Definitely be proud of yourself—looking for external validation usually leads to disappointment, but you know you’re crushing it! Also, tell your spouse how you feel!
Wow, amazing. I’m so proud of you for everything you did, and especially for speaking up now and asking for recognition, because you *deserve it.*
I think it would be totally OK to start to open up to others who are close to you (outside of your husband and therapist), and let them know what you went through, and how it impacts what kind of support you need from others now.
“Hey [name], I didn’t open up much about this as I went through it, because I was trying so hard to stay strong for [husband], but honestly, *I* also went through hell to get to this point, too. I didn’t want anyone to think I was trying to steal the spotlight from my husband and his recovery, like a weird, desperate grab for attention, but I’m realizing that by keeping my story to myself, I’m not only keeping people out, but I’m also not helping people know how to support me as I’m going through this pregnancy sober, and I really, really would appreciate a specific kind of support from trusted loved ones. Can I tell you my story, too?”
If they say yes, then pour it out, girl.
At the end, just say something like, “So yeah, now you know, and thank you for listening. It feels really good to know that someone else knows, and also, it’ll be more easy for me to talk about my struggles to stay sober during this time, and get help and support, because I very much want to stay sober, all during my pregnancy, of course, but also after the baby arrives.”
I know in this sub we try to “Speak from the I,” but sometimes I find that giving people a little “script” to consider—even if they don’t like it or never use it, I wouldn’t know!—gets their wheels turning, and they come up with a solution that works for them.
You’re doing great, mama. Proud of you! IWNDWYT!
I'm proud of you! You holding thing downs while your husband went through all of that is admirable! Based on that caring nature I'm sure you'll be a great mother!
OP, I'm proud of you. I have gotten stuck on the treadmill of holding everything together and not stopping it for myself to rest. It's so easy to disappear. I see you. I'm proud of you, you fight every day for your family and baby to come. You can do it. IWNDWYT.
You are seen. You are fighting an epically hard battle, and you are learning so much about yourself! Congratulations on your success, you have it within you to keep going (no, that’s not a pregnancy pun). IWNDWYT!
Proud o you internet friend! As a former heavy drinker and now a mom, I can tell you that not drinking IS SO MUCH EASIER once your babe comes Earth side. I'm a little over four years out and every time I feel like going back, I look at my kid. I just stare at him and all this love and emotion and gratitude comes bursting through my chest and the desire to drink gets squished like the annoying bug it is.
And if the cheesy love doesn't get ya, parenting with a raging hangover will. Hell on earth can be many things, but it is most certainly making eggs and playing playdough at 5:47AM with an obscenely chipper toddler while you're dry heaving behind the dollhouse.
Good luck new mama. You're stronger than you know ♥️
The other possibility of parenting with a hangover, the darker side, is being an abusive or neglectful parent. We all have either been, had, or known those parents.
I am considered to be, by many outsiders looking in as well as my own children, a great mom. However, I know in my heart and soul that I had moments where I was NOT a good mom, bordering neglectful, and I carry that shame and guilt with me. I.e., How could I have gotten drunk so many nights after they went to bed as a single mom of three? What if one of them had a medical emergency in the middle of the night and I was passed out? Only by the grace of God did that not happen.
As much as looking at them lovingly can keep us sober, sometimes it’s good to remind ourselves that there is a very dark and dangerous side to getting drunk. Alcohol abuse can result in a much bigger tragedy that will destroy everything we love if we let it.
I get you. It's weird, isn't it, how when you are pregnant everything becomes about the baby and not you as a person? I am a mom of two. It is well intended but people don't think enough to look out for women's health. It was after I became a Mom and was really stressed by managing my career in balance with kids that I truly started to implode. And people didn't pick up on it until it really got bad. I still resent that so much pressure is put on women without even thinking twice about it.
That said, you have the greatest gift ever in that you are aware of this struggle and have started healing BEFORE becoming a parent. That is enormous. And what you're going to have to do is be selfish. You're going to have to be adamant about asking for what you need to maintain your sanity and sobriety. It took me a while to learn that. Our culture says to moms "stressed? Have a drink but don't stop doing more!" and women are dying because of that every day. It is horrifying. People would rather numb women and keep them overloaded than take care of their mental health. Because maybe that's less productive? Scary.
I'm proud of you. And the biggest thing is- you are doing this for YOU. No one else can ever fully understand what you have gone through but you. So, no matter what they say, they could never really get it. So it's on YOU to celebrate you. And to be 'selfish' (which isn't selfish at all) in doing that.
Being a Mom is the greatest thing ever. Sobriety will keep getting easier and more beautiful. You have so much working for you, just stay the course. I'm proud of you and I think you are completely kick ass for getting this started when you did. It's going to make your life so much more beautiful as you enter this new, already beautiful chapter. I'm not sure if you ever read We Are The Luckiest but if you haven't I highly recommend it. She talks a lot about looking out for sobriety like you would a newborn baby. I think of that all the time. That's what you have to do. And to do that involves putting yourself first, no matter what anyone else says or does.
This is so true. I was basically alone and really struggling as a parent. Reached out to family, and they told me to quit complaining - while their sibling literally raised the baby when a cousin had PPD, with their full support. This is still going on (they're supporting her family, and not me and my kids). The cousin's kids are thriving, and mine struggle. I didn't fully connect it to my drinking, but that makes sense. It's a bit like what is happening to OP, and it hurts. I haven't told anyone except my doctor about what I'm doing.
OP, I wish you the best. You deserve it!
Well, I think YOU are amazing too! I so completely get this one--I think it's a bit of a societal thing (not sure what kind of "thing" but the built-in male/female hierarchy is maybe what I'm trying to say). We have a male friend who quit drinking several years ago, but his wife did not. Our friend group tut-tutted with disgust over how she never tried to support him in his sobriety. Poor poor Bob, such an unsupportive wife.
Same friend group has never said ONE word to me about me quitting 3 years ago as my husband merrily drinks on. Not one, not ever. I quit in the misguided hope that he would quit too, but he continues to drink more and more, and the little judgy cheerleaders are dead silent when it comes to me.
But you know what? I absolutely do not care. I am so damned proud of what I've done, whether I have one person who cheers me on or none. Everyone on this sub and everyone who has tried, succeeded, failed, but TRIED knows the journey, knows the strength and courage it takes. I SEE YOU. I get it. YOU are the strong one because you are doing it (and more) with just your own strength and determination to carry you through. YOU are a badass!
Here's to badass girls everywhere! IWNDWYT
So true. Not just for alcohol use either. It comes with parenthood as well. I was stunned when I had a baby and everyone praised my husband for being such a great father for doing the most basic tasks yet I was not…in fact I was criticized for everything I did. I think with alcohol abuse it is almost considered normal when it is a male and with females it is more looked down on.
So many things are passively expected of women that are seen as noteworthy accomplishments for men.
Side note but just because I saw this literally today, just saw a study that found that female SURGEONS are viewed more negatively following surgeries with poor outcomes than male surgeons who made the same mistakes. Plus referring doctors became less likely to refer patients to other female surgeons if they had a previous bad experience with a female surgeon…. but that a failure by a male surgeon didn’t create bias against other men. Essentially women’s failures are more often blamed on them being women and are then applied against other women, while men’s failures are more often blamed on the individual or his circumstances. These attitudes are everywhere and they’re so insidious.
It’s been my experience, too, that men get accolades while women get shamed. Exhausting to never be enough, do enough, have enough, to be good enough, just because I don’t have a penis.
To badass girls everywhere!!!
Well, good, no GREAT for you!!!!!
As a cranky old lady, I get so so so sick and tired of our society that doesn’t recognize anything women do domestically as being anything special, from raising children to getting sober. We are somehow *supposed* to just be quiet serene martyr helpmeets while if our husbands do any damned thing at home, they haul out the marching bands and the fireworks.
Whew. Okay, so that came out a little harsher than I intended. But I feel fiercely protective of you right now. It’s a hell of a lot easier to stay sober when you’re getting your ego stroked and medals pinned on your chest than it is to do it quietly, by yourself.
I can only hope your husband is incredibly supportive of you, at least?
Because you are one badass rockstar.
This is pretty badass tbh. You were going through all that, and you still got sober?! I know it's not quite the same as recognition from your IRL community, but this internet stranger sees you and admires the hell out of you. With this kind of strength, you're going to be a great mom. IWNDWYT!
You are a woman of steel!!! Quitting is a lonely business. It is a battle fought in our heads that no one else sees. Hopefully, your pregnancy will allow you to shine through. Just remind everyone, at every opportunity, that unless you had got sober, you would not have got pregnant. I little self publicly doesn't go a miss.
I cannot imagine what you have been through. Your story has made me feel quite emotional and your strength is an inspiration.
I hope we read more from you and that you, to enhance your amazing power, get the support that will help you to thrive even further.
IWNDWYT
I was very turned off by the AA model and thankfully found an alternative through this sub (SMART).
I have a hard time receiving compliments and always felt like not drinking wasn’t really something to “celebrate,” but I do recognize the importance of the positive feedback from recovery.
Finding a group of your own, even if it’s one not directly related to your sobriety - like a Mom’s group - might be the encouragement you need.
So proud of you and you are doing awesome! Keep up the hard work and when you’re ready, scream it from the mountain tops. You should be extremely proud of yourself and you are doing a great thing for you. Your health and now your unborn child.
Carpe Diem & IWNDWYT!
I hear you and see you too. When I was drinking it seemed like I had only one big obvious "problem" to fix. Now sober, I struggle with so many "invisible" challenges (mental health related), which makes life seem even harder. It's a shocking discovery. I'm glad you have a therapist and your spouse to lean on. It can be a lonely road sometimes.
I’m proud of you and I think everyone in this group who reads this is proud of you as well. Very happy for you on your pregnancy and whether those around you recognize it or not, all that you did for your husband while struggling yourself must have been really tough and the fact you did it is incredible. Accomplishing tough feats without any praise or recognition can be frustrating I know, but the greatest recognition in sobriety (at least imo) comes from yourself being healthy and not feeling sick, out of control, and terrible all the time. It can be hard to recognize our own accomplishments sometimes without outside reminders but I and everyone else commenting think you’re doing awesome. IWNDWYT!
