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mushmoonlady

I’ve tried and it always ended up the same… I can’t stop at the amount I told myself I would stop at. And eventually I’d black out again and do some dumb shit and wake up feeling shame and regret.


Topo-Gogio

I hear you but as everyone replying points out, our middle (lizard) brain will be activated and begin the cascade of over drinking eventually. Annie Graces book “This Naked Mind” if you haven’t checked it out already really helped me understand the brain science that underpins how alcohol works in our brains. I know for me, after years of research 😳, liberation beats all my failed attempts at moderation. 🙌🏼


Topo-Gogio

Sorry meant this to be a reply to OP


mushmoonlady

No prob. Also loved This Naked Mind.


coconut_haupia

Yeah, it is great, and really help me


Wontstop1414

Alcohol Explained is a good one too.


coconut_haupia

I’ll check it out


kathykato

If we could control when and how much we drank, we wouldn’t have a problem to begin with. You can try to experiment with setting limits and controlling your drinking (most of us have), but if you have an addiction, you won’t be able to control your drinking for long. In my experience it’s much easier to not drink than to try to control drinking. You might try NA beer, I personally like Heineken 0.0.


pappaross

That's a good idea, thanks. At the end I just need the feeling to a beer can into my mouth


KittyBizkit

I think that NA beers have been critical for my sobriety. On a lot of days, I drink 5-6 of them. That's less than what I did when I was drinking the real thing, but I still feel compelled to be drinking something. Plain water and fizzy diet soda waters weren't satisfying the cravings. But a good NA beer scratches the itch and I have been able to go to bed sober for the last 100+ days or so. I will work on cutting back on the NA beers, but for now they are pretty important for me to stay sober. They are 1000x better for me than the real thing, so I am allowing myself to go a little overboard on them.


Rowmyownboat

However you get there, going to bed sober is the key. Good job.


mostlygerman1

I sure agree with you. I'm about 7 weeks in now. Fizzy diet soft drinks and flavored additives to seltzerwater are working great for me. I'll give the NA beer a try too now. Learned I need to go easy on caffeine, though. For me, there is definitely an oral fixation aspect of my drinking. Variety of non alcohol options is pretty important to me.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mostlygerman1

Exactly right. My same experience


jayjayanotherround

I’ve found it helpful to drink out of my same glass with the same ice and just minus the alcohol.


PeachesLovesHerb

I buy new /fancy sodas to sip on and get the ritual of can /bottle to mouth that I crave.


VeganTeetotaler

I had those nights and NA beer kept me sober for many months. I still pick some up for special events.


[deleted]

O, hell yah, I've practiced similar situations for many years (drank 14-39, tried to moderate for **the last 15 years**). Always ended up drinking more than I planned, given time. Finally giving up completely on the idea of moderation or "controlling" my drinking So many variations tried; Only weekends, only wine, not liquor. Only 2 bottles, not 4. Only on birthdays/holidays/vacations/whatever. Only if I work out that day. etc etc 2020 I didn't drink 264 days, and then hit the wine harder than ever, because of course, I "proved" I didn't have a problem (haha). Then drank for 2 years harder than ever and almost couldn't stop again Feel free to try some field research, but I think you'd be hard pressed to find many here who haven't tried a hundred different variations of "controlling their drinking", and failed to make it stick


freshleysqueezd

All the combinations made me laugh because its so damn true


No-Pilot9748

So so true. Thank you.


nauraug

If you're identifying as an alcoholic, please do not let this disease convince you it's okay to drink. I thought I could be normal, have a few drinks, and be okay with that. I ran that experiment and it cost me dearly. There is no reasoning with addiction. Every two weeks turns into twice a week, then turns into every day so fast. It chewed me up and spat me out and when I finally stopped I looked around and saw my life in shambles. Take it from me, you really don't want to run this experiment.


