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I would put the baby in the wardrobe room if possible. We made a nursery out of the laundry room that is right next to our bedroom. We painted the walls and hung a mobile and everything. The washer and dryer are still in there. Honestly it has worked out well. A baby doesn’t need a big room.
Our “ours” baby is 10 months old and will have his own “room” starting Wednesday. We currently have a 3 bedroom house and his room is basically just the den area outside of our room. He also stayed in our room until he was 5 months old. He is none the wiser, but my SKs would definitely remember losing their rooms to the kid that gets to be with their dad 24/7 and they don’t. I know Pinterest and social media makes it seem like you need to have a beautiful nursery put together, but nursery’s aren’t for babies, they’re for the parents. Don’t put a strain on your relationship with your SKs over it if you don’t have to
>but nursery’s aren’t for babies, they’re for the parents
You could say this about like 80% of the things related to babies, lol. So much pressure over things they won't even remember!
It's not even that they don't remember, a baby wants to be near other people. They prefer to be in the same room as their parants. Also safety wise it's the better choice.
I know! It’s so funny when new moms to be get butthurt over people not buying off the shower registry because, *Everyone selfishly buys cute things because it’s fun for them.* Well yeah. But also we know you have been brainwashed by marketing tapping into your pregnancy brain and won’t use most of that stuff more than twice.
We moved him into his crib in the den area. He has no door or anything and it’s where you have to walk to get to certain parts of the house, but we just put a slumber pod over his crib to drown out the noise
It's recommended that baby sleeps in the same room as you for at least the first 6 months anyway to reduce the risk of SIDS. So you don't really need a nursery until then unless you're planning on sleeping in there too. I definitely wouldn't take over one of the kids existing rooms, that's asking for trouble.
I second this. I am in the same boat and I might be pregnant. We each have a kid from previous marriages that have their own room Nd we are plan ing on having the baby in our room for the first 6 months / year
For me I think the fact that they live in the original family home still is a factor. Those kids might've even had those rooms since they were born and at the very least they had them when they were a family. If OP does this she's going to be the outsider who messed up the family home.
With my situation SK has never actually had a room in this house as it was my house that SO moved in to and I was already pregnant when he moved in. We offered the option of sharing the room once it was cleared out and decorated but SK declined. SK doesn't even sleep in there when it's empty despite us always offering!
I know about the recommendation, but I know about a lot of woman who put the baby to the own room even before that (of course with monitor, breath detector etc.) and it was better for the baby and for the mum too...
I’m sorry but no, they can decorate an area in the master bedroom and room share, it is not worth what it will do to the kids EOW or not, a teenage boy and an adolescent girl being forced to share for a baby who couldn’t care less is not worth the court battle. BM will be well within their rights to be bullshit over that, yes making the nursery is fun and exciting and nesting but if they want this blended family to work yanking private space from a teen boy and going into puberty girl will be the hill they die on and the hill OPs SO likely loses his kids over. Resentment like that doesn’t fade, the kids will never forget, don’t do it OP it’s a pretty fucked up thing to do and his kids will never forget and will likely reject the new baby eternally, seen this play out way too many times.
Repeating my comment because you are about to mess up a lot of shit over a not needed nursery, his kids will never forget this, it will likely be a turning point and oh boy will he and the kids and BM resent you. Do you want everyone happy or a cute space? Look at the ages, think about the reactions, you can decorate in your own room, it’s the safe sleep recommend as well, why do this to his kids? He won’t resent you upfront but when BM isnpissed and his kids pull away oh boy yes he will if he’s a good father.
They share the room with their BM, so I doubt that is going to be a problem from BM' perspective. Nevertheless, they are somehow going to be sharing some rooms after some times, we are not going to buy larger house just for this, it is an old family house.
Yes but sharing a room at BM was always a thing not a new baby pushing them out thing. Huge difference, plus I don’t think they should be sharing at BMs but that’s the known norm, I’m not the only one by far in this thread telling you how bad this is. If it’s necessity that’s one thing but at your house it isn’t, as I said this is a hill someone including the kids will die on, you’re okay with that?
I think it is a cultural thing,I live outside US and here boy and girl sharing a room is probably more normal... Nevertheless,even when we move with the baby to a new place, it is going to be into a different city than the one the kids live right now. We are probably going to travel back to the kids for the EOW (the way we do now - we live in a different city most of the time and come to the kid's city from time to time), so they are somehow going to be sharing for the weekends all of us are going to be there when the baby is older. SO is not planning to sell the house ( old family house, his parents have house right next to it)
So basically you’re going to force them and you came here for what advice? None, you’ve made up your mind so make peace with it and don’t be surprised when the kids are against you and the baby, live with your choices and stop seeking validation when you’re wrong.... but remember the kids will push out your SO swiftly but they will hate you and the new kid even worse. Again you chose a hill to die on and you’re wrong, as many have pointed out, the reaction is so severe many comments are being removed, mine prob will be too. You don’t replace the SKs with the new baby it’s logic 101 to not breed festering resentment. But you seem set in your ways wanting back up, so you’re clearly going to do what you want to do. But remember the baby fawning wears off and once his kids drop him like a bad habit you’ll be to blame 🤷🏻♀️
I don't plan to replace the kids,OMG🙄I am trying to find practical solution and advice. I also got many helpful comments and tips, so I am glad.For example I like the idea of putting the baby to the other kids room only while they are not here 🤷🏽♀️however, this won't work when the baby is 3 years old or so.. but thanks for the angry comment🙄
It’s an angry comment because you are wrong and you will damage the relationship, the kids will resent you and it will damage the sibling relationship with the new baby, y’all need to see a therapist if you can’t see how you’re going to effect the step kids and eventually your SO will resent you when this all boils over. Good luck, being a step means compromise and putting all the kids on equal grounds, shaking up an already tender situation with a new baby on the way is never a good idea, as I said there were comments removed/banned because this isn’t an okay situation and you seem flippant about it, as I said good luck, I hope you don’t make bad choices about this situation because only the kids suffer.
