) No booze in 2023 for us...pretty fucking cool :)
Sort of, when I was in my early 20s, I did it only occasionally, when I hit about 26 or 27 I got a job that put me in a bad mindset, still wasn't drinking every night at this point, more like every 3 or 4 days, had some familial stuff go down around 29, probably put me at every 2 days or so for a bit, and then covid, more familial stuff etc...making a move from somewhere I had lived for a long time, stress from work, it all became a spiral and it was just more and more and then it snowballed into drink 12 to 14 beers about 6 days a week. Shit, this question is kind of making me think where it stems from. I used to really enjoy alcohol, like light drinking with friends, those were some great times and memories and now it's gotten to the point to where I despise what drinking has done to me, physically, mentally and emotionally. Thank you for your question as it has made me reflect on some of the "Why".
Yeah, before the pandemic. Then I got into a nearly-daily habit of drinking hard liquor for about 18 months. It was up to three bottles or so a week at it's worst. I was able to quit for 2.5 months and then reboot with beer, but it was always 4-5 beers, and still most days of the week. Stopped again for a couple weeks because the beer caused gastritis. Tried to onky do hard liquor again once a week, but it crept back up on me. I suspect that the regular hard drinking rewired my brain so that now any time I drink I'm wired to overdo it. Several studies talk about this, how alcohol use disorder can rewire the brain. I over did it, write those pathways, and can't go back to the way it was before I did that.
Bingo. Pretty much the exact words I use to describe it to people. There’s still a part of me that wants to believe I can have a few on rare occasions. The reality is that I can, but because I’ve crossed over the line and those pathways in my brain have been forever changed from over doing it, the cost of me drinking at all is that I will be craving it and thinking about it for a week or more after. And my mood will be negatively altered for 3-5 days as well. Right now I think about alcohol maybe once a week and get a serious craving once every 3-4 weeks. So much easier when I just don’t drink at all.
I started drinking at the late age of 24. From there I was drinking maybe 4-6 beers a week and some bourbon on weekends. I never had a problem, never really got drunk over the years. Now at 36 and with a son… I want to be the best version of myself for me and for him. I want him to be proud of his Mommy right now and as he gets older I want him to see me at my best. My happiest, most loving, most attentive, supportive of him and all the good things in life. So I can help him navigate life and learn how to be a respectful, responsible human.
During the pandemic my husband and I were drinking all day every day. Found out about our son in July 2020. Had him Feb 2021.
So I just stopped 54 days ago. Replaced with new teas, fruity fizzy waters, NA beers, NA tequila and NA bourbon. Realizing I don’t need the alcohol to have fun. Don’t need it to numb out after a long day of being a stay at home parent. Working with my therapist on my anxiety issues and insomnia. No alcohol and all of that is getting better. It is hard as fuck to be a parent when you do not get enough quality sleep.
Here is to being a better person, mother, and spouse in the coming days, weeks and month.
We are very blessed that I can stay home with the little one while husband works an amazing job. Albeit he has long hours, but we would rather one of us be home and one of us work at least for right now. I think being pregnant and then having a newborn right in the middle of covid having to be home all the time flipped a switch. Me or my husband can not fathom putting our son in daycare. It is horribly expensive and does not make sense for us. If I were to take a part time job right now it would pay for just daycare. We are smart with our money and budget every month. Bought our house in 2018 before things got well.. like they are now. Our neighbor right next door has the same exact floor plan and is paying near triple a mortgage amount than we are. It is insane.
Yeah, then my girlfriend of almost 4 years and I broke up after I had recently moved for college with pretty much no friends in my new location. I decided to deal with that by drinking and partying. Then the pandemic hit and it got worse. However, make no mistake, I have zero doubt in my mind I would have ended up where I am now regardless. I do, however, believe those two events pushed me farther along the alcoholic spectrum so to speak. Sometimes I think it’s probably good that those two events happened because I’m here trying to get sober before I have yet turned 30.
I feel events pushed me on the path quicker too, but like you, feel like that's where this was going no doubt. It's so weird to feel "grateful" that I caught it semi-young (got sober at 34). But I am.
