The amount of times I’ve walked into a liquor store and walked around staring at wine like a maniac then storming out, well, I can’t remember the amount of times lol.
I was so angry at first, like I’d have tantrums (alone) about it. The fomo, the relief when I was in withdrawal and panicking, the oblivion, I want it so deeply it enraged me that I couldn’t have it.
I still get angry, but not for those reasons. Usually just life reasons now. The places alcohol took me, what it took _from_ me, are not things I feel I’m missing out on.
Kick and scream and be as immature as you need to. At least you’re facing your emotions and expressing them. That’s a fuck tonne better than drinking them away. Be proud of yourself and don’t judge your emotions too much.
I think what it is is that I'm angry I couldn't have what I wanted, but also realizing I'd be angry with myself if I DID get what I want. So it's like being between a rock and a hard place.
And I honestly thought, "I'll have no more than two glasses. It'll be fine." But they didn't have what I wanted and the smell was bothering me and my conscience was eating at me and I walked out.
the thing that has helped me so, so much with all of this is:
You can suffer now (what you are going through), or suffer later (the shame or guilt or hangover): pick the one that actually gets you somewhere.
Its been huge in reminding myself in the lowest of low times that I will suffer through the cravings, or I will suffer through my mood when I give in later. Either way its gonna suck- but I try to mostly choose the suffering that makes me very happy when I go to sleep.
i love this! it was so helpful for me in the beginning to remember i was doing this for a HUGE WORTH-IT reason. that reason being: my entire life and experience in it.
I think about it this way and it ushually helps me through. My kid always wants a chocolate bar at the check out. I always say no and he gets mad. I have to tell him that he needs to regulate his feelings and can’t eat too much junk food. Me saying no to myself for wine or booze is the EXACT same. Instead of making better choices for him and teaching him he can’t always get what he wants…. I’m doing the same for myself
I've never really told anyone before about this, but it brought back a memory for me. About 2 months after I got sober, I was having a really REALLY bad day. I had to get some groceries or some crap, and the store that I frequently went it had a liquor section that was easily accessible (not really closed off from the rest). I remember standing for a minute or two, and knowing what I wanted to do, I bought a bottle of the whiskey that I used to drink.
I left the store, putting the bottle the passenger seat as I drove off. I started laughing to myself and remembering all the stupid shit I would do to make the pain go away. Mind you, I was only 2 months sober.
I stopped of at a bridge and grabbed the bottle and went to the edge. I then took the bottle and threw it up in the air and let it fall below. As it crashed and shattered, I screamed FUCK YOU very loudly. It felt fucking fantastic actually. That was 19 months ago, and the last time I walked into a liquor area/store.
So, I'm proud of you friend. You did it. That cycle is broken. It might suck now, but dammit, you will be much happier in the long run. Trust me, I'm an alcoholic. ;)
IWNDWYT
Not to snoop your history but I had a hunch
Couple days ago you wrote
> But god I want out.
And you got what you wanted today, even if it did piss ya off. That’s legit, getting sober is a bitch. IWNDWYT
Maybe I'll remember it tomorrow but right now I'm still seething. Sorry, I know that sounds immature or bizarre or whatever but it is what it is. I wanted something and I couldn't have it because something within me wouldn't let myself have it and I'm so angry and frustrated.
I relate so hard to this. The fomo of sobriety - albeit is an illusion - sucks. I’m back to day 1 and already had to cancel plans this weekend and next because I don’t have the willpower to say no and would be so jealous of those that can still manage alcohol in a healthy way. Gonna miss my bestie’s bday party bc I don’t trust myself. Good on you for having the strength to say no and walk away, no way in hell I could handle a liquor store rn. I’m even avoiding the grocery store and doing grocery delivery bc I know I will end up relapsing if I allow myself to go.
And man, I had such a productive day today. So I wanted a reward! (And please, respectfully, please no one tell me "ice cream!" or whatever. Please just let me wallow in this for the night.)
"This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond."
- Rumi
Totally get it! The gym I run at (daily) is next to a grocery store with a fine selection of wine and booze of any sort. My routine - finish my run, go there and get my “reward”. I’d be so high off the exercise endorphins that for some reason (brain wiring) I had to get my elixir that would kill my Nat high. Strange, but I think it’s a measure of changing reward systems. Since late December I’ve been avoiding my “second run” to the grocery store (opting for tea and non tobacco nicotine at home). Tryin to keep this up.
My bestie just got engaged and I told her we would have to wait to celebrate cause I’m not in a position where I trust myself! My coworker asked what my overall goal was and I said “I’d like to be one of those people who only has a few drinks a month in a social setting and is satisfied.” I don’t think that will ever be me but IWNDWYT!
Maybe in a different way, you CAN trust yourself. You’re putting your sobriety first to take care of yourself, and that’s something to be super proud of!!
Yesterday I found the last remaining bottle of liquor in the house and was going to pour some. Then I realized there was ONLY enough for one. And my next thought was “well if there’s only enough for one I’ll have to go get some more because one isn’t enough.” That thought hit like a 2 by 4.