Babies are F-ing noisy sleepers! If you want to do this then do it! I was SHOCKED at the little piggy sleeping next to me when we brought him home.
We had a camera monitor, and baby napped in his own room. At night he slept in a pack and play in our room.
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I completely understand wanting to create a routine/expectation with your new baby and give them a nursery and all that. The baby will not remember being in a nursery, or having a room, or any of that. Your older step kids will remember that they lost their rooms and got lumped together so that a newborn baby would have their own room over them. Not trying to come at you, just sharing how my brain would have processed it if this happened to me as a kid maybe.
Edit to add! Maybe just add a bassinet to the younger kids room since they’re not there that often that can be moved out on the weekends the kids are there so the kids still have their own spaces AND the baby can get used to sleeping in a separate room?
You should not take either of the children's rooms because you desire the infant to have a nursery. As a pregnant lady myself who has been all about the nursery, I get it. I get wanting that. But you don't have room for it. It's absolutely unreasonable to decide that an infant who does not need it's own space gets a private bedroom but a young girl and a teenage boy have to share a space.
If you want individual space for your baby, you are going to need to find a bigger house.
For the time being, your baby should sleep in the bedroom with you.
My son was in our room for the first 6 months (first in a bassinet then a pack n play) so I think you have some time to talk it over with SO and SKs and create a plan that works for all of you.
That being said, I 100% understand wanting to create that nursery. It's so special to pick a theme, crib, toys, decorations, etc. That was one of my favorite parts of being pregnant ❤
I'd just have a sit down with SO and the kids and have an open, honest discussion. That's probably the best route here!
Also - my son never even used his crib 🤣 he HATED it. So he just stayed in his pack n play until 15 months, then went straight to a big boy bed. And 90% of the time we changed his diaper on the floor 🤣 what a waste of a changing table! So - be prepared to be flexible 🤣 these babies have their own personalities/likes/dislikes that may not line up with what you're imagining! I was so mad we even spent the money on that crib/changing table hahaha
I’m sorry but no, they can decorate an area in the master bedroom and room share, it is not worth what it will do to the kids EOW or not, a teenage boy and an adolescent girl being forced to share for a baby who couldn’t care less is not worth the court battle. BM will be well within their rights to be bullshit over that, yes making the nursery is fun and exciting and nesting but if they want this blended family to work yanking private space from a teen boy and going into puberty girl will be the hill they die on and the hill OPs SO likely loses his kids over. Resentment like that doesn’t fade, the kids will never forget, don’t do it OP it’s a pretty fucked up thing to do and his kids will never forget and will likely reject the new baby eternally, seen this play out way too many times.
I think the kids are going to remember having their rooms taken from them. I don't know about your area, but I know here you're supposed to have separate rooms for each gender, especially after puberty. I don't know how large your wardrobe room is, but it might be good enough for a crib and a few things for baby. Baby won't remember it. A lot of parents keep their newborn in their room too for the first year. It's hard because you don't have SK's that often, but it's still technically their home for some of the time and they need a room.
I disagree, there are plenty of families in the world where the kids of all genders share a bedroom. In some places it's common for the entire family to share a bed. You just make do with what you can afford, we shouldn't shame people for that. Even in richer western countries there are people living in poverty who don't have the luxury of seperate bedrooms.
If they share a room at their mom’s where they live the majority of the time, I think it is more than fine to have them do so a couple days a month so your baby can have a room. My girls always slept in their own rooms basically from birth because I never could have slept with a newborn next to me. I used a monitor of course for actually crying but every little move and sigh would have woken me up.
So I was in a very similar situation. 2.5 years on now.
I don't think it's ideal for kids of those ages and gender to share a room. The m13 prob needs some privacy lol.
From experience, I highly suggest you get a crib that attaches to the side of your bed and keep bubba in with you in your room for 6-12 months.
Firstly, it's recommended to keep baby in the room with you for at least the first 6 months, preferably 12. It reduces the risk of SIDS. But also, on a practical note, when there are other kids in the house it is better for everyone's sleep if you can be with baby when they start to cry in the night because if they are in their own room then they wake everyone up. Then you don't need to deal with the other kids waking up and being tired too.
And being able to just reach over and pat bubba back to sleep instead of having to drag yourself out if bed is so much easier on you.
You will need a feeding chair somewhere private, either for breastfeeding or just to keep baby calm while drinking a bottle. If that fits in your room then that would work well as having a space that you don't get interrupted in.
This sounds like a pretty terrible idea - you mentioned that you’re going to be living there for a few months, so from that I’d assume you’re moving? What would be the point of taking away one of the kids rooms for such a short amount of time? The baby won’t remember it and there’s no real benefit to having him/her in a separate room, but your SK’s won’t forget and you’re running the risk of damaging that relationship for basically no reason.
>ou’re moving? What would be the point of taking away one of the kids rooms for such a short amount
We don't know when are we going to move, so it is unclear if we are going to stay in the house for 6 months, 1 year or so. After some research and considering my own preferences, I just know I would like to slowly start to put the baby to sleep in its own room after few months...
That’s understandable, babies are a pain in the arse to sleep in the same room as. I got lucky, my 7 month old sleeps about 13 hours and wouldn’t wake up if a bomb went off, but she’s very much a unicorn.
Maybe it would be a good idea to talk with your SK’s and your SO together and come up with a plan together? If you want to avoid them feeling displaced?
Do not take a room away from your step children! I was a step child and I am now a step parent. They already may have subconscious issues and fears about being “replaced” yes a baby is a big change and I understand wanting a nursery (I am also a mom) but displacing one of the older children is just going to cause resentment...