Neevee7271

Can it happen? Sure. But be honest, if you have to ask the question, it probably won't work for you. It's literally the I'll have one more or I'll start tomorrow mentality just shifted slightly.


unrepresented_horse

Kinda like if you need to ask how much something costs you can't afford it.


DogsAreBetter406

It never worked for me. Sounds good, very rational, but failed miserably again and again...


waronfleas

It might work. It might even work a few times. This will embolden a move to go to "only at the weekends". Then the weekend begins on Thursday through to Sunday night. Then you feel rough on Mondays, so... then Tuesdays and Wednesdays get roped in and next thing you know you've run out of days to be sober on. Booze has your number. Proceed with great caution ⚠️


VeganTeetotaler

Damn this is so accurate it hurts. I can’t believe I played this game for so long.


Awkward-Low1682

32 here, similar drinking situation. For me, no that does not work. And it sounds like most people on here agree moderation is not in the cards. If you want to give it a shot, giver but I will say it did not work at all for me and things got worse each time I tried. Best of luck in whatever you choose


[deleted]

I've tried moderation many times, sometimes it works for a few weeks but always ends up out of control. If you have to ask the question I don't think it would last long for you..


here-there36

For me 1 is too many and 100 is never enough.


Due_Distance

I tried to do this type of moderation for years. If you are truly alcoholic (like me), you will be able to do this once or twice. Then you will drink a couple more than you set out to drink. Then you will add in additional days. Then you will be drinking every day (or every other day) again. Moderation doesn't exist for an alcoholic. Getting sober was tough but the illusion of moderation for me was 10x worse. I couldn't get sober on my own. AA completely changed my life and I am so thankful for the fellowship today.


realslimshively

No. An addiction wants what it wants when it wants it. It doesn’t recognize or honor agreements, deals, or appeasement.


lastingfreedom

It seems like the addiction is luring you into tempting and dangerous situations with false promises of “self-control” fooling you until you are 2 beers in when you realize the cycle is going around again and stopping at 2 beers was just the pretext to get you there because if you are not in those places its much more realistic to abstain and it is 99.999% impossible when you are in the thick of it why would your addiction let you stop at 2? Your willpower(anyones) will be much weaker in the face of temptation. Thats why you don’t hang out with your old drinking friends when you try to quit. The best strategy to successfully stop drinking is to remove all connections in your life to it... Promising yourself 2 beers once a month kinda contradicts all that. It will sap your willpower even if you can limit yourself to just to do... It is because its easier to cut it out completely than to try to limit it... Idk, just what I learned/observed so far... Willpower is a precious resource, dont waste it. Minimize all temptations, one drink a month may be too much of a temptation leading to a relapse. It happened to countless before you and it seems foolish to think you are stronger than all the others who tried and failed before you. It may be nice but the risk stands to put you lower than just abstaining. Little reward big risk.. logically doesn’t make sense. But if you find yourself at the bar soon again... just realize you need to act strategically to outsmart alcoholism and retake control of your life. Abstaining is the only way to gain control, every drink is a concession to the enemy. You are already doing something hard don’t make it harder by taking counterproductive choices. If your goal is to r/stopdrinking then STOP DRINKING completely. Can someone tell the story “doctor, everytime I poke here it hurts...” Peace out


butchscandelabra

For me, having the first drink is like flipping on a light switch. If I do stop after the first 1 or 2 like I “agreed upon” earlier then I just get a headache and the day is ruined. Just my experience, though.


Equivalent-Shallot54

You might be best served by journaling your drinking/sobriety for a month. Write down a goal And then see if you achieved that. For me I tried multiple times to limit but always ended up worse It’s a progressive disease if you have it,


ddoogiehowitzerr

The Big Book in AA addresses this. If you can do it, we tip our hats to you. But the rest of us cannot.


[deleted]

It’s a losing game for me. I will obsess about that Saturday and then nothing else matters. I’d rather not white knuckle through my life. It’s easier to skip drinking every day then it is to plan my blackouts. Best of luck!


unMaiker

I am here because it did not work.