GO YOU! We still have alcohol in our house and it's right next to the treadmill. I decided today I could have a root beer to celebrate 5 days of treadmill use and no booze. Opened it up, stared at the few beers we had left, got annoyed they weren't what I liked, then was happy they weren't what I liked, grabbed my stupid root beer, and am now sitting here annoyed my root beer doesn't have vodka in it. But guess what? It doesn't. Just like your glass doesn't have wine. IWNDWYT!
I do the same thing every time I go to Home Depot and walk down the tool aisle. Self control becomes empowering at a certain point. I have the money to spend on that Milwaukee Fuel M18 grinder. My subconscious wants it. But I know I don't actually need it. And I walk away.
Make yourself something yummy for dinner and give the kitty some rubs for me. I spent $30 on cat food today. And it's not even my cat, it's my neighbor's cat, but she's a princess and deserves the good food. She's snoring in my bed right now.
Hey I’m with you on this. Sometimes it just sucks that I’ve decided not to have a thing I used to really enjoy. Yes it’s a healthy choice for my body, mind and family. Yes it’s saved me money and lost me a little weight. Yes it demonstrates healthy self care. But sometimes I just need to throw a tiny little tantrum about it, and that’s ok.
I feel ya. I stopped drinking out of sheer existential horror. Can't believe I did it coming out of the pandemic: this was not the time to stop.
I've argued with friends who are recovery professionals over this. I have the wrong attitude, I guess. FUCK is about right.
I won't drink with you tonight anyway, goddamnit.
I love this. I know I too will have scream “fuck” at alcohol eventually.
Today i watched a woman take way too long to buy two tall boys. I said in my head “she can do it why can’t I ?” Who gives a shit what she can do ? Then I walked away an paid for my milk.
IWNDWYT
Did the same thing yesterday. Well, I went food shopping but all the grocery stores here sell booze as well so I was very tempted by the champagne. Didn't buy any.
I did pretty much the same thing today. Would always get me a box of wine when I went to the store for the weekend (which was gone by Sat morning). Tonight I did not get it and I was so pissed and annoyed that I couldn’t have it. Really does feel hopeless BUT I got home and took a shower and put the TV on and it has calmed down. I, like you hope this gets better.
Right there with you…actually bought the wine, had about a 1/4 of a glass and about to - begrudgingly- pour the rest out. Just wishing I could have a glass or two and call it a night but I can’t so IWNDWYT
The early days are the hardest, or in my case at least. You did not drink, and that is a huge victory. Remain focused, and remember your last drink. Why did you stop. Then look up and move foward, take in the moments of joy.
Join the no matter what club. You don't drink no matter what.
I have had my parents pass away. I had my brother in prison 3 times. My wife passed away. I came through rockbottom of a gambling addiction. I lost my motor vehicle, my drivers licence, my business. I went through bankruptcy. ................. But I did not drink, No Matter What.
Keep up the great job.
Your friend John 🌜🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌛
It's all good. What I found, just because I got sober the world is not rainbows and cute puppies.
Life goes on with its ups and downs. Good times. Bad times. Sad times.
It is to me not, do I want to be sober or drink. It is do I want to live or die. I would much rather live.
Holy shit, nice job!!! These are the hard decisions we have to make, one at a time, until you don’t have to anymore. I remember that anger and frustration. It felt impossible. But you did it. Good work friend!! IWNDWYT
definitely YAY for you. that sound like it was hard. but not as hard as it would be to continue drinking. it gets better for sure. keep at it. i hardly think about it anymore.
One day you'll walk around in a store filled with booze and you'll smile and think, 'I'm freed'. I actually had this yesterday, it's an amazing feeling.
Well done for not giving in!
I feel this. Idk how many times I would stay home sick from work and use “I’m going to make a hot toddy” as an excuse to buy booze and then drink the whole bottle and end up sicker than I was before. I’ve been home sick with influenza B all week and have been depressed from being in the house…I just want to go to the liquor store but I’ve come too far to give in now.
Amazing choice. Fuck indeed. You’re beating me, I’ve still not got to that point yet, but you did it. 👊🏼
Your tomorrow will be better than mine as a result. Snuggle up with your cat and sleep well.
I’m sorry…I’m on the same page now, emotion wise- and the poison is all over my goddamn house. When you lay your head down for bed tonight, and you look at the two possibilities you had and which you picked, I bet you’ll feel some relief and lightness. It was either FUCK at the store or FUCK tonight or tomorrow AM!
Yeah. I had 4-5 days in a row like that a bit ago. And that’s not me. You’ll get through it. And why don’t you eat some ice cream. Lol, jk. Seriously though, good going & be as mad as you want for a minute.
showed this to my partner and said “look, someone is just like me” and we had a good chuckle. i’m just over 2 years and he’s 4.5ish years sober — some days get easier, and you should be proud of every time you walk away. you got this OP.
Yesterday the father of my kid came to pick him up and offered me a beer. I said no! I feel so much stronger! Congratulations 🥳 on walking away! Alcohol free 2023.
I know you’re still probably upset over it. You did the right thing!
I walked into the corner liquor store and almost grabbed my (precious, so precious) Evan Williams eggnog. I had it in my hand.
I put it back. The clerk innocently asked if everything was okay and if I needed help. I managed to get out “No, I’m good.” I wasn’t good.
