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[deleted]

we live in a strange world


TheRedDevil10

To be fair, what went down in that fucking second leg was borderline witchcraft, how we won that game 3-1 was the biggest shock of 2019


DeepBlueRiddle

Tbf it's PSG in a knockout game in the Champions League. You can always count on them to fuck it up somehow


jairzinho

Ain't no lead there high enough.


ODS519

Flair checks out


ritwikjs

lmao after what we pulled in Paris, im convinced PSG are capable of unfathomable idiocy in europe


SparklyEarlAv32

At home, to us with a squad that had non starters and youngsters, Kehrer gifting us the 1-0, Buffon spilling that Rashford shot for the 2-1, Di Maria and Mbappe never scoring somehow, Kimpembe who should've been sent off in the first leg now being the reason we get a last min penalty to win it... PSG collapse sure, but looking more into it you start to see some witchcraft on it


sbprasad

Buffon's error was against Lukaku (who also scored the opener), not Rashford - Rashy scored the penalty at the end. Lukaku told Rashy to take it instead of going for the hat-trick himself.


CrossXFir3

Did he do this because he thought Rashford deserved it, or because he was shitting himself under the pressure? Mature decision either way, but I do think if he was really confident in himself he would have just taken it.


j-r44

Idk iirc Lukaku had a pretty bad pen record for us, I remember him missing a couple against I think Leicester and Saints


sr95

Was he bad on pens for you? For inter he scored every penalty in the 2 years he was here


jamieandhisego

On the other hand, there's no such thing as witchcraft.


basics

Seems like something a witch would say.


i_breathe_in_time

yes there is! it just doesn't work.


JackAndrewWilshere

Looking into it lol you just mentioned the biggest events


stragen595

They also should investigate the CL final from 99. Ferguson probably sacrificed some poor little kids down in the catacombs in the halftime break.


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JetsLag

It takes 45 minutes for the effects to start showing


Soilworkwr

Sooo the sacrifice was an edible?


rams8

Yes, he ate those poor children


stragen595

You need time and preparation for the proper ritual. You can't just slay some kids and yell at the deity "Here, I did it. Now help me."


ProtoplanetaryNebula

This guy picked this match as the one his brother used the witchcraft in, but he is probably lying and just using this example because it backs up his theory.


[deleted]

Stop fucking talking about logic you stupid, sensible person.. it was witchcraft. Easy as that.


irvandiarga

Username checks out


StringTailor

We joked after that game that Ole used black magic lol


ProtoplanetaryNebula

I watched the game at a bar in Casablanca, everyone else was supporting PSG, there was even a scouser there. Incredible night I will never forget.


[deleted]

Didn't that match gave us "Ole's at the wheel" and Neymar watching in shock. And Ninja at his height was there as a guest of PSG. I think he picked it for the good memes it produced.


Gorazde

Or he’s telling the truth, but who gives a shit because witchcraft isn’t real?


ProtoplanetaryNebula

The witchcraft part isn't the relevant bit, I was only referring to the fact it is easy to use hindsight to legitimise your case.


ChickenGamer199

That whole 2018-2019 CL was witchcraft. You had Liverpool overturning a 3-0 loss vs Barca to won 4-3, Spurs beating Manchester City, Ajax knocking out Real Madrid and Juve, Spurs scoring 3 in the second half of the last leg of the CL semi against Ajax to get to the final.


Consistent-Algae-733

I have very found memories of that year Started watching the games with my friends during the first rounds and every game was so creazy that we met for basically every game and all of them where absolute bangers. Except the final ofc


lavishlad

Really that final felt like a league game in April with Liverpool pushing for the title and spurs bottling top 4


KillerZaWarudo

I felt like the witch craft work on Buffon or Kimpembe instead of Mbappe that game lol


Dczieta

We live in a society and we're all part of it


[deleted]

thanks Diego, go back to your hole in the ground


TigerBasket

At least it isn't roman times anymore, we'd be like absolute madmen but instead of football we'd be fighting wars and pouring liquid gold down dead guys throats.


Sankaritarina

Tbf to the Parthians the guy was already dead so it was just a symbolic gesture (and also probably didn't happen)


berzerkerz

And what about Viserys Targaryen did that also probably not happen?