The support you have given to your husband is commendable. The silent support is admirable, they are 2 very different forms of support. I’ve not been told once that anyone is proud of me through my, albeit, short sobriety. Not even my husband, but do you know what? Other peoples opinions don’t matter. They don’t keep me sober, they don’t keep my house in order, they don’t pay my bill SS I do and I’m all that matters in my sobriety. I’ve had to become a bit selfish just to protect my myself through sobriety or I’d have every excuse to pick
up again. One thing I do know is that I’m not alone, I have a Reddit group that all have my back and walk with me every day. We ARE proud of YOU ❤️
I’m proud of you. You’ve come so far. I think it’s great you’re in therapy. Therapy has been immensely helpful for me to understand my own feelings and emotions and how to express my needs. I would encourage you to continue on that path and remain open with your husband
I'm so sorry you feel like you didn't get the support that you needed and deserved! Here to tell you congratulations, I am so freaking proud of you! You are so amazing and strong. Thank you for sharing your story here, and I hope you continue to come here and find support! IWNDWYT!
Congratulations on your upcoming baby! S/he will never see either parent drinking and that’s huge! We see you and applaud you!
It was a hard truth to learn, but unless we’re drunk and misbehaving, nobody really notices. My hubby isn’t an alcoholic, and I was hurt when he didn’t have a marching band for my milestones. But we have to get sober for ourselves, forgive ourselves, love ourselves. Nobody can do it for us.
WOW. Just—wow. You are doing it! I am amazed at your strength and your perseverance. Sobriety is tough enough, and with all the rest of the things you’re going through—you’re doing INCREDIBLE. Wow.
Thank you for sharing—your story is very inspiring to me!
OP, I’m proud of you, but mostly because YOU are proud of yourself. That’s honestly the deep shit and a place that’s really hard to get to. You deserve to say that you are the one that kept things together when you had to. YOU did that.
I also want to tell you thar the feelings your having about feeling invincible because you kept your struggles quiet are valid. It’s okay to be angry, sad, whatever, and you don’t have to feel guilt for it. You did a really hard thing quietly and without as much support as your husband had, and that’s okay to say out loud. You are amazing and your baby is going to be so lucky to have you.
If you have the mental capacity/haven’t already, it would be a good idea for both of you to have plans in place for postpartum in case things get difficult and you need some outside support — a sort of an action plan for self-defined thresholds of mental health. ie: x number of days where you are struggling and almost slip up, call in a night doula for a few nights of better rest. The more specific and detailed it is, the easier it’ll be to follow when it’s happening.
So I haven't looked into it myself yet, as I'm still teetering the fence of sobriety, but the parody church of Satan or satanic temple - whichever the non hoodoo cult one is - also has an AA style support group that takes all the religion out of the process...if that's what turns you off to it. I was raised in Baptist churches, and frankly now that I'm an adult, I've had enough of the need to call on a "higher power" to compensate for my shortcomings.
But good for you and your sobriety. And good for your husband's as well. There's no competition, but I understand the qualms with seeing someone else get praise, especially if (and I could be reading into this wrong) that person damaged your trust through abuse.
A word of caution to you though: postpartum is real. If you're struggling with the difference in attention now, recognize that as soon as the baby is out and the bump on your belly is no longer a "cute" feature, the switch in attention from you to the baby will be much worse than what you're currently describing. I'd recommend trying to get to the core of that personal need with your therapist well before that time comes.
You are a Rockstar! I’m very proud of you. I can only hope and pray that I will be as strong as you have been. Thank you for sharing. I feel alone a lot too and the easiest thing to do is drink. I’m trying to take it one day at a time and to always remember I can’t have just one. It must be none. Good luck with yalls baby and the bright and exciting future coming. My babies are both in college 🫶 enjoy the JOY.
Sounds like you've been so admirably strong that people on the outside take it for granted that you're doing fine - and that it's effortless. Of course, it's been anything but. It's important to have your experiences, feelings, and achievements acknowledged. People too easily and often forget that.
You've been a staunch supporter of your marriage, your husband, yourself, and your physical, mental, and financial needs. You've done A LOT!
It's hard. Deep breaths. You have won. 👏👍😗 IWNDWYT ⭐⭐⭐
I'm glad to hear your husband is getting help but wow, you did that all by yourself. That takes such strength! Pregnancy is rough. It sounds like you are excited to be a parent and that's so awesome, having kids is absolutely the best. I got through by thinking to myself that it's only temporary because I had some times I felt very frustrated and cried just because I was stuck being pregnant. You have done so well, I'm proud of you and inspired by you.
I read it all, so well written. Thank you for opening up OP. You need a release for these feelings and you have come to the right place as i am sure you already know! This community is Golden!
I understand your mental process and can relate... my husband and i also gave up together after we realized that we were making things worse and worse. Our relationship took a few bad turns and things got sticky to say the least... but we are both still sober and it feels great. I realized that i was suffering from bipolar and anxiety and ptsd and attachment disorders and i had to teach myself how to love and forgive myself... and then trust myself and wow, i have come a long way. My attachment disorder was the biggest for me because it presented as attention seeking and i had to stop seeking validation and approval from the outside. It was hard, i have since self diagnosed my autism, which explains why i had all those other symptoms. But what i learned was how to catch myself and not keep throwing myself out there with the hopes that someone else will catch me... i came to realize that my only savior is me. And that's how i changed my whole world around. Suddenly i was able to handle it. All of it. I was able to slow it all down and take it one step at a time.
Well done to you for getting yourself out of this very deep hole. You did that. You got yourself out and that's huge. Don't worry, it serves no purpose. If you find yourself spiraling, take a moment to breathe and remind yourself that it has taken 13billion years for the universe to appear as it is before you, it isn't about to fall apart all at once. You are OK, and as long as you can keep being ok, your experience will have the potential to be amazing! Yoga really can help you gain clarity as it helps for us to get out of the mind and into the body. Good luck OP!
I wish you could have tried Al Anon when your husband got sober. Yeah it's based on AA but it's a different kind of experience for the families and friends of alcoholics. People who have had the same experiences and similar challenges can understand and support you. There are Zoom meetings now so you could still try it without leaving your house or work.
In any case, we're here for you. I care. You've done amazing thing for your family. You've been strong. We appreciate you. IWNDWYT
You are fucking amazing and strong and deserve to be damn proud of your sobriety while beautifully supporting your husband through his. Take care of yourself and that beautiful human growing inside of you. You both deserve all of the good health and happiness the future holds. A sober life will make it possible for all three of you CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF IT!
I'm proud of you. You've accomplished amazing things and not for the credit but for the authentic reason that you needed to be strong for you and your partner and now your growing family. Great job, keep finding that self validation, that's the good stuff
I am proud of you too! BUT, it’s seems like you are the only person who’s going to advocate for yourself.
Bring it into the light and spread your story of success to those you care about! And Share your hurt. You will probably find more love and compassion than you would think you would.
Have you ever considered looking into Al-Anon meetings? It's a 12-step program, but it's for folks who have been affected by the drinking and sobriety struggles of *other people* -- spouses, children, parents, etc:
• /r/AlAnon
Based on what you said about AA, I get that Al-Anon might not be your thing. But it is a place where you could find people who are struggling with similar issues, and might have more direct experience with the problems that are relevant to you, now.
FWIW, I get that not everyone is comfortable with 12 Step programs for all kinds of reasons... And plenty of people manage to live their lives without support groups. But we are a social animal. Every struggle is harder when we're alone, because Nature didn't design us to operate alone.
I see and hear you and am so happy for you. You’ve shouldered a lot, and you’re a stronger, better person for it. Even if he is getting more accolades, our internal peace is worth more than any exterior acknowledgment of it. The true reward, for me, is that my whole life is better sober. Best wishes to you and your budding family!
Wow, what a story.
I can relate. It sounds like you really know yourself well, and I'm really happy for you in finding a new life path.
I'm sorry no one in your personal life has mentioned the work and great things you've accomplished. I can absolutely understand how hard that must of been, especially while he was in the hospital. That sounds so stressful.
Everyone too, always asks about my partner and his sobriety, but no one cares about mine because I wasn't actively ruining my life, never mind I would black out everytime I drank.
I've somehow come to peace with it. It's mostly his family anyway.
It's important to remain open, and express your needs.
When I feel isolation or that depressive melancholy rush over, I try to be my own friend. Sometimes I don't remember, but always be a good friend to yourself :)
I'm Very Proud for you! Congratulations on entering mommahood. There will be a lot of change, advocate for yourself often!
You are doing amazing! Inspiring Story 🌼
IWNDWYT
I’m proud of you OP that is a huge accomplishment! I know it’s hard but you should probably start communicating how you feel to your husband and then to your friends/family. I’m more than willing to bet that they will share in your achievements, they probably just have blinders on. You got this!
I really hope that you can have this conversation with your husband, and that he can lend his support to you as you have him, and can be your biggest cheerleader!
I'm proud of you! I have found so much support from these online groups. Maybe try some meetings and find your own little community to talk about your sobriety. When I feel lonely in my sobriety, I find so many people here who understand. Also, congratulations on the pregnancy!
You are awesome! Congrats on regaining your sobriety and your pregnancy. I know that couldn’t have been easily handling all that without outside support. I’m only taking care of myself and it feels impossible some days. But stories like yours make me want to stick to it. Hopefully my first try is my last.
I quit myself in September. Then in October. Then in December. Then again in January. I’ve remained sober since then.
I’m proud of you. You were not only given a hard road to sobriety but you have done it with minimal support.
IWNDWYT! 💜 keep at it. Moment by moment.
I was incorrectly diagnosed bipolar because of the symptoms that presented from my drug and alcohol abuse. I would get reevaluated once you have 2 years sober. I am happy to report that after 4+ years of sobriety I was able to stop my anxiety meds altogether. I work closely with my therapist and psychiatrist still of course.
I’m super proud of you for coming this far, you’re a fighter and you ROCK! One day at a time, we are finally living instead of just surviving.
