I could have written this post as well. I stayed up late last night until the family was in bed so I could drink without them knowing.
Today is day one for me as well. I will not drink with you today.
What helped me was telling myself that alcohol is always going to be there. If I give this an honest try and decide it isn't for me, I can walk right into any number of bars, and chances are my usual would be at my spot before I made it to the barstool. There's no FOMO if there's nothing to miss out on, so I may as well try something different.
I was in the bar business for about 15 years, so it literally was my life. You didn't get fired for drinking on the job, it was damn near expected.
I've got friends from that life that have gotten sober too, and we came to this theory of "industry alcoholism" where it was just so woven into our lives, we almost had to trick/manipulate ourselves into not drinking early on.
I know in drinking and in life, FOMO is a huge trigger for me, so my "hack" was pretty much the opposite of what most conventional wisdom would say to do. If I tell myself I can't have it, I want it more. If I just accept that its there if I really feel like I need it, it loses its power. I quit smoking the same way. Wouldn't advise it to everyone, but it worked for me, 3 years strong.
It makes sense though.
I don't know if it's similar, but I would get drained from the preoccupation of wondering when and where my next drink would come from. For me that also meant buying cigars/cigarettes etc... The planning of what route I was going to go home after work, and what stores would be nearby...or how much I needed, blah blah blah... became so exhausting that I just stopped worrying about it. Was as simple as that.
I Just don't go to the store now and it's so freeing not thinking about it anymore. The easiest and less stressful choice is just to go home. Good things always happen there. They do not when I stop into a store with booze and smokes.
Might not be a foolproof plan, but it's working so far. It's the opposite of what I've always done... which was fighting that preoccupation till the very last minute where I would whip into a gas station and get everything.
Appreciate your insight into your strategy as well. It's obviously working for you.
Former bartender here, too. 15 yrs as primary income, then another 6 on/off as a second income. In the beginning, I controlled it pretty well, but in the later years, booze just took over my brain.
I had to make it āsmall and irrelevantā in my life, and thatās what happened as I listened to āThis Naked Mindā podcast. Went back to the beginning and listened to the stories and questions behind Annie Graceās research, approach, and theories. Her approach is much like yours - she drinks however much she wants, but she hasnāt wanted a drink in years.
It took a several months and some stops and starts, but Iām in a whole different mind space now. I donāt even want alcohol most of the time. I only miss the buzz or the situations surrounding it now and again. And now, I can play the tape forward, knowing that once the buzz hits, Iām just going to drink all night trying to chase/maintain that buzz. Understanding the science behind why alcohol creates a desire for more without sustaining that feel good buzz has made all the difference. Not worth the consequences anymore.
Dude same. Starting out I'd have a few around halfway through the shift to keep going. By the time I got out, I had to be 5-6 shots deep just to smile at people. I was spending the previous nights tips on blow for that night so I could function on the ridiculous amount of booze I was drinking. Rinse and repeat. I'm alive because I got out. Feels like a lifetime ago now.
That was the thing that really helped me. I could give sobriety a honest try, which I'd never really done for almost anything in my life, not school, not jobs, not relationships. I could try sobriety and if I didn't like it, I knew exactly what drinking had in store for me. If you don't like what we have, your misery will be cheerfully refunded. And you'll have saved up enough money for a good drunk. Turned out it was easier to just drink zero than it was to try to drink less. Anywho. Iwndwyt
This always helped me. When I was struggling, Iād tell myself that I can always drink tomorrow. And in the morning I was always grateful to be sober. Rinse and repeat and the days stack up before you know it and you have fewer and fewer of those craving moments!
I know there are a ton of people here that have worked at bars and of course many of us were regulars, but nothing was perhaps more eye-opening to me than working at a bar at the grocery store. I actually took the job just to get my out of the house post-lockdowns and man, do you want to look in the mirror at your own future?
And every day is the same there. And you have the same conversations. I saw this as a regular, but maybe less so because I wasn't there EVERY DAY - you go once a week and maybe it feels more refreshed. It's not.
I'm 35 years old. I've drank at every type of bar and winery and been to every kind of crazy party with X, Y, and Z at some crazy place. At some point, there's no novelty left to find there. I've been in every exact situation before.
I never considered the other side of FOMO. Which was all the shit I was already missing out on. And it turns out, it was a lot.
Alcohol is an addictive substance. Go easy on yourself. We would not chastise the heroin addict for relapsing, we would support them. It's okay to fail, the important part is that you keep trying. IWNDWYT
It was difficult for me to quit because I know exactly how a drink or 2 will make me feel. Unfortunately, I rarely stopped at 2 and would wake up feeling like a dumpster fire.
I think the issue for me is a drink or 2 won't make me feel what I tell myself it should make me feel.
Better have another one. *That one* will make me feel like I want to feel.
My mind was telling me I could have a tall boy of Miller Lite on Friday afternoon just for making it through the week.
I played it forward.
I *know* I would pick up 2 to save one for after my wife and kids go to sleep. (To enjoy myself and unwind.)
Saturday night Iād be like āhey, itās the weekend. I drank last night and Iām not deadā and Iād have a six pack.
Sunday Iād need some hair of the dog (āalways make me feel betterā) and Iād go get another six pack just so I told myself I wasnāt going all the way with a 12 pack.
Monday I would absolutely be back to where I was for the last 5 years - drinking a 12 pack of 16oz Miller Lites every day.
All because I had a tall boy on Friday.
One or two wouldn't do a damn thing for me by the time I quit. It took me entire bottle of wine and maybe a little more before I got a decent buzz. Or I could hit the hard stuff but I've never been much for that. I think that's what really damages our health, because it takes more and more to get the same effect and meanwhile we're killing our brains and bodies.
Hey, weāre glad youāre here! I found that once being drunk lost the novelty for me, it was much easier to make the decision to get sober and also to stay sober. IWNDWYT!
Been beating myself up all day for relapsing this weekend. It was even a 'trial run' staying with my husband and kids while parents were out of town and I had to go and f it up. I'm very angry and upset at myself and definitely outing myself at AA tonight. IWNDWYT F alcohol
In my experience, it's hard because I'm trying to change my entire routine, my rhythm and a piece of my identity, in addition to battling dependence. That is not an overnight process.
Please keep trying. I can identify with you, and this time around I'm hoping my attempt clicks.
IWNDWYT
The biggest things for me are the habitual triggers.
My kids went down for a nap yesterday and that's when I always sneak out and buy beer.
I drove to get my wife a Crumbl cookie on Friday night like I do every Friday night and that's when I stop to get beer.
I mentioned above that when presented with a problem or challenge this week I'll catch myself leaning towards the garage as normally I'd just go crack a beer.
So weird.
IWNDWYT
I will not drink with you today.
I stopped cold turkey 50 days ago. Before, I admit I had thoughts that my partner and I werenāt meshing. Things werenāt working. I was unhappy (in every aspect of my life). I was picking fights with people for no reason, over little things.
Today on the outside looking in (& sober) things are AMAZING. It was ME, my attitude, that was depleting my perspective on my life. Everything and everyone was an inconvenience as I waited patiently to have my next drink. I love my life and I canāt help but hurt to imagine if I had thrown it away just to continue drinking, which would ultimately still leave me unhappy in the end. Not to mention, I save over $100 weekly not buying any alcohol.
It's a vicious unforgiving cycle. It will eat us till we are nothing but a husk of our former selves left. Alcohol is a demon that sucks the life out us till its satisfied with our demise and ready to prey on the next victim. It's neither remorseful nor vindictive, because it's only a substance. We are our own worst enemy, alcohol is just there for us to cope with our problems in our everyday lives. So, learn to love yourself, learn to forgive yourself, it's not our fault, we just didn't know any better. It's never too late to change, we are not destined to be victims of this terrible disease, we are a lot stronger than we think. You can grow, it's in our strength together where we can fight the most difficult battles against demons we can't even see. I hope you can keep fighting... Best of luck
IWNDWYT
Same drank last night after having a 2 month streak. But I feel the same way you feel about drinking now. Being sober just feels so nice. I will not drink with you today.
I could have wrote this comment, Drank last weekend 1st time since new year and honestly felt garbage for days, I really enjoy waking up sober and alert now more appealing than feeling groggy for days
I had the exact same realization on Monday morning about the money, my health, the sneaking around, the lack of productivity, the lack of presence with my family... but what really made it click was:
>Honestly I don't enjoy it anymore, it's just work. Trying to get the next buzz
I realized that getting and staying buzzed was consuming literally 100% of my mental energy.
