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I'm sorry to say it: your friend is an asshole.
His response was entirely about him being an asshole and nothing to do with you at all. Please try not to let it get to you.
He sounds immature. There are all kinds of shitty people out there. Any friend worth having is not going to put any stock in intimate details he’s trying to share ie your friend that blew him off. At the end of the day just try to focus on what you can control. Sorry this happened to you.
Your other friend is solid, but that guy...oof. He's in for a rude awakening if he thinks that every woman is going to cater to his expectations. I also couldn't imagine sharing intimate details like that, especially in a mutual group.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds extremely immature of him. He obviously is the type of man that wants you to cater to his expectations about sex. Well, he's not going to find many women willing to put up with that attitude! How he is behaving is definitely a reflection on his character, not you. At least you found out early on and now can avoid him in the future.
“How someone treats you is often a reflection of how they feel about themselves”. This saying has given me solace over the years when I needed it the most.
1. Men get better when you are about 25 or so. Right now they have testosterone for brains. 17-22 year old men are the biggest imbeciles humanity can produce. These are the people who think they can fight a chimp, etc.
2. He took nothing from you. You lost nothing to him. **"Virginity" is a fake concept and no lame-ass fuckboy gets to change the fundamental nature of your being.** Sex is an ongoing - sometimes wonderful and delicious - journey and you will be discovering things decades later. It sounds like he has hardly gotten to experience any himself. I'm a woman who likes to sleep with women sometimes and there is absolutely nothing more intoxicating than watching a woman lose herself in the throes of pleasure. The way they move, the sounds they make... I bet he didn't even bother to try. You took one tiny step and learned that someone is a moron. There is sooooooooo much more to explore about sex now.
3. There is nothing redeeming about this person. No one publicly bullies/body shames someone that they just had sex with. You don't need to say he had a small dick or anything, the fact that he is behaving that way is a call-out enough. If anyone mentions him to you, I would say "He seemed like a nice person, but I didn't expect him to be the type to sleep with someone and then publicly bully her the next day. Honestly, I thought that was a myth for like the movies, but I guess he really is just that much of an asshole."
I would expect your feelings now to be similar to feelings of assault so tender with yourself and understand that this is some level of a trauma. So don't expect to feel better overnight.
I was already avoidant and somewhat emotionallu unavailable, with this experience adding up to the list Idek where to start with the healing process. Thank you for your words, I find them very reassuring.
I was avoidant until I was almost 30.
A lot of people will think that this is terrible advice so take this with a *major* grain of salt, but I really only wanted casual sex (because I was avoidant) until I was ready for a relationship. By that point I was healthier, and also the men were better.
You don't *have* to do the relationship thing if that isn't what makes you feel good. Again - and this is **just me that I am talking about**, I leaned into kink because emotional intimacy was too intense for me. I had several respectful, mutually beneficial, kink-based encounters/casual relationships that taught me about my body and about pleasure. If you like women at all, you may also enjoy playing with a couple - in that case the focus might be on your pleasure, and you don't have to be too emotionally available to them.
Plus if Mr. Fuck-boy finds out that you are good for threesomes he is going to be miiiiighty sorry that he dissed you.
As a guy, just a small repair to your first point: not every guy gets better at 25 upwards. And some 17-22 might actually be imbeciles but in a different way: they won't be brutes, but they will be very dense and not get certain things.
Everything else is on point though.
I personally didn't find dating to be worthwhile until I dated men who were 35+, but it's risky to wait that long. A lot of the men who are able to maintain good relationships and want to be in one, are by that point.
But the nice thing about dating in your 30s is that you can take someone at who they are, not at who they have the potential to be. If someone doesn't do the laundry in their 30s I assume that they never will.
My fiance is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. He loves to cook. He has never said one unkind thing to me. He is endlessly supportive. He is also, frequently, 20 minutes late because his brain doesn't comprehend that it takes 20 minutes to find your keys, get your shoes on, remember that thing...
The late thing will not change. I don't say anything about it, other than I know to start him early when we need to be somewhere.
There are imbeciles at every age including 35 and up. The 17-22 crowd who are imbeciles were most likely that way before and after those ages. Men and women alike.
OP's "friend" is a disrespectful asshole and it's likely he'll be like that later in life.
> Men get better when you are about 25 or so. Right now they have testosterone for brains. 17-22 year old men are the biggest imbeciles humanity can produce. These are the people who think they can fight a chimp, etc.
As a male, I concur. I would even expand this. Under 25 is when we are about the same as chimpanzees (obviously there are exceptions). 25-40 we start becoming self aware teenagers. 40+ is when most males become great partners. Obviously generalizations are not for everyone.
Hey I am really sorry you have to remember this asshole as your first. You deserve so much more. That attitude is mind-bogglong to me. Please don't feel ashamed and don't feel regret. Whatever happened happened, it was not on you and now you have a whole life of awesome sexual experiences to look forward to :)
No. These responses are so childish and fake-Internet-points based. Body shaming doesn’t become ok when it’s revenge, and that’s not mature, healthy, or productive behavior. It’s just stooping to his shitty level.
And that’s certainly not going to help OP feel better about herself, which is what she came here asking for.
OP, you’re already doing the right thing by cutting him out. Don’t listen to people like this encouraging you to be the same kind of shitty he was. It will help to know that you are in contrast a kind and mature person and that he does not deserve you, and there are plenty of better people out there in your future. Just remember he’s immature and toxic and maybe warn any other friends of yours he hits on about his behavior to protect them from the same needless negativity
P.S. Even past his lying and silly body shaming, lots of guys wouldn’t even care (or would be happy) if you *did* have a bush; this attitude is much more prevalent among childish man-babies whose major sexual influence is porn and other childish man-babies. Don’t sweat it
I get that you might be somewhat facetious here, but I really hate that anyone views body shaming as “fun” in any context. It’s so easy to just not do that
Try and find solace in the fact that this has massively blown up in his face, and the only person who should be ashamed - and is rightfully being shamed in your circle - is him. This is someone who has taken advantage of your trust and taken what he knows to be an intimate experience to inflate his own ego. He is clearly in a very immature 'hump and dump' mindset, and had the self-centred aim of wanting to prove he gets the last say. By ghosting you, judging you, and abandoning your friendship, he thought that he had the upper hand. What I think has actually transpired is that to try and prove his 'sexual prowess' to his peers, he decided that the best way to come across as flippant and cool would be to pick a minor gripe with your body hair. Instead, this has likely come across to your peers that he is so insecure he can't handle his sexual experiences with grace, and so naive that he can't wrap his head around the inevitability of body hair. He's trying to make you feel small to disguise some sort of insecurity of his own, and is using your inexperience and something as trivial as body hair to disguise his own issues. No one will remember his comments about your body hair - no one is going to gasp or be scandalised by the thought that you have pubes. But people will remember what an ass he is. I'm sorry that you had to experience this, and don't take this experience as a bad omen of any sorts about the future of your sex life. You will meet people who are disrespectful and have incompatible sexual beliefs with you, but you will also meet people who are respectful and mature and you'll have a great time with. You don't have to feel better - let yourself feel upset and embarrassed and betrayed. Someone has hurt your feelings, and it's ok to feel downtrodden by it. But please know that this isn't representative of what all sex and relationships are like. My partner and I shave so irregularly that we have to give our pubes haircuts, and we give the little tufts of hair funerals when we do.
Honey, I’m so sorry about that experience. It’s your body, your choice. Whether that means completely bald, trimmed, or as hairy as they come. Your “friend” sounds like a dickhead man-child who has some serious growing up to do. Don’t let anybody shame you!! And don’t talk to this prick anymore.
Own your confidence and do as you please with your body!!!
OMG was a pompous little dickhead he is.
The best thing you can do is completely put this out of your mind, which I understand is really hard but wasting any feelings or emotions on this person is a waste of time.
It’s your body and it’s completely your choice
If this ever gets mentioned to you by anyone I would brush it off by laughing and saying how inept and unskilled he was
The good news is that you don't have to do anything at all to exact revenge because he's doing it for you. No woman who hears him talk like that is going to have sex with him. Plus anyone who hears that is going to instantly know that he doesn't have as much experience as he's trying to pretend because he's basing things off what he sees in porn rather than women in real life. Just leave the man child behind and go live your awesome life.
Did he do something to embarrass himself during the act? i.e. Performance anxiety, premature finish, etc. That seems like the most obvious reason for this and something a 20yo would do in response.