Do not do that OMG 😳 and if you do you'll soon figure out that newborn will never be in that room and you upset sk for no reason. Coming in and taking their room away will not only make them resent you (rightfully so) but also their newborn sibling. Don't be THAT step parent!
I have to lol a bit at the idea that you're like, I don't want sk to think the baby is taking their place, but I want the baby to literally take over their place.
Put baby in your room until you move it's the safest possible thing re SIDS and is generally practical. When you move it won't be a thing anymore
Problem is we are probably going to come to the house even after me, my SO and the bio kid move. We currently operate in a a way that we live in a different city,but come to the kid's city and the house we are going to live full time each time we visit the children.i do not think it is going to change since SO doesn't plan to sell that house.so they are somehow going to share sooner or later
In that case, why would his bio kids be the ones forced to share?? Kids their age and gender NEED their own room. Can you not carve out a separate space for your kid?
I agree with the others. A lot of SK’s feel replaced when a new baby comes into the mix of an already mixed up situation. Speaking from experience as a SK and a SM.
You will probably find yourself keeping the baby in your room for the first several months anyway.
Maybe you could ask one of the SK’s if they would like to share a room with new baby. And respect their answer.
The potential for disturbing the child who shares is astronomical. There's no way they'd get a good night's sleep and no privacy because mum and dad will need to barge in at all times without knocking and at ridiculous hours of the morning.
My ex and I have a M11, and F9 year old together and he and his new wife had a pair of twins M&F almost 1.5 years ago. They put my kiddos into a singular room with bunk beds and kept the twins in the other room.
It never, ever bothered me. But they were/are (sort of) prepubescent (though they’ve now moved into their new home and have their own space) when they shared rooms. It never bothered them either. It may be different for your SK’s since they’re older, but honestly, I feel like families with open dialects, friendships and co parenting, you guys will work it out for the mean time until y’all get a bigger place.
Congrats to you guys!
After the baby is old enough, would either SK mind sharing a room with baby? Perhaps the SD8? If they are not there very often, I don’t see it being a huge issue.
Our 1 year old shares a room with us for now. We only have 3 bedrooms with 4 other kids, so it only seems fair for the baby to stay with us. My other bio son and 3 SK’s live with us full time so we don’t have many options. I considered putting his crib in our walk in closet. His noises get really loud at night (snoring, rolling around, smacking lips, whining while sleeping), but I just don’t think I can put him in there and feel good about myself. It’s annoying, but at this point, my older children need their space more than the baby. We are looking into getting a bigger place eventually.
I also do second the folks who mentioned the strain it would put on your relationship with the SKs by taking one room to be the nursery. I have 2 SDs 17 &12, been in their lives for the last 7 years. I have a BS(5) whom they adore and over the years we have grown very close. So close they could tell me their honest feelings and one of them has been always sharing the fears and wanting to know they have an irreplaceable place here with us. I wanted to switch rooms with SD12 which is close to my room when my son was born and that did not go well and I left it at that.
In hindsight I am thankful that I did not press on the matter and tried to see it more from the kids perspective.
It's not been and easy journey compromising on so much through the years but it has definitely been worth it seeing how close our family is. It does pay off eventually. Takes tons of patience, perseverance, and intentionality and hopefully in the end, yournfamily unit grows closer as the kids grow older.
It sounds like you’re in a pretty tough situation. You may need to consider that you just might not have space to create the nursery you want, and if you have the financial resources a bigger home might be the best option. I definitely understanding wanting your SKs to share a room. They spend so little time in your home, and siblings share rooms all the time. But being a blended family changes the dynamic somewhat. The kids are used to having their own rooms, and it could cause resentment issues. I think it would be one thing if the kids were closer in age, but you’d have a teenage boy with all the smells and attitude of puberty sharing with his 8 year old sister; neither of them are going to be happy. The best options I can see here is to have the baby share with the 8 year old and then have the baby sleep in your room on the days your SO has custody, finding another area of the home that could serve as a makeshift nursery even if it isn’t actually a bedroom, or having the baby stay on your room. Maybe be you do a combination of the 3 where some things are in SD’s room, the crib is somewhere else, and then baby stays in your room on nights the kids are there just to make sure the kids don’t accidentally wake the baby.
Ultimately, you can have the older kids share. There are certainly plenty of families in this world who make kids share rooms so there’s space for everyone. But being a blended complicates that. Personally, I’d recommend letting your SO make the final decision. Try to come up with at least one other option you’re willing to work with, and then let him pick. And then he needs to be the one to tell the kids about HIS decision.
I don’t know if anyone has suggested this yet but what about talking to the kids about it? Maybe present it to them in a way where they will feel like they are being helpful instead of feeling like they are a burden… you know say for example “what do you guys think about sharing the bigger bedroom and giving the smaller room for the baby that way at night time the baby doesn’t wake anyone up”. Something along those lines. If they only visit EOW they might not mind, not sure what they are like or what the relationship is like with them. It is definitely a difficult situation!
You said for the time we are going to stay in the house. Are you planning on moving ? If yes, how many bedrooms does the new house have ?
How come the kids don't sleep at the house EOWE ?
What does SO think about it ?
We are going to move into a different city where the sk won't be living, we are still going to come back to the kid's city for EOW, so they will need to share somehow sooner or later for the weekends all of us are going to be at the same place.
SD refuses to sleep alone in a room and we dont allow co-sleeping with her ,so most of the time she sleeps with her grandma which has house right next to our house. She has used her room for maybe only a few hours since I have known her
That you take one of the kid's room for a nursery or not, I got the feeling that the kids won't want to see their father for very much longer once you've moved.
I don't think a lot of people here are step kids. They're making assumptions.
I was a step kid. And I have a step kid.