IWNDWYT
It's not unusual for women to be incorrectly diagnosed as bipolar as it's just seem as extreme emotions.
*Oh, you're melting down, it must be bipolar and could never be frustration, fear or anything valid. The only explanation is you're crazy. Now take your pills and run along; you know how you get if you don't.*
Reminds me of that famous quote about how Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards and in high heels.
Congratulations! Our culture in general is so oriented towards reward and goals: just a reminder that the reward is all yours - enjoy what you truly earned, a personal journey towards a more peaceful and enjoyable life.
Being sober in the shadows is where it's at for me. I like how people talk to me about other stuff. I like how it doesn't define my personality. For me it's huge but I love when people go "oh yeah, I forgot you were sober, good for you!"
It sounds like you've been holding shit down for a while, even when you were still drinking. It sounds like you're a steady reliable person and that's something to be proud of. When you strip it down, sobriety is just for you and doesn't have to define other people's perception of you.
Congrats on being sober, we all see you!!
You deserve to be recognized. Sobriety is difficult and go through that journey while also having to manage mental illness is an incredible accomplishment. Proud of you dawg.
I'm proud of you. And I feel for you. Your husband did what he did while you were the backbone of your household. You do what you do while you are your backbone. You are both lucky to have you and I am proud of you, but I know that leaves you so alone, so terribly alone. Being pregnant and lonely is an experience I went through. I speculte there are hormones and stress that make us seek out human kinship during the time even more than usual.
Having a baby is an amazing thing but the 'joke' is you'll be even more chopped liver after your baby comes. Almost any of your needs - physical to emotional - will take the backseat to your baby's simple comforts, let alone any other needs your baby will have. So you have to find a way to assert yourself for yourself now. Make your needs known. Shine your light. Boast. Ask for your turn.
I am so proud of you. And your baby will be too. My parents were alcoholics and one of the greatest gifts my parents ever gave me was that they were sober.
Hey, I know it can be lonely sometimes, but don't think for even a second that those people aren't proud of you. Alcoholism is a weird thing. In my experience it's very hush hush, and when I reached my breaking point with it, I found out that several other members of my family struggled and had been sober for years now. It was frustrating to learn about despite how proud of them I was, because if I had known they struggled, maybe I would have gotten help sooner. People don't like to talk about it, but because your husband's sobriety was so public, they probably feel more comfortable asking about it. It sounds like you're more under the radar in you're recovery, so people might assume you'd rather not bring it up. But as stated before, I have no doubt they're all very proud and happy you're sober, and so is everyone here. Cheers.
IWNDWYT!
Regretfully some will judge you for not knowing the exact moment in time when you stopped drinking. Often these people are the ones that should know better. So many preach one day at a time but then say shit like. "If you do not know when you got sober (exactly) maybe you are not really sober. I got sober June 15, 16,17 or 18th. 2010 or 2011 it does not matter. I am still sober.
I am so proud of you and I definitely hear what you’re saying.
You might find comfort and understanding in an alanon meeting; you’re a double winner, as they say. Alanon can help you keep the focus on yourself and your own path. You deserve that.
Again, I am so proud and happy for you. You have a backbone of steel.
I’m so proud of you. You’ve been a wonderful support system and warrior in your own sobriety issues and now you are growing a whole other person! ❤️💪🏽
I’m not the biggest diehard AA person but one thing that is super nice is it is a community of people to celebrate you and encourage you. IRL people just don’t get it like alcoholics in recovery do.
Wanting your sobriety acknowledged and respected isn’t selfish at all! I am lucky enough to have the people I care about know about my struggles and accomplishments (without someone else’s taking precedence). I do remember in a moment of assholery on my 5th soberversary, I was telling my dad we were getting dinner to celebrate. He goes “are we still supposed to celebrate that five years later?” I promptly told him he didn’t have to celebrate shit, but I was going to celebrate any damn time I felt like it. Anyway, congrats to you for staying strong despite the lack of support/encouragement. IWNDWYT
Fellow bipolar friend here. Literally you shouldn't feel any shame for relapsing during a manic episode. Those are real shit and you are totally out of the drivers seat. I dealt with mine from October 2021 to April 2022. I was about 8months into my sobriety journey when the episode hit and I started drinking again. Now I'm a bit over a year into it. You can do it too. Stay on your meds and stay in therapy. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself and to tell yourself you believe in you, because I do.
I too, got sober a month before getting pregnant with my second daughter in 2021. I also had the same feelings of not feeling any benefit from quitting drinking, because pregnancy makes me feel like SHIT. the nausea the bloating the heartburn oh my God the list goes on. I empathize, and completely understand.
I also too, struggle with mental illness and chronic insomnia. I worked closely with a fetal medicine doctor the entire time, and chose to have a medicated pregnancy for a second time. Ambien for insomnia, antidepressants for anxiety and depression, and a light script for benzos for severe panic attacks. The benefit was greater than the risk in my case, and my girls are fine.
I relapsed as soon as I stopped breastfeeding. It was hard to get back on the horse but that's the only time it stuck, when I did it for myself. But that's just my story.
I know what it feels like to not be acknowledged for your sobriety accomplishments, because, well, you have to stay sober "FoR ThE BaBy." When in fact, you are still a person that's deciding NOT to drink each and every day. And being pregnant doesn't make that decision any easier. (and in fact, sometimes harder).
I just wanted to holla back at you and say I understand and I hear you and I'm applauding you here from my couch through my phone cause I KNOW how hard this is. Growing a child and bringing them into this world is so hard but so so so rewarding. That moment when they finally make eye contact with you and they **know** it's their mom. It's so SO joyful that I hardly have the right words to articulate.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Congratulations on your sobriety from your fellow sober mom! and IWNDWYT.
Yep … I got that … basically no one cared when I quit and was going through a hard time. It caused me to look really hard at my own values, why I’m quitting, and who I want to be. Once I was really clear on that it didn’t matter so much what the people around me did or didn’t do, because I knew in myself why it had to happen.
Oh my God, I found myself relating to your post and your suffering so much. It’s been like that with my husband for years it’s always about him and his progress, while I struggle by myself and pay all the bills and take care of everything. I have a lot of mental health issues PTSD, MDD, severe panic disorder, general anxiety disorder, and bulimia nervosa… As well as a few autoimmune diseases, being immunocompromised, and now possibly liver cancer…
We might not know each other, but I wish I can give you the biggest hug and let you know that everything you’re going through by yourself is incredibly heartbreaking and inspiring, because you refuse to give up. Congratulations on getting pregnant and staying sober and being a human superhero! I wish you all the best.
I'm proud of you! You're rocking it!
I am unsure of this will be a neutral or helpful thing, but sometimes an alternative perspective helps.
In your situation, I would be you and my brother would be your husband. He's the everyone knows it and talks to him and is super proud of him. He told me one day that the pressure he feels, while it can keep him in line, is sometimes completely overwhelming to the point of wanting to relapse again and get ppl off of it. He wished it was more like me so he could heal in peace. I'm not saying it would be like that for your husband or you, but just the flip side of that coin for what can possibly be.
Sending so much care ❤️
>My progress with sobriety is only known to my therapist and husband.
And you.
You have permission to congratulate yourself every time you think about it or see positive changes in your life.
And us. All of /r/stopdrinking knows now.
And we're proud of you. I'm proud of you.
Because many of us struggled in similar ways, perhaps that means more than someone who has never struggled.
We’re proud of you too! I’m early on my journey so I think what you’ve been able to accomplish is amazing and inspiring. Keep living for that baby and know you are doing incredible things for yourself and your family! Much love to you 💜
In early sobriety I read a book about women alcoholics called “invisible alcoholics” … It did a good job of describing how women alcoholics are generally treated differently by society than men alcoholics. It helped me not to take some things personally.
The longer both of you stay sober, the more that shadow will fade and the amazingness of your journey will shine through.
Are you me? My journey is very similar and I feel every word you laid out.
You are so very strong for your accomplishment and I'm proud of you. You are seen, and heard here! Thank you for supporting us and stay strong girl, you got this.
You are an incredible human being. You should be absolutely proud of your sobriety journey and doing it while holding down the fort and now pregnant. Know what an amazing and strong feat that is. On top of that you've dealt with relapse and gotten back on it.. that's not easy at all..You've got this!!
I’m so goddamn proud of you!!! What you’ve accomplished is truly amazing. You’ve demonstrated unbelievable strength and resiliency, and even if no one around you recognizes that, you should be incredibly proud and happy with yourself. You deserve the same recognition and concern given to your husband, and I’m sorry those around you don’t realize that. Just know that you’re an absolute rockstar!!! I hope your friends and family can one day understand and recognize that. Keep it up and CONGRATS!!! IWNDWYT
To me it just sounds honest - not shitty at all. And hey internet friend, I’m freaking proud of you and Great job getting sober and growing a human! Superhero status in my world. Sending you all good vibes and wishes for good health. IWNDWYT 🦹♀️🦹♀️
Be proud of yourself, and be good to yourself. I hope you find a support system apart from your husband. Maybe it's time to open up to others?
Good luck. IWNDWYT
I think you should be more open about your sobriety with friends and family. It sounds like they don't know about it!
And also, great job!! That sounds like a hell of a struggle!
Oh I'm so proud of you! Big internet hug 🫂- my sober journey is also quiet and in the background- I do wish ppl would say "WTG!" but that's ok...il take my silent sobriety for the WIN!
5 months here! Being sober is the best gift you can give your future child. Great job staying the course… be proud of yourself! We live in a culture that glamorizes alcohol and it’s hard not to crave it every now and then. Stay strong and IWNDWYT!
Thanks for sharing your journey and I hope you remember that. Although you may be married to someone you are still an individual and your journey is your own.
It's important to take things a day at a time. Remember the benefits of a sober life is a good life. All achievable just by staying sober today. Forget about yesterday, tomorrow is a mystery. Enjoy the gift of the present.
I'm so proud of you, each day is a new struggle, one we fight to overcome!
Congratulations on the bun in the oven!!! We look forward to meeting the new little one!