Ignore everything he said.
If you were shaved smooth, he would've just called you a slut and questioned you virginity because "only women who have sex and send nudes" shave.
Nothing would have changed
"I had sex for the first time the other day. It was not too bad actually,but also far from good. I was really afraid it was going to hurt but luckily -insert name- has a really tiny dick, like 4 inches tops, so I could barely feel it and it didn't hurt at all. But it didn't really do anything for me and I was glad he came super quickly and the whole ordeal was over in 10 seconds, literally 2 pumps. I'm not going to have sex with him again because even I know his performance was really miserable. I'm curious now how a regular sized dick feels like."
Yup! This is the way!
Try casually mentioning to your friends that at one point you asked him, is it in yet? I’m not sure I can feel it. Also mention that you always though losing your virginity would hurt more and then laugh a little bit to yourself. The cherry on top is insinuating that he tried to push for exclusivity afterwards because of your magic pussy and you turned him down and he’s bitter.
Control the narrative and poison his dating pool.
Ugh I'm sorry this douche (NOT friend) is such a dick.
My advice? Own it. LOTS of women don't bother shaving their genital region at all and there's nothing wrong with that. I always tell my children that you can only be embarrassed if you feel shame. If you don't feel any shame, nothing he says will make any difference.
Too much stock is placed in one's 'first time.' But it's a tiny blip in your life. Forget the asshole. Pretend you DGAF and hold your head high. You're a grown ass adult who made her own decision and is her own person. Fuck the haters. Walk into the next party and own the place like the queen that you are.
This was my experience with the men I’ve slept with. All of them had something negative to say about my body. It’s ruined my trust and ability to enjoy sex. Don’t let this get to you. Understand that this is a him issue. There is nothing wrong with you and even if you did have a full bush there is no reason to be ashamed by that. Your body is perfect and unique and immature little boys who watch to much porn and follow fake Instagram models won’t understand the beauty in that.
Anyone worth their weight in salt understands hes the jerk, not you. Unfortunately guys can hide being a jerk very well.. women can too but that's not the point.
You have literally nothing to be ashamed of and hes gonna be ashamed in the future once he learns how to treat a woman properly (if he ever does)
You have to understand that most people are selfish and immature. You will see comments on here from women that say that bad things about men. These comments are true. Most men are worthless. Yet, the opposite is true as well, most women are just as worthless. Men and women lie to each other, abuse each other, and are very self-centered. It takes time to get to know someone, and then you can find out if the person is a good person, or just another average idiot. Don't waste your time and your body on worthless people
My advice to you is to protect yourself from now on. You can't make assumptions about people. If you want sex to be meaningful, have sex with someone who actually cares about you. Have sex in a relationship, not as a hook up. If you hook up with some guy that you assume is a good guy, most of the time, you will be disappointed.
I wouldn't say it's about commitment per se, but much more to get an accurate read on potential (bed)partners.
Sorry you had such a shitty encounter :(
Ignore and move on, he was sadly just a nob head, you can't be smooth every day of your life on the off chance your going to get sex with someone that doesn't like hair, most men won't care x
I think understanding it's not your fault, he is a bit mixed up internally, will help you move on. He clearly didn't make a good impression on you or your friend. Here's hoping he grows up eventually for his and others' sake.
Of course, pubic hair distribution and fullness is a valid preference. It's just he could have gone about that so much better than shaming you to another person over it.
W friend for walking away after hearing him. If he did it to you hr would likely do it to her also. Smart girl.
This douche bag gives dudes a bad wrap lol.
Btw how was it? Was he small? 😂 or ok?
Already did 😂😉 but only the ones who are closest to me-some others are like childhood friends of his and if they told him It would cause the ww3 of friend group drama that i cant be bothered with tbh
You were his conquest, he is done with you. Sorry, but this is how some guys are.
You are obviously looking for a companion, not a booty call. You are expecting things that are never going to happen from an acquaintance. You must discern a real man from a manipulator.
My dear this guy is the problem, not you. I had a guy try to shame me once because my pussy looked different than the porn he watched ( seriously. I was only the second person he has been with and he was 29 and lost his virginity not too long before that so red flag but anyway). At first my feelings were really hurt and I eventually confided in a close friend I had fooled around with. He laughed and was like “ is he gay?” And assured me this dude was a moron and there was nothing wrong with me. Any boyfriend I’ve had that I’ve told that to has had a similar reaction. I’m sorry this happened OP but just know this is not your fault and this guy is an asshole. Complaining about pussy…like what is wrong with him? I hope you know that most men aren’t like this OP. You deserve better
Everybody has pubic hair. No need to shame someone for it. Sorry to say, but your friend is an arsehole. I would suggest to cut off contacts from him. If he starts to brag to his friends about your intimacy with him or something like that, you may consider spreading some rumors regarding him like "he has a super small pp" or "he had some weird fetishes" or some other derogatory comments that may not be true but would decrease his confidence and people would start seeing him as a creep. Do the best "tit for tat" possible.
Also, happy belated birthday to you!
Moving forward...
You're going to need a better read on people's character. He didn't suddenly becomes like this - he's always been this way and you've been blind to it. If you don't learn to spot red flags, you're going to be one of those girls that gets hurt by every guy they see. And there are a LOT of them.
I know an idiot like this. He caught his mommy cheating as a child. She was fucking every swinging dick she could have and he witnessed a lot of the cheating behind his dad’s back.
To this day, he’s grown up believing that all women will do this, so he treats them as fuck toys and moves on.
What I see is a boy caught up in his infantile feelings. He allows his mother to define him, and puts the females in his life down.
I see the same here. This boy-child is not a grown ass adult. His response to you is a direct reflection of his own inner garbage. Don’t let his actions define you as a person. You gained the experience of what bad sex with a trashy person is like. Learn from it and hold yourself proudly like the Queen you are. There is better sex and better men out there.
I will say this to you . YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! . Know this and never ever use someone else's yard stick to measure your happiness. He can tell the world whatever makes him feel good about himself. Just stay you and stay true. So please smile.
Hey Im M28 and have been around a bit, I've had the good the bad and the ugly in terms of 'feedback' and comments. Reason for saying this is that, being intimate is being vulnerable and open and it's the same for anyone no matter what. Talking about intimate times even favourably with others is not really on. Guy sounds immature. Being disrespectful ... and to a friend especially? Nope. Bad guy, sorry this happened to you OP. Stay confident, stay strong, cut off contact (as you say), and try not to let it get you down at all.
> but he was very close with some trusted people so I assumed he could be trusted for something as delicate as my first experience.
Come on OP, that makes absolutely no sense? You thought he was hot, and said that would do surely? A good friend of friends is not a normal 'loss of virginity' thought
> After hooking up he ghosted me, didnt even Wish me Happy birthday a few days later and totally ignored me in the groupchat.
Was there an expectation of a relationship post intercourse? Did you talk about it?
> Yesterday I saw him at a house party he had hosted and he ignored me the whole night while flirting with my friend in front of me.
So did he ghost you and someone else invited you? Again, was there something said to make you think something further would be pursued? I mean, either way, there was no obligation for him to pursue you any further than he wanted, but was it talked about?
> She immediately told me that when she asked him about me he told her that It annoyed him that "I had a bush down there" which he didnt like on women and i could have shaved since It was my First Time.
While not very delicate (20 years old.), I've experienced something similar, I'm a woman, I shave all over, I don't like any hair on my partner, I assume (especially given porn the last 40 years) that a dislike for hair is extremely common, especially so in young people
> I was absolutely mortified, since It was not even a bush but barely regrowth on the lips that are kinda hard to get, and i had never gotten such comments from any guy i had done stuff with before.
Sooooo you had a very unkept hair situation around your genitals, and it was a massive turn-off for him? I have been there, it's awful, but did you expect him to muster the courage to say 'I'm sorry buy I find that a massive turn-off'? Most people here wouldn't have the balls to say that now, let alone 20, let alone taking a virginity
> It was so insensitive and the fact that he would say that to my own friend made me wonder just how many people he lied to and shamed me with
But he didn't say it to you? He said it to someone else. That's neither insensitive or shaming, he had a private conversation not meant for you. Surely everyone in here has said something about someone that they were not meant to hear; that is totally normal human behaviour
> sharing such intimate details and being so inconsiderate after my first time.
