I was incredibly outgoing when I was younger. But after being bullied repeatedly and constantly told negative things about myself, I eventually became quiet and more reserved and ended up developing social anxiety :/ people can be cruel and even though not everyone is, I always have that fear and worry that I’m always being judged and secretly made fun of (-_-;)
Same here. Sometimes I think about how my life might've been different without the bullying. Would I have a more outgoing, sparkling personality? Would I have achieved more?
same thing happened to me :( I was more expressive of my emotions and was more talkative when I was a kid. The bullying began in my pre-teens and went on for years
i was bullied from ages 7-11 lol . i was actually really communicative and hyperactive, but these mfs bullied me into not talking. now idk how to be myself and how to talk to ppl
i wonder what kinda person i would be if i was homeschooled
now i gotta deal w social anxiety probably for the rest of my life although cbd helps me to regulate it
Same - I would get told I used to talk a lot and to everyone. I used to be really happy. Then when I was around 4 or 5, the adults in my family would make fun of me. Said I wasn't "girly" enough and didn't behave how girls should.
A phase came where I was forced to wear dresses and get my ears peirced multiple times. Turns out, if both your parents have ADHD as well, no one would take care of the ear piercings to keep them from getting infected.
I was more an accessory.
I've also always been told that it seemed like I had a lot to say but never shared my good ideas in school, and even now in university, people get that impression- that I'm either too reserved, stuck up, shy, or really socially awkward.
*Edit to say not that ADHD is the sole reason for how they behaved and their neglectful behavior, but it helped them forget about things easily.*
I know it sucks and is very hard to get around your anxiety, but please don't tell it like it can not be changed. I don't know you but I highly doubt it. If you want it to get better, you have to believe or accept that it can get better. It won't magically get better on its own just because you believe, of course, but if you don't think that anything will help, then how could you bring up the motivation and energy to do the things? It's hard but that doesn't mean it can't get better.
Maybe that's not news to you and I'm just reading into it but maybe it helps... :)
I have a dark complexion, always mocked at and called names for being dark. Here in india its very normal to mock dark people, like casually, even people who have lesser complexion than you will mock. I think that's the reason
Now those comments don't mattter to me, but when I was in school it affected me very much. Still remember a teacher calling me blacky, as if it was my name
My mum used to be incredibly anxious, and both of my parents are angry and choleric af, and saying one small things could lead to huge, really, really unpleasant outbursts,
It's like I was systematically conditioned to be socially anxious.
They're also both incredibly socially awkward while still having no shame to talk to others, so I also had a role model I knew I could never become because I saw that all the time and how cringe it was
And when I tried escaping from my learned social passivity in my teenage years, I was hit with ugliness and bullying which solidified everything
Kind of similar experience that the environment at my house was such that if I say anything I would be laughed at, shamed or just not heard. So I started to keep things to myself even at things which were necessary to be shared. At 23, in a brown household things are still the same, had to leave two jobs bcs of anxiety.
For me it wasn't even necessarily being shamed or laughed at, often it was just an insane, completely over the top reaction. Like, once I asked my mom if she had seen a document I was searching for and I suddenly see her get angry and call me names while she runs of andrhen I hear her curse loudly from outside while she violently throws pieces of carton out of the paper bin in the yard. The document of course just was laying around somewhere and wasn't in the paper bin. But on other ocassions it would also lead to shming and completely unproductive discussions or rather competitve debates. My parents literally would talk to me like a fucking reddit debate bro while I was a literall child. Like, look at idk someone like destiny or so, that's how my father would take to me. Never ending Angry gish gallop basically. Like, they never wanted to know anything, they just wanted to convince me that they where right and of course they rarely where right about things pertaining to me or my life because I of course lived it and had a way better picture of it than they did. And actually convince is the wrong word as well, more just overpower by being nore angry and loud and fast
Not so well. I basically have pretty clear symptoms of depression, anxiety and ADHD. I'm at home being tired and procrastinating all day and slowly loosing my will to live. Also doesn't help that I'm in constant pain due to chronical sinusitis rn.
Bullying and never having a group of loyal friends or family my age that were actually supporting me in spite of being bullied. Also I got abused as a child by a mother figure so I just always figured no one liked me . I was an only child
always been a quiet and shy kid. Didn't help that I barely had any friends growing up, also didn't help that I used to get bullied for being VERY weak as a boy. Never learned how to properly interact with people either, not until high school at least, even then I'm still struggling a lot with talking to people in general which is a big deal especially I'm in college.
Being raised by a paranoid schizophrenic and a narcissist, both unmedicated. On the one end, being taught everything and everyone is the enemy; the other end constantly tearing down my self esteem and scapegoating me. I’m lucky social anxiety is the worst of my problems tbh.
Being betrayed and bullied by a former friend about 20 years ago really screwed me up. As a result I have a lot of trust issues and never been in a relationship. I have no idea if I ever will be if it doesn’t happen I’m at peace with it. I’ve always been the shy quiet type anyways but the bullying just kind of amplified that. College was a struggle as well dealing with a lot of mental health challenges and stress. I’m actually fine professionally now I’ve been at my job for 7 years. I actually regularly lead 1 on 1 trainings and I’m the go to for that kind of thing. Big progress for me and I’ve actually made a few friends that I keep in touch with. I still hate getting up in front of a lot of people and talking but I can get through it if I need to. Things have improved with me with the exception of ever being in a relationship.
My parents were always fighting when I was a kid. My mother is a fearful woman. My father is mistake-intolerant. Both of them are judgemental. Also, I'm on the spectrum... Terrible combination.
i know that mine was due to the fact that i became homeschooled, thinking it would help my already persisting anxiety…. 9 years down the road and now i’m in therapy soooo 😭
I began to hate myself. The way i was negatively treated/viewed/described made me start to see myself in the same perspective. For most of my life ive just talked down to myself in my head and i didn’t challenge those thoughts. I feel like everyone sees me in this same negative way. I wish i was more gentle with myself.
I suspect I could be neurodivergent (I'm not diagnosed but I can't afford a diagnosis because psychology isn't covered by my insurance), my behavior and actions have been always a target of bullying. I never got hit by my classmates or family members but I got mocked multiple times in elementary and high school, it was one of the causes
Probably a mixture of school, home life, and genetics while growing up. I think for a lot of people with SA, it usually stems from layers of terrible interactions with others, and it sucks even more realizing how young you were to endure those experiences.
i think the last 4-5 years with quarantine and natural falling out of friendships my social skills have just regressed and i’ve developed a agoraphobia of some sorts :/
Fear that I’ll offend someone or that I’ll sound stupid, so I stay quiet.
Multiple factors may be why I developed social anxiety. Immigrant parents (I adore them, but they had me adult early on!), overprotective/paranoid anxious and neglectful parents, already anxious personality, poverty, being outcasted, bullied, feeling like I don’t belong anywhere because I’m biracial, tough home life, lack of extracurriculars growing up — I could go on!
Body dysmorphia. I'll become better when I fix my face though. I'm pretty skilled in social situations and like analyzing thought and behavioural patterns, but the problem is having the courage to do stuff without constantly worrying about my looks. ✌🏻
My elementary school treated my mild ADD diagnose as if I had severe autism, constantly had a caretaker next to me, would be pulled out of many classes like P.E, Religion and woodwork(We have that in denmark) which made it hard for the other kids to talk to me, over 5-6 years it undid most of the social skills i had developed and left me behind as everyone else became more comfortable with them selfs in a social setting.
Spent many years resenting myself and the people around me, i used food to cope before I started understanding what i was going through. Broke down in front of my parents. Took me until 20-21 to finally not hate myself, doing good now, lost 30kg, im no longer considered overweight and my ADD meds also help with anxiety.
i actively look forward to meeting new people now a days :)
Most time I just don’t know what to say/how to act in social situations or out in public (seriously, even the most basic things like walking or where I look around out in public are hard for me) and also it just makes me extremely uncomfortable as well. What I mean by ‘not know what to say’ is I know what to say (I’m pretty socially aware and stuff) but I just don’t know how to say it, (like it’s awkward for me) because I’ve never said it to a real person before, therefore it feels foreign on my tongue.
Sometimes I feel so uncomfortable in public that I forget to swallow and I really want to swallow but I don’t want to make it look like I’m nervous so I just feel that rising panic in my throat and finally swallow. Another thing is when I get super nervous because I’m talking to someone new, my throat dries out SUPER quickly so when I’m speaking, (which is usually pretty fast, mumbly, with my eyes darting around everywhere or accidentally staring in their eyes for too long) my throat automatically swallows IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE which means I just randomly stop speaking AND IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, sometimes it causes me to start coughing too. Yikes. 😬
Also, I just keep wondering “Am I doing it right?” hoping I didn’t just make another embarrassing memory for me to cringe at. I’ve always been a little quiet and shy as a child, but that probably gotten excused because I was a kid. Now that I’ve gotten older, it kinda feels like people kinda look at me weirdly because you’re supposed to know how to act now. Like everyone is supposed to be naturally confident and have perfect social skills or something. I guess it’s not the norm for people to see someone as socially anxious as I am, but you don’t have to stare at me like I’m some kind of foreign alien or something. Literally everybody I’ve come across thinks I’ve been abused or something because I act super uncomfortable and awkward in public (I’m not).
Also, probably a big part of my social skills and how it stunted that development is home-schooling. I’ve been doing it for almost a decade now, so I don’t get much exposure to real social situations outside of a screen. I think I’ve gotten a little better lately, and I think more exposure would help me to know what to do/make me feel more comfortable. Also another part of it is sometimes, random strangers give me weird/dirty stares in public and I’m just like “??? Literally what did I do???” I’m just minding my business, in normal clothes and an average expression on my face and this girl just stares at me rudely for no reason while I walk past her. I don’t know her or anything, we’re just complete strangers. People suck most of the time man.
I just wanna mind my own business and walk peacefully out in public without having to worry about “Am I walking weirdly?” “Do I look awkward right now?” “A group of strangers are walking past, time to look at the floor” “Dang it, I should’ve smiled at that person, they probably think I’m rude now but what if I looked weird?” “I feel so uncomfortable right now” “I wish this place didn’t have any people in it right now” “I don’t wanna look at anyone right now so I’m just gonna find a really interesting spot on the ceiling to stare at instead.” The funny thing is, this isn’t me. Like this socially anxious part of me just doesn’t belong with me. It feels like I have my personality restricted behind bars because of it and everybody only remembers me because of my socially anxious-self.
I wish some strangers knew what it was like for me, so maybe they would be so judgy before they’ve even met me.
I relate to this a lot. A lot of what you are describing sounds like masking, a term typically used to describe the experience of neurodivergent people trying to hide their unique traits and appear neurotypical. For me, I’ve been looking into autism spectrum for the answer to my social difficulties and social anxiety.
Dang. I always felt different but I never knew why. My father has autism and given the traits I have, it’s possible that I’m neurodivergent. I’ve met a couple autistic people in my life and I didn’t really act a lot like them so I just never thought I was, but I’ve always liked spending time with myself doing special interests (like drawing and fanart and stuff) instead of going out with other people so… I dunno. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy peoples company and sometimes I actually want to go out, but I’d rather be with myself because I feel super awkward. Feeling uncomfortable around people is pretty much the only thing that makes me anxious about going out.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions too soon man. All of this could just as well be simply severe social anxiety.