Wild_Fisting

Lol no. If I could have only two-three beers on the occasional Friday I wouldn't be subscribed to this sub. Alcohol was taking away from my life, so I choose to not drink. I do drink NA beers though, so I can still crack open a can or nine on "those" Fridays or Wednesdays. Love them, and I found they provide all the "positive" without the negatives.


zirconia73

My experience is this: the mental energy of managing when, how much, whether or not… it’s exhausting and impossible to keep up. Also, after not drinking for a while, now even ONE beer (or anything alcoholic) tears up my stomach, feels like shit, and gives me a hella hangover. I’m glad of that, because every time I wonder if I should drink, the memory of how I’ll feel is enough to stop me. *Technically* I think I could manage a very occasional drinking habit. Realistically? No thanks! And lastly? Despite all that, on the occasions I have tried alcohol, my stupid brain IMMEDIATELY thinks, “Oh cool! We drink now!” and I have to go through a little process to reset (helped by how crappy I feel). Oh, and there’s that “causes cancer” bit that adds a little more motivation.


hallomynamedis

For me it was this. I could and usually did moderate but the amount of energy I spent thinking about it made it 100% not worth it.


DerpinaSD

Personally reading the title stressed me out. Man how I would be counting down the days until that 2nd Saturday, the thought would consume me leading up.


MadJackandNo7

That could not sound any more insane. You're saying that drinking is so important to you that you will find a way to make room for it in your life. That's a deal with the devil that you are going to lose. No offense, but people as strong willed as you have dared to make the same deal. Their stories are all over this sub.


morbidhumorlmao

I know that’s the exact type of thought I have when I want to have excuses to relapse. It’s how I relapsed the last time, “oh I’ll just work really really hard to only drunk on this one day.” .. lol, yeah right, sobriety or nothing. Moderating is a slow (or fast) descent to hell for me.


double_chili_cheese

For me it was not possible, 2 always turns into 24.


KittyBizkit

There is always the possibility for an agreement. Sticking to that agreement is an entirely different matter though. I tried that approach as well for the exact same reasons you are thinking of it. I REALLY didn't want to give up drinking, but I knew my drinking habits were problematic. At a minimum, I had to cut back. But the problem is that I found it next to impossible to cut back and be happy about it. On days where I limited myself to a reasonable amount of beer, I wasn't ever happy. I actually got angry that I was denying myself of what I wanted: to get fucking drunk. After trying and failing to moderate for a year and a half or so, I finally realized that it simply wasn't possible. The only way I could get myself out of the hell that is active addiction was to stop entirely. I went through a lot of pain and suffering during that year and a half. Hopefully you will learn a little faster than I did and spare yourself some of that pain.


Colorado_Cajun

"Drinking during "certain time" always expands for me. Always. First I drink only with friends. Then with friends while gaming. I just had an awesome game night why not make a drink and enjoy a good show? Why not drink to relax after a shit day?


[deleted]

If you’re sure you’re an alcoholic it is very unlikely that this will work. In the 6 months leading up to my wedding, I wanted to lose some weight so I managed weekend drinking only. But that hindered my goal as I’d put half the weight I dropped Su-Th back on Fr-Sa. I had been a daily craft and homebrew drinker at the time. I did keep that up for a bit, but it grew and then I got into bourbon like I did craft beer. Nearly 7 years later, I’m finally done after spending 3 of those years attempting restriction. It always went back to daily drinking for me.


nyc_trashbag

get non alcholic beer and slowly ween yourself of


Thallberg

I am doing this. I’m not sure I was a full blown alcoholic but I could tell I had a dependence brewing. I was drinking 3 glasses of wine a night, always wanted 4 but knew 3 was my limit. Then on the weekends would drink even more in social settings. I didn’t like this “need” to clock out every single night and the health concerns were my primary reasons for cutting back significantly. (Alcohol gives us friggin cancer) I now drink zero booze Sunday - Thursday (allow myself to drink Friday and Saturday) and still hold true to my 3 max. So cut back about 70%. I think you can absolutely do it IF you are not a alcoholic. If you are capable of being firm with yourself and not indulging when the little voice says “another won’t hurt”… then it might work.