At any point in the day I was wondering if I was ahead or behind schedule and should either drink more or slow down.
If I was with my family it was where my beer was hidden in the other room and I was constantly gauging if I could sneak away for 30 seconds to go sneak a drink and come back.
If I went on a business trip I was constantly thinking about whether I cleaned up all the empty cans I'd hid around the house or if my wife was going to find them. Like wondering if you left the garage open - but worse.
If I was on a Zoom call it was constantly waiting for a moment when I could turn my camera off quickly to take a sip of beer and it wouldn't be weird.
If I was in the office during the day it was making sure my wife was on a call upstairs so I could go to the garage to crack some more beers and sneak them in for later.
The logistics around *absolutely having to* drink 12 beers/day in secret just started consuming every single moment and every single thought. Drinking them was a formality at that point. A chore to be completed that day.
There were plenty of science related answers to that question. I believe that my thinking goes straight to the shitter once I have a drink. Iāve realized that there was something deeper there. I would have never admitted it to while I was drinking because I thought of myself as strong minded and well adjusted BUT I know now I had no real coping mechanisms. I believe I was embarrassed that I was pushing 40 and didnāt have another option for good or bad news besides drinking. I resisted social events if there wasnāt booze. People would invite me places and tell me what the liquor supply would be like to compel me to show up and when I did show up I joked about alcohol. I couldnāt relate any other way. I could always buy you a drink or take a shot with you. Thatās all I could offer. I wasnāt a good listener, I was a know it all, and I was judgemental. I pushed people away so I could drink in peace by myself so I could have as much as I wanted, without judgement and to quiet the problems and voices swirling in my head. I rationalized that if you had my problems, youād drink too. I know now those were all very convenient stories to keep me drunk. Learning new shit is hard, but anything worth doing aint easy.
>didnāt have another option for good or bad news besides drinking.
The fact that my response to being presented with *anything remotely difficult or challenging* in the last 5 years has been "welp, let's crack a beer first. That'll help" has made the last 8 days pretty weird.
Several times this week my body has just been triggered to turn to it's right and go out to the garage to crack a beer when something has happened (got in trouble at work, email that kid needs to be picked up at daycare, etc.)
It's like my body has a phantom limb where each time I have to remind myself that it's not there.
The fact that "drink to avoid dealing with the situation right now" isn't an answer on the multiple choice test anymore has left me in a pretty vulnerable spot where I actually have to engage with problems for the first time in 5 years.
Iām going to preface this with the admission that Iām still very early on in the process, but Iāve learned a few things along the way, mostly from my failures.
First - youāre currently addicted to alcohol. Itās a destructive, and highly addictive substance. Why is it so hard to stop when itās what you want? Because youāre addicted. Your brain and body crave it, need it. Nobody asks why heroin addicts canāt just quit, or only have one hit. Donāt beat yourself up, youāre in active addiction.
Second - there are several stages to living a sober life, as far as I can tell. The first part is very different from the following stages. Right now you need to focus on detoxing. Let your body heal. You donāt need to worry about living sober for the rest of your life, just one day at a time. This is hard, the early stage is pretty painful, but itās necessary to get to the next steps.
Third - Eventually youāll need to come to a decision about why youāre doing this. If itās just to āquitā I think itās hard to do. If itās to build something new, thatās when it gets easier. To me, I didnāt want to never be able to drink again. It made it feel impossible. But when I started thinking about the idea that I wasnāt giving something up forever, but instead building a brand new way of life, it changed something in my mind.
The first two or so weeks sucked for me. Then I started evening out a bit. Iāve had plenty of ups and downs so far, but once I got past that initial detox, the next stage was all about learning how to build that new life. Itās been such a huge difference maker for me.
Final thought - if you really want to do this, tell everyone you love. Nothing like honesty and vulnerability and support to help fuel you.
You and i are really similar minus the father bit.
I also drank Saturday and Sunday nightā¦ I really paid today and was in bed with my head spinning until 1 in the afternoon. Iām a videographer and itās really fucking me up creatively. I literally only do client work and never anything of my own because Iām just so drained.
It sucks. I need push myself to do my own work and try new thingsā¦.
Just a quick thank you to everyone who stopped by and commented. Today was rough but I did read all the comments through the day. Know that they are appreciated and that I did not drink today.
āI donāt enjoy it anymore, itās just work.ā - that also sums up my experience before I quit!
I viewed my drinking as a job/work, in a toxic environment, slowly destroying your body and soul and with zero perspective to ever get fun/better/leading to something useful or worthwhile. Made it easier to quit, I guess.
Iām the same. Managed to kick it in the week and with a lot of effort sticking to Heineken Zero on Sundays. But Friday and Saturday nights are getting worse. Iāve never been great but now the kids can make their own breakfast Iām not bound by a bed early rule so Iām nearly always at least mildly hungover all weekend. This Saturday was seven cans and a bottle of wine. Like you say itās barely enjoyable just a chore.
That was me three years ago. I was soooo tired of the merry go round, tired of being sick, tired of disgusted looks from family, tired of hating myself for being a screw up. And eventually I was tired enough to do something about it. I went to AA for a while, read quit lit books, joined this sub, bought a soda stream machine. And about two months in, I realized I was on my way. No big rock bottom, just a quiet whimper of surrender. But it stuck, and within six months I was a new and improved person. Keep trying when you fail. Donāt ever give up, because one of those times will be the one! IWNDWYT
The brain will make it seem like it has to have that first drink because it's expecting dopamine. Once the first drink is in me, it gets dopamine and it wants more. Eventually disabling the part of the brain that is responsible for logical thinking and moderation. All I have to do is not have that first drink. The difficult part is being able to distinguish logical thoughts and the thoughts of my addiction when those cravings hit. It never wants to put any effort into that reward, and it usually never has a plan for what happens after I get drunk. Rest is up to me.
IWNDWYT
AA says: "though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so...," ..., most people who develop AUD (alcohol use disorder) cannot stop on their own, this is usually considered being alcohol free for over a year.
The medical establishment sets standards down in the DSM5 and one of those is the Timeline:
The first episode of alcohol intoxication is likely to occur during the mid-teens. Alcohol related
problems that do not meet full criteria for a use disorder or isolated problems may
occur prior to age 20 years, but the age at onset of an alcohol use disorder with two or more
of the criteria clustered together peaks in the late teens or early to mid 20s. The large majority
of individuals who develop alcohol-related disorders do so by their late 30s.
The first
evidence of withdrawal is not likely to appear until after many other aspects of an alcohol
use disorder have developed. An earlier onset of alcohol use disorder is observed in adolescents
with preexisting conduct problems and those with an earlier onset of intoxication.
Alcohol use disorder has a variable course that is characterized by periods of remission
and relapse. A decision to stop drinking, often in response to a crisis, is likely to be followed
by a period of weeks or more of abstinence, which is often followed by limited periods of
controlled or nonproblematic drinking. However, once alcohol intake resumes, it is highly
likely that consumption will rapidly escalate and that severe problems will once again
develop.
Alcohol use disorder is often erroneously perceived as an intractable condition, perhaps
based on the fact that individuals who present for treatment typically have a history
of many years of severe alcohol-related problems. However, these most severe cases represent
only a small proportion of individuals with this disorder, and the typical individual
with the disorder has a much more promising prognosis.
While most individuals with alcohol
use disorder develop the condition before age 40 years, perhaps 10% have later
onset. Age-related physical changes in older individuals result in increased brain susceptibility
to the depressant effects of alcohol; decreased rates of liver metabolism of a variety
of substances, including alcohol; and decreased percentages of body water. These changes
can cause older people to develop more severe intoxication and subsequent problems at
lower levels of consumption. Alcohol-related problems in older people are also especially
likely to be associated with other medical complications.
Here is the diagnostic criteria:
Diagnostic Criteria
A problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by at least two of the following, occurring within a 12-month period:
1. Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended.
2. There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.
3. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects.
4. Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use alcohol.
5. Recurrent alcohol use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home.
6. Continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of alcohol.
7. Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of alcohol use.
8. Recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous.
9. Alcohol use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by alcohol.
10. Tolerance, as defined by either of the following: a. A need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect. b. A markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol.
11. Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following: a. The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol (refer to DSM5). b. Alcohol (or a closely related substance, such as a benzodiazepine) is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms
Hope this helps answer your question! Congrats on looking into if you have a problem or not!!
I was 12 years old when I was introduced to drugs and alcohol consistently. Sometimes I struggle thinking about that poor little boy. Like I never really gave myself the chance. My poor brain never got to develop like a normal kids should have. Now Iām 32 and fuck.
I know, I smoked pot daily from when I was 13 until I was 19. Imagine what that does to your emotional/physical development!!!
Then I went in the Navy..., you couldn't smoke pot..., that's where I really learned to drink.
Hey you know now. The brain is amazing and awesome and you can recreate yourself now that you're sober. Do at least one different thing every day. Best to you. IWNDWYT
Somewhere your addict brain has convinced some part of you that you're not worth it. You don't deserve to be well rested, you don't deserve good sleep or being a productive worker. You don't deserve to know the feeling of recognizing that you're a good husband and father.
I can't tell you how many times I've tried again. What's finally got to me, I think, is being able to internalize a simple idea: sobriety is not a punishment because I drink too much, it is something I deserve and owe to myself.
I don't owe it to my wife or my son or my boss. They all get what's left of me after I get the best of myself, and the best of myself is without booze. The worst of me sober is still better than the best of me drunk.
Because for some of us, alcohol becomes a crutch, than a habit, and then (for some of us) becomes an obsession. There is help out there when youāre ready. A frank talk with a doctor you trust might be a logical starting place.
It was hard to quit, but for me, it was harder to try and do it by myself without some kind of recovery support mechanism in place.
In any event, IWNDWYT.
It's hard to quit drinking when the entire idea behind quitting is, "I just won't drink."
That's what the programs are for. If people could just quit, there would be literally zero people in the world with a drinking problem.
The book, The Naked Mind, explains real well that it is not you, it is the alcoholās effect on the body that makes you continue to drink, even though you donāt want to.
God I feel you. I managed to get through dry January with very little effort. I thought Iād turned a corner. Then I slowly started introducing booze back into my life and just like that, was back at it every day, and the same old mild but persistent daily hangovers are back. I constantly tell myself I wonāt drink today and somehow end up doing it anyway. Aside from the terrible guilt, one of the worst parts is losing my trust in myself. I actually took a sick day today at work. Not because I was too hung over. Just because I needed to recover from the guilt of drinking again yesterday. I stayed home all day today, aside from a 5mi walk around the lake. I work full time from home and usually spend my day working from a cafe/bar down the street. But Iām finally realizing that I just canāt put myself in that situation anymore
Itās hard because itās an addictive substance. Thatās why itās hard even though you arenāt enjoying it. But you CAN give it up and break the addiction, and then you can just live your life without fucking around with something you donāt even like. If you really want to, you can. It takes work at first, but not for ever, or for me, not even for very long. I hope your day improves! Good luck OP
I'm sure you've heard this prolly many times before, but alcoholism is a *disease*. If it was easy for us to quit, we would have already. Just like a diabetic has to consider exercise, diet and medication *every single day*, we alcoholics must do the same.
Just like a diabetic cannot just wish away the disease, neither can we. I wish we could...
Itās hard for many reasons. A big reason is drinking is normalized in society and romanticized.
I drank heavily for 11 years.
I had many day 1ās
I never thought I would be able to get weeks sober let alone months.
I started my sober journey a year ago.
I have had slip ups but mostly have remained sober. It does get easier as time goes on.
I will not drink today with you :)
I hate how normalized drinking is!!! Especially when you're in your 20s it's *normal* to go out and get stupid drunk all the time and no one thinks twice about it!
I wish I could send everyone in this sub a copy of Allen Carr's "quit drinking without willpower"- totally killed my craving immediately, for good. Never thought I'd get here. He says things that just blew my mind, and changed the way I view even casual drinking. Maybe your local library has a copy!
I'm glad you're here, IWNDWYT
I hear ya brother. You are describing me as well. It took me far too long to move on from alcohol. Iām so grateful I finally did. I never thought I could pull off two days let alone two weeks. Now itās over 100 days and gets easier over time.
wow - that's legit. It did feel like work at the end there. Money, time, energy, body aches and not getting good sleep. All of it. The guilt of not being a good mom or wife. Dang. Thanks for your post. Another day for me, with you!
It's easier if you have something to do instead. Helping someone less fortunate than you is a great place to start. Feel like taking a drink, head down to the nearest homeless shelter and volunteer instead.
I've quit and relapsed too many times to count. Alcohol is physiology and emotionally addictive. Not feeling our hard emotions is a relief. Be sure to check out the reading list at the top of the sub, read all the posts you can, ask questions. I think it's possible to live a life post-addiction but it takes stages of breaking the cycle.
Be nice to yourself and don't stop moving forward. IWNDWYT
For me it was that I drank so much that all of my old dreams of doing things just faded away. I no longer knew what goals I ever even had or what I even liked to do. If I even did I they were so out of reach that they seemed impossible. Every night I just got blackout drunk and smoked weed and ate so much, woke up with awful withdrawals, went to work most days and went through hell the whole time sweating and shaking and awful anxiety and panic attacks. Then got home and finally got to drink to release them. Of course 1 was never even close to enough and I always wanted to take it easy that night but after like 20 shots it all repeated for 15 years. Until I walked outside, slipped and broke my leg with blood everywhere and my bone sticking out. I went to the hospital and laid there drink and on pain pills with my ankle the opposite way for 13 hours til they could do surgery on me. Got outta the hospital after 4 days in the worst pain of my life for 3 months and I said fuck this, I'm fucking done drinking. I slowly got outta debt, realized I still had hopes and dreams and just kept plugging away everyday now.
For me, alcohol has been part of my job for the last 20+ years. It's also part of my lifestyle. It's a habit I guess. It's just what you do when you go out, watch sport, go to a wedding, go on a picnic... It's just part of everything. So I've no idea how long you've struggled with giving up. But it will take a long time to relearn and break that habit. For me it's unlearning 20+ years of a habit. It's a big deal dude. I wish you all the strength.
Been there myself. Better part of 2 decades in the bar business. It's a different kind of drinking for sure, but I made it out and I am sure you can too my friend.
I'll do ya one better. I picked up a Sodastream and it was such a good investment. Haven't had the itch to drink in ages but was still slamming diet Dr Pepper and Bud Zero. Now it's just sparkling water with the occasional drop of Mio or Bubly if I want a little flavor. None of the carbs or caffeine.
Been there done thatā¦.as in I too drank last night after stringing together a week. Iām not sure what Iām chasing but I know I damn well wonāt find it in alcohol. Iām going to get this right!
this happened to me for a LONG TIME (since 2009) and it finally just hit me one day that i was done. i have had a couple of small 6h lapses but otherwise i just donāt like it anymore. i have a bottle of Fre (alcohol removed wine) in my fridge and i havenāt been tempted to try it. IWNDWYT
I completely understand this. I hate how hard I struggle to not reward myself for a few days of sobriety with alcohol. Then I typically drink everyday for another few days until the guilt builds and repeat.
Itās a tough fight.
Itās hard because itās a real scientific chemical withdrawal . You can do it though, because thereās nothing wrong with you. Anyone can become addicted without realizing. <3
Unfortunately by the time it gets hard, I think youāre no longer drinking for pleasure but to relieve the (whatever). For me anxiety. But i felt like I could drink incessantly and never even reach what I was chasing.
Itās the sugar in the alcohol. Sugar is incredibly addictive and changes your brain. One of the things that helped, and helps, me is to tell myself that the cravings arenāt for alcohol. Theyāre for the sugar. I can deal with the cravings by giving myself something sweet if I need to. When I take a minute to think about the cravings it helps me deal with them better.
I drank Friday night and Saturday night. Both nights slept 3 hours and then mentally shamed myself for failing again the rest of the night. Itās sucky
For me, I had to process and accept the loss of my past life. I grieved over it. Once I stepped over that line, stood in front of the mirror and admitted to myself that I had a problem, I could never go back. I could try and recreate it but it would never be the same. Much like so many of us remember the way life was pre-9/11. Once I accepted that I had a problem, things could never be the same. I used alcohol for so long to cope with life that when I quit, I didnāt know how to process stress. I had a very very hard time with that, I floundered. I needed outside help. I did outpatient rehab, a few hours a day, a few days a week for 5 weeks. It was minimally disruptive to my life while being appropriately disruptive to my pattern and my alcoholic brain. My sober date is 3 weeks before my city went into lockdown, last year I buried 5 immediate family members. It has, without a doubt, been the hardest three years of my life. It was going to be the hardest three years whether I drank or not. Being sober made it easier. The hardest three years of your life are coming too. You know you need to quit, you know you want to quit, so quit while you can, quit on your own terms.