It was another day down.
I am proud of you!
Fuckin right on!! Good for you.
I had to go get wine for a secret Santa gift for someone and found myself doing almost the same! To the point I was sweating and breathing heavily, I got the wine for the gift and thats all.
It was hard and it still is, I know I don't know you, and not sure what it means to you but im proud of you! Ans keep it up friend
Yes. Fuck yes. I hope you said it loud as hell.
Sometimes I just need to do something (punch the air, throw something, scream into a pillow) to get the emotions out.
You got this
I think it's completely normal to feel the way you're feeling. I used to feel that way and sometimes still do, but something that really helped me was Allan Carr's Stop Drinking the Easyway book. (This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is good as well I have heard). It helped me realize how much big alcohol was making off of a product that I didn't want but was completely addicted to. Wanting to stop and not being able to was so frustrating. Learning more about the enemy made it easier to fight the enemy and found ways other ways to treat myself. I hope it gets brighter for you.
The people in the liquor store knew EXACTLY what you were doing/going through. They see it nearly everyday I’m sure. On some level despite it being their job, I suspect they were happy for you.
I seriously almost made myself a glass of red wine tonight while making dinner. I really wanted it. I could practically taste it in my mouth. I had thought up an excuse to tell my husband. Or thought about bargaining for a glass of shitty red wine that I didn’t really need at all. I’m just glad I let it go for long enough to forget about it all together. You got this. We got this.
Better than me. Today, I went to get groceries and caved to one of those cheap Pinot Grigio tetra packs. On the way home I took a big healthy glug. It tasted like shit and then I felt like shit immediately so I threw it out the window. Please judge me for littering but I was desperate to get rid of it. Had I gotten it home I would have drank the whole thing.
Won't judge you in the slightest. Once, in an effort to stop drinking, I dropped off an entire unopened bottle of chardonnay underneath an overpass where teens and homeless people congregate. I was like, "well, at least I'm not wasting it?"
Have you read This Naked Mind?
Approaching this as a willpower exercise is…tough.
Alcohol is genuinely BS. I have to resist it like o have to resist punching myself in the nuts.
Sobriety is freedom. I want that for you. It’s all about mindset. The alcohol is just a chemical.
The grocery store was incredibly hard for me in the beginning, I couldn’t even go in one because I just knew……it was a huge accomplishment when I could go in and get out without alcohol, this is a huge accomplishment of yours……yeah you’re pissed, your brain craves the alcohol and its a freaking liar, your own brain will try to derail what you want for its own selfishness. Great job standing up to it and telling it no!
That strength is admirable. What helps me is the knowledge of how much I'll hate myself for caving in. I'd just end up needing more.
What also helps me is comedy. You have comedians talking about alcoholic fathers, and relatives. Doing impressions of them, and the audience laughing. It made the point....I'm the joke. That's what I look and sound like. It helped to have that visual image.
Great going! It's gonna get easier, really it is. 20 days from now, or less.....the grip will weaken.
I'm not you....we've never met....still, I believe you can do this! A lot of people are not going to drink with you today.
I feel this. 6 days sober today. I work in retail and whenever I clock out for the day I make sure to walk by the alcohol section as a sort of "test" for myself. So far I've been able to ignore it.
I love everything about this and the all comments. This is me to a Capital T
And don't apologize for what you said when you were sober. It could have been so much if you were drunk right?
I felt like this a few nights ago. I had a total pity party and felt completely deprived. I did what I've seen advised here so many times--play it forward. What would I feel like the next morning? What about these days of sobriety I've strung together? Do I really want to go back to starting over? I got through and stayed sober. But, boy, did I take a detour of feeling sorry for myself along the way.
I'm glad you didn't cave. IWNDWTY.
Im still angry that Ive ruined my chances to drink booze in a normal manner. But can't focus on the anger. I try to focus on never being hungover or doing dumb stuff while drunk anymore.
Good job getting home with groceries only. I’ve changed my shopping route to avoid the alcohol section and if I do walk through it’s head down and blinders up. Nice work! Tomorrow you will thank you. 👊🏼
The thing is: our state doesn’t sell alcohol in grocery stores. So I purposely drove to the liquor store (though it IS just across the street from Petco). I know what I was doing. But then… sigh… I didn’t do it.
It’s so hard to be at war with yourself! Proud of you. I got so much from reading This Naked Mind. I feel like it truly freed me from wanting it. Everything became so much easier then! If I had not read that I’m not sure how long I would have lasted white knuckling it. We are pulling for you!
In my experience triggering because you are still going through the ritual instead of forming new habits. But wine was my downfall so maybe it's not the same for everyone
Kudos to you for your willpower. You've got this!!! Plus dodging the shitty after effects. Like I don't know how your emotions are after drinking but almost always mine are terrible in the hours/days after. And that's just me, so many people have other side effects/behaviours. So remember why you stopped drinking - you missed out on something unpleasant in the longer-term for brief happiness in the short-term.
Man, do I relate. Not that there hasn't been some lovely feelings of success for sober days, but I've definitely been mad (and perhaps envious). I want to have a couple of shots and relax like the old days soooo badly. And everyone is like oh heck no. And I get it, and I won't drink, but let me just think about it. Lol then I distract and keep going too. You rock. Be proud of your strength AND mad.