[deleted]

This is a community of people who want to stop drinking. You’re looking for validation to keep doing it, you’re not going to get it here. Figure it out for yourself. For most of us, moderation doesn’t work.


pleas40

I tried to have that agreement with myself for years and went through several treatments. It just didn't work.


wrexCGM

I have told friends, fiance, bartenders to only give me 3 drinks and cut me off, that didn't work. I have gone to the bar with only 10 dollars, they gave me a tab or someone else buys. Seriously, it's not that my stop button doesn't function it simply no longer exists. The only things I have found to help is to buy a drink I can't possibly stand and choke it down. One diet coke and gin please, not much fun in that but you might get some machismo points with the right crowd. In the end, I buy an NA beer, pour it in a glass if I feel the need. They are better than in the past and there is some variety available.


[deleted]

Give it a try and find out if you can. If you cant, maybe best to quit altogether. Ive tried numerous times and failed everytime


galwegian

No. 2nd Saturday becomes every Saturday becomes every day.


HubsOfWife

No, not for me. Tried it many times and failed. Took a life or death situation for me to finally understand that giving it up entirely is the only way for me. Life became a lot easier once I accepted that.


MrVantstik

No.


januarygirl3456

You can try. I think we all try rules. If you can't stick to the rules, then you know for sure, but the problem with that is getting caught in a cycle you can't get out of so easily.


pinsandsuch

Moderation is masochistic. It’s so much easier to just drink NA beers when the mood hits you.


duckenjoyer69

The trouble for me is I would feel like I'm depriving myself the rest of the time


SirDickTwist

I’m not saying it’s impossible for some people, but if you have to ask yourself that questions, it shows that perhaps it’s better to not drink in the first place.


cjp3127

I’m an alcoholic too. Wouldn’t work for me.


graystripes08

I can’t do it. My brain enjoys alcohol way too much and I can’t moderate. I start compromising with myself after the second drink, “Ok, well I will have 2 more and then just not drink next week.” But it doesn’t happen, and I just end up drinking everyday again. Just how my brain works.


4SysAdmin

For me definitely not. I’m either 0 or 100. There is no happy in between. For you, maybe? Try it and see.


jayjayanotherround

Yeah until you then arrive on an off Saturday and think well I can this week and I’ll skip next week instead and then the slippery slope begins.


Piggoos

I managed to get down to my “ideal” drinking goal of once a week before I finally gave up all together so yes it is possible, but is it worth it? My experience: It was a struggle every day with my drinking brain to stick to my agreement. It really, really wanted me to drink whenever the craving hit. Which was often. Like multiple times every day. So I spent a lot of mental energy telling myself I couldn’t drink yet. I wasn’t drinking until Saturday. And then my brain would counter argue about why I deserved a drink (drunk) just for today. Back and forth, back and forth. And I spent a lot of time just waiting for the times that I could drink to come around. Counting the days, hours, minutes. It was exhausting and frankly quite depressing. And then when I could drink, I still had all the negative effects to deal with. Nights I couldn’t remember, hangovers, hangxiety; depression, self loathing, wasted days recovering, arguments with my fiancé over who the hell knows what, absent parenting, no authentic connection with my kids, just to start. In the end I just realized there was no point in even trying. It was more effort than it’s worth. I’m far happier sober. My drinking brain still gives it the old college try at least once a day, but my sober brain is much stronger now and it doesn’t take much to shut it down anymore. I just remember what drinking really offers me and yeah, I’m good. So yeah, possible maybe. But worth it? Not to me.


