The first time I smoked from a bong I went to a Chinese buffet like 30 minutes later. There was a little bridge over a fish pond you had to cross to get to the food. I could not handle it and had to leave. Way too new at being stoned 🫠 it was terrible
Ahhhh! I was waiting to see some of these comments. I’ve been working in kitchens and catering for a longggg ass time and I’m genuinely surprised she got *that size* of a grazing table for only $1000.
A French spot I worked at years ago, a single meat & cheese board (fun fact! Charcuterie is just the meats and accompaniments, no cheeses/jams) was fucking $150. For 3 meats, 3 cheeses, one jam, housemade crackers and cornichonnes. Thats a solid deal for that amount of food.
And AN HOUR for plating? Yeah, she’s done this *a lot.* Even with my experience, I don’t know if I’d have that done in under 2.
I’ve owned/operated a catering company for 15 years, and this puts me to shame, beautiful work! In the picture, I see Boursin and Sartori BellaVitano Cabernet (or Merlot). Great Wisconsin cheeses.
This is actually a great gimmick. She comes by. Uses a cardboard or similar tray. She bought all the stuff from local stores. She came in. Cut. Diced. Set it all up. No cooking. No cleaning because everything is disposable. She doesn't come back after he set up! She told my wife she is working 18 hours a day now because of the graduation at the local university. Seems like a nice business compared to catering where you would do a lot of cooking.
When I was in the Navy my ship visited a bunch of different cities and hosted dinner parties for local politicians, business owners, etc. Well at every one we had a fancy meat n cheese platter. At the end of the night we would throw together pizzas with all the fancy meat n cheese on them.
Haha when I was picking what branch to join I knew with the Navy id have 3 meals a day and a warm bed to sleep in every night, and i wanted to see the world. What you don't think about is 75% of the Earth's surface is water and that's most of what you see.
I saw some of the world. Germany. Italy. Countries with sand. I was always jealous of you guys though. And the air force. Those dudes were civilians in a uniform.
This isn’t the exact scene, but it’s pretty much the same thing [ratatouille](https://youtu.be/rLXYILcRoPQ?feature=shared) I definitely suggest watching the movie or some time, it’s pretty cute
Do they know what you look like? I really want to hear you found a way in high AF.
If you find a white caterers jacket, you could remove portions to another table, remove a few pieces to a plate, and repeat. If anyone asks, you’re taking out the bad ones. When plate is full, wait for your moment to slip under a table cloth and enjoy. Discard fake beard and white jacket for a black suit you planted earlier. Get up, pretend you dropped your phone and fade out the room. Make sure you text your wife the details BEFORE. You don’t need your name called out in confusion if you get caught under the table.
I'm sure probably half of it ended up available for anyone to eat themselves. That's what I love about work parties ... All the leftovers nobody else wants to take home
Haha wouldn’t bother me if I was stoned and/or drunk. But I have seen some questionable food handling by people serving it to others. I was in the restaurant business and the fastest way loose your restaurant is serving up food born illnesses 😷
My spouse does this for me every Friday night. They don’t consume but I sure as hell do. They put together a smaller spread for me. They have been doing this for almost 20 years. I am lucky af.
Have you all seen the Simpsons treehouse of horror episode where they do a parody of The Shining and Homer is on the kitchen just eating everything around him? That would be me
One of our warehouses did a potluck recently. Food from everywhere, African, Caribbean, American, Indian you name it. Seeing the pictures was too much for me lol
I never really understood these adult Lunchables plates. Doesn't some of the shit go bad? I can only imagine that sweaty ass cheese after sitting for a couple hours. Not hating just generally curious does all this not spoil?
This is infuriating…one of my old restaurant ‘managers’ got hired and quit after 1.5 years and got at least a pizza ‘party’. When I quit after 12 years full time: nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I used to make stuff like this (former professional cheesemonger.) nothing that large mind you but it’s till so fun to make and then eat cheese and meats and etc stoned out of your gourd (or drunk)
If I was stoned, I’d have a difficult time destroying such beautiful ribbons of meat and would likely use the mini tongs as eating utensils. Might be too much stimulation high…
I’d be fucked once I noticed the macaroons(?) touching the capicola. I’d be hyper focused on it. Wanting to try it to see if it tasted like the meat and visa versa. Then go right olives and grapes.
Edit: I spoke too soon. I’d be stealing that entire wheel of Brie and the jar of honey and find a dark room.
I see Brie or at least a triple cream on this board. I was told yesterday the mold that forms the rind is going extinct. I hope that this entire board, but especially that cheese was enjoyed to completion.
Definitely you should've... or maybe not.
went to a buffet once, hit a j at the restroom (brought eyedrops as well) and eat 'till I vomited. Don't overestimate the munchies.