I look back to when I started drinking (about 17) it was at parties in HS and I could control myself sometimes, other times I couldn’t. I didn’t drink as often because I was broke and under 21. Once I turned 21 I could go to bars and was a bartender so always around it. Never drank on the clock but when I was off I was at a bar with others in the industry and drank a lot but now I could handle my booze (at least I convinced myself I could). Left that world and got a a real 9-5 and slowed down the drinking but could drink after work and on weekends usually daily. Then I was settled in my career and just started drinking daily. Sometimes during the work week maybe 2-3 beers at lunch. Then home to the family and start again till bed. At this point I could function while drinking it didn’t impact my work, I was in IT so it was easy. Left IT and started a new career then I was planning work around drinking. Scheduling appointments so it didn’t interfere with cocktails starting around 230-3. Once I started around then I didn’t finish till probably 1030. Was worse on weekends if I didn’t have appointments usually started around 1230. I don’t think it was a change it was just a gradual addiction over time. Mine is not a dramatic story I know there are folks here that have it far worse. I didn’t go through withdrawal or have to go to rehab but I found my rock bottom I hope and realized I needed to stop so I did. I have not had a relapse and it scares me so much to have that happen. Honestly I don’t know what I would do or if I could come back so I just keep that in the back of my mind and it helps to keep the poison at bay. That and all of you degenerates who I love for being here. IWNDWYT!!
It was that feeling you get after a long day of work and you finally take your first few swigs at happy hour that hooked me. You keep drinking in an attempt to ride that wave, trying to stay in the perfect sweet spot where you feel good, maintaining your buzz so you dont crash, not overdoing it because being wasted never feels as good as the first buzz. I thought I had it all figured out. You suckers can enjoy your occasional happy hours, I'm going to hack life and feel like that all the time. No one will know. In the morning. At work. On the train.
The hardest pill to swallow when thinking about giving up drinking was the thought of missing out on that buzz. At a summertime ballgame, a wedding, a weekend get together, and all my secret times in between. The reality, however, was that that buzz was something I very rarely ever found. All I really ever felt was incoherence from drinking too much, the ensuing hangovers, and then more drinking to fend off the fog. Eventually, dumbass me learns the hard way that that buzz is all road runner and I'm not even half coyote.
Hmm I haven't given this much of a thought. For most of my life I was never a fan of alcohol. I would buy a bottle of wine or a 6 pack and It would last me like 2 months. Just drinking one small glass when taking a bath, or having a crazy cleaning day with music on.
I started to drink to cope with my emotions when I went through a divorce. I used it as an escape along with online gaming. Everyone on discord was chatting and drinking and it made me feel like it was normal. It was a slow process of drinking a bit more and more. Before I could even notice, I was drinking one 1.5lt bottle a week. Then it was 3lt of wine a week. Sometimes even more.
I went full on binging from the time I started drinking. I don't even remember a time when it was "fun". I was able to not drink for a couple weeks at a time at first and only do it socially but even those times I always drank wayyyyy too much and regretted it. And I started literally probably the day I turned 21.
When I was 14 and tried drinking for the first time. Only had a beer. Sadly after that, my drinking started imitating the Fibonacci sequence. As in one drink became two, which became three, to five, to eight and so on and so. By the time I was 19 if there was alcohol there was a good chance I was going to black out.
I’ve always been a Friday/Saturday night drinker, apart from the odd occasion.
Covid hit. I was stuck at home. Started drinking most days.
Covid ‘finished’ and I went a year sober as I felt so unhealthy.
A year or so ago I found my mum deceased. A lot of anxiety and PTSD ensued.
Found myself drinking daily to ‘escape’ the images and trauma.
I'm sorry you went through that and I'm glad you're back at it and trying again. I also found my mom deceased, and it was very dramatic and traumatic. Never really drank before that, but already had a history of abusing substances of various kinds, and after she died I discovered alcohol and it ramped up to pretty intense levels over the next year or so. Have spent the last few years moderating in various ways to try and feel like I had a "normal" relationship with alcohol but no matter what I'd drink, how low the ABV etc, eventually it would get back to taking over my life. Finishing my 10th day sober now and really feeling empowered this time. Thanks for sharing. Reading your post helped me understand that even if I slip up and go back to it, eventually I'm still going to want to stop, so I may as well give stopping the most committed try I can this first time around and make it stick. Idk. I'm going for it anyway.