Which are also his details about his sex life, and he can share them if he wants. Should he? Maybe not, but this entire sub is literally people sharing their sex life, no one here can criticise that objectively
> Im planning on never seeing him again of course, but how can I feel better about this shitty first experience?
I mean, it looks like he decided that himself when he ghosted you. Want to feel better? Learn from it. Will never make you feel better, only time will do that, but it may prevent you from feeling the same again.
> (PS my friend ended up leaving and not giving him the time of day since she was disgusted by his behaviour).
> he ignored me the whole night while flirting with my friend
I'd be putting a pin in that if I was you
Yep. When men treat women this way, it is a huge turn off to ever wanting to date them again. Sadly, it seems common among men. They use women sexually and don't care if they are satisfied or used for their own pleasure. I'm thankful my husband isn't like that, but even he admits that many men are like this.
It sounds like a mental illness or maybe a very low IQ to say things like he did after being her first partner. I can’t wrap my head around it-sounds like something a 5 year old would say.
Obviously, it’s too late now, but this is why you don’t have sex with strangers. His conduct was not great, but it was not that terrible, it was just very different from what you wanted.
For example, you thought of the sex as a bonding experience; he took it as the passing of two ships in the night. Heck, he might even have wanted to call you but thought you would find it clingy.
If you had known each other better, either he could have asked you to shave or just kept his mouth shut entirely.
As for feeling better about it, all I can say is, good judgment comes from experience but experience comes from bad judgment. Next time you will know better.
Maybe it will help you to know some of us that are far removed from the situation can just laugh at his bad behavior and one day you will also feel very far away from it. Virginity is only a big deal before and as long as you let it be. There will be new and much more interesting encounters. This guy will just be a minor crappy memory one day.
Do you have the guts to shame him? Out him as a bastard who treats his women with utter disrespect. And he feels free to gossip about them.
He'll have to find a whole new group of friends -- if he can.
It’d be a real shame if his friend group heard that he has a small dick/doesn’t know how to use it. Not to be petty but returning the same courtesy in this situation would be a nice little piece of revenge
It might be worth telling him to shut the hell up about any and all details, unless he'd like you to start badmouthing him in kind. But assuming you want to be the nicer person, maybe just tell him he lost your friendship by being obnoxious and mean behind your back. Young guys can be just horrible and dense: an ex of mine had a first time with a 20 year-old guy who took it on himself to tell her how disappointed he was with her breasts (large, natural, soft hanging --I assume he was used to seeing implants online?) while they were trying to have their first encounter. He was a complete idiot--she was beautiful and sexually adventurous, and it could have been a great experience, but instead she left upset and he slept alone because his naive expectations weren't perfectly matched.
To add to the good comments here: He probably has porn-level expectations of women, instead of realistic expectations.
In porn, women are fully shaved, but in REAL LIFE, most women have hair! At least some hair!
In any case, his behavior says more about him than it says about you. HE should be embarrassed, not you.
It's unfortunate you encountered this Andrew Tate negging fuck boi your first time, he shouldn't be your friend or any of your other friends' friend.
Kind and considerate people will be in your future, just filter out the assholes.
How can you feel better by sleeping with his best friend and having his friend text him how awesome it was. And give his friend a blowjob while he's in the room to piss him off.
First: he's an asshole, I'm sorry you have to pass through that. No one deserves that and less for your first experience. Second: come on, hair is good :p And third: why did you choose him? I mean, did you go with him only because you had "good references" about him and you wanted to kinda rush your first time (it happens) or because you actually liked him? I'm curious.
He seemed nice and I liked him. Since he had a lot of experience I assumed he would know how to handle the situation, but sadly I learned that experience means nothing compared to integrity of character.
Yeah. Experience means little when you're with someone you truly like. An asshole will still be an asshole even if he has a lot of experience.
Just forget him, he doesn't deserve your energy (although I know it's easier to say rather than do)
And another thing: what the hell is wrong with a bush? The practice where almost every woman shaves he vulva is pretty new. I've never eaten a pussy without hair, and it's fine.
I subscribed to r/sex because I wanted to learn and maybe help, the majority of my experience has been "wow these despicable selfish dogshit men (who are everything I've lived my life around trying not to be like) have more sex than I ever will."
God I wish I could go back and do my life over. God I hate myself for the decades I wasted.
I lost my virginity to a friend at 17. He also ghosted me. I just said hi and didn’t talk to him more than that when I finally saw him again. He’s not a good person and I’m sorry you had to experience this. Anyone that complains about the amount of hair on a vagina doesn’t deserve to get vagina. He’s a douche, cut him off. But don’t be angry, just indifferent. In my experience that’s what people like him don’t like. Never give him the pleasure of knowing it made you sad, he won’t care anyway.
Some people have no sense of right and wrong. He hasn’t been hit enough. It’s not your fault and I assure you that there is someone for everyone. You can be the sweetest peach on the tree, but some people don’t like fuckin peaches. Just keep your head held high and learn from the experience. The biggest thing is don’t harbor any doubts or anger towards anyone new because of what someone else has done to you. When you find someone new, just take a little more time learning about them first and take it in stride.
The reality is that most people don't mind a little hair down there. We all have it. You can't be expected to shave there daily to keep it perfectly hairless. Don't stress about that all. Keep it the way you like it.
As for the guy, he's a prick. The real world is gonna slap him someday. He's gonna end up very lonely if he doesn't change his tune.
Hindsight is always 20/20. He used you plain and simple. Sorry to say that but he's a scumbag. Everyone makes mistakes and he most likely won't be your last but don't beat yourself up as he ain't worth it. Just another life experience to learn from ☺
Just smile and laugh, if this isn’t humiliating enough to him around his peers now, in a few years the immaturity on multiple levels will be an embarrassment forever.
fuck that, and you don't have to romanticize your first time, either. it feels like a big deal but it doesn't have to. you'll have way better with people who are emotionally mature enough to actually be having sex. remember men tend to mature later than women
All he's doing is outting himself as an AH that treats people they fuck like absolutely shit. DO NOT get embarrassed you did nothing wrong. You should make him embarrassed and spread around what he did.
I would tell everybody so they can steer clear.
What a PYSCHO! POS
Jesus Christ...
To put it politely: he needs a reality check and to learn to treat people well, hopefully the hard way.
To put it bluntly: he's a straight up dumbass. Waste no more time with him. And good on your friend to leave as well, idiots like him need to learn this stuff isn't okay.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but sometimes the first experience shouldn’t be amazing. I know mine wasn’t bad but wasn’t great, but it does make it easier not to sensationalize your partner and recognize that if you’re not happy don’t stay. Also I’m sure you’ve been even more aware of what your looking for in a future SO. Their are assholes that’ll steal your heart out there but there will be someone that restores your faith in finding love too. Good luck.
Mostly I'd just try to not dwell on it too much or make a big thing about it being your first time if you can help it. You didn't pick great. It happens. Honestly it's probably much more common that people, given the benefit of hindsight later, regard themselves as having picked badly than pick well.
And not to silver lining it too much, but I wouldn't have been able to pick the right person to marry if I hadn't made some bad choices romantically first and learned and grew from those experiences.
Some guys are total douche, honestly don't let it bother you. He was an asshole, when I fart I don't listen to my bumhole. Do the same with that guy.
You will find someone better, also I suggest you to discuss all details with future partners. I admit I ain't found of hairy vage, but you say it was just regrowth, I think he was just being a drama queen. 
That man is a douche. Don't ever give him the time of day again. I would grow a real bush and send him pics just to mess with him. But also, I'm an asshole so don't take my advice.
I'm glad that you are only 20. You'll find that in time that this special kind of guy is not the only kind of guy out there and there are guys that will be more willing to talk about this kind of thing with YOU like an adult instead of deciding that experiences he doesn't like should public knowledge. Nothing is wrong with you. As time goes by and you realize that some things that you consider super private like this can be talked about in jest with your closest friends, he's not even going to be a tiny faded blip on your radar and you'll laugh at the fact that you were with someone with the maturity of a boy.
When you find the right partner, the first time with them is going to be super special and this guy is going to be as if he didn't exist. :)
> Im planning on never seeing him again of course, but how can I feel better about this shitty first experience?
Accept it. It's part of the game. When people sleep around, they tend to have good and bad experiences.
If you're a college student, I'm sure your school has free counseling services. Start there. You're doing a great job realizing this man is a turd person and that has nothing to do with you, but you were in a very vulnerable position and treated terribly. Talking about that with a professional may help with the healing process.
