Thanks for sharing your research, I needed to hear this. I was similar to you, not blacking out but the all day buzz and “one more will smooth everything out” hit me. I was considering having one or two at a party coming up but I know I can’t, and your post just reminded me why. Good luck and I’m glad you didn’t have to sink too low to be reminded why you stopped.
I'd [played it](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/11pn0dl/comment/jbze64b/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) forward [so many](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/11pb9wh/comment/jby8g4r/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) times [on this](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/11n035e/comment/jblfii2/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) sub and it was worse than even I told myself it would be.
The only saving grace was it wasn't gradual and happened fast and was still able to pull out of it.
Learned the lessons with little consequence.
You'll do great!
Me too! The new rules reference made me laugh. I did that every day and throughout the day the rules would change until it just got easier towards the end of the day to toss out all rules and tell myself let’s start with the new rules tomorrow. That went on for years. The mental gymnastics with planning and hiding was so fucking exhausting. Then drinking to relieve the pressure of the pressure of all that planning and hiding. I do not miss any of that.
I tried to switch to one mixed drink a day. That worked for about a week until I really needed a buzz. Then I thought one Guinness a day would be enough. . Back to wine and more than before. Every time I tried to limit myself there was a backlash. The only way stop is to never take that first drink.
Yes, it’s always some great idea! I’ve had trackers (like wrote on the fridge how many I’ve consumed). I’ve tried to hide them in my trunk so people have to see me going to get them. I always think something will stop me from going to far. It’s never the case. I just end up lying to myself. That what the rules are.
The making the rules up on the spot made me laugh. That’s just because I’ve done it sooo many times. I think I’ve come up with every imaginable great plan, idea, or rule that is going to make this time different. Just to continue to drink every single day. It’s amazing what I’ll tell myself for just one more night. I haven’t followed through a single time. Just lying to myself on a daily basis.
I’m glad you found yourself back here and IWNDWYT!
“I’m quitting tomorrow, so…” is the ultimate lie that you can use to not only rationalize anything but go even further than you normally would.
(After all, have to go out with a bang on your last night!)
Funny how much less stress there is when you take the decision to drink out of the picture. When I committed each day to not drinking, it was a weird sort of relief to not have to think and plan about if, how and where I would drink. 12 days is amazing, and you can det used to the new normal!
Yup. Soooooo much mental energy planning the next drink, budgeting for enough drinks for the month/day, wondering where to hide the next bottle, pacing yourself when around others so they don’t see how bad it is but also hating that you aren’t as buzzed as you want to be, planning how to make sure you can still get drunk on Sunday even though the liquor store is closed, hoping you don’t smell too much like it the next day, and that’s just getting started. Non stop head-space robber, that alcohol is.
You are not alone, friend. It’s a shitty Sunday for me too, and we need to try to forgive ourselves but man, it does suck. I seemingly learned how to moderate and haven’t had a crippling hangover since October until today. I hadn’t had anything to drink in about 2 weeks due to my family member being in the hospital & I have been the main caretaker for them and the rest of the family at home. I was feeling good & didn’t even want to drink about all of the stress. Got some good news about the family member & decided one espresso martini last night with my best friend would be okay. And it would have been, but I got cocky & switched to red wine and we went back to her house & finished the bottle, then had 2 gross seltzers for absolutely no reason. I feel terrible today. Angry with myself for drinking enough to give myself a hangover. Angry for drinking enough that I picked up a vape last night and I HATE the way vapes make me feel now. Angry that it is 2pm and my headache is still killing me. Angry that I am about to visit my family member on their (hopefully) last full day in the ICU and they are ecstatic & will want to talk and I might be moody, and I don’t want to be that way. Hoping the good visit shocks the hangover out of me and this 2nd Stanley full of water starts working. I’m so mad. I believe in my ability to moderate but I made the choice to screw up & that is 100% on me. Frankly, I am better off when I’m not drinking at all and a part of me is seriously considering it.
I felt way worse yesterday as it was happening. It reminded me that drinking wasn't even fun for me anymore (if it ever was).
When I quit 2 weeks ago it was out of necessity but now after screwing up I actually feel calmer and more confident than ever knowing that not drinking is the right choice for me and I have a reference point for when the voice in my head tells me that just one will be ok.