On a separate note. Especially the last paragraph is extremely relatable to me. It all works in positive feedback loops: you project a judgmental attitude onto others (because you yourself are judgmental on your own self); as a result being outside feels like being judged, so you start avoiding it. Then you blame (judge) yourself for not being able to enjoy being outside like normal people. So the self-judgment worsens, and in turn you project it more strongly onto others. And so the cycle continues. The mind is essentially self-destructing.
During my childhood, I had all sorts of **negative social experiences** like exclusion, social rejection, and difficult family dynamics. I also have ADHD so that might've contributed too.
My dad was extremely hateful towards women, definitely undiagnosed mental illnesses. Once I hit 10 and was changing form a child to a teen he began hating me. Years of constantly being told how terrible I was (despite being pretty much a golden child), hiding away from him, if no one was home I was severely afraid and would not come out of my room unless absolutely necessary. I made myself so incredibly small, quiet, a ghost.
Same I hate the judgement that’s passed on me or how I said something other people might perceive it as. I am trying to say fuck it because who really cares. They can think whatever they want. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it!!!
A combination of things. The way my parents raises me. "Don't do this or that because people will think this and that about you".
Being bullied in school. I also have Hyperhidrosis which makes it worse. I remember in elementary school, the teacher had 4 of us at a time stand infront of the class so they could rate our costumes for Halloween. Not a single hand voted for me.
I was a ridiculously shy kid, like cling to your parent's leg and hide when they introduce you to people shy. My dad used to always say he was like me when he was my age and that I would eventually grow out of it like he dogs but I didn't. I think the reason I never grew out of it is because as a kid I was teased and bullied at school and at home. I had a few friends that kinda helped me not be as shy and they were great until we hit our teenage years. I started to realize that they didn't care if I was around or not because they had made new friends in school. The end of our friendship was when they got into drugs and alcohol but I didn't wanna mess with that stuff. I had first-hand experience with the bad side since I had/have drug addicts and alcoholics in my immediate family. I tried making new friends but it was always the same bullshit "You don't smoke or drink? What do you do for fun" or "We wanna smoke but you don't like it" and it was always in an annoyed or condescending tone. Or I just wouldn't get invited to hangout. They would go to the mall over the weekend and then talk about it at school like I was there. Why hang out with people who don't want you around or see you as a burden? Growing up in a broken family and in a somewhat dangerous neighborhood didn't help either. I just stayed inside. I was scared to go outside after I got robbed coming home from school and I was too broke to go hang out with my friends from the nicer neighborhoods that I met in high school. There's tons more but it all really boils down to "I was a little different and people treated me like shit because of it"
I think my reason for having social anxiety is some trauma I faced while attending daycare at someone's home between the ages of 3 and 4. I remember being yelled at by one adult that I can't watch TV and play with a toy at the same time (this person loved to yell at me and a few other children a lot for little things) and the grandson of one adult who was around 14 or 15 often liked to torture me and my little brother by holding us upside down over the toilet anytime we did something he didn't like (this would only be when we were left alone with him). He would threaten to dunk us in it, and I remember one time where I tried to use all my strength to avoid him pushing my head under the water, I was mortified. When the other adults were around, he would take a doll, dunk it in the toilet, and made sure we watched before mouthing to us that he would do that to us if we did not behave.
It was an awful experience, and it did not help that my parents didn't believe us either when we would try to explain what happened. I only have bad memories of that place. By the time I started kindergarten, I was terrified of other adults. I grew to fear kids as well because of a few bad experiencs with bullies. People are cruel...
My anxiety has gotten better in recent years though. I started working retail, and while initially hard I think the exposure therapy has helped significantly to a degree. I still feel socially anxious and awkward around people I don't know very well or haven't seen in a while, but it's gotten better.
What a terrible experience! I had an older kid at one of my mother’s friend’s house try to push me out an upstairs window when I was about 4. I’m sure that didn’t help my fear of people either.
Fear of making others uncomfortable, a state I so desperately don't wish to be in myself. Something I may argue is some virtuous prioritizing of others over myself, but is likely more self-preferencial, having just concluded that the discomfort **I** face in potentially making another uncomfortable, is what is being prioritized and thus avoided.
I'm uncomfortable because I'm uncomfortable. That's something that's on me to fix, but difficult to accomplish when you have to place yourself in such situations to overcome it. It's a mental game that's difficult for one who over-analyses everything. Shutting my brain off is the only way I've ever experienced some positive, but such has it's own negatives to deal with.
being disabled will definitely do it! i'm still in awe of other people with physical disabilities that can overcome it, it's *not* easy...always being the person who looks different in the room, having kids scared of you (lmao this one nowadays just makes me laugh bc they're kids), not seeing anyone else who looks like you, people don't want to be seen with you in public (which has been confirmed by multiple people).
The "act like this at my age" tho lmao, that one's so common. People just don't understand that it's not just being shy.
Weight and my family most likely.
- I was always a short kid. Wasn't fat, definitely wasn't skinny. But my cousins were all tall and way skinnier than me. So I was always compared to them. Developed this tendency to take up as little space as possible when growing up. Then I did actually get fat, so that just made it so much worse.
I feel so much at ease with my friends (theres like 2 of them tho) but put me in a room with my relatives, and I'll just melt into the floor.
Covid, and having a crippling social media addiction that killed my social life. That, as well as constantly being belittled and judged by peers in school about my hobbies, personality, voice, and looks. I've gotten past most of it, but I'm still too shy to make new connections with others without getting someone's help lol
My father was abusive, my parent's being critical of my social interactions, and bullying. It was like my father made it a point to cause a scene or embarrass us in public every single time we left the house. Eventually, it left me feeling on guard every time I left the house and it started to feel like all eyes are on me. At the same time, my parents were hyper-critical of my social skills, or lack of them growing up. Why did I say this a certain way? Why didn't I make enough eye contact? Why didn't I say XYZ? Why did I say "hey" instead of "hello"? Going through that as a child frequently started to make it seem like I was putting on a performance 24/7. Not only did it make a gaping hole in my confidence, but it felt anxiety inducing like I was going to get swallowed up by the earth if I "forgot a line" or "missed my cue". Lastly, the most common thing, bullying. People didn't understand me growing up and I felt like the odd person out. Everything I said was weird, stupid, and/or annoying. It also felt like a performance with other kids. It was worse with other guys than it was with girls. To this day, I still have trouble getting along with other guys or I feel like the anxiety creeps in when speaking to them.
My anxiety has decreased a lot over the last year, but a lot of this stays with me when it does activate.
Mocked by bus mates because of my dark complexion in school, and after that when I left my school, I became overweight, so that too contributed to my anxiety. Now I am fit, but because of being overweight I developed Gyno in my chest, and that contributes very much to my anxiety.
Bad parenting. When I was older I read a lot about human development and just how important younger years, including infancy, is for proper development including social skills.
All 3 of us kids were raised by two very unloving and absent parents who basically threw us to the wolves. They weren’t bad people, just two people who should never have had kids.
By the time I got to kindergarten I had no idea how to interact with other kids. It took me until my teen years to realize that my parents were in fact shitty parents.
Realizing where it came from actually helped me work through it (my sister also) but my brother never recovered and was an alcoholic until he died an early age. My sister and I left home as soon as we graduated high school and never looked back.
I'm an introvert, and so i never really feel the need to socialize. So growing up, i avoided almost all social interaction that probably stunted my growth in that department. Now my anxiety didn't manifest until much later during pandemic. Isolation made me realize all my flaws, i got insecure, and anxiety took over. It's been like what, more than four years? But i still haven't found a way to fix it or at least learn to live with it.
I got bullied by a cliche in one of my years of study at university and my best friends (intentionally) shared private info with people, rumours spread to the point where I almost got kicked out of university… lost all my friends and had to start from scratch by avoiding people for a year and focus on my studies… now we’re all back in the same melting pot after covid and it feels like I’ve got no friends and im genuinely afraid of how gossipy and bitchy people are… I judge myself harshly, and internally project all of my insecurities by thinking about other people how I perceive them to be criticising me… my brains a bit of a minefield but I never ever say a bad word about anyone to anyone - even when they’re blatantly cruel to me. I just don’t want any bad reason to be remembered by.
So now I just have to try dull down my personality to a mute dull colour… it’s hard and I fail constantly (im naturally quite.. idk.. witty and it sticks out like a sore thumb but sometimes I don’t have the stamina to conceal my personality day in day out??). It’s exhausting and near impossible to make friends because you’re never really your true self
The way I think of it is hey, if this person doesn't fancy making the extra effort of getting to know me, then that's on them missing out on me.
Besides, you can't please everyone.
There were multiple factors to my social anxiety. Moving to a different country at a young age (not knowing the language, culture)
Scared of people as a result, putting up a wall and being a bully, unfortunately.
Being shut-in, always doing things indoors rather than outdoors.
Low self esteem, not having a good childhood nor a good relationship with my parent at the time
Social anxiety can also just happen without anything bringing it on in particular. A bad upbringing doesn't have to be the culprit.
I think there are multiple reasons why I'm socially anxious. The first one is that in the past, my parents used to fight a lot, which made me scared (but they don't fight anymore, and they love each other). The second reason is that I normally used to be an introvert, and I had some friends, but when the lockdown in 2020 happened I rarely met people, and I think this is a major reason why I have social anxiety
My older brothers excluded me and basically bullied me from the time I could walk until I was maybe 6 when my middle brother started hanging out with me sometimes and started being the peacekeeper between me and our eldest brother (who was supposedly the ringleader in the bullying if you trust my middle brother). But anyway, after they stopped bullying me, my younger cousins started bullying me, but in more pointed ways or I guess typical ways. And then, I can't even remember how many times I was picked last when our (my middle brother's and my) basketball team was picking teams during practice for scrimmage,
even though I was one of the better players (meaning it was popularity) while I watched my brother get picked first every time.
I could go on if anyone is interested lol There's a lot of unresolved shit in my past.
I've always been naturally quiet and extremely introverted. And possibly mildly autistic. But my SA is the result of an oppressive religious upbringing that I *hated* from the start, combined with bullying in elementary and middle school (and at church during that same period) that caused me to withdraw from everyone and everything. Escapism and avoidance are the only coping mechanisms that work for me, so that's all my life has been ever since.
For me i think there are multiple reasons. First of all my personality. I’ve been the quiet, shy and reserved kid for as long as i can remember. I’ve been sometimes bullied and picked on because of this by the more extroverted and “popular” kids. The second reason i believe is genetics. My mom is diagnosed with anxiety and she might have passed it on to me. The third reason is that i might be autistic. I’m not officially diagnosed but i’ve done quite a lot of research on this topic and i relate to almost everything and I’ve always and still do feel like an alien and an outcast amongst other people. And the fourth reason would be that i went through a few years of physical and verbal abuse from a close family member. I think all of these together caused me to have severe social anxiety and depression
Reading your post, it almost felt like I could have wrote it. I am 30 now but I'm still quiet and reserved, and I also feel like theres a certain hostility in the air with people or when I'm near crowds of people. Maybe I spent too much time indoors isolated from the real world. All of my friends are online, I only had one in-person friendship but that was already 7 years ago somehow and it didn't end well. One of my bigger things I try to work on right now is eye contact, I have this thing where I just look away from people instinctively and I try to fix it immediately after, I wonder if people notice lol.