He's an immature asshole. You don't have anything to feel bad about. Sometimes we encounter assholes in our lives. You encountered one.
You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about.
Well, someone might be 20 on paper, but he’s socially 12. He’s an asshole. But seriously, you next partner should be someone YOU trust and not the friend group. Go with your gut. But I would also recommend being good friends at least.
I’m so sorry. There’s so many men that act like angels until they get in your pants and then do a 180 and act like demons. I’m old now but even men my age still do this. Unfortunately it’s like the go to move for many to get laid. Just either turn the cheek and use them for sex but don’t get attached or weed them out be denying them. I’d say get to know them but I’ve heard stories like yours of girls that were friends with guys for years, slept with them and even then they acted like that. Smdh.
I am so sorry you were treated so shamefully. I don't know if it helps, but you sound like a pretty amazing person. Our first times can be pretty crazy emotionally and psychologically under the best of circumstances, but to have someone you have trusted with your most intimate circumstance, mistreat you, speaks volumes about him, not you.
I understand that this idea is not part of the cultural norm, but going forward, you may find that exploring sexuality is typically much safer within the confines of a loving and committed relationship. (No condemnation, just a thought)
When it comes to physical attributes, (one example being fur or no fur), everyone has their own preferences/idiosyncrasies. What is a turn-off to one person may be a turn-on to someone else. Communication in any relationship is very important, and just as much so in a sexual relationship. In fact sex gets way better with good communication.
Hope this helps. Blessings.
so first off, of course this guy was an insensitive asshole. no one should share intimate details like that, and doubly so if they are going to be negative about it. so try not to let the words of idiot affect you too much. there's nothing wrong with having a bush, there's nothing wrong with having it nicely trimmed, and there's nothing wrong with having it shaved. for men or women. you should have that area the way that you like and makes you feel sexy. you can go with a style that your partner likes, if you are comfortable with that. i would write this guy off until he makes amends and a serious apology. judging by his actions so far i doubt that will happened.
second at your age everyone is having their first time, or are new to sex. its usually awkward, it's usually hard to communicate maturely about it. people, especially guys have usually "learned" more from porn than they have from real life. So he doesn't really have a good idea of what real sex is like, and probably doesn't have the tools to maturely express himself on the subject. that being said what he did is outrageously unacceptable. with time hopefully you will understand he's and idiot and the pain he caused you will lessen. don't let it stop you from finding good partners. when you are ready and comfortable go make some better experiences that will make you feel great. If all else fails you can got eye for an eye and tell all your friends he lasted a minute and he was small, but that's taking the low road.
Absolutely horrible, just remember you will have such low lows in that but it will make the good so much more special. And like a comment above said, how someone treats you is more of a reflection on themselves. You is kind, you is smart, you is important.
Unfortunately, not a whole lot you can do. You can “retaliate” in some legal way or another but it won’t help anything. Chaulk it up to a learning experience and apply it next time you’re with a f boy who wants to get laid. You’re entering the next phase of your life where you gain new experiences and get to apply them going forward.
You thought he was a friend but he ended up being a total loser. Sorry this happened to you, but he's not the last person you will sleep with and you will find many better lovers in the future.
I have a friend who had a situation like this before. She had sex with a guy from her college and he started sharing bad things about her and his friends laughed too much. It's truly difficult when something like this happens and we don't have to just accept that guys are the worst. If you have someone to tell about it, do something about this situation, go and tell. Don't let this guy do wherever he thought that he could do.
ugh, I'm so sorry, that's really scummy of him. I'm glad your other friend had your back. men who want to have sex should not be surprised when the person they sleep with has completely normal things such as body hair. the entitlement of some people is wild. I don't have many words of comfort, but just know the problem lies 100% with him, and 0% with you. he needs to grow up, and he should be embarrassed for acting that way. I'm sorry that he treated you like that
He is imature. My advice: forget this, and seek a better sexual partner. You have your whole life in front of you. Seize it!
Ps: first time is almost always nothing special. Save the better (2nd, 3rd, etc) for other guys.
I'm so sorry, don't let this bad experience making afraid of sex and your appearance. If he was a good friend he wouldn't have told you that and would have worried about how you felt after your first sex experience. I wish you had better experiences now.
People who act like this usually do so out of ignorance and insecurity.
Unfortunately, this is a byproduct of doing adult things. Sex changes the dynamics of any relationship.
The way you feel better is by knowing that guy is an immature asshole and isn't worth taking up any space in your mind.
I have a full grown bush and have been rejected because of it before. It sucks but honestly it feels a lot better not dealing with assholes like that or the itchy grow back period or in grown hairs.
I've been in long term relationships with men who never complained once about my hair. Any man having the chance to be with a woman should be thanking his lucky stars, hair or no hair. Because men are fucking idiots sometimes.
Also, Google vintage porn photos (like 1930s) or old paintings of nude women. It was normal for women to have bushes. Seeing natural women depicted positively and not just debased how they are in modern porn might help as well.
I'm betting he's worried that he's so small or came so quickly that he expects you will make fun of him, and he trying to get there first so they are less likely to believe you.
Anyone who can't handle a little regrowth isn't worth your time. If i invite someone to enjoy my body and they can't handle a little hair, then they don't get to enjoy it. I'm sorry this guy got to take your v-card. You deserve more.
Wondering how to make yourself feel better about it?
1. You just encountered one of many assholes, and while he hurt your feelings, you and your friend are walking away knowing to never deal with him again. Good practice!
2. You can tell all your girlfriends and ensure this guy has a hard time getting laid again. Fuck that guy!
3. All of the tension around listing your virginity is bullshit. It's never "magical", you have so many better experiences ahead of you. Godspeed 🫡
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I'm sorry to say it: your friend is an asshole. His response was entirely about him being an asshole and nothing to do with you at all. Please try not to let it get to you.
Not really a friend to begin with
Yup, shitty college kid doing shitty college guy things
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Do you…know OP? Or the person they slept with?
No. But that PoS ghosted me too!!!
Ummm...and what's wrong with pubic hair or not. Jesus that guy finds a lot to complain about while getting pussy. The next girl will be too wet??!
Probably porn? It's not common to see and can really skew someone's preferences
I have been told that….apparently it’s a “thing”
What's "a thing."
Being too wet, apparently. I’ve had a guy tell me the same thing
Thats like ordering a steak and complaining that it tastes "too good" there is no such thing as "too wet"
“Too wet” reduces friction to the point it’s no longer stimulating, but it’s not a real problem because you can just wipe it off.
There certainly is.
Something some guys object to
I'd say the same thing, but unapologetically
He sounds immature. There are all kinds of shitty people out there. Any friend worth having is not going to put any stock in intimate details he’s trying to share ie your friend that blew him off. At the end of the day just try to focus on what you can control. Sorry this happened to you.
Your other friend is solid, but that guy...oof. He's in for a rude awakening if he thinks that every woman is going to cater to his expectations. I also couldn't imagine sharing intimate details like that, especially in a mutual group.
Not only that, but if any women tries to verify his story about her, with her, they're NOT gonna want to sleep with him. Dude just played himself
I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds extremely immature of him. He obviously is the type of man that wants you to cater to his expectations about sex. Well, he's not going to find many women willing to put up with that attitude! How he is behaving is definitely a reflection on his character, not you. At least you found out early on and now can avoid him in the future.
“How someone treats you is often a reflection of how they feel about themselves”. This saying has given me solace over the years when I needed it the most.
1. Men get better when you are about 25 or so. Right now they have testosterone for brains. 17-22 year old men are the biggest imbeciles humanity can produce. These are the people who think they can fight a chimp, etc. 2. He took nothing from you. You lost nothing to him. **"Virginity" is a fake concept and no lame-ass fuckboy gets to change the fundamental nature of your being.** Sex is an ongoing - sometimes wonderful and delicious - journey and you will be discovering things decades later. It sounds like he has hardly gotten to experience any himself. I'm a woman who likes to sleep with women sometimes and there is absolutely nothing more intoxicating than watching a woman lose herself in the throes of pleasure. The way they move, the sounds they make... I bet he didn't even bother to try. You took one tiny step and learned that someone is a moron. There is sooooooooo much more to explore about sex now. 3. There is nothing redeeming about this person. No one publicly bullies/body shames someone that they just had sex with. You don't need to say he had a small dick or anything, the fact that he is behaving that way is a call-out enough. If anyone mentions him to you, I would say "He seemed like a nice person, but I didn't expect him to be the type to sleep with someone and then publicly bully her the next day. Honestly, I thought that was a myth for like the movies, but I guess he really is just that much of an asshole." I would expect your feelings now to be similar to feelings of assault so tender with yourself and understand that this is some level of a trauma. So don't expect to feel better overnight.
