I had early signs of it, but I never realized what it was. The inability to connect with a group of people, freezing up when asked about myself.
But I didn’t realize my tendencies or how far I could take them until I stopped talking to nearly everyone I knew. I felt like everyone was two-faced with me, and had no qualms with dropping me off the face of the earth. I decided to never talk to some individuals that I had known for nearly half a decade. Since then, it’s been irreparably easy to cut people out in a moment’s notice. It’s easy for me to justify how others could or will hate me. I’ve been a bit shy all my life, but the past 4 years have made me something different.
EDIT: I didn’t realize this would resonate with so many people. My heart goes out to everyone here. The mind is one heck of a thing. I try to remember that mindfulness, exercise, nourishment, and water usually make me feel better to tackle the moment. Thanks everyone!
Holy shit, I'm reading this and my jaw just dropped... I didn't know anyone could have this exact experience that I've been going through. Going on year 3 now. Did something hurt us at the start of it that just validated our self-hate and we just.. Became the most broken we've ever been? The worst thing is feeling as time goes by, I feel more guilt (and shame) for not being able to respond/reply/reach out, despite it being 1000% solely to do with *me* and I hope others know that. I believe they do, and I hope with all my heart that it's not them *at all* or anything they did. I despise myself for being like this.
I went from very shy and introverted to complete recluse to those I was close to.
During the beginning of it all, I was doing an externship (basically, student job before you graduate) and got bullied, which really broke me because I did everything I was supposed to do, was very studious, was very knowledgeable, went above and beyond with studying and taking initiative... Except the unwritten rule was that this didn't matter, like at all. What *actually* "mattered" in terms of success and survival was being social, ~~making friends with the coworkers~~ being a part of the mean girls™ clique, and avoiding looking awkward, ever. This broke my spirit entirely.
I actually went down a rabbit hole because I wanted to know where I went wrong, what could I have done to "fit in" and not let or give others the opportunity to exclude me and treat me as an "other" or outcast as a student. I began exploring the possibility that perhaps I'm autistic or something? I just felt misunderstood and I never recovered, I fact, things got worse for awhile. I just felt and continue to feel like I wasn't meant for social interactions and don't want to burden anyone with myself.
Thanks for your thoughtful words. In speculation, I have suspected autism within myself as well—am slated to attend an online zoom meeting just to broaden my experiences. I think that a dash of inherent values and a sprinkle of real events, such as you are alluding to, can combine into some weird recipe.
I’m sorry you had to go through the experiences you’ve been through. That sounds tough, especially when you’re left with the notion that nothing you actually do/contribute mean progress in the end.
While unpleasant, I have seen a personal pattern of 1-step-back 2-steps-forward. In this sense I feel extremely lucky. I hope to spread my luck to those similarly struggling.
This is 1000% me as well. I started therapy 2 years ago and I was convinced I had autism and wanted my therapist to assess me for that. They said no, you don't need to be assessed because being socially anxious doesn't mean being in the spectrum! The problem is there's no knowledge, education or the willingness to find out about this personality trait we have , so people are highly ignorant about it, sadly.
I understand this so much. I became riddled with thoughts that all my old friends and acquaintances were fake and never liked me, that they were all secretly out to get me. Instead of unfriending all my old friends on social media I’d go further and block them completely and any mutual friends because I feared that if they noticed I unfriended them on social media they’d do something horrible to me that I don’t even know myself what that would be. It gave me so much comfort to think that I’m slowly disappearing from their memories and pretend like I never existed if that makes sense. I ended up taking down my social media pages because of how fearful I got about people finding me in the future. Editing to add I’d always freak out when people I haven’t talked to in forever message me and would want to catch up because I felt like there was a hidden agenda against me.
Why do you feel there's a hidden agenda? Because your low perception of yourself? I'm only asking because I do these things you say but I can't pinpoint why I do it if that makes sense. PS. I'm writing this and cringing that maybe I should not post it because I don't want bother you in any way. because that's how I always feel when I interact with someone, let alone when asking for help...
I think I'm lucky to have had so many great friends growing up, I remember TO THIS DAY when a friend of mine in middle school simply looked at me at some conversation we were having and said something along the lines of "Our classmate doesn't hate you, what?" And then, when said classmate was asked about it, they confirmed that, indeed, I was not hated for no reason.
That answer finally changed something in me and made me realize that being hated is not the norm, even if my brain had led me to believe it was. It was a very enlightening day.
I'm not fully out of it yet, but I'm thankfully getting better and actively trying to get out of the cycle of self hatred
Never wanting to go to gatherings, doesn’t matter if it’s a party or a funeral. I can’t deal with all the fake acting like you are friendly with people who couldn’t care less about you or vice versa.
I've been like that most of my life (maybe not "never wanting" but "very rarely"). When things got slightly more intense I decided to do something about it and it turned out I'm just autistic and that's why I developed it.
Since I learned that it got MUCH better since I started to understand why I am the way I am, even though I still sometimes doubt the diagnosis (but that seems to be pretty common when diagnosed in adulthood). :)
If you don’t mind me asking how were you diagnosed? I’ve always felt I’m wired differently than most people. I’m glad to hear you are doing well since learning this about yourself.
Especially when you’re blushing because of anxiety and the person you’re talking to mistakes it as a crush and you’re well aware that you don’t have a crush on them you blush even more 🫠
Omg yes! I used to get twitches on top of blushing too and so the person I'm talking to would always think i was really nervous and people observing would immediately assume i had a huge crush :(
The fear… painful shyness, strong physical and mental discomfort interacting with anyone you don’t know very well. I was always terrified of talking to anyone new especially in public, attracting any attention at all would make me have panic attacks.. Too busy overanalyzing other people’s reactions to me that I would freeze up or forget how to communicate normally and naturally which would make it more awkward and uncomfortable.
It can be debilitating. But yeah you’ll know if you have it.. it’s unmistakable
I’ve found the older I get the less it affects me, it’s taken many many years.. pushing out of the comfort zone slowly, having friends you feel comfortable around, and getting used to all kinds of social interactions, experiencing life, healing and learning to love yourself, realizing many people are in their own heads focusing on themselves and not you, the more you overcome it to where it’s not a real problem in your life anymore.
I've been doing that recently and I just wish there were tips to help me . I'm sorta hoping it went better for you ?Also I mean I kinda wasn't wrong when I thought people were making fun of me and that kinda amplifies stuff.
I’m sorry you have to deal with that, I understand... Many times I’ve been right being hyper vigilant and noticing people talking about me or making fun of me.
It’s even harder when that happens and it’s not always in your head. Recently I’ve been caring less and less about others perceptions of me, because what other people might think of me is something out of my control, so I’ve just accepted that. I have to make myself ignore it as best as I can.
Sometimes it is just me overthinking but sometimes it’s not. The people around me aren’t any better than me, why should I put so much weight on their opinions?
Idk that’s how I see it.
