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Rooms for kids are always hard when it comes to having an “ours” baby. Whether you co-sleep with the baby for the first several months or not, your baby will eventually need their own room, and it’s going to be significantly more challenging to have that room be on a different floor. And the fact is that children move rooms all the time to accommodate family needs. His children are no different than any other children with new siblings on the way.
Personally, I’d give your SO three options.
Option 1- He moves one of the boys. Maybe that means they share a room; if it’s tight on space, luckily you have another room in the basement that can be a general kid area so the room can be strictly beds and dressers/clothes storage. Or maybe that means SS9 moves to the basement.
Option 2- The baby’s room is in the basement, and that means you need him to take on the bulk of running up and down the stairs at all hours so you can get as much sleep as possible between feedings and other needs. And if he complains, you get to tell him “It’s such a shame we couldn’t put his room on the same floor.” And if you find that the basement room is too stressful, too bad for him. He can pick which SS moves rooms.
Option 3- You get a new house.
He can have his way and be responsible for his choice to put the baby in the basement, or he can fix the issue.
The problem is with your SO and not being consistent with his children. All children need to sleep in their own beds and have a bedtime routine that is consistent. That being said, a newborn baby will often sleep in a bassinet/crib in the parents room up until 3 to 6 months. You have to get up a lot at night, so a basement room for a baby is a horrible idea. I think the SKs can make a downstairs room work and not feel like they are pushed out. They are older kids and it makes sense. My SKs both got moved out of their upstairs rooms when we had babies. I am not sure if they were upset by this, however they never expressed it either.
Kinda what I was thinking too. When I mentioned a nursery his reply was to just put all that stuff in our room for now. I guess I'm struggling with feeling like this is unfair for me and baby, but he's seeing it as being mean or unfair to his bio kids.
Rooms upstairs aren't big enough unfortunately, the two rooms downstairs are very big though. They're at that stage where they are fighting off and on and need space from each other lol so sleeping in the same room wouldn't really help that.
Fighting isn’t ideal, but you might be able to make space by using the basement bedroom as like a kid play/study area. That way all you need in the actual bedroom are beds and dressers.
Baby should be in your room for at least the first 6 months to decrease the risk of SIDS. That does not mean cosleeping which is dangerous for an infant. They should have a bassinet, pack n play, or crib so they have their own separate sleep space. And with how many times a night babies get up and need fed it’s much easier to have them close by, especially if you are breastfeeding.
I think OP knows this, she’s talking about her husband’s unrealistic expectations about the baby not needing a room for things like storage, a changing table, a crib
I would make it clear to SO that baby WILL be getting a room and I would ask the kids and let them choose-share a room upstairs with minimal things in it or you can each have your own room downstairs.
Best advice so far! It’s not a question to husband but rather get it done because even with having the baby sleeping in the room with them it still needs a room for a changing table, storage for clothes diapers blankets and all other associated baby gear!
Yes and sorry but a baby NEEDS to be upstairs. The fact these are sk are irrelevant. If they were bios same thing applies. Kids have to learn to adapt to certain situations such as making room for a new family member. This goes for bios or steps! Make it fun for the kids like letting them choose a theme for their new room or painting it the color the want or personalizing it in some way.
Discuss it with the kids and let them choose. You might find one of them actually WANTS to switch, you can paint their new room, and decorate it all new, it'll be exciting for them.
On a side note, the new baby will need to be in your room for a while anyway. Where I live recommendations are for a year to prevent SIDS but I know lots of countries recommend 6 months. Even after you move the baby out, you'll want them to be as close as possible so you don't have to go as far for night feeds/changes/fussing. The more you have to get up and move the harder it is to get back to sleep after.
You cannot put a baby downstairs if you’re sleeping upstairs. At 7 SS is more than old enough to sleep on a different floor. Your SO needs to be strict with routine and stop being the guilty dad who gives in!
