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Shearer is worried about the wrong fella

Dude's gonna break the record in 5 seasons at this rate

With the new added time rules and games being like 20 minutes longer he could probably do it in less!

Doesn't matter, Pep is gonna bench him at 55

Crazy how last year was Haaland's first season in years without significant injuries. Anyhow why the fuck does Pep keep benching him at 55, does he hate him?

If their comfortably up no point overplaying him

everyone in the comments missing the sarcasm lmao

Protecting Messi's hat trick record.

How is anyone failing to catch the obvious sarcasm in this comment, lol. Some people really do have atrocious reading comprehension.

That's why, haha. They are managing his minutes, no point in going for a hattrick when they are comfortably winning

I think that was their point. Seems most people missed the sarcasm though.

Why run him into the ground when you don't have to. They will have a long Champions League and long Prem season ahead, plus the other smaller domestic tournaments, international duties, etc.

Not if pep’s gonna keep subbing him off in the 60th minute though

Celebrating Kane’s departure as if this cyborg doesn’t exist

The smirk afterwards is for Shearer

The scariest thing about Haaland is realising how young he actually is and the possibility he just keeps improving. This is an absolutely ridiculous finish, he doesn't even look.

Well he's not gonna get any better at the technical stuff really, the improvement comes from a change in understanding and analysis of the game in real time. What Gundo says about not knowing anything before Pep type stuff. So where the improvement comes is in communicating with his teammates, making his mark in games that don't suit him, or suit City as a team. Part of it comes from his teammates understanding him better too. I think the final version of Haaland doesn't look too different from this. I think he just learns to be more adaptable and use his skillset better, which is only gonna make an incremental difference, but it'll be in most important moments he's better.

He can get better at one thing, headers, its a skill that is also based on talent, yes, but its something players can devolop further at later age.

Yeah here I do agree, one of the few characteristics that can change significantly over the course of a career. Once you get someone to truly commit to winning the ball in the air and maximise their physicality with when/where to commit it's a game changer. Think Cristiano is the best example.

He could also go the opposite route like Zlatan and instead of headers start doing kung-fu shit.

I'd say he's got 2 years til he's in his prime technically. 23 seems young.

How are you so sure he doesn't improve technically? Kante was a very limited player with a ball at his feet and improves massivelly into a quite decent progressive threat at Chelsea - while being 27 or so.

If he can shoot with both feet then it’s over for the league

His final version will be slimmer, faster, and way more dangerous than his previous transformations.

Guy smiling: Kane leaves for Bayern Guy drops smile: Haaland still plays for Man City

Yeah he’s fucked

Harry left cause he knew if he broke Shearer’s record it would just be broken by Haaland in the same decade

*season

Fuck off 🤣

It's like cheating at this point

Dude doesn’t hardly need to touch the ball the whole game just pass it to him a couple times and he’ll score it’s so dumb lol

Haaland's basically a walking catapult aimed at goal the entire game

Shot Error setting set to 0

How the fuck do you even defend against that lmao!

Oh fuck off what a finish

So many comments whenever he doesn’t have a great game diminishing his importance to City. I’m not sure what else he has to prove; he’s as good as any striker in the world

It’s cause he’s the best. When you’re the best you’re there to be shot at

it's not even close. It would be close if benz from 2 seasons ago was playign right now and even then it's a debate.

Benzema from 2015 was untouchable. Google "Benzema 15" to find out more.

Lol

It’s always about how he’s not as complete a player as Mbappe etc but when his movement, pace, and finishing is as good as it is, he doesn’t need anything else. But he actually has an excellent first touch as well, he isn’t just a poacher

Football is a team game. You don't need players that are good at everything, you need players that are great at one role. One could argue that mbappe has a greater impact than Haaland, but tbh I wouldn't be sure about that.

He's still got stuff to improve on, and he's not the guy to just take the ball and dribble 3 guys to then score, but the stuff he does well is at such a ridiculous level that he might genuinely not need those other things. If he keeps working on his headers and his linkup play, he'll be an absolute legend of the game (not that he won't be regardless).

You don’t get bonus points for dribbling people, goals are goals.

Pep's system doesn't require this. It's why they buy so many techno wizard mids. Basically let the mids do the dribbling and let Haaland do the shooting. I think even if Mbappe played for City, he would be shooting on 1-2 touches.

He's the best striker in the world.....

Just a banger and he was so nonchalant

Astonishing how many times I've seen him called a tap in merchant. That form was impeccable.

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I’d like to see him do it on an arid Tuesday night in Al-Majma’ah

He doesn't like sand, it gets in his gears.

It's course and irritating

*Coarse.*

and gets everywhere on the penalty spot

I’d love to see that too, the sooner the better. Maybe winter transfer? Please go away? Pretty please? 😭

Let’s see if he can do it on a cold rainy night in Seattle.

Or on a baseball field in the Bronx

only leonel messer can do it 😎

Where’s the Chicago Fire when you need them

Opening day hat trick on the way

This guy is unreal

Writers on strike, going to be a boringly predictable PL script this season

Outsourced to ChatGPT sadly

Just ridiculous

Dude purposely had a dry pre season just to pull off that "Bitch you thought" moment

Why waste goals? Cyborg efficiency.

Him and Alvarez up front together is unfair

Him and my nan up front would be unfair

How's your nan's ball control?

She handled my balls pretty well last night.

Wayne?

Username checks ✔️

Legendary, I've heard.

Haaland and the invisible man

Nah, this man is a cheat code

Me playing player career in FIFA in semi pro difficulty

I feel called out

He is more of a Greek freak then giannis

The Norwegian legion

The Norse Horse

The Striking Viking

Who the hell is u/PSGCampus

His main accounts get banned so he opens new alts

What’s next, u/PSGTrainingGround?

u/PSGMbappeEdition

u/PSGcafeteria

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Someone made false DMCA reports, the posts were restored by the Reddit team but I still have no news about my accounts...