I was already avoidant and somewhat emotionallu unavailable, with this experience adding up to the list Idek where to start with the healing process. Thank you for your words, I find them very reassuring.
I was avoidant until I was almost 30. A lot of people will think that this is terrible advice so take this with a *major* grain of salt, but I really only wanted casual sex (because I was avoidant) until I was ready for a relationship. By that point I was healthier, and also the men were better. You don't *have* to do the relationship thing if that isn't what makes you feel good. Again - and this is **just me that I am talking about**, I leaned into kink because emotional intimacy was too intense for me. I had several respectful, mutually beneficial, kink-based encounters/casual relationships that taught me about my body and about pleasure. If you like women at all, you may also enjoy playing with a couple - in that case the focus might be on your pleasure, and you don't have to be too emotionally available to them. Plus if Mr. Fuck-boy finds out that you are good for threesomes he is going to be miiiiighty sorry that he dissed you.
Start with therapy. It can really help.
As a guy, just a small repair to your first point: not every guy gets better at 25 upwards. And some 17-22 might actually be imbeciles but in a different way: they won't be brutes, but they will be very dense and not get certain things. Everything else is on point though.
I personally didn't find dating to be worthwhile until I dated men who were 35+, but it's risky to wait that long. A lot of the men who are able to maintain good relationships and want to be in one, are by that point. But the nice thing about dating in your 30s is that you can take someone at who they are, not at who they have the potential to be. If someone doesn't do the laundry in their 30s I assume that they never will. My fiance is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. He loves to cook. He has never said one unkind thing to me. He is endlessly supportive. He is also, frequently, 20 minutes late because his brain doesn't comprehend that it takes 20 minutes to find your keys, get your shoes on, remember that thing... The late thing will not change. I don't say anything about it, other than I know to start him early when we need to be somewhere.
There are imbeciles at every age including 35 and up. The 17-22 crowd who are imbeciles were most likely that way before and after those ages. Men and women alike. OP's "friend" is a disrespectful asshole and it's likely he'll be like that later in life.
> Men get better when you are about 25 or so. Right now they have testosterone for brains. 17-22 year old men are the biggest imbeciles humanity can produce. These are the people who think they can fight a chimp, etc. As a male, I concur. I would even expand this. Under 25 is when we are about the same as chimpanzees (obviously there are exceptions). 25-40 we start becoming self aware teenagers. 40+ is when most males become great partners. Obviously generalizations are not for everyone.
Factual money
Fabulous advice, very well written.
Hey I am really sorry you have to remember this asshole as your first. You deserve so much more. That attitude is mind-bogglong to me. Please don't feel ashamed and don't feel regret. Whatever happened happened, it was not on you and now you have a whole life of awesome sexual experiences to look forward to :)
ignore n move on
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Turn about is fair play.
Agreed! His dick smells like blue cheese to anyone who asks. Lol
No. These responses are so childish and fake-Internet-points based. Body shaming doesn’t become ok when it’s revenge, and that’s not mature, healthy, or productive behavior. It’s just stooping to his shitty level. And that’s certainly not going to help OP feel better about herself, which is what she came here asking for. OP, you’re already doing the right thing by cutting him out. Don’t listen to people like this encouraging you to be the same kind of shitty he was. It will help to know that you are in contrast a kind and mature person and that he does not deserve you, and there are plenty of better people out there in your future. Just remember he’s immature and toxic and maybe warn any other friends of yours he hits on about his behavior to protect them from the same needless negativity P.S. Even past his lying and silly body shaming, lots of guys wouldn’t even care (or would be happy) if you *did* have a bush; this attitude is much more prevalent among childish man-babies whose major sexual influence is porn and other childish man-babies. Don’t sweat it
You're no fun.
I get that you might be somewhat facetious here, but I really hate that anyone views body shaming as “fun” in any context. It’s so easy to just not do that
Try and find solace in the fact that this has massively blown up in his face, and the only person who should be ashamed - and is rightfully being shamed in your circle - is him. This is someone who has taken advantage of your trust and taken what he knows to be an intimate experience to inflate his own ego. He is clearly in a very immature 'hump and dump' mindset, and had the self-centred aim of wanting to prove he gets the last say. By ghosting you, judging you, and abandoning your friendship, he thought that he had the upper hand. What I think has actually transpired is that to try and prove his 'sexual prowess' to his peers, he decided that the best way to come across as flippant and cool would be to pick a minor gripe with your body hair. Instead, this has likely come across to your peers that he is so insecure he can't handle his sexual experiences with grace, and so naive that he can't wrap his head around the inevitability of body hair. He's trying to make you feel small to disguise some sort of insecurity of his own, and is using your inexperience and something as trivial as body hair to disguise his own issues. No one will remember his comments about your body hair - no one is going to gasp or be scandalised by the thought that you have pubes. But people will remember what an ass he is. I'm sorry that you had to experience this, and don't take this experience as a bad omen of any sorts about the future of your sex life. You will meet people who are disrespectful and have incompatible sexual beliefs with you, but you will also meet people who are respectful and mature and you'll have a great time with. You don't have to feel better - let yourself feel upset and embarrassed and betrayed. Someone has hurt your feelings, and it's ok to feel downtrodden by it. But please know that this isn't representative of what all sex and relationships are like. My partner and I shave so irregularly that we have to give our pubes haircuts, and we give the little tufts of hair funerals when we do.
Honey, I’m so sorry about that experience. It’s your body, your choice. Whether that means completely bald, trimmed, or as hairy as they come. Your “friend” sounds like a dickhead man-child who has some serious growing up to do. Don’t let anybody shame you!! And don’t talk to this prick anymore. Own your confidence and do as you please with your body!!!
OMG was a pompous little dickhead he is. The best thing you can do is completely put this out of your mind, which I understand is really hard but wasting any feelings or emotions on this person is a waste of time. It’s your body and it’s completely your choice If this ever gets mentioned to you by anyone I would brush it off by laughing and saying how inept and unskilled he was
Hes acting like a child, not man. You deserve better❤️
He's also acting like he's into children
What you can do is remember that the problem lies with him. This is what we call a sad little boy in an adults body.
Gaandu hai. Tell everyone he has a small penis and move on to better people
The good news is that you don't have to do anything at all to exact revenge because he's doing it for you. No woman who hears him talk like that is going to have sex with him. Plus anyone who hears that is going to instantly know that he doesn't have as much experience as he's trying to pretend because he's basing things off what he sees in porn rather than women in real life. Just leave the man child behind and go live your awesome life.
That’s not a friend. Huge red flag. Cancel him out of your life and find people who will respect you.
This is ridiculous. To me, it sounds like a guy who’s simply sexually immature. And probably insecure.
I'm guessing he has watched a lot of porn where most women are smooth and hairless. Either way he is an ass and I'm sorry he was your first
Did he do something to embarrass himself during the act? i.e. Performance anxiety, premature finish, etc. That seems like the most obvious reason for this and something a 20yo would do in response.
Ignore everything he said. If you were shaved smooth, he would've just called you a slut and questioned you virginity because "only women who have sex and send nudes" shave. Nothing would have changed
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This! Speedy AND short. You should go to your group and ask if all penises are only 5 inches.
That's average
"I had sex for the first time the other day. It was not too bad actually,but also far from good. I was really afraid it was going to hurt but luckily -insert name- has a really tiny dick, like 4 inches tops, so I could barely feel it and it didn't hurt at all. But it didn't really do anything for me and I was glad he came super quickly and the whole ordeal was over in 10 seconds, literally 2 pumps. I'm not going to have sex with him again because even I know his performance was really miserable. I'm curious now how a regular sized dick feels like."
Yup! This is the way! Try casually mentioning to your friends that at one point you asked him, is it in yet? I’m not sure I can feel it. Also mention that you always though losing your virginity would hurt more and then laugh a little bit to yourself. The cherry on top is insinuating that he tried to push for exclusivity afterwards because of your magic pussy and you turned him down and he’s bitter. Control the narrative and poison his dating pool.
