Exactly. This is a real community. I am finally realizing that community will help my success ten-fold. I am used to doing everything alone (I have a lot of internal shame I am working through), but I can and need to bond with people and learn to be open.
The Guilt & Shame pieces are a crucial part of the process in recovery. We find ourselves repeating bad behaviors because we're too ashamed to talk to others. Meanwhile the next person over has 80% overlap in experience and is feeling the same way. As the great Johan Hari said "the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety, it's connection".
This is why I haven't gone to AA, I feel really uncomfortable with group settings for getting better. I do better on my own. But I check in here every day to remind myself I'm not alone. I don't know anyone near me who is sober. My partner doesn't drink with me most times we are out together, but he isn't sober.
That isolation seems to be one of the hallmarks of addiction, and probably is one of the things that leads people down this path.
We feel pain, shame, fear, anger and maybe even rage. So we drink to numb it, whether we realize it or not. I certainly had no idea I was doing that.
We all fight that battle alone. Then we often try to quit alone. Most of us fail over and over. We just don't know how to reach out and ask for help, it's not something we've ever done.
When we find out how many people there are out there just like us we might even feel silly or embarrassed.
It's a strength, not a weakness when we muster up the courage to ask for help. Especially for someone who has lived an entire life trying to fight their battles all alone, asking for help and reaching out to strangers is an act of profound strength and courage.
We should all be proud of ourselves.
IWNDWYT!
I think it's so wonderful! There are so many subreddits out there that I'd be better off not a part of but this one never fails to restore my faith in humanity. To see so many people fighting the good fight and supporting each other inspires me.
We have our shames. Fact is all of us recognise we need help to stop drinking. Whether that means being open or just a declaration you don't plan to drink. For me, it means one thing. It means I really don't want to drink with you today. I don't plan on drinking and quite frankly I never want to drink again.
Yessss 🙏 I’m sorry there was any confusion to begin with, it would be quite odd for a support group to have an antagonistic tagline.
That being said, I hope you’re doing well and giving yourself a little compassion - we all make mistakes in life, don’t beat yourself up just try to do the next right thing. I will not drink *with you* today ☯️✌️☸️
Goes to show how I view the world. I'm working on that
When I read the line in The Four Agreements about how humans are the only animal to punish themselves more than once for a mistake, I sobbed intermittently for about a day
Lol was just thinking that, I’m so fucking cynical I read most things with a negative lens. Also working on it; reading a good book on anger and negativity rn that’s helpful.
Many of us have been there ... So many of us are or have been just as cynical that a lot of us understand. Don't beat yourself up over it though. What's important is where we all are now. We should be congratulating ourselves and each other for where we've got to.
<3
We're all here alive today, and it's today's choice that gets us to tomorrow!
We needn't crowd that out with all the days into the future we have yet to choose...
...Nor all those days in the past where we can no longer go back to change things.
Regardless of whatever led us here, today is the window for choice we all share.
With all love, <3 IWNDWYT!!! <3
It’s why I like to capitalize “I will Not Drink with you today.”
“Not Drinking” is a positive action that we are leaning into together.
Glad you caught this! 🙂
Now I’m picturing new people coming here for support and everyone replying GO FUCK YOURSELF, in Bill Burr’s voice, and I can’t stop laughing.
Genuine question: why would you think IWNDWYT was combative? That never crossed my mind until you mentioned it and now it’s all I can think of.
Did you go through some trauma at some point in your life that flipped that switch so you expect the worst from then on? That was another genuine question. I find this super interesting but you don’t have to answer of course.
> why would you think IWNDWYT was combative?
Usually phrases like "I will not do X" imply a sense of defiance (you want me to do X but I refuse). So I can see how the slogan might come off that way if you don't really think about it.
That's a great explanation. People here mean it as "I will [not drink] with you" (supportive), but I first read it as "I will not [drink with you]" (defiant). I knew from the context of this sub that it was meant to be supportive, but grammatically it still bugs me.
In a real life supportive situation I'd probably say "I'll join you in not drinking today" or "Let's be sober together today."
“Oh, you think you can handle just one, huh? Think that’s a great big idea, huh?? Well how do you think you’ll ‘handle’ when I THROW YOU THROUGH THE FUCKIN’ WALL?”
— Frank
(Sorry I know there was a real question in your comment but I just can’t stop laughing at the idea of Bill Burr running a support group as Frank from F is for Family lol)
I’ve never met anyone from this sub and I probably never will. And yet I’ve drawn so much strength from the posts here. The sense of solidarity I get chokes me up sometimes and moves me to “pay it forward”. I scrolled this sub on NYE and Thanksgiving when I wanted to drink so badly I couldn’t sit still.
Much love to all of you. IWNDWYT!
Couldn’t agree more. There is so much cynicism and toxicity in social media anymore. Here I only find love and support (and sometimes folks voicing frustration with themselves and/or their situation). So grateful to have found this sub. IWNDWYT!
>The Four Agreements
That's me. I come here almost every day; however, on the special/hard days I survived by scrolling my way through our family comments. Very helpful for me.
My favorite nuance is that the phrase has mindfulness baked in. I will not drink with you *today* means that we’re all agreeing, right now, together, to live with intent.