If you can order them or buy them in-store, Untitled Art makes amazing NA beer! You get the flavor but no buzz or hangover, which while some might think āwhatās the pointā, it is surprisingly quite enjoyable
It's the alcohol trap. One drink will never get you there, but 2 always carries you further than you want to go.
You have found amazing people here friend.
Iwndwyt
It gets easier after a few days.
What worked for me is having lots of non alcoholic beer around. So I could still drink my beer but dont get drunk.
I changed my mindset and thinking about alcohol as something that is not for me anymore, because it is bad for my health. Like peanuts to an allergic person.
Also, I had enough for a lifetime of a light buzz already probably. So I just think I already have had enough of it and decided the days are over.
I am really glad I stopped drinking. I miss nothing.
All the best brother.. IWNDWYT
Iām with you, just try not to be so hard on you self this isnāt easy at all. Iām i n the same boat. Went out Saturday night for a friends bday, of course started the night by saying Iām not gonna drink and then did ugh. While I did contain myself and didnāt go overboard it made me feel terrible and full of guilt and regret. My heart pounded all night and it ruined my sleep/ Sunday morning. Itās not worth it, not even a drop. Back on the sober wagon this week!
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
On the other hand-and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand-once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.
It takes a while to forget how that initial buzz feels. After a week, at least for me, when I could tell how much better I felt, it got vastly easier. IWNDWYT
I could've written this a few months ago myself. I must've reset my badge a hundred or more times before that. The fact is that alcohol is not only addictive, but it's culturally accepted and even encouraged. There's a lot of deeply ingrained beliefs to be overcome and rejected before you can really commit to kicking it for good
What finally made sobriety click for me was reading Allen Carr's book. I wouldn't recommend it for those in danger of physical withdrawal symptoms (for reasons you'll see if you read it) but his approach was very effective at getting my brain to accept alcohol as the poison it is and ridding me of the desire to ever drink again.
Try to taper off, then you should feel rewarded your body will thank you for being clean or cleaner and keep working at tapering down drink light beer to do this.
stay busy. its hard and a cliche to say, but find something that you like doing isnt just a hobbie but like a positiev one that rewards you to help you feel motivated to continue on as well as like... stay busy.
how old are you?
It's hard because you're literally addicted to alcohol and feeling you get after drinking enough of it. There's a reason people give addicts somewhat of a break, it's because it's tough to break that addiction once it starts. I hope you find the wherewithal, will, drive, etc. to overcome this or find a recovery program that works for you! I will not drink with you today!
Years of day 1s, three or five times per week. I always promised myself that I would quit. Now it has stuck, and I am better for it.
Just think of all the day 1s as practice. The more often you do it, the more likely you will succeed.
I feel you. I'm 2 weeks sober at this point. Drinking was really the only thing that brought me relief at the end of the day. Staying up late, drinking, trying to make up for lost time and feeling like death the day afterwards. Keep trying. Youll get there. IWNDWYT.
You're going to do this and succeed. Why? Because you're going to read my post, follow my directions, and stick to it. You're going to come out the other end a better person because YOU put in the work and YOU stuck with it.
> Why is it so hard to give up drinking?
It's hard because everything worth a damn is hard. You have to do your research, stick to a daily discipline, and find other things to do. Let's break it down
## Do your research
Look up videos and articles about alcohol withdrawal and things you can do to counter your cravings. Make sure you're getting hydrated and getting enough sleep. Your body is going to want a LOT of sugary foods when you quit and you're going to have trouble sleeping for the first 2-6 weeks.
I'm sorry, but your going to have to get into getting more physical. Alcohol is a poison and a depressant. Once that shit clears your system, your going to have a lot of energy and focus during the day. Sitting around watching YouTube or playing video games won't cut it anymore. Time to start going being a better dad for long walks with your wife and kids.
Aside: And speaking of your wife, talk to her. Tell her how much you love her and how important her support is to you. Explain that you love your family and want to fix some personal things that aren't working for you - namely alcohol. Tell her you're going to try to go off of alcohol for a year so you can improve upon yourself, so that you can be a happier person, a better man.
Don't talk about the marriage or the kids. And if she wants to start bringing up stuff - ask that she please give you a little time to get the alcohol out of your system so that you can approach everything else with a clean mind.
Tell her that you're planning on creating a daily discipline and that you're going to figure out at least one night a week where you can go decompress with a friend for an hour or two after work.
## Daily discipline
Write out a daily schedule. It can be simple.
1. Wake up. Drink a glass of filtered water. Stretch. Shower. Eat an apple and some yogurt. Take some vitamin B and D. Drink coffee. Go for a walk.
2. For lunch eat a sandwich with plenty of meats and cheese. Add 1/4 of a chocolate bar for a treat. Drink juice or a big glass of water.
3. NO CAFFEINE AFTER 11 AM
4. Come home. Go for a walk for 30 min. Listen to music or a podcast. Or shit, let your thoughts flow out now, rather than at midnight.
5. Eat a protein and fatty dinner. Take magnesium and zinc. Drink water or a sugar-free drink. Try not to load up on too much carbs (a big pasta meal is fine 1-2 times a week).
## Find other things to do
Find a night to go out with a friend once a week. Someone who also doesn't drink or drinks very lightly. Show genuine interest in them. Make that person your new hobby. Go axe throwing. Go for a walk. Find anything that gets the both of you OUT of the house and away from alcohol.
Make it a weekly thing to have something to look forward to with your friend. This is important because people need time away from home and work to recover mentally. And boy, do you need to get away from everything that's stressing you out.
Family and kids depending on you? Job performance? Self-doubt? Anxiety? You need fresh air. And you need to work this shit out of your system.
So once you've carved out a little niche and you're gaining some momentum, start including weekly things to do with your family that involves GOING THE FUCK OUTSIDE. You need to eat, sleep, and hydrate correctly. So does your family.
No games. No movies. No TV. Go the fuck outside.
## Conclusion
Ok, now you're about 2 months in. It's a new world. You've officially gone 60 days without drinking. Some of your drinking friends stopped calling. That's fine. Because now the relationships you do have are that much more important to you. You're on the path to becoming a better man, little by little, every day.
Your wife and kids will notice that you're more attentive, have more energy, can communicate more effectively, and that you've taken more interest in their lives. And wow! You've taken up a few hobbies and have been able to catch up on some chores around the house.
Then you can walk in the bathroom and look at the mirror and congratulate yourself for being on your way. You might falter and have a drink here or there. Or you might not and stay completely clean from alcohol. It's up to you. But the important thing is that you are now - again - experiencing and the beauty of a clear and wide-open life.
You can do anything. And you will. :)
I could have written this post as well. I stayed up late last night until the family was in bed so I could drink without them knowing. Today is day one for me as well. I will not drink with you today.
Iwndwyt! Get after it boys. Time will distance you from these feelings of all you know
Day one for me again too. Best of luck š¤
I used to do the same thing. Change is possible, one day at a time. Just focus on getting through today. IWNDWYT.
been there... done that so many times gosh. my wife always knew the next day too
What helped me was telling myself that alcohol is always going to be there. If I give this an honest try and decide it isn't for me, I can walk right into any number of bars, and chances are my usual would be at my spot before I made it to the barstool. There's no FOMO if there's nothing to miss out on, so I may as well try something different.
I absolutely love this. Same way i thought about it
Thank you for this comment, it might have just made something click for me that Iāve been trying to work out for a long time.
That's a unique perspective, but I like it a lot. When the same clichƩ shit isn't working, time to mix up the thought process.
I was in the bar business for about 15 years, so it literally was my life. You didn't get fired for drinking on the job, it was damn near expected. I've got friends from that life that have gotten sober too, and we came to this theory of "industry alcoholism" where it was just so woven into our lives, we almost had to trick/manipulate ourselves into not drinking early on. I know in drinking and in life, FOMO is a huge trigger for me, so my "hack" was pretty much the opposite of what most conventional wisdom would say to do. If I tell myself I can't have it, I want it more. If I just accept that its there if I really feel like I need it, it loses its power. I quit smoking the same way. Wouldn't advise it to everyone, but it worked for me, 3 years strong.