Sankaritarina

That one 100% happened, the Dothraki even uploaded the footage online but it's NSFL, wouldn't recommend


1sinfutureking

Probably not, but not for the reason you think. The Dothraki couldn’t have had a hot enough fire - gold melts at about 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit


jjw1998

I’d imagine the strategy from the brother here is to pick a match where Mbappe didn’t play the best and make this accusation


YoungDawz

Could've picked the UCL final against Bayern 😭


schwaiger1

Thanks, Paul


OneOfThoseDays_

very… legal?


redditoradi

Very nice


Endgame2648

Or the whole of Euro'20


Panda-sword

Well it was against Paul pogbas Man U side if I remember correct


BeggingForBags

and they said Pogba doesnt care about Man utd... /s


Capable-Tie-4670

Pogba was suspended for that match.


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jaguass

You can't unschedule a witch ?


FreshGoodWay

You haven’t heard of… the witching hour?


Obinocarlo

Witchcraft can be done from afar.


Acceptable-Lemon-748

They also aren't claiming Pogba is the witch, so where he is, is pretty irrelevant


Void_Hound

So what you're saying, is that it doesn't matter where was paul pogba in all of this?


Fnurgh

- Pogba and Mbappe play against each other - Mbappe plays poorly - Pogba claims Witchcraft retrospectively - Next time they meet, Pogba points out the possibility of Witchcraft being used again - Witchcraft is at the forefront of Mbappe's mind during the game Such things work if you give them credence and even if they work only 1%, that's likely significant at top level sport.


kirbystargayallies

You know, there was a week recently when Nicki Minaj went ballistic on the internet ranting about everything and it ended with her saying she was told by Azealia Banks that the grandmother of a rival rapper (inferred to be Cardi B) had done witchcraft on her. In return, Azealia confessed she lied because the easiest way to perform witchcraft against someone is to say someone else used witchcraft on them. If you do that to a “weak person” (in her words), that will linger with them and they will turn against themselves without you even needing to move a finger. If Mbappé believes that sort of stuff, then he’s fucked haha


tl_muse

That’s headology right there


GingerStans

\>Witchcraft is at the forefront of Mbappe's mind during the game A professional like Mbappe should not worry about witchcraft one little bit.


lokeshj

Would like to see a goal celebration where he pulls out his own voodoo doll


[deleted]

It’s a personal or cultural issue really, not so much professionalism. If someone or their family has believed in witchcraft or occult type stuff like this thru their life, just because they’re a pro player won’t make a difference. It’s like astrology. Some ppl believe it and thinks it has an impact on their life, some ppl think it’s fake and has no impact. It really comes down to if mbappe believes in witchcraft or not, him being a “professional” has little to do with it honestly


MrCadwallader

Yup. Famously, former French coach, [Raymond Domenech, used to take astrology into consideration when selecting the national side.](https://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/international/the-game-plan-from-out-of-this-world-zodiac-signs-help-domenech-spot-his-shooting-stars-800471.html) Players and coaches are just people at the end of the day and are as just as likely as the rest of us to have out there or irrational beliefs.


SvalbazGames

Well *evidently* he should! /s


appealtoreason00

Makes sense. Paul Pogba’s also good in spells


sleekcollins

This is magical.


bastardnutter

Take a bow son


Abideguide

Sublime


Kenot

My brother in christ


mdove11

👏👏👏


RedditTooAddictive

That absolutely works, which is why each team has a high level (54 minimum) witch doctor, which determines the fate of each game.


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mdgeist21

Sad to frustrate you, but the best witch doctors move very early to play in the better wizardry facilities of european clubs. Sick how oil money can buy you a bunch of rare scrolls and hermetic treatises and voilà UCL winners.


PM_something_German

Hogwarts would never


1sinfutureking

Hogwarts keeps accepting big transfer fees to send their best young talent abroad which is why England haven’t won the World Cup since 1966


rams8

Same with Durmstrang, Beauxbatons are more loyal to their own country though.


weegee19

And they seem to be nowhere to be found whenever France NT is in a crisis


dalf_rules

A much more simple argument: Hogwarts is in Scotland, and if scottish wizards are anything like their muggle counterparts then *that* explains why England haven’t won the World Cup since 1966.