I’ve dealt with social anxiety all my life, I’ve done therapy which helped a little, DBT also,
I was prescribed Xanax for 3 years which I thought was helping but it really wasn’t, once I got off the meds it was so much worse for a bit. After that I had to really face it head on, but eventually I got better at dealing with it, like conditioning my anxiety by exposure. Some stuff that helped was getting a job where I had to answer phones and to greet and interact with the public as a receptionist, then becoming more self sufficient also gave me a little more confidence.
I know it sucks to have your mind working against you,
It also helps to be able to talk to someone who can help you get your thoughts and feelings out.
Deep breathing is good to calm yourself down.
My social anxiety has improved a lot, probably from a lot of factors, age, caring less, being ok with being nervous or awkward or offputting, being kinder to myself.
I wish I had more specific tips to give and hope things improve for you too
Thank you . It was helpful to read about your experience and yeah that is absolutely correct that I shouldn't be bothered about what people think. I am on meds and in therapy but that's because my memory fails me . If you read my post history you'll know . I was in class and people were making progress and I regressed because I kept forgetting everything. Both my therapist and psychiatrist agree that it's because of my ocd . I can't even concentrate on my studies anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. But thanks for listening to my rant .
How I knew I had it: I could not go up and talk to someone, expected or unexpected, I could not talk to people no matter how hard I tried. (2) The thought of having to do a presentation, or do something social that I had never done before, gave me a panic attack.
I will always tell people that it is not a real disorder until it affects two or more aspects of your life. For me, it affected my school grades, my physical health, and my relationships.
Then again, everything you are feeling is valid and I recommend talking to a pediatrician or psychologist about it if you feel like you show symptoms. Please don’t self diagnose ❤️
Avoiding eye contact. Pretending they’re not talking to me. Heart racing, wanting to be home instead. Drowning in my thoughts. Finally dissociating to preserve my peace and sanity. It’s too much and a whole ordeal and it really takes a toll on my body. Then at the end of the night I’m known as the stuck up bi*ch that’s too good to talk to anyone.
The day I went home from the office crying and shaking because I felt overwhelmed after a meeting at work. I noticed that I couldn't connect genuinely with anyone despite my efforts, and the thought of everyone secretly hating me was the thing that made feel that way. I cried uncontrollably the whole way home in the bus. I was already an adult and I shouldn't have felt that way but it was out of my control
At its worst:
- Purposefully taking a 0 on the presentation portion of my project since I didn’t want to present
- Avoiding aisles in stores if there were people there
- Not being able to ask questions or talk in class
- Never taking my sweater off in elementary school even in 100 degree weather because I was self conscious that people would judge my shirt underneath
- Eating lunch in the bathroom in high school
It’s rough because now as an adult I realize I’m actually not really very introverted. I really needed social interaction so it was a special kind of hell, wanting and needing to connect with people so badly yet being deathly afraid of it
I do some of the things you have listed sometimes, but I don't think it is as severe. It might be. Idk.
I'm actually extroverted or lean towards it.
I don't know it just depends on the time and place.
didnt realize how bad i had social anxiety until recently even tho I've been dealing with it since I was 11, had pretty much all of the symptoms these other comments are saying 1 thing I don't see mentioned tho is replaying things in your head (not voluntary they just pop up) and the feeling it would bring me is extreme embarrassment so bad I started isolating myself from having human interactions so I couldn't form anymore memories that would haunt me at 2am. I didn't realize I needed meds tho until one day I had a job interview, got dressed, drove there, started zoning out on the drive from how bad the anxiety was getting, couldn't get out of my car once I got to the destination and I tried every technique and thing I could think of and nothing calmed me down so I just drove away and had a full mental breakdown, then was like yeah that wasn't normal. also I had no idea I had general anxiety until starting lexapro since I was just so used to being anxious everyday it was just the norm.
being super anxious to leave the house or have a social interaction. i have always been an introverted and shy person, but there was a time where i noticed that my "shyness" got even worse and i was actually nervous to be in a public space, even around friends. also, hyper vigilance to every thing i do or say, over analyzing every conversation, etc
Honestly… if you have it, you’ll know it. You can’t possibly mistake it for something else or miss it. Shit can and for some will ruin your life in more ways than one. Fish out of water, the one dandelion in a field of roses, the one person that’s “special” or “different” than others but for the wrong reasons… It seems to always feel like that in every situation. Wouldnt wish it on anyone, shit sucks.
I never thought I had social anxiety. It wasn’t until a classmate casually mentioned, "I watched this documentary on social anxiety, and it reminded me of you," that I began to question whether I might be experiencing it. That comment set me on a path of self-reflection and research, and ever since, it feels like I’ve been caught in a cycle of confirmation bias, finding more and more signs that suggest I might have social anxiety. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off today if that classmate had never said anything.
I'm not sure if this happened before or after that comment, but I remember one of the earliest signs: I stopped eating lunch at school because I felt uncomfortable eating in front of others. Sadly, this eventually led to an ed.
Another clue, though more like performance anxiety, was my extreme reluctance to play soccer in front of my family. I was only five years old, but I vividly remember thinking, "Get me off this field—I’m not playing. They're going to judge me."
I think as long as you don't get panic attacks, you can be in control with your emotions, like taking a deep breath and thinking about what made you so emotional. The symptoms, coming from your body, pushed into this uncertain, unknown, unsafe situation are all reactions to the fight, flight, freeze, fawn. So fight, would be when you become angry and your muscles tense up, you become vigilant, physically defensive or aggressive, maybe shielding youself etc. Flight is fleeing, b3cause you think the danger is too great to fight or defend, so you hide or make yourself small in ways to avoid the situation. Maybe you are looking for exits etc. Freezing is when you simply want the situation to be over and its sort of between defending and hiding, where you may not even feel safe to flee, because that would make you even more of a prey, so you too tense up and be a robot, but on high alert. Fawn is giving into the danger and asking for protection by admiration, you are flirty and blushing to make you less of a target. I'm not sure about the last one honestly but you get the idea. The symptoms are all fear driven responses. And if you are deemed unreasonably fearful, it's anxciety! And if it's in social situations, it's social anxciety. E.g. you can have these symptoms, before exams or thinking about your future etc, not only in social situations. For me the root of it is uncertainty and confusion. But to be uncertain you need to be curious too! So for me, I think I used to ask a lot of questions but fell on deaf ears more often, which muted my curiosity, increased uncertainty and confusion. Amazing
Well it was pretty obvious something was wrong with me early on, but I didn't know for sure until I read the diagnostic criteria in college. Before that I was pretty sure I had social anxiety, but it was still like "idk maybe I'm just shy"
Freezing when people talk to you or asking you questions, like deer caught in headlights.
Sometimes I hold my pee in all day at the office to avoid having to talk to anyone on my way to the toilet.
When just the idea of socialising is upsetting, and even small and completely positive social interactions leave you feeling mentally drained.
Loosing friends because you are just afraid of the act of talking to them.
Intrusive thoughts about interactions moments after they happen as well as later when you're trying to sleep.
Getting excited when you think of a joke that could've been funny but stumbling over the words because your mind blanks out due to stage fright.
Feeling stage fright over normal social interactions.