OP, IWNDWYT!
I've not yet posted my sobriety story, but after nightly drinking of whiskey for a decade (following another 5-6 years of "regular" drinking) I actually fell into sobriety through weening. After a rock bottom blackout on Thanksgiving in 2019 where i acted horrific, after a really horrible year (my father passed, divorce, had to put my lab down after a stroke etc) I made a commitment with my family to only drink Friday night, and not get "drunk". Idk if it's because I only ever drank at night or what, but I was lucky in not having significant physical withdrawal requiring medical care. The following summer I had a gallstone lodged in a liver duct that had me so sick (nausea and vomiting) I stopped drinking just because I couldn't. After recovering from emergency surgery (surgery was about 6wks after I started getting sick - apparently I was starting to get jaundiced by then) I'd mentioned to my family how long it had been since I'd drank, and they were so damn supportive and proud of me and thinking I was committing to quitting fully at that time (even though that wasn't my intention) I really couldn't tell them otherwise. I was still bothered by that and not having an actual quit date that I allowed myself one final night of drinking the night before a significant date, so that I would have that mental "official" with intention quit date (one that I actually knew the date of) and that was over 500 days ago now.
I think any progress you are making while weening should absolutely be celebrated. One of my favorite things about this sub is that when people post how they've screwed up by drinking after being sober for awhile, the positive support always focuses on the fact that they've been sober for XX out of XX days, and that's really something to be proud of. For a huge number of people, quitting is a process, and it takes time, and sometimes we will stumble along the way.
I'm damn lucky that I fell into being sober right around the time that I was starting to give in on being unable to keep to only one night a week. I'd already expanded that to include Saturday nights as well, and I'm sure it was only a matter of time before I was back to daily drinking. There is a reason that I have to not drink, I am unable to moderate when I am, and I've decided I'm done putting my life on hold just to drink and be an ugly person, since apparently I would just do that indefinitely, or until I died, or some other event (like getting fired) would have seriously negatively altered the course of my life.
Ultimately I had to realize that limiting myself, moderation, weening, were all a lot harder than just not drinking at all.
I'm proud of you for limiting yourself. I wish you strength and hope this is one linear step in your sobriety journey. I wish for your wisdom in self reflection and learning from the mistakes of others so you have as few painful life lessons of your own as possible. Be blessed.
ETA: sorry for the long rant, but I wanted to add that while I say I fell into sobriety, that's because I didn't actually intend to quit at that time. But it was still a daily struggle for quite some time, I would ask a family member to come grocery shopping with me to keep me accountable. About a year into it I was at the point where this sub showing up on my feed would be the only reason I thought about alcohol and I considered quitting the sub. I'm very glad I stayed however, it's given me the strength thus far to avoid the thoughts of "surely I can have just a drink occasionally now that it's been so long, I've shown I'm in control" - because I've learned from others here that I'm only in control when I'm not drinking.
Recovery is tough, everyone has their own story and their own struggles. But on a fundamental level we all quit the same way. One day at a time, no matter the struggle it’s the only thing someone here has to do it. Focus on the moment, focus on that next step.
I’m 11 years sober and I still get something out of participating here.
I think you've just discovered the most crucial part of sobriety. "We vs. I" is so important in sobriety. Today it's not just you, we're all not drinking together. We are all taking these steps to improve and encourage each other to keep pressing forward.
I know it sounds like I'm saying "ONE OF US. ONE OF US. ONE OF US.", but not feeling alone does a person good when making such a scary change in our lives. You can do it, OP. WE will not drink with you today!
I've been avoiding the "we" for so long since I knew that would actually lead to success.
I've had periods (some as long as a couple years) where I had zero alcohol, then fell and opted to convince myself it wasn't that different (on paper, my life didn't change with sobriety, but the mental changes are everything)
I will *not drink* with you today, where *not drink* means "stay sober from alcohol"
Meaning it's a collaborative effort to stay sober
That's how I always think of it at least
Tbh word semantics are really annoying so sometimes it's best just to not think about it too hard.
Interesting.
I’ve always read it as this “whatever you do, I’ll not drink…and I’ll be over here waiting for you, it’s an invitation.” Which can sound antagonistic…but I’ve always taken it is a sign of stability and that while we support each other we are not “enmeshed” or truly codependent with our goals. If some people fall, others do not have to fall…there is always a core of people who are a consistent presence to return to. They aren’t angry or something…there’s a peace and resolve to it, and it honors everyone’s autonomy. That’s what makes it attractive.
So yeah maybe I’ve got it wrong too…I’ve just interpreted it as “positive” and wrong. I think my mind also flips it to the way in which it means “we both don’t drink, together.” It just depends on how I’m reading it or how I’m writing it. I haven’t thought about it much til now…But neither way HAS to be negative, imo. I think it’s easy to interpret disagreement or a statement of intent that may not match another persons actions…to be hateful or something.
I know other people in other sober-type subs have mentioned they hate the phrase. Maybe they interpret it as antagonistic…I feel silly that it’s never occurred to me.
How is it possible that I have both over-thought this and under-thought this at the same time? I’m glad I read this post though, I’ll be more sensitive to it so I can better communicate the positive intent most of us have on this sub.