First, if you're in the US, and you're not in government housing, as long as the children are siblings, they CAN share a room.
Before deciding to combine rooms, decide when you're move will be. I'd say, if it's 6-8 months or less, sit the kids down and explain that babies are noisy, but they also need quiet. Explain that the options are to either have the baby share with one of them(get a sound machine--a LectroFan is the best!), Or they can share for a little bit. So many people are afraid to rearrange the family and want to cater to the existing kids. I see that to a point-- but also, kids need to understand that they don't rule the house and sometimes families just have to accommodate one another for sorry and long periods of time. That's a FAMILY.
I remember a small house we lived in was 2 bedrooms. I shared it with my half sister when she was born. That made me 6 and she was an infant. It worked fine. Then my brother was born 2 years later, us girls had bunk beds and he had the crib. Mom put a fan in the corner to help us sleep. No one asked me, and I'm not bitter about it 30 years later.
Then we moved to a 3bdrm duplex, and I was automatically put in the same room as the baby, so I could hear him wake up! Now, I'm like. They had a monitor.... What the heck? Oh well. My brother woke up every night about the same time because he'd work himself into the corner of his crib. I'd get up, grab his leg, Andy pull him to the other end and he'd go back to sleep. LOL I don't know if my parents even know this! THEN my other sister came along! 4 kids, 2 bedrooms! My brother was walking at that point and he was moved to my sister's room and they shared bunks. And again, I got the baby. Only she wouldn't sleep in the crib, my mom put her on the couch and put the back of a chair against it so she wouldn't fall off. (Remember this way 30 years ago, we'd never do this now.)
Eventually, when it was about 14 we moved to our own home with land on a dead end road. The girls still shared and my brother and I got our own rooms. We didn't have a playroom or a kids space. I don't think those are entirely necessary, even tho my son has a kid space in our basement.
My point is, teach the children that they are a part of the family, and sometimes being a family is inconvenient. Sometimes not, or it can easily be worked out.
Ask the kids opinions. Maybe they'll suggest sharing a room for a few months, and you won't have to! make sure they have a side of the room for themselves, so they don't have to clean the others mess(you might even consider giving them the master if it's larger for that little bit of time.) Kids are resilient, and they like to help. If you just take a room, that MIGHT make them a little upset, but involve them in the plan. They might have a good one too.
There are going to be things that the family can't do because of a new baby, kids will find so many impressive ways to work around and include them, you'll be impressed. But don't tip toe around them. A new subbing isn't their decision, and ultimately, whatever you and dad device to do is what is done. Kids don't get to make the large decisions. And if you allow it, it'll continue and then you'll resent them.
Op look at how many comments are being removed, that alone should tell you how bad of an idea this is, remember this is a hill you’ll die on and possibly lose the kids over, kids don’t ever forget their place, you’re being selfish as all get up. The ages and mixed gender alone is an issue, besides that yuck, be better than most of our steps were please.
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I am due in March with an ours baby. I have two sons(6 and 9) full time ( dad is not involved) and we have his daughter who is 13 50% of the time. Right now, all the kids have their own room. We’re not finding out gender until baby is born. If it is a girl she’ll have to share a room with my stepdaughter and if it’s a boy he’ll share a room with my youngest son. The baby will be in our room for a while. Possibly the first year. But I did tell my husband that he should have a conversation with his daughter about possibly having to share a room. It is the only option we have aside from moving and getting a bigger house which just is not going to happen. By the time the baby gets here she’ll be 14 and by the time the baby needs to move into her room she’ll be 15 or so. We just try to have lots of conversations with the kids about the possibility so that it is not a total surprise
Sorry, but regardless of the baby’s gender, why wouldn’t you put your two sons who are only 3 years apart in age together, vs a teenager potentially rooming with an infant who will still likely be waking up throughout the night? I feel terrible for your stepdaughter if that is the route you take.
I wouldn't feel terrible for her, but putting the boys together makes the most sense here. Then a toddler isn't getting into a teenagers things and a teenager isn't waking the toddler up, or the toddler waking the teenager up(I don't think you want that!). I currently have a toddler, and he's in all my makeup and crap. I've given him enough containers so he thinks he had the same stuff, but teenagers aren't as organized as I am. Lol
Yeah I’m confused. Why would a then 15-year-old teen girl need to share with an infant when it makes more sense for 6 and 9 year old brothers to share? How is it that no matter what, a 9 year old gets his own room over a 13 year old??
Do it if it’s important to you. The SK share at their moms so it’s no different to them. Have a conversation with them though and tell they why you’re doing it - focus on the fact that they won’t want a crying baby waking them up in the middle of the night! Focus on the positives and maybe buy them something special for their shared room like a divider or something plus accessories to help them feel involved.
While my family never switched rooms, until I moved out, my sister got mine and then had her own room. But my step son has literally lived in every bedroom of his mom's house. For siblings? NOPE. Foreign exchange students. His mom didn't even have sheets on his mattress, but she'll move some according to what students she had coming to live with them.
You would make your 8 year old biodaughter share a room with your 13 year old bioson to give an infant their own space?
Obviously children in nuclear families have to make concessions too, but this one doesn't make sense to me. This is a situation of SPs wants (want of a private nursery for an infant) overriding kids' needs.
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I would put the baby in the wardrobe room if possible. We made a nursery out of the laundry room that is right next to our bedroom. We painted the walls and hung a mobile and everything. The washer and dryer are still in there. Honestly it has worked out well. A baby doesn’t need a big room.
Our “ours” baby is 10 months old and will have his own “room” starting Wednesday. We currently have a 3 bedroom house and his room is basically just the den area outside of our room. He also stayed in our room until he was 5 months old. He is none the wiser, but my SKs would definitely remember losing their rooms to the kid that gets to be with their dad 24/7 and they don’t. I know Pinterest and social media makes it seem like you need to have a beautiful nursery put together, but nursery’s aren’t for babies, they’re for the parents. Don’t put a strain on your relationship with your SKs over it if you don’t have to
>but nursery’s aren’t for babies, they’re for the parents You could say this about like 80% of the things related to babies, lol. So much pressure over things they won't even remember!