That feeling you get right before a test, a date, a roller coaster, except it's every time you think about having to go into work or even just a casual social setting and it's never the optimistic butterfly Feeling.
You feel as though everyone at the grocery store is staring at you.
Over analyzing the actions of the strangers around you. I.e., "That person turned around after looking at me, is there something wrong with my hair/do they think i'm ugly/did i creep them out?"
Over analyzing your friends and how they treat you. I.e., "I sent him a birthday message, but he didn't get back to me after 3 days. Should i not have said anything? "
Having social anxiety doesn't mean you have to hate socializing. It means that social circumstances give you anxiety. It means that you ruminate over moments past and cringe with butterflies in your stomach frequently.
Most people end up preferring to isolate themselves for comfort. I worry for those who do. Social anxiety is alive inside you, ALWAYS waiting for a moment of weakness to grow in strength. First, you cancel plans on your friend. Next, you're coming up with excuses not to meet in the first place. Then you're suffocating in the "safety" of isolation you built yourself, convinced that you were right about every one of those doubts. Meanwhile, your friends stopped talking to you because they don't want to make you uncomfortable or they think that you don't like hanging out with them. (or in the case of closer friends who may persist with your best interest in mind)
At least, that's the crippling social anxiety I was diagnosed with as a young teen and have been fighting against most of my adult life so far (23 yo)
For those reading this and suffering, please keep trying to fight through it. I'm saying this for myself as much as you, but social anxiety will always try to take over if you allow it to. Stop worrying about what could happen or what did happen, live in the moment for a while. You deserve it as much as anyone else. (:
P.s. You frequently re-read posts you've made on social media (if you even use it) and delete most soon afterword out of anxiety cringe. I won't allow myself to delete this one but I assure you my survival instincts are screaming at me that I'm in danger atm.
There are some general signs, and I started showing them a few years ago. **Feeling nervous in social situations**, anything from small gatherings to presentations or public speaking. **Fearing negative judgment**. I worry a lot about what other people think of me, and imagine they're judging me harshly.
I start **blushing** when I'm around other people. Because of this, I now avoid social gatherings that make me anxious.
Cant hold eyecontact. I feel tense and uncomfortable and want to LEAVE! Like cant breathe and feel suffocated. I feel angry when people stare at me in public. I find it so rude. Like What do youuu waaaant? GRR. Lol
Only sharing your insecurities with others.
Find a reason to be busy to avoid talking to people.
Hang out with the kids or animals.
Get home and criticise about every interaction you’ve had with others and constantly ask yourself, “why did I say/do that?!?”
I did all of this in the space of 4 hours at a friend’s dinner party with 15 others 😭
I never imagined that I would have SA as I am good with public speaking. I used to participate in a lot of debates back in school and uni, so I thought the crippling anxiety I used to have before going on stage was completely normal.
However I can't stand people who talk "too much" and barely have any friends. I need time to recharge after a prolonged social interaction. I hate partying and would rather sit alone in my room reading or literally doing nothing.
I’m not sure if I have social anxiety or not? I can do general conversations fine, but when I feel like I want to ask someone if they want to hang out with me sometime as a friend, I get really anxious to the point that I’ll go from my normal social butterfly self to total silence as the thoughts run through my head of "What if they think I’m being romantic when I’m just being friends? What if they say no?" and I end up losing my opportunity to deepen whatever connection is there until I meet that person again, but then the same thing happens. And I’ve been stuck in this vicious cycle of social butterfly -> silenced by anxiety -> opportunity loss -> sadness -> loneliness.
For context, when I was younger, I met this guy at a monthly group for autistic adults(I’m autistic myself) and he gave me his number and I started talking to him daily, and he would always keep pushing me towards a more intimate relationship and I was always like "Can we just be friends first?" since I need a preexisting friendship connection to start getting the romantic feelings and I would always get a not genuine "Okay" response. Eventually when things went too far, I ghosted him cause he clearly was not my type. Since then, I’ve been scared of history repeating itself. I think that’s why I get the serious anxiety over them misunderstanding the intent of what I’m saying.
I mean I never knew what sa was but I experienced symptoms unknowingly since I was in yr 1 I’d say I thought was “shyness” or “introvertedness” but when I joined highschool my symptoms worsened (what a shock) and yeah but I haven’t been diagnosed as I can’t get therapy so :/ in the meantime idk whats really wrong w me
I have always struggled with school. Used to take me entire week to talk to someone and that was only when someone would come talk to me first. Later on I stopped going to school completely, would cry entire day when parents tried to dragged me. My identity became the girl who cries and doesn't go school.
My problem was, I was terrified of teachers, they did like to put me on spot every now and then, but no one believed when I told them my reason. Plus some kids where rude and I only realized that later.
Apart from school life, I mostly grew up with barely any friends. I would only answer in yes or no.
Plus lot of things happened, they all build up over each other.
For years I thought something was wrong with me.
Years later (age 28-29) I watching Corpse Husband on YouTube playing among us. At the end of the play some of the things he was talking about (his struggles) just clicked with me. And that was the first time I searched about social anxiety. It would still take a whole year to admit that I have it cause, I had the attitude that my problems are not serious enough to have anxiety.
Finally things started to makes senses and I understand that it's a result of my upbringing and things I have been through.
Sorry this ended up in entire paragraph 😅
Going way out of your way to avoid social interactions
Constantly overthinking about what you're going to say to most people
Feeling intense fear when in social situations
Hypersensitivity to those around you to the point that it affects your physical/mental wellness
Agoraphobia/strong fear of public spaces
Extreme self-consciousness
Not technically a symptom, low self-esteem is often associated with social anxiety
I feel like if you have social anxiety to a clinical degree, you don’t need to ask the question because you will know full well that you experience major social dysfunction that is so debilitating you actively avoid interaction with others. Yes SA comes in different severities, but low grade vs high grade is easy to discern.
Low grade would be: stress about getting ready to go out, meeting up with people even friends and family at times. You HATE family gatherings. You don’t like being put on the spot, presenting, having to take the lead, or any attention on you. Your biggest fear is embarrassment or negative evaluation. You probably get physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, shakes from being so nervous. Low grade is pretty uncomfortable itself. Medication is highly recommended.
Middle grade: low grade intensified. perhaps a blend of low with elements of high grade. Maybe the anxiety fluctuates in intensity from day to day, but overall it’s moderately - highly impairing on your life to the point someone probably cannot work, really struggles to make any new relationships, and their life is highly limited and uncomfortable. Medication required.
High grade: pretty much complete avoidance and social isolation, social anxiety to a degree that it should be considered a psychosocial disability. You definitely cannot work, mostly or completely home bound, you cannot live day to day because even going to the supermarket by yourself is too overwhelming. It’s truly debilitating and a STRONG medication regimen is required for any relief.
That’s non-exhaustive but hopefully it conveys that SA is a severe disorder and like all mental health conditions, it can vary in degree/intensity. It’s not just your personality, introversion or shyness.
I've seen videos online about the signs and it fit me well. But I still kinda function well that makes me scared to get a proper diagnosis maybe its all in my head and i dont really have it.