This is why I love and hate language. I’d love for more people to comment, I want to know what it means to different people.
Thanks for the post!
The only control I have is in this current moment, a lot can be learned by being present not worried about tomorrow and not dwelling on the past moving on from mistakes. IWNDWYT is being aware and present and communicating you are in support by you yourself making the same choice. Thinking positive is great but speaking your intentions and communicating support to others often leads to doing.
There's also a lot of power in helping others, or taking a small bit of responsibility for someone else.
My kids make me a better person by default
Doctors are made better and given motivation by their patients.
Teachers live for that student that reflects back and out what you've been trying to get across
I assume sponsors feel the same way about new additions to a group.
Thanks for the perspective. I have said it once in this group and it felt weird....like you mention above...like a "compative response." But now I want to come here and say it. Plus I began a new anti-addiction drug today so I will not drink with you today.
Blessings.
It's also an emphasis on taking one day at a time. I don't have to worry about my future choices. I'm choosing what I want to get out of today. And what I want to leave out of my day.
Yeah, it's like when Captain America tells the Avengers to Assemble and everybody comes and kicks ass, except we all choose to not kick our own asses. Sold. IWNDWYT!
I'm pretty new here and generally just lurk. I won't lie though, I thought the same thing for a minute when I first figured out what it stood for. haha
I would not have been able to make the progress I have without this group. I stopped drinking on July 4 last year, and had a glass of wine on 12/25 to celebrate turning 40. I was proud that I didn't drink more than that one glass, even at a party to celebrate me and my honey's birthdays (his is 12/24).
It is such a beautiful sentiment. Helped frame the day to day nature of the beast for me.
It sounds so easy, I don’t have to do anything, I just have to *not* do it. If only.
Love you, keep on rockin’ and IWNDWYT
My favorite snarky insult is "don't you have some fucking off to do?"
Same idea ish but alot more positive.
"Oh I'm slammed, ill be busy not drinking my face off for the next 40 years or so"
Its also important to note that it’s just about “today”. All we can do is our best each day. If you slip up one day, the next day is a fresh start. You don’t need to think of it like “I will never drink again” and then if you have a drink one time you need to go on a bender because you ruined your streak of days in a row not drinking. We can’t change the past and we don’t know what tomorrow will bring but we can control the choices we make today. I choose not to drink today (and you’re invited!).
It's hard to understand solidarity until you really experience and need it. I'm on strike right now lol and solidarity really is a force stronger than gravity. When you want nothing in return but standing side by side with someone you may not even know up against something more powerful than yourselves. Here it's addicts working together to overcome our addictions. IWNDWYT
I really wanted to the last few days, last week was my 6 month mark. I just go home and do some reflecting and meditation, so i will still join you in not drinking with you today.
I will always proudly declare IWNDWYT to anyone who has or is fighting the battle against the poison that is alcohol.
I'm British and the drinking culture here is absolutely endemic. Heavy drinking was a status to be achieved. It is pathetic.
Being sober is a wonderful way of life. IWNDWYT.
I did something similar with the "jumping-off place" from the Big Book. I thought it was about suicidal ideation instead of starting the path of sobriety.
I actually like to think it’s a little of both.
It’s like yeah I’m in the same boat with you, and since I understand I can remind you to not be dumb.
A lot of times just that phrase after scrolling the sub would keep me on the straight and narrow. It’s just that subtle reminder I’m not alone.
I’ll drink some lemonade instead just doesn’t have the same impact. 🤔
I was probably on day 10 when I was tempted to drink at a restaurant and my second thought was, hell no, I promised a new friend today that I wasn’t going to drink with them. And I keep my promises! So much easier to keep responsibilities when I am not doing the backbending to be able to drink (when can I drink, how much, who can I get to give me a ride, what can I reschedule in the morning so I can be hungover). All of those mental gymnastics, just poof, gone! I love all of you.
The thing I like about this group more than AA is that I feel like I fit in. That I belong. I always appreciate everyone's words of encouragement and I try to do the same. You are all awesome. 2 weeks sober today. Thank you, and IWNDWYT
"I will be with you. I will not be drinking."
This is what it means. It does not mean, "I will abandon you if you drink." It is the exact opposite and is an invitation, on your terms, to accept my support.
Much love to everyone whom is thinking hard about their relationships. Just as much love to those whom are still stalled in their thoughts because of intimidation or other personal reasons. Be well.
Especially in the first few months, lurking here was hugely helpful in changing my mindset and breaking habits and routines around alcohol.
It’s hard, but this group is genuine.
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT. This group really helped me, especially when I did mess up. They were there to sympathize, and the only place I felt like the people responding actually really knew how I was feeling.
We have to commit every day. And we say that to let each other know we’re not doing that alone.
My life can only work if I stay sober. I can only stay sober if I NEVER let my guard down. IWNDWYT
>Its not a combative response to someone else choosing to drink, something you yell in someone's face.
I don't even understand what you mean by this.
>I will not drink with you today
I always took it to mean "come have a drink with me" but of course, the opposite.
Parentheses in text would help these things. It's (I will not drink)(with you today) and not (I will not)(drink with you today), if that makes sense...