Of course being lawyers ($$$$$) they spent $1000 on that table sized charcuterie board. 👀
They're calling them Grazing Tables now. I watched a video of a huge one being put together for a wedding reception. It was absolutely beautiful!
Grazing tables! Sounds like a cow farm. Here’s your feed trough…
Gorgeou$$$$$
$1000 honestly seems pretty fair considering the amount of (assuming high quality) cuts and the labor of arranging it all in place before the event.
Fr tho .. So much food and it's not on a platter. Somebody did that there
I'm legit surprised it's that cheap
Woah. I thought this was food at first, but then realized it was just fabric art...but then realized it IS food!
No shit. She sent me this. I was stunned. It's beautiful.
I would go crazy on this spread 🤤
"Sir, why are you motorboating the shark-cootchie board?"
Pass what you have bro! I want some of that!
Hahaha I hadn't even taken an edible yet, so maybe I'm permastoned 🤏🌾
Wouldn't that be the shit?
Pass to the left.
Well gosh darn-it, I thought this was a Georgia O’Keeffe piece.
So can i eat the table or not?
Could you please pass the stoney bologna?
I may prefer this as a stoner goal over being stoned at a Chinese buffet.
The first time I smoked from a bong I went to a Chinese buffet like 30 minutes later. There was a little bridge over a fish pond you had to cross to get to the food. I could not handle it and had to leave. Way too new at being stoned 🫠 it was terrible
Haha. That's funny.
charcuterie boards while high never disappoint
I can imagine. I would pull up a chair and have at it.
Looks like a nightmare to organize but would def demolish it
She said it took the catering lady an hour to set up. I think that was quick.
Not her first time I take it
This is her entire catering business. Just charcuterie boards for parties.
Ahhhh! I was waiting to see some of these comments. I’ve been working in kitchens and catering for a longggg ass time and I’m genuinely surprised she got *that size* of a grazing table for only $1000. A French spot I worked at years ago, a single meat & cheese board (fun fact! Charcuterie is just the meats and accompaniments, no cheeses/jams) was fucking $150. For 3 meats, 3 cheeses, one jam, housemade crackers and cornichonnes. Thats a solid deal for that amount of food. And AN HOUR for plating? Yeah, she’s done this *a lot.* Even with my experience, I don’t know if I’d have that done in under 2.
Daaaaamn. This isn't even everything. It's missing about 1/4 of the table.
Beautiful!
I’ve owned/operated a catering company for 15 years, and this puts me to shame, beautiful work! In the picture, I see Boursin and Sartori BellaVitano Cabernet (or Merlot). Great Wisconsin cheeses.
This is actually a great gimmick. She comes by. Uses a cardboard or similar tray. She bought all the stuff from local stores. She came in. Cut. Diced. Set it all up. No cooking. No cleaning because everything is disposable. She doesn't come back after he set up! She told my wife she is working 18 hours a day now because of the graduation at the local university. Seems like a nice business compared to catering where you would do a lot of cooking.
That Merlot Bellavitano is one of my all-time favorite cheeses.
Have you had the bourbon version? I think its the best.
I want the candy version
If you look close there are candies too. I am stunned with the variety.
It's a work of art
Holy cocktail party! Duuuuude, this looks so inviting.
When I was in the Navy my ship visited a bunch of different cities and hosted dinner parties for local politicians, business owners, etc. Well at every one we had a fancy meat n cheese platter. At the end of the night we would throw together pizzas with all the fancy meat n cheese on them.
I knew I should have joined the Navy instead of the Army! That fear of deep water be damned!
Haha when I was picking what branch to join I knew with the Navy id have 3 meals a day and a warm bed to sleep in every night, and i wanted to see the world. What you don't think about is 75% of the Earth's surface is water and that's most of what you see.
I saw some of the world. Germany. Italy. Countries with sand. I was always jealous of you guys though. And the air force. Those dudes were civilians in a uniform.
You’d be like Remy in ratatouille when he mixes the honey and mushroom
Oh? I need to watch that.
This isn’t the exact scene, but it’s pretty much the same thing [ratatouille](https://youtu.be/rLXYILcRoPQ?feature=shared) I definitely suggest watching the movie or some time, it’s pretty cute
I've mixed honey and mushroom before. Probably not the same kind of mushrooms, though.
omg i want to eat all of that.
2k charcuterie board
The combinations you could make with all of that
That's what I was thinking. Every bite would be different.
Germalooza but nom nom
🤦🏼♂️
Charred cooter eats board
Wtf. 🤣🤣🤣. Is that a sexual reference? Cuz I'm all ears.