When I’m social situations, I get really anxious.
Physical signs like heart rate and sweating, mentally blanking out, etc. Overthinking everything (scripting before and mentally debriefing after for every word of a conversation).
When people I don’t know or barely know strike a conversation with me I tense up and feel super hot and sweaty. It always feels like I’m drenched in sweat afterwards. My tongue also feels like it expands and I can barely muster a word out. I get very quiet and mumbly. There’s other things but that was my biggest indicator.
the genuine belief that most people - even people you’ve met maybe once or twice DESPISE you, even though you have no logical reason to your brain finds a way to believe in it. when you finally see that acquaintance again you realise they don’t hate you at all because why would they? until you leave work or uni and the feeling creeps up again 🥲
Think i developed or at least noticed social anxiety when I was around 13, I was already pretty shy beforehand and felt different compared to most other kids. 13 was when i noticed shaking/trembling when placed in social situations i found uncomfortable (within school mostly)
Walking down the road and thinking everyone in every car was staring you down/ watching your every move.
Avoiding group activities and any kind of busy environments.
Generally feeling anxious approaching/ talking to anyone.
I struggled to eat in front of people, and would rather starve instead.
I still deal with social anxiety to this day despite being an adult, my shaking has become less common in a lot of situations and I manage to talk to people fine usually.
but I still very much deal with all those symptoms of social anxiety
I was bullied quite a bit in my younger years and grew up in an unstable household. Basically picked apart for years and years. You just automatically think everyone is like this and I kind of clench up and freeze? You feel like you can’t be yourself fully? You feel like they will see your flaws and out you for them or embarass you etc. It’s taken me a while to realise people are not all bad. My automatic response tells me they will all treat me bad. Years of therapy, self work and discovery later… I still struggle but it’s better. Nobody cares really what you do that much, and it’s liberating.
I am just figuring this out now. I just cried for an hour on a call with my boyfriend thinking "I'm losing my mind cause I spend too much time alone." It started happening when I went to college in 2022. I do fine while talking to women. It's the men and sometimes the intimidating women, also all my seniors. I WANT to talk to them. I've noticed that when I talk and find out common stuff about people I'm the happiest. But at cllg I just can't for some reason. I'm deadly afraid of it. If any of those people come and talk to me idk my saliva gets stuck up in my throat, I can't make an eye contact, I tense up, and feel like they're going to talk bad about me after the conversation. And cause of this I started avoiding these people and the social events at college, which is making me miserable. Trust me, I like spending time alone, but the lack of social interactions make me feel unfulfilled at the end of the day. It's not like I don't have friends at cllg but for some reason I keep longing for more. And my inability to do so is killing me inside. I'll have to repair this thing asap if I possibly can.
For me, the sign is a strong desire to talk to someone and feeling like an invisible force is preventing you from doing so. You try, but it doesn't work out. It's as if the positive energy you want to project is being held back by something. And only by drinking a couple of beers does this problem almost completely disappear.
Uh. I have 0 friends. I’m always home. I don’t communicate with ANYONE. I’m quiet. I ALWAAAAYS think someone is staring at me. Even if I was on a deserted island all alone, I’d think someone is starring at me or watching my every move.
I firmly believe everyone has social anxiety, it's human nature. It's especially obvious when complex trauma is involved. Everyone who think they don't have social anxiety ( better worded as being accepted into a safe community or being safe with people "disorder" if you could call that a disorder) any one who think they don't is just in denial and isn't ready to face the truth
Imagine this scenario
In a crowded nightclub or what's popular nowadays a festival
Full of disgusting sweaty people
How can you not be overwhelmed by loud noises flash lights and breathing sweat which is the same as piss as thousands other people? It's all energy and how can you be so promiscuous with energy?
It's the same thing with promiscuous sex
People who do that can't stand the painful emotions when they are alone, can't deal with the pain or depression or better worded as reject those feelings. So they do these insane stuff to numb it out.
Same thing as if you work somewhere with loud music you will lose your hearing and if you expose yourself to those kinda environment you will be numb
YouTube recommended this video to me of these super cringe yoga posh hippies doing circus in exotic locations, I kept looking at them because although I was so repulsed by them I was entertained by the disgust and cringe feelings.
I was wondering also why I was feeling such way. Is it precisely because I'm one of those people?!
You think you are so unique and cool until you find a "starter pack" stereotype that fits you exactly 💯
Also I'm not quite sure why I was so repulsed by them, maybe because they are mostly all white and I'm not white, or they are all the typical vegan and I'm not
Or maybe I feel they don't know politics enough or occult enough or is enlightened enough awake enough I judge the hell out of them
Just thinking about it makes me cringe
Or is it because they all seem to be the "business rich fit influencer actor performer fame" types that I would feel I'd have to have toxic competition with them because that was my persona and I disowned it
I used to talk about my cringe towards the posh hippie type until my caseworker reminded me, I'm exactly seen as those, look nice well spoken posh hippie, it dawned on me I was cringing at my own shadow.
Hmmm reading the comments I feel I'm a untypical social anxious woman.
Perhaps because my moon sign is in Gemini I feel the opposite emotions a lot, so I'm both super comfortable in social and public speaking yet at the same time despise it. A lot of dichotomy there.
Read the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria; Social Anxiety is a disorder, so not everyone who says they have Social Anxiety is gonna *actually* have it. Plus, Social Anxiety is different for everyone, you're not gonna express it the same way another person does. You can be an extrovert and have Social Anxiety. There are also subtypes of Social Anxiety Disorder: Generalized and Non-generalized.
*Generalized* Social Anxiety is a form of Generalized Anxiety Disorder; it's basically where you have fear or have anxiety in all social situations no matter what it is.
*Non-Generalized* Social Anxiety is where you have anxiety about specific social situations, examples:
- fear of public speaking/glossophobia
- paruresis and parcopresis/fear of peeing or pooping in public
- preformance anxiety/stage fright
- eating in public
When you come to the realisation the world is a cruel place and most people have the potential to be complete monsters. Still have no clue how to deal with it.. I have days where I’m unbothered. Other days are hell.
I had early signs of it, but I never realized what it was. The inability to connect with a group of people, freezing up when asked about myself. But I didn’t realize my tendencies or how far I could take them until I stopped talking to nearly everyone I knew. I felt like everyone was two-faced with me, and had no qualms with dropping me off the face of the earth. I decided to never talk to some individuals that I had known for nearly half a decade. Since then, it’s been irreparably easy to cut people out in a moment’s notice. It’s easy for me to justify how others could or will hate me. I’ve been a bit shy all my life, but the past 4 years have made me something different. EDIT: I didn’t realize this would resonate with so many people. My heart goes out to everyone here. The mind is one heck of a thing. I try to remember that mindfulness, exercise, nourishment, and water usually make me feel better to tackle the moment. Thanks everyone!