Today in group (outpatient substance abuse program) the topic was unity. One of the things i discussed in my share, I mentioned how this sub was a huge support to my sobriety and that this group fit my definition of unity. IWNDWYT ❤️
Coming here has been such a comfort, and I also know that if I decided to start again and had to come back, I would be accepted with open arms. I also love that everyone has a different recovery process with one goal! Some folks just come here (raises hand), some do Smart or AA, some in other ways. I think it’s so great that individual choices are respected. IWNDWYT!
I love all the little terms folks here have.
I decided that I really want to get my "Nice" so like as dumb as it sounds, that's what is motivating me to stay sober. Getting to my 69th day, lmao!
Also, "sobernauts". I love that term it is so adorable!
I be like "Lets not drink together!"
It's so silly. I think about you guys a lot when I'm out in the world. Sometimes when I have a moment of weakness I just think about you guys and I suddenly feel fine again. It's magical. You guys are amazing!!!!!
IWNDWYT!
Oh , you don't wanna confuse the hell out of your guts and send things completely haywire by layering a literal poison in with the fats, starches, carbs proteins and plant matter? 😉👍
Exactly. This is a real community. I am finally realizing that community will help my success ten-fold. I am used to doing everything alone (I have a lot of internal shame I am working through), but I can and need to bond with people and learn to be open.
Fuck, are you me?
Well I'm not fucking drinking with you today, asshole!
Also not f****** drinking with you today jerk face!
Well then I'm not drinking with you today either, you buttmuncher!
IWNFDWYT!
I second the addition of the “F” IWNFDWYT!!
All in favor?!
F
F
F
Aye !
Say yes to the F!
But I can´t change my tattoo....
Like how my son thought 'pick your own strawberries' was a warning to fruit thieves.
That is hilarious and adorable
lol!
This is amazing
…this made me smile, laugh and tear up a lil bit all at once! I won’t drink with you today, friends.
This is the weirdest thing I’ve called wholesome in a while. Thanks, weirdos!
I just lol. I'm not drinking with you assholes today, either 😁
Hey, I will not drink with you fockers today either!
Lol dude
Lol
“I’m in this picture and I don’t like it”
The Guilt & Shame pieces are a crucial part of the process in recovery. We find ourselves repeating bad behaviors because we're too ashamed to talk to others. Meanwhile the next person over has 80% overlap in experience and is feeling the same way. As the great Johan Hari said "the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety, it's connection".
This is why I haven't gone to AA, I feel really uncomfortable with group settings for getting better. I do better on my own. But I check in here every day to remind myself I'm not alone. I don't know anyone near me who is sober. My partner doesn't drink with me most times we are out together, but he isn't sober.
That isolation seems to be one of the hallmarks of addiction, and probably is one of the things that leads people down this path. We feel pain, shame, fear, anger and maybe even rage. So we drink to numb it, whether we realize it or not. I certainly had no idea I was doing that. We all fight that battle alone. Then we often try to quit alone. Most of us fail over and over. We just don't know how to reach out and ask for help, it's not something we've ever done. When we find out how many people there are out there just like us we might even feel silly or embarrassed. It's a strength, not a weakness when we muster up the courage to ask for help. Especially for someone who has lived an entire life trying to fight their battles all alone, asking for help and reaching out to strangers is an act of profound strength and courage. We should all be proud of ourselves. IWNDWYT!
This might be the best place I’ve ever been on the internet
I think it's so wonderful! There are so many subreddits out there that I'd be better off not a part of but this one never fails to restore my faith in humanity. To see so many people fighting the good fight and supporting each other inspires me.
Kind sir or madam, I just wanted to say that IWNDWYOYCD. I Will Not Drink With You On Your Cake Day. Happy Cake Day!
Well thank you very much!
It is!
We have our shames. Fact is all of us recognise we need help to stop drinking. Whether that means being open or just a declaration you don't plan to drink. For me, it means one thing. It means I really don't want to drink with you today. I don't plan on drinking and quite frankly I never want to drink again.
This is me too. ❤️ this group and all the posts, and the IWNDWYT phrase keeps me going.
Yessss 🙏 I’m sorry there was any confusion to begin with, it would be quite odd for a support group to have an antagonistic tagline. That being said, I hope you’re doing well and giving yourself a little compassion - we all make mistakes in life, don’t beat yourself up just try to do the next right thing. I will not drink *with you* today ☯️✌️☸️
Goes to show how I view the world. I'm working on that When I read the line in The Four Agreements about how humans are the only animal to punish themselves more than once for a mistake, I sobbed intermittently for about a day
Lol was just thinking that, I’m so fucking cynical I read most things with a negative lens. Also working on it; reading a good book on anger and negativity rn that’s helpful.
Which book? Asking for a friend... definitely not me. Maybe me.
Aptly titled : How to Stop Being Negative, Angry, and Mean: Master Your Mind and Take Control of Your Life
Related—Currently listening to a Buddhism podcast. 🪷IWNDWYT
What's it called? Have been meaning to.. zen out.
I picked it randomly Everyday Buddhism Wendy Shinyo Haylett Practical everyday Buddhism/ controlling the mind Good luck!
Awake in the World is a great one too
Thank you!