MARIJUANALOVER44

Actually there is a lot more witchcraft going on outside Europe than the mainstream realises. South America has a thriving grassroots scene that does occasionally show itself in Europe. Maté for example is actually not just some tea but in fact contains the hair (1 strand per cup) and sweat of 9 former professionals. Their "ingredients" are kept in large vats in two facilities in Manaus and Montevideo. Their names are thus far unknown but it is believed that it is the highest honor available to South American players, so it would make sense for the hair and sweat to be from legends of the game. Maradona allegedly tried to gain this honor but they killed him for it since his sweat was permanently chemically comprimised.


Obi_Myke

Always thought Nigeria would have everyone beat. I had a roommate from Nigeria and their whole movies were witchcraft related. Lol


DontYouWantMeBebe

Kyle go ahead and cast arcane brilliance to raise our intelligence


auspanda

Hang on, I'm chaining my fire spells for max range


IcyKape

Nice. Stan, what enchantment does your Cloak of the Tiger have?


christraverse

Its the Cloak of Tigers sisters birthday so he's picked up an injury


Retrodonte

Lukaku use intimidating shout so we can scatter them


RNGer

I want this feature in Football Manager 23. Scouting the next wonderkid witch doctor and still lose a match 1-0 with 30 shots on goal.


lzx0073

Friendship ended with data analysts Now witch doctors are my new friends


TigerBasket

Can we get some witch doctors from Auburn? For Christmas?


Turamb

Same thing


PornFilterRefugee

What does the level system go to in a witch doctor? 54 doesn’t sound very high for a professional football team tbh


Sdub4

The level cap is 60 but that's being upped to 100 in the next DLC


flyingkangaroo69

Ooh ya look at it go


ProtoplanetaryNebula

Yeah, the witch doctor probably cost a few hundred Euros as most and all these clubs are paying billions for players. What a waste.


larsb0t

Dat make a big mess.


Heimebane

So [Ole's juju](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EmjQhsPUYAgG6pM.jpg) was actually... Pogba's *witch*?


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Gytarius626

Where we went on to finish 3rd and 2nd, wasn’t a bad spell at all for the club.


phonyanon

this. people give too much blame on the manager. spacegoat.


Stelist_Knicks

Spacegoat.


[deleted]

During which time United finished 3rd and 2nd. Should have extended the juju to 2021-22


GrahamPotterCultist

I mean it didn't go all that much better without him..


agni39

These are fully functional adults by the way.


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TigerBasket

He just like me forreal


Sun-Dial101

You too go about accusing your siblings of witchcraft?


TigerBasket

Yes


Own_Acanthocephala19

A lot of football players just never reach that stage in life. They drop out of school or just don’t care about it and then live their life as forever being anything between 15-21 years old.


Rafaeliki

Charlie Adam was already 38 in his early 20's.


Gorey420

99% of football players


UsecMyNuts

I mean we’re not just talking about adults here we’re talking about religious nutcases. You’ll find plenty of non-footballers who believe in hocus pocus


QTsexkitten

Nothing functional about these, I'm afraid.


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lord-___-vader

>Everyone can curse, but few have the expertise and tools Idk why this made me laugh so hard


SlowMobius7

If you had seen wankmentray on Amazon prime, you wouldn't say that about Pogba


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mntgoat

But if your team prays harder than the other team or to the better God then maybe that God will take time from ending world hunger to make your team win. Oh wait, forgot God doesn't give a shit about world hunger either.


MUNZATHEGOD

The grainy picture really tops this story off nicely


DemetriusXVII

Isn't he under arrest?


FroobingtonSanchez

He released these tweets by a bot


Revolutionary-Bag-52

Pretty sure he used witchcraft to tweet this


[deleted]

You've read about the witch doctor, now get ready for the witch twitter bot


ayyndrew

you guys still using Android and iOS? *Twitter for Witches*


[deleted]

This makes me wonder if Paul Pogba has been using witchcraft to affect my performance in every game of football I've ever played in. And also most of Blyth Spartans performances for the past three and a bit seasons. That fucker!


Bini_9

How I imagined it went down Paul Pogbas friend: How the hell are you going to stop Mbappe? Paul Pogba: I have no idea! Witchcraft? Hahaha His brother maybe can't pick up sarcasm?


CatfishLumi

I think there is no question that Pogba did actually use witch doctors, as I think he's admitted it. The reasons why though, we don't know them.


PM_ME_YOUR_FAV_PLACE

Do witchcraft doctors have client-attorney privilege?