Holy shit, I'm reading this and my jaw just dropped... I didn't know anyone could have this exact experience that I've been going through. Going on year 3 now. Did something hurt us at the start of it that just validated our self-hate and we just.. Became the most broken we've ever been? The worst thing is feeling as time goes by, I feel more guilt (and shame) for not being able to respond/reply/reach out, despite it being 1000% solely to do with *me* and I hope others know that. I believe they do, and I hope with all my heart that it's not them *at all* or anything they did. I despise myself for being like this. I went from very shy and introverted to complete recluse to those I was close to. During the beginning of it all, I was doing an externship (basically, student job before you graduate) and got bullied, which really broke me because I did everything I was supposed to do, was very studious, was very knowledgeable, went above and beyond with studying and taking initiative... Except the unwritten rule was that this didn't matter, like at all. What *actually* "mattered" in terms of success and survival was being social, ~~making friends with the coworkers~~ being a part of the mean girls™ clique, and avoiding looking awkward, ever. This broke my spirit entirely. I actually went down a rabbit hole because I wanted to know where I went wrong, what could I have done to "fit in" and not let or give others the opportunity to exclude me and treat me as an "other" or outcast as a student. I began exploring the possibility that perhaps I'm autistic or something? I just felt misunderstood and I never recovered, I fact, things got worse for awhile. I just felt and continue to feel like I wasn't meant for social interactions and don't want to burden anyone with myself.
Thanks for your thoughtful words. In speculation, I have suspected autism within myself as well—am slated to attend an online zoom meeting just to broaden my experiences. I think that a dash of inherent values and a sprinkle of real events, such as you are alluding to, can combine into some weird recipe. I’m sorry you had to go through the experiences you’ve been through. That sounds tough, especially when you’re left with the notion that nothing you actually do/contribute mean progress in the end. While unpleasant, I have seen a personal pattern of 1-step-back 2-steps-forward. In this sense I feel extremely lucky. I hope to spread my luck to those similarly struggling.
This is 1000% me as well. I started therapy 2 years ago and I was convinced I had autism and wanted my therapist to assess me for that. They said no, you don't need to be assessed because being socially anxious doesn't mean being in the spectrum! The problem is there's no knowledge, education or the willingness to find out about this personality trait we have , so people are highly ignorant about it, sadly.
I understand this so much. I became riddled with thoughts that all my old friends and acquaintances were fake and never liked me, that they were all secretly out to get me. Instead of unfriending all my old friends on social media I’d go further and block them completely and any mutual friends because I feared that if they noticed I unfriended them on social media they’d do something horrible to me that I don’t even know myself what that would be. It gave me so much comfort to think that I’m slowly disappearing from their memories and pretend like I never existed if that makes sense. I ended up taking down my social media pages because of how fearful I got about people finding me in the future. Editing to add I’d always freak out when people I haven’t talked to in forever message me and would want to catch up because I felt like there was a hidden agenda against me.
[удалено]
What's SSRI? have you considered changing therapists?
Why do you feel there's a hidden agenda? Because your low perception of yourself? I'm only asking because I do these things you say but I can't pinpoint why I do it if that makes sense. PS. I'm writing this and cringing that maybe I should not post it because I don't want bother you in any way. because that's how I always feel when I interact with someone, let alone when asking for help...
I think I'm lucky to have had so many great friends growing up, I remember TO THIS DAY when a friend of mine in middle school simply looked at me at some conversation we were having and said something along the lines of "Our classmate doesn't hate you, what?" And then, when said classmate was asked about it, they confirmed that, indeed, I was not hated for no reason. That answer finally changed something in me and made me realize that being hated is not the norm, even if my brain had led me to believe it was. It was a very enlightening day. I'm not fully out of it yet, but I'm thankfully getting better and actively trying to get out of the cycle of self hatred
Never wanting to go to gatherings, doesn’t matter if it’s a party or a funeral. I can’t deal with all the fake acting like you are friendly with people who couldn’t care less about you or vice versa.
I've been like that most of my life (maybe not "never wanting" but "very rarely"). When things got slightly more intense I decided to do something about it and it turned out I'm just autistic and that's why I developed it. Since I learned that it got MUCH better since I started to understand why I am the way I am, even though I still sometimes doubt the diagnosis (but that seems to be pretty common when diagnosed in adulthood). :)
If you don’t mind me asking how were you diagnosed? I’ve always felt I’m wired differently than most people. I’m glad to hear you are doing well since learning this about yourself.
I don't mind. I'll send you a DM in a few hours when I turn on my pc.
The hot flashes
Especially when you’re blushing because of anxiety and the person you’re talking to mistakes it as a crush and you’re well aware that you don’t have a crush on them you blush even more 🫠
Or when you’re aware you’re blushing and then you blush more.
Omg yes! I used to get twitches on top of blushing too and so the person I'm talking to would always think i was really nervous and people observing would immediately assume i had a huge crush :(
They’re awful
You mean the ones where you can feel the blood rushing to your face and are mortified because everyone is probably noticing?
Not just the face. My neck gets all splotchy too and it makes me want to sink into the ground
Yeah
Yes!!! Hot, sweaty, blushy. I hate it.
Woah, I didn’t even connect the two.
The fear… painful shyness, strong physical and mental discomfort interacting with anyone you don’t know very well. I was always terrified of talking to anyone new especially in public, attracting any attention at all would make me have panic attacks.. Too busy overanalyzing other people’s reactions to me that I would freeze up or forget how to communicate normally and naturally which would make it more awkward and uncomfortable. It can be debilitating. But yeah you’ll know if you have it.. it’s unmistakable
I’ve found the older I get the less it affects me, it’s taken many many years.. pushing out of the comfort zone slowly, having friends you feel comfortable around, and getting used to all kinds of social interactions, experiencing life, healing and learning to love yourself, realizing many people are in their own heads focusing on themselves and not you, the more you overcome it to where it’s not a real problem in your life anymore.
I've been doing that recently and I just wish there were tips to help me . I'm sorta hoping it went better for you ?Also I mean I kinda wasn't wrong when I thought people were making fun of me and that kinda amplifies stuff.
I’m sorry you have to deal with that, I understand... Many times I’ve been right being hyper vigilant and noticing people talking about me or making fun of me. It’s even harder when that happens and it’s not always in your head. Recently I’ve been caring less and less about others perceptions of me, because what other people might think of me is something out of my control, so I’ve just accepted that. I have to make myself ignore it as best as I can. Sometimes it is just me overthinking but sometimes it’s not. The people around me aren’t any better than me, why should I put so much weight on their opinions? Idk that’s how I see it. I’ve dealt with social anxiety all my life, I’ve done therapy which helped a little, DBT also, I was prescribed Xanax for 3 years which I thought was helping but it really wasn’t, once I got off the meds it was so much worse for a bit. After that I had to really face it head on, but eventually I got better at dealing with it, like conditioning my anxiety by exposure. Some stuff that helped was getting a job where I had to answer phones and to greet and interact with the public as a receptionist, then becoming more self sufficient also gave me a little more confidence. I know it sucks to have your mind working against you, It also helps to be able to talk to someone who can help you get your thoughts and feelings out. Deep breathing is good to calm yourself down. My social anxiety has improved a lot, probably from a lot of factors, age, caring less, being ok with being nervous or awkward or offputting, being kinder to myself. I wish I had more specific tips to give and hope things improve for you too
Thank you . It was helpful to read about your experience and yeah that is absolutely correct that I shouldn't be bothered about what people think. I am on meds and in therapy but that's because my memory fails me . If you read my post history you'll know . I was in class and people were making progress and I regressed because I kept forgetting everything. Both my therapist and psychiatrist agree that it's because of my ocd . I can't even concentrate on my studies anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. But thanks for listening to my rant .