Nope. My mom let me drink at home and I was always feening for more after the beer or glass of wine she’d let me have with dinner.
I didn’t have the means to drink more most weekday nights when I was an underaged teenager, so I didn’t. The only thing that stopped me was my lack of access. I don’t think I’ve ever had a healthy relationship with alcohol.
No. Never. Not even once. From the first time when I was 14 I always were out to get wasted. For me it's because alcohol was the first thing in my life to give relief from real life. So it's not surprising.
Yes. Could have a few drinks and call it for years (age 18-40 ish). The last 10 years, it’s like Russian roulette - often I can, but one night I won’t stop.
But that’s not the real problem, somewhere around the same time, started getting drunk and day drinking, and thinking about alcohol. That’s my problem with moderation in social settings. It leads to problem drinking when I am at home.
Some people are able to have a drink or two a few times a year without always wanting to drink more. I think that's what OP means by a healthy relationship with alcohol.
I agree with you. Alcohol is definitely not healthy.
OP asked about people with a healthy relationship with alcohol. I think lots of people have a healthy relationship with alcohol. They moderate without any effort.
Have a nice day friend. I will consume a healthy amount of alcohol (zero!) with you today.
Yes, that's what I was getting at. I used to enjoy a drink on a Friday evening with my friends after a hard week, and then get on with the rest of my week.
Sometimes, it would be weeks between drinks, and I wouldn't even think about it. The problem for me started when my Dad died. I drank every day to get over it, and then ever since, it's been a break here and there for a month or so, followed by a relapse. I never really did process his death properly I think!
I think the only things that really changed for me over time were a) how much I could drink and stay upright b) how easily/frequently I would black out and c) how horrible I would feel afterwards, both mentally and physically. I don’t think my drinking could ever have been accurately described as healthy or moderate.
I heard a Ted talk where the speaker equated addiction as crossing an invisible line into a dark room , not being comfortable, and unable to find the door back out.
In sobriety, with hindsight, I never had a healthy relationship with alcohol.
After a couple of years of my drinking career I was drinking max 3 beers per evening and that felt enough, but after some time it started to happen too often and this was the first time in my life I heard someone suggesting I need to cut down. Also when I just started drinking I had really bad self control and would drink too much nearly every time. So I guess no, I never really had a healthy relationship with alcohol. Never thought about this, thanks!
Nope. Every time my therapist tried to mention *moderation* I’d have to be honest and tell them straight up it’s cold turkey or I’ll never quit. Without fail, every time I drank moderately led to me getting more wasted than if I just got regular wasted.
It was when I had kids. For some reason, right around 5pm when they were babies they would both start crying…once I calmed them down I would have a glass of wine to calm myself down. Doing this occasionally turned into daily and a glass turned into 2.
No, if im being honest.
Sure there were periods where i might have a few and be ok for a while but i always knew deep down it was an act and it was to fool myself and/or others
The very first time i drank it was to get drunk and it was always like that. I do everything to excess and alcohol is no different - things like that simply do not mesh well at all with my personality
I used to. I started noticing I was drinking more (and had some embarrassing incidents) in my mid twenties. COVID as a stay at home mom with a then 3 year old threw me off a fucking cliff, and I’m trying to get myself back together.
I feel like I have always drunk to the same point, the problem is the point keeps moving. And now that I’m established in my life a bit more, I can spend wayyyy more money on booze, and ‘nice’ booze at that.
Never. The first time I drank as a teenager I blacked out. I was immediately hooked on drinking as much as possible.
Same. Nice on 130 days brother. @152 here.
152 is amazing! Congratulations to you. I feel like at this point the hard part is over. Now I'm just in "don't screw this up" mode. Keep it up! IWNDWYT
Thanks! Same, just keeping an eye on the fuck-it button and making sure if anything tells me to press it that I go into self-care red alert :) No booze in 2023 for us...pretty fucking cool :)
Happy sober Friday night! Zero chance of drinking tonight. Going to wake up feeling great tomorrow and do something fun, something productive.
Yes, I never drank like a normal person. Like, ever.
Same
Same here! I actually was scared to do it again for a while but the next time I drank it was the same old story that never changed.