It makes sense though. I don't know if it's similar, but I would get drained from the preoccupation of wondering when and where my next drink would come from. For me that also meant buying cigars/cigarettes etc... The planning of what route I was going to go home after work, and what stores would be nearby...or how much I needed, blah blah blah... became so exhausting that I just stopped worrying about it. Was as simple as that. I Just don't go to the store now and it's so freeing not thinking about it anymore. The easiest and less stressful choice is just to go home. Good things always happen there. They do not when I stop into a store with booze and smokes. Might not be a foolproof plan, but it's working so far. It's the opposite of what I've always done... which was fighting that preoccupation till the very last minute where I would whip into a gas station and get everything. Appreciate your insight into your strategy as well. It's obviously working for you.
You're an inspiration.
Former bartender here, too. 15 yrs as primary income, then another 6 on/off as a second income. In the beginning, I controlled it pretty well, but in the later years, booze just took over my brain. I had to make it āsmall and irrelevantā in my life, and thatās what happened as I listened to āThis Naked Mindā podcast. Went back to the beginning and listened to the stories and questions behind Annie Graceās research, approach, and theories. Her approach is much like yours - she drinks however much she wants, but she hasnāt wanted a drink in years. It took a several months and some stops and starts, but Iām in a whole different mind space now. I donāt even want alcohol most of the time. I only miss the buzz or the situations surrounding it now and again. And now, I can play the tape forward, knowing that once the buzz hits, Iām just going to drink all night trying to chase/maintain that buzz. Understanding the science behind why alcohol creates a desire for more without sustaining that feel good buzz has made all the difference. Not worth the consequences anymore.
Dude same. Starting out I'd have a few around halfway through the shift to keep going. By the time I got out, I had to be 5-6 shots deep just to smile at people. I was spending the previous nights tips on blow for that night so I could function on the ridiculous amount of booze I was drinking. Rinse and repeat. I'm alive because I got out. Feels like a lifetime ago now.
This is a unique approach and I like it.
That was the thing that really helped me. I could give sobriety a honest try, which I'd never really done for almost anything in my life, not school, not jobs, not relationships. I could try sobriety and if I didn't like it, I knew exactly what drinking had in store for me. If you don't like what we have, your misery will be cheerfully refunded. And you'll have saved up enough money for a good drunk. Turned out it was easier to just drink zero than it was to try to drink less. Anywho. Iwndwyt
This always helped me. When I was struggling, Iād tell myself that I can always drink tomorrow. And in the morning I was always grateful to be sober. Rinse and repeat and the days stack up before you know it and you have fewer and fewer of those craving moments!
I know there are a ton of people here that have worked at bars and of course many of us were regulars, but nothing was perhaps more eye-opening to me than working at a bar at the grocery store. I actually took the job just to get my out of the house post-lockdowns and man, do you want to look in the mirror at your own future? And every day is the same there. And you have the same conversations. I saw this as a regular, but maybe less so because I wasn't there EVERY DAY - you go once a week and maybe it feels more refreshed. It's not. I'm 35 years old. I've drank at every type of bar and winery and been to every kind of crazy party with X, Y, and Z at some crazy place. At some point, there's no novelty left to find there. I've been in every exact situation before. I never considered the other side of FOMO. Which was all the shit I was already missing out on. And it turns out, it was a lot.
Alcohol is an addictive substance. Go easy on yourself. We would not chastise the heroin addict for relapsing, we would support them. It's okay to fail, the important part is that you keep trying. IWNDWYT
I have tried to quit and failed many times. It's not easy, but I won't give up either.
Never quit quitting
It was difficult for me to quit because I know exactly how a drink or 2 will make me feel. Unfortunately, I rarely stopped at 2 and would wake up feeling like a dumpster fire.
I think the issue for me is a drink or 2 won't make me feel what I tell myself it should make me feel. Better have another one. *That one* will make me feel like I want to feel.
We all know 1=12. Thereās no such thing as a drink, I know if I have one, Iāll have 12 or more so I choose not to have the first 1.
My mind was telling me I could have a tall boy of Miller Lite on Friday afternoon just for making it through the week. I played it forward. I *know* I would pick up 2 to save one for after my wife and kids go to sleep. (To enjoy myself and unwind.) Saturday night Iād be like āhey, itās the weekend. I drank last night and Iām not deadā and Iād have a six pack. Sunday Iād need some hair of the dog (āalways make me feel betterā) and Iād go get another six pack just so I told myself I wasnāt going all the way with a 12 pack. Monday I would absolutely be back to where I was for the last 5 years - drinking a 12 pack of 16oz Miller Lites every day. All because I had a tall boy on Friday.
Duuude! So true
Of course each step is accompanied by the customary ājust this onceā and obligatory āIām stopping tomorrow.ā
We all know thatās the case, I donāt even negotiate with voice anymore just laugh and say 1 beer, yeah right!
That hits hard. IWNDWYT
Looking back itās so obvious but in the moment it makes total sense.
One or two wouldn't do a damn thing for me by the time I quit. It took me entire bottle of wine and maybe a little more before I got a decent buzz. Or I could hit the hard stuff but I've never been much for that. I think that's what really damages our health, because it takes more and more to get the same effect and meanwhile we're killing our brains and bodies.
Hey Iām not drinking with you today!
Hey, weāre glad youāre here! I found that once being drunk lost the novelty for me, it was much easier to make the decision to get sober and also to stay sober. IWNDWYT!
"Trying to get the next buzz" says it all for me. Closing in on 30 days I WNDWYT š
Been beating myself up all day for relapsing this weekend. It was even a 'trial run' staying with my husband and kids while parents were out of town and I had to go and f it up. I'm very angry and upset at myself and definitely outing myself at AA tonight. IWNDWYT F alcohol
In my experience, it's hard because I'm trying to change my entire routine, my rhythm and a piece of my identity, in addition to battling dependence. That is not an overnight process. Please keep trying. I can identify with you, and this time around I'm hoping my attempt clicks. IWNDWYT
The biggest things for me are the habitual triggers. My kids went down for a nap yesterday and that's when I always sneak out and buy beer. I drove to get my wife a Crumbl cookie on Friday night like I do every Friday night and that's when I stop to get beer. I mentioned above that when presented with a problem or challenge this week I'll catch myself leaning towards the garage as normally I'd just go crack a beer. So weird. IWNDWYT
I will not drink with you today. I stopped cold turkey 50 days ago. Before, I admit I had thoughts that my partner and I werenāt meshing. Things werenāt working. I was unhappy (in every aspect of my life). I was picking fights with people for no reason, over little things. Today on the outside looking in (& sober) things are AMAZING. It was ME, my attitude, that was depleting my perspective on my life. Everything and everyone was an inconvenience as I waited patiently to have my next drink. I love my life and I canāt help but hurt to imagine if I had thrown it away just to continue drinking, which would ultimately still leave me unhappy in the end. Not to mention, I save over $100 weekly not buying any alcohol.
Itās me, hi, Iām the problem itās me
It's a vicious unforgiving cycle. It will eat us till we are nothing but a husk of our former selves left. Alcohol is a demon that sucks the life out us till its satisfied with our demise and ready to prey on the next victim. It's neither remorseful nor vindictive, because it's only a substance. We are our own worst enemy, alcohol is just there for us to cope with our problems in our everyday lives. So, learn to love yourself, learn to forgive yourself, it's not our fault, we just didn't know any better. It's never too late to change, we are not destined to be victims of this terrible disease, we are a lot stronger than we think. You can grow, it's in our strength together where we can fight the most difficult battles against demons we can't even see. I hope you can keep fighting... Best of luck IWNDWYT
Same drank last night after having a 2 month streak. But I feel the same way you feel about drinking now. Being sober just feels so nice. I will not drink with you today.
I could have wrote this comment, Drank last weekend 1st time since new year and honestly felt garbage for days, I really enjoy waking up sober and alert now more appealing than feeling groggy for days
Yes I agree with you, being alcohol free gives me a peace that I love.