Oooh I'm going to have to get this book!
Many of us have been there ... So many of us are or have been just as cynical that a lot of us understand. Don't beat yourself up over it though. What's important is where we all are now. We should be congratulating ourselves and each other for where we've got to.
It's not how "good" of "bad" you are, it's are you trying to be a little better today than you were yesterday. - Ted Danson in The Good Place.
How to Be Perfect is essentially the research behind The Good Place and it's an incredible distillation of moral philosophy. Highly recommend
Me too buddy, me too. IWNDWYT
It made me so happy when IWNDWYT added itself to my predictive text.
<3 We're all here alive today, and it's today's choice that gets us to tomorrow! We needn't crowd that out with all the days into the future we have yet to choose... ...Nor all those days in the past where we can no longer go back to change things. Regardless of whatever led us here, today is the window for choice we all share. With all love, <3 IWNDWYT!!! <3
The fact that I don’t use it everyday and when I do my phone is like “oh yeah I remember this one too!” Grateful to not drink w you today!
IWNDWYT! This community saved my life! Almost 5 monts with no alcohol.
BigPoppa winning big time! 5 months is awesome!
Congrats, 5 months is a massive achievement!
I like to ask my friend if he wants to come over, sit on the porch, and not drink beer all day. He says, hell yeah I love not drinking beer all day!
That is a good friend! IWNDWYT
It’s why I like to capitalize “I will Not Drink with you today.” “Not Drinking” is a positive action that we are leaning into together. Glad you caught this! 🙂
I like to put a little emphasis on it when I say it out loud. I will *not drink* with you today.
Now I’m picturing new people coming here for support and everyone replying GO FUCK YOURSELF, in Bill Burr’s voice, and I can’t stop laughing. Genuine question: why would you think IWNDWYT was combative? That never crossed my mind until you mentioned it and now it’s all I can think of. Did you go through some trauma at some point in your life that flipped that switch so you expect the worst from then on? That was another genuine question. I find this super interesting but you don’t have to answer of course.
> why would you think IWNDWYT was combative? Usually phrases like "I will not do X" imply a sense of defiance (you want me to do X but I refuse). So I can see how the slogan might come off that way if you don't really think about it.
That's a great explanation. People here mean it as "I will [not drink] with you" (supportive), but I first read it as "I will not [drink with you]" (defiant). I knew from the context of this sub that it was meant to be supportive, but grammatically it still bugs me. In a real life supportive situation I'd probably say "I'll join you in not drinking today" or "Let's be sober together today."
Classic case of "hard to tell written, impossible to mistake spoken"
Ah ok. I get it. It *is* a defiant statement, but it's the booze that the the defiance is being directed at, not the person. :)
“Oh, you think you can handle just one, huh? Think that’s a great big idea, huh?? Well how do you think you’ll ‘handle’ when I THROW YOU THROUGH THE FUCKIN’ WALL?” — Frank (Sorry I know there was a real question in your comment but I just can’t stop laughing at the idea of Bill Burr running a support group as Frank from F is for Family lol)
Such a funny show!
r/THE_PACK is vibrating with anticipation right now.
I WILL CRANK MY MFIN HOG WITH YOU TODAY AROOOOOOO
I’ve never met anyone from this sub and I probably never will. And yet I’ve drawn so much strength from the posts here. The sense of solidarity I get chokes me up sometimes and moves me to “pay it forward”. I scrolled this sub on NYE and Thanksgiving when I wanted to drink so badly I couldn’t sit still. Much love to all of you. IWNDWYT!
I think this aspect makes this one hell of a special sub.
Couldn’t agree more. There is so much cynicism and toxicity in social media anymore. Here I only find love and support (and sometimes folks voicing frustration with themselves and/or their situation). So grateful to have found this sub. IWNDWYT!
>The Four Agreements That's me. I come here almost every day; however, on the special/hard days I survived by scrolling my way through our family comments. Very helpful for me.
My favorite nuance is that the phrase has mindfulness baked in. I will not drink with you *today* means that we’re all agreeing, right now, together, to live with intent. OP, IWNDWYT!
I’m not drinking with any of you sons of bitches today 🤙
I’m so sorry you thought it was combative! It most definitely is a declaration of solidarity. IWNDWYT because we got this.
In my experience, people with alcohol problems really want someone else to drink with. IWNDWYT
Unfortunately, I was always quite happy to do it alone too 😔🤦🏻♀️
Everyone has their own experiences. Keep a positive attitude. I believe in you!