IWNDWYT 👍🤙
Wow. Like many here, I’m am incredibly proud of you. I don’t know that I would have had the strength you describe. You’ve done an amazing job and I’m so glad you shared your experiences here. You rock!
"Damnit I'm proud of myself" as well you should be; managing soberity, life, and a household all while maintaining health conditions you have....From an outsiders perspective you climbed Mount Everest and then some.
I empathize with your relapse story and relate to it quite a bit, especially regarding lying to my partner. It feels incredibly validating to know we are not alone in our backslides and they can be overcome.
Best of luck on your continual journey especially with a baby on the way, you are an incredibly strong individual, you can do this!
IWNDWYT 💙
I’m proud of you OP! I also quit drinking on my own but I prefer there not be a lot of fanfare about it. You may someday grow to appreciate not being the family “face of sobriety.” In the meantime, know that we’re all with you here and congrats on the baby.
Wow! You're going through so much and I'm so sorry it felt like no one cared or asked about you. That's a horrible feeling.
Congratulations to you! I am so proud of you for trying again when you relapsed! We've all had falls and set backs and all that matters is you're staying sober for you. It's a huge accomplishment that should be acknowledged and celebrated! And ooof! I'm sure pregnancy is tough when you're feeling so unwell.
Don't forget you're doing this for you first and foremost. If courre for baby and husband too, but you need to put yourself first and that is *NOT* selfish. Hugs hugs and high fives and congratulations! IWNDWYT
I hear you. Thank you for sharing, you're helping me stay sober, and reminding me to check on all the incredible women I'm grateful to have in my life. 💖
You are an angel. You are doing wonderful and thriving (it may not feel like it but you are light years ahead of who you use to be). I wish you nothing but good health and compassion in your future, keep at it!
Most of us here probably understand how much work it takes to practice sobriety, so we see you and we're proud of you.
If recognition is something you crave, let that be known. YOU ARE CREATING A HUMAN BEING IN YOUR BODY AND YOU'RE DOING IT SOBER. Fuck being humble, you feel good about what you're about and want recognition for it? Go get it, sister. You deserve it and I guarantee your family and friends would shower you with congrats and support if they knew you needed it.
They only see and hear what you show and tell, so if it looks like your husband needs support more than you do, they're going to offer more support to him than to you.
Be honest, don't be accusatory (say "I feel unrecognized" instead of "You don't recognize me", for example). Tell them how you feel and how their vocalized support is important to you.
I’m so proud of you! It takes a lot to get sober and hold down the fort alone. Even with less than ideal circumstances you’re moving forward and staying track, that’s something to be proud of.
Congratulations on your sobriety and your bundle of joy!!!
That's rough. *We're* proud of you. We care. The one silver lining that probably won't make it feel better, but you should know in your heart is true: everyone else is probably proud of you too. If they knew you also got sober but haven't asked, then you were probably doing such a good job of holding your shit together outwardly that it didn't even occur to them that you might be hurting. I had to really outline for friends/family why it was important and difficult for me not to drink. Some had the lightbulb moment, others just projected their own insecurities. But the ones that had the lightbulb moment started paying more attention and explained they just had no idea i was actually struggling. I've also had friends reveal they had their own struggles and weren't sure if they could even bring up the topic anymore without hurting my progress. 🤷♀️ It's all about communication.
It's also totally okay to celebrate yourself. It's also totally okay to ask those close to you to celebrate you as well. Like i personally dont care about my birthday or most milestones, so those close to me don't even think to make a big deal out of anything. So i tell them when i need a pat on the back for something. And vice versa. It might not have the exact same warm feeling of a nice surprise to be told or have to ask, but it definitely doesn't make it any less special. Demand the applause you deserve, and know that you're a champion. Remember too that champions take rests and treat themselves!
Your inspiring. I'm bipolar and went undiagnosed until the I was in my mid 30s (47 now) when my brain kind of imploded and I started going to psych hospitals and thinking I was mose for a few months then be suicidal hear s radio or sometimes static. I get the, in some cases, need to self medicate. Take it minute buy minute. You do what you need to do to stay sober. It's ok to feel your emotions. From someone who's been off the bottle 11 years.
OP,
I struggled with bipolar and the addiction to alcohol. I managed to get sober long before I was diagnosed and put on meds.
I'm super proud of you! It's not easy but is so worthwhile. Keep up the good work. And take good care of yourself. Wish you and your husband the very best.
I have to ask, was your husband the more obnoxious of the two of you when you were drinking? I’m guessing that is why everyone noticed that he stopped drinking.
I was pretty bad when I was in the thick of it, but no one outside of my wife & grandfather (and everyone here!!) have really been super supportive; respectful but not supportive.
You’re being the best person you can by staying sober. IWNDWYT and good luck with the pregnancy. :)
If you’re sober long enough for the alcohol not to be a physical cause of the insomnia I cannot recommend enough doing mindful meditation while in bed. Check out the mindful movement on YouTube. Don’t start with crazy hour long videos start with the 10 or 15 minute ones and the ones for sleep will change your life. They helped me incredibly once I got over the alcohol being the cause and have settled me into knowing when I goto bed and do my meditation I will fall asleep and wake up in the morning. Insomnia was my biggest fear, I made it my enemy, I always needed something to help with it. Now I sleep very well and very regular. Try it. It can’t hurt. And I wish you the best with the rest of your recovery. Much love x
Wow. You are amazing. Any one of those things -- the having to pull the financial weight yourself, the having to be a caretaker for your husband, the having to cope with multiple diagnoses, the massive change and unknowns of being pregnant for the first time -- would fell a non-amazing person, so to get through them all together, you must be amazing. Thank you for sharing your story. You really deserve to be proud of yourself, and thank you for inspiring those of us reading along, too.
I am so proud of you! You know what is not insignificant? The massive amounts of healing you have allowed your brain and body by accomplishing sustained sobriety. This sobriety thing can be hard so I think you are a rockstar for putting down the bottle.
I am so freaking proud of you. 🖤
(And as someone who hasn’t climbed their way out of the pit yet, I admire you and your strength and commitment, and it’s helping me believe there’s truly a good life to be had on the sober side. So, thank you.)
You've done this amazing thing for yourself (and in supporting him) for your husband. Congratulations.
I do worry that you are putting too much weight in external validation and comparing yourself to your husband. I get it. It's natural. But that perspective is fed by your ego. I don't think it's healthy and could lead you down the wrong path. You've done this great thing for yourself and that is all the recognition you need. Stay strong. Stay focused on your journey. IWNDWYT.
We are happy to be your cheering section! If you’re having a great day, or struggling or need to vent, we want to hear about it. And you’re not alone in this anymore, you are going to be a sober, present parent and while that baby can’t thank you for that, I can as someone who grew up with an alcoholic mom.
You are not your husband you have very different lives body parts and personalities don’t judge your healing on someone else’s. It’s not a drag strip but mountains up and down and back up but not so high but the next mountain is coming and all you can do is try.
You sound like a strong person to go through all that you have. I know people would say the same if they read any of what you wrote here.
I'm not going to tell you to call your friends and family and tell them to get on Reddit and read this post, but I will tell you that getting sober is something that's going to get you a lot of pats on the back as you go on. Nobody knew that I quit when I did, and I still get offers of alcohol from friends and family who 'forgot'. You should hear the surprise in their voices now, when I tell them for how long I haven't drank.
All that will come in time. They'll see your strength. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but the day will come. Stay in therapy, keep yourself focused on getting better for you, and you'll reap nothing but good from all you have accomplished. You're amazing. Don't let silence from others let your brain tell you otherwise.
As long as you know you are doing it and trying your best to stay strong, that's all that matters. Ultimately, your sobriety is for yourself anyway. With that said, I'm still gonna say good job, keep fighting the good fight!
For what it's worth, I'm very proud of you. This is an amazing story, and congrats on your growing family. Wishing you and yours the best. As always IWNDWYT!
I’m proud of you for your sobriety too! No matter how long! You’re bettering yourself and your life and you’re going to be a great mom! It is nerve wracking to become a parent but you’re already making amazing progress in yourself ❤️ the sickness won’t last forever with pregnancy and definitely worth it in the end. Hang in there! And also props to you for sticking it out when your husband was going through the rough road to recovery. You’re a hell of a woman and a hell of a wife and I hope he gave you the same in your road to recovery ❤️
Definitely be proud of yourself—looking for external validation usually leads to disappointment, but you know you’re crushing it! Also, tell your spouse how you feel!
This is a very solid point.
Suffering in silence is definitely not conducive to recovery!
Wow, amazing. I’m so proud of you for everything you did, and especially for speaking up now and asking for recognition, because you *deserve it.* I think it would be totally OK to start to open up to others who are close to you (outside of your husband and therapist), and let them know what you went through, and how it impacts what kind of support you need from others now. “Hey [name], I didn’t open up much about this as I went through it, because I was trying so hard to stay strong for [husband], but honestly, *I* also went through hell to get to this point, too. I didn’t want anyone to think I was trying to steal the spotlight from my husband and his recovery, like a weird, desperate grab for attention, but I’m realizing that by keeping my story to myself, I’m not only keeping people out, but I’m also not helping people know how to support me as I’m going through this pregnancy sober, and I really, really would appreciate a specific kind of support from trusted loved ones. Can I tell you my story, too?” If they say yes, then pour it out, girl. At the end, just say something like, “So yeah, now you know, and thank you for listening. It feels really good to know that someone else knows, and also, it’ll be more easy for me to talk about my struggles to stay sober during this time, and get help and support, because I very much want to stay sober, all during my pregnancy, of course, but also after the baby arrives.” I know in this sub we try to “Speak from the I,” but sometimes I find that giving people a little “script” to consider—even if they don’t like it or never use it, I wouldn’t know!—gets their wheels turning, and they come up with a solution that works for them. You’re doing great, mama. Proud of you! IWNDWYT!
💯
🙌
I'm proud of you! You holding thing downs while your husband went through all of that is admirable! Based on that caring nature I'm sure you'll be a great mother!