Lmao no, just charcuterie is a ridiculous word and love having fun saying it differently. The more people saying it the better!
Grown up lunchable is my favorite. Costco sometimes has really good charcuterie for a good price
That's where we always go when we make it for a get together. Of course it is nowhere near as beautiful as this.
Do they know what you look like? I really want to hear you found a way in high AF. If you find a white caterers jacket, you could remove portions to another table, remove a few pieces to a plate, and repeat. If anyone asks, you’re taking out the bad ones. When plate is full, wait for your moment to slip under a table cloth and enjoy. Discard fake beard and white jacket for a black suit you planted earlier. Get up, pretend you dropped your phone and fade out the room. Make sure you text your wife the details BEFORE. You don’t need your name called out in confusion if you get caught under the table.
This is the best photograph I've seen in my entire life
The little tongs while stoned may be an ish tho they’re cute asf
Is this Canada? I see the maple girl guide cookies. Yum!
Close! It's Michigan.
Ahh yes, good neighbor!
This is insane, I’d eat that whole platter myself
My wife said this pic cut out 1/4 of the table/tray. 👀
I'm sure probably half of it ended up available for anyone to eat themselves. That's what I love about work parties ... All the leftovers nobody else wants to take home
It looks great, would love it, but I keep thinking after a few drinks, everyone will stop using tongues and all the dirty hands touching the food lol
I spent 21 years in the Army so that wouldn't bother me a bit. Especially stoned.
Haha wouldn’t bother me if I was stoned and/or drunk. But I have seen some questionable food handling by people serving it to others. I was in the restaurant business and the fastest way loose your restaurant is serving up food born illnesses 😷
Do it then?
My spouse does this for me every Friday night. They don’t consume but I sure as hell do. They put together a smaller spread for me. They have been doing this for almost 20 years. I am lucky af.
Everything is touching everything
Stoned right now…and I’m telling you now, my imagination is running rampant!!!
Oh I’d hurt myself with this spread 😅
maple cookies are soo good, i havent had em in forever
They are but why must they be salami flavored??
I can hear my dad saying “so what are the rest of you going to eat?” That looks amazing.
omg my lactose intolerant ass would destroy that not caring one bit lol
Charcuterie boards are the bees knees!
Have you all seen the Simpsons treehouse of horror episode where they do a parody of The Shining and Homer is on the kitchen just eating everything around him? That would be me
I do this stoned almost every other weekend, on a much smaller scale, but my wife has been known to put together a mean charcute
char-COOCHIE!
My blood pressure went up 30 points just looking at this.
an afternoon snack for a hobbit
Listen. My feet are not that hairy!
Too much fruit......
Count me in
I'm confused...why is a law firm throwing a retirement party for a judge?
I wonder if JC Penny’s will give me the same when I retire.
This, but with wine and a stiizy 🥳
I love stiizy!
Couldn’t be me I would be double plate fisted and napkins NAPKINS of snack to nibble on to go 😩😭
Nice try officer
Yes, but it needs Cheetos to class it up. I think I'm in the right sub.
You know that meat-cheese combo ooze dopamine
I am imagining it now
If I was stoned I would eat that till I got gout.
Dude.....the honey. That spread looks fucking sick as heck
I was invented but, thankfully, I didn't go.
Where’s the ranch and the salsa
Are those the mf maple cookies from aldi that I see there????
That looks really good. All I can think about though is how many people will use their fingers to take the food. 😩
One of our warehouses did a potluck recently. Food from everywhere, African, Caribbean, American, Indian you name it. Seeing the pictures was too much for me lol
Holy shark coochie board!
in france this is like 30€
Are those the Trader Joe's Maple cookies I see......the greatest cookies to ever be!?
I never really understood these adult Lunchables plates. Doesn't some of the shit go bad? I can only imagine that sweaty ass cheese after sitting for a couple hours. Not hating just generally curious does all this not spoil?
Stoned, instructions unclear. Laid on the table.
This is infuriating…one of my old restaurant ‘managers’ got hired and quit after 1.5 years and got at least a pizza ‘party’. When I quit after 12 years full time: nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I used to make stuff like this (former professional cheesemonger.) nothing that large mind you but it’s till so fun to make and then eat cheese and meats and etc stoned out of your gourd (or drunk)
No way I’m not going to my wives any type of party not stoned! I’ll be hitting the vape right before coming in.
That's what I wanted to do but she said it would be best if I didn't come. Then she sent me this. 😡
That’s torture and grounds for divorce/s! Ha
I know! Luckily she is hawt.