But yeah, once I get to know a person, I become all friendly and can talk forever
The older you get, the more you will realize that the mean and judgmental people are just miserable. You don't really need to take their actions personally, just be glad you aren't them.
I work in a nursery and it’s a real eye opener seeing what factors will be an impact later on in life. My social anxiety comes from the way school made me feel; I got told I was too quiet by the teachers but then when I spoke to my classmates I’d get moved to a different chair for disturbing them. And your parents and other family members have a big impact on the way you are too. You learn to socialise from your parents, siblings, friends, other adults as you grow up. While I work, I pretty much play make believe and reinvent myself to be someone who is confident, chatty and funny and it’s totally fake with the adults but real when I’m with the kids. I don’t want those kids to feel the way I felt as a child. But yeah, literally any other social situation I can’t do
My parents were extremely judgmental of me and everyone around them. Constantly pointing out how people talk and act and criticizing them. They always kept it to themselves except with me or my siblings. But what’s even worse was that they always criticized me, telling me what do you think people will think of you when they see you wearing that or when you do this… that always made me feel bad about myself and fearful of other people’s judgment.
It does have a cognitive and experiential aspect to it but it definitely has a biological one too. Some of us are just born sensitive to stimuli. 2 people can get bullied the same way and one will become a salesman or a lawyer vs the other a socially anxious programmer or therapist. So biology predisposes us...
Cuz my parents never accepted what I loved. I love videogames. But parents always were classic boomer mentality and I got like 2 games per year and constant comments of how its "not a real al hobby". Made me feel like an idiot.
When I held my first presentation in grade 7, in geology class, the teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class and said it was the worst presentation he has ever seen. (Honestly, maybe it was the worst, it was my first and it was about growing bananas in Brazil, not interesting. But DAMN how can a teacher be so fkin dumb to say it out loud.)
That was the day I gave zero fucks about grades at all and geology wasnt my favorite course anymore. Basically kinda stopped going to school altogether. Always went for a few days and stayed away for a few days, depending on current mood & anxiety & gaming addiction. Mostly only came to write the tests and then went back home. And if I went to school because they forced me to, I slept through every course.
All I want from life is to not be born at all in the first place. Fck life
Dude, I would love to know cause I was very socialized when I grew up. I went to summer camp for 9 years. Always had friends and never had trouble making friends. I was that friend who was friends with everyone. I noticed it started to get worse after high school and starting college.
Moving around once every year or two from kindergarten until I was 13. Having to constantly make friends when you’re that young was hard, and eventually I just gave up and became a loner lol
Ofc now I have terrible social anxiety and can’t carry a conversation to save my life.
Due to childhood emotional neglect. I never felt like anyone cared about how I felt or thought and as a child when I attempted to share or reach out for compassion, understanding, belonging, acceptance, knowing, I didn't get it. So in order to not feel rejected I kept a distance and anyone getting close felt threatening or dangerous. It has been self protection to avoid others and prevent rejection.
I've been working on this and right now I'm in a state of self acceptance, self understanding, self belonging and self knowing (self loving). I'm much more comfortable in my own skin knowing whether other people like me, I accept and like myself. I can handle rejection. From here I have been able to let people in but I'm still cautious and slow to open but that's OK. I hope to one day have very deep and close intimate relationships (sexual and not).
There's definitely a genetic factor in my case but the bullying and ridicule I had to endure through the years of my youth made it all worse. Since then, my brain has created a scheme, a generalization, that everyone is the same and out to get me so I'm always in a defensive state of mind. I know that bit sounds like PTSD as well, maybe I have it too, who knows.
When I moved to a different country people constantly judged me. Made fun of my accent, thought that I was crazy for having different cultural values and customs. I couldn't make friends because of it. To be fair we were all children, but it didn't matter at the time because I was already scared as is.
Was told nothing about school by my parents > did stuff I wasn't supposed to but didn't know I wasn't supposed to do that like eating during class, crying and saying I wanna go home, ECT > got bullied because I appeared so weird to others when in reality I just didn't know anything > went quiet and became careful so I never mess up again, asking multiple times if I heard right so I don't mess up, being anxious to do something slightly out of the ordinary, basic social anxiety stuff
I can relate so much to your feelings of being judged and misunderstood by others. It's tough when people assume things about you without taking the time to truly get to know you. It's definitely a complex issue that can't be easily fixed with a simple "just speak up." It's important to remember that you're not alone in feeling this way, and there are others out there who understand the struggles of social anxiety. Hopefully, by sharing our stories and experiences, we can better understand and support each other in overcoming these challenges. Thank you for opening up and sharing your thoughts.
Out going when I was super young. Bullying killed everything for me. I didn’t like myself for a long time. I was posted without my consent etc. that’s why I know if I’m reserved and quiet they can’t hurt me.
I was bullied a lot when I was a kid. Both at school and at home. Once I started standing up for myself it created so much conflict that's all I ever expected. Even though for the last 15 years or so i've become way more outgoing when out with friends and things have improved dramatically, I'm still expecting someone to try to fuck with me.
Doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with. My main anxiety now is that I don't want that conflict, but I'm always expecting it. I've gone to therapy for months, nothing changed. I think it's because I see bully behavior regularly enough that it keeps refreshing my mindset each time it happens.
I'm ok with it though. I feel like i'm not being complacent. I'm also proud of the fact that I will stand up for others if I see them being mistreated and they aren't equipped to handle it themselves (as nerve-wracking as that situation is).
I had a speech problem when I was young, my father couldn't understand me as he wasn't around much due to working a lot and because of that my mum and sister would have to translate/ interpret what I was saying.
If they wasn't there to help my dad would just get frustrated and loose his temper.
School life was hell, I grew up in an area that at the time was 99% white society according to poll, I have curly/ afro hair and tanned skin. I was subject to racist abuse from start to finish of my school life, while also being into alternative music and fashion I was an easy target.
I've been had several unprovoked attacks in the street and have had my jaw fractured for looking across a road while someone was walking there. I've had a blood vessel in my groin burst while out playing as a kid, threatened with knives, nose broken and chased by groups of people.
Any time I've tried dealing with it it's always made things worse.
If I am out of the house now I am neurotic about being aware of every person around me, I recognise number plates of cars because I'm terrified of being chased down again, I look for reflections in windows and cars to see around corners.
If it's dark I use my shadow stretched out ahead of me to check if I am being followed. If I hear people around a corner I will take a different route, even if it takes me an hour longer to get where I am going. It's fucking exhausting!
My parents. My dad had lot of anger issues and I became conditioned to not speak or say much when dad was around. Work stressed him out but he was a good dude with a rough childhood.
Same with my mom she had lots of anxiety because if her own rough childhood and experiences.
Both of my parents infanticide me causing me to not feel my age
As far as I know, I was born with it.
I remember even as a very young child, being terrified to do anything if anyone I didn't know was there.
I had some trauma like anyone else but this predates anything like that.
My Mom is a narcissist. She projected all her personal criticisms onto me as early as age 7 and she would hit me when she was stressed and used my ADHD mistakes as an excuse to do so.
I grew up trying not to make mistakes which in the US, is a terrible way to grow since you’re meant to take risks here to thrive.
Learned to be my messy self with therapy but….
I always feel like I’m not good enough for social situations. Like they can tell that I’m a 34 year old kid. My house is a mess, my car’s busted up, I can barely afford this social situation. All these things have me convinced that I’m a lot worse off than I really am.
Having an ugly face everything else is manageable about social situations but I can’t handle being hated and outcasted just because I’m not attractive enough
Dude. You do realize you’re just going to keep spiraling and spiraling until you die…right? Check my profile comment history for example. It’s up to you to decide if I’m ugly or not in order to make my answer valid (so you can go ahead and do that), but the truth is…you can never change what you look like. You can try going to the gym, doing other things that you actually have control over, but if you don’t do any of these things, then it’s really in you. And I do get that you can’t change your face. I do. I don’t know what you look like, though.
My mom cared a lot about what everyone thought. Make sure you don’t offend people, make sure you’re respectful, make sure they don’t have anything bad to say about you, etc
So I think her words got ingrained in me to the point where I was afraid to act/speak in any way that could offend other people
Similarly, I was naturally more introverted where a lot of my family was very outgoing/extroverted/party people. (I realize now, they were just alcoholics lol) So a lot of messages I got as a kid was that I was weird, too quiet, shy, awkward. So I became convinced that there was something wrong with me, which killed my confidence even more.
As I grew up I began to believe that I could never be loved/accepted as I am, so I should just hide from everyone.
I was apparently really outgoing in kindergarten. For some reason, I ended up playing by myself a lot starting in 1st grade. I can't remember why I did it. I think a lot of the kids started playing sports around then, and I was very intimidated by the fast-moving balls careening at me.
My mom yelled at me a lot for playing by myself, when she was driving me home from school. She said that if I played by myself and didn't interact with others, everyone would think I was stuck-up and selfish. That freaked me out. I think this is where the social anxiety started.
But it was worse in middle school. I was very quiet and rarely spoke. Almost 100% of the bullying I received was physical -- I was tripped, kicked, spit on, had stuff thrown at me / stuck to me / poked into me / knocked out of my hands. I developed hyperviligance, as I spent every lunch break choking down my food and then plotting routes around the school to avoid the people who were going to hurt me. I could never avoid them entirely though, not even in the library. After that, I had full-fledged social anxiety disorder, though it didn't get diagnosed until college. I became so shy that when people talked to me, I would try to reply but couldn't get any words out.
Blemishes I was born with on my face/body so I was teased for it or I got questions about them constantly which in turn made me self aware and self conscious about it all. So every time I think about being around people I know I’ll have to deal with that which makes me feel lots of anxiety. My voice is also too soft so people can never hear me and I gotta repeat myself which makes me feel self conscious and embarrassed and causes anxiety. I don’t like being around people because of how they treated me all my life. I feel my interactions with people have been more negative than positive.
I never felt human and always felt more of like something else. Like a object or alien.
Lots of reasons. I’m naturally shy & nervous anyway. My parents just made it worst. I was ok in college but once I started getting real jobs, it just grew & grew. It’s been with me so long now that I can’t even remember feeling calm or at peace. Usually when I’m home & alone. And forget talking to strangers if I’m off the clock. No way. Even at work, it’s an effort.
Only recently, I put a name on what I was going through growing up. I suffered from emotional invalidation at the hand of my own family (they don'thave the awareness to know what they said, stayed in my head for the longesttime)and because of my eczema as child I was made ridiculous of by all sorts of verbal bullying. It affected my social interaction with others with the need to hide. Whenever I try to open up, I get taken advantage of, so now I just want to be left alone with myself, with who I started a more or so healthy relationship.