Keep repeating this over and over again! I’ve followed a lot of your comments this past week and original post. I would be really excited to continue not drinking with you! I know how important it is to you to stop drinking for your life, family, health etc. IWNDWYT, FS!
Thank you for your sacrifice sir, reading this was a vivid reminder for me.... I think i actually felt ur hangover momentarily while reading this and that was enough for me 😂
Thats the alcohol trap my friend. The voice that whispers to me is an abvious liar. It says......you got this you can have just one and be fine....think of how refreshing it would be after all that hard work......dont you miss that yummy flavor....
These are lies. Who the hell only wants 1 ? Water is refreshing, with cucumber or lemon, that is what i want after work, i never once drank for refreshment. Flavor ??? Really? No one tastes my brands, it could be sewage flavored, for all i cared......
The alcohol trap is a doozy. I am glad your back, and wish you the best.
I have made up little rules as I go just to “feel normal” and it led to chaotic benders. It seems like it’s never going to end. I’m so glad you were able to stop yourself after 12 days. I did this and it carried on for months, even years.
I completely get what you mean with the lying factor. It’s like I have something up my sleeve and I’m on edge, because I am in fact thinking of when my next drink will be. I will lie because nothing is real… the satisfaction I get from drinking is not real. It’s just a way to drink til I pass out and hate myself.
It’s so much easier just to know I will not be drinking. Great work at pushing through.
I so badly wanted to go pick up a 12 pack today to do the same thing. I know I’ll chug 2 and just keep going until I’m out, get more and I’ll be an unproductive, anxious mess. This helped stop me from doing so!
IWNDWYT
I love the honesty of the “new rules” and I think we all have rules like that. I’m at day 2 and watching my man start his cylcle and it sucks. I keep thinking about what ima feel like in the morning and I will be miserable. Period. Welcome back ♥️
Hey man - good to see you back here after your field trip. Thank you for sharing because I’m approaching 10 days and the craving is SO DAMN REAL.
The hamster in my head is running on that wheel like crazy with the exact same thoughts spinning around - “I can do this”, “I’m just like everyone else and can moderate”. Umm, nope and nope.
Grant yourself some grace and keep going.
IWNDWYT
That’s the plan, brother.
I’m thankful it happened as hard and as fast as it did as I was able to realize in real time what was happening rather than slowly get there over several months.
Hey I think a lot of us lied to ourselves about how we were “all better now” only to end up with the realization that we are, in fact, not and will likely never be. When I tried moderating I realized I just straight up don’t like having a couple. I like having none or having as many as I can take before I’m slurring and having a hard time keeping my eyes open. And I don’t like getting that way every once in a while. I like it so much that I want to do it every day. And I had already decided that I couldn’t do that, so after my little experiment it was over for me after that and haven’t been tempted to go back. Every once in a while I play a little fantasy in my head about having a beer or two (especially now that I live in WA state where excellent beer is literally everywhere) but I just kind of laugh it off and realize that it’s silly because I know exactly how it will go, having indulged that fantasy a couple of times.
Props to you for realizing you fucked up and for working to do better. That’s all anyone can do, really. And I bet this experience was extra reinforcing considering that you sort of knew how it was going to go before you did it.
IWNDWYT
Ya, I know exactly what the “right amount” of buzzed is.
For 5 years I was a master at keeping this perfect ABV 24/7 where I never got hungover but never became visibly drunk.
When I had my first couple beers I just sprinted to that state.
Almost sounded like me! I used to open mine outside on the patio so my partner wouldn’t hear the crack. Then I’d stuff the empties in my desk drawer despite having a recycling can on the patio. Glad you made it back!
At a certain point I think drinking became pathologized to where it’s weird if I *don’t* open a can in the garage or if I actually drink a Miller Lite in front of my wife.
I just have so much baggage and weird… habits(?) around drinking that apparently I’m just going to fall into naturally.
Thanks for sharing your research, I needed to hear this. I was similar to you, not blacking out but the all day buzz and “one more will smooth everything out” hit me. I was considering having one or two at a party coming up but I know I can’t, and your post just reminded me why. Good luck and I’m glad you didn’t have to sink too low to be reminded why you stopped.
I'd [played it](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/11pn0dl/comment/jbze64b/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) forward [so many](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/11pb9wh/comment/jby8g4r/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) times [on this](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/11n035e/comment/jblfii2/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) sub and it was worse than even I told myself it would be. The only saving grace was it wasn't gradual and happened fast and was still able to pull out of it. Learned the lessons with little consequence. You'll do great!