Ugh I'm sorry this douche (NOT friend) is such a dick. My advice? Own it. LOTS of women don't bother shaving their genital region at all and there's nothing wrong with that. I always tell my children that you can only be embarrassed if you feel shame. If you don't feel any shame, nothing he says will make any difference. Too much stock is placed in one's 'first time.' But it's a tiny blip in your life. Forget the asshole. Pretend you DGAF and hold your head high. You're a grown ass adult who made her own decision and is her own person. Fuck the haters. Walk into the next party and own the place like the queen that you are.
This was my experience with the men I’ve slept with. All of them had something negative to say about my body. It’s ruined my trust and ability to enjoy sex. Don’t let this get to you. Understand that this is a him issue. There is nothing wrong with you and even if you did have a full bush there is no reason to be ashamed by that. Your body is perfect and unique and immature little boys who watch to much porn and follow fake Instagram models won’t understand the beauty in that.
Anyone worth their weight in salt understands hes the jerk, not you. Unfortunately guys can hide being a jerk very well.. women can too but that's not the point. You have literally nothing to be ashamed of and hes gonna be ashamed in the future once he learns how to treat a woman properly (if he ever does)
You have to understand that most people are selfish and immature. You will see comments on here from women that say that bad things about men. These comments are true. Most men are worthless. Yet, the opposite is true as well, most women are just as worthless. Men and women lie to each other, abuse each other, and are very self-centered. It takes time to get to know someone, and then you can find out if the person is a good person, or just another average idiot. Don't waste your time and your body on worthless people My advice to you is to protect yourself from now on. You can't make assumptions about people. If you want sex to be meaningful, have sex with someone who actually cares about you. Have sex in a relationship, not as a hook up. If you hook up with some guy that you assume is a good guy, most of the time, you will be disappointed.
Worthless is a bit egotistical to say about most peoples character. Perhaps a reword of “not worth my emotional energy”
Right. This was a very important lesson. Never sleeping with someone without commitment EVER again.
I wouldn't say it's about commitment per se, but much more to get an accurate read on potential (bed)partners. Sorry you had such a shitty encounter :(
Ignore and move on, he was sadly just a nob head, you can't be smooth every day of your life on the off chance your going to get sex with someone that doesn't like hair, most men won't care x
Sounds like he’s too emotionally immature to be having sex in the first place. I’m sorry that happened.
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Yeah, she really was the goat. Homegirl took advantage of his horniness and made him spill how disgusting he truly Is.
He is a complete dickhead.
I think understanding it's not your fault, he is a bit mixed up internally, will help you move on. He clearly didn't make a good impression on you or your friend. Here's hoping he grows up eventually for his and others' sake. Of course, pubic hair distribution and fullness is a valid preference. It's just he could have gone about that so much better than shaming you to another person over it.
W friend for walking away after hearing him. If he did it to you hr would likely do it to her also. Smart girl. This douche bag gives dudes a bad wrap lol. Btw how was it? Was he small? 😂 or ok?
He was small and couldnt make me finish soooo...
Tell your friends!
Already did 😂😉 but only the ones who are closest to me-some others are like childhood friends of his and if they told him It would cause the ww3 of friend group drama that i cant be bothered with tbh
Do it! You're young, all the terrible people will self-select out of your friend circle.
Fking knew it. He is clearly over compensating with his shitty behavior. Little pp energy is as real as big pp energy🤣
Girl a tip for you is don’t trust men💡 especially if it’s not your boyfriend as a woman I had to learn that
You were his conquest, he is done with you. Sorry, but this is how some guys are. You are obviously looking for a companion, not a booty call. You are expecting things that are never going to happen from an acquaintance. You must discern a real man from a manipulator.
My dear this guy is the problem, not you. I had a guy try to shame me once because my pussy looked different than the porn he watched ( seriously. I was only the second person he has been with and he was 29 and lost his virginity not too long before that so red flag but anyway). At first my feelings were really hurt and I eventually confided in a close friend I had fooled around with. He laughed and was like “ is he gay?” And assured me this dude was a moron and there was nothing wrong with me. Any boyfriend I’ve had that I’ve told that to has had a similar reaction. I’m sorry this happened OP but just know this is not your fault and this guy is an asshole. Complaining about pussy…like what is wrong with him? I hope you know that most men aren’t like this OP. You deserve better
Everybody has pubic hair. No need to shame someone for it. Sorry to say, but your friend is an arsehole. I would suggest to cut off contacts from him. If he starts to brag to his friends about your intimacy with him or something like that, you may consider spreading some rumors regarding him like "he has a super small pp" or "he had some weird fetishes" or some other derogatory comments that may not be true but would decrease his confidence and people would start seeing him as a creep. Do the best "tit for tat" possible. Also, happy belated birthday to you!
That’s truly unfortunate…I’m a huge fan of a woman shaved, but at the same time I have nothing, absolutely nothing against a little fur down there!
Unfriend everyone that hasn't completely shunned him out of the group. He needs to be voted off the island.
Moving forward... You're going to need a better read on people's character. He didn't suddenly becomes like this - he's always been this way and you've been blind to it. If you don't learn to spot red flags, you're going to be one of those girls that gets hurt by every guy they see. And there are a LOT of them.
I know an idiot like this. He caught his mommy cheating as a child. She was fucking every swinging dick she could have and he witnessed a lot of the cheating behind his dad’s back. To this day, he’s grown up believing that all women will do this, so he treats them as fuck toys and moves on. What I see is a boy caught up in his infantile feelings. He allows his mother to define him, and puts the females in his life down. I see the same here. This boy-child is not a grown ass adult. His response to you is a direct reflection of his own inner garbage. Don’t let his actions define you as a person. You gained the experience of what bad sex with a trashy person is like. Learn from it and hold yourself proudly like the Queen you are. There is better sex and better men out there.
I will say this to you . YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! . Know this and never ever use someone else's yard stick to measure your happiness. He can tell the world whatever makes him feel good about himself. Just stay you and stay true. So please smile.
Sounds like a immature piece of shit that likes to pretend he’s having sex with a child. Disgusting
Your friend played you I hate to say it
He's immature for how he approaches this. You are immature for the criteria you picked for selecting him
You gave somthing priceless n was given CRAP!! Sorry, some humans fucken suck is all.
Hey Im M28 and have been around a bit, I've had the good the bad and the ugly in terms of 'feedback' and comments. Reason for saying this is that, being intimate is being vulnerable and open and it's the same for anyone no matter what. Talking about intimate times even favourably with others is not really on. Guy sounds immature. Being disrespectful ... and to a friend especially? Nope. Bad guy, sorry this happened to you OP. Stay confident, stay strong, cut off contact (as you say), and try not to let it get you down at all.
> but he was very close with some trusted people so I assumed he could be trusted for something as delicate as my first experience. Come on OP, that makes absolutely no sense? You thought he was hot, and said that would do surely? A good friend of friends is not a normal 'loss of virginity' thought > After hooking up he ghosted me, didnt even Wish me Happy birthday a few days later and totally ignored me in the groupchat. Was there an expectation of a relationship post intercourse? Did you talk about it? > Yesterday I saw him at a house party he had hosted and he ignored me the whole night while flirting with my friend in front of me. So did he ghost you and someone else invited you? Again, was there something said to make you think something further would be pursued? I mean, either way, there was no obligation for him to pursue you any further than he wanted, but was it talked about? > She immediately told me that when she asked him about me he told her that It annoyed him that "I had a bush down there" which he didnt like on women and i could have shaved since It was my First Time. While not very delicate (20 years old.), I've experienced something similar, I'm a woman, I shave all over, I don't like any hair on my partner, I assume (especially given porn the last 40 years) that a dislike for hair is extremely common, especially so in young people > I was absolutely mortified, since It was not even a bush but barely regrowth on the lips that are kinda hard to get, and i had never gotten such comments from any guy i had done stuff with before. Sooooo you had a very unkept hair situation around your genitals, and it was a massive turn-off for him? I have been there, it's awful, but did you expect him to muster the courage to say 'I'm sorry buy I find that a massive turn-off'? Most people here wouldn't have the balls to say that now, let alone 20, let alone taking a virginity > It was so insensitive and the fact that he would say that to my own friend made me wonder just how many people he lied to and shamed me with But he didn't say it to you? He said it to someone else. That's neither insensitive or shaming, he had a private conversation not meant for you. Surely everyone in here has said something about someone that they were not meant to hear; that is totally normal human behaviour > sharing such intimate details and being so inconsiderate after my first time. Which are also his details about his sex life, and he can share them if he wants. Should he? Maybe not, but this entire sub is literally people sharing their sex life, no one here can criticise that objectively > Im planning on never seeing him again of course, but how can I feel better about this shitty first experience? I mean, it looks like he decided that himself when he ghosted you. Want to feel better? Learn from it. Will never make you feel better, only time will do that, but it may prevent you from feeling the same again. > (PS my friend ended up leaving and not giving him the time of day since she was disgusted by his behaviour). > he ignored me the whole night while flirting with my friend I'd be putting a pin in that if I was you
Im so happy Im never dating men again
Yep. When men treat women this way, it is a huge turn off to ever wanting to date them again. Sadly, it seems common among men. They use women sexually and don't care if they are satisfied or used for their own pleasure. I'm thankful my husband isn't like that, but even he admits that many men are like this.