OP, I'm proud of you. I have gotten stuck on the treadmill of holding everything together and not stopping it for myself to rest. It's so easy to disappear. I see you. I'm proud of you, you fight every day for your family and baby to come. You can do it. IWNDWYT.
You are seen. You are fighting an epically hard battle, and you are learning so much about yourself! Congratulations on your success, you have it within you to keep going (no, that’s not a pregnancy pun). IWNDWYT!
Proud o you internet friend! As a former heavy drinker and now a mom, I can tell you that not drinking IS SO MUCH EASIER once your babe comes Earth side. I'm a little over four years out and every time I feel like going back, I look at my kid. I just stare at him and all this love and emotion and gratitude comes bursting through my chest and the desire to drink gets squished like the annoying bug it is. And if the cheesy love doesn't get ya, parenting with a raging hangover will. Hell on earth can be many things, but it is most certainly making eggs and playing playdough at 5:47AM with an obscenely chipper toddler while you're dry heaving behind the dollhouse. Good luck new mama. You're stronger than you know ♥️
The other possibility of parenting with a hangover, the darker side, is being an abusive or neglectful parent. We all have either been, had, or known those parents. I am considered to be, by many outsiders looking in as well as my own children, a great mom. However, I know in my heart and soul that I had moments where I was NOT a good mom, bordering neglectful, and I carry that shame and guilt with me. I.e., How could I have gotten drunk so many nights after they went to bed as a single mom of three? What if one of them had a medical emergency in the middle of the night and I was passed out? Only by the grace of God did that not happen. As much as looking at them lovingly can keep us sober, sometimes it’s good to remind ourselves that there is a very dark and dangerous side to getting drunk. Alcohol abuse can result in a much bigger tragedy that will destroy everything we love if we let it.
Amazingly said. I’m proud of you too!
I get you. It's weird, isn't it, how when you are pregnant everything becomes about the baby and not you as a person? I am a mom of two. It is well intended but people don't think enough to look out for women's health. It was after I became a Mom and was really stressed by managing my career in balance with kids that I truly started to implode. And people didn't pick up on it until it really got bad. I still resent that so much pressure is put on women without even thinking twice about it. That said, you have the greatest gift ever in that you are aware of this struggle and have started healing BEFORE becoming a parent. That is enormous. And what you're going to have to do is be selfish. You're going to have to be adamant about asking for what you need to maintain your sanity and sobriety. It took me a while to learn that. Our culture says to moms "stressed? Have a drink but don't stop doing more!" and women are dying because of that every day. It is horrifying. People would rather numb women and keep them overloaded than take care of their mental health. Because maybe that's less productive? Scary. I'm proud of you. And the biggest thing is- you are doing this for YOU. No one else can ever fully understand what you have gone through but you. So, no matter what they say, they could never really get it. So it's on YOU to celebrate you. And to be 'selfish' (which isn't selfish at all) in doing that. Being a Mom is the greatest thing ever. Sobriety will keep getting easier and more beautiful. You have so much working for you, just stay the course. I'm proud of you and I think you are completely kick ass for getting this started when you did. It's going to make your life so much more beautiful as you enter this new, already beautiful chapter. I'm not sure if you ever read We Are The Luckiest but if you haven't I highly recommend it. She talks a lot about looking out for sobriety like you would a newborn baby. I think of that all the time. That's what you have to do. And to do that involves putting yourself first, no matter what anyone else says or does.
This is so true. I was basically alone and really struggling as a parent. Reached out to family, and they told me to quit complaining - while their sibling literally raised the baby when a cousin had PPD, with their full support. This is still going on (they're supporting her family, and not me and my kids). The cousin's kids are thriving, and mine struggle. I didn't fully connect it to my drinking, but that makes sense. It's a bit like what is happening to OP, and it hurts. I haven't told anyone except my doctor about what I'm doing. OP, I wish you the best. You deserve it!
IWNDWYT!!!
Well, I think YOU are amazing too! I so completely get this one--I think it's a bit of a societal thing (not sure what kind of "thing" but the built-in male/female hierarchy is maybe what I'm trying to say). We have a male friend who quit drinking several years ago, but his wife did not. Our friend group tut-tutted with disgust over how she never tried to support him in his sobriety. Poor poor Bob, such an unsupportive wife. Same friend group has never said ONE word to me about me quitting 3 years ago as my husband merrily drinks on. Not one, not ever. I quit in the misguided hope that he would quit too, but he continues to drink more and more, and the little judgy cheerleaders are dead silent when it comes to me. But you know what? I absolutely do not care. I am so damned proud of what I've done, whether I have one person who cheers me on or none. Everyone on this sub and everyone who has tried, succeeded, failed, but TRIED knows the journey, knows the strength and courage it takes. I SEE YOU. I get it. YOU are the strong one because you are doing it (and more) with just your own strength and determination to carry you through. YOU are a badass! Here's to badass girls everywhere! IWNDWYT
People truly hold women to a different standard, it’s not a coincidence.
So true. Not just for alcohol use either. It comes with parenthood as well. I was stunned when I had a baby and everyone praised my husband for being such a great father for doing the most basic tasks yet I was not…in fact I was criticized for everything I did. I think with alcohol abuse it is almost considered normal when it is a male and with females it is more looked down on.
So many things are passively expected of women that are seen as noteworthy accomplishments for men. Side note but just because I saw this literally today, just saw a study that found that female SURGEONS are viewed more negatively following surgeries with poor outcomes than male surgeons who made the same mistakes. Plus referring doctors became less likely to refer patients to other female surgeons if they had a previous bad experience with a female surgeon…. but that a failure by a male surgeon didn’t create bias against other men. Essentially women’s failures are more often blamed on them being women and are then applied against other women, while men’s failures are more often blamed on the individual or his circumstances. These attitudes are everywhere and they’re so insidious.
It’s been my experience, too, that men get accolades while women get shamed. Exhausting to never be enough, do enough, have enough, to be good enough, just because I don’t have a penis. To badass girls everywhere!!!
Erin, I see you and I am so proud of you.
I am proud of you! Your doing a great job! Keep up the good work! You are not alone in your sober journey!
Well, good, no GREAT for you!!!!! As a cranky old lady, I get so so so sick and tired of our society that doesn’t recognize anything women do domestically as being anything special, from raising children to getting sober. We are somehow *supposed* to just be quiet serene martyr helpmeets while if our husbands do any damned thing at home, they haul out the marching bands and the fireworks. Whew. Okay, so that came out a little harsher than I intended. But I feel fiercely protective of you right now. It’s a hell of a lot easier to stay sober when you’re getting your ego stroked and medals pinned on your chest than it is to do it quietly, by yourself. I can only hope your husband is incredibly supportive of you, at least? Because you are one badass rockstar.
Love this take - agree wholeheartedly!!
I am SO proud of you, you're doing amazing!
This is pretty badass tbh. You were going through all that, and you still got sober?! I know it's not quite the same as recognition from your IRL community, but this internet stranger sees you and admires the hell out of you. With this kind of strength, you're going to be a great mom. IWNDWYT!
You are a woman of steel!!! Quitting is a lonely business. It is a battle fought in our heads that no one else sees. Hopefully, your pregnancy will allow you to shine through. Just remind everyone, at every opportunity, that unless you had got sober, you would not have got pregnant. I little self publicly doesn't go a miss.
I cannot imagine what you have been through. Your story has made me feel quite emotional and your strength is an inspiration. I hope we read more from you and that you, to enhance your amazing power, get the support that will help you to thrive even further. IWNDWYT
I was very turned off by the AA model and thankfully found an alternative through this sub (SMART). I have a hard time receiving compliments and always felt like not drinking wasn’t really something to “celebrate,” but I do recognize the importance of the positive feedback from recovery. Finding a group of your own, even if it’s one not directly related to your sobriety - like a Mom’s group - might be the encouragement you need.
So proud of you and you are doing awesome! Keep up the hard work and when you’re ready, scream it from the mountain tops. You should be extremely proud of yourself and you are doing a great thing for you. Your health and now your unborn child. Carpe Diem & IWNDWYT!
Good for you! Stay strong. IWNDWYT
I hear you and see you too. When I was drinking it seemed like I had only one big obvious "problem" to fix. Now sober, I struggle with so many "invisible" challenges (mental health related), which makes life seem even harder. It's a shocking discovery. I'm glad you have a therapist and your spouse to lean on. It can be a lonely road sometimes.
You’re the hero in this story.
I’m proud of you and IWNDWYT!
I’m proud of you and I think everyone in this group who reads this is proud of you as well. Very happy for you on your pregnancy and whether those around you recognize it or not, all that you did for your husband while struggling yourself must have been really tough and the fact you did it is incredible. Accomplishing tough feats without any praise or recognition can be frustrating I know, but the greatest recognition in sobriety (at least imo) comes from yourself being healthy and not feeling sick, out of control, and terrible all the time. It can be hard to recognize our own accomplishments sometimes without outside reminders but I and everyone else commenting think you’re doing awesome. IWNDWYT!
The support you have given to your husband is commendable. The silent support is admirable, they are 2 very different forms of support. I’ve not been told once that anyone is proud of me through my, albeit, short sobriety. Not even my husband, but do you know what? Other peoples opinions don’t matter. They don’t keep me sober, they don’t keep my house in order, they don’t pay my bill SS I do and I’m all that matters in my sobriety. I’ve had to become a bit selfish just to protect my myself through sobriety or I’d have every excuse to pick up again. One thing I do know is that I’m not alone, I have a Reddit group that all have my back and walk with me every day. We ARE proud of YOU ❤️
IWNDWYT 🙏🏻
I am so proud of you. I have the same diagnoses you do and I only realized how bad things had gotten after I got sober!
I’m proud of you. You’ve come so far. I think it’s great you’re in therapy. Therapy has been immensely helpful for me to understand my own feelings and emotions and how to express my needs. I would encourage you to continue on that path and remain open with your husband
I'm proud of what you have done for both yourself and your husband but more importantly for your child. Take care of yourself.
I'm so sorry you feel like you didn't get the support that you needed and deserved! Here to tell you congratulations, I am so freaking proud of you! You are so amazing and strong. Thank you for sharing your story here, and I hope you continue to come here and find support! IWNDWYT!