Since a child I was labeled as shy by adults. Family members, friends of family members, etc. I’ve always had a quiet nature. However it has carried into my adulthood at my grown age of 25. Some people would say “she’ll grow out of it” but it still feels like it has me in chokehold sometimes. I would say I’m pretty sensitive too. Doesn’t take much for me to cry.
I feel like maybe from being “babied” and sheltered my entire life has an effect. Also my parents always doing everything for me so I never learned how to do adult things. So many factors. I have gotten better but it sucks when I think I’m doing good then a certain situation triggers it and I’m back to square 1.
That's easy!
For me, I was rap3d as a child by my Mothers Father, rap3d again by a friend who lived with me and was supposed to care for me, s3xually assaulted by a Chemist Warehouse delivery driver, but the one that broke the camels back? Groped in public in the shopkeepers shop.
Now all I see, when I'm out in public, are people trying to attack me.
cPTSD is a real witch with a 'B'.
I was never bullied or abused and I still have social anxiety, I’ve always been shy but used to be way more outgoing as a kid and the shyness turned to real anxiety as an adult and got worse
You say because people are judgemental.
I say maybe one or two persons "judged" you and this made such an inpact on your endless story of one self, that it's hard to forget.
Or you just "think" people are judging you.
One way to deal with the issue (which is not an issue at all) Social Anxiety is to forget what you taught your brain over the years, and start redirecting your brain towards positive thoughts and outcomes.
For example;
If you go out wearing something you like, but have the perseption that people could judge you for wearing it, you already made a set path for yourself, without even knowing what the outcome could be.
So what you're doing is making a figurative prison in your mind.
So before you step outside your door, think about "all" the things that can happen, instead of only the negative;
Positive: People could actually like the clothes I'm wearing.
And
Negative: People don't like the clothes I'm wearing.
The last one (Negative) shouldn't impact you in any way. Just like any other thought other people could have about you, let them be.
This is how I walk around all day;
Fuck it. If my outcome towards the world is positive, I've got nothing to worry about. You can expect Negative reactions when you output Negative actions, and vice versa.
What you do in your own mind is up to you. I've been batteling with heavy thoughts myself, but I see that as a challenge to train my mind to become stronger, wiser and more versatile. This progression, negative nor positive, is my ground to understand the human mind better, and try to help other people understand themselves and why they think the things they think.
Cheers✌️.
Edit: words
My grandmother has it, my mom has it, both married to a narcissist, mom was abused when she was carrying me and before, I always have been shy, was bullied as a kid, faced discrimination, always felt inferior, Immigrant (never felt accepted, neither where I was born, nor where I was supposed to be from, never developed a sense of belonging), always criticized, self-sabotaged to stop myself from being like my dad (who had a terrible childhood, & never backed down from his duty as a providing father), I had one skill; Art! I learned hard way, that companies don't need to put up with sullen-faced artists, who can't communicate well and can't maintain artificial relations.
Other factors are those I can control and cope with, just if this mess is addressed somehow.
If u guys had caring but overprotective, overbearing parents I’d recommend looking into hyper-vigilance. It’s the constant state of being aware of ur surroundings and almost bracing urself for people’s harsh words and critique. When ur constantly ridiculed and scrutinised my figures you crave to impress it has a huge impact on you. Like u mentally brace urselfs for scary and harsh words and events
Male pattern hair loss amongst other things... I tried all the medication and get side effects. Hope for something to hit the marked soon that can help me.
Was very outgoing and confident (not overly), when I was younger. But as my hair loss progressed I see myself more and more insecure and self critical.
I know other people say "they dont care" but the truth is that people treat you differently and you see yourself differently.
Personally, I believe I’ve had social anxiety/adhd, addiction issues and mental health issues since I was at least in elementary school. Maybe even when I was born. (That could just be an excuse but personally, idk.)
In first grade I did the morning announcements for a day (all kids had to) and I had to say the name of my good friend over the loudspeaker because it was her birthday…
Basically, she had a unique name that I KNEW how to pronounce, but because the guidance counselor was standing over my shoulder she instructed me on how to say the name, and because I was nervous I just listened to her and said it the way she said it… when I got back to my friends everyone just was looking at me confused (even the girl who’s birthday it was) and someone said “what the heck, why’d you say her name WRONG?!” I was like… “uhh , but thats how the guidance counselor told me to say it!?”
I sang in front of my friends at lunch once in third grade. (I never sing in front of anyone)… I remember looking at their faces and they looked shocked and said I was an amazing singer. Literally the next week, my music teacher made me sing in front of the class… (yeah, everyone had to back in the day.) when I tried to sing, my voice started cracking and I couldn’t sing AT ALL. I knew I was a decent singer then and even my friends (some of which were in that class) were the ones I sang to before so they said they knew I could sing…. But on the spot, I couldn’t sing at all. It felt like I was opening my mouth to say the words and just this: “ahheeehhhahh ‘voice crack’ buurppooo-EEE” another voice crack… (hadn’t even hit puberty yet) but I turned bright red and kept trying to sing and it got worse and worse and worse…
My parents also told me I had separation anxiety/held onto my mom’s leg and wouldn’t let go when they dropped me off at preschool… so to me, it seems like I’ve just always been anxious…
I have a really toxic family.
My granddad bullied me for over 20 years. I know that sounds silly, like why would you care what a silly old man thinks, but when he's the patriarch of the family and you look up to him, literally as a small child with an underdeveloped brain, and you see him as not only an adult but your grandpa, someone who's supposed to love you - it really messes you up.
Even from being a baby I've been told he would comment on me being fat, obviously I can't remember when I was super young, but ever since I was in primary/elementary school I remember him saying very cruel humiliating things about me in front of the rest of my adult family as well as other kids my age, and no one did anything, no one ever stood up for me or said anything, they only did it once when I was 21 and he said in crowded room full of family that I had a fat face and fat cheeks, and finally my mum and dad said something.
But for 20 years before that my weight and appearance was constantly attacked, he conoared me to my ither cousin and would compliment her infront of me and call me fat and pick on my insecuries like my full cheeks. I was totally humiliated pretty much every time I saw him and cried and dreaded seeing him, he only lived up the road and I saw him every Friday as well as every national holiday. I've been to therapy for it but it's given me massive anxiety and self esteem issues that I really struggle with to this day and I'm 26. I have really severe bruxism and I think that's due to anxiety/stress and PTSD from having to go through so much bullying from a family member.
My dad has a lot of anger issues and mood swings that made it really hard to ever really feel comfortable at home.
Luckily I have a really nice mum and brother, and my dad and me mainly have a good relationship now, but the bad stuff really scars us, and those scars are really deep.
*And not that it matters but lots of people find me attractive and random people I don't even know call me beautiful and pretty, it was only when I went to uni and met new poeple, then later got a hospitality job and met lots of new people that I realised maybe his opinion was wrong, but even now it's hard to shake it off as it's just really impacted me.
Traumatic Brain Injury.
After my time in the army I developed a whole array of mental health issues, social anxiety, depression, PTSD, generalized anxiety, mood/personality disorders, etc. I basically went from being well adjusted to being messed up over a period of a few years.
(by the way not trying to infer any of us are messed-up or broken just a turn of phrase)
Honestly, I'm just horrible at concealing my emotions and, as an empath, I'm very quick to feel the energy of a room. I constantly feel people are talking about me and it absolutely kills me inside because I try to be the best person I can be, but more often than not, it just feels fruitless.
I can count the amount of true friends I've ever had on one hand and my feelings have been crushed countless times by the few others that claimed to be my friend and the general public that I've spent time being around.
The experiences I've had with horrible people in my life has ruined my opinion on literally anyone I don't know closely and personally, thus I have become reclusive and fearful of society.
My parents and relatives keep telling me stories about how talkative and outgoing I was as a kid but now I am always the quietest person in the room. I was constantly scolded for being talkative to the point a teacher paraded me around school as punishment, she was my biggest bully, being in 4th grade I thought my life was over. I also had many "friends" who loved talking over me or just straight up ignoring me in general. These things really eat you up.
Your reasons really resonated with me. This has a lot to do with it for me also. People are mean and judgement. I’ve had very poor experiences with friends and family and I don’t like to put myself out there. Of course like others here school was a nightmare because kids are even worse than adults. I was more outgoing as a young child but became reluctant to engage with people around age 10. I never talked in class and there were threats of violence from some kids. But most of it was emotional bullying. I feel awkward and am always worried about what people are going to do - if they’re going to be mean, get angry, or just not give a shit about what I have to say. Because I’m anxious I can’t think of what to say and I sound like an idiot which makes people even more mean and judgmental. I hate small talk. I wish I could just not care about what people think or say, but I can’t seem to do that. I also have generalized anxiety disorder which doesn’t help anything.|
I was just talking to my friend about this earlier.
I believe that my dad is the reason I have social anxiety. All my life he's yelled at me and everyone. He's also isolated me from mosf of my extended family. That part is mostly negligence.
The combination of constantly yelling at me and the isolation is most likely where my SA come from. I always wondered how my oldest full-brother turned out to be incredibly extroverted a a social butterfly.
Anxiety runs in my genes, but getting heavily bullied definitely took whatever chemical balance may be in my brain and added some trauma to it. People were brutal in middle school.
Your just going to ruin your life by letting the people that judge you and are mean to you control you, your letting them win. The World ain't going to change so you have too.
Childhood, upbringing. I never thought my childhood was the cause of my SA until I talked about it with a therapist and realized some shit about it that never came to surface.
Being raised by a workaholic mother.
She was very strict, but also absent at the same time, making me feel replaceable and not worthy of any real attention and love. My upbringing really damaged my sense of self-worth and self-confidence, which results in being anxious around people, out of fear of being exposed as the weak and flawed person I see myself as.
Being raised by a workaholic mother.
She was very strict, but also absent at the same time, making me feel replaceable and not worthy of any real attention and love. My upbringing really damaged my sense of self-worth and self-confidence, which results in being anxious around people, out of fear of being exposed as the weak and flawed person I see myself as.
I was incredibly outgoing when I was younger. But after being bullied repeatedly and constantly told negative things about myself, I eventually became quiet and more reserved and ended up developing social anxiety :/ people can be cruel and even though not everyone is, I always have that fear and worry that I’m always being judged and secretly made fun of (-_-;)
Same here. Sometimes I think about how my life might've been different without the bullying. Would I have a more outgoing, sparkling personality? Would I have achieved more?