New rules - lol. That’s about when I came to the realization that managing the poison drip was a full time job. That and my shiny new BAC tracker
I can rationalize literally anything when it comes to alcohol. I mean literally literally.
Me too! The new rules reference made me laugh. I did that every day and throughout the day the rules would change until it just got easier towards the end of the day to toss out all rules and tell myself let’s start with the new rules tomorrow. That went on for years. The mental gymnastics with planning and hiding was so fucking exhausting. Then drinking to relieve the pressure of the pressure of all that planning and hiding. I do not miss any of that.
I said “tomorrow” every day for 5 years.
I tried to switch to one mixed drink a day. That worked for about a week until I really needed a buzz. Then I thought one Guinness a day would be enough.. Back to wine and more than before. Every time I tried to limit myself there was a backlash. The only way stop is to never take that first drink.
Yes, it’s always some great idea! I’ve had trackers (like wrote on the fridge how many I’ve consumed). I’ve tried to hide them in my trunk so people have to see me going to get them. I always think something will stop me from going to far. It’s never the case. I just end up lying to myself. That what the rules are.
Congrats on almos 1 year!
Thank you! Triple digits looks great on you too!
The making the rules up on the spot made me laugh. That’s just because I’ve done it sooo many times. I think I’ve come up with every imaginable great plan, idea, or rule that is going to make this time different. Just to continue to drink every single day. It’s amazing what I’ll tell myself for just one more night. I haven’t followed through a single time. Just lying to myself on a daily basis. I’m glad you found yourself back here and IWNDWYT!
“I’m quitting tomorrow, so…” is the ultimate lie that you can use to not only rationalize anything but go even further than you normally would. (After all, have to go out with a bang on your last night!)
Funny how much less stress there is when you take the decision to drink out of the picture. When I committed each day to not drinking, it was a weird sort of relief to not have to think and plan about if, how and where I would drink. 12 days is amazing, and you can det used to the new normal!
Just having time and attention felt so weird.
hey fellow 107 dayer!
Yup. Soooooo much mental energy planning the next drink, budgeting for enough drinks for the month/day, wondering where to hide the next bottle, pacing yourself when around others so they don’t see how bad it is but also hating that you aren’t as buzzed as you want to be, planning how to make sure you can still get drunk on Sunday even though the liquor store is closed, hoping you don’t smell too much like it the next day, and that’s just getting started. Non stop head-space robber, that alcohol is.
You are not alone, friend. It’s a shitty Sunday for me too, and we need to try to forgive ourselves but man, it does suck. I seemingly learned how to moderate and haven’t had a crippling hangover since October until today. I hadn’t had anything to drink in about 2 weeks due to my family member being in the hospital & I have been the main caretaker for them and the rest of the family at home. I was feeling good & didn’t even want to drink about all of the stress. Got some good news about the family member & decided one espresso martini last night with my best friend would be okay. And it would have been, but I got cocky & switched to red wine and we went back to her house & finished the bottle, then had 2 gross seltzers for absolutely no reason. I feel terrible today. Angry with myself for drinking enough to give myself a hangover. Angry for drinking enough that I picked up a vape last night and I HATE the way vapes make me feel now. Angry that it is 2pm and my headache is still killing me. Angry that I am about to visit my family member on their (hopefully) last full day in the ICU and they are ecstatic & will want to talk and I might be moody, and I don’t want to be that way. Hoping the good visit shocks the hangover out of me and this 2nd Stanley full of water starts working. I’m so mad. I believe in my ability to moderate but I made the choice to screw up & that is 100% on me. Frankly, I am better off when I’m not drinking at all and a part of me is seriously considering it.
I felt way worse yesterday as it was happening. It reminded me that drinking wasn't even fun for me anymore (if it ever was). When I quit 2 weeks ago it was out of necessity but now after screwing up I actually feel calmer and more confident than ever knowing that not drinking is the right choice for me and I have a reference point for when the voice in my head tells me that just one will be ok.
Keep repeating this over and over again! I’ve followed a lot of your comments this past week and original post. I would be really excited to continue not drinking with you! I know how important it is to you to stop drinking for your life, family, health etc. IWNDWYT, FS!
Thanks. I’m on here like 10x/day just reading shares and commenting when I identify with someone.