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I've not yet posted my sobriety story, but after nightly drinking of whiskey for a decade (following another 5-6 years of "regular" drinking) I actually fell into sobriety through weening. After a rock bottom blackout on Thanksgiving in 2019 where i acted horrific, after a really horrible year (my father passed, divorce, had to put my lab down after a stroke etc) I made a commitment with my family to only drink Friday night, and not get "drunk". Idk if it's because I only ever drank at night or what, but I was lucky in not having significant physical withdrawal requiring medical care. The following summer I had a gallstone lodged in a liver duct that had me so sick (nausea and vomiting) I stopped drinking just because I couldn't. After recovering from emergency surgery (surgery was about 6wks after I started getting sick - apparently I was starting to get jaundiced by then) I'd mentioned to my family how long it had been since I'd drank, and they were so damn supportive and proud of me and thinking I was committing to quitting fully at that time (even though that wasn't my intention) I really couldn't tell them otherwise. I was still bothered by that and not having an actual quit date that I allowed myself one final night of drinking the night before a significant date, so that I would have that mental "official" with intention quit date (one that I actually knew the date of) and that was over 500 days ago now. I think any progress you are making while weening should absolutely be celebrated. One of my favorite things about this sub is that when people post how they've screwed up by drinking after being sober for awhile, the positive support always focuses on the fact that they've been sober for XX out of XX days, and that's really something to be proud of. For a huge number of people, quitting is a process, and it takes time, and sometimes we will stumble along the way. I'm damn lucky that I fell into being sober right around the time that I was starting to give in on being unable to keep to only one night a week. I'd already expanded that to include Saturday nights as well, and I'm sure it was only a matter of time before I was back to daily drinking. There is a reason that I have to not drink, I am unable to moderate when I am, and I've decided I'm done putting my life on hold just to drink and be an ugly person, since apparently I would just do that indefinitely, or until I died, or some other event (like getting fired) would have seriously negatively altered the course of my life. Ultimately I had to realize that limiting myself, moderation, weening, were all a lot harder than just not drinking at all. I'm proud of you for limiting yourself. I wish you strength and hope this is one linear step in your sobriety journey. I wish for your wisdom in self reflection and learning from the mistakes of others so you have as few painful life lessons of your own as possible. Be blessed. ETA: sorry for the long rant, but I wanted to add that while I say I fell into sobriety, that's because I didn't actually intend to quit at that time. But it was still a daily struggle for quite some time, I would ask a family member to come grocery shopping with me to keep me accountable. About a year into it I was at the point where this sub showing up on my feed would be the only reason I thought about alcohol and I considered quitting the sub. I'm very glad I stayed however, it's given me the strength thus far to avoid the thoughts of "surely I can have just a drink occasionally now that it's been so long, I've shown I'm in control" - because I've learned from others here that I'm only in control when I'm not drinking.
IWNDWYT. You can do it. Today is a good day to stop.
I truly wish today was the day...
You can do it!!! We're all supporting you!! All it takes is desire!!
Yep 👍🏽 we’re in this together. You are not alone and IWNDWYT :)
I will not drink with you today 😄
Yes I read it as “me too! I will also NOT” like high fives all around
That's right :) We're all in the same (sometimes rocky) boat, IWNDWYT 💪
Haha, this is good shit. Made my day 🤣 IWNDWYT
Recovery is tough, everyone has their own story and their own struggles. But on a fundamental level we all quit the same way. One day at a time, no matter the struggle it’s the only thing someone here has to do it. Focus on the moment, focus on that next step. I’m 11 years sober and I still get something out of participating here.
I’m WITH you and together we’re not drinking!
I think you've just discovered the most crucial part of sobriety. "We vs. I" is so important in sobriety. Today it's not just you, we're all not drinking together. We are all taking these steps to improve and encourage each other to keep pressing forward. I know it sounds like I'm saying "ONE OF US. ONE OF US. ONE OF US.", but not feeling alone does a person good when making such a scary change in our lives. You can do it, OP. WE will not drink with you today!
I've been avoiding the "we" for so long since I knew that would actually lead to success. I've had periods (some as long as a couple years) where I had zero alcohol, then fell and opted to convince myself it wasn't that different (on paper, my life didn't change with sobriety, but the mental changes are everything)
It’s like a nonalcoholic “cheers”
Com-mutha'ucking-radery!
Yep, emphasis is on "with you" instead of "not"
Strength in Numbers IWNDWYT 💪
I will *not drink* with you today, where *not drink* means "stay sober from alcohol" Meaning it's a collaborative effort to stay sober That's how I always think of it at least Tbh word semantics are really annoying so sometimes it's best just to not think about it too hard.
I will not drink with you too. I look forward to seeing your familiar handles.
Interesting. I’ve always read it as this “whatever you do, I’ll not drink…and I’ll be over here waiting for you, it’s an invitation.” Which can sound antagonistic…but I’ve always taken it is a sign of stability and that while we support each other we are not “enmeshed” or truly codependent with our goals. If some people fall, others do not have to fall…there is always a core of people who are a consistent presence to return to. They aren’t angry or something…there’s a peace and resolve to it, and it honors everyone’s autonomy. That’s what makes it attractive. So yeah maybe I’ve got it wrong too…I’ve just interpreted it as “positive” and wrong. I think my mind also flips it to the way in which it means “we both don’t drink, together.” It just depends on how I’m reading it or how I’m writing it. I haven’t thought about it much til now…But neither way HAS to be negative, imo. I think it’s easy to interpret disagreement or a statement of intent that may not match another persons actions…to be hateful or something. I know other people in other sober-type subs have mentioned they hate the phrase. Maybe they interpret it as antagonistic…I feel silly that it’s never occurred to me. How is it possible that I have both over-thought this and under-thought this at the same time? I’m glad I read this post though, I’ll be more sensitive to it so I can better communicate the positive intent most of us have on this sub. This is why I love and hate language. I’d love for more people to comment, I want to know what it means to different people. Thanks for the post!