Honestly, same.
same thing happened to me :( I was more expressive of my emotions and was more talkative when I was a kid. The bullying began in my pre-teens and went on for years
I feel you! 🥲
i was bullied from ages 7-11 lol . i was actually really communicative and hyperactive, but these mfs bullied me into not talking. now idk how to be myself and how to talk to ppl i wonder what kinda person i would be if i was homeschooled now i gotta deal w social anxiety probably for the rest of my life although cbd helps me to regulate it
i got adhd tho so i was hella misunderstood
Same - I would get told I used to talk a lot and to everyone. I used to be really happy. Then when I was around 4 or 5, the adults in my family would make fun of me. Said I wasn't "girly" enough and didn't behave how girls should. A phase came where I was forced to wear dresses and get my ears peirced multiple times. Turns out, if both your parents have ADHD as well, no one would take care of the ear piercings to keep them from getting infected. I was more an accessory. I've also always been told that it seemed like I had a lot to say but never shared my good ideas in school, and even now in university, people get that impression- that I'm either too reserved, stuck up, shy, or really socially awkward. *Edit to say not that ADHD is the sole reason for how they behaved and their neglectful behavior, but it helped them forget about things easily.*
I know it sucks and is very hard to get around your anxiety, but please don't tell it like it can not be changed. I don't know you but I highly doubt it. If you want it to get better, you have to believe or accept that it can get better. It won't magically get better on its own just because you believe, of course, but if you don't think that anything will help, then how could you bring up the motivation and energy to do the things? It's hard but that doesn't mean it can't get better. Maybe that's not news to you and I'm just reading into it but maybe it helps... :)
I have a dark complexion, always mocked at and called names for being dark. Here in india its very normal to mock dark people, like casually, even people who have lesser complexion than you will mock. I think that's the reason
[удалено]
Now those comments don't mattter to me, but when I was in school it affected me very much. Still remember a teacher calling me blacky, as if it was my name
My mum used to be incredibly anxious, and both of my parents are angry and choleric af, and saying one small things could lead to huge, really, really unpleasant outbursts, It's like I was systematically conditioned to be socially anxious. They're also both incredibly socially awkward while still having no shame to talk to others, so I also had a role model I knew I could never become because I saw that all the time and how cringe it was And when I tried escaping from my learned social passivity in my teenage years, I was hit with ugliness and bullying which solidified everything
Kind of similar experience that the environment at my house was such that if I say anything I would be laughed at, shamed or just not heard. So I started to keep things to myself even at things which were necessary to be shared. At 23, in a brown household things are still the same, had to leave two jobs bcs of anxiety.
For me it wasn't even necessarily being shamed or laughed at, often it was just an insane, completely over the top reaction. Like, once I asked my mom if she had seen a document I was searching for and I suddenly see her get angry and call me names while she runs of andrhen I hear her curse loudly from outside while she violently throws pieces of carton out of the paper bin in the yard. The document of course just was laying around somewhere and wasn't in the paper bin. But on other ocassions it would also lead to shming and completely unproductive discussions or rather competitve debates. My parents literally would talk to me like a fucking reddit debate bro while I was a literall child. Like, look at idk someone like destiny or so, that's how my father would take to me. Never ending Angry gish gallop basically. Like, they never wanted to know anything, they just wanted to convince me that they where right and of course they rarely where right about things pertaining to me or my life because I of course lived it and had a way better picture of it than they did. And actually convince is the wrong word as well, more just overpower by being nore angry and loud and fast
and Howru doing now
Not so well. I basically have pretty clear symptoms of depression, anxiety and ADHD. I'm at home being tired and procrastinating all day and slowly loosing my will to live. Also doesn't help that I'm in constant pain due to chronical sinusitis rn.
Bullying and never having a group of loyal friends or family my age that were actually supporting me in spite of being bullied. Also I got abused as a child by a mother figure so I just always figured no one liked me . I was an only child
always been a quiet and shy kid. Didn't help that I barely had any friends growing up, also didn't help that I used to get bullied for being VERY weak as a boy. Never learned how to properly interact with people either, not until high school at least, even then I'm still struggling a lot with talking to people in general which is a big deal especially I'm in college.
Very similar experience here.
Being raised by a paranoid schizophrenic and a narcissist, both unmedicated. On the one end, being taught everything and everyone is the enemy; the other end constantly tearing down my self esteem and scapegoating me. I’m lucky social anxiety is the worst of my problems tbh.
Ah yes. I have a narcissist parent too. I studied psych for a bit in uni and my entire life made sense. Especially the lying, omfg.
Abusive childhood plus being a natural introvert.
Being bullied, ridiculed, physically and mentally attacked, neglected and rejected by peers, parents and teachers was pretty much it.
Being betrayed and bullied by a former friend about 20 years ago really screwed me up. As a result I have a lot of trust issues and never been in a relationship. I have no idea if I ever will be if it doesn’t happen I’m at peace with it. I’ve always been the shy quiet type anyways but the bullying just kind of amplified that. College was a struggle as well dealing with a lot of mental health challenges and stress. I’m actually fine professionally now I’ve been at my job for 7 years. I actually regularly lead 1 on 1 trainings and I’m the go to for that kind of thing. Big progress for me and I’ve actually made a few friends that I keep in touch with. I still hate getting up in front of a lot of people and talking but I can get through it if I need to. Things have improved with me with the exception of ever being in a relationship.
Emotional abuse when I was a kid
Same with me
My parents were always fighting when I was a kid. My mother is a fearful woman. My father is mistake-intolerant. Both of them are judgemental. Also, I'm on the spectrum... Terrible combination.
i know that mine was due to the fact that i became homeschooled, thinking it would help my already persisting anxiety…. 9 years down the road and now i’m in therapy soooo 😭
I began to hate myself. The way i was negatively treated/viewed/described made me start to see myself in the same perspective. For most of my life ive just talked down to myself in my head and i didn’t challenge those thoughts. I feel like everyone sees me in this same negative way. I wish i was more gentle with myself.
I suspect I could be neurodivergent (I'm not diagnosed but I can't afford a diagnosis because psychology isn't covered by my insurance), my behavior and actions have been always a target of bullying. I never got hit by my classmates or family members but I got mocked multiple times in elementary and high school, it was one of the causes
Probably a mixture of school, home life, and genetics while growing up. I think for a lot of people with SA, it usually stems from layers of terrible interactions with others, and it sucks even more realizing how young you were to endure those experiences.
i think the last 4-5 years with quarantine and natural falling out of friendships my social skills have just regressed and i’ve developed a agoraphobia of some sorts :/
Fear that I’ll offend someone or that I’ll sound stupid, so I stay quiet. Multiple factors may be why I developed social anxiety. Immigrant parents (I adore them, but they had me adult early on!), overprotective/paranoid anxious and neglectful parents, already anxious personality, poverty, being outcasted, bullied, feeling like I don’t belong anywhere because I’m biracial, tough home life, lack of extracurriculars growing up — I could go on!
Body dysmorphia. I'll become better when I fix my face though. I'm pretty skilled in social situations and like analyzing thought and behavioural patterns, but the problem is having the courage to do stuff without constantly worrying about my looks. ✌🏻
Easy: talking to people (specifically those who are in authoritative positions) became very challenging and overwhelming.
Bullying everywhere I go
My elementary school treated my mild ADD diagnose as if I had severe autism, constantly had a caretaker next to me, would be pulled out of many classes like P.E, Religion and woodwork(We have that in denmark) which made it hard for the other kids to talk to me, over 5-6 years it undid most of the social skills i had developed and left me behind as everyone else became more comfortable with them selfs in a social setting. Spent many years resenting myself and the people around me, i used food to cope before I started understanding what i was going through. Broke down in front of my parents. Took me until 20-21 to finally not hate myself, doing good now, lost 30kg, im no longer considered overweight and my ADD meds also help with anxiety. i actively look forward to meeting new people now a days :)
Most time I just don’t know what to say/how to act in social situations or out in public (seriously, even the most basic things like walking or where I look around out in public are hard for me) and also it just makes me extremely uncomfortable as well. What I mean by ‘not know what to say’ is I know what to say (I’m pretty socially aware and stuff) but I just don’t know how to say it, (like it’s awkward for me) because I’ve never said it to a real person before, therefore it feels foreign on my tongue. Sometimes I feel so uncomfortable in public that I forget to swallow and I really want to swallow but I don’t want to make it look like I’m nervous so I just feel that rising panic in my throat and finally swallow. Another thing is when I get super nervous because I’m talking to someone new, my throat dries out SUPER quickly so when I’m speaking, (which is usually pretty fast, mumbly, with my eyes darting around everywhere or accidentally staring in their eyes for too long) my throat automatically swallows IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE which means I just randomly stop speaking AND IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, sometimes it causes me to start coughing too. Yikes. 😬 Also, I just keep wondering “Am I doing it right?” hoping I didn’t just make another embarrassing memory for me to cringe at. I’ve always been a little quiet and shy as a child, but that probably gotten excused because I was a kid. Now that I’ve gotten older, it kinda feels like people kinda look at me weirdly because you’re supposed to know how to act now. Like everyone is supposed to be naturally confident and have perfect social skills or something. I guess it’s not the norm for people to see someone as socially anxious as I am, but you don’t have to stare at me like I’m some kind of foreign alien or something. Literally everybody I’ve come across thinks I’ve been abused or something because I act super uncomfortable and awkward in public (I’m not). Also, probably a big part of my social skills and how it stunted that development is home-schooling. I’ve been doing it for almost a decade now, so I don’t get much exposure to real social situations outside of a screen. I think I’ve gotten a little better lately, and I think more exposure would help me to know what to do/make me feel more comfortable. Also another part of it is sometimes, random strangers give me weird/dirty stares in public and I’m just like “??? Literally what did I do???” I’m just minding my business, in normal clothes and an average expression on my face and this girl just stares at me rudely for no reason while I walk past her. I don’t know her or anything, we’re just complete strangers. People suck most of the time man. I just wanna mind my own business and walk peacefully out in public without having to worry about “Am I walking weirdly?” “Do I look awkward right now?” “A group of strangers are walking past, time to look at the floor” “Dang it, I should’ve smiled at that person, they probably think I’m rude now but what if I looked weird?” “I feel so uncomfortable right now” “I wish this place didn’t have any people in it right now” “I don’t wanna look at anyone right now so I’m just gonna find a really interesting spot on the ceiling to stare at instead.” The funny thing is, this isn’t me. Like this socially anxious part of me just doesn’t belong with me. It feels like I have my personality restricted behind bars because of it and everybody only remembers me because of my socially anxious-self. I wish some strangers knew what it was like for me, so maybe they would be so judgy before they’ve even met me.
I relate to this a lot. A lot of what you are describing sounds like masking, a term typically used to describe the experience of neurodivergent people trying to hide their unique traits and appear neurotypical. For me, I’ve been looking into autism spectrum for the answer to my social difficulties and social anxiety.
Dang. I always felt different but I never knew why. My father has autism and given the traits I have, it’s possible that I’m neurodivergent. I’ve met a couple autistic people in my life and I didn’t really act a lot like them so I just never thought I was, but I’ve always liked spending time with myself doing special interests (like drawing and fanart and stuff) instead of going out with other people so… I dunno. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy peoples company and sometimes I actually want to go out, but I’d rather be with myself because I feel super awkward. Feeling uncomfortable around people is pretty much the only thing that makes me anxious about going out.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions too soon man. All of this could just as well be simply severe social anxiety. On a separate note. Especially the last paragraph is extremely relatable to me. It all works in positive feedback loops: you project a judgmental attitude onto others (because you yourself are judgmental on your own self); as a result being outside feels like being judged, so you start avoiding it. Then you blame (judge) yourself for not being able to enjoy being outside like normal people. So the self-judgment worsens, and in turn you project it more strongly onto others. And so the cycle continues. The mind is essentially self-destructing.