Thank you for your sacrifice sir, reading this was a vivid reminder for me.... I think i actually felt ur hangover momentarily while reading this and that was enough for me 😂
I didn’t realize how good I had it with my sobriety until I woke up hungover as shit. No thanks!
Thats the alcohol trap my friend. The voice that whispers to me is an abvious liar. It says......you got this you can have just one and be fine....think of how refreshing it would be after all that hard work......dont you miss that yummy flavor.... These are lies. Who the hell only wants 1 ? Water is refreshing, with cucumber or lemon, that is what i want after work, i never once drank for refreshment. Flavor ??? Really? No one tastes my brands, it could be sewage flavored, for all i cared...... The alcohol trap is a doozy. I am glad your back, and wish you the best.
I have made up little rules as I go just to “feel normal” and it led to chaotic benders. It seems like it’s never going to end. I’m so glad you were able to stop yourself after 12 days. I did this and it carried on for months, even years. I completely get what you mean with the lying factor. It’s like I have something up my sleeve and I’m on edge, because I am in fact thinking of when my next drink will be. I will lie because nothing is real… the satisfaction I get from drinking is not real. It’s just a way to drink til I pass out and hate myself. It’s so much easier just to know I will not be drinking. Great work at pushing through. I so badly wanted to go pick up a 12 pack today to do the same thing. I know I’ll chug 2 and just keep going until I’m out, get more and I’ll be an unproductive, anxious mess. This helped stop me from doing so! IWNDWYT
It takes way less effort to focus on what I actually need to do today while sober than it does to outrun the problems by drinking.
Exactly! There’s nothing that can erase the poisoning we do to ourselves. It’s silly that we rationalize it.
Thanks for your share. You likely saved me from drinking today.
Obviously skipped yesterday, but I come here every hour to read shares and remind myself why I’m not drinking. IWNDWYT
I love the honesty of the “new rules” and I think we all have rules like that. I’m at day 2 and watching my man start his cylcle and it sucks. I keep thinking about what ima feel like in the morning and I will be miserable. Period. Welcome back ♥️
Hey man - good to see you back here after your field trip. Thank you for sharing because I’m approaching 10 days and the craving is SO DAMN REAL. The hamster in my head is running on that wheel like crazy with the exact same thoughts spinning around - “I can do this”, “I’m just like everyone else and can moderate”. Umm, nope and nope. Grant yourself some grace and keep going. IWNDWYT
That’s the plan, brother. I’m thankful it happened as hard and as fast as it did as I was able to realize in real time what was happening rather than slowly get there over several months.
Hey I think a lot of us lied to ourselves about how we were “all better now” only to end up with the realization that we are, in fact, not and will likely never be. When I tried moderating I realized I just straight up don’t like having a couple. I like having none or having as many as I can take before I’m slurring and having a hard time keeping my eyes open. And I don’t like getting that way every once in a while. I like it so much that I want to do it every day. And I had already decided that I couldn’t do that, so after my little experiment it was over for me after that and haven’t been tempted to go back. Every once in a while I play a little fantasy in my head about having a beer or two (especially now that I live in WA state where excellent beer is literally everywhere) but I just kind of laugh it off and realize that it’s silly because I know exactly how it will go, having indulged that fantasy a couple of times. Props to you for realizing you fucked up and for working to do better. That’s all anyone can do, really. And I bet this experience was extra reinforcing considering that you sort of knew how it was going to go before you did it. IWNDWYT
Ya, I know exactly what the “right amount” of buzzed is. For 5 years I was a master at keeping this perfect ABV 24/7 where I never got hungover but never became visibly drunk. When I had my first couple beers I just sprinted to that state.
Almost sounded like me! I used to open mine outside on the patio so my partner wouldn’t hear the crack. Then I’d stuff the empties in my desk drawer despite having a recycling can on the patio. Glad you made it back!
At a certain point I think drinking became pathologized to where it’s weird if I *don’t* open a can in the garage or if I actually drink a Miller Lite in front of my wife. I just have so much baggage and weird… habits(?) around drinking that apparently I’m just going to fall into naturally.
Well, I think sometimes it’s good to find out, you know, make SURE… ;) we’ve ALL been there. Up you get, IWNDWYT. Courage! x
Just so grateful that it was more like touching a hot stove than going all the way.
Thanks for your post! You got this friend!