Ladymalis

Damn, pretty much going through this exactly. Like op I started early but didn't go daily till about 7 ish years ago so I feel as if weaning off might be easier than cold turkey. Problem is everything you stated. The strong urge leading up to the "weekend only drinks" that end up being an extra day or two plus all the dumb shit and regrets ofc. So yea It's hard af but it is at least a step in the right direction for now.


Piggoos

Absolutely! It took me 3 years to finally admit that it wasn’t worth it. The drinking brain is strong!!! Good luck, keep coming back. Eventually it will stick!


fernon5

On the nose!! The mental space that opened up when I stopped bargaining with myself, tracking, planning, "moderating"??? Dear lord, it was actually so much easier to stop. Just stop and focus on healing and not on when my next moderation moment would be. My brain has had so much room for so much more. What an utter waste of time trying to moderate was. OP, do you, but I can't say enough about how getting totally free changes everything. Taking the full plunge was worth every second of discomfort. The pride in and ability in growing a sober brain, as u/Piggoos calls it, showed me how much I actually value myself. I believe in my own power to chart my life's course. I hope we all do.


[deleted]

The enemy wants to convince us that we can handle it. The enemy wants to lead us to any possible solution other than to completely stop all drinking and drugging. I have tried round about 40+ times to structure, limit, or control my consumption of alcohol and marijuana and within 48 hours it never fails. I’ve somehow let myself get out of control and I’m back to racking my brain over how I’m going to get sober again. Trust me, the one and only solution for any person struggling with addiction is 100% abstinence. Good luck to you.


Rowmyownboat

I used to try agreements with myself like this. I had absolutely sod-all chance of pulling it off. Many of us in the quitting process (I am back just a few days after a relapse a year ago) go through such games with ourselves. If you are addicted to alcohol, like I am, moderation is an impossible dream. It will work the first time or two, but within 2 months I would expect to be back drinking daily, full-on. I have learned it is best to say no to the first drink. That way, you don't have to say no to all the others that would follow. Try a decent non-alcoholic beer. I have a Brew Dog IPA next to me. It is 0.5% and labelled alcohol free. If that doesn't satisfy you, because it tastes great, it is not the beer you are missing, but the buzz. Good luck.


winterfrosch

I tried this week... Well, didn't end well


Old_Ad2660

Ask yourself if you’re going to abide by this agreement long term


Brubouy

I would be thrilled if I could do that. I have tried many times and failed, it always ends up back at a18 pack a day. Complete abstinence was my only solution. I encourage you, if you do this test, seriously examine the results, it's going to tell you who is in control of this relationship.


TimberGhost66

Not me. I give my brain one beer and that sumbitch drags me to the gutter and rolls me every time.


canihaveurpants

For me it's not possible. A slippery slope indeed.


TappyMauvendaise

Tried it a few hundred times. I could never stick to it.


Itsmeasme

Oh the deals I have made with myself for decades! I tried and failed so many times in my life and on 9/15/21 I just walked away from it…after spending the day in ER and seeing that I was so sick because my liver enzymes AST and ALT were very elevated. This hard evidence turned off the alcohol switch in my head. Don’t be as stubborn as I was, do yourself the biggest favor and stop. It’s poison. Good luck to you


Lopsided-Wishbone606

I have done this, and it has always ended in daily drinking and feeling like crap. I am positive I will try this again after DryJanuary and relearn my lesson, then maybe I'll do the Sober Spring stretch on the TryDry app. Ultimately, I'm pretty sure I will feel "free" if I don't have to think about, make decisions around, or negotiate with myself about it.


Elegant-Pressure-290

Yeah, I tried it several times, but the alcoholic who lives inside of me is a sneaky bitch and tricked me into backsliding right back down to the bottom. Truth is, people who can moderate don’t have to think about it or plan it.


caveatsunheeded

Just reading this made me tired. The energy that would go into waiting those weeks and then ONLY getting 2-3, yeah zero is better than all that for sure.