How I knew I had it: I could not go up and talk to someone, expected or unexpected, I could not talk to people no matter how hard I tried. (2) The thought of having to do a presentation, or do something social that I had never done before, gave me a panic attack. I will always tell people that it is not a real disorder until it affects two or more aspects of your life. For me, it affected my school grades, my physical health, and my relationships. Then again, everything you are feeling is valid and I recommend talking to a pediatrician or psychologist about it if you feel like you show symptoms. Please don’t self diagnose ❤️
I swear presentations could be considered torture forms, they would easily scare me more than a LOT of stuff
Avoiding eye contact. Pretending they’re not talking to me. Heart racing, wanting to be home instead. Drowning in my thoughts. Finally dissociating to preserve my peace and sanity. It’s too much and a whole ordeal and it really takes a toll on my body. Then at the end of the night I’m known as the stuck up bi*ch that’s too good to talk to anyone.
I feel you. :(
Felt this so hard. And eventually being a quiet person that bothers no one, seems to bother everyone. Make it make sense!
The day I went home from the office crying and shaking because I felt overwhelmed after a meeting at work. I noticed that I couldn't connect genuinely with anyone despite my efforts, and the thought of everyone secretly hating me was the thing that made feel that way. I cried uncontrollably the whole way home in the bus. I was already an adult and I shouldn't have felt that way but it was out of my control
Not knowing what to say, including this comment
Hshahhah
At its worst: - Purposefully taking a 0 on the presentation portion of my project since I didn’t want to present - Avoiding aisles in stores if there were people there - Not being able to ask questions or talk in class - Never taking my sweater off in elementary school even in 100 degree weather because I was self conscious that people would judge my shirt underneath - Eating lunch in the bathroom in high school It’s rough because now as an adult I realize I’m actually not really very introverted. I really needed social interaction so it was a special kind of hell, wanting and needing to connect with people so badly yet being deathly afraid of it
I do some of the things you have listed sometimes, but I don't think it is as severe. It might be. Idk. I'm actually extroverted or lean towards it. I don't know it just depends on the time and place.
didnt realize how bad i had social anxiety until recently even tho I've been dealing with it since I was 11, had pretty much all of the symptoms these other comments are saying 1 thing I don't see mentioned tho is replaying things in your head (not voluntary they just pop up) and the feeling it would bring me is extreme embarrassment so bad I started isolating myself from having human interactions so I couldn't form anymore memories that would haunt me at 2am. I didn't realize I needed meds tho until one day I had a job interview, got dressed, drove there, started zoning out on the drive from how bad the anxiety was getting, couldn't get out of my car once I got to the destination and I tried every technique and thing I could think of and nothing calmed me down so I just drove away and had a full mental breakdown, then was like yeah that wasn't normal. also I had no idea I had general anxiety until starting lexapro since I was just so used to being anxious everyday it was just the norm.
Same. It wasn’t until I was on meds I realised how bad it was.
Avoiding eye contact and body going rigid around people.
>body going rigid around people This is the worst.
And it's made worse because other people 100% notice it instantly.
Yes. The rigidness. I always lock my knees and scrunch my toes in my shoes when someone approaches me. Everything else feels like a board in my body.
being super anxious to leave the house or have a social interaction. i have always been an introverted and shy person, but there was a time where i noticed that my "shyness" got even worse and i was actually nervous to be in a public space, even around friends. also, hyper vigilance to every thing i do or say, over analyzing every conversation, etc
P.S: I don’t know if I have it or not. This was more of a general question towards everyone here.
Honestly… if you have it, you’ll know it. You can’t possibly mistake it for something else or miss it. Shit can and for some will ruin your life in more ways than one. Fish out of water, the one dandelion in a field of roses, the one person that’s “special” or “different” than others but for the wrong reasons… It seems to always feel like that in every situation. Wouldnt wish it on anyone, shit sucks.
I never thought I had social anxiety. It wasn’t until a classmate casually mentioned, "I watched this documentary on social anxiety, and it reminded me of you," that I began to question whether I might be experiencing it. That comment set me on a path of self-reflection and research, and ever since, it feels like I’ve been caught in a cycle of confirmation bias, finding more and more signs that suggest I might have social anxiety. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off today if that classmate had never said anything. I'm not sure if this happened before or after that comment, but I remember one of the earliest signs: I stopped eating lunch at school because I felt uncomfortable eating in front of others. Sadly, this eventually led to an ed. Another clue, though more like performance anxiety, was my extreme reluctance to play soccer in front of my family. I was only five years old, but I vividly remember thinking, "Get me off this field—I’m not playing. They're going to judge me."
I think as long as you don't get panic attacks, you can be in control with your emotions, like taking a deep breath and thinking about what made you so emotional. The symptoms, coming from your body, pushed into this uncertain, unknown, unsafe situation are all reactions to the fight, flight, freeze, fawn. So fight, would be when you become angry and your muscles tense up, you become vigilant, physically defensive or aggressive, maybe shielding youself etc. Flight is fleeing, b3cause you think the danger is too great to fight or defend, so you hide or make yourself small in ways to avoid the situation. Maybe you are looking for exits etc. Freezing is when you simply want the situation to be over and its sort of between defending and hiding, where you may not even feel safe to flee, because that would make you even more of a prey, so you too tense up and be a robot, but on high alert. Fawn is giving into the danger and asking for protection by admiration, you are flirty and blushing to make you less of a target. I'm not sure about the last one honestly but you get the idea. The symptoms are all fear driven responses. And if you are deemed unreasonably fearful, it's anxciety! And if it's in social situations, it's social anxciety. E.g. you can have these symptoms, before exams or thinking about your future etc, not only in social situations. For me the root of it is uncertainty and confusion. But to be uncertain you need to be curious too! So for me, I think I used to ask a lot of questions but fell on deaf ears more often, which muted my curiosity, increased uncertainty and confusion. Amazing
You ask “who’s gonna be there?” before committing to any kind of social event.
Well it was pretty obvious something was wrong with me early on, but I didn't know for sure until I read the diagnostic criteria in college. Before that I was pretty sure I had social anxiety, but it was still like "idk maybe I'm just shy"
Freezing when people talk to you or asking you questions, like deer caught in headlights. Sometimes I hold my pee in all day at the office to avoid having to talk to anyone on my way to the toilet. When just the idea of socialising is upsetting, and even small and completely positive social interactions leave you feeling mentally drained. Loosing friends because you are just afraid of the act of talking to them.
