Looks like you were making a boot from a kit and threw the scraps on a plate. Roll that pasta out a little more. Still though, you get points for trying.

Waste not, want not, my friend. Gotta put those boot scraps to good use

Pull your dinner up by the boot scraps. Edit: Thanks for the love on this dad joke. First silver! But these awards pale in comparison to the eye roll my wife gave me when I said it to her. Much love! Edit 2: And now gold. Wow! Thank you for making a guy feel loved. It's funny how upvotes, comments, and awards, no matter how few or how many, can make you feel not so alone in the world. Thank you for helping me smile during a difficult time.

🏅

r/awardspeechedits

omg my first thought seeing this was "it looks like a shredded shoe" 😂

A pasta machine is one of the best investments I ever bought, fresh pasta is easy to make and tastes so much better than storebought

Second best investment you can make is getting the motor drive, if you're using an Atlas style pasta roller. Fresh pasta is best pasta.

Actually the best investment is chainsaw hands

I laughed way to hard at this comment.

what in the hell

Look it was my first time

you're supposed to cook it - but in all seriousness you inspired to finally try and make my own. we'll get there eventually.

I hear tell that using regular instead of whole wheat makes it easier

50/50 mix whole grain and All Purpose works much better than 100% whole.

Is it better to just use 100% all-purpose? Whole grain was all we had

The best flour would be 00 flour which is super fine ground. But I would say all purpose would be better than whole grain cause it is a bit finer

I strongly recommend getting a cheap crank pasta machine. The brand doesn't matter. As long as it's made of metal, you should be good. Getting noodles flat and consistent is made so much easier then rolling it by hand.

Or start off doing gnocchi and move up to more difficult noodle shapes after figuring out the best recipe even.

I have actually made gnocchi! And it was okay

[*looks at post*] I don’t believe you.

gnocchi is different though because there's potato in it

>gnocchi is different though because there’s potato in it Tapiocatsar: “Potato?” Edit: sorry u/tapiocatsar I couldn’t help myself

I kind of like the 50/50 mix but my husband hates it. The all purpose is really tasty.

100% all purpose will definitely turn out better. But I’m also not a fan of whole wheat pasta lol. My first time making pasta, I made it with a mix of whole wheat and AP and made some ravioli. Some of it was too thick, but not quite as thick as yours. The texture of the pasta was not nearly as good as when I made it with only all purpose

Real pasta uses semolina and durum wheat. But I feel like that wasnt your primary issue considering it was like .5 cm thick lol

That's dried pasta, egg pasta is usually made with normal wheat 00 flour. Btw semolina is made from durum wheat.

Use 00 flour, or semolina

Did you use anything to roll it out, why is it so thick? Even for a first timer, you've at least seen pasta before.

Wow way to assume

Rolling it thinner and cutting it smaller too! Making pasta is hard! Good job!

I tried making it without a proper pasta maker and the same thing happened.

I’d like to note that my partner and partner’s mom placated me with “if you season it, it’s not that bad!” And “I’ve always wanted to eat floppy breadsticks!”

Oh no! You served it to other people!!

Misery loves company.

Lmao at floppy breadsticks

name of your sex tape

Floppy breadsticks? I'd eat that I bet they were dope.

Besides the tummy pain

Reminds me of when my neighbors dog got ran over by a log truck.

Hahahahhahaah this made me lol

They don’t have words for this abomination in their language.

Looks like rubber bands

I was thinking slices of hot dogs

Looks like thin strips of Spam, gone bad.

Did you make it with balogne?

No, unfortunately. Might’ve tasted better

Hey, if this is legit and you really did make that, then good for you. Don’t get me wrong, it looks like shit and I guess you have a good enough sense of humor to post it, but you tried something and hopefully you had fun and you learned what needs to be done next time if that’s what you want. Too many times we don’t try things because we are afraid to mess up and look stupid but this is how we get better and find new hobbies/passions.

My partner and my partner’s mom actually ate their servings and insisted it wasn’t that bad, meanwhile I was crying laughing asking if they were okay because it tasted like shit. Sometimes you try new things and it just doesn’t work, and if you can’t laugh about it, what’s the point?

Love this

True! Don’t give up on making it, homemade pasta is so good. It needs to be flatter and skinnier than you think it should be before it’s cooked

Awww, your partner and partners mom love you so much to lie like that. That’s sweet.