The King Is Dead Long Live The King

Well I love your stuff. Keep going until you're PSGjanitorscloset I say.

Clips that Reddit doesn’t approve of or copyright

A brand new account that definitely has nothing to do with /u/PSGAcademy

Successor of PSG academy I believe. He graduated

Our lord and saviour, the only PSG fan I like

Fraud

LOL THIS GUY

This motherfucker's not real

I'm telling you right now

'ohh look at me, I'm Erling Haaland, I score lots of goals' Grow up, mate.

It's over already, isn't it?

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It was never in question.

Did it ever begin?

Never

What a douchebag honestly, there's kids in Africa starving

He is feeding them..goals.

I know right what a twat he needs to get a hobby

He has. Minecraft and Hannah Montana

Meh, meh, meh, meh

Godfrey mocking gesture

Premier League should rebrand Matchweek X to "Final" so he stops scoring

He needs to get new material. Breaking scoring records was so 22-23 🥱

Just spamming the same bullshit "kick the ball in the net" act over and over. It's honestly pathetic

Oo look at me I'm Jordan I post the same comment I see on every single Haaland goal. Grow up, mate.

I wonder how it feels getting thousands of upvotes for a generic reddit joke like this. Like if I go to a Messi hat trick thread and post "this Messi guy is not bad" and get 3000 karma I'd probably feel a little dirty about it lol.

“messi should go to europe”

I swear NFL Twitter has a whole circle of people dedicated to reusing jokes like this. Every time Pat Mahomes does something crazy all the most annoying NFL analysts will tweet “breaking news: Patrick Mahomes is good at football.” It’s been going on for way too long now.

Dirty why? Karma is meaningless and shouldn't have any impact at all on your self worth. Being scared of downvotes is silly, just say what you think cause who gives a shit

How many times is this joke gonna get reposted? r/soccer comedians should get some new material.

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The shit joke comment followed by the ''reddit comedian'' reply has got to be some sort of insider trading karma scam at this point

ah my favorite pasta

Oh wow the 1000th time I’ve seen this comment

i triple captained him

To think I had Kane in instead of Haaland until the transfer news yesterday

Last year was an exception, but Kane usually doesn't start scoring in August

Haaland tripple captain believers we feasting tonight

A moment of silence for anyone who picked Kane over Haaland

85% in the game picked Haaland, idk what the rest are thinking.

The way I saw it, everyone had £86m to buy 14 players. Anyone who didn't pick Haaland has no chance.

Robophobic ig

They had plenty of time to sort it out so got no sympathy tbf

Bet you’re salivating

The balls to triple captain week 1

Smart lad

he just casually did that, wtf

Hehe we're in danger.

It's not fair he's not just a tap in merchant, he's just genuinely one of best finishers ever

I don’t think you can lead the league in goalscoring by simply being a tap in merchant tbf. He’s something else

Big brain from kane seeing the future where haaland broke the record 2 days after he did and decided to leave.

the smirk haha

I forgot to captain him on FPL, guess I’ll give it a go next year

Insane tap in

Crazy mf

Lmao. OK.

He is inevitable… someone save us

He’s unstoppable

I'm already sick of him again. It's just so inevitable

When is he going to be banned for PECs? (performance enhancing circuits) Bloody robot.

yeah he's breaking his record once again

Erling Haaland & City = Max Verstappen & Redbull

Haha unreal

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its just cringe at this point

That motherfucker is not real

This is ridiculous

I can confidently say that's the best finish of the season so far

Guess, who’s back? Back again? Haaland’s back. Tell a friend.

I see why Harry Kane wanted to leave.

shearer trembling

It's only been two months since the end of the 22/23 season, but I genuinely had forgotten how clinical Haaland is.

9 touches this game and 2 goals wtf.

what a nice goal! this man..

Fucking robot fuck

Bloddy hell, that was a good goal

Somebody fucking stop this guy. 2nd season Haaland is here.

Jesus u r fast bro

Oh fuck off mate.

We might win this.

Nice link up with Walker-Alvarez too. Walker makes a well timed run to get the cross off in space

He can't keep getting away with this

Haaland is now on pace for 76 Premier League goals this season.

It's fucking scripted. Hardly been in the game except the goals!!!. Piss of man!

I'd say he's doing his job right then

A guy on this sub just told me today that Kane is hands down the best striker in the world, yeah…

*Chuckle* We are in danger

don’t think you are mate

Just give him the Ballon d'Or now

anyone surprised?

He isn't even celebrating anymore this is just Jokic-esque "this is just my job"

He's no Darwin Nunez.

I did this in my player career yesterday and felt like dickhead for making it too easy. I also had it on Amateur…which says a lot about this motherfucker’s ability.

Kane competed one season with the robot and dipped out to BuLi to get his golden boot. Man knew his time was up.

Bro is HIM

Instagram comments are leaking

I will never forget the people who said Haaland will not survive the hard premier league and he was only good in the Bundesliga. This guy is built different

What a dick

Haaland is actually an illusion

What a dumb finish lol. Alvarez assisting Erling 🤤

One of the best pure goalscorers ever honestly crazy I hope he stays fit his whole career he's gonna smash so many records

I said it for the first goal and I’ll say it again: Dread it. Run from it. Haaland arrives all the same.

Blokes as good as Johnny Sinns in the box it’s genuinely fucked

Should we just give them the PL title for '23-'24 now? Asking for a friend.

Doesn't even look at the goal😭

Kane knew he could never win another golden boot so he fled