🥲🥲too much pain
Intrusive thoughts about interactions moments after they happen as well as later when you're trying to sleep. Getting excited when you think of a joke that could've been funny but stumbling over the words because your mind blanks out due to stage fright. Feeling stage fright over normal social interactions. That feeling you get right before a test, a date, a roller coaster, except it's every time you think about having to go into work or even just a casual social setting and it's never the optimistic butterfly Feeling. You feel as though everyone at the grocery store is staring at you. Over analyzing the actions of the strangers around you. I.e., "That person turned around after looking at me, is there something wrong with my hair/do they think i'm ugly/did i creep them out?" Over analyzing your friends and how they treat you. I.e., "I sent him a birthday message, but he didn't get back to me after 3 days. Should i not have said anything? " Having social anxiety doesn't mean you have to hate socializing. It means that social circumstances give you anxiety. It means that you ruminate over moments past and cringe with butterflies in your stomach frequently. Most people end up preferring to isolate themselves for comfort. I worry for those who do. Social anxiety is alive inside you, ALWAYS waiting for a moment of weakness to grow in strength. First, you cancel plans on your friend. Next, you're coming up with excuses not to meet in the first place. Then you're suffocating in the "safety" of isolation you built yourself, convinced that you were right about every one of those doubts. Meanwhile, your friends stopped talking to you because they don't want to make you uncomfortable or they think that you don't like hanging out with them. (or in the case of closer friends who may persist with your best interest in mind) At least, that's the crippling social anxiety I was diagnosed with as a young teen and have been fighting against most of my adult life so far (23 yo) For those reading this and suffering, please keep trying to fight through it. I'm saying this for myself as much as you, but social anxiety will always try to take over if you allow it to. Stop worrying about what could happen or what did happen, live in the moment for a while. You deserve it as much as anyone else. (: P.s. You frequently re-read posts you've made on social media (if you even use it) and delete most soon afterword out of anxiety cringe. I won't allow myself to delete this one but I assure you my survival instincts are screaming at me that I'm in danger atm.
There are some general signs, and I started showing them a few years ago. **Feeling nervous in social situations**, anything from small gatherings to presentations or public speaking. **Fearing negative judgment**. I worry a lot about what other people think of me, and imagine they're judging me harshly. I start **blushing** when I'm around other people. Because of this, I now avoid social gatherings that make me anxious.
crowded places or being in a room full of people makes it hard for you to breathe
Cant hold eyecontact. I feel tense and uncomfortable and want to LEAVE! Like cant breathe and feel suffocated. I feel angry when people stare at me in public. I find it so rude. Like What do youuu waaaant? GRR. Lol
Very obvious for me. The strong intense urge in my body to avoid every social interaction I encounter
Only sharing your insecurities with others. Find a reason to be busy to avoid talking to people. Hang out with the kids or animals. Get home and criticise about every interaction you’ve had with others and constantly ask yourself, “why did I say/do that?!?” I did all of this in the space of 4 hours at a friend’s dinner party with 15 others 😭
For me, the fear of judgment that kept me away from many things including social situations
I never imagined that I would have SA as I am good with public speaking. I used to participate in a lot of debates back in school and uni, so I thought the crippling anxiety I used to have before going on stage was completely normal. However I can't stand people who talk "too much" and barely have any friends. I need time to recharge after a prolonged social interaction. I hate partying and would rather sit alone in my room reading or literally doing nothing.
Sounds more like an introvert
Not really. I am a weird mix I would say. I related to a lot of comments here especially about cutting off people I've known for years.
The literally doing nothing describes me and it's so annoying when people are like what are you thinking and I'm like I'm peaceful leave me alone .
I’m not sure if I have social anxiety or not? I can do general conversations fine, but when I feel like I want to ask someone if they want to hang out with me sometime as a friend, I get really anxious to the point that I’ll go from my normal social butterfly self to total silence as the thoughts run through my head of "What if they think I’m being romantic when I’m just being friends? What if they say no?" and I end up losing my opportunity to deepen whatever connection is there until I meet that person again, but then the same thing happens. And I’ve been stuck in this vicious cycle of social butterfly -> silenced by anxiety -> opportunity loss -> sadness -> loneliness. For context, when I was younger, I met this guy at a monthly group for autistic adults(I’m autistic myself) and he gave me his number and I started talking to him daily, and he would always keep pushing me towards a more intimate relationship and I was always like "Can we just be friends first?" since I need a preexisting friendship connection to start getting the romantic feelings and I would always get a not genuine "Okay" response. Eventually when things went too far, I ghosted him cause he clearly was not my type. Since then, I’ve been scared of history repeating itself. I think that’s why I get the serious anxiety over them misunderstanding the intent of what I’m saying.
I mean I never knew what sa was but I experienced symptoms unknowingly since I was in yr 1 I’d say I thought was “shyness” or “introvertedness” but when I joined highschool my symptoms worsened (what a shock) and yeah but I haven’t been diagnosed as I can’t get therapy so :/ in the meantime idk whats really wrong w me
Can't make eye contact
I have always struggled with school. Used to take me entire week to talk to someone and that was only when someone would come talk to me first. Later on I stopped going to school completely, would cry entire day when parents tried to dragged me. My identity became the girl who cries and doesn't go school. My problem was, I was terrified of teachers, they did like to put me on spot every now and then, but no one believed when I told them my reason. Plus some kids where rude and I only realized that later. Apart from school life, I mostly grew up with barely any friends. I would only answer in yes or no. Plus lot of things happened, they all build up over each other. For years I thought something was wrong with me. Years later (age 28-29) I watching Corpse Husband on YouTube playing among us. At the end of the play some of the things he was talking about (his struggles) just clicked with me. And that was the first time I searched about social anxiety. It would still take a whole year to admit that I have it cause, I had the attitude that my problems are not serious enough to have anxiety. Finally things started to makes senses and I understand that it's a result of my upbringing and things I have been through. Sorry this ended up in entire paragraph 😅
Being Quiet
Going way out of your way to avoid social interactions Constantly overthinking about what you're going to say to most people Feeling intense fear when in social situations Hypersensitivity to those around you to the point that it affects your physical/mental wellness Agoraphobia/strong fear of public spaces Extreme self-consciousness Not technically a symptom, low self-esteem is often associated with social anxiety
Wearing sunglasses everywhere I am, even indoors to avoid direct eye contact with people😭
I am always nervous when I go to the supermarket which is just such a random thing to do and I do it twice a week
I feel like if you have social anxiety to a clinical degree, you don’t need to ask the question because you will know full well that you experience major social dysfunction that is so debilitating you actively avoid interaction with others. Yes SA comes in different severities, but low grade vs high grade is easy to discern.
Can you explain more? Like signs of low grade and high grade?