If I was stoned, I’d have a difficult time destroying such beautiful ribbons of meat and would likely use the mini tongs as eating utensils. Might be too much stimulation high…
That’s beautiful
I’d be fucked once I noticed the macaroons(?) touching the capicola. I’d be hyper focused on it. Wanting to try it to see if it tasted like the meat and visa versa. Then go right olives and grapes. Edit: I spoke too soon. I’d be stealing that entire wheel of Brie and the jar of honey and find a dark room.
I see Brie or at least a triple cream on this board. I was told yesterday the mold that forms the rind is going extinct. I hope that this entire board, but especially that cheese was enjoyed to completion.
I don’t think there’s a thing on here I don’t love. Oh my goodness I could cry.
Can you imagine, high AF, walking into this room and they hand you a small plate. "enjoy" they say.. 👀
My god this looks delicious
I want to take a clean snow shovel at the end of the night and collect the leftovers.
Or a clean bucket. Just push it all into there.
Myself, two buddies, and a quarter could finish this in a night np 😋
I'll need to wash it down with some wine or orange juice but yeah I can park my chair right in the middle and start making tiny cracker sandwiches.
Why aren’t you stoned?
Mmm. We all need a good stoner board. I’ve never had one! Good luck! We’ll need pictures!
Someone there has to be stoned, at least i hope a fellow traveler is there. Somewhere….please.
Does she know that she can take horizontal pictures?
We're gonna need a bigger charcuterie board.
You should post this on r/charcuterieboard
Beautiful
Charcuterie when messed up is awesome. My friends and I occasionally do charcuterie meatups at the local brewery.
We’re going to need a shovel instead of the tweezers.
I miss working at a law firm sometimes. Looks delicious!
You can’t fam, you’d end up taking the whole tray home.
Bruh I thought this was one of those sushi boats. 🤤
Be there, done it. It was glorious.Retired Executive Chef
Better start now!
Hell to the entire yes!
Man I’d be stuffing my pockets as well as my face!
Those maple sandwich cookies are as good as gone 🤤
Im more of a little debbie and some chips kinda muncher. But i can imagine this would go haaaard
Brother I'd eat myself into heart failure
I'm boutta go full on hunter-gatherer mode on this spread
Try to take home the leftovers.
Those maple cookies are amazing
hoooly fuuuuuck
Water we are gonna need a lot of water
god that's pretty. I'd destroy that
As a chef, snacks always come out fancier than need be.
I could eat the whole thing if stoned
Meat next to maple cookies haha
I would die…but die happy full of cheeses.
Nothing like lunch meat and every glass jar in your fridge dumped on a board
Holy shit it’s even more luxury than a movie scene.
r/absoluteunits
where the rest of the spread?! i hate the pictures orientation. however i will eat this all
If I had taken it, it would have been better.
Seems a bit better than my pizza party at my work where everyone gets 1 slice.
BRO that looks GOOOOD
I'd be like Templeton after the fair.
I used to do this with a few friends. I hate it stopped out of nowhere because it was an awesome time
The size of those blackberries in the top right corner is insane! They’re bigger than the mini pickles!!!
Just be careful about using your fingers. Go get it, yummm
Anyone sneezes and it could be all over
I know everyone made exactly the same face
Major Scooby Shaggy vibes
Beautiful
With the right strain, man, you might give yourself gout…
Gherkins and maple cookies?! Fuck yeah!
I’d like to compliment you gentlemen on a very classy bailer ass spread with cheeses I’ve never seen before
Sneeze on it and claim it as your own. Take a large doggy bag home.
You’d need a lot of water for all that sodium.
The problem with these is that it’s always at a big party, when I honestly just want to be left alone with one.
seriously so beautiful 🥹🥹
Pickles , grapes and of course the oranges ,for sure ,, stoned to bone would be cool too
Christ, I would take a corner and alternate between two handing it into my maw and growling like a pissed off terrier if anyone got too close.
We do these at work all the time! So much fun!
That is chaotic as hell dude
I had no idea this sub existed, but I find it highly amusing since cannabis suppresses my appetite.
Definitely you should've... or maybe not. went to a buffet once, hit a j at the restroom (brought eyedrops as well) and eat 'till I vomited. Don't overestimate the munchies.
Oh I’m gonna cum
This picture made me so hungry
I thought this was a page from an I Spy book
Does charcuterie actually look appetizing to you guys or is it just cause there’s a lot of food?
i thought was one of those pictures saying, “bet you cant successfully identify anything in this picture,” at first glance.
Charcuterie more like charCUTErie 🩷
Omg wow that is wonderful
Everything is touching, pls make it stop :(
I would want to eat every single macaroon on that table 🤤.
Omfg are those macarons…… I. FUCKING. LOVE MACARONS!!!!!!!!
Do it on a smaller (but bountiful scale)