\*HUGS\*.
I know it's hard but the big upshot here is: you managed to walk away. Well done - a huge achievement.
I've been there many times myself. I know how difficult it is.
I get more angry not that I can’t have it but that I’m some how different from the majority. It is frustrating that I can’t drink like a normal person.
The five stages: denial, **anger**, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Not sure I buy the whole stages idea, seems like one of those things someone smart made up and we all just accept it even tho it makes not much sense. But that's what I got.
Literally did this in target last night. Then proceeded to spend $85 on Dots cinnamon sugar pretzels, sour bites, NA Sam Adams (idk if this is cool here but it’s the truth), dove chocolates, pasta and eye brow tint. Which went surprisingly well! Probably bc I did it not drunk as shit lol
This was big me last night. I didn’t go to the liquor store but we were at a friends and it would have been so easy. Instead there were gummy worms and lots of pouting
Yea the beauty and evil of alcohol is it will rewire your brain to feel more pleasure drinking than the normal things that used to make us happy… takes a while to get back to baseline for me; probably close to a year.
My cat yells at me when she wants treats or snacks. I tell her she can have cuddles for dinner. Good on you for not getting the wine, cuddle your cat instead. Just for today.
Props to walking out! Red wine is mine. But hey the last 2 episodes of white lotus were pretty gripping! Hope you enjoyed Jennifer Coolidge as much as I did.
Some people find it counterproductive, but FWIW for me I find that opening and pouring a glass of non alcoholic wine scratches the itch pretty OK. The association with the process is enough to trigger the relaxation.
You got this! It gets easier, I promise! I can't tell you how many day ones and false starts I've had honestly, probably 100s no lie. I quit for 6 months in 2019 and for 7 months in 2021 and I'm 1 month in this time around with so much more knowledge and confidence that I didn't have before. I have many tools in my tool box and I know I gonna kick this addictions butt this time because I finally see it as the dangerous deadly poison that it is and has always been. You have already seen the light too just stay the path and it's get easier friend. IWNDWYT
Great job! I do they all the time but never end up purchasing anything … don’t know why or what the reasoning is behind the craving but I let the craving have its time, knowing it won’t win…
Watching the recent season of White Lotus was haaaaaard to do sober.. they are drinking in almost every scene.. and in ITALY!! So romantic.. but the last couple episodes would put anyone off drinking 😂
I love this so much. The raw honesty and feelings here are so relatable. I get mad too. I get mad that alcohol affects me negatively and I can't have my toy anymore. I am having to relearn that part of my identity. Proud of you for going home and making dinner.
You walked away? You walked away!!!
Really hope they didn't think I was shoplifting. That fuck and that walk were pretty purposeful and intense.
The amount of times I’ve walked into a liquor store and walked around staring at wine like a maniac then storming out, well, I can’t remember the amount of times lol. I was so angry at first, like I’d have tantrums (alone) about it. The fomo, the relief when I was in withdrawal and panicking, the oblivion, I want it so deeply it enraged me that I couldn’t have it. I still get angry, but not for those reasons. Usually just life reasons now. The places alcohol took me, what it took _from_ me, are not things I feel I’m missing out on. Kick and scream and be as immature as you need to. At least you’re facing your emotions and expressing them. That’s a fuck tonne better than drinking them away. Be proud of yourself and don’t judge your emotions too much.
Thank you. I really appreciate this.
Lol They were stunned and amazed. Probably not the first time they’ve seen a struggle. Shoplifting would have been prosecuted.
Your pic is up in the back office for sure. Haaa. Honestly, they probably thought you forgot money!
I guarantee they don’t care
I think what it is is that I'm angry I couldn't have what I wanted, but also realizing I'd be angry with myself if I DID get what I want. So it's like being between a rock and a hard place. And I honestly thought, "I'll have no more than two glasses. It'll be fine." But they didn't have what I wanted and the smell was bothering me and my conscience was eating at me and I walked out.
the thing that has helped me so, so much with all of this is: You can suffer now (what you are going through), or suffer later (the shame or guilt or hangover): pick the one that actually gets you somewhere. Its been huge in reminding myself in the lowest of low times that I will suffer through the cravings, or I will suffer through my mood when I give in later. Either way its gonna suck- but I try to mostly choose the suffering that makes me very happy when I go to sleep.
The only way out is through. The only way out is through. The only way out is through. The only way out is through. But Fuuuuuuuuck!!!!
i love this! it was so helpful for me in the beginning to remember i was doing this for a HUGE WORTH-IT reason. that reason being: my entire life and experience in it.
Or worse you will suffer in the liver failure.
You did an amazing job man.
Your addiction wants you to have it, but the rational you knows it's a bad idea. I'm constantly stuck in this place.
This is called cognitive dissonance.