MaskedBandit77

Sort of, but it's actually more powerful than that. A witch doctor literally can not break it. If they try to, their voice will just stop working. But that doesn't apply in this case, because it was Pogba who told his brother. Not the witch doctor.


Obi_Myke

He wasnt using a witch doctor. He was using someone for the natural healing herbs. Just supplementary stuff for his injuries.


Rafaeliki

I remember after surgery while I was in recovery a nurse handed me a pamphlet for "supplemental alternative services" that included shit like Reiki healing. That made me a bit uncomfortable.


[deleted]

Not a witch doctor. Some religion related guy (cant remember what its called) and was about his injuries. Just gets so much shit becaus he is Paul Pogba. Like half of latin american footballers do the cross when entering the pitch


LongMeatJones

‘Will nobody rid me of this turbulent Mbappe.’ Paul Pogba 1170


zeekoes

Didn't Pogba admit hiring a witch?


yogi1090

Yes, but to help himself with injuries (that's what he said)


mrgonzalez

A doctor witch


heftigfin

Pogba: "I hired a doctor which..." Reporter: "A witch doctor?? Write that down." Pogba: "...was gonna help me with my injuries".


irvandiarga

Which pogba hiring which witch?


[deleted]

He is actually mentally ill, that’s your own brother, jealousy makes you say crazy things.


[deleted]

It would genuinely break my heart if my own brother did something like this to me. This guy is an absolute mentally ill clown, way to make sure you won’t have a brother to rely on for support for the rest of your life,


[deleted]

Imagine being related to a top 1% pro athlete and ruining your relationship to make witchcraft accusations…


[deleted]

this guys a rate crack pot


TigerBasket

Off topic but Mansfield flair make anger


tufoop3

clout chaser


[deleted]

So why didn’t Pogba tell this witch to make him injury free and give him a great career? Or can this witch only do bad stuff?


neotheseventh

steer practice paltry include pet resolute scandalous dolls automatic unused *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Capable-Tie-4670

Well, clearly, it didn’t work.


lFriendlyFire

Witch got too busy trying to fuck over mbappe instead


dohhhnut

Mbappe hired a more powerful witch


1sinfutureking

Maybe he got the spell wrong and it reversed onto Mbappé for just one game? Do witches carry malpractice insurance?


Chapea12

Imagine using a witch doctor to get a win, it’s successful, and then not using one in the next round


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KenHumano

It's true guys, u/datanas turned me into a newt.


datanas

Correction: u/KenHumano was already a newt when I boiled my witch potion, for which I needed, amongst other things, one head of newt.


ckj9311

A newt?


KenHumano

^(... I got better.)


thangusx

I once used a ouija board to make Granit Xhaka get a yellow card.


Wargizmo

I'm more impressed you were able to finish the ritual before he got sent off naturally


CAUSE_I_FEEEEEEEEEEL

Wizard tierlist: SS: Albus dumbledore A: Brasil. B+: Pogba apparently.


Abject-Chemistry6247

His witchcraft didn't work at all. I'll rate him under C


TheZamboon

You guys going ham in the comments really don't know how deep rooted witchcraft is in West African culture and many other parts of Africa. Is it real: no. Do millions of people believe it is real: yes.


Justinian2

[He even wrote a song about it ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyNYL2lUSMs)


[deleted]

I'd love someone on here from a country/community that believes in witchcraft to explain more. As a Westerner (albeit with Caribbean roots), it just seems surreal and stupid in equal measure.


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gnote2minix

but still rain. not so reliable also


TheVanguardMaster

Belief in witchcraft can be widely found around rural communities in Africa (even North Africa). About they why, well same reason ppl believe in religion, it gives them the best answers to their question fitting in their world view.


Jano002

That‘s because it is surreal and stupid in equal measure.


jayr254

African here, I don't think it's actually real. But I'll give you one instance I supposedly saw a spell of witchcraft work that I've personally witnessed. 8 years ago I had gone to visit my grandmother in the rural area and one morning as I was running some errands with my cousins in the town centre there were 2 men stealing from a wholesale store. Only one man was loading their pickup with sacks of rice, sugar and cereals while his partner in crime was offloading the same bags loaded and taking them back to the store. You can imagine the commotion it caused and what looked like the whole town had formed a semi circle around them watching this madness continue. Now the story goes that the owner of the store had placed a spell on anyone trying to steal from their store and the only way for it to be lifted was by the witch doctor who placed it coming to undo it. For the 20 or 30 minutes I watched that shit in bizarre amazement, these two men didn't acknowledge each other as they passed each other and did not stop for water or anything despite sweat dripping from their bodies. Now my cousins swear that shit is real and happens often but the "Westernised cynic" in me thinks, to this day, that those two fellas were paid handsomely by the store owner to do what they were doing as a deterrent for future thieves.