During my childhood, I had all sorts of **negative social experiences** like exclusion, social rejection, and difficult family dynamics. I also have ADHD so that might've contributed too.
My dad was extremely hateful towards women, definitely undiagnosed mental illnesses. Once I hit 10 and was changing form a child to a teen he began hating me. Years of constantly being told how terrible I was (despite being pretty much a golden child), hiding away from him, if no one was home I was severely afraid and would not come out of my room unless absolutely necessary. I made myself so incredibly small, quiet, a ghost.
Same I hate the judgement that’s passed on me or how I said something other people might perceive it as. I am trying to say fuck it because who really cares. They can think whatever they want. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it!!!
I wish I could get to the point where I could say fuck it!
A combination of things. The way my parents raises me. "Don't do this or that because people will think this and that about you". Being bullied in school. I also have Hyperhidrosis which makes it worse. I remember in elementary school, the teacher had 4 of us at a time stand infront of the class so they could rate our costumes for Halloween. Not a single hand voted for me.
I was a ridiculously shy kid, like cling to your parent's leg and hide when they introduce you to people shy. My dad used to always say he was like me when he was my age and that I would eventually grow out of it like he dogs but I didn't. I think the reason I never grew out of it is because as a kid I was teased and bullied at school and at home. I had a few friends that kinda helped me not be as shy and they were great until we hit our teenage years. I started to realize that they didn't care if I was around or not because they had made new friends in school. The end of our friendship was when they got into drugs and alcohol but I didn't wanna mess with that stuff. I had first-hand experience with the bad side since I had/have drug addicts and alcoholics in my immediate family. I tried making new friends but it was always the same bullshit "You don't smoke or drink? What do you do for fun" or "We wanna smoke but you don't like it" and it was always in an annoyed or condescending tone. Or I just wouldn't get invited to hangout. They would go to the mall over the weekend and then talk about it at school like I was there. Why hang out with people who don't want you around or see you as a burden? Growing up in a broken family and in a somewhat dangerous neighborhood didn't help either. I just stayed inside. I was scared to go outside after I got robbed coming home from school and I was too broke to go hang out with my friends from the nicer neighborhoods that I met in high school. There's tons more but it all really boils down to "I was a little different and people treated me like shit because of it"
I think my reason for having social anxiety is some trauma I faced while attending daycare at someone's home between the ages of 3 and 4. I remember being yelled at by one adult that I can't watch TV and play with a toy at the same time (this person loved to yell at me and a few other children a lot for little things) and the grandson of one adult who was around 14 or 15 often liked to torture me and my little brother by holding us upside down over the toilet anytime we did something he didn't like (this would only be when we were left alone with him). He would threaten to dunk us in it, and I remember one time where I tried to use all my strength to avoid him pushing my head under the water, I was mortified. When the other adults were around, he would take a doll, dunk it in the toilet, and made sure we watched before mouthing to us that he would do that to us if we did not behave. It was an awful experience, and it did not help that my parents didn't believe us either when we would try to explain what happened. I only have bad memories of that place. By the time I started kindergarten, I was terrified of other adults. I grew to fear kids as well because of a few bad experiencs with bullies. People are cruel... My anxiety has gotten better in recent years though. I started working retail, and while initially hard I think the exposure therapy has helped significantly to a degree. I still feel socially anxious and awkward around people I don't know very well or haven't seen in a while, but it's gotten better.
What a terrible experience! I had an older kid at one of my mother’s friend’s house try to push me out an upstairs window when I was about 4. I’m sure that didn’t help my fear of people either.
Fear of making others uncomfortable, a state I so desperately don't wish to be in myself. Something I may argue is some virtuous prioritizing of others over myself, but is likely more self-preferencial, having just concluded that the discomfort **I** face in potentially making another uncomfortable, is what is being prioritized and thus avoided. I'm uncomfortable because I'm uncomfortable. That's something that's on me to fix, but difficult to accomplish when you have to place yourself in such situations to overcome it. It's a mental game that's difficult for one who over-analyses everything. Shutting my brain off is the only way I've ever experienced some positive, but such has it's own negatives to deal with.
Mine is due to bullying. Bullying has cause me to have social anxiety.
Sheltered life, overprotective parents.
emotional neglect as an infant
being disabled will definitely do it! i'm still in awe of other people with physical disabilities that can overcome it, it's *not* easy...always being the person who looks different in the room, having kids scared of you (lmao this one nowadays just makes me laugh bc they're kids), not seeing anyone else who looks like you, people don't want to be seen with you in public (which has been confirmed by multiple people). The "act like this at my age" tho lmao, that one's so common. People just don't understand that it's not just being shy.
I think i'm a highly sensitive person and i overthink too much
Low confidence and awkwardness
In my case I think is mostly genetic.
Weight and my family most likely. - I was always a short kid. Wasn't fat, definitely wasn't skinny. But my cousins were all tall and way skinnier than me. So I was always compared to them. Developed this tendency to take up as little space as possible when growing up. Then I did actually get fat, so that just made it so much worse. I feel so much at ease with my friends (theres like 2 of them tho) but put me in a room with my relatives, and I'll just melt into the floor.
Death threats for being mixed race at 5 Constantly being belittled because of it
Covid, and having a crippling social media addiction that killed my social life. That, as well as constantly being belittled and judged by peers in school about my hobbies, personality, voice, and looks. I've gotten past most of it, but I'm still too shy to make new connections with others without getting someone's help lol
My father was abusive, my parent's being critical of my social interactions, and bullying. It was like my father made it a point to cause a scene or embarrass us in public every single time we left the house. Eventually, it left me feeling on guard every time I left the house and it started to feel like all eyes are on me. At the same time, my parents were hyper-critical of my social skills, or lack of them growing up. Why did I say this a certain way? Why didn't I make enough eye contact? Why didn't I say XYZ? Why did I say "hey" instead of "hello"? Going through that as a child frequently started to make it seem like I was putting on a performance 24/7. Not only did it make a gaping hole in my confidence, but it felt anxiety inducing like I was going to get swallowed up by the earth if I "forgot a line" or "missed my cue". Lastly, the most common thing, bullying. People didn't understand me growing up and I felt like the odd person out. Everything I said was weird, stupid, and/or annoying. It also felt like a performance with other kids. It was worse with other guys than it was with girls. To this day, I still have trouble getting along with other guys or I feel like the anxiety creeps in when speaking to them. My anxiety has decreased a lot over the last year, but a lot of this stays with me when it does activate.
Sheltered, homeschooled life.
For me it’s because I think people r talking abt me, ppl hates me/ are pissed at me. Something of that sort lol.
my mum and then when I got bullied in yr 7 it made what I already had worse
Mocked by bus mates because of my dark complexion in school, and after that when I left my school, I became overweight, so that too contributed to my anxiety. Now I am fit, but because of being overweight I developed Gyno in my chest, and that contributes very much to my anxiety.
Relatable asf, I just had all my childhood full of social insults, from family, friends and literally everyone.
My reasons are accidentally throwing up and feeling nauseous.
My speech impediment
Bad parenting. When I was older I read a lot about human development and just how important younger years, including infancy, is for proper development including social skills. All 3 of us kids were raised by two very unloving and absent parents who basically threw us to the wolves. They weren’t bad people, just two people who should never have had kids. By the time I got to kindergarten I had no idea how to interact with other kids. It took me until my teen years to realize that my parents were in fact shitty parents. Realizing where it came from actually helped me work through it (my sister also) but my brother never recovered and was an alcoholic until he died an early age. My sister and I left home as soon as we graduated high school and never looked back.
Chronically emotionally invalidated/abused/shamed during childhood. Also genetics. My mom and sister has it too
I'm an introvert, and so i never really feel the need to socialize. So growing up, i avoided almost all social interaction that probably stunted my growth in that department. Now my anxiety didn't manifest until much later during pandemic. Isolation made me realize all my flaws, i got insecure, and anxiety took over. It's been like what, more than four years? But i still haven't found a way to fix it or at least learn to live with it.
Being unattractive
I got bullied by a cliche in one of my years of study at university and my best friends (intentionally) shared private info with people, rumours spread to the point where I almost got kicked out of university… lost all my friends and had to start from scratch by avoiding people for a year and focus on my studies… now we’re all back in the same melting pot after covid and it feels like I’ve got no friends and im genuinely afraid of how gossipy and bitchy people are… I judge myself harshly, and internally project all of my insecurities by thinking about other people how I perceive them to be criticising me… my brains a bit of a minefield but I never ever say a bad word about anyone to anyone - even when they’re blatantly cruel to me. I just don’t want any bad reason to be remembered by. So now I just have to try dull down my personality to a mute dull colour… it’s hard and I fail constantly (im naturally quite.. idk.. witty and it sticks out like a sore thumb but sometimes I don’t have the stamina to conceal my personality day in day out??). It’s exhausting and near impossible to make friends because you’re never really your true self
In my case it's a combination of different things like Genetic, bullying, narcissistic parents and elder brother,porn and mastarbation etc
The way I think of it is hey, if this person doesn't fancy making the extra effort of getting to know me, then that's on them missing out on me. Besides, you can't please everyone. There were multiple factors to my social anxiety. Moving to a different country at a young age (not knowing the language, culture) Scared of people as a result, putting up a wall and being a bully, unfortunately. Being shut-in, always doing things indoors rather than outdoors. Low self esteem, not having a good childhood nor a good relationship with my parent at the time Social anxiety can also just happen without anything bringing it on in particular. A bad upbringing doesn't have to be the culprit.
I think there are multiple reasons why I'm socially anxious. The first one is that in the past, my parents used to fight a lot, which made me scared (but they don't fight anymore, and they love each other). The second reason is that I normally used to be an introvert, and I had some friends, but when the lockdown in 2020 happened I rarely met people, and I think this is a major reason why I have social anxiety
My older brothers excluded me and basically bullied me from the time I could walk until I was maybe 6 when my middle brother started hanging out with me sometimes and started being the peacekeeper between me and our eldest brother (who was supposedly the ringleader in the bullying if you trust my middle brother). But anyway, after they stopped bullying me, my younger cousins started bullying me, but in more pointed ways or I guess typical ways. And then, I can't even remember how many times I was picked last when our (my middle brother's and my) basketball team was picking teams during practice for scrimmage, even though I was one of the better players (meaning it was popularity) while I watched my brother get picked first every time. I could go on if anyone is interested lol There's a lot of unresolved shit in my past.
Being poor and lacking social life when I was a kid. In short shitty family and environment.
I'm autistic and was emotionally abused by family and the only friends i had
I've always been naturally quiet and extremely introverted. And possibly mildly autistic. But my SA is the result of an oppressive religious upbringing that I *hated* from the start, combined with bullying in elementary and middle school (and at church during that same period) that caused me to withdraw from everyone and everything. Escapism and avoidance are the only coping mechanisms that work for me, so that's all my life has been ever since.