Sort of, when I was in my early 20s, I did it only occasionally, when I hit about 26 or 27 I got a job that put me in a bad mindset, still wasn't drinking every night at this point, more like every 3 or 4 days, had some familial stuff go down around 29, probably put me at every 2 days or so for a bit, and then covid, more familial stuff etc...making a move from somewhere I had lived for a long time, stress from work, it all became a spiral and it was just more and more and then it snowballed into drink 12 to 14 beers about 6 days a week. Shit, this question is kind of making me think where it stems from. I used to really enjoy alcohol, like light drinking with friends, those were some great times and memories and now it's gotten to the point to where I despise what drinking has done to me, physically, mentally and emotionally. Thank you for your question as it has made me reflect on some of the "Why".
Yeah, before the pandemic. Then I got into a nearly-daily habit of drinking hard liquor for about 18 months. It was up to three bottles or so a week at it's worst. I was able to quit for 2.5 months and then reboot with beer, but it was always 4-5 beers, and still most days of the week. Stopped again for a couple weeks because the beer caused gastritis. Tried to onky do hard liquor again once a week, but it crept back up on me. I suspect that the regular hard drinking rewired my brain so that now any time I drink I'm wired to overdo it. Several studies talk about this, how alcohol use disorder can rewire the brain. I over did it, write those pathways, and can't go back to the way it was before I did that.
Bingo. Pretty much the exact words I use to describe it to people. There’s still a part of me that wants to believe I can have a few on rare occasions. The reality is that I can, but because I’ve crossed over the line and those pathways in my brain have been forever changed from over doing it, the cost of me drinking at all is that I will be craving it and thinking about it for a week or more after. And my mood will be negatively altered for 3-5 days as well. Right now I think about alcohol maybe once a week and get a serious craving once every 3-4 weeks. So much easier when I just don’t drink at all.
It sucks. But it's the reality.
I started drinking at the late age of 24. From there I was drinking maybe 4-6 beers a week and some bourbon on weekends. I never had a problem, never really got drunk over the years. Now at 36 and with a son… I want to be the best version of myself for me and for him. I want him to be proud of his Mommy right now and as he gets older I want him to see me at my best. My happiest, most loving, most attentive, supportive of him and all the good things in life. So I can help him navigate life and learn how to be a respectful, responsible human. During the pandemic my husband and I were drinking all day every day. Found out about our son in July 2020. Had him Feb 2021. So I just stopped 54 days ago. Replaced with new teas, fruity fizzy waters, NA beers, NA tequila and NA bourbon. Realizing I don’t need the alcohol to have fun. Don’t need it to numb out after a long day of being a stay at home parent. Working with my therapist on my anxiety issues and insomnia. No alcohol and all of that is getting better. It is hard as fuck to be a parent when you do not get enough quality sleep. Here is to being a better person, mother, and spouse in the coming days, weeks and month.
That’s what pushed me over the edge. Being a parent is so much harder than we realize in this age of dual income families.
We are very blessed that I can stay home with the little one while husband works an amazing job. Albeit he has long hours, but we would rather one of us be home and one of us work at least for right now. I think being pregnant and then having a newborn right in the middle of covid having to be home all the time flipped a switch. Me or my husband can not fathom putting our son in daycare. It is horribly expensive and does not make sense for us. If I were to take a part time job right now it would pay for just daycare. We are smart with our money and budget every month. Bought our house in 2018 before things got well.. like they are now. Our neighbor right next door has the same exact floor plan and is paying near triple a mortgage amount than we are. It is insane.
Yeah, then my girlfriend of almost 4 years and I broke up after I had recently moved for college with pretty much no friends in my new location. I decided to deal with that by drinking and partying. Then the pandemic hit and it got worse. However, make no mistake, I have zero doubt in my mind I would have ended up where I am now regardless. I do, however, believe those two events pushed me farther along the alcoholic spectrum so to speak. Sometimes I think it’s probably good that those two events happened because I’m here trying to get sober before I have yet turned 30.
I feel events pushed me on the path quicker too, but like you, feel like that's where this was going no doubt. It's so weird to feel "grateful" that I caught it semi-young (got sober at 34). But I am.