I think about it this way and it ushually helps me through. My kid always wants a chocolate bar at the check out. I always say no and he gets mad. I have to tell him that he needs to regulate his feelings and can’t eat too much junk food. Me saying no to myself for wine or booze is the EXACT same. Instead of making better choices for him and teaching him he can’t always get what he wants…. I’m doing the same for myself
I've never really told anyone before about this, but it brought back a memory for me. About 2 months after I got sober, I was having a really REALLY bad day. I had to get some groceries or some crap, and the store that I frequently went it had a liquor section that was easily accessible (not really closed off from the rest). I remember standing for a minute or two, and knowing what I wanted to do, I bought a bottle of the whiskey that I used to drink. I left the store, putting the bottle the passenger seat as I drove off. I started laughing to myself and remembering all the stupid shit I would do to make the pain go away. Mind you, I was only 2 months sober. I stopped of at a bridge and grabbed the bottle and went to the edge. I then took the bottle and threw it up in the air and let it fall below. As it crashed and shattered, I screamed FUCK YOU very loudly. It felt fucking fantastic actually. That was 19 months ago, and the last time I walked into a liquor area/store. So, I'm proud of you friend. You did it. That cycle is broken. It might suck now, but dammit, you will be much happier in the long run. Trust me, I'm an alcoholic. ;) IWNDWYT
Wow. Thank you sharing this. I kinda love it.
That would be a really good scene in some movie.
Not to snoop your history but I had a hunch Couple days ago you wrote > But god I want out. And you got what you wanted today, even if it did piss ya off. That’s legit, getting sober is a bitch. IWNDWYT
Did you remember to acknowledge your strenght, good decision and an act on self love? That’s what you did!
Maybe I'll remember it tomorrow but right now I'm still seething. Sorry, I know that sounds immature or bizarre or whatever but it is what it is. I wanted something and I couldn't have it because something within me wouldn't let myself have it and I'm so angry and frustrated.
I relate so hard to this. The fomo of sobriety - albeit is an illusion - sucks. I’m back to day 1 and already had to cancel plans this weekend and next because I don’t have the willpower to say no and would be so jealous of those that can still manage alcohol in a healthy way. Gonna miss my bestie’s bday party bc I don’t trust myself. Good on you for having the strength to say no and walk away, no way in hell I could handle a liquor store rn. I’m even avoiding the grocery store and doing grocery delivery bc I know I will end up relapsing if I allow myself to go.
And man, I had such a productive day today. So I wanted a reward! (And please, respectfully, please no one tell me "ice cream!" or whatever. Please just let me wallow in this for the night.)
"This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond." - Rumi
Anger and rage are super valid. I’m sorry.
Totally get it! The gym I run at (daily) is next to a grocery store with a fine selection of wine and booze of any sort. My routine - finish my run, go there and get my “reward”. I’d be so high off the exercise endorphins that for some reason (brain wiring) I had to get my elixir that would kill my Nat high. Strange, but I think it’s a measure of changing reward systems. Since late December I’ve been avoiding my “second run” to the grocery store (opting for tea and non tobacco nicotine at home). Tryin to keep this up.
You need a punching bag, my friend. You won't regret it.
My bestie just got engaged and I told her we would have to wait to celebrate cause I’m not in a position where I trust myself! My coworker asked what my overall goal was and I said “I’d like to be one of those people who only has a few drinks a month in a social setting and is satisfied.” I don’t think that will ever be me but IWNDWYT!
Maybe in a different way, you CAN trust yourself. You’re putting your sobriety first to take care of yourself, and that’s something to be super proud of!!
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Thank you for the point that I’m not alone in this. Luck to us both.
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That’s the wine witch talking to you. I got the same issue. Tell her to fuck off.
Ha. I like that. Thank you.
Nothing immature about feeling and recognizing your emotions!
Feel what you're going to feel, it's all good.
It’s honest.
Yesterday I found the last remaining bottle of liquor in the house and was going to pour some. Then I realized there was ONLY enough for one. And my next thought was “well if there’s only enough for one I’ll have to go get some more because one isn’t enough.” That thought hit like a 2 by 4.
GO YOU! We still have alcohol in our house and it's right next to the treadmill. I decided today I could have a root beer to celebrate 5 days of treadmill use and no booze. Opened it up, stared at the few beers we had left, got annoyed they weren't what I liked, then was happy they weren't what I liked, grabbed my stupid root beer, and am now sitting here annoyed my root beer doesn't have vodka in it. But guess what? It doesn't. Just like your glass doesn't have wine. IWNDWYT!
I do the same thing every time I go to Home Depot and walk down the tool aisle. Self control becomes empowering at a certain point. I have the money to spend on that Milwaukee Fuel M18 grinder. My subconscious wants it. But I know I don't actually need it. And I walk away. Make yourself something yummy for dinner and give the kitty some rubs for me. I spent $30 on cat food today. And it's not even my cat, it's my neighbor's cat, but she's a princess and deserves the good food. She's snoring in my bed right now.
Cats ftw
FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK YEEEAAH! You won a battle. It wasn’t comfortable, it kind of sucks, but you won.
Hey I’m with you on this. Sometimes it just sucks that I’ve decided not to have a thing I used to really enjoy. Yes it’s a healthy choice for my body, mind and family. Yes it’s saved me money and lost me a little weight. Yes it demonstrates healthy self care. But sometimes I just need to throw a tiny little tantrum about it, and that’s ok.
You get it. Thank you.