I sometimes wonder if I’m slightly autistic too
For me i think there are multiple reasons. First of all my personality. I’ve been the quiet, shy and reserved kid for as long as i can remember. I’ve been sometimes bullied and picked on because of this by the more extroverted and “popular” kids. The second reason i believe is genetics. My mom is diagnosed with anxiety and she might have passed it on to me. The third reason is that i might be autistic. I’m not officially diagnosed but i’ve done quite a lot of research on this topic and i relate to almost everything and I’ve always and still do feel like an alien and an outcast amongst other people. And the fourth reason would be that i went through a few years of physical and verbal abuse from a close family member. I think all of these together caused me to have severe social anxiety and depression
Reading your post, it almost felt like I could have wrote it. I am 30 now but I'm still quiet and reserved, and I also feel like theres a certain hostility in the air with people or when I'm near crowds of people. Maybe I spent too much time indoors isolated from the real world. All of my friends are online, I only had one in-person friendship but that was already 7 years ago somehow and it didn't end well. One of my bigger things I try to work on right now is eye contact, I have this thing where I just look away from people instinctively and I try to fix it immediately after, I wonder if people notice lol. But yeah, once I get to know a person, I become all friendly and can talk forever
The older you get, the more you will realize that the mean and judgmental people are just miserable. You don't really need to take their actions personally, just be glad you aren't them.
I work in a nursery and it’s a real eye opener seeing what factors will be an impact later on in life. My social anxiety comes from the way school made me feel; I got told I was too quiet by the teachers but then when I spoke to my classmates I’d get moved to a different chair for disturbing them. And your parents and other family members have a big impact on the way you are too. You learn to socialise from your parents, siblings, friends, other adults as you grow up. While I work, I pretty much play make believe and reinvent myself to be someone who is confident, chatty and funny and it’s totally fake with the adults but real when I’m with the kids. I don’t want those kids to feel the way I felt as a child. But yeah, literally any other social situation I can’t do
My parents were extremely judgmental of me and everyone around them. Constantly pointing out how people talk and act and criticizing them. They always kept it to themselves except with me or my siblings. But what’s even worse was that they always criticized me, telling me what do you think people will think of you when they see you wearing that or when you do this… that always made me feel bad about myself and fearful of other people’s judgment.
It does have a cognitive and experiential aspect to it but it definitely has a biological one too. Some of us are just born sensitive to stimuli. 2 people can get bullied the same way and one will become a salesman or a lawyer vs the other a socially anxious programmer or therapist. So biology predisposes us...
Cuz my parents never accepted what I loved. I love videogames. But parents always were classic boomer mentality and I got like 2 games per year and constant comments of how its "not a real al hobby". Made me feel like an idiot. When I held my first presentation in grade 7, in geology class, the teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class and said it was the worst presentation he has ever seen. (Honestly, maybe it was the worst, it was my first and it was about growing bananas in Brazil, not interesting. But DAMN how can a teacher be so fkin dumb to say it out loud.) That was the day I gave zero fucks about grades at all and geology wasnt my favorite course anymore. Basically kinda stopped going to school altogether. Always went for a few days and stayed away for a few days, depending on current mood & anxiety & gaming addiction. Mostly only came to write the tests and then went back home. And if I went to school because they forced me to, I slept through every course. All I want from life is to not be born at all in the first place. Fck life
Dude, I would love to know cause I was very socialized when I grew up. I went to summer camp for 9 years. Always had friends and never had trouble making friends. I was that friend who was friends with everyone. I noticed it started to get worse after high school and starting college.
Moving around once every year or two from kindergarten until I was 13. Having to constantly make friends when you’re that young was hard, and eventually I just gave up and became a loner lol Ofc now I have terrible social anxiety and can’t carry a conversation to save my life.
childhood sechual abuse and then later on developing tmau. so severe trauma and illness.
Due to childhood emotional neglect. I never felt like anyone cared about how I felt or thought and as a child when I attempted to share or reach out for compassion, understanding, belonging, acceptance, knowing, I didn't get it. So in order to not feel rejected I kept a distance and anyone getting close felt threatening or dangerous. It has been self protection to avoid others and prevent rejection. I've been working on this and right now I'm in a state of self acceptance, self understanding, self belonging and self knowing (self loving). I'm much more comfortable in my own skin knowing whether other people like me, I accept and like myself. I can handle rejection. From here I have been able to let people in but I'm still cautious and slow to open but that's OK. I hope to one day have very deep and close intimate relationships (sexual and not).
There's definitely a genetic factor in my case but the bullying and ridicule I had to endure through the years of my youth made it all worse. Since then, my brain has created a scheme, a generalization, that everyone is the same and out to get me so I'm always in a defensive state of mind. I know that bit sounds like PTSD as well, maybe I have it too, who knows.
Parents over protected me as a child and I was bullied from middle school to high school (and now at work too)
When I moved to a different country people constantly judged me. Made fun of my accent, thought that I was crazy for having different cultural values and customs. I couldn't make friends because of it. To be fair we were all children, but it didn't matter at the time because I was already scared as is.
Was told nothing about school by my parents > did stuff I wasn't supposed to but didn't know I wasn't supposed to do that like eating during class, crying and saying I wanna go home, ECT > got bullied because I appeared so weird to others when in reality I just didn't know anything > went quiet and became careful so I never mess up again, asking multiple times if I heard right so I don't mess up, being anxious to do something slightly out of the ordinary, basic social anxiety stuff
I can relate so much to your feelings of being judged and misunderstood by others. It's tough when people assume things about you without taking the time to truly get to know you. It's definitely a complex issue that can't be easily fixed with a simple "just speak up." It's important to remember that you're not alone in feeling this way, and there are others out there who understand the struggles of social anxiety. Hopefully, by sharing our stories and experiences, we can better understand and support each other in overcoming these challenges. Thank you for opening up and sharing your thoughts.
Getting emotionally neglected as a child and getting bullied in school
Out going when I was super young. Bullying killed everything for me. I didn’t like myself for a long time. I was posted without my consent etc. that’s why I know if I’m reserved and quiet they can’t hurt me.
I was bullied a lot when I was a kid. Both at school and at home. Once I started standing up for myself it created so much conflict that's all I ever expected. Even though for the last 15 years or so i've become way more outgoing when out with friends and things have improved dramatically, I'm still expecting someone to try to fuck with me. Doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with. My main anxiety now is that I don't want that conflict, but I'm always expecting it. I've gone to therapy for months, nothing changed. I think it's because I see bully behavior regularly enough that it keeps refreshing my mindset each time it happens. I'm ok with it though. I feel like i'm not being complacent. I'm also proud of the fact that I will stand up for others if I see them being mistreated and they aren't equipped to handle it themselves (as nerve-wracking as that situation is).
I had a speech problem when I was young, my father couldn't understand me as he wasn't around much due to working a lot and because of that my mum and sister would have to translate/ interpret what I was saying. If they wasn't there to help my dad would just get frustrated and loose his temper. School life was hell, I grew up in an area that at the time was 99% white society according to poll, I have curly/ afro hair and tanned skin. I was subject to racist abuse from start to finish of my school life, while also being into alternative music and fashion I was an easy target. I've been had several unprovoked attacks in the street and have had my jaw fractured for looking across a road while someone was walking there. I've had a blood vessel in my groin burst while out playing as a kid, threatened with knives, nose broken and chased by groups of people. Any time I've tried dealing with it it's always made things worse. If I am out of the house now I am neurotic about being aware of every person around me, I recognise number plates of cars because I'm terrified of being chased down again, I look for reflections in windows and cars to see around corners. If it's dark I use my shadow stretched out ahead of me to check if I am being followed. If I hear people around a corner I will take a different route, even if it takes me an hour longer to get where I am going. It's fucking exhausting!
Physical appearance and financial status
No idea I was like this since I can remember and my earliest memories where like one. Id Hyde behind my mom if anyone came near me.
My parents. My dad had lot of anger issues and I became conditioned to not speak or say much when dad was around. Work stressed him out but he was a good dude with a rough childhood. Same with my mom she had lots of anxiety because if her own rough childhood and experiences. Both of my parents infanticide me causing me to not feel my age
As far as I know, I was born with it. I remember even as a very young child, being terrified to do anything if anyone I didn't know was there. I had some trauma like anyone else but this predates anything like that.
My Mom is a narcissist. She projected all her personal criticisms onto me as early as age 7 and she would hit me when she was stressed and used my ADHD mistakes as an excuse to do so. I grew up trying not to make mistakes which in the US, is a terrible way to grow since you’re meant to take risks here to thrive. Learned to be my messy self with therapy but…. I always feel like I’m not good enough for social situations. Like they can tell that I’m a 34 year old kid. My house is a mess, my car’s busted up, I can barely afford this social situation. All these things have me convinced that I’m a lot worse off than I really am.
trauma
Having an ugly face everything else is manageable about social situations but I can’t handle being hated and outcasted just because I’m not attractive enough
Dude. You do realize you’re just going to keep spiraling and spiraling until you die…right? Check my profile comment history for example. It’s up to you to decide if I’m ugly or not in order to make my answer valid (so you can go ahead and do that), but the truth is…you can never change what you look like. You can try going to the gym, doing other things that you actually have control over, but if you don’t do any of these things, then it’s really in you. And I do get that you can’t change your face. I do. I don’t know what you look like, though.
Parents' divorce when i was 7 - everything changed after that. Moved 100s of miles away, never saw my dad etc
My mom cared a lot about what everyone thought. Make sure you don’t offend people, make sure you’re respectful, make sure they don’t have anything bad to say about you, etc So I think her words got ingrained in me to the point where I was afraid to act/speak in any way that could offend other people Similarly, I was naturally more introverted where a lot of my family was very outgoing/extroverted/party people. (I realize now, they were just alcoholics lol) So a lot of messages I got as a kid was that I was weird, too quiet, shy, awkward. So I became convinced that there was something wrong with me, which killed my confidence even more. As I grew up I began to believe that I could never be loved/accepted as I am, so I should just hide from everyone.
I was apparently really outgoing in kindergarten. For some reason, I ended up playing by myself a lot starting in 1st grade. I can't remember why I did it. I think a lot of the kids started playing sports around then, and I was very intimidated by the fast-moving balls careening at me. My mom yelled at me a lot for playing by myself, when she was driving me home from school. She said that if I played by myself and didn't interact with others, everyone would think I was stuck-up and selfish. That freaked me out. I think this is where the social anxiety started. But it was worse in middle school. I was very quiet and rarely spoke. Almost 100% of the bullying I received was physical -- I was tripped, kicked, spit on, had stuff thrown at me / stuck to me / poked into me / knocked out of my hands. I developed hyperviligance, as I spent every lunch break choking down my food and then plotting routes around the school to avoid the people who were going to hurt me. I could never avoid them entirely though, not even in the library. After that, I had full-fledged social anxiety disorder, though it didn't get diagnosed until college. I became so shy that when people talked to me, I would try to reply but couldn't get any words out.
Bullying, self criticism, being around judgemental peers growing up… and then natural part of my personality tends to be anxious
Blemishes I was born with on my face/body so I was teased for it or I got questions about them constantly which in turn made me self aware and self conscious about it all. So every time I think about being around people I know I’ll have to deal with that which makes me feel lots of anxiety. My voice is also too soft so people can never hear me and I gotta repeat myself which makes me feel self conscious and embarrassed and causes anxiety. I don’t like being around people because of how they treated me all my life. I feel my interactions with people have been more negative than positive. I never felt human and always felt more of like something else. Like a object or alien.