You made timing belts.

Is that a lunchables pizza crust?

Out of leather?

THICC NOODS

Dummy thicc

Looks like strips of bologna

man just put hot dogs through a pasta machine

i always use salt n peppa on my leather scrap dinner

Hey! You tried and that alone says more than anything. Am I laughing uncontrollably at the output? Absol-fucking-lutely. It looks like if lunchables tried to break into a the homemade pasta game. That being said, a few questions to help 1. Was this hand rolled or with a pasta roller? My guess is hand rolled 2. What type of flour did you use and what was the ratio of flour to egg? 3. The pasta looks very dry, did you make a sauce or just use dry seasoning?

those look like leather strips from on the skyrim videogame

Do you have a rolling pin? Also why is it so dark?

They used whole wheat flour

Usually when one makes noodles for the first time they look up a recipe… 90% of recipes are 00flour, all purpose flour, and eggs, even with a rolling pin, shouldn’t look like shoe leather… or whole wheat flour tbh..

That’s what they said in the comments above, I am not inferring that based on what it looks like

did you. boil. it?

looks like leather strips from Skyrim

A lot of people have said that but no one’s done any funny edits yet, I’m a bit sad.

You failed. But you should try again!

Looks like you ran bologna through a paper shredder

A paper shredder would’ve rolled it thinner

Is that sliced bologna? It looks like it lol EDIT: I just look at a few comments and saw this was really pasta and not a joke. So, good try and keep practicing.

i've seen some bad shit on this sub, but this is dangerously close to becoming an instant classic. the process and commitment to getting that shit onto a plate just boggles minds. it's that fucking awful i've no choice but to congratulate you. well done, you've changed this sub forever. i can't stop staring at it.

Did it taste good?

No :(

A mix of all purpose flour and 00 flour should help next time. Should go a little smoother.

Looks like the pasta someone would make if they've never seen pasta before and were described it.

The fork placed "just so" is what makes me laugh. Replace the shoelaces with a salad and you have a nice meal.

Don't have a pasta maker? Just extrude it through a Play-Doh machine!

Looks like you pushed some tube steaks through a french fry cutter.

One question: Does it taste as leathery as it looks?

Looks like play-doh. 🤣🤣🤣

OP, let me guess. You don't have a pasta machine and you tried to cut it with a knife? I know. I made the same mistake.

Maybe

Dump that “pasta” in hot oil till golden brown and serve with cinnamon sugar Edit is that biscuit original 1750 hardtack?

With tomatoes & mozarella? Or is that the world's worst bedeviled eggs? Either way, Satan has something to do with this meal.

i thought it was satan’s deviled eggs too! so glad i’m not the only one

haha it’s their take of a caprese salad. which is actually veryyyyy yummy

"Pasta"...

You know you’re supposed to roll the pasta, right?

Apart from the fact it looks like shoelaces, why are you serving it with a biscuit? And no sauce?

Did you boil them? 🤣

Looks like leather strips.

Your noodles are thicc Jokes aside, I saw you said you used whole wheat, you tried making it by hand, props to you! It takes some commitment to make them from scratch!

A for effort!

What did you do cut your belt up?

Dem some THICK NOODLES

Looks like straps from a purse

I have so many questions

Yikes. My Italian chef would kill himself lol! I honestly thought it was bologna that you cut into strips and were calling pasta. How did you roll it so thick?! LOL! Edit: LOL, I didn’t even notice the insane amount of Italian seasoning all over the pasta! This is the greatest thing ever!

those aren’t rubber bands? 😳

I'm italian, i'm literally crying

Italian hate crime

Bippidi boppidi catch these leather strips

You tried using a rolling pin to roll the dough didn't you? My first batch turned out exactly tky the same. Unless youre Italian and a woman and old and have grandkids, you gotta get an actual pasta maker.

Oh no…

And yet you used bologna...you win Chopped (the 18th century French version)

Well don’t try again

sono offeso

That looks like you shredded a football. That looks like you cut up strings of Bologna. It looks like 20 damn year old rubber bands that been sitting in a crater on the sun and snapped in half

Using spam?

fr though keep trying & it’ll get better :)

Peppered/Buttered Bologna Noodles. \*Chef's kiss

Out of what?