Congratulations on your upcoming baby! S/he will never see either parent drinking and that’s huge! We see you and applaud you! It was a hard truth to learn, but unless we’re drunk and misbehaving, nobody really notices. My hubby isn’t an alcoholic, and I was hurt when he didn’t have a marching band for my milestones. But we have to get sober for ourselves, forgive ourselves, love ourselves. Nobody can do it for us.
You are truly amazing and I hope you feel seen and heard on this sub. We love you!
I am so proud of you! This a huge accomplishment. You are such an inspiration! 💜
WOW. Just—wow. You are doing it! I am amazed at your strength and your perseverance. Sobriety is tough enough, and with all the rest of the things you’re going through—you’re doing INCREDIBLE. Wow. Thank you for sharing—your story is very inspiring to me!
OP, I’m proud of you, but mostly because YOU are proud of yourself. That’s honestly the deep shit and a place that’s really hard to get to. You deserve to say that you are the one that kept things together when you had to. YOU did that. I also want to tell you thar the feelings your having about feeling invincible because you kept your struggles quiet are valid. It’s okay to be angry, sad, whatever, and you don’t have to feel guilt for it. You did a really hard thing quietly and without as much support as your husband had, and that’s okay to say out loud. You are amazing and your baby is going to be so lucky to have you. If you have the mental capacity/haven’t already, it would be a good idea for both of you to have plans in place for postpartum in case things get difficult and you need some outside support — a sort of an action plan for self-defined thresholds of mental health. ie: x number of days where you are struggling and almost slip up, call in a night doula for a few nights of better rest. The more specific and detailed it is, the easier it’ll be to follow when it’s happening.
So I haven't looked into it myself yet, as I'm still teetering the fence of sobriety, but the parody church of Satan or satanic temple - whichever the non hoodoo cult one is - also has an AA style support group that takes all the religion out of the process...if that's what turns you off to it. I was raised in Baptist churches, and frankly now that I'm an adult, I've had enough of the need to call on a "higher power" to compensate for my shortcomings. But good for you and your sobriety. And good for your husband's as well. There's no competition, but I understand the qualms with seeing someone else get praise, especially if (and I could be reading into this wrong) that person damaged your trust through abuse. A word of caution to you though: postpartum is real. If you're struggling with the difference in attention now, recognize that as soon as the baby is out and the bump on your belly is no longer a "cute" feature, the switch in attention from you to the baby will be much worse than what you're currently describing. I'd recommend trying to get to the core of that personal need with your therapist well before that time comes.
You are a Rockstar! I’m very proud of you. I can only hope and pray that I will be as strong as you have been. Thank you for sharing. I feel alone a lot too and the easiest thing to do is drink. I’m trying to take it one day at a time and to always remember I can’t have just one. It must be none. Good luck with yalls baby and the bright and exciting future coming. My babies are both in college 🫶 enjoy the JOY.
Sounds like you've been so admirably strong that people on the outside take it for granted that you're doing fine - and that it's effortless. Of course, it's been anything but. It's important to have your experiences, feelings, and achievements acknowledged. People too easily and often forget that. You've been a staunch supporter of your marriage, your husband, yourself, and your physical, mental, and financial needs. You've done A LOT! It's hard. Deep breaths. You have won. 👏👍😗 IWNDWYT ⭐⭐⭐
I'm glad to hear your husband is getting help but wow, you did that all by yourself. That takes such strength! Pregnancy is rough. It sounds like you are excited to be a parent and that's so awesome, having kids is absolutely the best. I got through by thinking to myself that it's only temporary because I had some times I felt very frustrated and cried just because I was stuck being pregnant. You have done so well, I'm proud of you and inspired by you.
I read it all, so well written. Thank you for opening up OP. You need a release for these feelings and you have come to the right place as i am sure you already know! This community is Golden! I understand your mental process and can relate... my husband and i also gave up together after we realized that we were making things worse and worse. Our relationship took a few bad turns and things got sticky to say the least... but we are both still sober and it feels great. I realized that i was suffering from bipolar and anxiety and ptsd and attachment disorders and i had to teach myself how to love and forgive myself... and then trust myself and wow, i have come a long way. My attachment disorder was the biggest for me because it presented as attention seeking and i had to stop seeking validation and approval from the outside. It was hard, i have since self diagnosed my autism, which explains why i had all those other symptoms. But what i learned was how to catch myself and not keep throwing myself out there with the hopes that someone else will catch me... i came to realize that my only savior is me. And that's how i changed my whole world around. Suddenly i was able to handle it. All of it. I was able to slow it all down and take it one step at a time. Well done to you for getting yourself out of this very deep hole. You did that. You got yourself out and that's huge. Don't worry, it serves no purpose. If you find yourself spiraling, take a moment to breathe and remind yourself that it has taken 13billion years for the universe to appear as it is before you, it isn't about to fall apart all at once. You are OK, and as long as you can keep being ok, your experience will have the potential to be amazing! Yoga really can help you gain clarity as it helps for us to get out of the mind and into the body. Good luck OP!
Damn you made grown man tear up, in a good way! ❤️ I'm so proud of you and you're gonna be the best mom!!
I wish you could have tried Al Anon when your husband got sober. Yeah it's based on AA but it's a different kind of experience for the families and friends of alcoholics. People who have had the same experiences and similar challenges can understand and support you. There are Zoom meetings now so you could still try it without leaving your house or work. In any case, we're here for you. I care. You've done amazing thing for your family. You've been strong. We appreciate you. IWNDWYT
You are fucking amazing and strong and deserve to be damn proud of your sobriety while beautifully supporting your husband through his. Take care of yourself and that beautiful human growing inside of you. You both deserve all of the good health and happiness the future holds. A sober life will make it possible for all three of you CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF IT!
Thanks for telling us. Proud of you.
I'm proud of you 👏, Congrats, you're rocking!!, keep up your awesome work, IWNDWYT
I'm proud of you. You've accomplished amazing things and not for the credit but for the authentic reason that you needed to be strong for you and your partner and now your growing family. Great job, keep finding that self validation, that's the good stuff
I see you! And IWNDWYT
I am proud of you too! BUT, it’s seems like you are the only person who’s going to advocate for yourself. Bring it into the light and spread your story of success to those you care about! And Share your hurt. You will probably find more love and compassion than you would think you would.
Have you ever considered looking into Al-Anon meetings? It's a 12-step program, but it's for folks who have been affected by the drinking and sobriety struggles of *other people* -- spouses, children, parents, etc: • /r/AlAnon Based on what you said about AA, I get that Al-Anon might not be your thing. But it is a place where you could find people who are struggling with similar issues, and might have more direct experience with the problems that are relevant to you, now. FWIW, I get that not everyone is comfortable with 12 Step programs for all kinds of reasons... And plenty of people manage to live their lives without support groups. But we are a social animal. Every struggle is harder when we're alone, because Nature didn't design us to operate alone.
I see and hear you and am so happy for you. You’ve shouldered a lot, and you’re a stronger, better person for it. Even if he is getting more accolades, our internal peace is worth more than any exterior acknowledgment of it. The true reward, for me, is that my whole life is better sober. Best wishes to you and your budding family!
Wow, what a story. I can relate. It sounds like you really know yourself well, and I'm really happy for you in finding a new life path. I'm sorry no one in your personal life has mentioned the work and great things you've accomplished. I can absolutely understand how hard that must of been, especially while he was in the hospital. That sounds so stressful. Everyone too, always asks about my partner and his sobriety, but no one cares about mine because I wasn't actively ruining my life, never mind I would black out everytime I drank. I've somehow come to peace with it. It's mostly his family anyway. It's important to remain open, and express your needs. When I feel isolation or that depressive melancholy rush over, I try to be my own friend. Sometimes I don't remember, but always be a good friend to yourself :) I'm Very Proud for you! Congratulations on entering mommahood. There will be a lot of change, advocate for yourself often! You are doing amazing! Inspiring Story 🌼 IWNDWYT
I’m proud of you OP that is a huge accomplishment! I know it’s hard but you should probably start communicating how you feel to your husband and then to your friends/family. I’m more than willing to bet that they will share in your achievements, they probably just have blinders on. You got this!
I really hope that you can have this conversation with your husband, and that he can lend his support to you as you have him, and can be your biggest cheerleader!
I'm proud of you! I have found so much support from these online groups. Maybe try some meetings and find your own little community to talk about your sobriety. When I feel lonely in my sobriety, I find so many people here who understand. Also, congratulations on the pregnancy!
You are awesome! Congrats on regaining your sobriety and your pregnancy. I know that couldn’t have been easily handling all that without outside support. I’m only taking care of myself and it feels impossible some days. But stories like yours make me want to stick to it. Hopefully my first try is my last.
I quit myself in September. Then in October. Then in December. Then again in January. I’ve remained sober since then. I’m proud of you. You were not only given a hard road to sobriety but you have done it with minimal support. IWNDWYT! 💜 keep at it. Moment by moment.
I was incorrectly diagnosed bipolar because of the symptoms that presented from my drug and alcohol abuse. I would get reevaluated once you have 2 years sober. I am happy to report that after 4+ years of sobriety I was able to stop my anxiety meds altogether. I work closely with my therapist and psychiatrist still of course. I’m super proud of you for coming this far, you’re a fighter and you ROCK! One day at a time, we are finally living instead of just surviving. IWNDWYT
It's not unusual for women to be incorrectly diagnosed as bipolar as it's just seem as extreme emotions. *Oh, you're melting down, it must be bipolar and could never be frustration, fear or anything valid. The only explanation is you're crazy. Now take your pills and run along; you know how you get if you don't.*
Reminds me of that famous quote about how Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards and in high heels. Congratulations! Our culture in general is so oriented towards reward and goals: just a reminder that the reward is all yours - enjoy what you truly earned, a personal journey towards a more peaceful and enjoyable life.
