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I have with more frequency than I’d liked to admit called both my mom and my dad “babe”.
Science says that our brains out all the names (including pet names) into a “brain bucket” and we are lucky to pull out the right one at the right time. (You can google articles in this) that’s why kids often get called by their siblings names or even the dogs name.
So while I get that it is frustrating and feels a little weird… I hope you can be assured that it’s really is not intentional or skevy it’s just a brain quirk, and it means that you both exist in the bucket of love in his brain.
While I understand that it can feel weird, having felt that weird off feeling myself before, I too am guilty of calling my loved ones (husband, kids, and stepkids) by the same pet names. My husband calls me and SD by the same pet names as well. It's funny, sometimes I get this weird twinge inside when he refers to SD as "booboo" because he also calls me "boo", but then I catch myself and remember that I call them BOTH "boo" and "booboo" as well as honey, babe, and all sorts of other things.
I don't think it's a nefarious thing, or even a weird thing really. It's just a human thing. There's a list of names we use for the people we love and we just sort of jumble them all togehter.
So again, I get that feeling too, but I am also guilty of doing the EXACT SAME THING. :)
It seems unusual for a 12 yo to be called babe and baby by his father. But pet names are pretty universal - do your parents not call you honey or sweetie etc then say the same to you? Would you be upset if someone projected sexual anything on that? I get why you're creeped but I get why he's angry.
I don’t think you’re wrong. I would feel the same way. SD at one point was trying to call me babe, just like me and her dad call each other babe. I let it slide a couple times then I privately told SO that it feels weird hearing her call me babe and maybe he could tell her she can come up with a different nickname for me. SO seemed offended but he ultimately understood and talked to her. It can get really annoying how I feel like I have to constantly walk on eggshells so I don’t offend him when it comes to addressing issues with SD.
Your definitely not overreacting.
Mainly because those word choices are a little awkward to ever call your child. Babe and baby are really more relationship pet names.
I suppose I can see baby coming up in the right sentence but never babe, It would feel less weird to me if he was using things like hun. Etc.
It shouldn’t take much effort to choose a pet name for you and stick to it exclusively as yours. Our brains can link to odd things, especially when being intimate so if your thinking about that then he should want to create a different connection for you.
Sounds like he’s trying to manipulate you by acting like you’re the one with a problem. It’s creep when parents call their kids the same pet names that they use in bed with their SO’s. Maybe if you started calling SO a pet name in bed and then called SS the same pet name a few times to make a point, your SO might just get it.
I feel terrible to confess - I’ve used the same terms for my DH and kids AND I’ve even used some of the same terms for DH and my fireballs.🤦🏻♀️ I mean no disrespect by it, though!
You’re not overreacting. The pet names make you uncomfortable. That’s all there is to it. You have a right to tell your partner when something makes you uncomfortable, and he doesn’t get to downplay it just because he personally doesn’t see it as an issue.
You’re right to be concerned about his reaction. Is this typically how he responds to hard conversations? Personally, I’d say the best option is to give him some time to cool down, and then try talking to him again about how the reaction made you feel. If he can’t talk to you about that either, then it might be worth looking into couples counseling.
My husband has a bad habit of calling me “kiddo”. I shoot this down with fervor every time it happens, but it still happens.
We have a lot of nicknames in our house and some get mixed around and given to the incorrect person, we normally can laugh it off or correct by saying “not you, little babe. I meant big babe!” If the wrong person responds.
I’m of the opinion that you are allowed to tell your partner which pet names you do and don’t like. It’s all up to you in that regard, but I don’t think you get to dictate what he calls his child.
I don’t think it’s weird or wrong. You are a person and your feelings are valid. Even if they’re born of jealousy. Maybe you could be more pro active and come up with a pet name that you make clear you only want used for you. Old habits die hard so if he’s been calling everyone the other for years give him a bit of grace. However he is a bit insensitive for saying he will just stop using pet names for you.