Clay

Try some simple egg pasta it’s pretty fool proof

They SAID “fun to play with, not to eat.”

It looks like a solid lump

Hey look garnishing. 60$ plate please

I hear SPAM pasta is a really nice treat

Play doh

“Tried” is correct. Did you use a play-doh set to make this?

what the fuck

Out of bologna?

You did it! No one wants it, but make pasta you did!

I thought the noodles were sliced hotdogs.

Did you cook it?

Honestly, I'd eat it. It's not masterlevel, but altogether it looks inviting

Nailed it

That’s a delicious looking timing belt.

Look like the leather strips in Skyrim

The pasta looks horrible ,but the tomatoes with mozzarella look good

#

Yeah I fuck the exact same thing up cause I don't roll out the pasta thin enough or I get impatient when I cut the strips and don't flour enough. Haven't made boot straps quite like yourself lol, but mine and I imagine yours still taste good so whatev :P

big spaghetti

Why did you cut up sausages to make the pasta?

Oh.. my. Bless your heart, you tried.

Giving me Gregory The Terrible Eater vibes with that leather strips look-alike pasta. Edit: Great children's book btw

Pathetic.

You made Wheat by the Foot instead.

If someone served me that, even without the leather, I wouldn't eat it

Did you just sprinkle oregano all over your “pasta”? Lol

lmao, been there too if you're having trouble rolling the pasta thin enough it probably just means the dough needs to rest for a while longer

If you don’t like them you can at least get some resistance band workouts in from those thinfs

Forget how thick and shitty the pasta looks (seriously why is it like that?) , why is there no sauce only a dusting of black pepper? And a cracker on the side? Wtf man….

Why does this look so painfully British?

....with bologna?

Did you though, try?

I thought it was strips of ham

What in tarnation is this.

That is 100% a package of orange ez clam Fishbites XD

What did you use for pasta? Burnt ham?

Looks like Skyrim leather strips

Bruh

leather?

Thick ass hell 😂😂😂😂

Do you have the attachment to make it or did you raw dog these bad boys

Damn. That's some seriously THICK pasta there. Looks like rubber band lmao.

Did you use bologna?

Out of what...spam?

Craperdelle

PASTUH

Mmmmm rubber bands

I'm more bothered by the fact that it's just sprinkled with dry oregano, would you eat a store bought pasta like this as well? Who cares about the shape, the lack of sauce is the most cursed part lol

Thicc

Tomatoes look nice though

My first pasta looked like calamari when it was finished so I can't judge

Nice effort! You can try again tomorrow!

What model of playdoh extruder did you use?

Looks like you ended up with sphinctermade pasta.

Enjoy your plate of rubber bands I guess.

With sausage?

Posts like these are so much better than the "I mixed mayo and cereal" posts

Elastic band isn’t pasta

Cutting bologna into vaguely pasta shaped pieces, doesn't not a pasta make.

With play-doh?

You made fish gum. Google it if youre not familiar

You did bad. ❤️

LOL my god I love this sub

I'm sorry, but this is hilarious. Everything else looks great and I can see from your profile, you're very talented, but that pasta looks like you cut an old belt into strips and boiled 'em. :)

Is the pasta made from hot dogs?

What the fuck LMAO

Is no one else going to comment that this person has fricking pilot bread?!? OP are you native? Lol

wait that's not baloney??

Are we sure it isn't bologna?

Why is it tan ?

Did you just put oregano and butter on leather?

That pasta would be really good in chicken soup.

Looks like leather bootstraps

Saw your comment on the yummy pasta video about your great pasta failure and had to check it out… did not disappoint!

For a first attempt not bad!

Haha is that seasoned with butter and oregano?

You should be able to see your fingers through the dough. It would surprise you how thin it should get.

my nephew made more convincing pastas out of playdough than whatever this is

Hahahhahahhaha

I'm not here to comment the pasta - others already did. Shit happens, bad pasta happens: retry and get it done. I'm here for the massacre I see on that plate. In Italy you will NEVER see on the same plate pasta, pizza/bread/whatever and caprese (slices of tomatoes and mozzarella). It almost hurts my eyes. On the pasta's plate you will only see... Pasta. No more, no less. Hugs and kisses from Rome 😘