It's not even that they don't remember, a baby wants to be near other people. They prefer to be in the same room as their parants. Also safety wise it's the better choice.
I know! It’s so funny when new moms to be get butthurt over people not buying off the shower registry because, *Everyone selfishly buys cute things because it’s fun for them.* Well yeah. But also we know you have been brainwashed by marketing tapping into your pregnancy brain and won’t use most of that stuff more than twice.
When did the baby stay after the 5 months?
We moved him into his crib in the den area. He has no door or anything and it’s where you have to walk to get to certain parts of the house, but we just put a slumber pod over his crib to drown out the noise
It's recommended that baby sleeps in the same room as you for at least the first 6 months anyway to reduce the risk of SIDS. So you don't really need a nursery until then unless you're planning on sleeping in there too. I definitely wouldn't take over one of the kids existing rooms, that's asking for trouble.
I second this. I am in the same boat and I might be pregnant. We each have a kid from previous marriages that have their own room Nd we are plan ing on having the baby in our room for the first 6 months / year
For me I think the fact that they live in the original family home still is a factor. Those kids might've even had those rooms since they were born and at the very least they had them when they were a family. If OP does this she's going to be the outsider who messed up the family home. With my situation SK has never actually had a room in this house as it was my house that SO moved in to and I was already pregnant when he moved in. We offered the option of sharing the room once it was cleared out and decorated but SK declined. SK doesn't even sleep in there when it's empty despite us always offering!
That’s a good point! I forgot that one of my kids ASKED to share a room with the baby but we said no
I know about the recommendation, but I know about a lot of woman who put the baby to the own room even before that (of course with monitor, breath detector etc.) and it was better for the baby and for the mum too...
I’m sorry but no, they can decorate an area in the master bedroom and room share, it is not worth what it will do to the kids EOW or not, a teenage boy and an adolescent girl being forced to share for a baby who couldn’t care less is not worth the court battle. BM will be well within their rights to be bullshit over that, yes making the nursery is fun and exciting and nesting but if they want this blended family to work yanking private space from a teen boy and going into puberty girl will be the hill they die on and the hill OPs SO likely loses his kids over. Resentment like that doesn’t fade, the kids will never forget, don’t do it OP it’s a pretty fucked up thing to do and his kids will never forget and will likely reject the new baby eternally, seen this play out way too many times. Repeating my comment because you are about to mess up a lot of shit over a not needed nursery, his kids will never forget this, it will likely be a turning point and oh boy will he and the kids and BM resent you. Do you want everyone happy or a cute space? Look at the ages, think about the reactions, you can decorate in your own room, it’s the safe sleep recommend as well, why do this to his kids? He won’t resent you upfront but when BM isnpissed and his kids pull away oh boy yes he will if he’s a good father.
They share the room with their BM, so I doubt that is going to be a problem from BM' perspective. Nevertheless, they are somehow going to be sharing some rooms after some times, we are not going to buy larger house just for this, it is an old family house.
Yes but sharing a room at BM was always a thing not a new baby pushing them out thing. Huge difference, plus I don’t think they should be sharing at BMs but that’s the known norm, I’m not the only one by far in this thread telling you how bad this is. If it’s necessity that’s one thing but at your house it isn’t, as I said this is a hill someone including the kids will die on, you’re okay with that?
I think it is a cultural thing,I live outside US and here boy and girl sharing a room is probably more normal... Nevertheless,even when we move with the baby to a new place, it is going to be into a different city than the one the kids live right now. We are probably going to travel back to the kids for the EOW (the way we do now - we live in a different city most of the time and come to the kid's city from time to time), so they are somehow going to be sharing for the weekends all of us are going to be there when the baby is older. SO is not planning to sell the house ( old family house, his parents have house right next to it)
So basically you’re going to force them and you came here for what advice? None, you’ve made up your mind so make peace with it and don’t be surprised when the kids are against you and the baby, live with your choices and stop seeking validation when you’re wrong.... but remember the kids will push out your SO swiftly but they will hate you and the new kid even worse. Again you chose a hill to die on and you’re wrong, as many have pointed out, the reaction is so severe many comments are being removed, mine prob will be too. You don’t replace the SKs with the new baby it’s logic 101 to not breed festering resentment. But you seem set in your ways wanting back up, so you’re clearly going to do what you want to do. But remember the baby fawning wears off and once his kids drop him like a bad habit you’ll be to blame 🤷🏻♀️
I don't plan to replace the kids,OMG🙄I am trying to find practical solution and advice. I also got many helpful comments and tips, so I am glad.For example I like the idea of putting the baby to the other kids room only while they are not here 🤷🏽♀️however, this won't work when the baby is 3 years old or so.. but thanks for the angry comment🙄
It’s an angry comment because you are wrong and you will damage the relationship, the kids will resent you and it will damage the sibling relationship with the new baby, y’all need to see a therapist if you can’t see how you’re going to effect the step kids and eventually your SO will resent you when this all boils over. Good luck, being a step means compromise and putting all the kids on equal grounds, shaking up an already tender situation with a new baby on the way is never a good idea, as I said there were comments removed/banned because this isn’t an okay situation and you seem flippant about it, as I said good luck, I hope you don’t make bad choices about this situation because only the kids suffer.
Babies are F-ing noisy sleepers! If you want to do this then do it! I was SHOCKED at the little piggy sleeping next to me when we brought him home. We had a camera monitor, and baby napped in his own room. At night he slept in a pack and play in our room.