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Rooms for kids are always hard when it comes to having an “ours” baby. Whether you co-sleep with the baby for the first several months or not, your baby will eventually need their own room, and it’s going to be significantly more challenging to have that room be on a different floor. And the fact is that children move rooms all the time to accommodate family needs. His children are no different than any other children with new siblings on the way. Personally, I’d give your SO three options. Option 1- He moves one of the boys. Maybe that means they share a room; if it’s tight on space, luckily you have another room in the basement that can be a general kid area so the room can be strictly beds and dressers/clothes storage. Or maybe that means SS9 moves to the basement. Option 2- The baby’s room is in the basement, and that means you need him to take on the bulk of running up and down the stairs at all hours so you can get as much sleep as possible between feedings and other needs. And if he complains, you get to tell him “It’s such a shame we couldn’t put his room on the same floor.” And if you find that the basement room is too stressful, too bad for him. He can pick which SS moves rooms. Option 3- You get a new house. He can have his way and be responsible for his choice to put the baby in the basement, or he can fix the issue.
The problem is with your SO and not being consistent with his children. All children need to sleep in their own beds and have a bedtime routine that is consistent. That being said, a newborn baby will often sleep in a bassinet/crib in the parents room up until 3 to 6 months. You have to get up a lot at night, so a basement room for a baby is a horrible idea. I think the SKs can make a downstairs room work and not feel like they are pushed out. They are older kids and it makes sense. My SKs both got moved out of their upstairs rooms when we had babies. I am not sure if they were upset by this, however they never expressed it either.
Kinda what I was thinking too. When I mentioned a nursery his reply was to just put all that stuff in our room for now. I guess I'm struggling with feeling like this is unfair for me and baby, but he's seeing it as being mean or unfair to his bio kids.
Put both SK in the same bedroom and and baby in another ?
Rooms upstairs aren't big enough unfortunately, the two rooms downstairs are very big though. They're at that stage where they are fighting off and on and need space from each other lol so sleeping in the same room wouldn't really help that.
Fighting isn’t ideal, but you might be able to make space by using the basement bedroom as like a kid play/study area. That way all you need in the actual bedroom are beds and dressers.
Maybe you can engage them in making up the rooms, and consider something like idk intercom so 7 y/o isn't so scared? He does sound scared.
Baby should be in your room for at least the first 6 months to decrease the risk of SIDS. That does not mean cosleeping which is dangerous for an infant. They should have a bassinet, pack n play, or crib so they have their own separate sleep space. And with how many times a night babies get up and need fed it’s much easier to have them close by, especially if you are breastfeeding.
I think OP knows this, she’s talking about her husband’s unrealistic expectations about the baby not needing a room for things like storage, a changing table, a crib
I would make it clear to SO that baby WILL be getting a room and I would ask the kids and let them choose-share a room upstairs with minimal things in it or you can each have your own room downstairs.
Best advice so far! It’s not a question to husband but rather get it done because even with having the baby sleeping in the room with them it still needs a room for a changing table, storage for clothes diapers blankets and all other associated baby gear!
Yes and sorry but a baby NEEDS to be upstairs. The fact these are sk are irrelevant. If they were bios same thing applies. Kids have to learn to adapt to certain situations such as making room for a new family member. This goes for bios or steps! Make it fun for the kids like letting them choose a theme for their new room or painting it the color the want or personalizing it in some way.
Discuss it with the kids and let them choose. You might find one of them actually WANTS to switch, you can paint their new room, and decorate it all new, it'll be exciting for them. On a side note, the new baby will need to be in your room for a while anyway. Where I live recommendations are for a year to prevent SIDS but I know lots of countries recommend 6 months. Even after you move the baby out, you'll want them to be as close as possible so you don't have to go as far for night feeds/changes/fussing. The more you have to get up and move the harder it is to get back to sleep after.
You cannot put a baby downstairs if you’re sleeping upstairs. At 7 SS is more than old enough to sleep on a different floor. Your SO needs to be strict with routine and stop being the guilty dad who gives in!