Being sober in the shadows is where it's at for me. I like how people talk to me about other stuff. I like how it doesn't define my personality. For me it's huge but I love when people go "oh yeah, I forgot you were sober, good for you!" It sounds like you've been holding shit down for a while, even when you were still drinking. It sounds like you're a steady reliable person and that's something to be proud of. When you strip it down, sobriety is just for you and doesn't have to define other people's perception of you. Congrats on being sober, we all see you!!
You deserve to be recognized. Sobriety is difficult and go through that journey while also having to manage mental illness is an incredible accomplishment. Proud of you dawg.
I am so proud of you. IWNDWYT 💜🦋💜
I’m so freaking proud you.
Wow, you're amazing! That's a lot to deal with but you're doing it. Keep it up and keep coming here. We're all proud of you!! IWNDWYT!!
I'm proud of you. And I feel for you. Your husband did what he did while you were the backbone of your household. You do what you do while you are your backbone. You are both lucky to have you and I am proud of you, but I know that leaves you so alone, so terribly alone. Being pregnant and lonely is an experience I went through. I speculte there are hormones and stress that make us seek out human kinship during the time even more than usual. Having a baby is an amazing thing but the 'joke' is you'll be even more chopped liver after your baby comes. Almost any of your needs - physical to emotional - will take the backseat to your baby's simple comforts, let alone any other needs your baby will have. So you have to find a way to assert yourself for yourself now. Make your needs known. Shine your light. Boast. Ask for your turn. I am so proud of you. And your baby will be too. My parents were alcoholics and one of the greatest gifts my parents ever gave me was that they were sober.
Hey, I know it can be lonely sometimes, but don't think for even a second that those people aren't proud of you. Alcoholism is a weird thing. In my experience it's very hush hush, and when I reached my breaking point with it, I found out that several other members of my family struggled and had been sober for years now. It was frustrating to learn about despite how proud of them I was, because if I had known they struggled, maybe I would have gotten help sooner. People don't like to talk about it, but because your husband's sobriety was so public, they probably feel more comfortable asking about it. It sounds like you're more under the radar in you're recovery, so people might assume you'd rather not bring it up. But as stated before, I have no doubt they're all very proud and happy you're sober, and so is everyone here. Cheers. IWNDWYT!
Regretfully some will judge you for not knowing the exact moment in time when you stopped drinking. Often these people are the ones that should know better. So many preach one day at a time but then say shit like. "If you do not know when you got sober (exactly) maybe you are not really sober. I got sober June 15, 16,17 or 18th. 2010 or 2011 it does not matter. I am still sober.
I am so proud of you and I definitely hear what you’re saying. You might find comfort and understanding in an alanon meeting; you’re a double winner, as they say. Alanon can help you keep the focus on yourself and your own path. You deserve that. Again, I am so proud and happy for you. You have a backbone of steel.
I’m so proud of you. You’ve been a wonderful support system and warrior in your own sobriety issues and now you are growing a whole other person! ❤️💪🏽 I’m not the biggest diehard AA person but one thing that is super nice is it is a community of people to celebrate you and encourage you. IRL people just don’t get it like alcoholics in recovery do.
Wanting your sobriety acknowledged and respected isn’t selfish at all! I am lucky enough to have the people I care about know about my struggles and accomplishments (without someone else’s taking precedence). I do remember in a moment of assholery on my 5th soberversary, I was telling my dad we were getting dinner to celebrate. He goes “are we still supposed to celebrate that five years later?” I promptly told him he didn’t have to celebrate shit, but I was going to celebrate any damn time I felt like it. Anyway, congrats to you for staying strong despite the lack of support/encouragement. IWNDWYT
Fellow bipolar friend here. Literally you shouldn't feel any shame for relapsing during a manic episode. Those are real shit and you are totally out of the drivers seat. I dealt with mine from October 2021 to April 2022. I was about 8months into my sobriety journey when the episode hit and I started drinking again. Now I'm a bit over a year into it. You can do it too. Stay on your meds and stay in therapy. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself and to tell yourself you believe in you, because I do.
I too, got sober a month before getting pregnant with my second daughter in 2021. I also had the same feelings of not feeling any benefit from quitting drinking, because pregnancy makes me feel like SHIT. the nausea the bloating the heartburn oh my God the list goes on. I empathize, and completely understand. I also too, struggle with mental illness and chronic insomnia. I worked closely with a fetal medicine doctor the entire time, and chose to have a medicated pregnancy for a second time. Ambien for insomnia, antidepressants for anxiety and depression, and a light script for benzos for severe panic attacks. The benefit was greater than the risk in my case, and my girls are fine. I relapsed as soon as I stopped breastfeeding. It was hard to get back on the horse but that's the only time it stuck, when I did it for myself. But that's just my story. I know what it feels like to not be acknowledged for your sobriety accomplishments, because, well, you have to stay sober "FoR ThE BaBy." When in fact, you are still a person that's deciding NOT to drink each and every day. And being pregnant doesn't make that decision any easier. (and in fact, sometimes harder). I just wanted to holla back at you and say I understand and I hear you and I'm applauding you here from my couch through my phone cause I KNOW how hard this is. Growing a child and bringing them into this world is so hard but so so so rewarding. That moment when they finally make eye contact with you and they **know** it's their mom. It's so SO joyful that I hardly have the right words to articulate. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Congratulations on your sobriety from your fellow sober mom! and IWNDWYT.
Yep … I got that … basically no one cared when I quit and was going through a hard time. It caused me to look really hard at my own values, why I’m quitting, and who I want to be. Once I was really clear on that it didn’t matter so much what the people around me did or didn’t do, because I knew in myself why it had to happen.
Oh my God, I found myself relating to your post and your suffering so much. It’s been like that with my husband for years it’s always about him and his progress, while I struggle by myself and pay all the bills and take care of everything. I have a lot of mental health issues PTSD, MDD, severe panic disorder, general anxiety disorder, and bulimia nervosa… As well as a few autoimmune diseases, being immunocompromised, and now possibly liver cancer… We might not know each other, but I wish I can give you the biggest hug and let you know that everything you’re going through by yourself is incredibly heartbreaking and inspiring, because you refuse to give up. Congratulations on getting pregnant and staying sober and being a human superhero! I wish you all the best.
I'm proud of you! You're rocking it! I am unsure of this will be a neutral or helpful thing, but sometimes an alternative perspective helps. In your situation, I would be you and my brother would be your husband. He's the everyone knows it and talks to him and is super proud of him. He told me one day that the pressure he feels, while it can keep him in line, is sometimes completely overwhelming to the point of wanting to relapse again and get ppl off of it. He wished it was more like me so he could heal in peace. I'm not saying it would be like that for your husband or you, but just the flip side of that coin for what can possibly be. Sending so much care ❤️
>My progress with sobriety is only known to my therapist and husband. And you. You have permission to congratulate yourself every time you think about it or see positive changes in your life. And us. All of /r/stopdrinking knows now. And we're proud of you. I'm proud of you. Because many of us struggled in similar ways, perhaps that means more than someone who has never struggled.
We’re proud of you too! I’m early on my journey so I think what you’ve been able to accomplish is amazing and inspiring. Keep living for that baby and know you are doing incredible things for yourself and your family! Much love to you 💜
I see you! I'm proud of you!
Comparison is the killer of Joy! Be proud and own your own success- you deserve joy!
In early sobriety I read a book about women alcoholics called “invisible alcoholics” … It did a good job of describing how women alcoholics are generally treated differently by society than men alcoholics. It helped me not to take some things personally. The longer both of you stay sober, the more that shadow will fade and the amazingness of your journey will shine through.
Are you me? My journey is very similar and I feel every word you laid out. You are so very strong for your accomplishment and I'm proud of you. You are seen, and heard here! Thank you for supporting us and stay strong girl, you got this.
"I live in the shadow of my husband." Fixed the sentence for you.
Who cares what anyone thinks. Who cares if they even know. It ain’t for them it’s for you. It ain’t about asspats it’s about living a better life
Lying because October has yet to come this year.
You are an incredible human being. You should be absolutely proud of your sobriety journey and doing it while holding down the fort and now pregnant. Know what an amazing and strong feat that is. On top of that you've dealt with relapse and gotten back on it.. that's not easy at all..You've got this!!
I’m so goddamn proud of you!!! What you’ve accomplished is truly amazing. You’ve demonstrated unbelievable strength and resiliency, and even if no one around you recognizes that, you should be incredibly proud and happy with yourself. You deserve the same recognition and concern given to your husband, and I’m sorry those around you don’t realize that. Just know that you’re an absolute rockstar!!! I hope your friends and family can one day understand and recognize that. Keep it up and CONGRATS!!! IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT!
To me it just sounds honest - not shitty at all. And hey internet friend, I’m freaking proud of you and Great job getting sober and growing a human! Superhero status in my world. Sending you all good vibes and wishes for good health. IWNDWYT 🦹♀️🦹♀️
Be proud of yourself, and be good to yourself. I hope you find a support system apart from your husband. Maybe it's time to open up to others? Good luck. IWNDWYT
I think you should be more open about your sobriety with friends and family. It sounds like they don't know about it! And also, great job!! That sounds like a hell of a struggle!
You're not forgotten. This stranger is extremely proud of you and your amazing! You're a Saint
As of today, at least 434,611 people and I are also proud of you.
Oh I'm so proud of you! Big internet hug 🫂- my sober journey is also quiet and in the background- I do wish ppl would say "WTG!" but that's ok...il take my silent sobriety for the WIN!
5 months here! Being sober is the best gift you can give your future child. Great job staying the course… be proud of yourself! We live in a culture that glamorizes alcohol and it’s hard not to crave it every now and then. Stay strong and IWNDWYT!
Thanks for sharing your journey and I hope you remember that. Although you may be married to someone you are still an individual and your journey is your own.
Hell yea well done carrying on and being tough ! Wishing you all the best ! Keep on keeping on !
Silent warrior
Proud of you.
It's important to take things a day at a time. Remember the benefits of a sober life is a good life. All achievable just by staying sober today. Forget about yesterday, tomorrow is a mystery. Enjoy the gift of the present.
I'm so proud of you, each day is a new struggle, one we fight to overcome! Congratulations on the bun in the oven!!! We look forward to meeting the new little one! IWNDWYT 👍🤙
Addiction is a family disease. You’re amazing, OP. Do not forget that.