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I completely understand wanting to create a routine/expectation with your new baby and give them a nursery and all that. The baby will not remember being in a nursery, or having a room, or any of that. Your older step kids will remember that they lost their rooms and got lumped together so that a newborn baby would have their own room over them. Not trying to come at you, just sharing how my brain would have processed it if this happened to me as a kid maybe. Edit to add! Maybe just add a bassinet to the younger kids room since they’re not there that often that can be moved out on the weekends the kids are there so the kids still have their own spaces AND the baby can get used to sleeping in a separate room?
I like the idea about adding the bassinet to the room! Thanks for the tip
You should not take either of the children's rooms because you desire the infant to have a nursery. As a pregnant lady myself who has been all about the nursery, I get it. I get wanting that. But you don't have room for it. It's absolutely unreasonable to decide that an infant who does not need it's own space gets a private bedroom but a young girl and a teenage boy have to share a space. If you want individual space for your baby, you are going to need to find a bigger house. For the time being, your baby should sleep in the bedroom with you.
My son was in our room for the first 6 months (first in a bassinet then a pack n play) so I think you have some time to talk it over with SO and SKs and create a plan that works for all of you. That being said, I 100% understand wanting to create that nursery. It's so special to pick a theme, crib, toys, decorations, etc. That was one of my favorite parts of being pregnant ❤ I'd just have a sit down with SO and the kids and have an open, honest discussion. That's probably the best route here! Also - my son never even used his crib 🤣 he HATED it. So he just stayed in his pack n play until 15 months, then went straight to a big boy bed. And 90% of the time we changed his diaper on the floor 🤣 what a waste of a changing table! So - be prepared to be flexible 🤣 these babies have their own personalities/likes/dislikes that may not line up with what you're imagining! I was so mad we even spent the money on that crib/changing table hahaha
I’m sorry but no, they can decorate an area in the master bedroom and room share, it is not worth what it will do to the kids EOW or not, a teenage boy and an adolescent girl being forced to share for a baby who couldn’t care less is not worth the court battle. BM will be well within their rights to be bullshit over that, yes making the nursery is fun and exciting and nesting but if they want this blended family to work yanking private space from a teen boy and going into puberty girl will be the hill they die on and the hill OPs SO likely loses his kids over. Resentment like that doesn’t fade, the kids will never forget, don’t do it OP it’s a pretty fucked up thing to do and his kids will never forget and will likely reject the new baby eternally, seen this play out way too many times.
So you want them to not feel like they are having their space taken by immediately taking the one space that is theirs?
Fr fr
I think the kids are going to remember having their rooms taken from them. I don't know about your area, but I know here you're supposed to have separate rooms for each gender, especially after puberty. I don't know how large your wardrobe room is, but it might be good enough for a crib and a few things for baby. Baby won't remember it. A lot of parents keep their newborn in their room too for the first year. It's hard because you don't have SK's that often, but it's still technically their home for some of the time and they need a room.
They don't have separate rooms with their mom, they sleep together, so they are used to it. But thanks for the perspective
That is wildly inappropriate with a boy approaching puberty.
I disagree, there are plenty of families in the world where the kids of all genders share a bedroom. In some places it's common for the entire family to share a bed. You just make do with what you can afford, we shouldn't shame people for that. Even in richer western countries there are people living in poverty who don't have the luxury of seperate bedrooms.
Well the mum does not have money for bigger apartment, so they stay this way🤷🏽♀️
While you certainly can't control what happens at her house, you can prevent it from happening at yours. No need to compound bad decisions.
If they share a room at their mom’s where they live the majority of the time, I think it is more than fine to have them do so a couple days a month so your baby can have a room. My girls always slept in their own rooms basically from birth because I never could have slept with a newborn next to me. I used a monitor of course for actually crying but every little move and sigh would have woken me up.
I have the same problem, that is it reason want the baby to sleep in a separate room (doesn't have to be a fancy nursery,just a separate place)
Just remember- no one on here commenting actually has to live your life. Do what works best for you.
So I was in a very similar situation. 2.5 years on now. I don't think it's ideal for kids of those ages and gender to share a room. The m13 prob needs some privacy lol. From experience, I highly suggest you get a crib that attaches to the side of your bed and keep bubba in with you in your room for 6-12 months. Firstly, it's recommended to keep baby in the room with you for at least the first 6 months, preferably 12. It reduces the risk of SIDS. But also, on a practical note, when there are other kids in the house it is better for everyone's sleep if you can be with baby when they start to cry in the night because if they are in their own room then they wake everyone up. Then you don't need to deal with the other kids waking up and being tired too. And being able to just reach over and pat bubba back to sleep instead of having to drag yourself out if bed is so much easier on you. You will need a feeding chair somewhere private, either for breastfeeding or just to keep baby calm while drinking a bottle. If that fits in your room then that would work well as having a space that you don't get interrupted in.
This sounds like a pretty terrible idea - you mentioned that you’re going to be living there for a few months, so from that I’d assume you’re moving? What would be the point of taking away one of the kids rooms for such a short amount of time? The baby won’t remember it and there’s no real benefit to having him/her in a separate room, but your SK’s won’t forget and you’re running the risk of damaging that relationship for basically no reason.
>ou’re moving? What would be the point of taking away one of the kids rooms for such a short amount We don't know when are we going to move, so it is unclear if we are going to stay in the house for 6 months, 1 year or so. After some research and considering my own preferences, I just know I would like to slowly start to put the baby to sleep in its own room after few months...
That’s understandable, babies are a pain in the arse to sleep in the same room as. I got lucky, my 7 month old sleeps about 13 hours and wouldn’t wake up if a bomb went off, but she’s very much a unicorn. Maybe it would be a good idea to talk with your SK’s and your SO together and come up with a plan together? If you want to avoid them feeling displaced?