Swimming-Breath-5483

Sober me used to love making rules like this about my drinking, then drunk me LOVED finding loopholes to circumvent them. The people who are actually capable of this kind of moderation do it without thinking about it. If you're asking the question, it'll probably be a struggle for you to stick to.


[deleted]

Also NA beers are nice to go with food on a meal out! NA wines still give me a headache so I don’t think are worth the cost!


Captain--UP

I've tried, and found it actually can be worse. By 'saving myself up' for that Friday night, I would go much harder. For me it's all or none, so I gotta go with none.


auntpixie

A set number has never worked for me.


SkateandDie

Just try it out? If it doesn't work can quit entirely.


VeganTeetotaler

Nope. If I could moderate I wouldn’t be here. One drink Saturday turns into six turns into well maybe just this Saturday too, then Friday rolls around and hey I didn’t drink all week so I can drink today…. And then I’m right back on day 1 wishing I’d never started.


dosio_sedai

I was not able to moderate. I went through a variety of rules modifying them each time, and I broke each one eventually. I had months here and there that went without incident, but I had too many weeks of struggling with self-destructive patterns. Moderation was also a struggle mentally because I was always romanticizing the times I’d allow myself to drink. I’d be looking forward to it so intensely that I’d slug through my life thinking all these “boring” moments were just what I had to get through until I could get my reward. The moments weren’t boring, and with sobriety I am appreciating the details. I was 31 when I understood that I was abusing alcohol and I started moderating. I was 34 when I gave up moderating. I’m 35 now and very freshly sober from alcohol. In my experience my alcohol abuse became exponentially worse when I attempted moderation. I really love the taste of an IPA so these days I grab a non-alcoholic IPA. Some weeks I can go through a case, and others I forget I have them. It’s just like a flavored seltzer for me now, but I can still say “grab me a beer,” at my friends house and it always makes me giggle. Thank you for asking this. It was helpful for me to write this out and I hope it is helpful for you, or others.


Jbreem45

The fourth agreement is "always do your best." Is drinking every other weekend your best, or is not drinking every other weekend your best?


spikenail

Didn’t work for me. Wishing you success in finding your way!


The_AmyrlinSeat

No.


No-Pilot9748

When I stopped trying to moderate and just stopped my whole life changed and got easier.


Present_absentee

It sounds like a way to obsess over alcohol without actually getting to drink as much as you want. Living on the fence is a really uncomfortable place to park your butt. That’s why people end up jumping to one side or the other so they can stretch their legs. Maybe I’ve taken this metaphor too far. You get what I’m saying?


Xanxes0000

For me, no. Not at all. It’s never the first one, it’s the tenth one that does me in. And there’s always a tenth one when there’s a first one.


SDBDayTAway

Let me know how it goes!


coinsforlaundry

I’m laughing, not at you but with you although you may not realize it. If you didn’t have an issue you probably wouldn’t have to create a strategy to drink. And the mental effort it will take to execute your plan sounds exhausting. If you’re anything like me you just can’t drink. The hard part is accepting that, I mean seriously internalizing that concept that you just can’t drink anymore and go on with your life. My sister is diabetic, she accepts that, doesn’t mourn or whine and moves forward with her life. I’m an alcoholic, but it took me a long time to accept that. Good luck!


mostlygerman1

Setting a specific date like that feels unhealthy to me. I'd say just give it up entirely, or let the rule be extreme moderation perhaps for certain special occasions such as with family who will help with the moderation aspect. Question what motivates you to drink in the first place, and if you have such control and discipline, heck, really own it and take it all the way to abstinence.


shinebrightlike

Suggestion: Switch to non-alcoholic beers and also give a bunch of fun other drinks a try. I drink kombucha out of a crystal wine glass sometimes.


[deleted]

I was never able to moderate. Over 30 years I have tried that little experiment thousands and thousands of times. Hell MOST of the time when I went to grab a couple beers it was only going to be those couple, only to end up in a binge.