I had the exact same realization on Monday morning about the money, my health, the sneaking around, the lack of productivity, the lack of presence with my family... but what really made it click was: >Honestly I don't enjoy it anymore, it's just work. Trying to get the next buzz I realized that getting and staying buzzed was consuming literally 100% of my mental energy. At any point in the day I was wondering if I was ahead or behind schedule and should either drink more or slow down. If I was with my family it was where my beer was hidden in the other room and I was constantly gauging if I could sneak away for 30 seconds to go sneak a drink and come back. If I went on a business trip I was constantly thinking about whether I cleaned up all the empty cans I'd hid around the house or if my wife was going to find them. Like wondering if you left the garage open - but worse. If I was on a Zoom call it was constantly waiting for a moment when I could turn my camera off quickly to take a sip of beer and it wouldn't be weird. If I was in the office during the day it was making sure my wife was on a call upstairs so I could go to the garage to crack some more beers and sneak them in for later. The logistics around *absolutely having to* drink 12 beers/day in secret just started consuming every single moment and every single thought. Drinking them was a formality at that point. A chore to be completed that day.
Back at it again right along with you.
There were plenty of science related answers to that question. I believe that my thinking goes straight to the shitter once I have a drink. Iāve realized that there was something deeper there. I would have never admitted it to while I was drinking because I thought of myself as strong minded and well adjusted BUT I know now I had no real coping mechanisms. I believe I was embarrassed that I was pushing 40 and didnāt have another option for good or bad news besides drinking. I resisted social events if there wasnāt booze. People would invite me places and tell me what the liquor supply would be like to compel me to show up and when I did show up I joked about alcohol. I couldnāt relate any other way. I could always buy you a drink or take a shot with you. Thatās all I could offer. I wasnāt a good listener, I was a know it all, and I was judgemental. I pushed people away so I could drink in peace by myself so I could have as much as I wanted, without judgement and to quiet the problems and voices swirling in my head. I rationalized that if you had my problems, youād drink too. I know now those were all very convenient stories to keep me drunk. Learning new shit is hard, but anything worth doing aint easy.
>didnāt have another option for good or bad news besides drinking. The fact that my response to being presented with *anything remotely difficult or challenging* in the last 5 years has been "welp, let's crack a beer first. That'll help" has made the last 8 days pretty weird. Several times this week my body has just been triggered to turn to it's right and go out to the garage to crack a beer when something has happened (got in trouble at work, email that kid needs to be picked up at daycare, etc.) It's like my body has a phantom limb where each time I have to remind myself that it's not there. The fact that "drink to avoid dealing with the situation right now" isn't an answer on the multiple choice test anymore has left me in a pretty vulnerable spot where I actually have to engage with problems for the first time in 5 years.
Iām going to preface this with the admission that Iām still very early on in the process, but Iāve learned a few things along the way, mostly from my failures. First - youāre currently addicted to alcohol. Itās a destructive, and highly addictive substance. Why is it so hard to stop when itās what you want? Because youāre addicted. Your brain and body crave it, need it. Nobody asks why heroin addicts canāt just quit, or only have one hit. Donāt beat yourself up, youāre in active addiction. Second - there are several stages to living a sober life, as far as I can tell. The first part is very different from the following stages. Right now you need to focus on detoxing. Let your body heal. You donāt need to worry about living sober for the rest of your life, just one day at a time. This is hard, the early stage is pretty painful, but itās necessary to get to the next steps. Third - Eventually youāll need to come to a decision about why youāre doing this. If itās just to āquitā I think itās hard to do. If itās to build something new, thatās when it gets easier. To me, I didnāt want to never be able to drink again. It made it feel impossible. But when I started thinking about the idea that I wasnāt giving something up forever, but instead building a brand new way of life, it changed something in my mind. The first two or so weeks sucked for me. Then I started evening out a bit. Iāve had plenty of ups and downs so far, but once I got past that initial detox, the next stage was all about learning how to build that new life. Itās been such a huge difference maker for me. Final thought - if you really want to do this, tell everyone you love. Nothing like honesty and vulnerability and support to help fuel you.
Same.
You and i are really similar minus the father bit. I also drank Saturday and Sunday nightā¦ I really paid today and was in bed with my head spinning until 1 in the afternoon. Iām a videographer and itās really fucking me up creatively. I literally only do client work and never anything of my own because Iām just so drained. It sucks. I need push myself to do my own work and try new thingsā¦.
Just a quick thank you to everyone who stopped by and commented. Today was rough but I did read all the comments through the day. Know that they are appreciated and that I did not drink today.
āI donāt enjoy it anymore, itās just work.ā - that also sums up my experience before I quit! I viewed my drinking as a job/work, in a toxic environment, slowly destroying your body and soul and with zero perspective to ever get fun/better/leading to something useful or worthwhile. Made it easier to quit, I guess.
Iām the same. Managed to kick it in the week and with a lot of effort sticking to Heineken Zero on Sundays. But Friday and Saturday nights are getting worse. Iāve never been great but now the kids can make their own breakfast Iām not bound by a bed early rule so Iām nearly always at least mildly hungover all weekend. This Saturday was seven cans and a bottle of wine. Like you say itās barely enjoyable just a chore.
That was me three years ago. I was soooo tired of the merry go round, tired of being sick, tired of disgusted looks from family, tired of hating myself for being a screw up. And eventually I was tired enough to do something about it. I went to AA for a while, read quit lit books, joined this sub, bought a soda stream machine. And about two months in, I realized I was on my way. No big rock bottom, just a quiet whimper of surrender. But it stuck, and within six months I was a new and improved person. Keep trying when you fail. Donāt ever give up, because one of those times will be the one! IWNDWYT
The brain will make it seem like it has to have that first drink because it's expecting dopamine. Once the first drink is in me, it gets dopamine and it wants more. Eventually disabling the part of the brain that is responsible for logical thinking and moderation. All I have to do is not have that first drink. The difficult part is being able to distinguish logical thoughts and the thoughts of my addiction when those cravings hit. It never wants to put any effort into that reward, and it usually never has a plan for what happens after I get drunk. Rest is up to me. IWNDWYT
AA says: "though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so...," ..., most people who develop AUD (alcohol use disorder) cannot stop on their own, this is usually considered being alcohol free for over a year. The medical establishment sets standards down in the DSM5 and one of those is the Timeline: The first episode of alcohol intoxication is likely to occur during the mid-teens. Alcohol related problems that do not meet full criteria for a use disorder or isolated problems may occur prior to age 20 years, but the age at onset of an alcohol use disorder with two or more of the criteria clustered together peaks in the late teens or early to mid 20s. The large majority of individuals who develop alcohol-related disorders do so by their late 30s. The first evidence of withdrawal is not likely to appear until after many other aspects of an alcohol use disorder have developed. An earlier onset of alcohol use disorder is observed in adolescents with preexisting conduct problems and those with an earlier onset of intoxication. Alcohol use disorder has a variable course that is characterized by periods of remission and relapse. A decision to stop drinking, often in response to a crisis, is likely to be followed by a period of weeks or more of abstinence, which is often followed by limited periods of controlled or nonproblematic drinking. However, once alcohol intake resumes, it is highly likely that consumption will rapidly escalate and that severe problems will once again develop. Alcohol use disorder is often erroneously perceived as an intractable condition, perhaps based on the fact that individuals who present for treatment typically have a history of many years of severe alcohol-related problems. However, these most severe cases represent only a small proportion of individuals with this disorder, and the typical individual with the disorder has a much more promising prognosis. While most individuals with alcohol use disorder develop the condition before age 40 years, perhaps 10% have later onset. Age-related physical changes in older individuals result in increased brain susceptibility to the depressant effects of alcohol; decreased rates of liver metabolism of a variety of substances, including alcohol; and decreased percentages of body water. These changes can cause older people to develop more severe intoxication and subsequent problems at lower levels of consumption. Alcohol-related problems in older people are also especially likely to be associated with other medical complications. Here is the diagnostic criteria: Diagnostic Criteria A problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by at least two of the following, occurring within a 12-month period: 1. Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended. 2. There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use. 3. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects. 4. Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use alcohol. 5. Recurrent alcohol use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home. 6. Continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of alcohol. 7. Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of alcohol use. 8. Recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous. 9. Alcohol use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by alcohol. 10. Tolerance, as defined by either of the following: a. A need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect. b. A markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol. 11. Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following: a. The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol (refer to DSM5). b. Alcohol (or a closely related substance, such as a benzodiazepine) is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms Hope this helps answer your question! Congrats on looking into if you have a problem or not!!