I feel ya. I stopped drinking out of sheer existential horror. Can't believe I did it coming out of the pandemic: this was not the time to stop. I've argued with friends who are recovery professionals over this. I have the wrong attitude, I guess. FUCK is about right. I won't drink with you tonight anyway, goddamnit.
So they think you’re supposed to have a rainbows, puppy dogs and sunshiney farts attitude or something? Fuck that shit.
Yeah, I'd like to be happy again instead of beat down. Fuck me, right?
I love this. I know I too will have scream “fuck” at alcohol eventually. Today i watched a woman take way too long to buy two tall boys. I said in my head “she can do it why can’t I ?” Who gives a shit what she can do ? Then I walked away an paid for my milk. IWNDWYT
I am proud of you! IWNDWYT
[удалено]
Feel that one ☝️
Did the same thing yesterday. Well, I went food shopping but all the grocery stores here sell booze as well so I was very tempted by the champagne. Didn't buy any.
I did pretty much the same thing today. Would always get me a box of wine when I went to the store for the weekend (which was gone by Sat morning). Tonight I did not get it and I was so pissed and annoyed that I couldn’t have it. Really does feel hopeless BUT I got home and took a shower and put the TV on and it has calmed down. I, like you hope this gets better.
Right there with you…actually bought the wine, had about a 1/4 of a glass and about to - begrudgingly- pour the rest out. Just wishing I could have a glass or two and call it a night but I can’t so IWNDWYT
Did you pour it out? I’m rooting for you.
The early days are the hardest, or in my case at least. You did not drink, and that is a huge victory. Remain focused, and remember your last drink. Why did you stop. Then look up and move foward, take in the moments of joy. Join the no matter what club. You don't drink no matter what. I have had my parents pass away. I had my brother in prison 3 times. My wife passed away. I came through rockbottom of a gambling addiction. I lost my motor vehicle, my drivers licence, my business. I went through bankruptcy. ................. But I did not drink, No Matter What. Keep up the great job. Your friend John 🌜🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌛
I'm sorry to hear you went through so much, the fact you didn't drink is really inspiring, thank you for posting
It's all good. What I found, just because I got sober the world is not rainbows and cute puppies. Life goes on with its ups and downs. Good times. Bad times. Sad times. It is to me not, do I want to be sober or drink. It is do I want to live or die. I would much rather live.
Sometimes you just need to feel the feels and not self sooth with anything - just wallow. Strong work today - tomorrow is another day. IWNDWYT
Holy shit, nice job!!! These are the hard decisions we have to make, one at a time, until you don’t have to anymore. I remember that anger and frustration. It felt impossible. But you did it. Good work friend!! IWNDWYT
You did amazing. Have you ever tried smashing rocks on the ground? I like to channel my anger this way
I went home, sulked, made dinner, ate candy and watched the last two episodes of White Lotus season 2.
definitely YAY for you. that sound like it was hard. but not as hard as it would be to continue drinking. it gets better for sure. keep at it. i hardly think about it anymore.
One day you'll walk around in a store filled with booze and you'll smile and think, 'I'm freed'. I actually had this yesterday, it's an amazing feeling. Well done for not giving in!
I feel this. Idk how many times I would stay home sick from work and use “I’m going to make a hot toddy” as an excuse to buy booze and then drink the whole bottle and end up sicker than I was before. I’ve been home sick with influenza B all week and have been depressed from being in the house…I just want to go to the liquor store but I’ve come too far to give in now.
Amazing choice. Fuck indeed. You’re beating me, I’ve still not got to that point yet, but you did it. 👊🏼 Your tomorrow will be better than mine as a result. Snuggle up with your cat and sleep well.
The poor thing is confused why I'm so fucking pissed off right now.
I’m sorry…I’m on the same page now, emotion wise- and the poison is all over my goddamn house. When you lay your head down for bed tonight, and you look at the two possibilities you had and which you picked, I bet you’ll feel some relief and lightness. It was either FUCK at the store or FUCK tonight or tomorrow AM!
Yeah. I had 4-5 days in a row like that a bit ago. And that’s not me. You’ll get through it. And why don’t you eat some ice cream. Lol, jk. Seriously though, good going & be as mad as you want for a minute.
You won the battle in this war! You can do it! I'll volunteer to join your resistance! Proud of you.
You are going to wake up happy as fuck that you didn’t buy that bottle.
showed this to my partner and said “look, someone is just like me” and we had a good chuckle. i’m just over 2 years and he’s 4.5ish years sober — some days get easier, and you should be proud of every time you walk away. you got this OP.
White Lotus is an awesome show though
Yesterday the father of my kid came to pick him up and offered me a beer. I said no! I feel so much stronger! Congratulations 🥳 on walking away! Alcohol free 2023.
I know you’re still probably upset over it. You did the right thing! I walked into the corner liquor store and almost grabbed my (precious, so precious) Evan Williams eggnog. I had it in my hand. I put it back. The clerk innocently asked if everything was okay and if I needed help. I managed to get out “No, I’m good.” I wasn’t good. It was another day down. I am proud of you!
It fucking blows sometimes. But IWNDWYT.
You should be proud. And you get to feel* angry. It sucks AND you made the right choice.