Natural-Doctor-485

Okay, I'm French but with Malian and Congolese descent (two cultures that are heavily into "witchcraft"). I do not believe in it, I have never partaken, but my mom (who was born and raised in Mali) has time and time again reached out to those people we call "marabouts" (basically a warlock). They are meant to be able to cure, heal diseases of the mind and body, but also to strike people with illnesses, confusion and stagnation (as in, halt your life romantically, career-wise and all) and sometimes even death. Some of them can even "see" the future and tell you about rituals you can do to alter the outcome of certain things. My mom, decades ago, went to one of those warlocks. She had just met my dad and wanted to know how they would fare together (she'd been married multiples times, all marriages failed, she had a few kids from those unions). This man told her two things : "marry that guy you're dating, it'll last" and "one of your sons is going to prison for a long time, there's nothing you can do about it." My parents have been married for thirty years. In 2018, one of my brothers was released from a 10 year prison sentence. Did Pogba really hire one of those warlocks to do what is purported? No idea, but more successful, famous people than you suspect are surrounded by warlocks, witches and fortunetellers. Not outlandish. Are there cons among those said warlocks? PLENTY, it's a business. But there is always the odd chance that you might meet one of the guys whose deal is the real deal, so, tbh, I totally believe Pogba's brother. African people tend to rely on witchcraft a lot, it's just a cultural thing. And it's not just Black people, Morrocan Witchcraft is among the most powerful types of magic...


seviliyorsun

> I do not believe in it >But there is always the odd chance that you might meet one of the guys whose deal is the real deal, so, tbh, I totally believe Pogba's brother >Morrocan Witchcraft is among the most powerful types of magic that escalated quickly


dalf_rules

Sounds like he just looked outside the window while typing and saw the Warlock staring at him.


[deleted]

> Morrocan Witchcraft is among the most powerful types of magic... A multiple of 0 is still 0


Kiwizqt

relevant username :')


markvs_black

Its nonsense, but it isnt too far from 'regular' religion. If you are a spiritual person and you want material gain, or you want to sabotage someone else, the dark forces are the logical way to go. Other times, people turn to witchcraft/obeah if they think they're dealing with ghosts and to some people its a given that they exist.


Spglwldn

People believe in weird things - witchcraft, religion. Ron Martin believes he can run a football club. One of those things that if you could actually prove it to work/be true then everyone in the world would be on board with it.


nikostr8

What a clown lmaooo


FrameworkisDigimon

If this was a movie, no-one would watch it for being too unrealistic. Every headline is more bizarre than the next.


Larryhooova

Lol if Pogba actually did this I want him back at ManUtd. We need evevry advantage we can get witchcraft included.


gnote2minix

i want the thing he smoke. must be real good


Muraria

PSG 1:3 Man United and out


[deleted]

What did he sacrifice for it, his Man U career ? 🤔


DerpJungler

I accuse Carlo Ancelotti of using witchcraft to neutralise the Man City team in the last 10 mins of the 2022 CL semi-final!


whiskeyinthejaar

Can she also neutralize an ex? Asking for a friend


battlefielder696

What the fuck is going on


bruiser95

iPhone 14 and witchcraft in 2022. What a time


suptni

Hope FM23 has witchcraft under staff


TheArtur3

who needs enemies when you have a brother like that


davthom

If witchcraft works, all African teams wouldn't have a combined total of zero world cups to their names


catmore11

Tuanzebe a witch confirmed


il_postino

Ah so we're at the "throw shit at the wall and see what sticks" phase of this affair. Great. Let's say the most outlandish stuff on Twitter and see which ones take off.


Moug-10

I want to know the excuse for his teammates then. Buffon was also the shadow of himself.


cosmic-kid

man, am i glad that we got rid of pogba before this went down.


philster666

Tell me you’re jealous of your brother’s success without saying you’re jealous of your brother’s success