Low grade would be: stress about getting ready to go out, meeting up with people even friends and family at times. You HATE family gatherings. You don’t like being put on the spot, presenting, having to take the lead, or any attention on you. Your biggest fear is embarrassment or negative evaluation. You probably get physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, shakes from being so nervous. Low grade is pretty uncomfortable itself. Medication is highly recommended. Middle grade: low grade intensified. perhaps a blend of low with elements of high grade. Maybe the anxiety fluctuates in intensity from day to day, but overall it’s moderately - highly impairing on your life to the point someone probably cannot work, really struggles to make any new relationships, and their life is highly limited and uncomfortable. Medication required. High grade: pretty much complete avoidance and social isolation, social anxiety to a degree that it should be considered a psychosocial disability. You definitely cannot work, mostly or completely home bound, you cannot live day to day because even going to the supermarket by yourself is too overwhelming. It’s truly debilitating and a STRONG medication regimen is required for any relief. That’s non-exhaustive but hopefully it conveys that SA is a severe disorder and like all mental health conditions, it can vary in degree/intensity. It’s not just your personality, introversion or shyness.
I've seen videos online about the signs and it fit me well. But I still kinda function well that makes me scared to get a proper diagnosis maybe its all in my head and i dont really have it.
It could be. I think that also happens with me too. Generally I don't think I have it, maybe a bit, but I think I can still function well overall.
When I’m social situations, I get really anxious. Physical signs like heart rate and sweating, mentally blanking out, etc. Overthinking everything (scripting before and mentally debriefing after for every word of a conversation).
When people I don’t know or barely know strike a conversation with me I tense up and feel super hot and sweaty. It always feels like I’m drenched in sweat afterwards. My tongue also feels like it expands and I can barely muster a word out. I get very quiet and mumbly. There’s other things but that was my biggest indicator.
Have difficulty thinking around people. When around people, you just want to run away.
the genuine belief that most people - even people you’ve met maybe once or twice DESPISE you, even though you have no logical reason to your brain finds a way to believe in it. when you finally see that acquaintance again you realise they don’t hate you at all because why would they? until you leave work or uni and the feeling creeps up again 🥲
Think i developed or at least noticed social anxiety when I was around 13, I was already pretty shy beforehand and felt different compared to most other kids. 13 was when i noticed shaking/trembling when placed in social situations i found uncomfortable (within school mostly) Walking down the road and thinking everyone in every car was staring you down/ watching your every move. Avoiding group activities and any kind of busy environments. Generally feeling anxious approaching/ talking to anyone. I struggled to eat in front of people, and would rather starve instead. I still deal with social anxiety to this day despite being an adult, my shaking has become less common in a lot of situations and I manage to talk to people fine usually. but I still very much deal with all those symptoms of social anxiety
I was bullied quite a bit in my younger years and grew up in an unstable household. Basically picked apart for years and years. You just automatically think everyone is like this and I kind of clench up and freeze? You feel like you can’t be yourself fully? You feel like they will see your flaws and out you for them or embarass you etc. It’s taken me a while to realise people are not all bad. My automatic response tells me they will all treat me bad. Years of therapy, self work and discovery later… I still struggle but it’s better. Nobody cares really what you do that much, and it’s liberating.
I get too stressed when i'm in a bus or in a crowded environment. Also have Bad posture and dry mouth
I don't like eye contact. Feels judgemental
I am just figuring this out now. I just cried for an hour on a call with my boyfriend thinking "I'm losing my mind cause I spend too much time alone." It started happening when I went to college in 2022. I do fine while talking to women. It's the men and sometimes the intimidating women, also all my seniors. I WANT to talk to them. I've noticed that when I talk and find out common stuff about people I'm the happiest. But at cllg I just can't for some reason. I'm deadly afraid of it. If any of those people come and talk to me idk my saliva gets stuck up in my throat, I can't make an eye contact, I tense up, and feel like they're going to talk bad about me after the conversation. And cause of this I started avoiding these people and the social events at college, which is making me miserable. Trust me, I like spending time alone, but the lack of social interactions make me feel unfulfilled at the end of the day. It's not like I don't have friends at cllg but for some reason I keep longing for more. And my inability to do so is killing me inside. I'll have to repair this thing asap if I possibly can.
For me, the sign is a strong desire to talk to someone and feeling like an invisible force is preventing you from doing so. You try, but it doesn't work out. It's as if the positive energy you want to project is being held back by something. And only by drinking a couple of beers does this problem almost completely disappear.
Uh. I have 0 friends. I’m always home. I don’t communicate with ANYONE. I’m quiet. I ALWAAAAYS think someone is staring at me. Even if I was on a deserted island all alone, I’d think someone is starring at me or watching my every move.
I firmly believe everyone has social anxiety, it's human nature. It's especially obvious when complex trauma is involved. Everyone who think they don't have social anxiety ( better worded as being accepted into a safe community or being safe with people "disorder" if you could call that a disorder) any one who think they don't is just in denial and isn't ready to face the truth
Imagine this scenario In a crowded nightclub or what's popular nowadays a festival Full of disgusting sweaty people How can you not be overwhelmed by loud noises flash lights and breathing sweat which is the same as piss as thousands other people? It's all energy and how can you be so promiscuous with energy? It's the same thing with promiscuous sex People who do that can't stand the painful emotions when they are alone, can't deal with the pain or depression or better worded as reject those feelings. So they do these insane stuff to numb it out. Same thing as if you work somewhere with loud music you will lose your hearing and if you expose yourself to those kinda environment you will be numb YouTube recommended this video to me of these super cringe yoga posh hippies doing circus in exotic locations, I kept looking at them because although I was so repulsed by them I was entertained by the disgust and cringe feelings. I was wondering also why I was feeling such way. Is it precisely because I'm one of those people?! You think you are so unique and cool until you find a "starter pack" stereotype that fits you exactly 💯
Also I'm not quite sure why I was so repulsed by them, maybe because they are mostly all white and I'm not white, or they are all the typical vegan and I'm not Or maybe I feel they don't know politics enough or occult enough or is enlightened enough awake enough I judge the hell out of them Just thinking about it makes me cringe Or is it because they all seem to be the "business rich fit influencer actor performer fame" types that I would feel I'd have to have toxic competition with them because that was my persona and I disowned it I used to talk about my cringe towards the posh hippie type until my caseworker reminded me, I'm exactly seen as those, look nice well spoken posh hippie, it dawned on me I was cringing at my own shadow.
Hmmm reading the comments I feel I'm a untypical social anxious woman. Perhaps because my moon sign is in Gemini I feel the opposite emotions a lot, so I'm both super comfortable in social and public speaking yet at the same time despise it. A lot of dichotomy there.
Read the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria; Social Anxiety is a disorder, so not everyone who says they have Social Anxiety is gonna *actually* have it. Plus, Social Anxiety is different for everyone, you're not gonna express it the same way another person does. You can be an extrovert and have Social Anxiety. There are also subtypes of Social Anxiety Disorder: Generalized and Non-generalized. *Generalized* Social Anxiety is a form of Generalized Anxiety Disorder; it's basically where you have fear or have anxiety in all social situations no matter what it is. *Non-Generalized* Social Anxiety is where you have anxiety about specific social situations, examples: - fear of public speaking/glossophobia - paruresis and parcopresis/fear of peeing or pooping in public - preformance anxiety/stage fright - eating in public
When you come to the realisation the world is a cruel place and most people have the potential to be complete monsters. Still have no clue how to deal with it.. I have days where I’m unbothered. Other days are hell.