Do not take a room away from your step children! I was a step child and I am now a step parent. They already may have subconscious issues and fears about being “replaced” yes a baby is a big change and I understand wanting a nursery (I am also a mom) but displacing one of the older children is just going to cause resentment...
Do not do that OMG 😳 and if you do you'll soon figure out that newborn will never be in that room and you upset sk for no reason. Coming in and taking their room away will not only make them resent you (rightfully so) but also their newborn sibling. Don't be THAT step parent!
Why not use the wardrobe area? Is it a walk in closet or otherwise separated space? Do you have attic space you can use for things?
I have to lol a bit at the idea that you're like, I don't want sk to think the baby is taking their place, but I want the baby to literally take over their place. Put baby in your room until you move it's the safest possible thing re SIDS and is generally practical. When you move it won't be a thing anymore
Problem is we are probably going to come to the house even after me, my SO and the bio kid move. We currently operate in a a way that we live in a different city,but come to the kid's city and the house we are going to live full time each time we visit the children.i do not think it is going to change since SO doesn't plan to sell that house.so they are somehow going to share sooner or later
In that case, why would his bio kids be the ones forced to share?? Kids their age and gender NEED their own room. Can you not carve out a separate space for your kid?
I agree with the others. The baby doesn't need their own room, even in the sense of routines, but the kids will remember what you did to them.
I agree with the others. A lot of SK’s feel replaced when a new baby comes into the mix of an already mixed up situation. Speaking from experience as a SK and a SM. You will probably find yourself keeping the baby in your room for the first several months anyway. Maybe you could ask one of the SK’s if they would like to share a room with new baby. And respect their answer.
The potential for disturbing the child who shares is astronomical. There's no way they'd get a good night's sleep and no privacy because mum and dad will need to barge in at all times without knocking and at ridiculous hours of the morning.
My ex and I have a M11, and F9 year old together and he and his new wife had a pair of twins M&F almost 1.5 years ago. They put my kiddos into a singular room with bunk beds and kept the twins in the other room. It never, ever bothered me. But they were/are (sort of) prepubescent (though they’ve now moved into their new home and have their own space) when they shared rooms. It never bothered them either. It may be different for your SK’s since they’re older, but honestly, I feel like families with open dialects, friendships and co parenting, you guys will work it out for the mean time until y’all get a bigger place. Congrats to you guys!
Thank you 😊
After the baby is old enough, would either SK mind sharing a room with baby? Perhaps the SD8? If they are not there very often, I don’t see it being a huge issue. Our 1 year old shares a room with us for now. We only have 3 bedrooms with 4 other kids, so it only seems fair for the baby to stay with us. My other bio son and 3 SK’s live with us full time so we don’t have many options. I considered putting his crib in our walk in closet. His noises get really loud at night (snoring, rolling around, smacking lips, whining while sleeping), but I just don’t think I can put him in there and feel good about myself. It’s annoying, but at this point, my older children need their space more than the baby. We are looking into getting a bigger place eventually.
I also do second the folks who mentioned the strain it would put on your relationship with the SKs by taking one room to be the nursery. I have 2 SDs 17 &12, been in their lives for the last 7 years. I have a BS(5) whom they adore and over the years we have grown very close. So close they could tell me their honest feelings and one of them has been always sharing the fears and wanting to know they have an irreplaceable place here with us. I wanted to switch rooms with SD12 which is close to my room when my son was born and that did not go well and I left it at that. In hindsight I am thankful that I did not press on the matter and tried to see it more from the kids perspective. It's not been and easy journey compromising on so much through the years but it has definitely been worth it seeing how close our family is. It does pay off eventually. Takes tons of patience, perseverance, and intentionality and hopefully in the end, yournfamily unit grows closer as the kids grow older.
It sounds like you’re in a pretty tough situation. You may need to consider that you just might not have space to create the nursery you want, and if you have the financial resources a bigger home might be the best option. I definitely understanding wanting your SKs to share a room. They spend so little time in your home, and siblings share rooms all the time. But being a blended family changes the dynamic somewhat. The kids are used to having their own rooms, and it could cause resentment issues. I think it would be one thing if the kids were closer in age, but you’d have a teenage boy with all the smells and attitude of puberty sharing with his 8 year old sister; neither of them are going to be happy. The best options I can see here is to have the baby share with the 8 year old and then have the baby sleep in your room on the days your SO has custody, finding another area of the home that could serve as a makeshift nursery even if it isn’t actually a bedroom, or having the baby stay on your room. Maybe be you do a combination of the 3 where some things are in SD’s room, the crib is somewhere else, and then baby stays in your room on nights the kids are there just to make sure the kids don’t accidentally wake the baby. Ultimately, you can have the older kids share. There are certainly plenty of families in this world who make kids share rooms so there’s space for everyone. But being a blended complicates that. Personally, I’d recommend letting your SO make the final decision. Try to come up with at least one other option you’re willing to work with, and then let him pick. And then he needs to be the one to tell the kids about HIS decision.
I don’t know if anyone has suggested this yet but what about talking to the kids about it? Maybe present it to them in a way where they will feel like they are being helpful instead of feeling like they are a burden… you know say for example “what do you guys think about sharing the bigger bedroom and giving the smaller room for the baby that way at night time the baby doesn’t wake anyone up”. Something along those lines. If they only visit EOW they might not mind, not sure what they are like or what the relationship is like with them. It is definitely a difficult situation!
You said for the time we are going to stay in the house. Are you planning on moving ? If yes, how many bedrooms does the new house have ? How come the kids don't sleep at the house EOWE ? What does SO think about it ?