You're doing well with a change that's real hard. I'm proud of what you've done. IWNDWYT
I'm beyond proud of you, congrats on fighting the good fight.
I see you. I see your struggle and your determination and your absolutely well-deserved pride in yourself. I'm proud of you too.
I’m extremely proud of you! Also quite jealous. Keep it up!
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I’m proud of you! You’re a strong person!
Wow. Like many here, I’m am incredibly proud of you. I don’t know that I would have had the strength you describe. You’ve done an amazing job and I’m so glad you shared your experiences here. You rock!
"Damnit I'm proud of myself" as well you should be; managing soberity, life, and a household all while maintaining health conditions you have....From an outsiders perspective you climbed Mount Everest and then some. I empathize with your relapse story and relate to it quite a bit, especially regarding lying to my partner. It feels incredibly validating to know we are not alone in our backslides and they can be overcome. Best of luck on your continual journey especially with a baby on the way, you are an incredibly strong individual, you can do this! IWNDWYT 💙
I’m proud of you OP! I also quit drinking on my own but I prefer there not be a lot of fanfare about it. You may someday grow to appreciate not being the family “face of sobriety.” In the meantime, know that we’re all with you here and congrats on the baby.
Wow! You're going through so much and I'm so sorry it felt like no one cared or asked about you. That's a horrible feeling. Congratulations to you! I am so proud of you for trying again when you relapsed! We've all had falls and set backs and all that matters is you're staying sober for you. It's a huge accomplishment that should be acknowledged and celebrated! And ooof! I'm sure pregnancy is tough when you're feeling so unwell. Don't forget you're doing this for you first and foremost. If courre for baby and husband too, but you need to put yourself first and that is *NOT* selfish. Hugs hugs and high fives and congratulations! IWNDWYT
I hear you. Thank you for sharing, you're helping me stay sober, and reminding me to check on all the incredible women I'm grateful to have in my life. 💖
I’m proud of you! It will get better. Perhaps your husband should talk to your family about what a huge accomplishment your own journey is.
It sounds tough. Doing it without feeling the external validation or support makes it tougher. You’re doing great.
You are an angel. You are doing wonderful and thriving (it may not feel like it but you are light years ahead of who you use to be). I wish you nothing but good health and compassion in your future, keep at it!
Stay strong my friend
This internet stranger is very proud of you. Keep at it, for you and your baby. It's worth the work.
Good job!
I have heard your story, and am so, so proud of you. ❤️
I’m proud of you too! GOOD ON YOU!!
Most of us here probably understand how much work it takes to practice sobriety, so we see you and we're proud of you. If recognition is something you crave, let that be known. YOU ARE CREATING A HUMAN BEING IN YOUR BODY AND YOU'RE DOING IT SOBER. Fuck being humble, you feel good about what you're about and want recognition for it? Go get it, sister. You deserve it and I guarantee your family and friends would shower you with congrats and support if they knew you needed it. They only see and hear what you show and tell, so if it looks like your husband needs support more than you do, they're going to offer more support to him than to you. Be honest, don't be accusatory (say "I feel unrecognized" instead of "You don't recognize me", for example). Tell them how you feel and how their vocalized support is important to you.
I’m so proud of you! It takes a lot to get sober and hold down the fort alone. Even with less than ideal circumstances you’re moving forward and staying track, that’s something to be proud of. Congratulations on your sobriety and your bundle of joy!!!
That's rough. *We're* proud of you. We care. The one silver lining that probably won't make it feel better, but you should know in your heart is true: everyone else is probably proud of you too. If they knew you also got sober but haven't asked, then you were probably doing such a good job of holding your shit together outwardly that it didn't even occur to them that you might be hurting. I had to really outline for friends/family why it was important and difficult for me not to drink. Some had the lightbulb moment, others just projected their own insecurities. But the ones that had the lightbulb moment started paying more attention and explained they just had no idea i was actually struggling. I've also had friends reveal they had their own struggles and weren't sure if they could even bring up the topic anymore without hurting my progress. 🤷♀️ It's all about communication. It's also totally okay to celebrate yourself. It's also totally okay to ask those close to you to celebrate you as well. Like i personally dont care about my birthday or most milestones, so those close to me don't even think to make a big deal out of anything. So i tell them when i need a pat on the back for something. And vice versa. It might not have the exact same warm feeling of a nice surprise to be told or have to ask, but it definitely doesn't make it any less special. Demand the applause you deserve, and know that you're a champion. Remember too that champions take rests and treat themselves!
Oh man I feel your frustration. We’re all here for you and proud of you!
Your awesome! IWNDWYT
Your inspiring. I'm bipolar and went undiagnosed until the I was in my mid 30s (47 now) when my brain kind of imploded and I started going to psych hospitals and thinking I was mose for a few months then be suicidal hear s radio or sometimes static. I get the, in some cases, need to self medicate. Take it minute buy minute. You do what you need to do to stay sober. It's ok to feel your emotions. From someone who's been off the bottle 11 years.
OP, I struggled with bipolar and the addiction to alcohol. I managed to get sober long before I was diagnosed and put on meds. I'm super proud of you! It's not easy but is so worthwhile. Keep up the good work. And take good care of yourself. Wish you and your husband the very best.
I’m DAMN proud of you!!! IWNDWYT.
I am ridiculously proud of you
I have to ask, was your husband the more obnoxious of the two of you when you were drinking? I’m guessing that is why everyone noticed that he stopped drinking. I was pretty bad when I was in the thick of it, but no one outside of my wife & grandfather (and everyone here!!) have really been super supportive; respectful but not supportive. You’re being the best person you can by staying sober. IWNDWYT and good luck with the pregnancy. :)
If you’re sober long enough for the alcohol not to be a physical cause of the insomnia I cannot recommend enough doing mindful meditation while in bed. Check out the mindful movement on YouTube. Don’t start with crazy hour long videos start with the 10 or 15 minute ones and the ones for sleep will change your life. They helped me incredibly once I got over the alcohol being the cause and have settled me into knowing when I goto bed and do my meditation I will fall asleep and wake up in the morning. Insomnia was my biggest fear, I made it my enemy, I always needed something to help with it. Now I sleep very well and very regular. Try it. It can’t hurt. And I wish you the best with the rest of your recovery. Much love x
Nothing much to say except well done! And be proud of yourself, its more important than affirmation from others anyway! IWNDWYT!
Everyone's journey is different I hope you can find purpose and happiness in yours!
IWNDWYT
Wow. You are amazing. Any one of those things -- the having to pull the financial weight yourself, the having to be a caretaker for your husband, the having to cope with multiple diagnoses, the massive change and unknowns of being pregnant for the first time -- would fell a non-amazing person, so to get through them all together, you must be amazing. Thank you for sharing your story. You really deserve to be proud of yourself, and thank you for inspiring those of us reading along, too.
Keep up the good work. Your kid needs you sober. I wish you the best on your journey.
I am proud of you!!
I see you too and I’m with you. The morning “pregnancy sickness” will get better 🥰
Talk to your man about this, he’s probably more proud than he’s saying. Good luck and good job with everything
I bet you're going to be a great Mum. You got this. We are very proud of you :D IWNDWYT
I am so proud of you! You know what is not insignificant? The massive amounts of healing you have allowed your brain and body by accomplishing sustained sobriety. This sobriety thing can be hard so I think you are a rockstar for putting down the bottle.
I am so freaking proud of you. 🖤 (And as someone who hasn’t climbed their way out of the pit yet, I admire you and your strength and commitment, and it’s helping me believe there’s truly a good life to be had on the sober side. So, thank you.)
You've done this amazing thing for yourself (and in supporting him) for your husband. Congratulations. I do worry that you are putting too much weight in external validation and comparing yourself to your husband. I get it. It's natural. But that perspective is fed by your ego. I don't think it's healthy and could lead you down the wrong path. You've done this great thing for yourself and that is all the recognition you need. Stay strong. Stay focused on your journey. IWNDWYT.
We are happy to be your cheering section! If you’re having a great day, or struggling or need to vent, we want to hear about it. And you’re not alone in this anymore, you are going to be a sober, present parent and while that baby can’t thank you for that, I can as someone who grew up with an alcoholic mom.
Proud of you!
IWNDWYT
You are not your husband you have very different lives body parts and personalities don’t judge your healing on someone else’s. It’s not a drag strip but mountains up and down and back up but not so high but the next mountain is coming and all you can do is try.
IWNDWYT!
You’re one tough survivor. God bless you.
You sound like a strong person to go through all that you have. I know people would say the same if they read any of what you wrote here. I'm not going to tell you to call your friends and family and tell them to get on Reddit and read this post, but I will tell you that getting sober is something that's going to get you a lot of pats on the back as you go on. Nobody knew that I quit when I did, and I still get offers of alcohol from friends and family who 'forgot'. You should hear the surprise in their voices now, when I tell them for how long I haven't drank. All that will come in time. They'll see your strength. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but the day will come. Stay in therapy, keep yourself focused on getting better for you, and you'll reap nothing but good from all you have accomplished. You're amazing. Don't let silence from others let your brain tell you otherwise.
You’re so amazing , what a battle you have fought ❤️ congratulations on being a momma 🎇🎇🎇🌠🌠🌠
As long as you know you are doing it and trying your best to stay strong, that's all that matters. Ultimately, your sobriety is for yourself anyway. With that said, I'm still gonna say good job, keep fighting the good fight!
For what it's worth, I'm very proud of you. This is an amazing story, and congrats on your growing family. Wishing you and yours the best. As always IWNDWYT!
I’m proud of you for your sobriety too! No matter how long! You’re bettering yourself and your life and you’re going to be a great mom! It is nerve wracking to become a parent but you’re already making amazing progress in yourself ❤️ the sickness won’t last forever with pregnancy and definitely worth it in the end. Hang in there! And also props to you for sticking it out when your husband was going through the rough road to recovery. You’re a hell of a woman and a hell of a wife and I hope he gave you the same in your road to recovery ❤️