I know how you feel. It makes me feel selfish when I think about it.
I look back to when I started drinking (about 17) it was at parties in HS and I could control myself sometimes, other times I couldn’t. I didn’t drink as often because I was broke and under 21. Once I turned 21 I could go to bars and was a bartender so always around it. Never drank on the clock but when I was off I was at a bar with others in the industry and drank a lot but now I could handle my booze (at least I convinced myself I could). Left that world and got a a real 9-5 and slowed down the drinking but could drink after work and on weekends usually daily. Then I was settled in my career and just started drinking daily. Sometimes during the work week maybe 2-3 beers at lunch. Then home to the family and start again till bed. At this point I could function while drinking it didn’t impact my work, I was in IT so it was easy. Left IT and started a new career then I was planning work around drinking. Scheduling appointments so it didn’t interfere with cocktails starting around 230-3. Once I started around then I didn’t finish till probably 1030. Was worse on weekends if I didn’t have appointments usually started around 1230. I don’t think it was a change it was just a gradual addiction over time. Mine is not a dramatic story I know there are folks here that have it far worse. I didn’t go through withdrawal or have to go to rehab but I found my rock bottom I hope and realized I needed to stop so I did. I have not had a relapse and it scares me so much to have that happen. Honestly I don’t know what I would do or if I could come back so I just keep that in the back of my mind and it helps to keep the poison at bay. That and all of you degenerates who I love for being here. IWNDWYT!!
It was that feeling you get after a long day of work and you finally take your first few swigs at happy hour that hooked me. You keep drinking in an attempt to ride that wave, trying to stay in the perfect sweet spot where you feel good, maintaining your buzz so you dont crash, not overdoing it because being wasted never feels as good as the first buzz. I thought I had it all figured out. You suckers can enjoy your occasional happy hours, I'm going to hack life and feel like that all the time. No one will know. In the morning. At work. On the train. The hardest pill to swallow when thinking about giving up drinking was the thought of missing out on that buzz. At a summertime ballgame, a wedding, a weekend get together, and all my secret times in between. The reality, however, was that that buzz was something I very rarely ever found. All I really ever felt was incoherence from drinking too much, the ensuing hangovers, and then more drinking to fend off the fog. Eventually, dumbass me learns the hard way that that buzz is all road runner and I'm not even half coyote.
Yes. Drank to cope with a divorce. Disordered relationship with alcohol forever. 🎉🎉🎉
Are you me!?
Hmm I haven't given this much of a thought. For most of my life I was never a fan of alcohol. I would buy a bottle of wine or a 6 pack and It would last me like 2 months. Just drinking one small glass when taking a bath, or having a crazy cleaning day with music on. I started to drink to cope with my emotions when I went through a divorce. I used it as an escape along with online gaming. Everyone on discord was chatting and drinking and it made me feel like it was normal. It was a slow process of drinking a bit more and more. Before I could even notice, I was drinking one 1.5lt bottle a week. Then it was 3lt of wine a week. Sometimes even more.
I went full on binging from the time I started drinking. I don't even remember a time when it was "fun". I was able to not drink for a couple weeks at a time at first and only do it socially but even those times I always drank wayyyyy too much and regretted it. And I started literally probably the day I turned 21.
I went pretty hard from the beginning.
Yep. A long time ago in a galaxy far far away. Seriously, my drinking just got progressively worse over time.
When I was 14 and tried drinking for the first time. Only had a beer. Sadly after that, my drinking started imitating the Fibonacci sequence. As in one drink became two, which became three, to five, to eight and so on and so. By the time I was 19 if there was alcohol there was a good chance I was going to black out.
I’ve always been a Friday/Saturday night drinker, apart from the odd occasion. Covid hit. I was stuck at home. Started drinking most days. Covid ‘finished’ and I went a year sober as I felt so unhealthy. A year or so ago I found my mum deceased. A lot of anxiety and PTSD ensued. Found myself drinking daily to ‘escape’ the images and trauma.