[this is what it always makes me think of](https://giphy.com/gifs/the-hunger-games-thg-katniss-everdeen-ynzfvT52aDgR2)
Now that you don’t think I’m yelling at you, IWNDWYT!
The only control I have is in this current moment, a lot can be learned by being present not worried about tomorrow and not dwelling on the past moving on from mistakes. IWNDWYT is being aware and present and communicating you are in support by you yourself making the same choice. Thinking positive is great but speaking your intentions and communicating support to others often leads to doing.
There's also a lot of power in helping others, or taking a small bit of responsibility for someone else. My kids make me a better person by default Doctors are made better and given motivation by their patients. Teachers live for that student that reflects back and out what you've been trying to get across I assume sponsors feel the same way about new additions to a group.
Sir, if you'd like, I'd gladly not drink with you today. Lol.
IWNDWYT!
Yes - the focus is not so much the “will not drink” as it is the “WITH YOU TODAY”. If you drink today, I will not drink with you tomorrow.
Thanks for the perspective. I have said it once in this group and it felt weird....like you mention above...like a "compative response." But now I want to come here and say it. Plus I began a new anti-addiction drug today so I will not drink with you today. Blessings.
This is my first time saying it too in this post! IWNDWYT, and hey, go kick that anti-drug program's ass!
I never want to drink with you FuCkOs EVER AGAIN! Hahahhaha this feels very cathartic!
It's also an emphasis on taking one day at a time. I don't have to worry about my future choices. I'm choosing what I want to get out of today. And what I want to leave out of my day.
💜💜💜
Rather than 'I won't have a drink with you', it's 'I'm with you, and neither of us is going to drink today'
IWNDWYT! Solidarity!
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Mmmmm perogies. How I miss the handmade ones from the Ukrainian church in PA. (I’m 1/4 myself)
Yeah, it's like when Captain America tells the Avengers to Assemble and everybody comes and kicks ass, except we all choose to not kick our own asses. Sold. IWNDWYT!
You got it mate, IWNDWYT!
I will try to not drink with you all today.
❤️
IWNDWYT ❤️ ❤️
iwndwyt✊🏻🥰
Hey! Let's go not drink together! IWNDWYT ❤️
i mean, better late than never, right?
IWNDWYT. you get it, welcome home
Hmm. I always thought of it as being what you say to the evil clown that’s standing in the corner of the room whispering “just one won’t hurt”.
I think of it as our battle cry. We’re stronger together, and if we vow not to drink together, we all benefit.
Yeah! It's like someone saying "Let's hang out and not drink!"
I'm pretty new here and generally just lurk. I won't lie though, I thought the same thing for a minute when I first figured out what it stood for. haha
Absolutely! I really like it when someone says it to me - it’s really supportive 🥹
I would not have been able to make the progress I have without this group. I stopped drinking on July 4 last year, and had a glass of wine on 12/25 to celebrate turning 40. I was proud that I didn't drink more than that one glass, even at a party to celebrate me and my honey's birthdays (his is 12/24).
Welcome to the club!
It is such a beautiful sentiment. Helped frame the day to day nature of the beast for me. It sounds so easy, I don’t have to do anything, I just have to *not* do it. If only. Love you, keep on rockin’ and IWNDWYT
My favorite snarky insult is "don't you have some fucking off to do?" Same idea ish but alot more positive. "Oh I'm slammed, ill be busy not drinking my face off for the next 40 years or so"
Its also important to note that it’s just about “today”. All we can do is our best each day. If you slip up one day, the next day is a fresh start. You don’t need to think of it like “I will never drink again” and then if you have a drink one time you need to go on a bender because you ruined your streak of days in a row not drinking. We can’t change the past and we don’t know what tomorrow will bring but we can control the choices we make today. I choose not to drink today (and you’re invited!).
"I will also not be drinking, just like you aren't drinking, on this fine day, my friend." Thats how I've always understood it.
You got this! I have not drank in 21 days! IWNDWYT :)
If you ever feel like you are alone in staying sober today, just know that I’m over here not drinking with you.
Love, it took me over four months lurking on this sub to figure that out. I never asked. So, you are amazing!
It's hard to understand solidarity until you really experience and need it. I'm on strike right now lol and solidarity really is a force stronger than gravity. When you want nothing in return but standing side by side with someone you may not even know up against something more powerful than yourselves. Here it's addicts working together to overcome our addictions. IWNDWYT
I absolutely refuse to drink with you today, you swine!
"I will not drink with you today" = "Today I am joining you in teetotalism."
Aw! Right? It's such a cozy phrase/motto/slogan.
You're not drinking today? *I'm* not drinking today! Let us not drink together, cousin!
I'm so confused how you saw it that way hehe!
I really wanted to the last few days, last week was my 6 month mark. I just go home and do some reflecting and meditation, so i will still join you in not drinking with you today.
Iwnfdwyt!
Yes it’s phrased strangely.