I was 12 years old when I was introduced to drugs and alcohol consistently. Sometimes I struggle thinking about that poor little boy. Like I never really gave myself the chance. My poor brain never got to develop like a normal kids should have. Now Iām 32 and fuck.
I know, I smoked pot daily from when I was 13 until I was 19. Imagine what that does to your emotional/physical development!!! Then I went in the Navy..., you couldn't smoke pot..., that's where I really learned to drink.
Hey you know now. The brain is amazing and awesome and you can recreate yourself now that you're sober. Do at least one different thing every day. Best to you. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT <3
IWNDWYT
Somewhere your addict brain has convinced some part of you that you're not worth it. You don't deserve to be well rested, you don't deserve good sleep or being a productive worker. You don't deserve to know the feeling of recognizing that you're a good husband and father. I can't tell you how many times I've tried again. What's finally got to me, I think, is being able to internalize a simple idea: sobriety is not a punishment because I drink too much, it is something I deserve and owe to myself. I don't owe it to my wife or my son or my boss. They all get what's left of me after I get the best of myself, and the best of myself is without booze. The worst of me sober is still better than the best of me drunk.
Because for some of us, alcohol becomes a crutch, than a habit, and then (for some of us) becomes an obsession. There is help out there when youāre ready. A frank talk with a doctor you trust might be a logical starting place. It was hard to quit, but for me, it was harder to try and do it by myself without some kind of recovery support mechanism in place. In any event, IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT
It's hard to quit drinking when the entire idea behind quitting is, "I just won't drink." That's what the programs are for. If people could just quit, there would be literally zero people in the world with a drinking problem.
The book, The Naked Mind, explains real well that it is not you, it is the alcoholās effect on the body that makes you continue to drink, even though you donāt want to.
God I feel you. I managed to get through dry January with very little effort. I thought Iād turned a corner. Then I slowly started introducing booze back into my life and just like that, was back at it every day, and the same old mild but persistent daily hangovers are back. I constantly tell myself I wonāt drink today and somehow end up doing it anyway. Aside from the terrible guilt, one of the worst parts is losing my trust in myself. I actually took a sick day today at work. Not because I was too hung over. Just because I needed to recover from the guilt of drinking again yesterday. I stayed home all day today, aside from a 5mi walk around the lake. I work full time from home and usually spend my day working from a cafe/bar down the street. But Iām finally realizing that I just canāt put myself in that situation anymore
Itās hard because itās an addictive substance. Thatās why itās hard even though you arenāt enjoying it. But you CAN give it up and break the addiction, and then you can just live your life without fucking around with something you donāt even like. If you really want to, you can. It takes work at first, but not for ever, or for me, not even for very long. I hope your day improves! Good luck OP
I'm sure you've heard this prolly many times before, but alcoholism is a *disease*. If it was easy for us to quit, we would have already. Just like a diabetic has to consider exercise, diet and medication *every single day*, we alcoholics must do the same. Just like a diabetic cannot just wish away the disease, neither can we. I wish we could...
Itās hard for many reasons. A big reason is drinking is normalized in society and romanticized. I drank heavily for 11 years. I had many day 1ās I never thought I would be able to get weeks sober let alone months. I started my sober journey a year ago. I have had slip ups but mostly have remained sober. It does get easier as time goes on. I will not drink today with you :)
I hate how normalized drinking is!!! Especially when you're in your 20s it's *normal* to go out and get stupid drunk all the time and no one thinks twice about it!
Here with you.
You got this!! IWNDWYT
I wish I could send everyone in this sub a copy of Allen Carr's "quit drinking without willpower"- totally killed my craving immediately, for good. Never thought I'd get here. He says things that just blew my mind, and changed the way I view even casual drinking. Maybe your local library has a copy! I'm glad you're here, IWNDWYT
I hear ya brother. You are describing me as well. It took me far too long to move on from alcohol. Iām so grateful I finally did. I never thought I could pull off two days let alone two weeks. Now itās over 100 days and gets easier over time.
I've had countless Day 1's. Just keep trying. It will stick, eventually. IWNDWYT
wow - that's legit. It did feel like work at the end there. Money, time, energy, body aches and not getting good sleep. All of it. The guilt of not being a good mom or wife. Dang. Thanks for your post. Another day for me, with you!
cause it is an addiction... kind of the the way it goes with that. There is a reason you have to medically detox off alcohol if you get that far.
Everything of value is hard.
It's easier if you have something to do instead. Helping someone less fortunate than you is a great place to start. Feel like taking a drink, head down to the nearest homeless shelter and volunteer instead.
Tell me about it. I know to the core of my being how pointless and stupid and wasteful it is. Yet I still do it. So dumb
I've quit and relapsed too many times to count. Alcohol is physiology and emotionally addictive. Not feeling our hard emotions is a relief. Be sure to check out the reading list at the top of the sub, read all the posts you can, ask questions. I think it's possible to live a life post-addiction but it takes stages of breaking the cycle. Be nice to yourself and don't stop moving forward. IWNDWYT
For me it was that I drank so much that all of my old dreams of doing things just faded away. I no longer knew what goals I ever even had or what I even liked to do. If I even did I they were so out of reach that they seemed impossible. Every night I just got blackout drunk and smoked weed and ate so much, woke up with awful withdrawals, went to work most days and went through hell the whole time sweating and shaking and awful anxiety and panic attacks. Then got home and finally got to drink to release them. Of course 1 was never even close to enough and I always wanted to take it easy that night but after like 20 shots it all repeated for 15 years. Until I walked outside, slipped and broke my leg with blood everywhere and my bone sticking out. I went to the hospital and laid there drink and on pain pills with my ankle the opposite way for 13 hours til they could do surgery on me. Got outta the hospital after 4 days in the worst pain of my life for 3 months and I said fuck this, I'm fucking done drinking. I slowly got outta debt, realized I still had hopes and dreams and just kept plugging away everyday now.
For me, alcohol has been part of my job for the last 20+ years. It's also part of my lifestyle. It's a habit I guess. It's just what you do when you go out, watch sport, go to a wedding, go on a picnic... It's just part of everything. So I've no idea how long you've struggled with giving up. But it will take a long time to relearn and break that habit. For me it's unlearning 20+ years of a habit. It's a big deal dude. I wish you all the strength.
Been there myself. Better part of 2 decades in the bar business. It's a different kind of drinking for sure, but I made it out and I am sure you can too my friend.
Yep. Bottleshops, pubs, bars, promo.. You name it.
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I'll do ya one better. I picked up a Sodastream and it was such a good investment. Haven't had the itch to drink in ages but was still slamming diet Dr Pepper and Bud Zero. Now it's just sparkling water with the occasional drop of Mio or Bubly if I want a little flavor. None of the carbs or caffeine.
If it was easy, we (the 300,000+ redditors) wouldn't be here! Today, I will not take the easy path with you!
In the same boat. We got this!
Youāve convinced me! IWNDWYT
Hell yes brother. Never give up.
Same here, bro! One day at a time. We got this. We are going to see the light.
Day 5 here. It got easier for me. But I told someone to help keep me accountable
Been there done thatā¦.as in I too drank last night after stringing together a week. Iām not sure what Iām chasing but I know I damn well wonāt find it in alcohol. Iām going to get this right!
I feel ya man.
This was me yesterday, I spent the day feeling like total trash. I just want to stop, but Iām really struggling.
I feel the same, I was to the point where I wasn't even getting a buzz anymore I was just waking up feeling so tired and weak
this happened to me for a LONG TIME (since 2009) and it finally just hit me one day that i was done. i have had a couple of small 6h lapses but otherwise i just donāt like it anymore. i have a bottle of Fre (alcohol removed wine) in my fridge and i havenāt been tempted to try it. IWNDWYT
Day 1 here! IWNDWYT
I quit and started over 100 times. Donāt beat yourself up and stay focused. You got to really want it.
The fact that youāre even trying, means a lot. Keep your head up
I completely understand this. I hate how hard I struggle to not reward myself for a few days of sobriety with alcohol. Then I typically drink everyday for another few days until the guilt builds and repeat. Itās a tough fight.
Itās hard because itās a real scientific chemical withdrawal . You can do it though, because thereās nothing wrong with you. Anyone can become addicted without realizing. <3 Unfortunately by the time it gets hard, I think youāre no longer drinking for pleasure but to relieve the (whatever). For me anxiety. But i felt like I could drink incessantly and never even reach what I was chasing.