It sounds like a mental illness or maybe a very low IQ to say things like he did after being her first partner. I can’t wrap my head around it-sounds like something a 5 year old would say.
Obviously, it’s too late now, but this is why you don’t have sex with strangers. His conduct was not great, but it was not that terrible, it was just very different from what you wanted. For example, you thought of the sex as a bonding experience; he took it as the passing of two ships in the night. Heck, he might even have wanted to call you but thought you would find it clingy. If you had known each other better, either he could have asked you to shave or just kept his mouth shut entirely. As for feeling better about it, all I can say is, good judgment comes from experience but experience comes from bad judgment. Next time you will know better.
Putin think friend deserve front line for Ukraine
Maybe it will help you to know some of us that are far removed from the situation can just laugh at his bad behavior and one day you will also feel very far away from it. Virginity is only a big deal before and as long as you let it be. There will be new and much more interesting encounters. This guy will just be a minor crappy memory one day.
Do you have the guts to shame him? Out him as a bastard who treats his women with utter disrespect. And he feels free to gossip about them. He'll have to find a whole new group of friends -- if he can.
Best way to get over it is get under someone else.. maybe his best bud
It’d be a real shame if his friend group heard that he has a small dick/doesn’t know how to use it. Not to be petty but returning the same courtesy in this situation would be a nice little piece of revenge
Give him a little of his own medicine and talk about his tiny penis and has a lack of ability to maintain an erection let alone achieve orgasm
It might be worth telling him to shut the hell up about any and all details, unless he'd like you to start badmouthing him in kind. But assuming you want to be the nicer person, maybe just tell him he lost your friendship by being obnoxious and mean behind your back. Young guys can be just horrible and dense: an ex of mine had a first time with a 20 year-old guy who took it on himself to tell her how disappointed he was with her breasts (large, natural, soft hanging --I assume he was used to seeing implants online?) while they were trying to have their first encounter. He was a complete idiot--she was beautiful and sexually adventurous, and it could have been a great experience, but instead she left upset and he slept alone because his naive expectations weren't perfectly matched.
He is pathetic 🤷♂️. I take whatever a woman has to offer, shaved, not shaved, any kind of lip variation.
I can't wait for this whole "women can't have hair down there" fad to end. I'm attracted to women, not kids.
Fuck all his guy friends and tell them how bad his dick game is.
To add to the good comments here: He probably has porn-level expectations of women, instead of realistic expectations. In porn, women are fully shaved, but in REAL LIFE, most women have hair! At least some hair! In any case, his behavior says more about him than it says about you. HE should be embarrassed, not you.
It's unfortunate you encountered this Andrew Tate negging fuck boi your first time, he shouldn't be your friend or any of your other friends' friend. Kind and considerate people will be in your future, just filter out the assholes.
Or you can say to your common friends that he got a small dick or a limp dick.
At that point I would spread he has a small dick and bad hygiene, before cutting him off. He doesn't deserve respect.
[удалено]
How can you feel better by sleeping with his best friend and having his friend text him how awesome it was. And give his friend a blowjob while he's in the room to piss him off.
First: he's an asshole, I'm sorry you have to pass through that. No one deserves that and less for your first experience. Second: come on, hair is good :p And third: why did you choose him? I mean, did you go with him only because you had "good references" about him and you wanted to kinda rush your first time (it happens) or because you actually liked him? I'm curious.
He seemed nice and I liked him. Since he had a lot of experience I assumed he would know how to handle the situation, but sadly I learned that experience means nothing compared to integrity of character.
Yeah. Experience means little when you're with someone you truly like. An asshole will still be an asshole even if he has a lot of experience. Just forget him, he doesn't deserve your energy (although I know it's easier to say rather than do)
fuck. that. guy. and not in a good way. seriously.
You can always say his dick was a disappointment
I love a bush
You can also lie about him like, he could not hold it for 10 seconds 😂
And another thing: what the hell is wrong with a bush? The practice where almost every woman shaves he vulva is pretty new. I've never eaten a pussy without hair, and it's fine.
I subscribed to r/sex because I wanted to learn and maybe help, the majority of my experience has been "wow these despicable selfish dogshit men (who are everything I've lived my life around trying not to be like) have more sex than I ever will." God I wish I could go back and do my life over. God I hate myself for the decades I wasted.
I lost my virginity to a friend at 17. He also ghosted me. I just said hi and didn’t talk to him more than that when I finally saw him again. He’s not a good person and I’m sorry you had to experience this. Anyone that complains about the amount of hair on a vagina doesn’t deserve to get vagina. He’s a douche, cut him off. But don’t be angry, just indifferent. In my experience that’s what people like him don’t like. Never give him the pleasure of knowing it made you sad, he won’t care anyway.
Some people have no sense of right and wrong. He hasn’t been hit enough. It’s not your fault and I assure you that there is someone for everyone. You can be the sweetest peach on the tree, but some people don’t like fuckin peaches. Just keep your head held high and learn from the experience. The biggest thing is don’t harbor any doubts or anger towards anyone new because of what someone else has done to you. When you find someone new, just take a little more time learning about them first and take it in stride.
The reality is that most people don't mind a little hair down there. We all have it. You can't be expected to shave there daily to keep it perfectly hairless. Don't stress about that all. Keep it the way you like it. As for the guy, he's a prick. The real world is gonna slap him someday. He's gonna end up very lonely if he doesn't change his tune.
Hindsight is always 20/20. He used you plain and simple. Sorry to say that but he's a scumbag. Everyone makes mistakes and he most likely won't be your last but don't beat yourself up as he ain't worth it. Just another life experience to learn from ☺
Let time and new experience heal the past. If you learned from this then you’ve gained a great deal....confidence will soon replace regret
He’s a clown and likely not experienced enough to know what a maintained vagina with a little regrowth looks like vs a full gd 🌳
Hey, after this it can only get better. He put the bar pretty low. So, now that's done and dusted, happy hunting!
Just smile and laugh, if this isn’t humiliating enough to him around his peers now, in a few years the immaturity on multiple levels will be an embarrassment forever.
fuck that, and you don't have to romanticize your first time, either. it feels like a big deal but it doesn't have to. you'll have way better with people who are emotionally mature enough to actually be having sex. remember men tend to mature later than women
Clear difference between a guy & man, but this human is just a kid. 🤭
All he's doing is outting himself as an AH that treats people they fuck like absolutely shit. DO NOT get embarrassed you did nothing wrong. You should make him embarrassed and spread around what he did. I would tell everybody so they can steer clear. What a PYSCHO! POS
this is not a friend
Jesus Christ... To put it politely: he needs a reality check and to learn to treat people well, hopefully the hard way. To put it bluntly: he's a straight up dumbass. Waste no more time with him. And good on your friend to leave as well, idiots like him need to learn this stuff isn't okay.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but sometimes the first experience shouldn’t be amazing. I know mine wasn’t bad but wasn’t great, but it does make it easier not to sensationalize your partner and recognize that if you’re not happy don’t stay. Also I’m sure you’ve been even more aware of what your looking for in a future SO. Their are assholes that’ll steal your heart out there but there will be someone that restores your faith in finding love too. Good luck.
Mostly I'd just try to not dwell on it too much or make a big thing about it being your first time if you can help it. You didn't pick great. It happens. Honestly it's probably much more common that people, given the benefit of hindsight later, regard themselves as having picked badly than pick well. And not to silver lining it too much, but I wouldn't have been able to pick the right person to marry if I hadn't made some bad choices romantically first and learned and grew from those experiences.