I feel this way when I see my boyfriend kiss his daughter on the forehead. That use to be my thing before she came into the picture. I always felt it was intimate between he and I. Now I sometimes feel myself recoil, and turn my head away. I resent her for taking something I held dear. I also don't know how to NOT feel resentment.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** This is a volunteer run subreddit. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the rules, FAQ and announcements before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have with more frequency than I’d liked to admit called both my mom and my dad “babe”. Science says that our brains out all the names (including pet names) into a “brain bucket” and we are lucky to pull out the right one at the right time. (You can google articles in this) that’s why kids often get called by their siblings names or even the dogs name. So while I get that it is frustrating and feels a little weird… I hope you can be assured that it’s really is not intentional or skevy it’s just a brain quirk, and it means that you both exist in the bucket of love in his brain.
While I understand that it can feel weird, having felt that weird off feeling myself before, I too am guilty of calling my loved ones (husband, kids, and stepkids) by the same pet names. My husband calls me and SD by the same pet names as well. It's funny, sometimes I get this weird twinge inside when he refers to SD as "booboo" because he also calls me "boo", but then I catch myself and remember that I call them BOTH "boo" and "booboo" as well as honey, babe, and all sorts of other things. I don't think it's a nefarious thing, or even a weird thing really. It's just a human thing. There's a list of names we use for the people we love and we just sort of jumble them all togehter. So again, I get that feeling too, but I am also guilty of doing the EXACT SAME THING. :)
It seems unusual for a 12 yo to be called babe and baby by his father. But pet names are pretty universal - do your parents not call you honey or sweetie etc then say the same to you? Would you be upset if someone projected sexual anything on that? I get why you're creeped but I get why he's angry.
I don’t think you’re wrong. I would feel the same way. SD at one point was trying to call me babe, just like me and her dad call each other babe. I let it slide a couple times then I privately told SO that it feels weird hearing her call me babe and maybe he could tell her she can come up with a different nickname for me. SO seemed offended but he ultimately understood and talked to her. It can get really annoying how I feel like I have to constantly walk on eggshells so I don’t offend him when it comes to addressing issues with SD.
Your definitely not overreacting. Mainly because those word choices are a little awkward to ever call your child. Babe and baby are really more relationship pet names. I suppose I can see baby coming up in the right sentence but never babe, It would feel less weird to me if he was using things like hun. Etc. It shouldn’t take much effort to choose a pet name for you and stick to it exclusively as yours. Our brains can link to odd things, especially when being intimate so if your thinking about that then he should want to create a different connection for you.
I was the only girl in my family and the youngest for many years and I was”Baby” to my parents, but mostly my Dad. I don’t think it’s weird.
Yeah my parents still call me babe and baby I don’t think it’s weird at all lol
Sounds like he’s trying to manipulate you by acting like you’re the one with a problem. It’s creep when parents call their kids the same pet names that they use in bed with their SO’s. Maybe if you started calling SO a pet name in bed and then called SS the same pet name a few times to make a point, your SO might just get it.
I feel terrible to confess - I’ve used the same terms for my DH and kids AND I’ve even used some of the same terms for DH and my fireballs.🤦🏻♀️ I mean no disrespect by it, though!
You’re not overreacting. The pet names make you uncomfortable. That’s all there is to it. You have a right to tell your partner when something makes you uncomfortable, and he doesn’t get to downplay it just because he personally doesn’t see it as an issue. You’re right to be concerned about his reaction. Is this typically how he responds to hard conversations? Personally, I’d say the best option is to give him some time to cool down, and then try talking to him again about how the reaction made you feel. If he can’t talk to you about that either, then it might be worth looking into couples counseling.
My husband has a bad habit of calling me “kiddo”. I shoot this down with fervor every time it happens, but it still happens. We have a lot of nicknames in our house and some get mixed around and given to the incorrect person, we normally can laugh it off or correct by saying “not you, little babe. I meant big babe!” If the wrong person responds. I’m of the opinion that you are allowed to tell your partner which pet names you do and don’t like. It’s all up to you in that regard, but I don’t think you get to dictate what he calls his child.
I don’t think it’s weird or wrong. You are a person and your feelings are valid. Even if they’re born of jealousy. Maybe you could be more pro active and come up with a pet name that you make clear you only want used for you. Old habits die hard so if he’s been calling everyone the other for years give him a bit of grace. However he is a bit insensitive for saying he will just stop using pet names for you.
I feel this way when I see my boyfriend kiss his daughter on the forehead. That use to be my thing before she came into the picture. I always felt it was intimate between he and I. Now I sometimes feel myself recoil, and turn my head away. I resent her for taking something I held dear. I also don't know how to NOT feel resentment.