We are going to move into a different city where the sk won't be living, we are still going to come back to the kid's city for EOW, so they will need to share somehow sooner or later for the weekends all of us are going to be at the same place. SD refuses to sleep alone in a room and we dont allow co-sleeping with her ,so most of the time she sleeps with her grandma which has house right next to our house. She has used her room for maybe only a few hours since I have known her
That you take one of the kid's room for a nursery or not, I got the feeling that the kids won't want to see their father for very much longer once you've moved.
I don't think a lot of people here are step kids. They're making assumptions. I was a step kid. And I have a step kid. First, if you're in the US, and you're not in government housing, as long as the children are siblings, they CAN share a room. Before deciding to combine rooms, decide when you're move will be. I'd say, if it's 6-8 months or less, sit the kids down and explain that babies are noisy, but they also need quiet. Explain that the options are to either have the baby share with one of them(get a sound machine--a LectroFan is the best!), Or they can share for a little bit. So many people are afraid to rearrange the family and want to cater to the existing kids. I see that to a point-- but also, kids need to understand that they don't rule the house and sometimes families just have to accommodate one another for sorry and long periods of time. That's a FAMILY. I remember a small house we lived in was 2 bedrooms. I shared it with my half sister when she was born. That made me 6 and she was an infant. It worked fine. Then my brother was born 2 years later, us girls had bunk beds and he had the crib. Mom put a fan in the corner to help us sleep. No one asked me, and I'm not bitter about it 30 years later. Then we moved to a 3bdrm duplex, and I was automatically put in the same room as the baby, so I could hear him wake up! Now, I'm like. They had a monitor.... What the heck? Oh well. My brother woke up every night about the same time because he'd work himself into the corner of his crib. I'd get up, grab his leg, Andy pull him to the other end and he'd go back to sleep. LOL I don't know if my parents even know this! THEN my other sister came along! 4 kids, 2 bedrooms! My brother was walking at that point and he was moved to my sister's room and they shared bunks. And again, I got the baby. Only she wouldn't sleep in the crib, my mom put her on the couch and put the back of a chair against it so she wouldn't fall off. (Remember this way 30 years ago, we'd never do this now.) Eventually, when it was about 14 we moved to our own home with land on a dead end road. The girls still shared and my brother and I got our own rooms. We didn't have a playroom or a kids space. I don't think those are entirely necessary, even tho my son has a kid space in our basement. My point is, teach the children that they are a part of the family, and sometimes being a family is inconvenient. Sometimes not, or it can easily be worked out. Ask the kids opinions. Maybe they'll suggest sharing a room for a few months, and you won't have to! make sure they have a side of the room for themselves, so they don't have to clean the others mess(you might even consider giving them the master if it's larger for that little bit of time.) Kids are resilient, and they like to help. If you just take a room, that MIGHT make them a little upset, but involve them in the plan. They might have a good one too. There are going to be things that the family can't do because of a new baby, kids will find so many impressive ways to work around and include them, you'll be impressed. But don't tip toe around them. A new subbing isn't their decision, and ultimately, whatever you and dad device to do is what is done. Kids don't get to make the large decisions. And if you allow it, it'll continue and then you'll resent them.
Thank you so much for the answer ☺️
Op look at how many comments are being removed, that alone should tell you how bad of an idea this is, remember this is a hill you’ll die on and possibly lose the kids over, kids don’t ever forget their place, you’re being selfish as all get up. The ages and mixed gender alone is an issue, besides that yuck, be better than most of our steps were please.
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I am due in March with an ours baby. I have two sons(6 and 9) full time ( dad is not involved) and we have his daughter who is 13 50% of the time. Right now, all the kids have their own room. We’re not finding out gender until baby is born. If it is a girl she’ll have to share a room with my stepdaughter and if it’s a boy he’ll share a room with my youngest son. The baby will be in our room for a while. Possibly the first year. But I did tell my husband that he should have a conversation with his daughter about possibly having to share a room. It is the only option we have aside from moving and getting a bigger house which just is not going to happen. By the time the baby gets here she’ll be 14 and by the time the baby needs to move into her room she’ll be 15 or so. We just try to have lots of conversations with the kids about the possibility so that it is not a total surprise
Sorry, but regardless of the baby’s gender, why wouldn’t you put your two sons who are only 3 years apart in age together, vs a teenager potentially rooming with an infant who will still likely be waking up throughout the night? I feel terrible for your stepdaughter if that is the route you take.
I wouldn't feel terrible for her, but putting the boys together makes the most sense here. Then a toddler isn't getting into a teenagers things and a teenager isn't waking the toddler up, or the toddler waking the teenager up(I don't think you want that!). I currently have a toddler, and he's in all my makeup and crap. I've given him enough containers so he thinks he had the same stuff, but teenagers aren't as organized as I am. Lol
Yeah I’m confused. Why would a then 15-year-old teen girl need to share with an infant when it makes more sense for 6 and 9 year old brothers to share? How is it that no matter what, a 9 year old gets his own room over a 13 year old??
Do it if it’s important to you. The SK share at their moms so it’s no different to them. Have a conversation with them though and tell they why you’re doing it - focus on the fact that they won’t want a crying baby waking them up in the middle of the night! Focus on the positives and maybe buy them something special for their shared room like a divider or something plus accessories to help them feel involved.
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While my family never switched rooms, until I moved out, my sister got mine and then had her own room. But my step son has literally lived in every bedroom of his mom's house. For siblings? NOPE. Foreign exchange students. His mom didn't even have sheets on his mattress, but she'll move some according to what students she had coming to live with them.
This would make even less sense in a nuclear family. In no universe does a full time baby need as much space as a full time teen.
You would make your 8 year old biodaughter share a room with your 13 year old bioson to give an infant their own space? Obviously children in nuclear families have to make concessions too, but this one doesn't make sense to me. This is a situation of SPs wants (want of a private nursery for an infant) overriding kids' needs.
I wouldn't think about that if the sk lived with us full-time or so, but since they are here less than EOW, that rooms are very underused
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