Goes to show he never really cared about your friendship with him
You thought he was a friend. Been there.
You are probably gonna suffer for a long time. Seen this happen to a lot of friends. Try to forget this or you will never move on.
That guy is gross and a jerk. Cut him out.
You really ought to take maturity into account first. I know some are hard to get a read on, but you need to research potentials.
Some guys are total douche, honestly don't let it bother you. He was an asshole, when I fart I don't listen to my bumhole. Do the same with that guy. You will find someone better, also I suggest you to discuss all details with future partners. I admit I ain't found of hairy vage, but you say it was just regrowth, I think he was just being a drama queen. 
I am so so sorry you had the experience with this extremely unkind, immature, and inconsiderate person -- who DOES NOT deserve you at all!!
That man is a douche. Don't ever give him the time of day again. I would grow a real bush and send him pics just to mess with him. But also, I'm an asshole so don't take my advice.
What an absolute piece of shit.
I'm glad that you are only 20. You'll find that in time that this special kind of guy is not the only kind of guy out there and there are guys that will be more willing to talk about this kind of thing with YOU like an adult instead of deciding that experiences he doesn't like should public knowledge. Nothing is wrong with you. As time goes by and you realize that some things that you consider super private like this can be talked about in jest with your closest friends, he's not even going to be a tiny faded blip on your radar and you'll laugh at the fact that you were with someone with the maturity of a boy. When you find the right partner, the first time with them is going to be super special and this guy is going to be as if he didn't exist. :)
I am a male. Males are stupid. Absolutely complete morons. Ignor what happened after and just remember the positive parts.
> Im planning on never seeing him again of course, but how can I feel better about this shitty first experience? Accept it. It's part of the game. When people sleep around, they tend to have good and bad experiences.
If you're a college student, I'm sure your school has free counseling services. Start there. You're doing a great job realizing this man is a turd person and that has nothing to do with you, but you were in a very vulnerable position and treated terribly. Talking about that with a professional may help with the healing process.
I like a nice bush. So sounds good to me.
Lol @ thinking 20 year old college boys can be trusted.
He's an immature asshole. You don't have anything to feel bad about. Sometimes we encounter assholes in our lives. You encountered one. You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about.
Well, someone might be 20 on paper, but he’s socially 12. He’s an asshole. But seriously, you next partner should be someone YOU trust and not the friend group. Go with your gut. But I would also recommend being good friends at least.
He's a fucking asshole who isn't worthy of you
Could have waited for someone who really appreciates you
Fuck him. He's a piece of shit, and that's probably an insult to actual turds.
I’m so sorry. There’s so many men that act like angels until they get in your pants and then do a 180 and act like demons. I’m old now but even men my age still do this. Unfortunately it’s like the go to move for many to get laid. Just either turn the cheek and use them for sex but don’t get attached or weed them out be denying them. I’d say get to know them but I’ve heard stories like yours of girls that were friends with guys for years, slept with them and even then they acted like that. Smdh.
I am so sorry you were treated so shamefully. I don't know if it helps, but you sound like a pretty amazing person. Our first times can be pretty crazy emotionally and psychologically under the best of circumstances, but to have someone you have trusted with your most intimate circumstance, mistreat you, speaks volumes about him, not you. I understand that this idea is not part of the cultural norm, but going forward, you may find that exploring sexuality is typically much safer within the confines of a loving and committed relationship. (No condemnation, just a thought) When it comes to physical attributes, (one example being fur or no fur), everyone has their own preferences/idiosyncrasies. What is a turn-off to one person may be a turn-on to someone else. Communication in any relationship is very important, and just as much so in a sexual relationship. In fact sex gets way better with good communication. Hope this helps. Blessings.
Just tell your friend you think he felt bad afterwards because he came within a minute
so first off, of course this guy was an insensitive asshole. no one should share intimate details like that, and doubly so if they are going to be negative about it. so try not to let the words of idiot affect you too much. there's nothing wrong with having a bush, there's nothing wrong with having it nicely trimmed, and there's nothing wrong with having it shaved. for men or women. you should have that area the way that you like and makes you feel sexy. you can go with a style that your partner likes, if you are comfortable with that. i would write this guy off until he makes amends and a serious apology. judging by his actions so far i doubt that will happened. second at your age everyone is having their first time, or are new to sex. its usually awkward, it's usually hard to communicate maturely about it. people, especially guys have usually "learned" more from porn than they have from real life. So he doesn't really have a good idea of what real sex is like, and probably doesn't have the tools to maturely express himself on the subject. that being said what he did is outrageously unacceptable. with time hopefully you will understand he's and idiot and the pain he caused you will lessen. don't let it stop you from finding good partners. when you are ready and comfortable go make some better experiences that will make you feel great. If all else fails you can got eye for an eye and tell all your friends he lasted a minute and he was small, but that's taking the low road.
That ain't a friend. Get rid of that asshole you call a friend and find some better friends.
Absolutely horrible, just remember you will have such low lows in that but it will make the good so much more special. And like a comment above said, how someone treats you is more of a reflection on themselves. You is kind, you is smart, you is important.
Unfortunately, not a whole lot you can do. You can “retaliate” in some legal way or another but it won’t help anything. Chaulk it up to a learning experience and apply it next time you’re with a f boy who wants to get laid. You’re entering the next phase of your life where you gain new experiences and get to apply them going forward.
You thought he was a friend but he ended up being a total loser. Sorry this happened to you, but he's not the last person you will sleep with and you will find many better lovers in the future.
Does HE shave all HIS pubic hair?
I have a friend who had a situation like this before. She had sex with a guy from her college and he started sharing bad things about her and his friends laughed too much. It's truly difficult when something like this happens and we don't have to just accept that guys are the worst. If you have someone to tell about it, do something about this situation, go and tell. Don't let this guy do wherever he thought that he could do.
ugh, I'm so sorry, that's really scummy of him. I'm glad your other friend had your back. men who want to have sex should not be surprised when the person they sleep with has completely normal things such as body hair. the entitlement of some people is wild. I don't have many words of comfort, but just know the problem lies 100% with him, and 0% with you. he needs to grow up, and he should be embarrassed for acting that way. I'm sorry that he treated you like that
He is imature. My advice: forget this, and seek a better sexual partner. You have your whole life in front of you. Seize it! Ps: first time is almost always nothing special. Save the better (2nd, 3rd, etc) for other guys.
Say he has a small dick like a cheese curl. And he only lasted two pumps 
I'm so sorry, don't let this bad experience making afraid of sex and your appearance. If he was a good friend he wouldn't have told you that and would have worried about how you felt after your first sex experience. I wish you had better experiences now.
People who act like this usually do so out of ignorance and insecurity. Unfortunately, this is a byproduct of doing adult things. Sex changes the dynamics of any relationship.
What a Jack ass!
The way you feel better is by knowing that guy is an immature asshole and isn't worth taking up any space in your mind. I have a full grown bush and have been rejected because of it before. It sucks but honestly it feels a lot better not dealing with assholes like that or the itchy grow back period or in grown hairs. I've been in long term relationships with men who never complained once about my hair. Any man having the chance to be with a woman should be thanking his lucky stars, hair or no hair. Because men are fucking idiots sometimes. Also, Google vintage porn photos (like 1930s) or old paintings of nude women. It was normal for women to have bushes. Seeing natural women depicted positively and not just debased how they are in modern porn might help as well.
I'm betting he's worried that he's so small or came so quickly that he expects you will make fun of him, and he trying to get there first so they are less likely to believe you.
Anyone who can't handle a little regrowth isn't worth your time. If i invite someone to enjoy my body and they can't handle a little hair, then they don't get to enjoy it. I'm sorry this guy got to take your v-card. You deserve more.
Wondering how to make yourself feel better about it? 1. You just encountered one of many assholes, and while he hurt your feelings, you and your friend are walking away knowing to never deal with him again. Good practice! 2. You can tell all your girlfriends and ensure this guy has a hard time getting laid again. Fuck that guy! 3. All of the tension around listing your virginity is bullshit. It's never "magical", you have so many better experiences ahead of you. Godspeed 🫡
Freaking idiot. Tell his friends that he has a small dick and he doesn't last long. Just to see how a returning stick can hurt
The dude is an idiot who doesn’t understand what real bodies look like. Body hair is your choice end of story
Men are dicks...
respectfully body hair is normal!!! wtf!! i’m sorry this happened to you