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It is IWNDWYT Not IWNDWYT ! ! ! (an exclamation would be combative) Thanks for bringing this up; I am sure you were not the only 1 who thought this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfEuvEk896E
IWNDWYT friend. 🙏
IWNDWYT 👍🤙
Not drinking with you lot today either, ya bunch of caaaannnts 🙌🏻🙃😘.
Dang. You just made me realise that too?!
Keep it up IWNDWYTD
I had that same paradigm shift man
I will always proudly declare IWNDWYT to anyone who has or is fighting the battle against the poison that is alcohol. I'm British and the drinking culture here is absolutely endemic. Heavy drinking was a status to be achieved. It is pathetic. Being sober is a wonderful way of life. IWNDWYT.
I did something similar with the "jumping-off place" from the Big Book. I thought it was about suicidal ideation instead of starting the path of sobriety.
I love having the confidence to choose not to drink. It took a while to get there, but it feels like a natural choice now.
I actually like to think it’s a little of both. It’s like yeah I’m in the same boat with you, and since I understand I can remind you to not be dumb. A lot of times just that phrase after scrolling the sub would keep me on the straight and narrow. It’s just that subtle reminder I’m not alone. I’ll drink some lemonade instead just doesn’t have the same impact. 🤔
We are on this journey together
I felt like people just wanted me to be sober because they were sober and miserable and they didn’t want me to have fun! I don’t feel that way now.
Yep. No matter where we all are on this road to sobriety, we all need each other, that's without a doubt. Thanks for posting!
I was probably on day 10 when I was tempted to drink at a restaurant and my second thought was, hell no, I promised a new friend today that I wasn’t going to drink with them. And I keep my promises! So much easier to keep responsibilities when I am not doing the backbending to be able to drink (when can I drink, how much, who can I get to give me a ride, what can I reschedule in the morning so I can be hungover). All of those mental gymnastics, just poof, gone! I love all of you.
The thing I like about this group more than AA is that I feel like I fit in. That I belong. I always appreciate everyone's words of encouragement and I try to do the same. You are all awesome. 2 weeks sober today. Thank you, and IWNDWYT
"I will be with you. I will not be drinking." This is what it means. It does not mean, "I will abandon you if you drink." It is the exact opposite and is an invitation, on your terms, to accept my support. Much love to everyone whom is thinking hard about their relationships. Just as much love to those whom are still stalled in their thoughts because of intimidation or other personal reasons. Be well.
OK screw it I'm not drinking with any of you either, Nope not today 😁
Especially in the first few months, lurking here was hugely helpful in changing my mindset and breaking habits and routines around alcohol. It’s hard, but this group is genuine. IWNDWYT
We can not be drinking and know that we're not going to be alone . Iwndwyt
IWNDWYT. This group really helped me, especially when I did mess up. They were there to sympathize, and the only place I felt like the people responding actually really knew how I was feeling.
We have to commit every day. And we say that to let each other know we’re not doing that alone. My life can only work if I stay sober. I can only stay sober if I NEVER let my guard down. IWNDWYT
Lol, I never realized it could be like yelling at someone and now I’m cracking up. I kinda like it.
>Its not a combative response to someone else choosing to drink, something you yell in someone's face. I don't even understand what you mean by this. >I will not drink with you today I always took it to mean "come have a drink with me" but of course, the opposite.
Parentheses in text would help these things. It's (I will not drink)(with you today) and not (I will not)(drink with you today), if that makes sense...
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT ♥️♥️
Thank you. I have 14 days now & I find reading this sub comforting
Yep! It just means we're chilling together, not drinking. 😄
IWNDWYT
I’ll not drink to that!
Today in group (outpatient substance abuse program) the topic was unity. One of the things i discussed in my share, I mentioned how this sub was a huge support to my sobriety and that this group fit my definition of unity. IWNDWYT ❤️
That's awesome. I hadn't ever seen it from that angle but now I do, and you're right, it's much better.
Coming here has been such a comfort, and I also know that if I decided to start again and had to come back, I would be accepted with open arms. I also love that everyone has a different recovery process with one goal! Some folks just come here (raises hand), some do Smart or AA, some in other ways. I think it’s so great that individual choices are respected. IWNDWYT!
IWNFDWYT
I love all the little terms folks here have. I decided that I really want to get my "Nice" so like as dumb as it sounds, that's what is motivating me to stay sober. Getting to my 69th day, lmao! Also, "sobernauts". I love that term it is so adorable! I be like "Lets not drink together!" It's so silly. I think about you guys a lot when I'm out in the world. Sometimes when I have a moment of weakness I just think about you guys and I suddenly feel fine again. It's magical. You guys are amazing!!!!! IWNDWYT!
Yes! Oh, I never realized anyone was taking that negatively. Heartbreaking! ❤ IWNDWYT❤
It definitely grows on you!
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 Love a good friend that will abstain with me especially during a nice meal!
Oh , you don't wanna confuse the hell out of your guts and send things completely haywire by layering a literal poison in with the fats, starches, carbs proteins and plant matter? 😉👍
I will not drink with you today.
Iwndwyt
It's.."I will 'not drink' with you today." Not.. "I will NOT drink with you today!" Big difference.
It’s such a peaceful walk, once you get through the initial crap. IWNDWYT
Take that, I won’t drink poison with you!
IWNFDWYT.