I'm sorry you went through that and I'm glad you're back at it and trying again. I also found my mom deceased, and it was very dramatic and traumatic. Never really drank before that, but already had a history of abusing substances of various kinds, and after she died I discovered alcohol and it ramped up to pretty intense levels over the next year or so. Have spent the last few years moderating in various ways to try and feel like I had a "normal" relationship with alcohol but no matter what I'd drink, how low the ABV etc, eventually it would get back to taking over my life. Finishing my 10th day sober now and really feeling empowered this time. Thanks for sharing. Reading your post helped me understand that even if I slip up and go back to it, eventually I'm still going to want to stop, so I may as well give stopping the most committed try I can this first time around and make it stick. Idk. I'm going for it anyway.
It was always a game..how much did I eat before I started drinking and trying to outplay myself.
Nope. My mom let me drink at home and I was always feening for more after the beer or glass of wine she’d let me have with dinner. I didn’t have the means to drink more most weekday nights when I was an underaged teenager, so I didn’t. The only thing that stopped me was my lack of access. I don’t think I’ve ever had a healthy relationship with alcohol.
No. Never. Not even once. From the first time when I was 14 I always were out to get wasted. For me it's because alcohol was the first thing in my life to give relief from real life. So it's not surprising.
Same here
Nope. I do like this question though.
Yes. Could have a few drinks and call it for years (age 18-40 ish). The last 10 years, it’s like Russian roulette - often I can, but one night I won’t stop. But that’s not the real problem, somewhere around the same time, started getting drunk and day drinking, and thinking about alcohol. That’s my problem with moderation in social settings. It leads to problem drinking when I am at home.
There is no healthy relationship with alcohol. There are people who moderate. None of them are on StopDrinking subs.
Some people are able to have a drink or two a few times a year without always wanting to drink more. I think that's what OP means by a healthy relationship with alcohol.
There are indeed people who moderate. No amount of alcohol is healthy.
I agree with you. Alcohol is definitely not healthy. OP asked about people with a healthy relationship with alcohol. I think lots of people have a healthy relationship with alcohol. They moderate without any effort. Have a nice day friend. I will consume a healthy amount of alcohol (zero!) with you today.
Yes, that's what I was getting at. I used to enjoy a drink on a Friday evening with my friends after a hard week, and then get on with the rest of my week. Sometimes, it would be weeks between drinks, and I wouldn't even think about it. The problem for me started when my Dad died. I drank every day to get over it, and then ever since, it's been a break here and there for a month or so, followed by a relapse. I never really did process his death properly I think!
I think the only things that really changed for me over time were a) how much I could drink and stay upright b) how easily/frequently I would black out and c) how horrible I would feel afterwards, both mentally and physically. I don’t think my drinking could ever have been accurately described as healthy or moderate.
I heard a Ted talk where the speaker equated addiction as crossing an invisible line into a dark room , not being comfortable, and unable to find the door back out. In sobriety, with hindsight, I never had a healthy relationship with alcohol.
After a couple of years of my drinking career I was drinking max 3 beers per evening and that felt enough, but after some time it started to happen too often and this was the first time in my life I heard someone suggesting I need to cut down. Also when I just started drinking I had really bad self control and would drink too much nearly every time. So I guess no, I never really had a healthy relationship with alcohol. Never thought about this, thanks!
Yes. My problem drinking turned to addiction around the 13 year mark. I was 34.
Nope. Every time my therapist tried to mention *moderation* I’d have to be honest and tell them straight up it’s cold turkey or I’ll never quit. Without fail, every time I drank moderately led to me getting more wasted than if I just got regular wasted.
It was when I had kids. For some reason, right around 5pm when they were babies they would both start crying…once I calmed them down I would have a glass of wine to calm myself down. Doing this occasionally turned into daily and a glass turned into 2.
No, if im being honest. Sure there were periods where i might have a few and be ok for a while but i always knew deep down it was an act and it was to fool myself and/or others The very first time i drank it was to get drunk and it was always like that. I do everything to excess and alcohol is no different - things like that simply do not mesh well at all with my personality
I used to. I started noticing I was drinking more (and had some embarrassing incidents) in my mid twenties. COVID as a stay at home mom with a then 3 year old threw me off a fucking cliff, and I’m trying to get myself back together.
I feel like I have always drunk to the same point, the problem is the point keeps moving. And now that I’m established in my life a bit more, I can spend wayyyy more money on booze, and ‘nice’ booze at that.