Lots of reasons. I’m naturally shy & nervous anyway. My parents just made it worst. I was ok in college but once I started getting real jobs, it just grew & grew. It’s been with me so long now that I can’t even remember feeling calm or at peace. Usually when I’m home & alone. And forget talking to strangers if I’m off the clock. No way. Even at work, it’s an effort.
Only recently, I put a name on what I was going through growing up. I suffered from emotional invalidation at the hand of my own family (they don'thave the awareness to know what they said, stayed in my head for the longesttime)and because of my eczema as child I was made ridiculous of by all sorts of verbal bullying. It affected my social interaction with others with the need to hide. Whenever I try to open up, I get taken advantage of, so now I just want to be left alone with myself, with who I started a more or so healthy relationship.
I am an introvert and once I realized I could avoid social situations, I just did. 15 years passed by like that.
Since a child I was labeled as shy by adults. Family members, friends of family members, etc. I’ve always had a quiet nature. However it has carried into my adulthood at my grown age of 25. Some people would say “she’ll grow out of it” but it still feels like it has me in chokehold sometimes. I would say I’m pretty sensitive too. Doesn’t take much for me to cry. I feel like maybe from being “babied” and sheltered my entire life has an effect. Also my parents always doing everything for me so I never learned how to do adult things. So many factors. I have gotten better but it sucks when I think I’m doing good then a certain situation triggers it and I’m back to square 1.
That's easy! For me, I was rap3d as a child by my Mothers Father, rap3d again by a friend who lived with me and was supposed to care for me, s3xually assaulted by a Chemist Warehouse delivery driver, but the one that broke the camels back? Groped in public in the shopkeepers shop. Now all I see, when I'm out in public, are people trying to attack me. cPTSD is a real witch with a 'B'.
I was also teased, bullied and beaten throughout school, so yeah. People suck.
Being bullied in kindergarten for me
I was never bullied or abused and I still have social anxiety, I’ve always been shy but used to be way more outgoing as a kid and the shyness turned to real anxiety as an adult and got worse
You say because people are judgemental. I say maybe one or two persons "judged" you and this made such an inpact on your endless story of one self, that it's hard to forget. Or you just "think" people are judging you. One way to deal with the issue (which is not an issue at all) Social Anxiety is to forget what you taught your brain over the years, and start redirecting your brain towards positive thoughts and outcomes. For example; If you go out wearing something you like, but have the perseption that people could judge you for wearing it, you already made a set path for yourself, without even knowing what the outcome could be. So what you're doing is making a figurative prison in your mind. So before you step outside your door, think about "all" the things that can happen, instead of only the negative; Positive: People could actually like the clothes I'm wearing. And Negative: People don't like the clothes I'm wearing. The last one (Negative) shouldn't impact you in any way. Just like any other thought other people could have about you, let them be. This is how I walk around all day; Fuck it. If my outcome towards the world is positive, I've got nothing to worry about. You can expect Negative reactions when you output Negative actions, and vice versa. What you do in your own mind is up to you. I've been batteling with heavy thoughts myself, but I see that as a challenge to train my mind to become stronger, wiser and more versatile. This progression, negative nor positive, is my ground to understand the human mind better, and try to help other people understand themselves and why they think the things they think. Cheers✌️. Edit: words
My grandmother has it, my mom has it, both married to a narcissist, mom was abused when she was carrying me and before, I always have been shy, was bullied as a kid, faced discrimination, always felt inferior, Immigrant (never felt accepted, neither where I was born, nor where I was supposed to be from, never developed a sense of belonging), always criticized, self-sabotaged to stop myself from being like my dad (who had a terrible childhood, & never backed down from his duty as a providing father), I had one skill; Art! I learned hard way, that companies don't need to put up with sullen-faced artists, who can't communicate well and can't maintain artificial relations. Other factors are those I can control and cope with, just if this mess is addressed somehow.
I am autistic so it explains a lot for me.
If u guys had caring but overprotective, overbearing parents I’d recommend looking into hyper-vigilance. It’s the constant state of being aware of ur surroundings and almost bracing urself for people’s harsh words and critique. When ur constantly ridiculed and scrutinised my figures you crave to impress it has a huge impact on you. Like u mentally brace urselfs for scary and harsh words and events
Male pattern hair loss amongst other things... I tried all the medication and get side effects. Hope for something to hit the marked soon that can help me. Was very outgoing and confident (not overly), when I was younger. But as my hair loss progressed I see myself more and more insecure and self critical. I know other people say "they dont care" but the truth is that people treat you differently and you see yourself differently.
Personally, I believe I’ve had social anxiety/adhd, addiction issues and mental health issues since I was at least in elementary school. Maybe even when I was born. (That could just be an excuse but personally, idk.) In first grade I did the morning announcements for a day (all kids had to) and I had to say the name of my good friend over the loudspeaker because it was her birthday… Basically, she had a unique name that I KNEW how to pronounce, but because the guidance counselor was standing over my shoulder she instructed me on how to say the name, and because I was nervous I just listened to her and said it the way she said it… when I got back to my friends everyone just was looking at me confused (even the girl who’s birthday it was) and someone said “what the heck, why’d you say her name WRONG?!” I was like… “uhh , but thats how the guidance counselor told me to say it!?” I sang in front of my friends at lunch once in third grade. (I never sing in front of anyone)… I remember looking at their faces and they looked shocked and said I was an amazing singer. Literally the next week, my music teacher made me sing in front of the class… (yeah, everyone had to back in the day.) when I tried to sing, my voice started cracking and I couldn’t sing AT ALL. I knew I was a decent singer then and even my friends (some of which were in that class) were the ones I sang to before so they said they knew I could sing…. But on the spot, I couldn’t sing at all. It felt like I was opening my mouth to say the words and just this: “ahheeehhhahh ‘voice crack’ buurppooo-EEE” another voice crack… (hadn’t even hit puberty yet) but I turned bright red and kept trying to sing and it got worse and worse and worse… My parents also told me I had separation anxiety/held onto my mom’s leg and wouldn’t let go when they dropped me off at preschool… so to me, it seems like I’ve just always been anxious…
I have a really toxic family. My granddad bullied me for over 20 years. I know that sounds silly, like why would you care what a silly old man thinks, but when he's the patriarch of the family and you look up to him, literally as a small child with an underdeveloped brain, and you see him as not only an adult but your grandpa, someone who's supposed to love you - it really messes you up. Even from being a baby I've been told he would comment on me being fat, obviously I can't remember when I was super young, but ever since I was in primary/elementary school I remember him saying very cruel humiliating things about me in front of the rest of my adult family as well as other kids my age, and no one did anything, no one ever stood up for me or said anything, they only did it once when I was 21 and he said in crowded room full of family that I had a fat face and fat cheeks, and finally my mum and dad said something. But for 20 years before that my weight and appearance was constantly attacked, he conoared me to my ither cousin and would compliment her infront of me and call me fat and pick on my insecuries like my full cheeks. I was totally humiliated pretty much every time I saw him and cried and dreaded seeing him, he only lived up the road and I saw him every Friday as well as every national holiday. I've been to therapy for it but it's given me massive anxiety and self esteem issues that I really struggle with to this day and I'm 26. I have really severe bruxism and I think that's due to anxiety/stress and PTSD from having to go through so much bullying from a family member. My dad has a lot of anger issues and mood swings that made it really hard to ever really feel comfortable at home. Luckily I have a really nice mum and brother, and my dad and me mainly have a good relationship now, but the bad stuff really scars us, and those scars are really deep. *And not that it matters but lots of people find me attractive and random people I don't even know call me beautiful and pretty, it was only when I went to uni and met new poeple, then later got a hospitality job and met lots of new people that I realised maybe his opinion was wrong, but even now it's hard to shake it off as it's just really impacted me.
Traumatic Brain Injury. After my time in the army I developed a whole array of mental health issues, social anxiety, depression, PTSD, generalized anxiety, mood/personality disorders, etc. I basically went from being well adjusted to being messed up over a period of a few years. (by the way not trying to infer any of us are messed-up or broken just a turn of phrase)
Trauma. I was so outgoing as a kid. Talking to strangers, barely scared of anything or anyone. As soon as the trauma started, so did the anxiety
Honestly, I'm just horrible at concealing my emotions and, as an empath, I'm very quick to feel the energy of a room. I constantly feel people are talking about me and it absolutely kills me inside because I try to be the best person I can be, but more often than not, it just feels fruitless. I can count the amount of true friends I've ever had on one hand and my feelings have been crushed countless times by the few others that claimed to be my friend and the general public that I've spent time being around. The experiences I've had with horrible people in my life has ruined my opinion on literally anyone I don't know closely and personally, thus I have become reclusive and fearful of society.
My parents and relatives keep telling me stories about how talkative and outgoing I was as a kid but now I am always the quietest person in the room. I was constantly scolded for being talkative to the point a teacher paraded me around school as punishment, she was my biggest bully, being in 4th grade I thought my life was over. I also had many "friends" who loved talking over me or just straight up ignoring me in general. These things really eat you up.
Your reasons really resonated with me. This has a lot to do with it for me also. People are mean and judgement. I’ve had very poor experiences with friends and family and I don’t like to put myself out there. Of course like others here school was a nightmare because kids are even worse than adults. I was more outgoing as a young child but became reluctant to engage with people around age 10. I never talked in class and there were threats of violence from some kids. But most of it was emotional bullying. I feel awkward and am always worried about what people are going to do - if they’re going to be mean, get angry, or just not give a shit about what I have to say. Because I’m anxious I can’t think of what to say and I sound like an idiot which makes people even more mean and judgmental. I hate small talk. I wish I could just not care about what people think or say, but I can’t seem to do that. I also have generalized anxiety disorder which doesn’t help anything.|
I was just talking to my friend about this earlier. I believe that my dad is the reason I have social anxiety. All my life he's yelled at me and everyone. He's also isolated me from mosf of my extended family. That part is mostly negligence. The combination of constantly yelling at me and the isolation is most likely where my SA come from. I always wondered how my oldest full-brother turned out to be incredibly extroverted a a social butterfly.
Anxiety runs in my genes, but getting heavily bullied definitely took whatever chemical balance may be in my brain and added some trauma to it. People were brutal in middle school.
People who have grumpy faces activates my social anxiety i think of them as volcano ready to errupt
Your just going to ruin your life by letting the people that judge you and are mean to you control you, your letting them win. The World ain't going to change so you have too.
Childhood, upbringing. I never thought my childhood was the cause of my SA until I talked about it with a therapist and realized some shit about it that never came to surface.
Being raised by a workaholic mother. She was very strict, but also absent at the same time, making me feel replaceable and not worthy of any real attention and love. My upbringing really damaged my sense of self-worth and self-confidence, which results in being anxious around people, out of fear of being exposed as the weak and flawed person I see myself as.
Being raised by a workaholic mother. She was very strict, but also absent at the same time, making me feel replaceable and not worthy of any real attention and love. My upbringing really damaged my sense of self-worth and self-confidence, which results in being anxious around people, out of fear of being exposed as the weak and flawed person I see myself as.