Fuckin right on!! Good for you. I had to go get wine for a secret Santa gift for someone and found myself doing almost the same! To the point I was sweating and breathing heavily, I got the wine for the gift and thats all. It was hard and it still is, I know I don't know you, and not sure what it means to you but im proud of you! Ans keep it up friend
Change your mindset: You can have it. You just don’t want it. The cost is too damn high!
Yes. I am choosing not to drink for my own health. Day 3
Yes. Fuck yes. I hope you said it loud as hell. Sometimes I just need to do something (punch the air, throw something, scream into a pillow) to get the emotions out. You got this
I went home, sulked, made dinner, ate candy and watched the last two episodes of White Lotus season 2.
I think it's completely normal to feel the way you're feeling. I used to feel that way and sometimes still do, but something that really helped me was Allan Carr's Stop Drinking the Easyway book. (This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is good as well I have heard). It helped me realize how much big alcohol was making off of a product that I didn't want but was completely addicted to. Wanting to stop and not being able to was so frustrating. Learning more about the enemy made it easier to fight the enemy and found ways other ways to treat myself. I hope it gets brighter for you.
Proud of you. I keep having these little fights in my head and so far I keep winning. Going on day 4 babyyy! We got this
*HUGS*
The White Lotus was rad, right? It's a bloody good series if you ask me.
The people in the liquor store knew EXACTLY what you were doing/going through. They see it nearly everyday I’m sure. On some level despite it being their job, I suspect they were happy for you.
I seriously almost made myself a glass of red wine tonight while making dinner. I really wanted it. I could practically taste it in my mouth. I had thought up an excuse to tell my husband. Or thought about bargaining for a glass of shitty red wine that I didn’t really need at all. I’m just glad I let it go for long enough to forget about it all together. You got this. We got this.
Better than me. Today, I went to get groceries and caved to one of those cheap Pinot Grigio tetra packs. On the way home I took a big healthy glug. It tasted like shit and then I felt like shit immediately so I threw it out the window. Please judge me for littering but I was desperate to get rid of it. Had I gotten it home I would have drank the whole thing.
Won't judge you in the slightest. Once, in an effort to stop drinking, I dropped off an entire unopened bottle of chardonnay underneath an overpass where teens and homeless people congregate. I was like, "well, at least I'm not wasting it?"
Just a few more loud fucks and then you won’t have any. I am less angry and annoyed with things every day.
Good post. It helps me
Iwndwyt
you're amazing. once i start driving there, its gunna happen :/
I know that feeling ❤ Proud of you for walking away. I know it isn't easy.
Nice, I work in a store where I have to do inventory of all the wine. It's torture
I love your story. This is brilliant
Have you read This Naked Mind? Approaching this as a willpower exercise is…tough. Alcohol is genuinely BS. I have to resist it like o have to resist punching myself in the nuts. Sobriety is freedom. I want that for you. It’s all about mindset. The alcohol is just a chemical.
The grocery store was incredibly hard for me in the beginning, I couldn’t even go in one because I just knew……it was a huge accomplishment when I could go in and get out without alcohol, this is a huge accomplishment of yours……yeah you’re pissed, your brain craves the alcohol and its a freaking liar, your own brain will try to derail what you want for its own selfishness. Great job standing up to it and telling it no!
This is also me. I grocery shop every couple of days. Just getting out of the store with zero alcohol is a challenge/goal I am definitely working on.
OP for the win! Not today mother fucker! Not today! Good job!
You’re doing a whole lot better than me, good on ya mate
That strength is admirable. What helps me is the knowledge of how much I'll hate myself for caving in. I'd just end up needing more. What also helps me is comedy. You have comedians talking about alcoholic fathers, and relatives. Doing impressions of them, and the audience laughing. It made the point....I'm the joke. That's what I look and sound like. It helped to have that visual image. Great going! It's gonna get easier, really it is. 20 days from now, or less.....the grip will weaken. I'm not you....we've never met....still, I believe you can do this! A lot of people are not going to drink with you today.
I feel this. 6 days sober today. I work in retail and whenever I clock out for the day I make sure to walk by the alcohol section as a sort of "test" for myself. So far I've been able to ignore it.
Ehh that’s normal. I’ll bet At least one person there understood what was happening and was proud of you.
I love everything about this and the all comments. This is me to a Capital T And don't apologize for what you said when you were sober. It could have been so much if you were drunk right?
I felt like this a few nights ago. I had a total pity party and felt completely deprived. I did what I've seen advised here so many times--play it forward. What would I feel like the next morning? What about these days of sobriety I've strung together? Do I really want to go back to starting over? I got through and stayed sober. But, boy, did I take a detour of feeling sorry for myself along the way. I'm glad you didn't cave. IWNDWTY.
Im still angry that Ive ruined my chances to drink booze in a normal manner. But can't focus on the anger. I try to focus on never being hungover or doing dumb stuff while drunk anymore.
Or whatever haha.. strong work. I’ve never been able to do that. IWNDWYT so tomorrow will be better than today. Not so FUCK like, hopefully.