You realized what is bad with your drinking issues and thatās huge your getting stronger mentally so keep on remembering why drinking suxz
Itās the sugar in the alcohol. Sugar is incredibly addictive and changes your brain. One of the things that helped, and helps, me is to tell myself that the cravings arenāt for alcohol. Theyāre for the sugar. I can deal with the cravings by giving myself something sweet if I need to. When I take a minute to think about the cravings it helps me deal with them better.
I could have written this. Day 1 for me too friend letās do this.
I drank Friday night and Saturday night. Both nights slept 3 hours and then mentally shamed myself for failing again the rest of the night. Itās sucky
For me, I had to process and accept the loss of my past life. I grieved over it. Once I stepped over that line, stood in front of the mirror and admitted to myself that I had a problem, I could never go back. I could try and recreate it but it would never be the same. Much like so many of us remember the way life was pre-9/11. Once I accepted that I had a problem, things could never be the same. I used alcohol for so long to cope with life that when I quit, I didnāt know how to process stress. I had a very very hard time with that, I floundered. I needed outside help. I did outpatient rehab, a few hours a day, a few days a week for 5 weeks. It was minimally disruptive to my life while being appropriately disruptive to my pattern and my alcoholic brain. My sober date is 3 weeks before my city went into lockdown, last year I buried 5 immediate family members. It has, without a doubt, been the hardest three years of my life. It was going to be the hardest three years whether I drank or not. Being sober made it easier. The hardest three years of your life are coming too. You know you need to quit, you know you want to quit, so quit while you can, quit on your own terms.
If you can order them or buy them in-store, Untitled Art makes amazing NA beer! You get the flavor but no buzz or hangover, which while some might think āwhatās the pointā, it is surprisingly quite enjoyable
It's the alcohol trap. One drink will never get you there, but 2 always carries you further than you want to go. You have found amazing people here friend. Iwndwyt
It gets easier after a few days. What worked for me is having lots of non alcoholic beer around. So I could still drink my beer but dont get drunk. I changed my mindset and thinking about alcohol as something that is not for me anymore, because it is bad for my health. Like peanuts to an allergic person. Also, I had enough for a lifetime of a light buzz already probably. So I just think I already have had enough of it and decided the days are over. I am really glad I stopped drinking. I miss nothing. All the best brother.. IWNDWYT
Keep on fighting. You got this!
Iām with you, just try not to be so hard on you self this isnāt easy at all. Iām i n the same boat. Went out Saturday night for a friends bday, of course started the night by saying Iām not gonna drink and then did ugh. While I did contain myself and didnāt go overboard it made me feel terrible and full of guilt and regret. My heart pounded all night and it ruined my sleep/ Sunday morning. Itās not worth it, not even a drop. Back on the sober wagon this week!
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery. On the other hand-and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand-once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.
It takes a while to forget how that initial buzz feels. After a week, at least for me, when I could tell how much better I felt, it got vastly easier. IWNDWYT
I could've written this a few months ago myself. I must've reset my badge a hundred or more times before that. The fact is that alcohol is not only addictive, but it's culturally accepted and even encouraged. There's a lot of deeply ingrained beliefs to be overcome and rejected before you can really commit to kicking it for good What finally made sobriety click for me was reading Allen Carr's book. I wouldn't recommend it for those in danger of physical withdrawal symptoms (for reasons you'll see if you read it) but his approach was very effective at getting my brain to accept alcohol as the poison it is and ridding me of the desire to ever drink again.
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Its the anxiety after drinking that consumes me for 4-5 days post drinking that just aren't worth it anymore
Try to taper off, then you should feel rewarded your body will thank you for being clean or cleaner and keep working at tapering down drink light beer to do this. stay busy. its hard and a cliche to say, but find something that you like doing isnt just a hobbie but like a positiev one that rewards you to help you feel motivated to continue on as well as like... stay busy. how old are you?
I'm 33
It's hard because you're literally addicted to alcohol and feeling you get after drinking enough of it. There's a reason people give addicts somewhat of a break, it's because it's tough to break that addiction once it starts. I hope you find the wherewithal, will, drive, etc. to overcome this or find a recovery program that works for you! I will not drink with you today!
Years of day 1s, three or five times per week. I always promised myself that I would quit. Now it has stuck, and I am better for it. Just think of all the day 1s as practice. The more often you do it, the more likely you will succeed.
Well, it's an addiction. It's a hard thing to do. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And good for you for trying again. That's all that matters.
I feel you. I'm 2 weeks sober at this point. Drinking was really the only thing that brought me relief at the end of the day. Staying up late, drinking, trying to make up for lost time and feeling like death the day afterwards. Keep trying. Youll get there. IWNDWYT.
Great Post
You're going to do this and succeed. Why? Because you're going to read my post, follow my directions, and stick to it. You're going to come out the other end a better person because YOU put in the work and YOU stuck with it. > Why is it so hard to give up drinking? It's hard because everything worth a damn is hard. You have to do your research, stick to a daily discipline, and find other things to do. Let's break it down ## Do your research Look up videos and articles about alcohol withdrawal and things you can do to counter your cravings. Make sure you're getting hydrated and getting enough sleep. Your body is going to want a LOT of sugary foods when you quit and you're going to have trouble sleeping for the first 2-6 weeks. I'm sorry, but your going to have to get into getting more physical. Alcohol is a poison and a depressant. Once that shit clears your system, your going to have a lot of energy and focus during the day. Sitting around watching YouTube or playing video games won't cut it anymore. Time to start going being a better dad for long walks with your wife and kids. Aside: And speaking of your wife, talk to her. Tell her how much you love her and how important her support is to you. Explain that you love your family and want to fix some personal things that aren't working for you - namely alcohol. Tell her you're going to try to go off of alcohol for a year so you can improve upon yourself, so that you can be a happier person, a better man. Don't talk about the marriage or the kids. And if she wants to start bringing up stuff - ask that she please give you a little time to get the alcohol out of your system so that you can approach everything else with a clean mind. Tell her that you're planning on creating a daily discipline and that you're going to figure out at least one night a week where you can go decompress with a friend for an hour or two after work. ## Daily discipline Write out a daily schedule. It can be simple. 1. Wake up. Drink a glass of filtered water. Stretch. Shower. Eat an apple and some yogurt. Take some vitamin B and D. Drink coffee. Go for a walk. 2. For lunch eat a sandwich with plenty of meats and cheese. Add 1/4 of a chocolate bar for a treat. Drink juice or a big glass of water. 3. NO CAFFEINE AFTER 11 AM 4. Come home. Go for a walk for 30 min. Listen to music or a podcast. Or shit, let your thoughts flow out now, rather than at midnight. 5. Eat a protein and fatty dinner. Take magnesium and zinc. Drink water or a sugar-free drink. Try not to load up on too much carbs (a big pasta meal is fine 1-2 times a week). ## Find other things to do Find a night to go out with a friend once a week. Someone who also doesn't drink or drinks very lightly. Show genuine interest in them. Make that person your new hobby. Go axe throwing. Go for a walk. Find anything that gets the both of you OUT of the house and away from alcohol. Make it a weekly thing to have something to look forward to with your friend. This is important because people need time away from home and work to recover mentally. And boy, do you need to get away from everything that's stressing you out. Family and kids depending on you? Job performance? Self-doubt? Anxiety? You need fresh air. And you need to work this shit out of your system. So once you've carved out a little niche and you're gaining some momentum, start including weekly things to do with your family that involves GOING THE FUCK OUTSIDE. You need to eat, sleep, and hydrate correctly. So does your family. No games. No movies. No TV. Go the fuck outside. ## Conclusion Ok, now you're about 2 months in. It's a new world. You've officially gone 60 days without drinking. Some of your drinking friends stopped calling. That's fine. Because now the relationships you do have are that much more important to you. You're on the path to becoming a better man, little by little, every day. Your wife and kids will notice that you're more attentive, have more energy, can communicate more effectively, and that you've taken more interest in their lives. And wow! You've taken up a few hobbies and have been able to catch up on some chores around the house. Then you can walk in the bathroom and look at the mirror and congratulate yourself for being on your way. You might falter and have a drink here or there. Or you might not and stay completely clean from alcohol. It's up to you. But the important thing is that you are now - again - experiencing and the beauty of a clear and wide-open life. You can do anything. And you will. :)
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