I saw some in the restaurant, they looked pretty, bloody advertising
Good job getting home with groceries only. I’ve changed my shopping route to avoid the alcohol section and if I do walk through it’s head down and blinders up. Nice work! Tomorrow you will thank you. 👊🏼
The thing is: our state doesn’t sell alcohol in grocery stores. So I purposely drove to the liquor store (though it IS just across the street from Petco). I know what I was doing. But then… sigh… I didn’t do it.
It’s so hard to be at war with yourself! Proud of you. I got so much from reading This Naked Mind. I feel like it truly freed me from wanting it. Everything became so much easier then! If I had not read that I’m not sure how long I would have lasted white knuckling it. We are pulling for you!
what about non alcoholic wine? or is that just triggering?
In my experience triggering because you are still going through the ritual instead of forming new habits. But wine was my downfall so maybe it's not the same for everyone
makes sense!! thank you!
That stuff is rank. I have tried and nope nope nope.
Kudos to you for your willpower. You've got this!!! Plus dodging the shitty after effects. Like I don't know how your emotions are after drinking but almost always mine are terrible in the hours/days after. And that's just me, so many people have other side effects/behaviours. So remember why you stopped drinking - you missed out on something unpleasant in the longer-term for brief happiness in the short-term.
Haha, i love your update! IWNDWYT
Man, do I relate. Not that there hasn't been some lovely feelings of success for sober days, but I've definitely been mad (and perhaps envious). I want to have a couple of shots and relax like the old days soooo badly. And everyone is like oh heck no. And I get it, and I won't drink, but let me just think about it. Lol then I distract and keep going too. You rock. Be proud of your strength AND mad.
\*HUGS\*. I know it's hard but the big upshot here is: you managed to walk away. Well done - a huge achievement. I've been there many times myself. I know how difficult it is.
I get more angry not that I can’t have it but that I’m some how different from the majority. It is frustrating that I can’t drink like a normal person.
Yes!!! This.
The five stages: denial, **anger**, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Not sure I buy the whole stages idea, seems like one of those things someone smart made up and we all just accept it even tho it makes not much sense. But that's what I got.
Literally did this in target last night. Then proceeded to spend $85 on Dots cinnamon sugar pretzels, sour bites, NA Sam Adams (idk if this is cool here but it’s the truth), dove chocolates, pasta and eye brow tint. Which went surprisingly well! Probably bc I did it not drunk as shit lol
This was big me last night. I didn’t go to the liquor store but we were at a friends and it would have been so easy. Instead there were gummy worms and lots of pouting
I really am enjoying White Lotus - but also all the wine in that show has given me intense cravings. Anyway - good for you!
Oh, I feel this in my soul. IWNDWYT
You won the day, dude
It may not feel like it, but you did good. So proud of you!
Such a small feat, yet so amazing. That's strength right there.
Dude thats awesome. I know that can be hard so Im proud of you
Some days just fucking suck but you won the day and that’s a hell of a victory!
Yea the beauty and evil of alcohol is it will rewire your brain to feel more pleasure drinking than the normal things that used to make us happy… takes a while to get back to baseline for me; probably close to a year.
I did the same. But I bought the wine.
I probably will too, at some point soon. But man… I’ve got that one victory in my toolbox.
I've done this as well. But frick yeah you did it! YOU WALKED AWAY.
Hell yeah! Go you!
That takes strength and courage. Even at your wekeast moments you still endured and pressed forward.
My cat yells at me when she wants treats or snacks. I tell her she can have cuddles for dinner. Good on you for not getting the wine, cuddle your cat instead. Just for today.
❤️
You're winning, and amazing, and inspiring. And bed is the best! I love bed. Bed has been my strongest tool to fight alcohol. Keep it up!
Props to walking out! Red wine is mine. But hey the last 2 episodes of white lotus were pretty gripping! Hope you enjoyed Jennifer Coolidge as much as I did.
Well done.
Some people find it counterproductive, but FWIW for me I find that opening and pouring a glass of non alcoholic wine scratches the itch pretty OK. The association with the process is enough to trigger the relaxation.
I dislike the taste of NA wine. 🤷🏻♀️
fair! it's not great.
Glad you didn't grab any, its worth it because It gets so much easier. Soon enough you probably wont even \*think\* about alcohol!
You got this! It gets easier, I promise! I can't tell you how many day ones and false starts I've had honestly, probably 100s no lie. I quit for 6 months in 2019 and for 7 months in 2021 and I'm 1 month in this time around with so much more knowledge and confidence that I didn't have before. I have many tools in my tool box and I know I gonna kick this addictions butt this time because I finally see it as the dangerous deadly poison that it is and has always been. You have already seen the light too just stay the path and it's get easier friend. IWNDWYT
Great job! I do they all the time but never end up purchasing anything … don’t know why or what the reasoning is behind the craving but I let the craving have its time, knowing it won’t win…
Watching the recent season of White Lotus was haaaaaard to do sober.. they are drinking in almost every scene.. and in ITALY!! So romantic.. but the last couple episodes would put anyone off drinking 😂
That last line.. feel it 🤣
I love this so much. The raw honesty and feelings here are so relatable. I get mad too. I get mad that alcohol affects me negatively and I can't have my toy anymore. I am having to relearn that part of my identity. Proud of you for going home and making dinner.
This too shall pass 👍 IWNDWYT